← The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
1KHO 512: When You Feel Inadequate, Start Anyway | Brittany Maher, Ready As You Are
00:52:22
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- [00:01]
Jenny Urich
This episode is brought to you by Liquid IV. When you hydrate with Liquid IV, you're powered by Hydro Science. Hydro Science is Liquid IV's science backed formula with an optimized ratio of electrolytes, vitamins and nutrients. Experience great tasting hydration for mental clarity, physical endurance and overall well being. Sip into something that up levels every moment. Liquid IV tear pour live more visit us@liquidiv.com welcome to the 1000 Hours Outside podcast. My name is Jenny Urich and I am beyond honored to have a wonderful guest today. From her true Worth, Brittany Mayer. Welcome.
- [00:40]
Brittany Mayer
Oh, thanks for having me. I'm so excited to be on this podcast. I love what you do. I love just the message that you put out to the world, even bringing your children outside. I mean what a, what a great message in today's society, especially when we are just bombed with like these screens in our faces nonstop, especially with the little ones. So I love what you do and thank you for doing it.
- [01:04]
Jenny Urich
You have a new book out. It is called Ready as you are, which I just love the title. And you weave it in in the book like where the title comes from. You are ready as you are. You are ready as you are at whatever weight that spoke to me. I think about that a lot. You know, I'm like, I'm going to do it when I'm not super comfortable with how I look. I'm going to go on the stage, I'm going to do the things you're ready if even if you don't have permission, you're ready when you don't feel like you're enough. So what a beautiful title for a book, Brittany. Ready as you are discovering a life of abundance when you feel inadequate, uncertain and disqualified. This is your third book. You have a book called her true worth as well as a devotional. You've written these with a work partner, a friend, Cassandra Spear. Can you talk to us about the beginnings of this ministry and where you connected with Cass?
- [01:53]
Brittany Mayer
Sure. Yeah. So I have always struggled with my worth and identity. It's just been a battle that I've walked through my whole life and out of that back in 2015, I, my husband at the time was, he was doing a lot of social media ministry and app development and using social media as a way to reach people for Christ and reach people and bring the gospel to a very a self centric place. And through his influence I just felt like, you know, this would be a great opportunity to start some kind of Instagram page that talks about topics like worth and identity. And where we place it in the wrong things and what that does to the trajectory of our life when we find ourselves living for worth and not from it. And so what I did is I started this Instagram page, truly only meant for it to be an Instagram page. I never thought that it would get to where it is now. And again, I started this in 2015. It is now grown to reach over 50 million a month. It's been such an honor and privilege to be able to encourage so many hearts and lives and speak into their pain areas and bring light and hope to those areas. And so fast forward after 2015. Cass and I met around 2018. I want to say it was in. And at the time I had gone to a social media roundtable with my husband at Life Church in Oklahoma City and got to kind of get to know different people in this space that were, you know, had social media platforms where they were utilizing it to reach people for the gospel. And a lot of things that I noticed about these, these ministries is that they had a team. And I just thought, man, this would be something incredible if I had a team, if I had a co leader, if I had other writers. And honestly to give it to have it almost be this platform where I could amplify other women's voices. That was something that God was really pressing on my heart. So I met Cass. I totally at random, I was literally scrolling on the Instagram Explorer feed and I came across one of her posts. And I just remember kind of being stopped in my tracks at her words and. And the way that she really focused on the one in such a space where you see that one as a number. And she was so faithful to steward what God had given her with her modest following. And there was just something that really drew me to her. And so I messaged her and we got to talking, became good friends and, you know, one thing led to another and I felt like the Holy Spirit was putting it on my heart to ask her to lead this with me. And so I brought her on as a co leader and we started just kind of building it and building it. And then the opportunity came to write books. And that's why this book actually came from this pain point. A lot from me feeling like, who am I that someone's going to want to read my words? Being ready as you are. We we titled that because so often we find ourselves stuck in immobilized because we're waiting for permission or we're waiting for that invitation or some out outside qualifier to tell us okay, now you're ready. Whether, you know, it's, I need to be a certain weight, or I need to have a theological degree, or I need to be married, or my kids need to be grown up, the truth is it doesn't matter where you are at in life. You can be useful in an impact today. It's not just for someday. It's for this day. Purpose is for this day. And so that's our encouragement, is to not wait. The gifts and the qualities that God has given you can be used today.
- [05:51]
Jenny Urich
That gave me chills. The book is very powerful. I was really, really glad to. To read it, and I got so many things out of it. It actually is one of those types of books, and I don't do this very often, but where I, you know, I took a picture of one of the pages and sent it to a friend. She was like, oh, I just hope this is true. Just about not messing things up. And immediately she wrote back. And so it's a book like that where you really do such a wonderful job. Like if you're. You're, you know, reaching 50 million people a month, it's like, clearly these are issues that women in a vast majority of women face about their worth and their significance and am I doing enough? And all of those types of things. It's just such a wonderful, wonderful read. It's called Ready as yous Are. One of the things that you talked about that really stuck out to me. And it's interesting because you wrote it with Cass, so, you know, if Cass were on, she would talk about her grandma Jan. Yeah. And, you know, you have your other different sections of things that you talk about, and you. And you kind of go back and forth, but one of the things that really stuck out to me, Brittany, with your story, was you had. You told the story of being in a bookshop and people, you know, been like, oh, this book is crummy. Or I read this one, didn't really like it. Or, you know, we all have situations like that. And you had thought in your heart, I couldn't handle that. I could never handle that. You wrote, I could never bear to face such scrutiny or rejection. And then here you are. This is book number three. And anything you put out into the world bears scrutiny and rejection. And especially a book, because there's a lot of places where people can write reviews. Can you talk about how the small things in our life, they seem so small, they seem so insignificant, but in the long term, they prepare us for what's to come?
- [07:37]
Brittany Mayer
Yeah, absolutely. And the story that you're taught she's talking about. You know, it was so interesting because back then, I mean, this was well over a decade ago. It was right when I was a baby Christian and I was involved with a college ministry at my church, at my home church that I got saved at. And we would go to Barnes and Noble all the time. After we would do Bible studies and stuff, we would always go to Barnes and Noble. And we just kind of walk up and down the aisles, drinking coffee, talking about stuff that we saw or this book that we looked at. And I remember at this moment, there was. One of my friends picked up a book, and I won't disclose what book, just to protect the identity of that author. And he hid it behind other books and kind of scoffed, and they were, like, laughing at it and kind of just poking fun at this author's words. And I just remember standing back, and it just really struck me because I just. I'm like, surely this person that wrote this book poured so much into it. Like. And at that point, I'm like, I don't even know how long it takes to write a book, right? I didn't know the ins and outs of publishing. And so I just remember at this time standing back, and it just really affected me. And I remember thinking to myself, I could never put myself in a position like that, to be rejected or to be scoffed at. Like, I'm never doing that, right? And I. Like, I put my. My hands up, and it was almost like I dismissed myself before I was ever called up to bat. And I believe that the enemy uses people in situations to plant a fear before God even calls us to our next step. And that's what happened for me. You see, I was not like a closet writer. I didn't grow up with a little journal and writing poetry and things like that. I was a musician. But I. I didn't grow up in this world where I was like, I'm gonna write a book someday. Like, it truly was a moment where God opened a door and he. I had to learn that I'm ready as I am, because he has presented this opportunity for me. And if he presents an opportunity for you right in front of you, it's probably because he sees something in you that you haven't seen in yourself yet. And the truth is that in this journey, I learned that courage truly comes after obedience, and that faith requires that trust. But trust isn't passive. It's a very active choice. And I had to choose to trust that if he opened the door and if he, he gave me this mission, that he was going to equip me along the way and give me what.
- [10:25]
Jenny Urich
I needed, what would you say to the mom who would be so scared to face scrutiny or rejection that she might not do the thing that she feels like she's supposed to do?
- [10:35]
Brittany Mayer
Yeah, I would say that doing it scared is also sacred, that it's okay to be scared. It's okay to feel like, held back by your limitations and, and held back by those things that kind of make you pause and hesitate. But the truth is that when you're at that point where you're like, okay, I'm going to step in that it's okay to be scared in that first step. Because in that first step you learn something about yourself when you do it scared. You learn that it doesn't matter what you don't have. It matters that you're taking that first step and you're trusting that whatever has been put before you, that you will be equipped along. Equipped along the way. And then you take another step and then another step. And I really love this quote that Ruth Cho Simmons, I think that's how you pronounce her name. She says in her book now and not yet, that your someday is made up of a thousand todays. And truly it's about that next step and to not think of it as this, this laundry list or this big mountain of a task or this big mountain of a purpose. You know, in the book we talk a lot about the difference between macro purpose and micro purpose. And macro purpose is essentially the legacy that we leave, the imprint that we leave on this earth. Micro purpose is the day to day, the daily choices. It's where your macro purpose becomes actionable and tangible. And so the small steps really actually aren't small. They're actually really big. And when you trust and you keep taking those little steps, it provides this greater purpose and legacy.
- [12:24]
Jenny Urich
So practically speaking, Brittany, and this is something that is just so prevalent today due to social media and in public facing accounts and things like that. How do you handle scrutiny and rejection?
- [12:39]
Brittany Mayer
Honestly, I try to just remember that not everybody is going to like what I say. Not everybody is going to agree with me. But at the end of the day, I try to focus on the one, the one that does need to hear the words that God puts on my heart, the one that, that does need to be encouraged. And I try to keep my mind focused on that one and not all of the other noise and voices, especially the ones that are disagreeing. And you know, the scrutiny and the rejection because sometimes that rejection, it can tend to trip us and cause us to doubt those areas that God has called us to step out in.
- [13:22]
Jenny Urich
It's good because it happens a lot. Especially when we're sort of following what we think we should be doing with our lives. I loved this concept of micro purpose. The micro is coming up a lot. I have this author that's been on a bunch of times. He's one of my favorites. His name is Alistair Humphries and he's an adventurer of the year like National Geographic. And he has a book called Micro Adventures about the power in smaller adventures that it doesn't have to be this grand thing. People are talking about micro interactions I think because so much of our life has been parsed off in all these different things that you know, we don't necessarily have these grand things anymore. And you, but you talk about this in terms of biblical characters. So biblical stories. And I loved that you talk about Joseph, which is actually my favorite Bible character. Someone asked recently like who is your favorite Bible character? And I was like everyone's going to say Joseph. Like everybody had different people. But I was like what a story he had in that he had to wait so long for it to be righted. But even all along he did the right thing. And you talk about Esther. Can you talk about some of the biblical characters, the biblical stories where these people had a grand adventure, they had a grand purpose, but it didn't show up for a while and there was all these little micro daily things that they did in order to get to that spot.
- [14:41]
Brittany Mayer
Absolutely. While talking about the story of Joseph in of itself is a big one. And I always think about like the main theme theme of his story. It's, it's not that what he went through was a setback, but a set up because Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers. Yet he still walked out his giftings and he was still obedient with what God had given him. And he showed up in the, in the day to day. And even though he was given these gifts in obscurity, it took him from literally slavery to being the Lord of Egypt. Thus, I'm sorry, preserving the nation of Israel. And so the thing I love about Joseph's story is, you know, going back to the topic of, of macro and micro. Macro, like I said, is that overarching imprint. And I like to kind of convey it as a wall mural. If you stand back and you look at a wall mural and you see it in its totality, you can see what it is. You see the finished product, but if you step a little bit closer and you look at the details, you see all these, like, fine little brush strokes, and you see all the detail and the precision that. That makes up the totality of. Of the masterpiece. That's the micro, those brush strokes, the precision, the detail, the day to day, the choices that we make today. That's the micro realm. And like I said, that's when the macro becomes very actionable and tangible, and it's being present in the present, acknowledging the sacred in the secular, and finding God in these ordinary moments. You know, you look at Moses, Moses is one of my favorite characters because I very much relate to Moses, because, I mean, God calls him right to approach Egypt. And the first thing that he says is like, how am I going to do this? Like, I can't even speak. And God is like, who made man's mouth? I made your mouth. I will give you the words. My presence will go with you. But Moses had to trust him and he had to take that next step. And that's the thing is sometimes, you know, sometimes we. We wait to feel like, okay, now I'm ready. But really, we have to trust that God is with us and he has equipped us, and we have to take that next step when he says it's time to go.
- [17:05]
Jenny Urich
I love looking at these biblical characters and their stories and looking at it through the lens that you brought up in Ready as you are about the micro purpose and Esther, you know, fasting and prayer, and it reminds you that you don't know what's to come. You don't know. You don't know the redemption. You don't know the purpose. And all of the pain that Joseph went through and all of the unfairness, you know, he's blamed for something that he didn't do, that God writes it in the end, and also that it serves this huge purpose. So you wrote, rest in this. The ordinary, seemingly insignificant acts of obedience we walk in daily will act as the seeds we sow, nurturing our journey toward a bountiful harvest that awaits us in the future. And he wrote, as long as we have a pulse, God's plans for us don't expire, even if we take a wrong turn out of fear. So if you're listening today, you have a micro purpose. You have a purpose for today. And all of these small things really add up, and they matter. They matter a lot. I think that's a really big message for moms.
- [18:07]
Brittany Mayer
Yeah.
- [18:10]
Jenny Urich
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- [18:24]
Brittany Mayer
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- [18:32]
Jenny Urich
You can Venmo this.
- [18:33]
Brittany Mayer
How about snacks?
- [18:34]
Jenny Urich
You can Venmo that.
- [18:35]
Brittany Mayer
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- [21:32]
Jenny Urich
You really talk a lot about some personal situations in this book. Like about freezing.
- [21:37]
Brittany Mayer
Yeah. Yep.
- [21:38]
Jenny Urich
Freezing and overwhelming situations. And I think, I mean, I was talking to friends about that just this past week. About how you get overwhelmed and you do nothing.
- [21:47]
Brittany Mayer
Yeah.
- [21:47]
Jenny Urich
Because you just don't know what to do and you don't want to make the wrong choice. I'm sure that that's very relatable to a lot of people. And I felt that at times in my life, like, you just. I don't know what to do. So you don't do anything. How did you get past that?
- [22:01]
Brittany Mayer
For me, I think it took me a while to get past that. And it's actually still. It's still a response that I kind of come back to when I feel overwhelmed or when I feel fearful. Like lately. I mean, I'm just going to take a very personal recent example. I am pregnant right now and I'm homeschooling my three and a half year old. And I found out I was pregnant the week that I decided to homeschool her. So she was in a preschool during the book writing process, and so she was already learning. And I'm like, you know, I felt like I missed this time with her when she was at school. And this is just my personal story. So please, please know that this isn't about condemnation or anything for people that have to send their children to preschool. This is just our personal dynamic. I got to a point where I felt like I really missed this time with her when I was writing these books and she had to be in daycare. And so I felt like God was pressing it on my heart to homeschool her. And so I pulled her from preschool and I started this homeschooling program. It was just a preschool program. And I found out I was pregnant that week. And it's like in that moment, I was so excited, right? And we had been praying for this, but I wasn't feeling good. I was immediately nauseous. And I also felt very inadequate for homeschooling. I really battled with that. And I struggled with fear of like, what if she's not learning, you know, everything that she needs to learn? What if I'm not doing the curriculum the right way? You know, just all the what ifs. And that fear kind of caused me to freeze a little bit. And it almost was like, so freeze. I don't know if you're listening, if you understand, like the different trauma responses. So there's fight or flight, and we hear those ones often. Which fight is confronting the danger, flight is evading the danger. Freeze is playing dead. It's shutting down in the face of the danger. It's. You're unable to decide or act or do anything. You're really just kind of stuck. And this is one that I. I don't know what it is about my, like, physiological makeup, but that is just one that I tend to fall into most of the time when I'm very overwhelmed. And how I break out of it is truly, first of all, looking at my, like, I try to take a step back and I look around my house and I'm like, okay, am I tending to the things that I need to tend to on a day to day basis? Like, am I taking care of my home? Am I taking care of myself? Am I taking care of my body, my mind, my spiritual growth? If I'm not, and I'm kind of just stuck in this frozen state, chances are I need to do something to break out of this. And how I break out of it every single time is just honestly seeking the Lord in prayer, in reading his word, in worship. And I know that that sounds very easy and cliche, but I will say, when I am stuck in these frozen states, the pursuit and like the diligence behind that pursuit has waned as well. And I kind of just become a little bit spiritually dry. And so I'm able to notice that in myself. And I'm able to break out of it by literally doing the opposite and doing something, whether that's clean something, clean your room, do your laundry, do your dishes, do something that's going to get you outside of this frozen state.
- [25:34]
Jenny Urich
Yeah, it's that momentum.
- [25:35]
Brittany Mayer
Exactly.
- [25:35]
Jenny Urich
It's so interesting that you bring that up because you also talked in this book about idleness. And it feels as though we live in a time where there are forces that you know Allow you to be stuck, help you continue to be stuck. Just kind of keep you in that spot because, you know, if it were 60 years ago, you can't Netflix, binge, you can't, you know, scroll on a phone. So it was harder, I think, a little bit to be stuck. Or maybe you didn't have a dishwasher. So you're going to have to wash your dishes because things are going to be overloaded and you're going to have to feed kids tomorrow. So there are these parts of society that almost foster being stuck in a way or foster being frozen. And so I just love that you said you do something, it changes the trajectory, it changes the momentum.
- [26:22]
Brittany Mayer
Yeah.
- [26:22]
Jenny Urich
I have a book coming out in May. It's called Homeschooling. You're doing it right just by doing it. So there we go. It will fit.
- [26:31]
Brittany Mayer
Okay, I'm going to have to read that.
- [26:33]
Jenny Urich
And I believe it. I believe it wholeheartedly because everybody feels the same way. What if I'm messing this up? What if I'm screwing them up? But just by choosing that path, you're doing a lot of things right. So anyway, that one's coming out. I'll make sure that you get a copy, please.
- [26:46]
Brittany Mayer
Oh, that sounds just like what I need.
- [26:48]
Jenny Urich
Yeah, it'll be a good one. It's coming out just at the end of this school year. Okay. You talked about this verse. So regret is a thing. Yeah, like these are like the things that all women deal with. Like, oh, what if? Or should I have done that? And you deal with regret. And you talked about this verse that I've never really heard anybody talk about before. And I like it because it fits with going outside. There's like all of these farming references in the Bible and gardening and seeds and sowing. And I think all of those hands on things are great ways for us to teach spiritual principles to our kids. I think that getting outside, for those families that are interested, it has a spiritual component, like the fact that kids aren't outside. Actually, I think they're missing a lot of God's spiritual principles. So you talk about this verse. No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God. Luke 9:62. Can you explain what that means and why you put that in this section about regret?
- [27:42]
Brittany Mayer
It's crazy because I remember. I remember when this scripture really struck my heart when I read it. And it was a few years ago. I was rocking my daughter to sleep in her chair. She went through like a contact nap Phase. And, you know, I would use this time. I remember during this time I kept praying. I'm like, God, I just feel like I don't have, like a moment to spend with you or just to get alone and quiet. And yet here was this moment to be able to spend with him. And I remember I saw this scripture I was reading, I was reading the gospels over and over again, and I saw the scripture in Luke 62 and I looked it up. I'm like, I really want to dive into this because what does that even mean agriculturally, to take your hand off the plow. And back then in biblical times, the plow was basically to turn over the field and so to take your hand off of it, it would steer in a different direction. So you had to really focus and keep your hand on this plow and look forward and be very diligent about going the correct way and doing it the correct way. So if you took your hand off of it and you looked behind you or you weren't paying attention, it would, it would mess it up. And so this scripture, it was like God showed me, man, sometimes I take my hand off this plow, sometimes I look back, sometimes I look back and I in regret and I'm like, man, I wasted all that time or I didn't do what you were calling me to do here, and I kind of dropped the ball in. This scripture, kind of, for me, acts as a reminder that the call to follow Jesus is very forward focused. And I like what you said earlier about living in today's society where we have distractions at our fingertips constantly. Whether that's checking out and numbing out and scrolling or binge watching Netflix or just kind of checking out for a little while. For me, when I'm in that frozen state that tends to be where I gravitate is just to kind of like go in autopilot mode and to just like get my brain like out of this, like, busyness and just to like focus on something that is not requiring a lot of my brain to think about. And sometimes that's scrolling. But I've seen the damage over time when you're doing that every single day or when you're doing that consistently, how, you know, when you think about the little adding up, what is that doing? What can I. What could I have done during that time if I was actually doing something maybe a little bit more intentional? And so, you know, this scripture for me kind of acts as like that flashlight of just remembering to, to keep my hand on that plow and, and to not take it off and to not even if in. In those moments of feeling frozen that I can still keep my hand on that plow and just focus on my Lord and. And not allow the things that cause that freeze response for me to get me to pull my hands off of it.
- [30:49]
Jenny Urich
I love this phrase. Continual effort forward. Really good. Really good. I've hardly ever heard anybody talk about that verse. And also explain it.
- [30:58]
Brittany Mayer
Yeah, right.
- [30:59]
Jenny Urich
Because, like, nobody really uses a plow anymore.
- [31:01]
Brittany Mayer
Yeah.
- [31:02]
Jenny Urich
So to explain that as soon as you look back, your row starts to become crooked.
- [31:06]
Brittany Mayer
Yeah.
- [31:06]
Jenny Urich
It's like, no. Look forward, look forward. Keep your hand on the plow. Look forward, move forward.
- [31:14]
Brittany Mayer
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- [31:21]
Jenny Urich
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- [31:24]
Brittany Mayer
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- [31:39]
Jenny Urich
It's summer.
- [31:40]
Brittany Mayer
Time to enjoy long days, lazy nights, and great food. Because Uber Eats has deals all summer long. So when hunger strikes, don't sweat it. Delicious deals are just a tap away.
- [31:51]
Jenny Urich
On Uber Eats.
- [31:53]
Brittany Mayer
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- [32:01]
Jenny Urich
And make the most of every moment.
- [32:03]
Brittany Mayer
Now that sounds like a good summer order. Now on UberEats Terms, apply. Product availability varies by region. See app for details.
- [32:09]
Jenny Urich
Have you ever spotted McDonald's hot crispy fries right as they're being scooped into the carton and time just stands still? Bada ba ba ba. And then you talk about. I love that you said these little things add up. The little acts of obedience add up, but the little bits of time wasted in idleness. You talk about idleness in this book. Those start to add up. And you had this amazing sentence, you're talking about playing Monopoly go. And you wrote, my net worth was nearly $3 billion, but it added absolutely zero value to my life. So what a trickery, right? Like, there's a part of you that's like $3 billion on Monopoly Go. But then the other part of you is like, nah, that doesn't really matter too much.
- [32:59]
Brittany Mayer
I love that you're bringing up this story. I don't play Monopoly go Anymore. But yes, I went through a phase where my family My siblings were all playing it. And it was just after one invite after another. I'm like, fine, I'll play the dang game. And so I get on. And of course, it's addicting because they're designed that way. And, you know, I want to say it's not inherently bad to have leisure activities and hobbies and things that you do to just kind of, you know, my mind was on a lot of things today. I need to just get my mind off of, like, those things and just do something kind of mindless. Like, that's not a bad thing. I think for me, what. The reason I wrote about it is because I tend to gravitate towards a very unhealthy balance of those things. And so in this. In this chapter, the story is in chapter three, it talks about the. The little things mattering and making the most of the little things and being really good stewards of our time. And being a good steward of your time isn't necessarily what you choose to do. It's what you choose to forego. And what I mean by that is, for me, there's been times where I've done activities or hobbies that, you know, wasn't really adding much value to my life. It was, like I said, just something to kind of do mindless and kind of entertain myself rather than doing something that was going to rejuvenate my soul. And it didn't really add any value to my life. That's not a bad thing. But when I think about the importance of our time and the fact that it is a currency that we don't get back. I mean, every moment is a moment that we don't get back. And so how are we allocating it? And it brings to my remembrance. I think it's Ephesians 5:15, to look carefully at how you walk. Not as unwise, but as wise. And to make the most of your time because the days are evil. And that verse that strikes me as someone who does tend to get very distracted, as someone who has had times in my life where, you know, I maybe pursued a hobby and had, like, kind of an imbalance of these leisure activities. And. And this Scripture really helps me allocate my time in a way that's deepening my relationship with the Father. Because truly, every moment that we choose to be available to him is a testament to our commitment to Him. And I don't take that lightly. Like, I take that very seriously. But I'm human and things happen. And, you know, distractions are, like I said, everywhere we look, we could find a reason to be distracted or entertain ourselves. So I think it's just finding that really healthy balance.
- [35:50]
Jenny Urich
Isn't it interesting how these scriptures can be so applicable, like even today and almost like even more so, making the most of every opportunity. I mean, that is a really strong scripture because there's so many ways for our time and our opportunities to be sucked away that even didn't used to exist. So what a fabulous verse because. And you're right, it's 5, 15 and 16. Making the most of every day because the days are evil. Wow, it's really good. So this book talks about stewarding your time. It talks about the small things and how they add up. Talks about how adequacy is an illusion, adequacy is an illusion. No one ever is really adequate. And also the Bible talks about being inadequate because that's where God's strengths show up. But inadequacy goes along a little bit with perfectionism. That's another thing you talk about in this book, about how the allure of perfectionism is hard to resist. And you talk about the crippling pursuit of flawlessness sort of in relationship to the parable of the talents. I think a lot of people are going to relate with this. You talk about art, helped you sort of get out of that mindset of perfectionism. What should a parent, a mother, a non mother, just a woman do if she feels stuck because she can't be perfect?
- [37:06]
Brittany Mayer
Yeah, I think it's important to know with perfectionism. In this, in this section, I actually, I shared a story that kind of. When I was writing about perfectionism, it was the Holy Spirit just kind of brought to my remembrance the story of when I was little. One of my favorite things to do was to ride my bike down the street in, in the summer and, and try to catch those little puddles right on the, on the road. We know now they're mirages because it's summer day and there's no water anywhere. But I would ride and pedal and go as fast as I can to try to catch these puddles. And then when it would get closer, I would get really upset. And I do remember one specific day going into my house and crying to my mom and being like, I don't know why I can't catch these puddles. And she was explaining to me what a mirage is. And as I was remembering the story, I'm like, that is like, exactly like it feels for me to try to chase being perfect. And the problem with that is that when we seek this flawlessness in our performance, we actually end up very immobilized because waiting for perfect conditions is waiting for something that's never going to occur. So you're essentially going to be stuck in a perpetual state of waiting and going back to the scripture you were talking about in Matthew. Was it Matthew 25, the servant who buried his talent? He did it out of fear, and perhaps it was because he was waiting for the perfect investment opportunity, or, you know, he wanted to at least double his money. I don't know his exact reasoning, but I do know that in the ending part of that scripture, his master wasn't seeking a perfect return, but a faithful effort. And for me, that strikes me because for myself, at times, I've realized that deviating from perfection and trying to chase this perfection is deviating from true purpose. Because I'm always waiting, always waiting for that thing, right? That qualifier, like, okay, now you can do this because you have the right. You're the right size, or you have the right degree or your kids are older or you graduated college or whatever it is that those are waiting for, like, those perfect qualifiers. And then you just don't show up because you're never going to get to a state of perfection. I struggled with this in motherhood. I really struggled with it in motherhood when my daughter was born. I think that at the time, I didn't really realize what was going on for me, but I went through this phase where, like, I had so much postpartum anxiety that if things were not perfect, if her bottles were not spotless, if her room had dust in it, like, I'm not kidding, it was. It was bad. Like, I. I really struggled with feeling like my worth as a mom measured to how perfect her surroundings were and how perfect everything was. And if there was one little thing wrong, I felt like I was failing, including breastfeeding at the time. And I talk about this in the book. Like, I had a really rough time with breastfeeding. And I. I struggled with my identity as a mom so bad when I realized I'm not going to be one of those moms that 100% breastfeeds, because I are. We had issues with our latch. I had issues with my supply, and I really had a hard time with that. And I still look back and I feel pain that I allowed myself to sit in this feeling of failure as a mom because I wasn't able to breastfeed 100%. But truly, God handpicked me to be her mom. And that doesn't mean that Everything has to be perfect. And he didn't handpick me to be her mom only if I was 100% breastfeeding her. And I realize that now. But back then, I think truly this perfectionism kind of was like a shield for me of the vulnerability and the unpredictability of motherhood and how it really hindered me from allowing God to be all sufficient for me. And this was a time where I was doing it in my own strength and I fell, I faltered, and I. I stumbled my way through it. And, yeah, it's. It's a tender area for me to talk about, just because it was. It was something that really hit me so strong. And dealing with postpartum anxiety was one of the hardest struggles of my life. And.
- [42:00]
Jenny Urich
Yeah, and you're certainly not alone. You're not alone, obviously, in the fact that the posts that you do are reaching so many women.
- [42:08]
Brittany Mayer
It's.
- [42:09]
Jenny Urich
You're not alone. I talked to this mom, Brianna Collins, and she wrote a book about her experience, and she was talking about how maybe around Covid time, it was like she was so scared to go anywhere. She. Everything had to be perfectly cleaned, and she really had a hard time getting out of that and that pursuit of perfectionism and that my, you know, my child's health and every single thing hinders upon me being perfect and me doing every single thing right, and not messing anything up. But I talked to someone who one time said what a curse it would be for a child to have a perfect mom. It was interesting, right? Because then what shoes are you supposed to fill? I mean, I think that as we show our kids our imperfections, that gives them permission and it models for them how you deal with them and how you apologize and how you fix the things that you want to fix and how you let some things go because we are infallible and we can't do everything.
- [43:02]
Brittany Mayer
And.
- [43:02]
Jenny Urich
And we have to rely. We have to rely on God. You wrote, and I love this sentence, our limitations keep us depending on God. And I think that's the whole point, is that we're not really supposed to do it on our own, and we're supposed to be dependent. And there are a lot of blessings and weakness. I think your story is going to really touch a lot of people who relate with postpartum anxiety and that fear when you become a mother of trying to figure out everything when you're exhausted and you have no idea what you're doing and there's no generational wisdom, and what are you supposed to do?
- [43:34]
Brittany Mayer
I think it's important too to remember it's okay to get help. I waited a long time to get the help that I needed. And I haven't really publicly shared this a whole lot. But you know, the postpartum anxiety that I had, it got really bad because it was very, it was untreated. And I also didn't really know what was going on with me. I, I was never an anxious person. I never struggled with anxiety growing up. I mean, you know, maybe test anxiety, you know, stuff like that, but nothing that was like this is driving me at this point. And it was about when My daughter was 8 months old. I was thrown into this tornado of a panic attack. I was stuck in a panic loop. And it was like this. Things this undealt with anxiety continued to build and build until I was just stuck in this panic loop. I was struggling with some pretty dark thoughts. And I went and talked to my OB GYN that day. I talked to my husband, I saw a therapist and I went and got help and I stayed somewhere. That helped stabilize me a little bit. And I really leaned on the fact that there's no shame in having to rely on professionals that are trained to deal with these types of things that we don't quite understand, maybe even sometimes spiritually. And there's no shame in asking for help. It's actually so courageous to, to reach out and to talk about what you're going through if you are dealing with something like that. And I was able to get the help that I needed, praise God. And you know, that's why a lot of this book really comes from like a deep place for me, because I didn't feel ready. I didn't feel ready for motherhood. Even though I was 30 with my first. I didn't feel ready to write books. I didn't feel ready to do the next thing that God had put before me. I still don't feel ready to homeschool. But I'm doing it because again, when you're called to that next thing and God opens that next door, it's because he sees something in you that you haven't realized yourself. And I believe that wholeheartedly. For whoever's listening to this, you are ready as you are.
- [45:55]
Jenny Urich
And you said, brittany, you're talking about an eight month old. And I think when we talk about postpartum depression and anxiety and the blues and all of those things, a lot of times people are thinking like up until six weeks and no one is really talking about these things can show up later out of the blue. They can last a lot longer than people expect them to. So these are really, really important things to be talking about.
- [46:17]
Brittany Mayer
Yeah.
- [46:18]
Jenny Urich
What a book, Brittany. Ready as you are discovering a life of abundance when you feel inadequate, uncertain and disqualified. I want to read this one poem in here. This, I think Cass was talking about how she has it up in her kitchen.
- [46:31]
Brittany Mayer
Yep.
- [46:32]
Jenny Urich
Doing the laundry and the dishes and meal preparation are not tasks of the mundane. Because being clothed and clean and fed declares the dignity of human life and nurtures us into new days, into new eras. They are not mundane. No. They are the rituals of care. What a book. I got so much out of it. Like I said, I was. Took a picture, sent it to a friend. I know people need this so much, Brittany. I really appreciate the time and all you're doing. This is one of three books. You have your devotional, you have your whole community, her true worth. And I think like you said, it's just so needed because there's millions and millions of women who are gravitating toward what you have to say and what you're putting out into the world. We always end our show with the same question. What's a favorite memory from your childhood that was outside?
- [47:22]
Brittany Mayer
Oh, well, probably not the mirage story, because that was a sad one. I would say, I do remember my brothers and I would race down the street and that was. That was something that we love to do all the time. I mean that it's such a. Such a funny thing. We would race on our bikes down the street and I would always lose cuz both my brothers were older than me and bigger than me, but it was still fun to. To do that with them. And we played outside a lot as kids, so.
- [47:52]
Jenny Urich
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Simple things don't. They're like memorable. It's wild. Well, from one Michigan mother to another, first of all, congratulations on book number three. Congratulations on your new baby. Congratulations on homeschooling. It has been such an honor to connect. Thank you so much for being here.
- [48:08]
Brittany Mayer
Thanks for having me.
- [48:12]
Jenny Urich
Do you want to learn the Bible? In a way that's encouraging, surprising, and even entertaining. Check out the Bible Stories podcast.
- [48:21]
Brittany Mayer
Each week Bible Stories brings you classics.
- [48:23]
Jenny Urich
You know, and hidden gems that you might have missed. Have you ever heard about the time that King David fought a giant and he lost?
- [48:31]
Brittany Mayer
Or when Paul preached so long a.
- [48:33]
Jenny Urich
Guy fell asleep, he tumbled out a window and had to be brought back to life. Did you know that God himself buried.
- [48:41]
Brittany Mayer
Moses and that Michael the Archangel and.
- [48:44]
Jenny Urich
The devil fought over Moses body? Yeah, it gets wild. So tune in for storytelling that's biblical.
- [48:52]
Brittany Mayer
Insightful and a lot of fun. Subscribe today to Bible Stories with Matt.
- [48:57]
Jenny Urich
Mullins and Todd Haymans, available wherever you get your podcasts.