Walk This Way

Summary

The Book Lisp – Episode Summary

Episode: "Walk This Way"

Air Date: April 6, 2026
Hosts: Jon Ryan & Sarah Colonna
Book of the Month: Little Secrets by Jennifer Hillier (Sarah’s pick)

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Main Theme

This episode kicks off the April discussion of Little Secrets by Jennifer Hillier, focusing on the art of spoiler-free book club conversation. Jon and Sarah riff on settings (especially Seattle), tourist traps, McDonald’s orders, public walking etiquette, and the cultural oddities around Santa and the Easter Bunny—all inspired by the themes and moments in this psychological thriller.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Book Announcements

• April's Pick: Little Secrets by Jennifer Hillier, a psychological thriller set in Seattle.
• May’s Pick (Jon’s, announced live): Summer Romance by Annabel Monaghan.
  • Sarah tries to clarify the pronunciation of "Monaghan."
    [03:08] Sarah: "Annabelle Monaghan...looks like Monaghan...I have never read anything by her, so this is exciting."
• Sarah jokes about needing time to research how to say the author's name correctly for next week.

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2. Life Updates and Comedy Dates

• Sarah shares upcoming stand-up dates, including a weekend at Arlington Draft House and more.
• Discussion about the logistics and economics of touring, with a brief reflection on airfare expenses.

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3. Life with a Foster Cat

• Sarah explains why she’s been sleeping in the foster cat’s room—helping her adjust to domestic life after being feral.
  • [04:47] Sarah: "She lays right on the bed with me all night...Then at 5 o'clock in the morning, she got up to use the litter box and then started playing."

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4. Why Are So Many Thrillers/Venues Set in Seattle?

• Sarah notes Seattle’s prevalence in thrillers and romance, including Little Secrets.
• Jon offers theories: weather ("dark and dreary and rainy"), iconic for both romance (Sleepless in Seattle) and crime/thriller stories.
  • [06:02] Jon: "It's always like dark and dreary and rainy for like eight months...it's also good for like a thriller or like a crime..."
• Main action in Little Secrets—a child kidnapped at Pike Place Market—leads to a comedic, detailed discussion of Seattle local spots.
• Local vs. tourist perspectives on Pike Place Market, Matt’s on the Market, Radiator Whiskey, The Pink Door (with the trapeze act).
  • [08:34] Jon (story): "For some reason, Sarah was in a shitty mood...there's, like, a trapeze above our table. She's like, 'If I get a fucking pube in my fricking food, we're fucking leaving.'"
  • Sarah expresses embarrassment but joins the laughter, appreciating Jon’s patience and storytelling.
  • They debate which Seattle tourist experiences are secretly worthwhile.

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5. McDonald's, Food Confessions, and Cultural Food Terms

• Jon’s unique Big Mac order ("no cheese") and subsequent evolution ("I go cheese now. Still no onions.").
  • [16:06] Jon: "I've actually changed that order. I actually go with cheese now. Still no onions—you can fuck off. Those little onions..."
• Embarrassing food moments, such as Jon’s massive Postmates order accidentally sent home to LA while he was in Portland; Sarah’s discovery of said feast.
  • [18:31] Sarah: "I thought maybe the McDonald’s fairy just came and brought me breakfast. I didn’t know what happened..."
• Humorous debate about Canadian/American food terms ("chicken burger" vs "chicken sandwich"), leading Jon to identify the author as Canadian.
  • [21:27] Jon: "She writes that she got a chicken burger from McDonald's. And I—that's exactly when I knew she was Canadian."

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6. Public Walking Etiquette and Travel Rants

• Fast-walking personalities, struggles with slow or inconsiderate pedestrians.
  • [24:26] Jon: "When I'm at the airport...all walk on the right, okay? Let's all walk on the right."
• Both rant about airport etiquette, texting while walking, and dreams of physically nudging inconsiderate walkers.
  • [25:33] Sarah: "I want to be able to walk around and just pop people...right in the back of the head and go, 'pay attention.'"

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7. Cultural Commentary: Santa, The Easter Bunny, and Stranger Danger

• Little Secrets involves a kidnapper in a Santa suit—sparking conversation about mixed messaging around "stranger danger."
  • [32:08] Sarah: "We teach our kids how not to talk to strangers. But kids are rewarded for confiding in a stranger when it's Santa."
• Jon notes kids are not just encouraged but rewarded for talking to Santa.
  • [33:08] Jon: "You even reward them after...get like a candy cane."
• Both ponder where kids encounter Santa these days if malls are dying (Bass Pro Shops, The Grove, etc.).
• Jon shares a heartwarming story of creating a Santa visit for his nieces and nephews, hiring a teammate with a pro-level costume.
  • [37:10] Jon: "He had, like, set up the theory...Who am I? You're Santa Claus, of course...the kids hook, line, and sinker, absolutely 100% bought it, and they loved it."
• They compare the creepiness and fun of Santa vs. the Easter Bunny and reflect on how non-parents interpret these traditions.
  • [40:38] Jon: "Easter Bunny is creepy. Like, I've never not seen...I've never seen an Easter Bunny that wasn't creepy..."

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8. Baseball, Travel, and Homebody Life

• Banter about partial Angels season tickets, Mariners/Angels loyalty, and Jon’s homebody lifestyle in Portland.
  • [28:06] Jon: "I get two tanks of gas a year on January 1st, and then on July 1st, I get my second tank..."
• Humorous "mayor of my bubble" self-assessment.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [08:34] Sarah (on The Pink Door): "If I get a fucking pube in my fricking food, we're fucking leaving.”
• [21:27] Jon: “She writes that she got a chicken burger from McDonald's. And I—that's exactly when I knew she was Canadian.”
• [24:44] Jon: “Second of all, when you're on the highway and you have to pick up a phone call, you move over to the side of the road. I want you to stop walking and texting in airports.”
• [32:08] Sarah: “We teach our kids how not to talk to strangers. But kids are rewarded for confiding in a stranger when it's Santa.”
• [37:10] Jon (Santa story): "...shows up at the house with a bag of gifts for them... the kids were just, like, hook, line, and sinker, absolutely 100% bought it, and they loved it."

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:53] — Jon announces May’s book: Summer Romance by Annabel Monaghan.
• [05:43] — Seattle’s role in thrillers and romances; novelty of Pike Place Market.
• [08:34] — The Pink Door trapeze/pube story.
• [13:15] — Discussion of "tourist trap" restaurants and food.
• [14:44] — McDonald’s confessions and cultural food terms.
• [24:28] — Fast-walking pet peeves and airport etiquette.
• [32:08] — Stranger danger vs. Santa Claus paradox.
• [37:10] — Jon’s in-home Santa story.

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Episode Tone and Listener Engagement

• Playful, self-deprecating, often irreverent but affectionate banter.
• Routine encouragement to join their Facebook group ("The Book Listeners"), Instagram discussion, and Patreon for bonus episodes and short stories.
• Frequent laughter, gentle prodding, and willingness to embarrass one another for the sake of a story.

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Conclusion

This episode delivers all the hallmarks of The Book Lisp: marital comedy, digressions inspired by the monthly book, local color, food debates, and crowd-sourced questions. The self-aware, candid conversations about holiday traditions, Seattle’s quirks, and everyday annoyances make this a perfect listen for book club fans, Seattle lovers, and anyone who craves humor with their book talk.

Transcript

[A]

Hi, I'm Sarah Colonna.

[B]

And I'm John Ryan.

[A]

And you're listening to the Book List. The Book List.

[B]

The Book Lisp.

[A]

Oh, that's right. You're listening to the Book Lisp. Hello and welcome to the Book Lisp with John Ryan and Sarah Colonna. Hi, John.

[B]

Hello there.

[A]

It's just his excitement to see me is always so high proudly because I just walk right from the kitchen into my office and he's just seen me, so he's not that excited. Can you try to act a little excited?

[B]

I am. I'm excited.

[A]

This is John at excitement level. We. It is April. April's. April's book, Little Secrets by Jennifer Hillier. Sarah Colona's pick. Good one.

[B]

Yeah, very exciting.

[A]

Really good one. What is going on with you? What you are not wanting to chime in?

[B]

It feels like you have to work me into it. I. I'm a slow beginner.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I finished strong. I start off a little mellow.

[A]

You do finish strong.

[B]

Swing a bit.

[A]

You get strong, right? You get strong pretty quickly, actually.

[B]

I need a rant or two to get me going.

[A]

Yeah. We're reading Little Secrets by Jennifer Hillier. As you know, this is the first week of April. We do the Review on the 4th. If you're new here, there will be no spoilers any weeks leading up until the fourth Monday. We will just pull topics from the book that will still won't spoil anything and they spark conversations for us. And that is how the Book Lisp works. I guess there's probably an announcement. Well, first of all, if you're in Arlington, Virginia this weekend, I'd love to see you at the Arlington Draft House. I'm going to be there a Friday and Saturday, the 10th and 11th, one show Friday, two show Saturdays. Mary Redzinski, the very funny comedian who is my co host on Are you My podcast is going to be featuring for me. It's going to be super fun. So get your tickets@Sarah Colonna.com. i'll add some more dates. But then I have Brad Garrett's Comedy club in August. I think it's like the second through the ninth. I have to put those up. They'll be up by the time you guys hear this. And I have Batavia, Illinois, the Comedy Vault in September. Anyway, more to come, but just get your tickets to the ones that are up there now and specifically this weekend. John, I hear. I hear that you have made your pick. So John has kept his pick secret from me. Talk about little secrets. But his May pick is here this is when we announced the May pick. And should I. Can I get a drum roll, please? There it is.

[B]

Summer Romance. Summer Romance by Anna Bell. Is it Monaghan or Monahan? Oh, M O N A G H A N

[A]

I. I don't know. I'm trying. Annabelle Monaghan looks like Monaghan.

[B]

Summer Romance. There you go. You're welcome.

[A]

Okay, Annabelle Monaghan. We're saying it wrong. We'll have it right by next week because now that I know the pic, I will look it up. How to say her name from videos, YouTube radio interviews, something. Somebody will have said her name and I'll make sure that we have it right. But looks like Monaghan to me. M O A N N A B E L M O N a G H A N. I have never read anything by her, so this is exciting. I love when you introduced me to a new author.

[B]

It's a good one.

[A]

Have you read it before?

[B]

I'm halfway through it.

[A]

Oh, that's okay. All right. Summer Romance. And it's a good one. So there you go. John's pick. Very different from Little Secrets as you guys.

[B]

Very different.

[A]

Yeah. Little Secrets is. Is. Is fantastic. I'm excited to read yours. I will download that. I did just. I just downloaded the new Alice Feeney book, so. Because I have already finished Little Secrets, so I've got a little time to read something else before I start in on yours for May. So. And so far it's already. I'm already like, what the f is. Where is this going? How so? I'm excited. It's a new one. John pointed it out to me on the New York Times bestseller list and he said, look, Alice Feeney has another book out. So I downloaded it last night and I started reading it while I was sitting in the guest bedroom with our foster cat.

[B]

We don't sleep together anymore.

[A]

I've been. I slept in the foster cat's room two nights in a row because I'm just trying to get her. She. She's pretty used to me, but she just doesn't like sounds. So I'm just trying to get her comfortable. She lays right on the bed with me all night. And then at 5 o' clock in the morning, she got up to use the litter box and then she started playing. She's a lot of toys in there. And I. And I love it when she plays. Because if you know anything about feral cats. Three cats. They don't really. It's not like they ever had toys. So. Because she was living outside anyway. So she was playing and then that's when I came back to our bedroom. I was like, well, I'm going to let her play. I'd like to keep sleeping because it's 5am so it's just for a few nights. Anyway, enough about that. Let's dive into some little fun topics inspired by little secrets. As John notes, sometimes it's harder with my books to find things that will. That will make us laugh in.

[B]

There's quite a few in this one.

[A]

Yeah, but there's plenty. Well, once again, not knowing when I picked it. It takes place in Seattle.

[B]

So many books take place in Seattle.

[A]

So many. And we discussed it before why we thought that is. I don't know if it's just a lot of authors there.

[B]

Well, I have more theories now. I always thought it was a good place for a romantic book because a lot of my books take place there. The movie Sleepless in Seattle. So many movies. 10 Things I Hate about yout. They take place there. But then I also thought on the flip side, it's always like dark and dreary and rainy for like eight months of the year. So it's also good for like a thriller or like a crime or like a murdery type book as well.

[A]

This is a good point. That's a very good point. I didn't think about that, but it's a good point. This one, it jumps off right away. There's no spoiler by saying a child is kidnapped from the Pike Place Market. Because that happens very early on. And that's what the book is about for the most part. I mean what the jumping off story is. And the child is with his mom when he gets kidnapped and he's at Pike Place Market, which we love. I love a Pike Place Market. It's funny because I think that place. I think a lot of people think it's just for tourists, right?

[B]

And there's always like the argument like a lot of, like a lot of like people from Seattle will be like people from Seattle. If you're truly from Seattle, you don't use an umbrella. You're truly from Seattle. You never go to Pike Place Market. There's all this stuff. Then everyone else, like I use a umbrella, I go to Pike Place Market. But I think as a local, when you first move to Seattle, within the first 10 days you go to the market, you buy flowers, you see the guy throw the fish. You stand in line for 45 minutes of the first ever Starbucks and get a shitty coffee or a normal shitty. If you. And then after that you never do that stuff. Again, at the market, there's, like, a main street in a main, like, walkthrough inside the building that's all tourists. There's little spots, like, around the outside edge of the market where, like, locals. Like, there's a couple, like, really good restaurants that you would never know about if you weren't a local.

[A]

Matt's. Matt's on the market.

[B]

Matt's. The Market right there. And there's a bar right underneath there. Then above there, there's a place called Radiator Whiskey that's really good, but it's hard to find as well. And then across the street, I guess it's still in the market, but it's kind of in the back alley. There's an Italian place called the Pink Door, which is very, very popular.

[A]

Oh, that's the place with the trapeze.

[B]

Yeah. Here's my story. It took me a month to get a reservation for this place because I need it on a certain day, in a certain time. Just wait. Hold yourself together there.

[A]

Okay, Go ahead.

[B]

Because I knew Sarah's gonna be in town. I'm like, I'm gonna go. We're gonna go down to the market and go to this great restaurant called the Pink Door.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's hard to get a table. There's no tourists there because you have to book it a month in advance, two months in advance. And for some reason, Sarah was in a shitty mood. So she had an attitude about this place right off the bat. And we sit down, she's annoyed at our table, and then there's, like, a trapeze above our table. She's like, if I get a fucking pube in my fricking food, we're fucking leaving. I'm like, let's just leave right now. Let's just go. Your attitude's already shit. There's not gonna be a pube dropped in. Oda, from the gods into your food.

[A]

We didn't leave. We had a nice time.

[B]

We did. After you settled down.

[A]

We did. After I settled down. I. Sometimes when you tell stories like this, I'm shocked that you stayed with me and decided you wanted to marry me. I mean, but who's the complaints about going to. I just didn't understand. He was talking about trapeze artists above my table, and I was like, I don't. I mean, I think I was just being a complete when I said that comment, and I still can't believe I even said it. But overall, that's not what I thought was gonna happen. But I just was like, this sounds Like a lot. It sounded annoying to me. It sounded annoying, but it wasn't.

[B]

It's a nice restaurant.

[A]

It was. No, we had a great time and I'd love to go back. In fact, please go to the Pink Door and don't tell them I sent you because they.

[B]

Because her picture fell the front desk.

[A]

We had a great time and a great meal and I. But I. Every once in a while. I don't know. What? I don't know, guys. This was many years ago. My hormones have balanced out, but I just. I don't know. I don't even have an excuse other than. But sometimes when I hear stories that you tell me where I acted like a brat, I think, what in the heck?

[B]

How.

[A]

How did you not just go? Listen, I'm going to go to the Pink Door. You go back to my house and I'll see you when I see you.

[B]

Here's the thing. When you do have a bit of a moment such as that one, you never double down on it. Like later on that night, you're like, well, it was. It was this. You're like, I was just being shitty. It's fine. And then it's over.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I know you're always going to do that when you have a moment like that. You never like. Yeah, well, I was right.

[A]

True.

[B]

You never do that. So then it's always fine.

[A]

That's true. Okay. And I don't do it often, but that was a very over the top reaction.

[B]

Okay, I wanna. I wanna go back to the market.

[A]

If this was the video you guys would see. I'm so embarrassed right now. I almost want to make. Now I almost want to cut that part out.

[B]

No. Okay. So going back to. There's the main drag down, like on the inside of the market, and then there's a kind of a drag on top of that. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And on top of that is where there's like Athena Seafood. Lowell's. Lowell's restaurant's famous because that's where Tom Hanks ate and sleep was in Seattle. Great views, like over the sound. You see the new Ferris wheel. It's like amazing views. But if you're local, you'll never in a million years eat those. Either of those places. Once when you move there, you never eat there again. Just like total, total tourist traps.

[A]

So that's why I've never been there.

[B]

Yeah, there's no need to go in there and get mediocre fish and chips because Tom Hanks sat in one of the chairs right so that's another. Here's another one going real that. The gum wall. The fucking gum. It's freaking disgusting for some reason. Every tourist has to go look at it. Where's the gum? Well, it's the most disgusting thing in the world.

[A]

It's just gum. People stick their gum out of their

[B]

mouth and stick it on top of other people's gum. Some people even like try to draw their name and gum, like touching people's gum that came out of their mouth. It's disgusting. I rather them just get rid of it. Just power wash the whole thing. Freaking don't let anyone back there. Yeah, so that's another part. That's another tourist thing there. But other than that, there's some nice little places in there.

[A]

Oh yeah, definitely. And again, back to the pink door. I think in my brain I thought it sounded like it was something touristy. Like there's this like a show, you know, like a. I don't know, I just did it. Then you go and you find out it's cool. It's awesome. Obviously they're super talented using the trape. It's. It's amazing. So just telling everyone to please go. Don't throw a fit and don't make assumptions ahead of time. I should know that you're never taking me to some kind of tourist trap cheesy place. Although sometimes those places are fun if you go to the right. Right. If you go to. What was that place? Oh, well, you've never. I don't think you've ever been to Trader Vix, right?

[B]

No. Trader Joe's.

[A]

Yeah. This is not. That's not it. Trader Vix. And I think there's still one I want to say, so maybe we will. Oh, it says under a different name, Trader. Trader Vix. Beverly Hills, California. Try our new menu. I don't know, it seems like it's still open. Anyway, it was just like super one of those big tea. It was a tiki bar. But you know, you get the big giant drinks with the. With 20 straws coming out of it. So instead of being a cool little tiki bar, it was one of those tourist trap kind of giant tiki bars. But it was one of those you just kind of had to go to. But they basically served you rum drinks in a bowl the size of your head with 30 straws sticking out of it. And people share it, which probably in rent.

[B]

I'm just trying to think of like a touristy places that I still like to go to. And I think the one that I can think of is kind of close. It's not on in the market, but it's down by the pier and. But it's not. It's something Crab Shack. Not Joe's Crab Shack. It's a little bit more local than that, but it's something Crab Shack. It's one of those ones where they cook all the food and just like, dump it on your table. You eat it with your hands. Like, it's like corn and sausage and different. All different kind of seafood. Like crab legs and stuff.

[A]

I don't like one of those.

[B]

It's freaking delicious. I don't care if it's touristy or not. I'll eat the out of that at any time.

[A]

Sometimes the reason places are really good for tourists is because they have really good food overall. Not often, but sometimes.

[B]

You ever been to Bubblegum Shrimp Company Delicious?

[A]

I. I actually. I think I have, but I don't think I've ever eaten there. That's on the Universal City Walk. For those that don't know they've been there before have. Oh, yeah, because you had. There was a phase where you had a pass to Universal Studios.

[B]

No, they're. They're like a chain all over America.

[A]

Oh, they are. I didn't even know that.

[B]

I think I ate one at one in, like, San Francisco or something.

[A]

Oh, okay. Well, since we're talking about food, there's a mention of. There's a few mentions of McDonald's in this book. When you get to them, you'll. I guess you'll see why. But there's a few McDonald's mentions. I just feel like this author likes McDonald's. And it reminded me of a couple things. A. One of the first times that John and I ordered McDonald's together, because, yeah, we do every once in a while. We still do every once in a while. Very blue moon. Doesn't happen often, but when it happens, when it happens, it happens. And it happens hard. And we're both real happy about it. I remember it was like. I think it was when I performed New Year's Eve in Seattle. And then we went home and we were home before midnight and we got a bunch of McDonald's, and that's what we ate. It's what we did after my shows. Because it was just. Anyway, he ordered a Big Mac with no cheese and I stayed with him. So I know that I threw a fit of.

[B]

I've actually changed that order. I actually go with cheese now. Still no onions. You can fuck off. Those little onions they put on there. But I go I go cheese.

[A]

Now, some of the onions are kind of delicious, especially on the Big Mac.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

They do. They linger on the Quarter Pounder. But in the Big Mac, I like the. Anyway, doesn't matter, but I was. I was a little. Just shook by someone ordering Big Mac with no cheese. Because I thought, well, you might as well just not order. I mean, it's cheese on a Big Mac.

[B]

Yeah, I know. And I don't. I don't like. I don't need a cheeseburger. I'd rather have a hamburger than a cheeseburger.

[A]

Okay. Anyway, I'm just saying I stayed with you after that.

[B]

I'm my own person. You don't own me. You can't tell me what to do.

[A]

You don't owe me. So anyway. But another fun story about McDonald's was when. John, where were you when this happened?

[B]

I was in. I was in Portland. I think I was in Portland. And I came back. It was like one of like a baseball game. And it was a late night and I was just starving and I ordered like, the works. Like, I went to town. I'm like, I'm by myself. I'm just gonna lay in this bed and just eat like a freaking disgusting. I'm talking like, I'm going like McFlurries, two apple pies. And I think the French fries were two for one. So actually about four, I think. So I got like four medium French fries, like a couple hamburgers, and like four McNugget. Like, I just went to town this whole order, and then I'm sitting in the lobby, I'm like, fudgeing start. Where is this fricking food? Like, I'm going to die. I think there's a milkshake in there too, by the way. I'm just like, I'm going to die. Like, where's this fricking food? I look on my app, it's like one in the morning, and I see a picture of it on our fence in la. I didn't switch the app, the doordash app, or the Postmates app. I guess I didn't change it from LA to Portland. And this was the first time I was like. I'm actually embarrassed to admit what I almost. What I did order to my wife. Like, she had. She sees it now.

[A]

I didn't see it till the morning. Yeah, because I. Yeah, I didn't see it. I didn't. It was delivered. And then I woke up in the morning and I went out to. I don't know, for something and I looked and I saw a big giant bag of McDonald's. And I thought maybe the McDonald's fairy just came and brought me breakfast. I didn't know what happened. I was so excited. And then I looked and it said for John. And I thought, oh, no.

[B]

But I think you said to me, I think you know me better than this. But you were like, who were you with?

[A]

Oh yeah, I was one in the morning.

[B]

Clearly, for two people. Who are you with? I'm like, no, baby, I wish I had an excuse to be. Like someone was with me. But I was by myself.

[A]

By the way, I think it was three apple pies.

[B]

That checks out.

[A]

Well, no, it was funny because you know what?

[B]

The apple pies, they're real good for the breakfast in the morning. After that night, well, put a little one of your. Put a little one on your bedside table and you're. You wake up happy. Tell you that much.

[A]

Well, I was funny because any other person might think that when he said nobody else was with me, they might not believe him and they might think their husband was lying because I was. I thought maybe you, I don't know, Logan, whoever was there, I forgot. And then when you go know that order was for me. I said, oh, honey. And I believed him. And I knew he was telling the truth. That might put like this book. It might send someone else off getting a PI but no, not me. I knew that that order was for sure his. And I'll tell you what, I looked at those fries for a while before I. Before I dec to throw the whole bag away because I thought, I mean, I'm not gonna eat the meat, not the burger. But man, those fries probably be pretty good right now.

[B]

When you order that food at 12:30 and you sit in the lobby until 1:30 and you're exhausted because you were at the fricking ballpark all day and you're drinking and now you're just so hungry you would just, you know, you figure out the foods in la so you just go up and go to bed. Nope, I repeated the order back again and I got it at 2:30.

[A]

Oh yeah, I was just about to do the follow up on that because I couldn't remember.

[B]

I made the exact same order to my hotel room, but just an hour and a half later.

[A]

Did you eat all three apple pies?

[B]

I told you, I had one in the bread. One for breakfast.

[A]

Oh, right, okay. Is that why you did it? So that you can have one for breakfast?

[B]

I thought at the time I was going to eat them all at the time.

[A]

It's like my stepmom. My stepmom used to go to Del Taco, and she would purposely order an extra taco that she would save for breakfast for the next day. And. But she would just leave it in her car, just in the cup holder. She would just go. I'd say, you're leaving your. I remember the first time she did. It was like, you're leaving that in your car? She's like, I'm gonna eat that tomorrow.

[B]

That's amazing.

[A]

Oh, she knew that when she was going to get in her car, she'd have a taco in there. Listen, I like a plan. I like people that have things planned out.

[B]

It's just amazing. So also in this book. I think I need to talk about this. It doesn't matter. I knew I was reading it and then I was like, oh, this author. I think I assumed that she was from Seattle, but I was. Oh, this author's Canadian. Because she said something. She wrote something in this book where I instantly knew she was Canadian.

[A]

What was it?

[B]

What you call. You call. You have a hamburger. Then what if there's chicken on it?

[A]

Chicken on the hamburger.

[B]

No, there's. No. Now you take out the beef. Now there's just two things of bread and the chicken in the middle. Babe, can you really just play along a little bit?

[A]

A chicken sandwich. A chicken sando. Chicken. Sandy.

[B]

In Canada, we'd call it a chicken burger. And she writes that she got a chicken burger from McDonald's. And I. That's exactly when I knew she was Canadian. And she's from Toronto. She was Canadian. Because I've never seen. Heard an American say chicken burger.

[A]

I don't think I have either.

[B]

And Canadians, I think most Canadians would call it a chicken burger.

[A]

I got. I got it. I got a second question for you.

[B]

Go ahead, call it.

[A]

I think the sandwich has always made sense. So why don't we call a hamburger a beef sandwich?

[B]

There you go. I was going to say something else. I just left it alone.

[A]

What were you going to say?

[B]

I don't do nothing.

[A]

Oh, you're going to see something gross.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Just so they can hear your old. Your old pervert man laugh. Go ahead.

[B]

They should, because they call it beef curtain. Oh, but they never call it chicken curtain. John. I. I felt like I was gonna pass out there for a second.

[A]

Oh, I. Oh, my. I liked it better at the beginning when you weren't saying anything.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

Anyway, this is a very mature podcast book readers, and we take it very seriously. In case you're new here. Um, okay. Are we done with all of that? I think there was another one that I wanted to talk. Another little thing that came up. Oh. When she. When. The very beginning, when her son does get. When the son gets kidnapped. Now, in her defense, she's walking and stopping because she's panicking, looking for a kid. So we're not talking about that part of it. That's not. That's for the review. But this guy basically runs into her because she stops suddenly. And then the guy mutters behind her, oh, I hate when people just stop. And of course, she doesn't care in the moment because she didn't just stop because she was, you know, looking at her phone or trying to get a photo on for Instagram. But that's what most people do. Right? Most people that we deal with in the world are not paying attention. I think we've established it in several. My personality is a fast walker.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yes. John Walker, too.

[B]

When I'm in, like, Pike Place Market, I expect people to stop because I really stopped to look at things.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When I'm at the airport.

[A]

Airport.

[B]

It drives me. First of all, all walk on the right. Okay, let's all walk on the right. People walk right.

[A]

Stand. No, walk left. Stand right. Oh, you mean I'm not.

[B]

Not a people mover. Just got it right on the straightaway.

[A]

Yeah, just walk.

[B]

Right. Second of all, when you're on the highway and you have to pick up a phone call, you move over to the side of the road. I want you to stop walking and texting. In airports.

[A]

Gotta stop walking and texting.

[B]

Yeah, you. You don't realize. You don't know where you're going. You're so slow, and it's so annoying for people that walk a million miles

[A]

an hour, like Sarah Colon and myself, it's so annoying. And. And like John said, yeah, listen, you're at a Pike place here at Disneyland. That's why I don't go to Disneyland, because I know that people can stop. And I know that I'm not allowed to get mad at them for stopping because they're looking at things, but I still would. So I don't go there. It's not for me. I gotta go to the airport. And you gotta get out of the way, people.

[B]

I mean, you. You can't drive and text. It's against the law. So you shouldn't be able to walk in an airport and text at the same time. Move over to the side.

[A]

Remember the other day?

[B]

Actually, you know what? I have this Dream. I have this dream every time in the airport, just walking up behind people that are texting, just swatting their phone on the ground, go, heads up. And just keep on walking every single time. Like, I might just do it. I might slap this guy's phone right out of his damn hand and say, head up.

[A]

I told Mary I want to be. I want to be able to walk around and just pop people. Not hard, but right in the back of the head and go pay attention. I know that I can't, and I know that I won't, but that's like, my dream thing is to give me a helmet and a vest and let me walk around doing that in an airport.

[B]

But it's the world I someday want to live in.

[A]

But I do. I am sometimes the person that'll say, kind of like that guy. Like, I hate when just people just stop. Like, I'll. I'll usually not say a full sentence, but I'll let out a noise letting you know that you're annoying, that you just. Where were we the other day, John? That we were behind only two people, but they managed to take up enough space for six people across. Like, we couldn't. We had to get around them. Where was the last time we flew tomorrow?

[B]

It was like a family of three. I think it was a family of three. And the sidewalk was 20ft wide.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or the lane or wherever we were. It was 20ft wide. And for some unknown reason, some unbelievable. They were able to take up the entire 20ft with the three of them, like, just walking exactly in the right spot so no one can really get around them.

[A]

Oh, I said, I said. I said. I said to John, I said, we got to get around these people. We got to get around these people. I can't. And then we did. We find. We saw an opening and we took it. But you got to stop. You got it. And a lot of time, you know, the walk in the sideways, people walking sideways.

[B]

This is why I don't leave the house.

[A]

I know. It's why if we leave the house, we just go to the local places that. That we can. That nobody else is on the sidewalk.

[B]

We're getting to the time of the year where I have to leave the house, which is coming up the middle of May, June, July, half those 10, 11 season of the year. Portland pickles. Portland. Portland cherry bombs and the Portland bangers. Yeah, pretty pumped. 65 home games in 10 weeks. We're going. We're going full bore. So I have to leave the house, and that's going to be. It takes me a little bit to warm up to the outside world. It's okay because I always joke with people. They think it's a joke. I'm serious. I get two tanks of gas a year on January 1st, and then on July 1st, I get my second tank in gas. And this year I don't. I think I'm going to go past July 1st. I think I've gotten in my car three or four times so far in 2026.

[A]

It's crazy. The gas prices don't affect John Ryan other than maybe not at all.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I walk 20,000 steps a day. It takes me a little bit. I go to the grocery store, go to the. The wine bar and I go to

[A]

the bar and the jam. You walk to your gym when you go to the gym, which just happens

[B]

to be right beside the bar in the wine bar. Everything in my world is maximum three blocks away.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't like to leave that bubble ever. I'm kind of the mayor of this little bubble.

[A]

He is the mayor.

[B]

That's the way I like it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't. I don't want to go outside of this.

[A]

No. I know sometimes you like it when you. You like it when you go with me sometimes to. To shows. We didn't, you know, you haven't gone. I mean, we went. You obviously went with me in January when I was in Seattle and Tacoma. When I was in Tacoma and Spokane. But then you didn't go with. Wow, the casino. Casinos in Iowa. That was gonna be way too complicated. The travel was already complicated.

[B]

It would have been fun, though. It would have been fun. I like.

[A]

It would have been fun. You would. Had a good time, but. But the travel was a lot. And then we were thinking about you were going to go to Arlington with me this coming weekend. Arlington, Virginia. But it's such a long flight and the flights are kind of crazy right now that it just seems.

[B]

Everything's kind of crazy right now.

[A]

Yeah, it just seemed to kind of like, you know, they. You want to leave in the. In the. In the black when you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Perform. So you don't want to spend all your money on flights.

[B]

Oh, right, right. The airports are a little crazy right now. We haven't really experienced any total craziness like we see online, but flights right now, it's like to go to the east coast, like a thousand dollars. It's really expensive right now for some reason. Yeah, it was a thousand dollars.

[A]

Yeah. I got mine just in time. So basically it's the same amount that they cover. Which is. Is good that I paid. So I got going anyway. Not that. Not that this is a going back.

[B]

You said Tacoma. You know when you're in Las Vegas and I'm going to come with you hopefully for a few days. The they have AAA baseball team. You know who they're playing that entire week? Tacoma.

[A]

Oh really?

[B]

Tacoma's in town that entire week that you're there.

[A]

Oh, that's second to ninth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, nice. But we'll have to do they do. What time do they. Are those games are they all at night or all at 7?

[B]

I think. I think they're all night. Freaking 120 degrees, right.

[A]

Still is at 7. But all my shows are at 7pm at Brett Garrett's. Or maybe they're at 8pm I forget. But you'll see when you look them up anyway. Okay, enough rants from John and Sarah about. About people walking slowly. You get it. I mean people might be listening right now if they're listening for the first time and go, wow, these two, this one, this one. This one complains about nice. Her husband taking her to nice restaurants. The two of them. God forbid you. You'll look at your phone or try to look up at the nice blue sky when you're. There's no sky in the airport though

[B]

here you're like these two are. If you've been here for a while, you're like this is par for the course for these two

[A]

and we love our listeners for it. Okay. So the other thing I wanted to talk about that it. It was a funny line and it made me think how weird it is so talking about in the book and since. Since it is so early on again, this isn't. I don't feel like this is a spoiler because it's around the kidnapping that the guy that kidnaps the kid is in a Santa Claus suit. Okay. And that's in the first few pages. So he seems to happily walk away because it's Santa. And he. She says something later about how her kids are her. Her child was really good about. He knew everything, you know, not to talk to strangers. He knew not to go with somebody that comes to the school and people say. And someone claims that he. They can take him home and that like he knows all that stuff. But she says we teach our kids how not. Not to talk to strangers. But kids are rewarded for confiding in a stranger when it's Santa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sitting in his lap and confiding on a stranger. And I never really thought of that. It Is so weird. I mean, I. Listen, we, you know that you're talking to one person that is the mayor of Christmas and another person who also loves Christmas. So we love Christmas over here and Santa and all of it. I wouldn't want, I wouldn't want any of that to go away. But it is just an interesting thing when you think about it, because you're, I mean, you take your kids to see Santa and, and you take them to see them at the, you know, used to be the malls. There's not a ton of those, I guess, anymore. But all the, all these, you know, everywhere, everywhere has a Santa. An opportunity for you to go have your kid go and visit Santa Claus and talk to him and what an interesting thing to have to, you know, we're not parents, but to like, think about.

[B]

But it's not only that. It's like you tell kids, like, don't talk to strangers. Don't talk to strangers. And then not only do you encourage them to talk to a stranger when it's Santa Claus, you even reward them after, you know, you always need to get like a candy cane after you talk to them. So not only encourage, but then rewarded for talking to the stranger.

[A]

Yeah. And it's just, it is weird because you have to. It's almost like you have to. I would love to hear from the parents. We have the Facebook group, the book listeners, and you can join that where there's, you know, there's easier to have discussions. We're also on Instagram at the Book Lisp and you can comment when we post the episode and you can comment on there your thoughts or you can even just DM if you want. We also have Patreon. Don't Forget, it's only $5 a month. And we do the 5th, the 15th and the 25th of every month. We do exclusive Patreon content. The 15th is always a short story. The short stories are always so much fun. I haven't announced April short story yet, but by the time, well, we're recording a couple days ahead of time. This is, it's Thursday in the real world right now, but on Monday, by the time you guys hear this, the Patreon short story will be posted in Patreon. I'll post it the day on Monday, April 6th. So anyway, that's a lot of fun and discussions can happen there too. But I, I would love to hear from parents, like, do you, when you take your kid to see Santa or when you took your kid to see Santa, if your kids are older now, did you also have to explain to them, but if you see Santa in the wild, you know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's not. That's not the guy.

[B]

Right. Here's another question, is where do people take their kids to see Santa now? The mall. Malls are kind of dead, right? It was always the mall. We used to go to a freaking Northgate Mall. Northgate Mall. They had the best Santa. He looked real. We thought he was the real one. And that's where we went. But I don't know, where do you see Santa now if there's. Malls are dead, aren't they?

[A]

Yeah, I. I mean, makes me just want to watch Bad Santa. By the way, as you know, John and I's favorite movie since Christmas, which

[B]

is a long time for us.

[A]

I know, I know. We do tend to watch it pretty often. Talk about.

[B]

We usually watch about five times around

[A]

Christmas, sometimes a couple nights. A couple times in a row in one night. It's just so funny.

[B]

It's never not funny.

[A]

It's never not funny. And. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, tell us. I'm sure there must be a lot of. You would think I would know this by now. I have plenty of friends with kids and, and they've. And I see them with photos with taking their kid to see Santa. It never occurred to me to say, where's that? Where'd you find that? There's a. There's always. I don't know, I mean, clearly amusement parks and stuff will do things like that. But I know not everyone's taking their kid to Disneyland to see Santa or whatever. So I feel a little stupid right now saying that. I don't know. But where are, where do they take them?

[B]

Yeah, I have a story about Santa. When in 2010, I signed like my. It was my seventh year pro football. That was the first time I signed like my big, my big, big contract, my life changing type contract. I bought like the house of my dreams. And for that Christmas, I had my mom, my sisters, my brother and their spouses and all their kids come to my house for like a week at Christmas.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I have the title. We have 12 niece and nephews. I think at the time there's like five or six. Okay, so we had all them. And so I had. I bought like a $500 Christmas or Santa outfit. Like full on, like the boots, like a really good beard, a hat. Like it was like awesome. Like it looked like the, the Coca Cola Santa. And I had a teammate, Clint Gresham, show up at the house with a Bag of gifts for them. And so this guy, Clint Gresham plays the role. Like, memorizes all their names with the pictures I gave them, comes in on his phone. He has, like, set up the theory that's like, Siri or something. Who am I? Like, you're Santa Claus. Of course. He had it all set up, and the kids were just, like, hook, line, and sinker. Absolutely. 100% bought it, and they loved it. And so that's my Santa story.

[A]

So he was wearing the outfit.

[B]

Mm. And just showed, like, I knew he was coming, but showed up unannounced. And the kids were just, like, freaking out.

[A]

Oh, my God. That is awesome. For some reason, I thought you were gonna say you were wearing it, and then.

[B]

No. They wouldn't believe if Uncle John was in there. But it is a total. To them, a total stranger. Well, it was. Santa showed up.

[A]

Oh, you're such a great.

[B]

He knew. He knew all their names and everything. It was good.

[A]

And then. And he gave them all their gifts.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And. Oh, that's a really nice story.

[B]

There's a nice story.

[A]

That's where you see Santa. Is it John Ryan's house? Years ago? No. That's very sweet. See, I. I think that kind of stuff is so fun, and I think. I mean, I was just. I was just looking. Where kids see Santa. Bass Pro Shops and Cabela's have Santa's Wonderlands.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

No, but that makes sense. Like, I mean, for sure, not a mall. It's just a giant store. So they can do it. Right. The Grove, which is the big outdoor mall here. Yeah, I know. I. I know they had it there. I can't. The Grove is one of those places that I did. I'd end up in a straitjacket if

[B]

I had Thomas go there all the time.

[A]

They do go there all the time, but they have two kids, and the kids. The kids love it. It's just one of the. It's the. It's a big outdoor mall, and it is really pretty at Christmas. They have to snow, and they have a train that goes around, and it's fun, but if you're a fast walker and you don't want anyone staring at or stopping every two seconds to take a photo of a light they see at the Grove, you're gonna have a miserable time there.

[B]

30 minutes per parking spot.

[A]

Yeah. They do have a really good bar, though, at the. At the farmers market that's attached to the Grove. Have ever taken you there?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I have. Right. Okay. They have a really. It's Kind of a. It's. It's a little bit. It's like the bar from Star Wars. It's just a bunch of, like, random people sitting around. There will be some people that wandered in from shopping that seem like that. Oh, I didn't know, because there's a farmer's market attached. And so there's, you know, fresh food, and then there's like, little tiny pop. Tiny, tiny restaurants that are. That. I mean, not. They're not restaurants, but places you can get food and then go sit down in the outdoor space of the farmer's market. And then they have a couple little bars, and every once in a while, they have music at the one bar.

[B]

Oh, that's fun.

[A]

My friend Grant has played. Have played there a couple times, and. But the bar in the middle, it's like. I think people go in there, think. They think, oh, I didn't know there's a bar in this little farmer's market. I'll pop by and have a drink. They maybe have their kids with them. And then they go, oh, no, I got to get the hell out of here. It's the regulars that hang out at that. Those kind. That bar is. Is a. It's a motley crew of people. You know, people that, you know, purposely hit the Farmer's Market bar every day.

[B]

You know Union Station? Right outside of Union Station, there's, like, that Mexican bar.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Down to the right.

[A]

I can't remember the name of the bar. It is.

[B]

I know that my. My cousin's relatively new to la. He lives in Anaheim, and he discovered that bar last year. He's like, you need to come to this bar. I'm like, I've been there. I've been. I've been to very few bars in the city. I'm like, I've actually been to the bar, and it's amazing.

[A]

Yeah. Because we. I think our train was delayed once, and we went over there.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because it was delayed for a long time.

[B]

Our Uber was a little bit late, and so we had to go the second train.

[A]

Right. That's what it was. Yeah. So, yeah. I'm curious what. How people handle. I mean, see, think about it. We just had Easter. Same thing with the Easter Bunny. Right.

[B]

Easter Bunny is creepy. Like these. I've never not seen it. I've never seen Easter Brain. That wasn't creepy. Like, when they tried to, like, build them all up, and the kids come and, like, do the same thing with Santa. They're always creepy.

[A]

Yeah. I think Easter Bunny is fun at. I'd say, a. If you're having a party at your house and you're doing the Easter egg hunt and you get someone dressed up as the Easter Bunny, that does it as good as, say, Clint did for you for Santa. And they. And they, I don't know, hop around, whatever it is that Easter bunnies do. But. And the kids can get pictures with them and that. I don't know. I could see how that could be fun. But other than that, I agree. It's a little. I don't know that I would. There's. It doesn't seem like the same event to go see the Easter Bunny, so I don't think there is. Is that a thing now? I just sound like an idiot, but I. I can't imagine the same. It couldn't be as fun of an event as going to see Santa and actually telling him what you want for Christmas and all those things.

[B]

Yeah, well, I don't know, babe. We don't have kids.

[A]

Okay, well, I'm talking to the parents here. They'll tell us.

[B]

Easter was yesterday and we were at a baseball game. Yes, that's how we celebrate Easter two years in a row.

[A]

Tears in a row at the Angels game. Since we're recording before then, we can't tell you if the Angels won, but it is the Angels. Mary it was an Angels Mariners game. So one of us was happy and one of us is happy today when you guys listen to this. And it was very exciting that we had tickets to the Angels Mariners game. So there you go. And I feel like, I mean, obviously, John, you're a big Mariners fan and spent a lot of time there. And we always like the fact that because the Angels and Mariners play each other so often, the two of us can enjoy watching games together for the teams that we both, you know, one of the other supports. But I feel like you kind of like the Angels, too. Not against the Mariners, but you enjoy watching them, same as me, as I like the Mariners, but if they're playing the Angels, I want the Angels to win.

[B]

We have partial season, say it's at least 10 games a year. And then also we live very close to, close to the spring training facility in Arizona where our condo is. So we go to a lot of years. I go to like seven or eight spring training games. I see them a lot of times a year. And I like, I like, I love Mike Trout. I like to watch him as much as I can because he's not going to be able to play forever. So I like the team for sure. Just I cheer for them all the time. Unless they're playing the Mariners.

[A]

Right. And it's okay. It's okay to, like two different teams. Okay. Well, I had something else, but I think I'll save it for next time. We have. We have a few more Mondays to go before the book review and I hope you guys enjoyed this podcast. It was all over the place. I hope I'll see you April 10th and 11th at Arlington Drafthouse in Virginia. I hope you'll join us in the Book list spinners Facebook group. Join us on Patreon if you can. $5 a month, fun content, short story. And then the other random ones, one that came out on Easter, very fun, random episode. So that's what we do. That's what we got. Otherwise, we'll see you here every Monday and we appreciate you listening.

[B]

Thank you. Bye.

[A]

Bye. The book list, the book lisp the book list, the book lisp the book lisp.