← The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
1KHO 608: Hospitality In The Wild | Abby Kuykendall, Let the Biscuits Burn
00:42:55
Loading summary
Transcript94 lines
- [00:00]
A
Welcome to the 1000 Hours Outside podcast. My name is Jenny Urch. I'm the founder of 1000 Hours Outside. We're going to be talking about hospitality today, which is a word that can cause some people to like, break out in a cold sweat. And they're looking around their house, there's like cobwebs everywhere. And I used to have a friend that talked about how often, like, she was on a schedule for cleaning her baseboards. And I was like, I didn't even know that was a thing. And so an author of his brand new book called Let the Biscuits Burn, cultivating real life hospitality in a world craving connection. Abby Kuykendall, Welcome, Jenny.
- [00:33]
B
Thank you so much. Let me first off say I am such a big fan of yours and the whole 1,000 hours outside. I mean, what a way to, to just get families connected and do things outside. Man, that's one thing that my mom always said that she wished we would have done, you know, just did more of was, you know, maybe travel to the national parks instead of go to the beach at the same time every year. You know, like, just add some of that variety in our life and get, get us outside and maybe make me more of an outside cat than an inside one.
- [01:06]
A
But, you know, I tell you what, I didn't grow up doing a ton of stuff outside, except that there was less tv, so we were outside just more naturally. And we did do. We went on vacations and things like that. But at this point, you know, even though I, I'm not like some super outdoorsy person, I still find that especially in a technological age, it just helps us all feel better. So I'd love to kick it off here. There's a couple of things. First of all, you can be hospitable outdoors, and that does, in a lot of way, things a little bit easier. But you. And we're. So we're getting into the nitty gritty of being hospitable in your home in your story. And then also you have a cookbook. So people are like being hospitable in their home and they want to have some different recipes. You can help them out with that. But I just love this part. You talked about invitation. And so, like, we're trying to get outside. And one of the key parts about getting outside, Abby, is having friends. You know, people are like, well, my kid doesn't want to go. I'm like, well, they would want to go if you had a friend coming. And so you talk in this book about the importance of invitations. And I had heard one time, I don't know if you're going to agree with this or not. I'm curious what your take is. I heard someone say one time, hospitality is about how you make people feel. I was like, that's kind of deep. You know, I would have thought, like, hospitality is about your throw pillows. And they were like, hospitality is about how you make people feel. Like, do they feel welcome in your presence? Are you, like, in hospitable presence? So I feel like if you agree with that, or at least to a degree, you can kind of take that hospitality with you, where you go.
- [02:38]
B
Absolutely.
- [02:38]
A
And this part about being invitational. So you talked about. You remember the first invitation that you got? So can you talk about that, the first invitation from the first grade and how important it is to be an inviter?
- [02:52]
B
Yeah. So I do think I talk about Dr. Kurt Thompson all the time. He's like, oh, my gosh, up there with, like, one of the best authors that I've ever read. He wrote a book called Anatomy of the Soul. And he talks about how God has designed us to feel loved and to feel known and to feel seen. And I actually think those three words, to feel known and loved and seen, are the epitome of hospitality. I think that, you know, hospitality is the way in which we show love. It is the way we serve. It is the way we show up for people. And so all of that kind of plays into that, you know, notion that hospitality is how you make someone feel. Entertaining, on the other hand, is an outward or is an inward expression. It is how I want the house to look. It is how the food I want to serve. It is the throw pillows I want on the couch. And so it's a very me focused mentality. I'm not saying you can't entertain and have a hospitable heart at the same time. I'm just saying those two words can often get confused or you be used interchangeably. And when we talk about it from a biblical sense, there is just a little bit of a. Of a difference. And there's tension in that. And I think it's healthy to hold that tension. But when I talk about my first invitation I ever received, it was in the first grade. It was a Lion King invitation. I was, like, so pumped. And I remember thinking, I am the coolest person because I just got invited to this birthday party. Um, fast forward. I was not the most athletic. I said, you know, like, before, I'm an indoor cat. And so I was never picked on the soccer on the, on the playground for the soccer teams or the kickball teams, I was always last. And so in order, like, for me to get that first invitation, it just was like balm to my soul. And, you know, the more I think about why did I feel like that at 6 years old? It's because I wanted to feel known, I wanted to feel loved, and I wanted to feel seen. And all three of those things come with an invitation. And I think that sometimes, though, that is the hardest part of being hospitable. Whether you're hospitable inside your house or outside your house, it is, is. It is so overwhelming because the older we get, I think the more rejection plays into it and we're like, we don't want to hear, no, we don't want to hear, I can't go. We don't want to have to do something by ourselves. And I'll just give you a great example. A month ago, it is one. I'm in northwest Arkansas. It is wonderful weather this time of year. And all I wanted to do was take my 16 month old to the zoo. I just think that he would love seeing all the animals. It's an hour and a half away. So I did not want to go by myself. So I decided to invite like 12 people. And I was like, surely I'm an over inviter by nature. Like, the more the merrier. But like, honestly, we would all have to drive different cars because you can't all fit in my car. But I'm an over inviter hoping that, like, one person will say yes. And nobody said yes. Oh, everyone said no. Does that keep me from going to the zoo? Does that keep me from asking more people? Does that keep me from asking or extending the invitation the next time? No. Does rejection hurt? Absolutely. Am I. Have I been practicing hospitality for 15 years and have a flourishing community and I have people in my circles? Absolutely. But does no happen sometimes? Yes. Does that need to keep us on the side sidelines of inviting people? Absolutely not. So I say that as an encouragement that, like, you know, sometimes no's will happen. But you just gotta keep asking people, keep inviting, keep extending that welcome to people. Because if God only ask us one time to be his child, none of us would be getting into heaven. But he asks us over and over again. He extends that invite from Genesis to Revelation, all the way through, through the Bible that like, I want you to be my child. I want you to come to heaven. I want you to have a seat at my table. And so I think that if we can keep that mentality of like, okay, God, God wants community. For me, God wants, wants people. I just need to invite them. And I think it makes it a little bit easier.
- [07:21]
A
There's so many things that you brought up that are interesting. First of all, the part where you're like, I've been doing this for 15 years. And you talk in this book about your story and how, you know, you're moving a lot for work and then you're in this apartment and your mom's like, hey, you should invite somebody over. You're like, what? You know, I only have this little table and like, shouldn't we go out to eat? So, you know, you have this whole journey of hospitality, but the season changed for you because now you have a 16 month old and you want somebody to drive 90 minutes with you to the zoo. And so actually that's a really interesting part of it, is that you can potentially get really good at hospitality in one season and then the season changes and in some ways you have to adjust. Have you found that as a mom?
- [08:04]
B
Oh my gosh, for sure. So what I have found is I still have the spontaneity that I had as a single. But my mom friends don't necessarily have the same love of spontaneity that I do. They have, they love their schedules for their children, they love their routines that they have for their children, and they love their, you know, snack routines and their lunch. This is what we do.
- [08:30]
A
Nap is at 1 o'. Clock. So I can't go to the zoo.
- [08:33]
B
Exactly.
- [08:34]
A
Yeah.
- [08:34]
B
And so there has been a lot of adjustment for me in that space of like, okay, I am such a go and doer, like I just said about the zoo. But maybe in this season of my life, in order to build community, it really looks like, okay, I'm gonna go on a walk at 4 o' clock with my son because that helps us wind down for dinner. I'm gonna invite somebody on that walk because I know that most moms are outside, maybe at the park or on a walk at that time of day as well. So I do wanna make sure that I hold space for things that I think are fun and want to do and absolutely try to squeeze those in. Maybe plan a little bit further out next time. But also my season's changing and so I'm going to, you know, maybe in order to build community or to be hospitable to somebody else, I need to fit into their schedule. And so it's a little bit more of a mindset shift because as A single. It was like spontaneous spontaneity. Was like, the end all be all. Like, that is just, oh, my gosh, dinner tonight. Let's go out Friday. Let's do this, let's do that. And then now it's like, oh, my gosh, I have to plan three months in advance. Holy cow.
- [09:41]
A
Well, and then, like, the kid is sick that day. The day that it's like, yeah, the spontaneity changes. You know, you gotta pack all the bags. And it is a big difference. And so that's an interesting thing to bring up, that maybe at some point you would have been. I actually think it works all different ways. Like, in some ways, sometimes the mom season allows you to have these different options of we're gonna go to the park for three hours, and I'm gonna really build this solid relationship.
- [10:05]
B
Right.
- [10:05]
A
And then you change into the season of, let's say, sports, and you're kind of in and out. So it's constantly changing. There's a constant ebb and flow, and.
- [10:13]
B
There is such a constant ebb and flow of, like, your spouse. Of, like, this is a really rough season for my husband. And so he does not want anyone in our house because this is his haven. And so, like, I am having to think, okay, how can I exercise or have the rhythm of hospitality? How can I show my son what hospitality looks like when my husband is like, hey, I'm really stressed at work for the next couple of months. Can we just not. So I'm like, okay, well, let's pivot. And we're going to do everything outside of the house for the next couple of months, and we are going to be kind of transient in that. In that kind of space. And so, you know, I don't necessarily think that hospitality has to look like Martha Stewart or Joanna Gaines or the way that Pinterest tells us it has to look with a perfectly, you know, done table and hot food that comes out of the oven right as somebody walks in the door like that. That is not going to happen for the majority of us, and that's okay. I think that it. It is really about making sure people feel loved and known and seen. And if we can do that, then I think that we will see our communities flourish, we will see our relationship with the Lord flourish, and in turn, we will have more capacity to show love in different ways.
- [11:32]
A
Yeah. And people can feel known and loved and seed outside the house as well as inside the house for sure. So it's a good reminder. The other thing that you brought up when you talked about the invitation and. And you talked about this in the book. You know, you say being invited meant I wasn't overlooked or forgotten. Someone wanted me there. But you also talked about. This was really interesting to me, Abby. So there's this man named Andy Crouch, and he wrote. He's written a couple books, but one of them is about technology, the techwise family. And he talks about this concept of promise versus peril, about how technology comes along and it offers all this glitzy promise. But then often there are some downsides to it. And I never thought about this until reading this paragraph of your book. But invitations used to be in person. And I remember as a kid picking the invitation, writing out the party details. You know, you gotta write it out 12 times or eight times, like the same thing over RSVP, you know, and you're kind of like, this is annoying, but you loved it. You say, I find it fascinating that from an early age, invitations are so important to us. I still remember the thrill of getting my first invitation to a birthday party in first grade. It was a brightly colored card with a picture of Simba and Nala on it. So, like, some parent went to whatever party city or whatever place has and picked out this Simba and Nala. They slipped it into your cubby with your name carefully written on the front because you do. You, like, sit at the table and you got to write out each one. And you wrote, I clutched that Lion King theme card and read every detail over and over again. Being invited meant I wasn't overlooked or forgotten. It's something as. As small as an invitation, but it can make such a big impact. And I thought, gosh, maybe we should be bringing back handwritten invitations.
- [13:10]
B
Yeah. I just recently, I'm, like, tearing up because I remember all of the emotion that that card held for me. And I've read the book, like, a million and a half times. And I can't believe I'm still getting emotional about you reading. You're reading that out loud. But I just had a conversation about, with my friends about RSVPs and invitations, and I. The question was, what kind of party requires an invitation and what kind of party requires an rsvp? And my friends, which. These were like, my college roommates, so we're very transparent with each other. And somebody said, RSVPs are no longer. And I am sitting over here like, nope, nope, nope. We do need RSVPs to some type of events. And they are. They do require a response like, don't let. Don't make me change Chase you down for an rsvp. But that's like the Emily Post in me, you know, like, oh, I love tradition and all of that. And then I had another friend that said, I just think you send invitations to the old people that still require an invitation. Text everybody else. And I'm sitting there going, I cannot imagine, like, not receiving an invitation to, like, a wedding shower or a baby shower and just being like a text, like, hey, my house, Sunday the 12th at 2. See you there. And it's like, wait, we're not gonna, like, have a honeydew barbecue. Cute, cutesy invitation, or we're not gonna do, you know, like, a holiday themed shower. Like, I think about all of these fun parties and sometimes it's just so overwhelming for people and they would just rather get together. And I, I do value that. I do value the sentiment of, like, let's take all the pleasantries and let's just spend time with each other. But then there is a traditional aspect of like and importance, of feeling loved and known and seen with an invitation. And like, I desired you to be there so much. I paid for the stamp, I paid for the envelope, I wrote the note, and then I'm gonna write you a thank you note. And like, I just, like, I love all of that because it more ingrains in us that you have been chosen and you are important and valued. And in a world that bypasses that statement, a lot of like, hey, I value you. When was the last time you told somebody that, hey, you are important to me? When was the last time you said that to somebody? But when you can go out of your way to extend hospitality to someone in that way of like a handwritten invitation, it's like, man, I didn't realize how good this felt.
- [15:49]
A
Yeah, I mean, it, you know, it's like Evite comes along, you're like, well, this is great because now I don't have to Write this out 15 times. Yeah. But it also takes something away. And I wouldn't have thought about it until I read that paragraph that you wrote about the Lion King invitation and, like, how much you loved it. And you remember, like, remember holding it and looking at it and anticipating, especially for a child, they're not gonna see the Evite. It comes to the mom. Maybe you put it on the calendar. But to have that and then they get to look forward to it. You know, it's coming in seven days or eight days or whenever. My. My friend's birthday party. Ginny here with 1,000 hours outside, if you're like me, you know that the best gifts aren't the ones that end up on a shelf. They're the ones that get muddy, sun soaked and full of memories. That's why I am so excited to tell you about our friends at Womb Bikes, a family focused company that truly gets what childhood should feel like. Womb makes the lightest, smartest, safest bikes on the market, designed specifically for kids, from their very first balance bike all the way to those confident neighborhood cruisers. Every detail is built for little riders, from easy reach brakes to perfectly balanced frames. So kids don't just learn to ride, they learn to love the ride. And this holiday season you can give a gift that leads to a thousand hours of joy, confidence and connection. Outside. Head to womb.com and use the code outside 10 for 10 off new bikes and accessories. But hurry. It is only good until November 15th. That's womb W-O-O-M.com and use code outside 10 for 10 off by November 15th. This year, don't just give a bike. Give them a reason to ride and a lifetime of adventure. This show is sponsored by Better Help. Hi friends, It's Ginny from 1000 Hours Outside. You know, as the days get shorter and the evenings creep in earlier, it's easy to start feeling a little disconnected. The light fades, the schedule fills up, and sometimes we realize it's been months since we've really checked in with someone we care about. Maybe there's a friend you've been meaning to text, or a family member you haven't called in too long. This season, Better Help is encouraging all of us to reach out because we're healthier when we're connected and no one should have to go through hard seasons alone home. And if you've been thinking about therapy, maybe that's another kind of reaching out. It can feel a little intimidating at first, but just like sending that message or grabbing coffee with an old friend, most people find themselves thinking, why didn't I do this sooner? BetterHelp makes it easy to start with over 30, 000 licensed therapists and over 5 million people served, they'll match you with someone who fits your needs. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch anytime. So as the days get darker, let's choose connection. Whether it's a friend, a loved one, or a therapist. This month, don't wait to reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com 1000hours. That's BetterHelp H E-L-P.com 1000hours. You know what I love about this time of year? The air gets crisp, the days feel cozier, and suddenly I realize, oh, right, the entire family is coming over. Hosting is such a joy, but it can also feel like a marathon if your home isn't quite ready. This year I got it all with Wayfair and honestly, I don't know why I waited so long. I found the cutest light fixture, some wreaths, and a new comforter set for our guest room for when our son's friend came and stayed with us for a week. And that made it feel like a little bed and breakfast. Everything came fast, shipping was free, and it all looked even better in person. Wayfair really has everything you need to make your home holiday ready. Like Christmas trees, cookware, throw blankets, twinkle lights. Even those little touches that make your guests say wow. Whether you're hosting family dinners, cozy movie nights, or welcoming guests from out of town, Wayfair makes it easy to make your space shine without blowing the budget. So don't wait until the week before Christmas. Start now. Enjoy the process and make your home a place you can truly settle into this season. Get organized, refreshed and ready for the holidays. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.
- [19:41]
B
Well, and I know, I know that like they don't, they don't still. I know a lot of, I'm not in this, in this era, but I hear my friends talk about like how they don't do like classroom birthday parties anymore and all of that. And I just, I always thought it was like so cool that like we got invitations in our cubbies or we got like, you know, like gifts in our, you know, like Valentine's Day gifts weren't just like a free for all with your shoebox in the room. It was like, no, I put something in your, in your cubby for you. And it's like, oh my goodness, I can't wait to get the mail. And now the mail is on bills and it's like this, this, this was not good. This was trickery.
- [20:21]
A
Yes. Yes. It's just a reminder. Are, are there ways that you can take almost things that seem old fashioned at this point to make, to help people feel known, loved and seen? And invitations are one. You also told A story about a woman named Emma. And you said sometimes people need more than one invitation, which I think is a good reminder.
- [20:38]
B
Yeah, for sure. Emma did not want to come to Bible study, or she did, but she was a little. Little hesitant. And so I just kept. You know, I gave her the space to say no. I didn't judge her for that. I didn't hold it against her. But at the same time, it was one of those things that I was like, okay, we. We need to either make a decision or. Or not. And so I just kept pressing her, hey, you want to come? Hey, you want to come? Hey, you want to come? And. And one day she showed up, and she ended up being such. She ended up being such a vibrant part of that community, and all she needed was to feel like somebody actually saw her and just wasn't offering an obligatory invitation. And sometimes a short little text message can feel obligatory because it's copied and paste or it's a group message or it's. It's not unique or specific to me, but when you go out of your way to take me to coffee four times and invite me to something, okay, I'll show up. And then it just becomes habit. And it was exactly what she needed. It was exactly what our community needed, and it ended up like working out. But hearing. If you have not set your expectations to hear no, hearing no can be hard. And so I think that we have to realize that some people are at capacity or some people are. Are just used to saying no or not used to getting an invitation or are. Or, you know, being invited at all, and that it takes a couple of times. So build that resilience, ladies.
- [22:20]
A
That's good, because I'm a baby about it. I tell you what I'm like. I don't like being rejected, but that's good advice. That's really good advice. Abby. Abby. That the expectation is to hear no. Like, if you're expecting it's probably going to be no.
- [22:33]
B
They.
- [22:34]
A
They probably have something important. You can make up some story in your mind. It's not that they hate you. You know, they just. Whatever. They're at a doctor's appointment or they're.
- [22:42]
B
Well, that's like with my zoo story, you know, I'm. I'm. I'm thinking, okay, this is a long shot. We have never gone on a day trip. None of us have ever done a day tr. Day trip together. This is going to be a hard pass for a lot of them, but let's just throw it out there and see. And so Everybody said no. I almost said the majority of them. Nope. Every single person said no. And so then I move into, okay, well, we're going to try it again. And next time, instead of giving them two weeks, I'm going to give them four weeks. The next time, instead of giving them four weeks, I might give them, hey, let's plan next year. Yeah, next year at this time. Let's go. No, but like. Like, the. You know, sometimes it's that just people's schedules get full and they need to plan for it or, you know, whatever. And, yeah, I love that some people need longer time periods to plan. That's okay.
- [23:34]
A
Yep. It's good. It's a good reminder. So the book is all about what hospitality is. It's about vulnerability. I love the. That the Bible says, practice hospitality because that means you're never, like, really. You've never really nailed it. Like, you're always practicing. It's actually one of my favorite verses in the Bible. So you've got all this information about hospitality, and then you have a whole bunch of excuses. I'd love to talk about some of the excuses. You say we convince ourselves it's our messy house, our lack of cooking skills, it's our overwhelming schedule. Let's hit a couple of them. I'm too busy.
- [24:02]
B
Yeah. Let me. Let me tell you, I have heard that more times than not from people. I've also heard it from myself. So I am speaking to the choir. So when I talk about, you know, that excuse of I'm too busy, the best way to cure that is to plan ahead. And for my family, we talk about our next month. We talk about it two weeks prior. So, like, the. Halfway through the month before.
- [24:33]
A
Yeah.
- [24:34]
B
So right now, as we're recording this, it is September. We talked about October a week and a half ago, and SEC football made it on the list first, so don't y' all worry. I saved some Saturdays for SEC football, but I also went through that schedule, and I said, okay, I want to show hospitality. I want to practice. I want to create this rhythm. I want to do it X amount of times that month. And so that's when I put it on the calendar. I also communicated that with my husband of, like, this is my schedule for how I want to include hospitality in my life. And that's when he told me, october's really busy. We're gearing. He's in sales, so he's gearing up for the holidays. He's like, probably not. And so I, like, just whited out those little Dinner parties. And I was like, well, not this month. We're not doing that. And, you know, moved him into the next month and middle of October, we will talk about it, and we'll see, you know, if he's ready in November. But if work has kind of calmed down. But I think that we can. If you wait until. If you wait until the week of. Or the week before, and your schedule is already full.
- [25:43]
A
Yeah, it's already filled in.
- [25:44]
B
Yeah, it's already filled. So. But if we can make a plan to practice hospitality before the schedule gets full, we can nip that excuse right in the bud. We can say, you know what? I'm not too busy, because it was already on my calendar. But again, Jenny, you have to prioritize things if this is gonna be a priority in your life. I'm not saying you need to do it, like, seven times a month. I'm saying, like, next month, try one time. And with that, just do it once. Prioritize that one time. And then maybe practice one time, a couple of months. And then when you get good at doing it one time a month, add a couple more in. And so then it becomes this progression of practicing. You don't just go out there and play Rachmaninoff on the piano or whatever. The first time you sit down, you are gonna start with, I don't know, like, easy reader, finger piano. You know, like, it's gonna be a progression. And so we have to do the same thing with hospitality. Start small. Give yourself grace. Build over time.
- [26:47]
A
All right. I'm not a good host.
- [26:50]
B
You know that. I love that one, too. Because none of us are. If you are comparing yourselves to Instagram and Pinterest and Martha Stewart and everybody else. And so you can just throw that one right out the door. I don't even want to talk about it, because it's not about your table. It's not about your food. It's not about the way that your house looks. It's about the way that people feel. We've already said that. And so bringing people in or going outside with people, going on a walk with people, it's not about the conversation you have or it's not about the food you serve. It's about being present with them. And the way we do that is get out of our head. So get out of your head. None of us are good hosts. Go ahead. God doesn't call the decor experts just to practice hospitality. He calls all of us. So.
- [27:36]
A
All right, the next one comes with a story. So we had these friends over Once. And we've. We go in waves of having people over, and we actually used to have people over a lot more. And we're kind of in a season right now where we're not, which is a. Which is a long story.
- [27:54]
B
But we.
- [27:54]
A
Used to have people over a lot more. And one time this family came over and they were like, the husband and wife and their kids, and the husband and wife were like, we really like coming over. And they were like, you and Josh are so authentic. And I was like, oh, like, that's great, right? Like, authenticity is such a big deal. They're like, you're so authentic. They're like, you don't even care if your house isn't clean.
- [28:19]
B
Right?
- [28:20]
A
Wait a minute. Wait. Wait a minute. I kind of thought it was clean. That was actually shocking. That was shocking.
- [28:26]
B
This is clean for me. What are you talking about?
- [28:28]
A
I was like, is there. I don't. What's the problem? I mean, I was, like, kind of shocked and embarrassed, so I didn't, like, dive further in. And I still don't know. I was like. I'm not quite sure what she was referring to. But anyway, that's. That's one of the excuses. My house isn't clean enough. I don't have time to clean it. Someone's gonna come over and be like, you are so authentic. You don't even clean your home.
- [28:50]
B
I know. I love that. You know what? And the way that I. Because this is. This would be my excuse. My. My house isn't clean enough. And so I have a couple of non negotiables. And I encourage everyone to create non negotiables. So my non negotiables are the bathroom has to be clean. And it doesn't have to be, like, scrubbed with bleach or anything, but it just, like, it needs to have a full toilet paper roll. The. You know, the trash needs to be empty, the toilet needs to be flush. You know, natural things. And then I need the sink to be empty. The sink being dirty stresses me out. It stresses me out at night. I don't like waking up to a dirty sink. And so I just. That is a non negotiable for me. And then we have so many pillows at my house. I love pillows. I think pillows make things look homey. And so. But what happens to the pillows? They make their way to the floor. In fact, I think that my husband secretly loves to just go around the house and take all the pillows off of everything and just throw them to the floor. So my non negotiables Before I leave the house or before somebody comes over. I've got to clean the sink. I've got to make sure the bathrooms are just clean or they are usable. And then I have to make sure that all the pillows are in their places. Is so.
- [30:03]
A
All right, now it's your turn.
- [30:05]
B
What are your non negotiables? Think about that.
- [30:07]
A
I mean, clearly I don't have any. I don't even.
- [30:11]
B
I don't know, maybe clearly not your baseboards.
- [30:13]
A
Yeah, I don't quite know what the situation was there. Okay, so you have a couple non negotiables. I think you just have to deal with the fact that some people are going to be like, this isn't clean. And you think it's clean and you're confused.
- [30:26]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [30:26]
A
You don't really know what's happening. All right. What if you have no clue where to start? Start.
- [30:30]
B
Oh, you need to start with the invitation. Oh, well, maybe prepare your heart for people to come over first. Pray about it. Be convicted by the spirit. Say, you know, like, I really want these people to come over. I want to build a relationship with these people. But you really need to start with the invitation. And that's where you need to start because. And my sister has such a great. My sister is so. I want to say the word flippant, but I don't know that flippant is kind of negative. She's just like, go with the flow. She.
- [30:56]
A
She's easy, breezy, positively. It's like flipping in a positive way. It does have a negative connotation. But that type of personality that just, like, isn't flustered by anything.
- [31:07]
B
Yeah, she doesn't really need a plan. She's careful.
- [31:10]
A
What is that word? Carefree.
- [31:13]
B
Yeah, maybe carefree. She's a little butterfly. She just splits and floats around. But anyway, she says, you know what? You just say yes and worry about the. The details later. And I, like, that is not how I operate. I am a planner. Like, if I'm gonna have friendsgiving in my house, I'm gonna have the whole table set before I even invite the first guest. Like, that is how, like, just OCD about parties or hospitality or whatever I am. And she's like, no, no, no. All you have to do is say yes today and then worry about the details later. And I think that if you don't know where to start, say yes to the invitation. Like, invite somebody over and then just worry about the details later. And that is harder and said than done. But it can be done.
- [31:56]
A
Yes. And you talk about being casual and having conversation starters if you're nervous and people can all read the questions and you talk about having a cozy night. Okay, so how about this? I don't know what to cook, you guys. The holidays are almost here and you know what that means. People to feed, guests to host and a whole lot of cozy moments ahead. I've been getting our home ready with Wayfair and it's amazing how just a few updates make everything feel warm and welcoming again. In I grabbed a beautiful new dining bench so everyone has a seat at the table, swapped in flannel sheets for the guest room and found the cutest Christmas wreath. All from Wayfair's Black Friday sale. Everything shipped fast, the prices were unreal and it made me actually excited to host. This year, Wayfair really is the place to shop for all things home, from sofas to spatulas, rugs to refrigerators. And during their Black Friday event, you can save up to 70 off. Plus they have styles you won't see anywhere else, so your space actually feels like you you. And if you haven't heard, Wayfair now has a loyalty program where you earn 5% back, get free shipping and have access to member only sales. It's totally worth joining, so don't wait. These early deals are already happening. Head to Wayfair.com now to shop Wayfair's Black Friday deals for up to 70 off. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com sale ends December 7th. You know, healing takes courage, but it also takes the right support. And sometimes it even takes a puppy. Capstone Wellness is unlike anything I've ever seen. For over 24 years, Capstone has helped thousands of families by combining faith, clinical excellence and some truly creative approaches to healing. At Capstone Treatment center, teen boys and young men struggling with trauma, mental health or addiction are given something extraordinary, a Labrador Retriever puppy. On admission. That puppy stays with them through the program and goes home with them when they graduate. It's not just a dog, it's a partner in responsibility, in attachment, and in bringing families back together. And if residential care isn't what you're looking for, vine and Roots Intensives offer individuals, couples and families months of world class counseling packed into just a few concentrated days. It's designed to trace hurt back to the roots and begin real healing. Healing is possible. Start your journey today@capstonewellness.com 1000hours. That's capstonewellness.com 1000 hours. You know how the Mornings are starting to get that extra little chill. I've noticed it every time I head out the door. And lately I keep grabbing my lightweight down puffer jacket from Quince. It's warm, it's light, and it's become my go to layer. Cooler days really do call for layers that last and Quince is where I find those essentials that feel cozy, look refined and don't blow my budget. Think 50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters, premium denim that fits like a dream, and luxe outerwear you'll wear year after year. These aren't one season pieces. They're the kind of staples that quickly become your fall uniform. Right now I'm eyeing their wool coats. They look totally designer, but the price tag is just a fraction. And honestly, the quality is just as good, if not better. Here's why. Quince partners directly with top tier ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen them. So you get true luxury quality at half the price of similar brands. If you are ready for a wardrobe upgrade that feels smart, stylish and effortless, find your fall staples at quince. Go to quince.com outside for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com outside to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com outside now here's what's really interesting. You have a cookbook and it might be hard for people to find the cookbook because you have a different last name. This must have been before. And so your last name, I'm learning this right now, was Turner. And that is such an easy last name.
- [35:48]
B
I know, I know. I went from Turner to Kuykendall and.
- [35:52]
A
There'S no R in it.
- [35:54]
B
I'm just kidding. There's no. You know what, it's Danish. Kirkin actually means chicken.
- [36:00]
A
Okay.
- [36:01]
B
So if that helps you at all.
- [36:04]
A
I don't know how that would help me.
- [36:05]
B
I don't know that it would help you either. But you know, but I am very.
- [36:09]
A
I'm very glad to know that, Abby. But anyway, okay, the cookbook, you're gonna find it under Abby Turner. And this book is Let the Biscuits Burn, which is Abby Kuykendall, but it has no R. So just make sure you check the show notes because I'll show you how to spell it. But the cookbook's called the Living Table Table Recipes and Devotions for Everyday Get Togethers. One of the things you're really big on is crescent rolls. But what do you do if you don't know how to cook?
- [36:30]
B
You know what? Pick up my cookbook. Literally everything starts from store bought. Also give. I give so much credit to our grocery stores in the Living table. And I know that probably as like a cookbook author, I probably shouldn't have like everything needs to start with flour and sugar. But let me tell you something, Our grocery stores in 2025 are immaculate when it to comes. It comes to easy entertaining, apps and staples, and so I can judge up just about anything. And that's what the. I mean, there's like a really pretty cheesecake in there. And literally I took jam and frozen fruit on top of a store bought cheesecake and it's like, this is how you make a store bought cheesecake. Really pretty. So you know what? I do a lot of those tips and hacks because the purpose in the Living table, really my heart behind it was we need to get out of the kitchen and with our people and we need to do it fast. And so everything is really 20 minutes or less. If you start with store bought, there are a couple of recipes that, you know, you kind of have to do as your like, rite of passage with having a cookbook. But there Most recipes, over 200 of them are just 5 minutes or less or not 5 minutes, 20 minutes or less, few ingredients, 5 ingredients or whatever. And so if you don't know what to cook, go to the grocery store and pick something up. Totina's pizza rolls. I talk about that in the back of the book. There are a lot of like, tips and hacks in what I call the table, the table tips in the back. And one of them is Totina's pizza rolls. Like, it is okay to buy a bag, pop them in the air fryer, and serve those. I mean, nobody ever said no to a good pizza.
- [38:09]
A
It is true. Talk about your epic snack drawer.
- [38:13]
B
Oh my gosh. I'm actually in my pantry right now. I film everything because I feel like my pantry, like, has all like the goodness that you need to make something great. And so it's like, you know, I'm doing the same thing. I'm like, in my pantry so that I can make greatness with other people on podcasts and interviews. But I have a snack drawer. I have a salty snack drawer and a sweet snack drawer and. And you can pull them out and it's like in the salty. It's like all your nuts and your trail mixes and everything. And I keep them so stocked. We are snacky people. And then the Sweet is everything from like, you know, candies and fruit gushers and all that kind of, you know, the non healthy stuff. And my friends know exactly where they are. And I. My. One of the things that I say to all of my guests when they come in and one of the things that my guests know is that Abby will ask you take off your shoes, because you feel more at home that way. Take off your shoes, grab you something to drink, and then get you a snack and make yourself at home. And they know that if they need more Cheez its, they know where they are. So, you know, I just. It is, it is part of the way that I have cultivated this an environment for hospitality in my own home of like, I want to make sure that everything feels like they can just get up in the middle of a conversation and say, I'll be right back, I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'm gonna go get some more Cheez its.
- [39:40]
A
Or I'm getting my gushers.
- [39:42]
B
Exactly. And so, you know, it's just one of those things that helps me create an environment where people feel loved and known and seen.
- [39:52]
A
And you got a 16 month old. So like when he's 16, the kids are gonna be like, they all know. They all know where the snacks are.
- [39:58]
B
Okay. I did not grow up with a good snack drawer. Sorry, mom. But I was like, determined. I was like, my kids are, you know, they might be from Thrive Market, but let me tell you something. They're going to have some snacks.
- [40:13]
A
Yeah. And the simple things. Light some candles, have some drinks ready. This epic snack drawer.
- [40:18]
B
Yeah.
- [40:18]
A
Was this really cool idea in the book, which is called Let the biscuits burn about waffles at 10. It was like this family that's like, after football games on Friday nights. Tell us about that idea.
- [40:28]
B
Oh, my gosh. Amy White. I found this on Instagram. I think I might have gotten served the Instagram story or the reel or whatever, but she started having her son's football team over after the football games on Friday night. And it turned into the entire team and then the entire team's parents. And she, she talks about how it started from just wanting her son to have a place to go after football on Friday nights. Instead of like going out or whatever. She was like, I'd rather have them in. And then it turned into like, this was the place to hang and she actually gives. She was like, we had this many kids and this many adults, and this is what our shopping list was. And it was like eight gallons of milk. This many waffle, like, so she gives exactly what she bought. And when you look at it originally or like at the very beginning, you're thinking like, oh my gosh, you're feeding a whole football team waffles. And their parents, like, that's a lot of waffles and milk. But then when you look at her shop list, it's actually not. And she's like, we always had leftovers. And it's like, I wonder why. Well, it's because they weren't coming for the waffles. They were coming for the community. They were coming for the connection. And if we let ourselves get so crippled and so tied down by the details, we will miss the connection points. And as parents, I think that it is our job to help our kids figure out what are those connection points with my people. And for, for a football player, it was, hey, we're gonna hang out after the game at my, at my parents house, we're gonna have waffles. And they just hashtagged it waffles at 10. Because after the football game when I was growing up, it was called fifth quarter. We went to the local church and hung out there.
- [42:14]
A
That's clever.
- [42:15]
B
That was so fun. It was pizza and all that, but man, you know, what a way to show hospitality to your family and to other, other other people and kids that might not have set foot inside of a church. Let's just come to the backyard, let's hang out, you know, let's make waffles.
- [42:32]
A
Waffles at 10. I love that idea. So if you don't know what to cook, you can make waffles. Waffles and milk, that can be your go to. But you have tons of other ideas in here. Pick up your cookbook. All right, how about this one? And this kind of goes along with that one. It's too expensive.
- [42:47]
B
Yeah. You know, I think that with. It's too expensive. Like I was just saying about what Amy and her husband did with the waffles at 10, it always seems more expensive than what it would actually cost. Like, oh my gosh, it's so much in my mind, I can't do it. Well, maybe not also potluck. Jesus took fish and loaves from a little kid. Take, take a casserole off of somebody and some salad off of somebody else. I will say about the potluck, this is what I have found and I think that this is like so smart is if you tell somebody exactly what you need for a potluck. Look. So hey, do you want to bring the salad? I'm thinking a Strawberry poppy seed salad. Guess what? They will make a strawberry poppy seed salad.
- [43:32]
A
Oh, that's a good idea. I'm the worst at that. I am the absolute worst. I'm the absolute worst at knowing what to ask for and actually asking for it.
- [43:41]
B
Yeah. So like. Or if it's a Caesar salad. Hey, can you bring. We. I had a chicken spaghetti night with some of my college friends and their family, and they all came over and I told the girls, I said, hey, we're doing chicken spaghetti. So I need two Italian loaves that are breaded. Maybe garlic or what with garlic on them. We can toast them when you get here. And then I need bagged Caesar salad, kids. And so then it was like, okay, they knew exactly what to get. I made the chicken spaghetti. But then they knew exactly what to bring. And then my other girlfriend was like, okay, well, there's nothing left for me. And I was like, crumble cookies. You got it. So, like, everybody brought something and everybody knew exactly.
- [44:19]
A
And they're probably so relieved there was no stress and they're relieved that someone tells them what to do.
- [44:25]
B
I know. And it was like my friends that got the garlic bread and the Caesar salad, they literally picked it up at Walmart on their way here and they were like, I am so glad I did not have to prep for this.
- [44:35]
A
Yeah, that's great. All right, last one. Last one we're going to go through and then people can read more in the book. My house is too small. This is going to come full circle, man.
- [44:42]
B
Oh, my gosh. My apartment, 600 square feet. When I first started my hospitality journey, I had a drop leaf table literally pushed up against the wall that I myself, one person sat at, and you had to pull it away from the table. And it was barely big enough for two 12 inch charger circles. And I was mortified that I was bringing people in. But that's where my hospitality journey started. That is where people found Jesus. That in that season we had a bi. That inviting one person turned into six people turned into a Bible study. And. And, you know, I just. Nothing is ever too small for God to use it in a big way. So.
- [45:22]
A
And then this is what the book says. Don't overlook the potential of outdoor spaces. So there we go. It comes full circle. Abby, it's a fantastic book. It's honored to get to know you.
- [45:32]
B
Thank you.
- [45:34]
A
We always end our show with the same question. The question is, what's a favorite memory from your childhood? That was outside.
- [45:40]
B
Oh, my goodness. You know what? I remember talking about birthday parties. I had a birthday party that was outside one time, and it was a bike parade.
- [45:47]
A
Oh, how fun is that?
- [45:49]
B
We all got to decorate our bikes. We got cake, got to decorate our bikes. And then we rode our bikes around the park and had, like, my mom played music. It was so fun.
- [45:59]
A
So I love that idea.
- [46:01]
B
I always think back. It was like, my eighth birthday. Oh, my gosh. I loved it. And I was, like, so uncool with my clothes. I think my shirt was from Stein Mart. That's how uncool I was. And I still remember it. Blue striped. Let's go. So outside. Outside birthday parties. Oh, my gosh. Don't underestimate them. With kids. Just get outside.
- [46:24]
A
Yeah. How memorable is that? Just a bike parade. You could even not even for a birthday. Right now, we're meeting at the park, having a bike parade. I love that idea. Abby, what an honor to get to know you. People can check out your book and your cookbook, which is fantastic. Thank you so much for being here.
- [46:39]
B
Bye.