Podcast Summary: The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
Episode: 1KHO 631 | Dustin and Melissa Nickerson, "How to Be Married"
Host: Jenny Urch | Guests: Dustin & Melissa Nickerson
Release Date: November 25, 2025
Podcast Network: That Sounds Fun Network
Episode Overview
In this lively episode, Jenny Urch welcomes comedy couple Dustin and Melissa Nickerson to discuss their new memoir How to Be Married (to Melissa). Together, they offer a candid, comedic, and wisdom-packed look into marriage as a unique, evolving partnership—eschewing formulaic marriage advice in favor of learning what works for your own one-of-a-kind relationship. The couple reflects on building a life together from a very young age, raising their children, the role of community, and infusing play, flexibility, and authenticity into marriage and family life.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Dustin & Melissa’s Backstory and Approach to Marriage
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Early Relationship & Careers: Met as teens in church youth group; married at 19/20 after years together; Dustin transitioned from youth pastor to stand-up comedian; Melissa teaches art/fitness and is CFO of their family business.
"We left [Mars Hill] before the crap hit the fan. But it was rising when we were like, we're getting out of here." — Dustin Nickerson [01:00]
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Parenting Three Kids: Their children are now college-age and teens.
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“How To Be Married (To Melissa)”: The book is a memoir, not a self-help guide, and a deeply personal reflection on their partnership:
"I'm not giving marriage advice because no one could ever tell you how to be married. So we just wrote a story about our marriage... when people give me bad reviews, it really hurts my feelings because it's a bad review on your life." — Dustin [01:49]
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Marriage As A Singular Journey
“Marriage is a one-of-a-kind creation that emerges, that has never existed and will never exist again. I'm only an expert at being married to my spouse…” — Jenny paraphrasing the book [03:29]
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Rejecting Generic Advice
"You just want to kind of be a student of your person... there's only so much generic advice that applies.” — Dustin [03:59]
2. Navigating Business, Family, & Changing Roles
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Working Together: Both run a small business and a podcast (“Don't Make Me Come Back There”), balancing shared and distinct family and business roles.
“Big family, small business. That's what we're doing here.” — Dustin [03:23]
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Travel and Status Stories: Jenny shares a humorous anecdote about airline status inequities in her family, leading to a discussion on the little pain points (and privileges) in marriage.
3. Questions About the Book (The “Sky Club interrogation”)
[08:21–12:19]
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Is the book for men?
“I actually think that it’s marketed more towards men because it’s in the voice of the husband... but yeah, I think people would benefit if one of the two read it. What do you think?” — Dustin [10:27, 11:37]
“I've read a lot of books and then explained them to him.” — Melissa [12:02] -
Will it help if only one member of the couple reads?
“I think it would help a marriage if one person read it. I think it would be better if both read it. And I think it would be best if the man read it.” — Dustin [11:10]
4. On Staying Married & Surviving Midlife
[13:08–16:53]
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No “Divorce Shame”
“Sometimes the best thing in a relationship is for it to end... we think that there is sometimes, for us, a dumb luck that we got married young and remained compatible.” — Dustin [13:08]
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Challenges of the “Sandwich Generation”:
"Midlife is really challenging. We're two months from having our oldest away at college. My friends are all caring for aging parents… It's just a very difficult life transition." — Melissa [15:00]
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Resilience through Partnership
"We have a partner to go through with it, like to go through it together." — Melissa [16:49]
5. Getting Married Young: Perks and Perspective
[20:13–25:53]
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Forming Identities Together
“What’s been beneficial for us and why I am glad we got married young is it’s just been a lot of fun…your 20s are fun years, and you’re my best friend.” — Dustin [20:13, 20:55]
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Playfulness and Family Culture
“We had a lot of fun, and we were still very, like, playful and childlike. So I don't know, it has kind of set our family culture.” — Melissa [21:30]
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Biological & Life-Stage Advantages
"There are purely biological benefits to getting a jump start on it, you know." — Dustin [25:54]
6. Village and Vulnerability: The Power of Community
[26:39–30:49]
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Financial and Emotional Support
“It takes a village to raise a child, but it takes a city to raise a marriage. We rebuilt from rubble.” — Dustin reading [26:49]
"People have helped us financially, they've helped us with childcare... Mel has built that community up here in a remarkable...mom's Network.” — Dustin [27:06]
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Moms Supporting Moms
"A mother of five goes, 'she's hungry.' Like, I had just fed her...It's just moms, you know, parents like that are in it..." — Melissa [28:57]
7. Customizing Marriage—Not All Advice Fits All
[32:03–37:00]
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Inventing Your Own Routines
“There is an argument to be made…that this book was written out of a rebellion on date night advice. For us, yeah, let's not particularly like the dinner out because... We're not foodies, we don't like the formality.” — Dustin [33:30]
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Hiking & Play Over 'Classics'
“We have our best conversations hiking...” — Dustin [33:05]
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Restlessness & Connection Styles
“I need something to make me a little less fidgety and a partner who doesn't take it personally.” — Dustin [35:59]
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Stick with What Works
“The best diet is the one you stick to…The best health plan is the one you'll do.” — Dustin [36:05–36:10]
8. Learning How to Fight and Make Up
- No Fairy Tale—Just Honesty
“I feel like I know how to do this marriage, you know, and even when we mess up, it's almost like I know I'm messing up when I do it.” — Dustin [36:40] “You can always weaponize history…” — Dustin [37:00]
9. Quick-Fire Fun: Humor, Games, & Family Traditions
[37:48–56:28]
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Family Games: “Kick Game,” “Chicken Nuggets,” “Trap,” “Trash Bag Raccoon Soccer Assassin Burger Trap”—many invented out of boredom and playfulness.
“The point was that you couldn't kick Dustin off the bed…” — Melissa describing “Kick Game” [46:18]
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On Playfulness
“Nobody will ever say that of our family. Not playful enough... Even still, when we talk about date nights, we have been doing a version of coffee and Yahtzee for 20+ years.” — Dustin [49:04]
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B.K.I.M. (“Bad Kids in Mexico”): Family’s joking threat when kids misbehaved, later acknowledged as a bit problematic looking back.
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Animal Threats for Parenting Compliance: Using the idea of bats to get children out of pools, or coyotes to get kids moving on hikes.
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Clean Comedy
“Your comedy is clean. It is family friendly. So everyone who's listening to this can go listen to that. You will love it.” — Jenny [45:43]
10. Lighthearted “Lightning Round”: Airplane Etiquette, Accents, and Life Details
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Power Dynamics on Planes:
“Delta one. Yeah, you walk onto the plane and you turn left, which is crazy because it’s just you and the pilots up there. It’s insane.” — Dustin [39:41]
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Strong opinions about airplane windows vs. aisle seats, pronouncing ‘salsa’ and ‘espresso’, Dustin’s clean comedy, and funny family bathroom habits.
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Childhood Memories
“We had a trampoline in the height of like the WWF attitude era... Just crazy vicious stuff that you should absolutely not do, but it was fun.” — Dustin [55:49]
Most Memorable Quotes
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On Marriage Uniqueness:
“Marriage is a one-of-a-kind creation that emerges... I'm only an expert at being married to my spouse.” — Jenny [03:29]
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On Compatibility:
“We got married. I was 19, you were 20. That's five years before we had fully grown brains...” — Dustin [13:08]
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On Community:
“People have helped us financially, they've helped us with childcare...I want to give a lot of myself to people, to my wife, to my kids, to our neighbors.” — Dustin [27:06]
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On Customizing Marriage Advice:
“There is an argument to be made...that this book was written out of a rebellion on date night advice.” — Dustin [33:30]
Key Timestamps
- Introductions & Background: 00:30–03:29
- Marriage as Unique Partnership: 03:29–04:59
- Book Q&A (Sky Club story): 08:21–12:19
- The Reality of Midlife & Commitment: 13:08–16:49
- Benefits of Marrying Young: 20:13–25:14
- Building Community Support: 26:39–30:49
- Personalizing Relationship Advice (vs. Generic): 32:03–34:58
- Learning to Fight/Make Up: 36:40–37:21
- Family Games & Playfulness Stories: 46:11–49:04
- Lightning Round (planes, accents, 'kick game'): 37:48–56:28
- Favorite Outdoor Childhood Memory: 55:33–56:28
Summary Tone and Takeaway
The episode is marked by warmth, humor, and candor as Dustin and Melissa peel back the curtain on marriage, parenting, and finding joy amid daily realities. Their unconventional, flexible approaches—validated by trial and error—give listeners permission to design their own unique, resilient partnerships, and to find connection and laughter in the midst of life's ordinary messes.
Recommended for:
Anyone seeking an honest, funny, and refreshingly “real” perspective on marriage, family life, and building strong, playful connections—whether you’re married, partnered, or simply enjoy a comedic take on daily life.
Podcast/Book Plugs:
- Podcast: Don’t Make Me Come Back There
- Book: How To Be Married (To Melissa) by Dustin Nickerson
- Jenny’s 1000 Hours Outside project