What if rest was the most dominant thing you could do?

In this episode of the Circle, trauma-informed BDSM educator, licensed life coach, and former Dominatrix Ms. Elle X joins us to explore the hidden cost of leadership—and why so many men, Dominants, and space-holders burn out before they ever give themselves permission to stop.

We talk about the shame that makes rest feel dangerous, how insecurity fuels overwork, and why true power comes from knowing when to say “no.” Ms. Elle reframes rest as radical self-advocacy, drawing a bold parallel between consent and rest: you can’t authentically say yes if you’re unwilling to say no.

Whether you lead in the bedroom, the boardroom, or at home, this episode will challenge everything you think you know about strength, power, and the courage it takes to rest.

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Glossary of Terms:

What is BDSM? – An acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. It refers to consensual practices that explore power exchange, sensation, and psychological play. At its core, BDSM is about communication, consent, and creating safe, intentional spaces for exploring power and desire.

What is a Dominant (Dom/Domme)? – The person who takes the leadership or guiding role in a BDSM dynamic. A Dominant holds space, sets structure, and creates safety, allowing the Submissive to fully let go. In healthy dynamics, the Dominant’s power is rooted in consent, responsibility, and respect.

What is a Submissive (Sub)? – The person who consensually surrenders control in a BDSM dynamic. For many, this surrender can feel deeply restful, freeing them from decision-making or the pressure of constant responsibility. Submissives are not passive; their active consent, communication, and boundaries are essential to the dynamic.

What is D/S? - Refers specifically to the dynamic or relationship between a Dominant and a Submissive. This can be sexual or non-sexual and is centered on consensual power exchange, clear communication, and trust.

What is a Switch? – A person who enjoys both Dominant and Submissive roles, depending on the context or partner. Switches may move fluidly between roles, and this flexibility often gives them deep empathy and insight into both sides of the power exchange.

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Rest, burnout, and radical self-advocacy—Ms. Elle X on why leaders struggle to slow down and how boundaries restore power.

Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction and Podcast Overview
00:23 Exploring the Hidden Cost of Leadership
01:33 The Struggle with Rest and Insecurity
05:41 The Importance of Consent and Boundaries
13:31 Self-Awareness and Embodiment Work
21:40 The Role of Rest in BDSM
24:58 Being Seen and Valued in Relationships
29:06 Dominance and Submission (D/S) Dynamics
32:53 The Universal Lessons of BDSM
34:56 The Importance of Humility in Leadership
37:50 Navigating Trust and Safety in Relationships
39:58 Understanding Rejection Sensitivity
43:53 Balancing Dominance and Vulnerability
49:56 The Power of Rest and Boundaries
59:32 Concluding Thoughts and Reflections

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Connect with Us & Ms. Elle X

Stay Connected with The Circle

Instagram: @queermensembodiment
YouTube: Queer Men’s Embodiment
Website & Community: MyEmbodiment.com

Connect with Ms. Elle X

Instagram: @thewisedomme
YouTube: Ms. Elle X
Patreon & Discord Community: Join #ElleXArmy

If this episode resonated with you, share it, leave a review, and tag us—we love hearing what landed for you. And if you’re ready to explore conscious kink, self-advocacy, and empowered relationships, go follow Ms. Elle X—her wisdom is next level.

The Dominant Way to Avoid Burnout: Ms. Elle X on Rest and Radical Self-Advocacy

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