The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast – Episode Summary

Episode: 1KHO 627: Children Are a Reward Not a Regret | Abbie Halberstadt, You Bet Your Stretch Marks
Host: Jenny Ertz
Guest: Abbie Halberstadt
Date: November 21, 2025
Network: That Sounds Fun
Topics: The value of children and motherhood in a child-averse society, long-term perspectives on parenting, and Abbie's latest book.

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode centers on reframing motherhood as a source of joy, personal growth, and eternal impact—directly challenging modern, Western trends that are increasingly child-averse. Jenny and Abbie discuss statistics about shifting attitudes towards parenthood, unpack cultural narratives that undervalue children, and explain why both practical and spiritual reasons should encourage a more positive embrace of family life. Drawing from Abbie’s new book, You Bet Your Stretch Marks, as well as her own life raising ten children, the episode offers encouragement, wisdom, and tangible counterpoints for anyone wrestling with cultural pressures or doubts about becoming (or staying) a parent.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Abbie’s Journey as a Mother and Author (00:37–02:57)

• Abbie’s surprise at writing a trilogy despite being a busy mother to ten children (including two sets of twins).
• Quote: “I wanted to write since I was six… but at a certain point, it kind of feels like this isn’t a realistic dream … When it came along… I was like, you’ve got to be kidding, Lord… this is incredible.” (01:10, Abbie)
• Her books: M Is For Mama, Hard Is Not The Same As Bad, and You Bet Your Stretch Marks—each exploring the realities and blessings of motherhood.

Society’s Changing Views on Children (04:04–10:45)

• Discussion of statistics showing 47% of adults under 50 unlikely to ever have children (05:14).
• The rise of child-averse attitudes connected to cultural, economic, and feminist narratives prioritizing career, travel, and personal fulfillment above family.
• Quote: “If you had asked me at seven years old what I wanted to be… astronaut, architect, artist, author. And the author is the one that stuck.” (01:10, Abbie)

The Effects of Feminism, Individualism, and Birth Control Culture (06:40–09:44)

• Survey insights: family drops lower in priority for conservative and especially liberal women (as low as #12 out of 13 priorities among liberal women).
• The impact of separating sex and intimacy from biological realities.
• China’s population crisis as a cautionary tale: after decades of the “one-child policy,” people now need to be incentivized to have more children, often unsuccessfully.

Short-term vs. Long-term Thinking in Parenthood (10:45–14:29)

• The prevailing cultural message to delay children (“wait five years”)—and regret that can follow.
• Jenny shares her experience of absorbing this message even within church circles, and the lasting impact it had on her family decisions.
• Quote: “I got a cultural message from somewhere, and I grew up in the church, and it was floating in the ether to wait to have kids. And it’s one of my biggest regrets.” (10:47, Jenny)
• Biblical view: Children are a heritage and reward. “No one would be like, you know, I’ll have my reward in five years.” (14:24, Jenny)

Control vs. Faith & The American Dream (14:29–17:50)

• The illusion of control over life events versus surrendering to God’s timing and biological realities.
• Quote: “We want to clench our fists and we want to build our barns… But the funny thing is the cultural norm for centuries… has been children at the beginning of marriage…” (14:29, Abbie)
• The importance of not divorcing sexual intimacy from the possibility of children.

Growth Through the Challenges of Parenthood (22:31–25:21)

• The unexpected benefits of children prompting personal growth and sanctification.
• Abbie on how motherhood reveals character flaws that otherwise remain hidden—and provides opportunities for spiritual growth.
• Quote: “Children cannot make us anything that wasn’t already inside… opportunities to recognize just how impatient… you thought you were.” (22:42, Abbie)
• Investing in one’s children as a unique, lasting mission with eternal impact.

Overcoming Hardship and Breaking Cycles (26:51–28:04)

• The struggle of imperfect upbringings and the choice to be “chain breakers” or the “hinge” of generational change.
• Affirming that no parent is perfect and that grace enables meaningful change, even for those who lacked good examples.

Aging, Sacrifice, and Finding Worth Beyond Appearance (29:30–35:45)

• Honest, humorous look at postpartum body changes (stretch marks, varicose veins), and acceptance that youth and “perfect” appearance are fleeting.
• Quote: “I have pondered which child I would like to have gone without for the sake of having five more years with a smaller waist. And that’s the point.” (34:08, Jenny, quoting Abbie’s book)
• Legacy is not found in physical appearance but in being loved and known by one’s children and grandchildren.

Titus 2 Women and The Power of Mentorship (35:45–37:29)

• Abbie features 13 older women (“Titus 2 Women”) at the end of each book chapter who affirm the long-term fruitfulness and joy of faithfulness in motherhood.
• Quote: “The harvest is there in you and in your children and in the generations to come.” (37:28, Abbie)

Seasons of Life and “Doing It All” (42:17–44:16)

• Reassurance that passions and gifts can be pursued—but not always at the same time: “You can do it all, just not at the same time” (42:55, summary of an idea from On Being There).
• Abbie’s personal journey of narrowing focus for more meaningful impact.

Decision-making Under Duress (48:41–54:02)

• Encouragement not to make major, permanent decisions (fertility, family size, marriage, etc.) during seasons of stress.
• Abbie notes how many couples regret quick decisions (like vasectomy) made under duress, only to change their minds later.
• Quote: “If you’re in the midst of what feels like a season of struggle… don’t make permanent decisions about your life, because… nothing lasts forever.” (53:20, Abbie)

Divine Provision and Learning to Make Do (54:02–58:54)

• Faith stories of provision for families who step out in trust—miraculous providence as a response to obedience.
• Quote: “Learning to make do… it’s such a gift… that’s a life skill.” (54:56, Jenny)

The Legacy of Parenthood & The Blessing of Adult Children (58:55–62:02)

• Sharing from other Titus 2 women, especially Heidi St. John: “The blessing of motherhood is obvious from the first look at a beautiful newborn, but it is never fully realized until you look into the eyes of your beautiful adult children.” (58:55, quoting Heidi St. John)
• The fruit of parenting as seen in the deep relationships with adult children.
• Abbie on reconciliation and restoration even after seasons where she struggled as a parent.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Abbie: “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him… Arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.” (13:48-14:23)
• Jenny: “You won’t know how it’s going to show up until you do it, but you’ve got to do it, and you’ve got to think long term. And there are so many blessings ahead.” (47:27)
• Abbie: “The most impact [these women] are having is on the people in their own home.” (37:29)
• Jenny: “I wanted to be a checkbox mom and I’m not a checkbox mom. But I have grown.” (21:58)
• Abbie: “It’s actually a gift to recognize you’re not as patient and kind and calm as you thought you were.” (22:42)
• On Provision: “I cannot tell you, Jenny, how many times people ask me…is it wise to have another child if we are struggling financially?… Story after story after story [of God providing].” (48:47–50:00)
• Abbie on seasons: “You can do it all, just not at the same time.” (42:55)

Important Timestamps

• 00:37 – Abbie’s introduction, trilogy origins
• 04:04 – Society’s shifting priorities, Pew data
• 10:47 – Personal tales of cultural influence
• 14:29 – The longing for control, faith over planning
• 22:31 – Growth through motherhood’s challenges
• 26:51 – Breaking generational cycles and legacy
• 29:30 – Body image, sacrifice, and aging
• 35:45 – The wisdom of “Titus 2 Women"
• 42:17 – Seasons for passions and priorities
• 48:41 – Don’t make lasting decisions in valleys
• 54:02 – God’s provision and stories of “making do”
• 58:55 – Blessing and joy of grown children, long-term legacy

Tone & Language

This episode is conversational, faith-infused, honest, and often lighthearted—even during serious topics. Both Jenny and Abbie use humor, personal anecdotes, and scripture to reinforce their points, aiming to encourage and challenge listeners who may feel alone or uncertain in their parenting journey.

Concluding Message

Abbie and Jenny advocate for a countercultural, legacy-focused view of children and parenthood: that children are unequivocally a blessing, that motherhood is not to be delayed or defined by fear, and that through hardship and sacrifice come growth and deeper fulfillment. Their hope is that more families will reclaim long-term vision, trust in God’s timing and provision, and find beauty amid the stretch marks—literal and metaphorical—of raising the next generation.

Recommended for: Prospective parents, overwhelmed mothers, anyone wrestling with countercultural decisions about family and legacy, or those simply needing a reminder that children truly are a reward, not a regret.

Book Mentioned:
You Bet Your Stretch Marks by Abbie Halberstadt (Third in trilogy: M Is For Mama, Hard Is Not The Same As Bad, You Bet Your Stretch Marks)

Guest Contacts:

• Abbie Halberstadt, M Is For Mama

Additional Resources:

• “Titus 2” Model: Surround yourself with older, experienced women who affirm the worth and joys of motherhood.
• Scripture References: Psalm 127, Proverbs 31, Galatians 6:9, Ecclesiastes