Allie Schnacky and Natasha Bure- Having Friends Who Aren’t Like You

Summary

Summary of "Allie Schnacky and Natasha Bure – Having Friends Who Aren’t Like You"

Episode Details:

• Podcast: The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast
• Episode Title: Allie Schnacky and Natasha Bure – Having Friends Who Aren’t Like You
• Release Date: April 1, 2025
• Host: Candace Cameron Bure
• Guests: Allie Schnacky and Natasha Bure

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Introduction

In this heartfelt episode of The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast, host Candace delves into the complexities of maintaining friendships with individuals who differ from us in faith, culture, and personal perspectives. Joined by guests Allie Schnacky and Natasha Bure, the conversation explores personal anecdotes, the significance of quality over quantity in friendships, and the challenges of nurturing diverse relationships while staying true to one’s values.

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Personal Journeys with Friendship

Candace opens the discussion by reminiscing about Natasha’s past struggles with making friends. Reflecting on a memorable birthday party where Natasha realized some friends were not the right fit, Natasha admits, “I literally never spoke to them after that day” [00:19]. This moment serves as a catalyst for the deeper conversation about identifying and fostering meaningful relationships.

Allie shares her own experience of feeling isolated during her formative years. She explains, “I didn’t have any friends” [01:27], highlighting how her journey evolved with the support of her family and newfound friends who shared her faith. Similarly, Natasha recounts her limited social circles due to frequent relocations and her dedication to family activities, such as sports [02:23].

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Quality Over Quantity in Friendships

A central theme of the episode is the importance of prioritizing quality over quantity in friendships. Allie emphasizes, “Quality in friendships matters so much. It’s the most important thing that we could ever have” [08:29]. This perspective challenges the often superficial approach to friendships prevalent in high school and college settings, advocating instead for deep, meaningful connections.

Candace shares her enduring friendship with Dylany, her best friend since age 15, despite their differences in faith. She notes, “My best friend has been with me forever” [07:08], illustrating that lasting friendships can thrive even when friends aren’t alike in certain aspects.

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Maintaining Diverse Friendships

The discussion transitions to the dynamics of maintaining friendships with individuals from different faith backgrounds or cultures. Natasha reflects on her childhood friendships with Jewish peers, appreciating the mutual respect and understanding that such diversity fosters. She states, “We came from great families, they were great influences on us” [22:40], underscoring that shared morals, even with differing beliefs, can strengthen friendships.

Allie echoes this sentiment through her relationship with Carol, her best friend whom she met in high school despite initial differences. Ali adds, “The Lord definitely took us on a journey together” [11:22], highlighting how shared faith journeys can bridge gaps and enhance friendships.

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Navigating and Letting Go of Toxic Friendships

Candace and her guests tackle the challenging topic of ending friendships that no longer contribute positively to one’s life. Natasha openly discusses her struggle with cutting off loved friends when the relationships become detrimental, admitting, “I have a big struggle with cutting people off because I get so attached” [10:38]. This honest reflection emphasizes the necessity of discernment and the strength required to set healthy boundaries.

Allie shares her seasonal approach to friendships, recognizing that as life circumstances change—such as moving to different cities—so too do her friendships. She mentions, “Friendships have come in seasons for me” [07:08], highlighting the natural ebb and flow of relationships.

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Parenting Perspectives on Friendships

Candace brings a parental viewpoint into the conversation, discussing the balance between protecting children from negative influences and allowing them the freedom to form their own connections. She reflects, “As parents, you can always see that” [15:24], emphasizing the role of parental guidance in helping children recognize and distance themselves from harmful friendships.

Natasha adds that while parents can offer early warnings, young adults must ultimately navigate and learn from their own experiences. She notes, “I had to figure it out on my own” [19:43], acknowledging the autonomy and lessons that come with personal relationship choices.

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Advice for Navigating High School Without Christian Friends

Addressing a listener question from Julia about navigating high school without Christian friends, Allie and Natasha provide encouraging advice. Allie shares her freshman experience, “Don’t just go for the popular people. Look for the people that God is trying to bring into your life” [43:16], advising authenticity over popularity.

Natasha echoes this, reinforcing the idea of “quality over quantity” [44:24] and encouraging patience and faith that meaningful friendships will develop in due time. They both emphasize the importance of remaining true to oneself while trusting in God’s provision for supportive relationships.

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Being a Light in Diverse Relationships

The episode underscores the importance of being a positive influence in friendships with non-believers. Candace references 1 Peter 3:15, highlighting the call to “give defense to anyone who asks you for the reason for the hope that is in you” [22:40]. Ali adds, drawing parallels to Jesus’ own relationships, “Jesus was a friend of sinners” [28:44], illustrating that true influence comes through genuine love and respect, not coercion.

Natasha shares her journey of forming strong friendships through modern means like Instagram group chats, demonstrating how technology can facilitate meaningful connections. She recounts, “It was through social media” [46:06], highlighting the evolving landscape of friendship formation.

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Conclusion

Wrapping up, Candace, Allie, and Natasha reiterate the significance of diverse and evolving friendships. They emphasize that true friendships are built on mutual respect, growth, and the ability to uphold one’s values while embracing differences. The episode concludes with a reminder that navigating friendships is a continuous journey of faith, love, and discernment.

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Notable Quotes:

• Natasha Bure [00:05]: “I had none.”
• Ali Schnacky [08:29]: “Quality in friendships matters so much. It’s the most important thing that we could ever have.”
• Candace Cameron Bure [07:08]: “Friendships have come in seasons for me.”
• Ali Schnacky [11:22]: “The Lord definitely took us on a journey together.”
• Natasha Bure [10:38]: “I have a big struggle with cutting people off because I get so attached.”
• Candace Cameron Bure [15:24]: “As parents, you can always see that.”
• Ali Schnacky [43:16]: “Don’t just go for the popular people. Look for the people that God is trying to bring into your life.”
• Natasha Bure [44:24]: “Quality over quantity.”
• Ali Schnacky [28:44]: “Jesus was a friend of sinners.”
• Candace Cameron Bure [22:40]: “What does it look like to have friends that don't share your faith because you are women that are pursuing the Lord?”

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This comprehensive summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions, personal stories, and the invaluable insights shared by Candace, Allie, and Natasha on fostering meaningful and diverse friendships.

Transcript

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Man, I remember a time, Natasha, because you didn't bring friends over very often.

[Natasha Bure]

Well, I had none.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

But you did bring a group of friends and I think it was your birthday.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah, this haunts me.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

There was an immediate detection that a couple of the people there were just not great. Not good eggs.

[Natasha Bure]

I literally never spoke to them after that day.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

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[Ali Schnacki]

You're excited.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Thanks. I'm glad that you're back. And this week we are talking about friendships.

[Ali Schnacki]

Oh, yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Having friends in general, but also and more specifically, having friends who aren't like us.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Who don't maybe think like us, who don't share our faith. Maybe culturally just come from different places.

[Ali Schnacki]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So let's dive into it. Tell me about your friends. How did you pick your friends?

[Ali Schnacki]

So for me growing up, I don't know about you, Natasha, but I did not have any friends. If you look at my friend group right now, I would say it's literally my family. And God's put a couple people in my life now that I'm super thankful for. But I was always kind of looking and searching for that friend group growing up. And, you know, as I got older, I realized that was a lot of people's stories. So if you're like that and you're listening to this, it was you, too.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

I don't know why. And what was crazy about it is I was friends with everyone, but I never really belonged anywhere.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

If that made sense. I knew a ton of people, but when I really needed someone to talk to, I literally had nobody. And of course, I had my family. But at this point, my family was not, like, all together. Everyone was kind of doing their own things. I was in high school, my dad and my brother were in LA pursuing what they felt the Lord called them to. And so our family was a little dispersed and it made a little hard. But as the years went on, my family kind of riled back together. And so my friends are my siblings and are the people that I do life with with jaywalker's worship and chosen and free. And I really, I really surround myself with the people that I want to be like, yeah, is the truth.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah, yeah, I would. I have a really similar experience growing up. We lived really far away from anyone that I ever went to school with, pretty much ever. And so on top of the fact that we played sports pretty much every single day after school and our weekends were filled with tournaments, so my main community really was my brothers and my family. So growing up, I didn't really have a girl group that I was, you know, hanging out with on the weekends or even at school. Literally, I would be with Lev almost every single day during lunch or I'd be by myself because I did homework during my lunch because I never did it at home. But Natasha, literally, I'd be in the back of the school doing my math homework because I. Yes, exactly. And so, yeah, now I'm really grateful that I do have such beautiful friendships. All of them come from really different places, which has been so fun. And it's actually a huge question that I got on social media is how do you meet your friends? How do you make friends, especially when you're out of college, you're not in school anymore in these years in your mid-20s. One of my best friends I literally met on Instagram. Another one I'm, you know, I met through a random group chat that I got thrown into. Another one I, I met through mutual friends. Like, it's just so crazy. I didn't meet one of my friends in a conventional sort of way. I would say not even like through, oh, we bumped into a mutual friend at a coffee shop or I met you at a party. Like, none of my friends are like that. So I think it's really interesting and I'm really grateful for the people that I do have in my life now.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, I always have a hard time remembering all of Natasha's friends names, even.

[Natasha Bure]

Though I don't have that many, which is crazy.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Natasha, like, they'll come over and I, I do know them now, but she's always like, testing me. And she's like, mom, who's this? Who's this? She'll like, show me a picture.

[Natasha Bure]

You know the meme where it's like, your dad, the dad never knows your Friends names or something like that. It's like the opposite. My dad knows all my friends names, like meets them once and is like, oh my gosh, how is this person? How's this person? My mom, for years I'd have like one friend and she's like, what's her name again?

[Ali Schnacki]

So funny.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Never remember their faces.

[Ali Schnacki]

Guys, in a couple months I'm gonna come back here and see if Candace remembers my name.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, I promise I will. I promise I will. Yeah, bad habit. I'm, I'm. I've gotten better though.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah, she's gotten better.

[Ali Schnacki]

What about your friends? Who are your friends?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So, yeah, friendships have come in seasons for me. Although my best friend is still my best friend since I was 15 years old, Dylany. So that's pretty cool. It's a very long lasting friendship. But I can look back and I had like, not a ton of friends, but a good amount of friends in high school. And I don't really, I don't think I'm really friends with a lot of them anymore. We might be on keep in touch on a Facebook page or something like that. But. But my best friend has been with me forever. I mean, I've known her longer than I've known Val. And Val and I have been together for 30 years. So it is really cool. She knows me so, so well and it's really significant. And she's actually. Well, we'll talk about her later because she is my best friend. And yet there's a lot of things that we don't share in common and including our faith. So we will get into that. But my other friends, they have been seasonal. I had a whole different group of friends when I had my kids, when I had you guys. And so there was a season of other moms that I don't even know anymore, you know, because we've also moved around or you see them and you're.

[Ali Schnacki]

Like, oh my gosh, I forgot they existed.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I know, I know. And I think that's part of it, is because friendships have also been seasonal because we've lived in so many different cities. But I still keep in touch with the people that I have a good connection with and we're close to. And now today I really seek out like minded friendships. And I have a lot of people in my life that aren't like minded in that sense, maybe that don't share my same faith or have different political points of views. And I have a lot of those friendships. But if I'm actively pursuing a friendship, I, I want to pursue at this stage of my life, the ones that are helping me grow in my walk, that are helping me keep my eyes on Jesus and my focus on God. And. And so, yeah, I feel like I have a lot of new friendships in my 40s then that I never really expected I would have, but they have been incredible. And again, helping me in my walk and encouraging me. So.

[Ali Schnacki]

Natasha, something you always say whenever we talk is that in friends you seek out quality over quantity. And that's what. What you just said made me think of so much.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Oh, yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

I think when I was younger, I would see these group of girls or this group of people that seem so cool, or like, I wanted to be like. Because I didn't know who they were. I didn't have any, like, morally things that I. I thought were good about them. I just thought they were popular. And so I wanted to be friends with them because if everyone else liked them, I wanted to be liked by everyone else. And I should, too.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

And it's. The older I get, the more I realize that quality in friendships matters so much. It's the most important thing that we could ever have.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

And so it's crazy you say that, because I feel like that has really been my mindset recently to where before I would just look to fill, like, placeholders, like, who can I hang out with on the weekend? Now I literally am thinking to myself, who has a quality about them that I lack in that I could better myself by hanging around them and vice versa.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

And so that's really cool.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, that's a. That's a. A great point of view to have. Have you guys, what have your friendships looked like in that? Have you had your friends for a long time? Like, is your best friend been your best friend since you were a little girl? Or have you had seasons of having to let go of friendships?

[Natasha Bure]

I definitely have had seasons of letting go of friendships. I think I've had so many different, quote, unquote, best friends due to the fact that we just moved so frequently. So I was going to a new city every few years, a new school every few years. It's honestly just really hard to not even keep in contact, but just spend that quality time with one person. So I know for me, I've definitely gone through so many seasons of different friendships, and I have some that are longer than others. And even now in my life, I've had to let go of friendships not because of distance and not because of proximity, but just the way in which they are affecting my life. And, you know, How I go about certain things and that's never fun. I have a ton of, not a ton of stories, but, you know, we can dive into friendship breakups or whatever. But yeah, for sure.

[Ali Schnacki]

Yeah. For me, I've definitely dealt with both of those. I honestly think that's a really fresh topic for me that we can definitely talk about because I'm, I'm a loyalist at heart. I don't let a lot of people in. But when I do, like, I will go down with the ship.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Like, I truthfully believe in the same way.

[Ali Schnacki]

Yeah, that's how it's just who I am, you know, And I really believe love never fails. And so I will constantly chase after people. And I've gotten to this place where the Lord's like, that's not always what I have for you. And that's been really hard for me to swallow. But I have been so blessed with my best friend Carol. The Lord brought her into my life. She was actually my biology partner in high school when we were 14 years old.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

That's how you met?

[Ali Schnacki]

That's how we met. I switched classes, ended up next to her. She was the only one without a partner. She was not like mine. And at the time she was like the craziest girl in school. I had been so isolated my whole life. Like I was homeschooled. Like I, I've really ever heard a curse word. I sit next to this girl and I'm telling you, it was just one of those God, friendships, divine moment. And now to this day, I mean, she lives basically down the street from me. She's my best friend in the world, so.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Wow, that's really cool. So are you guys more like minded now? Because you just, you said you weren't.

[Ali Schnacki]

Oh, yeah. The Lord definitely took us on a journey together. And now it's just, it's such a life giving friendship. There are seasons where, you know, I'm the one really needing encouragement and she is. And you know, that's a whole journey in itself that we could talk about.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, that's really cool. So, Natasha, tell us this story about having to, to cut off friendships because they weren't life giving.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah. I think at least for me, the toughest friendships that. The friendships that are toughest to let go are the ones that you really love. But, you know, it's just not benefiting you in the way, you know, it should. And it's not in like a materialistic way. It's just the way that, you know, they're not necessarily filling your cup with the Best things. Yeah. And I've had that multiple times where I really love hanging out with this girl and we have such a fun time. But I'm also slipping into habits that I know I shouldn't. And maybe I'm just doing things that are out of character or even after the way that I leave, I don't feel encouraged. I don't feel like I left better. You know, I might just feel, like a little down on myself just because of the way that we speak and things like that. And it's tough because I so desperately want that person to be someone that, like, I could spend all my time with and kind of realizing, okay, this friendship. Maybe in the beginning seasons were really great, but we're just moving in two different directions to a point where I don't really see this making any benefit or this making any positive impact in my life and so saying okay. And also, I'll admit I have a really big struggle with not cutting. I have a big struggle with cutting people off because I get so attached. I don't let a lot of people into my close bubble. And so when I do, it's almost hard to me to revert to, like, a normal, not surface level friendship. But you guys know what I'm talking about, where it's like, okay, well, we're friends, but we just can't be as close. Instead, I just want to be like, okay, you got to get out of my life. Because I'm also tempted to then just continue to be as close with them. And I feel like that's something that's not talked about nearly enough is just a struggle because, you know, you hear about it in these toxic relationships. You really care about someone, you love them so much, but you know they're not the one for you. And you having to go, okay, well, you know, I can cut you out, but with a friend, especially with a girlfriend, it doesn't always need to be such a harsh cut off. And I know I have that issue where I'm like, I just have that desire to still be friends with you. Where's the balance?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, I mean, that's why as. As parents, when. When you guys are younger, at least Papa and I, and I'm assuming your parents were too very protective over who our kids hung out with and who you guys played with, because those are the people that can steer you down the wrong path. Just like you. You said you're hanging out with someone and you're like, oh, well, they're doing that, and they're like, come on, just Go do that with me. And you're like, well, I wouldn't normally do that, but okay, I'll just, you know, this once. And then again and then again. And as a parent, you can always see that. You can see the bad influences from pretty far away. Sometimes we're fooled. Sometimes we might think a kid is an angel and we're like, sure, hang out with them all the time. And then we learn later, like, oh, maybe they weren't the best influence.

[Natasha Bure]

Especially when you're young. I feel like a parent can stiff it out. Even when I would come home if I started behaving in a certain way, where you're like, you're not doing that normally. And then all of a sudden you go hang out with this friend and you have an attitude or you're using bad language or you're doing things that you normally wouldn't do. Like, what's the common denominator here? To go, okay, it's that maybe the person.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, exactly.

[Natasha Bure]

And you've come to me and said that multiple times.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Right. And that, I think is always hard with that relationship with parent and child because you, you want to hang out with who you want to hang out with. But we have that right, we have that detector, we have the radar going, nope, that's a bad friend. That's. It's not a friend. That's just someone that's going to steer you down the wrong path. But that can also cause so much friction with your kids. I mean, with you guys and the parents for sure.

[Ali Schnacki]

Like, especially when you're growing up in your entire identity, because you haven't formed it yet, is based off of who you're friends with and where you're invited. It's like the second you work so hard, the second you get in on the in crowd, your parents are like, yeah, you can't go, yeah. And that's, I think, where everybody has that saying, so popular, you're running my life, you're ruining my life, you know?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

But it really does feel like that in that moment because you're trying to find yourself, you know, and I think that's where it, it's so important for.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I mean, can you look at it now? So if there's a 13 year old or a 15 year old listening to this to say, would you agree? And go, no, I'm glad that my parents saved me from that because now I can look back in retrospect and see that, yeah, they were probably right about that friend.

[Ali Schnacki]

100%. 100%. And you want to Know something? In that moment, I. I actually remember there was a time where my dad, My dad didn't want me to hang out with this particular friend group. And this was not when I was even a child. This is when I was in, like, my college classes. And, like, growing up, I had this thing about me where I'd always tattle on myself if I did something wrong. I just. I had a truth serum in me. I had to tell my parents what I did wrong. And so I remember being in, like, this college class one time, and I had actually planned for my dad not to pick me up in this friend group to pick up me and my best friend. And we were so excited about it because we were getting away with it. My dad usually can feel it out and he'll call me or something, but he wasn't. And so I was like, oh, my gosh, I can't believe we're doing this, right? Super excited. There were guys there. And I remember just eating me away on the inside, just eating me away. And so I finally decided. I was like, I can't do. This isn't who I am. So I quit, called my dad and said, dad, I planned this whole thing. These people are pulling up, like, if I can't go, it's going to ruin everything. And he ended up telling me, like, ally, thanks for your honesty. Like, you can go with them. Right? And I'm so thankful for, like, that relationship that I have with him. And I look back now on that friend group, and if he didn't have peace about it, he wouldn't have let me go. But in the long run, those really aren't people that I would want to be like. And it talks about in Scripture how bad company corrupts good morals. And so I'm so thankful for those moments where my dad instilled in me that, like, you know what? That's like, that's really not who you are. Like, that's not your group. Maybe don't go. But he also still gave me that free will. Like, you know what? You did the right thing. So maybe go. I don't know. I think it's just a balance.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah, I think it's such a balance too, because I even remember that there were friends you didn't like that I had or Papa didn't particularly like. And at the time, I didn't really see what the problem was. And you guys obviously giving me the advice to, like to say, hey, these aren't people I think you should be hanging out with. But if you want to, that's that's your choice. And obviously that is so dependent upon your age. Obviously when you're younger and you're a parent, you want to be much more protective, and you definitely were. But at that point, you know, when I was 18 or 19, there's not really much you could say. I wasn't living at home, things like that, I had to figure it out on my own. And I was burned by them in different ways. For me to realize, okay, those aren't the people, and sometimes that's just how you have to learn. And obviously you would hope that it happens at an older age and to be protective of your kids. But it's also that, that balance of having freedom of, yeah, I don't like them, but if you want to go do that and that's your choice, then figure it out on your own that they're not great.

[Ali Schnacki]

Yeah.

[Natasha Bure]

10 times out of 10, we all figure out who are the bad apples, you know?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

True, man. I remember a time, Natasha, because you didn't bring friends over very often.

[Natasha Bure]

Well, I had none.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

But you did bring a group of friends, and I think it was your birthday.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah, but you haunts me.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

You brought friends over and there was an immediate detection that a couple of the people there were just not great. Not good eggs.

[Natasha Bure]

And I literally never spoke to them after that day. I'm not kidding you. I never spoke to them again.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Papa was. Was pretty. He wasn't brutal, but he was like in their face and just told them.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah. Which I think that was where that. That, like, situation was something I kind of wish almost didn't happen. Only because when we were in that moment, I knew it. And so, yeah, I didn't need Papa to step in to tell me, like, hey, you gotta kick these people out or whatever, because I was already so embarrassed that they were at my house. That's like the truth. I, you know, and for as much as parents wanna help and teach their kids, we also have such a good awareness, I think, to a certain degree of what's going on. And the second that they came over, I was like, oh, this is not good, you know, And I recognized it right away. But the fact that he stepped in, it almost made me, I don't know, not made me turn, but it was just. I had already recognized it. I didn't need, like, another person to step in and shy for me or whatever that looked like.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

But I'm glad that he did. And I think that, well, you never spoke to them again.

[Natasha Bure]

So here's the thing. But here's the thing.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I.

[Natasha Bure]

But this is to my point. I never spoke to them again for my reasons. Not because you didn't like them, not because Papa.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I know, Natasha.

[Natasha Bure]

It's always my own thing, guys. I have my own original ideas, and it's mine always.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

It's never because of our influence.

[Natasha Bure]

I just wanted to make that clear.

[Ali Schnacki]

You know what's funny though, is I feel like I was so opposite, almost to a default. Like, from a young age, my dad always used to tell us, you don't have to go in the woods to know that they're dangerous. And I was like, that's so true. And so the Bible talks about, like, holding fast to wisdom. And I think. And I feel so fortunate because not everybody has parents that are involved in their lives. But I believe that if you begin to pray for that person, God will bring a mentor into your life. Or they have them at church that you can talk to. And my parents would always guide me. And I knew that at the end of the day, like, they didn't want to hold me back from fun, from good things, but that they loved me and if they saw danger, they didn't want me to go. And that I had a choice. Like my story. Like, I could have been sneaky, but I knew 9 out of 10 times they were right. And even the times I went against it, they were still right. And that killed me to admit. So I would just rather go along with it.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah, totally.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So what does it look like to have friends that don't share your faith because you are women that are pursuing the Lord? What. What does it look like for you?

[Natasha Bure]

It's funny, growing up, I honestly didn't have that many friends that were of faith. I have way more now, but growing up, most of my friends were Jewish. And I had a lot of friends where I'd go to their house for Shabbat, you know, on Fridays and things like that. And something that I'm so appreciative. Yeah, we did. Like now, like, literally all my best friends growing up probably until I, like, end high school, were all Jewish and I was still going to church and youth group and things like that. But those, those just were my friends at the time. And also even in our neighborhood, those were, you know, our. My neighbors and the people that I grew up with. And I was always so looking back, I'm grateful now. I don't even think in the moment, like, I would have thought any different. But, you know, you are always so. I want to choose my words carefully because it's not that you, like, allowed us to hang out with them, but like, they came from great families, they were great influences on us. There wasn't anything that, you know, when I was coming home, like I said before, I didn't have a different attitude. I wasn't coming home and using language. I wasn't acting different. Those kids were raised with the same morals that we were raised with. They just believed in something different. And honestly, it opened up so much conversation. And I'm glad that I was able to have those conversations with people and hear from their perspective and then for, you know, for them to hear mine. And so it's funny now because I'm like, this is probably one of the first times in my life that I actually have believer friends because I'm just meeting new people. But so much when I was growing up, I pretty much had nobody.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

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[Ali Schnacki]

It's important to remember too that every friendship is so different. Like, I even look at how Jesus modeled or his relationships with his friends. He had his inner circle who were kind of the people he ran with the most. His disciples that were all mission minded, they all like, were walking with him, believed what he believed, believed in him. And then he had the people that he were, he was friends with, that he ministered to, he ate with the tax collectors. Like, he was literally described as a friend of sinners.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

And I remember in high school when I first started becoming close to my best friend, I told you guys, like, we did not share the same faith. She was Catholic, but she really wasn't a, like, she, you know, practicing. She grew up in Brazil, so they all just say they're Catholic. She told me we were all just Catholic. And I actually remember a lot of people in my life coming to me, not my family, but at school coming to me and telling me, you are not supposed to be friends with her. She's the craziest girl in school. Like, what are you doing talking to her? She's going to lead you astray. She's going to do this, she's going to do that. And you know, they, they even used verses against it. But something didn't sit right on the inside of me. And so I sought out what God's word said for myself. And I realized, like, Jesus was a friend of sinners. He didn't come to save the perfect people. He came to save the sinner, which we all are. And so in that moment, I really began to ask God, like, okay, what are you called? What are you calling me to do? Because I don't want to be led astray. But also, this is what we're here for. This is why I'm here. Yeah. Also, I love this person. And when I'm with her, it doesn't grieve my spirit. I'm not in a situation. It's not like I'm going to the club with her, I'm going to a party with her. Like, we're just hanging out, talk. I'm there for her to talk to, to like, confide and to pull her higher, like, and invite her to church to come with me, to hang out with me, bring her into my world, you know, show her what a life without all of these things that are driving her into shame really feels like. And I think if we are so quick to have a Pharisee mindset of just shutting off people because they don't believe what we believe and it makes us uncomfortable. We're missing the whole point.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

You know?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah. I so agree.

[Natasha Bure]

One of the biggest questions or most asked questions that I get whenever I do a Q and A usually is, are you friends with people that are not believers? You know, are you friends with people that are not. Not Christian? And it always makes me laugh because I have so many friends that are not believers or I have friends that are, you know, newer in their faith. I have some that have been, you know, have a relationship with Christ their whole life. And to what you said, I think there's such a difference between being friends with someone who doesn't necessarily believe the same thing as you and still having that relationship versus you conforming to the lifestyle that then they have in order to be friends.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Natasha Bure]

And I think that that's something I really figured out was, you know, just because I'm friends with someone doesn't mean I need to act like them. Doesn't need. I mean, indeed, to speak like them. I can still uphold all the things, and if they're then leading me astray. Okay. Then I just know maybe that's not someone I need to spend all my time with. But to say all of my friends need to be in this one circle in order for me to, you know.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Natasha Bure]

Stay obedient, it's like, well, we're called to go out to those places and to be a light, you know, in that if we're in a room, every single person is a believer. Who are we reaching? And so I think that even now, when I'm making friends, there's a difference between my intimate community and the people that I'm really spending all my time with, the people that I go to for advice, the people that I'm going to call up when I have a question and I have problems, and then there's other people that maybe I'm that light in their life, you know, and there's so many different circles. And so I. And I'm not straying away from anyone who also, you know, is it at a different pace or. Or part of their faith? Because that was once me. You know, I had someone helping me and I had someone going, let me take you here and let me show you.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Natasha Bure]

And I want to be able to be that one for someone else.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Exactly. That's how I feel, too. And I. I've talked about this a lot on the podcast because I. I work with people every day. I have lots of close friends in my life that don't believe the same things I believe in. And yet, you know, God just calls us to be in and ready for every season in life and to be able to. To give a word back for the hope that's in us. And here in, in First Peter, he talks about this. He's talking about suffering. And so I know that we're not necessarily talking about suffering in our friendships, but it says, don't fear what they fear or be intimidated, but in your hearts, regard Christ the Lord as holy, ready at any time to give defense to anyone who asks you for the reason for the hope that is in you, and yet do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience. So I love. I love that word. I feel like that's. I hold true to that. And knowing, you know, God puts people in our paths for all different reasons. And so we can look at it. We. We should have and pray for discernment when someone may be corrupting us, whether it's intentionally or unintentionally, but to pray for discernment over that. But never does he talk about not having friends that don't see the same way that you do or that aren't believers. He says, you are. You are called to be the salt and the light. And if the, if the salt is bad, you know, there. There's no flavor left to it. And you don't hide your light under. Under the hill, under the blanket. No, it's set upon the hill. You don't hide it under the table. You know, it's to be set upon a hill. So we are called to be the salt and the light for others in our lives. So, you know, I think that having friendships with people that don't see the same way as you is a beautiful thing, because one, it really causes you to have to think about what you do believe.

[Ali Schnacki]

Right?

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So if they ask me this question, well, what is it that I do believe? If I say I'm a Christian, what does being a Christian mean? How could I answer that if someone asked me, what is the gospel? I don't know what that means. Tell me what the gospel is. Why do you love Jesus so much? Do I know how to answer that question? They sharpen your faith.

[Natasha Bure]

And also, just to piggyback off of what you said, and we talked about this in a previous episode, one way in which you can share your faith and being the most authentic version of yourself, you know, online, is literally through action and we talked about the difference of sharing and speaking and, and versus living. And so I think too, we are given, you know, this gift of eternity with our relationship with Christ, and we're so lucky to experience that. And to a non believer who doesn't understand that you could talk Christianese to them and it just go over their head, but instead actually walking with them just as a friend, but them witnessing the light that you can be in the actual relationship. Does magnitude. That's not even a word. Does magnitude. Hello. Does like wonders.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

You know what I mean?

[Natasha Bure]

It's, it's so incredible what it can really do. And it's through action that then those people are asking questions, well, what's different about you? Well, well, why do you do this? They become curious and inquisitive and all those things. And so to that it, it's even like not even the question of, well, what do you believe in? It's then, well, do you act like that? Are you continuing to actually live out the way that you say, you know, what you believe and things like that?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, and I, I find too, that when. And Dylany is a perfect example because she's, she believes in Buddha. And yet we are best friends. And we are best friends because we have so much love and respect for each other and the friendship itself, all of the, the things that we hold dear, like our families and, and, and friendships and honoring each other and all the memories that we've had throughout the years. I mean, we just share so many memories and the things that we've done together, the conversations that we've had that we have been so intimate. Like, she literally knows the most about me because we've known each other since we were 15. And that trumps the places where we differ. That trumps our political disagreements. We don't, I mean, we don't, we don't vote the same way either. But I love her so much that, and she loves me so much that that's just an easy place to go. Okay, you have your right to vote. You get to check whatever box you want, and I get to check whatever box I want. That's a place that disheartens me when people can't even be friends with people because they vote a different way or because they say, well, you don't believe these things and I can't even be friends with you. Jesus was never that way ever. And so I just think that the, that people ask me, how can you be friends with someone that doesn't believe like that? I'm like, because I love Her. And is. Isn't that what Jesus did with all of us? Not. I'm not even trying to be Jesus in that, but I'm like, I love her and have so much respect. So those differences just aren't important to me. But do we have those conversations? Absolutely, we do, but we have them respectfully. And at the end of it, we go, okay, we will agree to disagree, we will hug, and we just kind of know the boundary. And it never goes to a place where she becomes angry at me or I become angry at her. We just stop that out of respect, if it ever tried to even go that far.

[Ali Schnacki]

We all have free will.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

Each and every one of us has free will. Yeah. Literally. Why? Why would we want to take that away? But it reminds me of that verse in John, chapter 13, verse 35, where it says, by this, everyone will know you are my disciples if you love one another. That's literally how we show that we are Christ followers, by our love for people that agree with us, that disagree with us.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

You know what I mean? We don't have to see eye to eye on everything.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yep, absolutely. Anything else you want to add before we go to a listener question?

[Natasha Bure]

Yes, please do tell. The friendship that you and Dylany have is so unique in the climate of our world today. Especially because I feel there's just people with such polar opposite views that feel like they can't even have a conversation with another human being about anything where there's a disagreement or a difference. I know I, I'm sure both of you have had that where maybe there's someone who doesn't want to be friends with you because of things that you believe. There's people that hate you that, you know, don't want to listen to you and things like that. And it's tough, it's really tough to take that on because you still have to uphold a level of grace and kindness and, and respect towards that person. Person. And I know, you know, one of my best friends, we're pretty much polar opposite in every single way, but we're still able to have open conversation and things like that. And it's funny because I feel like there's this negative stigma that believers are like, well, we can only be friends with like people of our kind, you know, like only people that are super like minded and believe the same things and walk the same things. And, you know, I feel like half the time the people that are the strongest believers are really out there with everyone. And that's how we all started. I'm Just like constantly reminded of like even where I began and the people that were friends with me while I was doing who knows what, you know?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Natasha Bure]

And so I'm constantly reminded that I need to be that person always to every single person. Just, I don't know, just a constant encouragement and reminder to. We talked about this off camera. Just having conversation, that's such a beautiful thing. That's honestly a gift that we, that we have. Like, I'm so grateful that this entire experience in podcast, I've been able to hear Ali's perspective, I've been able to hear your perspective. Things that we had in common, things that we don't. But that's so beautiful. That's what life is. We all have a unique.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

It's about getting outside of your bubble and not staying in that so much that you only know one way. But again, when you, when you broaden it, there is, I mean God talks about having friendships with like minded people because yeah, that's really important. It's important for us to grow and encourage each other within our walks. So God wants that, but he also equally is like, go out, go out into the world and.

[Ali Schnacki]

Yep.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Carry the fruit of the spirit and be kind and have these conversations and allow them to, to really sharpen your mind and sharpen what it is that you do believe and share with them.

[Ali Schnacki]

Yeah, you know what too? I, I think about my relationship with certain believers too and some of them, like, I don't grow in those relationships at all, but I just want to encourage like too. And I would love to hear if you guys have the same experience. But I really believe the way God intended for like minded relationships to be is talking about our different perspectives.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

Because I really think that in that is when we sharpen each other. Like that verse says, iron sharpens iron. Iron only sharpens iron when there's friction. When it's uncomfortable. We always think the Same exact way 24 7. How is there any sharpening going on? And so I would encourage you guys listening. Maybe you and your friends avoid certain subjects. Maybe, you know, you don't have those hard conversations. But don't shy away from them. Just do them in a heart posture of love and respect. Because we're holding ourselves back if we're not. I want to grow.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

That's so good.

[Natasha Bure]

One of my favorite things that our family does is our conversations at the dinner table. Our conversations when we all get to spend time together.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Wild. Are yours wild at your family's house?

[Ali Schnacki]

Oh yeah, my brother Noah, he can get it.

[Natasha Bure]

Yes, Everyone is so opinionated. And, you know, we all love Jesus and we're all following him, but there are some things that we just have a totally different perspective on or, you know, just dancer things. And it's so funny because we'll sit. I mean, we will literally sit at the table for hours on end. And the next morning, even though we've had, you know, this disagreement and there's two people on one side and three people on the other, I feel like everyone wakes up the next morning after a little bit of a deep breath and goes, okay. I'm actually really glad that we were able to have that conversation because I hear your perspective and although I might not fully be where you are, it's actually so insightful. And so even with your friends who are believers, like you said, it is iron sharpening iron. And that's so important to grow within your faith, to have different perspective. And I'm really grateful that our family does that. As much as those conversations are lengthy and very emotional, it's very important.

[Ali Schnacki]

It's funny because I feel like y'all are really similar to us to where from an outsider's perspective, sometimes people will say, when we come to your house, it's like we're in a pool of piranhas. Because we're all such strong personalities. And so when we talk, we're going at each other, people will be like, are you guys mad? I'm like, no, we're just talking. Like, what are you talking about?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Exactly.

[Natasha Bure]

It's funny because we, we were all together as a family really recently, and we were, I was with my brother and Lev's wife and my boyfriend, and we were all having this conversation and Lev and I just get very heated. And I remember the next day, Lev called my boyfriend and was like, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to, you know, impose. And he was like, I'm from a family too. I have sisters. And I get it. Everyone gets heated. And it's, it's funny because, you know, once you're, you're in that tight knit group, it can just kind of explode. But I love those type of conversations.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Well, let's take a listener question. This one's from Julia, and she asks, what do you do for a freshman navigating high school without any Christian friends?

[Ali Schnacki]

That was me. That was literally me. I went, so you're not alone. I, I was homeschooled all middle school, and I really felt like I was supposed to go to high school. So freshman year, I thought I was going to Be the new girl on the block that everyone was going to be like, who is she? You know, all I knew was the movies. And it wasn't like that because, as everybody but me knew, high school's a mosh pit of all the different schools. So everyone was new. And so I really had a hard time making friends. But I will say that freshman year was when I met Carol. Don't just go for the popular people. Look for the people that God is trying to bring into your life. Because it's going back to what we said in the beginning. Quality over quantity. Actually, there's a verse that I would love. I would have loved to know in high school. And it's a man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer to a brother. And I learned very quickly in high school that was Jesus, when I had nobody to sit with. And so I'd read my Bible in a classroom. But also I believe that God actually has that friend for you that's an actual person that he'll bring into your life. So don't lose heart. Just keep being you, you know?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Good advice.

[Natasha Bure]

I always say quality over quantity, and, you know, quality over comfort. I. I was a new girl five times, been to five different schools, and I've had so many friends where I was just. I was just desperate for community. And it's so easy to kind of fall into, you know, the popular group or wanting to have a bunch of girls. Like, I never had a girl group ever until, you know, really recently when I kind of just told all my friends, look, you guys all need to meet, and we all need to be friends together. That was kind of how it formed. But prior to then, just stay diligent in who you are and. And faithful that the Lord will provide, you know, that one person, because he really did provide at least one person every single year for me that I did have and even when I didn't. And there were seasons where I was transitioning, I had my brothers. And so I've been there. And it's tough, but I think again, just with patience and keeping your head up, yeah, you'll find the right people.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And as Julia, as you're. As you're praying for that Christian friend in your life, remember, if God isn't. Doesn't provide that Christian friend in school, it may be from another. Another place, like your youth group or at your church. And don't forget there is social media, so you might find that Christian friend and someone that you can share your faith with through another Outlet that might be online. But just like Ally met Carol and Carol wasn't looking anything like she thought she was going to in the sense of sharing her faith. Remember that, Julia, you might be the Christian friend that someone needs to meet in your school.

[Natasha Bure]

Can I just share one story really fast? Sorry, but I feel like for women our age it is really tough, especially if you didn't go to school or if you're out of school and you're working a normal job just to make friends. Where do you find them? And I feel like one of the craziest things, this wasn't even just, just a regular friend, but she's one of my best friends and a super strong believer is Sammy, who I love Sammy. I know I was literally going through such a tough breakup and I got put into this group chat on Instagram about like a fitness accountability group and I thought everyone in the group chat knew each other. And my boyfriend at the time was the one who kind of put me in the chat and she was there. And then I had gone through the breakup and I, I was in like a super low season and she, you know, I had kind of messaged her like back and forth within the group chat, but then she ended up telling me she's coming to LA and you know, if we'd want to hang out. And I was like, sure. I really knew nothing about her, like truly. She just DM'd me saying that and we got lunch and then we've been best friends ever since. And she is such a strong believer. I got to be a part of, you know, one of the conferences at her church. You came and you've, you know, met everyone on her side and it like that was such a God given friendship of him going like, you lost something. I'm gonna provide you with, you know, another fruitful life giving friendship that I didn't even know I needed and it was through social media. So it's such an encouraging thing that you never know where you could meet somebody because that for me was so out of the blue and wasn't even something that I was searching for.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So yeah, thanks for sharing. Thanks for another great episode.

[Ali Schnacki]

This was so fun. So fun.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

It is. Well, we'll be back for a couple more.

[Ali Schnacki]

Oh yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And remember, life can be messy and confusing, but it's better when we go through these ups and downs together. And when life's pressures feel like it's too much, gratitude can change how we think about our day. So we made a free gratitude guide for you this season with daily reminders and scripture to encourage you. Just go to Candace.com to find the link and it's also in our show notes. Until next time, be grateful all day, every day. Candy Rock Entertainment all rights reserved.