← The Book Lisp with Jon Ryan & Sarah Colonna
The Book Lisp with Jon Ryan & Sarah Colonna
Seeking Revengeance
00:46:53
It's Week 3 of your June Book Lisp. With no spoilers until week 4, Jon and Sarah discuss topics inspired by this month's read, “Kill for Me, Kill for You” by Steve Cavanagh. Jon & Sarah discuss judging other people’s drink choices, whether the thought of revenge is more fun than the act of it, and their inability to tell a kid’s age. Plus, Sarah can hold a grudge, Jon’s friend can’t hold his liquor, and more. Enjoy!
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- [00:00]
A
Hi, I'm Sarah Colonna.
- [00:02]
B
And I'm John Ryan.
- [00:03]
A
And you're listening to the Book List. The Book List.
- [00:08]
B
The Book Lisp.
- [00:09]
A
Oh, that's right. You're listening to the Book Lisp. Hello and welcome to the Book Lisp with John Ryan and Sarah Colonna. What's up, John?
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B
You know, just kicking it out here.
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A
Kicking it in the living room.
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B
The kitchen.
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A
Yes, well, kitchen slash living room. John is. John's been in a little bit of pain for the last couple days. He hurt himself working out. Right. Your pelvis went out? Is that what you said?
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B
Yeah, it's a re. It's been a reoccurring thing for 25 years. So it just. My pelvis gets out of place, and it just. It feels like a bunch of pain in your lower back, and then it, like. Yeah, it sucks.
- [00:53]
A
It sucks. It's. Especially for someone as. As f. As. Well, it sucks for anyone. So I'm not gonna say it doesn't, but. And then I'll. And then last night, all of a sudden, my lower left side, I'm like, what the. My back's hurting. Now it's like I got a sympathy pain. Well, I know what happened. I did a leg workout Tuesday and then Wednesday. So we're just launching right in, talking about our aches and pains, and then we'll get onto the podcast. I did a leg workout Tuesday, and then Wednesday, I did. No. Is today Thursday?
- [01:26]
B
Yeah.
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A
Okay. Yeah, I did a leg workout Tuesday. Pretty heavy one to where my legs were sore. And then Wednesday, I did my jump Pilates. I like to follow. It's like. Because it focuses very much on glutes, which is a good thing to do a day after having a heavy leg workout. Just like a nice booty workout. And. And I didn't stretch because I had to go to an appointment right after. I just, like, jumped up and out of. Out of Pilates, and I didn't do, like. Usually we do this. You put your feet in the straps and your back gets a nice stretch and your legs get a nice stretch and all that. I didn't do it. And then I didn't do it when I got home, and then I drove to Silver Lake to watch my friend do her show, and that's it. I think I just fucked up because now I'm. Or I'm having sympathy pains for you anyway. Maybe. Maybe. Hi, guys. We are week three already of June, and we are talking about kill for me, kill for you. Well, we don't do any spoilers until week four. As you know, or if you're new here and don't know that. What we do is we pull some topics out of the book and we just have a fun conversation. But none of it will spoil any of the book for you. Or if you haven't even started reading it yet, doesn't matter. You get to listen to us. Just pull kind of some random things up. And then next week already will be the full discussion of Kill for Me, Kill for your by Steve Cavanaugh. We have a few people that don't even read along. They just listen to us talk about it. So I'll tell you what the book's about when we get there. But most people are reading it. And guys, I'll just. Once again, I'll say, Sarah. I'll say to myself, Sarah, you did good. Did good this month, right?
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B
I liked it. Yep. I'm here for it.
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A
You finished it, right?
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B
Oh, yeah.
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A
See, we don't. It seems odd, but we don't talk about the books until we actually do the review. Well, we'll have like a couple quick discussions, but nothing kind of like it. Did you like it? Just self validation that we need from each other. But I. We don't like. I don't like to talk about like deep thoughts on it until it's time. So we save that for you guys. If you're on Patreon. The short story is the Roommate by Andrea Mara. It's a very quick read. I got it for free on Amazon. I don't know how that works exactly. It's like a. I think it comes with prime. And then it said that I had to swap out like another short story to get it, but I got it for free. Or it's 99 cents.
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B
I don't understand. They make you swap out another story. It's not a real book. It's just like a digital thing in space.
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A
I know because it says they're borrowing
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B
it, but you have to borrow. You can only borrow one at a time. What the. Well, it's not real.
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A
I know.
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B
It's not even an actual book. And then I have to return it so no one else can read it. I know.
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A
I wonder if there's a world where they only make a certain amount of Kindle editions. I don't know. You'd think I'd know because I have my two books on Kindle, but I don't know. So. Andrea Mara, the Roommate. I read it last night in like half an hour. It's like 39 pages. I really liked it. It's gonna, it's actually had. It's one of those short, short stories that's gonna have us having like a bunch of discussions about other things, which I love. So we do those as videos on the 15th of every month on Patreon. And then on the 5th and the 25th we also just do random Patreon. Sometimes it discusses books, sometimes it just discusses what's doing in the colon Orion household. But it's only $5 a month. If you'd like to support us and our. Our recordings that way it's a great. It's a fun thing to do and, and then you can go back and re. Listen to everything we've done so far. But we do those as videos. You can either watch them or you can also just listen the way you normally do. And we. Are we reading for July again. John, remind everybody. I'm excited.
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B
Summer Sisters by Judy Blume.
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A
You know what I'm really excited about about that is a, Judy Blum's awesome B. I. I haven't, I haven't read it. I know a lot of people have read it that in our book listeners group on Facebook. If you join that. I know some people had read it, but they were just so excited to reread it because it's been a while. And I'm excited to read that when we go to Mexico, it feels like it's going to be fun.
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B
A real beach read.
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A
Yeah, I feel like I'm going to blow through it in a day or two by the pool.
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B
Yeah, it's a book from 1998, Judy Blume's first adult book that she wrote. And you know what does depress me, though, is whenever I read a book, I try to figure out how old those people would be now. So they're talking about, oh, what we were doing in the summer of 78, blah, blah. I wonder how old they are now. I'm like, oh, they're dead. Dead.
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A
The characters in the book, like the
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B
character's parents, the characters are probably still kicking around. Yeah. Yeah, they're still alive.
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A
Wow.
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B
I mean, these are fictional people, but that's just why I don't sleep at night.
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A
Well, way to bring it down. Mm. Yeah.
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B
You know what? I got a big weekend. I got a big weekend coming up, babe.
- [06:42]
A
Oh, yeah. Talk about it. John John's weekends. Well, it even started today because you're just excited about the World cup tomorrow.
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B
First World cup game, Mexico just played and they won.
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A
But tomorrow, Thursday, June 11, is when
- [06:56]
B
we're recording Canada plays at noon tomorrow And I'm going to be the Tipsy Cow. The second they open those doors, I'm sure there'll be no one else there, but I have to get my bar stool. I'm not. I don't think Canada's gonna have a big draw at the bar scene in la, but you never know.
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A
That is. Yes.
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B
I gotta go lay out my jerseys. And then tomorrow night is the USA plays. They play here in la.
- [07:18]
A
Yes. This is all in the. I know this comes out on Monday, so we're talking about the Friday before you guys hear this, but that's what. Actually. So I went today to get my nails done and my nail place is right next to Tipsy Cow, which is our local bar, if you guys haven't heard. And it sounded really busy.
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B
Yeah, well, Mexico is playing. So, like everything in town, they showed they had like something like 30,000 people at the Coliseum watching.
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A
Oh, wow.
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B
Just like watching on the screens. Like, I think there's been a ton of watch parties because there's such a Latin community here. So I think that the Mexico games might even be bigger here than the USA Games, in a way. We'll see tomorrow.
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A
Well, it's probably. I mean, for sure that. But don't you think it's also just excitement for the World cup in general?
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B
Oh, for sure. It's gonna be like. Yeah, it's so huge. If you're not a soccer fan, this is like the hugest thing in the world. And the fact that it's in North America, this is the very first time that three countries have ever hosted it together because some of the games are in Canada, some in the US and some in Mexico. There's 104 games and a lot of people say it's the equivalent to 104 Super Bowls. That's what a big deal it is. It's a five and a half week tournament and it's going to be so much fun. There's between two and four games on every single day. It's going to be amazing.
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A
Nice economy boost for the cities that are hosting it. The bars, the restaurants. You know, we're hoping for our local bar and whatnot, that we can get a seat, but that they get. But they get busy. So we'll probably have to head over there a little early.
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B
But the door is 11:30.
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A
Okay. Did you already. Didn't you already, like, make a reservation for next Thursday too, in Canada place next.
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B
Next Thursday is a six o' clock game. So even just. Even just the. If it's a regular day, it's packed. Tipsy cow at 6 o' clock after work.
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A
Right.
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B
So with the game on, I needed a reservation because it's gonna be the four of us, so make sure.
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A
Who's four? Me. You. Your friend from Canada.
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B
Yeah, I don't know if he's bringing his daughter with him or not. He's in town for his daughter's flag football tournament.
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A
Oh, okay. How old's she?
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B
Somewhere between 5 and 22, I think. I'm guessing. I'm guessing because my buddy would be 48. No, hell am I. Yeah, my buddy's 48 or 49, so I'm guessing his kids, like, high school age.
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A
Yeah. Is it a funny? Is it. It's so hard. Well, it's. It's hard to remember the ages of our friends. Kids sometimes, and you just feel like an absolute asshole. But I. And I also can't tell kids age. I can't.
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B
Yeah.
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A
I like the one that we were when we went to Cabo and you guys all heard the story, and we were on this family tried to hoodwink us into switching seats with them, but I was like, how old is this kid? How old is the kid? And I was like, I don't know. Mary asked me, my other podcast partner. She was like, how old was the kid? And I'm like, I don't know. Little hands, you know, little hands, high voice. That's all I got.
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B
We need like a. We need like a graph for these people that don't have kids. We need like a graph. Like diapers. If the kid's wearing diapers. Yes or no? You have like a flowchart if you have a diaper on. Okay, he's under two. Okay. Does he have a soother in his mouth? Okay, then he's also probably under one. Is he on his mom's tit? Okay. Probably around eight months. We go the whole flowchart. Oh, is the kid walking? Okay, he's probably this age. Is he carrying his own bag? Does he have a girlfriend? Okay. He's probably at least 13. You know what I mean? We just need a flowchart.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Just like some Cliff notes on how. How old we think these kids are.
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A
I put. I even put on my notes app, I put the years that, like, our close friends kids were born.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Yeah, And I did that. You know what else? I did that with our cats.
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B
Mm. Yeah.
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A
Because every once in a while I forget how old those fuckers are. And so I can look at my notes app.
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B
You know what's also hard? In California, we Live in California and it's a summer. Every day of summer. It's hard to like, have like an anchor point for dates. I talked to our acupuncturist about this and he's like, yes, men have a very hard time. Women don't have as hard time. Men have a very hard time living in California to anchor down dates because everything just runs into one another.
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A
Oh.
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B
And he said, women don't have as hard a time because they have their period once a month, which helps them anchor dates down.
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A
Well, what about when her period stops?
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B
Well, then you go on to the next one. It's a different period. It's a different period of time. But for me, like my whole, my whole life worked in like in, in four seasons. I had football season, then I had off season, then I had spring training season, went back and then I had summer for a month. So every year I could go back to the every. If I look like an anchor point, like, oh, what happened? Like, when did you and I met? Oh, we met in 2014 because it was right after the super bowl, which is 2013, so I can have anchor points to everything that happened until the last four years. And now I'm just like, I don't know even what day of the week it is.
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A
Okay, that makes more sense to me. Like that part about you having your career was split up into certain points, but I'm still trying to figure out the cause. I see what you're saying. Nevermind, I'm with you. I'm with you.
- [12:32]
B
In Canada, it was easier because we had, we had summer, then we had spring, then we had fall, then we had winter, and it kept on going around and around. So what every. Well, every year it looped all the way around. So it's easier to do different, anchor different events to different times.
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A
Yes, true. And here sometimes it's December and you're like, why is it so hot outside?
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B
82 degrees.
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A
Yeah, I have no complaints about that personally. But I, I'm just, just because I've. I've been to Canada and boy do I love it. And boy do I love the people. But no thank you on those winters, I can't do it any.
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B
For me, back where I'm from, winter's a brutal.
- [13:14]
A
Okay, so I think I said everything. Book lisp on Instagram, book listeners, Facebook group, Patreon. Five bucks a month. Super fun way to. The short stories are like my favorite thing. And then also like I said, we do other things on there too. And let's go. What kind of topics. Do you have to discuss this today about that you pulled out of Kill for me. Kill for you? Because I put you in charge. That while Mary and I were courting earlier.
- [13:40]
B
Okay. Well, at one point in the book, she goes. I think she's at a restaurant or a bar. A bar. And she orders a Bloody Mary in the evening. So I always think there's certain drinks you order at certain times during the day and with certain things that you eat. And it bothers me. I don't know why it bothers me. It's none of my fucking business. Do whatever you want. But, like, I was at Mastro's one time, and this woman's up at the bar, she ordered a steak, and she goes, and can I get a mimosa? Oh, that bothers me.
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A
At least it wasn't a Bloody Mary, because that seems too thick, you know, like trying to wash down a big bite of steak with, like, a big old thick Bloody Mary.
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B
But you. You have to, like, drink certain things at certain times of the day when it comes to alcohol.
- [14:27]
A
Yes. I think, listen, I'll have a Bloody Mary on an airplane and specific in the morning, specifically because they put them in those short glasses so there's not too much mix. And so I know that it's not going to be super thick. I know that it's going to be the right ratio of their.
- [14:48]
B
The.
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A
The tiny bottle of vodka that they put in there to Bloody Mary. You go order a Bloody Mary at a. At a bar on a Sunday, and they'll give you, like, this big old giant tall glass, and then what are you drinking? You're drinking tomato juice. And it's not about it needing to be stronger. It's about. It's too thick for me, people.
- [15:08]
B
Yeah.
- [15:08]
A
I can't. That doesn't. You never thought I'd heard say that. Oh, boy. You made me do your creepy laugh.
- [15:18]
B
Yeah.
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A
Thank you.
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B
Good. Okay. Did you know that in an airplane, when you hit 30,000ft, Bloody Mary starts to taste a little bit sweet? It changes the taste of it.
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A
Why?
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B
I don't know. I just read an article with something one day. I like to read. I don't.
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A
I don't think. I don't think that's. What do you mean? I don't think that's.
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B
Look it up. Can you look it up?
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A
Bloody Mary.
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B
Okay. Here's another thing about Bloody Mary I love. I usually love one good Bloody Mary on the weekend in the morning. One, sometimes two, but it's usually a one drink. But sometimes when you Go to a restaurant, too, they try to impress you with it. Okay, I want your best mix you can get and some vodka and some ice. Put it together. I don't need a vegetable salad on top of it. I don't need a slice of pizza or a cheeky little slider hamburger. I just want the drink. What?
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A
Yeah.
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B
I don't need a chicken wing through a spear and a carrot on it. Sometimes they're prepared.
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A
I'm just.
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B
I can't just throw that out. I just want. Give. Want the drink.
- [16:24]
A
We went to the. Remember the place in Spokane that we went to and they didn't. We. We talked about this before. I think they put a giant slice of pizza on top of your Bloody Mary. Like an actual.
- [16:34]
B
Like a full. A full slice.
- [16:37]
A
Full slice. I'm gonna try to find the photo and post it on.
- [16:40]
B
I think that place actually went.
- [16:42]
A
Yeah, well, yeah, you're. But we did go to a place in Austin that had. I remember. And they had like the little like. Like bunch of cheese, bacon. I mean, it was like. That was your brunch, but here. I just wanna. I just want to read something to you.
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B
Okay.
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A
Are you ready?
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B
Go ahead.
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A
AI says actually the opposite happens. That Bloody Mary won't taste sweeter on a plane because of the low pressure and loud noise of the cab. And taste sweetness drops. But the savory flavors of the tomato juice are significantly enhanced.
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B
Okay, there you go.
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A
But. So it said not sweeter, but then it tastes different. Yes. And then there's another article that says there's science. Hold on. This is from the New York Post. Very reliable. Bloody Mary may be great to take off. Tastes better at 30,000ft. This is the one. So this is. And it's exactly what that says. Sweetness is suppressed in noisy situations with the taste of umami. Rich foods like tomato juice, significantly enhanced. So it's more like. Yeah, so you were right. But not sweeter, but different. Different. And you were right. I'll just say you were right.
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B
I'll just. I'll just take it.
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A
Yeah. Anyway, go ahead, call her. Oh, so drinks? Yeah. Mimosa with a steak. Sounds. Just sounds like not right. I agree. There's. I will say there's also in this book, at one point, someone orders a vodka, she drinks. She makes it. Yeah, she makes a drink and she says, half vodka, half Pepsi. Now, I would prefer Coke, but a vodka diet. I like it, don't I?
- [18:31]
B
Yeah, you do. Sorry. When we went to the super bowl in San Jose, I feel like they were just like, so Over. Over. What's the word? All the servers. Just, like, they were bringing servers that weren't normally servers. They're bringing up overwhelmed. They're so overwhelmed that they had bartenders that were working their very first day as a bartender, especially at the teen facility where they had, like, 40 bartenders on. And I went up and I said, I. I'll get vodka Coke, vodka cranberry. She brought me a glass of coke, a glass of vodka, a glass of vodka, a glass of cranberry. Because, I mean, if you really think about it, if you don't really know, but I just said, vodka Coke, vodka cranberry. That is four drink orders. I think a bartender that's been doing it for longer than two days would know what I mean. Yeah, but she just brought me four separate drinks.
- [19:20]
A
I would think that she should have known, too. I mean, you're being very generous here, but okay, sure. Maybe she was just. Maybe she was just, like, scattered.
- [19:28]
B
It took me four attempts, and finally I got you your drink, and you took it back because there was too much Coke in it. So it took me a while.
- [19:36]
A
Yeah. Well, what was the. What's the. Oh, sorry, my brain just died. But vodka. Vodka, Diet Coke is a drink that I like, and that's what he was trying to order for me at the Super Bowl. I just thought you guys would want to know. Who else likes to drink vodka Diet Coke? Taylor Swift.
- [20:00]
B
Oh, Taylor Swift. At the basketball game last night, did you see her shirt that she wore? The basketball game?
- [20:07]
A
Yeah. Really funny. Yeah. I don't know. I just know that one time I ordered a. I made a vodka dye Coke, and I was in. We were in a hotel. Jackie was with me, my friend Jackie. And she was like, you're drinking vodka Diet Coke? And I said, yeah, this is kind of like my vodka apple juice thing. It's like, you can mix. You. Everyone does 7 up. Everyone does ginger ale. You do all these other sodas. Why can't I do a Coke? You do all the other juices. You do grapefruit juice, orange juice, whatever. Is there another juice? Why can't I do apple juice? Like, it's just. Just because I picked the one that you guys haven't thought of, and I made it cool. Um, but I. I was. I. I was pouring a drink out of the mini fridge, and I made my. The mini bar. I made a vodka and I poured some Diet Coke. She goes, are you drinking vodka, Diet Coke? I go, yes. She goes, why? Because Taylor Swift does. And I went, what? Uh, I didn't know that. But now it's even cooler that I do. Whatever. Anyway. Um, but I do agree with you that a blood and mimosa at night is. No, not a mimosa at night's fine, but mimosa with a steak is. Yeah, doesn't sound right.
- [21:17]
B
I. Mimosas, like before noon type of drink. I think I kind of overdosed because Marmalade had like the. The carafes of mimosas, and I kind of overdosed when we first moved here for the first three years or four years, and then I can't. Haven't had that many since. The thing is.
- [21:31]
A
And because they tasted like garbage. Yeah.
- [21:34]
B
Well, the champagne has to be like, ice cold. And the thing is, with the crap, by the end, you're getting to like a pretty much like a warm situation to drink that does not drink well. So I can make them at home, which I don't very often, but the champagne has to be like, ice cold.
- [21:47]
A
Yeah.
- [21:48]
B
Or the Prosecco or the sparkling white wine.
- [21:51]
A
I just don't like orange juice very much. I'll be honest. I'm not a big orange juice lady. I don't know. I don't like it when people drink glasses of orange juice. I think it's. I think it's aggressive. My dad used to.
- [22:04]
B
When's the last time you saw. I know. When's the last time you saw an adult just drink a glass of milk?
- [22:08]
A
My dad. My dad loved a glass of.
- [22:09]
B
My dad loves milk.
- [22:12]
A
He loves a nice glass of milk.
- [22:15]
B
You know what? You know what else is becoming more popular as a morning drink is an espresso martini. I've seen so many of these fricking kids, these 22 year olds. I feel like these 22 year olds, they come in now and they don't know what to order. They're not experienced drinkers, and they just say espresso martini.
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A
Because. Because it's like a popular. It's like when the Cosmo got popular from Sex in the City. Espresso martinis are popular.
- [22:40]
B
I talked to my buddy Matt, who's a professional bartender at a really nice bar or popular bar here in town, and he said this new generation, like the 21 to 25 year olds, they're very. They're very poor social skills, he says, because they're on their phone all day and they come in and he almost has to walk them through a drink order because they're just like, they're not drinkers. They want to come here because they want, like, especially that bar. They want like their Instagram moment at the bar. So they feel they have to order a drink and he has to, like, walk them through how to order a martini. Yeah, he says it happens every night. And he's not a patient man.
- [23:11]
A
No, but I. I do think. I think people think the espresso martini because it's like, oh, it's coffee. Like, that's why they think it's a morning drink. If you start in your day off with an espresso martini, I gotta tell you what, your day's gonna end pretty early.
- [23:25]
B
Didn't you go to breakfast once with Mary Rodzinski, and she ordered a martini at breakfast? And you're like, whoa.
- [23:32]
A
It was she. Yes. You guys know. If you don't know Mary from my other podcast or my podcast, she's the best. We were went. We went to. We were doing a show on a Sunday, and we're Usually. It's like, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. But this was a Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So we had a show on a Sunday. And I said, you know what? We only have one show tonight, 7pm Show. I go, let's make some fun out of having a Sunday show. Let's meet for brunch. And we never get to have brunch together. We usually take off both on set on Sunday and on Saturday. We have two shows that night. So never, like, going out for brunch and doing a whole thing. So. So I was like, whatever. It's one show. We can have, you know, a couple drinks at brunch at 1 o' clock and then do the show at 7. We'll be fine. Like, we have a lot of time in between. She's like, yeah. So we go and meet at this place. She. I think I ordered, like, a glass of Pinot Grigio, something like that, you know? And she goes, I'll have a dirty martini. And I go, what? And she goes, what? And I said, oh, I don't know. I'm like, no, whatever you want. She goes, no, no, no. That a no. That's crazy, right? And I was like, kind. I mean, it seems crazy, but. But I mean, okay, it just. In my brain, I was like, I think you're gonna. I think you're gonna regret that decision. And then she changed her order. And then I felt bad, like I shamed her. You shut up.
- [24:56]
B
You've been there. When we go on baseball trips, we just drank light beer all day, every day. And so it was one time. It was before I met you. We went on this trip to Arizona. There was like six or seven of us, like guys from Regina, like old farm boys from Saskatchewan type guys. Like big guys who all drink probably too much. So we go to baseball game in the afternoon. And there's this kid at the condo who. Our other friend, our friend Graham, who's a little bit older. He had this kid staying with him because he was trying to be a professional golfer or something. He's like 20.
- [25:24]
A
He's like.
- [25:24]
B
Or 21 because he was drinking. 21. Well, come to the game with us. So we're all drinking at the game and I said. I kind of like took him aside. Like, dude, like all these guys are like. They're big drinkers, you know what I mean? Like, don't feel like you have to keep up with anyone. Okay? Like, it's totally fine. Like, we're going out tonight, whatever. So we drink all night.
- [25:42]
A
He's.
- [25:42]
B
By the end of the night, he's just a mess. Comes and knocks on our door the next morning at 10 o'. Clock. All of us are sitting in the living room at 10 in the morning drinking Coors Lights. And he walks in, he goes, what the fuck is wrong with you guys? I'm feeling I'm gonna die. You guys are sitting here drinking Coors lights at 10:00am like, yeah, we're going to a baseball game in an hour, buddy. Of course we are.
- [26:01]
A
Oh, that's funny.
- [26:02]
B
So there's not. At spring training, there's no wrong drink. There's no. Nothing wrong with drinking in the morning.
- [26:08]
A
No, it's like. It's like an airport. It's like. It's. It's a. Different rules. Okay, we can move on from that topic. What was your. Oh, you had another. You had another good one picked out.
- [26:23]
B
I don't know which one you want. Do you want the one that. Have you ever. Have you ever. Have you ever fantasized about getting revenge on someone?
- [26:29]
A
Oh, yeah, Come on. I mean, all the time. Period.
- [26:38]
B
Yeah. Yeah, I know. I almost. I never do.
- [26:43]
A
No, I never do either, but I would. I. Fantasizing about revenge. Like, she. I mean, obviously in this book, there's the whole plot. The whole plot of the book is about someone getting. I wouldn't say revenge as much as vengeance. Probably. Right. Well, both. Is there a difference? There is. Right. Isn't vengeance almost like vengeance definition? Like vengeance is the act of inflicting harm or punishment on someone in retaliation for an injury or wrong. And, you know, like someone did something really bad and so. And she wants them to pay. That's like vengeance. Whereas revenge it can just. I don't know, maybe there's not difference. I'm going to put in versus revenge. This is just me Googling things, but I feel like vengeance is almost like more justifiable says. While revenge and vengeance both refer to inflicting harm, vengeance is a broader, more severe concept of retribution often driven by a passionate, sweeping desire for justice. Yes.
- [27:47]
B
Like, you know, in movies, like I will avenge your death.
- [27:50]
A
Right. Like this is. She's trying. She's vengeance for somebody doing something horrible. Whereas, like sometimes you want to get revenge on someone just for like cutting you off with a stop sign. Right, That's. I guess that's what my brain is thinking. But yes, I have fantasized constantly about revenge. I don't do it. And I think it's healthy to have a good dose of like a fuck you in your brain. But it would never really do anything right. Like for me it's more. Oh, I mean, I'll still never forget this. In fact, one of our friends. I'll tell you this later because I don't want to name names, but one of our friends is friends with a person who I have on my like fu list. And I've had it on my fu list. Had this person, my fu list since like my 20s. And it was a casting director, I
- [28:45]
B
think I know this.
- [28:47]
A
And I. This person, I went into audition for something and they call my agent and just like shit on my appearance. Just shit on my appearance. And it was.
- [29:01]
B
Didn't you just come out of the rain or something?
- [29:02]
A
It was storming. It was. Yes, it was a. It was one of the few days it rains in Los Angeles. It raining. It was raining windy and. And this is when you went. I mean, this is a long time ago. So even when I went for auditions, it was like I was nobody. So I would. You would. You would park like at the entrance to Warner Brothers and then your audition would be at a loft in the fucking. On the other side of the lot. And there's nobody taking you and you're. So I walked in the rain for like 25 minutes. I mean, I had an umbrella, but you know. That doesn't do much for you and that. Anyway, so I was. I was wet a little bit. Kind of thought everybody would be. That went in that day that parked where I had to park.
- [29:55]
B
In the rain.
- [29:56]
A
Yeah. Anyway. But I wasn't. I mean, it's not like I came. It's not like I. I did have an umbrella. Anyway, it doesn't matter. And it was windy. I think We've all seen what my hair looks like I did myself. I did the best to get in the bathroom and touch myself up from my trek across the lot, but basically just called and said that I looked messy when I came in. First of all, I never looked like. I don't go to anything looking messy. So obviously this was like an extreme circumstance and I know what I look like. It's not like I didn't come in and dirty clothes and I looked nice, but I look like I just walked 20 minutes in the, in the rain to get to his office, that's all. And like I said, did my best to. And I think we've all seen my hair. Once it, Once the rain hits, sometimes it's hard for me to fix it in a lot as best I can. But anyway, I just remember, I think his words were, she looks like the wind just blew her in. And I was like, well they. It did, it did. And I'm not even, I'm not even defending myself. I'm telling you, it wasn't, it wasn't crazy. I just looked like everyone else that sat down there. But I guess he just had like a personal. He just didn't like me, I think. But I was like, okay. Did he say anything about my acting? Was there one fucking word about my acting, about my audition? No, no, nothing. Just thought my hair looked like shit that day basically. And I was like, awesome. Fuck that guy. And look how mad I am again. So, yeah, some people are still on my. I would fantasize about like getting a show. I mean when I say would fantasize, still do. But like getting a show and that person wanting to cast it.
- [31:49]
B
Yeah.
- [31:50]
A
And me calling their office the next day. They're people, I guess you just call them and telling them like I just didn't. I thought you just kind of looked like the wind just blew you in.
- [32:07]
B
You stay put on your back pocket for a decade and a half, two decades now.
- [32:12]
A
And then there's a couple other people like that that have been like rude to me in the standup or acting world. Like colleagues. People that are supposed to be my colleagues and that, you know, a couple people that big time to me before I did anything and a couple people that have big timed me since that I would like I've had that feeling of just sort of just, just them wanting to do a job on something I'm working on and me just having the ability to not give it to him. But honestly, if they were really good, I probably would, I probably wouldn't Even keep any of this revenge. But it's just like my fantasy if they were super mean or shitty or did something gross, obviously. But anyway, boy, did you bring up revenge and did I start it in. Yeah. What about you?
- [33:02]
B
I think I just have like little like. I think when I used to be like on Twitter all the time, I'd be people. I'm like, oh, people just, you know, especially on Twitter. The biggest shit talking people when you're an athlete is teenage boys. They talk shit all. They think they're so fucking cool. Maybe college loop college boys into that too. And you're just like, dude, I'm in the NFL. You're the backup safety on a shitty high school team in Tex. Or in Buffalo, right? And then I'd be like, oh, I'm gonna like follow this kid's whole career until he's like 40. Just every year. Just like, did you make the NFL yet? Did you make the NFL yet? Hey. September 11, 2004. I haven't seen your name on NFL Rost. September 11, 2005. Oh, sorry. I'm still looking for you. I can't find. That's my, my. In my head. I'm just gonna do it. I'm just gonna. With someone for the next 40 years. I don't.
- [33:50]
A
Of course, of course not. But, but I think it's fun to think about.
- [33:53]
B
It was always. Yeah, it was always in my head. But when I played for the Green Bay Packers, I had like one okay season. I had like a really good season my second season and I just had like a one bad game. We ended up losing the NFC championships. Go to training camp the next year. I'm the only punter there. I'm the last year of my contract. I think I would have like obviously make the team, everything. And the coach didn't. The stress team coach didn't really like me. And he had this little, this little fricking assistant coach and he basically went to bat for someone else to be on the team. And even that, you know, there's like, I don't know. So he's like, no, I want someone else. So they cut me. Even though, even though the club was mixed on whether or not they should keep me, they cut me because of this guy. Even fast forward two years ago, Mike McCarthy said, this is two years ago, 18 years after it happened, Mike McCarthy in a press conference said it was a huge mistake that he cut me. And he goes, that's why he's the punter so, so quickly anymore because of that. So this guy Cut me. Goes with the punter that he wanted this. I won't say his name because he played for four years. That's hard to do in the NFL. They end up cutting him after 10 games because he was awful. So they get another punter, blah, blah. After the season, they. They fire him. Fire the coach. So I'm like, how to come an. So then the. The guy that was the assistant coach who kind of sucked too, he became the head guy. So we're playing them. He became the head assistant, the head special teams coach. So then a few years later, we're playing the NFC championship, and this guy we, like, we had this guy pegged all week, what he was, what kind of defense he was putting on. Field goal block. There's like, there's no way this guy could keep on doing this terrible rush. This coach. Why you keep on sense. And so we picked that. And I picked up the ball and scored a touchdown, threw a touchdown pass, and he got fired after that game. So I basically got both of them fired. And that was nothing I take lightly because that's a big deal. Gets fired in the NFL because you have to uproot your whole. But I was like, karma's a. Yeah, I just got my revenge on both of you.
- [35:59]
A
Yeah. And you didn't even do anything. You just did it by continuing to play and living your best life.
- [36:04]
B
But that. That's the best kind of revenge.
- [36:06]
A
I know. I know. Because in my. Even in my fan dumb fantasies, I'm like, really? And really, it's just like, I'll just keep working hard and proving myself and getting jobs and, like, that's the only, like, quote unquote revenge I need. Right? I mean, I'm. Because it's not even. It's just. I mean, no one's gonna get fired on my end. Like. Like, for you, you know, for you, you worked a career where it was like, people are gonna get fired for fucking up cutting you and for fucking up having to play against you later when you did something amazing. But in my world, you don't really. Nobody really gets fired for. I think, like, when I got. It bit my. When I got. When I got insatiable, there was a couple agents at my agency that had passed me off to other agents and then tried to get a piece of that show because they were like, well, I rep. And they were like, no, no, no. You said you didn't want to work with her anymore. You said, oh, she hasn't really booked anything. You guys can blah, blah, blah. So you don't get a piece of this. This is our, we booked her on this, like we submitted her for this. She got, you know, I mean, I got the job, but you know what I'm saying. So those things are kind of like a little bit of, I guess, satisfaction in those. I don't know how to ever get it from the, the casting director. When I was in my early 20s.
- [37:40]
B
Yeah. I think back like just like playing football when I was younger, playing sports, like people would like talk on me or whatever and then I'm like, yeah, but then I went and played in the NFL and you did nothing.
- [37:52]
A
Yeah, the social media thing, like wanting to like you said, I mean it would be absolute, it would be absolutely hilarious and slight and incredibly psychotic to just follow somebody for all those years. But the, it is a lot of times. And also sometimes it's like grown ass men or women, like grown ass adults who pop off and say the most horrendous things. And I mean, I know some people that'll like. I know people that have gone and, and looked up those people found where they worked on LinkedIn and then like sent when they've said awful things like homophobic things or slurs and they'll send it to their boss and see this.
- [38:33]
B
I actually like that.
- [38:35]
A
I think it's, I don't think there's anything, I mean, I know that we have, you know, I know that when you're like, they didn't say it at work, but if they work, I don't know, say they're a teacher or something. Yeah, right then. And then they're going in people's DMs and calling them like God awful racist names or whatever. Yeah, fuck you. I mean, it's like, here's the thing,
- [38:56]
B
it's like if you go home at night and you are homophobic and misogynistic and racist, you don't wake up the next morning, go to work for eight hours and you're no longer that thing. All those thoughts are still in your head, just ready to come out at any given second. And if I'm a boss, I don't want you working for me. Or if I'm an owner of a business, I don't want you working for me.
- [39:15]
A
Yeah.
- [39:17]
B
You say, yes, you can do whatever you want in your own time, but
- [39:21]
A
doesn't mean there's freedom from consequences.
- [39:23]
B
That's right.
- [39:26]
A
I'm trying to think if there's any other cases where I felt like, Like wanted to have. I've never really wanted like quote unquote revenge on an ex or anything like that. I'm sort of, I'm. I. I feel like there's a little bit something not wrong with me, but I'm a little bit of an extreme where it's just when it's done, it's done. I'm not saying that I don't have. I mean obviously this is all very much in the past, so maybe that's why it's easy to say it now. But I always was someone who was like when it was over, it was. I wasn't trying to be your friend. I mean there's a couple people that I wanted to get back together with or, or had on and off again thing with like relationship wise. But if once the, once I was, I was done with the relationship, I didn't have any. Like, oh, I hope this, I run into this person and they see me doing this or I hope this person, you know, gets their heart broken or I hope that I just, I mean didn't give a shit once, once I was done done. If that makes sense.
- [40:33]
B
I never, I've never given a shit about that. I'm always like, I don't want anything to be bad happen to someone. I want them to be successful or whatever. But I will say there was one time when you and I started dating. Not even started. We were together for like three or four years and this company brought you in to be like the headline speaker comedian at their conference. And my ex girlfriend was at the conference. I'm just like, I kind of won.
- [41:02]
A
I know that was so I. And I knew what she looked like so I was like oh hey when I saw her. But yeah, that was. Well, because that, that was another one where it's like sometimes people like the last ex that I had before you and I met, we were on again, off again for a while. But then I was single for a very long time after that. But I don't. He was maybe one of the worst boyfriends possible to me for a very long. For a large portion of our relationship. Not the whole time, but for a decent amount of it. Not very supportive, a little shady. But even then I was like once we broke up, I was like, I hope you find a. Someone who puts up with your, you know, who doesn't care that you Facebook every girl that you've ever met live to every pot. Yeah, I mean I hope you. I hope. Right. I mean I truly. And I didn't want kids and eventually he said he wanted kids. I was like, and I hope you have a baby. I think he did. I know he did, Mike. I hope you find out. I don't. I got no ill will here. But your ex, I had ill will for, but not. Not. I didn't want. I didn't want anything bad to happen to her or revenge on her, but she just was so like you. I know you very well. You would never cheat. You're not shady. You're very honest. In fact, I think you tried everything you could to make it work with that person. And. And you guys had grown up, like, you'd been friends for a long time, so you would try to be very careful with the way you handle things. And she just acted very immature afterwards.
- [42:41]
B
Yeah.
- [42:43]
A
And so that's why I think we thought it was a little bit funny when she had to go to a conference. And I was like, basically their entertainment, that they paid me several thousand dollars to stand up and be funny. And I. And, you know, she was probably like, oh, awesome. I felt a little bad about it, but not really. Felt like, get on, like, whatever. Yeah. Because wasn't that the one that, like, you went home and then someone. One of her friends, like, came up to you at a bar?
- [43:16]
B
Yeah.
- [43:17]
A
Nobody knows who we're talking about, so we can talk about this, right?
- [43:21]
B
Oh, sure.
- [43:22]
A
Yeah. John was home one Christmas time.
- [43:27]
B
No, it was. It was like after the super bowl or something. After the second super bowl or something. No, you weren't there, so it was after. It wasn't at Christmas. Oh, right.
- [43:36]
A
It wouldn't be Christmas time because he wouldn't go home then.
- [43:38]
B
But it was like after the Super Bowl. After the super bowl, we lost. I went there for a speaking engagement.
- [43:43]
A
Oh, speaking engagement. That's why you were home. So I didn't go. He was there and, like, one of his friends came up. One of her friends came up to. First of all, John and I have been married. We're married. He hasn't been with this girl for years. Years. I mean, and she's a grown woman. And one of her friends came up to John at a bar and basically, like, tried to chew you out.
- [44:06]
B
Yeah.
- [44:07]
A
I mean, it's just so. And I'm like, for what? For. For the relationship not working out. You guys were all adults here. I mean. And, I mean, it's not like we. You were single. You guys were not. You guys had been broken up for a long time before I met you. But it just. It was very strange. I. I just feel like, you know, going up to a bar and chewing someone out in your 40s over. Over a relationship that just didn't pan out, you know.
- [44:33]
B
Yeah, it's very.
- [44:35]
A
And sending your friend to do it.
- [44:38]
B
Yeah, it was strange.
- [44:39]
A
Or maybe she didn't send her friend. Maybe it was all on her friend. But like, you know, that's one of those things it sounds, it's one of those revenge things that sounds fun in your head.
- [44:48]
B
But don't you just look crazy as.
- [44:50]
A
Yeah. Then you just look crazy. So you gotta. There's a fine line between having a little fun and an F you to somebody and just looking like a psycho.
- [45:01]
B
Yes.
- [45:02]
A
So lesson learned. Well, this was fun. John, thank you for finding those topics earlier for me. And yeah, you know, it wasn't even his book, so. So him, he did that a little extra leg work for me this morning. And you know that we will be back next week with the full review of Kill for Me, Kill for your by Steve Kavanaugh. Your July book is Summer Sisters by Judy Blume. John's pick of your Patreon short story is the Roommate by Andrea Mara. That'll be out on this. Oh, that'll be out today on the 15th as well. So. And so it's a great, it's a fun little short story. So our discussion is going to be really fun on that. And join us there. Join the listeners. Ooh. See me August 3rd through the 9th at Bragg Garrett's Comedy Club in Vegas. See me August 24th or September 24th through the 26th at Comedy Vault in Batavia. John, tell them. Go Pickles.
- [45:59]
B
Go Pickles. Go Bangers. Go Cherry Bombs.
- [46:02]
A
Yeah, if you're in Portland, go to all those, all the games. John will be there. What day are you doing the officiating weddings? July 11th, 12th.
- [46:12]
B
11th or 12th.
- [46:13]
A
I think it's July 11th, July 11th.
- [46:17]
B
The largest wedding at a baseball game ever. We hope. I don't know how many couples I'm marrying, but I'm marrying a number of couples. Trying to figure out what to wear too, by the way. But we're going to marry a bunch of couples before the game.
- [46:29]
A
Yes. And you can, you got to go to that game. It's going to be very entertaining. That's all on Pickles Baseball.com and sorry. Yes. Portland Pickles Baseball.com and see you guys next week for your full review.
- [46:45]
B
Bye.
- [46:45]
A
Bye. The book list, the book lisp. The book list, the book lisp. The book lisp.