The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast
Episode: 1KHO 720: Kids Do Well If They Can | Dr. Ross Greene, The Kids Who Aren't Okay
Host: Ginny Yurich (1000 Hours Outside)
Guest: Dr. Ross W. Greene
Release Date: February 24, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode features renowned child psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Ross W. Greene, known for “The Explosive Child,” “Lost at School,” and his latest, “The Kids Who Aren’t Okay.” Host Ginny Yurich and Dr. Greene dig deep into the foundational belief that “kids do well if they can,” urging a reexamination of how schools and parents address challenging behaviors. The discussion covers ineffective school discipline, the importance of proactive problem-solving, developing empathy, and practical approaches for parents and educators who want to support children’s mental health and development—especially those struggling to meet expectations in conventional settings.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dr. Greene’s Background & Approach

• [00:37] Dr. Greene shares how he came to focus on children with behavioral challenges and the evolution of his “Collaborative & Proactive Solutions” (CPS) model.
  • “For whatever reason, given that I was not particularly behaviorally challenging, that's the population that I gravitated to very early on…”
  • He emphasizes his transdiagnostic approach: “It applies to any psychiatric disorder in which kids are exhibiting concerning behavior that is of concern to us adults.”
• Notable Resource: LivesintheBalance.org, full of free, practical tools for families and educators.

2. The Problem with Conventional School Discipline

• [04:43] The same small group of students receive most of the punitive discipline, disproving the efficacy of traditional approaches.
  • “The kids who are on the receiving end of those interventions the most are the ones who are benefiting from them the least.” — Dr. Greene [04:46]
• Kids do well if they can—not because of the fear of consequences but because they’re able to meet expectations.

3. Why Consequences Don’t Work

• [07:59] “Consequences are behavior modification strategies… The concerning behavior is simply a kid's frustration response… If all we're doing is modifying the frustration response, then we're not doing anything about what the kid is frustrated about.” — Dr. Greene
• Problem behaviors arise from unmet expectations. Standard discipline misses the root cause.

4. The Empathy Step & Listening Over Power

• [13:12] Empathy is foundational: “In this model, we are asking kids what's making it hard for them to meet an expectation. It's not up to the adult to divine… The kid is your partner in this model.” — Dr. Greene
• Memorable Moment: “Listening is the purest form of empathy. And in this model, we are listening to kids so that we adults can understand what's making it hard for them to meet a particular expectation—that is huge.” [14:28]
• Non-compliance is informative—it points directly to where a child can’t meet an expectation.

5. Proactive, Collaborative Problem-Solving (Plan B)

• [17:28, 24:58] Most problem behaviors are predictable and can be tackled proactively, not reactively.
• Dr. Greene outlines three “Plans”:
  • Plan A: Conventional, compliance-focused, adult-imposed solutions (consequences).
  • Plan B: Collaborative problem-solving (the CPS model) that involves empathy, understanding, and inviting the child into the solution.
  • Plan C: Temporarily setting aside low-priority expectations.
• “If you identify the unsolved problems proactively, they become highly predictable. And if they're highly predictable, they can be solved proactively…” — Ginny [17:28]
• Plan B Explained:
  • Step 1: Empathy (gather the child’s perspective)
  • Step 2: Define the adult's concern
  • Step 3: Invitation (collaborative solution-generation)

6. The Time Investment Myth

• [27:40] Solving problems at the source actually saves time.
  • “Problems that are unsolved continue causing concerning behavior, which take an enormous amount of time; solving problems collaboratively never takes that much time.” — Dr. Greene
• Dr. Greene on priorities: "I'll take problem solving over soccer, because soccer is not ruining your family, but conflict can ruin your family." [29:01]

7. Understanding “Lucky” vs. “Unlucky” Kids

• [32:52] The difference doesn’t lie in motivation but in how frustration is expressed—withdrawal vs. explosive behaviors.
  • “Lucky frustration responses... are things like whining, pouting, sulking, withdrawing, crying. Unlucky: screaming, swearing, hitting, spitting, kicking, biting…” — Dr. Greene
  • The unlucky kids receive the harshest discipline but all frustration responses signal the same unmet needs and unsolved problems.
  • “I just don’t believe in slicing the pie by a kid's concerning behavior. That's going to work out to the disadvantage of a lot of kids.” — Dr. Greene [34:07]

8. The Capitalism & Testing Trap

• [38:25] Capitalist interests drive much of school policy (textbooks, training, high-stakes testing, "restraint industry"), often at the expense of humanity and evidence-based practice.
  • “Companies love to sell stuff to schools. That a lot of what is sold is not evidence-based… the industry that I am casting a spotlight on is what we call the restraint industrial complex.” — Dr. Greene [39:43]
• Schools invest heavily in late-stage responses instead of early intervention and prevention.

9. Differentiation & Meeting Kids Where They’re At

• [42:41-44:00] It’s hard work to meet every student where they are, but not doing so is even harder and less effective.
  • “Every kid is going to be different. If you have a kid who is different in one way, you want to make sure that they're addressing that at school in another way. A good school is judged by the degree to which it is responding well to the developmental variability that's walking in the door.” — Dr. Greene

10. Tools, Resources & Practical Advice

• [54:15] Ginny highlights Dr. Greene’s “Assessment of Skills and Unsolved Problems” (ASAP), a concise tool to help parents and teachers identify the underlying skills kids may lack and the specific situations they struggle with.
  • There are less than 20 key skills to consider, such as the ability to consider multiple solutions or manage time.
  • “The reason we list skills in the top section of the ACIP is because we want caregivers to recognize that it is skills or the lack of them that are driving a kid's poor frustration response, not motivation. That's huge.” — Dr. Greene [57:22]
• Empathy grows when adults realize struggle is often due to skill deficits, not willful misbehavior.

11. Medication and Mental Health

• [50:19] Medication should be a deliberate, cautious decision.
  • “It's too easy to pull out a prescription pad. Second, there are some kids who benefit enormously from psychotropic medication. Both can be true… We need to know what each medicine does and whether it’s worth the potential side effects.” — Dr. Greene

12. Societal Context & What Schools/Parents Can Do

• [62:25] While educators can’t control all outside influences (social media, trauma, college pressure), they can focus on being proactive and collaborative with kids to strengthen mental health.
  • “If you do what you can do, which is getting to the root of these problems, getting out ahead, not being late, you will enhance the mental health of children, your students, your own children. And so it's just a book of things that you can do and the impact that you can make.” — Ginny

Notable Quotes

• “Kids do well if they can. This kid would actually like to meet your expectation. Something's getting in the way. There's absolutely no harm in finding out what that something is.” — Dr. Ross W. Greene [22:46]
• “Listening is the purest form of empathy… Listening brings people together. Power causes conflict.” — Dr. Greene [14:28]
• “Non-compliance is informative. Non-compliance concerning behavior lets you know that there's an expectation that a kid is having difficulty meeting.” — Dr. Greene [15:38]
• “Solving problems collaboratively never takes that much time. A lot of these kids… have big piles of unsolved problems. Primarily because the problems never got identified and never got solved.” — Dr. Greene [27:40]
• “Meeting every student where they are at is hard work, but not meeting every student where they're at is way harder.” — Ginny [42:41]
• “It is skills (or the lack of them) that are driving a kid's poor frustration response, not motivation.” — Dr. Greene [57:22]
• “Most kids are still doing okay… but if we keep doing things the way we still are, more kids will not be doing okay and we'll continue losing the ones who already aren't.” — Dr. Greene [49:03]
• “If you don't ask the kid, you're always going to be in the guessing game. And us adults are wrong. A lot.” — Dr. Greene [22:46]

Memorable Moments

• Ginny’s realization about how few skills are on the core list and how that clarified her empathy [54:51]
• Dr. Greene’s story of being recognized with the American Legion Citizenship Award for conflict resolution as a child [62:31]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:37] Introduction to Dr. Greene and his background
• [04:43] Why school discipline practices fail
• [07:59] Understanding behavior as frustration response
• [13:12] The role of empathy and listening in CPS
• [17:28] Predictability of behavioral problems and proactive solutions
• [24:58] Explanation of Plan A, B, and C
• [27:40] Time investment and solving vs. not solving problems
• [32:52] “Lucky” vs “Unlucky” frustration responses
• [38:25] The role of capitalism in education (testing, “restraint industrial complex”)
• [42:41] The challenge and necessity of meeting students where they are
• [54:15] The ASAP and its use
• [57:22] Empathy and understanding skill deficits
• [62:25] Focusing on what’s within our control for mental health

Resources Mentioned

• Dr. Greene’s books: “The Kids Who Aren’t Okay,” “The Explosive Child,” “Lost at School”
• Website: LivesintheBalance.org (free resources, problem-solving cheat sheets, maps of state discipline policies)
• ASAP/ACIP: “Assessment of Skills and Unsolved Problems”
• Plan B cheat sheets and guides for implementation

Final Takeaway

Change is possible, and it begins with a mindset shift: Kids are not giving us a hard time—they are having a hard time. When adults focus on empathy, collaborating with children, and proactively solving the real problems beneath the behaviors, outcomes improve for all—kids, parents, teachers, and communities alike.