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- [00:00]
A
Foreign. I'm back. What up?
- [00:09]
B
She was dearly missed. And your OGs are back now.
- [00:13]
A
We're back, baby.
- [00:16]
B
What are we talking about today?
- [00:18]
A
Well, you know, I thought 2026 would be like, a better year. It's not.
- [00:24]
B
Period. I was just telling that to someone on the phone yesterday.
- [00:27]
A
It's almost worse.
- [00:28]
B
I was. I was telling that to someone. I was like, I had been saying all of 2025, you're like, you know what? We're going through hell. So 2026.
- [00:37]
A
Yeah. So good. We were holding on to hope for that. The year of the horse is more like the year of the stampede of the horse.
- [00:42]
B
Yeah.
- [00:43]
A
We're not on top of the horse. We're being bucked off the horse. Ran over the horse.
- [00:46]
B
No, we are tied to the back of the horse and being dragged.
- [00:50]
A
It's just been rough, man. Life is tough. And so if you're out there and you're struggling, just know you're not alone. I don't think that, you know, I like to keep it real. Everything's not always rainbow and butterflies. Like, it's. Life is difficult. It's hard. It beats you up. Like, I feel like I've just. I don't know if I have the will to live. It's just been hard, man.
- [01:19]
B
We do. We have the will to live.
- [01:21]
A
You might.
- [01:23]
B
I'm getting there with you.
- [01:24]
A
I just feel like, you know, it's just life is lifing and I almost miss the days where I was just so unaware of my own emotions and just worked like a workhorse. I feel like that was like a better era for me. Like, if I could go back and never gone through a healing journey, I think I would. I would have done that. I would have chosen that. I just feel like I've had so many different versions of myself in the past, like, year that I'm like, trying to figure out who I am. Like, going through a divorce, post divorce, and, like, now I've, like, calmed down. Tits are back in the shirt. She's not at the club. That was like a short era, which we've talked about, but, you know, just trying to get back to, like, me. And, you know, I think when I was in it, I was like, I've never gone out. Like, I worked so hard for 10 years and, like, obviously my ex husband has Cyrus every other weekend. So I'm like, if I just child free, it was like really hard for me to be alone in the house by myself. And I also just like, felt like there was like a part of life that, like, I missed. Like, I didn't go to college, so I didn't have, like, frat parties and, like, fun, drunken college nights. Like, I missed all of that of my part of my life. And so I had this sense of, like, I needed to go see that.
- [02:39]
B
And I also feel like you had never.
- [02:42]
A
But I also, like.
- [02:43]
B
Like, you blocked out. Well, I feel like you also blocked out.
- [02:45]
A
I feel bad about it.
- [02:46]
B
I feel like you blocked out friendships, too. And I feel like even, like, taking out the, like, going out part, like,
- [02:52]
A
you were, like, trying to make friends.
- [02:53]
B
You were. You were not even just trying to, like, you made good friends. Like, I mean, maybe you didn't enjoy the going out part as much, but, like, I feel like you found girlfriends in Dallas. Like, you had more of a life
- [03:06]
A
that wasn't just work.
- [03:08]
B
Yeah.
- [03:08]
A
Yeah.
- [03:08]
B
Or like, your home. And I think that's healthy to have now. If it wasn't, like, if going out and stuff like that is like, I
- [03:15]
A
wasn't, like, a sloppy drunk out till 2am like, she was there till 12. And I always drove home an hour, which everyone was always like, you should to stay at my place, like, in Dallas. And I'm like, one, I have, like, my pets, so I need to, like, be home. And like, two, like, I'm not someone that gets super drunk, like, and drinks a lot. So, like, she's a babysitter. Oh, yeah. I will drink one drink the entire night and that's it. So, like, I never, like, got to a point where, like, I couldn't drive home. And I think that was also, like, a good thing for me because I knew, like, I would not stay in Dallas. So I, like, would never pass a one drink mark one to two drinks. Because I'm like, I'm going home. I will be home.
- [03:54]
B
I always thought her. You should just get a crash pat in Dallas.
- [03:57]
A
Yeah.
- [03:58]
B
But I think it was good that you didn't.
- [03:59]
A
Yeah. No. So I'm excited to just, you know, lock in more. Business has been great, honestly. I think, like, it's. I've kind of resented our space for a bit because of, like, all the things that still needed to be fixed. It's kind of like how I felt when I moved in to our old space the first time. I just, like, was angry when I was there because, like, I'm such a perfectionist and it's so expensive and, you know, it's like, of course, obviously the new Space is like, 14, 000 times more expensive than the old space. But, like, with Where I was financially. When I opened that first space, it felt the same amount of expense because, like, I did not have that.
- [04:36]
B
You put everything. I mean, honestly, that first space was. Probably felt more expensive.
- [04:40]
A
It did. Oh, my God. Yeah. I, like, my bank account for that
- [04:44]
B
put everything into the first.
- [04:46]
A
First space I did. And so, yeah, I don't know. And then I just. You know, I think I've gone through a little bit of burnout. I felt, like, kind of out of the industry in a bit where, like, I just, like, wasn't up in the know, and, like, which has been actually good for me. Like, I don't really care about, like, one good thing that came out of, like, my healing journey and divorce and, like, finding myself is like, I just feel like I've matured a lot, and I just, like, don't care about, like, the pet. Like, with the. My entire life used to just be the esthetics industry. Like, I. The Dallas esthetician was all I had. Like, that was, like, everything to me, and to a point where it was like, I knew everything that was. I was, like, literally, like, news reporter, knew everything was happening in the industry. I knew all of, like, the little dramas. Like, now I'm like, oh, there's a new product. When did that happen? I'm always like, you know, I just. I don't. I'm not as wrapped in it. You know, I'm, like, there for my clients. I love educating other estheticians. I love being at the shows. And I. I just. I don't know. I think I've just. I've just changed a lot. And I think that's been so hard because it's like, I'm moving into a new house. I obviously am, like, now divorced. I moved into a new space. My team, like, doubled in size, if not tripleted.
- [05:59]
B
Not triple, but more than double.
- [06:00]
A
Oh, it's not tripleted. Tripled.
- [06:02]
B
Tripled.
- [06:03]
A
Tripled, yeah. So that. And then moving into a new house eventually. And so it's just, like, a lot of, like, changes, and I don't do really good with change. Like, I'm, like, a very, like, cautious, stable. Yeah, I do really good with stability. So it's just been interesting, and it's just been, like, a confusing time to just figure out, like, what I want in life and, like, what's next for me. And, like, I don't feel as fulfilled as I used to feel, and I think that's, like, normal. I think it's just been, like, so everything's been so heavy that it's like, took the joy out of what I did. And, like, that's something that I almost. Which I'm so thankful and grateful. I know. Stephen gone. This is what I get now. Maria, if you've ever been to Rose Couture, if y' all live in Texas that are listening to this scariest place I've ever been, they were listening. Playing BTS Dynamite.
- [06:54]
B
Don't know it, but.
- [07:01]
A
On repeat. And it's bright neon lights. It looks like fucking Barbie's mansion. But, like, glam. Like, IKEA glam LED lights. The brightest lights you'll ever see. And, like, I had found out really devastating news that day, and I had to get my nails done. And I'm just sitting there like, I want to be abducted by an alien if, like, we're gonna get bombed. Make it now.
- [07:23]
B
Yeah.
- [07:24]
A
Like, I was just ready to go. Like, a meteor could hit this Rose Couture nail salon, and I would be so happy about it. So anyways, my nails look like shit, because my man that has done my nails since I was, like, 16, he ain't doing it no mo.
- [07:37]
B
I can't believe that.
- [07:38]
A
And I couldn't believe it either. I was like, are you firing me as a client because I made you fix my nail and I pissed you off? And he was like, no. And I was like, this is, like, the worst time he could be doing this to me. Like, I felt victimized.
- [07:48]
B
I was like, I wonder if he lives over there. Like, would he do, like, a home appointment?
- [07:53]
A
No. I just want to let him live his life. He'll come back around. He just has other priorities right now, and I'm gonna respect that. But I do miss him.
- [08:00]
B
I've never seen him.
- [08:00]
A
I've never seen my nails.
- [08:01]
B
I was just about to say, I've never seen that happen to your nails ever.
- [08:04]
A
I'm just like, it's not a good thing. Okay. It's just not an ideal situation, but it's okay.
- [08:10]
B
Add it to the list.
- [08:11]
A
Yeah. Yeah, add it to the fudgeing list. I was like, what else can happen other than, like, my nail tag quitting? And, like, he's so good. Like, and once you have a good nail tech, like, you can't just go to anyone. Like, if you just all, you know, just going to a random person on El salon. Like, you don't understand until you go to someone that you just continually go to. And, like, they know your nail shape. They do your cuticles amazing. Like, you're not just a number. Like, they're not in and out like, he like, takes time with my nails, he perfects them. And so, like, I'm used to that level of care. And so it's like I need to find like an independent salon suite person. But the issue is a lot of them don't also do toes. And I need these dogs done. Yeah, I need the top dogs and bottom dogs.
- [08:50]
B
I mean, you saw him.
- [08:52]
A
Maria found a really good lady, but she doesn't do toes.
- [08:55]
B
Oh, yeah, she did tell me about that.
- [08:56]
A
And so I was like, what am I supposed to do? And then that's just like a whole other thing to like get my nails done one place and I have to get my toes on another. It's just like, it's a first world problem. Trust. I know, but like, at this point, being a woman, it's not fun anymore. It's so expensive, so time consuming, and it's never ending. If it's not Botox, it's your hair. And if it's not your hair, it's getting your nails done. If it's not getting your nails done, it's getting a spray tan. If it's not getting a spray tan, it's like laser hair removal or whatever the it is. It's just like, it's not fun.
- [09:24]
B
That's what I realized about you.
- [09:25]
A
It's like, it's not fun.
- [09:26]
B
Every Monday you have every day, like,
- [09:29]
A
I'm in there, like, yeah, every day
- [09:30]
B
off her schedule is like, full of just things to keep being a woman.
- [09:34]
A
Yeah, I'm over it. Like, I'm just ready to like be a dirty dog. I want brutes out to here. Fucking crusty ass nails, pale skin. I'm over it. It's just exhausting. It really is. And it's just like, not fun anymore.
- [09:47]
B
But still no movement in the forehead.
- [09:49]
A
Yeah, that's only over three months. I'll still go get Botox.
- [09:51]
B
Yeah, it's only over three months.
- [09:53]
A
That's a non negotiable for me. Um, what was I going to say though? Oh, I just feel like, you know when you're dealing with so much shit in your personal life and just like your team's growing and like there's just like my hands in so many pots. It just kind of like takes the joy out of everything. And so I feel like I haven't been like, happy because I'm just so stressed. Like every time I'm at work, like, there's just like I feel pulled in so many directions and I feel very, very overwhelmed and like, extremely anxious and like I'm Just, like, mentally fatigued. At the end of the day, it's, like, not for the week. And there are times where I look back and I'm like, I guess have, like, some level of regret of, like. And it's so funny because I. So many people told me this, and I was like, that's not gonna be me. Like, it's my dream to have this huge spa, and, like, I want a franchise, and, like, I. Hopefully, I know I'll get back there. I think right now it's just, like, a phase, so I'm just gonna honor my emotions and not, like, make myself feel bad about it. But, like, everyone was like, you're. You know, I. Or they do. They do that, and then they get a smaller space. You know, it's like, they sell that or whatever. They downsize because they're like, it's just, like, too much. And, like, again, it sucks the joy out of it because now you're managing. And, like, I do have a great team in place, but, like, it's still not enough. Like, I still have to, like, I've seen how it operates without me fully involved, and I've seen how it operates with me fully involved. And unfortunately, me fully involved is, like, night and day, difference in sales, happiness of our team and just happiness of our clients. Like, I have to be there. And. Yeah, like, it feels like work now. It never did. You know, it always felt like I was just. Like, I'd wake up, and I felt like the luckiest girl alive. And now I just. You know, it's like, you are so talented at what you do that your business grows so fast that you have to be in so many different other areas of your business to where you're not doing what you actually wanted to do in the first place. And it's like, even if I have, like, people helping me with all that stuff, like, my brain can't shut off. Like, all the other things going off, going on. And it's like, I just miss the days where, like, I could just go in and, like, fully shut my brain off and, like, just take care of my clients and, like, go home.
- [12:03]
B
Yeah. Honestly, like, sometimes I think about it, and I'm like, I don't know how you did. Like, especially, like, before I came on, like, energy.
- [12:10]
A
I feel like I just, like, don't. I don't have the will to live. So if I don't have the will to live, I don't have the will to work.
- [12:16]
B
Yeah.
- [12:19]
A
And, you know, it's funny. Everyone said I would get burnout And I was like, never, not me. And it's, you know, I don't know how honestly, Like, I look back and now I get it when people would look at me like, oh, some freak. How the were you posting all day and doing clients? And I was like, but also I feel like when you're in that rhythm, it's like almost like, you know, when you're working out constantly, it's like you get on that high. Like you're going five days a week, you're waking up at 4am it's like just like conditioning and like training your body to do that. And then if you go on a vacation or you go tour Europe for a month and then you try to get back to it, it's like that first workout, you're dragging ass. You're like, how the was I doing this before? So I think there's a piece of that too where it's just like, I have to just like lock in and like get back into like that grind. But then it's also like, I don't want to do that anymore. Like, I did that because I was distracting myself from like, and trying to prove like my worth and like love myself through how much I could do. And like, that was something I said to my therapist when I started seeing Jan. I was like, I don't really want to heal because I'm scared that it's not, I'm not going to work as hard. And that's literally what fudgeing happened. I was like, if I heal and I get mentally healthy, like, I, this is how I like avoid everything. I just work, work, work. And I like love myself through other people loving me and thinking I'm wonderful and amazing and my clients telling me I'm great and like the cloud on social media, like, that is what makes me like love myself. She's like, that's a problem. And I'm like, we know, but, but is it. But I was like, if I love myself fully, then I won't feel the need to like, do all the things I'm doing and then I'm not gonna be as successful. And I'm still successful, but like, I, I could be doing a lot more. I feel like I just like, I'm just vibing out right now. To be honest. Fam, I'm just figuring out it's a figure out year. And we thought it was just going to be 2025. I fear it's going to be 2026. Will it be 2027? I don't know. Maybe Savannah Boda will have a comeback in 2030.
- [14:07]
B
I mean, as long as I'm being
- [14:08]
A
dramatic, like, I'm still doing it.
- [14:10]
B
Yeah, you are.
- [14:11]
A
I just, like.
- [14:12]
B
I think it's just the feeling of it. I think that's what it is. It's like we're doing the same thing we were always doing.
- [14:18]
A
I just think it's lost the razzle dazzle, and I just feel, like, a little bit uninspired, and, like, it's just like. And also, I was kind of a pioneer, and now everything's, like, kind of the same. So it's just, like. Just feels so forced, like, doing this, like, the graphics and, like, it doesn't feel fun anymore. And it has nothing to do with other people doing it. I mean, a little bit, but, like, it's not like, oh, I'm in competition. It's more of just, like. It's just taken the, like, specialness away from it. Like, I used to, like, get so excited about having ideas because, like, no one had done it before. And, like, I really like to be unique and different, and it's like, what am I supposed to do now? Like, I haven't, like, come up with, like, the next big thing. And I think that's why I've also been, like, so frustrated and, like, stagnant. So I'm like, what's gonna be, like, the new thing after graphics? Because, like, that's dying. Clearly, like, graphics are, like. It's been. It's overdone. It's overplayed. I don't know. So, you know, we're just figuring it out. Besties. But I'll be at the shows. I'm still on the podcast sometimes, but.
- [15:16]
B
You are on the podcast?
- [15:18]
A
Yeah. And also, you know, just really being a mom. Like, I've been spending a lot of time, like, just with my son and, like, you know, after work, I used to be, you know, when he was younger and, like, not in sports. Like, I was able to, you know, be there and also work, you know, be at home with him. But now it's like, he has soccer. He's in karate. Like, he has so many things going on, and, like, I just want to be there for him and, like, present
- [15:41]
B
and kid is busy.
- [15:43]
A
He's busy, dude. Like, there's no working when you're with Cyrus. Like, it does not work. And, you know, I just really value being a mom and being able to, like, have a slow life. And so it's, like, hard for me because I'm such a, like, 100% kind of person. So it's like I find myself just, like, wanting, like, just feeling inadequate. When I feel like I'm being the best mom I could be, then I feel like I'm, like, not doing what I need to be doing at work. And then when I'm doing what I need to be doing at work, I feel like a terrible mother. And it's like, finding that balance is, like, so difficult and hard. And it's like, if I'm winning at work, I'm losing at home. And if I'm winning at home, I feel like I'm losing at work. And I know that's, like, a lot of just, like, projection onto myself. And, like, it's not really that bad. Yeah, I just hold myself to, like, an insane standard. And, like, to other people, they think I was working, like, what I should be working, but I just, like, know what I'm capable of. It's like, you know when you. Your dance teacher has you, like, if y' all have ever danced or done a sport, and, like, you do it, like, really fucking good, and you almost don't want to do it that good, because then, like, your coach knows you're capable of that, and then they're gonna expect that every time, and it's gonna kill you. Yeah, that's how I feel. It's like, I, like, have to hit that, like.
- [16:54]
B
Yeah.
- [16:55]
A
Excellence every single time. Or I don't feel good enough about myself.
- [17:03]
B
Time for more therapy.
- [17:05]
A
I know, and I'm tired of therapy, too. Like, I'm so over it. I don't want to talk about my feelings, dude. I'm over. I don't want to be helped right now. I just want to sleep.
- [17:17]
B
I want to try therapy.
- [17:18]
A
You don't need it, but, you know, actually, I think everyone needs therapy.
- [17:22]
B
That's what they say.
- [17:23]
A
They do. But then you'll, like, fix something, and then, like. I don't know. I just. Sometimes I do regret therapy.
- [17:33]
B
I think that's fair. I think, especially in your case scenario.
- [17:37]
A
Yeah. Led to, like, a whole, like, identity crisis. I stopped working the way I was working. I got a divorce. Like, therapy, really just, like, opened wounds that could have totally just stayed wounding. Well, they could have just. We could have just put, like, a little gauze over them. We didn't need to, like, fully, like, heal them. We could have just, like, just stop the bleeding away.
- [17:58]
B
Stop the bleeding every, like, six months or so.
- [18:00]
A
Stop the bleeding. That's all we needed to do. We didn't have to go full repair mode.
- [18:06]
B
Things are gonna get better. Things are gonna get better. That's like the only thing we can tell ourselves, dude.
- [18:13]
A
Yeah.
- [18:14]
B
So it's okay. We just have to remind ourselves that like, our struggles would be other people's thriving.
- [18:21]
A
And that's, you know, and I say that, like our hard day is someone's dream day. And you know what? And I also did that for like, that toxic. It's not toxic, but it can be to a point. Like that positivity of like, you don't have to. You get to. And then sometimes I'm like that. That said that you loved that because it's like, you know, I just. I've always felt like I had to like, be perfect and like, get myself out of this. And like, I would shame myself for having feelings and something therapy allowed me to do is like, be like, no, it's okay to have a really bad day and be upset and like feel your emotions and like, not feel good. And I don't like that. I always like to feel good. And so I'd like to like. I'm like so good at gaslighting myself. It's insane. I can manipulate and gaslight myself all day until like, delusion.
- [19:05]
B
No. I think you could get like the absolute worst fucking news of your entire life and I turn it around and like, you. You could completely pretend that like, like if you have something to be doing.
- [19:19]
A
Yeah.
- [19:19]
B
You will literally throw that out of your brain.
- [19:21]
A
I'm like, that doesn't exist in this
- [19:23]
B
realm until you're ready.
- [19:25]
A
You're like, a meteor's coming. And I'm like, it's not.
- [19:27]
B
Yeah.
- [19:28]
A
Not. Not in my world. Maybe in yours, but for me it's not happening. And so that is something I am really good at, which is also can be bad. And that's the other thing about life, which if you guys have listened to me talk, two things can be true at the same time. My greatest strengths are probably also, like, really unhealthy. And the things that are really healthy. I don't know what I'm trying to say with that, but I just know that, like, some things about me, character traits that like, make me really successful are like, really bad for my mental health and like, long term stability.
- [20:00]
B
Yeah. But I think, like, some things that are really. No, actually, I don't know. I was trying to do the inverse
- [20:07]
A
like you were doing, but I'm like,
- [20:08]
B
I don't think it works.
- [20:08]
A
I don't think it works. It doesn't. It's just really kind of that way. Yeah. But that's the update for this. I guess we'll probably talk skincare on the next one.
- [20:18]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [20:19]
A
Because there's some new exciting things happening, I guess. Are there?
- [20:22]
B
Well, we'll brainstorm in the five seconds between episodes.
- [20:25]
A
I'm sure there is. I just have. Don't have the mental capacity to remember anything right now.
- [20:30]
B
Well, we love you guys.
- [20:32]
A
Take care of yourself. And, like, know that, like, being a business owner is hard. Being a working mom is hard. Being a fucking human being on this earth where the way the world is right now, it is hard. Divorce is hard. Everything is hard. But you are harder.
- [20:50]
B
I like that.
- [20:51]
A
Yeah. So rock out with your cock out, bones up, and fuck life in the ass.
- [20:59]
B
Okay, I think we end on that note.
- [21:02]
A
Yeah.
- [21:03]
B
Okay. Bye, y'. All.
- [21:04]
A
Bye.