Allie Schnacky and Natasha Bure- Is Social Media Killing Our Ability to Be Present?

Summary

Summary of "Is Social Media Killing Our Ability to Be Present?" – The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast

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Podcast Information

• Title: The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast
• Host: Candace Cameron Bure (CandyRock)
• Episode: Featuring Allie Schnacky and Natasha Bure
• Release Date: March 11, 2025
• Description: Exploring real conversations about living with kindness, class, and purpose, focusing on how social media impacts our ability to be present.

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Introduction

Candace Cameron Bure welcomes Allie Schnacky and Natasha Bure to Season 9 of her podcast, themed "Girls Under Pressure." The episode delves into the pervasive influence of social media on our daily lives and its potential to hinder our ability to stay present.

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Opening Discussion: The Allure of Social Media

• Allie Schnacky [00:00]: "Scroll so long you don't even know when you started. And now three hours went by. And you even know how you got."
• Candace Cameron Bure [00:05]: "Oh, I do all the time."
• Natasha Bure [00:07]: Shares a relatable moment of addiction to Instagram reels and animal videos, highlighting how easily one can lose track of time online.

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Understanding Social Media’s Impact on Mental Health

Doom Scrolling Explained

• Allie Schnacky [08:35]: Defines "doom scrolling" as endless, mindless scrolling that leads to feelings of anxiety and depression. Describes her personal struggle with hours of scrolling that disrupt her daily routine.
• Candace [08:53]: Relates by admitting she often engages in similar behavior.

Psychological Effects

• Allie [10:10]: Explains the dopamine cycle: "Every single 19 seconds, dopamine is released in your body when you're scrolling on social media." This creates a dependency, making natural interactions feel less fulfilling.
• Natasha [07:58]: Discusses the negative emotions arising from comparing oneself to others online.

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Personal Journeys with Social Media

Allie’s Transformation

• Allie [05:18]: Initially hated social media, often deleting it because it made her feel bad and led to constant self-comparison.
• Candace [06:45]: Questions how Allie knew social media was a calling despite her reluctance.
• Allie [06:56]: Shares her journey of embracing social media for ministry work, finding a purpose despite ongoing struggles with addiction to scrolling.

Natasha’s Balanced View

• Natasha [08:16]: Reflects on her tech-heavy education fostering creativity. Acknowledges both positive aspects (creativity, connection) and negatives (comparison, stress).
• Allie [14:05]: Describes a retreat where locking away phones led to deeper, more meaningful in-person connections, akin to breaking free from a drug addiction due to dopamine dependence.

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Strategies for Finding Balance

Practical Tips

• Allie [13:27]: Locks her phone away to enhance in-person relationships, even during arguments.
• Natasha [35:49]: Utilizes phone settings like curfew on notifications to reduce the temptation to check her phone constantly.
• Allie [36:29]: Advocates for social media fasts and using disposable cameras to discourage immediate posting, fostering mindfulness.

Establishing Boundaries

• Natasha [17:24]: Shares a method from a girls' trip where they delayed posting on social media to stay present, resulting in more vivid memories and stronger connections.
• Allie [15:46]: Suggests setting specific times for phone use, such as working hours versus designated tech-free periods at night.

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The Importance of Community and Real Connections

Biblical Insights

• Allie [32:24]: References Hebrews 10:24-25 about the power of community and not neglecting meeting together.
• Candace [33:09]: Cites Romans 12:2, emphasizing transformation through the renewal of the mind and aligning with God’s truth to combat social media's negative effects.

Enhancing Relationships

• Natasha [34:00]: Highlights how phone use can make others feel neglected, even in shared spaces like cars or during family meals.
• Allie [26:12]: Observes that while social media claims to increase connections, it often leads to superficial relationships instead of genuine friendships.

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Addressing Generational Differences

• Candace [22:44]: Supports school policies banning phones to encourage face-to-face interactions.
• Natasha [24:52]: Balances by advocating for phone use in emergencies while promoting tech-free environments for meaningful interactions.
• Allie [25:39]: Notes the paradox of being more connected yet feeling lonelier due to the nature of online interactions.

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Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Candace, Allie, and Natasha emphasize the necessity of balancing social media use with real-life interactions to foster deeper, more meaningful relationships. They advocate for setting boundaries, utilizing tech settings to minimize distractions, and prioritizing face-to-face communication to enhance personal well-being and community connections.

Key Takeaways:

• Be Mindful of Scrolling Habits: Recognize when scrolling becomes compulsive and set limits.
• Establish Tech-Free Times/Spaces: Create designated periods where devices are put away to focus on the present.
• Use Technology Purposefully: Leverage social media for connection and creativity while avoiding addictive patterns.
• Prioritize Real-Life Relationships: Invest time in face-to-face interactions to build stronger, more fulfilling connections.

Notable Quotes:

• Allie Schnacky [08:35]: “Doom scrolling is basically when you open your phone to do something or you look at one video and you literally scroll so long you don't even know when you started.”
• Natasha Bure [07:58]: “When you get into the cycle of comparing yourself or seeing images or videos online that maybe don't reflect what your life is like, it can be really depressing and sad.”
• Allie Schnacky [14:57]: “When you disconnect for a second, my memories from that trip, I don't have as many pictures as I normally would, but my memories in my mind are so much more vivid.”
• Candace Cameron Bure [33:51]: “It's not just a conversation for people our age. Like, parents scroll on their phones like crazy, and so do grandparents.”

Practical Resources:

• Gratitude Guide: Available at Candice.com with daily reminders and scripture.
• Phone Settings Tips: Utilize 'Do Not Disturb', notification curfews, and schedule tech-free times.

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By adopting these strategies, listeners can reclaim their ability to be present, enhance their relationships, and foster a healthier relationship with technology.

Transcript

[Ali Schnacki]

Scroll so long you don't even know when you started. And now three hours went by. And you even know how you got.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Oh, I do all the time.

[Natasha Bure]

I never heard her laugh like this. And she was down, like, deep. An hour into these Instagram reels, like these dog memes and like random animal videos.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Watching the dare memes. Life can feel like a roller coaster. But it's so much better when we go through it together. Welcome to the Candace Cameron foray podcast. Season 9 is Girls Under Pressure with Ali Schnacki and Natasha Bure. Come join us. Hi, ladies.

[Natasha Bure]

Hey.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

You're looking so beautiful.

[Natasha Bure]

Thank you.

[Ali Schnacki]

Thank you so much.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

You're welcome.

[Natasha Bure]

And yourself.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Oh, thank you. I'm so happy that you guys are here. These are so fun. Before we get into this conversation, and today we're talking about finding balance online and offline. So lots of social media talk. But, Ali, tell me again, I want to know about Jaywalker's podcast.

[Ali Schnacki]

Yes.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And your women's ministry. So give us the rundown and a recap.

[Ali Schnacki]

Yeah. So I always felt called to do ministry growing up, and I didn't know how God was going to do it, but through social media, he started my ministry, Chosen in Free co, which is a women's ministry just based around finding your identity and then connecting you with girls that really help you discover what God's purpose over your life is. And so that was something I needed. And so, you know, God created a burden in me to start that for someone else. And he's just grown. That we do in person events, Bible studies. We have an Instagram page that girls just connect. It's really cool. Especially because, I mean, like you, Natasha, I didn't really have that community growing up. So to be able to provide that for girls is just a huge blessing. And I'm part of it too. And then Jaywalker's worship is actually. It was our youth group. Like growing up, my family felt called to start a youth group. And through the years, God has just transitioned it and now it's a worship collective. I do a podcast because we believe worship is just using what God's given you to bring glory back to him. And so I speak on the podcast. I interview like minded believers and we do a lot of music and no, we're just trying to use everything God's given us to really advance the kingdom, honestly.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Tell us where you can find Jacob Walker's podcast. Anywhere you listen to podcasts. Also on YouTube.

[Ali Schnacki]

Yes, on YouTube, Spotify podcast, and also Apple podcasts.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Okay, great.

[Ali Schnacki]

Or music too.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Okay, awesome. Natasha, tell us what you're up to these days. Tell us where we can find you.

[Natasha Bure]

You guys can find me on Instagram and on YouTube. I do vlogs and then just sharing my life on Instagram simultaneously. Just.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And what do you typically vlog about for those of you who haven't?

[Ali Schnacki]

Literally everything.

[Natasha Bure]

Just my life. Yeah. Just everything that I'm going through. Life, daily things you do.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

A lot of cooking.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah, a lot of cooking, beauty, gabbing, just talking about life, stresses, family. I'll have you sometimes in the vlog or my brothers or whatever, but it really just is my life just kind of all compiled into one video. So.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah. Awesome. So YouTube and Instagram. Okay, well, speaking of that, because we all three of us run our lives on social media, and I feel like a lot of people do. Even if you're not a professional vlogger or podcaster, we are just rolling through life, literally scrolling through life on socials. Most of us, my husband and one of my sons, Lev, is. They are not on social media at all whatsoever, and I think that's really cool. However, it's not my life, and it's a way in which social media, I can use the platform to share all the things that we're doing and share my faith and, you know, all kinds of stuff. So let's talk about balance. How do we find the balance of this? Does it ever feel like it's too much?

[Natasha Bure]

I certainly do. Oh, yeah, Every single day. I mean, I think just the balance of not even social media included, just being on your phone is so difficult. And we all have this attachment, almost like it's a security blanket. I don't know if anyone else feels that way, but if I'm uncomfortable in a room, if I'm feeling a little awkward or antisocial, I mean, the first thing that I grab is my phone. I just have such an attachment to it. It's the first thing that I look at, you know, to click my alarm when I wake up. There's just so many things that come with the attach of the device, so it is hard to balance it when it feels like such a key part of your daily routine, but at the same time finding that, you know, middle.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Ground and just jumping in, though. Do you guys remember life without phones?

[Natasha Bure]

Yes.

[Ali Schnacki]

Yes, you do.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

You guys are the first generation of smartphones, really, of children's smartphones, because the iPhone was released in 2000. Yeah, in 2007.

[Natasha Bure]

But did you have a. Was your first phone a smartphone?

[Ali Schnacki]

I had one of those because that's.

[Natasha Bure]

What I'm saying, because I didn't.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I'm not saying that you personally had one. I'm just saying you are the first generation to grow up with them. Because the iPhone was released in June of 2007, which means wild.

[Natasha Bure]

Oh, generation.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

When the iPhone came out.

[Natasha Bure]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I'm not sure how old you are. Okay. And you were seven.

[Natasha Bure]

So.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So you do remember life without phones.

[Natasha Bure]

Definitely.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Okay. And so what does that balance look like for you, Ali?

[Ali Schnacki]

Well, I love that you brought up your son and your husband, because truthfully, I would have never pictured myself on social media as much as I am. I was one of those people that didn't like going on it. I honestly would delete it off of my phone every other day because I just hated being online. I hated the way it made me feel. I hated comparing myself to people, and really, I viewed it as just a vessel that was all evil. For a long time in my life, I did not see any good in it. And I think that that's so interesting because God usually always calls you to things that you never picture yourself doing or in. And so in 2020, he called me to go on social media and really be a light to people, to be where people were, you know, and that was really hard for me. I really struggled to do that because I hated it so much.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

See, that's so interesting to me because I can hear a skeptic saying, are you kidding me? How do you know that God called you to social media? Everyone wants to be on social media. But you really didn't want to be?

[Ali Schnacki]

No. Even to this day, if. If I'm being completely honest with you guys, I. It would be way easier for me to just delete it off my phone and never look at it again. It's just not. It's not something that I love.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Do you feel. Do or do you not feel disconnected with people if you're off social media?

[Ali Schnacki]

I think that's a really. I think that's a really cool point because I feel. And actually, Natasha, I would love to hear what you have to say about this too. I feel like sometimes, ever since being on social media, I've realized that it's not what I thought it was like. I've seen so much more good come from it than I ever could have imagined, which is why I'm still on it, which is why, like, I. I'm. I literally, I. I love going on now because I have. I've actually made so many online connections through it, but sometimes I do Feel like I'm missing out on in person connections at an expense of, like, having my online connections. And so I don't know. Does that make sense? Yeah, like, sometimes I feel like I have to choose. I don't know.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So phones are a part of all of our lives, and we know that there are a lot more kids growing up with anxiety, even depression, and a lot of studies, and people say that this is due to phones. Do you think it is due to phones or do you. Do you just think that parents are blaming it on phones just as an excuse to get their kids off of it?

[Natasha Bure]

I personally think it's a mix because I fully. We had a whole discussion about doom scrolling and being on technology.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Okay, can you explain doom scrolling? Because I had never heard this before and I'm like, what is doom. Doom scrolling?

[Ali Schnacki]

Okay, so I've never had an issue with this in my life. Like I said, I was not even a social media girly, but recently I've been sucked into this realm of what we call doom scrolling, which is basically when you open your phone to do something or you look at one video and you literally scroll so long you don't even know when you started. And now three hours went by and you don't even know how you got that.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I do all the time. All of us.

[Natasha Bure]

I remember one time I came home and she. I've never heard her laugh like this. And she was down, like, deep an hour into these Instagram reels, like these dog memes and like, random animal videos.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Watching the dog memes.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

They're so funny.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

That's so my mom too. She loves those animal memes.

[Natasha Bure]

I know, but you don't even know.

[Ali Schnacki]

How you get there. And I know. I honestly feel like the longer you scroll, the funnier the videos get.

[Natasha Bure]

Totally. Because then you're just. Your brain is mush at that point.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

You know, encouraging everyone to do scroll.

[Natasha Bure]

I know.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

No.

[Ali Schnacki]

Okay. So what I was saying was recently I've been in this weird, like, cycle where it's happening every day, which actually I broke it the last couple of days, but it was happening for, like a continual week where I would sit there at night and I would scroll for literally two or three hours, and then my entire next day would be thrown off. And I was telling Natasha I started to realize I was waking up super anxious and, like, honestly depressed. And it was weird because I wasn't even comparing myself to people. I was just scrolling and watching funny videos that in a natural sense, I thought would have brought me joy because I was laughing, so I don't know why I'm feeling so depressed. And so I began to research it and I thought this was really interesting and I might botch this, but you guys can just bear with me. I read this article that basically talked about how every single 19 seconds, dopamine is released in your body when you're scrolling on social media. And so what dopamine is, is it's a hormone in your body that basically is your pleasure hormone. So it makes you want to continue to do what you're doing. Right. We all have dopamine, like dopamine. When we laugh with somebody, when, you know, we're out with a friend, when something good happens in our life, when we eat something that tastes really good, it's just whatever brings you pleasure. Right. But what this article was saying basically is that social media and doom scrolling is linked directly, like you said, to depression and anxiety. Because what it's doing is it's training our bodies that dopamine can be released every 19 seconds to where now without our phone, a normal moment, it would be like three minutes. My body is craving something else. Because it's the give and take isn't as fast, right?

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah, it's the instant gratification.

[Ali Schnacki]

And so you're not as fulfilled living actual real life life with people because your body is so accustomed to this immediate release of dopamine.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

It's pretty scary, isn't it, when you break it down? Yes, it really is. Yeah.

[Natasha Bure]

Just to go back to your initial question, because I know we kind of veered off into doom scrolling, but in terms of, you know, parents blaming, oh, technology is causing this stress and anxiety. I think that there's such a big chunk, especially within social media, when you get into the cycle of comparing yourself or, you know, seeing images or videos online that maybe don't reflect what your life is like. It can be really depressing and sad and I think just having your head down for so long is probably not healthy. But I will say, and I don't know how, how you feel about this even having seen like, you know, Lev and Max and things like that. But growing up, I don't even mean in terms of phones, but I know with computers we went to a school that was like very technology heavy and we were taught so much creativity from those. I learned how to like mix, I learned how to edit, I learned how to do so many things on the computer that I feel like really helped me do what I'm doing for a living today. And it's so Fun and actually brings me a lot of joy. Like even if I was to never post another YouTube video, if I was never post another Instagram reel, I love creating. You remember I would sit on my parents Big Mac desktop and I would create these movies. Like I would have love film me and then I would edit them and we would make these movies and like, I just loved it. It brought me so much joy because that's something I'm passionate about, is just being creative and like making these movies. Right. And so I don't think that all of it is like, is necessarily negative. I think there's a huge chunk of it that is. But I also think that there's a lot of creativity, fun and you know, I think there is also a lot of good. So I think that it is a little bit of both.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

But I think that the, the problem or the issue lies like doom scrolling.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So because we are people that are all on our phones and so much of our lives are caught on the camera and we're putting it out there. How. How do you stay present in your life without your phone?

[Ali Schnacki]

I literally have to lock my phone away. I know that sounds so extreme, but it's true what you said earlier in the beginning of the podcast about how when you're in a social situation and you start to feel anxious, your immediate response is to grab your phone. I've realized even in my relationship with my boyfriend Austin, when we're in the middle of an argument, I will want to work it out with him and I'll pick up my phone and start scrolling like this and be fully present listening to him, not even really looking at what I'm looking at. But it's become so much of a comfort vessel to me that I can't think clearly unless I'm scrolling. And so.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Oh my goodness.

[Ali Schnacki]

I know that sounds so crazy. And I just realized this. Ha. I literally just realized this this week. And I locked my phone away and was like, oh my gosh, God, there's something off in my life because this should not be.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

What. What is making my mind function? And so a story that I actually have is this. Last last month actually I went on a retreat with the girls in my ministry chosen in Freeco and we went to the beach and we decided before we went that we were really going to take that time to form deep in person connection and pray and really just grow in our faith together. And I was so excited for it. And what we did was we locked our phones away. And when we did that, it was A great idea. Until I started to literally feel like I was breaking free from a drug. Like that dopamine I told you about is what is released when you take drugs. And so I felt like I was a drug addict, feeling like I needed to reach for my phone or look at something.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

And the first day or two, I was a little bit off, but still fighting it. But I'm telling you guys, when you actually disconnect for a second, my. My memories from that trip, I don't have as much many pictures as I normally would a normal memory, but my memories in my mind are so much more vivid. And my connection that I made with people were. That I love was so much deeper than it would have ever been had. I have had my phone. And obviously you guys are listening. You're thinking it's not a realistic expectation for me to throw in my phone all the time. Like, I work on my phone and that's my life too. But I'm just saying, finding that balance of. Okay, maybe it looks like in your daily life, I'm going to work from 9 to 5 on my phone, and then at night my phone is going on the opposite side of the room in a drawer.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

And I'm not looking at it. I will make a connection with my mom, with my daughter. I'll call up a friend. You know, has been really helpful.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Natasha, have you ever gone without your phone?

[Ali Schnacki]

Yeah.

[Natasha Bure]

I mean, at camp we would go the whole month without our phone. I've also gone. There's been just several times where I felt super attached and almost addicted to my phone. Not even to social media, just picking up my device where I'm like, okay, I'm gonna spend the whole day without it. If I'm gonna go on a walk, I'm not gonna bring my phone if I'm out with you. I do this a lot now with my parents, but if we go to dinner together, I know that the two people that if I'm most worried about either one of you calling me for emergency reasons, I don't need to bring my phone. There's just certain places that I don't need to bring it, I don't need to have it. And something that my girlfriends and I kind of discovered on accident, honestly, was we went on a girls trip and we were working with a company that hosted us, like an Airbnb type situation. And we had to post about where we were staying. And for safety purposes, we were like, let's just delay all of our content till we leave. And that way you Know when we share, we won't be at the vacation anymore, which is, yeah, again, a good safety tip. So the whole trip we were taking photos, but we knew we were. We didn't. Couldn't post them. Like, there was just. No. There was no need for it. There was not even an option. So we would literally take the photo and then put it away. And I remember that girls trip being one of the most fun trips I've ever been on, like you said, because my memories were so vivid. I have images on my camera, but then I was able to actually reflect on the memory at a later date instead of the. The actual memory being on my phone of me taking a photo.

[Ali Schnacki]

Right.

[Natasha Bure]

And. And so now it's funny because we did that for safety purposes. And we do this annual girls trip and now we just do it on purpose. We will tell each other, like, no posting about the trip, no doing anything just for the sake of being present with each other. And then when we're gone, then let's look at our phones because we want to see what we were just experiencing, but we don't need to look at it while we're here.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, that's so good. There are honestly things I don't really remember, but do remember just because there's a photo of it.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

Yeah. It's a weird thing.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And realize I'm like, oh, I wasn't very present because I don't even remember what else happened other than the memory is the photo.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

It's a strange place to be. Natasha, when you went to camp and you got. I mean, you would go for a month. You were a month or. And you had to ditch the phone, I mean, literally drop it in the box and you didn't get it for four weeks. And we only communicated by letters. How. Tell me that experience of how that made you feel.

[Natasha Bure]

I would always say time after time. That was one of my favorite parts of camp because.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Did you feel that way going into it the first time?

[Natasha Bure]

I didn't really know what to expect. I don't think that I was as nervous. Also at that time, I don't think that I was as attached to my phone because I don't even know if at that time I had a smartphone. Like, it really was just used for text. I'm pretty sure. I don't think that I had any sort of smart device. Um, but then honestly, handing over my phone and it going in the box and not seeing it was the most freeing feeling. I felt such a weight lifted off my shoulders. And I think the difference is that in that environment, nobody had phones, nobody could even tell time. We weren't allowed to have watches, we weren't allowed to see anything. Like it truly was eyes up, look around you. Enjoy conversation, have meaningful discussions, whatever that looks like. And I just remember that being so fun because I never had to worry. I never had fomo. I never had, oh, well, what is she watching? Or what are you watching?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Natasha Bure]

If the two of you went on your phones right now, I immediately would just want to go on my phone because you're doing it and I would just be sitting here. You know what I mean? And so the fact that nobody around me was doing that, I was actually able to just embrace the nature, the community, the people around me. So honestly, I loved it. What's hard is then you come back and I remember feeling like, well, I don't need my phone. I just went a whole month without it. And then the second I would be in a room with all my friends and they would have it, that's when I felt the need of like, okay, well, everyone else is doing it, so I need to.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

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[Candace Cameron Bure]

I don't.

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[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, I remember Max saying that about camp too. That how much he loved it solely because people Weren't on their phone. Other kids weren't on their phone. And he was like, got to talk to everyone. Everyone's eyes were up. We got to know each other. And then, you know, I think about you guys in school today. I didn't have, I didn't have the phone growing up, obviously. I had the phone attached to the wall. We had a big, long, curly, cute cord. If we wanted to try to have the conversation in another room, usually the phone was in the kitchen and you try to go out the kitchen door and stand outside with this huge, long curly cord and get some privacy. That's how it was for me growing up. So that part is a whole different age in that you guys even have your cell phones at school or you did, obviously you're not in school anymore. And I'm actually really happy that today there's so there are schools now just starting to ban phones at school, which I am so really part of.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah, you are.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah. Why do you say that?

[Natasha Bure]

I don't know. I'm just shocked that you are in support of.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Super in support of it. Because I think about you guys even on your lunch break or I know they don't call it recess in high school, but they call it whatever, whatever your snack break is.

[Ali Schnacki]

Nap time.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Nap time. Like everyone, everyone has their phone out. And so even during your 30 minute lunch break or 25 minute lunch break, I just think about, I think about the times that I connected with my. My friends and we talked about things and it might have been what was just in class, like what we were just trying to learn that I didn't understand. But maybe I know that girl who might not be my friend, but I know she's really smart and understands that subject. So at lunchtime I could go like, hey, could you help me understand this problem? Just conversations like that. I feel like there's so few. But you tell me, because so many of you even at school are. Would be on your phones. I feel like it's a huge disservice to you guys even stunting the growth of a lot of kids today growing up not even knowing how to have conversations with other people because they're so tied to their phones and video games.

[Natasha Bure]

I would agree. Sorry to just.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Natasha Bure]

I would agree and I disagree because do I think that a kid needs to have an iPad out at school during lunch when he could communicate with other kids or during class? No. You can leave the iPad at home. When I have kids would. When they come to a certain age, would I like for them to have a phone for safety reasons, Absolutely. I would love to see, like, make sure they're there. I would love for them, especially just with the climate that our nation is in, in terms of safety. I would like my kid to carry a phone even if it's not a smartphone. I will give him something like that for safety reasons, but I don't need my. I agree. I don't need my kid to be carrying an iPad or be on a computer and not have face to face.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

But that's just it. I think the phones that are saying no phones in school, they can bring them, but they basically go in a locked bag or a box. So then at the end of the day, they retrieve their phone. So you still have access to get a hold of your child. But while they're in school, guess what? The school has a phone number. And I can call the school and request you to come out of class and talk to me. Like if there was an emergency. That's how we did it in the old days. You called the school or you went down, but you. It's just like camp. You actually brought your phone to camp. You gave it up and you got it back at the end of the. I mean, not the end of camp, but at school it would be at the end of the day. So that's why I'm in support of it. You can still bring it. You just can't access it once school starts until it finishes.

[Ali Schnacki]

When you were talking about, like being at lunch and not forming connections with new people and not making friends. So crazy. Because I feel like with social media, we've never been more connected than we are right now. And so lonely.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yes.

[Ali Schnacki]

And it's so. It blows my mind sometimes because I'll actually have people come up to me and say to me, oh, my gosh, you have so many friends. Like, you have so many friends, you couldn't need any more friends. And I actually don't really have that many friends. I just have family and I have people that know me on social media, which is so different.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

There's a difference between different friend and a follower.

[Ali Schnacki]

Yeah, it's so different.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

You can have lots of followers. Doesn't mean you have a lot of friends.

[Ali Schnacki]

Well, and I think our body craves that in person connection so much because that's how God intended us to live, you know, in community with one another. And I was even talking to one of my friends who's single, and she told me, I said, so what's it like being single right now? Because I'M trying to set you up with someone. Right? You know, we have those conversations. And she's like, honestly, Ally, guys don't ask me on dates because they wait until they're not near me so that they can get rejected online. They don't want to face you in person. I'm like, man, yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So guys aren't asking a lot of girls out in person. They'd rather do it over a text or dm.

[Ali Schnacki]

No, but it's even friendships, like, all passed by somebody in the hallway and nobody. Like, they'll act like they don't even know who you are, and then they'll message you, hey, I saw you here. It's so weird.

[Natasha Bure]

Really bizarre.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Dude, that's weird.

[Ali Schnacki]

That's so weird.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

That's why I'm saying, put your phone down.

[Ali Schnacki]

Put your phone down. Today, I've been honored to be here for this. I've been loving it.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

That makes me so sad, though. Like, that's another thing. I know we kind of talked about breaking up. We talked a little bit about breaking up with guys, but it makes me, as a mom, like, it. It hurts my heart. And that's what I'm talking about. Stunting. Stunted growth and development because of phones. I think that's one of the negative things about them that. That people would rather text you and walk by you. Like, they don't know you because they're possibly afraid of rejection in person. They don't know how to really talk in person. And it's very safe for a lot of people behind a phone screen. That's why, you know, we hear it all the time. People have big courage behind a screen.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

But they would never say half the things that they say online that they would to your face.

[Natasha Bure]

And even I think in the formative years when you're young, it really stunts your creativity. I remember, I'm sure it was very similar for you growing up, you know, being with your siblings and things like that. But you. On a Saturday or something like that, my dad would just say, get out of the house. Go play outside. We'd ride our bikes, we'd go in the trees, build, like, forts. Like, that's all we had. You know, we were not very privy in technology. We had very strict rules on, you know, the computer. It's to the point where my mom would go on the computer for, like, two seconds and there would be, like, a search history of something random. And my dad, like, immediately would blame us because he just thought we were always trying to sneak computer time. Like, it was so strict in our house. And I just remember having so much fun with my brothers and being able to like create these worlds and, you know, have all this creativity and imagination and things like that. And now, you know, if your kid is crying at a restaurant, the parents are just giving them the iPad or giving them a movie or there's something like that. And instead of just trying to, you know, when we were young, I mean, we had to just like ride it out, but just communicating with other people.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

We brought crayons and a coloring book. Something else like.

[Natasha Bure]

Well, actually the restaurants provided them, which, by the way, can we talk about, do restaurants still provide those?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I haven't seen a lot. I'm sure there may be a few, but it's iffy.

[Ali Schnacki]

But when they have them, I still get it.

[Natasha Bure]

I want to sing.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I want to.

[Natasha Bure]

And yeah, I was really wondering.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Highlights magazine, for me as a kid, it's an old, old magazine. But to do the hidden pictures on the back of it anytime, even as an adult, if I see that magazine, I'm like, I just want to find the hidden pictures.

[Natasha Bure]

I went to a restaurant a few weeks ago and it was an Italian restaurant. They had the paper plate place settings, you know, and they brought us out crayons because there were, you know, four year olds there. But me and my friends were just, you know, drawing and playing tic tac toe and whatever. And I just thought it was so fun. And we need more of that, I really feel.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So you guys like it in general when you put your phone down. Put your phones down for a while. Yes, yes.

[Ali Schnacki]

Yeah, for sure. And honestly, I just want to be really clear. Social media is not a bad thing like I thought it was. It can be used for so much good. And absolutely, some of my in person, real life best friends I've actually met on social media.

[Natasha Bure]

Mine too, like Sammy.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

I just think the issue comes when, you know, this social media world is realer than the real world.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

And that's where I think the shift needs to happen. But we don't have to be defeated. Like, we can literally just set boundaries in place.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

So that we can remember.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

What are some of your boundaries?

[Natasha Bure]

I was literally going to just jump in about this. I think one of our my boundaries is whenever we're together as a family for any meals, like, our phones are away. My dad was very adamant about not having our phones in the car. And it's funny because I think about Christmas is like pretty much the only time when our family's together. And this past Christmas, we always get a puzzle around that time. Like, we'll get one big puzzle and we'll work on it for several days. And I just remember this past Christmas laughing so hard. And the memories, because all of us are just hovered over this table and, you know, laughing and having conversation, whatever. But I don't think, you know, some of us touched our phones for, like, hours on end because we're doing this puzzle together. And it's just so nice to connect that way. And you also feel like you're. There's a. A give and take within the relationship where you feel like that person's being present and you feel loved and you feel like they love you. And. Wait, I just said the same thing twice, you know?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

It refreshes you.

[Natasha Bure]

It really does.

[Ali Schnacki]

It's so fueling. We actually just had that experience. So I'm from Florida, for those of you guys who don't know. And we just had a huge hurricane that came. And I remember talking to my dad afterwards because our extended family, our friends, my siblings, like, we all come together in the same house. And I remember telling my dad, obviously, we're in the middle, so it's not too scary for us. But I told him it makes me sad that I look so forward to hurricanes. Like, I literally look forward because you guys.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Because we're together. Yes.

[Ali Schnacki]

Like, I look forward to a horrible natural disaster because it's the one excuse that brings us together where we're not on our phones and everyone slows down enough to actually, like, talk to one another, you know?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Ali Schnacki]

And it reminds me so much of that verse in Scripture. It's In Hebrews, chapter 10, verses 24 through 25, and it says, and let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds. Not giving up meeting together, as some of you are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day approaching. And I think. I think it says, like, when it says not neglecting meeting together. And I read about it so many times in Scripture, the power of community. I really believe God's put that in place because it really does refresh us and do something different to where we're empowering one another. We're stronger together. And if we're constantly just on our phones all the time, we're missing a part of who God's created us to be.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, absolutely. And I love the verse in Romans 12:2. It says, do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. That by testing, you may be. You may discern what is the will of God and what is good and acceptable and perfect. So in that way, I think, be transformed by the renewal of your mind. And in that renewal is within God's word in his scripture, so that we know what God's truth is. What. And that is truth. And. And so we'll have to. We have to put our phones down. Unless you're reading the Bible on your phone, which you absolutely can. I love my Bible app.

[Ali Schnacki]

It just reminds me so much. I just want to say this is not just a conversation for people our age. Like, parents scroll on their phones like crazy, and so do grandparents.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Natasha Bure]

You know, and something I also want to add, and this is, you know, applicable to any relationship, but it really does take a toll on parent and kid or your spouse or whatever. When you're on your phone, it might not feel too. You might be doing work on your phone, and that other person might not know. But if you're in a room with someone, for example, if you were just sitting at home and you were on your computer and I was in the same room, I might feel like, you don't want to hang out with me if you're on your phone, and vice versa. If I was just sitting there, it doesn't feel like there's quality time being spent. Even if we're not communicating, which is the crazy part, like, we could not be speaking. But if you were on it and I wasn't, I would still feel that, you know?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Sure.

[Natasha Bure]

And that's a conversation that I actually had with Max, my younger brother. When we would be in the car, the two of us, he would be singing these crazy songs, or he would be FaceTiming his friends. But if I picked up my phone for two seconds, he just felt like I wasn't paying attention to him. And even if he wasn't speaking directly to me, he would tell me, it really hurts my feelings. And so I realized that, and I'm like, wow, when we step into a room with other people, we need to be more mindful of not being on our devices or if it's work, letting the other person know, hey, I'm just gonna be on, or something like that.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

That's very much why we had that rule of no phones in the car. Because especially as the parent, you're driving and the kids are someone sitting next to you, maybe someone in the back. But it's like, that's give me time for conversation. And it feels like I'm literally sitting right next to you, but you don't want to talk to me. You'd rather be scrolling on your phone. So we were just like no phones in the car. So I like that rule. Can you tell me, actually, before the listener question, do you have any tips, like bullet point tips for any people who are struggling to get off their devices or just set boundaries on their phones?

[Natasha Bure]

I know a big one for me is the curfew part of the iPhone, which you can set a certain time where you no longer get notifications. So I think around like 6:30 or 7, which honestly was the time that you guys would normally just take our phones for the night. I don't get notifications. I can go on my phone and see them, but they don't pop up on my phone. And oftentimes if my phone is laying there and I see something pop up, I immediately just want to go grab it because I don't know what it is. If I don't see it going off, then I don't reach for it. So that's something that's helped me a lot. And it actually goes through the middle of the night into the morning. So even in the morning, if it's not going off, if it's not buzzing with messages, I don't see it. So that's been a huge one for me.

[Ali Schnacki]

Something that's been on my mind lately is a social media fast. And I was talking to the girls out there about it, but it even talks about in scripture having a Sabbath and you know, that's a controversial thing in the church. Some people do, some people don't. But I just think for my, for my mental health it is so good. The days that I just put my phone away for just one day and I just live with the people around me. It sets me up for the rest of the week and I think that's a really cool thing. Also, something that's trending right now, and I think you have one is a portable, like a disposable camera. Portable camera, where instead of bringing your phone, you take a picture so you can't edit it, you don't know what it looks like. It's one time, one done.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Developing film is so fun.

[Ali Schnacki]

It's so fun. And then you have the memories later still, you know, you don't have to pick and choose. Like you can do both.

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah. And even in the realm of social media, if you do want to take a photo on your phone, just taking it and putting it down, not posting it in that exact moment and kind of distracting from what's going on. One thing that I think is so funny, every single time, I don't know if you guys have either had experience with this. Every single time there's a beautiful sunset, I want to grab my phone to take a photo, and it never turns out even remotely close to how it actually looks in real life. And I always feel like that's, that's God's way of telling me, just put down the phone and enjoy my creation. And so every time that happens, I'm just like reminded, wow, okay, this is not for my phone right now. This is just for me to enjoy.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, that's so good. So good. I too, as far as phone settings, I utilize them. I turn my notifications off, especially from anything social media, so it does not alert me. And then I use that do not disturb button a lot throughout the day and the sleep. So it tells me I, I have it at 9 o'clock, it is 9 o'clock, wind down, turn the phone off, and then it like cuts off my social media. Of course, if I, you know, wanted to, I can bypass it, but it like shuts it down for me. So there are those settings in there, if you didn't know that your phone has them, and if you, you know, have a, an Android or something, I'm sure it has those settings. So go check it out. Okay, let's get to Elicitor question. This one is from Jessica and she asks. Oh, she's asking me, you do so many things. Do you ever give yourself rest? What does rest look like for you? I do do a lot of things and I do rest, Jessica. I actually prioritize my sleep so much and I try to get eight to nine hours every night. And I say try, but like I really normally do unless I'm traveling across the country and time zones are different, but sleep is very restful for me. I always spend time in the Bible, which is a rest time, because I'm just trying to focus my, my heart and, and mind on, on God for the day. And then as far as like big rest times, I really always try to honor my Sundays with work. And it doesn't always happen because if I'm speaking at a church on Sunday or a women's conference sometimes, but I do few of those a year. And Sunday really is my Sabbath. So I really try to put my phone away as much as possible on Sunday and I'm with my family and go to church and do all of that. So that to me, that Sunday is that Sabbath day of rest that prepares me for Monday and, and then I do some significant rest periods. So I have a job in which I'm able to kind of create this, the type of schedule that I have. So I take a couple weeks off in June and I take a couple weeks off at the holidays and that doesn't move. So I know I'm going to work really hard. But I have that little carrot in the middle of the year that I get to take. So I know I'll have that two week break and then again another two week break in December and I'm very grateful for those. So it allows me to not feel bad, you know, to push really hard because I know I'll have a significant rest period. What about you guys?

[Natasha Bure]

Yeah, I think there's different, different ways that I like to rest, especially on Sundays. I would say probably that's like my biggest day where I just am off my phone and I like to be present. I think something I value and I miss so much was our Sunday routine of going to church and then just.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Having people over and just move back home. I worse you like we're still doing it. What does rest look like for you, Ali?

[Ali Schnacki]

Well, I've recently been learning that rest does not just mean sleep because before I would work really hard just so that I could sleep and I would just be exhausted every single day of my life and I hated it. And so really it looks like figuring out a day, a week where I can go spend time with somebody that I love. Like I love going over to my grandparents house and watching Christmas movies. I love going to eat with my dad. I my dad's actually on this trip with me and this has been a cool time of rest. Even though I'm doing things, it's cool because you know, our relationship fuels my soul. And so just figuring out like the different ways that God calls us to rest in his word with community, like that's really what I've been trying to figure out in my own life, honestly.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, it is a lot more than just sleep and many ways we can find rest. So thank you Jessica for your question. Guys. We're going to be back next week and remember, when life's pressure feels like it's too much, we can be transformed by renewing our mind. So we made a simple gratitude guide for you this season with daily reminders and scripture to encourage you. You can go to Candice.com to find the link and it's also in our show notes. Until next time, be grateful all day, every day. Candy Rock Entertainment all rights reserved.