1KHO 456: Answers for Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries | Michele Borba, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions

Summary

Episode Summary: 1KHO 456 - Answers for Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries with Michele Borba

Podcast Information:

• Title: The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
• Host: Jenny Erich
• Guest: Michele Borba, Author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions
• Release Date: April 3, 2025

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Introduction

In this enlightening episode of The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast, host Jenny Erich welcomes renowned parenting expert Michele Borba. The conversation centers around Michele's comprehensive guide, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, which serves as an encyclopedia-cum-cookbook for addressing everyday parenting challenges and deep-seated worries.

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Understanding Parental Stress and Its Impact on Children

Michele Borba opens the discussion by addressing a critical issue: the unprecedented levels of parental stress and its detrimental effects on children.

Michele Borba [03:31]: "Unless we're calm, our kids aren't going to be calm."

She emphasizes the importance of managing parental stress to create a stable environment for children. Drawing from a massive survey of over 50,000 adults, Michele reveals that even minimal daily efforts—such as dedicating one to three minutes a day to stress-reduction practices—can significantly improve mental health.

Michele Borba [05:54]: "If you do the same thing, one to three minutes a day, don't skip more than two days, it'll improve your health."

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Navigating Modern Parenting Challenges

Jenny highlights alarming statistics that suggest the current generation of parents views parenting as more challenging than before, with many feeling they aren't measuring up to previous generations.

Jenny Erich [06:12]: "76% of respondents said they feel that parenting is getting much tougher... 60% of adults feel that today's parents aren't measuring up to a generation ago."

Michele attributes this difficulty to the overwhelming expectations placed on parents today, contrasting it with the simpler roles of past generations. She advises parents to reduce self-imposed pressures and seek connection with other parents to alleviate feelings of isolation and stress.

Michele Borba [07:26]: "Don't put more pressure on yourself. Just figure out, am I being who I want to be with my children?"

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Effective Parenting Styles: Moving Beyond Helicopter Parenting

One of the pivotal sections of the discussion delves into various parenting styles, with a focus on the pitfalls of helicopter parenting and incubator/hot house parenting.

Michele Borba [10:44]: "Helicopter parenting robs resilience. Your child has to be able to figure out what they can do on their own."

Michele provides actionable strategies to foster independence in children, such as gradually stepping back from tasks the child can perform and encouraging problem-solving. This approach not only builds confidence but also resilience, essential traits for thriving in today's complex world.

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Addressing Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry is normalized and dissected as a common yet manageable challenge. Michele underscores the importance of reducing competition and celebrating each child's unique strengths to minimize conflict.

Michele Borba [19:54]: "Competition is a critical determinant of sibling rivalry. Ensure each child is recognized as a unique, wonderful individual."

She advises parents to avoid comparisons between siblings and to actively support each child's individual talents, thereby fostering a harmonious and supportive family dynamic.

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Managing Behavioral Issues: From Biting to Bossiness

The conversation transitions to managing various behavioral issues, including biting and bossy behavior.

Michele Borba [23:07]: "Behavior is learned. It's not innate. Understanding this helps in addressing issues like biting effectively."

For instance, when addressing biting in preschoolers, Michele recommends recognizing early warning signs and implementing calm, consistent responses to prevent escalation.

Michele Borba [23:57]: "Say the word. Are you mad? Are you mad? This helps in de-escalating before it leads to biting."

In dealing with bossy behavior, Michele suggests replacing negative language with positive alternatives and role-playing scenarios to teach children how to express themselves kindly yet assertively.

Michele Borba [27:38]: "Every behavior needs a replacement behavior. Let's be calmer and kinder."

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Fostering Character Development: From Selfishness to Giving

Character development is highlighted as a core element of effective parenting. Michele discusses strategies to combat selfishness and promote gratitude and empathy in children.

Michele Borba [29:42]: "The highest correlation to happiness is not getting, but giving."

She emphasizes the importance of teaching children the value of giving over receiving, such as involving them in charitable activities or setting up family charity boxes to encourage generosity.

Michele Borba [31:09]: "Do not ever do it yourself, Mom. You'll rob your child of the giving moment."

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Navigating the Social Scene: Building Assertiveness and Combating Bullying

Addressing the complexities of the social environment, Michele provides insights into fostering assertiveness and resilience to prevent bullying and peer pressure.

Michele Borba [46:35]: "Practice holding your head up high. This non-verbal cue can significantly reduce the likelihood of being targeted by bullies."

She introduces the C.A.L.M. acronym as a tool for children to handle confrontations effectively:

• C: Stay Cool
• A: Assert Yourself
• L: Look Strong
• M: Make Your Voice Sound Like You Mean It

Michele Borba [51:07]: "C.A.L.M. helps children handle bullying by remaining assertive and composed."

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Emotional Well-being: Building Resilience and Combating Pessimism

The episode delves into the emotional challenges faced by children today, including anger, fear, grief, and pessimism. Michele stresses the importance of fostering resilience by highlighting positive family narratives and encouraging children to see themselves as part of a strong, supportive family unit.

Michele Borba [42:52]: "When you tell your children they are part of a resilient family, it builds their own resilience."

She advises parents to focus on positive stories and role models to counterbalance negative influences and to engage in conversations that highlight the good in the world, thereby reducing feelings of pessimism and anxiety.

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Managing Electronics and Promoting Unstructured Time

In today's digital age, managing screen time is a significant concern. Michele offers practical guidelines for setting electronic boundaries to ensure healthy parent-child relationships and to promote creativity through unstructured play.

Michele Borba [55:05]: "Set digital unplugged limits in your home. This is essential for building real-world social skills."

She recommends strategies like having designated unplugged times, using common sense media resources to evaluate content, and ensuring that electronic devices do not interfere with sleep.

Michele Borba [56:21]: "Do not allow your child to go to bed with a phone. This simple step can significantly reduce stress and improve sleep quality."

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Encouraging Creativity and Handling Boredom

Contrary to the prevalent belief that children need constant entertainment, Michele advocates for the benefits of allowing children to experience boredom, which fosters creativity and problem-solving skills.

Michele Borba [58:42]: "Kids' brains flourish when they have unstructured time. Nature plays a pivotal role in reducing stress and enhancing creativity."

She suggests simple yet effective ways to encourage creativity, such as providing accessible art supplies or engaging in outdoor activities that stimulate the imagination.

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Conclusion: A Comprehensive Resource for Parents

As the episode wraps up, Jenny and Michele reinforce the value of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions as an indispensable tool for parents navigating the myriad challenges of raising children today. Michele's collaborative approach in addressing real-world parenting issues provides hope and practical solutions for fostering thriving, resilient children.

Jenny Erich [60:28]: "It's a very comprehensive resource that gives parents hope and direction when they're feeling stuck."

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Notable Quotes:

• Michele Borba [03:31]: "Unless we're calm, our kids aren't going to be calm."
• Michele Borba [05:54]: "One to three minutes a day... it'll improve your health."
• Jenny Erich [06:12]: "76% of respondents feel that parenting is getting much tougher."
• Michele Borba [10:44]: "Helicopter parenting robs resilience."
• Michele Borba [19:54]: "Competition is a critical determinant of sibling rivalry."
• Michele Borba [23:07]: "Behavior is learned. It's not innate."
• Michele Borba [29:42]: "The highest correlation to happiness is not getting, but giving."
• Michele Borba [42:52]: "When you tell your children they are part of a resilient family, it builds their own resilience."
• Michele Borba [55:05]: "Set digital unplugged limits in your home."

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Final Thoughts: This episode offers a treasure trove of insights and practical advice for parents striving to create a balanced, loving, and resilient family environment. Michele Borba's expertise and compassionate approach make The Big Book of Parenting Solutions an essential addition to any parent's toolkit.

Transcript

[Jenny Erich]

I was never really a runner.

[Michelle Borba]

The way I see running is a.

[Jenny Erich]

Gift, especially when you have stage four cancer. I'm Ann. I'm running the Boston Marathon, presented by bank of America. I run for Dana Farber Cancer Institute to give people like me a chance to thrive in life, even with cancer. Join bank of America in helping Anne's cause. Give if you can@b of a.comSupportAnn what would you like the power to do? References to charitable organizations is not endorsement by bank of America Corporation. Copyright 2025.

[Ann]

All right.

[Jenny Erich]

Welcome to the 1000 Hours Outside podcast. My name is Jenny Erich. I'm the founder of 1000 Hours outside and back again for the third time. What an honor. Michelle Borba, welcome.

[Ann]

Oh, thank you. I am so happy to be here. I just love talking to you, Jenny.

[Jenny Erich]

Oh, I love it, too. And you have talked about and written about some of the most important topics of our time. Empathy. Your book Unselfie, which is a phenomenal book. Thrivers. What are some of the qualities that make kids thrive? That qualities that make kids thrive, especially in this kind of tricky time in our world where things are rapidly changing. So that's a phenomenal book. But really, this has just been such an honor. You are so prolific in the parenting space. You've been on the Today show with 70ish times.

[Ann]

Yeah, it was. It's always fun. It's just been. But those are always driven by. Here's the concerns parents have. They write into the Today show and then they call. So it's like, what can we do to help parents? Because we know that they've got questions, and why shouldn't they?

[Jenny Erich]

What we said was, if people wanted to send in questions for you, we could do a whole podcast on answering the questions that people want to send in. So people could email those in. I'[e-mail]. And you could just put questions for Michelle and we could compile those and do an episode just on those. But really, you have covered so many of the questions because you wrote this. This is a book.

[Ann]

I know, I know. I remember the Today show saying, and if you don't want to read it, it'd make a great doorstop. I went, okay.

[Jenny Erich]

I mean, it's got to be a pound and a half. It's called the Big Book of Parenting Solutions 101 answers to your everyday challenges and wildest worries. It's like you compiled everything. I would say, like a. A big labor of love, Michelle.

[Ann]

Well, Ginny, here's a little footnote. To that book. That is huge. What happened was parents said, we don't have time to read. I said, okay, I get it. She said, so what kind of book would you read? And they said, like a cookbook. Give us the problems. Just set them up so that we can tell you what we're worried about. We can instantly just flip to the problem, like worries or fears or my child is homework battles. What do I do? And then we just flip to it and here's the answers. And then we only have to read 10 pages exactly how the book was set up. I went, that's brilliant.

[Jenny Erich]

And it is actually set up just like a cookbook. Because in a cookbook you would have like breakfast, desserts, drinks, appetizers. And this one is set up with different categories. So you've got family, behavior, character, emotions. Let me keep going with my notes here. I'm having trouble. School, social scene, special needs, daytoday, electronics set up just like a cookbook. You go to your specific thing and you can find information. You wrote. At the beginning though, you had some different statistics and you wrote, I am concerned about the state of the American family. Can you tell us why?

[Ann]

Yeah. What happened was we started doing statistics by actually parent magazine helped me and we did a huge survey of moms. And what we weren't prepared for was how many of them were coming in with stress, feeling overwhelmed. I don't have answers to my. Some of the questions that are coming up for my kids. There's just so much on my plate what matters. And you've just really empathized with what a different, just a trend at how different parenting is now in terms of modern day challenges. Look, the bottom line is unless we're calm, our kids aren't going to be calm. And we're seeing a mental health problem that is unprecedented with our children. And that means there's some validity in what the surgeon general just came out with was a survey on parent stress, that our stress is now at a higher level than our kids and it's spilling down. So the first thing is put the book down for a minute and say, what do you need to help you keep your own stress down so you can respond calmly. And there's no one answer. The most fascinating thing, Ginny. And then I swear you can ask any question, but I think it's really important. They did a survey of over 50,000 grownups in the world because they were really worried about our mental health, not just the kids. And they asked them by looking at 400 different kinds of just different Kinds of research data. Can we improve our own mental health? And they found out, yes, we can. Now, here's the bottom line. It's wonderful. You find what works for you, and there's no one answer. It's not like you got to do yoga, you got to do mindfulness, you got to take a nature walk. All of those could help, but it may not help you. I got to listen to music. I got to read a book. What helps you? And then what they found is that if you do the same thing, a one to three minutes a day, don't skip more than two days, but one to three minutes a day, it'll improve your health. You know what? It's the same suggestion to do when you're doing parenting solutions because you're trying to find a new ritual or routine for your child. And how many times, Ginny, we try one idea and we go, that didn't work. The research says you got to keep trying it and trying it and trying it for like one minute, for maybe one week, two weeks, three weeks, until you see the change. And then you go, I'm going to keep doing it. And it'll become a habit, not only for your child, but for also for you.

[Jenny Erich]

It's a great thing because then you can model it for your kids as you're trying to make some of these changes in your family. These statistics are pretty wild. 76% of respondents said they feel that parenting is getting much tougher and that it is far more difficult to parent now than than when they grew up. What do you think is contributing to that?

[Ann]

I think we've been fed a bill of goods that says we got to do, do, do instead of just bbb. Seriously, the f. The research says the flashcards, just put them down. All of the stuff that we do, we don't need. All we do need if we really have lasting memories. In fact, they did this with kids. What's the single most important thing you wish that your parents would do? And all of us had instant answers. But the single most important one is no, I just wanted to be less stressed. We've been fed. We have to do so much. And as a result, I think we bought into it because we think it's the science, but the science actually counters it. It's a group that are just pushing it and pushing it and pushing it. I think sometimes it's so called parenting experts that really aren't so the first time you read a book, read the back of it and say, who is this person that has written this book? Is it somebody that I buy into the philosophy, Philosophy, where's their degree coming from? And you'll be shocked at how many of them don't have a degree in psychology or whatever the degree is, but they don't have that degree or they counter your philosophy. So find out what it is and then that'll be the first step and you can go because there are things you can do but you don't have to do so much.

[Jenny Erich]

I mean, we talk about we're spinning our wheels, right? So 76 of respondents say they feel that parenting is getting much tougher. It's far more difficult. And yet. So we're spinning our wheels, we're driving our kids to this, that there's a lot of pressure. And yet 60% of adults feel that today's parents aren't measuring up to a generation ago. Most Americans feel that moms, it's such a big deal, are doing a far worse job than their own mothers did just 20 or 30 years ago. So how could that be? You know, these moms are so stressed.

[Ann]

Let's put it this way. June Cleaver was a different entity. She stood at the door, she just had pearls around her neck and a starch white apron. And she always baked the cookies. But that was her full time job. What's our full time job? We've got 40,000 more things on our plate and most of us are also working full time. And if we're not working full time, we have a lot on our plate in terms of just being the mom at home. It's a different era. So that's why we've got a day, a really reality check and say, what's working for us? Don't put more pressure on yourself. Just figure out, am I being who I want to be with my children? And chances are you're feeling a little bit more stressed. Then just take the breath and go, what can I alleviate off of the plate? The biggest thing that the surgeon's general says we're not doing is having more fun time with other moms. Just that belonging and connection when you feel lonely. And that's what many moms are saying, they feel just lonely. I just don't have connection. Find the connection. You can do coffee at the same time as a play date. It'll just start your own energy because you know that you, once you start talking to other moms, they're feeling the same way you do. That was my biggest thing that I realized. Just I have three boys raising them, going, my gosh, the fun thing we Started to take up knitting together. Why knitting? But it was so relaxing. I didn't realize it. None of us knew how to knit. But as we were knitting together, we'd share exactly the same concerns together. And it was like this, aha. I'm not alone. Everybody feels the same way. So what are we going to do about it? And we all started taking things off the plate so we could just be a little more relaxed.

[Jenny Erich]

Well, and you wrote, many parents confess they aren't even enjoying their kids. So this have more fun is a thing. It's a thing. Have more fun. We have some friends. They're struggling with their marriage. They got these two young kids, and our kids are older now. So we're like, no, it's going to get easier. You know, this is a hard stage that you're in.

[Ann]

Yeah.

[Jenny Erich]

Are you having fun? Are you doing things that connect you as a family? Or is one person working and the other person's working and you're coming back at the end of the night and everyone's exhausted? Well, of course that's going to be really hard. So are there things that are going to alleviate that? And you go, have a fun time together or fun with your friends and insert a little bit more of that. 96% of mothers admit feeling stressed. So concerned about the state of the American family. And this book has a lot of answers and quick answers. It's like a cookbook mixed with an encyclopedia. You kick it off with the seven deadly parenting styles. Let's talk about a few of them. A few of them that are really related to this show. One of them is helicopter parenting.

[Ann]

Doesn't that seem like the buzzword of buzzwords? And it works in perfectly with helicoptering. And we've all gotten into it because we want to make sure that our children are successful in what they do, because that's the other thing we've been fed. They have to be successful in everything, and that is a myth. You find what works for your child where their passion, where their assets are. So the first thing on helicoptering is exhaust us because we always have the buzz around to do it all. Your line on that one is we first of all discover it robs resilience. Your child has to be able to figure out what they can do on their own. They become more and more dependent on you. So now you're the crutch and they're exhausted from it. So your. Your new mantra on that one is never do for your child what your child can do for themselves. Start stepping back now when you discover you're still doing it all. He doesn't know how to make the bed so I have to be there. Then each week or each month, however long it takes. Sometimes it's one day. You choose one skill that you think your child can learn to do by themselves. Don't go say do it. You show them. Because that's how you teach a new skill. You first show watch mommy, she's going to make the bed. Now you do it with your child. You step back a little bit and you do it together with then you step real back and you say, show me. Can your child do the task? It could be for older kids learning how to microwave. Whatever it is, you choose the skill that you've been doing too much that you think is developmentally appropriate. And then once your child gets it, you go, you got it sweetie pie. Jump back and gay, you're on your own. And never do for your child what your child can do for themselves. So you just add on the skills and that's just wonderful for you because slowly what you'll do is raise a more independent kid. And independent kids have agency. That's the highest correlation to confidence, self esteem and resilience. That means they've got it. Slowly start adding on those little skills.

[Jenny Erich]

And isn't it better for everyone? Like our 11 year old daughter the other day, she made all of that like the buns for dinner, like she knead the dough and she knew how to add the more flour and then I didn't have to do it.

[Ann]

Yeah. Amen.

[Jenny Erich]

Amen. And then she was so proud of herself because we all got eaten and it was like a win win. This is a big one too. Incubator hot house parenting. So this is the pressure for super kids.

[Ann]

Yeah. And that's the one that I think we've got to really be careful about because above all else, oh, all of these are done with love. Let's be real careful on that one. Jenny. We do these because we love our children dearly and we've been told a myth that we have to do this. But in reality what we discover about the incubator parent is that it raises kids who are over perfectionists that are worried about oh, the biggest thing that kids told me, I don't want to disappoint my mom. And so it just puts a heart, just puts a stabber in the heart. What we do on that one is start stepping back because again they can't be good in everything. You find and be an asset coach, figure out their child's talents. You can slowly increase it if you see love in that talent. And by the way, that was done by a phenomenal researcher who looked at all of the kids who became Olympic athletes, became the best musicians, became the best artists. He's neurosurgeons. What he then did, this is Benjamin Bloom phenomenal study is discover something. And that was the parenting that the child had at a young age was warm. It was never pushed, it was never incubated parent. The child was pushing and pulling the parent. So figure out what the child loves, what the child talent is. And there's where you go on that one.

[Jenny Erich]

It says kids, stress, anxiety and perfectionism have never been higher and their cheating is now of epic proportions. All because we've pushed character and developmental appropriateness out of our child rearing formula. So that goes a lot. A lot in line with your other books too.

[Ann]

Yeah.

[Jenny Erich]

And we really have to be teaching the character things right alongside of the academics. It's a big deal. Okay. So people can check out the book, the Big Book of Parenting Solutions to find the five other deadly parenting styles. They're all in there.

[Annie F. Downs]

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[Michelle Borba]

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[Jenny Erich]

But this book, encyclopedia, cookbook of all the parenting things, is split into categories. And I picked one or two things, depending on how much time we have from the different categories that stuck out to me that I thought would maybe be applicable to a lot of different families. And so in the family section and in the family section, you're talking about adopted, divorce, middle child, new baby, oldest child, only child, sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry. I can't even hardly say that. Twins and multiples and youngest child. And so I picked out the sibling rivalry because that's a big deal. I think there's a lot of questions, so I'm sure with the Today show and the questions that people sent in is how much sibling rivalry is normal. When do we step in and how do we step in? And this is on page 34 of this incredible big book of parenting solutions book.

[Ann]

Well, the first thing is it's normal. I mean, if anybody, I'm an only child, I gotta fess up on that one. But all of the research says it's extraordinarily normal. But one of the biggest determiners of what pushes it is competition. We have to be very, very careful to make sure that each child is their own unique, wonderful human being in your family. That's their specialty. That's their specialty. And not override it. Why your brother did this when he was that age. Your sister did that when she was that age. Why aren't you doing it? You got to find what works for your child. Then the second thing is, oh, my gosh, your brother can do this. Why can't you do that? Be very careful on competition. That's the critical thing on sibling rivalry. And when do you step in? You step in when you notice that their relationship is just unraveled. Because when the end, what you want is a family that's a together family that years later, when you're gone, your kids still support and nurture each other. And they won't if that rivalry still is there. So there's where you go find your child's own unique passion and love. If you can't figure it out, it's great to ask at the teacher conference, what do you see as my child's strengths? Or just look a little more carefully at your child. When is each one. Don't compare the two, but each one's differently. And each one, you set a separate index card. When do you see the child as a little more eager? When do you see that they Love what they're doing, that the learning is a little easier at that particular time. When you see. When you say it's time for art class, the kid gets so excited because it's art. Those are the child's assets. And what you're doing is being a talent scout. That's one of the highest correlations to lowering the competition and just getting the confidence up in your kids.

[Jenny Erich]

This is great information. I am so impressed that you were able to come up with. I mean, in some cases, like you said, it's just two pages, so it's a real quick read. In some cases, some of the topics are a little deeper, so maybe there's five or six pages. But even these questions, do you compare your kids in front of each other? Do you pay attention equally to each child's hobbies, friends, school, and interests? Do you distribute chores, rewards, and opportunities fairly? Do you light up with the same intensity when you see each of your kids?

[Ann]

That's the one. That's the. Yeah.

[Jenny Erich]

These are big. These are really big. And so in this section, parents have written in, so they've got some ideas. But you have the five simple house rules to curb sibling bickering. So these could be the rules in your home. No yelling is allowed. This type of thing. A simple solution. How to teach fighting fair, which. How to argue in a way that is a little bit more advantageous in different stages. What can you expect when they're school ages? What can you expect when they're tweens? So just fantastic information in here. That was in the family section. Okay. In behavior, all right.

[Ann]

That's the one that everybody goes to first.

[Jenny Erich]

Behavior includes. So if you're dealing with any of these issues, you'll find them in the book. It includes argues, back talks, biting, bossy, brags, defiant, demanding, hooked on rewards, impulsive, indecisive, swears, tantrums, timeout, whining, won't listen, yelling. So here's what I thought that I. I want to talk about biting.

[Ann]

Biting.

[Jenny Erich]

Because, yeah, at some point they don't do it anymore. But we. When you are in the stage where you don't know if your kid is going to bite you or someone else, like you're kind of freaked out.

[Ann]

Yeah. And here's the most important thing to remember about any of those behaviors. Behavior is learned. It's not like your kids come and arrive, I'm gonna bike. No, it's learned. It also is on a spiral system. So if you don't stop the arguing or you see them getting tense, the next Thing is almost always a little bit of the temper tantrum and then comes the bite. The fascinating thing is preschool, say the number one reason right now that kids are being suspended, I mean, we're talking three and four year olds suspended or expelled from preschool, is biting. So in reality, kicked out there.

[Jenny Erich]

What of their little preschool? So, yeah, it's definitely one of those things that once you're past a certain stage, then you don't, you kind of forget that it was an issue. Like, our youngest is eight. So I don't really remember, but when I think back then, I'm like, oh, you do remember that when they're little, they might bite someone or they might get bit.

[Ann]

Yeah.

[Jenny Erich]

Okay.

[Ann]

The number one is on biting, watch your child carefully because they're going to give you signs that you may be overlooking before the exorcism or the biting. So in that case, when they're flailing and there are split seconds, and I'm telling you, we get so preoccupied with everything, we may miss them, but they don't bite until they first. You can see some kids, they go like this with their little hands. Other ones, you see them go back and forth and back and forth with their feet, or they start rocking back and forth or they start, you can hear their voice tone go up a little bit. All of those are cues that the child doesn't know how to decompress. They don't know how to put the dimmer switch on. It's not those automatically, oh, I'm going to go from calm to biting. It's an escalation that is quick, but you'll see it going up. What you want to do is get it before it goes up to this level here. And one of the first things is absolutely fascinating, but this is Ed Tronick and some amazing researchers who have discovered at that age, the first, most important thing is say the word. Are you mad? Are you mad? If you get down to that level and you say the term in almost every case, the child, we're talking, when he still can respond, Jenny, when he still can hear because he's not so, so upset that he's lost cognitive capabilities. But, and they will if they get really, really upset. But that, that lower level, just get down to the level that's eye level. Be careful if they're biting, they won't bite at that level yet. But it's like, wow, you look really mad. What's going on? Tell me if you get the words in it. And that, that presupposes, by the way, Ginny the child knows a few emotion words, right? They're not going to know when they look at you like what the heck does mad mean? So start using a few kinds of terms like that, such as whatever it is, mad, actually happy, sad, mad or angry and scared or fearful are the four critical first terms I did. That was my doctoral dissertation. I interviewed like 500 preschoolers and found out those are the first most important words that they knew. Some of them didn't. And by the way, they mix up mad, upset, fearful, scared, those two goes back and forth and sad. So just verify it by talking emotion terms a lot more and watching your child when he gets really upset. If he does get upset and he does bite, it's immediately, oh no, we don't bite. That hurts, friends. I'm really disappointed in that behavior. Take them calmly and put them over in another place. Hold them down if they need to because they're probably really upset. But keep talking calmly because if you're calm, it helps your child calm down. You gotta co regulate the child. It's amazing how our emotions either escalate the child or deescalate the child. So that's what you do at that point.

[Jenny Erich]

There we go, you heard it unbiting. This one also included bossy. Bossy children are unpopular and more likely to be rejected. And it just reminded me of, I just feel like I said so many times, don't be bossy. You know, because they do, they want to kind of take charge.

[Ann]

I love that what you just said, Jenny, because we always say that. But the key is don't just say, don't be bossy. Tell them what to do instead.

[Jenny Erich]

What would you tell them?

[Ann]

Every behavior needs to replace or behavior. Let's be calmer and kinder. And here's how to say it kinder. So you still want to get your words met. I love that the child is trying to assert. I love that. Because we want, we want bold kids. But in the end what we also want is a child who says it nicely or kindly. Now what you do, this is UCLA studies, they say the other thing that we do wrong is we say be kind and then we don't show them. So what the heck am I going to do differently? That at that point is you get down when the child is calm and you role play. What else could you say? And you actually come up with a phrase. You role play with the child until I want to turn. Okay, that's what you could say, I want to turn. But let's use the voice tone. Now you practice with doggy or practice with your teddy bear or practice with daddy. But the child needs to practice enough so he can do it or say it without you. And there's your golden moment because what you've done is you've replaced the behavior so good.

[Jenny Erich]

And that's a theme that runs throughout the entire book. Okay, we're on to character, which is your bread and butter.

[Ann]

How yay. My favorite.

[Jenny Erich]

Yes. Character that we got to teach character. And we've talked about this on our other episodes together. This one includes bad manners, cheats, insensitive, intolerant, lying, materialistic, not knowing right from wrong, poor sport, selfish and spoiled, steals and ungrateful. This is actually really incredible, Michelle, that you were able to narrow down all of these things. 101 of the most common things. And I, you know, as parents, for me sometimes I'm like, oh goodness, is my kid seem selfish? Or you know, they just lied about this or you know, they are being a poor sport. These are the main things that as a parent you're sort of like, well, how normal is this and what do I do about it? So I picked out selfish and spoiled just because of and also ungrateful just because of your work with empathy. And I felt like it was such a great fit. So what do we do if we've got kids that are fairly self centered or pretty spoiled?

[Ann]

Well, first of all, let's be clear on the self centered they're supposed to be when they're two because they're making sense of who the heck I am. It's called egocentric. And so everything revolves around them. It's me, me, me, and that's normal. What you want to do is stretch your child so they start thinking we. And that'll take a while. I think the first thing that we do wrong is that we don't realize that selfishness or materialism or ungratefulness actually start blossoming very, very slowly. But they will blossom. And one of the reasons they're blossoming is we're giving as opposed to helping giving and giving. So the child gets as opposed to the child being giving towards others. If you find that your child, here's some signs. If your child is always saying no or me or what else? Or now Or I want it. Those kinds of terms, those are meaning you're getting onto the realm of hmm, he's not so grateful for what he's getting. He wants more. And what we have discovered is that the highest correlation to happiness. Oh, Ginny. The highest correlation to happiness, whether it's a Big person or a little person is not getting. But giving. Giving towards others is fascinating because we think that we're doing our child justice by, oh, do you want that or do you want that? So some ideas. The first thing is just be more deliberate in not giving so much.

[Jenny Erich]

Say that again. That's a big deal. That's a big statement.

[Ann]

It's a huge statement. But don't give so much because you don't have to. We do it out of love, for heaven's sakes. We do all of this out of love because we want our children to have it all. Or. Or we get concerned, oh, my gosh, she's got it. So why can't my child have it? So what we don't realize is that always the giving actually is in the end going to backfire. There are certain things that we do need to give, and that's fine, but make a rationale as to why am I doing it and why am I doing it now, and is it really something that my child needs? The fascinating thing also is, is very often kids, you take them to a shopping mall. That's your biggest. Oh, my gosh. And what you can do is make a rule for little ones in bigger ones is that if it's all of a sudden a gimme and I want it, then you, you make a policy and you have to stick to it. You wait 24 hours. Well, let's see. If you really want it tomorrow, when you sleep on it, chances are even in an hour when you leave the store, the kid forgets about it. So what you want your child to learn to do is do this amazing commodity. Oh, a phenomenal skill. It's called waiting.

[Jenny Erich]

And what a skill for life.

[Ann]

Oh, it is an amazing skill, especially.

[Jenny Erich]

If you have Amazon prime and you could buy it right now instead of having to drive to the store. If you wait 24 hours. That's a life skill.

[Ann]

It's a life skill, and I've learned to have to do that myself and close the lid on my computer going, I'm waiting, I'm waiting. Do I really, really need it? But how glorious for that. In fact, when it comes down to the holidays or it comes down to your birthday and your child has such a list, it's a wonderful thing to be able to just give your child. Here's a piece of paper, sweetie pie. Draw the single most important thing you hope is going to be in your pen right next to your cake. First of all, you'll help your child be able to think it through and you've got a couple of days to think it. But what you'll do is help your child to be able to really learn another concept. Prioritizing, doesn't need it all. What's the most important thing? And then the other thing is, if you're noticing your child is becoming a little selfish. And by the way, in all fairness to your kids, we are discovering a change that happened in the last 25 years with all of our children. And that is the amount of commercials that are on TV that are telling our kids to buy this or buy this or here's something, kid. And immediately the kid wants to be activated and wanting to do this. So I got to have that mom, because that looked really cool on the tv. And that's when you start having rules now of what are the rules for buying. Those are your rules. But how much does your child really need? And the final thing that we're overlooking in this little commodity here is how often are you as a family giving and not getting. We're discovering that there's so many wonderful things that you can do that really boost our children's happiness. Most amazing story Was a little boy. True. He's nine, and he's in the back of his car, and he sees this. I can't remember which state this happened, but I'll tell you later, and you can tell your audience. But anyway, he sees a man that looks really, really cold. And he says, mom, that man looks really cold. He was a homeless man. It was a really rainy, wet day. Can we stop, mom? Because he's seeing. The man's just kind of upset, and he's looking so sad and so, so cold. Can we stop and give him this bl. So they stopped, and there was actually an overcoat. That was dad's kid. We give him the overcoat. Oh, my God. Bless the mother, because she said, sure, Nate. He gave the man the overcoat. The look in the man's face, Nate said later, it just changed my whole life. The mother said, he got back in the car, sat in the backseat, and never left looking at the man. They drove off, and the following day, he's knocking on doors in the neighborhood asking for extra overcoats, and they start delivering overcoats. Now, I'm not saying you do that. You find the moment that resonates with your child. Maybe the neighbor next door is really lonely, Mom. Well, what can we do, sweetie? Well, maybe we can you brainstorm together. Make her some cookies. Great idea. Here's our biggest mistake, Jenny. We're the deliverers. When your child becomes the deliverer like Nate, he was the deliverer. When your child becomes the cookie deliverer and sees the response of the other person, it changes them. Empathy starts to set in. That that thing of all about me starts to become we. It becomes a changed phenomenon and you'll be able to start doing that as a family. A simple idea, if you're also wanting a simple one, is put a box by your back door. The kids can decorate it with hearts and whatever and it becomes a charity box. It's our family charity box. And every time there's a gently used toy or you don't want that overcoat anymore and it's still good, or a book and it goes up to the top, then what we do together, do not ever do it yourself, Mom. You'll rob your child of the giving moment. Do it together. Bring it over to maybe it's a homeless shelter or look up and find out. Call before you get there. But when your child gives, it changes their whole demeanor inside and it's one of the best ways to boost character.

[Jenny Erich]

What wonderful ideas.

[Annie F. Downs]

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[Heather Thompson Day]

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[Jenny Erich]

Josh and I have talked about how these days one of the things that stands out the most to us is a child who is content. And that actually feels pretty rare.

[Ann]

I love that. I love that content to be joyous in their own company. That's a glorious concept because Too often we have to be the ones who help and entertain and you got to find what helps your child find that. Many parents said, I don't know what the heck to do to help them find boredom. But one of the things you can do on that one is help your child start putting together just boxes of little things or baskets of little things. It could be puzzles, it could be crayons and coloring books. So you don't have to be the one to get it out and say, why don't you color? But if you put it on the bottom shelf someplace, your child starts pulling the baskets out and starts being his self. Entertainer is a wonderful concept. You'll also figure out what your child likes to pull out most and that becomes the, the key of, wow, he really does like to draw. Or she really likes to, you know, she's more of a maker. Maker things. One of the hottest concepts that are in schools right now to boost creativity are just maker shelves. And they're nothing more than leftover toilet paper, tubes, pipe cleaners, everything. You've already got tape, and you pull it out and your child becomes a creator. That's a glorious concept too.

[Jenny Erich]

So many fabulous ideas. All right, we're going to move on to emotions. So this is angry, dependent, fearful. It's a really interesting. Dependent is a big one. Like we've had certain kids that want a lot of help, more so than they probably need for those certain ages. Angry, dependent, fearful, grief, homesick, perfectionist, pessimistic, sensitive, shy, separation anxiety, stressed, worried about the world. So these are very relatable. It's interesting to me, Michelle, that we are in a spot where kids are struggling with perfectionism. So you often hear moms struggling with perfectionism, but not the kids and even pessimism. I was surprised that that one was in there. Why do you think in the past, however many decades, perfectionism and pessimism have become kid issues?

[Ann]

Well, let's go to pessimism first because I am so concerned. Above all else, I spend most of my time speaking in schools. I just came from Denver, I'm on my way to Boston. And so many of those. Why those issues came up is because the teachers were seeing a change and the 101 issues from the Big Book of parenting solutions came from them. In all fairness to the child, we're raising them in a different world. It's not the same world as our own childhood. It is more fear based, it's more accelerated, it's more uncertain. How do we help our children? And that's what they're seeing, it's called what George Gerber says, Mean World Syndrome. And the more you begin to see those issues, the more you begin to, to just your pessimism goes up and it becomes permanent, pervasive and personal. When it becomes those three Ps, you've got a child most likely to become anxious and depressed. And I think it's a big reason why the Surgeon General is warning us. We have never ever seen such heightened levels of depression and pessimism. So my first thing to you as a family right now, there are crisis. You can't change the crisis, but you can point out the good guys. In any crisis, humanity steps in. Right now, I'm watching this just this morning on the tv. The crisis of the flooding is horrific. But you're watching people that are just amazing who are doing everything they can to donate half of their everything in their homes to try to help others. Are we showing kids those moments? What some people do, parents do that I love around the dinner hour is they cut out the good news. And that's what they talk about each night right before your child goes to bed. You know that that's when they're most receptive to you. And we always say, 8 o'clock, go to bed. Use those moments because they're calmer and you can talk about all the good guys in the world. I know Fred Rogers used to say, my mama always told me, look for the helpers. And that's what we're not doing nearly enough. So that's the first thing about that. One other thing about, about pessimism. This is the best study I've ever seen. This one just got me chills. But they did it in New York and they found out that if we as parents start talking and telling our children that they are part of a resilient family, they're actually more likely to become resilient. Now we don't talk about us right now. We talk about our grandmothers and our grandfathers and our great grandmothers and our great grandfather fathers. Do you know what they went through? Sweetie pie, you're so lucky to be part of this family. They went through World War II or they went through Ebola or they went through the Great Depression. They bounced back and so will we. What they found is that kids begin to adopt that as I'm part of a resilient family and they're more likely to become resilient and develop that character. I love that research.

[Jenny Erich]

These are great ideas and things you could do today. You could start that today. Absolutely. Okay, onto the social scene. Here's the funny thing I want to say, Michelle. Before we started out, you were like, that is a really big book. And you have your book right next to you, and you're like, I hope you don't ask me something that, you know, I don't quite remember. But you haven't had to look at your book once. You know all this stuff.

[Ann]

Well, you know what's going to happen? You're going to jinx me, Jenny.

[Jenny Erich]

I'm not. Okay. I'm jumping. I'm jumping to social scene.

[Ann]

Okay.

[Jenny Erich]

You've been talking with parents and teachers and students about this for decades. So you, you know all this stuff. Scene includes bad friends, bullied, bullying, clicked clothes and appearance, crushes, disciplining other kids, drinking, friendship, breakups, growing up too fast, peer pressure, rejected role models, sharing, steroids, tattles and teased. There's a lot that's a lot you know from sharing, because that's an issue with, you know, especially with little kids. Well, to steroids.

[Ann]

And I just put. Put a little footnote into sharing because we don't have to talk about it too long. But I love the concept of sharing because one of the best researchers and pediatricians of all time, Dr. Brazelton, he said that if you were going to teach any skill, that is the skill that's going to be the most important skill the rest of a child's life. Start with sharing. And it's nothing more than age 2 or 3. It's my turn, then it's your turn. It's my turn. Then it's your turn. Get on the floor. Roll a ball back and forth. Mama's turn, your turn. Mama's turn, your turn. What happens is that becomes like the base skill for the rest of the skills. I love that research. Shyness is another one that I think is really important to keep in mind because what we have discovered, this is another amazing piece of research from Yale. What they found is that temperament is not destiny. And they followed very, very, very. We're talking very shy children for 30 years. And they discovered a lot of what happens of whether a child becomes more, a little bit more extroverted. And I'm not talking an introvert's going become an extrovert. And it doesn't make any difference if you're an extrovert or an introvert. But what they found is that parenting really mattered. Those children who were slow to warm up. If the parent talked for the child, what he means to say is, here's what he wants to do or swannie sweetie pie, you do this. Maintained that unassertive role. But if the parents said, you got this, sweetie pie stood by them so that the child knew that they had a safety net but didn't speak for the child. Slowly the child learned to warm up and speak. And that skill. You mentioned a whole bunch of skills. Sorry to be done. It's going to be key for helping the child learn to combat bullying. You have to be able to be a little bit more assertive. Dorothy Espalage did an amazing study in Yale. Thousands and thousands of footage of out on a playground. She was trying to figure out who's most likely to be bullied. And it had nothing to do when she rewound the tapes of what the child wore or how they acted, but how they stood. The child who stands a little bit more wimpy is more likely to be the easier target because bullies are very selective and manipulative in who they pick on. So the easiest thing on that one is make a rule in your house starting at a very early age. First you're going to do my turn in your turn, my turn in your turn, back and forth with a ball. The second thing you're going to do is always hold your head up high. If you hold your head up high, this is a tip that's going to be absolutely amazing. It's also going to get you a better job when you're 25, because they're looking for more people that have more assertiveness as a nature. And if you hold your head up, actually, your whole body looks more assertive and less unassertive. And you're more likely to talk to the person by looking face to face at them as opposed to looking down. You'll get nowhere. Tell your child, watch me. No, Stop it. No. Stop it. Which do you think the child is going to be taken seriously just by how you look is fascinating. And my voice tone, Listen to my voice tone. No, no. You don't have to scream, don't cry, and you don't have to yell, but you have to use a strong voice and not a wimpy voice. Now, you don't learn those tomorrow. You learn those by practicing them over and over and over and over. And some kids, it's going to come really easy. Some kids in your family have already got it because that's just their natural nature. But we worry about kids who are a little less more unassertive, who don't hold their own. It's going to be harder to be bold just by their body language. And then one other thing you do, you don't assume they know what to say. Remember we talked about this before? Don't assume a darn thing. Mom or dad. Instead, what else could you say? No, I want to turn. No, that's not nice. No, that's not the way I want to be treated. I don't care what it is. Come up with one term. Police officers told me that was the key that they found with some kids. They didn't know what to say. So teach them what to say. That works for them. Then practice the tone. And that'll help your child be able to handle the social scene, which is really rugged these days. Just a little hint.

[Jenny Erich]

Ah, well, what's really great about this is you got a lot of years to figure it out.

[Ann]

Yes.

[Jenny Erich]

If we talk about the social scenes chapter in particular. When your kids are little, when they're three, you're dealing with sharing, tattling, maybe some teasing. You got a lot of time to work up to crushes and drinking and bullying and clicks. So there's a lot of time to learn it. And the instruction is in there, so it's not overwhelming. It's like these are different things that come up at different stages and you're in the process and practice of learning it, and then you just kind of move on to the next thing. And I would imagine too that a lot of the practices that you start, because like you say, they're habits that you start when they're young, you're just kind of building and then building throughout their childhood.

[Ann]

That's exactly it. For instance, I'm going to tell you one skill that I think is the most important skill for today's social network of what's happening. And it's called I. I always use acronyms because I find that kids. I can't remember those four things. Okay, then just remember the word comp. Oh, thank you, Ms. Borba. Okay, c, A L, M. And we practice this an entire year in a classroom until they finally get it by the time they leave. C is anytime you're picked on, it could be by your friend, it could be by your brother, it could be by your, your, you know, the bully down the street. You got to remain calm. If you look upset. What we've discovered is the bully wins. And they're looking for. Now I. I spend my whole life has been looking for bullies and violent offenders. That's how I started my whole job in life. And I discovered something fascinating. The kid that the child that the bully Picks on. He's looking for somebody who looks upset. So you practice how to pull down your face so your expression looks calmer. Wow. Is that easy? Absolutely not. But practice it over and over again, because that's going to help your child be able to be out there in the real world. Watch kids on playground. The A in C. A L, M is assert. We talked about that a lot, but that is, you know, stop it or no or I don't want to. Nope, not this moment. And that can help your child later on when it comes to shoplifting, when it comes to clicks, when it comes to should I drink or not? No. I got to have a line that you can say, L is look strong. So L is make your head held high. If you hold it down and you say, no, I don't want to, it won't go over. And M is make your voice sound like you mean it. Not that you're mean, but it means that you're strong. So C is stay cool, stay calm. A is assert yourself with the line you're practicing with your child. L is look them up so you look strong or look them in the eye if you can. Neurodiverse kids, that's hard, so don't do it that way. But just hold your head up. And the M is make your voice like. Like you mean it. And, Jenny, you. You nailed it. You can't teach that tomorrow, but you can teach parts of that over and over again. And that's going to be your answer, I think, to the whole section on social problems.

[Jenny Erich]

And there's a lot in there. We're going to run out of time, obviously, to go through the whole book, because the book is something like 600 pages. They're close, maybe close to seven.

[Ann]

Do not read 600 pages tonight or your kid will never let you listen to another podcast.

[Jenny Erich]

So choose which your encyclopedia cookbook that you go to when you need it, you have it on the shelf. And I do think often with parenting, the new issues, they come up and you don't know they're going to be coming up. And so it's good to have references that are already on yourself. That's what we found. But you go through school, so talking about test anxiety, organized sports, those type of things, special needs. So that includes autism spectrum disorder, depression, eating disorders, learning disabilities, giftedness, attention deficit, day to day. So talking about bathroom battles, picky eaters, sleepless traveling, that type of thing. But I wanted to wrap up here and to get your take on electronics.

[Ann]

I knew you were going there. Thank you for that? Because I think this is our new childhoods. Our children are being raised as digital natives, and we can't undo that because that's part of their world and their life. The biggest issue on electronics is we have to be very savvy to recognize that if we're not careful, we're going to lose our relationships with our children. First of all, do you have digital unplugged limits in your home? Please have those. You figure out when the best time is, or ask your kids, have a family meeting. What do you think the best time is? I mean, during dinner, during any time that it's in the family room, when you're doing something together, you're playing games or you're watching a movie together. Ah, when your friend comes, My girlfriend used to have a basket by her front door. If your friend comes for a play date or the older kid comes over, you drop your phone right there in that basket. So that this is unplugged time. It's absolutely essential because you don't learn any of the skills we're talking about by looking down, not up. And be very, very careful. 66% of kids say we're the ones who plugged in. Not them.

[Jenny Erich]

The parents. They're complaining about the parents.

[Ann]

The parents, they're pug. They're complaining about us, and they want that time. How do you learn to talk? How do you learn to stand up for yourself? How do you learn to understand the emotions behind what people are saying? You don't learn any of that by texting. And if you want to know, oh, my gosh, what's appropriate and what's not, common Sense Media is my gold standard to recommend to parents. It's a wonderful website. It's free. You just go and you click it on. And is that. Is that game appropriate? Is that movie appropriate? Is that book appropriate? You'll find all kinds of things. The last thing on this one, Ginny, is please, please, please don't allow your child to go to bed with a phone. We are finding sleepless children that are one of the highest levels of why they're stressed. We're sleeping. But you don't realize your teen is still texting all night long or listening to the pings go off. And so a little point. You don't need that phone in your bed. You put it in a basket before you go and the basket is outside your room. And when your kid goes, how am I going to learn to wake up? You say, tomorrow we're going to do the coolest thing Sweetie pieces. We're going to target and buy an alarm clock.

[Jenny Erich]

Our 60 year old has an alarm clock. We, we put all the phones in the kitchen at night. Every, there's a, we have an, it's called an ro box Aro good phones go in there and everyone puts their phone in the box. And then my 16 year old just the other day was like mom, I hate my alarm clock so much. He's like, it goes beep beep. He goes. Then it gets louder and louder. And I was like, well that's good. It gets you out of bed, get you moving. Yes, there's a lot of options out there. Well that's super helpful about the electronics. And then if you have more boredom in your life, you talk about boredom. In this book you say parents have bought into the huge myth that kids must be entertained with quality stimulation every waking hour. Not to do so means a certain and irrevocable loss to their mental attitude. But the research based truth is that kids brains do not need constant stimulation. Really, truly and in fact, scientists contend that periodic unstructured time exercises a different part of the kid's brain that develops their creativity. Yay.

[Ann]

You know what the best thing is? We've all got it. Open the door. Mud, sand and dirt right outside. Go have a good time. Nature seems to bring kids stress down and hours faster than anything. Bring your coffee, go sit outside and enjoy the sunset and enjoy it together. What you'll find is that it really helps your child as well.

[Jenny Erich]

Michelle what a perfect way to wrap it up. It's been so fun because I read Unselfie first and then I read Thrivers and then you have so many other books. So I was like well, which one should I read next? And here it is, the big book of parenting solutions. It says the only parenting book you'll ever need. For kids from 3 to 13101 answers to your everyday challenges and wildest worries as seen on today's show. Michelle Borba it's just a great one. You put it up on your shelf because as a parent when you hit those bumps in the road where you're like, oh, I don't really know what to do. You've got something to go off of and some ideas to try. It's very comprehensive without being too much, you know, you just did a perfect job of taking four or five pages for this or three pages for that. And so a parent can find hope in some direction. And we have found in our family those are necessary. Like sometimes you get in a spot where you're really stuck and you need that information and it changes things around and it's so important. So, Michelle, thank you so much for this book. I would imagine it was quite a beast to write.

[Ann]

Oh, it was not the fun thing. But you know what the best thing about that is? I had so many parents giving me input on what they needed and what questions there were. It's like I had to find the answers for them. So thank you.

[Jenny Erich]

Yeah. What a book. And thank you so much for being with us again.

[Ann]

It's really fun and it's so easy to talk to you. It's like talking to my best friend. Who'd you become? So thank you so much, Jenny. You're just a joy. It's fun, Michelle.

[Jenny Erich]

I love it. I hope you have great travels. I'm so glad you're out speaking at all these schools and just so prolific. So thank you again.

[Heather Thompson Day]

You're welcome.

[Jenny Erich]

And have a great day.

[Ann]

Thank you. Same team. Bye. Bye. What if more important than being right.

[Michelle Borba]

Is how we handle being wrong? Holding tightly to ideas that can't adapt with new information is not a virtue, it's a vice. I'm Heather Thompson Day and I'm inviting you to join me over on my podcast, what if I'm Wrong? Where I'll be your guide through real life questions.

[Ann]

Okay, today we have a submission story, and it is wild.

[Michelle Borba]

Subscribe to what if I'm Wrong? Available wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Jenny Erich]

Foreign let's be real. Talking about intimacy can be awkward, even with your spouse. But it doesn't have to be. We are Alana, Kyle, and Tira, hosts of the Kingdom Sexuality Podcast, and we're all about keeping it real and helping you add some spice and deeper connection into your marriage. Specifically, when it comes to what happens.

[Ann]

In the bedroom, we don't shy away from the tough conversations that often get missed in Christian circles. With us, you'll get laughs, tips, fresh ideas, and challenges to strengthen your relationship and bring it to the next level. Because, let's face it, navigating intimacy as a Christian can be confusing. And finding safe, wholesome resources can be tough. So subscribe now on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts and join us each week on the Kingdom Sexuality Podcast.