
It's week 2 of your February Book Lisp. With no book spoilers until week 4, we discuss some things that relate to "The New Wife" by Sue Watson. First homes (and things that happen in them), living where nobody can hear you scream, and staircase incidents. Plus, Jon shares a wild story from last week involving a 3am police call, his Nana shames a "flasher," & more. Go Lispen!
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Sarah Colonna
Hi, I'm Sarah Colonna.
John Ryan
And I'm John Ryan.
Sarah Colonna
And you're listening to the Book List. The Book List.
John Ryan
The Book Lisp.
Sarah Colonna
Oh, that's right. You're listening to the Book Lisp. Hello and welcome to the Book Lisp with John Ryan and Sarah Colonna. Hi, John.
John Ryan
Hello, girl. How you doing?
Sarah Colonna
I'm good. It's great to see you.
John Ryan
We haven't seen much of each other today. We've been out and about. Saw you in the weight room earlier. How was your lift, bro?
Sarah Colonna
I'm so glad you don't ever call me bro that.
John Ryan
Just not bro. What were you doing?
Sarah Colonna
Yeah.
John Ryan
Ripping. At the gym in San Diego, they go, what are you doing? Say ripping tits. That's what they call a pector, a pec workout. Ripping tits today. Oh, God.
Sarah Colonna
I feel like I. I'm married to a professional athlete who works out still very hard. No matter how long he's going to be retired, he's always going two hours a day, baby. Yeah, But I just want everyone to know he doesn't talk like that.
John Ryan
Oh, God, I'd have to kill myself. That's why. I think that's why I have to work out at home and not work out at a gym where these guys, like, talk like that.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah, it's just a little. It's a lot when people say things like that, bro.
John Ryan
What's. What. What's your protein intake.
Sarah Colonna
Do? Car.
John Ryan
Cycle. Yeah.
Sarah Colonna
Ew. What's cycle?
John Ryan
I don't know. I just lift weights. I lift heavy things and then I go and drink. I don't care.
Sarah Colonna
Guys, thank you for being here. Don't forget that we also have a patreon. It's only $5 a month. You can watch the video of the podcast. And also we have bonus content. So every 5th, 15th and 25th of every month, you get exclusive bonus Patreon content. We just do. 5th and 25th are these fun segments where John and I just hit record and have some fun. Sometimes books come up, sometimes they don't. And on the 15th, it's always a short story, book review, something easy to read, quick to read so that you guys can keep up while also doing your monthly book. And this month, on the 15th, in just a few days, it's free to McFadden. The housemaid's wedding. And I really liked it, and I'm excited to talk about.
John Ryan
Was good. It was a quick read and it was good.
Sarah Colonna
I know I. Because I was. I was like, have we. What have we done? Are we in or over our heads with things to read. And John said It's like a 45 minute read. And that made me realize we weren't in over our heads. And if you happen to be doing wanting to see some standup and you're in either Everett or Enumclaw, Washington, March 14th and 15th, go. John will be with me doing the meets, meet and greets with me. And then April 4th and 5th, I'll be in Montana in Missoula and Bozeman. And those are on Sarah Colonna.com and for those of you that are crossover rumpers, Mary will be with me in Mary will be with me in Montana as well. John.
John Ryan
That'll be fun. That'll be fun.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah.
John Ryan
Because you've never been to Montana before. So I'm pretty excited for you to see Montana. I grew up, I grew up about.
Sarah Colonna
I want to see the mountains in your eyes oh, I've had all of this life I can handle. Do you know this song?
John Ryan
No. I do now. And boy, am I a fan.
Sarah Colonna
I want to say who's the famous singer?
John Ryan
Alabama, Chicago.
Sarah Colonna
Marie Osmond. I was going to say Big Blue Eyes, Marie Osmond and Dan Seals. I just looked it up.
John Ryan
But I grew up about, I don't know, 80 miles north of Montana. So I've been to Montana 100 times and you've never been there. So I'm excited for you to see it. It's a beautiful part of the world.
Sarah Colonna
I know. I'm very excited. Do you are you excited for me to sing that song to you all weekend?
John Ryan
Man, I cannot wait. I cannot wait.
Sarah Colonna
I as you guys know, we don't and if you're new here, we don't do book spoilers. So right now we are reading the New Wife for our February book by Sue Watson. I know that I apparently there's a couple books called the New Wife and a couple listeners have been reading the wrong book and then had to and then had to get it back in the groove.
John Ryan
Oh, really?
Sarah Colonna
Yeah.
John Ryan
Try to catch what were what were they reading?
Sarah Colonna
Another book called the New Wife by a different author.
John Ryan
Oh, really? I guess it's actually we're going to do that in April.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah. And then our March book is what Alice Forgot by Leanne Mordi. That is John's pick. If you're you need to get a library situation or if you're already done with the new wife and you're reading ahead. Lots of I'm getting I've now a couple people didn't love the new wife. They loved the way they Loved on a quiet street. And then on Instagram, all of a sudden, the past couple days, I've been getting a lot of. I'm loving this book. So I'm excited to talk about a book that maybe is different. People have different opinions about. They do about all the books, and that's the fun of it. But I've just noticed. I think it's just because it's only been my. It's only my second pick. So I like the fact that there's some. Some liked it. Nobody has disliked it. It's a good book, and some love it, and I. That's the whole point of a book club. Right. And then we're gonna have a really fun discussion on a week for it. So what we do weeks in between, as all of you know, unless you're new here, is we just kind of pick a topic out of the book that won't give a spoiler, and then we do a podcast on that so that you have time until the end of the month to read. John, what's going on? I can see.
John Ryan
I don't like my. My left. Can you hear that? My left ear thing is, like, clicking in and out, and it just started playing, like, an itunes show. Oh, like, I. Freaking out. I think I probably got, like, sweat today or something. I don't know what's going on, but it just clicked it out, and then it started playing, like, all of a sudden, I just see, like, Billy Bob Thornton on the screen.
Sarah Colonna
Well, is it fixed now? Could you continue?
John Ryan
I think so, but I think he's gonna keep on doing it. Right now, we're. Okay.
Sarah Colonna
Okay. So one thing that's a big topic in this book is that Sam and Lauren move into. Sam and Lauren, Correct, John.
John Ryan
Yes.
Sarah Colonna
They move into a new house, and something happens. And I think John thought it would be fun to kind of discuss just what it's like when you first move into a house. If something happens in a house when you first move in. John has a wild story to share.
John Ryan
Oh, my God. This was literally.
Sarah Colonna
You got to tell the story. Just go, when?
John Ryan
About how long ago was it, baby? It was like, two or three years ago. My grandmother was sick. We had to put her in, like, a home. And so Sarah and I bought her house to help the family out. And then we remodeled it and fixed it all up, put a lot of money into it, and now we rent it out.
Sarah Colonna
This is in Regina, anyway.
John Ryan
This is back home in Canada. So I'm laying in bed at about 1am on, like, two days ago. In Toronto. I was there for a speaking engagement and I get a call from my hometown police department at one in the morning and they say, John, you still own your grandma's house, right? I was like, yeah, like, okay, do you know who's living there right now? I'm like, I do, but my sister's the property manager, blah, blah, blah. They're like, okay, can we get their everyone's name and phone number that's living in that house right now? I'm like, yeah, just like, let me make it like they're being like coy. But they're also like, sorry to wake you, something's going down and we're not allowed to tell you anything. So I'm like, sure. Gave them my sister's number. They called her, she was sleeping, gave her my brother in law's number. They called him, eventually, got a hold of him. I went to bed, thought nothing more of it. Because they're like, just so you know, your house is not in danger, but we need the people's phone number inside right now. Which is like weird. But yeah, you don't. They're not, I know they're not going to tell me anything. I wake up, this was like like, literally, guys, this is like yesterday, right? Two days ago. I wake up to the news there's been four people murdered outside of my hometown. And the guy that murdered them was hiding out in the next door. The house right next to my, to our house in Canada. It's insane next door. Like it was, it was crazy. Like other neighbors send me videos of like the SWAT team and everything. I mean, obviously very sad, but it is like so crazy that it was like the house next to ours.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah. And they. So I didn't find out from you yet because I didn't ask this question, but did they. They got a hold of the people that lived in there and told them that they were.
John Ryan
They, they did get a hold of them eventually. All they said, we can't tell you anything, there's a bad person in the neighborhood. We're trying to get shelter in place, lock the door, shelter in place.
Sarah Colonna
Which they probably were at least already locked. Hopefully.
John Ryan
I hope so, but I'm sure they were. But man, that's like, it was, it was, it was weird. It's funny because it was like scary after the fact. So I knew something was going on, but I thought, I didn't think it was that. Like, I mean this. But if you've been to my hometown, it's not the place where there's a Quadruple murder happens. You know, it's not. Yeah, it's the middle of nowhere, Canada. And it was scary after the fact. I know that my sister talked to the. The tenants and they were like, yeah, we were like, we were really freaked out because we didn't know what's going on. And just police calling us, being like, don't move. Shelter in place. Something's going on.
Sarah Colonna
And I think if you. Because they didn't tell you that, but they.
John Ryan
No, and they couldn't. They couldn't.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah. Yeah, but they told them, at least shelter in place. Don't leave your houses. I would assume, oh, there's a murder on the loose for sure. That's what I would. I think that's where my mind would go, probably because of the books that I read.
John Ryan
Right.
Sarah Colonna
But that's where my mind would go. I would think they're trying to catch somebody and I would assume it. I guess maybe I would go through, oh, are they trying to get a drug dealer? Are they trying to get. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I would. I think I would go right to someone.
John Ryan
That was my four. That wouldn't be my first place. I would, like, think there's like a domestic. Domestic dispute, someone. They're trying. Like, I would. The last thing I thought I was going to wake up to is a quadruple murder. You know, it just. Yeah, here's my thing.
Sarah Colonna
I wouldn't have gotten quadruple. I wouldn't have gotten quadruple.
John Ryan
No, no, that would have been. No, that would not. That would know. That would have been down the list. But here's another thing, like you said, you go right there. It's just like when people believe in ghosts and like a shampoo bottle falls down the middle of the night, the first thing they go to is a ghost. They're not just like, hey, sometimes shampoo bottles fall down.
Sarah Colonna
Right.
John Ryan
Maybe a cat hit it down. Maybe some ghost number one. And that's what you do as a psychological thriller novel lover. You're like quadruple learning.
Sarah Colonna
It's true. Because I remember one time we were living in. When you were still playing for the Seahawks. We were in Seattle and Glory days. Yes, go ahead. I was at the house by myself. Do you remember this?
John Ryan
I do remember what you're going to talk about. Yeah.
Sarah Colonna
I think you were playing. You were playing that night. So if you guys don't know this, in the. When in the NFL, when they play at home, they still have to spend the night in a hotel the night before the game. So because they think that player football players can't control their shit. Which is true for some of them. So I'm in the house alone and I hear this crash. And I don't know, I can't think of it. We don't have any pets there. There's no cats. There's no. There's nothing. So I immediately think someone broke a window. There's. They're coming in there. It's a three story house and I'm asleep upstairs, the very top. So I. And then I'm thinking, how do I go through the whole house if he's. Somebody's in here. So I was like, I'm going to jump out the window. That's what I. My first instinct was that I was going to jump out the third story window. And I thought I'll land on the deck on the second story. It won't be that bad. And I'm truly thinking this. And then I go into the bathroom because that's where the closet is. Because I'm going to need some shoes on if I'm going to jump out the third story window.
John Ryan
I should have left the parachute for you.
Sarah Colonna
And then I noticed that the shower thing, the shower caddy that is very tall. It's Florida, floor to ceiling one with all the shampoo and all that. It crashed and that was the noise that I heard. So I didn't jump out the window. I went back to sleep.
John Ryan
Thank God. I mean also, that was like the safest neighborhood in the world. Like nothing ever happened in that. I could have. I probably could have gone. We lived there for 10 years. I could have never locked my doors. I probably would have been fine.
Sarah Colonna
So there's always a safe neighborhood in these books On a quiet Street. Our book from December, Quiet Street. Our next book is called Nothing Ever Happens Here. Don't jinx things.
John Ryan
This is what happens when you read the books that you read.
Sarah Colonna
Oh yeah, can't all be rainbows and Ellen Hildebrand up in here. Sometimes you got to get real dark. Wow. Anyway.
John Ryan
How dare you.
Sarah Colonna
I didn't jump out the window, guys. So it's okay. But that was my first instinct. And listen would have been better than whenever the person that I thought broke in had a play had in store for me. But luckily it was just a shower caddy. So back to the quadruple murders that happened right next door to the house.
John Ryan
Well, the murders did not happen next door. The murders happen outside of town. And was hiding out in the. In our next door neighbor's house back In Canada.
Sarah Colonna
And it was an abandoned house.
John Ryan
No, no, no. I don't have all the details on it yet. But last time I was there, my nana's house, she lives in a very. I mean, she lived there for like 70 years. My mother was born and raised there or raised there. It's a very quiet street. Very quiet street. And last time I went there, the house next door, it looked like it was a. There was a lot of broken down cars in the front yard.
Sarah Colonna
Okay.
John Ryan
You know what I'm saying?
Sarah Colonna
Right? So maybe, you know, a bunch of different people were living there or something.
John Ryan
I'm just saying.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah, okay.
John Ryan
You know what I'm saying?
Sarah Colonna
You're being really weird. I have no idea what I'm saying.
John Ryan
You know the house on the block with like eight broken down cars that are always working on, but none of them actually work.
Sarah Colonna
Right. Okay.
John Ryan
You know what I'm saying?
Sarah Colonna
Girl, you would be.
John Ryan
I'm saying if the house had wheels, it'd be on the move quite a bit.
Sarah Colonna
Can you imagine John as a lawyer or something in a courtroom? You know what I'm saying to the jury?
John Ryan
You get it, judge, you get it, right? Plead the fifth. Come on, we all know you get.
Sarah Colonna
You'd make that face too, and it would. And the jury would just go, we don't get it.
John Ryan
Sir, you do come.
Sarah Colonna
We don't get it.
John Ryan
You get it.
Sarah Colonna
But they did catch the guy that much, you know.
John Ryan
Yeah, I saw a video, I guess they kicked down the door and sent in a drone. And they had like a bunch of like, I don't know what, I don't know if Canada called it, SWAT team or whatever. There's like 20 guys out front and the guy was passed out drunk, just on the floor. Just drunk. Like murdered four people and just got hammered and just laying on the floor drunk. And they just like grabbed us like they thought they were gonna do the whole freaking thing. I talked to one of the cops and he like, I thought we're gonna have to gas the house and blah, blah, blah. He's like, we just walked in and picked him up and cuffed him.
Sarah Colonna
This site, you. The awful quadruple myrtle. Murdered people's lives, taken murder off. It's all awful. Awful but psychotic. If you were able to then just go fall asleep right after. Oh yeah, I. I know they're already going to lock him up and throw away the key, but please, yes, consider that an extra lock. Just an extra. I. If I'm the. If I'm the lawyer for that one, I go he, and then he fell asleep right after he murdered four people. You know what I'm saying?
John Ryan
You know, you know what that means? You guys know what we're talking about.
Sarah Colonna
You know what that means?
John Ryan
It means you guys know.
Sarah Colonna
You got to be real crazy.
John Ryan
Yeah, it was, it was an insane story. Is a crazy way to wake up in Toronto.
Sarah Colonna
It was. Yeah. And he, John texted me because I wasn't with him and so he sends me this text and he says, I can't wait to get home. I have to tell you this story. It's insane. And he goes, it's, he's like, it's not just crazy, it's like Dateline, Keith Morrison crazy. And I was so excited, but I was thinking he's not going to tell me till he gets home. But then he just starts texting me the whole story because he goes, whatever. I'm in the airport, I got two hours to kill. I'm just going to text you the story because we don't talk on the phone.
John Ryan
I flew into Toronto late Tuesday night. I got there, had dinner, went to bed right away, woke up, gave a speech to a corporate corporation and then got back to the airport, went right back on five and a half hour flight each way. I think I was there for like 12 hours. It was very quick. Yeah, yeah. In and out.
Sarah Colonna
So in and out. So we, we were talking about much like this story, but I haven't had that experience before and neither has John. But what it's like, first time you move into a house, you have these dreams and aspirations and the new wife, Sam and Lauren moved out to a remote location. You guys are probably, if you're not that far in, that's not a very big spoiler at all. They moved out to a remote location. It was really a place Sam wanted to be and she was a little more resistant to living in a remote location, which was a little bit of part of the story too came into play. I, I have to say, I don't think I want to live in a remote location. I, I want.
John Ryan
Because of these books. I know, because you read these books.
Sarah Colonna
I want people to be, I don't want, I want people to be able to hear me scream. I sure do.
John Ryan
It was okay. I, I kind of agree with you, but it's, it always sounds a little like nice, romantic, just live out like on an acreage by yourself, land, all that. I, when I bartend, I bartended for two years and I bartended this bar that was like five, 10 miles outside of town and that's all there was. So when you got out of the bar at like three in the morning, you were the only person on earth. And that. That always goes through your head. Like, anyone could jump out and just freaking murder me right now and no one would hear a thing. That just always freaked me out.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah. And getting out. So what bar was that? What?
John Ryan
It was at the Wild Slides in Regina.
Sarah Colonna
Oh, right.
John Ryan
It was the. I think it was called, like, the Long Branch Saloon. It was. I worked it like it was like an amusement park, a water slide, then there was two bars, and then behind that was like four softball fields. So it was just like a little bit of everything. But it stayed open to like 2am for some reason. The bar did.
Sarah Colonna
The bar did. Yeah. The water park did not.
John Ryan
No.
Sarah Colonna
I'll never be able to really get the image I have if you. Because I didn't know you then, clearly. But just the. I. I just. You working at a water. A bar at a water park, of all places. Oh, and during the day, I've met your boss.
John Ryan
Yeah. During the day I worked at the water park. I was a janitor at the water park. And then I took care of the softball fields. And then at night then I'd go in and bartend.
Sarah Colonna
And I did.
John Ryan
I did like, every. Every job. The whole place.
Sarah Colonna
How is being a janitor at a water park?
John Ryan
There's no way that I have stories for you that would make you gag. I could make you gag right now.
Sarah Colonna
I'd rather read about people getting murdered.
John Ryan
Poo, pooper. Do poop right on the floor. And people always talk about how, like, guys are gross ladies. You guys are way worse in the bathrooms than men. Like, the bathrooms were when I went to the woman's bathroom some morning. Because I went every morning at 10am the park opened at 10am so before that, I had to clean the entire man's. Entire woman's bathroom before that. And the girl's bathroom. Like, these are like. I'm talking like, there's probably 100 lockers, 15 shower stalls, 12, 15 toilets. Like, this is a big, like, amusement park. And it was awful.
Sarah Colonna
I. I know. I agree with you women. We are women. Get your shit together in the bathrooms. Stop it. I. When I would bartend, I. The. At the end of the night, if I went into a girl's bathroom, I was always like, what happens in here? Why are you. What does it. Someone let cats in that just like, unrolled all the toilet paper and threw it all over the floor. And what happened there was always A lot.
John Ryan
There's a lot of toilet paper on the floor.
Sarah Colonna
A lot of toilet paper on the floor. I have no idea why, but it's. That's true. And. And I feel that women. I guess because men use mostly the urinal, but I feel that women are really. Where's John going? If you're watching, you're seeing John just.
John Ryan
I had. I had the. We have one broken stool.
Sarah Colonna
Oh, right. We have a broken.
John Ryan
So the good folks at Restoration Hardware are replacing right away.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah.
John Ryan
When I'm leaning back on, I keep on falling back.
Sarah Colonna
Okay. Okay. You okay now? You settled in?
John Ryan
I'm okay. I made it.
Sarah Colonna
Well. Okay. Back to places we moved into. Off the rails at all times. But it's all related to things that we're bringing up. So I was thinking about when I said I wouldn't want to live in a remote location because my parents do. Right. So I grew up.
John Ryan
They really do.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah. I grew up in a small town. I grew up. Houses are few and far. They're very far apart. There's a couple more now. It's a little bit more of a populated area, but still. My parents house is so far off the road that I can't imagine having to take the garbage cans. I just. I would. I just never would.
John Ryan
Oh. It's like their house is probably, what, 500 yards to the street.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah.
John Ryan
Or to the main road. Like it's a long walk, maybe. I don't know. It's a few hundred yards.
Sarah Colonna
I don't think they used to make me take the garbage out. I got to be honest. And maybe that's why I have such a reaction to having to do it now. Because I'm like, what? I didn't have to do that before. Why should I have to do that now after I did it for myself when I was single, living alone anyway. So they live pretty far out. And I will wake up there sometimes and I'll get scared. I'll get so scared in the night. Because I think if someone wanted to come in. Hide the hide. After doing four murders, what better place than a house that is so sort of remote and off the road? I mean, there's plenty of houses around it. I'm probably being a little bit dramatic, but I. My mom will make fun of me when I tell her. I'm like, I heard something last night. She's like, there's nobody around. I'm like, exactly.
John Ryan
Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, these. These places are so big that we went back there last time. People are selling, like the front of their lot for people to build homes on. It's not like LA or Seattle or wherever you are. These. These lots are like. Everyone has like 10 acres. Yeah, they're huge.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah. And I. Oh, God. I heard coyotes outside my window one night.
John Ryan
They howl.
Sarah Colonna
Oh, yeah, they howl.
John Ryan
Did you guys have a alarm growing up?
Sarah Colonna
No.
John Ryan
No. I don't think we even locked our doors growing up.
Sarah Colonna
They do. They do now, but we didn't growing up. No, we didn't have an alarm. All we had was the fire department scarecrow scanner, which would go off in the middle of the night and that would scare the. Out of me. We still have that because my parents are. They were volunteer fire department people. My grandmother was the fire chief. My whole family's involved. The. And as like my cousins are now involved and their spouses are involved. My aunt and uncle are still a part of it.
John Ryan
My stepdad did it forever.
Sarah Colonna
He did it forever. He's retired from it. But they still have the scanner. I think he could still show up if he feels like helping. I don't know exactly how it works, but. Yeah, we had a fire department scanner. So that would go off. They won't ever turn it down. They would never turn it down. So it go off in the middle of the night. Because of course they don't want to miss a fire. That's the whole point. But then you wake up and all you hear is just this loud, oh, scanner alert. And it scares the Jesus out of you.
John Ryan
The first time I went to your mom and stepdad's place, that scanner is going all the time.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah.
John Ryan
And I feel like maybe I'm wrong, but when people weren't talking, it just sounds like this. It just sounds like that all the time. That it's like, hey, Bobby, I think I got a. A174 over here on the 7. I don't know what you got over there, but I got a little something going on over here. Maybe a little. Little red white dynamite going on here. Like it just. It's. And then they just go. It's so annoying. And they just leave it on 24 hours a day. And they. And they're both retired from it now.
Sarah Colonna
Yes.
John Ryan
Retired from anything. Not.
Sarah Colonna
It's. That doesn't make that noise all the time. It makes it when they're.
John Ryan
I think it does, but you've just blocked it out.
Sarah Colonna
No. I feel like people would go completely insane if it was just constantly doing that. But there is a lot of. Because it's not always a fire or there's Something else. There's a medical emergency, but it also feeds surrounding fire departments. So yeah, there's a lot of action on there. And I know some of you guys might know this story from my. A book that I. My first book. But I did one time turn the scanner down when I. Because I was getting. Getting on my.
John Ryan
The whole city burned down.
Sarah Colonna
I was trying to watch General Hospital and I was like, oh my God, this is so that my stepdad was late, but it's fine that to a call. No, he made it. He made it just in time. Luckily someone called him, said are you. Are you on your way? And he was like, what? And I go, oh, is the scanner turned down? Anyway, but I. Since living in Los Angeles, well, I did have a bad experience living the very first apartment that I lived on Beechwood Avenue with my friend Sarah Tilly. Shout out Sarah, if you're listening. She and I shared a one bedroom. We had. She does like to listen. We had a trundle bed so we would share. We had a trundle bed in a one bedroom apartment. And one night we were in the living room watching tv, probably had some wine, fell asleep on the couch and a guy tried to. He. He opened the door so that I. I believe we went. We fell asleep with. It was kind of early, but I think we fell asleep without locking the door, I'm pretty sure. Which is not smart. And this is a really long time ago, but still not smart. And a guy opened the door, but luckily what. It woke both of us up and we ran towards the door and he just backed right out. And then we called 911 and then we started looking out the windows. I was on the phone with 911 and I'm. And. And I said the guy just tried to get into our apartment, but now he's right outside. And he was just outside and he was masturbating like in the window. And not kidding, Sarah Tilly started yelling at him, go away, go away. And he. Then he went kind of across the street. So she cracked open the door and she was like, get out of here. We called 911 because he was far enough away and he goes, I was just jerking off. Yeah, that's what he said. Like, oh, sorry, did we interrupt you? We saw it. Please finish your business.
John Ryan
This brings up a story I've never told before. But we've talked on the show about my sassy nana. Rest in peace. She's very sassy lady.
Sarah Colonna
She was.
John Ryan
Put up with any bullshit?
Sarah Colonna
No.
John Ryan
She reached to take the bus to Work every day. She's walking to work one day, and a guy jumps out from behind the bushes in a trench coat, opens it up, and he's naked. What does Nana say to your nana? To my nana.
Sarah Colonna
What did she say?
John Ryan
Put that thing away. Maybe it'll grow bigger. Oh, without. No, just instantly put that thing away. Maybe it'll grow a little bit.
Sarah Colonna
Oh, my God. Your nana is my absolute. Oh, favorite. Was my absolute favorite that. Who says that? Right off the top of their head.
John Ryan
Oh, my God. So my nana, she needed a new roof. And like, we were talking, like, she was, you know, in her later years, she needed a new roof. She couldn't quite afford it, so I called her on Christmas Eve to go, dan, I'm going to buy you a new roof. She's so happy. So I send my buddy over, who I played high school football with, a guy I'm still friends with to this day, and he's. He's a. He owns a roofing company. She comes over. It's like, take an assessment of my nana's roof. Knocks on the door. She opens the door a crack, goes, get out of here. I don't want any. I'm calling the police. Get a call. Hi, John. I'm trying to, like, work on your nana's roof here. And she just told me she's going the police on me.
Sarah Colonna
So did you have to call her?
John Ryan
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. And then she's like, oh, I'm so sorry. Come in. I have coffee and cookies and, you know, once he. Once you broke through that barrier, you're fine.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah.
John Ryan
Get through that barrier. Was a little rough some days.
Sarah Colonna
Unless you flashed her and then you.
John Ryan
Were not gonna be. Oh, God, no, no.
Sarah Colonna
Oh, my God. I.
John Ryan
Character.
Sarah Colonna
I would give probably $1 million to see the look on the guy's face who. Who thinks that they're just gonna flash a little old lady. And that's what she says to him. I mean, that must be. I bet he never did it again.
John Ryan
No, no, he was shamed.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah.
John Ryan
Shamed by my grandmother. Oh, she was a beauty.
Sarah Colonna
A beauty.
John Ryan
Rest in peace.
Sarah Colonna
So that was my story for living. My first place on Beechwood, the one I told right before we found out about Nana getting flashed.
John Ryan
Was that your first place in la?
Sarah Colonna
In la, but yes, in la. So we moved there, and then we moved to a place that was behind this Irish bar called Time Tom Bergens. And that was. Oh, it was just. It was like Fairfax and Wilshire. It was just. It was just everything was so concrete. And we Lived in like a couple stories up. And then when she and I stopped living together, I moved to the Valley for a bit. And then I moved back over to Hollywood and that's when I lived in my one bedroom in Hollywood for a really long time. That was basically. Might as well have been on the Sun. But it's the one I talked about when we were reading the Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo last month. I talked about how I lived right behind Man's Chinese Theater. So you guys have have heard about that place. But I didn't have another break in, thank God. No. And then I did. And then I moved to Babcock, where I was living when I met you. I moved in there with a boyfriend at first, and then he moved out pretty quickly after that. That didn't last long. And then I moved in with you, our first house.
John Ryan
Well, I lived in with you in Babcock for a bit in the off season.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah. Yeah, you did. You were still having easy places.
John Ryan
And then we. We bought our house in Sherman Oaks.
Sarah Colonna
In Sherman Oaks. And our first one was on. Was the place on Lamona. And thank God nothing bad happened there when we moved. Yeah.
John Ryan
Oh, yeah. No, it's great. What do you mean?
Sarah Colonna
I'm just saying we're talking about how in the book they're right when they move in and tragedy happens.
John Ryan
Right.
Sarah Colonna
And that's one part of this book that I. Again, I don't know how far along you guys are, so I don't really want to spoil it. But the bad thing that happens there.
John Ryan
Hmm.
Sarah Colonna
What? One of the people. So as not to spoil anything, one of the people wants to go back pretty quickly after.
John Ryan
Yeah.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah. And I don't. I don't think I'd want to go back there.
John Ryan
Yeah, I think I. I don't know because it was. I mean, it was. I mean, now we can't say. Well, it can I say because it was pretty quick in the book that happened. Right? What happened to her.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah. In fact, I think they even say it in the description, to be honest. But.
John Ryan
Okay. Yeah. So she was brutally.
Sarah Colonna
Well, she dies.
John Ryan
I know, but I'm saying I always thought that it freaked me out, but maybe it's different because my dad died in my childhood room. He passed away inside of my childhood room. And it never bothered me ever to go back into it. Never thought anything of it. Didn't bother me at all. But I think maybe if it was like a murder situation, then it would.
Sarah Colonna
Agreed. That's interesting because when. Right after I lost my dad, we had to go. We were there. John was with me. We were there and, and saw him before. Right before and, and after we saw his in the hospital after as well. But so, but after that, after going there and then I think going back to go to sleep for a little bit at the hotel. Cause it was 3:00 in the morning, 4:00 in the morning when we got the call and we went to the hospital and then, but so we had to go back to, to my, to my dad and my stepmom's that later that morning to get together with her obviously, and start doing things and just see her and be together. And I was weirded out when I first walked in the door and.
John Ryan
Well, that was the first time you ever walked into that house and not had him there. Yes, it was a weird, a weird feeling.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah, it's very weird. And I, and I, I reacted kind of strongly and then, and John had been through it, so he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This, I forgot to say to you, this is, the walk in is going to feel a little weird. But right to your point, not to get depressing here, but to your point, I, I, I feel sad sometimes when I go there still because my stepmom still lives there, so, and I know sometimes it's hard for her, but now she's sort of back to a point where she wants to stay there. But again, this is, this is the, the, A death that wasn't, that was super tragic, but not a murder. Not something where you. Because that's part of this book, which we'll definitely discuss this part more in depth when we do week four. But to want to go back there and for it and for nothing to be solved is even crazier to me because I'd be like, until whoever did this is locked the F up, I'm not stepping foot in there. And then when people are trying to solve it and they think one person did it or they don't know who did it, this and that, and they're all still going back there. I'm like, you're going back there and you think the murderer is still on the loose.
John Ryan
Yeah.
Sarah Colonna
And you're going back to a place nobody can hear your ass scream. What are you doing, girl?
John Ryan
Yeah, yeah, I agree. I also, I just finished watching the new O.J. simpson documentary on Netflix. Made me think of that.
Sarah Colonna
Oh, what about it?
John Ryan
Just about like going, he moved right back into the house on Bundy where he murdered two people.
Sarah Colonna
But, oh, right.
John Ryan
Like had a party and celebrated the night after he got released. It's kind of weird.
Sarah Colonna
Oh.
John Ryan
Have you ever lived. Okay, besides that, what we talked about, both of our dads. Have you ever lived in a place where something bad happened that you had problems with?
Sarah Colonna
I don't think so. I mean, I know. No, I remember one time looking at a house. I remember this very vividly. And my aunt Linda was with us for sure and I have to ask her if she remembers this, but we were looking at a house. I believe it was. It must have been me, my mom and my sister looking for a place when we first moved to Arkansas. But we looked at a house and the. I, I remember trying to. Maybe they weren't home, somebody wasn't. Or we were trying to look in a window, which is probably. But it wasn't occupied. Maybe it was before the realtor was there or something. But we were trying to look at a window and I remember my aunt stepped kind of up to look at a window and then her foot went through this little trap thing under. Oh, under that house. And I was like, I don't want to live here. I don't like that. But no, I've never. Not that I know of anyway. I don't know of. Nobody ever disclosed anything. I mean, luckily this house that we just moved into was a new build, so. And we did meet the people that lived here before in the house that was torn down. And they were lovely.
John Ryan
They were lovely. But my last, my last three homes that I bought were all brand new builds. Not my house. Seattle's brand new build. Then our house is a brand new building, Lamona. And now this house is a brand new build. So I. That's the way I really like it.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah.
John Ryan
No one else's dirty ass beat up in my floor. No one sat on my toilet.
Sarah Colonna
Nobody murdered anybody.
John Ryan
No one murdered anyone that we know of. I had, I had a break before I met you. We have a condo in Arizona. I've had it for dang, 17 years now, something like that. But I had a break in. I think we maybe even talked about might. How to break in it. It freaked me out when I, when I went back in there.
Sarah Colonna
And that was when for those of you who either don't remember from a. That was when one of his girlfriends stole, allegedly stole his underwear because she was a psycho.
John Ryan
Well, she. A lot of things.
Sarah Colonna
She stole a lot of things. But just the fact that some of your underwear were missing is.
John Ryan
Here's my thing. When you break into. Remember back in the 80s when you broke into someone's house you stole their VCR. You stole TV maybe in the 90s. Still a DVD player. But what, what do you steal now? You go for jewelry or what? What like what you're not going to run down the street with my 86 inch TV? I mean I like I go ahead bud.
Sarah Colonna
Like yeah, I guess they I I think they come with cars. I don't know but yeah, I I, I think from what we hear most times the people are going for jewelry is what we feel.
John Ryan
They're inside jobs. Like it's it would take a while to find where all our is in this house. I have it hidden very well.
Sarah Colonna
Better leave our cats alone. That's all I had.
John Ryan
I had some valuable things hidden in our old house and we lived there for eight years. You never found them? You never stumbled upon them once?
Sarah Colonna
No.
John Ryan
Remember this?
Sarah Colonna
Yeah.
John Ryan
Not once I had them hidden. Well you could not have find them.
Sarah Colonna
No down them. Why were you hiding them from me?
John Ryan
I wasn't hiding them from you. I was just hiding them in general.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah, you can have them too much. So much to the point that when we moved I was like I hope you got those valuables.
John Ryan
Every once in a while I'm like I hope I got them all. I really I like I hit the out of those things and then knock.
Sarah Colonna
On our old, our new the new owner's door and be like excuse me, we just have one to check one place real.
John Ryan
Can I look in the closet behind that other closet up on the top just real quick.
Sarah Colonna
We just want to look for something. Well when we moved into this house that if you are watching on Patreon you can see John's head. You can see that staircase right behind him and the staircase is quite a story.
John Ryan
Oh God.
Sarah Colonna
In the new wife now some of you that might be Rumper prod crossovers from Are you my podcast might have heard this story but maybe you haven't either because I think it was a Patreon episode that I talked about it.
John Ryan
But it was like the Staircase part two.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah, it was it it long short of it just because for some of you that already did hear it is that we had locked blocked off the top of the staircase when we first moved in because it was suggested that you let cats get used to a smaller area first. So we wanted them to get used to upstairs know that they could sleep with us as usual. Had litter box food, all the things up there. But our Ralphie is a real dumbass and real curious and he decided to try to go around the gate and he missed and he fell down. Oh, fell down very far.
John Ryan
And like a triple backflip landed on his head.
Sarah Colonna
Oh, and his little bot. He's like such a little fatty. And his body was just. He wasn't ready for it. They. People say cats land on their feet. Not when they're not.
John Ryan
He was so unprepared. Like, he did not expect to. We have surveillance cameras in the house. If you try to break in, we'll find you. So we have surveillance cameras. I went back and looked on it, and it was so sad. He did like, a triple backflip landed right on his poor little face.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah. And he was sneezing blood for a minute. We took him right to the emergency vet. Luckily, he was fine. But staircases can be scary. Which reminds me, John. And this will be a really good story to end the podcast on. Speaking of the staircase, that show, remember?
John Ryan
Yes. The Michael Peterson.
Sarah Colonna
Yes. And that was. It's a true. It was a documentary. Right.
John Ryan
But it's been like the original thing. It was a documentary and they basically followed documentary in real time. Like after he was brought up in these charges, they brought cameras and started following him around during the trial, during, like. So we get to see, like, what happened. Like, did he fall. Did his wife fall down the staircase? Was he pushed what she pushed? Blah, blah, blah. And it goes on for like an entire series. And they brought back another series. And then I think there's like a. A third. It just keeps on going because it.
Sarah Colonna
Was insane, because the blood splatter was insane. It did not look like someone that just fell down a staircase. So at that time, we were living in our old house and we had a garage. And then above the garage was an extra space. That's where we had our gym. It was like a 500 square foot area.
John Ryan
But. But. But especially during COVID just to fill in your blanks here, it was a gym, a bar, and we had like a theater. We had theater chairs. We had. During. It was like our week. What do we call it, babe?
Sarah Colonna
During COVID I don't know.
John Ryan
The quarantine room or the quarantine room for.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah, something. It was basically we would just go up there to mix up our scenery because Los Angeles was shut down for so long. And so we would go up there and we'd just watch a movie up there.
John Ryan
Pandemic room. We call it the Pandemic.
Sarah Colonna
Pandemic room. We had a big giant TV up there. We would do our workout. We'd work out for like three hours. There's nothing else to do.
John Ryan
Then I would drink up there and watch TV for three hours, four hours.
Sarah Colonna
Best shape of my life, really. Even though I was drinking way more than anyone needs to, as a lot of us did.
John Ryan
But we watched the entire staircase up there. And then one night, I was like, oh, like Sarah's like, we're both up here drinking, and we just watch the staircase. I'm like, I got to put a camera up here because I'm not fucking living in jail the rest of my life because my wife can't handle her liquor. So we had. We had. We had a camera. We put up a camera or our surveillance system that just pointed straight down the stairwell. It was called the Michael Peterson camera. Well, it was. It was timestamped on the bottom that had, like, a date and time, and it just said michael Peterson camera.
Sarah Colonna
I was. I said something. I go, what if I felt. What. What if I slipped down those stairs after a few too many cocktails up here? And then you get. And he. He goes, I'm not going down like that. I'm not going down.
John Ryan
I ain't doing 30 to 35 in San Quentin because my wife can't handle her liquor. We're getting a camera on this.
Sarah Colonna
Yeah, and to be fair, your wife can handle her liquor.
John Ryan
She definitely. No, of course not. But just in case.
Sarah Colonna
But if I had. I mean, now, you might want to put one at the top of those. Top of the stairs here for.
John Ryan
For cats.
Sarah Colonna
And for me. My ankles get a little stiff in the morning sometimes. I don't feel safe walking down those stairs.
John Ryan
I saw you, like, double fist in that railing this morning.
Sarah Colonna
You guys, you know when you wake up stiff and you just think, what? And listen, I'm in really good shape. I work out.
John Ryan
I run, like, two hours a day like a maniac.
Sarah Colonna
Okay, but I'm not. I'm just saying I do hit runs. Like my. But my body isn't. But, oh, but when I went, yeah, all right. This is a. Yeah, nobody wants. All right, wait. Save it for later. But no, but you know when you wake up in the morning and you just. Sometimes your ache. My ankles will be a little stiff, probably from my stupid hit runs or whatever. It doesn't happen all the time. I'm taking.
John Ryan
When I see your body, I'm a little stiff.
Sarah Colonna
Okay, put that thing away. Maybe it'll grow faster.
John Ryan
Oh, we've gone too long.
Sarah Colonna
We've got. Anyway, that's. That's why sometimes I worry about myself on the staircase. Okay, guys, well, I think we're gonna end on that note because it really came full circle and this was a lot of fun. See, I really like the in betweens. I hope you guys too. We really want, it's too much to break down the book every week and people can't. And then we don't know where you're at if you've read that far. And this way we can all have a fun listen no matter what with not really any spoilers until week four, but we can still still be here talking to you. And then week four we'll get into the new wife March. Your book is what I Was Forgot by Leanne Moriarty. Join us on Patreon if you can. One way to really support us if you, if you can't join us on Patreon is to give us a five star review on Apple or Spotify. Drop a quick note how much you like us and don't forget to join the book list spinners on Facebook. It's a very fun group and we have all our books pinned in there.
John Ryan
Yes. And baby, can I do a couple plugs for myself?
Sarah Colonna
Oh, yes, baby, please.
John Ryan
Thank you. On February 15th at 2:00 Eastern is the premiere of my documentary on that Major League Baseball network about the Portland pickles. It's called Pickles, Pickles, Pickles. It's a lot of fun. Sarah's already watched it. I am very proud of it and it turned out very well. So if you'd please watch that, that'd be amazing.
Sarah Colonna
Yes, it's, it's really good. Even if you aren't into baseball. It's just a great story. And I did get to see it already and I loved it. And John's mom's gonna be in town to watch it with us. We're gonna have a little watch party. 2:00pm Eastern, 11:00 Pacific on the MLB Network. February 15, 11:00am on the so watch it, watch it. Watch Pickles, Pickle, Pickles. John Ryan, executive producer. What? Yeah, thanks.
John Ryan
Trying to make myself a job.
Sarah Colonna
All right, see you next week. Oh, and see you on the 15th. If you are here for if you're doing Patreon, The Housemaid's Wedding. February 15, short story review by Frida McFadden. Bye. The book Lisp.
John Ryan
The Book Lisp.
Sarah Colonna
The Book list.
John Ryan
The Book Lisp.
Sarah Colonna
The Book Lisp.
The Book Lisp with Jon Ryan & Sarah Colonna: Episode Summary – "Don't Take the Stairs"
Release Date: February 10, 2025
In this engaging episode of The Book Lisp, hosts Jon Ryan and Sarah Colonna delve into the intricacies of moving into a new home, intertwining personal anecdotes with themes from their chosen book, "Don't Take the Stairs." The conversation seamlessly blends humor, suspense, and insightful reflections, offering listeners a captivating exploration of home security, personal safety, and the psychological aspects of settling into a new environment.
The episode centers around the experiences and fears associated with moving into a new house, especially in remote or secluded areas. Jon and Sarah use their personal stories to highlight common anxieties and unexpected events that can occur when establishing a new residence.
Jon Ryan opens the discussion by recounting a harrowing experience related to his grandmother's house in Regina, Canada.
[07:02] Jon Ryan: "I woke up to the news there had been four people murdered outside of my hometown. The murderer was hiding in the house next door to ours. It was insane."
He explains how a late-night call from the local police about an ongoing situation near his rented property led to unsettling news about nearby violence. Despite the distance, the proximity of such a tragic event deeply affected him, underscoring the unpredictability of moving into a new home.
Sarah Colonna shares a contrasting yet equally intense experience from her time living in Los Angeles.
[11:58] Sarah Colonna: "One night, while living alone, I heard a crash and immediately thought someone was breaking in. My first instinct was to jump out of the window, but it turned out to be just a shower caddy falling."
Her story highlights the fear of the unknown and the immediate rush to protect oneself, only to discover a mundane cause for the disturbance. This anecdote serves to illustrate how easily fear can take hold in unfamiliar settings.
The hosts delve into the psychological impact of living in remote or isolated areas, drawing parallels to their current book.
[19:13] Sarah Colonna: "I grew up in a small town, houses are few and far between. My parents' house is so far off the road that I can't imagine having to take the garbage cans out."
Sarah reflects on her upbringing in a secluded environment, emphasizing the challenges and fears associated with such living conditions. Jon adds his perspective on the vastness of their properties and the inherent sense of isolation.
[24:20] Jon Ryan: "These places are so big that people are selling the front of their lots for new homes. It's not like LA or Seattle where everything is cramped."
Their conversation underscores the tension between the beauty of spacious living and the underlying unease it can bring, especially when surrounded by vast, empty spaces.
Discussing home security, Jon and Sarah share various strategies they've employed to ensure their safety.
[40:13] Jon Ryan: "We have surveillance cameras in the house. If you try to break in, we'll find you."
They stress the importance of proactive measures, such as installing cameras and securing entry points, to mitigate potential threats. Jon humorously mentions hiding valuables to prevent intruders from finding them.
[40:36] Jon Ryan: "I have it hidden very well. Nobody found them."
This segment highlights practical steps listeners can take to enhance their home security and peace of mind when moving into a new space.
Adding a lighter yet poignant touch, Sarah recounts a memorable incident involving their cat, Ralphie.
[41:22] Sarah Colonna: "Ralphie decided to go around the gate, missed, and fell down the stairs, landing on his head. He was sneezing blood but luckily he was fine."
This story not only brings humor but also underscores the unexpected challenges that can arise in a new home environment. It also leads to a discussion about the importance of pet-proofing and safety measures within the household.
Jon and Sarah adeptly connect their personal experiences to the broader themes of psychological thrillers, enhancing the relevance of their book discussion.
[36:48] Jon Ryan: "It's like when people believe in ghosts and something falls at night. They immediately think it's supernatural."
Their conversation delves into the psychology of fear and how past experiences influence our perceptions of safety and threat. By sharing real-life stories, they offer listeners a deeper understanding of the emotional undercurrents present in psychological thrillers.
The hosts explore the balance between community living and isolation, a central theme in "Don't Take the Stairs."
[25:17] Jon Ryan: "People are selling parts of their lots for new homes. It's sprawling out, but it leaves you feeling isolated."
[24:44] Sarah Colonna: "I heard coyotes outside my window one night. They howl."
These insights reflect the tension between having a close-knit community and the solitude that vast properties can bring, a dynamic that significantly impacts the narrative and tension in psychological thrillers.
Jon and Sarah tackle common fears associated with moving into new homes, such as break-ins and encountering unknown dangers.
[42:42] Jon Ryan: "I was thinking, as a psychological thriller lover, if a shampoo bottle falls, first thing I think is a ghost."
[43:46] Sarah Colonna: "Having a camera on the staircase is just smart. Protect yourself from slips and... unexpected events."
This discussion demystifies fears by providing logical explanations and practical solutions, encouraging listeners to approach moving into new homes with a balanced perspective.
Wrapping up, Jon and Sarah reflect on the interconnectedness of their personal experiences with the themes explored in their book. They emphasize the importance of preparedness, community, and personal resilience when facing the uncertainties of moving into a new home.
Notable Quotes:
[07:02] Jon Ryan: "I woke up to the news there had been four people murdered outside of my hometown. The murderer was hiding in the house next door to ours. It was insane."
[11:58] Sarah Colonna: "One night, while living alone, I heard a crash and immediately thought someone was breaking in. My first instinct was to jump out of the window, but it turned out to be just a shower caddy falling."
[19:13] Sarah Colonna: "I grew up in a small town, houses are few and far between. My parents' house is so far off the road that I can't imagine having to take the garbage cans out."
[40:13] Jon Ryan: "We have surveillance cameras in the house. If you try to break in, we'll find you."
[41:22] Sarah Colonna: "Ralphie decided to go around the gate, missed, and fell down the stairs, landing on his head. He was sneezing blood but luckily he was fine."
[36:48] Jon Ryan: "It's like when people believe in ghosts and something falls at night. They immediately think it's supernatural."
Final Thoughts:
In "Don't Take the Stairs," Jon Ryan and Sarah Colonna masterfully intertwine their personal narratives with the suspenseful elements of psychological thrillers. Their honest and humorous approach provides listeners with not only an entertaining discussion but also valuable insights into managing the fears and challenges associated with moving into a new home. Whether you're a fan of psychological thrillers or simply interested in home security and personal safety, this episode offers a rich and engaging listen that resonates on multiple levels.