← The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast
The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast
Girls Under Pressure with Allie Schnacky and Natasha Bure- The Comparison Trap
00:41:36
Candace is joined by Allie Schnacky (JWLKRS Worship) and Natasha Bure for “Girls Under Pressure”
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- [00:00]
Candace Cameron Bure
Social media is so trained us to focus so much on ourselves 247 and not on others. Number one, it's a good thing we recognized it because that's the first way.
- [00:09]
Natasha Bure
To change the world.
- [00:10]
Candace Cameron Bure
Is constantly refining that ugly spirit inside of my heart that I don't like. Like, I don't want to be that person. So let me do something to combat it and drive it out. Fill it up with something else.
- [00:21]
Natasha Bure
I don't know about you, but I love to colorfully highlight my Bible. Mr. Pen is the brand of Bible highlighters that I use. Mr. Pen is dedicated to creating pens and highlighters specifically to be used in your Bible. With over 1 million 5 star reviews on Amazon, they are the most popular Bible highlighters and pens on the market. To get 10% off your first Mr. Pen order, go to candicepens.com Join me in diving into the Word in 2025. No matter who you are, life can feel like a roller coaster. But in the beauty and the cha. If you look for it, life is full of love, joy and kindness. Welcome to the Candace Cameron Bure podcast. This podcast isn't about me. I have made it for you. I'm here to share open conversations with my friends about life's challenges, celebrations, and everything in between. Season nine of the podcast starts right now and it's called Girls Under Pressure. If you are a teenager or a young adult, or if you have a teenage daughter in your life or a woman in her 20s, this is your season. My special guests are Ali Schnacki of Chosen and Free and Jaywalker's podcast. And my very own daughter is back, Natasha Bure. By popular demand. Come join us. Hi, ladies.
- [01:59]
Candace Cameron Bure
Hi.
- [02:01]
Natasha Bure
How are you?
- [02:02]
Candace Cameron Bure
Good.
- [02:03]
Allison Aki
How are you?
- [02:03]
Candace Cameron Bure
So good.
- [02:04]
Natasha Bure
I'm very, very excited about our season. I. I'm trying. I'm trying to calm the dorky mom vibes down in the sense that, like, I want to be cool when I sit here with you and we want the dorky mom.
- [02:22]
Candace Cameron Bure
We want it. Bring it on.
- [02:24]
Natasha Bure
That's now admitting that I am dorky mom. But I am. I totally am.
- [02:28]
Candace Cameron Bure
I've never looked at you and thought you're dorky ever.
- [02:31]
Natasha Bure
I. I'm. I'm. Well, first of all, before I get into this whole season, which I'm just. I'm very excited about all the things that we're going to talk about because, Natasha, you were on with Josh and Kristy Straub, and we got so many emails and messages from people and your episode really impacted people and which caused us to say there's so many, not only moms out there raising daughters, but so many young women, whether they're high school, they're college age. That related so much to what you were talking about. And they said, can we deep dive on girls right now growing up? And so, yes, let's do this. And so I'm so grateful that both of you are here. And, Allie, let's just start with you, because I could read your bio to everyone, but I think it's better when you guys just share from your heart what you're doing, what you're up to, how people know you, where they know you from, or where they can find you.
- [03:35]
Candace Cameron Bure
It's so funny that you say that, because yesterday when I sat over my bio, I literally told my dad, bios are so weird to me sometimes. So my name is Allison Aki, for those of you guys that don't know. And honestly, how people know me is a way I would have never expected. In 2020, God called me and my family to start social media and be a family to the family list. Like that was during quarantine, a time where a lot of people didn't have their people and they were isolated. And so we just started making videos for fun, relatable family content. And the Lord really used it to breathe life into people and to connect them with an online community. And every. Everything we do is rooted in the heart of bringing people back to who their creator is, because we've realized in our own lives that is where we find true fulfillment. And so God has just expanded our influence, and we've tried to do everything we can to push it all back to him. And I started a women's ministry we'll probably talk about called Chosen in Free Community. Out of a season of my life, that the Lord just really transformed my identity and broke me free from so many things that held me back so many years growing up with comparison, which is our topic today. Yeah, I'm so excited to get into it because it's such a real struggle that even still to this day, I have to die too daily and say, lord, you've created me for a purpose.
- [04:53]
Natasha Bure
Yeah.
- [04:53]
Candace Cameron Bure
I'm also a part of Jaywalker's worship, which is our family. We have a collective, and we all.
- [04:58]
Natasha Bure
And your family consists of my.
- [05:01]
Candace Cameron Bure
Oh, my gosh. This is the hardest question you could ever ask.
- [05:04]
Natasha Bure
Why?
- [05:04]
Candace Cameron Bure
Because our family also has extended friends that are our family, and we all live together, so I never know who to include and who to not. But my biological family, there's seven of us I have two older brothers, Noah and Colby, and two younger sisters, Noelle and Ella, and then a ton of our friends live with us, so.
- [05:24]
Natasha Bure
Okay. And mom and dad.
- [05:25]
Candace Cameron Bure
And mom and dad.
- [05:26]
Allison Aki
Okay, the heroes of the story.
- [05:29]
Natasha Bure
Awesome. Natasha, tell us about yourself.
- [05:32]
Allison Aki
I am an actress. I'm a musician, and I'm also a content creator, which is so fun that we're talking about all things, you know, young women, because that's really how I got started on social media. You know, obviously on YouTube. I didn't really have any friends going through a lot of the struggles that, you know, I was when I was 15 or 16, and I went. Was on YouTube really quite a bit and then started making videos, and now I feel like I'm a big sister to a lot of these girls on the Internet, so I'm really excited to dive into these topics.
- [06:04]
Natasha Bure
Awesome.
- [06:05]
Candace Cameron Bure
So cool.
- [06:05]
Natasha Bure
I love that. I really am grateful you both are here. And this week's episode, we are talking about comparison. Comparison in all kinds of areas. Comparison on social media, comparison with others. Other. Other girls, maybe even with your siblings, whether it's in school or at work, talking about our true identity, even jealousy with. With one another and. And maybe even some fomo.
- [06:36]
Candace Cameron Bure
That's a real thing.
- [06:38]
Allison Aki
It is a real thing.
- [06:39]
Natasha Bure
And the. The whole reason I want to talk about these things with you guys is because I am a generation older than you, and of course, Natasha, I've raised you and your brothers, but I really want to hear things from your perspective and what it feels like growing up, because I can talk about how I've parented growing up, but it's very different to hear the relatable stories from your eyes. And I think, Natasha, again, from the episode that you were on, that's what resonated so much. And I appreciate both of you in your authenticity and being vulnerable and sharing, because as Christians, that can often be challenging because there's sometimes, like, this perception that we're all great and perfect and we're certainly not.
- [07:32]
Candace Cameron Bure
Right? So, so true.
- [07:34]
Natasha Bure
Let's talk about comparison. Who wants to start? Does. Do either of you remember one of your first moments that you started comparing yourself to someone else?
- [07:44]
Candace Cameron Bure
Yeah, I mean, I'll start comparison. I truthfully believe I was sharing earlier with one of the girls here, but I really think that that was probably the biggest way that the Enemy came into my life and really tormented me growing up, tried to rob me of my identity. And, you know, I started. It started off, I think probably when I was in dance. I grew up in a really competitive dance Studio. And I had girls around me that were more talented in a world's perspective. You know, it was real. They actually could dance better than me. And so I constantly was looking at them, and if I was invited to the same things as them, if I was in the same dances as. As them, to like, determine what I was worth. And growing up, too, my brother, he grew up, like, completely in a social media realm. Even before it was kind of a thing. He was really in the entertainment industry. I wasn't. It was kind of a foreign world to me. But I would always go to events with him. And it's funny, because even as I was praying about this podcast yesterday, I met up with one of my friends, and we were walking, and it reminded me of this time that I came to Visit her in 2019. I wasn't on social media at all. She was this. This other girl that we were with was also just an influencer online. And so I already felt kind of weird. Like, I wonder if they're going to accept me because they have all these followers. You just have this weird stigma of how you think people are going to be when they have followers. They were so accepting of me. And I remember them bringing me into all of these different friend groups. And this happened many times in my life, even with my brother, where I would go with him into these opportunities where he would make connections with all of these influencers. And I would think that I was becoming their friend, too. And I would form these friendships with them, and then at the end of the night, we'd all exchange, like, Instagram's contact information. And this happened in 2019 when I was here. But whenever it was my turn to give my Instagram to the person that I was hanging out with, they would follow everyone and never follow me back. I was the one person that they would choose to just not follow back. And I remember being so hurt because I think I bought into the lie that if these people didn't even see my value and I was. I mean, I had hung out with them the entire day. I thought we were cool. If they didn't even accept me, how could God accept me? Why would he want to use me if they. They didn't even want to be my friend? And it's crazy because I actually. I grew up in the church. Like, I knew what God said about me in my head. I just don't think that my heart really believed it. And so that created a whole journey where I was constantly trying to advance in life to prove to myself and to others That I was worth something. And one of the most pivotal, life changing moments in my life was in 2020, I was called to Brazil. I wanted to do missionary work there. And when we were there, there was this day God actually called us to hike five miles in the heat. And we're so excited. I was so expecting, like, Lord, I believed he was going to do something huge. And we, we hike up this hill. I remember not even thinking I was going to make it all the way up. And we go and we knock on all these people's doors, we enter their houses. A lot of them didn't even have doors. I just thought it was crazy we were walking in these people's houses. Hey, Trying to like, take together my broken Portuguese because my best friend's Brazilian. I kind of knew it kind of didn't. And I invited all these people to this gathering at the playground. We were going to do this revival kind of ceremony night thing. And we invited a hundred people. And I remember it was so expectant, praying God, do a big thing. Do a big thing. I believed it in full faith and only five people showed up. And I, it hit me and I was like, man, God, like, this is a failure. Like, this isn't. Why did you have us hike all this way for these five people? And I remember just being frustrated, like, I wasted my time. I'm tired, I'm thirsty, there's no bathroom. And the Lord, it was almost as if he spoke directly to me and I could hear his voice. And he said, allie, I do not base value the same way the world does. My heart, like scripture says in Luke, is to go after the One. And that's exactly how I feel about you. Your value is not based on numbers. What people think about you, what your number is on a screen. It's just solely because you're my daughter that I love, love you, I'll do anything for you. And if your whole purpose in this earth was to be in this desolate little town where nobody sees you, nobody knows what you're doing, but I know that you're being faithful. That is more than enough. And it literally changed my life. I felt like in that moment, the Lord told me, like, you know what? Doesn't matter, doesn't matter what these people. Like, I compared myself to, what they thought about me, what I thought about myself. I knew that I was chosen by him, which means to be selected as the best option.
- [12:18]
Natasha Bure
Incredible. And I want to deep dive into more of those. All the feelings that go around there before you got to that, that End result. But Natasha, share with me a time that, like, the first time you remember comparing Sonny.
- [12:32]
Allison Aki
The first time that I remember comparing myself was to Lev. And I feel like that was just, honestly, probably. And Lev is my brother. Sorry, just for those of you. Lev is my brother. He's 18 months younger than me. And growing up, we did everything together. My family was such a tight knit group and he was my best friend growing up. We played the same sport, we played the same tournaments. He was always much more talented than me, academic wise in sports. And then I remember when we had moved to Los Angeles when I was about 10, I told you I really want to start going out for commercials and auditions, and that's my passion. I want to act. And that felt so unique for me because no one else in our family, except for you, was doing that at the time. So it's kind of our thing. And you would take me to auditions and I loved it. And when I was in eighth grade, I booked the lead role in the eighth grade musical, which is like this huge deal. And I grew up doing musical theater, so I was just so pumped and, you know, had a great experience. And then I remember two years later, Lev went out for it and he booked the lead and started at the same time, like modeling and going out for auditions. And I remember, I think I cried when he got the lead.
- [13:48]
Natasha Bure
I think you did.
- [13:49]
Allison Aki
Because I was so mad that he was going to step into a world that, like, I felt so passionate about out of fear that he was going to be better than me. And there was just such this. Yeah, this level of jealousy that I don't even think I've ever experienced with another female. Like, truly, I think love has just always been this person that I've looked up to in so many ways. And so for him to kind of step into my world for a second, I, you know, I remember just being really sad about it. And we had a conversation where I remember you told me, like, his win is not my loss and there's room for everybody in every single industry and every single, you know, place and in life in general. And that was really eye opening for me. And I remember then when I did watch him, I remember crying again because I was so proud of him. And I was like, this is so awesome. Like, my brother's so talented and he's so, so, you know, wonderful at everything that he does. But, yeah, I, I certainly do remember that being the, you know, one of the first times that it really struck.
- [14:49]
Natasha Bure
Me, what, what are the biggest areas that you feel right now at the age you're, you're at. And I say this understanding and want the viewer to understand that both of you love Jesus, both of you have a biblical worldview. So we are looking at the discussion through that lens. But I want to know if you will be as honest as you can be. What are the places right now in your Life that as 20 somethings, you feel you still struggle with comparison wise? What are the, maybe the triggers or the places that, that make you feel that way or, you know, the insecurities?
- [15:35]
Allison Aki
I would say for myself, a huge one is probably body image. I think being on camera a lot and putting yourself out on social media, you are just very aware of the eyes on you. And so I think that's a huge one that I struggle with. And then probably also career wise, you're always comparing yourselves to others around you and the success that they might be having that you're not. I would say those are my two.
- [16:01]
Candace Cameron Bure
Yeah. I would honestly say with being on social media especially, it's so hard to not go back into that old mindset I was freed from and base how sick, like how worthy I am off of where I'm at, career wise. And that's something, honestly, it's crazy, right? Because when God breaks you free from comparison by knowing your identity, it's not something that you're broken free from once. Like I literally have to die to the thought of comparing myself every single day. And something that, honestly, Natasha, when you were talking kind of sparked my mind because I went through that with my brother too, is I hated so much not being able to be happy for the people that I loved most in the world because I was so chained up by comparison. And it almost made me angry because I love my brother more than anything. And I hated that I couldn't just be happy for the people that I loved, that I couldn't be happy for my friends when, you know, they were succeeding and doing good because I felt like I was, I wasn't good enough, you know, And I think that's, that's really where knowing your true identity in Christ comes in. Because you can't ever celebrate someone you're competing against. Yeah, we have to figure out what that root is.
- [17:13]
Natasha Bure
You know, you talked about that moment. You are broken free from that. Can you explain that? So the person that doesn't speak Christianese, they're listening. And I say Christianese because, like they're, they don't know Christ yet or they're just baby steps right now, or this is There's a. There's a woman around your age that's like, I don't know about this Jesus thing, but I feel called. I feel pulled. I don't know what that means. How did you get broken free from something?
- [17:41]
Candace Cameron Bure
You know, I love that you said that because it makes so much sense. And I remember listening to people talk when I was kind of newer in my faith and thinking, what are they even saying right now? And so for me, that moment when I was in Brazil was just the beginning, kind of of what I called broken free. It was really a thought that came in my head that I knew was not my normal way of thinking. And so I thought to myself, this has to be something else. And for me, I grew up in the church, so I identify it as the Holy Spirit in me as God, you know? And after. After that trip, I went home, and this was really, I believe, the moment that God really broke me free. I was in my bed. Growing up, I always felt like guys didn't like me. The ones that I didn't like like me. And then the ones that I like, I never thought could like me. You guys know how it goes. And I was so heartbroken one day in my bed because of this relationship I had built up in my head that was not even real. This guy probably didn't even know me that well. And I was sitting there looking at my phone just broken, crying to God, lord, will you ever bring the person that you have for me? I'm comparing myself to my friends that are in relationships. God, I'm so faithful. Why aren't. Why aren't you bringing this for me? And the Lord spoke to me in that moment by a thought. Again, I didn't hear a voice. It was just something that contradicted how I normally think. And I realized there's something different going on here. And I heard the words in my head, stop acting like you're not worthy. When I believed you were so worth it, I sent my son down to earth to die on a cross for you. And for those of you guys that don't know, Christianity is that, you know, aren't a believer. Maybe this is the first time you're hearing about Jesus. That's the gospel. God, we believe, loved his creation so much that he sent his one and only son down to earth to live the same way that we live. To experience all the pains and suffering that we experience, but conquer them so that through him we could be free from those things. And in that moment, I really was like, you know what God I can sit here and I can feel worthless the rest of my life, or I can accept who you've called me to be, which is chosen. He says that in scripture, not just about me, but about each and every one of us. So if you're listening to this and you're like, well, this is the first time I'm hearing this, I want you to know, and I want you to know, like, you are chosen by God. That means to be selected as the best option. And what's so amazing about that is it's the best option for what he has for you. I will never be the best option for what he has for someone else. I could try to put on the clothes, I could try to act the way that they act, run their race, but at the end of the day, it's only going to hurt me because God created me for my race. And that's what's going to fulfill me. You know, that's a.
- [20:20]
Natasha Bure
That's a hard thing to wrap your brain around. It totally is, most of us.
- [20:24]
Candace Cameron Bure
Totally.
- [20:25]
Allison Aki
I have a story that it just reminded me of. I remember when I was in kindergarten, there was a girl in my class named Bailey, and she was such a soft spoken, gentle, spirited person. And I was a big yapper on every report card I've ever gotten. They told my parents, like, she just talks a lot in class.
- [20:42]
Natasha Bure
I think that was Max. But you might have been.
- [20:44]
Allison Aki
So I remember that this was on my report card because I would go each summer and I would say, okay, when I come back to school for first grade or second grade, I'm gonna try to be like Bailey and I'm gonna try to not talk and be really, like, shy and mysterious in this whole whatever and a day. And obviously that did not work. And I remember when I got to high school, we had a conversation. I'm sure it was amidst a fight, but you were just like, I can't wait to see you use your stubbornness for good and like, shift what that is. And we had that conversation in last season. But, you know, it was such an eye opening conversation because I remember wanting to be like someone so badly. And I think that it's beautiful to have, you know, aspirations and qualities that you really admire. But at the end of the day, God made you so uniquely, it's so important to lean into those qualities instead of suppressing them and trying to be someone else, because that's just not how you're made. And so I think within that conversation, it was so encouraging to me to go, okay, I have a really fiery, passionate personality. How can I use that for good? How can I use that to impact people instead of trying to be this quiet, shy person that innately I'm just not, you know?
- [21:54]
Candace Cameron Bure
So true.
- [21:56]
Natasha Bure
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- [25:48]
Candace Cameron Bure
Yes. Parents have no idea how powerful they were. Their words that they speak over us are.
- [25:55]
Natasha Bure
And the same. And the same being when we speak negative words, because we are. I am super guilty of that, too.
- [26:02]
Candace Cameron Bure
Is it the same. Is it the same for, like, you guys, too? Like, if your kids speak encouragement over you, how does that make you feel?
- [26:10]
Natasha Bure
Oh, my goodness. Yes. It. It is the exact same. I. There's. There's some things in life that there's no age for it, so it doesn't. You'll hear a bunch of old people say, like, I feel like I'm in my 20s. I never left. And there is. There's something in your brain that I think keeps you at the best places in your life. Wherever you have felt the greatest, at least I hope you feel the greatest and not in that negative space, but you still live in that. So, like, words of affirmation. I love that. So that's really my love language. So hearing it, whether it's from my children, whether it's from a coworker or a friend or just some random person on the street that's like, hey, I like your shoes today. I'm like, oh, my gosh, I made me feel so good. It doesn't stop, is what I'm trying to say.
- [27:04]
Candace Cameron Bure
It's so cool. The Lord's actually really been showing me that lately. Me and my sister were outside the other day, and I don't know if you're like this with your siblings. Natasha. I could not be closer to my family, but for some reason, it's so awkward if I look at my sister and I tell her all of the things that I love about her. Like, if I'm like, ella, you are the most this, this, this person I've ever met in my life. For some reason, it's just like awkward. I don't know why. It's kind of like when sometimes I pray for my sibling one on one, like, I feel just a little weird, you know. But we made ourselves do this the other day where we sat next to each other and we said, we are going to sit here for five minutes and affirm each other. And it was so awkward, we couldn't even look at each other in the eye. But it was literally like power strengthen ours. It was the most unbelievable experience I've ever had.
- [27:48]
Natasha Bure
Yeah, that is really powerful because I'm wondering. Because I know when I, when I compare myself and I'm struggling with that. And I think, I mean, the easy go to for me, for all of us right now, I think is social media because you can easily be scrolling and you see someone that you think like, oh, she's prettier than me. Oh, she has a better body than me. Oh, she makes more money than I do. Oh, she's whatever. Her life is just better than mine. It's such an easy, easy place. And yet sometimes, at least for me, when we've heard encouraging words before, sometimes I can so easily just be like, no, you're lying, you're lying.
- [28:29]
Allison Aki
Like, when.
- [28:31]
Natasha Bure
I'll use an example very recently, because I still, you know, struggle with, with. I'm, you know, I'm approaching 50 guys in a year and a half. In a year and a half. But, like, I'm excited about it, but there's just things in my life where I'm like, I have some goals by the time I'm 50, and so I want to be more, more fit that I am. And I know some of you guys are going, what? You look great. And I'm like, thank you. I feel like I look great, but I want to be more fit. I want more muscles. And so when I'm complaining in the mirror, Natasha, I'm sorry you have bad body image because I think a lot of that stems from me. We're going to talk about that in a whole other episode. But sometimes you could go, mom, you look great. Mom, you look great. And I'm just like, thanks, but you're my daughter. Like, it doesn't.
- [29:18]
Candace Cameron Bure
Right, right.
- [29:19]
Natasha Bure
Instead of sitting and listening to it and saying thank you. I hear that. Go ahead.
- [29:26]
Allison Aki
It's so funny to me because it just in opposition, that would mean more to me because I know you wouldn't lie like if Papa or Lev or Max gives me a compliment, I'm like, wow, Like I got one from them because I know they wouldn't like this. They would be so honest. And you know me, I would be.
- [29:45]
Candace Cameron Bure
So honest with you.
- [29:46]
Allison Aki
So to me I'm like, oh, if, if any one of like my close friends or my family speaks anything over me, that's like such a win compared to. And you know, this is something funny on social media, like I could get a thousand comments telling me I'm beautiful, but I could still think I'm ugly on that day. You know what I mean? Or in that photo or whatever. Like it does it. That's like the same thing with that.
- [30:06]
Natasha Bure
You were saying, so how do we, how do we combat that? How do we fight that for the, for the girl that's out there saying, I struggle with comparison in so many different ways. How do you break free?
- [30:21]
Candace Cameron Bure
It's so interesting that you just said that about yourself because all I hear in my mind is comparison is such a lie and it's such a trap that like tries to roll us from actually living with joy. It's so true. And I was even thinking about me and my sister Ella's conversation when we were encouraging one another and it was so eye opening to us because the areas that she was comparing herself was to me and, and vice versa. Like the areas I felt weak, I was comparing myself to her. And we were able to look at each other in the eye and say, why would you ever compare my yourself to that? Like, you're so great in this area and remind each other of each other's strengths because we're all so different. You might be prettier than me, but God's given me this gift, you know, And I think one of the best ways to combat comparison in my life, besides going to the Bible is, honestly speaking, truth over myself. Like, what do I like about myself? And there have been moments I shared this, I think, with you, Natasha, but a defining moment in my life was I had this woman growing up that I believe the Lord strategically placed in my life when I needed her most. And I was at her house one day she would disciple me in this group of girls and she had us get this piece of paper and write on one side what we liked about ourself and on the other side we passed it around and everyone else wrote what they liked about us. I sat there for 20 minutes and I could only come up with one thing I liked about myself and it was that I'm real. Only thing I had to say nice about myself. And then everybody passed it around. They said these nice things. And like you said, I kind of was like, oh, you guys are so nice. But you had to write something. I wrote it off. But what's so crazy about that is I look at how God's transformed the way I view myself as I've gotten closer to him. And really, as I begin to dive deep into who God, like, into His Word. It's not even God, show me who you've called me to be, but I just dive into getting to know who he is by reading my Bible or by listening to a podcast like this one, he begins to automatically transform the way I view myself.
- [32:23]
Natasha Bure
Yeah.
- [32:24]
Candace Cameron Bure
You know, yeah.
- [32:25]
Natasha Bure
But he does.
- [32:26]
Candace Cameron Bure
I think that's a big one for me. Also, just realizing, going back to my thing with my sister is we're all comparing ourselves to someone, not one of us is not doing it. And so just realizing, like, we do have our different strengths and just glorifying like, lord, you've given me this. And that's good.
- [32:41]
Natasha Bure
I think that's good. You're recognizing saying, yeah, I struggle with this. And God did give that person this and this and that.
- [32:50]
Candace Cameron Bure
Yeah.
- [32:51]
Natasha Bure
But again, just like you said, Natasha, it doesn't take away from God what you gave me. And I think that's a great piece of advice to reaffirm and affirm what God did give us to have an honest conversation with ourselves. Make us to sit down and take a pen and paper out or get your smartphone out, put it, write it out on there, the things that you like about yourself. And, you know, there might be people that are sitting there for 20 minutes going, there's. I can't really write much about it.
- [33:24]
Allison Aki
Yeah.
- [33:25]
Natasha Bure
But I would also say, why don't you pray about that? Why don't you ask God to show you what is unique to you, what is maybe if you don't even like something about yourself, but what is unique to you, what makes you you? And start there.
- [33:41]
Allison Aki
I think comparing yourself can be such an easy trap to fall into. And then once you're there, it just keeps going down and it can be really hard to stop. And so I remember a couple months ago, I was on a girls trip with some of my best friends, and one of the girls was just having a really tough time. She was just kind of comparing herself to everyone that she was seeing online and just wasn't having, you know, the best day. And she was at a big low. And instead of allowing her to kind of sulk in that the other three girls were like, nope, we're not doing that. Let's all go around and let's say something that we like about ourselves, and then the other three girls are going to say something that they like about you. And we did it in the car for probably 45 minutes in traffic. And it was. Everyone was crying by the end of it. Because it's also so unique. You never know what other people notice about you that you don't notice about yourself.
- [34:33]
Candace Cameron Bure
Right.
- [34:33]
Allison Aki
And so that whole conversation was so eye opening. But now within my friend group, we've been so adamant about cutting off the negative self talk right at the source. Like, the second that it starts. Nope, we're not even going there. Because once you start, you truly can't stop.
- [34:48]
Natasha Bure
It's so good. And it's good that what for one of you to recognize it, you guys say it out loud. But there needs to be that person that's like, hey, we're gonna stop that. I did that with. When Dylany and I. Dylan, he's my best friend. And when we were in high school, we always called each other loser. We're like, hey, loser, what's up? Hey, Loser. That was just our nickname for each other. And it was in love. It was totally friendly, but we called each other loser. And one day, and I think we were probably 18 or 19, I think she was in college or at this point, I didn't go to college. And we just looked at each other and I go, you know, we call each other loser and loser's pretty. It's like a pretty loser word. I mean, it's. It's a negative word. He said, why don't we call each other something positive like. Like, hi, beautiful. Hi, princess. Hi. You know, even bestie. Just something that's a positive. Because I'm like, we say it every day to each other, but what we're hearing is loser every day. Why world are you gonna call Dylan.
- [35:54]
Allison Aki
And say, hi, princess in?
- [35:57]
Natasha Bure
Well, I didn't want to say queen because I'm just like, you know, needs two snaps with it.
- [36:03]
Candace Cameron Bure
It's so true. Why does it need the two snaps? Because I feel like it does. That's so funny.
- [36:09]
Natasha Bure
Well, I love that. I love that, and I hope this has encouraged people. We always take listener questions at the end of every episode. So to. And then feel free to just jump in and answer. Today's listener question is from Bethany. And she asks, how do you handle people that are more selfish today than they were ever before? I see it in my own Attitude. I'm hoping to see a better change. What is the key to not being selfish?
- [36:43]
Allison Aki
I will just say, I think so much of that has to do with social media and the self gratification that we get from whatever we're seeing online or whatever we're posting online. And so I would say put the phone down and just kind of look up, look at the people around you. Appreciate obviously the beauty in life and the community around you. And then dealing with those other people, I've just learned more than anything, you really are who you surround yourself with. And so if you find someone that's kind of in that, encourage them to be better and then also just be mindful of that behavior and not wanting to mimic that.
- [37:21]
Natasha Bure
Yeah, yeah. It's crazy.
- [37:23]
Candace Cameron Bure
It's crazy. She said that. I was literally thinking this morning, social media is so trained us to focus so much on ourselves 247 and not on others. Like even I'm editing a picture of myself all the time, or I'm looking at my camera roll. I'm just so focused on me. And I honestly have been feeling the same way that Bethany's feeling. And I really, for me, just feel like the Lord has been telling me, number one, it's a good thing we recognized it because that's the first way.
- [37:49]
Allison Aki
To change, you know.
- [37:50]
Candace Cameron Bure
And number two, just sometimes making yourself do things that you don't want to. Like I don't want to sit in the kitchen and do my sister's dishes. I want to tell her off and tell her to do the dishes, you know?
- [38:00]
Natasha Bure
Yep.
- [38:01]
Candace Cameron Bure
But I'm not going to. And I'm going to trust that if I do it, like the Lord is constantly refining that ugly spirit inside of my heart that I don't like. Like, I don't want to be that person. So let me do something to combat it and drive it out. Fill it up with something else, you know?
- [38:15]
Natasha Bure
Yeah, that's Good. Well, Philippians 2, 3 says, do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility, count others more significant than yourself. It's good. It's hard. It's hard to take our eyes off of ourselves, but it's just something that we have to renew our mind in. I, you know, was talking to a girlfriend yesterday and I was having the bad day, so I was crying on the phone. I was just in a hard place. And she just spoke words of encouragement into me and prayed over me. And it was, I mean, it just, it, it changed my whole day. I just, I felt loved and cared for and by the end of the conversation, which I was just pouring out all the things that I'm going through, I then said to her, you know, well, you know, how are you? Or how can I pray for you? And she just says. She said to me, she goes, I want you to know that you're seen. I am telling myself this, too. And she then told me, and had I not asked, I don't know if she even would have told me. But she was going through stuff in her life that was 10 times worse than what I was going through, and yet I had no idea she was just. She was considering me more important than herself to pray for me and speak encouragement into me. And it was like, at that moment, it was such a beautiful thing. It was like I had no idea. Thank you for sharing and opening up to me. And I. And that was the. The epitome of selflessness. And it was this beautiful reminder to. To. It's okay that we feel our feelings. And I wanted someone at that moment to pour into me, and it was great that I did. But at the. At the same time, I just looked at her as, like, up on a pedestal because it was such a beautiful friend moment, that she cared more about my needs in that moment. And so it's a good reminder when I'm with the people in my life and when I see someone going through something hard or when you don't even see someone going through it hard and you're the one complaining, it's like you never know what the other person that's on the other side listening is actually going through.
- [40:49]
Candace Cameron Bure
I love moments like that. It just makes you want to be that friend so bad.
- [40:52]
Natasha Bure
Yeah.
- [40:53]
Candace Cameron Bure
For other people.
- [40:54]
Natasha Bure
Yeah. Well, thanks, Bethany, for this question. And that's it. That's our. That's our. This episode today. That was good, guys. I love it. I can't wait to come back next week when you're under pressure. Practicing gratitude can change everything. So we made a simple gratitude guide for you this season with daily reminders and scripture to encourage you. Go to Candace.com to find the link and it's also in our show notes. Until next time, be grateful all day, every day. Candy Rock Entertainment. All rights reserved.