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- [00:00]
A
Foreign. Hi, guys. Welcome back to another Monday. Welcome to the bonus podcast. I feel like I'm back at the table because I feel like it's just a good vibe over here and it's actually kind of scary Christmas over there.
- [00:19]
B
This is where we started.
- [00:21]
A
We're back to where we started. I feel like it's just a new era of life. Yeah. So what's new and happening? Well, I had the most stressful, chaotic week of my life. Charity event. Spoke at a conference. Cyrus's birthday. On top of, like, moving into the spa. And honestly, I thought moving into the spa, like, everything would calm down so much. It's actually been worse. It's been so bad. I am, like, honestly really proud. I haven't crashed out. I'm so proud that I'm not in a white padd room. It's just been a week. It's been a week. Like, it's been a year. It's been a life. Honestly. Is she not being a. Or is it my fault we're dealing with internal drama?
- [01:15]
B
I'm confused on if you had asked her to do it or not, because if you hadn't.
- [01:21]
A
I didn't.
- [01:22]
B
Okay. Something like, at, like the last. At 7pm the night before. That's me going to my parents with a school project. At 8pm you know when you would go to your parents at, like, 9pm the night before a project, you need the white poster board and they would freak out on you because you had to go.
- [01:37]
A
I can't keep left from right, dude. It's been a hard. I've been having a hard time.
- [01:48]
B
I. Oh, I understand her. She's saying she just doesn't want to disappoint you. So last minute things, like, it stresses her out. She said she's a perfectionist. And so when it's last minute, like, she doesn't want to disappoint.
- [02:02]
A
She's not disappointing me. Her texts come off so mean.
- [02:06]
B
Well, she's also older.
- [02:10]
A
They're so mean.
- [02:11]
B
My mom only texts me. Okay, yes.
- [02:13]
A
Mom acts like she hates you.
- [02:15]
B
Yeah. Like, my mom texts me and I will send her, like, the most loving, like, thank you so much for this weekend, blah, blah.
- [02:20]
A
And she responds, okay, we haven't told the besties. Can we tell them?
- [02:27]
B
No, we have a story we can tell. Fuck.
- [02:29]
A
Okay.
- [02:31]
B
It was already a sore subject.
- [02:34]
A
Sorry, guys. He says no. What else is new? Ryan, his boyfriend, is now working at sba. Was coming on in the beginning as his executive assistant, and now I think he's just doing, like, project Management. And I have a huge project that I'm working on that isn't SBA on top of all the other shit I have going on. And so he's gonna be spearheading that with me.
- [03:02]
B
Yeah, I mean, he's still gonna be. I mean, the project. Yeah, I mean, he's still gonna be helping out with what we need. We're the ones who work on the project.
- [03:11]
A
So I'm stealing your boyfriend.
- [03:13]
B
That's right.
- [03:14]
A
I adore him.
- [03:15]
B
We.
- [03:15]
A
We're actually really similar.
- [03:17]
B
It's sickening. I love them both to death, but, like, I feel outnumbered now. Like, it was like 1v1 before, and now it's 2v1. But, like, I love you, Ryan, but, like, you don't get to have a say. So it's still 1v1, but now it feels like 2v1. Even though he doesn't get to have an opinion.
- [03:38]
A
It's so cute to see Tyler in his, like, lover boy era. Honestly, if it was anyone else.
- [03:45]
B
I.
- [03:46]
A
Don'T know how I'd feel.
- [03:49]
B
He's too good.
- [03:50]
A
Because they're like this, and I actually, like, love that. And I usually. I'm like. Like, Tyler and I were like this, and so now me being like, over here.
- [03:58]
B
But you're not.
- [03:59]
A
No, I am. And that's okay. It's good for me. It helped me get divorced.
- [04:04]
B
No, but he wants you to be.
- [04:06]
A
Like, we want to be a thruffle.
- [04:08]
B
Like, he loves you.
- [04:10]
A
I love him. But what I'm saying is, if you're dating, like, an asshole or like, a guy I didn't vibe with, like, well, you. First of all, you wouldn't be, because you care what I think. And also I would be like, this man sucks major.
- [04:27]
B
Yeah, he doesn't suck. That's the good part.
- [04:29]
A
No, he's actually, like, so great. Like, I'm sorry, Tyler, but you couldn't find better.
- [04:33]
B
I know. I told him you said that.
- [04:35]
A
That's true. He's like, just like the most sweet golden retriever. Like, kind hearted, genuine person.
- [04:42]
B
And hard working.
- [04:43]
A
And hard working. He's like everything. I wish you were just kidding. No, I'm kidding. But I do really like how they balance each other out because it's very much like Tyler and I. Yeah, it's.
- [04:57]
B
Like I. I'm dry to the point. I don't.
- [05:01]
A
I. I just never thought I'd see you, like, in love.
- [05:05]
B
I know. It's kind of weird. He's gonna watch this and be like, so that's how you talk about me? No, it's just weird. I mean, I have no complaints about him besides him throwing a tantrum over getting a chair in my office. But I was like, it's not happening, dude.
- [05:23]
A
Tell him I cc'd that. It's too small in there and it kills the vibes, and it's just messy. It's too small of an office. If I had to kick out my lizard. Ryan can't go in if you said the lizard was too big for that room. Your boyfriend's too big for that room.
- [05:38]
B
Yeah.
- [05:38]
A
Not cause you're fat, Ryan. I didn't just call you fat. And that's how you don't spiral.
- [05:42]
B
And that's how you know I don't play favorites. Cause, like, even my own fucking boyfriend, I was like, no, you're not coming in here. Like, this is my office.
- [05:50]
A
Yeah. And I think, you know, some people are like, oh, like, how's that gonna work out? They're getting married. They're gonna get married. And.
- [05:56]
B
Yeah.
- [05:56]
A
Like, I'm sorry, that's endgame. Like, there's no question if. And what about it?
- [06:00]
B
Like, astrologers have said it.
- [06:02]
A
Astrologers have said it. Brenda said it. And also, the only thing that could ruin this relationship is Tyler.
- [06:11]
B
And then I'll get fired if I ruin the relationship.
- [06:13]
A
Yeah. He's so sweet. Like, he's just a good person. He's amazing with Cyrus. Cyrus loves him. I love him. He's just a great person.
- [06:22]
B
He's so good with kids.
- [06:24]
A
He's just a good human. And I think it's really hard to find good human beings. And also, I feel like just guys in general are horrible. Dating in general is horrible. The gay community, it's, like, really fucking bad. Especially in Dallas. Like, Tyler had his little go around with that for, like, a hot minute. And it's just like, nobody wants a committed relationship. Everyone cheats on everyone. Everyone parties and does drugs. It's not everyone. I don't want to, like, generalize. All the gays, there are good ones out there, but they're far and few between. I would say the majority.
- [06:53]
B
Yeah.
- [06:54]
A
Are just not. They're fun to be around, but they're not relationship types. That's not someone you want to marry. And. Yeah.
- [07:01]
B
And the craziest part is, like, he pursued me hard. Why? I know, but I'm like, why?
- [07:06]
A
Like, as I was getting divorced, you were getting in a relationship. It's so crazy. And then when his skin's bad, my skin's great. And then when my skin's bad, his skin's Great. We kind of, like, mirror each other in, like, opposite ways in every single way. It's weird, but, yeah, I'm happy for them. I love it. It's, like, the best. And they're really good about their boundaries at work. Except I heard that he was. You were sitting on his lap, or he was sitting on your lap in the office.
- [07:33]
B
When maybe for a second.
- [07:35]
A
That little birdie told me, no one's fucking in that office.
- [07:40]
B
No, absolutely not. No. I'm trying to think of when that happened. Maybe he, like, I took his chair out of the room, and then he came and sat down on me to.
- [07:46]
A
Be like, probably, I don't care.
- [07:49]
B
You. No, But I'm trying to think, like, because there's.
- [07:51]
A
As long as there's no sucking and fucking at sva, unless it's me, it's fine.
- [07:55]
B
That's crazy. Yeah. No, it's good. But we have been moving into our space for what? Honestly, it feels like it's been a month now that we've been here, and it's been, like, two weeks of pure hell.
- [08:10]
A
Pure hell.
- [08:12]
B
And everyone's working their hardest. We're all dividing and conquering. We still got our E Commerce business. That's, you know, we still got orders keeping us afloat. Yeah, exactly.
- [08:22]
A
I'm not seeing clients.
- [08:23]
B
We have not seen clients since.
- [08:25]
A
I don't know, but honestly, remember how I, like, wanted all these things before we opened, and now it's like, it's happening because I protested. Not really. We could not have survived. Like, everyone would have been so burnt out and drained. Like, I think what people don't really understand is it's not like we just moved and, like, SBA got, like, a glam makeover. It's, like, from the inside out, restructuring every single cell.
- [08:49]
B
Like, we had her body transplant.
- [08:51]
A
Yeah. Like, she got full, like, tummy talk, mommy makeover and a lobotomy.
- [08:55]
B
Yeah.
- [08:56]
A
Like, everything. Like, every single form. The way we structure the office, the way the office flows, job titles, duties. Like, we went from a team of five, six, including me, to a team.
- [09:06]
B
Of 12, like, overnight and increased our square footage by four.
- [09:13]
A
So trying to, like, five times. We're not even, like, we're trying to prepare a lot of stuff, but honestly, we're not even going to know how to flow until we flow. Until we go. Yeah, until we figure out the flow. So it's a lot of trial and error. And I think it's also been a little bit hard with, like, my OG team mashing a bit with, like, the new Girls. Not that like anything's bad. It's just like different and it's. We're used to being a tight knit family and I think it's one. It's hard because it's so spread out. Like, I feel like it was 12 people in the tiny office for some reason. I feel like they probably drive. Yeah, they would drive a lot better. But it's like very spread out and isolating. So it's like a little bit weird. I don't particularly love it, but I think as we get to like do more team bonding and the holidays and stuff, like, it'll just kind of come together. But it's really like everyone got hired and thrown into it like really quick.
- [10:04]
B
Yeah.
- [10:04]
A
So this week actually we're working on doing some like meetings and trainings and it's just crazy, like being this big ass boss. I am over here with 12 employees.
- [10:17]
B
Yeah.
- [10:17]
A
I never thought I would be at this point, like being a solo esthetician to now. It's wild. And I think I've been really fucking chill and like the most chill hands off boss for the past like four years. Which is funny because that's how I kept everyone was when I'm hands off. But now I fear I have to be a little bit more hands on. Which I'm like, not really particularly excited. Excited for. I don't really like managing people. I don't know my passion.
- [10:45]
B
I don't think you necessarily even have to be hands on. I think what we're doing right now and I think, yeah, you were hands off in a way where you weren't hands off physically and like oversight wise. But also like, in terms of like.
- [10:59]
A
I just only talk to people through issues.
- [11:01]
B
Exactly.
- [11:02]
A
Or like, but I would talk to them like day to day. Like, I wouldn't pull anyone in my office unless there was like something that I had to like, discuss. But like, it was very casual. Like, everyone just did their job and like, I didn't have to manage people because they manage themselves and they were good, hardworking, on time, no drama. Like, they made it so that I could be hands off. It wasn't a choice. They were just so great that I didn't have to manage. And I was like, this is the life.
- [11:27]
B
But I think like, you're still gonna have like, you still want your management style to be that. But we are setting much more clear. Yeah.
- [11:37]
A
No, I don't want to be down people's throats.
- [11:38]
B
Yeah. So like standard operating procedures and job duties, responsibilities. Something like that.
- [11:44]
A
Yeah. I just Think the only thing I. I'm probably going to be a little bit psychotic about cleanliness.
- [11:50]
B
Yeah. And I was there the first time around.
- [11:52]
A
Then I just, like, once the sba. Og. SBA got, like, destroyed so many times, I was just like, a handle's broken. Don't care.
- [12:02]
B
Don't replace it.
- [12:03]
A
Do we have a water damage leak? Cool.
- [12:06]
B
Yeah, that last. That last water damage. Like, we in our back treatment room.
- [12:11]
A
It'S like, I'm not fucking paying fixes.
- [12:12]
B
It was a crater from hell in our ceiling. Like, it spanned the entire ceiling. And for, like, because we were only there two months left, we told our landlord about it. They basically said, fuck you guys. We're not going to fix it until you leave. And then Savannah was like, well, I'm not paying to fix this when we're leaving in two months. So our clients had, like, it. Honestly, it looked like art. Like, there is art we have looked at for the new spa that looked like the water looks like a pussy.
- [12:35]
A
Like a wall.
- [12:37]
B
P. It was really giving since she, like, had vagina. Yeah. It was like the paint was peeling.
- [12:42]
A
She had a labia.
- [12:43]
B
The paint was peeling. So, like, it gave that in the wall.
- [12:46]
A
No, it was like a pussy on the ceiling. It's kind of cute.
- [12:50]
B
Oh, gosh, I'm so happy to be out. Like, honestly, still walking into the space now, it doesn't feel real that we get to work there. It's a privilege.
- [13:01]
A
It's a privilege.
- [13:02]
B
It really is. And I hope, you know, some of our new staff started in the old space. Some of them only started when we got in this new space. They don't know. They don't. The ones who started in this space don't know the struggle of the old space. But, no, it's been going. There are still a lot of. I don't want to say loose ends. I want to say we may need to, like, go, like, just tighten the laces on a lot of things.
- [13:31]
A
Mm. And it's just like, I can't be normal or chill ever. So everything is, like, absolutely extravagant and extra. But that's why I am where I am in life.
- [13:42]
B
That is true. I've come to accept it.
- [13:46]
A
But it's the reason why we're on top.
- [13:49]
B
Yeah.
- [13:49]
A
And number one is because I have good ideas and I do things that people have never done before.
- [13:55]
B
Haven't I been so much better lately?
- [13:57]
A
Yeah. You know why? Why Ryan?
- [14:00]
B
No, I was still being better beforehand, before he was there. Well, maybe before he. Once he entered my life, maybe. But he's only started, like, a week and a half ago.
- [14:08]
A
Yeah. And you've been more receptive to my ideas.
- [14:12]
B
I think it's because he's been executing.
- [14:14]
A
The idea so you don't have to deal with it. Yeah, he gets it. And Brenda said, you can't block my creative flow or you're going to block my money flow. She said that?
- [14:22]
B
Yeah, I'm letting the creative flow because.
- [14:25]
A
This is the issue. And, like, I get it because I would be annoyed if it wasn't. If I wasn't me. I. You know, my favorite thing, and I'm really good at this, is putting myself in other people's shoes and being self aware. Like, I know I'm crazy. Yeah, I am very self aware.
- [14:37]
B
Yeah.
- [14:38]
A
Like, I know that.
- [14:39]
B
Yeah.
- [14:40]
A
I just.
- [14:41]
B
But I just love that, like, now it's me watching Ryan spiral. Like, when you talked about the mints that needed to be shaped a certain way and stuff, like, I didn't say that.
- [14:49]
A
To be shaped a certain way. I said I would prefer, if possible, that they were pink and white shapes. He was on red and white stripes. I said prefer. I didn't say they had to be. I said I would prefer it.
- [15:00]
B
I think he, like, was on the dark web trying to find, like, I'm not kidding. Like, this man was at home, like, one eye open, thinking about these mints.
- [15:09]
A
And, like, that's so sweet.
- [15:10]
B
Like. Yeah. So, like, I'm just glad it's not.
- [15:15]
A
But what I was saying is I get it because Tyler, here's how I function. I function when I want to. Tyler functions, you know, nine to five, okay? I go through creative burst and work ethic burst, and, like, I. I want to do things when I want to do them. That's why I had to be my own boss. Because, like, I get stuff done throughout the day, but I do it when I have the energy to do it. Because if I. Sorry, I have, like, a crusty on my nose. It's the season. Tis the season.
- [15:46]
B
It is.
- [15:49]
A
When I do something, I have to be 100% passionate about it. Because if I'm not, I'm not gonna do it right. And then I'm gonna do it, and then look at it a week later when I actually have energy for it and be like, fuck every single bit of this. Burn it to the ground and let's do it. So when he tries to force me to do things in a timely manner and on his schedule, which is a good schedule, because it keeps us on track, sometimes my vibes don't Fit into.
- [16:14]
B
That we've talked about. We've talked about this before. And Ryan came to this realization very recently.
- [16:19]
A
Really? He told. Wait, you or me?
- [16:22]
B
You told me this?
- [16:23]
A
So I haven't heard this yet?
- [16:24]
B
No, but it's what we've talked about on the podcast. Just that Savannah does not have any concept of priority. Like, there is. And he was like. He was like, I don't understand it because, like, we're going through things, and she's like, for this one hour, she's focusing on things that, like, the three other things she said in the morning she wanted to do are way more important. But when she walks into the office, she's focusing on, like, these three, like, things that are at the bottom, like, should be bottom of the barrel priority. And I was like, welcome to the office. Cause, like, we've talked about this. Like, Savannah, I know.
- [16:57]
A
It's my downfall.
- [16:58]
B
Yeah. It's like, we have a list.
- [16:59]
A
I can't fix it. I don't know how to fix it.
- [17:01]
B
We have a list of 40 things to do, and every single thing has 100% importance.
- [17:08]
A
Yeah.
- [17:08]
B
Which, everything.
- [17:11]
A
If it wasn't important, I wouldn't do it.
- [17:13]
B
Fair enough. But it was funny because he was talking to me about on the way home, and I was like. I was like, go listen to the podcast. Savannah and I have had, like, full conversations about this. That's. You have to.
- [17:22]
A
I wish I wasn't like this. I really, really do. But it's like, when I get a wind up my ass and I'm like, this is what I want to do right now, then I will do it.
- [17:31]
B
You know what your dad told me on the phone today?
- [17:34]
A
Did he diagnose me?
- [17:36]
B
He said that. Which I think is crazy, but he said that Cyrus is way more chill and way more focused than you were at that age.
- [17:47]
A
That's true.
- [17:48]
B
Like, he basically said you were an absolute menace to society. At 4, I was.
- [17:54]
A
I was horrible.
- [17:55]
B
I was like, that is so. I was like, because Cyrus, to me, I love him to death, but, like, he definitely has adhd. But he definitely has adhd. Like, he definitely, like. Like, he's. He's. He's a kid that does not lose energy. Like, that kid can go all day. Does he do nap time? Like, I can't imagine you don't nap at four. Oh, well. At three. Two.
- [18:19]
A
Three. Yeah.
- [18:20]
B
Yeah.
- [18:20]
A
Well, he stopped napping at, like, two. Yeah, he did not nap. But, yeah, that's true. I would say. I would say so. But, yeah, I think it's just Hard balancing those two things because it's like, I want to follow your schedule because I know it's more efficient, but then I'm not going to.
- [18:40]
B
You're not going to give your all?
- [18:41]
A
Yeah, Yeah. I can't force. I can't fake it. You know that about me. I can't fake shit. Like, if I'm not vibing, I'm not vibing.
- [18:47]
B
Yeah. And when I have and when it's.
- [18:50]
A
My creative flow, like, I have to be in that state. And that's the other thing is, like, creativity doesn't have a 9 to 5. You can't say, oh, yeah, I want to be creative at 11 o' clock today.
- [18:59]
B
Yeah.
- [19:00]
A
It's like whenever I get an idea. And so that's why I've always had issues in the past, like me blowing you up at 2am When I have a good idea. So I'm like, oh my God, like, and I'll wake up, like, literally at 2:00am, be like, I want to get this done and I'll create like a whole presentation at 2am if that's instead of me, like, oh, this is a good idea, I'll do it tomorrow. I'm like, no, like everything. I get downloads. Like the universe, God, I get downloads. And I'm like a genius in that moment. It's like the Holy Spirit's working through me and if I don't act on it, I'm wasting my power and gifts. And I'm not trying to be like, I probably sound psychotic, but it's the truth. And that's just how I vibe. And yeah, basically, it's like he used to get annoyed because he'd be like. And I get it because it is annoying. I don't want this. I wish I could not be like this. It'd make my life so much less hectic. But when I get those things, like, I just have to do it in the moment. And Brenda, my astrologer, she said, when you block my creativity, you block our money. So I know.
- [19:59]
B
I just want to ask Brenda. I would love to have a call with Brenda because I just want to ask her, like, why am I.
- [20:04]
A
When.
- [20:04]
B
No, when Savannah tells me the night before, she'll text me at like 9pm what's important to her in that moment. And then. Yeah, but then if I text you.
- [20:13]
A
At 9pm, it will change by 9:03.
- [20:15]
B
But that's what I'm saying. But, like, you have a list of things that you want to get done the next day and then you come in the next day, and that's not what you want. But then it's like the following day, that's also not what you want. So, like, then, you know what I mean, that can, from the original idea, gets kicked down the road until where? That's where the problem is for me. Because, like, you get the ideas, but the execution part. Ryan wasn't here, babe.
- [20:36]
A
Well, now he is.
- [20:37]
B
Yeah. Fair. Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's why we just needed a bigger team, but we did not have the space.
- [20:43]
A
Yeah.
- [20:44]
B
Like, for a while there, we had people posted up in our five square foot break room.
- [20:51]
A
Yeah. And it's just been a lot. This year's been a lot for me. Like, I don't think if I. If I wasn't going through a divorce at the time of, like, all those big decisions that we were making in the beginning, I think I probably would have handled things a lot better. I think I was just so meant, like, after looking at, like, divorce papers and talking to lawyers and, like, trying to find a nanny and a house manager and then look through applications and, like, also make decisions on my house and on the spa and be a mother and be on social media and travel for conferences. I, like, was at capacity. I was beyond capacity. Like, I was literally one brain cell was, like, shriveled and trying to, like, function. And so, yeah, it's just, like, a lot happened, but I'm glad it did. Like, I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm the most stressed I've ever been, but I'm free. I feel happy. You know, my home is, like, really peaceful now. My son's happier. It's just been a really, really healthy change. And, like, I feel like I'm getting my personality back. I feel like even with all the stress, like, I don't even think I've, like, hit my peak. You know, people like, oh, like, you look, like, glowier and happier, and I'm like, I'm so stressed still. Like, give me a few months. Wait till fucking summer 2026. Okay. Like, that's gonna be my era. And, yeah, I mean, I just don't think there's ever a right time to do anything. Like, you just have to do it or you're just gonna keep putting it off. And I'm a really big believer about taking action and not just saying you're gonna do something, like, actually do it. And, yeah, I could have, like, prolonged everything for a long time, but. Is that you or me?
- [22:42]
B
Both of them. Yeah. Prolonging it would have just kept you Subdued for like I feel like you're. You were put in a box with everything and who you were surrounded by and stuff like that. And I feel like.
- [23:01]
A
Yeah. And it's like I talked a little bit. If you guys follow my TikTok, I follow. I talked a little bit. Actually I didn't talk a little bit. I talked a lot.
- [23:08]
B
I know. She was like, can you quickly watch everything I posted? And I was like, I was like as long as, as long as it took you to film all that. It's going to take me to watch.
- [23:18]
A
Yeah, it's hard because it's. I wanted to keep things really private. But then I feel like as time has gone on a lot that like I went through like I've been had time to actually like process it and I think at that time I was just so happy to be free that I was like, oh, it's like all kosher and like everything's gonna be fine. And like I just wanted to get out of that situation so badly.
- [23:49]
B
And.
- [23:49]
A
I feel like I was just really numb to everything. Like I don't think I started feeling again until like probably a month and a half ago. Like I feel like I thought I was okay, but I wasn't.
- [24:00]
B
Yeah, I also feel like you never. Like I feel like you knew that you felt unhappy. You knew certain things that made you unhappy. But I feel like you also like put that in a box and threw it in the back of your brain. So like all the little things that like you know the worst thing reacting. Yeah.
- [24:18]
A
Because I used to get really reactive when things would happen at home and like Tyler would be there. Like I would like be crying, I'd be really upset. Like it would ruin my day. Like I would be so upset. And then it became to a point where I would just like he could tell. Like I was really like I was just like I don't wanna talk about it. Like just shut up. And no, I don't like not. I didn't tell you to shut up. In my head. Like I'm just gonna shut up and not talk about it. Cuz it's just like same fucking shit. Like I don't want to, I don't even want to talk. I don't want to give it energy. I don't want to talk about what just happened. Like it's the same thing that's happened every single day for the past 10 years of my life, you know, and that's. I think when I knew was like when I just stopped having a reaction to everything and Then, you know, it's funny. It's like, I'm always a really positive, optimistic person, which, you know this about me. And there were, like, a lot of things that I feel like I started seeing people tag or, like, comment on, like, old videos of my ex husband and I, and I just, like, it almost makes me, like, Stockholm syndrome. Like, how I tried to play things off as, like, sweet that were actually, like, really abusive. Like, one example was, like, I posted a video and I was like, pro tip. Like, have your husband put lotion on you so, like, you don't have to do it. And you know why that was.
- [25:39]
B
Yeah.
- [25:40]
A
And what would happen if I didn't let him. Yeah. So there's just, like. There's just a lot of stuff. And it sucks because, like, I was like, I felt like I didn't even want to talk about it because. It's just like, a whole. Like, there's just a lot that I can't even say. So, like, I felt like that's why I didn't want to say anything. So I was like, if I can't say everything, I don't even say anything.
- [26:04]
B
Yeah.
- [26:07]
A
And, like, I feel like one day, obviously, like, when Cyrus is a lot older, I will. But the longer you're away from that situation and a person that's done certain things to you, like, the more you realize how abnormal a lot of it was. And I think I, like, tried to rationalize a lot of it and excuse a lot of it because I didn't want to believe that I could be in that situation when I had financial power and I am such a strong woman. I was almost embarrassed to admit to myself what I was experiencing. And then also, when you're dealing with that type of person that switches up all the time and can act one way so quickly, like, you almost like, oh, like, I don't know. It's like. It's really confusing. Yeah. And then, of course, like, when there's a child, like, you just want to try to make it work for as long as possible, but, like, it came to a point where it's like, I just couldn't anymore. And, like, I was so depressed and I didn't even know it. And it sucks because I know there's bitches out there that are like, you don't look like you were going through that. And it's like, I am again. Like I said earlier, I can't fake things, but, like, I can work and pretend like people saw through it. I wasn't my normal happy self, but I'M not gonna get on Instagram at that time and, like, fucking cry and talk about my personal relationship when I'm not divorced, you know? But, like, yeah, I started not showing up as much because, like, I was just so done with everything. And it started to affect every aspect of my life. It affected who I showed up as a mother, as a friend, as a boss, as an esthetician. It was just really difficult. It was really difficult. And I felt like a prisoner in my own life and the own home that I had purchased. And I just didn't see a way out. And thank fucking God, he finally agreed, you know, because that was the biggest thing is, like, I didn't want to have this big drag out court battle.
- [28:20]
B
Yeah.
- [28:21]
A
And put Cyrus through that. And so, like, I had been asking for years for a divorce every day for probably three years. Like, we didn't sleep in the same room, we weren't intimate. But finally the price was right and he agreed. And, you know, it sucks that that's really what it came down to, but that's all that was really. The relationship was.
- [28:53]
B
Yeah.
- [28:53]
A
Was about control.
- [28:54]
B
Yeah. I mean, it certainly was not romantic in any way.
- [29:01]
A
Not even a friendship.
- [29:02]
B
Yeah.
- [29:03]
A
Yeah. And so it's hard. And a lot of this kind of stuff happened really early on in the relations. And I. I'd never. I've never had a healthy relationship, which is, like, really sad. It's gonna make me cry. But I've never had, like, a healthy relationship or with any man ever. You know, I had, like my high school relationships and, like middle school. I don't even call that dating. Holding hands on the playset.
- [29:35]
B
Yeah.
- [29:36]
A
But I had that. And then, you know, I didn't date anyone in college until Lance, and that was it, you know, So I, like, honestly like him compared to honestly like other people I went out with. He looked like a Prince Charming next to them until he wasn't. And you guys know my parents, like, really weren't supportive of me being an esthetician. And at that time, his family obviously had no skin in the game. Like, if I failed, it didn't have any consequence on them. Like, my parents were just scared they were gonna have to pay my way the rest of my life. And I'd be, like, living on their couch and like a loser and an embarrassment to the bow to name, which is fair.