Priscilla Shirer - Surrender Everything You Face

Summary

The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast: Episode with Priscilla Shirer - "Surrender Everything You Face"

Release Date: December 17, 2024

In this heartfelt episode of The Candace Cameron Bure Podcast, host Candace engages in a profound conversation with renowned speaker and author Priscilla Shirer. The discussion delves into navigating life's tumultuous challenges with faith, resilience, and purposeful living. Below is a detailed summary capturing the essence of their dialogue, enriched with notable quotes and structured into clear sections for easy comprehension.

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1. Opening Anecdote: Earthquake as a Metaphor for Life’s Challenges

The episode begins with a light-hearted yet poignant discussion about experiencing an earthquake:

• Candace (00:00 – 00:16): Shares a personal experience about feeling an earthquake while in Texas, highlighting the contrast between unexpected life events and their ability to remain grounded.

• Priscilla (20:26 – 22:24): Relates the earthquake to life’s unforeseen challenges, emphasizing the importance of having a steadfast support system during turbulent times.

Notable Quote:

Priscilla: "The earthquakes of circumstances, trials, hard things, they are jarring... and it's important to hear from somebody who has already been through earthquakes and can tell you that you’re going to be okay." (21:40)

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2. The Role of Laughter and Family Fun in Coping with Stress

Candace and Priscilla transition into discussing the significance of humor and togetherness in the family setting:

• Candace (01:15 – 03:01): Reflects on moments of uncontrollable laughter on set, illustrating how shared joy can alleviate stress.

• Priscilla (03:01 – 05:13): Describes family traditions like attending sports games and playing board games, emphasizing the importance of creating quality time amidst busy schedules.

Notable Quote:

Candace: "Life is like a roller coaster, but it's so much better when we go through it together." (00:16)

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3. Faith as an Anchor During Life’s Trials

A significant portion of the conversation centers on maintaining faith amidst adversity:

• Priscilla (09:03 – 13:09): Discusses viewing life's trials as opportunities to grow closer to Christ, using the analogy of forging a sword through fire to illustrate personal refinement.

• Candace (13:08 – 13:39): Agrees, sharing her personal experiences of facing challenges that have strengthened her character and faith.

Notable Quote:

Priscilla: "Every trial in my life... has formed me into the image of Christ." (12:24)

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4. Grief, Loss, and Spiritual Assurance

The conversation deepens as Priscilla shares her personal journey through grief:

• Priscilla (13:39 – 16:18): Opens up about losing ten loved ones and how these experiences have cemented her belief in the Holy Spirit, providing her with unwavering confidence and assurance.

• Candace (16:05 – 18:19): Highlights the importance of building a solid foundation of faith before adversity strikes, likening it to laying a foundation during calm weather to withstand future storms.

Notable Quote:

Priscilla: "The fact that you can still show up with any sense of sanity, that is a supernatural act." (15:30)

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5. Parenting Through Challenges: Encouraging Resilience in Children

Candace and Priscilla offer insightful advice on guiding children through their own challenges:

• Priscilla (24:37 – 32:59): Reflects on a book titled Do Hard Things, advocating for encouraging children to face challenges head-on rather than avoiding them, thereby fostering strength and wisdom.

• Candace (32:09 – 35:13): Shares personal anecdotes about her children handling challenges with grace, emphasizing the importance of allowing children to grow through their struggles.

Notable Quote:

Priscilla: "No challenge is an invitation and opportunity for you to show up in strength, gain wisdom, and learn something you didn't know before." (25:58)

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6. Listener Questions: Navigating Communication and Complaints

The hosts address listener inquiries, providing practical advice:

• Open Communication with Teens (33:34 – 35:48):

  • Elizabeth's Question: How to maintain open communication with teens when disagreeing with their behavior.

  • Priscilla and Candace's Response: Emphasize the importance of having already planted seeds of trust and openness, allowing space for teens to grow while keeping communication lines open.

  Notable Quote:

  Priscilla: "The fact that you know what's going on because they told you is a huge win in your relationship with your kid." (34:37)

• Stopping Complaints Without Suppression (37:19 – 40:36):

  • Elise's Question: How to stop complaining without repressing feelings.

  • Priscilla's Advice: Advocates for cultivating gratitude to balance out dissatisfaction, suggesting daily practices of listing things to be thankful for to shift perspective.

  Notable Quote:

  Priscilla: "Gratitude is the thing that tempers the reality of needing to share what it is that might need to be shifted or changed." (39:40)

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7. Closing Thoughts and Upcoming Content

As the episode draws to a close, Candace and Priscilla hint at upcoming discussions and special offerings for listeners, emphasizing the continual journey of surrendering and growth.

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Conclusion

In this episode, Candace and Priscilla Shirer intertwine personal anecdotes with spiritual insights, offering listeners a roadmap to navigate life's challenges with faith, resilience, and intentional living. The emphasis on gratitude, open communication, and facing hardships head-on provides practical tools for enhancing personal and familial well-being.

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For more inspiring conversations and resources, visit Candice.com and explore Priscilla Shirer's book, "I Surrender All."

Transcript

[A]

We actually had an earthquake last night.

[B]

And apparently for people that live in California, this is normal.

[A]

And the first person I thought of was Priscilla, because I said, I know she's in her hotel room and I don't know if she's ever been through an earthquake. She may be freaking out.

[B]

We live in Texas. The earth don't move in Texas.

[A]

Like this life is like a roller coaster, but it's so much better when we go through it together. Welcome to the Candace Cameron Bure Podcast. We're here to share conversations about life's challenges, our celebrations, and everything in between. Season 8 is with my guest co host, Priscilla Shire. Come join us. Hey, Priscilla, how are you?

[B]

I'm good, Good.

[A]

I'm having a great day.

[B]

Yeah, it's a good one.

[A]

What's not to love? Like, what's not to.

[B]

We're here.

[A]

We're here. And I'm with you, talking with you, so absolutely. It's pretty awesome.

[B]

I. I want to start.

[A]

Okay, you start.

[B]

All right. Candace, I have a question for you. Okay. I want to know when's the last time you laughed so hard that you were crying? Just like, uncontrollable emotion and hilarity.

[A]

I think it was two weeks ago. And that feels like a big span for me because I'm a crier when I laugh. Like, that is almost my immediate. You just leaked tears stream down my face. So usually when I'm on set because I just finished filming movie and I work with great people and the director that I work with consistently tries to make me laugh really hard, but something always goes awry or something or. Or someone just, you know, you don't get something right, Especially when you're acting and then you have to be serious and you're trying to keep it together and you're just looking at someone's face and their face just turns funny. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And so I. I mean, I think I cried, you know, cried. Laughed at least twice on that set. I mean, to the point where they're like, okay, the artist comes out, I need the tissue. Have to fix the mascara. Like, it's a whole lot. But those are the best laughs to me.

[B]

I think so, too. And honestly, that's what makes me cry laugh. It's because someone else is. I. It is the most contagious thing to me when they cannot get it together. I'm done. Yeah, I'm completely done.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it always comes at the times when you're not supposed to be laughing.

[B]

Which is what makes it more Funny.

[A]

Especially, like, if you're in church and something happens.

[B]

There are certain people I do not sit to sit next to at church still this day, and I'm grown, but I know if we sit next to each other, this is not going to go well.

[A]

Right. Oh, those are the best friendships, though. Oh, I love it. I want to know, what does fun look like in your house? Like, when you're with the boys, you're with Jerry. Like, how do you guys play together?

[B]

You know, our. This started many years ago, and I had to wrap my mind around the fact that this was going to be our playtime. It's that the boys had a game. One of them had a game, their basketball game, football game, which means we're going to be together. That became our family time. Like, I would want to make these other pockets of family time. And Jerry's just like, babe, you're going to have to relax into the fact that our family time is attached to one of these boys is playing a game. Yeah. So just the car ride time there and us, like, all singing a song together as we go, or. And even that, gosh, now I'm having a whole family counseling session, because that gets even hard when everybody's on their devices. Like, you're in the car, but you're not actually in the car together. You know, like, there's a little old tenderness in my heart about how hard it is to just literally be together.

[A]

You know, I get it. Val nixed the devices in the car.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When the kids were young, but still today, like, my kids know in their 20s, if they get in the car with their dad, because I'm a little bit more relaxed about it. They cannot be on their phones. Yeah.

[B]

Because it's like we're not even together, and we're together. Like, you know, so just that time in the car when they were younger and us, like, fooling around and then being at the game together, that was always fun. And we just sort of, you know, friends were around and everything. And then the ride back home and stopping to get something to eat, just sort of.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Allowing the organic nature of what is our life to constitute family time. We're all going to do this thing. Let's go support your brother and all do it together and tag on a few things that make it totally.

[A]

I mean, I remember even in between the practices or the. The period of the hockey game, that little inner mission that you get 15 minutes just going, okay, let's go outside and we'll play knee hockey for 15 minutes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

With the other kids in the family, while, you know, the other ones playing the game. So.

[B]

And now that they're older, one of them in particular, but. But at least two of them love to go thrifting with me.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

And, I mean, it's our jam. You know, if there's a Goodwill somewhere, Salvation army, or just a little vintage thrift store. We're gonna tear through there, that is. And live our best life. So I enjoy that.

[A]

I love that. My youngest son, he's always like, mom, want to go shopping? And that's, like, my love language. Okay. Even if I don't buy anything, I just. I like looking at pretty things. I just do. I. I'll window shop. I'll. Whatever. Of course, if you can. It's really fun. But. But I just like looking at pretty things. But he. He also knows that mama will buy him something, because I'm like, you want to spend time with me?

[B]

You want to spend time. See, that's how they get so manipulative.

[A]

But he's like, mom, do you want to go shopping with me? And then I'm like, I do. And then I'm like, it's Max. Max, that. You look so handsome in that. And he's like, well, I can all. You know, I can only afford to buy this. I'm going to just buy this one shirt. I'm like, but this one looks really good on you. Yeah, I just can't afford it, Mom. I don't. I don't make the kind of money.

[B]

He's playing you.

[A]

Okay, Maxi, I'll buy it for you. You do it all the time. I'm such a sucker.

[B]

They have your heartstrings.

[A]

I know. And I tell the other kids, I will buy stuff for you if you want to go shopping with me. But, like, Lev doesn't really want to go shopping. And I don't know. Natasha and I have a good time, too, but I think I'm just a sucker for Max. I admit it.

[B]

Oh, that sweet boy.

[A]

We like playing board games, too, in the Hooray house. That's been really fun. And Uno.

[B]

We're an Uno family.

[A]

Yeah, we love Uno.

[B]

Yeah. And Skip Bow. Do you know about Skip Bow?

[A]

No. What's that?

[B]

It. It's from the makers of Uno. This is so crazy that. Because nobody knows about it. I didn't either. And then I played it with an uncle, my uncle who lives in Germany. Their family plays it all the time. I was like, what is this? And then he said, yeah, it's from Uno. He said, I don't know why anybody in the States doesn't know about this. So then you go to Walmart or Target and you look on the shelf. It's right there next to the UNO cards. And it is the best, most fun game. Go get some skippo cards.

[A]

I will go get it. It's right away.

[B]

Greatness.

[A]

Awesome. We love it. We laugh. We laugh really hard when we play games together. There's this one game that's like a meme game. So the cards have popular meme images. And then you, you get like, you pick five cards and they have different sayings on them or different mantras or whatever. And you basically try whoever picks up that meme card the image out of your five cards that have text on it, you're trying to match like, what would be the funniest kind of caption for that picture?

[B]

What's the name of this game?

[A]

I can't remember.

[B]

You can't remember it?

[A]

We need to find it.

[B]

The meme game. What do you mean? Hey, I love. What do you mean?

[A]

Yeah, I'm so funny. But then we will do like our own version of it and kind of ditch the. The cards that have the text on them and we will just pull up the image and then we roast each other.

[B]

Perfect. We roast each other.

[A]

So we'll put this. And we'll like caption what mom would say with this image. And then everyone just comes up, you know, just says something that's funny. We howl.

[B]

We.

[A]

That's the best. It's pretty fun.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

I love it. Okay, so what are we talking about this week?

[B]

We're talking about board games today, apparently.

[A]

But it's so much fun and I think it's just retrieved because we're talking about, we're talking about deep feet. We are, you know, deep God stuff.

[B]

Important things too. But we are.

[A]

But it's always fun to. For it to go along with a little laughter. Not that we're not laughing along with our walk with Jesus, because I certainly am, like in the best of ways. There's so much joy there. But this week we're talking about everything you face. So is this challenges that we face okay?

[B]

Absolutely. And you don't have to look hard to find challenges. You just keep living and challenges are going to come find you because life is out here. Life in it is doing a lot. Just with the current temperature that we live in culturally and, you know, the issues that we're facing corporately, like, it is just unbelievable the amount of pressures that we have that aren't even connected with our personal private life necessarily. They're just around us. We feel the weight of that. And then underneath the roof of your own house, there are relational dynamics. There's doctor's diagnosis. There's personal pain and heartache and crisis that erupt with one of your kids. I mean, it is a constant reality of life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And if we're not looking at the trials that come with life as opportunities to be formed into the image of Christ, that nothing that has happened to us has escaped his purview, he hasn't. He's not shocked by what shocked us last week or what popped up on our cell phone or the text message we got that is, you know, we can't believe this has happened. He's not shocked. He's still sitting on the throne. He still has us in mind and in heart. He's still watching over us. That right there gives me so much of an anchor, knowing that he's not as shocked as I am.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it makes me be able. It doesn't mean that it makes it easier. It just makes me to be able to relax a little bit because I have a daddy who loves me and he's going to take care of this and he's going to take care of me. And I know that if he's allowed it, he is utilizing it for my good and for his glory.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And again, that doesn't make it feel better. It just means there's some hope attached to it.

[A]

Exactly. That's a huge perspective to have that it's going to be used for my good and for his glory. Like, that's. That's one of those verses that you just have to keep repeating in your mind over and over and remind yourself with the. Literally renewing your mind with his word, with his hope.

[B]

And we don't. We don't like trials. I mean, we'd rather go through life. Ease, comfort, peace. That's actually what we want.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or I should say ease and comfort. That's what we want. We want happy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But when we think back over our lives, probably the times when we were most in tune with the Lord, the times when we pressed into him most fully and fervently are probably those times when we were having hardships in our life.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

You know, it's probably when we had. We were flat on our backs. And so then when you're flat on your back, the only place you have to look is up. And you turn your attention to him in a very unique way that you might not otherwise. And, you know, we've been talking this through these episodes about the forge movie, and the name of the movie is Because a sword. People that see the film will see that, how critical the sword is to the entirety of the film, the storyline of the film. And a sword is forged to a sharpened point in fire. That's what allows that iron to be able to be fashioned into the point that it needs to be with the. With the sharp edges. It needs to be able to do the thing it was designed to do. Without fire, it can't reach its full potential.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's true of us, too. And we don't. We don't like the fire. And I'm not going to try to spiritualize the fire necessarily. To make it feel good. No, it doesn't. It's hot. Right. But there is a sharp edge that comes out of that. There is a point, there is refinement that allows us to be able to serve the purposes of God more fully than we would if we hadn't gone through it.

[A]

Yeah, for sure. Every trial in my life, I felt that. And you. And then I went. Once you've been through it, I can look back and say, well, what am I. How did you refine me? What are you shaping in me or reshaping in me? And what. What have I learned from that? And how have. How am I growing in that?

[B]

But it does.

[A]

It makes you. And it makes you tougher.

[B]

Does. And we need some backbone. I mean, to be able to have some sense of resilience in the. In the day and age in which we live, to have some backbone in our faith, to have some backbone in our character. We're going to need some spiritual meat on our bones.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we can't do that if we haven't been through anything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, we've gone the distance a little bit through some things that actually were pushing against us, but we kept going anyway. And it builds spiritual muscle in us and on us.

[A]

How has. Because you shared that you lost 10 people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In your life. How. I mean, facing those trials. I shouldn't say trials. Facing that grief.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I mean, what does that look like for you?

[B]

Well, I will tell you that one of the main things that it's produced in me is a confidence that is more concrete. I was already confident, but not in a concrete way, that the Holy Spirit is for real. Like, I could say that sort of in theory before, but now I know for sure the Holy Spirit has to be real. Because the only way that I know anybody in my family, particularly my daddy, after losing his brother, his sister, his father, his mother, his wife, it was like back to back. Everybody was kind of connected to his side of the family. And to watch him still show up for his life, to see somebody still get up out of bed, put clothes on, be able to function with some sense of sanity after that much loss and that much grief. Something supernatural is making that happen. That is not a natural capacity. You should be a little bit lopsided emotionally. I mean, it's not that there aren't hard things to go through, go through, and that there aren't many tears that we've cried and many conversations we've had to have. And so I'm not saying that it's been a walk through the park, but I'm saying the fact that you can still show up with any sense of sanity, that is a supernatural act. So if anybody tries to convince me now at this point in my life that the Holy Spirit isn't real, that, that, you know, that we in and of ourselves are capable of continuing to move forward, I will look back at them and go, oh no. Oh no. This is God that has made this possible for me, for my dad, for my siblings, for us to keep showing up for our life and be being able to function. I have some friends who have lost children and being able to keep showing up for their other children, being able to find some semblance of joy in their work and in their purpose, that is a supernatural function when you've experienced that sort of devastation. So that's what it's produced in me. An assurance beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is who he said he is and that he can sustain us even when we feel like we are not capable of being sustained. Yeah, I know that for sure.

[A]

That is so encouraging for that person who's, who's facing that hard challenge. And they don't have the assurance yet. How, how do they, how do they start to feel that?

[B]

Well, first is making sure you, you do have a relationship with God, man. You're gonna need that. All the self help books in the world or motivational speeches that you may listen to, they are helpful for sure, but the anchor that keeps you steady over time is that you have a relationship with God through Christ Jesus. I cannot emphasize that enough. In the chaos of the culture that is swirling around us and the instability that we're in, you got to have to have something that doesn't change and doesn't shift, and that's a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. And then cultivating a friendship with him in good times, meaning not waiting until things are hard when you finally go, oh, let me get in God's word. Let me talk to him in prayer. Let me. This is something that you have to situate yourself for and prepare yourself for in advance. Knowing Jesus said, in this world, you will have trouble. Like, you don't actually have to go trying to find it. Just keep living and trouble will come and find you. So knowing that in advance, it means prepare yourself with resolve and faith and with scriptures that can be a hopeful anchor for you to keep your anticipation fixed on the Lord and on the hope of heaven and on the fact that he is a sustainer and a keeper. You must have already sort of built that solid foundation when this. The rain isn't falling over your life. You know, it's like a. A builder who's building a new construction project. They never. You never see a builder laying a foundation and pouring concrete for a foundation in a thunderstorm. They have to do that when it's dry.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Once it's raining, they've got to wait until it dries out before they lay that. Because rain is the wrong time to try to pour a foundation. So, not that you can't do it, but I would just encourage those who are in a pretty steady time, this is it. This is the time to get that foundation solid and secure so that when it does rain, and it will, you've got a steady, secure foundation to stand on.

[A]

Yeah. And I would also say, you know, having a buddy that has been through that and walking you through that, I am gonna.

[B]

We.

[A]

We actually had an earthquake last night.

[B]

Y'all did. And apparently, for people that live in California, this is normal.

[A]

Normal. So, guys, this seems like a really weird segue. However, there. There is a point to the story. We had this earthquake, and it was a pretty good one. And the first person I thought of was Priscilla, because I said, I know she's in her hotel room, and I don't know if she's ever been through it. Earthquake. She may be freaking out. So I immediately texted Priscilla.

[B]

The whole. The whole building was going, you know, And I thought, is this in my head? Like, is something wrong with me? And then I realized, this building is moving. Do I need to evacuate? What do people do when there's an earthquake? Because I have never been through.

[A]

Yeah. And it was. See, there's. There's these jolting earthquakes where they just, like, they hit and they. It's a jolt, and they. They don't last as Long, but it's shocking. And then there's these ones that come in a little bit more gradual, and they roll. This one had a little bit of a jolt, but it was a rolling one, so I could feel it. And I have, like, spidey senses with earthquakes. I can almost feel them just a second before they come. There's a weird sound and a. I don't know. I can just feel it. So I knew the second we were. I was like, oh, we're about to have an earthquake. And it started rolling.

[B]

And then you text me. And, girl, I was so grateful, because, girl, I was about to grab all my luggage.

[A]

Yeah. And when you're in a tall building, you're in the hotel, like, there's. You can't go anywhere, and you're kind.

[B]

Of thinking, you know, all the images from social media pop into your mind when you're like me, and you've never been in an earthquake where you're thinking, the building's gonna fall, the ground's gonna open up. Like, seriously? I was like, I don't even know if I'm supposed to leave the building or what. So when you text me, which is the whole point that you brought this up.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When you text me, hearing from somebody who has already been through earthquakes, who already knows even the detail you just shared, that some are jarring and some are rolling, this is so life that sometimes the earthquakes of circumstances, trials, hard things, they are jarring. Like, they hit you all at once. Like, there's a call from your doctor, and the. The devastation of the diagnosis is beyond what you could have imagined. You know, what's going on with your kid that you found out today. They. They've been going through for a couple months now, but you just discovered it today, and it's completely overwhelming. And then there are other circumstances in life where it's rolling, where it's just a steady decline over time or something that you've got to deal with day after day in a way that's more progressive. But either way, it's an earthquake. And hearing from somebody, I'm telling you that your text saying you're good. In fact, you said to me in the text, this feels like a 5.6.

[A]

I did.

[B]

And you were kind of right on the nose. When I looked it up later, you were like, this feels like a 5.6. I was like, do I evacuate? And you were basically like, no, no, you fine.

[A]

I was like, you just take a deep breath. You have a good sleep tonight. Just. And you were like.

[B]

And you forewarned. Me there might be an aftershock.

[A]

Yes. But it will be less than.

[B]

But it, what you just said like the just felt think about this is I'm going to so use this illustration for the rest of my life because.

[A]

It'S a good one.

[B]

It's so good. Somebody to tell you in advance there's going to be an aftershock. Like, it's okay, you're gonna make it through that. That sort of wisdom from experience is sobering and calming for the person that's currently experiencing the thing for the first time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we need that in our life. People who've been through the earthquakes already and they can look at you and go, you're going to be okay. Do not evacuate the marriage. Don't evacuate and abandon the parenting. Don't evacuate your purpose. Just stay put. This will pass.

[A]

Yeah, that's good.

[B]

It is good. Thanks for texting me, sis. Because let me tell you something. I was out. Do you hear me?

[A]

You are welcome anytime. I still am just laughing like, of course we had an earthquake when you were here. You're like, why do you, why do you all live in California? Like what?

[B]

We live in Texas. The earth don't move in Texas like this.

[A]

This Christmas, people are still reeling from Hurricane Helene. Your $50 gift provides emergency essentials like food, water and other critical supplies to one person. And your generosity will be doubled by matching funds. So $50 helps two people demonstrate God's love in a practical way. This Christmas through World Help, they have a four star charity navigator rating. Double your gift [e-mail] Candice that's worldhelp.net Candice I love the Christmas season and all the special moments with family and friends and we all wanna look our best for the party. But the colder weather and stress of the season isn't always forgiving when it comes to your hair. That's why now is the perfect time to start Nutrafol. Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over a million people. See stronger, thicker, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutrafol. While many supplements rely solely on ingredient studies, Nutrafol clinically tests final formulations to ensure they are effective. In a clinical study, 86% of women reported improved hair growth after taking Nutrafol women's hair growth supplement for six months. Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you go to nutrafol.com and enter the promo code Candace. That's nutrafol.com promo code Candice. How about. How about the kids? How about when there are trials and our kids are facing them?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How. How do we guide them through that pain?

[B]

You know, there is a book. I cannot think of the brothers names right now, but it's two brothers that wrote this book years ago. The book is called Do Hard Things. I can see it in my head right now. It's a bright red cover. I don't know if they've redone it since then, but I've had my boys read it at least twice in their lifetime. These two boys, I think they may be twins, but they wrote it when they were coming out of their teenage years. So they were very young and they are writing about basically. There was one summer when their dad made them not do. There was no television that summer. Like a stern dad, he was like, you know what? You boys are watching too much tv, playing too much video games. You are going to read this summer. And he gave that his boys books of great men to read. Their stories, Biblical men, historical men, just great men. And it occurred to these two young men as they were reading these stories that the great men, when they were doing the great thing, they were teenagers, they were like 16 when they were doing the thing that made them great, or like 20 or 19. So they ended up a little bit later in their lives writing this book called Do Hard Things. And their point was, we live in a day and age where, particularly in the Western world, we've created this little segment of life called you're a teenager, which is supposed to be a license for sort of lollygagging because you're a teenager.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

But in the scriptures, for example, it was like, I was a boy, Paul says, and now I am a man. He was like 13. You know, the point is, there's not this caveat for escaping the reality. That challenge doesn't mean you're supposed to back away from it and sort of lollygag your life away. No challenge is an invitation and opportunity for you to show up in strength, gain wisdom, learn something that you didn't know before, and have an opportunity to exercise some muscles. That challenge gives you an opportunity to exercise. So as a parent, remembering that is hard because we want to coddle them, keep them, help them not to have to do things hard too soon, that sort of thing. And in doing so, we've sort of kept them from entering manhood or womanhood in a healthy sense, when they should.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so that. That has been hard for me. But them. The boys reading this book, and I read it with them at least the first time, and we kind of discussed it chapter by chapter when they were younger. It was a sobering reminder to me that when a challenge comes up, like, relationally, like a friendship thing that they're working through, talk to me about it, but face it. Let's talk about the way for you to go back to school tomorrow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And deal with this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is a hard subject matter for you. Okay. That's okay. You know, you don't need to transfer to another class with a. With a easier teacher. You're going to have hard teachers or professors or coaches you don't get along with all along the way. What do you need to do? What is God trying to shape and shift in your character so that you can show up in that space and still function even when you know you don't have the best rapport with that particular coach or that they're not treating you the way you'd prefer to be treated.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So in challenge, I just have been trying, not perfectly, but trying to be intentional with saying to the boys, it's okay that it's hard. You can do hard things.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Don't run from the hard things. Show up and do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's great advice. Sometimes we talk to our kids. It is hard. I. I'm surprised, too, in a. In a different way. That's a challenge. I was so surprised by my son because he. There's a challenge. He can't change in that. Let me use this example. He's 5 6.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

His brother's 6 1. His baby brother's 6 1, and he's 5 6. He got the Cameron Jeans in the height department.

[B]

Okay. I'm assuming that's been a challenge for him his whole life. Like.

[A]

Well, I would think so. I mean, listen, he. He stopped hockey playing hockey at college because he's like, you know, there's one professional hockey player that's 56 or 5 7, I think Theo Flurry. That made it like, you just. You're little guys. Can't make it go in hockey.

[B]

It would be like a basketball person wanting to play in the NBA, and you're 5 6.

[A]

You're like, it's just not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. So things like that. But I think I. I think as a mom, I. I got a little bit more worried about when he was starting to date.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, you know, because a lot of girls, a lot of women, you know, want A man that's taller and all of this. And we were having a conversation one day about it and I was so surprised at his attitude towards it because I'm, I'm, I'm just sensitive to my kids sensitivities. Like I'm mama, I want to help them, protect them, make them feel good. And I, we had a conversation about it one time and I was asking him like, you know, saying, I'm so sorry, Lev, like that you got my genes. I don't know what happened. Max just like took j. Just stole all the height in the, in the fail. I don't know how that child is 6:1 either, because we're not tall people. But anyway, Lev said to me, my point is it was a, it was a challenge. And then he said, mom, why would I be stressed over something I can't change?

[B]

That's a whole word right there.

[A]

God made me this way. So why, why, why would it make me feel any less? Why would I not love who I am? I mean, I was like, my jaw was on the floor and then I just felt like, how superficial am I? Like gross for me. But he was like, no, he's like, mom. He's like, it doesn't bother me. I'm very confident in who I am.

[B]

That's amazing. How old was he when he said this?

[A]

I mean, probably like 19 or 20.

[B]

That's amazing.

[A]

Yeah. And he said, so it doesn't bother me. He said, stop worrying about what you can't change and what I can't change. Wow.

[B]

Isn't it something sobering when your kids make you grow up a little bit? Totally, totally. Good for him.

[A]

I know, that was cool. And then I will say his, his wife is. I think his wife is 5, 9.

[B]

Are you serious?

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

And he could always cared less about the height difference. Like it's not even.

[A]

Yeah, she doesn't care. He doesn't care. They are, you know, it's the cutest thing. But that, you know, I don't know, it's just an example of. Sometimes we worry about things that maybe our children are facing that.

[B]

And I think they. Sometimes I. There is an Instagram thing going around right now where parents have little babies with them and they walk by a wall and they hit their hand on the wall. The baby's head is not hit on the wall, but it sounds like the head is hit on the wall. And then right after they hit their hand on the wall they go, oh, I'm so sorry, are you okay? And they rub the baby's head. The baby starts crying because they're assuming based on the reaction of the parent and the other person involved, something happened to them, something's wrong, so they start crying. They felt nothing. They weren't hurt at all.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But they're reacting to the reaction of the parents.

[A]

Why would a parent do that, though?

[B]

It was just to prove the point that sometimes what is actually what our children are actually responding to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are the fact that we're devastated.

[A]

Got it, got it, got it.

[B]

Do you know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So just to your point that sometimes the. The kid doesn't even recognize that their challenge is the challenge. A challenge. In that sense, they know that maybe it's something that they're dealing with and maybe they're not super, super quick in school. And so they have to learn differently, but sometimes they're okay. They're fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's that they're dealing with the authority figures around them. Parents, teachers, or whatever. Oh, my goodness, you poor thing. You're going to have to take tests differently than everybody else because you learn differently. And they're like, is that a problem?

[A]

They don't care. Right.

[B]

So I think sometimes us just regulating how we are reacting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And how we are letting that challenge hit us, being careful about that.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That's because they're absorbing that.

[A]

They are. I've been called out by my daughter, though. However, when she's telling me and it's drama, and then she's like, you are not stressed out enough over this moment. Like, I can't win. I'm too stressed out over one kid. I'm not stressed enough for another kid.

[B]

The reality is it doesn't matter how well we do. All of our kids are going to be in therapy one day and we're going to totally. You know what I told my kids? I apologize in advance right now, today, before you're ever in therapy for what I did, did or didn't do.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I apologize now. Don't ask me to apologize later. I'm saying I'm sorry today.

[A]

I love it. I love it. Let's go to a listener question. This is from Elizabeth. She asks, how do you keep open communication with your teens, nearing adulthood, when you know they're participating in behavior you don't agree with? I think we're right in this sweet spot. Right?

[B]

We are. I don't know if I have any wisdom on this. We're.

[A]

We're trying to. We're trying figure it out, so.

[B]

Trying to figure out. I literally just called in an earlier episode, I was telling you about this couple that has been in me and Jerry's life for a long time, and they have six children who are a little bit older than ours. We actually just called them to ask them this exact question recently. And their response to us was basically that at this point, you have given to them everything you can give to them. Not perfectly, but y'all were intentional. You tried. So in other words, whatever seeds you planted are in the soil.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

So now the responsibility is to make sure they're clear on how you feel, to love them, so that they know that no matter what, you're there for them. So that those lines of commun. Communication stay open. Because they said to us, that's the win. The win is that they told you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So the fact that you know what's going on because they told you, they said, don't miss the fact that that is a huge win in your relationship with your kid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now the responsibility is say, okay, Lord, we put the seed in there. And now we are asking you by your spirit to put the right people in their path, where they are now. That will water that seed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that will keep them accountable. And that will grow what we put. Put in them. And that's a hard place because you want to be as hands on as you were when you. When they were six. Right. And the reality is, if we try that tactic now, if me and Jerry try that tactic now, it's just going to close the door of communication and push them away.

[A]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

That was the advice. We were just.

[A]

I think. I think it's really good advice. And I would also say, depending on the age. And she says she has teens nearing adulthood. That, again, to keep the. The line of communication as being open is so, so important.

[B]

That's what I've heard.

[A]

Yeah. I'm always grateful. Even I'm grateful when my kids just tell me something. Um, because then it means there's trust in the relationship. However, there are some things that we've implemented that if they're nearing adulthood and it's like, okay, but if. If you are going to continue to choose this decision, then we're no longer paying for your phone bill.

[B]

Correct. Good for you. Yeah.

[A]

Um, so. But again, but beyond that, it's like, now it's just your responsibility. So I'm not going to get mad at it. I'm not going to keep bringing it up. I'm not gonna keep telling you what you already know you're doing that you shouldn't be doing.

[B]

But I'm funding it.

[A]

But, like, I'm not funding it. Yeah, so. Or if you want to go do this. I mean, I can't tell you how many times. I mean, our kids have all had paying jobs as soon as, if not earlier than 18. But we're like this. This is what happens. It doesn't matter how much money I make. Yeah, I make my money. I. I'm doing my thing. I'm like. But you are an adult now, so you have to pay. You have to make money. And if you want to do all these things, you do them. But they're on your dime. They're not on mine.

[B]

Come on. That's what I'm talking about. Yes, ma'am.

[A]

Okay, Elizabeth, we hope that helps. This one is from Elise. She asks any advice on.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

For how to stop complaining without repressing my complaints or storing them in my head. How do we help Elise? How do we stop complaining without just stuffing it?

[B]

You know, it's interesting because I don't think complaining is about what you're saying. I think it's about how you're saying, meaning there are real things that are. It's reality that it doesn't suit us or it's not comfortable for us. It's something we need to address in a relationship or in a home dynamic or a work environment. And it's not complaining. To be honest, here's something that I might need adjusted just because, gosh, this is wearing me out in a way that's unnecessary. So it's not that I've been honest about it. It's when I'm whining about it. It's when I just can't find anything good about the mug at all. It's just. I just. It's the tone, it's the yes. It's the negativity that laces the entire discussion. Gratitude is what sobers up complaining. Because even if, you know, I wish the mug was bigger, I have a mug. I have a mug. It's got the soft thing on the bottom, which means it doesn't make a whole lot of noise when I set it down. There's so much for me to be grateful for. Even though maybe I'd like a smaller mug or a bigger mug, but I can be grateful for the one I have and still voice the concern that I have. So to me, gratitude is the thing that tempers the reality of needing to share what it is that might need to be shifted or changed to be more conducive. I think it was. Gosh I can't remember. Kristen. Kristen Armstrong. A young lady said to me one day that she starts every day by writing down. And I've done this ever since, as much as possible writing down 10 things she's grateful for the most simple things, like coffee this morning. I'm so grateful for coffee in the mornings. Yeah. That her husband put gas in her tank the day before. So then when she got in the car, she actually could just drive and there was. It was full tank. She didn't stop for gas. So these are the most simple things. The walk that she took her, that she got to sit outside. And she said when she starts her day that way, it's not that there aren't things she doesn't prefer that happen throughout the day. It's just she's calibrated the overarching sense of her day with gratitude.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's what I think helps us with complaining.

[A]

I agree. Great answer. We've done the gratitude challenge on here and I run it every once in a while on my socials. Just in that way. Like, let's just think about what we're grateful or. Yeah. Very simply. And it helps. And I also pray for that at the start of my day, especially if I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. So if, if I will, I would pray for the removal of that spirit of complaint. Lord, I don't, I don't want to have a complaining attitude today. Will you help me shift my perspective and help me think of all of the things that I'm grateful for?

[B]

Yeah. Because there are so many things, really, and sometimes you don't really appreciate them until you do not have them anymore.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you wish that you would have.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thought about how great it was to just have that little simple pleasure despite all the other things that you may want to shift or change. But I had this and I'm going to be grateful for this even in spite of those things.

[A]

Yeah. That's good. Okay, guys, that was another great episode. Make sure you come back next week because we are wrapping up. I Surrender all. But we, we still have a few episodes left because I feel like we have a little, little bonus episode time. And remember, we have a special gift for you this season. It's a personal prayer guide and it's our way of encouraging you to pray for your family. Go to, go to Candice.com to find the link and it's also in our show notes you will also find a link to Priscilla's book, I Surrender All. Okay. Until next time, be grateful. All day, every day. Candy Rock Entertainment. All rights reserved.