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Host
This is an iHeart podcast.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Guaranteed Human.
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
And, Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual, even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?
Timbo
Oh, no.
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
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Zoe Lister-Jones
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Host
Good morning, America.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Good morning, America. Wow.
Host
Okay. I should do an intro for you.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay.
Host
Because that's protocol around here.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah, yeah.
Host
And this is serious. My next guest is an actress. Actor, actress, whatever. No preference here. Writer and director, who you can see in their new peacock series, the Miniature Wife, but also slip.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yep.
Host
Zoe Lister Jones.
Zoe Lister-Jones
There we go.
Host
Okay. Hello, America.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Hello, America.
Host
How are you today?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I'm good. Today. I'm happy to be here.
Host
I'm so happy you're here.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah.
Host
We have to begin the process. Well, we've begun with an intro, but now we have the next step of the process is me asking, who or what do you want to say thanks to?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Mmm. Well, I was thinking about this. There's a woman named Alex Madigan. She's a producer, and I was acting and writing and producing, but I was afraid to direct. And she, out of nowhere, just, like, invited me to lunch, and she said, I think you should direct. And that's why I started directing. And it's like those little moments that really can change the course of a life.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
So shout out to Alex.
Host
Shout out to Alex.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Alex. Yeah.
Host
Oh, my goodness. That is incredible. Because I feel like I get in my own way a good amount of times. People, I've, like, pitched before, and the people have been like, do you want to direct? And I'm like, one day, but not someone else. A real person.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay, well, then this is this Moment for you. Okay. And you can thank me on the podcast.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
You should direct.
Host
I should just do it.
Zoe Lister-Jones
You gotta just go do it.
Host
Go for it.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
All right.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay.
Host
I'll be reaching out.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes, yes.
Host
For guidance and wisdom.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I do think women especially feel like they have to be absolutely perfect at something before doing it. And you don't. You could.
Host
I guess my mind is blown right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's true, though. I think I hold myself to a very high standard, and I think that's the same for basically any woman that I know. And then we know that our counterparts are not necessarily holding themselves to the same standards. And it's fine.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah. And it's absolutely fine. And they're thriving.
Host
They're literally thriving. You just go for it. I don't know why. I know it's. I know better than to think, like, hey, you should get. You should perfect this thing before you do it. I know better. But it's interesting how that instinct still, like, crops up.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And I think, especially with something like directing, like, you know, because there's, like, technical things and all these things that if you didn't go to film school or whatever is in your head, that's stopping you. It's also, like, such a community of people who are there to build you up. So you have, like, other people who do know that kind of stuff.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
That can help you.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah.
Host
Cause that's what I'm gonna call you.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And then I'll be there.
Host
Blessing. You're a blessing. What was your first time directing like?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay, so my first movie that I directed, it was a movie called Band Aid with Adam Pali.
Host
Oh, my dear friend.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Your dear friend. And he sends his love also. I told him I was coming on, and it. I decided to make it with an all female crew. So it was a really amazing experience and a total unicorn of an experience. But I was just like, what would that feel? Feel like? Like having been in front of the camera prior to that. You know, I just saw, like, how male dominated crews were, and I saw how, you know, sometimes that could impact, you know, like, a woman's confidence behind the camera. And I also was just like, I think that if you don't, for me, at that time, if you don't actually say, like, it has to be all or nothing, that it just. You just fall into the same trap because the system is so broken, you know what I mean? That even my female cinematographer or my female production designer, I'm not calling these people out, but even department Heads who were such badasses would be like, but I want to use my dude, who I've worked with for 10 years. And that's how it all kind of. So I just also wanted to give women opportunities who wouldn't get them otherwise because of that kind of cyclical nature of the thing, of the gatekeeping, even when it's unconscious. So that was an amazing first time to direct. Yeah.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
In short, I loved it.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And Adam Pally was oftentimes the only man on set.
Host
I was gonna ask how many other men in front of camera, but in
Zoe Lister-Jones
front of camera, it was him and Fred Armisen. We were in. It's a musical. We were in a band, and Adam and I played a husband and wife who can't stop fighting. And we turn all of our fights into songs.
Host
Oh. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. I have to watch. Yeah, that's. What a way to diffuse conflict, by the way.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I know, I know.
Host
Did it work for that couple? Like, I need to go watch spoilers.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I know. No spoilers. It does work for that couple. I haven't really tried it irl, but. So Juri's out, but I do think I was trying to make film karaoke catch on.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
You know, because as professional singers like
Host
you and I, you know, as people got off tour, literally perfect pitch. Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
We would know.
Host
Yeah, absolutely.
Zoe Lister-Jones
The power of song, of course, it's in me.
Host
I've been gifted with the ability to sing. Mariah and I, we are the same. Yes.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And going on tour.
Host
And going on tour.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Oh, my gosh.
Host
Tour. And I'm doing all my own singing and all my own dancing, as though people have body doubles, by the way.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Your head and then a different body.
Host
I'm doing all my own.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Your own stunts on stage.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Can you believe that? Wow. Imagine me a real professional.
Host
I wouldn't pay for that tour if I was the public, so I would. It would be bad. It's bad. It would be bad. Respectfully, what's your conflict style? Because therioke does sound powerful to me in real life.
Zoe Lister-Jones
My conflict style?
Host
Yeah, you can give it a cool name, you know.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay. Okay. Chaotic.
Host
Chaotic.
Zoe Lister-Jones
No, I, like. I'm now so therapized that I really. I sort of, like, go into conflict being like, I got this, but then I lose it, you know? Like, I go and be like. So when you said this thing to me earlier, it made me feel this type of way. And then if it goes. If the person responds at all, all differently than I want them to, I'M like beast mode, you know, let's throw the script out. And actually, that therapist actually was completely wrong. And we're just gonna go. Gloves off.
Host
Okay. I love how imperfect that is. Cause that's. I mean, the therapy. I also love to be like, I know how to handle. I know how to handle conflict. And yeah, this thing happened. I feel.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
Stick to I statements.
Zoe Lister-Jones
That's right.
Host
That's right. But it's not what I'm doing.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And then. And a little bit after the I statement, you go, you. And then you go, you and actually
Host
get to you now.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And now I'm ready to go to you.
Host
I'll tell you all the things. But now you and you and this is gonna be a longer section.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Just in short, are wrong.
Host
I mean, fair enough. Is it working for you?
Zoe Lister-Jones
No.
Host
No, no, no, no. So, okay. To be over. Therapized. Cause I've heard other friends say this, and I have also been like, yeah, friend, you might be over therapized. I might be under therapized. I might be medium. Therapized to be over. How do you rectify this? Do you take a break from therapy?
Zoe Lister-Jones
One would hope. But me, myself, I'm still going.
Host
You double down.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I double down. No, I mean, I actually do think that I have learned a lot. So I do think I'm getting better. So I think the therapy is working. And I think also I'm really. My big thing this year is to take very little personally.
Host
Liberating, let me tell you. That is Liberation Nation. Do you read self help books?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Not as much as you would think that I would.
Host
Yeah. It's giving.
Zoe Lister-Jones
It's giving self help books.
Host
It's giving self help. But that's no judgment. Because I read. I can't say I read a lot of them. I think about a lot of them.
Zoe Lister-Jones
You think about them, you think about reading them.
Host
I just reread the four agreements over and over. The four agreements is in my purse right now in the other room. I just finished the don't take anything personally.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Is that one of the four?
Host
That's the second agreement is don't take anything personally.
Zoe Lister-Jones
What are they?
Host
One is be impeccable with your word.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Love that.
Host
Two, don't take anything personal. Three, never make assumptions.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Love that.
Host
Like, ever. And four, always try your best and nevermore. I haven't gotten to this. I haven't reread this section just yet, but it is. I do remember, it's like never more than your best. You only can do your best. So when you say, I'm giving 110%, don't do that. Don't give 110. Stop by that. And honestly, I'm a little curious these days about the, like, 80, 20 rule. Like, give 80% and leave 20% on.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Is this a new rule?
Host
I think it's an old rule, but I am newly acquainted with it.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I love that rule.
Host
And it's like, you can get more for trying less. Do you like that?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I actually am obsessed with it.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I'm addicted to 80, 20 now.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Because perfectionism is also, like, I feel like, steeped in self loathing. So when you're going 110, even 100 one might say in these current times, it's too much.
Host
It's too much.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah.
Host
80, 80. And then you get more for less.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Banking.
Host
Yeah, exactly. Like a bargain. It's a bargain because you're doing too much. I have been known to do too much. And so I like the notion. Yes. What's your sign?
Zoe Lister-Jones
A Virgo.
Host
You're a Virgo perfectionist. Yes, that's what I know about Virgos.
Zoe Lister-Jones
What's your sign?
Host
Pisces.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay. And I know nothing about that.
Host
Sensitive dreamers. Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Are we in a. We just had a Pisces something.
Host
Because it was Pisces season.
Zoe Lister-Jones
It was Pisces season, but I don't
Host
know what it means. Yeah, like, in terms of like. Because I think they would be like, it's a Pisces moon and Virgo enters Venus and Serena and Serena.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And I feel like every meme I see is just like, is about to get really bad.
Host
And you're like, okay, okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Trust. Okay. Everything other planets mean. It's very bad.
Host
Are you into tarot at all?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I love to have my tarot read.
Host
Really?
Zoe Lister-Jones
And actually I go to a tattoo artist who sometimes I'll just say, just like, pop a card out there and we'll just do whatever's on the card.
Host
Oh, really? Are you covered in tattoos?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I have little ones.
Host
Me too. How many?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I don't know.
Host
Actually, roughly 20, give or take.
Zoe Lister-Jones
20.
Host
Ditto, kiddo.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Really? Wait, where are they all?
Host
They're all. They're little. I was on my way here today and I was like, I think I'll go get one today.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Really?
Host
I'm not kidding. Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
It's addictive.
Host
It's fun. Well, I. When I first got my first tattoo, it was the year 2021. I remember my birthday. You remember that year? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Good year for you. Bad year for you. It's a bad one. It was a bad. When's the last good year you had? What's the last good year? Cause I feel like it's just consistently. Ooh.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Oh, my God. Couldn't tell you, actually. No, no. I mean, every year, you know, we contain multitudes within these years. But 2021, we went into lockdown.
Host
2020, we were locked down.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Oh, no. 2020, we were locked down.
Host
2020.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And so 2021, we were sort of deep in it.
Host
2021, we were coming out a little bit. We were in it. We were in it. But it was like we're kind of stepping out slowly.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay, here's. Okay, then. Actually, I'd like to revise my statement.
Host
Okay, please.
Zoe Lister-Jones
2021, I liked when we came out of lockdown.
Host
180.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I'm chaotic. When we came out of lockdown, when we were easing out of lockdown, I came to New York. Cause I live in la.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And the streets were alive.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Like, there were, like, these outdoor dance parties, like, in Fort Greene park and on street corners, like, almost like flash mobs of, like, a truck would just show up with a speaker. And everyone was like, we're al. So, like, it was, like a moment in time in New York that I don't know that we'll ever get again.
Host
Yeah. That was special. That was a very, very, very special time.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes. But I digress. Okay.
Host
2021, we have all the time to digress. As many times as you need and want, this is about you. But 2021, I got my first two tattoos. And then I was like. And I'll never. I was like, I'm just getting the two. I know. I've heard they're addictive.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I heard.
Host
I heard. But not for me, of course. And then I got two. And then I was like, well, now I want a third. Yeah. And then we're like, at 20 now and today and counting. Well, I thought I'd stop at 20. Cause it's, like a nice, cute, even number. But I feel like stopping at 80, we'll stop at 80. And that means when I'm 80 and I'm actually covered up to my neck, and they stop being small, and they're big.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Just little tiny ones all the way.
Host
But the thing is that I. It's. At a certain point, one, I was, like, very thoughtful about them. That was the first phase of my tattoo life. Very thoughtful. Everything's gonna have meaning. And then I got into, like. Okay, it doesn't have to. We can, like. I can get to the shop and be like, oh, I liked this poem. And so how about this? And then. And then it got to like, we just. I'm here for fun.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Isn't that fun?
Host
Because some of them are bad now.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah.
Host
You have regrets bad. I don't have regrets, which is nice because I'm a perfectionist. So I think, for me, that tattoos. What I find enjoyable is that I'm like, oh, this sort of gets me out of my perfectionism. And I understand that this body is temporary anyway, and it doesn't matter. Not to get too.
Zoe Lister-Jones
No, we're all. But we're all gonna die.
Host
Yeah, we're all gonna die. You're one day closer to death every day. Every day.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And isn't that a beautiful thing?
Host
It is kind of hopefully liberating. It is. Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
No, I agree with you. Once I. I got my first tattoo, I got two horseshoes like tramp stamps when I was 21, and then never went back until I was, like, in my mid-30s.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And it was around Covid times. Listen. Things opened up for me.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Because I think it was like a moment was like, none of this is, like, this is all so finite.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Let's live.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And. And then I just. I went for it. And that feeling of, like, I don't know what I'm gonna get. Pull the tarot card is so not my personality.
Host
That's my thing. Yes. I'm also a little more of a control freak. So to be like, yeah, just let's. Let's walk in and do whatever and draw me some things. Oh, yeah, I'll get that one. Is so unlike me. So I get that very much. Do you think you are still vibing in a fashion that is like, we're all gonna die. And the same liberation you were feeling perhaps in 2021 has followed you into 262 6.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I mean, 2021 was interesting because I was exiting a very long relationship. And so I had a sort of. There was like. There were many. It was a compounded like, I was partying, let's be honest. Okay. I was really going for it.
Host
You said. You said going for it. I understand.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Once shit opened up, shit opened up. You know what I mean? And so I was. I don't think I'm there. I think that I've sort of found a balance now where I still agree life is finite and we must live. But I've sort of also. I'm enjoying, like, a quieter period in my life.
Host
Oh, good.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah. And that also feels nice.
Host
Nice. Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But I do want to dance and, like, cover my body in tattoos and, you know, like, go buck wild.
Host
There's time, but there's time for that. There's time. You'll go through another season, I think, then, where you're vibing in that way. Getting out of a relationship that is long, hard one. Heartbreak is impossible.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
Was that your first big, big breakup?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I mean, my heart is just such a tender little guy. So, like, I feel like even before I was in a relationship, my heart was broken. Like, people were like, wait, what? You know, like, when I was in high school, I was like, I was in love with you. And they're like, I have passed you in the hallway. But this was a long. This was a marriage, and it was like a very long time, and we worked together. And so, yeah, it definitely took time. And then after that, I think I sort of entered into, like, an adolescence, you know, like a new adolescence in my 30s. Cause I had been booed up for so long that then I got my heart broken because then I was, like, newly born in the world of dating, which is like, it's a job. God help us all.
Host
I do have a few friends who, in experiencing divorce, entered the dating scene and were like, what's going on here? This is not. This is different. Different.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And I had never been on an app, and I still haven't. I'm. Now I've remarried, so I shouldn't be
Host
on any of those apps.
Zoe Lister-Jones
If you see, please call somebody.
Host
Does it make it count or is it.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes, but just like that. Dating is weird. People is crazy. And I was also exploring my queerness for the first time in my life. And so it was a whole new frontier for zlj.
Host
Okay, zlj. Whole new frontier. Will you write a book about it, Please, with love for me.
Zoe Lister-Jones
The hundred agreements.
Host
The hundred agreements I made in 2021 that are following me, even they are following me. Are you reserved on a first date? When you were going on first dates? Are you more reserved or are you doing a lot of talking? Charming.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Silences are difficult for me, so I do feel them talking. Charming. I think I. Yeah, I think I actually am funnily, like, alpha when I date.
Host
Yeah, the director comes out.
Zoe Lister-Jones
The director comes out. Like, I am sliding into the DMs. I was.
Host
Yeah. Again, Zoey is married. Zoe's not on dating apps.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I'm not sliding in dms. But I was like, I was. And that's how I met my current partner.
Host
I slid a. Slid led to marriage.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Come on now.
Host
Okay. That's a modern love story.
Zoe Lister-Jones
It is.
Host
Can I ask what your slide said?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay. So my partner directed a movie, and I watched it, and I didn't know who he was at the time. And I was like, who directed this? And then I looked at his Instagram and then I followed. Okay, so we start.
Host
Was it a day follow or an evening followed? Midday.
Zoe Lister-Jones
The timestamp's unclear.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay.
Host
I'm just trying to paint a video.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But I appreciate your specificity. This is journalism.
Host
Because a late. Thank you. I am a journalist.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I know that.
Host
I know a lot of other podcasts are saying that I am a journalist. Correct. I'm so not. But okay. Because I do think, like, I've been on someone's Instagram late and been like, I can't follow now. I gotta come back tomorrow.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah, that's. Yeah.
Host
But okay, so we don't know the timestamp.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay. I think it was daytime. Okay. Then I gotta follow back. And then I slid. Okay. So I'm not. I'm not crazy. You know what I mean?
Host
I'm working.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I'm working my way into it.
Host
Easing into the slide.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And then I slid and I said that I love the movie.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And then he said he loved Band Aid.
Host
Yeah. Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And so then it was like this sweet, like, mutual admiration club.
Host
Yes.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And then we were like, let's try and, like, find a time to hang. And it wasn't actually, like, it wasn't a full slide. Like, I was like, I'm interested in this person as a human being. I wasn't. I was also had gotten out of, like, being, like, a baby. Queer is a hellscape. You know what I mean?
Host
Tell me about it. It's fucked up. Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
You're getting that on mic. It's fucked up. Okay. And you are like. So I had been. I had my heart broken. I was in these very messy things. And so I wasn't like, who's next? I was a little like, I just want a friend.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I just want a friend.
Host
I liked your movie.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Your movie.
Host
You wanna be my friend?
Zoe Lister-Jones
You wanna be my friend?
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And then I was traveling, and then we ended up just randomly meeting at a gay bar. It just. Fate put us there.
Host
Wow.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And so then. And it was very cute.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And then it all happened.
Host
And then it all happened. Did you think he was cute when you sent the first dm? Was it like, love your work and in your mind you're like, he's cute.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I did think he was cute.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But I Also, again, was sort of in like a swamp of my own making that I. I didn't even know what I was doing out there. There was a lack of intention, sure. But I did think he was cute.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And I was like, yeah, I get talent crushes for sure too. So I thought he was physically cute. And I was also like, talent crushing.
Host
Talent crushing. I think talent crush trumps anything. Physical attraction crush. Cause I'm like, talent crush. That's deep.
Zoe Lister-Jones
It's deep.
Host
It's deep early.
Zoe Lister-Jones
It's deep early. And when the opposite. If someone's hot, no talent, it's a tough one.
Host
That's gotta be a one and done.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And that's a one and done for me.
Host
That's gonna have to be a nice to meet. And that's where that ends.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
And, Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual, even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date? Oh, no.
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
Anyways, get a quote@libertymutual.com or with your local agent.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy. Not quite on Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Jim Gaffigan to Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier this week. My guests, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel help an acapella band with their between songs banter. Who's the worst singer in the group? The worst? Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Me.
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
Is there anything to the idea that because you're from Harvard, you only got in because your parents made a huge donation to the group the Yardbirds.
Host
Right?
Timbo
That's the name.
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
The Harvard Yardbirds. They're open.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Do you have a name suggestion?
Host
We're open.
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Host
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Timbo
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Zoe Lister-Jones
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Host
Can I guess your attachment style?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
Based on. I'm gonna guess anxiously Correct. Have you read that book? It's very self help. You've read Attached?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I've read Attached.
Host
I walked past a guy at Silver Lake park reading attached, laying on his back, no blanket.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I'm remember you are unattached.
Host
Yeah, he's secure. Just reading Attached and I thought good for him. But I read it and I but you know every time I took the test I would be like, it says I'm secure but cause I know how to like cheat. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Have you ever taken the test?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I didn't take the test. I got through half of it and I was like fuck this. I don't want to read. This is depressing. I don't want to be in this dance. But I do think, well wait, are you so do you know what?
Host
You are unctuous. But I have to say it differently to make it's hot when it's French anxious.
Zoe Lister-Jones
French people are hot.
Host
Yes, anxious.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But I will say, and probably this is true for you, I do feel like I can be very avoidant in
Host
a Me too, by the way.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And I have been the avoidant in certain relationships.
Host
It's interesting. When does your avoidance crop out? Like what circumstance?
Zoe Lister-Jones
If I'm feeling like too smothered or like someone likes me too much too early. Yeah, I like need a good long Runway and I'm actually a little more avoidant in the beginning stages of a relationship. And then once I'm like, I can trust you, Then I'm like, I need all of you.
Host
You can't go anywhere. You know, that's messed up. Once you're finally feeling safe and connected.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Oh, man.
Host
And then you're like, okay, cool. I can be me, me, and wide open. And then it's like, well, now you're doing too much. It's a tough dance, being in a relationship.
Zoe Lister-Jones
It's tough.
Host
That's a challenging dance. Depending on types there.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Depending on types. But learn a lot about yourself. The mirror of a relationship. I'm always like, I do think it's good to dive in, because every relationship, you learn so much.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Even though on the other end, it can be a disaster.
Host
Truly. Yeah. It could be Brutalista. It can be Brutalista. Are your parents still together? No, you say it like girl. What do you mean? Whose parents? Is anyone in here's parents still together? Oh, brag, brag. He's like, actually mine.
Zoe Lister-Jones
He's laying on a parking. No blanket. Yeah, reading it. He's fine. No, my parents split up when I was nine. Okay, wait, are your parents still together?
Host
Of course not.
Zoe Lister-Jones
No.
Host
Of course not.
Zoe Lister-Jones
No.
Host
Then did you live with one parent primarily?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I did a crazy thing. Talk about, like, I was, like, a very parentified child, and I chose to switch off every other night with my parents when they split up because I wanted to make sure that my dad was okay.
Host
Oh, my gosh.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And it was so untenable, and I did it for so long, and I just, like, traumatized myself. Like, nobody was asking me to do that, but I was like, I got this, you guys.
Host
Yeah, I know what to do.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I know exactly what to do. You need me. And you need me.
Host
Yes. Are you an only child? Oh, okay. Well, then that makes more sense too.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
In that case. So how long did you do it? Do you remember?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I did it from, like, 9 to, like, 13. Like, also important years.
Host
Really formative years.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Formative. Yeah. Ooh. So that was chicky.
Host
I'm sure. Kudos to you for Brutalista is what we're calling it. How many? How did you decide at the end of that? Four years? Thirteen. Like, I don't want to do this anymore. And where did you decide to Kind of plant?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I planted with my mom. Okay. Both my parents are artists, and I grew up in Brooklyn, and so it was like my dad, like, moved into, like, some ramshackle. Like, it was not a place for living. He was like, this is my studio. You know, and then there was like a futon that I sleep on. So I think after a while, like, my mom was like, you know, you don't, like, have to. And also, I will say my dad started dating his now wife, who's like a wonderful, lovely, caring person. And I think in my twisted little, like, kid mind, I was like, okay, he has someone to care for him now.
Host
Oh, wow.
Zoe Lister-Jones
It's really like, if you think too hard about it, you will cry. So please, not you. But I myself, I'm like, I. It's so sad. Cause I'm like, no, that was a grown man. Like, you didn't need to take that on.
Host
Yeah. Do you know why you might have taken it on? What made you do that?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Can I tell you something?
Host
You can.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I pity men. I do. And I have from a young age. And one cannot explain it, except for, like, I remember even as a child when I would see a man eating alone in a restaurant, I would be like, moved to tears. Cause I'd be like, someone go help that man. I think I've always felt that they need help. And so. And my mom is like such a, like, og, like second wave feminist too. So it's interesting because she was like, let them do it on their own. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I will tie their shoes. I will serve them. So I don't know what it was, but yeah, I think I just had some weird instinct of like, save your God.
Host
Yes. From youth. From.
Zoe Lister-Jones
From youth.
Host
Oh, my goodness.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah. And my mom was, like, very strong and, like, strong willed. And my dad was orphaned at a very young age and then went to Vietnam. He didn't go to Vietnam, but he was in the rotc. And his job was, like, to knock on people's doors and tell them that their loved ones were dead. And then when he got called to Vietnam, he deserted and went to Canada. And that's where he met my mom. But I think I knew his story. And I was like, he doesn't have family. I think I felt the loneliness of that. Yeah. I guess I was like a little baby empath. And I was like, well, I'm his family, so let me go do that. But again, giving 110%. Baby girl could have been given 30, 35.
Host
At 9 years old. She deserves to be given 35. She deserves. But that is very sweet. And I'm sure he appreciated, appreciated it. That is. My goodness, that's tough. And I think of that with only children, sometimes just the pressure, especially as their parents age, actually to show up for them. And there's no one to share in that responsibility necessarily.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Are you only.
Host
I'm one of four, but I have some close friends. There's many of us divvying it up, so we tap out and take weeks. But did you enjoy being an only child when you were younger?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Well, I will say this, like, I do have two half sisters, but they lived in Canada, so they came a little bit. And I. I remember when one of them came to visit, I was, like, so excited. Like, I wanted a sister. And she was like, I hate you.
Host
Get away from me.
Zoe Lister-Jones
No, but, you know, it was like adolescence. She was older than me, and I was like, can I bring you to show and tell? And she was like, bitch, no.
Host
What are you gonna show and tell? Bring me to show and tell? I'm an artifact because my dolly.
Zoe Lister-Jones
So I actually think I wanted siblings, and I think being an only child, you do grow up faster. And the way that my parents rolled, I was just always at adult events and at the adult tables and also Brooklyn at that time, it was pretty rough and tumble. Sure. So I didn't really get, like, when I look at my partner has two sisters, and. And I look at their bond, and I'm like, I'm jealous of it. Yeah. Yeah.
Host
It is nice having siblings. And it's. But also, there are the cons of having siblings. Various stages of life.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes. Yes.
Host
When you're an only child, I imagine it's like they are just focused on me. Not that as a young person, I needed to know that my mom who raised me was only focused on me, but I'm like, there's so much for you to do here.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
Between taking care of yourself and taking care of the four of us. And so our time is limited in its own way, and especially because she was a single mom. But you know what's nice is that your partner now has two sisters that you can kind of adopt to your
Zoe Lister-Jones
texted me, like, my partner went away for work, and one of his sisters texted me, like, come over, like. And I was like, really? And she was like, yeah, you're my sil. And I had to Google it. I was like, oh, my God. I'm sister in law. I'm a sister in law.
Host
You didn't know what it was?
Zoe Lister-Jones
No, of course not. I'm not like that. I don't come from that. I don't know these terms.
Host
You don't know, like, acronyms? You're like, get them out of here. No. Okay. Wtf. You know, I'M learning.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I do know the acronyms now, but I do remember back in the day when I was like, I was sleeping with somebody. I was so into him. This was like in my early 20s. And he was like, being really flirty one night. We were no longer. It was like, so off and on, and I was like, so thirsty. And when he was. When I was leaving, I was like, okay, bye. Like, in front of a group of people. And he was like, okay, Kit. And you know, my ass turned around and said, what?
Host
Sorry, What?
Zoe Lister-Jones
What's that? I said, what's that definition? Please.
Host
And. But also, keep in touch.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Also, fuck off.
Host
Yeah, we just hooked up and you talking about keep in touch, Kit. And he said, the onus is on you to contact me. Cause I have no intention of contacting you. And it's gonna be a casual yearbook salutation. K I T. That's right. That's crazy.
Zoe Lister-Jones
It was actually crazy.
Host
Lilas Lovely. You like a sister. I just had sex with you. K I T S I L S I LILAS Okay. Right. Well, you know what? We all did wild things in our 20s. We did. I mean, I didn't, but other people.
Zoe Lister-Jones
You didn't?
Host
No, I was. I was. No, I was chill.
Zoe Lister-Jones
You were.
Host
I was just so. I was like a workhorse. It was like, I have to achieve my goals. And so I lived in LA all of my 20s and I just was like, I have to work. And even people like, you want to go out. And I'm like, no, going out is for people who have achieved success.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But I get that.
Host
Well, also, I think LA is an easy place to be busy.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
But you're not actually doing anything.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah.
Host
Brunch and hikes and meet up with this friend. And I love it.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
When I go to la, I go to a particular street I shan't name right now.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Just.
Host
Cause I'm like, we don't have to say the street, but I go to a particular street maybe four times a day just to be like, got a matcha? In the morning, I'm back on said street, moseying around, being like, do I want a baked good? Oh, there's a pet store.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Can you walk to said street? Street from your home?
Host
I could, but I'd be embarrassed. Okay, it's too far.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay, it's too far.
Host
But it's not. It's new. It's not New York too far. It's LA too far.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes. You know what I mean by that block?
Host
Yes.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I think saying go block.
Host
I used to drive one block In LA to go to the grocery store. And one could say, oh, yeah, because you're picking up a lot of things. Of course you need the car. No, it would be like two things because you just don't walk there.
Zoe Lister-Jones
No, I don't.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
The first time I went to la, I like, was in this movie as, like, a local hire and I was absolutely not a local hire. So I slept on my friend's couch and I didn't have a car. And so I like, went to Whole Foods one day and I remember, like, just like a New Yorker like, walking with my groceries down the street for maybe 20 minutes. People were like, actively concerned.
Host
Yes. They were like, that's what it is. You want? Yes.
Zoe Lister-Jones
You're like, is she okay?
Host
Something must be wrong with this person.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Has to be wrong.
Host
This is an unwell person. Does she have. Ma', am, do you have. Someone could call for you.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Totally.
Host
I'm fine.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Totally.
Host
Yeah. It feels very strange walking there.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I know.
Host
Do you have a pet?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Sorry, I do. Okay.
Host
Wait, you were gonna tell me something?
Zoe Lister-Jones
No, I was gonna say when I come to New York, I'm looking like 17 to 20,000 steps a day because I have to get it in. Because when I go back.
Host
You're not stepping.
Zoe Lister-Jones
No, I'm not stepping.
Host
Pedal to the metal. And we're driving. That's la. We are driving. Well, you have a pet. Yes, I have a pet.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I have a dog.
Host
A dog?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah.
Host
So walking the do dog must be nice than in lace protection. It's like I'm walking the dog. You see, that's why I'm not in a car.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes, yes. And where I live though, I'm like walkable to a hike, but there's no sidewalk. And so when I have tried to do that, because it would be so nice to walk to a hike. That's really next level.
Host
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But you have to sort of like frog her, like on an active, like, thoroughfare.
Host
Yeah, yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And it is very dangerous, especially with my doggy. So I do. I take him. I like, take him in the car for like one block to the hike.
Host
And then does he ride in a carrier or just kind of.
Zoe Lister-Jones
He's a big boy.
Host
He's big.
Zoe Lister-Jones
He's like 75 pounds.
Host
Oh, my.
Zoe Lister-Jones
He is big.
Host
And my reaction to like, you birthed him and he's a 75 pound.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And it was a natural birth.
Host
Natural birth. You've been ripped to smithereen.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes, yes. Kit.
Host
Kit. Wow. Okay. Have you always been a pet person?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I had cats growing Up. Okay. And then when I was in my twenties again, around this chaotic time, I decided to like, share a puppy with my mom, which that's not a thing. But she was like, okay.
Host
Cause she didn't know that I want you to take care of it when I don't want to take care of it, which will be most of the time.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Most of the time. And I just want to sort of carry because this was a little, like a little baby puppy. And so then I just gave her that dog. Yes, obviously on your dog. And that belongs to you.
Host
Acting like you're doing her a favor
Zoe Lister-Jones
too, at the time.
Host
I think the dog's better with you.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I think she's just so attached to you.
Host
Of course.
Zoe Lister-Jones
My mom does, though, create anxiously attached dogs, which I was like, okay, well, we're sensing a pattern. The children.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
The animals.
Host
You were patient zero.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I was patient zero. And since they're all like, please don't leave me. You can't leave. You're my everything. But now. So this dog, my current dog, Scoops, was my partner's. And so, like, I didn't identify as a dog person. I had a dog with my ex, but he took her in the divorce. Cause it was just like, easier that way. I think shared custody just gets so.
Host
Well, you lived shared custody.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Exactly. I had already lived it.
Host
I knew that it did not work.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And so then I still, like, didn't really identify because at that time, even with my ex, he was like, I want a dog. And I was like, that will be mostly your dog. Not to be like a cold hearted bitch, but yeah, like, I was busy. I was working. I was just like, I know the actual responsibilities of this thing and I don't want to shirk them.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And he did a great job raising that child. And then, and then I inherited Scoobs. And now I'm like, I am a full on dog mom, like, dog person. And it changes the way I relate to other dogs on the street.
Host
Really?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Oh, my God. I'm saying hello. I'm like, I am really. I'm active.
Host
You have to say hi to dogs.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes. I love them all. Like, they're my children.
Host
Oh, wow. I have a friend who also loves dogs and is like, I do need to speak to each one that I
Zoe Lister-Jones
see on the show. I do must have to do that.
Host
My dog has forced me to be far more social than I want to. Sometimes I want to go on a walk and disappear.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
And just be invisible and just like, let my mind just soar and flow
Zoe Lister-Jones
to me, I was gonna say atrophy,
Host
you know, atrophy, Even better. That's the truth. Sore sounded nicer, but atrophy. I want my brain to break. And my dog, though, he has to say hi. He has to say hi to everyone, not just other dogs. He's like, you know, I'm handsome and, you know, you wanna talk to me. And if someone does it, he's like, and what's wrong with you? Because have you seen me?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah, I'm cute as fuck. Yeah. Yes.
Host
Come on, give me these kids. I love that energy. It's crazy. And I am shocked that he is so social because I'm like, and how do I train you to be a little bit more like me? Let's be selective. Let's sometimes zone out. We don't have to say hi to every single human we encounter.
Zoe Lister-Jones
That's really hard when you and your dog have different social batteries.
Host
Yeah. And he's got it for if I'm. Yeah, he's a busybody, but I do love him. That's my guy. That's my guy. But he's a busybody. He's busy. Pet mom.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Pet mom. My dog is. Has leech aggression.
Host
Okay?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Not to call him out on that.
Host
We love him. He already got his children.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But he. So he doesn't. When I'm. It's kind of helpful because I'm like, no, no. He's not friendly. So people don't. They don't come by.
Host
And he's £75.
Zoe Lister-Jones
No. Yeah. He was a tiny. Because there's a lot of dogs, like, on my, like, neighborhood loop that are yapping and aggressive, but they're little. And you're kind of like, yeah. And people. He does it. And people are like, he's gonna kill me. Yeah.
Host
Okay, well, that's. Shout out to Scoops.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Shout out to Scoops.
Host
He won't hear, but maybe somehow, maybe they can.
Zoe Lister-Jones
He might.
Host
Maybe he could. He could hear you if you listen.
Zoe Lister-Jones
They watch those, like, dog TV shows.
Host
Do you put on the TV for the dog when you leave?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I never have.
Host
I've tried it. My dog don't give a fuck. Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
He's like, I'm done.
Host
I fully got a subscription to a streamer because I was like, I gotta play bluey. I heard dogs like bluey. And he's like, bitch, what is this? I want to go where you're going
Zoe Lister-Jones
to take me at the club.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I need to be at the club.
Host
Take me to daycare. I need to go where you're going. What the fuck is this?
Zoe Lister-Jones
And I'm like, sir, I paid for a full subscription.
Host
I paid for a full subscription so you could watch Bluey. Heard y' all liked it. He didn't give a damn. He's really a nitpicky one. Yeah. Have you. Do you have children?
Zoe Lister-Jones
No.
Host
Have you ever wanted children?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes. Yes, I do. I think I do.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah.
Host
Do.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah.
Host
Why do you say it was such,
Zoe Lister-Jones
like, my voice went tentative.
Host
No, no, no. I got a little bit tentative. Like. Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
You know, because like, I think at a certain age it's weird to be like, I want children. And that's not. That's my own thing. That's my own hang up. But like, I'm no longer a spring chicken. So I. I guess I'm sort of like hedging against my perceived judgment of other people. But no, I like, I do. And. And it took me a long time to get there. I think that's also part of like the, the hesitation in my voice is I have never identified as a person who's been like 100%. I've always known I've wanted kids. I was just always so career focused and was like, I have all these things on my checklist that I have to do and then we'll see if they fit into that. And then I think, will this show slip? That I wrote it, I directed it, I starred in every episode. And so that was like, talk about a 75 pound baby. I was ripped wide open. That's okay.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah. And I think when I did that, I was like, I want a kid. It kind of like took me doing like the thing at the top of the bucket list, which was like, I really wanted to create my own series.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And so. But that wasn't that long ago, so I'm still kind of like, oh, newly.
Host
Like, okay, I can do the thing. Okay. I've been curious about. Did you always know you wanted to be married? No. Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
No. And I think my parents relationship made me very cynical about the institution and my first husband. Like, I was really like, I don't believe in marriage. And then after like eight years passed, I was like, where's the fucking ring? What are we fucking talking about?
Host
I can get the ring without the documents too.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I'm like, I said the institution, not the diamond, you know? Yeah. Do you. Do you believe in.
Host
Do I believe in the institution? Sure. But I've never been a person who like, somebody was like, what kind of ring would you want? And I'm like. And they were like, this Cut this, cut. I go. I don't know anything about the cuts of a diamond. I've never imagined my wedding particularly except in the year 2020 of our Lord and Savior.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
I discovered during COVID this florist and I've never been super into flowers, but I discovered this florist. Like, I'm a talent scout, but. But this floors whose floral designs were so stunning, but like not over the top, but just really beautiful. And it made me those florals. So I used to order them for people because it's LA based florists.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I'm gonna need the name.
Host
Yeah, I will give you the name. It's offerings.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Offerings.
Host
Yes.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Not a sponsor. Okay.
Host
Stunning. And I always get the bountiful. Okay. I. I was like, these florals are so insane. I send them to people in LA whenever I can because they also have like specific delivery days and people always have the same response of just like, these flowers are insane. So those flowers made me believe in like. I was like, oh, I could have a wedding. I genuinely was like, I can see them. They're the centerpiece. And I can see the table.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
Couldn't see the man, but I'm like, I can see the table with the flowers on it.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And then I love to see the flower. Not the man. I love to see the man. I think the priorities are correct.
Host
Not the man. I said, I see the dark oak and the flower. I could see it. I could see the room.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Oh, my God. Yes.
Host
I could see the space. I couldn't see the man at the time, but I'm in a relationship now.
Zoe Lister-Jones
You are?
Host
Yes. Which I'm going. You didn't ask, But I just.
Zoe Lister-Jones
No, I want to know.
Host
No, no, no. It's okay. There's nothing else to say.
Zoe Lister-Jones
There's nothing else to say. Okay. Okay. But it's going well. It's great. Genuinely.
Host
He's perfect and he's great. Yes. And it's wonderful. I love that. But I never thought about it except for those flowers being so stunning.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
I was like, oh, I can see where that fits in. But rings, diamond cuts, you don't. Yeah, but you knew you wanted a diamond.
Zoe Lister-Jones
You know what? I think that I just knew I wanted a proposal. Okay.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
You need.
Host
On a knee.
Zoe Lister-Jones
On a knee. And I love romance. So I think that part of a wedding that is that. I mean, it is such a fantasy. A romance fantasy I always did love. But I was a little bit like, this shit doesn't work. And the first one didn't. But here I am it does be like that.
Host
Eight years before you got engaged, you were together with your first partner.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah, I think eight or nine.
Host
When a couple is together that long and they're not getting engaged or married or taking whatever next step seemingly is there and either party is interested in next step, what do you think it means now, given your experience?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I'm thinking about the show Queer Ultimatum.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Did you see this show?
Host
I haven't, no.
Zoe Lister-Jones
No, it got canceled.
Host
Queer Ultimatum. But okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay. Well, it's the same as the Ultimatum, but it was just with, like, chaotic list. Okay, okay. But that was the central conflict. Right. Like, that's the show. It's like, what do you do? All these crazy people then went off and tried somebody else, and that didn't work.
Host
That's not a good idea.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I don't know what you do, really. I mean, I think you have to have an honest conversation to see if your values are misaligned.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And I think, like, those conversations are some of them obviously most painful in a relationship because values are not always aligned. Like, and even, like, my friends who are really cut and dry, like, on, like, first date is like, here's what I want. I want children. I want marriage. I want. And, like, are we aligned? People change. Like, you want people to change as you grow together. So, like, two years in, that person might be like, actually, I've thought about it.
Host
I know myself, not personal. Yeah. Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But maybe this is. I'm different. Yeah. And those are tough moments in a relationship. But I think it's just honest communication.
Host
Sure.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah.
Host
Yeah. I mean, I always. I wonder when I'm like, it's that long. I'm like, does it mean trouble in paradise? And we're probably supposed to break up and no one wants to do it and rip the band aid off? Because that's obviously painful.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I know, but then you look at. I always love couples who, like, are like, no. Like, I actually accept you as a person who. Who doesn't believe in marriage. And that might be something I believe in, but I love this. And so let's figure out what this looks like. But I will say my parents, like, my mother's advice, I think, specifically was always like, wait as long as humanly possible to get married in a relationship. So once we hit eight, I was like, mommy, Mommy, Mommy, did I do it,
Host
Grown woman?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Mommy, can I. Mommy, can I do it now?
Host
How about now? Yeah, that's funny. Did you ever have good relationship advice from your dad?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes, my dad actually gives amazing relationship advice.
Host
Yes. Please dish.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Well, early on, around the era of Kit, he was like, there's a difference between being in love and loving somebody. And that really stuck with me in the moment. Cause I was falling in love left, right and center, you know, like I can fall in love very easily, whatever that means, but it's sort of a drug induced state, you know, that is temporary.
Host
Yes.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And so he was kind of like, that's. Oftentimes the people that you have, like the crazy fireworks with are not the people that are gonna be the sustainable relationship. And I was like, I do not want to hear that at this particular moment.
Host
Sir, I pity you.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Sir, I pity you.
Host
I don't want to hear the care for you.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But it, it stayed with me and is such good advice.
Host
Yeah. And then what is then being in love. If it's that chaotic sort of fireworks, intensity, really loving a person. How would you or he describe that?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Ooh, or she or they?
Host
What?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I mean, you know, let's cover all our basics for business. I was. Wait, being in love.
Host
You flustered me.
Zoe Lister-Jones
It's a spectrum.
Host
No, I meant you were your dad. I understand now.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Well, my dad could be she or they too, at any moment. He's in his 80s. You don't know.
Host
You never know. You don't know. It's not too late.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay, wait, ask me the question again.
Host
Okay. Really loving a person. How would you or he. Your dad. My father, specifically Daddy.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
Describe that.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Really loving a person. Okay. I think it means unconditionally loving someone, including, and because of all of their imperfections, whatever you deem imperfect about them. But that took me a long time to understand, like what actual acceptance of a person looks like. Not the idea, which I think a lot of people go into relationships like, oh, I can change this person as a disaster. You know what I mean? And it's not that you. It's not that you can't desire someone's growth, but that's not your business.
Host
That's not their business. That's not their business.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And they're gonna do it in their time.
Host
Yeah. You can't change them or save them. It turns out. No, it turns.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Keep the life wrapped for yourself.
Host
Yes. And you have to put your mask on first. But. And honestly, don't even screech over.
Zoe Lister-Jones
They can figure it out.
Host
They have to figure it out. They're over there in an emergency, you think, I have time to put mine in and then you want to.
Zoe Lister-Jones
No, I'm already out of the plane.
Host
I'm out the plane.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I'm sliding down the fucking door.
Host
Are you coming?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I'm like, oh, no. Oh, no.
Host
Bad news for you should have paid attention to the flight attendants.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah, that's right.
Host
People don't pay attention to flight attendants.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I never do.
Host
Until you want something to drink.
Zoe Lister-Jones
That's right. And then you're like, excuse me. I know.
Host
Excuse me.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I know.
Host
I said no ice.
Zoe Lister-Jones
The flight attendant's, like, doing the demonstration.
Host
I feel so bad for it.
Zoe Lister-Jones
It's like being like the opener at, like, a Justin Bieber concert where everyone's like, anyway, when's the real performance for takeoff?
Host
And then they're clapping for the pilot whole time. The flight attendant has done a full performance. Okay. A pilot gets out and says, hey,
Zoe Lister-Jones
I just want to say I was seated. Yeah, I've been seated.
Host
I've been seated. We're going to get you safely to your destination.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I do clap.
Host
You do clap? Do you clap when the plane lands?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Sometimes, if I'm feeling frisky.
Host
Have you ever been the only one?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yep.
Host
And how does your face feel after it happens? Fairly tight and red and hot.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I usually do it within audience. If I'm traveling with someone, I will and see if I can start the clap.
Host
And I'm gonna. What percentage is it? Successful start to not successful or unsuccessful?
Zoe Lister-Jones
I'm gonna say it's 50.
Host
50, 50, 50.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But the 50, when it works, it's invigorating.
Host
It's magical.
Zoe Lister-Jones
To start a class.
Host
Should I try to start a class?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes.
Host
I'm gonna try to start a clap on my next flight.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Because also it opens people up to be like, yeah, that was a fucking miracle.
Host
Cause it didn't have to happen this way. We didn't have to. It could have gone a different way. And we keep taking. You know, the other day on a flight, I was like, I should say a prayer. Cause I remember when flying was a bit of a novelty. And I would say a little prayer every time before we took off. And I said, and now I'm just like, the WI fi.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I know.
Host
I know, ma'. Am. The WI fi.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yes, ma'. Am. The WI fi is the energy.
Host
I know, ma'. Am. And when does the food start? I'm just up here eating and on the Internet. It's crazy. It's crazy. So I said a little prayer again. Cause I said, wait a minute. This is actually terrifying.
Zoe Lister-Jones
It's crazy.
Host
Do you have to take anything for flights?
Zoe Lister-Jones
No, I don't. But I was on a flight as a child where beaches had come out. Okay, so I'm gonna age Myself, The Bette Midler movie. Moving. Moving film. And the whole plane was watching Beaches and everyone was, like, crying. It was almost like simultaneous. Like, everyone. I just remembered that everyone on the plane was crying. And then the pilot comes on and he's like, we've got a bit of a situation. And long story short, like, two of the however many Edgins had died. And so we start going, and everyone's already crying from Bette Midler. Yeah, it was a disaster. And so I think, because I experienced that, I'm always like, this is a miracle.
Host
Everybody, we need to clap.
Zoe Lister-Jones
We made it.
Host
I had no idea. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. I want to be on a flight with you. We should go somewhere. Let's go. What's your vibe? What's your vacation vibe?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Really? Anywhere, anytime, really. I love a vacation.
Host
City, beach, it doesn't matter.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I mean, I like a little mix. Like, I'll love, like, a place that has a beach, that also has some culture that I can.
Host
I know where you'd like.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Where?
Host
Barcelona.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I will go to Barcelona. You know where else I want to go?
Host
Where?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Not for, like, the, like, parties and shit, but, like, around, like, Ibiza. Mallorca.
Host
I've been to Mallorca. You have got back from Mallorca and did, in fact, shit my brains out.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay. Why? Maybe the paella was bad.
Host
I didn't even have paella.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay.
Host
I've been to Spain twice this past in less than 12 months, and I have not had paella. I don't know. Something. My. My stomach is very sensitive.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Mine too.
Host
It's really devastating how sensitive it is.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And traveling is tough.
Host
And oftentimes, yeah, traveling is very tough. Can you feel bad for us, please?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Mallorca was difficult because of the die, die, the di.
Host
Die, die, diarrhea.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But it.
Host
But it does.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But it actually does suck.
Host
Yes, it's actually. It's. That's actually Brutalista.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah, it is Brutalista.
Host
But my. I basically. And then, like, even. Anyway, I landed and I was fine. And then it was like, my stomach hurts. And then. And then one thing led to another, and I was in hell for 24 hours. Ask me anything,
Zoe Lister-Jones
Ama. Just on the toilet. Come on, toilet.
Host
Fighting for my life. I do not have an electrolyte left. Okay. And guess what happened after I went to Barcelona?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah. Oh, tough.
Host
So it's not Spain. I'm not blaming Spain. Cause I love Spain. I'll be back. I'm a fighter.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Was the.
Host
I'm going back. I don't care. I'm a fighter.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I Know that about you now.
Host
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Some places have scared me enough that I don't come back. But I'm gonna fight for some Spain.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Mexico City. Love that place. The coolest place. But did get talk about shit and brains. And my partner at the time, I mean, I think he had to, like, register with the CDC when he got back because he was bringing some crazy shit in. And we had like a reservation at a Michelin restaurant.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And it took everything for me to get this fucking reservation.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And I made him come. This is what it's like to date me. And we sat there and he was like, mm, we'll just get up and go to the bathroom between every course. Poor man.
Host
Poor man.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But you know what? You do what you gotta do. And he liked the food.
Host
He didn't like the food. Didn't stay in long. Didn't stay in him long. But the taste, In N Out. Tasty. Yeah. You think that's how they came up with the name In N Out? Mind you, I love In N Out. There's no shade. I love In N Out.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I love In N Out.
Host
Yeah. A friend who was new to our friend group joined us for New year's, I think 2020 Kirstier. She was new to the friend group. Like, we actually. I don't know that we had ever met her, but one friend brought her and she was so ill, just shitting her brains out, vomiting her hard out. And it was. In n Out was to the call prep. But mind you, I just had In n Out two weeks ago. No problem. I'm fine. Everything was okay. Shout out to In n Out. Stayed in. It stayed in. That would be bad. Well, that's bad too.
Zoe Lister-Jones
That's true.
Host
We need balance.
Zoe Lister-Jones
We want a balance. Yeah.
Host
Yeah. Do you. Do you like the fries at In n Out?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Can I tell you something? I really have only discovered it In n Out in my current relationship because he's an Angeleno. And so In N Out is like, a part of the culture. And so, like, we will go and I will eat those fries. But I wouldn't identify as like, I love those fries. Because also, I was raised in a very, like, health food ass house.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And so I was not allowed any fast food. Like, nothing. No sugar. For my fifth birthday, I asked for sugar cereal. Like, I asked for Lucky Charms. And I ate one bowl. And then the next day, my mom threw out the box. I didn't get to keep the whole box.
Host
You didn't get to keep the box?
Zoe Lister-Jones
No.
Host
So do you. You don't have a sweet tooth.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Now I'm magic. I fetishized the fuck out of sugar.
Host
Really?
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah.
Host
It was like forbidden discipline around it.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I do have. I do have discipline, but I love sweets.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I absolutely love sweets.
Host
Well, Zoe, it's time for a segment called. That's nice, but what about me? You are from Brooklyn. Yeah. You live in Los Angeles now. I'm trying to decide where to live. And I know you can change your mind, but where to? Like, plant roots.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Okay.
Host
Where to? I was going to say something about soil sewing.
Zoe Lister-Jones
So your seeds.
Host
Why do men get to say that? I don't. Anyway. Yeah. You know, we got seeds.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah.
Host
Eggs and seeds. Where do I. Where should I. How do I. How did you decide? Obviously, your partner lives in LA and is an Angeleno. Was that the deciding factor?
Zoe Lister-Jones
No, that wasn't the deciding factor. I stayed in New York. I had a teacher in acting school at NYU who was like, don't move to LA until you get a job. So I stayed in New York until I got a job in la. And so then I moved there. And I've been there for, like, 13 years now. And I love it. And I am a person that's gonna tell you to live in la, even though of course, like New York born and bred. But I do think, like, at a certain age, for me, the lifestyle in LA is just. It's kush.
Host
It is.
Zoe Lister-Jones
It feels good. You get to go back to that same block just multiple times. I mean, we don't know if she's getting a pet food or a matcha or a fro yo.
Host
Time will tell.
Zoe Lister-Jones
But the day is your oyster. And that's what la. Also, I hate to be this person, but the weather. Yeah. So I'm gonna get hate from my Brooklyn.
Host
Okay. Here, maybe I could try to save you. Are you Yankees or Dodgers?
Zoe Lister-Jones
You know, I do not invest in the sports at all. Couldn't even tell you. But I'll go to either game because I like merch.
Host
Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
And I support both.
Host
You'll be wearing a Yankees cap and a Dodgers jersey.
Zoe Lister-Jones
I have a. I bought, like, jacket at a vintage store that's like an MLB jacket and has a patch from every single baseball team.
Host
Yeah.
Zoe Lister-Jones
So I just wear that because I'm like, I'm Switzerland.
Host
That's a very. Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Yeah.
Host
Unproblematic. Yeah. Okay.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Famous.
Host
Everyone. Everyone loves you. Zoe, it was so wonderful to talk to you. Thank you for doing this.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Thank. You.
Host
That was my conversation with Zoe Lister Jones. What a delight Zoe is. I mean, chaotic. Twins we are. I'll say. I would love to give you advice, as would my next guest. Who knows who they'll be, but I have a feeling they would love to give you advice. If you want advice, call 502-849-3237. It's 502-849-3237. My guest and I will try to shepherd you in the right direction. We're not experts, but we love to be nosy. We'll see you next time. With Vrbal's last minute deals, you can save over $50 on your spring getaway. So whether it's a mountain escape with friends, a family week at the beach, or sightseeing in a new city, there's still time to get great discounts. Book your next day Now. Average savings, $72. Select homes only.
Timbo
Last night, a blown call changed the game. This morning the Internet lost its mind and nobody's telling you exactly what happened. That's where Sports Slice comes in.
Host
I'm Timbo.
Timbo
And every episode we're cutting through the noise, breaking down the biggest moments in sports and giving you the real story behind the headlines. And we're going straight to the source. The athletes themselves, their locker room stories, their reactions in the moment, and the stuff nobody gets to hear. Listen to Sports slice on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And for more, follow Timbo Slice, Life 12 and the TikTok Podcast Network on TikTok.
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy not quite on Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends. Me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funny. This week, my guests, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel help an acapella band with their between songs banter.
Timbo
Where does your group perform?
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Zoe Lister-Jones
What's up, guys? This is Clifford Taylor the fourth.
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
And on my podcast, the Clifford Show, I'm bringing you conversations about all kinds of stuff like being an Internet famous referee. We're in the middle of a game. This linebacker.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Hey, you know these kids?
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
This linebacker walks up to me, he goes, hey, ref, my mom wants you
Host
to wave at her.
Zoe Lister-Jones
What?
Host
Time out. Look, quarterback on offense. Blue 42.
Liberty Mutual Advertiser
Hey ref, my mama wants you to wave at her.
Zoe Lister-Jones
What?
Host
Where's she at? Hey, Ms. Parker.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Listen to the Clifford show on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.
Host
This is an iHeart podcast.
Zoe Lister-Jones
Guaranteed Human.
In this heartfelt and comedic episode of Thanks Dad, host Ego Nwodim sits down with writer, director, and actress Zoe Lister-Jones. Together, they dig into the nuances of artistic anxiety, perfectionism, family dynamics, childhood experiences, tattoos, relationships, attachment styles, therapy, pets, and even food poisoning on European vacations. The conversation winds through hilarious admissions, honest reflections, and insightful confessions about what it’s like to be a woman pursuing both career and relationships in a chaotic world — all against the backdrop of their upbringings with complicated parent dynamics.
Ego and Zoe’s conversation blends candidness, comedy, and genuine vulnerability. The banter is highly relatable, peppered with therapy lingo, astrological references, and real-life messiness — always bracingly honest, occasionally chaotic, always heartfelt.
This episode celebrates imperfection, growth, and learning — in art, love, and life. With lots of laughter along the way.