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The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
1KHO 576: How To Get Good at Joy When You Don’t Like Your Likable Life | Rachel Awtrey, Love Your Life
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- [00:01]
A
Fall is about to be in full swing, and because it's already starting to get a little chilly in the mornings and evenings, I've been slowly but surely refreshing my wardrobe with pieces that actually work. Things I'll wear on repeat, not just once. That's where Quince comes in. They make it easy to stay warm, look polished and save money, all without sacrificing quality. Speaking of chillier temps, I'm absolutely loving the Mongolian cashmere gloves I recently got because my hands seem to always be cold and I can easily toss them in my purse or backpack just in case the weather changes quickly. I've also been eyeing their wool coats. They look totally designer but cost a fraction of the price. And their 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters. They start at just $50 and are incredibly soft. What makes Quince different is how smart their model is. They partner directly with ethical top tier factories and cut out the middlemen. So you get luxury quality clothing at half the price of similar brands. It's a wardrobe upgrade that feels smart, stylish and effortless. Honestly, I've even been browsing their bedding and travel bags lately. Quint's is turning into a one stop shop around here. Keep it classy and cozy this fall with long lasting staples from quints. Go to quince.com outside for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com outside. Welcome to the 1000 Hours Outside podcast. My name is Jenny Urch. I am the founder of 1000 Hours Outside and I have a new friend here today, Rachel Autrey. Welcome.
- [01:22]
B
Thank you so much for having me. I don't know if you know this, this is very full circle. Very full circle, very cool. But we have done the thousand hour challenge. Thousand hour outside challenge.
- [01:32]
A
That is full circle.
- [01:34]
B
I know.
- [01:34]
A
I love that. And you talk a lot about nature in your book. You actually, you were talking about taking your meals outside and I was like, that's my type of woman.
- [01:42]
B
That's what we do. When I, when I first, I was like, thousand hours outside, dead gum. Like, that's so much. And then I started thinking about it and I was like, I think I maybe need to give myself a bit more credit. We do do picnics a lot, right? Like, we do go on walks a lot. Like those kinds of things, they, they help add up so quickly. So no, we're huge fans of everything that you're doing. This is so fun.
- [02:03]
A
That's incredible. I really noticed how, how many nature References were in your book. It's a new book. It's called Love your life even when you don't like it all the Time came out in August. A realistic guide to unlocking joy in life's messy, mundane, and magnificent moments. And you talked about getting out for your walks, and you talked about eating outside. And those things do add up. And a thousand hours. People say that so much, Rachel. It seems like so much time. But up until the 90s, it was the normal amount of time, right, because kids played outside. You know, they walked to school, they had long recess. They had a little bit of time in the afternoon. They played outside on the weekends. That's kind of what it was. And so just by making some of those small changes, like eating your picnic out, you know, in the grass or out on your balcony or whatever you have really does, or having an extended family beach trip once a year, I mean, all of those hours add up. So this book is about, okay, like, all right, I've got a likable life mostly, but I don't really like it right now. And you did such a fantastic job painting and portraying the days where you're just kind of like, this is not that big of a deal. And I try and think, like, will I remember this in five years? Probably not, but in the moment. So. Okay, so I want to kick off with one, because you talk about three kinds of hard days. That was really good. It's really good to paint a picture of the different types of hard days that you can have. So you're talking about typical interruptions. Everything feels annoying. Then these tough seasons where it's really long, it's longer than you thought, and then unexpected tragedies. So in the typical interruptions, you do such a fantastic job. Like, you're like. I mean, just little inconveniences. You at your local grocery store, stop carrying your favorite granola. You know, I'm like. Or, you know, it's like the granola that's the healthier one now. They don't have it. And then your baby fell asleep in the car, and then that's going to mess up their bedtime. And you just feel it. You got a flat T. Your computer stopped working. You know, everybody has those things. You're like, in the middle of your presentation, you're about to get on your podcast, like, where'd the WI fi go? The WI fi is gone. But you told this amazing story about Chili night.
- [04:13]
B
Yes. Okay. I want to say this because I think that a lot of the women that are listening probably it's going to be super presumptuous. If you're anything like me. We can sometimes catastrophize the ordinary, because if we fix it, it makes us bigger heroes in the end. And what also it asks us to do is like, to show up to a degree in which we actually don't need to be giving it that much energy and attention. And so that's why I kind of put things in these three categories, because it helps me figure out how much emotional energy do we actually give this right now?
- [04:46]
A
How.
- [04:46]
B
How hard am I actually allowing this to be right now? And so, yeah, this one night, I was making chili. I was so excited. It's like one of these days that I feel like is starting to happen now, where the weather is turning crisp, soup season is arrival. We are so excited about it. And I was like, I'm gonna make my ch. I have perfected this recipe. We are so excited about it. And I was dashing this and dashing that, and all of a sudden dashed way too much cayenne pepper in here, because someone could have been me, could have been someone else didn't put the top back onto the sprinkler part of it. You know what I'm talking about?
- [05:16]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [05:17]
B
Just sprinkling. It just chugged in there. And it. I don't know if, you know, it kind of. It ruins recipe if it's too spicy, and you can't unspice something that you spiced on accident. And so I was like, well, there goes the batch. Like, I'm gonna have to start over again. And I was just so frustrated. And I think I even said in the book, I had my sweet son's percussion instruments on in the background, and he was just, like, doing me a little soundtrack. It was over stimulating. And then I also had stepped on the Lego, and then we had also been late to an appointment that day. So, like, that was my breaking point. And it. And it caused me to, like, assume my life was this reality that it actually wasn't, because I had so many of those small interruptions, but play up to this bigger point. Yeah, I hadn't thought them. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [06:04]
A
I mean, it's so relatable. I want to read it. Because whoever takes the lid off of the cayenne one, you know, like, okay, I get the little sprinkler top. I mean, I can see you take it off of, like, the basil, because you have to, like, if you're measured, I'm not a good cook, so I have to measure Everything.
- [06:18]
B
Yeah.
- [06:19]
A
So I would take that little sprinkler lid off the basil because I'm like, I need a tablespoon for my meatballs. So I'm going to actually use the scooper. But, like, no one ever takes the sprinkler off the cayenne because who needs. Who needs all of that? You just need a dash. So you write, no, no, no, not the whole jar. Like, who doesn't put the sprinkle lid back on that jar? And you say, I was already ticked off. Also, you had gotten a splotch of tomato sauce on your white top. You stepped on the lego, someone's playing the drum set, and you're just like, this is too much. You talked about one time, you know that you've got pneumonia. I almost said pneumonia.
- [06:52]
B
Pneumonia.
- [06:54]
A
Okay, you got pneumonia. And the doctor' do you need me to write you a note for work?
- [07:00]
B
And I cried. I was like, I don't go to work. I am work. I am a mom. I can't get a doctor's. I was so peeved. It's all these little moments to me that just, like, add up. And I think that we've just. We've just kind of gotten it. They're like, this is normal. This is just what it's like, one day this will end, blah, blah, blah. And I'm here to tell you, like, one day it might not end. If this is the reality that you continue to subscribe to, that if it's not the Lego, it's going to be something different some other day, right? And if it's not your aids, it'll be your spouse. If it's not your spouse, it'll be your co workers. If it's not your co workers, it would be your name. Like, you will always find this rhythm if you're looking for it. And that's why I'm like, wait, we have to stop this script. We have to turn the ship around one degree at a time and realize that maybe it's not the life that's the problem. Maybe it's our mind that's the problem. And if we can't change our life, then we must change our mind. Or else we will get to the end of this whole thing and be like, I think I missed it and I don't want to get to the end of the 18 years. My kids being in my home, being like, phew, that was a lot. I'm glad I can live my life now. How sad, right? So I just. I. I almost started seeing where my ship was Headed and I didn't like it. And so I started having to on. On wire, rewire, undo, and redo a lot of things to figure out. How do you turn a ship around one degree at a time to put together a whole buck over just one degree things?
- [08:20]
A
Yeah, yeah. And they are. I mean, they are hardships and they're annoyances and their interruptions. And you said you start writing this book called Love youe Life, and your podcast studio gets broken into, your husband loses his job and there's a plane crash. When these are really big things. I know. How do you make the mental shift? Because it is life. Right? I mean, all of these things that you talk about in the book, it's just trying to get the kids in the car seat, you know, from that to losing a job, to things that happen to you that aren't your fault. We talk about that a lot, you know, that are the. Maybe the direct impact of someone else doing the wrong thing on purpose. Maybe not on purpose. Things are an accident. And to your point, it happens a lot. This is a consistent thing in life that you're stepping on Legos and messing up dinner. How do you change the mindset?
- [09:09]
B
That's good. So this whole idea is really pivoted around this idea of joy. And I think that we have gotten joy wrong this whole time. So I'd say your step one is to really understand what joy is and what it's not so that you don't discount it and say, oh, that's not for me. Because I think it is for everybody. I know it's for everybody. No matter what, no matter what your circumstances, get good at joy. So here's kind of how I explain what joy is. I say it's not a personality trait. It's not like Jenny and Rachel have it and everybody else doesn't like. It's not something that you just pixie dust got sprinkled on when you were born. It is a hard skill to learn, but it is a gift that is free and available to you. Okay. I believe, like, we have been given the end of the story of, like, how the world goes, how the end of times happen. Like, we know that at the end of the day, we win because we have Jesus. And so, like, instead of talking about the grief and the hardship and the sorrow and that all we be talking about, we have to talk about the second half of the story, which is this joy that we've been given, which is the hope that we have, which is the end of the story that we know to be true. So this idea of joy, like I said, it's a skill, something we have to get good at. Just like you get good at anything, you have to practice. You have to show up when you don't even feel like it. You have to run the drills. You have to ask people for help. That is the bigger idea of joy. I also would say my step two is to stop allowing yourself to bow to the hard things. I say in the book, you can nod to the hard things without bowing to them. I think so many of us hear this idea of joy, and we're like, well, yeah, but she doesn't know what I'm really walking through. She would know that. That is so unrealistic to me. She would know, like, hey, I'm here to tell you it is unrealistic. It's supernatural. It's not natural. It's not going to come easily. It is something that is so worth it, though. And then what else I would tell you, too, is this whole not having to nod to it or being able to nod to it without having to bow to it. It's this beautiful idea that you can't not afford to find joy. There are people in this life that are like, oh, it's just. It's so hard. I don't have the time. I don't have the energy. I'm in too deep. I'd be like you. Then what do you have to lose? If it's as bad as you say it is, then, like, what do you have to lose? Just try this thing out. We can even go into the practicals of, like, what it looks like to try and to show up. But when you're like, hey, yeah, how do you turn the ship around? I think you just kind of have to get to a yielding point where you surrender and you say, hmm, what I've done hasn't worked or I wouldn't be here. There has to be something else. And perhaps it's joy. I'm just gonna lean into the silly and the fun and the whimsy and see what happens. And I. If I was betting, woman would bet, like, your life would change pretty quickly.
- [11:47]
A
Yeah. Why not give it a shot? So you talked about how you lost your dad at a young age in this book. And I think from an outsider's perspective, someone would think that when something so. And that we talk about hardships, you say, that's the unexpected tragedy, right? Like, my life is forever changed. It will never look the same. And so you lose your dad. It's unexpected. You're young. You're a teenager. But I think you might think, well, I'll never sweat the small stuff again. That type of thing. Sure. You know, but in reality, when the day comes and you're on vacation and your husband gets appendicitis and, you know, you got to run to the hospital.
- [12:27]
B
Jenny, you really read that book. I love all the stories you're bringing up.
- [12:31]
A
I did read the book. I got my notes. I read the book so much. Isn't it just an interesting thing how you would think, like, forever? I'm not. Like, those things don't really matter anymore. And it's so easy to fall back into the small. The small, the small, the small. So, yeah, I would love to hear just some of the little practical things like, I was thinking about, because I think about that kind of stuff. Like, it could be worse if you. If you can have perspective and be like, you know, I read this thing once that was like, there's a hospital. At any point in your life, there's a hospital within 20 minutes of you that's filled with people that would gladly exchange places. You know, I think about that, but, you know, you're in that spot and you're like, you know, my white shirt, and everyone's coming for chili, and they're going to burn their mouth. I was like, well, I could dunk my face in some ice water. People talk about that kind of thing like, that. There are little things, but when you talk about them, like the joy, the music, dancing, whatever. Give us some practical ideas in those moments when we've just stepped on the Lego and we feel like we're about to unravel. But it is really a typical interruption and not an unexpected tragedy type of hardship.
- [13:42]
B
Sure, yeah. Okay. So typical interruption. Turn the ship around. I'd say, number one, tell someone. Tell someone that this is really obnoxious to you. Tell someone that's trusted, that can hold it with you. Not someone who's going to try to fix it, but just someone who sits with you and is like, that sucks. Like, the first thing I did was.
- [13:59]
A
Chili'S gonna be awful. Yes.
- [14:01]
B
I said. I texted her. I said she was bringing cornbread. And I was like, and you might want to pick up some protein on the way because Chili discovered.
- [14:09]
A
Right?
- [14:10]
B
It's like, tell someone because it's so interesting. Like, when you do, they can figure out and sometimes help you determine where it lands. They could be like, dang, Rach, that stinks. Like, should we all just bring over our own takeout? And it's like, yeah, everyone, bring over your own takeout versus not telling someone, then having to almost hold their own expectations of having a chilly night that's not going to happen makes the whole chili thing even harder and heavier. And so I think really, truly, like, whatever feels too close, whatever feels too awkward, whatever feels too messed up. Read into this however you'd want. Like, tell someone. Don't let something be a small secret or a big secret. Have them share the look. They say a burden shared is half a burden. A celebration shared is double a celebration. So, like, share your burden and be like, oh, I'm so mad at myself. I missed the Bible study. I was so looking forward to your friends. Be like, dang, that stinks.
- [15:03]
A
Yeah, I'm so sick. And my doctor gave me a note to get me out of work.
- [15:07]
B
Yeah. And I'm so mad, I literally could say choice words, right? And they're like.
- [15:13]
A
Can I bring my kids to you? Or what? You even talked about how. And this is such a big thing now. Our kids are older now, Rachel, so we're not in that. It's like panic. It is like panic mode for a lot of years. But I remember when they were really little, your husband's gone for work. You know, everybody relates to this, right? And they get sick, and you're like, I don't think I'm going to make it through the day. Like, they're sick. Everybody's throwing up. You know, I'm exhausted. You're like, oh, I'm going to give my friend a call. I'm calling. You know, I'm going to call Grandma. And then you're like, wait, I can't take my sick kids over there, and you're all alone just to talk about those things. Yeah.
- [15:49]
B
Okay. So let's say, yeah, the chili thing happened. I asked people like, hey, we're all going to have to chip in. Turns out this ends up being potluck. Everyone bring what you want. Like, just everyone.
- [15:58]
A
I know I. I know I invited you for dinner, but I know I.
- [16:01]
B
Invited you for dinner, but if you want to come hang out with me, you will need to be bringing your own. I have messed up our chili, and I'm so sorry. Right. Like, that's happened several times for me. I hate to admit, like, I didn't turn the crock pot on like I thought I did, or, like, I burnt the chicken. You're like, dagum. So I'd say that, like, just tell people and admit them. Number one. It's good for you because it admits that you actually can't do it all. And you're actually not superwoman. So somehow things get a little bit more light and the levity is real. The burden is not as heavy. Cause you're like, oh wait, it wasn't even up to me in the first place. We could actually all do this together if we wanted to. And two, it's really good for your friends to see you be human. To know that you need help so that next time something happens, whether it's, I mean, the tough seasons or the unexpected tragedies, like they know how to step in because they stepped in at the small stuff so they can step into the big stuff. So like, overall, it's great for a friendship to ask for help.
- [16:52]
A
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- [20:23]
B
And then yeah, I mean there have been times when my boys are sick and I text my neighbors, I'm like, does anyone have leftovers? Because mama does not feel like cooking tonight and we cannot get in the car. I can't even think about it or texting my friends like I'm solo momming tonight and today feels harder than it should. Can you help me with dinner, bath and bed? Like just those small things. It's so interesting. I'm like, I do it to bless me but those are also the friendships that I think are the most intimate in my life that I've invited in. And so for the people are like, I feel so lonely. I'm like, do you ask for help? Because it's very hard to feel lonely when you feel like someone's seen some inner. Inner places in your life. So I'd say, what. What's hidden? Try to get out into the light. Whether it's just typical, annoying frustrations, it's a silly, goofy selfie because you've got spit up or spilled coffee on your shirt, or it's actual tears in a phone call. Like, it's always worth sharing it.
- [21:16]
A
Have you read this book? It just came out earlier this year. It's called the Hospitality of Need.
- [21:21]
B
Oh, that sounds incredible.
- [21:23]
A
It is incredible. It's by a man named Kevin Chandler, and he's been in a wheelchair since he was little. And he just came out with this book about how our needs, like, needs in your community, your own personal needs, that those are what build community.
- [21:39]
B
That's right. That's so good, Jenny.
- [21:41]
A
It's so good. It's so hard. It was very humbling for me to read. I was like, shoot. You know, because you always want to be the one that's helping.
- [21:49]
B
Exactly. I feel like that's a similarity we have. We. We are used to being the helpers. We're not used to being helped. And if we do, we feel like, oh, I'm desperate. I'm pathetic. Like, all those little narratives start coming into our mind. But I think what's so beautiful is like, I. When I. I try to put myself in those shoes, when I'm the friend that someone calls and is like, hey, we're having a hard time. Do you have extra dinner? I'm honored.
- [22:15]
A
Yes. I'm gonna make another dinner if I don't have.
- [22:18]
B
I was like, I got you, girl.
- [22:20]
A
I've got you. And you like spicy chili.
- [22:25]
B
I'm like, I. Out of all the contacts in your list, you chose me. Right. Like, you see me as available, you see me as trustworthy, and you like my recipe. I'm complimented. She's probably on the other end panicking, like, oh, my gosh, I hate that I have to ask for help. I don't want to be a huge inconvenience. Blah, blah, blah. She doesn't know that. I'm like, thank you for asking me. Like, this means so much to me. And so I think it's like a. We just. I also want to be the person that gets good at Helping and asking for help in low pressure, low urgency situations. So that when it is high pressure, high urgency, it's not my last resort. It's my first idea. So I'm like, I. When people are like, I don't know how to ask for help or this feels so awkward. I'd be like, start doing it now before you need it. Because then when you need it, it is a, like muscle memory. I know how to do this thing versus a. Oh, I feel awkward asking them for this massive favor. Well, probably because you've never asked them for a small one. So I'd say, like, literally just start today flexing that muscle and making it stronger.
- [23:26]
A
It's a learned skill. That is so interesting. Yeah. I mean, you basically said exactly what he talks about in the book when you were like, those relationships are my strong relationships. And I would say that this Kevin Chandler, he probably has the strongest relationships of anybody that we know because of how his need has allowed so many people to care for him. And in turn, he's cared for them as well. And they have these solid relationships and it's pretty remarkable. So I love that. Like, what do you do? It's. It's a really hard one. It's a typical interruptions. And you might feel silly saying it because you said that you're like, how can I say I don't like my likable life? You know, what are people going to think? But just to say I'm, I'm struggling. This, these things happen. And maybe when you talk about it, it can kind of be funny. I mean, they are. Some of them are funny. And everybody relates, right? Yep, everybody relates. Okay, so then in talking about friendships, then obviously if you need to ask for help, then you have to have friends. And I love this part in the book where you talked about Taylor from the street. This one. Because this is what I do on my phone too. And I know everybody does. It's like you meet someone and you have no idea. And mine's often like Andrea's mom.
- [24:40]
B
Right? Exactly.
- [24:41]
A
Yeah.
- [24:42]
B
Small group Bailey. Yeah.
- [24:44]
A
And in small group Bailey. And in fact, okay, I had one friend where I did not know. I didn't know her name. Rachel. I only knew the daughter's name for like months and months and months. And then. And I was like, what am I going to do? There is no way for me to find her name. We have been texting, like, I only know the kid's name. And then she sent me like a screenshot of an email for something name, wasn't it And I was like, hallelujah, I have found. Yes. It was, like, one of the best text messages I had ever gotten.
- [25:18]
B
The clarity.
- [25:19]
A
Yeah. So, okay, so you meet this lady. You're, like, trying to find friends. And I think this is really important. I loved this sentence you said, high school or college self would be absolutely mortified that I would stop a vehicle and talk to a stranger and ask her if we could be friends. This is how you meet Taylor from the street.
- [25:36]
B
Yeah.
- [25:37]
A
And I think because we're in this stage of life, Rachel, where our oldest is a senior in high school, and I'm like, wow. You know, it is a hard transition to go from either high school to work, you know, high school to college, I think is not quite as difficult socially, or. But. But it could be. It sure could be. Or from college to work, like, when you're in these environments where the friendships are kind of built in because you're around a bunch of people your age and you have activities that people plan for you. Like, hey, would you like to be on a basketball team? Hey, do you want to do the yearbook? Like, it's all built in. And then you become an adult, and.
- [26:13]
B
You'Re like, how do I do this? Yeah.
- [26:16]
A
Yeah, there's none of it. So I actually think that that's an important thing to talk about. Like, you're like, yeah, my high school self would be like, oh, my gosh. You literally rolled down the window and said, hey, can we be friends? But you. That's kind of what you have to do.
- [26:29]
B
Yeah. I have this unique privilege of being a military spouse. And I say unique privilege because Tis a unique privilege in a lot of ways. One of them is we have moved so often, and every time we move, I mean, we're there for anywhere from six months to maybe a year and a half, max. That's not our story anymore. Praise God. We're here to stay, hopefully. But for a while, we. We moved a lot. And every time we moved, it was so interesting. I had to relearn the courage to introduce myself and to do the things to make the friends. But what's true about everywhere we were, no matter what zip code, types of people, types of training, the truth was, everyone was just as desperate to meet somebody else as the next one. Everyone was looking for friends. I can't remember a time when I would, like, introduce myself and be like, hey, could I come over and watch Bachelor with you guys? Or like, hey, do you guys want to come over to my house? And someone said no just because they didn't want to. Like everyone. Unlikely friendships and ones that you would suppose like everyone on the gambit was like, heck yeah, what time where I'm in. And I think it just was because all of us were in a community that was new and we. And again, like, we all needed it. Like, we were in really uncomfortable. Our spouses were gone for long periods of time doing dangerous trainings. It's like you almost need. Like, whenever I asked for an emergency contact, I had to put my. My neighbor, Katie Earp, because I didn't know anybody else. I was like, who else can be my emergency contact on this?
- [28:03]
A
Taylor from the street.
- [28:04]
B
Taylor from the street, right. Like, those kinds of things. And what I. What I realized was a few things. Number one, you have to be the person to go first. You can't count on them going first. And if they don't go first, it's not because they rejected you, it's just because they might not have flexed this muscle like we've been talking about as often as you have. Number two, make it so much easier than you think. Like, drop some boxed brownies off on their front porch, right? Like, ding dong, ditch them. Basically, like, show up. And then I think the third is, like, find a commonality that you have. For us, it was easy because it was all, all. It was military training that we were all going through. For your neighbor, it could be literally your zip code. For a mom friend at the school, it could be the school. Like, find something that is the string to attach and that can be the place you start. And then before you know it, you have a lot of other strings attached to you. Just haven't gotten there yet. So I. Yeah, but this one story you're telling, we were in Oklahoma. We were going to be there for maybe six months max. And I knew no one. It was like cowboys and military men and drug users. Nobody in between. It just was like the. The most bizarre community. And I remember telling Thomas, I'm so lonely. I just really want a friend. He's like, well, everyone you meet might only be here for another month or two. Because that just was the turnover. It's like, I know, I know. And so one day we saw some people that looked like friends. I don't know why, but God truly, like, highlighted them to me. They were walking their little poodle and I had my family in the back. And I told Thomas, wrote on the window, I'm gonna say, hey. He said, no, you are not. He said, oh, no, I will roll my window down. And anyways, we end up having to u turn it, rolled the window down, said hey to her. Her husband and my husband Thomas, started chatting about military stuff. And turns out we became friends for, like, a good month or two. And I haven't talked to her since, and I haven't even told her she's in my book.
- [29:57]
A
But, like.
- [29:58]
B
But it mattered in that moment. And it counteracted the lie that I was alone. And this was hard because I proved to myself, actually, I'm not alone. I can make friends. Them. And making friends is a lot easier than I ever thought it was. I seem to prove it to myself. So it was more of, like, the discipline than the relationship. You just yield a relationship at the end, which is really sweet.
- [30:16]
A
Yeah. I think that's a big deal. To even say there would be a lot of people that's like, I'm not doing that. It's not worth it for one month or two months. You know, I'm not going to roll down the window and be like, hi, yeah, But. But it's important. It's important. And I think some of the things that when I talk with my friends that they struggle with, like, especially if you don't have a large family.
- [30:37]
B
Yeah.
- [30:38]
A
So maybe you don't have a bunch of sisters or. Or you don't live near them that often. There's established groups already.
- [30:45]
B
Yeah.
- [30:45]
A
And so it's tricky in those types of situations. You show up at a church, everybody's already known each other for 12 years. Like, oh, you know. Or you show up and, like, everyone has their sister, so they're busy every single weekend and on the weeknights because they're doing stuff with family. And I think maybe you just have to try, keep trying and find the ones that are, like, in a transient situation like you are, or try and find the ones that don't have that. Because I would imagine there always are some.
- [31:12]
B
There always are some. And the more you try, the more you'll find. You'll find people. You're like, I don't know if I click. And that's okay. You try again the next day or the next moment that you see somebody new. And I think the more you get good at it, the less it hurts and it pings. I saw something so good on an Instagram reel, and I've got to find it so I can credit them. But it basically said, I'd rather admit that I walked through the wrong door than be in the wrong room my whole life. And that's it. It's like, it's also okay. To admit, like, oh, this wasn't. Like, this church doesn't actually fit our family.
- [31:48]
A
Right.
- [31:48]
B
Or like, yeah, oh, like these neighborhood girls aren't going to be like, my besties for the resties. Like, it's okay to admit that there's some grief there, but that doesn't mean it's the end all, be all. There are still women out there that are looking for a fourth. There are still women out there that are looking for their first friend or that just moved here. And the more you expose yourself and like, to these uncomfortable situations, I think the more that you'll find, oh, there are a lot of women out there that are. That are looking for and happy to have more friends.
- [32:18]
A
Yeah, yeah. It's really important. I mean, friendship. And it goes right along with then how you deal with those days that feel really hard. If you don't have anybody to talk to about it, know, then you don't have, you know, a lot of options. So one of the things that you talk about, which is kind of common, especially in the day of social media, is about comparisons. So you talk about, you know, especially in the morning, you're like, I'm having a good morning. I'm like, I got to kind of sleep in at 6:45, but I didn't wake up in the night. The baby slept. And then you, like, get on Instagram and you're like, oh, like, so and so's in Greece and look at their new kitchen remodel and. And you start to see this comparison, Right? And so you talk about, it's really important. Everything comes a cost. So maybe they have situations in their life that I wouldn't want to sign up for, you know, so those are things to remember. But you brought this up. And I was like, oh, I really relate when we compare ourselves to ideal versions of ourself.
- [33:16]
B
Oh, Rachel.
- [33:17]
A
And I'm like, you know, you just have these idealistic views of, like, how you're going to be. I did. You know, especially because you got these kids and you're like, I mean, you're in a situation where you're moving lot, so you're like, well, gosh, at some point we're going to settle down and this is how I'm going to be. We had all these little kids and I was like, at some point, you know, they're finally going to stop nursing or they're going to sleep through the night and this is how I'm going to be. And then like, six more years pass and you're like, shoot, I still don't have a meal plan. I'm like, one's about to graduate. Like, I. It's been 18 years. That's almost two decades. And I have not figured out how to do a meal plan. And I. My house is not clean. I'm like, if I. I'm like, I have this one space in my house. This is where I do my podcast. This is 10 or 12 square feet.
- [34:13]
B
Yeah, I love it.
- [34:15]
A
Looking forward does not look like looking backwards. I was gonna say the same looking forward.
- [34:20]
B
It's not. Yes.
- [34:21]
A
Yeah. And I'm like, goodness, you know, how have I not figured this out? And you say, this is so deep. The sneakiest and most threatening type of comparison is when I try to evaluate the life I have in. Okay, sorry, say it again.
- [34:38]
B
You got this.
- [34:39]
A
Wait, I want to read it from the actual book because maybe I had typos. I type fast. Okay, here we go. Let me try again. All right. Oh, I've got. Look at this page. Look how much I have circled. So let me try and find it. All right. Okay. I have. I'm going to read a couple of them, actually. Since I have it over. I felt an odd sense that I might be missing out on a version of my life that I should be living. And before I knew it, I was comparing myself to an ideal version of myself. Comparison doesn't always mean we're looking at others. I frequently think that comparing my circumstances to other people's is the furthest limit of what comparison is when it really is the starting line. Here it is. The sneakiest and most threatening type of comparison is when I try to evaluate the life I have have in light of the life I thought I wanted.
- [35:25]
B
That's it. And I'm going to say something that's going to step on people's toes, but I just need to say it because I'm kind of tired of seeing it online. People are like, if you're having a hard time seeing their stuff, just mute them or unfollow them or, you know, keep the hard things that you don't like to compare yourself to at the end of a ten foot pole. And I just would want to say, like, that's not going to solve your problem because it's not a them thing, it's a you thing. And you can't get away from your own mind.
- [35:57]
A
The problem is separate yourself.
- [35:59]
B
Yeah. I'm like, no, I love you and the problem is you. And like. And the problem is in my mind too. Like, it's not a you thing. It's an us humanity thing. But however, thinking that you can remove yourself from seeing hard things that you are like, like, tempted to compare yourself to, like, that's not going to change. Because if it's not her, then it'll be her, and if it's not her, then it'll be the movie. And if it's not the movie, and I'll be at the woman at the grocery store, like, you're always going to see this unless you fix this, like, root issue, which is I can love my life even if I don't like it. There are things about my own personal life I'd love to change. I'd love for my sons to have a grandfather from my dad. Like, I would love to have been walked down the aisle by my dad. I would have loved to not be a military wife, quite frankly, because that's not what I signed up for when we got married. Like, there are small things in my life. I'm like, if you gave me the chance, I'd change it. We just don't get the chance to change. So then what do we do about that? I'm like, okay, well, then I figure out how to lean into the one that God gave me. And I can tell you, Jenny and my friends listening, there is something so beautiful on the other side when you decide, if I can't change it, I'm gonna figure out how to live it. Those moments are the moments that start unwiring the comparison traps. Because now I see the thing and I'm like, like, yeah, see, that would be a lot easier. But I don't know what it took for her to get those kids in those outfits. I don't know what it took.
- [37:23]
A
Probably it took a lot.
- [37:24]
B
Yeah, right. But. But that's only because I leaned into my own life. I leaned into my own processes to see the product I have on the other side, to know that when I see her product, to recognize there is a process to that one, too. And that that doesn't happen from removing ourselves from their situations. That happens from just leaning into and stewarding the life God gave me. And it just thinks kind of those little kingdoms start to crumble in, like, the most beautiful ways. And I want that for all of our friends are like, oh, I just have a hard time comparing. I'm like, sure, you could totally delete the Instagram app. You could totally do all those things. But there's other work that needs to be done, too.
- [38:03]
A
I like that you talked about both of them, because I struggle a little bit less with other people's stuff. Although sometimes I'm like, like, why do they look like that? Like, they had five kids and I have five kids, and I would struggle more with that. But I. I do. And I don't know if I've read about that in other books. Rachel. Like, I don't really feel like anybody talks about that. The comparison to, like, oh, I thought my life would be like this by now. I thought I would have gotten it together by now. I thought I would be more rhythmic by now. I thought I would have figured out my routine better by now. And then all of a sudden, you're like, at the end of childhood and you're like, like, what? Whoops.
- [38:38]
B
Yeah.
- [38:39]
A
My time is up.
- [38:41]
B
Yes. For real. Yeah.
- [38:43]
A
Yeah. So I'm glad you talked about it. That I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to have. The other day, my lamp broke. It's my bedside lamp, and I use it to read late into the night because I'm always preparing for this podcast. It broke. It actually won't turn off unless I unplug it. And so I needed to find a new lamp for my bedside. And my. My favorite place to go, of all places to go, is Wayfair. Wayfair is a perfect place to go if your tableside lamp breaks, but it's also the perfect place to kick off your back to school and fall season prep. Everything comes so fast, and they have an amazing selection of things, from cozy bedding and linens to storage solutions for every room, they always have you covered. Plus, their huge selection of outdoor items makes it easy to find just what we need to transition smoothly into the fall. Besides lamps and linens, they even have playsets. We have the most incredible playset in our backyard that we got from Wayfair about six years ago, and the kids still use it constantly. Whether you're refreshing your workspace with a new desk or making weeknight dinners a breeze with quality cookware, Wayfair literally has it all. And with free fast and hassle free delivery, even on big stuff like sofas and dining tables, there is no better time to shop, get organized, refreshed, and back into routine. For way less, head over to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's Wayfair. W A Y F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, friends, it's Ginny from 1000 Hours Outside. I'll be honest, when something's weighing on me, I've definitely turned to the group chat, the neighbor at the park, or even the nice woman I met in the TJ Maxx return line. And while those conversations can be sweet, helpful even, they are not therapy when it comes to deeper challenges. Things like anxiety, stress or relationship strain, you need someone who's actually trained to help. That's where betterhelp comes in. Their therapists are credentialed, licensed professionals who work according to a strict code of ethics. And they've been matching people with the right therapist for over 10 years. You fill out a short questionnaire and BetterHelp does the matching for you. They've served over 5 million people globally and have a 4.9 star rating from 1.7 million reviews. Sessions happen online on your schedule and you can switch therapists anytime if it's not the right fit. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of Expertise. Find the one with BetterHelp, our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com 1000hours that's BetterHelp H E L P.com 1000hours because not everyone is the one, but your therapist should be. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Checking off the boxes on your to do list is a great feeling. And when it comes to checking off coverage, a State Farm agent can help you choose an option that's right for you. Whether you prefer talking in person on the phone or using the award winning app, it's nice knowing you have help finding coverage that best fits your needs. Like a good neighbor. State Farm is there and you had this beautiful piece of advice which was to ask your friends, what do you love about my life?
- [41:54]
B
Yeah, I don't know.
- [41:55]
A
That's kind of actually a scary question to ask.
- [41:57]
B
I know, well, like, what is it like if I were to hold, I'm like, what's in front of me? If I were to hold my lipstick, like right in front of my face and you're like, what kind? Like, what's the color? I'm like, I don't know. I cannot see it because it's so close. And that's our life. Like, what we have is sometimes so normal to us. It's so recent. It's like relevant. We get it that it takes someone else, like grabbing her hand and pulling it out, being like, okay, now read it. Now what do you see? You see something different when you're removed. We just don't have the privilege of removing ourselves from our own lives. So how do we get that perspective. Again, it's asking people saying like, hey, what do you see about this? Like, what's good here? Or challenge me? Like, what am I doing? What am I saying? That you're like, stop doing that or believing that or saying that doesn't work for you. And again, that. That takes friendship and courage. But if you're like, I can't find anything about my life that I love, okay, ask other people. Cool.
- [42:50]
A
It's a really good idea. Because they're not going to be like, do you know what I see? I see those cobwebs. Like, they're not. They might think it. They might think it, but they're not gonna say it. They're not gonna say it. I talked to this photographer, she's like this phenomenal photographer. And she wrote a book that I'm not gonna remember the name of, but her name, her name is Joy Prouty. And she's like, just this phenomenal photographer. And the book was beautiful. And she said in the book that sometimes people would have her come in, so she would do photography. Like, I'm gonna come hang out at your house for four hours and just get like, lifestyle, you know, what are you doing your day to day living? I was like, gosh, I would. I could never do that. There's like a folding chair against the wall over there. Like, what? Like, what is all this stuff? But that's what she would do. And she said that sometimes people would have her come in and they would say, can you come and photograph for the day and tell me if there's anything here worth saving? You know, like, they're at the end, they're at the end of it, you know, and they just think this isn't worth it. And, you know, maybe the marriage is falling apart or whatever the situation is. And I thought, gosh, what an honor to be called into that. But it's basically reflecting this question that's in your book, which is sometimes I think we have to reflect it back out to other people and get their perspective.
- [44:09]
B
Yeah, totally. One of my friends, slash coaches, her name's Ashley Brock, she says you can't see the label from inside of the jar. That's it. I'm like, you just have to get out. Get out of your jar.
- [44:20]
A
Sometimes I don't want to see the label.
- [44:22]
B
Yeah.
- [44:22]
A
I'm like, well, what is sunflower oil? Not supposed to eat that. Don't show me the label. All right, okay. All right. So. So many nature references in this book too. I am super curious about your Skincare rhythm. Honestly?
- [44:40]
B
Really? Okay.
- [44:41]
A
Because you were talking about rhythms, and I was like, rhythms. And then you were like, you ice roll your face and at night you do. This has nothing to do with anything, but I was just curious. Tell me what you do.
- [44:50]
B
Yeah.
- [44:50]
A
Okay.
- [44:50]
B
Well, I like to take a shower every night because I feel like I'm wearing at least one or two toddler bodily fluids by the end of the day. So I, like, take a shower and I have this vitamin C face cleanser that I use while I'm in the shower. I got it from Thrive. I don't remember the name of the actual cleanser. Anyways, then I get out and I. These are not clean. I'm. I'm kind of crunchy. I'm like, chewy. I'm not crunchy crunchy, but I'm chewy. These are not clean, but it's Dr. Dennis Gross's peel pads. They have these ingredients that are like the closest you can get to retinol. But I can't do retinol because I'd love to have. Have more babies. And they're always nursing. I feel like. So anyways, I use these skin peel pads. You literally just wipe your face down so easy. It's great for travel, too. Throw that away. And then I just use a moisturizer. I use the summer Fridays moisturizer in the mornings, though. It's very easy. I literally, I, I scroll my face, I cleanse, I. I scroll my face and I moisturize. That's all I do in the mornings.
- [45:55]
A
Okay, tell me about ice rolling your face.
- [45:57]
B
Yes. It's so good. Okay, I got this. I think it's like $6 on Amazon. It has a handle and it has a little roller. Imagine, like a paintbrush, like, rolling. Yeah. But it's miniature. And it stays in your freezer and it makes it so cold. When you first put it on your face in the morning, you're like. It really takes your breath away. But it's grounding, and it's really good for, like, de puffing. I don't really use it for the de puffing. I use it more for the grounding because you have to, like, think through. Engages all of your senses in your nerves and your are really, really helpful. So if you can't get out and put your feet on the grass, then this is another great way to get neurologically aligned. Okay. Yeah, possible. And I, I love it. And my. Now my boys do it. They have their own dedicated one now, though, because God knows snot, they're all of it. I try to wipe it as much as I can, but I have my own. I'm like, that one's mama's. You can use a blue one. I use the pink one.
- [46:56]
A
Okay. I love that you told me about it. We've never talked about skincare rhythm on the show at all. You're talking about rhythms. So you were talking about unpredictability can really rock your life if you don't have good rhythms in place. And you were talking about your skincare rhythm and your morning ice roll. And you have this amazing idea, like, if your life feels unpredictable, you can't really get into a groove. Just pick a couple things. Like, can you pick four things? And these are going to be a part of your day, and that's going to help you out in all the stuff about nature. Going for a walk, grounding yourself. The sun's rays on your arms. Standing in the rain and feeling the raindrops. Putting your feet on the earth. And then you talk about playing my favorite part, playing as an adult. Tell us more.
- [47:35]
B
Yeah. I don't know about you. Maybe it could just be like, how I was raised and I love my parents. I don't think this was intentional at all, but I think I always imagined wisdom and maturity being like, you have it together, therefore, you're not going to go out and be silly. And if you are being silly, you're being immature. Or if you are playing and having fun, then you're not being an adult. Like, you're not growing up. I have to admit, I also am the firstborn female and the first granddaughter, so I feel like I have all the tendencies. It's like, wait, why are you doing that?
- [48:11]
A
You're breaking the rules.
- [48:12]
B
You're having too much fun. That's just me. So some people might be like, I don't know about this, that. But Because I. I think that that's how I always imagined maturity, Specifically spiritual maturity, where I was like, spiritual maturity is like, you know, the stuff, like Old Testament, New Testament, books of the Bible. Let's go. I'll race you. Like, alphabetical order. I just was that. That was what maturity was until, like, some really tough stuff actually started to happen. And I think I just was taking myself. I was taking life and I was taking God too seriously. Not like I wasn't honoring, respecting. Like, those are. That's different. I think I was taking it too seriously. Knowing that I think God loves to play. I think that this world is so broken from the beginning of times. Like, it was not supposed to Be beautiful. However it still is. He's kind to leave behind little treasure hunts and bread trails for us to pick up these breadcrumbs and put together, even though we don't deserve it or need it, but he did anyway. And I just feel like sometimes we forsake the fun, but we actually miss a huge aspect of God's character, which is like, he's still. I don't know about you, but, like, I can imagine God laughing at me sometimes. Like, not at me, with me. Like, that was funny. That was a funny one, right? Or like, I. I see things like weeds on the side of the road that actually kind of look like flowers. And so I'll forage them, I'll bring them home with me and put them in a draw. Are like, those small things they might. I think pre Rachel would have seen them as frivolous, vain, insignificant. Today's Rachel sees them as evidence, sees them as really small little collectibles that do add up to something pretty significant. And now this isn't in the book. This is how I talk now. But I'm like, there are breadcrumbs and there are billboards. Like, there are. And I think as believers and especially as moms, we are looking for those big, shiny, exciting billboard moments. But on our hunt to look for those, I think we miss so many of the breadcrumbs that are along the way that could maybe even be the fuel to get us through some of the hard stuff we're. We're walking through. So all that to say, I think play is like a command. Like, I think we have to do it is required. Whether it's like, oh, I'm gonna go jump on the trampoline with my boys, sure. Like, that's play. But I think play can also be trying a new recipe just for the heck of it. Nothing to prove. I think play can be wasting time. You schedule an hour a week to yourself and you just don't even know. You don't have a plan. You're just going to go play. I think it looks like coloring for the sake of coloring. Like, what is it that young Jenny, young Rachel, and young whoever is listening now, what did you love to do as a kid? It's probably going to be where you've been, towards play. So if it was being outside, probably going to want to go outside. If it's being crafty, that was mine. I love to craft, like, as an adult. And like, that's how I. That's how I play. It's pointless. It's a Waste of time. And then that's how you feel. Then you're doing it. You're doing it really well. But it actually is so productive, and it's so good for your brain. And it makes me more proficient and more creative. And I'm a better problem solver. I'm a more fun mom. I gotta speak more kindly. I practice patience. It gives me courage to go try new things because I tried new things in a very small, curated arena. I can try it on a bigger scale next time. Like, it's these little things actually only really come from playing. And I think some of the most mature, powerful people choose play.
- [51:40]
A
Yeah. Tell us about your crafts.
- [51:42]
B
Oh, my crafts. Are you ready? I'm ready. I am the kind of girl where I'll see something out in the store or on Pinterest or at someone else's home. I'm like, where'd you get that? And they're like, oh, I bought it from this store. I'm like, arc make that. So, like, there's this, like, for example, I have these frames in my home. I used to be a sad, beige mom, and I hate that this is my background because this is the least colorful place of my whole house. Like, I normally have color everywhere. Okay. But I have these frames, and they're matte, and there's white matte with a really cute little black and white picture in there. And I'm trying to make my way around my home to, like, touch and add color to anything I can again. And so I went out to the craft store and I got some fabric, and I went and I re wrapped the mat so the mat has, like, a fun pattern on it and then put the picture back inside. That is kind of like my thing. I'm a DIY craft girl, not a scrapbook craft girl. Yeah, DIY stuff. If you give me something, I'm done. You will not see me for another year. I have so many things I want.
- [52:45]
A
To do, and you can just figure it out.
- [52:48]
B
Out.
- [52:48]
A
That's like your personality. That's incredible. I could not. I'm like, I'll buy it.
- [52:52]
B
What is yours? What would you say yours is if you have, like, a bench towards play? It's outside.
- [52:57]
A
I like. Well, it's not, actually. That's the outside story. Rachel, is that I was really an awful mom of young kids. I liked playing outside when I was a kid. Like, I rode my bike and stuff, but I actually believe I read. No, I was so. I was like, just trying to put him in all these programs. I was like exhausted. I just was like at the end of my up all the time. And getting outside is really what changed things for my mothering and then in turn change their childhood. So I, I mean, I did go outside as a kid because there was less TV and there was less screens and things like that. But I like to read. When I was a kid and I'm reading a lot now, but I played the piano and I like to do games. Like, I would love to play Boggle. Like if we got together, I'd be like, Rachel, I'll do a craft with you and then will you play bagel with me? Or I like puzzles. We have like 750 piece puzzle on the middle of the kitchen table. And I just talked to this lady, she was like, if you want to be a better cook, your kitchen should be an inviting place. And I was like, well, our table is good. Filled with a puzzle. I don't know, maybe I need to move it.
- [53:58]
B
But I love that it feels like.
- [54:00]
A
When you talk about, I mean it really honestly, it feels like this is a major waste of my time. Like the puzzle is this train with all these dogs running next to it.
- [54:10]
B
Right.
- [54:10]
A
I'm like, this is stupid, but I really like it. Like, I like to find the piece and then, you know, it's just sitting there. So every once in a while people come and you sit around, you talk to your kids. Everyone's trying to find a piece and it's so dumb, but it's so fulfilling in a way anyway. I like the buffalo brand of puzzles, if anyone's interested. They're really good shapes and they interlock and there's so many options and they're beautiful. So.
- [54:35]
B
Well, I think it's like almost like a tool. Like, like a kitchen knife. It's like you can use a kitchen knife over and over and over and.
- [54:39]
A
Over and over again.
- [54:40]
B
And it's a great kitchen knife, but what makes a better kitchen knife is how sharp it is. And play is like what sharpens you. So if you're only ever doing stuff that you feel like you're using yourself for and you're not ever doing anything, just like take time and sharpen up.
- [54:53]
A
Yeah.
- [54:54]
B
You're not. Eventually you're going to be a little bit of like a plastic utensil. You have to like actually me take the time and sharpen up. And that's what play does for me.
- [55:02]
A
Yeah. And it shows kids that adulthood is fun and that you can do things that you enjoy. You say what counts as play. Anything that's fun to you that has no real purpose, yet it's intentional. You have to volunteer to do it. It has to be something you actually enjoy. You can't be watching the clock when you're having fun. You aren't even aware of yourself. It gives you the freedom to adlift, pivot, change your mind, and when it's fun, you'll want to do it again. So I do have, like a backup puzzle ready to go once I'm done with the train and the dogs. So there we go. I mean, I like it. I like it.
- [55:34]
B
Yeah.
- [55:35]
A
And you talk about just ways to make ordinary, mundane things a little bit more fun. And I think that's a great idea too, because life is filled with those types of things. Tell us about your podcast.
- [55:43]
B
Oh, you're so sweet. I have a podcast. We have these kind of conversations and more. We talk with friends like this. We also do lots of solo shows, but it's called Real Talk with Rachel Autry where I tried to bring forth maybe some taboo topics, things that need to be said, big sister type advice, and I share a lot of what I'm learning in my own life, take it or leave it kind of stories. It's so much fun. Anywhere podcasts are able to be listened to. You can find it.
- [56:11]
A
Did you want to say anywhere podcasts are sold?
- [56:15]
B
Can you tell I've been doing book press.
- [56:18]
A
That's like, what came to my mind. Anywhere podcast, yes.
- [56:21]
B
Our podcast result. No, it's for free. You can listen for free.
- [56:24]
A
You can.
- [56:25]
B
It's free podcast.
- [56:26]
A
What's an example of a taboo topic?
- [56:29]
B
Oh, gosh. I mean, sex. We talk about that. We talk about friendship, like friendship breakups. We talk about those. Even like delightful things, but with a spirit. So I say, like, we're at the in between, between, like faith and entertainment. So, like the entertainment, it's not going to be raunchy, it's not explicit, you'll always walk away purpose driven. Like, it's never like, I wasted my time. And it's also faith based, so you can know that it's going to be clean, it's going to be lovely, but it's also not so stuffy that you don't, like, laugh and cackle in the middle of it too. So I want this to be something you can listen to when you unload your dishwasher and feel like you had some company and you learned something new. That is my main goal.
- [57:11]
A
I love it. There's tons of episodes. Over 300 episodes people can choose from.
- [57:16]
B
Yes.
- [57:17]
A
Amazing. Real talk With Rachel Autry.
- [57:22]
B
Unreal. You are so good at what you do.
- [57:25]
A
I just stopped.
- [57:27]
B
I love it. I. I love this. I feel like we need to, like, play Boggle. We need to get together.
- [57:32]
A
I'm pretty good at it.
- [57:34]
B
Oh, well, watch out.
- [57:36]
A
My brother Luke is better, though. He's like the one I need to be. But, yeah, life is fun. And I. But I also, I think that this is such a relatable book, too, because life also has things that are really hard and your blood pressure does end up through the roof sometimes because of. It adds up. It adds up, it adds up, it adds up. And so this is a really needed book because everybody has those things, those annoyances that happen and happen and happen and happen every day. Often every single day where you're like, oh, this and this and this. And to your point, you know, I mean, there's always going to be something until you need to know how to love your life, even when you don't like it all the time. A realistic guide to unlocking joy in life's messy, mundane and magnificent moments. Rachel, what an honor to get a chance to talk with you. We always end our show with the same question. Here's the question. What's a favorite memory from your childhood? That was outside.
- [58:27]
B
Oh, my gosh. Okay. Well, I'll say it. It's in the book. And I love this so much. I went roller skating. Or roller. Excuse me, Rollerblading.
- [58:36]
A
You got them so young, didn't they? Didn't you say four years old?
- [58:39]
B
That was four.
- [58:42]
A
As a parent, were you kind of like, wow, yeah.
- [58:47]
B
First in the book, I said five or six. And then I read it for my family. Just was. I was like, am I remembering this correctly? They're like, oh, no, you were four. I was like, that's wild. But I was like, head to toe in, like, all the helmet and the knee pad pads and elbow pads and arm pads, like, all of it. And I just was like, it wasn't skating. It was shuffling down the road with my dad. But I loved it. I remember, like, crunching the leaves. Like, I actually, it was probably one of my first memories, but I loved it. I felt like I was. It was probably one of the first times I had ever tried something new outside. And I loved it. It was really hard and fun, and I felt confident. I have to, I, I, I'm privileged. I grew up outside a lot. I spent a lot of time outside. So when you ask that, I have probably 20 that come to mind, but that's the first. That's the whole, I'll say one more, the other one is favorite memory. Okay. So when I was the last few years, my dad was with us. We did instead of Christmas gifts, we did a Christmas trip. So every Christmas morning we'd wake up and we'd figure out where we were going. And our last family trip was to Switzerland. And there was this one moment. It was incredible. Jenny. Oh my gosh. There's this one moment on one of the last days. There's like the seven mile hike back to the village we were staying in. Or you could take the train. And my mom took my brothers to take the train and my dad was like, do you want to hike with me or do you want to take the train? And there's something in me that was like, I want to hike with you. So we hiked seven miles back to our village and had the best conversation. Not knowing that would be probably one of the last, like just us moments. We had dad and that also to get email, like, probably almost takes the cake. But both include him. So he's super impactful to me.
- [60:34]
A
Yeah. Isn't that interesting? It's like whatever gift you would have gotten, like slippers or a new shirt or whatever craft supplies, whatever gift you would be got, you would have gotten would be long gone. They did those trips. What foresight, you know. And now you have those memories.
- [60:50]
B
Memories.
- [60:52]
A
Wow. Yeah. Absolutely beautiful. And the hope is, like you said, you know, you could think of 20. The hope is, is that's what our kids will have.
- [60:59]
B
That's right.
- [60:59]
A
They have something, you know, that it's not just that they were inside on screens, that they have memories like that that they can draw from that are powerful for them. So, Rachel. Ah, I got to meet you. How exciting.
- [61:10]
B
Yeah.
- [61:11]
A
Hugs to you. Hugs to you. Huge congrats on your book. Thank you so much for being here.
- [61:14]
B
You're incredible. Thank you so much for having me. Having me bundle and safe. With Expedia, you were made to follow your favorite band. And from the front row, we were.
- [61:26]
A
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- [61:28]
B
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- [61:31]
A
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- [61:32]
B
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- [61:34]
C
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