Kindle Jenner - The Book Lisp with Jon Ryan & Sarah Colonna

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[00:00]
A
Hi, I'm Sarah Colonna.
[00:02]
B
And I'm John Ryan.
[00:03]
A
And you're listening to the Book List. The Book List.
[00:08]
B
The Book Lisp.
[00:09]
A
Oh, that's right. You're listening to the Book Lisp. Hello and welcome to the Book Lisp with John Ryan and Sarah Colonna. Ryan, forget to say that sometimes I think everyone knows Married. Yeah, I think people get it at this point, you know?
[00:31]
B
They sure do.
[00:34]
A
I just logged on and we're on a platform called Riverside. Our names are in the corner. Mine says Sarah. John's usually says John, but today it says Big Papa John. Big Papa. P O, P, P, A. I'm going to take a photo of it, maybe post it on the old socials. Why?
[00:56]
B
Well, I think.
[00:57]
A
When did you change that?
[00:58]
B
Oh, girl, you know why.
[01:02]
A
What's happening?
[01:03]
B
2 seconds ago Thought it was. It was an appropriate nickname. So they call me Street.
[01:09]
A
They do.
[01:11]
B
That's what they call him in the street.
[01:13]
A
You know what's interesting is I spent a lot of time with you. A lot.
[01:16]
B
But not in the street, girl. Not in the street. You don't know.
[01:21]
A
I do, actually.
[01:22]
B
You're not. About that life.
[01:24]
A
Well, I've never heard anyone call you Big Papa John. But you know what? I might start, but no, I won't because it creeps me out a little bit.
[01:34]
B
I knew it would.
[01:39]
A
Well, it's week two of the August book list, when we know where. You guys know we're reading Gray After Dark by Noel Eiley, which is my choice. And it's a fantastic book. I blew right through it. And I didn't even really talk about how I was, like, pretty. I was a decent amount in, but. And then one night I was up late. I. It was a couple nights ago, you remember? Yeah. And I was up late and I was just, like, tearing through it because I needed. I needed to know what the ending was. I needed to know how it ended. I wasn't positive that it would be what it was. I won't say anything. We don't spoil. We don't talk about the book. We just pull topics. Like last week we talked about doomsday prepping. Because that's for the entire episode. Yeah, actually. And so we have topics. Don't worry. If you're new here, you're not going to hear any spoilers about the book until week four. We just have fun conversations. And just real quick, I want to tell you, if you're in, thank you for all of you that came out to Vegas last week. I had so much fun and Then if you're In Nashville the 27th, August 27th, come see me at the City Winery. If you're in Batavia, Illinois or nearby, come to the Comedy Vault. It's a Fantastic Club. That's September 24th through the 26th. If you're in Omaha, come see me at the Funny Bone. No, sorry, that was September 24 through 26. Funny Bone Omaha is October 29. Funny Bone Albany is November 12. Funny Bone Columbus is December 17. That's all in Sarah colona.com John, remind them, remind them what your. Can you hear September? I hear Ralphie. Yeah. If you guys can hear so loud.
[03:19]
B
Is he trying to get in the room? What's, what's his deal?
[03:22]
A
I don't hear him outside my door, but I hear him like around you. He's being. Listen, we got it. We got a lot of cats and cat.
[03:31]
B
My God.
[03:32]
A
So what? Ralphie doesn't feel that he's getting enough attention. He likes to make his presence known.
[03:37]
B
No kidding. How's that? Vodka fusion transition.
[03:41]
A
I know. So I'm having a drink because it is a Saturday afternoon that we're recording this and well, it's actually almost evening. It's 4pm on a Saturday. Hot water, vodka transfusion. And it's vodka with natural flavors. Well, I don't know about that. But I, I mean I don't, I believe them and I don't know. Well, there's a grape on there, so I guess it's like a grape flavor flavor. But I don't like heavily graped flavored grape flavored things. I really like grapes, in case anyone's wondering. But this is like. It's really good. It's one of my favorite cut waters. You know, I love the Mule. This is not an ad. We don't get sponsored by cut water. Although we should. But. Yes, but we. It's just, it's just a delicious pre made. You know some pre made cocktails aren't great. They're getting better. But cut water, they're getting a lot better. Yeah, cut waters have always been my jam.
[04:37]
B
RTD as they call them in the biz.
[04:40]
A
Ready to drinks.
[04:42]
B
You got a girl?
[04:43]
A
No, that's like a ready to drink mill meal.
[04:45]
B
No, they call them RTD. They come RTDs. Yes.
[04:49]
A
How'd you know this? Because of your. Because of the pictures.
[04:52]
B
Because I'm in. Because I'm in the biz. That's what we. We also in the biz, we say the biz instead of business to make it quicker and shorter. Because I'm in the biz.
[05:02]
A
Can you imagine if John really talked like this? I don't know how many crossovers we have for. Are you. My podcast where we talk about married at first sight, but basically this is like your version of being Adam. The guy that I told you likes to rip his jet.
[05:19]
B
Oh, the rip. Rip jet skis. Oh, my God. I just, like, love ripping jet skis.
[05:23]
A
Oh, the worst. How.
[05:25]
B
How old is he? Is he.
[05:27]
A
I don't. 30s or so early.
[05:29]
B
I mean, past the age of like, 23. You shouldn't talk about ripping jet skis anymore.
[05:34]
A
I think he think. I think he. I'll be honest. Why. This is where this is for the. Another podcast, obviously. But I think the guy that does this for those of you that don't know, don't watch Mar at first sight or listen, I think he actually does it because he thinks it's funny and he know. But he does it too often. Do you know what I mean? So it's not so. It sounds like the way you talk. If you're trying to mock or be. Or be funny or think it's funny or sarcastic that you talk this way, but that's the only way you talk. Then it's not funny anymore. Like when you sometimes say to me, I just rip some buys, it makes me laugh because I know you don't talk like that when he's talking about. Yeah, I just r. He's like, oh, my pecs are sore. I was ripping. B. No, that's like biceps.
[06:14]
B
Ripping. Ripping tits.
[06:16]
A
Ripping tits. When he rips.
[06:17]
B
Ripping tits. That's big bice or big chest workout. We're ripping tits. I learned that from the guys that I trained with in Carlsbad who are all 22. They go, I'm ripping tits today.
[06:31]
A
If you talk like that every day, then I would say, now that's. It's not funny. That's just how you talk now, right?
[06:37]
B
And they used to say. Guys used to always like curls for girls. And then I would. I'd always say thighs for the cute guys. It really bothered NFL guys when I made gay comments like that.
[06:53]
A
Oh, John. Big Papa John. Remind them. What? Remind them what? Your September pick is the Paper palace
[07:01]
B
by Miranda Cowley Heller.
[07:06]
A
And if. Did you say you've read it or you haven't read it?
[07:08]
B
I have not read it.
[07:10]
A
Okay. I'm always excited for. I know. I. I'm reading one right now. What's it called? Which. What she saw. Hold on, I'm gonna look it up. This is it. I'm not Telling you guys anything. Like, there's not. It's not like, oh, this is what I'm gonna. Yeah, it's called what she Saw by Mary Burton. And I don't think I've read anything by Mary Burton before. I don't think it's going to be. I mean, who knows? I guess I. I basically, anytime I read now, it's her. I start highlighting things just in case it does turn into a book list, but so that I know that I have things highlighted and ready to go. But it's about this woman who. She's like, this investigative reporter, goes back to a small town where there was, like, these. These women disappeared years ago at a music festival. So far, it's pretty good, but I'm. It's early August, so I'm just reading something for fun right now, which is just crazy. It's crazy talk. Anyway, so that's your September pick. You just heard. You know what? I'm reading just for fun. Join us on Patreon. We do short stories. They're so fun. It's only $5 a month. We do them on the 15th of every month. They're always short, fun, great video podcasts that we do to discuss it. And then we do podcasts on the 5th and the 25th, too. So it's a way to support us. Support us so we can keep supporting our editors. Just kidding. But meaning so we can keep paying them. It was the joke. They didn't land. Nothing I say. Nothing I say lands. Really me.
[08:43]
B
Big Papa John just understands things differently than John does. Like, Big Papa John doesn't always, like, quick to laugh, you know. You got, like, really impressed, Big Papa John.
[08:52]
A
Well, can we get right?
[08:56]
B
Ripping, ripping, ripping. I got a. Ripping tits. Ripping jet skis. Okay, whatever. Let's get on. I want to break. Okay, I want to bring this up. Hold on. I'm not ready to carry on. Move on yet. I just wrote down two points I'd like to talk about when you. When you and I go to bed at night.
[09:17]
A
Yes.
[09:18]
B
We don't make sweet love because we make sweet love in the mornings. But we're morning people.
[09:22]
A
Every once in a while, we get a little surprise. Little surprise. And at night. But we're just more morning people. In case anyone was curious. Go ahead, John.
[09:31]
B
They're not. There's a new documentary on hbo Max. It comes out every week, and it's a documentary about Burning Man.
[09:41]
A
I can't think of anything I'd want. I'd rather watch.
[09:43]
B
And so, no, it's It's. It's been fascinating. I'm on episode four. That would just release the other day, and I usually, you know, when you watch a show like you. You're not a fan of that. That particular thing, and then you watch it and you're like, oh, my God. Now, I want to do that, or I want to cheer on that team, or I want to do like. It really. It ropes you in.
[10:05]
A
Right.
[10:06]
B
Watching this show, Bernie, man, looks like the closest thing to hell on earth without actually going to hell. It looks fucking awful during the middle of a field. 70,000 people, no showers. They're there all week. It's 1 million degrees. It's dusty. They're all dusty. They'll. I'm sure. I almost smell them through the tv. They smell so gross. And they all. And then they. They don't sell anything. So you have to bring everything with you, and then you barter, you trade it, like, food, water, toilet paper, whatever. You have to trade everything.
[10:47]
A
You don't have to. I mean, you could just bring everything with you.
[10:50]
B
Well, sure, okay. But you can't buy anything there, apparently, right?
[10:54]
A
Yeah, it's like.
[10:55]
B
It's like they. They act like it's. Oh, it's just Utopia place where everything's so beautiful. It's like we've evolved as a culture so we never have to do shit like that ever again. Yeah, we don't have to barter because there's a pavilion down the road. There's a bar right here. I go, put down a certain amount of money, they give me a Bud Light. End of transaction. I don't have to say, hey, would you like a. A beaver pellet for that Bud Light? Because that society wouldn't work very well.
[11:21]
A
What's a beaver pelt?
[11:25]
B
Pelt.
[11:25]
A
What's a beaver pelt?
[11:26]
B
Like a beaver fur? Oh, you. They used to trade them in the old days. Oh. You know what I'm saying?
[11:34]
A
Yeah, I know. It just really came up. You really pulled it. Just pulled it, that one out of
[11:40]
B
your beaver pouch right there.
[11:43]
A
So.
[11:43]
B
Have you ever heard of the Hudson Bay Company? My God, no.
[11:47]
A
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
[11:48]
B
They go. They go in the open market for 45 to $175, apparently.
[11:52]
A
Wow.
[11:53]
B
Anyway, anyhow, I'm just saying the, the, the. The. The bartering culture was from the 19. What, hundreds?
[12:01]
A
Sure.
[12:02]
B
18 something.
[12:03]
A
Sure.
[12:03]
B
So we've moved on. So anyways, I'm watching this documentary, and it looks like hell on earth to go to Bernie, man.
[12:10]
A
Yes.
[12:11]
B
And people. These people live for it that's their entire life is about Burning Man.
[12:18]
A
It's funny because we have one of our friends loves that he goes every year, Paul. He's. He's a beauty guy. Yeah. He's a bougie guy. He's big traveler. He's right. He's super. He's great. He's so much fun. I wouldn't put him as a Burning man guy, but he is.
[12:36]
B
No.
[12:37]
A
Yeah, it goes every year, I think. I mean, and you can go a little bit. You can go, you know, obviously you can go with. In a super nice rv you can do all you can. You can go pretty fancy as far as what you bring, I guess. But like once you get there, you're there. That's it. And it's the middle. You're there nowhere and there's dirt everywhere. And the only time I went was years and years ago and I had a. And I don't look at it with fond memories at all. I mean, I guess I'm glad I did it just so. I know. But also that was so many. I was in my 20s and I hated it. So imagine me going now I'd hate it more.
[13:10]
B
Oh my God.
[13:10]
A
It's not from. It's not for people like us. It's not for us. We're not out, you know, we're not out in the dirt and dancing and here's bicycling and whatever else.
[13:20]
B
Yeah, they. They run. They do this thing. It's like, it's like. It's like Utopia. It's like. It's. It's go to the old ways. We barter everything. Everything. There's a multi billion dollar corporation that runs the whole thing.
[13:31]
A
Right.
[13:31]
B
Of course, you know, it's called like Burning Man Blackrock or something. And they run the whole thing and they have like a thousand full time employees.
[13:40]
A
Oh really?
[13:41]
B
Yeah. They want to make it sound like everyone just shows up in the middle of nowhere. We have this great freaking world that we live in for one week of the year that just like beyond what we have to deal with in society. And then they're like, oh yeah, by the way, that Burning Man Blackrock just made a billion dollars this week because you guys all paid thousands of dollars for your tickets. So it's all you guys. It's all.
[14:02]
A
How much does it cost to go?
[14:05]
B
$1 billion by the sounds of it. These people, they build like spaceships and stuff.
[14:11]
A
1500, 5000 per person depending on your. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Sorry. Hold on. Just upset. That's the how much? They're saying it costs people to like, go because of their, you know, the cost that they incur. So it says main ticket tiers range from 550 to 775 and then some. There's taxes and fees. There's a vehicle pass 165. I mean, they are. People are all going out to the middle of the desert. It does need someone to do something, to be behind you, to. To be organized. I mean, remember, people got stuck there because of the weather before.
[14:51]
B
Yes, but that's what they're talking about. Because in 2020, they canceled it. But people still showed up. Like something like 15, 000 people still showed up. They did it without any of that structure. And it was just as safe. No one died. Nothing happened.
[15:03]
A
Oh, really?
[15:04]
B
Yeah, but it was like a fifth of the amount of people.
[15:09]
A
I mean, I know that people love it and people feel like there's like these spiritual events and that they have there because they're all hard on mushrooms. I mean, most of them, not all of them. But I, you know, I'm not a mushroom lady. I took them. The one time I took him was at Burning man. And I thought I was going, no judgment. Rocked back and forth.
[15:27]
B
Take whatever.
[15:28]
A
Yeah, no fun. I don't care. Have your fun. That's what I'm saying. But it just like it's. It's. It's got. It's. It's just. There's people that would love Burning man and there's people that would hate it, and we're the people that would hate it. We wouldn't enjoy it. If I went with you, we would just end in a murder suicide there. Like, that's how it would end for us. Who. Who? I'm not sure. I think I would probably snap. I think it's most likely that I'm the one that's going to snap. I'm just guessing that check though. But I think you would probably ask me to snap. You would probably say, you got to kill us both.
[16:04]
B
Yeah.
[16:04]
A
If we can't get out of here. The.
[16:06]
B
The older I get, the less any of these m. Music festivals look okay to me. Like, for one, Burning man doesn't have like a VIP or anything. At least Coachella.
[16:15]
A
Vip. Vip.
[16:17]
B
Vip. Coachella at least has like, you can like friggin like helicopter in there and they have like massive VIP type stuff. But the people that aren't doing that. I rather put my penis in a blender and turn it on than do that.
[16:31]
A
Yeah, it just Very, very specific.
[16:35]
B
I used to go, yeah. You ever try it?
[16:40]
A
No.
[16:42]
B
Doesn't make a great smoothie. We used to go to a music festival, like, all growing up, all the way up until I was playing in the NFL. Big, Big Valley Jamboree. I don't know what they call it now, but apparently it's dying pretty hard right now. But it used to go. We used to go out there and I could like, I could survive for like one or two nights. And this was in my 20s.
[17:04]
A
Yeah.
[17:04]
B
It was just the grossest place on earth.
[17:07]
A
I just.
[17:08]
B
And everyone that's listening from Saskatchewan, we've all been there and we all loved it for two to three hours. And we can't wait to go back the next year for two to three hours. And then we hate it again.
[17:20]
A
Yeah, I, I mean, I went to Coachella once again, also once in my 20s, and it. I. Not. But not even for the night. So we just went for the day. And I, I, I couldn't. The fanciest. You can go. I would need to go. And even then I don't know that it would be fancy enough because I can't, I can't. With the Porta Potties in the desert, in the heat, the smell, all the things. And then I think they have like fancier, the kind of trailer ones or something for the VIP people probably. But then. But you still have to get in and out of there. Do you know what I mean?
[17:51]
B
Yeah.
[17:52]
A
Even as an artist, I'm like, do they, they must, I don't know, they must just have big cush SUV's that get them just right to where they need to go and then right back out of there or something. Because here, I. I can't imagine.
[18:04]
B
Here's the thing that I think I'd hate more than the Porta Potties, more than the dirt, more than everything, more than the crowds, is the fucking influencers. I couldn't handle that. Nowadays, influencers are wrecking my life. I don't, I just don't like you guys. I'm so sorry. We have our favorite hotel in the world, Esperanza. They've written songs about this place. I've written songs about this place. I love it so much.
[18:32]
A
Back in Esperanza.
[18:35]
B
Mmm, girl. And so part of the main restaurant there, they closed off part of the restaurant so influencers can take pictures. And so we're sitting there in this beautiful hotel, and it's not cheap. It's not a cheap hotel. It's one of the things that we splurge on because we love it so much and. And these little fuckers show up in their little fricking taxi cabs. These little shithawks. And they come in, they buy one drink, they buy one espresso martini. Espresso. They don't even know how to say espresso. Espresso martini. And they take pictures for three hours in front of this fucking wall. Well, I'm just trying to have my dinner, my very bougie dinner. And to the point. Last time Sarah even said this is the most stuck up thing Sarah's ever said. If you can't afford to stay at this hotel, don't come here and take pictures. And I supported that.
[19:25]
A
You've never go.
[19:27]
B
But like it's so.
[19:29]
A
Because I was so. Because it's just. I know they're not. It's not affecting me personally. I understand. But it's just so annoying because you watch them and then it's this. So I don't know if they specifically. We don't have. We don't know that they specifically close this place off like it used to. There used to be tables for this thing, this part that's sticks out over the ocean. But now there's always people down there taking photos. Do I think it was just for influencers? I don't know. It's probably. They probably just got sick of people coming to take photos. You know, next to people were trying
[19:57]
B
to eat better because people are those assholes because they have no frickin like. Like awareness of social. Because they're whatever.
[20:09]
A
Social awareness.
[20:10]
B
So they probably. Yes, thank you. They probably stand between the tables and take all these pictures. They probably had to like take all the tables out so these can just go and take pict of themselves all day for their 100 followers or whatever they have.
[20:23]
A
I mean it is a beautiful place to take a photo but when we go it's like. And I understand wanting one there, but I don't understand standing there for three hours and doing different PO poses. And then. Would you let me talk for a second? And then they.
[20:38]
B
Now you know what it's like. Wow,
[20:45]
A
this is our last episode. No, I'm saying I understand wanting to take a photo at a beautiful place, but like you said, it's often we see. We've been watching this for the past few years. It's like some. They come with someone, the person takes the photo and then they go. And then they both. And then everyone looks at it and then they go back and take it again and it's like it goes on for 45 minutes. So it's not taking literally. Literally photography. And. And so yeah, get your. You gotta eat dinner here if you want to take a photo at that place. That's my hotel that I'd open up that would go under because everyone would think I was a.
[21:23]
B
They just buy one Espresso martini. Espresso ex espresso.
[21:29]
A
I think sometimes they don't even buy anything. They just leave. Which is. I mean, I know it costs nothing for the resort for them to take a photo there. And I'm sure sometimes now it's different. If they're hiring someone and they're saying, you know, promote our hotel, have a dinner here, take some photos, that's a different thing. But this is just. It's just constant and it's just this one spot and John and I just watch it. Just two old grouchy. Just watching it when I'm sitting there eating my $500.
[21:58]
B
I don't want to see some 19 year old who's like, you have to pay your dues. You have to go and stay at the shitty places that we used to stay at when we were 19 and 20. You got to pay your dues until you do something in the world, make some money and then you can come to the other places.
[22:14]
A
Thank you. And yes, I sound like a dick.
[22:16]
B
I absolutely do. But I stayed in terrible places. And that was my. I had to pay my dues.
[22:22]
A
John lived in six. His first.
[22:24]
B
I lived in a Motel six.
[22:26]
A
Facts to a Motel six. I one time when I went to Cabo when I was younger, broke. We were. We stay. I was bartending and so my friend Danielle and I, we stayed. Stayed at this guy's. He had a place there, this guy, this regular at Mirabel where I worked. And he would let people stay. You just had to pay for the housekeeping fee. So it was awesome. He. He did. He wasn't there. He was in California, but he had a timeshare, whatever it was. And so a bunch of us had separate times that we got to go and stay. It was amazing because we're broke. Bartenders, free place to stay in Cabo. All we had to do is buy our plane ticket and pay the housekeepers. It was amazing. But one time or we were on like a companion ticket. I forget what my friend.
[23:10]
B
Oh God.
[23:10]
A
Yeah. We were on like a companion ticket because her mom or dad or somebody worked for the airline. And then. So we kept getting booted from our flight.
[23:19]
B
Oh God.
[23:19]
A
So we had to stay more days. We had to get out of there because of the Fact that it was our. He had more guests coming, so we had to get out of there. So we had to go. We had no money. We had to go stay somewhere. We literally stayed. I, I, I mean, I. We stayed at some hotel. Motel wasn't a hotel. We had to find a place that was dirt cheap. The. The shower and the toilet were in the same thing. The toilet was in the shower. I'm not joking. So I have paid my dues, and now I do get to sit there. And now we. So now that you said that, now I feel entitled and angry. Yeah. And justified in my anger because now you guys, you guys never had to. Could you imagine me walking up to one of those people taking photos? Have you ever had to stay in a place with a toilet in the shower? Yeah. Now get out of here. Give me your phone.
[24:14]
B
Actually, ma', am, I literally have 12,000 followers, and some months I make up to five to six hundred dollars on Instagram, so. No, ma', am, I actually don't know what that's like.
[24:27]
A
Actually, she makes five or six hundred bucks. Good for her. Because I don't.
[24:31]
B
Yeah, you do.
[24:32]
A
No, I don't. Not on Instagram. I have been on Instagram earlier this year.
[24:38]
B
If you, if I had, like, a good post, they'd give me like 100. $200 for a good post.
[24:43]
A
I know. Thanks. Really, what happened after that? I don't know. And also, when was the last time you posted?
[24:50]
B
Oh, it's been months. But when we do our. Our winter Advent calendar thing, it's the best content we have. Sometimes millions and millions of watches in Instagram gives us $00 because there's alcohol in it, so they won't pay us anything. Drinking.
[25:06]
A
Yeah, I'm sure there's a way to monetize Instagram, even for me, and I don't.
[25:13]
B
Don't have the energy.
[25:15]
A
Anyway, Beckett, Esperanza, you guys don't know the beautiful song that John had AI write for me? For what?
[25:25]
B
Help, bro. I help wrote it.
[25:27]
A
I know, I know, because it's very detailed. It talks about how we met and everything. Anyway, so I. So you're saying watch the Burning man documentary. Are you saying don't?
[25:39]
B
No, I would definitely watch it. It'll make. It'll make sure you never, ever go,
[25:43]
A
well, I'm not go.
[25:45]
B
If these people. It's like their life.
[25:48]
A
No. And then I know, like, I kind of know the culture a little bit, so I. But maybe I should watch it just to. Maybe I can.
[25:55]
B
I think you'd like it.
[25:56]
A
Just learn and just learn more about, like, the way it's changed. I mean, it's obviously changed so much since. Since I went, you know, in my 20s.
[26:03]
B
Oh, no, it looks pretty terrible now. It starts off whether or not they're going to cancel the 2021 because they have to cancel 2020, and they're going to decide whether or not they have to cancel 2021 because of COVID So right off the bat, in your show that talks about COVID now, it's kind of a turn off. I just don't want to. I don't want to relive it.
[26:22]
A
No, I know. I feel like. I feel like that. It's just. It's. It's. We don't want to go back to that. We don't want to think about it. So anyone that wants to write stuff that takes place or documentaries that take place during that time, you just like. No, it was. It's. We're. We're. We're out of it. We don't want to be back in it.
[26:44]
B
With the Portland pickles, we were selling a bunch of merchandise during COVID That's basically how we stayed afloat. We. We ended up breaking even that year, which is amazing. Didn't lay off one employee. Everyone got paid everything. Because we basically became a merchandise company during COVID And when we would put pictures up of, like, of our merchandise on the website, anything where someone was wearing a mask wouldn't sell because people were just sick of seeing any of it. So if we had, like, a model, a model with, like, just no mask on, it would sell. If a mask on people was like, I don't even want to look at it. And there wasn't any kind of, like, political thing. There's. People are sick of even looking at people.
[27:20]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
[27:24]
B
Okay, hold on. One more note. One more note that I wrote down here while you were talking.
[27:28]
A
Okay.
[27:28]
B
About reading for pleasure on your own.
[27:32]
A
Yeah.
[27:32]
B
So far this year, August, I've read 34 books so far this year.
[27:38]
A
Really?
[27:39]
B
Yeah. Because Kindle Takes has like, a stat thing. So I've read 34 books so far this year.
[27:44]
A
I need to look at my stat thing. I feel like I haven't read as much as I usually do so far this year, but I might be surprised. But now I need to look.
[27:51]
B
It might be a little bit padded because that's like seven or six short stories in there.
[27:57]
A
Right. You know what I did?
[27:59]
B
So it's a little padded.
[28:00]
A
You know what I noticed on Goodreads the other Day which were on there. The book list is on Goodreads if you want to follow us. I need to be more active on there. But I went on there the other day because I hadn't been active and I'm like, oh, yeah, we have some follow requests, this and that, update some statuses. And it said like, currently reading like five or six books. And I was like, why does it say I'm currently reading five or six books? And I realized because it's a couple that I started and was like, eh, it's not doing anything for me. Oh, and, and, and I won't. I'm not a do not finisher. We know this about myself, but I am at the point where if I start something and it doesn't grab me pretty quickly, I'm just like, I don't have time. I got, I got too much reading to do. Right. And I want to. So. So it said I'm currently reading a lot of books that I was like flipping through it. I'm like, wait, what? I don't even remember that I am reading what.
[28:49]
B
I also noticed with Kindle, sometimes, like when you read the book and it's done and it actually says like 95% of the book is done because they'll have like notes about the author.
[28:58]
A
Right.
[28:59]
B
Questions.
[29:00]
A
Yeah, you have to like, mark it as.
[29:01]
B
Yeah, it won't market as finished until you go all the way to the end.
[29:06]
A
Yes, yes. That's Which I kind of find annoying. I think it should be. It should say last page. It should show you red because then. Because then you open it, you go, wait, I thought I finished that book. And you did. And it. But it's at like acknowledgments or something. Yeah, but. Okay, Kindle, if you're listening, that's our. That's our flaw.
[29:25]
B
But that's a lot of books, Jenner. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gna start calling a Kindle. Kindle Jenner.
[29:32]
A
Okay.
[29:33]
B
Big Papa John reading his Kindle. Gender. Gender.
[29:42]
A
I am writing this down though, Kindle Jenner as the title of this episode. So thank you for giving me a title for the episode because that's. Oh, that's usually the thing I struggle with the most when it comes. It was going to be Big Papa John, just so you know, but now it's Kendall Jenner.
[29:58]
B
Like it.
[29:59]
A
But I might just in the description say Big Papa John talks about. About Burning Man. Okay, let's do, let's do one topic that's pulled from the book.
[30:09]
B
So we're gonna start the Episode now. You ready to start the episode now? 31 minutes in.
[30:14]
A
No. It's been super fun and I enjoy all of this. And we're still. We're talking about books, we're talking about things people want to watch. But let's do one topic pulled from the book, and you have quite a few that we know. Is there one favorite that you think that would, you know, round out this episode for us?
[30:32]
B
Maybe the one topic that came up because there's so much, like, scary stuff that happens in this book. Things that you're terrified about. Is there something that you were irrationally afraid of as a kid? My brother. Here's my brother. My brother was terrified of the wind.
[30:50]
A
Oh.
[30:50]
B
And terrified of dogs. Dogs in the wind. He was terrified as a kid, really of dogs. And we grew up in the windiest place in the history of the world, Saskatchewan, say.
[31:01]
A
And you didn't have dogs?
[31:03]
B
We had. We had dogs, but we had like shih Tzus. They were like, this is like the really cute cats is what they were.
[31:10]
A
Right. So was he scared of them?
[31:14]
B
No, but scared, like, big dogs. Here's the thing. Whenever, once in a while, I was
[31:20]
A
still scared of big dogs. But I love dogs.
[31:23]
B
I delivered papers as a kid. 120 newspapers, every fricking morning for five and a half years, like, until I was in high school, because it was the best job for, like, an athlete because I always have to go to, like, practice after school, but in the morning I could get it done. So it was like my main source of income from the time I was like 11 till I was like 16.
[31:42]
A
Right.
[31:42]
B
And I can tell you in five and a half years, I probably got bit seven or eight times by dogs. I got bit about at least once a year.
[31:56]
A
Wow.
[31:58]
B
Yeah. You know what every owner, what every dog owner says right before they get bit, someone gets bit, don't worry, he doesn't bite right into your frickin calf.
[32:12]
A
Was it ever anything that you had to go to the hospital for?
[32:15]
B
No, it broke. I had a bad one on my calf. This little girl I went to school with, Kathy McKinnon, her dog bit me on the ankle calf. Then there's one this old. This old couple, their dog used to bite me all the time. It was a freaking goal. Not a golden retriever. It was. What are like those police dogs called? German. German shepherds. Bit me right on the freaking forearm. And then when I have to go there to collect money, he'd just bite me all the time. Oh, yeah, it sucked.
[32:45]
A
But they're I know they're just being protective. I love German shepherds. They're just being protective. But yeah, you can't, you gotta make sure they don't bite people. You gotta be careful.
[32:54]
B
Yeah. The number one, the number one responsibility of a dog owners to make sure your dog doesn't bite people.
[32:59]
A
So. But Steve, your brother was just scared of the wind and dogs in general.
[33:04]
B
The wind and dogs, yeah.
[33:06]
A
Did you have an irrational fear as a kid?
[33:09]
B
My fear as a child was being kidnapped because they were, they scared the out of us in the 80s about kidnapping. Yeah, we had this.
[33:17]
A
As they should have by the way. And they still should.
[33:20]
B
I, I but should they? How, how many kids get kidnapped by just a random person? One out of a million?
[33:28]
A
No, a lot kidnapping.
[33:31]
B
Most kidnappings happen within the family.
[33:34]
A
Okay, well then you should still be scared of kidnapping in within your own family.
[33:38]
B
You shouldn't make a kid so terrified that he can't sleep at night for something that one in a million chance that happened.
[33:44]
A
Well no, but I'm just saying, I mean I still see videos.
[33:46]
B
There's a difference.
[33:48]
A
Fending off kidnappers as adults, even having to right now. Like people can get kidnapped.
[33:55]
B
I'm just saying people can get kidnapped. But I'm just saying it's like a one in a million chance of a kid getting kidnapped by, by just a complete random source. Not like a father in a custody battle or a grandparent or. Most kidnappings happen like within the family.
[34:10]
A
Okay. I don't know. This is math.
[34:11]
B
It's math.
[34:13]
A
Okay, but no, I, right now. But laying in bed at night worrying about stressing about it is of course not what you want. I understand what you're saying.
[34:21]
B
And so the, the local department store in Canada, Norman V Mall. For my Regina people out there, the biggest department store was called Zellers. Canadian company gone now. It was kind of like a 1980s Walmart. They kind of had a little bit of everything terrible food court. And so in the very back, right by the bathrooms, they had a corkboard and the whole cork board was filled of kids from Saskatchewan that were kidnapped full. And then they'd have, then they'd have those like oh, kidnappers.
[34:55]
A
Oh, see, so it was full of kids. So there was a lot of them
[34:59]
B
mostly kidnapped by family members.
[35:01]
A
Okay.
[35:01]
B
So there'd be like a picture of the kid like 7, like they, they're the 32 now. This is probably what they look like. And it was like some like this is before like computers and stuff. And so it was like some sketch Artist be like, oh, this kid probably looks like this now. And it terrified the living shit out of me. When I go up there, all these kids are gone.
[35:21]
A
Yeah, that.
[35:21]
B
It terrified me.
[35:23]
A
Yeah.
[35:24]
B
And then there was always in my school.
[35:26]
A
You want to scare you just enough to be cautious, but not so that you can't ever sleep again. Right. That's what I want. We need to find.
[35:33]
B
My whole life. I took everything too seriously. Everything was like, you know, the world was coming down and so there'd always be. It seemed like so many times we have the announce. They'd read the announcements at the start of school. They'd be like, we have seen a white van in the area trying to lure kids in with kittens and candy. If you see a white van, please run to the nearest adult. And that fucking announcement came on like five times a year, I swear to God. So there's like some guy in a white van in our area who just nabbing kids up, apparently. Well, I never heard of anyone. I literally didn't hear one kid from my school of 800 kids ever getting kidnapped. But it was. It was like pushed down our throat once every two months for nine years, I'll tell you. Thanks a lot, Regina. You guys terrified me.
[36:25]
A
Kittens and candy would get me right now. That would probably get me in a van.
[36:30]
B
That's what my. That's what my autobiography is going to be called, Kittens and Candy.
[36:36]
A
I can't. It's funny because I can't really think of one as a kid, even though I know I have them, but I have a couple of. Well, this one I've always had, actually, so that I would probably say it as a kid too, but I've had it for a very long time. John gets angry when I say it, but I. I have a fear of getting stabbed to death. Very, very, very scared. Why is it funny?
[36:57]
B
Because once again, it's one of those things that happens, like one out of every 50 million people. A million people. 10 million people.
[37:06]
A
Okay.
[37:07]
B
How many people a year in LA? Well, that's not me.
[37:11]
A
Yeah, let's not go there. But just in general. And also, I mean, I don't want to make light of this because we have dear friends that actually had a horrible attack on them. But. But I. I had. Have always had a rational fear of being stabbed to death. Just I. To the point where. One point I said to John that I thought maybe I was Sharon Tate in a former life, and he got mad at me. And then we never talked about it again.
[37:39]
B
Yeah, I'm a big fan of science.
[37:42]
A
Okay. Anyway, so I. Let me have my fun. So I go ahead. I haven't arrested.
[37:49]
B
It sounds like so much fun,
[37:52]
A
but I do. It just. It just seems like, of course, a horrible way to go everything. And I don't know what it is, but so. But I don't know why it's always in my mind. So I do have a fear about that. Okay, would you quit moving around? It makes so much noise. Olivia, I'm so sorry. This is me speaking to our editor. She's, like, probably screaming right now at the computer. No, she's not moved. Well, I don't. I don't know, whatever you do. And made a lot of noise in the microphone. Anyway, we'll just keep all this in so you guys can just hear us yell at each other. It's fun. My fear of getting stabbed to death might come true tonight. No. Stabbed to death. And then. And then I have. Now I have. I have one very strange fear. Every time I get out of a car at a parking meter and there's a car coming, I always think, think, what if I tripped getting out of my car and then that car ran over my head?
[38:48]
B
Oh, that's a bad one.
[38:50]
A
It's pretty specific. But I think about it a lot, to the point where I wonder, is that how I'm gonna go? Is that some, like, some fatal destination that I'm. I don't want. I'm not trying to manifest getting my head run over. It sounds awful, but I. Every time I get out of a car, I think, ooh, what if I, like, tripped right now and that car's coming, and so maybe I should stop getting out of cars when cars are coming.
[39:15]
B
You know what I really hate in la, but the meters, is people get out of the driver's side door and they just open their door right into Ventura Boulevard.
[39:24]
A
Well, they wouldn't if they had.
[39:25]
B
This car is gonna get. That's how your door handle is gonna get ripped off. Your whole door is get ripped off. Because I'm driving and I just open your door without looking in the rear view mirror.
[39:34]
A
Well, there's usually enough room if you park correctly. Usually. But I still think, what if I get out and then. Yeah, and maybe I'm trying to get out carefully because I don't want to open my door, too. And then. Oh, no, I trip and then squish like a watermelon. My head's gone.
[39:49]
B
You know where. You know where you're getting this from? Your mother, because she always thinks she's going to trip and fall somewhere. I think that's. That's literally how she thinks she's going to die.
[39:58]
A
Well, she. Yes, she. Because she worked in a funeral home. So she knows that the statistics are high. That most old people that. Or people of eight, people that are older pass away from complications from falling. Right. So she does know that. And so she comes here. Oh, we got it. We had to put.
[40:15]
B
She can't do connecting flights because she'll be in the airport and then she'll probably fall in the connecting flight. Getting so connected flights will fall.
[40:21]
A
She said she was like, I don't like to take connecting flights because if I have to hurry, then I might trip and fall. And I'm like, what are you talking about? It doesn't even really.
[40:31]
B
Like what? Like it.
[40:33]
A
She.
[40:34]
B
What? She's in her mid-70s and she's in great shape. I don't think she's ever fallen before. But she's obsessed with falling.
[40:41]
A
She is obsessed with falling. I know where, I know it comes from working in the funeral home, but it is. And I understand what she's saying, but she acts like, you know what I mean? I was talking about this with Chris Franjola on the COVID to cover podcast the last week. I was like, she acts like you just, you know what I mean, you stand up and then you're just like, oh, I just fell over. Like, I. John just got up and walked away. In case anyone's interested,
[41:07]
B
I didn't walk away.
[41:08]
A
Now you're back. No, but yeah, she actually, you know, she's just gonna fall over. And I understand being more cautious that you, like, you start to lose a little balance maybe as you get older and there are complications when you do. She's also like not brittle. She's not right. There's. There's just a lot of factors that play into. But you're right. Maybe that's where I get my irrational fear. I. I've had it long before she started talking about falling, but I've had it for a long time. And then my other one. Can I give you one more?
[41:40]
B
Yes, of course.
[41:42]
A
Is this maybe not be that irrational, considering it happens all the time? Like break ins happen all the time.
[41:49]
B
Oh yeah.
[41:50]
A
But broken into. Not really concerned about being broken into and what. Right. I mean, I should say. I shouldn't say that, but I just mean my concern about being broken into is that my cats get out.
[42:04]
B
Right?
[42:05]
A
My concern is they break. They break in, they leave a door open, they break some windows or something. My cats get out now. I think they're all such scaredy cats that they'll just be under everything hiding and, but that's. For some reason I have an irrational fear about that.
[42:20]
B
I don't think if, if, even if the door is open, like our cats don't run towards it.
[42:26]
A
No, they don't.
[42:27]
B
Like if something happened and they, someone just broke in and like left like a, a window open, I don't think they'd leave.
[42:35]
A
I don't think so. But also if they're scared, spooked out by these strangers in the house, they might look for a way out.
[42:42]
B
Oh, right. That's a good point. But I, I just run in.
[42:46]
A
Thanks for confirming it. Thanks for confirming it.
[42:49]
B
No, no, no. I just think they'd run and hide. I don't think they would bust out.
[42:54]
A
Okay, thank you. Thanks for calling me that one. But you do think I might get stabbed to death and, or my head might get run over like a watermelon?
[43:02]
B
I think the, the odds of either of those things happening are very extreme. Especially you falling out of the car onto the pavement right when it comes. Yes. Like how many, how many times have you ever fallen out of your car?
[43:15]
A
Doesn't matter. It's going to happen.
[43:16]
B
No, I know. How many times have you fallen out of your car?
[43:19]
A
Zero so far. Like the one time I do is when my house.
[43:23]
B
You've been getting in and out of cars for, since you were 2 or 3 years old, you've never done it. So we're talking like probably a hundred, a few hundred thousand times and it's never happened.
[43:33]
A
I bet I fell a couple times as a kid and I know, I don't remember it. Mike. Once cousin, my cousin one time when we had a pop up trailer in a pop up tent and so, and so the, the old, like old school one. So the old school, you popped it up and then like cloth basically just went around the beds.
[43:54]
B
Yep.
[43:54]
A
And you fall right out of those. Yeah. My cousin Jason, it was like, you know, it was like elastic basically that held it up. My cousin Jason one time was. I was basically, I think we were just like watching him or I was probably babysitting while we were camping or he was just hanging out with us, doesn't matter. But he was sleeping in our, in there and he rolled out
[44:17]
B
because like
[44:19]
A
he rolled and then basically the elastic gave.
[44:22]
B
They would, they would pop out and then they would like flip over on it. So like two wings on the side. And those were beds.
[44:28]
A
Yeah, yeah.
[44:29]
B
And they were just held on with literally like an elastic band.
[44:32]
A
Elastic.
[44:33]
B
Yeah, you just fall right the out.
[44:36]
A
Yeah. I've never seen anyone do it before, but one time I think. I think he was napping it there because I think we were all on the outside. We were all like sitting around a campfire, something, and he just comes flopping out. It was amazing. Oh, he hasn't been the same since. Okay, well, just kidding. He's the best. But it was really funny. I'm trying to remember if we. I think it was during the day. So yeah, I think he was napping. But anyway, poor scared the out of him, obviously. But he. He was okay. Thank God. But I mean, looking back. Unsafe. All right, well, this was fun and silly and we had a couple weeks of just silliness and fun. John and I like it. Especially with such a. Was such a dark book.
[45:24]
B
So it really is a dark book.
[45:27]
A
I know. Thank you.
[45:29]
B
Very, very good.
[45:30]
A
Yes. Thank you guys for being here. We will be back next week and join the book listeners on Facebook. You know, share your irrational fears. When I post the. That the episode is out in the comments. Tell us about your irrational fears and whatnot. You know, get. Get in the comments. And book lisp on Instagram. Patreon is $5 a month. Super fun. And we'll see you next week.
[45:54]
B
Bye.
[45:54]
A
The book list.
[45:55]
B
The book Lisp.
[45:57]
A
The book list.
[45:58]
B
The book lisp.
[46:00]
A
The book list.

Summary6 min read

Podcast Summary: The Book Lisp with Jon Ryan & Sarah Colonna Episode Title: Kindle Jenner
Date: August 10, 2026

Episode Overview

In this lively and comedic episode of The Book Lisp, Jon Ryan and Sarah Colonna veer off-book for one of their signature conversational romps, focusing on festival culture (with a roasting of Burning Man and Coachella), influencer annoyances, irrational fears from childhood, and a few insights into their current and future reading picks. While references to their current book club pick, "Gray After Dark" by Noel Eiley, pop up, the pair mostly riff on topics tangentially related to their club’s chosen genre: psychological thrillers.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Podcast Banter and Introductions (00:00–03:18)

Playful opening, including Jon’s temporary Riverside screen name “Big Papa John.”
- Sarah: “I've never heard anyone call you Big Papa John. But you know what? I might start, but no, I won't because it creeps me out a little bit.” (01:24)
Sarah thanks fans for attending her comedy shows and shares upcoming tour dates.

2. Drink Talk & Pre-made Cocktails (03:40–05:02)

Sarah shares details about her favorite RTD vodka transfusion drink ("Cutwater"), praising its taste authenticity.
- Jon: “RTD as they call them in the biz.” (04:37)
Discussion of "biz" lingo and what their other podcast cross-over listeners may or may not know.

3. Jet Ski Bros and “Ripping Tits” Jargon (05:02–06:53)

Humorous mocking of gym and “jet ski bro” vocabulary.
- Jon: “Ripping tits. That’s big chest workout. I learned that from the guys I trained with in Carlsbad who are all 22.” (06:16)
Quotable banter about cringey masculine gym clichés.

4. Book Club Housekeeping and Reading Habits (07:01–08:52)

September pick preview: The Paper Palace by Miranda Cowley Heller.
Sarah’s current read: What She Saw by Mary Burton.
Plug for their Patreon (short stories), their Goodreads group, and encouragement to join the book club.

5. Burning Man Docuseries and Festival Roasting (09:17–21:23)

Jon describes watching a new Burning Man documentary on HBO Max, finding the event deeply unappealing:
- Jon: “Burning Man looks like the closest thing to hell on earth without actually going to hell.” (10:06)
Discussion of the economics, logistics, and discomforts of large music festivals and festivals like Coachella.
- Jon: “I’d rather put my penis in a blender and turn it on than do that.” (16:16)
Sarah shares her own disastrous Burning Man experience (“Not for people like us”) and mutual hesitance towards festival culture as they age.
- Sarah: “If I went with you, we would just end in a murder suicide there. That’s how it would end for us.” (15:16)
Roast of influencer culture and how it’s changed beloved travel spots, especially their favorite hotel in Esperanza.

6. The Plague of “Influencers” (18:04–22:21)

Jon and Sarah air grievances about influencers commandeering luxury hotel spaces for photoshoots.
- Jon: “These little fuckers show up in their little fricking taxi cabs. These little shithawks. … And they take pictures for three hours in front of this fucking wall, while I’m just trying to have my dinner.” (18:34)
- Sarah: “If you can’t afford to stay at this hotel, don’t come here and take pictures. And I supported that.” (19:25)
Discussion of the “pay your dues” mentality regarding luxury travel and generational differences in access.

7. Social Media Monetization & “Espresso” Debates (21:29–25:15)

Efforts (and failures) to monetize Instagram content; airing grievances about algorithm trends and payout rules.
Light debate on “espresso” versus “expresso” and further influencer annoyance.

8. Kindle Stats & Tracking Reading Progress (27:27–29:24)

Jon reveals having read 34 books so far in 2026 (potentially inflated by short stories).
- Jon: “So far this year, August, I’ve read 34 books so far this year.” (27:31)
Sarah notices that “currently reading” lists often contain books she doesn’t remember starting—debate over whether to finish or abandon unsatisfactory books.
Kindle and Goodreads tracking complaints (books not marking as “finished” until acknowledgments are read).

9. Naming the Episode – “Kindle Jenner” (29:24–29:58)

Jon jokingly dubs Sarah “Kindle Jenner” due to her Kindle stats.
- Jon: “Yeah, I’m gna start calling ya Kindle. Kindle Jenner.” (29:24)
Title brainstorming session; Sarah credits Jon for this week’s title.

10. Themed Topic: Irrational Childhood Fears (30:09–44:35)

Jon recalls his brother’s childhood fears (dogs & wind) and his own (being kidnapped, triggered by Canadian department store missing kids boards and local school announcements).
- Jon: “My fear as a child was being kidnapped because they scared the shit out of us in the 80s about kidnapping.” (33:08)
Discussion on statistical realities of kidnapping and whether fear is warranted.
Sarah’s irrational (but persistent) fears:
- Being stabbed to death (“John gets angry when I say it, but I have a fear of getting stabbed to death.” [36:56])
- Having her head run over when exiting a car at a parking meter.
- Break-ins resulting in her cats escaping.
Extended joking about the absurdity of these scenarios; Jon links Sarah’s “falling” fear to her mother’s obsession (as a former funeral home worker) with falling in old age.

11. Audience Engagement and Closing (45:24–46:00)

Sarah wraps up by encouraging listeners to share their irrational fears on the Book Lisp Facebook group or Instagram.
- Sarah: “Tell us about your irrational fears and whatnot... get in the comments.” (45:28)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Burning Man:
- "Burning Man looks like the closest thing to hell on earth without actually going to hell. It looks fucking awful…" (Jon, 10:06)
On Influencers at Esperanza:
- “These little fuckers show up in their little fricking taxi cabs. These little shithawks. … They take pictures for three hours in front of this fucking wall, while I’m just trying to have my dinner, my very bougie dinner.” (Jon, 18:32)
On childhood fears:
- “My fear as a child was being kidnapped because they scared the shit out of us in the 80s about kidnapping.” (Jon, 33:08)
- “I have a fear of getting stabbed to death. Very, very, very scared.” (Sarah, 36:56-37:05)
On jet ski/gym bro lingo:
- “Ripping tits. That’s big bice or big chest workout. We're ripping tits. I learned that from the guys that I trained with in Carlsbad who are all 22.” (Jon, 06:16)
On the episode title:
- “I am writing this down though, Kindle Jenner as the title of this episode.” (Sarah, 29:41)

Timestamps for Key Segments

00:00 – Introductions & playful banter
03:40 – RTD (Ready-to-drink) cocktails chat
05:02 – Jet ski bros & gym vocabulary riff
07:01 – Upcoming book picks, Patreon plug
09:17 – Burning Man docuseries & festival gripes
18:04 – Influencer complaints & generational rants
21:29 – Social media monetization frustrations
27:27 – Kindle/Goodreads stats & book tracking
29:24 – Birth of episode title, “Kindle Jenner”
30:09 – Themed discussion: irrational fears
45:28 – Closing, prompts for audience engagement

Tone & Takeaways

The episode is signature Book Lisp: sarcastic, playful, and affectionately crotchety, with Jon & Sarah’s real-life couple dynamic on full display. No spoilers for the current book (Gray After Dark), but plenty of book-adjacent content, personal anecdotes, and relatable gripes for book club and pop culture fans alike.

Recommended for: Anyone who enjoys sharp comedic banter, reflections on reading culture, or relatable festival and social media rants—plus a good laugh about neuroses and generational divides.

Loading summary

Transcript303 lines

[00:00]
A
Hi, I'm Sarah Colonna.
[00:02]
B
And I'm John Ryan.
[00:03]
A
And you're listening to the Book List. The Book List.
[00:08]
B
The Book Lisp.
[00:09]
A
Oh, that's right. You're listening to the Book Lisp. Hello and welcome to the Book Lisp with John Ryan and Sarah Colonna. Ryan, forget to say that sometimes I think everyone knows Married. Yeah, I think people get it at this point, you know?
[00:31]
B
They sure do.
[00:34]
A
I just logged on and we're on a platform called Riverside. Our names are in the corner. Mine says Sarah. John's usually says John, but today it says Big Papa John. Big Papa. P O, P, P, A. I'm going to take a photo of it, maybe post it on the old socials. Why?
[00:56]
B
Well, I think.
[00:57]
A
When did you change that?
[00:58]
B
Oh, girl, you know why.
[01:02]
A
What's happening?
[01:03]
B
2 seconds ago Thought it was. It was an appropriate nickname. So they call me Street.
[01:09]
A
They do.
[01:11]
B
That's what they call him in the street.
[01:13]
A
You know what's interesting is I spent a lot of time with you. A lot.
[01:16]
B
But not in the street, girl. Not in the street. You don't know.
[01:21]
A
I do, actually.
[01:22]
B
You're not. About that life.
[01:24]
A
Well, I've never heard anyone call you Big Papa John. But you know what? I might start, but no, I won't because it creeps me out a little bit.
[01:34]
B
I knew it would.
[01:39]
A
Well, it's week two of the August book list, when we know where. You guys know we're reading Gray After Dark by Noel Eiley, which is my choice. And it's a fantastic book. I blew right through it. And I didn't even really talk about how I was, like, pretty. I was a decent amount in, but. And then one night I was up late. I. It was a couple nights ago, you remember? Yeah. And I was up late and I was just, like, tearing through it because I needed. I needed to know what the ending was. I needed to know how it ended. I wasn't positive that it would be what it was. I won't say anything. We don't spoil. We don't talk about the book. We just pull topics. Like last week we talked about doomsday prepping. Because that's for the entire episode. Yeah, actually. And so we have topics. Don't worry. If you're new here, you're not going to hear any spoilers about the book until week four. We just have fun conversations. And just real quick, I want to tell you, if you're in, thank you for all of you that came out to Vegas last week. I had so much fun and Then if you're In Nashville the 27th, August 27th, come see me at the City Winery. If you're in Batavia, Illinois or nearby, come to the Comedy Vault. It's a Fantastic Club. That's September 24th through the 26th. If you're in Omaha, come see me at the Funny Bone. No, sorry, that was September 24 through 26. Funny Bone Omaha is October 29. Funny Bone Albany is November 12. Funny Bone Columbus is December 17. That's all in Sarah colona.com John, remind them, remind them what your. Can you hear September? I hear Ralphie. Yeah. If you guys can hear so loud.
[03:19]
B
Is he trying to get in the room? What's, what's his deal?
[03:22]
A
I don't hear him outside my door, but I hear him like around you. He's being. Listen, we got it. We got a lot of cats and cat.
[03:31]
B
My God.
[03:32]
A
So what? Ralphie doesn't feel that he's getting enough attention. He likes to make his presence known.
[03:37]
B
No kidding. How's that? Vodka fusion transition.
[03:41]
A
I know. So I'm having a drink because it is a Saturday afternoon that we're recording this and well, it's actually almost evening. It's 4pm on a Saturday. Hot water, vodka transfusion. And it's vodka with natural flavors. Well, I don't know about that. But I, I mean I don't, I believe them and I don't know. Well, there's a grape on there, so I guess it's like a grape flavor flavor. But I don't like heavily graped flavored grape flavored things. I really like grapes, in case anyone's wondering. But this is like. It's really good. It's one of my favorite cut waters. You know, I love the Mule. This is not an ad. We don't get sponsored by cut water. Although we should. But. Yes, but we. It's just, it's just a delicious pre made. You know some pre made cocktails aren't great. They're getting better. But cut water, they're getting a lot better. Yeah, cut waters have always been my jam.
[04:37]
B
RTD as they call them in the biz.
[04:40]
A
Ready to drinks.
[04:42]
B
You got a girl?
[04:43]
A
No, that's like a ready to drink mill meal.
[04:45]
B
No, they call them RTD. They come RTDs. Yes.
[04:49]
A
How'd you know this? Because of your. Because of the pictures.
[04:52]
B
Because I'm in. Because I'm in the biz. That's what we. We also in the biz, we say the biz instead of business to make it quicker and shorter. Because I'm in the biz.
[05:02]
A
Can you imagine if John really talked like this? I don't know how many crossovers we have for. Are you. My podcast where we talk about married at first sight, but basically this is like your version of being Adam. The guy that I told you likes to rip his jet.
[05:19]
B
Oh, the rip. Rip jet skis. Oh, my God. I just, like, love ripping jet skis.
[05:23]
A
Oh, the worst. How.
[05:25]
B
How old is he? Is he.
[05:27]
A
I don't. 30s or so early.
[05:29]
B
I mean, past the age of like, 23. You shouldn't talk about ripping jet skis anymore.
[05:34]
A
I think he think. I think he. I'll be honest. Why. This is where this is for the. Another podcast, obviously. But I think the guy that does this for those of you that don't know, don't watch Mar at first sight or listen, I think he actually does it because he thinks it's funny and he know. But he does it too often. Do you know what I mean? So it's not so. It sounds like the way you talk. If you're trying to mock or be. Or be funny or think it's funny or sarcastic that you talk this way, but that's the only way you talk. Then it's not funny anymore. Like when you sometimes say to me, I just rip some buys, it makes me laugh because I know you don't talk like that when he's talking about. Yeah, I just r. He's like, oh, my pecs are sore. I was ripping. B. No, that's like biceps.
[06:14]
B
Ripping. Ripping tits.
[06:16]
A
Ripping tits. When he rips.
[06:17]
B
Ripping tits. That's big bice or big chest workout. We're ripping tits. I learned that from the guys that I trained with in Carlsbad who are all 22. They go, I'm ripping tits today.
[06:31]
A
If you talk like that every day, then I would say, now that's. It's not funny. That's just how you talk now, right?
[06:37]
B
And they used to say. Guys used to always like curls for girls. And then I would. I'd always say thighs for the cute guys. It really bothered NFL guys when I made gay comments like that.
[06:53]
A
Oh, John. Big Papa John. Remind them. What? Remind them what? Your September pick is the Paper palace
[07:01]
B
by Miranda Cowley Heller.
[07:06]
A
And if. Did you say you've read it or you haven't read it?
[07:08]
B
I have not read it.
[07:10]
A
Okay. I'm always excited for. I know. I. I'm reading one right now. What's it called? Which. What she saw. Hold on, I'm gonna look it up. This is it. I'm not Telling you guys anything. Like, there's not. It's not like, oh, this is what I'm gonna. Yeah, it's called what she Saw by Mary Burton. And I don't think I've read anything by Mary Burton before. I don't think it's going to be. I mean, who knows? I guess I. I basically, anytime I read now, it's her. I start highlighting things just in case it does turn into a book list, but so that I know that I have things highlighted and ready to go. But it's about this woman who. She's like, this investigative reporter, goes back to a small town where there was, like, these. These women disappeared years ago at a music festival. So far, it's pretty good, but I'm. It's early August, so I'm just reading something for fun right now, which is just crazy. It's crazy talk. Anyway, so that's your September pick. You just heard. You know what? I'm reading just for fun. Join us on Patreon. We do short stories. They're so fun. It's only $5 a month. We do them on the 15th of every month. They're always short, fun, great video podcasts that we do to discuss it. And then we do podcasts on the 5th and the 25th, too. So it's a way to support us. Support us so we can keep supporting our editors. Just kidding. But meaning so we can keep paying them. It was the joke. They didn't land. Nothing I say. Nothing I say lands. Really me.
[08:43]
B
Big Papa John just understands things differently than John does. Like, Big Papa John doesn't always, like, quick to laugh, you know. You got, like, really impressed, Big Papa John.
[08:52]
A
Well, can we get right?
[08:56]
B
Ripping, ripping, ripping. I got a. Ripping tits. Ripping jet skis. Okay, whatever. Let's get on. I want to break. Okay, I want to bring this up. Hold on. I'm not ready to carry on. Move on yet. I just wrote down two points I'd like to talk about when you. When you and I go to bed at night.
[09:17]
A
Yes.
[09:18]
B
We don't make sweet love because we make sweet love in the mornings. But we're morning people.
[09:22]
A
Every once in a while, we get a little surprise. Little surprise. And at night. But we're just more morning people. In case anyone was curious. Go ahead, John.
[09:31]
B
They're not. There's a new documentary on hbo Max. It comes out every week, and it's a documentary about Burning Man.
[09:41]
A
I can't think of anything I'd want. I'd rather watch.
[09:43]
B
And so, no, it's It's. It's been fascinating. I'm on episode four. That would just release the other day, and I usually, you know, when you watch a show like you. You're not a fan of that. That particular thing, and then you watch it and you're like, oh, my God. Now, I want to do that, or I want to cheer on that team, or I want to do like. It really. It ropes you in.
[10:05]
A
Right.
[10:06]
B
Watching this show, Bernie, man, looks like the closest thing to hell on earth without actually going to hell. It looks fucking awful during the middle of a field. 70,000 people, no showers. They're there all week. It's 1 million degrees. It's dusty. They're all dusty. They'll. I'm sure. I almost smell them through the tv. They smell so gross. And they all. And then they. They don't sell anything. So you have to bring everything with you, and then you barter, you trade it, like, food, water, toilet paper, whatever. You have to trade everything.
[10:47]
A
You don't have to. I mean, you could just bring everything with you.
[10:50]
B
Well, sure, okay. But you can't buy anything there, apparently, right?
[10:54]
A
Yeah, it's like.
[10:55]
B
It's like they. They act like it's. Oh, it's just Utopia place where everything's so beautiful. It's like we've evolved as a culture so we never have to do shit like that ever again. Yeah, we don't have to barter because there's a pavilion down the road. There's a bar right here. I go, put down a certain amount of money, they give me a Bud Light. End of transaction. I don't have to say, hey, would you like a. A beaver pellet for that Bud Light? Because that society wouldn't work very well.
[11:21]
A
What's a beaver pelt?
[11:25]
B
Pelt.
[11:25]
A
What's a beaver pelt?
[11:26]
B
Like a beaver fur? Oh, you. They used to trade them in the old days. Oh. You know what I'm saying?
[11:34]
A
Yeah, I know. It just really came up. You really pulled it. Just pulled it, that one out of
[11:40]
B
your beaver pouch right there.
[11:43]
A
So.
[11:43]
B
Have you ever heard of the Hudson Bay Company? My God, no.
[11:47]
A
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
[11:48]
B
They go. They go in the open market for 45 to $175, apparently.
[11:52]
A
Wow.
[11:53]
B
Anyway, anyhow, I'm just saying the, the, the. The. The bartering culture was from the 19. What, hundreds?
[12:01]
A
Sure.
[12:02]
B
18 something.
[12:03]
A
Sure.
[12:03]
B
So we've moved on. So anyways, I'm watching this documentary, and it looks like hell on earth to go to Bernie, man.
[12:10]
A
Yes.
[12:11]
B
And people. These people live for it that's their entire life is about Burning Man.
[12:18]
A
It's funny because we have one of our friends loves that he goes every year, Paul. He's. He's a beauty guy. Yeah. He's a bougie guy. He's big traveler. He's right. He's super. He's great. He's so much fun. I wouldn't put him as a Burning man guy, but he is.
[12:36]
B
No.
[12:37]
A
Yeah, it goes every year, I think. I mean, and you can go a little bit. You can go, you know, obviously you can go with. In a super nice rv you can do all you can. You can go pretty fancy as far as what you bring, I guess. But like once you get there, you're there. That's it. And it's the middle. You're there nowhere and there's dirt everywhere. And the only time I went was years and years ago and I had a. And I don't look at it with fond memories at all. I mean, I guess I'm glad I did it just so. I know. But also that was so many. I was in my 20s and I hated it. So imagine me going now I'd hate it more.
[13:10]
B
Oh my God.
[13:10]
A
It's not from. It's not for people like us. It's not for us. We're not out, you know, we're not out in the dirt and dancing and here's bicycling and whatever else.
[13:20]
B
Yeah, they. They run. They do this thing. It's like, it's like. It's like Utopia. It's like. It's. It's go to the old ways. We barter everything. Everything. There's a multi billion dollar corporation that runs the whole thing.
[13:31]
A
Right.
[13:31]
B
Of course, you know, it's called like Burning Man Blackrock or something. And they run the whole thing and they have like a thousand full time employees.
[13:40]
A
Oh really?
[13:41]
B
Yeah. They want to make it sound like everyone just shows up in the middle of nowhere. We have this great freaking world that we live in for one week of the year that just like beyond what we have to deal with in society. And then they're like, oh yeah, by the way, that Burning Man Blackrock just made a billion dollars this week because you guys all paid thousands of dollars for your tickets. So it's all you guys. It's all.
[14:02]
A
How much does it cost to go?
[14:05]
B
$1 billion by the sounds of it. These people, they build like spaceships and stuff.
[14:11]
A
1500, 5000 per person depending on your. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Sorry. Hold on. Just upset. That's the how much? They're saying it costs people to like, go because of their, you know, the cost that they incur. So it says main ticket tiers range from 550 to 775 and then some. There's taxes and fees. There's a vehicle pass 165. I mean, they are. People are all going out to the middle of the desert. It does need someone to do something, to be behind you, to. To be organized. I mean, remember, people got stuck there because of the weather before.
[14:51]
B
Yes, but that's what they're talking about. Because in 2020, they canceled it. But people still showed up. Like something like 15, 000 people still showed up. They did it without any of that structure. And it was just as safe. No one died. Nothing happened.
[15:03]
A
Oh, really?
[15:04]
B
Yeah, but it was like a fifth of the amount of people.
[15:09]
A
I mean, I know that people love it and people feel like there's like these spiritual events and that they have there because they're all hard on mushrooms. I mean, most of them, not all of them. But I, you know, I'm not a mushroom lady. I took them. The one time I took him was at Burning man. And I thought I was going, no judgment. Rocked back and forth.
[15:27]
B
Take whatever.
[15:28]
A
Yeah, no fun. I don't care. Have your fun. That's what I'm saying. But it just like it's. It's. It's got. It's. It's just. There's people that would love Burning man and there's people that would hate it, and we're the people that would hate it. We wouldn't enjoy it. If I went with you, we would just end in a murder suicide there. Like, that's how it would end for us. Who. Who? I'm not sure. I think I would probably snap. I think it's most likely that I'm the one that's going to snap. I'm just guessing that check though. But I think you would probably ask me to snap. You would probably say, you got to kill us both.
[16:04]
B
Yeah.
[16:04]
A
If we can't get out of here. The.
[16:06]
B
The older I get, the less any of these m. Music festivals look okay to me. Like, for one, Burning man doesn't have like a VIP or anything. At least Coachella.
[16:15]
A
Vip. Vip.
[16:17]
B
Vip. Coachella at least has like, you can like friggin like helicopter in there and they have like massive VIP type stuff. But the people that aren't doing that. I rather put my penis in a blender and turn it on than do that.
[16:31]
A
Yeah, it just Very, very specific.
[16:35]
B
I used to go, yeah. You ever try it?
[16:40]
A
No.
[16:42]
B
Doesn't make a great smoothie. We used to go to a music festival, like, all growing up, all the way up until I was playing in the NFL. Big, Big Valley Jamboree. I don't know what they call it now, but apparently it's dying pretty hard right now. But it used to go. We used to go out there and I could like, I could survive for like one or two nights. And this was in my 20s.
[17:04]
A
Yeah.
[17:04]
B
It was just the grossest place on earth.
[17:07]
A
I just.
[17:08]
B
And everyone that's listening from Saskatchewan, we've all been there and we all loved it for two to three hours. And we can't wait to go back the next year for two to three hours. And then we hate it again.
[17:20]
A
Yeah, I, I mean, I went to Coachella once again, also once in my 20s, and it. I. Not. But not even for the night. So we just went for the day. And I, I, I couldn't. The fanciest. You can go. I would need to go. And even then I don't know that it would be fancy enough because I can't, I can't. With the Porta Potties in the desert, in the heat, the smell, all the things. And then I think they have like fancier, the kind of trailer ones or something for the VIP people probably. But then. But you still have to get in and out of there. Do you know what I mean?
[17:51]
B
Yeah.
[17:52]
A
Even as an artist, I'm like, do they, they must, I don't know, they must just have big cush SUV's that get them just right to where they need to go and then right back out of there or something. Because here, I. I can't imagine.
[18:04]
B
Here's the thing that I think I'd hate more than the Porta Potties, more than the dirt, more than everything, more than the crowds, is the fucking influencers. I couldn't handle that. Nowadays, influencers are wrecking my life. I don't, I just don't like you guys. I'm so sorry. We have our favorite hotel in the world, Esperanza. They've written songs about this place. I've written songs about this place. I love it so much.
[18:32]
A
Back in Esperanza.
[18:35]
B
Mmm, girl. And so part of the main restaurant there, they closed off part of the restaurant so influencers can take pictures. And so we're sitting there in this beautiful hotel, and it's not cheap. It's not a cheap hotel. It's one of the things that we splurge on because we love it so much and. And these little fuckers show up in their little fricking taxi cabs. These little shithawks. And they come in, they buy one drink, they buy one espresso martini. Espresso. They don't even know how to say espresso. Espresso martini. And they take pictures for three hours in front of this fucking wall. Well, I'm just trying to have my dinner, my very bougie dinner. And to the point. Last time Sarah even said this is the most stuck up thing Sarah's ever said. If you can't afford to stay at this hotel, don't come here and take pictures. And I supported that.
[19:25]
A
You've never go.
[19:27]
B
But like it's so.
[19:29]
A
Because I was so. Because it's just. I know they're not. It's not affecting me personally. I understand. But it's just so annoying because you watch them and then it's this. So I don't know if they specifically. We don't have. We don't know that they specifically close this place off like it used to. There used to be tables for this thing, this part that's sticks out over the ocean. But now there's always people down there taking photos. Do I think it was just for influencers? I don't know. It's probably. They probably just got sick of people coming to take photos. You know, next to people were trying
[19:57]
B
to eat better because people are those assholes because they have no frickin like. Like awareness of social. Because they're whatever.
[20:09]
A
Social awareness.
[20:10]
B
So they probably. Yes, thank you. They probably stand between the tables and take all these pictures. They probably had to like take all the tables out so these can just go and take pict of themselves all day for their 100 followers or whatever they have.
[20:23]
A
I mean it is a beautiful place to take a photo but when we go it's like. And I understand wanting one there, but I don't understand standing there for three hours and doing different PO poses. And then. Would you let me talk for a second? And then they.
[20:38]
B
Now you know what it's like. Wow,
[20:45]
A
this is our last episode. No, I'm saying I understand wanting to take a photo at a beautiful place, but like you said, it's often we see. We've been watching this for the past few years. It's like some. They come with someone, the person takes the photo and then they go. And then they both. And then everyone looks at it and then they go back and take it again and it's like it goes on for 45 minutes. So it's not taking literally. Literally photography. And. And so yeah, get your. You gotta eat dinner here if you want to take a photo at that place. That's my hotel that I'd open up that would go under because everyone would think I was a.
[21:23]
B
They just buy one Espresso martini. Espresso ex espresso.
[21:29]
A
I think sometimes they don't even buy anything. They just leave. Which is. I mean, I know it costs nothing for the resort for them to take a photo there. And I'm sure sometimes now it's different. If they're hiring someone and they're saying, you know, promote our hotel, have a dinner here, take some photos, that's a different thing. But this is just. It's just constant and it's just this one spot and John and I just watch it. Just two old grouchy. Just watching it when I'm sitting there eating my $500.
[21:58]
B
I don't want to see some 19 year old who's like, you have to pay your dues. You have to go and stay at the shitty places that we used to stay at when we were 19 and 20. You got to pay your dues until you do something in the world, make some money and then you can come to the other places.
[22:14]
A
Thank you. And yes, I sound like a dick.
[22:16]
B
I absolutely do. But I stayed in terrible places. And that was my. I had to pay my dues.
[22:22]
A
John lived in six. His first.
[22:24]
B
I lived in a Motel six.
[22:26]
A
Facts to a Motel six. I one time when I went to Cabo when I was younger, broke. We were. We stay. I was bartending and so my friend Danielle and I, we stayed. Stayed at this guy's. He had a place there, this guy, this regular at Mirabel where I worked. And he would let people stay. You just had to pay for the housekeeping fee. So it was awesome. He. He did. He wasn't there. He was in California, but he had a timeshare, whatever it was. And so a bunch of us had separate times that we got to go and stay. It was amazing because we're broke. Bartenders, free place to stay in Cabo. All we had to do is buy our plane ticket and pay the housekeepers. It was amazing. But one time or we were on like a companion ticket. I forget what my friend.
[23:10]
B
Oh God.
[23:10]
A
Yeah. We were on like a companion ticket because her mom or dad or somebody worked for the airline. And then. So we kept getting booted from our flight.
[23:19]
B
Oh God.
[23:19]
A
So we had to stay more days. We had to get out of there because of the Fact that it was our. He had more guests coming, so we had to get out of there. So we had to go. We had no money. We had to go stay somewhere. We literally stayed. I, I, I mean, I. We stayed at some hotel. Motel wasn't a hotel. We had to find a place that was dirt cheap. The. The shower and the toilet were in the same thing. The toilet was in the shower. I'm not joking. So I have paid my dues, and now I do get to sit there. And now we. So now that you said that, now I feel entitled and angry. Yeah. And justified in my anger because now you guys, you guys never had to. Could you imagine me walking up to one of those people taking photos? Have you ever had to stay in a place with a toilet in the shower? Yeah. Now get out of here. Give me your phone.
[24:14]
B
Actually, ma', am, I literally have 12,000 followers, and some months I make up to five to six hundred dollars on Instagram, so. No, ma', am, I actually don't know what that's like.
[24:27]
A
Actually, she makes five or six hundred bucks. Good for her. Because I don't.
[24:31]
B
Yeah, you do.
[24:32]
A
No, I don't. Not on Instagram. I have been on Instagram earlier this year.
[24:38]
B
If you, if I had, like, a good post, they'd give me like 100. $200 for a good post.
[24:43]
A
I know. Thanks. Really, what happened after that? I don't know. And also, when was the last time you posted?
[24:50]
B
Oh, it's been months. But when we do our. Our winter Advent calendar thing, it's the best content we have. Sometimes millions and millions of watches in Instagram gives us $00 because there's alcohol in it, so they won't pay us anything. Drinking.
[25:06]
A
Yeah, I'm sure there's a way to monetize Instagram, even for me, and I don't.
[25:13]
B
Don't have the energy.
[25:15]
A
Anyway, Beckett, Esperanza, you guys don't know the beautiful song that John had AI write for me? For what?
[25:25]
B
Help, bro. I help wrote it.
[25:27]
A
I know, I know, because it's very detailed. It talks about how we met and everything. Anyway, so I. So you're saying watch the Burning man documentary. Are you saying don't?
[25:39]
B
No, I would definitely watch it. It'll make. It'll make sure you never, ever go,
[25:43]
A
well, I'm not go.
[25:45]
B
If these people. It's like their life.
[25:48]
A
No. And then I know, like, I kind of know the culture a little bit, so I. But maybe I should watch it just to. Maybe I can.
[25:55]
B
I think you'd like it.
[25:56]
A
Just learn and just learn more about, like, the way it's changed. I mean, it's obviously changed so much since. Since I went, you know, in my 20s.
[26:03]
B
Oh, no, it looks pretty terrible now. It starts off whether or not they're going to cancel the 2021 because they have to cancel 2020, and they're going to decide whether or not they have to cancel 2021 because of COVID So right off the bat, in your show that talks about COVID now, it's kind of a turn off. I just don't want to. I don't want to relive it.
[26:22]
A
No, I know. I feel like. I feel like that. It's just. It's. It's. We don't want to go back to that. We don't want to think about it. So anyone that wants to write stuff that takes place or documentaries that take place during that time, you just like. No, it was. It's. We're. We're. We're out of it. We don't want to be back in it.
[26:44]
B
With the Portland pickles, we were selling a bunch of merchandise during COVID That's basically how we stayed afloat. We. We ended up breaking even that year, which is amazing. Didn't lay off one employee. Everyone got paid everything. Because we basically became a merchandise company during COVID And when we would put pictures up of, like, of our merchandise on the website, anything where someone was wearing a mask wouldn't sell because people were just sick of seeing any of it. So if we had, like, a model, a model with, like, just no mask on, it would sell. If a mask on people was like, I don't even want to look at it. And there wasn't any kind of, like, political thing. There's. People are sick of even looking at people.
[27:20]
A
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
[27:24]
B
Okay, hold on. One more note. One more note that I wrote down here while you were talking.
[27:28]
A
Okay.
[27:28]
B
About reading for pleasure on your own.
[27:32]
A
Yeah.
[27:32]
B
So far this year, August, I've read 34 books so far this year.
[27:38]
A
Really?
[27:39]
B
Yeah. Because Kindle Takes has like, a stat thing. So I've read 34 books so far this year.
[27:44]
A
I need to look at my stat thing. I feel like I haven't read as much as I usually do so far this year, but I might be surprised. But now I need to look.
[27:51]
B
It might be a little bit padded because that's like seven or six short stories in there.
[27:57]
A
Right. You know what I did?
[27:59]
B
So it's a little padded.
[28:00]
A
You know what I noticed on Goodreads the other Day which were on there. The book list is on Goodreads if you want to follow us. I need to be more active on there. But I went on there the other day because I hadn't been active and I'm like, oh, yeah, we have some follow requests, this and that, update some statuses. And it said like, currently reading like five or six books. And I was like, why does it say I'm currently reading five or six books? And I realized because it's a couple that I started and was like, eh, it's not doing anything for me. Oh, and, and, and I won't. I'm not a do not finisher. We know this about myself, but I am at the point where if I start something and it doesn't grab me pretty quickly, I'm just like, I don't have time. I got, I got too much reading to do. Right. And I want to. So. So it said I'm currently reading a lot of books that I was like flipping through it. I'm like, wait, what? I don't even remember that I am reading what.
[28:49]
B
I also noticed with Kindle, sometimes, like when you read the book and it's done and it actually says like 95% of the book is done because they'll have like notes about the author.
[28:58]
A
Right.
[28:59]
B
Questions.
[29:00]
A
Yeah, you have to like, mark it as.
[29:01]
B
Yeah, it won't market as finished until you go all the way to the end.
[29:06]
A
Yes, yes. That's Which I kind of find annoying. I think it should be. It should say last page. It should show you red because then. Because then you open it, you go, wait, I thought I finished that book. And you did. And it. But it's at like acknowledgments or something. Yeah, but. Okay, Kindle, if you're listening, that's our. That's our flaw.
[29:25]
B
But that's a lot of books, Jenner. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gna start calling a Kindle. Kindle Jenner.
[29:32]
A
Okay.
[29:33]
B
Big Papa John reading his Kindle. Gender. Gender.
[29:42]
A
I am writing this down though, Kindle Jenner as the title of this episode. So thank you for giving me a title for the episode because that's. Oh, that's usually the thing I struggle with the most when it comes. It was going to be Big Papa John, just so you know, but now it's Kendall Jenner.
[29:58]
B
Like it.
[29:59]
A
But I might just in the description say Big Papa John talks about. About Burning Man. Okay, let's do, let's do one topic that's pulled from the book.
[30:09]
B
So we're gonna start the Episode now. You ready to start the episode now? 31 minutes in.
[30:14]
A
No. It's been super fun and I enjoy all of this. And we're still. We're talking about books, we're talking about things people want to watch. But let's do one topic pulled from the book, and you have quite a few that we know. Is there one favorite that you think that would, you know, round out this episode for us?
[30:32]
B
Maybe the one topic that came up because there's so much, like, scary stuff that happens in this book. Things that you're terrified about. Is there something that you were irrationally afraid of as a kid? My brother. Here's my brother. My brother was terrified of the wind.
[30:50]
A
Oh.
[30:50]
B
And terrified of dogs. Dogs in the wind. He was terrified as a kid, really of dogs. And we grew up in the windiest place in the history of the world, Saskatchewan, say.
[31:01]
A
And you didn't have dogs?
[31:03]
B
We had. We had dogs, but we had like shih Tzus. They were like, this is like the really cute cats is what they were.
[31:10]
A
Right. So was he scared of them?
[31:14]
B
No, but scared, like, big dogs. Here's the thing. Whenever, once in a while, I was
[31:20]
A
still scared of big dogs. But I love dogs.
[31:23]
B
I delivered papers as a kid. 120 newspapers, every fricking morning for five and a half years, like, until I was in high school, because it was the best job for, like, an athlete because I always have to go to, like, practice after school, but in the morning I could get it done. So it was like my main source of income from the time I was like 11 till I was like 16.
[31:42]
A
Right.
[31:42]
B
And I can tell you in five and a half years, I probably got bit seven or eight times by dogs. I got bit about at least once a year.
[31:56]
A
Wow.
[31:58]
B
Yeah. You know what every owner, what every dog owner says right before they get bit, someone gets bit, don't worry, he doesn't bite right into your frickin calf.
[32:12]
A
Was it ever anything that you had to go to the hospital for?
[32:15]
B
No, it broke. I had a bad one on my calf. This little girl I went to school with, Kathy McKinnon, her dog bit me on the ankle calf. Then there's one this old. This old couple, their dog used to bite me all the time. It was a freaking goal. Not a golden retriever. It was. What are like those police dogs called? German. German shepherds. Bit me right on the freaking forearm. And then when I have to go there to collect money, he'd just bite me all the time. Oh, yeah, it sucked.
[32:45]
A
But they're I know they're just being protective. I love German shepherds. They're just being protective. But yeah, you can't, you gotta make sure they don't bite people. You gotta be careful.
[32:54]
B
Yeah. The number one, the number one responsibility of a dog owners to make sure your dog doesn't bite people.
[32:59]
A
So. But Steve, your brother was just scared of the wind and dogs in general.
[33:04]
B
The wind and dogs, yeah.
[33:06]
A
Did you have an irrational fear as a kid?
[33:09]
B
My fear as a child was being kidnapped because they were, they scared the out of us in the 80s about kidnapping. Yeah, we had this.
[33:17]
A
As they should have by the way. And they still should.
[33:20]
B
I, I but should they? How, how many kids get kidnapped by just a random person? One out of a million?
[33:28]
A
No, a lot kidnapping.
[33:31]
B
Most kidnappings happen within the family.
[33:34]
A
Okay, well then you should still be scared of kidnapping in within your own family.
[33:38]
B
You shouldn't make a kid so terrified that he can't sleep at night for something that one in a million chance that happened.
[33:44]
A
Well no, but I'm just saying, I mean I still see videos.
[33:46]
B
There's a difference.
[33:48]
A
Fending off kidnappers as adults, even having to right now. Like people can get kidnapped.
[33:55]
B
I'm just saying people can get kidnapped. But I'm just saying it's like a one in a million chance of a kid getting kidnapped by, by just a complete random source. Not like a father in a custody battle or a grandparent or. Most kidnappings happen like within the family.
[34:10]
A
Okay. I don't know. This is math.
[34:11]
B
It's math.
[34:13]
A
Okay, but no, I, right now. But laying in bed at night worrying about stressing about it is of course not what you want. I understand what you're saying.
[34:21]
B
And so the, the local department store in Canada, Norman V Mall. For my Regina people out there, the biggest department store was called Zellers. Canadian company gone now. It was kind of like a 1980s Walmart. They kind of had a little bit of everything terrible food court. And so in the very back, right by the bathrooms, they had a corkboard and the whole cork board was filled of kids from Saskatchewan that were kidnapped full. And then they'd have, then they'd have those like oh, kidnappers.
[34:55]
A
Oh, see, so it was full of kids. So there was a lot of them
[34:59]
B
mostly kidnapped by family members.
[35:01]
A
Okay.
[35:01]
B
So there'd be like a picture of the kid like 7, like they, they're the 32 now. This is probably what they look like. And it was like some like this is before like computers and stuff. And so it was like some sketch Artist be like, oh, this kid probably looks like this now. And it terrified the living shit out of me. When I go up there, all these kids are gone.
[35:21]
A
Yeah, that.
[35:21]
B
It terrified me.
[35:23]
A
Yeah.
[35:24]
B
And then there was always in my school.
[35:26]
A
You want to scare you just enough to be cautious, but not so that you can't ever sleep again. Right. That's what I want. We need to find.
[35:33]
B
My whole life. I took everything too seriously. Everything was like, you know, the world was coming down and so there'd always be. It seemed like so many times we have the announce. They'd read the announcements at the start of school. They'd be like, we have seen a white van in the area trying to lure kids in with kittens and candy. If you see a white van, please run to the nearest adult. And that fucking announcement came on like five times a year, I swear to God. So there's like some guy in a white van in our area who just nabbing kids up, apparently. Well, I never heard of anyone. I literally didn't hear one kid from my school of 800 kids ever getting kidnapped. But it was. It was like pushed down our throat once every two months for nine years, I'll tell you. Thanks a lot, Regina. You guys terrified me.
[36:25]
A
Kittens and candy would get me right now. That would probably get me in a van.
[36:30]
B
That's what my. That's what my autobiography is going to be called, Kittens and Candy.
[36:36]
A
I can't. It's funny because I can't really think of one as a kid, even though I know I have them, but I have a couple of. Well, this one I've always had, actually, so that I would probably say it as a kid too, but I've had it for a very long time. John gets angry when I say it, but I. I have a fear of getting stabbed to death. Very, very, very scared. Why is it funny?
[36:57]
B
Because once again, it's one of those things that happens, like one out of every 50 million people. A million people. 10 million people.
[37:06]
A
Okay.
[37:07]
B
How many people a year in LA? Well, that's not me.
[37:11]
A
Yeah, let's not go there. But just in general. And also, I mean, I don't want to make light of this because we have dear friends that actually had a horrible attack on them. But. But I. I had. Have always had a rational fear of being stabbed to death. Just I. To the point where. One point I said to John that I thought maybe I was Sharon Tate in a former life, and he got mad at me. And then we never talked about it again.
[37:39]
B
Yeah, I'm a big fan of science.
[37:42]
A
Okay. Anyway, so I. Let me have my fun. So I go ahead. I haven't arrested.
[37:49]
B
It sounds like so much fun,
[37:52]
A
but I do. It just. It just seems like, of course, a horrible way to go everything. And I don't know what it is, but so. But I don't know why it's always in my mind. So I do have a fear about that. Okay, would you quit moving around? It makes so much noise. Olivia, I'm so sorry. This is me speaking to our editor. She's, like, probably screaming right now at the computer. No, she's not moved. Well, I don't. I don't know, whatever you do. And made a lot of noise in the microphone. Anyway, we'll just keep all this in so you guys can just hear us yell at each other. It's fun. My fear of getting stabbed to death might come true tonight. No. Stabbed to death. And then. And then I have. Now I have. I have one very strange fear. Every time I get out of a car at a parking meter and there's a car coming, I always think, think, what if I tripped getting out of my car and then that car ran over my head?
[38:48]
B
Oh, that's a bad one.
[38:50]
A
It's pretty specific. But I think about it a lot, to the point where I wonder, is that how I'm gonna go? Is that some, like, some fatal destination that I'm. I don't want. I'm not trying to manifest getting my head run over. It sounds awful, but I. Every time I get out of a car, I think, ooh, what if I, like, tripped right now and that car's coming, and so maybe I should stop getting out of cars when cars are coming.
[39:15]
B
You know what I really hate in la, but the meters, is people get out of the driver's side door and they just open their door right into Ventura Boulevard.
[39:24]
A
Well, they wouldn't if they had.
[39:25]
B
This car is gonna get. That's how your door handle is gonna get ripped off. Your whole door is get ripped off. Because I'm driving and I just open your door without looking in the rear view mirror.
[39:34]
A
Well, there's usually enough room if you park correctly. Usually. But I still think, what if I get out and then. Yeah, and maybe I'm trying to get out carefully because I don't want to open my door, too. And then. Oh, no, I trip and then squish like a watermelon. My head's gone.
[39:49]
B
You know where. You know where you're getting this from? Your mother, because she always thinks she's going to trip and fall somewhere. I think that's. That's literally how she thinks she's going to die.
[39:58]
A
Well, she. Yes, she. Because she worked in a funeral home. So she knows that the statistics are high. That most old people that. Or people of eight, people that are older pass away from complications from falling. Right. So she does know that. And so she comes here. Oh, we got it. We had to put.
[40:15]
B
She can't do connecting flights because she'll be in the airport and then she'll probably fall in the connecting flight. Getting so connected flights will fall.
[40:21]
A
She said she was like, I don't like to take connecting flights because if I have to hurry, then I might trip and fall. And I'm like, what are you talking about? It doesn't even really.
[40:31]
B
Like what? Like it.
[40:33]
A
She.
[40:34]
B
What? She's in her mid-70s and she's in great shape. I don't think she's ever fallen before. But she's obsessed with falling.
[40:41]
A
She is obsessed with falling. I know where, I know it comes from working in the funeral home, but it is. And I understand what she's saying, but she acts like, you know what I mean? I was talking about this with Chris Franjola on the COVID to cover podcast the last week. I was like, she acts like you just, you know what I mean, you stand up and then you're just like, oh, I just fell over. Like, I. John just got up and walked away. In case anyone's interested,
[41:07]
B
I didn't walk away.
[41:08]
A
Now you're back. No, but yeah, she actually, you know, she's just gonna fall over. And I understand being more cautious that you, like, you start to lose a little balance maybe as you get older and there are complications when you do. She's also like not brittle. She's not right. There's. There's just a lot of factors that play into. But you're right. Maybe that's where I get my irrational fear. I. I've had it long before she started talking about falling, but I've had it for a long time. And then my other one. Can I give you one more?
[41:40]
B
Yes, of course.
[41:42]
A
Is this maybe not be that irrational, considering it happens all the time? Like break ins happen all the time.
[41:49]
B
Oh yeah.
[41:50]
A
But broken into. Not really concerned about being broken into and what. Right. I mean, I should say. I shouldn't say that, but I just mean my concern about being broken into is that my cats get out.
[42:04]
B
Right?
[42:05]
A
My concern is they break. They break in, they leave a door open, they break some windows or something. My cats get out now. I think they're all such scaredy cats that they'll just be under everything hiding and, but that's. For some reason I have an irrational fear about that.
[42:20]
B
I don't think if, if, even if the door is open, like our cats don't run towards it.
[42:26]
A
No, they don't.
[42:27]
B
Like if something happened and they, someone just broke in and like left like a, a window open, I don't think they'd leave.
[42:35]
A
I don't think so. But also if they're scared, spooked out by these strangers in the house, they might look for a way out.
[42:42]
B
Oh, right. That's a good point. But I, I just run in.
[42:46]
A
Thanks for confirming it. Thanks for confirming it.
[42:49]
B
No, no, no. I just think they'd run and hide. I don't think they would bust out.
[42:54]
A
Okay, thank you. Thanks for calling me that one. But you do think I might get stabbed to death and, or my head might get run over like a watermelon?
[43:02]
B
I think the, the odds of either of those things happening are very extreme. Especially you falling out of the car onto the pavement right when it comes. Yes. Like how many, how many times have you ever fallen out of your car?
[43:15]
A
Doesn't matter. It's going to happen.
[43:16]
B
No, I know. How many times have you fallen out of your car?
[43:19]
A
Zero so far. Like the one time I do is when my house.
[43:23]
B
You've been getting in and out of cars for, since you were 2 or 3 years old, you've never done it. So we're talking like probably a hundred, a few hundred thousand times and it's never happened.
[43:33]
A
I bet I fell a couple times as a kid and I know, I don't remember it. Mike. Once cousin, my cousin one time when we had a pop up trailer in a pop up tent and so, and so the, the old, like old school one. So the old school, you popped it up and then like cloth basically just went around the beds.
[43:54]
B
Yep.
[43:54]
A
And you fall right out of those. Yeah. My cousin Jason, it was like, you know, it was like elastic basically that held it up. My cousin Jason one time was. I was basically, I think we were just like watching him or I was probably babysitting while we were camping or he was just hanging out with us, doesn't matter. But he was sleeping in our, in there and he rolled out
[44:17]
B
because like
[44:19]
A
he rolled and then basically the elastic gave.
[44:22]
B
They would, they would pop out and then they would like flip over on it. So like two wings on the side. And those were beds.
[44:28]
A
Yeah, yeah.
[44:29]
B
And they were just held on with literally like an elastic band.
[44:32]
A
Elastic.
[44:33]
B
Yeah, you just fall right the out.
[44:36]
A
Yeah. I've never seen anyone do it before, but one time I think. I think he was napping it there because I think we were all on the outside. We were all like sitting around a campfire, something, and he just comes flopping out. It was amazing. Oh, he hasn't been the same since. Okay, well, just kidding. He's the best. But it was really funny. I'm trying to remember if we. I think it was during the day. So yeah, I think he was napping. But anyway, poor scared the out of him, obviously. But he. He was okay. Thank God. But I mean, looking back. Unsafe. All right, well, this was fun and silly and we had a couple weeks of just silliness and fun. John and I like it. Especially with such a. Was such a dark book.
[45:24]
B
So it really is a dark book.
[45:27]
A
I know. Thank you.
[45:29]
B
Very, very good.
[45:30]
A
Yes. Thank you guys for being here. We will be back next week and join the book listeners on Facebook. You know, share your irrational fears. When I post the. That the episode is out in the comments. Tell us about your irrational fears and whatnot. You know, get. Get in the comments. And book lisp on Instagram. Patreon is $5 a month. Super fun. And we'll see you next week.
[45:54]
B
Bye.
[45:54]
A
The book list.
[45:55]
B
The book Lisp.
[45:57]
A
The book list.
[45:58]
B
The book lisp.
[46:00]
A
The book list.