1KHO 514: How to Love Deeper in a Shallow World | Jada Edwards, A New Way to Love Your Neighbor

Summary

Podcast Summary: The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast | Episode 1KHO 514: How to Love Deeper in a Shallow World with Jada Edwards

Released on July 1, 2025 by That Sounds Fun Network

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Introduction

In the 1000 Hours Outside Podcast, host Jenny Urich welcomes Jada Edwards, a renowned Bible teacher, speaker, and author of the newly released book, A New Way to Love Your Neighbor. The conversation delves into Jada's personal journey, the inspiration behind her book, and profound insights on cultivating deeper, more meaningful relationships in today's superficial world.

Jada Edwards’ Personal Journey

Jada opens up about her unexpected life trajectory. Approaching her 50th birthday, she reflects on her 25-year marriage, which began with plans centered around ministry work rather than traditional family milestones. Jada shares, “I thought I had a plan for my life... but what has actually happened is so much better” (01:36).

Despite initially focusing on ministry, her marriage took a pivotal turn when her husband decided to plant a church, leading to delayed family plans and eventual parenthood a decade into their marriage. This shift introduced a bittersweet mix of gratitude for her current life and lingering feelings of unfulfilled expectations.

Inspiration Behind A New Way to Love Your Neighbor

The book emerged from Jada’s experiences during and after the COVID-19 pandemic. Observing the strain on personal relationships and witnessing the breakdown of civility, Jada sought to explore the true essence of love beyond superficial acts. She notes, “We can create a really glossy kind of life and not really know if it's lacking substance until something like a world crisis shows up” (05:05).

Defining Love: Beyond the Surface

Jada emphasizes the importance of differentiating between casual uses of the word "love" and the profound, selfless agape love advocated in the Bible. She explains, “Agape love is...not even logical that you have this God we believe in...that he chose to love me” (08:37). This form of love transcends mere gestures, embodying unconditional benevolence and grace.

Practical Ways to Love Deeper

One of the standout actionable insights from Jada’s book is the concept of “being curious.” She shares personal anecdotes, such as learning her husband’s preference for cold environments, which has helped strengthen their relationship. “Curiosity is a big deal. It’s learning about God...and how he’s loved us and how he’s shown up in the Bible” (11:26).

Being Curious

Jada encourages actively seeking to understand others better. By asking thoughtful questions and being genuinely interested in the lives of those around us, we can make them feel valued. For instance, she mentions, “It’s not a big deal. It’s just like, it's loving” (12:35).

Knowing Yourself Through Feedback

Another key strategy is to “make a goal to know more about yourself than others do.” Jada highlights the importance of seeking and accepting feedback to enhance self-awareness. She relates this to a biblical perspective, referencing Psalm 139: “search me, show me” (13:22).

Forgiveness and Emotional Healing

A significant portion of the discussion centers on forgiveness and managing emotional scars. Jada distinguishes between forgiveness and healing, stating, “Forgiveness is not to eliminate the scar... the forgiveness that releases is...can actually happen a lot faster than we think” (37:49).

Divine Imagination

Jada introduces the concept of “divine imagination,” where one empathetically considers the unseen struggles of others to foster compassion. She shares a transformative moment when she realized the importance of extending grace without knowing the full story of someone’s life. “It’s about humanizing people and realizing that there’s always so much more that you do not know” (27:17).

Practical Applications in Daily Life

Jada provides numerous practical examples of how to implement deeper love in everyday interactions:

• Parenting: She discusses adapting to her children's changing preferences, such as cooking separate meals based on their tastes, demonstrating attentive and individualized love (20:18).

• Workplace Relationships: By seeking feedback from colleagues, she fosters a more understanding and cooperative work environment (22:34).

• Social Interactions: Jada emphasizes the importance of assuming positive intentions and extending grace, even in fleeting interactions like those with service staff (31:23).

Conclusion

Jada Edwards’ insights in A New Way to Love Your Neighbor offer a transformative approach to love grounded in faith, self-awareness, and intentionality. By embracing curiosity, seeking self-knowledge, and practicing genuine forgiveness, individuals can cultivate deeper, more meaningful relationships despite the superficial nature of modern society.

Jenny Urich concludes the conversation by highlighting the book’s practicality and inspirational value, encouraging listeners to adopt these principles to enrich their personal and communal lives.

Notable Quotes:

• “Agape love is not Hallmark... it’s unconditional and selfless.” – Jada Edwards (08:37)

• “Forgiveness is not to eliminate the scar... it’s to no longer have the wound.” – Jada Edwards (37:49)

• “Being curious helps us to be better at loving.” – Jada Edwards (12:35)

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About the Podcast:

The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast explores the pivotal role of outdoor play in childhood development, advocating for reduced screen time and increased nature engagement. Hosted by Jenny Urich of the 1000 Hours Outside network, the podcast aims to inspire parents and caregivers to prioritize outdoor experiences for children’s holistic growth.

For more information, visit 1000HoursOutside.com.

Transcript

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[Jenny Urich]

To the 1000 Hours Outside podcast. My name is Jenny Urich. I'm the founder of 1000 Hours Outside and I am so honored to have the wonderful Jada Edwards with us today. Welcome, Jada.

[Jada Edwards]

Thank you so much for having me. Glad to be here.

[Jenny Urich]

Jada is a sought after Bible teacher and speaker. You have a book that came out just this week. It's always an honor to get to some to talk to someone on their publication week. Because it's such a busy week. You're probably like, I'm so tired, little.

[Jada Edwards]

Baby going into the world.

[Jenny Urich]

The book is called A new way to love your neighbor and you have the word like and it's crossed out. And it's really a powerful thing. You know, we're in this culture of loneliness. I mean, it's so high the numbers are something like 50% of people feel like they don't have a close friend or, you know, all of these different things. It's a really important time to be reading a book like this. I would love for you to give a little background of your story because you talk about how you turned 30 and felt like you were like a little off track. And I think a lot of people relate to that. You're like, well, I had this plan for my life and I thought I would be doing this and that and you weren't in that spot. And yet here you are just, I mean, doing all of these incredible things. So can you give us just a little bit of background story on you and how the book came to be?

[Jada Edwards]

So I now my husband and I are about to celebrate. Well, next year be 25 years. So I've been married forever because I just turned 50 and so I'm like, dang, that's half my life now. I've been married. So that, that was a big mile marker. That was unexpected. I never really planned on being married and I want to do ministry and changed the world and all these great things. Then I got married to this wonderful man who had vision as well. And he was like, we're moving to Jamaica. And I was like, wait, what? That's not. I didn't write that in my book. What? So our plan was to do ministry. There And I remember specifically asking him because at the time he had graduated from a seminary. And I said, hey, you don't want to like be a pastor or anything like that. And he was like, no, no, no, no. I went to seminary because I want to help churches develop their leadership skills. He's a leadership person, which is what he went on to get his doctorate in. And so I was like, great, because I don't want to be a pastor's wife. So I was like, I just want to make sure we're on the same page about that. He was like, yes, great. We get married, we do ministry together for five years, it's going swimmingly. Then seven years in, he's like, oh, so you know what I really believe? I think we're supposed to plant this church. And so that was probably the biggest turn in my life. Not expected. Ministry is a lot of work. It is, it's consuming. It changed everything. It changed my plans for family. All the things that were supposed to be done by 28, 29 didn't even start happening till 38, 39. And so kids came about 12 to 13 years into marriage. Ministry was everything. So I remember every, probably age 20, 28, 29, 30, somewhere in there probably was my 30th birthday and then every year after that going, I don't feel like I'm getting closer to what I thought my life was going to be, but it was still great. It was just different. And that was kind of a bittersweet mix of things to be grateful for the current life and still a little, you know, having feelings, what you thought life was going to be like. And so, you know, here we are 25 years later now, like I said, just celebrated my big 50th and I've got. I didn't plan to be 50 with an 8 year old because who does that on purpose and with a 12 year old, so. But it's been, it's been great. And being able to do ministry and this kind of work alongside my husband and with the kids, honestly, when I look back at my senior, but I still have my senior high school book. I keep it under my little sofa here in my office so I can just read through it sometimes. And I'm like, man, I thought I had a plan for my life and it sounded good at the time, but what has actually happened is so much better.

[Jenny Urich]

So it's really encouraging because there doesn't have to be, there doesn't have to be one way and one timeline. And they can go all sorts of different Ways and still give a beautiful life. So you talk about in this book, you start off with all the types of relationships that we have, which is so many. You know, every. Obviously people think about family and friends and coworkers, but then you're like, well, there's roommates and classmates and neighbors and church family and your hairstylist and your bank teller and committee leaders and your dog groomer and your, you know, people that you're interacting with on social media. We have so many relationships. And so you. You chose to write a book about love, about loving, and really diving deep into what that means, even loving ourselves. What got you interested in that topic?

[Jada Edwards]

Well, I started writing this book probably. Actually I started teaching on it first around 2022. And so we were coming out of COVID at the time. And I just remember, especially with my husband and I being leaders in a local church, the things that we were dealing with, with people counseling, personal relationships. We were watching marriages that seemed okay, suddenly just dissolve. Covid just brought this pressure. I don't know, it's like a spiritual, emotional, mental lack of stamina that we just had, I think broadly across our whole society, across the world, honestly. And so just watching the, this, the severe altering of our daily routine, how we responded to that, and I just felt like a lot of who we are, especially in America, where we can create really a glossy kind of life and not really know if it's lacking substance until something like a world crisis shows up. And then you realize that you had this routine or you may thought, you may have thought you had these relationships, friendships, marriage or family or whatever. And then it all just kind of was exposed in some and in some cases blown up. So I think watching family dynamics shift, marriage dynamic shift, friendship dynamic shift, when I couldn't be in proximity with my friend, even things in my own marriage, like trying to deal with, you know, a growing marriage and evolving and trying to, you know, get my husband fixed and changed like we all do, and thinking it's not us going through that process, watching how people engage in social media. I remember reading some comments, or everybody just felt like they had the right to say whatever. And I was like, I mean, I grew up kind of old school, and I was like, you wouldn't say that to their face. Like, you wouldn't say that to somebody's face. And so it just felt like the disintegration of civility, like the way we just knew how to generally treat each other. And so it really led me down a journey of. Because I approach everything From a point of faith, it led me down a journey to figure out what. What do I really believe about this? Because as a Christian, I'm called to be kind, called to be gracious and forgiving. But it's so much more than superficial acts of kindness or a gift here or being polite. It was a much deeper call. And if you, if you approach that call to be loving superficially, well, then the first crisis is going to expose that it's superficial. And I wanted to go on a journey to figure out what is really the core of this thing that I believe God is that the Bible tells us God has asked us to be. What does that look like? How, how are Christians supposed to be making the world better and modeling what, what love really looks like, even with the people they disagree with, even in the most challenging of times. And so kind of opened up a whole new journey path, which this book came from.

[Jenny Urich]

So you talk about, I mean, this word love. We throw it around all the time a lot. I love pizza. I mean, the way, the way that we use that word. And so you go through a different type of definition where it's more in depth loving someone, God's way. Can you talk about how you would define love or differentiate these different types of love?

[Jada Edwards]

Yeah. So the, the. One of the challenges, I think I put it part one, like, what are the limits? What are the limits or challenges that we have when it comes to loving the way that we believe God has asked us to love? Well, it becomes one of the challenges is like the common and common, common use of the word love, the reduction of the power of its meaning. Because we don't really have a lot of word. We don't really use our words for affection. We don't say, I care about this or I crave this or desire. These are words we know. But we pretty much call everything love. And so it makes it challenging to start to differentiate when you're like, wait a minute, if God is saying, love the Lord, your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, love your neighbor as yourself, what does it mean? He's not saying. I'm saying love them like you love pizza or your pet or your favorite event. It's something deeper. And so that for me, was the beginning of that whole exploration because the Bible uses the Bible word, the Greek word for love, when God is commanding us to love is agape. And agape is not Hallmark. And, you know, don't forget a birthday. Agape love is like this. Really, it's not even logical that you have this God we believe in this Creator who is all knowing and everywhere and that he chose to love me before I did anything for him, before I obeyed him, before I began to follow him, that, that just because of who he is, he chose to love me. And that when I needed forgiveness, he made the first. And when I created a debt, when I created the chasm, the gap in our relationship, he made the first move to Bridget. So this whole idea of benevolence and charity and generosity and action oriented kind of love is so different from how we use it in our everyday lives. And so that was a big part of my setup in the book. So we could just start to get definitions right, because I didn't want to run too quickly to like acts of kindness. It's. It's much broader and deeper than that.

[Jenny Urich]

I love part of the book where you go through these different ways to love that are very actionable and also very clear. Like you can take it and you can do it. Today, one of the ones that really stuck out to me was be curious. So you talk about. Which is just an interesting. Here's what I thought, Jada. It was a really interesting word to attach to love. Be curious. Yeah, nobody. People don't really associate those two things together. And I thought, well, gosh, yeah, that's something that you could do today. And you related it to this story about your husband and Pickles.

[Jada Edwards]

Oh my gosh. It changed my life. It changed my life. I was like, wait, what? You know, what, Do I even know you? It was the most random thing, but it really just was so eye opening me that even someone I've known 25 years, maybe it's your mother, your father, your best friend. I don't care how well you think you know somebody. There's always something to learn. And it seems so small to say, oh, I know. You know, Jenny likes it really cold whenever we, once we come home, even if it's cold outside, she still likes it cold because she wants to be under her blankets. It seems so small, except for that helps me to love you better. That means soon as we come home and we get settled in, I'm like, hey, I already got blankets. Girl on the couch about to watch this movie. It's just a. Is just that extra layer that says I'm thinking about you, like I care and I want to know these things. And so, yeah, curiosity is a big deal. And it's learning about God, who he is and how he's loved us and how he's shown up in the Bible. And then it's learning about people. It's like constant learning, I think helps us to be better at loving.

[Jenny Urich]

Well, you wrote, it may not seem monumental, but the person on the receiving end feels valued when they know they've been considered once new information has been shared. And you even talk about that with your mom. And I remember that as a kid. Do you remember as a kid, like, there would be something you were really into, like you liked funny socks, or you like this certain jewelry, and you know, then like three years later, people are still buying you that and you're like, yeah, I. I don't really like that. I don't like that anymore. So you change and you talk about with your mom, it's like, well, you thought you like this, or, you know, things change over time. So to be able to notice and that helps people to feel loved. Then you also talked about. This was so interesting. Jada. Okay. Make a goal to know more about yourself than others do. Ask questions about yourself.

[Jada Edwards]

Right.

[Jenny Urich]

Get feedback. Even though if you feel like I don't really want that feedback, you say, it's always a gift. I've actually never heard anybody say, make a goal to know more about yourself than others do, because I think you automatically assume that you do. Yeah, but maybe you don't.

[Jada Edwards]

You probably don't. You probably know more about your lived experience than others do. But it is usually there are many things about us that because we don't experience ourselves, we are ourselves, right? So I don't have to sit across from me. I don't have to get in an argument with me. I don't have to. So when you don't, you don't experience your own self. You just are yourself. And so I have to be intentional about asking my friends, my husband, my. The people I work with, people who work for me, the people I report to. I'm always like, even in our church, feedback is a whole thing. You're right. We always talk about feedback as a gift, and sometimes we don't like it. We're like, thank you so much for the feedback, you know, But I, I wanted, I want to emphasize that because it's more than just this self awareness kind of path to philosophy or psychology. Like, the Bible has David praying this prayer to the Lord. He says, search me, show me. Like, see if there's anything in me. And then lead me in the way, everlasting. So he's like, even though God, I know you know everything, this Psalm 139, he's like, you know me, you know, everywhere I go, I can't escape your presence. So it's ironic. It's interesting that he ends by saying search me. Because he's not asking God to search him for information because God knows everything, but he's saying search me and show me what you know about me. Because I don't know myself as well as you do. And so that's a journey. It's a journey to realize that yes, maybe you are giving, but maybe your giving has a limitation if the person never acknowledges it. It's a journey to realize that you're not very patient. You just know how to avoid situations that test your patience. Like it's the nuance of self that helps me to be self aware. Because just like knowing my husband likes pickles or you like it cold, when I know that I like it hot and you like it cold, it helps me to prepare for whatever gap might exist as soon as you and I are together. I know Jenny loves it cold when we're going to the movies or watching or whatever. And I really love to be warm. I'm coming in out of the gate knowing that, listen, I need to bring my little fan and my ice water because Jenny's probably going to have it freezing and I can say, oh, let's find a happy medium. I mean that's okay. But honestly, if I know myself, I know you, it's not a big deal. I can make the adjustment that loved you. Well, not just because I knew you, but I know myself, right? So it's like if I know that I love to be really hot, but I don't know you love to be cold, then I'm coming in, I'm just gonna put the AC on 50 and we're gonna have our ice water and oh well, I know myself so I know I like it cold. Let me go ahead and set that up. That's still kind of self centered. You need the other piece of knowing the other person. So you're like, oh, all this knowledge helps you to make real time decisions, right?

[Jenny Urich]

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[Jada Edwards]

So I'm cooking for my kids. I used to say I'll never be that mom that's going to cook five different things. Like, this is what we're eating. This is what we're eating. But I, I find myself doing it because in my mind I'm like, I could, you know, wield my authority and say this is where we're going to eat. But, but also I kind of, if I can, I don't want to put pepper in my son's eggs. My daughter likes pepper. What's the big deal? I'm getting a bigger skillet. I cook her eggs on this side, of cookies on that side. It doesn't take longer. They each get, they feel like, oh, mom paid attention. It's not a matter of power, authority. It's just like, it's loving. It's loving. And so I just think curiosity, even with my kids, like I'm watching them all the time. I just watch. I'm like, oh, you know, I've noticed that she's become more sensitive to this. Oh man, my son's getting really good at writing like those things. And man, let me tell you something. The feeling, we all know the feeling when someone's been curious about us and they learn some little thing and they either say it like they affirm something in us or they get us that birthday gift or take us to that restaurant or whatever. That's not expensive, it's not extravagant, but it's just right. They're like, I know you'd love this place because it's dark and it's live music and you're like, oh, my gosh. You know, so it's just. It's so filling when people are curious about us, and so we got to be curious about ourselves, too. And on that note, I'll say this. I. I never want to have people know more about something related to me that I don't know. If I talk too much, if I have a hard time apologizing, if I'm always late, man, I'm gonna tend to rationalize those things in my mind is that's just who I am. Other people don't see that. They're just like, you're always like, it's a little disrespectful, or you always interrupt or like, those are things that you have to be curious about because you don't experience yourself. So you have to pray about it, and you have to ask people because you learn about them and you. And it helps you be more lovely. Does that make sense?

[Jenny Urich]

I mean, it makes a lot of sense. And I've never considered that we don't experience ourselves, but those are really good points. Like, we. Yeah, we would rationalize our own behavior. Be like, oh, it's not that big of a deal. But to the other person, it may not seem loving. You have to be really brave.

[Jada Edwards]

What.

[Jenny Urich]

I mean, what would be something that you would ask?

[Jada Edwards]

I. Well, so I've seen in my own relationships, when I've tried to practice this, and I've got some friends. I'm very blessed to have probably eight or nine friends that I've known longer than 35 years. Like, these are my childhood friends that were also in my wedding. Like, these are my girls. Right. But we talked about this. I did a podcast with one of them, my friend Crystal Hearst. And then I was talking about. We've all been talking about this in the last 10 or 15 years, how we have to be intentional in these friendships. Because a lot of friendships just grow because you've known them forever, or there's proximity or something like that. That makes it easy. But now that we don't all live near each other, life is busy. It's the intentionality. And so we made some real intentional decisions to say, listen, I trust you. What you see in me, I want you to tell me, you know, good or bad. So sometimes if it's someone you don't know very well or maybe the situation is new, you do ask. Like, sometimes I will say, hey, I sent you that email because I needed a bunch of stuff and we were late. Did that come across okay? Because it gives people Permission to be like, no, I got your point. But it felt a little boss, you know, I'm like, okay, cool. I need to keep that in mind because I know I was in a rush and I was just trying to get some stuff done, asking those questions. I asked my kids questions. You know, they were imitating me one day and they were yelling and laughing and I said, do I yell a lot? My son was like, no, but it's funny when you do. Yeah. So I was like, okay, if you think I yell a lot, you need to tell me now. Don't tell me when you're in trouble, but when we have a quiet time, you know, But I want them to tell me, you know, so it. Sometimes it's literally asking the question, asking, how did this text come across? I had to text this que. I had to send you a text. And it was about a topic I'd really rather not text about, but I had to. How did it come across? Or did you enjoy the dinner that I made for you? Or did you enjoy when we went to the movie because you got so many people in your life that just go along, they're not going to say anything. And then in your more familiar relationship, I just say, give permission. Like, I will get a message from my friends and they're like, hey, that thing you posted on social media, I think I knew what you were trying to say. This I came across. I was like, cool, I'm gonna go in. I am not like, well, that's, I'm sorry you took it that way. And that's. But we don't, we don't have time for that. Like, I'm trying to be better and it's somebody that I love and that loves me and I trust. I may not do exactly what they say, but I'm certainly gonna consider it. And a lot of times there's merit to what they're saying. And so it's, it's asking questions, giving people permission to give you feedback because once you give it, they listen. Everybody thinks something about you. Everybody thinks something about you. The person you met for, for five minutes is like, oh, they're kind. Oh, they're like, everybody. So how many times are people, are you around somebody and you realize they do not realize that they always do this. Oh my gosh, you know, you just tell. They don't know. They don't have any self awareness. And so we have to prioritize that so we can be better, but also so we can be better in our relationships.

[Jenny Urich]

This is life changing. And I've I mean, I've never learned about this. You always hear love your neighbor as yourself, so make sure you know that you love yourself too, and that type of thing. But you have to know yourself. Make a goal to know more about yourself than others do. Ask questions. Don't be quick to defend, disagree, or dismiss what you hear. That's really powerful. And you, like you said, if you are in the habit of giving people permission to give you that feedback, then it's going to come in more often and you can make adjustments. So in this curious part, too, you also talk about using your curiosity and almost like your imagination for when you rub shoulders with people and maybe it's not so great and you're like, well, maybe they're in a really rough situation. Helps you to be compassionate.

[Jada Edwards]

Yeah, that has been a really interesting aspect in my own spiritual journey. I remember, gosh, it had to meet many, many, many years ago when I was. There was a time in my life, and I'm not proud to say it, that I was very much like the person who was at a restaurant and the waitstaff. You had to be great and amazing for me to give you a certain amount of a tip, you know? And I was like, well, you didn't. You didn't earn your tip and that. And I just remember one day being very convicted about that, and it had nothing to do with the economics of the thing. The Lord was like, girl, get your life. These people are in the service industry. What do you think? Do you think this was somebody's lifelong dream? Or do you think they're probably trying to just make ends meet, pay bills that are. Give them a break. What if you got paid data based on your attitude every day? Like, what if you. I was. It was a whole.

[Jenny Urich]

Well, that's like a really good question, though, isn't it, Jada? What if you got paid based on your attitude?

[Jada Edwards]

What if you couldn't ever mess up? And then somebody's like. And you know what it was? It was many. It was several things, actually. I felt like the Lord was saying a. It's not gracious. You're not just saying, hey, somebody showed up today. Now, I'm not talking about people who are mean and rude and all that, but I'm saying they showed up, they did their job. And he was like, you're blessed to be in a job where you get paid just for showing up. If you're in a salaried position, your job is not fluctuating in pay based on how you perform for day to day. If you're in a salary job, you go to work, you have to have a lot of bad days, typically egregious bad days, before you lose your job, right? So it was that kind of awareness which I call divine imagination. Because what ends up coming out of that is some. Some idea that makes that person human to me. You know, where I will have a thought and be like, man, if I see somebody that is, let's say, got a head full of gray hair and they are my server for the day, I'm thinking in my mind, this may or may not be true, but I'm thinking, gosh, this person is a seasoned person, maybe that they'd be retired. This is probably their second job. I wonder if they even do this full time. I wonder if they're married. They may have adult kids. What if he has a kid in college? Like, those kind of questions. And it's not because I'm trying to conjure up something, but it challenges me because I have learned. I feel like the Lord has shown me if there is anything about them that you can learn right now that would change your attitude and give grace. Just pretend you already know it. Just pretend you already know it. Because if that person's having a horrible day and then you randomly find out that their wife has cancer, you would be like, oh, my God, give me the check back. What can I give you? What do you need? And so I really felt like that is one of the ways where I'm like, why do you have to know? Why do you have to know? Why can't you just be loving and overly gracious and give grace and compassion without knowing? So let's just pretend there's something you can know about that person. And that's what I do. Very often. I'll just look at people and I'll. And it's not that they need to have a horrible story. It's just that they're human. I'm like, man, what if she was rushing this morning, baby got sick, or she realized she didn't have gas? And like, I will sit there. It sounds so crazy, but you're just humanizing people and realizing that there's always so much more that you do not know. And you. We don't want to. We don't want to engage with people. Love does not engage with people based on the slice of them that I experience. That. That's not the love we're called to. We're called to love whole people, regardless of the part that you get now, how you engage with them and boundaries and blah blah, blah. We love boundaries. All that stuff. Your daily engagement and how you engage, that may be different. That's the like part. That's why I said this book is not about liking people. I can still love. I can still want your best. I can still pray for you. I can still be kind. I can still be gracious because I'm loving all of who you are because that's how God loves me. And there's so much of your story I do not know. So I cannot just decide how I'm going to treat you based on the part of you that I get. Like, it's such. That's like saying this person is a whole person and your whole. The whole way you engage with them is based on the 18% of them you get at work. Like, your colleague is so much more than who they are at that meeting. They might not be your favorite coworker, but they also have a mother and a father and a kid or friends or they're wrestling with their own insecurities. And so it's. It's this way to get us out of a shallow kind of engagement which only engages with people based on what they give you in that moment. Does that make sense? So it's trying to get your mind to think bigger because that's how God loves us. He's like, I love all of you. I love all of you. And so trying to get out of that and move to something deeper.

[Jenny Urich]

The divine imagination. Well, and your whole point is the book is you talking about co workers, but it is also talking about the person who's serving you at a restaurant or your hairstylist or people that we just rub shoulders with at the grocery store that we would get a really small slice of.

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[Jada Edwards]

And breathe.

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[Jenny Urich]

I found that this book is very practical and very inspiring where you're like, I want to do more of that. You know, I want to try that. Or you know, even just the practicalities of having a list of questions you keep in your phone so that if you're struggling to connect with someone, you have ideas to ask them. Or when you go to some sort of a social engagement, like have a little bit of a goal, like, I'm going to get to know a couple a couple new people. I'm going to get to know these people a little bit better than I have before and follow up with yourself and follow up with them after, like, did you actually do it? So all those practicalities that it just like you read the book, it's called A new way to love your neighbor and you're just like, oh yeah, I want to do that. And oh yeah, I want to try that too. This is really like I said an inspiring reading.

[Jada Edwards]

I'm glad. I didn't want it to feel overwhelming because love is the big thing. And if you're a person of faith, if you're a Christian, that you can feel like, oh, Lord, I can never live perfectly and forgive all the time, it's really not about that. It's really more philosophy. How you view God, how you view yourself, how you view people. If you change philosophy, then little behaviors will catch up. You know, it's, it's, it's not really about getting cards because guess what, everybody don't like cards. So for some people, that's the worst. What are they going to do is going to go in a pile. You know, everybody doesn't like an encouraging text. That is not everybody's jam. They're just, you know, they don't always want a phone call. It just depends. So I think it's just more to increase awareness that, man, I'm really here, really here left on the earth to impact the lives of people no matter how big and how small. And I, how do I keep being better at that? So.

[Jenny Urich]

And to remember their humanity is so.

[Jada Edwards]

Good, you know, some of that's an American thing. I don't know. We have this weird culture around the service industry. We kind of feel like if you're in the service industry, you owe me. You know, we come out of this customer's always right kind of thing. It's a service industry. Folks get it, man. And I have found when I over tip generously, and the Lord has challenged me many times, hey, if you got 50 bucks to spend on a meal, don't go in there and get the 35 meal where all you can do is pay and barely tip 10, 15, 20%. When I, when he's really calling me into that generosity, I love it. I love, I have, I have tips so much. And it's not just dollar amount, it's proportion to like your meal. So, you know, it's not about being rich or anything. It's just, I love it when I leave some crazy amount of tip and I'm walking in my car and people are like, hey, thank you. And I'm like, you're welcome. And they didn't do anything fabulous. They didn't like bring sparklers on my food. They just, they're human and I had it, you know. So, yeah, it's just trying to find ways to make somebody go, oh, man, that felt good. It feels good to make other people feel good. And so, yeah, anyway, that's such a.

[Jenny Urich]

Win, win Isn't it? I mean, and it's so counterintuitive, which is such a wonderful thing about the Bible.

[Jada Edwards]

It is that it would be a.

[Jenny Urich]

Win win, that when you're generous, it's a win for them and for you it's because it would feel on the surface it would be a loss for you, but it's not. It is definitely a win win. Yeah. Beautiful, beautiful ideas. You talk in this book about scars, which I've always kind of thought seemed to be a physical representation of spiritual things you were talking about. You're on the bike when you're four, your neighbor, your neighbor friend's like, just go, you got this, you still have a scar.

[Jada Edwards]

Things that four year olds think are a good idea.

[Jenny Urich]

Well, I met the neighbor who's just a couple years older, is like, she can probably ride this bike. But that sometimes scars are they, they last. Well, if it is a scar, it lasts forever and some things heal and then some things leave a mark. And even though it may not hurt for years down the road, it's still there. So can you talk about that in terms of forgiveness and how to deal with the emotional wounds that we sometimes carry in dealing with other people?

[Jada Edwards]

Yeah, I, I, I think it's so forgiveness, practically the end goal is to not get rid of the scar, is not to eliminate the scar. It's to no longer have the wound. And when you first get injured or you're first hurt, it's a wound, you know, nothing's healed up to create a scar yet. It's open, it's trying to be cleaned or healed or operated on or whatever has to happen. And a lot of times we, we walk around for long seasons of life, years and years and years, sometimes with wounds that really should be scars by now, meaning that there was once a wound and now it's healed. And so that is really the practical goal of forgiveness. The Bible uses various words to translate into the word forgiveness Greek words that mean to send away or to depart from. It's this strange dynamic of sending something away to say, this thing no longer owes me. You know, God is going to restore and God's going to heal. And that is, it's a choice to make that I believe is much quicker than many of us think it is to decide that I won't expect anything from the person that offended me is different than the actual healing of the wound. So the healing may take some time, but the forgiveness that release is, can actually happen a lot faster than we think we, a lot of times can't even get to the healing because we're expecting the person that punched us in the face to also come and be the doctor. And that's just not real of life. That. That doesn't happen anywhere. The person that punched you is not the person that's going to fix you up. It's just. That's somebody else. Only God is the doctor. Only God is the one that heals it. People cannot heal the pain they caused. It is impossible. They cannot do it. They might apologize for it. Maybe on a good day you might get that. They might even regret it. They cannot heal the pain they've caused you. It is literally like saying, you shot me in the arm. Also, can you get the bullet out and reverse the effects that it had on my body? It's just not possible. So once I release that person or whatever the thing is that caused the pain, once I release that person from being the healer of my pain, that's two separate things. You hurt me, they may change how I engage with you. It may change our relationship. But also I can forgive you because you're not responsible for healing me now. I may. I need to still figure out if that changes our relationship. That's different than forgiving you. It doesn't mean that what you did was okay. It doesn't mean that I ignore. It doesn't mean that I forgot it. It doesn't mean that you have an excuse. It just means that I acknowledge that you cannot heal me. So I release you of this expectation. Now, how I'm gonna deal with you is a whole separate process. Right? But the healing then can truly begin. Because I'm not ask. I'm not expecting it from anybody else. I mean, I know we've all had some kind of hurt in our lives. And thinking that if we just had an explanation or just had that apology. And I have just years of teaching, Bible study and teaching, teaching at our church and counseling women, counseling people, couples. It's part of most people. There's something that happened to us as a kid or betrayal from a spouse or something with a parent or. I mean, a lot of people have something, sometimes more than one thing that is a defining offense or trauma in their lives. And they really cannot heal the way. They cannot allow the Lord to heal them the way that only he can. Because something in them still expects that healing from the person that caused the pain. And I don't know if you've ever, you know, the listeners, if you've ever been in that situation thinking that that person could do something. There's Nothing more disappointing than even having the person give you the sincerest of apologies. It does nothing. It does not do what we think it's going to do. They can explain to death why they did it, what they thought. I've never known of an explanation or an apology to undo the pain. Never. And so the more we can come to terms with that, that the hurt is real, the wound is real, only God can heal that. So that the goal is to. Yes, you may always have the scar, but it's not always a wound. That makes it very difficult to love people. If you still have that wound in your heart, that means you're guarded or you're self sabotaging. You sabotage things or you believe the worst, you're skeptical. Like all of that stuff starts to paint our relationships when we really have unforgiveness in our, in our lives. The forgiveness thing is huge.

[Jenny Urich]

People cannot heal the pain they cause. Isn't that interesting? I mean I would say that probably most people are expecting. That's was sort of my thought, like, well, they caused it so they should fix it. I mean, yeah, as I say, this book is so good, you learn so much. Forgiveness is not the absence of consequences. God doesn't look the other way. But that you have to make this decision to release the expectation. Wow, that's really powerful. What if the pain is caused by yourself? You talk about this book, the Soul of Shame by Kurt Thompson. Thompson, so good.

[Jada Edwards]

Oh my gosh. Well, you know, again, from my faith based perspective, I believe that shame and guilt, those are tools of the enemy that we know is very real. It's a thing that just keeps you kind of bound, kind of stuck. It is unfruitful, unhelpful and unproductive. Romans 8:1 says, There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I just firmly know that that is not that shame and guilt are not things that God has called us to walk in. Conviction, challenge, growth, sharpening, yes. Shame and guilt, no. And it's interesting that Paul writes that in Romans chapter 8 because in Romans 7, my Bible nerd is kicking in. He goes to this whole kind of external monologue like the thing I want to do is not the thing I do. And the thing that I do is the thing that I hate. And then even when I'm trying to be right, I realize I'm still sinful. Like this is Paul who had a whole encounter with Jesus, like wrote most of the New Testament. And he is, he is wrestling in his mind with how hard it is to really constantly live the way God has asked us to. And so he kind of. It. It's kind of depressing. He's. It's a reality check. Like, hey, it's. This thing is hard. I'm frustrated with myself. So when he comes to this conclusion in that next chapter, he's like, but, oh, my gosh, even when I'm frustrated, the Lord doesn't condemn me, right? Like, there is therefore not. No, it's such a. If you read the Bible, like, letters, like, they should be read, not just chapter verse. Chapter eight, verse one is a continuation of chapter seven. It's his conclusion of I'm a crazy person. Like, I say I believe stuff, and then I don't do it. I'm hypocritical. I try to be right, then I'm not right. Like, all the things that we wrestle with. And for him to come to that conclusion that he is not condemned or that there's no shame and guilt, I think it's powerful. It's freeing. Because he didn't come to the conclusion that, oh, you know what? I'm really a better person than I thought I was. That was not his conclusion. He's like, I am a mess, but I'm not condemned. Like, that's the beauty that God is like, I don't want you to have shame. Even before you think you get your life better. I don't want you to have shame or guilt because that's not what I desire for you. You can't grow in shame. You can't grow from guilt. You can't be better version of yourself until you feel this freedom. Like, God is this safety net. Like, when you fall, when you make mistakes. He's like, yeah, I disagree with that. Or I'm disappointed with that. But it's in a fatherly way. Like, I got you. Let's go again. It's not this. I knew you would. And so that. That thing can be heavy. And it's something we put on ourselves or we receive it from others. And even the work to get out of a shame and guilt kind of cycle is. Is a lot of work. And it's. It's forgiving yourself. You're like, you. You've put things on yourself that God didn't put on you. Like, hold on, let's stop. And it can be tricky because, you know, shame and guilt can become. Even though they're painful, they can become comfortable. You just kind of like, victim. And this is my role. You know, I'm a horrible person. I know no one's going to really like me or as soon as they find this out, like, we just kind of, we kind of take that on as our identity. And so sometimes that can be more work than we think to get out of that identity of shame and guilt. But I put Kurt Thompson in there because he's the psychologist, he's the expert and he does a lot of work on, on the, the root causes of shame and how to undo that. So it's a great, great, great read.

[Jenny Urich]

This book is wonderful. Love is brave. Love is resilient. Love is real and honest. Love is curious. Love is forgiving. And I, I mean, I learned a lot from the book and even just in this conversation, like, what a wonderful opportunity, Jada, to have this time with you. The book is called A new way to love your neighbor. It's out already. It flips the script on everything we think we know about love. Hard won wisdom and heartfelt grace. And which is so true. It's like, and this is going to help you with your approach to parenting and relationships and family and anybody, anybody that you rub shoulders with. Made in God's image. And so what gift to get a chance to talk with you about this brand new book that you have, you have out. We always end our show with the same question. What's a favorite memory from your childhood? Born and raised in Texas. That was outside.

[Jada Edwards]

Besides the day I got the scar I still have to this day on my bicycle. My favorite memory, gosh, would probably be in my grandmother's front yard. We would run the water hose across the yard and then we would just get it at least like, we'd have to try to run back and forth and somebody would be out there spraying us because it was country and it was thick blades of Bermuda grass and it was hot and humid Houston. And it was wonderful. And she'd call us in, not inside because we were smelling like outside and full of grass. But she'd call us to the porch and she'd have sweet tea and lemonade and it was wonderful.

[Jenny Urich]

What's your grandma's name?

[Jada Edwards]

Ernestine. And she will be 97 this year.

[Jenny Urich]

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.

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[Jada Edwards]

Good job.

[Jenny Urich]

Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for the wonderful book that people can read and learn and grow and thank you for spending this time with us today.

[Jada Edwards]

Thank you. This has been awesome. Thanks for having me.