Dr. Josh and Christi Straub - Establish Good Family Rythms

Summary

The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast: Episode Summary with Dr. Josh and Christi Straub – "Establish Good Family Rhythms"

Episode Details:

• Title: Dr. Josh and Christi Straub - Establish Good Family Rhythms
• Release Date: January 30, 2025
• Host: CandyRock (Candace Cameron Bure)
• Guests: Dr. Josh Straub and Christi Straub

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Introduction: Navigating Life’s Rollercoaster Together

Candace Cameron Bure opens the episode by reflecting on life’s ups and downs, emphasizing the importance of shared experiences. She introduces Season Seven’s focus on parenting, featuring Dr. Josh and Christi Straub as guests.

“Life is like a roller coaster, but it's so much better when we go through it together.”
— Candace Cameron Bure [00:00]

Understanding Rhythms vs. Balance

The conversation kicks off with a discussion on the concept of balance in family life. Dr. Josh Straub posits that true balance is an illusion, suggesting that instead, establishing rhythms can provide the necessary structure for a harmonious family environment.

“I think rhythm is possible. I don't know. That balance is an illusion.”
— Dr. Josh Straub [02:50]

Candace shares her initial reservations about reflecting on her parenting journey but acknowledges the edifying nature of such conversations.

“You can do it all, just not at the same time.”
— Candace Cameron Bure [04:15]

Personal Rhythms and Practices

Lev Bure highlights the importance of daily rhythms rooted in faith, referencing Ecclesiastes and Genesis to illustrate how rhythms are foundational from the start of creation. The Straubs emphasize implementing weekly rhythms, such as Sabbath practices, to cultivate rest and spiritual growth within the family.

“God created the rhythms... You were designed for rest, not to work from it.”
— Lev Bure [05:29]

Candace elaborates on the transformative impact of reimagining Sunday as the start of the week, framing it as a day of rest to recharge for the week ahead.

“What if my week starts on Sunday and I'm starting with rest to fill up my cup?”
— Candace Cameron Bure [12:15]

The Story of Lev’s Divine Timing

A poignant moment in the episode recounts Lev’s experience of hearing a divine nudge to change his morning quiet time location, which led to a significant event that underscored the power of being attuned to God’s guidance.

“Lev would go out into the backyard every day and have his quiet time... one day he woke up and he went to the coffee shop instead.”
— Candace Cameron Bure [29:00]

Lev describes discovering a fallen branch that had crushed his usual spot, symbolizing divine protection and the importance of being open to change.

“God literally moved me. God’s never told me to sit in a different seat. Except that morning He did.”
— Candace Cameron Bure [31:19]

Listener Questions: Balancing Family and Personal Time

The Straubs address a listener’s query about managing multiple responsibilities, such as family, work, church, and personal health. Dr. Josh advises prioritizing personal time without feeling guilty, emphasizing the necessity of “me time” for mental and spiritual well-being.

“That was my sanity.”
— Candace Cameron Bure [34:44]

Lev encourages building community through neighborly interactions and fostering support networks to alleviate feelings of isolation.

“How can I serve you? How can I come alongside?”
— Lev Bure [38:00]

Listener Questions: Financial Support to Siblings

Another listener, Ray, seeks advice on balancing financial assistance to siblings while managing personal finances as a newly married couple. The Straubs recommend:

1. Assessing Intentions: Ensuring that support is not enabling dependency.
2. Spousal Agreement: Aligning with your partner on financial decisions.
3. Spiritual Guidance: Praying and seeking divine direction together.
4. Setting Boundaries: Recognizing red flags if siblings react negatively to your support.

“You have to create a pattern of prayer and connection with your spouse.”
— Lev Bure [41:56]

Candace adds that prioritizing the marriage relationship is crucial and advises against manipulation or enabling unhealthy behaviors.

“Your new family, your husband becomes the priority.”
— Candace Cameron Bure [43:08]

Conclusion: Embracing Healthy Rhythms

Candace wraps up the episode by reiterating the benefits of establishing family rhythms, such as improved mental health, stronger spiritual connections, and enhanced family unity. She shares resources like the "Healthy Home Guide" and encourages listeners to engage with the Straubs' book, Famous at Home.

“Be grateful all day, every day.”
— Candace Cameron Bure [44:24]

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Key Takeaways:

1. Shift from Balance to Rhythms: Instead of striving for an elusive balance, establish consistent family rhythms to create stability and harmony.
2. Prioritize Rest and Spiritual Growth: Incorporate weekly practices like Sabbath to ensure rest and spiritual nourishment.
3. Personal Time is Essential: Allocate dedicated “me time” to maintain mental and spiritual health, which in turn supports family well-being.
4. Community and Support Networks: Building relationships with neighbors and friends can provide valuable support and reduce feelings of isolation.
5. Financial Boundaries: Offer assistance to family members thoughtfully, ensuring it aligns with personal and marital financial goals without fostering dependency.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• “Life is like a roller coaster, but it's so much better when we go through it together.”
  — Candace Cameron Bure [00:00]

• “I think rhythm is possible. I don't know. That balance is an illusion.”
  — Dr. Josh Straub [02:50]

• “You can do it all, just not at the same time.”
  — Candace Cameron Bure [04:15]

• “Lev would go out into the backyard every day and have his quiet time...”
  — Candace Cameron Bure [29:00]

• “God literally moved me. God’s never told me to sit in a different seat.”
  — Candace Cameron Bure [31:19]

• “Your new family, your husband becomes the priority.”
  — Candace Cameron Bure [43:08]

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This episode offers insightful discussions on balancing family life through established rhythms, prioritizing spiritual and personal growth, and maintaining healthy boundaries both financially and emotionally. Dr. Josh and Christi Straub provide practical advice grounded in faith, making the conversation both relatable and enriching for listeners seeking to enhance their family dynamics.

Transcript

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And when he came home and he walked, he walked outside and saw this huge branch, like this length of the patio almost to the house, had fallen and crushed where he sat. Every day he was like, oh, God literally moved me. I sit there every day. And he goes, God's never told me to sit in a different seat. Except that morning he did. Life is like a roller coaster, but it's so much better when we go through it together. Welcome to the kingdom. Welcome to the Candace Cameron Bure podcast. We're here to share conversations about life's challenges, celebrations, and everything in between. Season seven is about becoming better parents with Dr. Josh and Kristi Straub. Come join us. Hi, guys.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Sorry, we're back.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

We are back and again, always happy. I've just been enjoying these conversations so, so much with you guys. I have to tell you, I was looking forward to this season, but there.

[Kristi Straub]

Was a little bit of reservation on.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

My part because I kind of felt like, oh, my goodness, I might be really exposed as a mom, as a parent, and also I might not remember everything because I feel like it. It's been so long ago, and yet these conversations have been so edifying. And again, I've learned so much. It was. Has been great reflecting on parenthood, but also learning to continue to parent my adult children and possibly grandchildren one day. So thank you, guys. I just have loved talking to you so much.

[Lev Bure]

You're so welcome, and thank you for having us here. I mean, this has been a joy.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

It's really been such an honor to talk to your family. I think that's what I was so just like, what a gift. It's like when you really get to see a whole family.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Oh, it's just so.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I know it's cool. And, you know, today's episode was supposed to include our son Lev, and he's the middle child. He's 24, and he recently got married this year. And so Lev was supposed to be here, but unfortunately, some things shifted and he can't be here. So we. It just is going to create some excitement and buzz that on another season, we're going to have Lev and the whole family back together. Yeah.

[Lev Bure]

Oh, so good.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So we're going to move through this episode without Lev, and I will, you know, do my best to. To represent.

[Lev Bure]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And today we're talking about establishing rhythms that serve the family, rhythms about balance. And is. What do you think about balance, Josh and Christy? Do you think balance is an illusion or it's possible?

[Dr. Josh Straub]

I think rhythm is possible. I don't know. That balance is. I know. I remember talking to. We were, like, young, you know, parents, and, like, I don't know how to balance it all. With mentors that were like, if you tried to balance everything, it would require everyone to stay still.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Right.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

It's not possible. And I was like, oh, okay. That. That's really helpful. And so this concept of rhythms has been really life giving because it does give you these sort of building blocks and these marker moments in your days and your weeks. And we'll talk about all that today. But I actually.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Let me just ask the first listener question, because it's exactly what we're talking about today. This is from Christy, and it says, right now, I feel like I'm having a hard time balancing family work, church volunteering, prioritizing my health and workouts. Do you have any advice?

[Lev Bure]

Hmm. Christy, I didn't know this was your problem.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

I know. I wrote it in, and I was hoping you wouldn't catch. I should have made a pseudonymous. It sort of is me. There's a couple things that are going.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

To play, but I. Church volunteered. I'll be honest. In a really long time.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Yeah, yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

All the other things, I absolutely understand. I understand how difficult balance can be, and I agree with everything that you said. And in my. I wrote a book called Balancing it all, and the takeaway from that was you can. You can do it all, just not at the same time.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Because again, when you're balancing, I think of spinning plates, think of the juggler, and they've got everything going. But at some point, you run out of arms, you run out of legs, you run out of props to help it all spinning. And you've got to put something down at one point, and maybe you put two things down, maybe three things down while. While some of the plates are still spinning. But the great thing is you can always pick them back up at another time. That's why you can do it all, just not at the same time.

[Lev Bure]

So I think that is Ecclesiastes, chapter 3. There's a time and a season for everything. And, you know, Ecclesiastes. I think it's chapter seven, where it says there's a proper time and procedure for every matter under heaven. And I think about that often where it's like, lord, is this the proper time and procedure? Is this the. You know, for this thing? Or does. Or should it wait, should we put it off? And praying into those things? I think is really important.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Isn't that where we all think that it's. That those are the Verses that. Is it like a Beatles song or It's a John Lennon song.

[Lev Bure]

Oh, the.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

A time to mourn.

[Lev Bure]

Time to torn.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

The time to mourn is actually the Bible.

[Lev Bure]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The birds. I think it was the birds. Maybe can't even remember who did it.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

But that's one of those songs where you're like, is this a song lyric or is this scripture?

[Lev Bure]

Yeah, that's right.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Tell us the difference.

[Lev Bure]

You know, I look at this, and I love going back. For me, I just genuinely believe that family rhythms, and this is how we have started to implement it into our own home. As parents, our kids thrive on rhythms. Our kids thrive on routine. They thrive on knowing what's coming. And the way we describe this is God created the rhythms. In Genesis, chapter one, you see rhythm from the very beginning of the Bible, when God created the heavens and the earth, and you go through it. We'll start with this. We'll start with a weekly rhythm, because we've alluded to this earlier in the podcast, where God works for six days, creation of the world. And then on the seventh day, he rested. In fact, the very day after Adam and Eve were created, the very first thing they are summoned to do is to rest. And so you look at this rhythm and you go, we were designed for rest, not to work from it. We were designed to live from rest, not for it. We were designed to live from rest and not for it. And so. But yet we live in a culture that is just go, go, go, go, go, go. And we decided, and this is through mentors of ours who have helped us significantly in this process. And it took Christy a little while to want to do this, but is to practice Sabbath. And I think it's, you know, in Matthew, Jesus says, Sabbath was created for man, not man for Sabbath. And so, yes, Jesus came to fulfill the law, but Sabbath is a gift. Sabbath is something that if we took the time and we took a day just to go, I'm gonna. I'm gonna stop. I'm going to cease. It means to cease from the work that God has appointed me to do. And I'm going to get soul rest. And we have gone back into. You talked about having neighbors who were Orthodox Jews. I love learning from the Jewish culture the way that they implement rest. And so we practice a Friday night Shabbat dinner. We start with Friday sundown, and we go to Saturday sundown. And the reason we do that is because we have church on Sunday. And you know that when you go to church on Sunday, if you're Serving or volunteering or doing whatever. Sunday is not a restful day, you know, if you truly want to enter rest. We wanted to find a day that we could genuinely do it together. And so we start with this dinner and. And it's so fun. We make it the best dessert of the week because we want our kids to understand the feasting and the joy of rest that comes from God and God alone. And so then Saturdays, they're just day to day and joy. And so that's been the rhythm that we have created in our home. And I will say it's taken us years to come to a place to cultivate this and to make this a thing, because you always have to constantly be looking back and going, what worked? What didn't work? And I know for a while you kicked back on it.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

And I did. And I, I, like, maybe that sounds funny. Like, I kicked back on rest. I think it's because it felt forced. Like, it's like, well, this is your day of, you know, this forced thing. And it really wasn't until I understood, like, I mean, I guess I know the verses where it's like, this is a gift, like, it's made for us. But it wasn't until I. I mean, I remember this. It was similar to. I had a friend who was suggesting that I use a cleaning binder. I know this sounds so silly. It was like this, like, printout of, like, scheduling my, like, cleaning of the house. And I was like, I just, like, everything in me wants to rebel. Like, no, I don't. I want no more schedules. I want no more being told what to do. I think maybe it's a little Natasha.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Just gonna say it's not like, Natasha.

[Lev Bure]

Yeah. Oh, you know, some of that. And you don't.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

And I think too, like, I was a college athlete, I played, you know, and I don't know if that was part of it too. It's like I was always told when, like, everything was scheduled for me and maybe I could sit in the therapy chair. Maybe that's where it goes back to. But it was similar with rest. I was like, I don't want to be told that I have to rest on this one day. Until I think I got a new revelation on what that meant. Because to me, like, laying on the couch and like, watching a movie or something, like, that's not sure, sometimes that's restful, but I don't want to just lay around and do nothing. And it was until I realized it's actually. What if you looked at it as the Most life giving day of the week. All the things that you don't get to do on other days because of work and homeschool and kids and all the things that you get to do on that day to refill. And then I was, then I thought, you know, okay, I can get behind that. Okay, what is refilling to me? And to me it was like going to coffee with one of my kids. It was, you know, taking them on a little date. It was, you know, actually meeting a friend and like going for a walk or like doing a workout or things that got pushed out and then the normal day to day. And once we actually started to set that day aside of like this is what we not just intend to do, but like we, we schedule it, we're planning to rest this day to refill it changed the game for us. And to do this Friday night Shabbat. I have no background, like I had no understanding of the Jewish customs or it, it didn't mean anything to me until we started implementing and making it our own. I mean, sure, once we made it ours and we invited other families, it's just become these marker moments for. Because we travel a fair bit and Josh will travel. And it's like it gave our whole family these anchor points where like Friday night, even if we're here and we're filming today on a Friday, so tonight we'll go out and we'll go have a big Shabbat dinner out because it's just, it's become the family thing. And that's what's I think shifted the way our life is set up. It comes from these moments of feasting, resting, and then we go out and work the rest of the time.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I love that. I, I'll chime in. I just, and I don't, I don't remember if it was Jenny Allen who told me or maybe Bianca Altoff or maybe I just listened to it in a sermon. Okay. I get all this great information. I'm surrounded by such cool, knowledgeable people. But I started looking at the day and I know that Sunday technically on the calendar is the start of the week. Although you can choose on your Apple calendar. Do you actually want it to start on Sunday or do you want it to start on Monday? Like what do you visually want your calendar to look like? You can choose which day, Sunday or Monday, but we kind of think of Monday as the start of the week because we go through work, starts on Monday and typically have Saturday Sunday off. And Sunday for me is my day because I don't work at a church. I don't even volunteer at the church I attend. And so Sunday has always been our day of rest, but I started looking at it as the first day of the week. So when I look on the calendar and I see that Sunday's the first day of the week, it's what you just said in the beginning. What if I'm starting my week with rest? I've never in 48 years thought about it that way. I feel like, oh, you work Monday through Friday, you have fun Friday night and Saturday, and then you rest on Sunday. And now I started going, but what if my week starts on Sunday and I'm starting with rest to fill up my cup? And then I get to go into my week on Monday recharged and rejuvenated. But I'm the. That's the second day into the week. And then by Friday, I have my nice dinner and I get to kind of do whatever. That's my free day on Saturday. And then my Sunday is my rest and recharge because it's the first day of the new week. Yeah, that's changed my life.

[Lev Bure]

And let me. So, so let's go. Let's go to the daily rhythm that's found in. In Genesis, chapter one. Because it's, it's, it's very similar because when you look at the Hebrew calendar, it says on. On the first day. So this is verse five, There was an evening and there was a morning one day. And then you go down into verse 8 and it says, evening came and then morning the second day. And then you go down into verse 13 and it says, evening came and Then morning the third day. And you see it in the 19th or verse 19. Evening came and then morning. The fourth day. You start to see the rhythm. What comes first?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Evening.

[Lev Bure]

In the Hebrew calendar, evening comes first and then morning. So imagine you start your day with. In the evening with the most beautiful meal of the day. You know, supper, dinner. You have a feast. You start with a feast.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Lev Bure]

God is always about feast, right? And you have a feast. And then he says, you know what? I want you to go rest, Go lay your head down for eight hours, and I want you to start your day just full of rest. And by the way, while you're sleeping, I'll be doing things in your life. I'm not going to rest, but I'm going to be orchestrating things in the supernatural for you. And when you wake up, Adam and Eve walked in the cool of the day. When you wake up, I want you to Spend time with me. I want to show you what I've been working on for your life. And then for the rest of the day that you have left, just go carry out my plans for you.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I love that.

[Lev Bure]

And you think, I mean, just imagine if we had a shift in how we imagined our day, starting with the dinner. And now all of a sudden you get to the end of the day and you go, oh, I didn't have enough time for this, I didn't have enough time for that. I didn't have enough time for, you know, there's not enough. It's never enough. Right. But that's not the only rhythm that's going on. Every single day. God looks and says, and God saw and it was good. And God saw and it was good. Every day he ends in celebration of what he created. And I think if we could imagine ourselves ending even the end of this day and look back and go, let's celebrate what we created together today. And rather than going, oh, I woke up too late, or, you know, we didn't say this, or I didn't say that, or I wish I would have done this instead of second guessing, you go, you know what, God, I trust you with what we put out. Thank you for allowing me the ability to create. It just, we work. We were designed to live from rest and not for it.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Lev Bure]

And it's just some shifts that we're trying to implement in our home so that our kids can have that same mentality. Because I think we have watched it shift our children's, the way their countenance, their excitement about Sabbath, all that type of thing. And so, so great.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

And I think it's also shifting, what I hear you saying too, from a scarcity mindset, like, not enough time, not enough, not enough to abundance, where it's like, God created an abundance, he's given us an abundance. We can live in that abundance. And that gives us all the fuel we need to live out the days. Whatever we're called to, whatever we fill them up with. Yeah, but the scarcity mentality is so exhausting. Like, it literally, you hear when you hear it, when you hear other people talking, I, when I, we used to have that in our home, we would hear people, like hear ourselves talk about it.

[Lev Bure]

And it creates conflict. Yeah, it creates conflict. When you have it, when you have a scarcity mentality, there's not enough time, there's not enough this. Well, now all of a sudden that's probably her fault. So I've got, I didn't have enough time. I didn't have enough. This. Well, she can either take that on as her own or, you know, or she takes it personally. Now all of a sudden, we're in a marital argument over there's not enough of this. As opposed to God's given us. He is, he's. He's supplied all of our needs. Don't worry about tomorrow. He feeds the birds of the air. How much more he want to feed. Like, it's like, oh, God, you are going to take care of everything.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Lev Bure]

And so that rhythm, I think, is so critical as parents. And so I would love to hear from you the rhythms that maybe you guys implemented growing up. I know church we've talked about is one of the rhythms that we're just like, you know, whether it was rhythms that you and Val set for the entire home or whether it was personal rhythms that you have that have fueled your soul. What are some rhythms that you have implemented into your family?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, one of the biggest ones has been exercise in our family. And I just think it's so important from a health aspect, from a mental aspect, and obviously, maybe not obviously, but that was really driven from Val because he's an athlete. And I've seen the importance of it so much in our lives. So I wish that my kids were here and they could tell you from their point of view, but some people may think this is extreme. However, no joke, Val would wake up the kids before school, like by middle school, and they were up at 5am and they would go for a jog before school. And it wasn't really just about. I mean, there was no point. It wasn't like they're trying to lose weight or even gain muscle or anything. It was just to get their bodies moving, their minds were open. And then having that morning routine, okay, now we're gonna shower, we're gonna brush your teeth, we're gonna, we have breakfast on the table, we have family breakfast time, and then we're gonna go hop in the car. But that was a massive rhythm. And then they could tell you about summer, summer boot camps, but like the beach workouts, I mean, I wish. I mean, I'm glad my, my family never did a reality show. However, I would. Every time we did this, and it was every day during every summer, we would go on a family run. But when you have a little five year old, you have a seven year old, a ten year old, and then again as we got older, but it was every year we ran on the beach.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

That's amazing.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Every day during the summer with the Kids. Not every day. I think five days a week.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Only five.

[Lev Bure]

Yeah. Only five days a week.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

You had two days off.

[Lev Bure]

Come on.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And people might think, but you would see the biggest smiles on people's faces because you have these little kids just jogging alongside mom and dad. And as they got older and a little more athletic and more capable of running a longer distance or a little faster, you know, that changed. But that was something, that was a rhythm that was super important. And all three kids are athletic today. And it's again, not really about being athletic, but we just found that there was so much to sports that were so positive for kids growing up because it teaches team, teamwork. It gets your body moving, which again, helps your brain to not be stagnant. That's why we have a hard time with video games, because you're just. I know your brain is working, but it's just in a totally different capacity. We know that science has proven that fresh air and out in nature change the dynamic of your mental state of your body. So all of those kinds of things that were so beneficial were really important to our family. And I think today, all my kids are so happy that they may not have loved it when they were little or all the days, but so happy that that was an ongoing rhythm that has never stopped their entire lives.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Wow.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And I'm grateful for it, too.

[Kristi Straub]

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[Candace Cameron Bure]

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[Lev Bure]

Well, I would go to my personal rhythm and you know, that's, that's a huge one for me. I'm up before everyone else is out of bed. And if I'm not, I, I feel it. I, I haven't gotten time with the Lord. I haven't gotten my workout in. My workout for me is, is a, it's a holy experience. Like, it's not just about for me being physically fit. It is about, yes, I want to remain healthy, but it is me spending time with the Lord. It is me spending time. It's a mental and a spiritual growth discipline for me. And then I get time with the Lord, I get to sit in prayer and I get to spend that time. If I don't do that in the morning right before everyone else is out of bed, I'm a very different person. And I think it's the fuel of experiencing the love of my father, you know, after my night's rest to give me the fuel for the day ahead. And that's a huge rhythm for me.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Yeah, mine was similar. Like, I think in those early years of, like, littles, like, I just wanted to sleep. Like, I was so tired. And so that's what went to the wayside is I didn't wake up early. I didn't have a quiet time. And I am a different human if I don't get that time with the Lord. And, and then working out was just Done. Like, I just. It wasn't even on my radar. And in these last years, I think the one thing when waking up, I have my quiet time and then I do a prayer walk. And the prayer walk, for me, it's, yes, it's half exercise, but it's. I'm moving and I'm praying and I have worship music in my ears and I'm outside and it's like I see him, I feel him. I. It's like things. It's different than even just sitting in my chair and reading or journaling. It's. It's. It's moving through me almost. And then I'll come inside and often they'll do a little workout too. But like, it really is. That makes. And because I homeschool and I'm with the kids all day, if I don't have that, I almost come in, like, resentful, like of the kids. Of like, you know, it's like you're taking. And that's. They don't deserve that. And I. I don't want to live like that. I want to be the fullest version of me. And that's, you know, in these last years where we've realized if we don't prioritize, everyone feels it.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

There was another. I just remembered while Val was playing hockey, but it went on probably for another 10 years after he retired from hockey, is that our house shut down from 12 to 2pm in the afternoon. And that's because while Val was playing, he had to nap before the games. But he didn't just nap before games. He napped every day because his body was in that rhythm. And so, you know, your. Your body best knows when it keeps the same rhythm over and over. And that was something that was interesting because especially when the kids were really little and that's when he was still in the NHL. I had to keep a quiet home from 12 to 2. But it really taught the kids, you know, this is a priority. And papa sleeping and. But it quieted down my house from 12 to 2, with no exception. And if the kids were not being quiet for some reason, it was my responsibility to take them out so that Val could have his rest. But I'm like, I didn't realize how long that went on. And then Val's body was in such a cycle of. That he. Because he wakes up so early, he works out so hard, which he still does to this day. Like the. The guy never stops. He'll be a professional athlete the rest of his life, but for probably 10 years after it was the same rhythm. And it probably wasn't until the kids were in high school where the naps finally, not for my kids, but the naps started going okay every couple days or only if I'm tired, you know, he would lay down or do something, but everyone just knows. It's like, sign on my doorbell. Like, postman, do not ring my doorbell. I mean, legit. Sign outside my doorbell. Do not ring my doorbell from 12 to 2pm My. Like our entire. I mean, for at least 20 years.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

That's one. It's funny because that's been our rhythm for the last 12 anyway. Just because of kids naps. But, like, what a beautiful. It is a beautiful rhythm where. I mean, so many other cultures have these little sies. I feel like Americans are just like. We're the ones who don't grind.

[Lev Bure]

I know Lev's not here, but I also know that he, you know, just is preaching now and he's got his own stuff going on. But just you've talked so much about him and his own rhythms. If he were here, he would share some of this. But I'd love for you to share even maybe some insights from what you've seen in him.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Lev Bure]

Because he's the one child that we haven't had on. But. So maybe we can talk about it a little bit.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

So different from the other two. And Lev, truly, we're calling him Pastor Lev now because now he's preached two sermons on his own with his church. And it's pretty incredible. But, man, he has a pastor's heart. He's been that way since he was a very young boy. And it's been incredible to see the discipline in his life and the rhythms that he's carried on his own, that as parents, as much as we try to teach and nurture and enforce, like, we really haven't had to do much of that with Lev. He's just always done it himself. But I'll tell you, like, one really cool story that was just amazing. What God did, when we reflect on it, is that Lev, one of his rhythms, there's a place when he was still living at home before marriage, he would have his quiet time every single morning, and he'd go out into the backyard and there's beautiful oak trees that are so old. And those branches, they are horizontal. I mean, some are vertical, but they're so big and horizontal and they extend way out. And there's a couple branches that extend right over the patio in a horizontal way. We have them wrapped with lights. The, you know, the Outdoor, big, bulby lights. So then at nighttime, when we're having dinner, it feels like a little cafe in the back. I mean, so beautiful. The lev would go out into the back every day, every morning, and he has his quiet time. Spends time with the Lord and reads the Bible and journals and reads a book, and it's the same time every day. And one day he woke up and he walked out, and he. And he. And God just was like, no, you're going to change it up today. And he goes, I just had a. Like, just got a feeling from God, like, I'm going to go do this at the coffee shop today. Not here in my same seat that I sit in day after day after day. And so he got up and he went to the coffee shop to do his quiet time. And when he came back, one of those huge branches that was over the patio that hung directly over the chair that he would sit in every single morning, had broken off. And we are talking about hundreds, if not thousands of pounds. I mean, I can't even wrap my arm around how big the branch was, how wide, because this is a old, old oak tree. And the whole branch came down so much so that it completely crushed the chair.

[Lev Bure]

I've got chills. Oh, my gosh.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Just smashed it completely. And when he came home and he walked. He walked outside and saw this huge branch, like this length of the patio, almost to the house, had fallen and crushed where he sat. Every day he was like, oh, God literally moved me. I sit there every day. And he goes, God's never told me to sit in a different seat. Except that morning he did.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Wow.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And God, that was. It just was, like, incredible that he also listened to the Holy Spirit.

[Lev Bure]

For him to hear the Holy Spirit.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Because he's like, this is my routine. This is my rhythm. And he was like, but today it changes. I don't know why, but it changes. And it was because God was protecting him.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Whoa.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

How crazy is that, you guys?

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Whoa. And, like, how much that speaks to not just the power of rhythm and routine and meeting with God and, like, you know, the cool of the day, like, sitting with him, but then also being open to. We're not.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

It's.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

This is not religion. This is not regimented. This is, like, we're open to his voice to shift us and move us. And I just. That is such a powerful story.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah. Should we take a listener question?

[Lev Bure]

Sounds great. Yeah. Good.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

You want to. One of you want to read it?

[Dr. Josh Straub]

I can read it.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Okay.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

From Claire.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Okay. Claire said, how do I Make time for me in the trenches of motherhood when my spouse is gone all the time. Also, how do I vocalize? I need date night. To my husband who thinks it isn't necessary.

[Lev Bure]

You want to tackle the first one? I'll tackle the second one.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

The second part.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Oh, the trenches of motherhood. I just one. Actually, Candace, I think this would be great for you. Like, you had a spouse who was.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Gone all the time.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

All the time.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

You know what? That you live that. What was that like for you?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, that was a. That was a tough season. And that's when the kids were really little, when Val was playing hockey, because it definitely switched midway through. But that was hard. Listen, I was exhausted and I wasn't my best self, but I did all the things that I could do and tried to survive it. I know I probably was not the most pleasant to Val because once he got home, I would be like, the kids are yours, you take them.

[Kristi Straub]

I need a break.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And it wasn't in an honoring way that I would look at now. God changed my heart on that and had me recognize that. But, you know, I don't know how old your kids are, Claire, but I found the time because there usually is time, even when your kids are little and maybe that's their nap time. And it might look a little different. It might be 30 minutes one day, it might be two hours another day.

[Kristi Straub]

Or if your kids are in school.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

I made that time me time. I prioritized. It might not have been every day because there's household things you have to do if you're running the ship on your own. Yeah, well, when they're in school or they're. I have to go. Go to dinner. I need to pick up paper towels and toilet paper and I have to do all the errands. But at least one or two days a week, I'd say, I know I'm going to have this one hour, two hour window. This is my time, and I'm going to do whatever fills my cup. And for me, that was usually time in the word time with God or time with a friend that I could have an adult conversation that was really, really important. And I didn't feel like, oh, I'm just a lady who's lunching and having. It wasn't about that. It was like, no, I need edifying adult conversation because I'm with kids all day and I love them, but that was my sanity.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Lev Bure]

That's so good. Did you have something you wanted to add to that?

[Dr. Josh Straub]

No. I mean, that was me too. Because Josh, he traveled a fair bit when the kids were little and we didn't have family. And I just felt that was my hidden season where I just felt so alone. But friends, I would say friends. For me, prioritizing friendships, even in this. Like, I didn't want to in some ways, like, it was like I didn't even have the energy to reach out. I would rather, like, I look back and I'm like, I probably would have rather take a nap, but it was like I knew that on the. It's just like working out or doing all the. You do the thing and you're so grateful. On the other side, where it's like, I felt life come back into me. And that was, for sure, friendship.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah, that was also. And I don't. I don't know where Claire lives, but, you know, some people live in neighborhoods, they have neighbors. I know some people, if you're like, maybe like, you guys out on a farm, maybe you don't have close neighbors. But that was one way that I got to know my neighbor Lisa, who had her five kids, is because I would just send the kids out to play in the front, in the street, in the cul de sac. And, you know, I was out there by myself. But eventually, kids see kids and they come out and play, too. And then that felt so edifying that I got to know my neighbor, because then she'd come out. Cause her kids wanted to play, and you just get to know people. And my sister did the same thing who homeschools her five kids. And there were so many kids in her neighborhood, and they never came out. But my sister is like, everyone's outdoors. She has fun. She'll set up a hockey game. She'll get the bikes, the skateboards, the everything. She's like that mom. And, you know, I think within the first six months of them having moved into that neighborhood, she didn't even know there were kids that lived in that neighborhood.

[Lev Bure]

Wow.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

And then once her kids were out and it was like, every night, you know, whether it was before dinner or after dinner, all the kids started coming out. And even parents had told her, like, you've changed our neighborhood. Like, thank you for what you've done. And it brought community. But, you know, that can give you, as a parent, just to talk to other parents in the neighborhood if you're able to have that. And maybe it'll look a little different for you. But that's a big gift, too. So don't be afraid to start it, because you never know who's Going to join you.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Yes.

[Lev Bure]

Yeah. And I think that's just a beautiful component of it being. Being the light, the city on a hill, you know, where we just carry what it is that God has given us to bring. Community. I just want to address the second part. How do I vocalize I need date night? To my husband, who thinks it isn't necessary, I just start by saying, I'm sorry, Claire. Like, that's just hard. And where I would say to start is not by, you know, criticizing or nagging or putting him on the defensive, because that's. I think that's the natural, probably way to go. I mean, we've. I've. I've been there with. With my wife.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

I've tried that. It doesn't work.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

No, it doesn't.

[Lev Bure]

But the, you know, Dr. Carol Rustbout found that an us against the world attitude is what leads to high marital satisfaction. And so I would just encourage Claire to, you know, vocalize your own desire that you miss him. Vocalize your own desire that you miss us. You miss what we had, maybe when we first met one another, and that you want to recreate some old memories. And maybe a date. It doesn't start with a date night. Maybe it starts with saying, hey, how can I serve you? How can I come alongside? What can we do that you love? And maybe that's something staying inside. And after the kids are down, you have an old movie that connected the two of you or whatever it is. But you find a way to enter into his world. And I do think you have to vocalize that you miss him, that you desire this. Because it sounds like you're not being supported by him is what you're in the trenches and you're not feeling maybe supported by him. I think it's important to address that, but do so from a standpoint of how can I also come alongside you? And that's going to really. It just. I think, for any of us. And again, I don't want to make this, you know, that you're. I think for all of you, have to vocalize your voice. You have to make your voice heard, but at the same time, you've got to make your voice heard in a way that's not going to push him further away and put him on the defensive, but that really unites the two of you as teammates, and that's really where you start to then see. And don't expect the date night to happen immediately. Allow other things to maybe come into play where it's a simple connect, you know, like you and I do with our porch swing at the backyard after the kids are in bed. To me, that's a date night. So.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Okay, we're gonna answer one more. This one's from Ray. She says, I've recently graduated college, started my career, got married in the same year. Congratulations.

[Lev Bure]

Yeah.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

As we began married life, there have been instances where we've had to help siblings financially. In the midst of us trying to settle our financial battles, budgets, at the beginning of our marriage, I'm personally torn from wanting to help since we have a little extra, and desperately wanting to have a really good savings so we can be stable and prepared for bigger emergencies, whether for us or others. How would you balance it financially, mentally, and spiritually? Wow, that's a great question.

[Lev Bure]

It is a fantastic question. First of all, I just want to honor. Yeah. Say congratulations. And second, honor your heart for being willing to help siblings. Yeah, I think that's a big, beautiful, beautiful heart that you have. I will say, are your siblings ultimately using you and. Because if they keep coming back and coming back and coming back. Yeah, that's at a point where I'm like, oh, wait, wait a second. I can get. Tell me what you need money for and let me figure out how I can pitch in and help and maybe support what it is that you are doing to get on your feet and grow and that type of thing. But what I'm not going to do is I'm not going to finance laziness. I'm not going to finance, you know, because that's at a point where it's like, whoa, that's just too. That's a responsibility and a burden that will put tension on your marriage eventually.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Lev Bure]

Because now your. Now your husband is. Or yeah, I'm assuming your husband is going to come in and go, man, this is just this. We're not going to. Or you're.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Yeah, that was. My question was just like, how is that? Maybe if you're both in agreement that this is something you want to do? Like, I think sometimes the Lord gives us these, like, people, and he's like, I'm asking you to step in and serve me in this way. And. But at least for us, we've always known when we're in agreement on those things. And yet when it's like. But I feel, you know, it's this allegiance or so loyalty to my siblings, my parents, like we talked about in laws, you know, when that starts to divide the two of you and you're not in agreement, then I would just pay attention. Probably More to that, because if you're in agreement in giving, and that's in stewardship. Beautiful. And if. If you're not that.

[Lev Bure]

And that's where the spiritual component of this comes in, the mental and spiritual component is making sure you're praying into it with your spouse.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Lev Bure]

Are we supposed to give and how much are we supposed to give?

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah.

[Lev Bure]

And. And. And start praying. And what do you think the Lord's telling us? What do you think the Lord's telling us? And continue to pray into those things, because what you're going to do early on in your marriage, you just got married, you just graduated college, so now all of a sudden, you're not that far into marriage. Marriage becomes your first priority relationship. And. And now all of a sudden we're praying into these things. And I want to make sure that what I'm doing is that I am. You're setting a pattern. I want to create a pattern of prayer and a pattern of connection with my spouse where now all of a sudden, just like we talked about, we're all trying to learn how to hear from the Lord for our own lives. And now all of a sudden, you learn to start to do that with your spouse from the first year of marriage. Wow. What a foundation you're laying.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Yeah. Yeah, that's. That's so great. And I would only add to that, is that, remember, if you are married now, your first priority and commitment is to your marriage and your husband. So, yes, that might be your sibling. Yeah. And again, if you have the ability and you together desire to help, I think that's a beautiful, honorable, you know, blessing to give to them. I just, I do struggle with it. Just make sure it's not manipulation or it's lifestyle or things like that. But you have to be agreement with your house. Like, that's, that's the part where it gets hard, where you're breaking from your family and that's part of marriage and like a whole other discussion. But it can be tricky, especially when you're close to your family, but your, Your. Your new family, your husband becomes the priority. So.

[Lev Bure]

And I would say this, too. How are your siblings reacting to when you say no? You know, if you say no and there's this big, why wouldn't you continue to support me? Now all of a sudden, there's something going on within your sibling that they're expecting this of you. It causes red flags for me.

[Dr. Josh Straub]

Yeah.

[Lev Bure]

And so you also have to pay attention to their reaction and who they are.

[Candace Cameron Bure]

Well, we hope that helps me, guys thank you. Another great episode. Remember that we have a free gift for you this season called the Healthy Home Guide and it's from Josh and Christy's book Famous at Home. You can get [e-mail] and the link is in our show notes where you can also get their book. Until next time. Be grateful all day, every day. If you value local, trustworthy and high.

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[Candace Cameron Bure]

Thanks so much for watching. Click like if you can relate to the stories Josh and Christy shared and comment what question you would ask if you could. Candy Rock Entertainment all rights reserved.