← The Book Lisp with Jon Ryan & Sarah Colonna
The Book Lisp with Jon Ryan & Sarah Colonna
Hot Tub Jon Machine
00:47:19
It's Week 1 of your November Book Lisp. With no book spoilers until week 4, Jon & Sarah discuss topics inspired by this month's read, “Twelve Days of Christmas” by Debbie Macomber. Jon discusses his shock over Sarah’s lack of Christmas decorating when they first met. Do the Holidays cause more break ups or hook ups? When a person is suddenly nice to you, it might be a red flag, solo hot tub gone wrong, and much more. Enjoy!
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- [00:00]
A
Hi, I'm Sarah Colonna.
- [00:02]
B
And I'm John Ryan.
- [00:03]
A
And you're listening to the Book List. The Book List.
- [00:08]
B
The Book Lisp.
- [00:09]
A
Oh, that's right. You're listening to the Book Lisp. Hello and welcome to the Book Lisp with John Ryan and Sarah Colonna. Hey, John.
- [00:20]
B
Good morning.
- [00:22]
A
Good morning. We are. It is Sunday morning. We were recording this, and we both basically just started drinking coffee and staring at each other and decided to go ahead and record this before football starts. Right?
- [00:39]
B
Yes. Yeah, I feel like I woke up with a bit of a cold, too.
- [00:43]
A
Well, it's. It's like. It's like husky voice, so it kind of sounds. You sound like. I always sound.
- [00:49]
B
Stop it. Kind of like punched in the face.
- [00:53]
A
Oh, that's not good. Well, hopefully you feel better soon.
- [01:01]
B
Thank you.
- [01:02]
A
Yeah, it's. It's. I can't believe it's our November book list already. And we are reading 12 Days of.
- [01:10]
B
Christmas by Debbie Macomber.
- [01:12]
A
I don't know. I always want to. Like, it's the easiest title to remember because it's 12 Days of Christmas. So I know that we normally announce right during this episode, the book the next pick. So I would be doing my December pick, but because we wanted to get this done this morning, I realized I was not yet prepared to announce my book. I've been, because I'm trying to find, like, a Christmasy vibe, but I don't.
- [01:38]
B
Want it to be a Christmasy murdery vibe.
- [01:40]
A
Yeah, but most of the ones I've been finding are little. A little. They're like if I wanted to watch a crappy Lifetime movie kind of thing, is what the reviews seem like. So I don't want it to be that I want to keep a good book. So I'll get there. Meaning by the time you guys listen to this on Monday, I will put it up. Or maybe not by the time. If you listen to it right first thing in the morning, it may not be up, but it'll be up on our Instagram, which is the book list, and it'll be posted. They're always posted. In our Facebook group, the People Book Listeners. There's a featured tab and it tells you all the books for reading, including the short stories for Patreon, because we do short stories for Patreon that are super fun. You should definitely join patreon. It's only $5 a month. We had a fun live from. Well, I guess it wasn't live because we didn't have people come on, but we recorded in our hotel Room in Austria. On our last one, we do video versions of our fun little podcast on the 5th and the 25th and then the 15th is always the short story review. So it's a lot of fun little stuff. However, you can go live on Patreon. So I'm going to figure out how to do that. Yeah, just maybe not for the podcast, like a podcast, but we can go live and just talk to our patrons if they're around. We could like announce it a little bit before and go live. I don't know, could be something fun to do. We'll figure these things out. But join us there, give us a rate and a review and subscribe that helps us out. And if you're. It's listen, it's already the holidays. You're going to come to see me in Spokane Comedy Club on New Year's Eve. You're going to come to see me at Tacoma Comedy Club January 2nd and 3rd. I have a show that I just added right outside of Aspen in Snowmass, Colorado on Wednesday, December 17th. I. I don't know that the link is up yet because it wasn't up yet this morning when I looked, but it should be up soon, so. So keep an eye on that. If you're in that area, Snowy, we can cuddle.
- [03:38]
B
Okay.
- [03:39]
A
Not really. I just cuddle with John.
- [03:41]
B
Yeah, it's reserved for me.
- [03:43]
A
That is reserved for you. All right, well let's get into as you guys know and if you're new here, every week we just pull things out of the book sort of topic wise and then we don't talk about the book until the week four. Go ahead.
- [04:00]
B
Before we start that though, because this is a holiday book.
- [04:03]
A
Yes.
- [04:05]
B
I love this new tradition that seems like it's really started in the last five years where almost the start of the Christmas season is announced by Mariah Carey. It's like she did her big announcement yesterday. Like the queen of Christmas is unthawing and here she is, it's officially. And I love that that's the new thing. I mean, this all started from her album in 1994. So the album is like 30, 31 years old. But every year right around this time, it's like Mariah Carey time.
- [04:32]
A
She comes out to thaw and she saws out. Yeah, I've seen her, I've seen her do her Christmas show a couple times at the Hollywood Bowl. It's very entertaining.
- [04:41]
B
I'll bet.
- [04:43]
A
Yeah, it's this, Listen, this is, this is the kickoff to John's most wonderful time of the Year. And I know a lot of people yesterday are posting about Christmas because it was the day after Halloween. You know, I'm referring to a couple days ago, but I. I don't want to skip over Thanksgiving.
- [05:01]
B
No, but I don't think you necessarily have to do it. Like we're only doing Thanksgiving and then we're only doing Christmas. I think you can do. You can kind of do both. You know, for November, you can kind of celebrate both and then you flip over just the Christmas on the 28th.
- [05:17]
A
True. Okay, fair enough. Well, but it's a big month because it's also John's birthday on November 26th.
- [05:24]
B
Birthday. So is that on Black Friday?
- [05:28]
A
Oh, is it?
- [05:29]
B
I don't know.
- [05:30]
A
That means I can't buy you anything until after Black Friday, so I can get a good deal on it.
- [05:34]
B
Hold on. Yeah, no, so no day. Day before Thanksgiving.
- [05:38]
A
Yeah. Right. John's birthday is the day before Thanksgiving. My. My stepmom and her boyfriend are coming to hang out with us for Thanksgiving. That's going to be exciting. Anyway, we'll talk about that stuff more. Well, we. That stuff's more like Patreon stuff later.
- [05:54]
B
Like, people always ask me if it was like, it was crazy growing up having my birthday right around Thanksgiving. And I always have to remind them that I grew up in Canada where our Thanksgiving was like a month and a half ago.
- [06:06]
A
Right. That's true. And then my birthday is right around Christmas.
- [06:10]
B
Yes. Ending Christmas and New Year's.
- [06:13]
A
Yeah, it's on the 29th. It never bothered me. My parents were good about making sure I had my own. You know, they didn't shove them all under the tree and say nothing happens. Yeah. So in fact, I kind of like it because everyone's festive and I don't care. I'm like, I don't care.
- [06:29]
B
You know what used to piss me off about my birthday was that mine's on the 26th. My sister that's two years older than me, she's on or four years old, she's on the 27th. So 26th, 27th and December 4th. My third sister. Or my, my, you know, my third Ebeling. And then my brother is in May. May 14th. Little oopsie doopsie, I think.
- [06:49]
A
Yeah.
- [06:50]
B
So the three of us would always have our birthdays together for the families and stuff. But then everyone would bring kids. My brother was the youngest. They'd bring him a little gift, too. Oh, well, then where's my. Where's my fucking gift at? Linda, come May 14, no little bonus.
- [07:07]
A
Gift for me, that is messed up.
- [07:13]
B
It really pissed me off, so.
- [07:15]
A
Because they just felt like he couldn't feel left out.
- [07:18]
B
Yes, that's so I felt me. So then come his birthday. Not only am I left out, so are my other sisters, too. All three of us are left out. Isn't it smarter just to leave one person out?
- [07:29]
A
Yeah, it's smarter to say, listen, it's not. This is how it works, buddy. It's not your birthday.
- [07:35]
B
Yeah, life's tough.
- [07:36]
A
Tough kitty, Tough titty, tough kitty. That's. I'm sorry to hear that, John. Sorry that you went through that.
- [07:44]
B
I'm about to turn 44 and it's still rubbing me wrong, I'll tell you that much.
- [07:48]
A
I see that. I see that.
- [07:51]
B
So this book is really about two people living in the same apartment building. But the one thing that's really about this story, it's about being able to change in a short period of time and your first impressions of people and how you. But I think is, has anyone ever started being nice to you out of nowhere when they otherwise weren't? Or the other way around? When someone's nice to you, then all of a sudden one day they just turn on you.
- [08:21]
A
Probably. I'm trying to think, do you have someone like that?
- [08:24]
B
Yeah. I'll start.
- [08:27]
A
He's ready, guys.
- [08:28]
B
The one that came to my mind right away is I had my first NFL coach, my first NFL special teams coach. I absolutely could not stand the man. And he was. He was like, old school, hopefully. He's. I think he's in six feet on the rip. He was. He was old back then, and this was 20 years ago.
- [08:48]
A
Okay.
- [08:49]
B
So anyways, he just would just rip guys apart, like on a daily basis. That was his style of coaching. Just screaming, yelling, you suck. You're awful. You go into the film room, you suck. You're awful. Like you. Everyone sucked. Everyone is awful all the time. It was very much like when I was young in the. In the playing pro football. I was the youngest player on the team. My first years. For the first two years, I was. I was young, young, young. And so back then, I played with all players born in the 60s and 70s. All the players were born then. And so they grew up differently in the world of football than this generation playing now. So they were kind of used to being berated, yelled at, all that. And I could kind of see it slowly start to evolve throughout time, where now it's. I don't think anyone really uses that type of coaching style whatsoever. The yelling, you suck. And so the generation that I kind of came up with, I kind of see things shift and kind of that coach style start stopped working. But this guy was like 105 years old and he kept on doing it. So he was like, I'm talking every punt coming off the field, just getting screamed death. Every single punt. Like I'm talking. It was awful. So I'm in my third training camp with the Green Bay Packers. I have one whole game in. In training camp, in exhibition season where he doesn't say a word to me. He just, he stops yelling at me. And I said, oh, cut. The next day when he st. When he stopped treat, I was like, I was like, now, now he just doesn't care. He's just shut off to it. The second he started treating me differently, I'm like, I'm done. I'm done.
- [10:21]
A
And I was, oh, that's interesting. Crazy.
- [10:27]
B
Yeah.
- [10:27]
A
Yeah. Actually I'm like a similar, A similar thing like that happened when I was leaving Chelsea lately. Like, that was a little bit of attitude as I was there until the very end as a, as a roundtable guest, but as a full time writer. I left kind of like the summer right before it ended. And that I, that was. There was some similar vibes in there just with like the knowing that I was. You know, people treat like whether you're being fired or leaving, like people know people treat you different when it's like, oh no, no point in riding this person's ass anymore. This is that like this, they're done, they're out of here. Like it's not going to affect them or it's not going to affect me. Depending on, I guess, whether you're leaving voluntarily or not. But yeah, I know I can't really think of anyone that trying to think of like a personal person that's done something like that. I mean, I, you know, like a friend or something. But I guess people wouldn't be my friend if they.
- [11:26]
B
Yeah, I feel like those people kind of. We kind of weed themselves out of your life.
- [11:29]
A
Yeah.
- [11:29]
B
You know what I mean? Like, I like, I like I'm freaking almost 44. There's no need at this point to have some toxic relationship with a friend. You know, take care. At this point, it just kind of takes care of itself.
- [11:41]
A
Yeah, that's true.
- [11:42]
B
With that. I always hear people say this. This is one thing that really. Another one of my pet peeves is when someone is. Does something and then there are people like, oh, they're starting to show their true colors. Their true colors are Coming out. It drives me crazy because someone can go and do A and then do A again and then do A again. They do a 99 times, and then one time they go and do B and you're like, there it is. That's the true theme. The thing that they've done, one thing they've done 1% of the time, that's the true person. That's their true colors coming out. Whereas I think it's actually the person that's, like, putting that onto them, where they have that sense, like, this person is going to do this and they just wait and wait, wait until that person does that and be like, told you so.
- [12:22]
A
Right. Yeah. Like. Like their I got you moment.
- [12:25]
B
And, you know, some people say that and do that.
- [12:28]
A
Yeah, I agree. I don't like that.
- [12:31]
B
Yeah. Not fun for people.
- [12:34]
A
I haven't started reading your book yet. I just want to put that out there. No, not be. Because, like, we talk about this all the time, but every time I do, I end up having to go back and re. Basically re. The last month's book. I had to go back and almost.
- [12:48]
B
I. I listened to the whole. Over again.
- [12:50]
A
Yeah. Because there's. There was just so much that happens. And while I was listening to. It's like, right, right, right. I remember. But when you. Because on week four, we want to get into so much detail. So I try to tap the brakes here so that I can. Since, like that. That's the great thing about the fact that we don't do the review until the fourth week.
- [13:06]
B
Yeah. But first of all, there's a million topics that we can talk about in the next three weeks. This book that you. Obviously we don't. We just talk about topics inspired by the book. Not necessarily about any of the spoilers or the book itself, but this book was exactly what I wanted it to be.
- [13:23]
A
Okay.
- [13:23]
B
A light Christmas book. Feel good story. It's almost. It could be. It could be a Hallmark movie.
- [13:31]
A
Okay, okay.
- [13:32]
B
Okay.
- [13:32]
A
Other than.
- [13:32]
B
Other than Kane. Kane isn't a tree salesman in the woods of Maine. Other than that, like every other Christmas Hallmark Christmas movie, it feels like a Hallmark Christmas movie. So. And then I found out Debbie McCombert writes an annual holiday Christmas book.
- [13:51]
A
Oh.
- [13:52]
B
So this one. Because I. When I found this one, I was like, okay, this looks good. And then I realized it's from, like 2017. I think it was about eight or nine years old. I found out she writes one a year.
- [14:01]
A
Oh, that's exciting for you. It's on.
- [14:04]
B
You know what? I'm going to be doing. Oh, hold on. I wanted to go back to talking about something else I want to talk about earlier. We talked about the start of the Christmas.
- [14:10]
A
We should always do the morning podcast because you're really shot out of a cannon.
- [14:15]
B
The coffee just hit.
- [14:17]
A
Go ahead. Sorry.
- [14:19]
B
So I have all my Christmas stuff in a big storage unit maybe a block away, just around the corner. It's not even a block away. And we get a notification in the mail the other day and a woman came and knocked on the door that they're filming a movie there, a scene from a movie. They've been there since Thursday or Friday and it's not gonna be over until at least Monday or Tuesday. Well, tomorrow was the big plan was to go get started on my Christmas decorating. Thanks a lot, Hollywood. I guess not.
- [14:50]
A
I'm just glad to hear they're shooting something in la, to be honest with you. So that hasn't. That's not been happening very much at all. Wow, they're really stepping up toes growing up.
- [15:00]
B
I know growing up in Saskatchewan, I thought when they shot like a movies thing they just had like a camera and a director and a couple actors. Like when you see how much production vehicles are out here, there's like several semis, there's dozens of workers. It's. It's not cheap to film anything.
- [15:18]
A
No. It's funny. Speaking of that, when we were in Salzburg, Austria, we were walking. We were. Took this, it's beautiful there. And we walked up to this. Was that when we were going to. No, it was just me and you.
- [15:33]
B
Was it in Logan? It's all part of Verona, I think.
- [15:36]
A
I thought it was. No, it was Salzburg because it was said something about sound and music. It must just been the day after Logan left because I know it was just me and you, but John and I were walking around and we hadn't got a coffee yet so we saw this like little. We were kind of in a back street and then we saw this little, you know, like a food truck looking thing that had coffee and what? And I was like, oh, look at that cute little. Cute little thing selling coffee. Probably some pastries. Let's go over there. What a little, cute little Salzburg moment we're about to have. And then we walk up to it and it's like they're all just.
- [16:11]
B
There's no price. There's no price tags on anything.
- [16:13]
A
No. Yeah, there's no price list. There's no nothing. And they're all kind of just stare at us. And I'm like, oh, John, Goes. This is a catering. This is for a movie. Yeah, it was craft services. It said something like the sound of. It said something of sound of. So they must have been doing some kind of little movie.
- [16:30]
B
Yeah, that was actually. Logan was there that day. It was the day it was raining. We were going up to the fortress.
- [16:34]
A
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. He was with us. Anyway, it just made me laugh. We both just like. I. I thought. God, I thought I would recognize craft service out in the world.
- [16:45]
B
Real funny.
- [16:46]
A
Real quick funny. Anyway, go ahead. Sorry.
- [16:49]
B
It was. Speaking of movies, a lot of that trip felt like we were in a movie, especially when we were in Verona. Verona is like this little town, especially the town center. Like the. The. The. The streets are made of marble.
- [17:00]
A
Yeah.
- [17:00]
B
Streets are, like, maybe 1512ft wide. And the people and the cars go together. Like, they just kind of. They coexist. It's. It was. It was crazy that every. You know, the buildings. It was. There were several times where I was just like, I feel like I'm in a movie.
- [17:14]
A
Yeah. Yeah.
- [17:15]
B
It.
- [17:15]
A
It was absolutely stunning.
- [17:18]
B
So when we. You and I first met, like, early on in our relationship, it was probably, you know, we'd probably been together for four or five months, and I was basically like, are you getting ready for Christmas?
- [17:29]
A
Oh, so this is. Yeah, this is full. Coming Full out of the book, right? Because she's sort of trying to convert a scrooge in this book.
- [17:35]
B
Yeah, in the book, Kane's a bit of a scrooge, and Julia would like the Christmas spirit, and she wants to get him into the Christmas spirit is kind of how it starts a little bit.
- [17:44]
A
Mm.
- [17:45]
B
So when I met you, we were like, whatever. I guess I'm look on my fingers now. We're seven or eight months in. It must have been. It was probably like September when I asked. You started decorating for Christmas? No, it was like November. I'm like, oh, do you decorate for Christmas? You're like, I don't have. I think you said you didn't have a single Christmas decoration. Keep. Confessed to the. To the court here.
- [18:06]
A
I will confess to the court. So when John and I first met, no, I didn't have any Christmas decorations. Now, in my defense.
- [18:15]
B
Yes, please.
- [18:17]
A
There. Most of the time since I moved out to Los Angeles. Now this is when 90s. 1997 or so on. Not or so it was 1997 on. I would go home for Christmas to Arkansas. So I had. You know, I missed my family. Everyone leaves that leaves during the holidays. I had my dad here, but I would spend Thanksgiving with him, and then I would go home for Christmas. So there was no point for me to decorate. So that.
- [18:48]
B
I beg to differ.
- [18:50]
A
I know, I know. That's what. And John doesn't agree with that. I. That's how I felt. I was like, what am I going to do? And where. You know, my one bedroom apartment at that, when I was way younger, with like, barely enough room for me to turn around and, like, see without smacking into a wall. Where was I going to put things? So I did. Nor necessarily think about it. And then as I got older, there were times that I wouldn't necessarily go home for Christmas or I'd be working or I get a gig around Christmas. And I just. So I. I was here sometimes and wasn't always necessarily going home, like Christmas Day, but most of the time I did. So that. That's my defense. Okay. Now I submit to the court to rebuttal, or however they say it, lifetime.
- [19:42]
B
In candy cane jail.
- [19:46]
A
So stupid.
- [19:49]
B
One of the first things I sent you too, I sent you a Christmas tree on December 1st. I'm like, you have to. And I sent you all the decorations to put it up, and you did put it up. And then December 26th, you. I guess it would have been a little later than that because you were at my house. But anyways, after Christmas over, you're like, so do I just throw this out now? No, you don't throw out the artificial tree after one use.
- [20:10]
A
I know. God, I didn't know if it was like a disposable one. I. I didn't know. I. Listen, I love Christmas. I've always enjoyed it. Not by no means to the extent that John does. My mom claims that. That she doesn't like Christmas. She acts like she. But we used to always love it growing up, I think.
- [20:32]
B
Here's the thing about your mom, she says she doesn't like Christmas. She was literally texting me yesterday, already starting her Christmas shopping. Like, she gets in the spirit of it. I call BS on that because she's told me that too. She. One of the first times she's. You know, I don't. I mean that John. I hate Christmas. You're probably like, here's my new boyfriend. He loves Christmas. Oh, I hate Christmas.
- [20:55]
A
Oh, really? I hate Christmas. Yeah, she did say I hate Christmas to John Wentz and I. And he was like. The look on his face was like, you just. Just took a toy away from a tiny child. But I. She. I know. She doesn't.
- [21:07]
B
I think she clearly doesn't.
- [21:10]
A
No, I Know she doesn't, because I go every time. Even when we go. Have gone around the house, like around the holidays still. It's like they. My family would. We would do Christmas, individual Christmases at our houses, and then we would all meet up at my aunt and uncle's, and then the whole extended family would get together. Right. So I. And they still do that. And now there's more of them. I think now my mom is enjoying it more because of. My cousins have their kids and their kids are old enough to enjoy Christmas. But there. I think there was a brief period where she was getting a little bitter. Betty. About the fact that her children weren't Christmas anymore, which is understandable. And now I even. I think. I really think I did go home every Christmas up until I met you, because I think that was the. That was probably the year she told you she hated Christmas. Was. Was the one when. When you took me away from her. Because when I met John, he's playing in the NFL, so he had a game either the day after Christmas or. Right. That's. They. They worked on Christmas. Like, they tell you what.
- [22:10]
B
I don't. I don't miss that part of the NFL. You know, I work. I worked every single Thanksgiving for my whole career. And people always say, well, do you get to go home for Christmas? I'm like, I barely get to go to my actual house across the street for Christmas. I'm at work all day.
- [22:24]
A
You.
- [22:24]
B
Like, a couple years will be like, they'll let us off early or. I think there was one year where we ended up moving all the games to Christmas Eve, remember Christmas Sunday. And they moved all the games to Christmas Eve. And so we got. Actually got Christmas Day off, but that was really the only day I remember time. I remember getting, like, the entire day off. So now I love it because I'm. I'm at home with you.
- [22:45]
A
I know that because of the next two months, we're gonna have a lot of Christmas stories. And I probably shouldn't, you know, blow our wad here on all of them, but I do. And then we'll get back to the whole decorating thing. But I do need you to them, because John, he. John, doesn't he. We've both made this clear. Sometimes when you're alone, it's fine, right? Like, yes, we both grew up. We're both lived our professional lives, spending a lot of time on our own. I still do when I'm on the road, this and that. So we're used to it. We like it. We're Both comfortable being alone. John would still love Christmas, even though his family wouldn't necessarily come out or he wouldn't even have anyone around. But will you tell them about your sad hot tub moment that you told me about? You didn't even think it was sad. I know, but there was years and.
- [23:32]
B
Years and years where I just. I woke up on Christmas alone. I basically had the whole day by myself. And people thought that was so sad. I'm like, I think it's more sad if I go and hang out with you strangers. I don't want to do that. I'm perfectly okay being by myself on Christmas. But I was sitting in my hot tub one Christmas morning and I went to flip the COVID and I had like one of those Beats speakers, the wireless speakers and my phone, and just dunk, dunk, Both of them just go right to the bottom of the hot tub. You know, it's probably played Silent Night. There's blah, blah, blah, blah, all the way to the bottom. Why do you love this? Stories, like, you always get me to tell the story. I don't think it was that good a story. My whole story. I didn't give a. Because it was Christmas. I just brought up the wet, waterlogged shit, dumped it on the lawn, and carried on with my day.
- [24:15]
A
I. I just think the image of you said, I mean, first of all, it's like freezing in Seattle. But of course it's a hot tub. I get it. But you know, he's outside. I'm sure you had some champs, right? As the kids call it. Yeah, champagne. Yeah, you had some champagne that. Just. Just singing a little Christmas tunes to himself and then just out. Down goes the phone, down goes the speaker.
- [24:37]
B
Speaker muted One, One swipe just all went in.
- [24:42]
A
I don't know why it makes me laugh. Anyway, continue. So I didn't decorate.
- [24:46]
B
You didn't decorate.
- [24:46]
A
Here's my.
- [24:47]
B
I was just thought of this, thought of the story right now. Because when you're talking about decorating your little apartment. When I first moved to Seattle, I signed like very last minute, like I was playing for the Green Bay Packers. And then five days later, I'm playing in Seattle just like in the middle of September. So, like, we're already right into the, like the season. Like, I got there and played like two days later. Like it was like right into it. So I didn't really have that much. I lived in a little tiny apartment. And in the part, it was like a high rise apartment, though they were really nice. But in the corner was this big Cement pole. Okay. Like a pole. I probably like, I could probably wrap my arms just barely around it, you know what I mean? So I don't know what that circumference is, but it wasn't like a, like a pole. But it was like a big cement holding the friggin building up.
- [25:23]
A
Whatever. Right.
- [25:24]
B
The was so small. Sure, we'll go with that. The kind of was so small. I didn't really want to buy a lot because I was, didn't know if I was going to be staying there. Luckily I stayed there for a decade. But in football in those days especially, guys were getting turned over real quick. So what I did is I just decorated the pole as if it were a tree. Like I bought like hundreds of lights. Just wrapped them all the way from the top, all the way to what it was. I was on the fifth floor, the eighth floor. But from like the street you just see one glowing pole in the one middle of one condo.
- [25:59]
A
I mean that's amazing.
- [26:02]
B
Yes. But we, we decorate a lot around here.
- [26:05]
A
Yes.
- [26:05]
B
But you know what? You know what's a little bit weird? We never hang up lights outside. When I say we, I mean me.
- [26:11]
A
Right. I tried decorating.
- [26:12]
B
Our last house is a one story house, but it was still like 12, 13, 14ft to the top. Even higher to the top. And I went up there with a bunch of Christmas lights one year, like I'm hanging Christmas lights. I got to about four feet from the edge. I dropped all the lights. That was eight years ago. Those lights are still up there on the roof.
- [26:33]
A
Yeah. A little bit of a panic attack, right? You were like, this is not.
- [26:37]
B
I was so uncomfortable getting like towards the end edge. I'm just like, it's not, it's not worth it.
- [26:42]
A
No, it's not.
- [26:43]
B
So I was thinking about maybe hiring someone or just you know, decorating the lower, lower, lower part of the, the yard. Anything under 8ft can be decorated.
- [26:52]
A
Whatever you'd like to do. I'm always fine with it not being really decorated on the outside because it's so decorated on the inside. So I'm like, I don't care. I mean the decorations are for us, they're not for strangers to get a free peaky.
- [27:04]
B
I do a lot of wreaths, a lot of reefs and bows outside.
- [27:06]
A
Well yeah, that's the thing is, that's what, yeah, you have it. You have all the wreaths and stuff outside. That one year you had, he had like these red and green lights like stuck in the ground. Remember in the yard.
- [27:18]
B
Yeah. Like kind of spotlights.
- [27:20]
A
Yeah, they were really cute. I don't think, I don't think we can do that here because I don't think we have the same. I think that was like real grass or something. And we don't have that. But. But it was cute. But you know what I did used to do though? My. My contribution to decorating for my mom was because we have. So the tr. The tree you sent me was like came decorated, right? You sent me one of those for.
- [27:42]
B
It came with lights in it. And then I sent you the decorations you had to put on it.
- [27:45]
A
Right? That's what I mean. It came pre lit. I probably. I. I swear to God, I. I mean, I promise I put that tree up, you know I did.
- [27:55]
B
I know you did.
- [27:56]
A
Yeah. I had to. I would not have not done that for you. And it was cute. I loved it. Loved having one. But I. Yeah, but then I still have that.
- [28:03]
B
We still have that tree.
- [28:04]
A
Yeah, well, yeah, because you saved me from just throwing it in the garbage the next day.
- [28:10]
B
You would have been the one out. You know, after Christmas, people have the real trees. They just put them outside and then they come and get them. You have been the one in the whole street that has just a fake Christmas tree sitting out there waiting for them to come and compost it.
- [28:22]
A
Like, guys, why have you picked up my tree yet? I. No, but the. What my one contribution used to be for with my mom. She. She. They. We've had the same ornaments forever and ever and ever. So. And they're like mismatched. There's like a carrot ornament. I swear it's like an or. It looks like a carrot. And I, I don't know what those. I don't know what. I don't know why they're ornaments. I don't know why they're like felt and they're shaped like a carrot and they have like a gold thing around them. I gotta figure out, well, you know, my mom's not setting her tree up anytime soon, but when she does, well, I'll see if I can get her to. I'll be like, can you send me a photo of the carrot ornament? And she'll probably know what I mean.
- [29:02]
B
But the thing is I have like, I have a theme. We have four trees downstairs and they all have a theme to them, you know?
- [29:08]
A
Right.
- [29:09]
B
And so then I'm like, but we have a tree in our bedroom where we put all those like mismatched thing. You know, people always give you gifts as. Especially me as ornaments. Ornaments Especially like when our niece and nephews are younger. We have a lot. We have a lot of Christmas orange Are like Razorback Christmas 2014. From your nephew and from. I have a picture of my niece, Quinn. She's 21 years old now. We have a picture of her when she was like one year old. They gave me as a decorate. So we have all that upstairs so we can still keep it and not mess the flow of my Christmas trees down here.
- [29:41]
A
Right? Because you can't. There's the one tree that basically looks like the department store tree in the living room. There's one that only has Tiffany ornaments. And God forbid you just try to hang one that's. That doesn't belong in the mix on one of those. And you get the. It just either you get the side eye or just like, silently gets moved upstairs onto that.
- [30:04]
B
Chris, Fran, Joela came over one time at our Christmas party to give, and he gave us a Christmas ornament. It was a Christmas story, one great ornament. He goes, no, you guys are just gonna not even hang this. So he went and hang it right in the middle of our tree. Our. Our department store tree. And my God was. My. My. My palms were itchy all night. I was. It's like I had an allergic reaction to shellfish. I was just pacing back and forth until. Waiting for that guy to walk out the door. So I take that arm and down.
- [30:32]
A
And put it and put it on the street.
- [30:36]
B
Yes.
- [30:37]
A
Well, I. So my mom's the mismatched tree. Like, if you see our Christmas tree, you'd probably just keep walking out the back door. You'd say, I don't know what's going on here. It's like the. It's just a bunch of ornaments and they're just. They're up there and. But it looks great. It's super fun. But she also loves that we had this. Those stockings that I. And now you have one. Where is that? Is it here?
- [30:59]
B
I have them. Yeah, I have them here.
- [31:00]
A
Yeah. So it started with my grandma. She had made these, like, these stockings for each. Per each person. And. And then she would sew little things and she would sell like your birth year on there. And so we had these stockings. They had bells on the bottom. They're amazing. And I do. I have mine.
- [31:18]
B
Yep, I got it here.
- [31:19]
A
Oh, okay. Really?
- [31:22]
B
I'm pretty sure. I know. I know. I have mine for sure. I don't know if you left yours at your mom's house after that one Christmas we did there or if you brought it back, but I think we have it here.
- [31:30]
A
Okay, I need to find out because that's not something I should maybe.
- [31:34]
B
Maybe that was early on. And she's like, oh, John, you might want to take this in case you're not here for next Christmas. You know what I mean? Might be making one that says Todd on it or something next to you.
- [31:42]
A
God, I think my sister had that one made for you so that you would have one like us. But anyway, so. But so next to the stockings, my contribution was I would get a tiny stocking for all of our animals.
- [31:56]
B
Oh, right.
- [31:57]
A
Yeah.
- [31:57]
B
She still has all those, too.
- [31:58]
A
Yeah. And I would. One. The saddest one was. It was like the little tiny. You know, those little tiny stockings that you use. And the saddest one ever is, like, I couldn't figure out how to write on it, so I just took like a. A Sharpie and it was, like, felt. And I just wrote Scooter on there. That was my guinea pig. And I made her. And that. I mean, I was probably 10 years old when I had scooter, maybe younger. And up until my 30s, she. I made her hang up Scooter stocking. His sad little stocking that. Yeah, at one point it just said, like, oot on it because, like, the letters had worn off. But anyway, that was always my mom.
- [32:40]
B
My mom is, like, amazing at decorating at Christmas. Christmas. Like, her house just looks like it should be, like, in a. A magazine or something. But she still keeps, like, her main tree. She still has, like, all the. Or like, all the. The macaroni ornaments we made in, like, second grade. The. The class pictures of us from kindergarten. Like, it goes back now. It's like, over 45 years of decorations on the tree. Yeah, it's like, so. It was always so fun to look at just because it was like, literally just like this. Some of the shit she says. I'm like, I can't believe this is still being held together like an ornament made of popsicle sticks that we did in fourth grade. You know, like, stuff like that. And then she has this little other tree or this little banister or something. And when I was in college and I was, like, broke, like, broke, broke, broke. Like, it was. It's not like it's now where these players are getting paid. Like, I had to. I had to go to school in the morning. I was a janitor in the afternoon. Then I played football at night. That's how it worked in Canadian college. I wasn't on a scholarship, so I was broke. So I went to this, like, liquidation store, and they had this, like, artist that she really liked. I can't even remember what the name was, but she had these, like, painted things like, or, like, pictures of, like, the 12 days of Christmas. And it had a painting on each one. But because it was at this liquidation store, they actually only had eight. Mom still thinks, hilarious, because she says it makes it even better because all I could do is get her the Eight Days of Christmas. So it was like, 1, 2, 4, 7, 8, 9. So she puts up the Eight Days of Christmas every year. And she's like, it makes it even more special that it's completely like, you were so broke, you had to buy. You couldn't even buy the actual. All 12 days.
- [34:11]
A
Oh, my God. That is so funny. The eight days of Christmas. Well, I'm glad that you taught me to decorate. I mean, to enjoy decorating. It's not that I didn't enjoy it. I just didn't have a reason to do it. But now I reap all the benefits because John decorates like crazy in our house, and he won't let me help.
- [34:29]
B
Every once in a while, I'm like, have I gone too far? Usually when I go to the storage unit, and I have a pretty big storage unit, and it's stacked up with the bins 15ft high. Like, it's stacked up to the ceiling with bins about 12ft back and about, what, 6ft wide. And now I'm like, I'm paying $350 a month just to store this Christmas stuff. $4,200 a year just to store this Christmas stuff. Okay. A car payment a month to once. I was like, what if I could I just spend that four grand and buy all new stuff every year. I started calculating. It's not even. Not even close.
- [35:04]
A
No.
- [35:04]
B
Made me feel better. It would.
- [35:05]
A
Yeah.
- [35:06]
B
Tens of thousands of ornaments and decorations. Anyways, that's gonna start on Tuesday, so you have that to look forward to. Sarah.
- [35:14]
A
Thank you. I'm so excited.
- [35:16]
B
And it looks like it's in shambles for what, two weeks and then gorgeous after that.
- [35:20]
A
Yes. And you? I, I. How do they do it with cats, you ask? We've gotten very, very lucky. We have had. There was. John also makes. In case you don't know about all this, but you'll enjoy following Instagram this year, because I always post his villages and people get excited, but it's like, he has these villages. He has what? Whoville. He has Christmas vacation.
- [35:44]
B
Christmas vacation. A Christmas Story. And just this year, they Came out with the first two pieces for home alone. So now I got. I gotta start a fourth. So I set. I've been collecting these because they usually come out with one or two new pieces a year for each collection. And I've been collecting these for like 15, 20, 15 years now. Just every year you kind of build on, build on, build on it, and it ends up being very expensive, very expensive hobby. But the cats do pretty good at staying out of it. This is where you're going with that, right?
- [36:16]
A
Yes, they. Yes. But the. The. They do pretty good at staying out of it. On our. On our h. Our previous house, we had like a long. If you call, like a buffet where it was our. It was like our bar. And then of course, he would clear the top of that off at Christmas and then he would make one of the villages on there. And the Christmas vacation ones, they can be pretty expensive.
- [36:39]
B
What happens is they only released one or two a year. And then once those are gone, they're. They retire them. They're gone. So then, you know, come. You can go like, look, five years later. Some of the limited edition pieces can be in the thousands, like for the. Especially for the homes. I've seen some of the homes before go for like $4,000 that were originally. I have bought in some before that were 3, 4, $500. And they still come with the Sears price tag on it from the 80s that say 29.99, which is a little depressing.
- [37:05]
A
Yeah.
- [37:06]
B
But, yeah, there's certain pieces that are very expensive. And so when the cats. When I hear the crash every once in a while, my heart stops a little bit until I go to discover which one they wrecked.
- [37:15]
A
Right. And that. Yeah. That first year, Ralphie would he. Because he used to be able to walk along that. He'd like, get up there. There was windows right behind that buffet. So he was like, why can't I still get up here? And then he would make his way through the village and sometimes there would be a casualty. And we had a little graveyard of the pieces. Luckily, none of them were expensive. And I believe the one that you were most worried about, I ended up finding it, like on ebay or something. And it wasn't that much. And we were. So Ralphie. All of his kills were replaced, I believe, for the most part. Correct.
- [37:48]
B
Yeah. Yes. Yes, they've all been replaced.
- [37:51]
A
And now you have them in our new house. You have the villages in places they can't seem to. They don't really seem to mess with. Which is good.
- [37:58]
B
No, the Main one, the people that mess with it the most are the people at our freaking Christmas party.
- [38:03]
A
Right?
- [38:03]
B
That's what it was. All messed up. They didn't break anything, but it's all messed up. They're waiting for the bath and they'll lean against it. These aren't toys, people. These are collectibles. Okay? These aren't action figures. These are Limited Edition Department 56 figurines. Have some respect.
- [38:24]
A
Throw some respect.
- [38:26]
B
Yes, it's a grown man collecting department 56 statues, if you will.
- [38:35]
A
That reminds me that I have to look to see what they got. What's doing with the. With the new figurines? Because every once in a while I find one before John does and then I get to give him a gift for his collection. I usually give it to him for his birthday so that he can get it to his collection.
- [38:49]
B
I'm on many email blasts. Christmas Story House in Cleveland, Ohio. Very good ones to get it from Department 56 themselves. They've been blasted the new Home Alone things for months now.
- [39:00]
A
Oh, I have a question about that.
- [39:02]
B
Yes.
- [39:03]
A
So the Home Alone. So they're starting a village for Home Alone. There hasn't been one. And they're only starting with two pieces.
- [39:11]
B
That's where they start. So the main. The main piece is the house, which it's coming out for $300, which is the most expensive house I've seen retail value. You know, I don't know what direction we're going with this inflation, these tariffs and whatnot, and so far as Department 56, but it's going to get serious. It sounds like your collections are getting a little. So the house looks beautiful though. And then it's just Kevin with his hands on his cheeks doing the scream that he does in that movie.
- [39:36]
A
Yeah, it just seems like that that's not much of a village when it's only two pieces.
- [39:40]
B
No, no. That's why it's. Then the next year they'll probably add another house and another thing or maybe two other houses, like two side houses. They'll probably add a couple of other characters. They just keep on building and building and building. But it's more fun at the start because once they get out, like the Christmas Story, it's been going on for over 20 years, I believe. They've been making these figurines and the houses and now that's like they've got all the main houses, all the main scenes from the movies, and now they're starting to almost make things up. Like they'll have like the. The joke Factory, which was never ever in the house. Never in the movie there was there a joke factory. But they had like parts of the movie where they talk about jokes and like toys that they buy to make jokes.
- [40:17]
A
The joke sounds like somewhere I'm gonna have to end up performing at some point in my 70s.
- [40:21]
B
It does. Joke factory.
- [40:27]
A
Okay. What else do you want to talk about?
- [40:28]
B
Okay, well, maybe getting back to the book a little bit. And they talk about it's. It's obviously a romance story between Kane and Julia. But I was like the thinking, like, do you think there's more romantic relationships that start in the holidays because people are more like open, people are happier, or do you think there's more the end or both?
- [40:50]
A
I think it's 50, 50, because I think the, the thing for kind of like single people at the holiday season, I never felt this way. I'm not saying all single people feel this way. I'm saying sometimes during the holidays, if you say you live somewhere where you're. You don't have a lot of family or you just move somewhere, you don't have a lot of friends, like I had a lot of. I ended up having a lot of friends here over the years and stuff, so I never really felt. But it can be, of course, the holidays can be a lonely season for people for different various reasons. Right. And even, and even if you normally feel, don't even think about feeling lonely, but then you just go, oh, I wish I had it. You know, not necessarily a partner, but sometimes it's like, oh, just more friends around to door celebrate or they're all out of town or they go home. Let's what? So it can be a lonely time for many ways, or it can just be sort of overwhelming, it can cost too much, which makes people feel depressed, all those things. So I think that on that note, there's when, when there's a lot of like parties and celebrations or there's a lot more opportunity in some ways for people that are feeling that way to maybe meet somebody if they, you know, connect with someone else who's like kind of feels like they're spending their time alone or wants to be. So I think they're. And, or, or just. It could be that you're not even lonely, but you're just like in the festive mood. So you're a little more horny. So you. I'm sorry I said the word horny. Everybody sure did. Like a true 5 year old. But so I think in that aspect it can be. There can be a lot Of, I don't know, you go to a party, everyone's dressed up, you have. There's so I feel like there could be that Christmas.
- [42:40]
B
There's a lot more opportunity to meet people. It's like, no, no one in L. A. Has a house party until December. When everyone has a house party, you're like meeting people and like a bit. I like a more controlled environment. And like it's not just someone random in a bar. You have a connection to someone because through. Literally connected to them through a friend of a friend of a. Or whatever. And I think it's easier to meet someone.
- [43:00]
A
Yeah, we had a couple hookups at our party.
- [43:02]
B
We had someone come. Yeah, we have. It's very awkward. We've had. We had someone come up to come to our party last year. You know who I'm talking about? Just to try to hook up. They actually weren't even invited. They just came. Their parents were invited. They waited for their parents to go home. They snuck in the back like, hey, where's your. Where's your horny single friends? I'm like, I got one in the corner.
- [43:24]
A
When we say this is a. This person is not this parents. This person is. Well in their, I don't know, probably like late 20s, early 30s. Right.
- [43:33]
B
It wasn't a 14 year old that showed up like a first, like a fully grown adult.
- [43:38]
A
Yeah. Very sweet lover. It was just unexpected. And then we were like, oh, okay, so this is happening.
- [43:46]
B
You're here. Yeah. Where I'm horny. Where your single friend, like, she might as well have been like a nine year old with a cigarette. And they're like, where are your friends?
- [43:56]
A
Which like, good on someone to just be like, I'm go, I know those people. I know they have a lot of friends. I've seen a couple come in and out of there, you know, I think they're gonna be some hot ones.
- [44:07]
B
My friend Logan over there, he's single. She looked at him especially like, he'll do. That's not what her voice sounds like at all. But in my head it does say like, yeah, he'll do. He'll do.
- [44:19]
A
And.
- [44:20]
B
And I don't think they ever did. No, I thought a little bit.
- [44:23]
A
Apparently they didn't ever talk. Yeah, I don't think they ever did. But there was some. So, yeah, there's some. But then the other aspect when you say is about breakups, then I think, yes, I think stress. I think that. I think things can just come to a head during the holiday season for people, for. For various Reasons, Be it finances, be it just having to spend too much time with someone else's family. There could be arguing because there could be. You know, I mean, it is hard when you think about people having to, like, change traditions and whatnot. Like, like I said when I was like, oh, I'm not going home anymore. I'm going to be at John's. And my mom, of course, was, you know, a little sad, but she was also like, oh, thank God. She's got to be someone to spend Christmas with for now. So I think there's. That being said, I just think there's a lot of dynamics around the holidays that can also. So I'd say it's a 50. 50 on.
- [45:20]
B
Yeah.
- [45:20]
A
I assume your book turns out with a good hookup, because that's a you book, so. Okay.
- [45:26]
B
Yep. We always have this theory in high school that people would always break up, like, before Valentine's Day, Christmas, or their birthday. We always had that theory.
- [45:36]
A
And it was like, so they didn't have to buy.
- [45:38]
B
Yeah. And it was like an ironclad theory. Every time someone broke, little did we realize, like, we were in high school, we lived inside of the little fishbowl where people break up every week. And then people would always break up, like, oh, Valentine's Day is in a month. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. Like, we were at school for nine months a year. We're always right before something.
- [45:56]
A
Right.
- [45:57]
B
It'd be like, oh, my God, they broke up in September. Her birthday is November 5th. Right before I told you.
- [46:04]
A
Yeah.
- [46:05]
B
I'm like, it's high school. Most relationships don't even last five weeks. That's still five weeks away. But we had that theory, and it was like, ironclad theory that every single time someone broke up, like, see, Told you.
- [46:15]
A
Yeah, you're right. Really? It's just because they're 16 and don't know what they want in there. Yeah.
- [46:19]
B
Yeah, exactly. Well, looks like we made it.
- [46:25]
A
Yeah. That was fun. I love the I I. This one's gonna be. Listen, it's gonna be a fun book. I am apologize that I do not have my announcement for you, but it will come Today, on Monday, November 3rd. I will post it on Instagram soon. Instagram. I'll put that the book list. I'll post it on the book listeners Facebook group. So join that you'll always know what's going on. And join us on Patreon for fun. Nonsense. Every 5th, 15th and 25th of the month, including a short story, which patrons I will announce your short story tomorrow. This today as well. So look on Patreon. It'll be up there. And we will talk to you next week.
- [47:11]
B
Bye.
- [47:11]
A
Bye. The book list.
- [47:13]
B
The book lisp.
- [47:15]
A
The book list.
- [47:16]
B
The book lisp.
- [47:18]
A
The book list.