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The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
1KHO 618: A Developmentally Appropriate Childhood Is Self-Care for the Whole Family | Dr. Natasha Beck, Dr. Organic Mommy
00:56:31
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- [00:00]
A
Welcome to the 1000 Hours Outside podcast. My name is Jenny Eric and the founder of 1000 Hours Outside, and I'm so excited. I've been a fan for so long. Dr. Natasha Beck is here. Welcome.
- [00:09]
B
Thank you for having me, Jenny.
- [00:11]
A
Okay, so you go by two names. Natasha, that's your name, but also Dr. Organic Mommy. Can you tell us the story of getting to the doctor Organic Mommy part?
- [00:21]
B
Sure. So I was diagnosed when I was a kid with dyslexia and, and which is now known as a reading disorder and adhd. I also suffered from depression and an eating disorder as a child as well. And so it was very tough. And when I knew that I wanted to go into a field working with children and so I started working in the clinics when I was getting my master's and then eventually my doctorate, and I noticed firsthand how diet was impacting the children I was testing, that's when I really took a deep dive into an organic, whole based approach to nutrition. And I found that that really worked and I started implementing those things that I saw on myself. Then when I went on to have children, my first, my oldest, I have four, over a decade ago, he was hospitalized for 29 days as an infant and we couldn't figure out why. I started looking into environmental toxins and that's where I took that approach. And because I had my research background, it was easier for me to kind of dive into that and tear apart the research and figure out what was going on. So that's kind of how I got there. And I met my best friend in a parenting class when I had my second child and she knew all about Instagram and websites and she told me, she's like, you have to get this out there. And I said, I don't even know how to do that. To this day, I don't know how to get on my own website. So she had me start the page and I wanted to have like a free resource out there just because it became so hard for me as a parent. And you know, I saw her struggles as a first time mom. How to get information and how to figure out which products were right for you. And that kind of fell into my lap with the products part. I didn't expect to be reviewing products, but it was easy for me to know kind of what questions to ask companies and their founders and to look through testing reports and, you know, whatever they were doing. And that kind of fell into my lap. So I don't, I do this all for charity. All my proceeds go to charity. You know, I don't do any sponsorships or anything like that, and I don't accept free products. I just find the right ones that I like using, and then I let parents know about it.
- [02:41]
A
And people can find that on your website. I'll put all the links in the show notes. You have your own podcast called When Millennials Become Moms, and also a substack and then your really big on Instagram. People can find a lot of inspiration there. One of the things you talk about is people trying to get their husbands on board. You say it's one of the biggest questions. Can you talk about the. I don't know if it's a misconception, but it's. It's a common thought of, well, I ate Twinkies and I'm fine.
- [03:07]
B
Yeah.
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A
And there's a lot of those types of processed foods that were around. So I grew up in the 80s and the 90s, and there was oatmeal cream pies and Little Debbie, but they weren't gmo. That didn't come into play until later. And I just think there, it seems that there's just more of an onslaught of a thing after thing after thing that's going into the food supply. Can you talk about. Talk to someone who wouldn't understand, who's like, well, I had these things and I was fine. Why does it matter?
- [03:38]
B
Yeah, that's a great question. Something I get very often. My friends referred to me back in the day as Taco Bell. Tasha. I thought Taco Bell was the healthier version of Del Taco. And when I was tired, I'd go to Del Taco. And so I had no idea how crappy I felt. I had no idea how much my depression was impacted by the food I ate, how much my attentional skills were impacted by what I was consuming. And when I started to change those things because I noticed the impact on the kids I was testing, and I started to change them in myself, I started to feel better. I started to notice I didn't need the stimulant medication that I was on. I started to notice, Wow. I actually am not feeling depressed. It was. I had a lot of deficiencies in my diet, and so I had no idea. And then I started to realize the importance of getting lab work done. And even right now, for as healthy as I am now, I am zinc deficient, which is why my hair, it. My hair is thick up top, but it wasn't growing as much at the bottom. And I knew something had to be wrong. And it was because I was really zinc deficient. So now I'm taking a zinc supplement, which really tastes gross. But, you know, hopefully it works. But I just noticed that in the last couple of weeks when I got my last blood draw. But I think it can be really overwhelming for parents. You know, I like to tell parents, you know, social toxins can be worse than the chemical one. So when we get so worried and overwhelmed by all of the different things out there, it can be really hard. So that's number one. Number two, I tell them, take out anything from your home that has fragrance, and you don't have to throw it away, but just remove it outside of the home. Anything with, you know, and if you can go a step beyond that, anything with other toxins, like, you know, nonstick pans or plastic items that are, you know, your whole. Your food containers, just put it outside. But first, just start with fragrance, because that's the biggest thing that people don't realize, that you're having some brain fog, you're struggling with sleep. You're not getting the best sleep if you put it outside for two weeks. And I've done this with so many people, they notice the biggest difference, and they never realize because you're desensitized to that.
- [05:53]
A
Okay, so we're talking about plugins, we're talking about laundry, laundry detergent, all of.
- [05:59]
B
Some of your perfumes, your shampoos, your toiletries. There's fragrance in everything. Your candles, incense, most of it's. A lot of it's cleaning products, for sure. But your air fresheners, your Glade, plugins for, you know, all of that. And you don't realize how much of it you're being exposed to. And so when you think about it, yes. When we were kids, we had a lot of this stuff, and we seem like, oh, we're okay, but are we really? When most of the population has an autoimmune or chronic condition. Right. So all of the people in our age group, right. We were born in, you know, the 80s and grew up in the 90s. And we're not, okay. We're struggling with fertility. We are struggling with autoimmune conditions. I mean, the. I have so many friends that have rheumatoid arthritis, have Crohn's, that have colitis. They all have gut issues, and they're all. Or pcos. They're all struggling with different things. And so you might seem like you feel okay, but I challenge people to take that, you know, test and see would you feel better after a couple weeks.
- [07:04]
A
Wow, what A great idea because I do think a lot of people are nervous about throwing things out. And so you say like, yeah, put it in a bag, put it outside, and just give it a test. You can bring it all back in in two weeks. What is the connection with the fragrances? So we've got, we have five kids and our two boys are teens. And so they're like, pretty wanting to do cologne. And I'm always like, no, but I don't know the science super well. And they, you know how teen boys are. They're like, mom, you know, leave it alone, I'm fine. Yeah. You know, constantly we're like, I think one of easiest things to cut out is aspartame, like sucralose. So for a long time it's like, we don't do that. But then, but they really push back. I mean, teenagers, like, they want to know what's going on, what's the logic behind it. So can you talk about the fragrances? Because I think people will be like, well, you're just smelling it. What's the big deal?
- [07:52]
B
So what they add into fragrances is a toxin like phthalates that cause endocrine disruption. So it causes you to go through puberty earlier. It causes you to be more likely to have metabolic conditions. It causes more likely to have. It's correlated with more cancers as you get older. The problem with teenage boys or girls, they don't. In teens in general, they don't see the long term consequences. They're only looking at short term. So you kind of have to explain it in that way. That's number one. Number two, I like to say, well, there's always better options out there. There are better colognes and perfumes out there, better companies. So like Henry. Oh, I'm blanking the names. Henry Rose. Michelle Pfeiffer actually developed. Developed a company because she's on the board of ewg, the environmental working group with me. And she was so passionate about that that she developed and created her own company because she was so tired of all these, you know, people coming up with all these colognes and perfumes that were terrible for you. And so the reason behind, like, with the toxins, like phthalates, it makes sense stick around longer. They're not supposed to stick around that long. And we've gotten used to like, oh, well, you know, when you're a kid, remember with like, oh, what was it? The little teddy bear. Little bear. When like, you'd smell like the soft, fresh, like, you know, in the bed or the clothes we're not supposed to be smelling our clothes. It's not supposed to be. Have a smell to it. And we've gotten so used to having. Everything has to have a smell. When you walk into your home, it should smell. Like, when you clean, it should smell. And so we've gotten so desensitized to that that it' actually now impacting our gut as well as our endocrine system. And so we're struggling with that.
- [09:43]
A
Yeah, there's a lot of implications there. I talked to this man. I think this is just an interesting aside. His name's Arthur Brooks, and he studies happiness. He works at Harvard. He's a professor there. And so he was telling. Well, he wasn't telling me. I read in his book. But then we did talk about it, about this study that they did where it connects smell with attraction. So they had all of these men wear a certain T shirt for a certain amount of days. Like, don't take your T shirt off. You're going to wear this T shirt for three days or something. Then they put each T shirt in a shoebox and put holes in the shoebox. And then women would smell the shoebox without seeing the man, and they would smell all these shoeboxes, and they would rate based off of smell how attractive they thought the man was. So this is really interesting, right? And what it turned out was that the. They all were rated differently. You know, they really. They rated. It's not like it was like one smell was the one that every woman was into. They were ranked differently. And it related to the fact that if they mated, I'll say that because kids listen in, right? That. That their DNA was different. Different enough that there maybe would be different, not the chance that there would be genetic abnormalities. So basically, you. You're attracted more to the person who smells different from you. And he said that's part of the reason why you're not attracted to your siblings, has to do with their smell. Anyway.
- [11:11]
B
Yeah.
- [11:12]
A
All that to say I started to think about, like, how much would cologne or perfume mess with your ability to find your person?
- [11:22]
B
Hmm. I think that's a fascinating study. You know, we are often so much of our memory is held in our olfactory senses, right, where we smell something and it triggers a memory. Even when you're a young child, you typically remember smells before, you know, actual visual memories. And so, like the smell of, you know, your mom baking something or sitting on your. The lap of your. Your dad or your grandpa or whomever, and you remember, you know, their musty Sweaty smell, like. Yeah, that's what triggers memories. And so, yeah, it gets to be really interesting when you're putting these synthetic smells all over the place.
- [12:07]
A
Yeah, it's like you're messing with the natural order of things. Like maybe we're supposed to smell the way we smell and that's how you find your mate. So that made me think about my, you know, my kids too that are of dating age. And you kind of think, well, gosh, these fragrances are, are probably in some way not only disrupting their, the endocrine disruptors and messing with health, but they also may be messing with those sort of basic signals and sensory things that our body uses to move through the world. So, okay, so that's a really incredibly practical first step. So if you're struggling in general, you probably should just try it. Like you said, you may be struggling and not even know it. You might feel a lot better. So fragrance is one. What if it's in the realm of food? Is there a similar first step or two that you recommend?
- [12:54]
B
Well, ultra processed foods and sugar. I mean my three things that I talk about always on my page are the three S's, right? Sleep, sugar and screens. Those are the three things that are going to be very popular. And I've been talking about for the last decade that that's the new drug that everybody's going to be looking at. So when we look at sugar kids are supposed to have between 2 and 17. So I think that's a wild range when you just give that. Because a 2 year old is very different in size than a 17 year old, 24 grams of sugar. But on average you're getting close to 70 grams of sugar per day. The average American child. Wow. A lot.
- [13:33]
A
Okay, that is wild. We just had friends over yesterday and there was like a 1 year old and then, you know, my, my 17 year old is like a strapping young man. That is wild that the recommendations would be that they're not differentiating. So 24. So every single day it's basically three times too much. Close to.
- [13:52]
B
Yeah. And what is that doing? So it's making our immune system not work as well. When you have too much sugar, your immune system doesn't work as well. So yes, you're supposed to get sick. I think that's a common misnomer in what you'd say like the crunchier culture. Like, oh, my kids don't get sick, everybody gets sick and you're supposed to get sick. But what I like to look at is how long you're getting sick for. And how quickly do you bounce back? So when you don't. When you get a cold, it shouldn't last more than a few days, but kids are staying sick for like a week, two weeks. No one can pull their kids out of school that long, you know, and then. Or if you're homeschooling, it's just a struggle. And so when they're around other kids and they get sick again, and it just continues the cycle. But if you look at kids who are not getting as much sugar, it shows that the immune system works a lot better and they bounce back faster. And so that's kind of how I work with my kids. I don't limit my kids with sugar, but I educate them and provide them with that foundation, because inevitably my kids are going to be out of the house and making their own decisions. Right. My oldest is 11, and he's out and about with his friends when he goes out on his own, you know, so he's got to learn to make his own decisions. So I first look at the amount of sugar, and I talk to them about, like, making healthier choices. There's always better options for you out there. So there's foods that help you grow and foods that don't help you grow as much. And so I'd rather you have, like, a freshly baked croissant or chocolate chip cookie even, versus a pack of Sour Patch Kids. Not only does that have a ton of sugar, but it also has artificial dyes. And artificial dyes has been shown to, you know, make kids struggle with behavioral issues or attentional difficulties. It makes kids more impulsive. And we've had that research now for, you know, since I was a kid, I remember my doctor telling me about this, and I thought, oh, now that's fine. Like, every kid eats, you know, the cereal in the morning and like, the Gatorade or the juice boxes and all that, the Capri Suns, but they all have artificial dyes. But what is that doing to our kids? You know, if we look at bats now, you know, the number of kids that have neurodivergent kids out there, the numbers are staggering, and they keep increasing. And it can't just be explained by better diagnosis and more awareness. It's increasing too fast. So it's a combination of food and lifestyle, including, like, pesticides and herbicides and fungicides that are out there that we're exposed to in our food as well. And in addition to the environmental toxins.
- [16:36]
A
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- [20:34]
B
I think so, but I feel like it's also often overwhelming for parents to feel like you have to cut up all ultrabestra's foods for a week. I think that's hard for some. What I tell them is just make one home meal, homemade meal a night. I mean a week. One, one, once a week. And the kids, if possible, do it on a weekend or whenever people are free. Because studies have shown repeatedly that having a meal with your family has such tremendous benefits. They look at academic success and success in general, more so than doing homework or tests. Having dinner with a family is so important. Having a homemade cooked meal is so important. And you remember those smells. So start with one and if you're already at, you know, you cook a couple times a week, add in a little bit more. That's what I think. Because when you're cooking at home and you're using ingredients, whole, whole food based ingredients, you're less likely to, you know, consume the ultra processed foods or add in too much sugar. You're not going to add in artificial dyes that way. So you're less likely to have some of those chemicals and additives and preservatives in your food when you're making food from scratch.
- [21:50]
A
It's so interesting too. You know, we've like so simple but just muffins, make our own muffins. And if the recipe calls for a third cup sugar, you can put in a fourth cup which is smaller than a third cup, which is confusing for kids for fractions. But you know, it's interesting as you're like, we're going to put in an eighth cup. It doesn't really change, doesn't.
- [22:10]
B
And there's so many different options now, especially when we have AI at the tip of our, you know, fingers like utilize that. Ask ChatGPT well, this is the recipe, it calls for this much sugar. How do I change it? So we don't have any refined sugar. You know, looking at unrefined versus refined sugar, those are two different types of sugar. And you know, we want to try and stick with unrefined sugars. So like you got your maple syrup, your honey or your super ripe bananas, those are really sweet. And so you can actually have a muffin that comes out quite sweet without even having to add sugar. So like I tell parents, like use AI to say give me the recipe with better ingredients. And you can kind of teach AI to say like, well I want things to be more organic or less sugar, you know, or less fragrance. Help me live that better lifestyle and teach me and use it to teach yourself. And then that way you can implement those things.
- [23:10]
A
Yeah, and it's an interesting thing. It just gives you freedom, you can adjust. Whereas if you get a, you know, if you get a little bag of mini muffins that's prepackaged, you can't say, I would like this to have half the sugar that's there. You can't do anything about it. But when you're making it on Your own, you can make different adjustments and, and start to see it like it doesn't really matter that much or my kids still ate these muffins or, or whatever the situation is. What about screens? So okay, we're talking about environmental toxins. Here's a big switch. Try and just limit your fragrances for a bit. Try and make as many home cooked things as you can, even if it's just one a week. It's going to start to make changes for your family. What about screens?
- [23:49]
B
So my kids attend a Waldorf school. It's a different kind of pedagogy, but they really push for slow and intentional technology. And that's what our family does. It's not about no technology, it's about having an ongoing conversation. Just like anything that any concept that you present to your children, it's an ongoing conversation and it will change over time. Because you know, the Gen Alpha or even the Gen Z kids, those were the guinea pigs, right? All the kids before 2013 and you know, they were the last generation that were born without technology and then they were introduced to it later. But Gen Alpha, all the Gen Alpha kids have technology and AI. Yeah. Yes. And so we have to figure out how do we do, what do we do with it? Number one, I mean the biggest concern I have is that we're giving our kids, oh, we're not going to give them a smartphone, but we'll give them an iPad. But an iPad has just as many features as a smartphone and you're giving them access not just to the world, but the world now has access to your child. Almost 50% of 2 year olds have their own iPad and it's a staggering number. And we think, oh well, we're just going to give it to them. You know, they're unhappy, I'm going to give it to them. But what I encourage parents to do is to think about first, always if you're going to use technology, do it with your child. Number one, don't just give it to them and think about how you're going to use technology. Obviously, you know, we all get sick, we're tired, we have a meeting. You know, a lot of people are working from home and so you might need to use it. But before you give them technology, I like to think about what's the content. Because unfortunately, like food, you know, there's all different kinds of media and some are junk food and some are more nutritious. But even with nutritious food you can over consume. Like you don't want to just eat Broccoli all day long. And so I came out with a big, I'm very big into screen. So I have a bunch of different guides, you know, you know, content matter guides of listing out all the different content and what is more age appropriate, what's more developmentally appropriate, what's slower? What parents don't realize is that we're the product. Like all these companies are trying to get as much of our attention as possible and to keep us on these devices and these platforms for as long as possible. So they have psychologists that are working at these companies telling them, trying to figure out, how do we get these kids to stay on longer. And so as you look at shows like Cocomelon, the amount of the frames per second, how fast it is, you've got so much color saturation, so many different colors, so many different songs, so many different characters, you're getting a ton of dopamine hits. But what is that doing? So when you get so many hits of dopamine and our body can't quite handle it, all the little receptors where the dopamine is floating around and getting attached to those receptors, those receptors become less likely to get the dopamine, right? So when we have dopamine release, we can't, you know, use it as much. Right. And so it takes more and more dopamine to get the same effect. So when you're sitting outside in nature, you don't appreciate the beauty of nature because it's not fast paced, right? Even say you were watching a documentary about, you know, animals, like, and seeing that, you're like, oh, look at all these cool animals. And you think, oh, it's a slow paced documentary for a child. That's okay, you know, one of those shows. But in reality it takes like six months to get all of those, you know, animals coming out and seeing them. So when a child sits in nature, they're like, well, where are all the animals? Where'd they all go? And so the same thing happens when you're sitting down at a desk. Now we're expecting kids to sit down and then we're getting mad at them because they can't sit, because we've exposed them to all these screens and they're so oversaturated with stimulation that they can't even sit at a desk. And then we're giving stimulants to them to stimulate them because we think, oh, all these kids have adhd. And so it's a tough thing to do. And I get it. But somehow we survived without having screens. And I Think the big key thing that I tell to parents is it's not your job to entertain your kids. It's not your job to make your kids happy either. And so we constantly think, oh, well, they're sad. I'm gonna. Or they're upset. I'm gonna give you a show. I'm gonna give you a game to play with. But what is that doing? And what is. What is that doing? Teaching them. Oh, when I'm sad, I have to constantly get entertained or stimulated. That's number one. But what else are they missing out on? You know, missing out on exploring outside or, you know, building a fort or figuring out how to play with just some pillows. You know, those are things that are important. I want our kids to be bored. Boredom leads to creativity, and creativity is very highly correlated with intelligence.
- [28:50]
A
Yeah, I love that you said we survived, which is true. And our parents also survived. They survived without this onslaught of screens. So if you're the parent now in the situation, parents have come before you that, you know, have been able to do it without the iPad. I. Who do I talk to? I talked to someone, and they were saying how they were like a pediatrician, and so the. One of the moms. And I love that you have your podcast, When Millennials Become Moms. That one of the moms says, well, how do people used to change diapers without screens? And the pediatrician was like, what do you mean? And she was like, well, every time we go to do the diaper, I give him my phone and he watches SpongeBob SquarePants. You know, in the pediatrician was like, well, no, like you're supposed to interact during those times and, you know, different typ types of things. And so we're just missing these key elements. And it's important to remember that other people in the past did this without the constant use of these dopamine devices. And once they become more creative, then that's going to help everybody in the long run. If they can build things out of pillows, that's going to make your parenting easier long term. I'd love to hear more about the Waldorf. My midwife, her boys went to Waldorf school for a while, and they were a little bit older than our kids. So I got to hear a little bit about the philosophies there. And I was so intrigued. And I don't know if this is still the case, Natasha, but when they were boys, this is before COVID I Covid kind of threw things into a tizzy a bit, but they had to sign a contract at their Waldorf school that they would be screen free. I think it was like Sunday night to Thursday night or something like that. And we have implemented that in our own home to a degree with very few exceptions. And it works really well if it's just off the table and so. And it's not messing with your school week. So actually, I feel like it also intersects with sleep does.
- [30:40]
B
There's lots that show it.
- [30:43]
A
Yeah. And I also think. And it's a different day and age, but I remember as a kid feeling kind of left out because my parents were a little more strict about television content wise. And so you go to school on a Tuesday and everybody had watched the Monday night 90210 or what, and I'm like, I wasn't allowed to watch it. And so everyone would talk about that. And I was so left out. And I remember thinking, when I heard about this Waldorf philosophy, for the reasons of sleep, for the reasons of distraction, but also even for the reasons of, like, social relationships, I thought, gosh, that's such a good policy. So I'd love to hear just more about the Waldorf school in general and how some of the Waldorf principles could help parents.
- [31:20]
B
Yeah. So with what you said in terms of community with the school, when they all come together and they all have similar values, it makes parenting a lot easier. That's number one. Number two, Waldorf in general, they. They try to preserve childhood as long as we can. And they're very intentional about everything they do, down to, you know, having their early childhood teachers wear aprons with pockets so that the kids can go out and collect things and put them in the pockets. You know, it's all about building that trusting relationship down to how they teach kids to eventually hold a pencil. They start with having them dig in the sand or the dirt, and then they switch to painting and they having a holding a paintbrush. And then they're learning how to finger knit in the early childhood. And then eventually they get their make their own sewing needles in the. In first grade. And then they learn to sew or to knit, rather. And then they learn to hold the pencil properly. And then they practice writing first before reading. And so it's very intentional how they do it. And there's so much purpose behind it. And it's very developmental in nature as well. You know, we didn't start off with Waldorf. We started off with a, you know, traditional preschool. And I thought, oh, it's a regio Melio preschool. Not realizing you can't really create that Outside of Italy, it's very difficult to do. But finding, you know, that, oh, I'm, you know, keeping up with the rat race of everybody going to this preschool and then this school and then this school, and it leads you down that path and not thinking, well, I knew better because I learned about these things in grad school. But again, I felt that pressure. And so I saw my child, my oldest at the time, struggling to nap on the days he would come home from school. And he was only two years old, and his behavior started to get really difficult. And I'm like, this is not typical. And so I put him in a Waldorf parent and me class twice a week, and on the days he went to the Waldorf parent and me class, he napped. And that was my first indication, wow, my child is coming back to me. And so then I, eventually I did pull him out of the school and I put him in Waldorf full time. And he was a different. He was back to being the little boy that I knew. And it was such an incredible difference. And I started to notice all, all the other differences and learn even more about Waldorf that the teachers, the training they go to and what they go through, it's so much more extensive than a typical teacher. When we had those parent teacher conferences, it wasn't just like a little checklist that they went through. They knew your child inside and out, really understood their temperament, really understood how they were in the classroom together with other students and how they interacted with them and what they needed assistance with and what they struggled with, but what they were working on and their strengths. It was really quite incredible. It was like a 45 minute parent teacher conference versus the quick 10 minutes. Here's your little checklist. I don't really know your kid very much because there's so many kids in the class and I don't know very much about development. It wasn't just like, okay, I put them in the class. I need to know how to get them to sit in a desk, in a chair, do what they're told, and that's it. And it was a very different experience. And so in Waldorf, they're really focused about natural materials, but playing outside, slow tech, and then very intentional about the curriculum and how they introduce it. And kids in Waldorf, I noticed they're so much more self aware, they're so much more resilient and, and have grit. They love to read. I see kids just, they're always reading and we're losing that in our culture. You know, kids are Just constantly on screens and even adults. And I struggle it with myself, you know, being having a platform on Instagram and not getting sucked into it. And so my business partner and I, Emily, we take digital detoxes where we take turns where we're completely off our phone to kind of help us. And it's really made such a difference. And we use this app called Opal that literally locks you out of all of these apps. It's very difficult. You can't get back in. I know Apple, like the phone has a feature of that, but for me that was too hard. And I went into it, I was like, nope, just ignore. I'll go back in. Rest from Waldorf.
- [35:47]
A
But yeah, well, no, that's a great, that's a great tool that parents could use because to your point, I mean, it's so interesting that an educational environment could affect a two year old to the point where it's affecting their nap time.
- [35:59]
B
Sleep.
- [36:01]
A
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- [37:52]
B
Yeah.
- [37:53]
A
You know, as a parent or as an educator, you can learn all sorts of things. It's pretty easy to find information about Waldorf philosophies 100%.
- [38:01]
B
And you can implement those things, like you said, in your home, having a rhythm to the day, where you have this in breath and out breath to your day. And that's a very big part of Waldorf philosophy, is that, you know, in today's world, we're constantly out breath out breath out breath. And then we wonder why our kids crash and have a meltdown down and break down, you know, so we have to find that balance and have those anchor points for our kids. And that's really big, and rhythm is very big. But you can implement those things at home. And so I tell parents, like, if you don't have a Waldorf school, you know, finding ways to do that at home is such a benefit to your child. And I know there's. It's hard. That's why a lot of Waldorf schools exist. Parents then start them up. They start and they have a pod, and then they turn it into a school. And that's how a lot of schools, Waldorf schools, pop up. I mean, they have them all over the country. And I get it. It's hard. Like, we drive half an hour to go to our Waldorf school. And when we were in Los Angeles, we live in Colorado now, and when we were in Los Angeles, we. With traffic, it was 45 minutes. But I saw such benefits from the school that we were willing to do that and to do that, but sometimes it's not even possible. It's like, over an hour away. And so finding ways to implement those things at home, you know, like, I start with finger knitting with the kids, and then we knit and then we crochet. And that, I think, is such a benefit. It's not just about, oh, you're doing this nice handwork activity with kids, but it's a way to teach math and sequencing, and it's a way to calm yourself down when you're feeling like all the feelings. What I do often is I'll sit there making bracelets or, you know, knitting. And then the kids and I'll be quiet. And then the kids all will start to come and say like, oh, I want to do it too. But if you're just sitting there quiet doing it, you'll. You'd be surprised that par. The kids will want to come naturally and come and help you, even if you're just cooking or cleaning in the kitchen.
- [40:05]
A
And I think people would be really surprised because kids are so taken with screens that they might not even give it a shot. They might think there's no way this kid is going to be interested in chopping vegetables or sweeping or crocheting with these needles. It's so slow. Crafts can be real slow. You put in several hours before you've got a little scarf or something like that. And yet it draws the kids in. I can see how it would enhance the life of the parent as well.
- [40:30]
B
It does makes me a calmer parent. It makes me more patient. And so I, I learned that from my kids as well.
- [40:38]
A
Yeah. That the developmentally appropriate childhood extends benefits to the parent as well. And that relates to burnout. So you've got your podcast about parenting and pregnancy and non toxic living. You're talking to millennial moms who many of them are very burnt out because probably primarily because childhoods are not developmentally appropriate and so there's no slowing down. Can you talk about what can parents do to lighten the load a little bit? To feel a little less underwhelmed than they are, a little less overwhelmed to be feel more underwhelmed?
- [41:11]
B
It's very tough and I see it and I struggle with it too. You know, I think grandparents aren't as involved as they used to be. A lot of families don't have family around or help or anything. And it's such a struggle. But I find that when we slow down and we slow our kids down, it makes it easier for us. And I think that the longer term consequence that we don't see the implications of, but we're constantly rushing to like take them to every single activity and put them at soccer at 3 years old and gymnastics and. And, you know, horseback riding or, I mean, which is. I love horseback riding for kids, but, you know, every activity possible and we're so over scheduling them and then that we're over scheduling us and we're adding so many transitions to our day. And that is especially hard for a Young child, let alone older kids and adults. And so if we try to find ways to slow down, even if it's just like, all right, one day on the weekend, we're not going to have any activities. I want to have a slow morning and see how it goes where the kids are just there's no devices and no activities. And I ask parents to try that once a week and see what happens. And you'd be shocked that the next day the kids are much more even tempered, they're much happier just because they're so much more regulated. And then when you're regulated, you tend to be more regulated. Right? And obviously we want to be more regulated as the adult to help regulate our children. But if we're not rushing, if we're not feeling like we have to make all of these treats or we have to go to this, this tournament and we have to rush out of the house to get there, otherwise we're going to be late when we slow down, it really, it does help. And so that's number one. Number two, trying to find self care, which I know is very difficult for parents, but I always tell parents, you know, there's a reason why when you're on the airplane, they tell you to put the mask on the adult first before the child. If you can't take care of the adult, you can't take care of the child. And so finding even the simplest thing, being able to drink a warm cup of tea and it's not cold, would be a huge success. If you can squeeze in a bath and throw in some Epsom salts, you know, because we're all, a lot of us are deficient in magnesium and that helps gets absorbed through the skin. That just helps calm us down. Finding ways to go on a walk, we're not getting outside in nature enough. Even if it's like, all right, I'm going to take the kids to school and then I'm going to go walk for 10 minutes, just 10 minutes. And adding that in, people don't realize the benefit of that. And it helps. I mean, I know because I went through not only severe depression as a teenager, but when I was older, when I weaned my second child, I had to wean quickly at like 13 months because I had a severe cut on my breast and I went through post weaning depression and it was very tough for me and I had to really force myself to get out in nature and to put my feet in the ground. And I took several supplements. That really helps me on that. But it's a thing. And people don't talk about it, how depressed that we get in this world and social media is a big part of it. So getting off screens and trying to use that Opal app or to get off at least for a day or two. And you can even like if you can't get off, like, okay, you can't get on until 9 o' clock in the morning. It's not the first thing you wake up. And it has these settings in there which I really like. I've. I have no affiliation with this app, but it works. And so the first thing you look at it shouldn't be your phone, but it can lock you out, which is nice. Or like you can't look at it until 1 o' clock or in the afternoon or at 8 o', clock, you're done. Because when you're looking at those screens, even iPads and phones, it has blue light, right? And so it affects our Melatonin production and so we don't sleep as well. You're not getting as much deep sleep, you know, and women ask me, oh, about my skin care and how I do that. A lot of it has to do with deep sleep. If we're not getting enough deep sleep, our skin is impacted by that. And same with blue light. Blue light really messes with your skin. So I always put like the red light mode on my phone or I put the blue light blockers and it makes a difference.
- [45:45]
A
Be a really good app to use. If you are starting phones with late, like later teens and they're getting their first phone or something like that, then you're not fighting about it all the time. If the Opal block them out at 8:00pm or, or whatever. I mean that's, that's, there's lots of restrictions on.
- [46:03]
B
I have a guide on how to turn a smartphone into a dumb phone. And so when you're giving your child a phone, I'm always very hesitant. I always say delay as much as you can. Minimum is 16 for a smartphone. And even then it should have massive restrictions like never in your bedroom, it should be in the kitchen only. And there's. During mealtimes, you shouldn't be able to have it. But there's ways to put those restrictions on there as well. Apple's much more secure than a lot of those other type of phones that are out there. And I, I love that those companies are trying to do them like bark and gab and all and TikTok. Not the app, but the phone. But a lot of kids, I find they can work around that. Those kids are, you know, it's funny. Kids in classes and schools, they said, oh, we're going to teach digital literacy, which I find so funny. Kids are digitally native. Comes so easy to them. You don't need to teach your kids to type. You don't need to teach your kids how to use a computer. Figure it out within five minutes.
- [47:09]
A
Yeah, they know way more than you. They're running circles around you. That's for sure.
- [47:12]
B
100%. But there's ways to delay it and have those restrictions always have those boundaries in place before you even present a phone to your child. And plus, it's crazy to me, I think when we are a kid, do we ever have the nerve to ask our parents to spend $1,000 on a gadget and to say, oh, and you also have to pay a monthly fee. Oh, and this gives me access to the entire world and I can take pictures of myself and see how I look when I'm 12 years old in a bikini. And I want other people who I don't know to tell me if I look good or not. Like, no parent would say yes to that. But I don't think we're realizing the implications of that.
- [47:47]
A
Yeah. Yes. Jean Twenge had a funny paragraph about that in her new book where she was like, yeah, no one would have gone, hey, mom, I'm really hoping that I can post a picture of myself in this skimpy outfit for the entire Internet to see. Would that be okay? You know, absolutely not. I wasn't even allowed to, like, there were so many things I wasn't allowed to do. So, like, I was supposed to watch Saved by the Bell.
- [48:09]
B
You know, we had boundaries and rules. You know, it's true. Yeah.
- [48:15]
A
Have them with your kids. And I think if you start young, like, if you learn those different Waldorf philosophies or you start to learn that there are philosophies out there, it's possible you could become a parent and not really know. I feel like this is how I was. I didn't really know. There's all these thoughts about education and development that are really beautiful. And you can. I think the developmentally appropriate childhood is in some ways a form of self care for the parent because you are then a little slower. Maybe you are spending more time outside. You've got your feet in the grass more often because you're prioritizing that for your children. And that can help you feel better. As a parent, one of the things you talk a lot about is infertility. One in six families struggle with infertility. Since 2000, there has been a significant increase in infertility. What is causing all of this?
- [49:05]
B
It's definitely a lot of the products that we're using. Again, talking about the endocrine disruption. On average, women put 12 products on a day. That's a lot. And we're not realizing the implications of that. And I've found so many women that I've worked with personally, where when we just remove a lot of these things and remember, less is more, they get pregnant. It's just your body is so inflamed. A friend of mine, Vivian from Plateful Health, she makes my favorite device, the Lumbox. Plug her in there, because I love that thing. It's like this red light, near infrared light device. It's like low emf and it's like portable. And I take it everywhere with me. Anyway, so she came up with this really great analogy. If you look at a funnel, right, and you pour the toxins in, they can come out, right? So that's how your body works. Your body can naturally get rid of toxins, but when you overload it, the funnel can no longer work properly. And so it overflows. And what happens when it overflows? Your body's inflamed and it can't work. And naturally, your body will always protect itself and won't let you have a baby if it's inflamed and cannot handle it. And you have to think about what's going on inside your body before you can get pregnant. But there's a lot of ways to reduce it. We. We did a podcast episode dedicated to fertility and what factors can be changed and to look out for and to.
- [50:36]
A
Help your fertility, which is so important. If it's one in six, that's so many. So good.
- [50:44]
B
Increasing.
- [50:45]
A
It's increasing more than one in six families. I read a book called the Hundred Year Lie a long time ago, and it was a. It chronicled the change in the increase in toxins in the food supply and just in the world with changes in health. I think it went from 1900 to 2000. It was something like that. And it was just like this parallel. And you're like, you, you. It really helped you to see that the increases here in some way are affecting the, you know, the increases in chronic health problems. And I can't remember the statistic, but it was just this remarkably dramatic statistic that endometriosis, like, hardly anybody had it. It was something like. The statistic was something like in 1931, 15 women in the United States had endometriosis. And then today it's 1 in 15 women in. Or, you know, it was such A Stark, like, 15 in the whole country, you know, and then it was to change to 1 in 15. And those are not the exact numbers, but it was something that was so very dramatic marking. Yeah, yeah. So one in six seems like a lot.
- [51:56]
B
Down to zero, where this physician goes through and shows that fertility, she thinks, is going to go down to zero in 2050. And it's mainly. It's not just men, it's women, too, who are struggling, but it's really the sperm count. And this is something I talk about with my son because he's like, why do I have to have this kind of underwear? I want. Like, I give him organic underwear, cotton underwear, you know. And I said, well, they actually did a study that showed when you wore underwear that's made of polyester, which is plastic, it absorbs into the body, and it made men infertile. And he was like, can you buy my underwear for my. The rest of my life, Mom?
- [52:39]
A
I mean, these are good conversations to be having because for the boy, obviously.
- [52:43]
B
Developmentally appropriate, but, you know, he's a tween. To understand the reasoning behind it, I don't just say, oh, you have this underwear. Because I said so.
- [52:52]
A
Yeah. So it's that. It's the endocrine disruptors from the cologne and the Axe body spray and the hair products and all of that. And then it's that just dropping your phone in your front pocket, that's like a triple whammy, I would imagine.
- [53:09]
B
I try to tell people with their phone. So at night, turning it off or on airplane mode, making sure the WI fi and Bluetooth are completely off because you're sleeping with it right next to your head. And then, you know, it's harder during the day to put it on airplane mode for people, but if you're going to put it in your pocket. I put it on airplane mode myself.
- [53:32]
A
Yeah.
- [53:33]
B
You know, I think we're so worried about always being connected. Why do we always need to be connected? We don't need every alert. Parents say, well, what happens if something is going on at my kid's school? I think that's the hard part. And I understand that, especially in today's world. But I also want to trust that. Like, do I trust my kid's teacher and do I trust the people at the school? And so that's a. That's, you know, I think a privilege in this Day and age to be able to have that.
- [54:04]
A
It's interesting because there's this company called Daylight. Have you heard of it? Daylight Computers. So they're new and it. There's no blue light at all and really low EMFs. And it basically it works with the sun. So it. I don't. There's no colors. It's spelled D A, Y L I, T, E. Daylight Computer. And you could use it outside. It's minimal in some ways, but also probably robust enough for a lot of people in their work. And so you can get the computer. And then they just came out with a tablet for kids. So they said like, the kids just kind of get bored with it to a degree because it's not so interactive. Like when you were talking about Coco Melon or there, some mom was like, I've never seen my kid turn off YouTube, you know, because it's just not as brightly colored and that type of thing. And they were talking about how. And I'm not sure if they're going to come out with a phone or I'm like fuzzy on what the details are. But it was something about how if you didn't use it for X amount of time, it would go into airplane mode automatically.
- [55:04]
B
Oh.
- [55:05]
A
And I thought, oh, gosh, what an incredible feature. Right? You know, it's like, yeah, if you hadn't been on it for six minutes, just turn that part off so that you're not so constantly surrounded by these wireless signals. So just a lot of really interesting ideas and a lot of implications for our kids. 2050 is if someone's listening in. And I mean, our kids are a little bit older at this point, but I've got a lot of friends that have one year olds. I mean, this is their prime. 2050 is like their prime fertility years.
- [55:35]
B
I don't want to, you know, scare people and feel like, oh, it's too late because my kids are older. You can always go backwards, even with screens and phones. I have a whole digital detox guide coming out that I'm working on because I've had so many parents request, well, what do I do? I've already exposed them. You can always go backwards, always put rules in place, always have those conversations. I learned so much about what phones and devices are doing and I honestly didn't know. So we're going to work backwards and change some things. And this is not a punishment. And make sure to reiterate, it's not a punishment. But this is more. This is what we've learned. And so we're Making changes. Just like in life, we learn something, we make changes, we're not perfect. We're going to make mistakes and we're going to fail and that's important.
- [56:20]
A
We're getting new underwear.
- [56:22]
B
Underwear.
- [56:23]
A
It's great. Natasha, what an honor. Thank you. Thank you for all this incredible information. I know it is so tricky in this day and age to be a parent. So people can find more information on your website, on your sub stack, on your podcast, and of course on your Instagram where they can be kept in the know because, you know, a lot of things are coming out at a lot of times or a lot of the time. And so it can be. It's a really confusing time, I think, to be a parent. You talk about even just dealing with the guilt of not being able to do it all. And the burnout is everywhere and there's constant pressure to do everything right and, and there's so much swirling information. So I so appreciate what you're helping moms to know and to do, you know, to do it just a little.
- [57:04]
B
Bit better and to slow, slow down and change one thing at a time. It can be quite overwhelming. I tell parents one thing at a time.
- [57:12]
A
Yeah, small changes, small changes make a really big difference. So what an honor. We always end our show with the same question. The question is, what's a favorite memory from your childhood that was outside home?
- [57:22]
B
Oh, building these like pathways in our backyard with my brother and he would take this like old school camera and we would make videos of everything that we built together and he would make all these like videos with me in it. And it was very at a point where I got to be old enough to talk. He would first tell me I'm mute. I was excited when I was like actually had a part in the. In, in, in his.
- [57:55]
A
Oh, what fun memories. I love that. Dr. Natasha Beck, thank you so much for being here.
- [58:00]
B
Thank you.
- [58:04]
A
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