The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast

Episode: 1KHO 602: There's No Such Thing as a Terrible Toddler
Guest: Devon Kuntzman, author of Transforming Toddlerhood
Host: Ginny Yurich
Date: October 22, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode focuses on reframing toddlerhood as a magical, critical period of child (and parent) development rather than the dreaded "terrible twos." Devon Kuntzman, author of the comprehensive new book Transforming Toddlerhood, discusses the joys and challenges of raising toddlers, how to set realistic expectations, and practical strategies for handling tantrums, whining, sharing, transitions, roughhousing, and more—all with an eye toward both child and parent growth.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reframing Toddlerhood: From Terrible to Magical

• Parallel With Teen Development: Both toddlerhood and adolescence represent times of huge developmental leaps, autonomy-seeking, and boundary-testing.

  "The teen years are the second toddlerhood. ...There's a lot of things that are absolutely parallel in these two different developmental periods." (Devon, 01:09)

• Toddlerhood is a Time of Firsts: First steps, first words, first tastes of independence.
• Toddlers Teach Us Presence:

  "Toddlers really have this ability to teach us about what's important. They're so present and they're so forgiving. Toddlers really show us how to stay in the present moment..." (Devon, 03:51)

• Joy in the Simple Things: Joy can be found in watching a butterfly, splashing in a puddle, or turning a box into a spaceship (05:05).
• Toddlerhood as Parent Growth: Parenting toddlers pushes adults to develop their own emotional regulation and interpersonal skills.

2. The Book: Transforming Toddlerhood

• Structure: 45 short, approachable chapters addressing both broad concepts (brain development, parenting mindset) and "in-the-trenches" situational challenges (tantrums, sharing, separation anxiety) (02:01).
• Purpose: To be a guide and companion, not a "read-in-one-sitting" text but an on-the-fly resource.

3. Managing Expectations and Parental Growth

• Growth Mindset for Parents:

  "You don't have to have all the answers in that moment and you're allowed to learn alongside your child..." (Devon, 07:46)

• Reparenting: Parenting brings adults face-to-face with their own triggers and the ways they were parented.
• Unrealistic Expectations Lead to Frustration:

  "We think that they should have more impulse control when really that's an unrealistic expectation." (Devon, 10:54)

4. Understanding Toddler Emotions and Behavior

• Unpredictability: Toddlers can be set off by small things (broken granola bars!) and parents can feel on edge waiting for the next meltdown (09:15).
• Developmental Realities: Emotional regulation and control are still developing; toddlers are often not "giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time" (13:51).
• Letting Go of the Need to Make Kids Happy:

  "It's not our job to make our children happy... It's just our job to support our children so they feel seen, heard, and loved and unconditionally accepted..." (Devon, 10:54)

5. Tantrums: Normal and Necessary

• Why Tantrums Happen: Struggle for autonomy + lack of control + emotional immaturity.

  "Their options are basically falling to pieces and then coming back to their emotional equilibrium, having that emotional poop, as you could say." (Devon, 27:05)

• Not a Sign of Failed Parenting:

  "If your toddler never fell to pieces, they wouldn't learn how to regulate their emotions." (Devon, 33:02)

• Dealing with Tantrums:
  • Ensure safety first (head, surroundings)
  • Ground yourself as the parent

    "Your biggest job is to ground yourself... You have a choice to jump on your toddler's emotional roller coaster or to pull the brakes by staying calm yourself." (Devon, 30:02)

  • Uphold boundaries, but it's okay to lovingly move on/extract as needed
  • In public: "I'm doing my best" is a perfectly fine response to others' stares

6. Whining and Big Feelings

• Whining is Triggering: The pitch and parental insecurities both amplify the frustration (37:49).
• Responding to Whining:
  • For older toddlers: Gently model the "talking voice" you want to hear
  • Avoid saying "use your words," instead gently model or scaffold the language
  • For younger toddlers: Give vocabulary via modeling or sign language (39:24)
• It's Not About You: Whining usually signals dysregulation, not manipulation.

7. Transitions (Especially Leaving Play/Nature)

• Strategies for Easier Goodbyes from Park/Friends (42:39):
  • Set expectations in advance ("We'll play, then go home for lunch")
  • Five to ten minute warnings before transition
  • Offer choices for leaving (walk or carried, one more slide or swing)
  • Use playfulness/distraction ("Race to the car?" "Carry the heavy bag?")
  • If meltdown happens: Empathize, but uphold the boundary ("I know you’re upset, but it’s time to go.")

8. Play, Nature, and Roughhousing

• Play as Language:

  "The more playfulness we can bring into the challenging moments, the more cooperation we’re going to see..." (Devon, 46:58)

• Roughhousing Builds Resilience:

  "When we're roughhousing, we can practice consent, emotional regulation, and experimenting physically... so many positive skills are learned from roughhousing." (Devon, 47:41)

  • Supervised roughhousing teaches limits and body awareness.
• Outdoor Play Benefits: Nature play reduces many common playdate conflicts ("the best ones are going to be outside" – 57:21).

9. The "Sharing" Struggle

• Not Instinctual: Sharing and “fairness” are developmental milestones, not prerequisites for toddlerhood (53:32).
• Frequent Parent Worry: Playdates and sibling play prompt questions about taking toys, not sharing, and handling relatives’/friends’ kids.
• Hope for Parents:

  "Just because your child is struggling today … does not mean your child is mean, bad, rude, or going to grow up to be a bully … it means that your child is in a very egocentric developmental period called toddlerhood..." (Devon, 54:27)

10. Everyday Toddler Struggles: FAQs from the Book

• Chapter-format allows parents to quickly find scripts and tips for nail-clipping resistance, separation anxiety, power struggles, sleep, constant interruptions, sibling dynamics, and more (58:21).
  • Nail-Clipping: Set up for success during calm times, use modeling, and don’t feel pressured to do all nails at once (58:50).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

"Toddlerhood is full of firsts...and at the same time, toddlers really have this ability to teach us about what's important. They're so present and they're so forgiving." – Devon (03:51)

"It's not our job to make our children happy... it's just our job to support our children so they feel seen, heard and loved and unconditionally accepted." – Devon (10:54)

"If your toddler never fell to pieces, they wouldn't learn how to regulate their emotions. ...Tantrums can be challenging for us, they're also part of creating that emotional resilience." – Devon (33:02)

"Your biggest job [during a tantrum] is to ground yourself. To ground yourself, take those deep breaths... You have a choice to jump on your toddler's emotional roller coaster or be the person who's standing outside pulling the brakes." – Devon (30:02)

"Just because your child is struggling today...does not mean your child is mean, bad, rude, or going to grow up to be a bully or a horrible person. It means that your child is in a very egocentric developmental period called toddlerhood, and they're just trying to navigate it." – Devon (54:27)

"Play is really the language of childhood. The more playfulness we can bring into the challenging moments, the more cooperation we’re going to see because it’s creating connection, it’s creating influence. And we’re just speaking their language because their language is play." – Devon (46:58)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:26: Introduction to Devon Kuntzman and her book
• 03:51: Reframing toddlerhood – joys and magical moments
• 07:46: Parental growth and self-reflection during toddlerhood
• 10:54: Understanding and adjusting expectations for toddlers
• 13:51: Big emotions: Not giving a hard time, but having a hard time
• 27:05: Tantrums: Why they happen and reframing them as necessary
• 30:02: Practical steps for handling tantrums
• 37:49: Why whining is triggering—and what to do about it
• 42:39: Strategies for smooth transitions when leaving play
• 47:41: The benefits of roughhousing and physical play
• 53:32: Handling sharing and playdate conflicts
• 58:21: Everyday FAQ: Nail clipping and routine self-care

Further Resources

• Book: Transforming Toddlerhood by Devon Kuntzman – a practical guide with 45 chapters covering common toddler (and parent!) struggles in ages 1–5.
• Workshops & Membership: Devon’s website for ongoing support.

Takeaways

• Toddlerhood is challenging but critical for brain, emotional, and even parent development; it should be embraced, not dreaded.
• Setting realistic expectations, modeling behavior, and practicing playfulness and presence make these years more enjoyable and growth-filled for everyone.
• Most difficult toddler behaviors are developmentally normal and fade with age and supportive guidance.
• The strategies discussed are applicable not just for toddlerhood, but also as a foundation for later childhood and even the teen years.

For a deeper dive or specific how-to scripts on temper tantrums, sharing, nail clipping, and more, check out Devon Kuntzman’s book and resources.