107 - The Past Times with Corey Ryan Forrester

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds – Episode 107: "The Past Times with Corey Ryan Forrester"

Introduction

In Episode 107 of The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds, released on January 3, 2025, hosts Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by guest Corey Ryan Forrester. The episode blends their characteristic humor with historical exploration, focusing on an intriguing event from Tuskegee, Alabama, dated March 2, 1876.

Tour Announcements

The episode kicks off with Gareth Reynolds excitedly announcing their upcoming comedy tour scheduled for March 2025. The tour spans several favorite cities, including Tempe, Albuquerque, Oklahoma City, Tulsa, Dallas, Houston, and Austin. Corey Ryan Forrester enthusiastically endorses each location, often humorously declaring each city as their “number one” choice.

• Gareth Reynolds [00:00]: "First of all, we're going to Tempe, Arizona, maybe our favorite city of all time."
• Corey Ryan Forrester [00:09]: "It's the best."
• Gareth Reynolds [00:25]: "Oklahoma City... the best city I've ever been to."

The hosts encourage listeners to purchase tour tickets via their website, emphasizing their love for each venue while maintaining their comedic banter about favorite cities.

The Hit-and-Run Incident

As the conversation shifts, Dave Anthony introduces a personal anecdote about an accidental car door incident. Dave explains how he inadvertently hit someone’s car door in a parking lot, leading to a humorous and somewhat chaotic exchange about handling the situation.

• Dave Anthony [01:15]: "I was at a used bookstore... trying to call me."
• Corey Ryan Forrester [02:14]: "I have to do the legally, I have to do the intro before the bits."

The trio engages in a lighthearted discussion about dealing with the aftermath, including potential legal implications and comedic strategies to mitigate the situation.

Historical Segment: Tuskegee, Alabama, 1876

The core of the episode delves into a historical newspaper article from Tuskegee, Alabama, dated March 2, 1876. The story revolves around Reverdy Johnson, a duel instructor, and Edward Stanley, who tragically loses an eye during a training exercise.

• Gareth Reynolds [14:14]: "He was training Stanley how to shoot a gun, I guess."
• Corey Ryan Forrester [16:12]: "I'm actually doing that right now, to be honest."

Through their humorous lens, Dave and Gareth dissect the event, highlighting the absurdity and tragedy intertwined in historical practices. The discussion includes imaginative scenarios and exaggerated characterizations, such as envisioning Reverdy Johnson as a one-eyed instructor and speculating on his future endeavors.

• Gareth Reynolds [26:38]: "It is a sarcastic comment on the declaration that nature is perfect."
• Corey Ryan Forrester [35:58]: "This is a sarcastic comment on the declaration that nature is perfect."

The hosts creatively interpret the newspaper’s portrayal of societal norms and racial dynamics of the era, infusing their analysis with wit and satire.

Comedic Riffs and Tangents

Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in various comedic tangents and playful exchanges. Topics range from fake wars, absurd professions, and playful jabs at modern issues like border security and cultural misunderstandings.

• Dave Anthony [35:58]: "Racism is what that was."
• Corey Ryan Forrester [44:08]: "Less is more."

These segments showcase their ability to blend historical context with contemporary humor, making the podcast both informative and entertaining.

Guest Interaction and Conclusion

Corey Ryan Forrester’s participation adds an interactive layer to the episode. The trio continues to navigate the fictionalized aftermath of Dave’s hit-and-run story, culminating in a humorous resolution where Corey acts as a co-conspirator in the fabricated predicament.

• Corey Ryan Forrester [67:57]: "All these days you'll miss me, honey."
• Dave Anthony [68:29]: "Let me tell you something you're gonna want to hear from a lawyer when dealing with this car door situation."

In the closing moments, they reflect on the episode’s blend of humor and history, inviting listeners to join their respective comedy ventures and reinforcing their comedic camaraderie.

Notable Quotes

• Dave Anthony [00:57]: "It's the best city in the entire World."
• Corey Ryan Forrester [00:40]: "If you don't like it, you're a Dallas hole."
• Dave Anthony [02:02]: "Christmas present that I got you both today and will never mail you."
• Gareth Reynolds [14:14]: "So Stanley was practicing for the duel when his bullet striking a tree glanced back and lodged in his instructor's eye."
• Corey Ryan Forrester [35:58]: "This is so."
• Gareth Reynolds [39:54]: "Why, the common honeybee is so clumsily built that he, or rather she cannot sting an enemy without fastening her barbed spear and pulling out her own abdomen."
• Dave Anthony [68:49]: "We had a beginning, middle, and an end like it. We did it fit into the hour."

Conclusion

Episode 107 of The Dollop masterfully intertwines comedic storytelling with historical analysis, all while maintaining engaging banter and guest interaction. Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds, and Corey Ryan Forrester deliver a rich and entertaining narrative that appeals to both history enthusiasts and comedy fans alike. Whether discussing a fictional mishap or dissecting 19th-century newspaper clippings, the trio ensures listeners are both amused and informed.

For more episodes and to join their ongoing comedic journey, visit dollarpodcast.com and Gareth Reynolds' Tour.

Transcript

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're going on tour. And this is.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

It's been a while.

[Gareth Reynolds]

March 2025 is when our tour is happening. First of all, we're going to Tempe, Arizona, maybe our favorite city of all time.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

It's the best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is on March 16th. And then we go to Albuquerque, New Mexico, maybe our favorite city ever, we've ever gone to. That's on March 17th. And then we go to Oklahoma City.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Which is our fav. We often say that it's our number one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's our number one. The best city I've ever been to. That's on March 18th. On March 19th, we're going to be in Tulsa, Oklahoma, our favorite city, without question. And then we head to Dallas, Texas, on March 20th.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Our favorite city.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's never been a better city.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

If you don't like it, you're a Dallas hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. And then we go to Houston, Texas, on March 21. City, which is by far the best city. And then we end our tour in Austin, Texas, on March 22 at the Cap City Comedy Club.

[Dave Anthony]

It's the best city in the entire World.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Number one city in the world.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can get [e-mail] tour but we all agree that. We all agree that Burns is not good at his job.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yes. Yes, Corey, Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah, I do. Sorry. I think this is a guy that I hit in the parking lot of the gas station trying to call me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Put it on the show.

[Dave Anthony]

I told him. Yeah, hold on, let me. Hey, this is Corey Forester. Can't talk right now.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Knuckle deep.

[Dave Anthony]

Leave message. I really. He was in a company car. I think I'm okay. I didn't hit him that hard.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

We didn't know he was in a car until just now, by the way.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, he. Dude. And by the way, I didn't even really hit it. My door hit his door.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You know, door war.

[Dave Anthony]

But I was. You know, door thing. Oh, are we recording?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, door work. Go ahead. Three, two, one.

[Dave Anthony]

We are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm getting this.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

What about the people who call you Corey? Ryan Dorister? What about Dory?

[Dave Anthony]

Hey, this is the pastime. And here comes a new segment called.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Are we recording?

[Dave Anthony]

Y. Yep. Christmas present. Christmas present that I got you both today and will never mail you. But it's the thought that counts. Dot com. That's a new segment. I don't know.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I have. I have to do the. Legally, I have to do the intro before the bits.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, just know what's coming. Daddy.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh, my God. It's already started. And it's the past times. You know what it is? It's a podcast. Our guest admitted it's. We got better numbers than his. Listen, you know what we do each week? We go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest fan favorite, Corey Ryan Forrester. Welcome back, Corey.

[Dave Anthony]

Hey, everybody.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Happy to have Dave's dad. Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's wearing a fascist hat.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, let's do it. I'm waiting. I want to be on the right side when the hits the fan.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, yeah, well, go eat some spaghetti, I guess I think is the latest.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

How about this? You Corey? Yeah, you don't talk to us like that. Corey, how are you? Now, wait, what were you gonna say? You were about to launch into something and your gold on and off. So what was it?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, so I. Earlier today, I was at a used bookstore, which is where I often go to when I think I want to kill myself. So I'm there about three or four times a day. And I was at. I was at the store and I. I thought, I'm gonna look for you guys a Christmas present. Now, I don't know when this episode will come out, but, you know, everybody knows you.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

We're live.

[Dave Anthony]

We're okay. We're live. Well, it's around Christmas time, and I was thinking to you guys and I. I looked in the used bookstore. I was like, I want to find something for Gareth, and I want to find something for Dave and for Gareth. I picked this out for you because I know you're always worried that this little, you know, your little. The little bits and sketches you do on the road aren't always going to. You don't know. You're having a hot moment right now, but who knows if it's going to work out? So just in case I wanted you to have a backup, I got you clown skits for everyone. I thought that you could, you know, that's actually perfect. Yeah, you could go be a proper funny person, like a classically trained clown. And, you know, just in case that whole road thing where you get up there and you go, hey, hey, where are you from? Oh, from there. Oh, damn. That guy was from there to fair.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I'm curious where they're from. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

And so I got that for you. Clown skits for everyone.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Thank you. And knowing Dave's the anti.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, knowing how huge of a fan of this guy Dave was, I was looking for the autobiography, but couldn't find it. I was Looking for a biography written on this person. Couldn't find it. But I did find. I guess this is sort of an autobiography written by the one Henry Kissinger. Years of Upheaval. Yes. And I got this for Dave because I know how much he loves the guy. But before you go, before I send it to you, I am gonna get it signed now. I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By Kissinger.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes. I'm going to dig him up, burn half of him and dip into the ashes to make the signature the. His. The bone of his dick and use it as a quill and sign my name. But in Henry Kissinger's ashes. So. And there you go. Look at that guy. I mean, what a mug.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You know, Years of Upheaval was actually the story of how they used to get him out of chairs before he died. Wow, Corey. Well, that's so thoughtful. That's the first time anyone's ever given us a gift that ever on the show. So that's really nice of you. And they are, I think, I think they really highlight the dynamic of this show pretty well, to be quite honest.

[Dave Anthony]

Yep. It is truly the thought that counts.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

It is. Well, thank you so much. And you, you did tell your wife that this show was three hours earlier on accident and then said a word. You didn't retract that. And you sat up there and played video games for the time in between.

[Dave Anthony]

You are correct.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

She just thinks you're in the middle of an epic run of podcasting up there.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh yeah, dude. She don't know what we do for a lift. Like, you know how I use what I do for a living on my wife? The same way that CEOs of company use the phrase tax write offs. Like I'll just. Will say, I'll just be like, ah, it's a write off. Like whatever anyone wants to hang out. Like, what would your wife say? I was like, I'll just tell her.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I gotta do ads. Yeah, they don't know we gotta go do Patreon.

[Dave Anthony]

It's also right. And she don't know what that she's heard the word Patreon so many times. I don't have one. Yeah, I do have a hero hero. We love Corey.com. you can go to it right now and subscribe, but there's so many. It's just we're so shrouded in mystery that you can always pretty much just.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Say not a lot of people frame podcasting properly. Like we're the Dark Knight. And I think that's really awesome. To put it that way. That we're shrouded in mystery.

[Dave Anthony]

That has to be. How y'all feel about, like, me and Trey having podcast start, like, 15 years after y'all? Y'all have to be like, you have merely adopted the podcast. We were born in it.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You know, it's funny because when we started, they were.

[Dave Anthony]

We have been doing podcasts since today. It was just us and Doug Benson.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

We fought Doug Benson for this private space. When we started it, it was already a thing. And I was like, we're getting in late. Boy, was I wrong.

[Dave Anthony]

You were so wrong.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Holy.

[Dave Anthony]

You stayed. You stayed too late, I'll tell you that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but you didn't stayed.

[Dave Anthony]

No, you were there right on time, buddy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Definitely overstayed. But this is how I became known as the. The Joe Rogan of the left.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

No, the Joe Rogan of podcasting.

[Dave Anthony]

Of all of them.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Well, Corey, what else can we promote for you? And then we'll get into this.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, again, I don't know what time this or what to when this episode comes out, so I just say, yeah, okay. We love Corey Dot com. That's my. That's my subscription thing. But please listen to my other podcast. I truly feel if you like the Dollop and the pastimes, you will enjoy putting on airs. The show where two idiot dum dums, me and Trey Crowder, talk about fancy culture, European history type stuff. It's. You know, we stole a lot from the Dollop. We even stole their producer, and now I have him send us stuff that you all don't use.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, very much. It's very much our show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But he's not a. He's not a good producer, so, you.

[Dave Anthony]

Know, he's very bad.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. He gives me the worst scraps. We don't even. I scrap them. They're twice scrapped. Yeah, Potatoes sometimes.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

He's giving you things we've already done. He's like, yeah, sure, just don't listen to their show.

[Dave Anthony]

He just loves forwarding emails, man. All day. God damn.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Big forward guy wears it out. Well, Corey, we're gonna go through a newspaper. You know, we're out of here. We're gonna guess, by the way, it's you. This appearance has been good so far, but you are the guy who did the fart voice memos open, so.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, man.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You know.

[Dave Anthony]

Is that the last episode I was on?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

No, I think you did one in between.

[Dave Anthony]

I think I have one in between. Then I'm good.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

But that one was okay. That was a shocking, shocking opener for the fans.

[Dave Anthony]

It was. Yeah. But as long as I've done another one since. And I'm not like, this isn't the. This isn't mine.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

No, you're a home run. But, yeah, this day would be coming.

[Dave Anthony]

Out after Pulp Fiction. You know what I mean? Like, I did a couple things.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

No, you've done some good stuff since obviously.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, you do have your Hallmark movie. What. What year do you think this paper's from? Corey, go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, usually you go first and you're immediately told that you're wrong.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I guessed it right the last time we recorded and was still told that I was wrong because you went over.

[Dave Anthony]

We play Price is Right rules. You dumbass.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You get it right.

[Dave Anthony]

It's.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You win the price. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can't hit it. You can't hit it on the head.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yes, you can. Before that be crazy rule on the Price is Right host.

[Dave Anthony]

They've changed a lot since Barker left. Listen, Drew Carey's all, he don't even know what's going on. He's just picking up checks for the working man. He has no idea. Drew Car actually has to pay for all those cars they give away now. They don't even actually do that.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Explains the body language. Every time someone wins one, he's like, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, Drew Car just screams that from a Twitch account. It's not even on cbs.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I've seen him nudge the Plinko so that people go in the red. I was like, drew, exactly. Yeah. Sorry. The fates are against you.

[Dave Anthony]

Ah, Cleveland, you know, when I started.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Out in comedy, I did this college tour where we. We each go up and do. There are three of us. We do a set, 20 minutes each, and then we play a make, make, make me laugh game.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh, wow.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But the money would come out of our pockets.

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So if we didn't make the people laugh, like every. Because they would how much? And then they. We'd spin a wheel. So whatever was on the.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

What's the matter?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, it was like the max is like 50 bucks or something.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, that's everything you were making. You went to college in the slippers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You do a bunch of people, sometimes you'd walk away with less money. Of course. It's terrible.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You know, when I first did a college show, we did make me come and see you guys later. All right, thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thanks for having me.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

All right, Corey, go ahead your guess. Go ahead, my guess?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I was gonna. I was about to say I was gonna give you my first college show experience, but that would take 30 minutes, so. I'll just go ahead and guess this paper. Every time I use this method, which is that I assume that that Dave is going to pick a paper from the Civil War because I'm Southern. Then I found out Dave don't even pick the papers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, hold on. Corey. Corey, you're telling secret. Corey, you are telling secrets. Okay, from behind the curtain.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Corey fart member. Hurry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think. Has your wife. Has your wife texted you or have you gotten any texts from the guy? Look at your phone. Have you got any text from the guy? Who. Who did the.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Corey hit a guy in a parking lot today.

[Dave Anthony]

This is blank. In the van at the Circle K. And my boss wants to fill out a police report and said they would write it up as leaving the scene, but I haven't called the.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

What?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I'm gonna ignore that till the podcast is over. I guess I'll stop drinking. Jesus Christ. That is clean the scene. I hit him with my door.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

To be. To be clear to the audience. You opened your car door to another guy's car door and he's saying, fill out a police report that says you fled the seed.

[Dave Anthony]

Hold on. I'm in the middle of a live taping right now.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I'm not opposed to you calling him.

[Dave Anthony]

I know.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Okay. I'm just thinking it fun for Burns to produce if there's a 20 minute insurance.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you want me to go on me to call him?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Would you call. Is that crazy? Can Dave call him?

[Dave Anthony]

This is insane.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

It's not normal at the place.

[Dave Anthony]

And I was like, are we good? You got my number. He was like, yeah, boss man, we're fine. Like, you can't then say I'm leaving the scene of an accident.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Well, you did. You're not still there.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, okay, I did. Well.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Well, the story shifted.

[Dave Anthony]

All right. Anyways, I'm gonna guess that the paper is from. Because I don't. It's like this never works out. But surely it's like your word of the day. You pick the same one every time and eventually it hits. I'm gonna say 18 and 63.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I mean, what do you know? You fled the scene of an accident.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You did a hit. You did a door open and run an old march.

[Dave Anthony]

I did.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I'll guess 1926.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Corey, you were super close. 1876.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh, very good.

[Dave Anthony]

Didn't go over you did I win?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, I. I guess that right? Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you didn't. There's no record of you guessing it correctly.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

There is these Are recorded.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whatever. It's the Tuskegee news. Tuskegee, Alabama, March 2, 1876.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

See, he did cater this one towards you.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes, he did. Jesus, this is not gonna be good.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I got a good feeling some of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your relatives might be in here.

[Dave Anthony]

All right, every story is just gonna start. So some blacks moved to town.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

That's it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They wouldn't print that. They'd print what happened after.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh, that's true. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right in the very top corner, it says the week passed. And it's just this one sentence. The Prussian government compels bakers to keep their bread at least one day before selling.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is Alabama news.

[Dave Anthony]

You said crush depression bakers or depression pressure Prussian. Okay, so German news.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Up top. Germany's up top.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Why?

[Dave Anthony]

This is. Well, I did not see that coming. I mean. I mean, okay, I knew that Tuskegee, Alabama, at this time wasn't going to be diverse, but I guess any diversity they would have would be just different types of white people. So that makes sense.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's probably. It's probably a German. It's probably a German immigrant paper.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Ah, right. I still don't understand that. Brett Staling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't either. I don't. They want them to keep it for a day before they sell it.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

So maybe bread should be crunchy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, I can't. Like, there's nothing about bread. Hold on to that. Hold on to that.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

It's a little too soft. I'm looking for something that hurts.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, like. Yeah, I was gonna say, like, they're in the restaurant industry, which I've been in briefly before, you know, flailing out miserably. You would. You save the day. Old bread or whatever. And you. You would make croutons out of it. But it. But it was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you.

[Dave Anthony]

Your dream was that you didn't have leftover bread.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You don't toss the day old, but you don't go. This is a feature.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah. You don't do this with it.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Sorry. You can't have a fresh sandwich today because you need to get an old sandwich tomorrow.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You don't understand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What we learned is that Corey is the Gareth on their podcast because he just did a physical thing and nobody knows what it was.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

We have Patreon.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. But I'm also the you on that podcast in that I care a lot more than Trey does, so I kind of feel both roles. It's really hard being both men. Being half a man twice is very difficult.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Corey's the. I mean, Trey's the trace that I'm going into my car to make. A video guy.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah. Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's. He's all about. He's one of those.

[Dave Anthony]

Just as I'm trying to find the non. Emergency number for the police at the moment. I guess. Why do we need a.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

This is. This is. By the way, not a lot of people bring a B story to the show.

[Dave Anthony]

Gladly come to your place and then do a gun emoji and pay your boss.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Do. Do eggplant and then boss ask.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ask first boss's number.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Eggplant and gun. Just do an eggplant.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Say just. Just. I'll take you out of it and I'll talk to your boss and they call him a piece of. And tell them that you've got a bunch of guys here and we're ready to come for him.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I'll let you off the hook here and talk to him myself.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Good. And then I would do an eggplant and then a gun emoji.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

That means different things now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, do the eggplant and the. And the. The little c droplet.

[Dave Anthony]

Listen, I. Yeah, yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I'm sc.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm not going to give anything about this very working class feller away, but he wouldn't understand the emojis. However, on the off chance he did, I'm not safe. You know what I mean? So there's.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I understand.

[Dave Anthony]

There's really no way to win, huh?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Well, it's. It's great. Updates are great. Keep them coming. Don't stop.

[Dave Anthony]

This is unbelievable. I can't.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

It's great for radio.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's great for radio.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

This is perfect. Then it comes out that we scripted this.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Right. But I still have to go to jail.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Flailing down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Corey has his. Always has his text on. No notifications allegations anyway.

[Dave Anthony]

I do. I do.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You know what?

[Dave Anthony]

I turned them off because I told this guy. I was like, tell your boss to holler at me because we're not involving the cops. Right. You know, and I turned him off just for this guy. I did not expect to get a. We're calling the police.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I'm just trying to get my lawyer together so we can head over there.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. What the.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I mean, you did hit a door.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, the problem is you can just show the police the text exchange and be like, I've been talking to this guy.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Like, yeah, that's why you should send that eggplant gun emoji asap. That's your move.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what? Oh wait. Check made him send a Picture of like just your hard dick and see.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Let's get back to the show.

[Dave Anthony]

Dude, I've still got one saved from like pre marriage. It's like the only time has ever looked good, you know, you just find that, you know, when you're in department stores that the mirrors are supposed to make you look more slimming. And so they put them in there. I was at some hotel and they had good dick lighting. You know what I mean? And I knew it as soon as I.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You. Are you suggesting that your penis has. Has. Has become worse because of marriage?

[Dave Anthony]

No, I'm suggesting that, like, you know, sometimes someone. You're just saying, yeah, it's never looked good. I'm saying, like this one.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You've got to see my penis guy. My penis.

[Dave Anthony]

John Goodman in Cloverfield Lane. You're like, God damn, look at that guy.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, right.

[Dave Anthony]

This handsome man. But other than that. Okay, yeah, fair, you know, it's. Every now and then there's a good, good one.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, all right. Fair. It's fair. He's right. He's not wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think your deck looks like Marty Feldman.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Years ago, Reverdy. Reverdy. R E V E R D Y Reverdy.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Johnson lost the sight of one of his eyes while training Edward Stanley to fight Henry Wise. So many names after a robot racing.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

This is like, so what? After a what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he was training this guy about something, a fight of some kind or something. And then they got into an argument about racing and.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

But not a robot argument. Not a rope.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, there's no robot involved in this. Where did you come up with robot a lot?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I. So I saw my doctor. I'm hearing a lot of phantom robots. I hear a lot of robots.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Corey, what's going on?

[Dave Anthony]

I was. I'm just making up excuses. It was not even an excuse. I'm like. The guy says, well, that's just what my boss said to do. And I can't give you his number. My business number is 423, blah blah. It's on the van, but it's going to be an answering service until tomorrow. And I'm like, well, please have your boss call me because I'm doing my job right now. I'm a broadcaster and I'm on the air. That's why I was in a hurry at the gas station. All this is true. So do you think I should just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so just wait till tomorrow and.

[Dave Anthony]

Just be like, okay, I'll deal with it then. I'm not going to jail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just send a Message and say I'm happy to show the. I'm happy to show the police this text exchange so they know that I'm not running from anything.

[Dave Anthony]

Just show you're taking legal advice from.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Dave who's been to jail for killing.

[Dave Anthony]

Police officer so they know that I'm not running from anything, which I'm not. Okay, there we go. Good. Let's do the show. Turning that over we're dealing with tomorrow.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Let's do this. Let's do a check in. In 15 minutes. Cuz this.

[Dave Anthony]

Do a check, but you have to tell me because I've turned the phone over. All my attention is on you.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I. I like that. As our last message.

[Dave Anthony]

That's it. And this is what today's. We're recording. This is Monday. I've got to leave Thursday to go to Nashville to do shows. So as long as I'm not in jail.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You're not going to jail.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, I know, but I'm saying I can deal with this tomorrow. And if they.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You're going to prison. But you're not going.

[Dave Anthony]

Dude, honestly. Okay. I think about this sometimes. Like, I know prison sucks. I get it.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

I get it. You know what I mean?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Sure. But I.

[Dave Anthony]

But like, if you went to like White Collar, you know, let's just say you went to White Collar. I think like a two month stretch would. You know, it shows you how shitty life is.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You want the.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, a couple months, you could just. Off the grid.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You want the podcast you. I'm podcasting.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You're too much. What the hell is.

[Dave Anthony]

If I could still do that. Like Tupac from prison. You still got to let me put out my hits.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Tupad.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, Tupac. That's it. Anyways, so the bread. I'm so sorry. God, this is the. This is so much worse than the fart episode. I'm really. I'm really losing.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Way worse than the. But again, you know, that was your quadrophenia. All right, Dave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so Stanley was practicing for the duel. Oh, it's a duel. So he was gonna.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

So you know this is not who you want help from if you lose an eye during dual training.

[Dave Anthony]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he. So this Reverber Johnson was training Edward Stanley to have a duel with Henry Wise. Okay, so he's training Stanley how to shoot a gun, I guess.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Stanley was practicing for the duel when his bullet striking a tree glanced back and lodged in his instructor's eye.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh, wow.

[Dave Anthony]

That's what you get, dumbass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like how the. How in the. Do you should Number one, you should be shooting, not near trees. So all over a sandwich, your instructor's bad. If you're very close to a tree.

[Dave Anthony]

Number one. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But also, if you hit the tree and it bounces and takes out your instructor's eye, everybody's bad.

[Dave Anthony]

Everybody.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

That's one of those things. If you're the instructor too, you're probably trying to play it off for a minute because then it makes you look like a bad instructor. So it's like the bullet hits your eye and you're like, yeah, dude, let's. Let's take 10ft away from these trees real quick. And then you're like, that eye's gone.

[Dave Anthony]

I. I don't know. I mean, I've held grudges before.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You're in the midst of one.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I'm in the midst of the start of a pretty good goddamn. Yeah. But like, I feel like if. If me and someone were in dual challenging mode, if I. To me, it's like the duel has to take place henceforth because if I've got time to where it's like, I gotta train for this duel and I gotta think about this, dude, I'm eventually gonna be like, you know what, can we just not do?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Not even mad anymore.

[Dave Anthony]

I. I don't care. Like, I just feel like I would calm down. Like. Yeah, it's not like Tyson versus Jake Paul or whatever. We're not doing a prom. Nobody's coming to our stupid little duel, you know? Like, I don't think I trained for a duel. I'm not doing a duel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do it. But when I get out there, I. I wink. I wink at him first thing.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, but it's like from quite a distance.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

What do you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you doing from there? No, when you first get there, you're close, and then you do paces.

[Dave Anthony]

You do 10 paces. What do you think? Because I've always wondered this about, like, if I was getting jumped by like three or four guys. But like, in a sexual.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or is this.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes. Kind of sexual. So what do you think? Like, if, if me and you were dueling, right? You turn your ten paces and you turn around and look, and I'm just butt ass naked. Like, do you think you're hitting me? Do you think you're hitting me now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're like, yeah, I think I'm totally. Or no, you don't have to be bug as naked. You could just pull a little string in your pants, come down, and then you're just.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

That's a good one.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah. Winnie the Poo it.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Be like, hello, sir.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, I'm small, Ms. Small. See, I got myself in another predicament.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Put your head.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Or, you know what?

[Dave Anthony]

I just turn around on step one and blow the back of his head off. That's the move.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

That's the move.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If that. That's actually probably illegal.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah, I would think.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Well, then, what is it? That guy's probably within our rights.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because you know what then happens then his second, I think, shoots you.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah. But then that second, the whole time is like, this dude gonna take 10 steps. You're in his head. Nobody wants to duel a guy who turns on eight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no. Yeah, you turn on eight and you go, I totally lost count.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Oh, Judo Mississippi's. Oh. I don't know what accent that just was.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

It's beautiful.

[Dave Anthony]

That was. That was perturbed. Jar Jar Binks's moms. Oh, you so sad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, okay, so this. So this now says the duel was then prevented and nothing but Johnson's iron frame saved his life.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

So the guy lost an eye for nothing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, for a. Yeah, it never happened. But he's also a shitty instructor, so he shouldn't have an eye. You know what I mean?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I don't know if that's true, but. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

I want to see the movie about him rebuilding his life as a dual instructor, having one eye. You know what I mean? Like. Like, what is Francis Ford Coppola been wasting his goddamn life with making this megalopolis thing? Like, he should have done this. This would be great.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And Russell Crowe has to play him.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honey, it's time. It's time to think of another profession. This. It's just time. You need to.

[Dave Anthony]

No, God damn it. Some of these boys don't know how to deal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What about a pirate?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Turn around.

[Dave Anthony]

You could be a monocle model.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don Pedro ii, the Emperor of Brazil. Did you know was there. I didn't know there was an emperor of Brazil.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh, yeah, he's the guy.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, Dave, let me ask you this. You're the person on the show, I'm not going to say the smartest, but the one that cares the most about books.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh, my God. Butterflies. I'll be right back.

[Dave Anthony]

So, like. But back in the. Back in the day and still now it's like, some people have emperors, some people have kings, some people have czars. That's all the same goddamn thing, right? Like, Emperor of Brazil just means King of Brazil. Right. And I would totally think that Brazil would have a king. It's Just that to me, Emperor was always like, that's Asian, you know. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Emperor doesn't feel. Yeah, you're right. Emperor always feels weird to me. A king makes sense. But you've got to be talking about the. The ruler of. Of Brazil. I would. I mean, Portugal.

[Dave Anthony]

I would think a king sounds like it could go benevolent or not, whereas Emperor sounds like I'm here to up.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

It's such a bad system. Why have the penguins adopted it for? So, I mean, the penguins have never afraid from the Emperor lifestyle.

[Dave Anthony]

That's true. They haven't. They're monogamous.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

They co parent really well.

[Dave Anthony]

They really do. I mean, and if they're sterile, they just like foster a rock or something. I've heard.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I. I'm actually doing that right now, to be honest.

[Dave Anthony]

Fostering a rock.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I fostered a rock for about two and a half years.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

My son Clark, he's hatching soon, don't you worry. It's so funny that I take him out.

[Dave Anthony]

The reason that we're in this predicament we are in our country, is because a lot of people who voted had a pet rock when they were a child.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Meaning what?

[Dave Anthony]

I just mean that that was to them a good thing and a fun.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh, that sort of made them be like procreations the way I just think.

[Dave Anthony]

They'Ve been sniffing lead paint their whole life. And so you can just sell a. A rock to that kid. You know what I mean? And then they grow up and they vote against their own self interest. Rock boy, I call them.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, Rock boy is a good one. I know. I. We did that in my school. And then my. I. I tried to suffocate my rock and my mother came in and I was like, die you crap in my life.

[Dave Anthony]

Then I realized that like, I had a Tamagotchi, which was just a digital rock, which is dumber, but a lot still.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I was like, parenting's really hard.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, give the boy a rock.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Give the boy a rock.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, while you guys are doing rock chatter, I learned the history of Brazil.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And Brazil was of course a Portuguese colony until 1911, 1822, when they declared independence. And then it became the empire of Brazil. And so it was Brazil and Uruguay was the. Was the empire ruled by Pedro the First. And now we're on Pedro the First.

[Dave Anthony]

Pedro Racist to laugh at that. But that's really funny to me. Pedro the First.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Any of the first is weird.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, the first is definitely weird. Just Pedro, Pedro, Pedro, and then Pedro Jr. Pedro. Yeah, you never hear that, though. A junior, you know, Frederick Jr. The king of blah, blah, blah. They have to be the second because that Junior makes you sound like a emperor.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Little Pedro.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

But also that. Go ahead. I know we got a paper to get through. I know. I get so curious about this stuff that, you know. Go ahead with your podcast.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don Pedro ii, the Emperor of Brazil, and the Empress Teresa. Christina will.

[Dave Anthony]

Teresa.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Teresa Christina. She's white.

[Dave Anthony]

Christina's fine. But I'm having a problem with Teresa because the first Teresa I ever knew was my aunt who would suck dicks through that hole in her throat right before Christmas to make enough money to get us all stock cars that she still stole anyways. Like little, little ones. The match book ones. So Teresa, to me seems like a very present name. This might be the Tiffany problem, but with Teresa.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you asked in the fart.

[Dave Anthony]

Come here, boy. Santa's got a big basket this year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we just got a little taste of this out.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I'm just looking at our numbers, Dave. They are dropping. I'm just looking at the live numbers here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okay. Teresa Christina will leave for the United States on April 1st with a numerous retinue and $1 million pocket money.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh, wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Philadelphians expect to relieve his majesty of about $500,000 during his stay in their city. And they're gonna rob along every day. They're just gonna.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Straight up, Robin.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Take everything they can.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Dude. I invented something called the D battery.

[Dave Anthony]

My sister. Please take them off your nipples.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I mean, I'm covered in tapestries that are being ripped off of me.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Not my tassels.

[Dave Anthony]

This one is.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

They're beating me with my tassels. Oh.

[Dave Anthony]

Hoisted by my hand. Oh.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh. They found my spare petard.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

A double hoisting.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh. I challenged you to a duel.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

The royal toad is red. Oh. Oh. My bottom is the color of a half cut grape fruit. I've been beaten badly with my own fashion. My purse.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, no.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Half of it's gone. Where's my boy? Where's my rock? My boy's gone. They took my boy.

[Dave Anthony]

I've abandoned my rock.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I've abandoned my rock.

[Dave Anthony]

I've abandoned my boy. Oh, me. Sometimes you just gotta. Sometimes you just gotta let the kid hit the hoop with a stick.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

There you go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. A breed of tailless dogs has been discovered in Africa.

[Dave Anthony]

That's called a pig.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yep. Tail and a snout has been discovered.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are they talking about hyenas?

[Dave Anthony]

I think it'd be.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Discovered. It was discovered. Yeah. People there actually. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

My God, you've got a no tail dog. You don't know you've been sitting on a gold mine this whole time, do you? Here, boy. Here, boy. Here. Oh. Oh. I'm also being attacked.

[Dave Anthony]

The royal chode is the color of.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

A half eaten grapefruit. Milan, they're fighting over the beetroot colored show. Two of the tailless dogs. This.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a sarcastic comment on the declaration that nature is perfect. Think of a tailless dog in a harmonious universe. Talk about the wonderful mechanism of the animal kingdom. Why, the common honeybee is so clumsily built that he, or rather she cannot sting an enemy without fastening her barbed spear and pulling out her own abdomen. She cannot defend herself against assault without committing suicide. The barbs ought to have been committed from her java javelin. But this generation is pessimistic. Good night.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

This is so.

[Dave Anthony]

This is 1872 Alabama.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's comedy for the. Yeah, I think that's comedy for this to some extent.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

But it's also just like, get ready, bees.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Who looks at bees and it's like they're doing it.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just funny. To me that's like the civil War ended it immediately. Their editor was like, we gotta fill these pages. Anybody got any B stuff? No, no, I meant like not A. No, you have some actual B stuff.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Well, well, it's B and it's about bees. So how dumb is it that they commit suicide every time they sting?

[Dave Anthony]

I swear to God, I wish I could. As the. The veteran newspaper guy from Alabama. I'll tell you what, it's like. I'm killing myself every time I roll over and see that next to me.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

These krauts are giving people fresh bread. This paper is going to be really good.

[Dave Anthony]

They got. They got some good ideas about what to do in 40 years.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Just let them hang out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is the opinion of a well informed New England paper that the Massachusetts legislature would excursion 200 miles to see a hog pen if anyone purchased free passes and gin.

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Who? Look, I'm just floating it out there. I'll travel anywhere to hang out with pigs and get drunk.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that's what they're saying. Was the word circus used at all in that sentence and I missed it?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Nope, nope.

[Dave Anthony]

You said a lot of circus.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

There's a lot of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're just saying that the New England legislature will go wherever booze is, no matter what the event.

[Dave Anthony]

And a pig spin.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

And pigs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And pigs. But.

[Dave Anthony]

And a pig pit. Well, they said pig pen. They didn't say Anything about the pigs? Did they?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I would assume pigs were part of it. I just. I just need a fenced in area I can't escape.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, right. I mean, you would, right? They did, but they didn't. You know, having a pig pen is.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Different than having heard of a werewolf. I'm like that, but with gin. I'm a gin wolf.

[Dave Anthony]

I turn into a pig, you don't want me around.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I wake up, my clothes are in tatters, I don't remember what I've done. And you need to fence me in.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm like a tailless dog from the wild Sahara. Oh, no. Help me.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

He's in a tree.

[Dave Anthony]

Why didn't you savages tell me you had discovered it already?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

All the fabrics caught on the branches. My wife is dead.

[Dave Anthony]

Does it matter what story you're rating? When it comes to Gareth's tangents, do you think he's just got a couple plug and plays where it's like every now and then he just has a vibrate that goes off and he's like, all right, go into Dave, time for the old man.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Dave, Dave. That's funny. I think it's a siren. Okay. Dave said something like on an episode recently where he's like, no, hold on, go. Something like that. I was like, that's a good old title. He was like. It was like, just starting again. I was like, here's a joke from 20 seconds ago that still feels right. He was like, just watching him, like, stop reading. Like, all right, finish. Finish it up. Try it out, boy. Cry it out.

[Dave Anthony]

I am the Gareth of Poa.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

It's true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this is a little section called Grave and Gay.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

Grave and gay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So gay means happy.

[Dave Anthony]

So then. Yes. And grave means depressed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Okay, okay.

[Dave Anthony]

So they're. They're happy. This is like a bittersweet, bittersweet section. I guess. I don't know what to expect from this. It's like, here's a fun tale and then. But boy, you're not gonna believe this afterwards. Why not just all gay, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why not just have, you know.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, they can't fit. You can't fill an 1870 Alabama paper with all gay. Let me tell you something right now.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

No, not working.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Happy orchid paper.

[Dave Anthony]

Way more grave.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's an unpleasant fact that what your friends call self. Self possession, your enemies call brass.

[Dave Anthony]

You know what my enemies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know. That one's.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't get it. Your enemies call brass. Is brass another word for like being like a hoarding bastard or something?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It must be my brass. Must be negative A Brassard.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Thank you. Good one.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

It been 96.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, you were never going to get another chance to say brassard in your life. I get that feeling where you're like, look, is it plus? No, but there's. I thought it and there'll never be another time for me to say it.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I'm not willing to sign off on the not eight plus part of that either, but okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ms. Kirby of Caldwell county recently lost eight children by diphtheria in such quick secession that. That four were buried together. Holy.

[Dave Anthony]

Is this under the gay?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I don't think. Damn me, I'm over the moon. I have a new lease on life before the pitch of the four in one is dark.

[Dave Anthony]

That's very dark. But I mean dude, you're going to want to deal. Like this is pre TVA Sal.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh yeah, no, you know what I mean.

[Dave Anthony]

This is during the week.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

She was probably pushing for six. She was like zip.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, if I'm not mistaken, Johnson is president right now. Right? Like reconstruction is not going well in the South.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Did you say Ben? John Benjamin. Benjamin Johnson. Ben Franklin.

[Dave Anthony]

Andrew Johnson. Oh, Andrew Johnson. And I'm not sure of that actually. No, he wouldn't have been president because this is eight years after the Lincoln assassination.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

This has been Andrew Johnson's predecessor. Which either way, reconstruction is not going well in the South. And for the record, they deserved it. My point being is that when you see a good 4 for 1 on a casket, baby. You know what I mean?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Literally.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You're saving. You're saving money. I mean, you're saving money.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

We'll go.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I mean, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna go head to toe. Head to toe. That's great. Look at them. They sort of lock in like ikea.

[Dave Anthony]

Some of them didn't have legs. What we do about them?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

That's the dip.

[Dave Anthony]

Sugar took Junior's leg. Can we get a discount? Sugar done run off with his leg.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

25 off indeed. Not the boy.

[Dave Anthony]

You still lick his nub.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

And we'll be right back.

[Dave Anthony]

Sweet. I should have left a long time ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A jawbone 60ft long is to be exhibited at the Sentinel by Massachusetts. Put it in the women's department, by all means.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

What?

[Dave Anthony]

Did you know that some dogs had a 60 foot jawbone?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think. I think they're saying women talk a lot. Is that what.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They've got a bit.

[Dave Anthony]

They jaw off. Yeah. Okay. All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, I think.

[Dave Anthony]

Hell yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

All Right. Cory's a blooding because he. He got it, not because he agrees with it.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

All right.

[Dave Anthony]

We'll take that.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

I just realized that there's a sombrero in frame.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Of my. That's not a good look.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

That's okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's fine.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know who get. Oh, a dead lady. I got that from her.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Now, see, now it took a turn. See, it was fine, and now it took a turn.

[Dave Anthony]

She wanted me to have it. It's. I didn't even buy it. It's like she wanted you to have this. And this is huge sombrero. And I'm like, I can't say no. So got this dead lady's sombrero.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, it's weird.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm just saying I'm not. I'm not racist. I'm very weird.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Well, no, I always find the people who aren't racist say, I'm not racist. I've always.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. I'm just saying I don't have a big sombrero for the reason you'd think. And I don't know what reason you'd.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Think, but of course I'm gonna tell you something you're gonna want to hear from a lawyer when dealing with this car door situation.

[Dave Anthony]

What's that?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Less is more.

[Dave Anthony]

That's true. I'm so gonna. I'm going to jail. I'm gonna admit to. I've never done in my life.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I killed it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And I did go there for beer. He saw me coming out with.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

All right, let's do an update after this because we got it.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is said that a woman of Xenia, Ohio offered her husband a divorce the other day for a seal skin cloak.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

This is a danger kill setup.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was no sign, however, that she was particularly anxious for the cloak.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You hear about this woman from Zany? Her husband offered her a cloak. A cloak. I tell you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That'S the end of.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

All right, Cory, have a look.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. I'm on it. Genuinely terrified.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Glad that's. This is good for me.

[Dave Anthony]

So the last thing I said was what Dave texted me. I told me to say. I said, I'm happy to show the police this text exchange so they know I'm not running from anything, which I'm not. And his text, which came at 7:35, so like pretty much right after. And I just put down. Just said, I'll show them. So he's just going to show the cop. By the way, I'm staying at my fucking house. I'm not leaving.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Can I not leave?

[Dave Anthony]

Can I leaving?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

That's the Southern attitude. Can I pitch. Can I pitch the response.

[Dave Anthony]

No, I'm not saying another fucking word.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Let me just pitch the response before you walk away.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Send him the fart memo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dude.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm not going to. Because of that. Oh, wait, hold on. But if I do, it'll have to come up in trial. Like, it'll be taken as evidence. Yes, but here's my. I don't. I'm not saying anything else because he's already like, I'll show them. And it's. I'm like, this is me being like, okay, you heard what I said, which is that I'm not leaving my home. Right? You'll. You show them. They want to come here. Let's fucking.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Let's go.

[Dave Anthony]

But I'm not. I've had a couple of drinks since then, as I. You knew I was doing. I'm not willingly driving to meet the police somewhere. Also, dude, fuck them. You know what I mean? Like, just fuck them. This episode is going to come out in four weeks, and I'm going to be.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

This episode is going to be played at trial.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, at trial, for sure. And. But I've said many times in here, I was not drunk when this happened. I was there to get booze to do this show because I've been sick all week.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Were there to get drunk?

[Dave Anthony]

Yes. All right. I'm not checking again, but there's not gonna say anything again because, yeah, I. You know, I didn't respond. Yeah, I'm going. I'm going to prison now. I'll never hear from these people again. They're gonna get bored with this.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I can't wait.

[Dave Anthony]

Me either. I'm not calling it tomorrow. I can tell you that right now, buddy.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Unhinging right now. I'll tell you what I'm not doing. It's calling them tomorrow. All right?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I'm not. I'm not to do. I got a podcast, dude. I've got a podcast. I got bonus episodes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And, yeah, you're gonna do this through insurance, right?

[Dave Anthony]

No, I want my premium.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

No, I'm gonna ignore them till they go away.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You've got to get door insurance from my guy.

[Dave Anthony]

That's true. Dude, it was nothing. There was a little black mark on it, but it was literally just like the scrape of. My car is black. Just a little tiny of the paint. Whatever. Like, you can scrub this. I could do it right now. I've done it a lot, you know. You know how Many times I've hit my wife's car every day. Every day?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah. Well, that's. That's not a good thing to say, to be honest with you at court.

[Dave Anthony]

That's true. All right, what's the next story? Which give us something gay, huh?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

No more grave.

[Dave Anthony]

I like the grave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, what's this? A North Carolina editor raves. Look where you will. What a labyrinth of world of tangles and misfits, Everything jumbled, lopsided, ill assorted and muddle t fluxomed. Here a president with a peanut peddler's soul, their scavenger beneath whose ragged waistcoat throbs a hero's heart. Here, a senator governor's wife whose rich brocades and laces envelop a galvanized oyster wrench. Or worse, they're a smutty fizzed chairwoman whose dinghy tatters enclose the spirit of a martyr. Here, courage, gratitude and affection wrapped in the hide of a dog. There, baseless and brutality swaddled in blood, cloth and fine linen. Two legged donkeys bring in all our legislative halls and dieting at our demonicos and their infinite superiors in every worthy quality and qualification Munching course straw in a thousand county stables could quadruple men and bipedal swine. Every fellow married to the wrong wife. The mul mated with the eagle, the hedgehog with the swan. Pasha. Pasha.

[Dave Anthony]

It's all blind luck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The whimsies of fates shaken dice.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

What is this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, first off, I'm gonna need to know how to spell Pasha. Pasha. I'll try to it. I'll try to interpret. What is just.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

At first I literally. It said North Carolina editor raves. I thought was like, okay, this is going to be a like. Like critic. Well, a. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ra.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You've got to go see chorus.

[Dave Anthony]

And then I was like. I was like, is this like a play? It sounded like you were talking about someone describing a theatrical performance of Pinocchio. Man, I thought this before you got to the donkeys, but then you got to the donkeys and I was like, wait. He said some about politicians. So they're definitely talking about democrats. Which back then democrats was a very different thing. They controlled the South. Right. But then you said. And then I was like back to here's here was my thought. Is that like people back in this time used to eat mud for dinner?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

And they still sound. And even the dumbest of them sound so much more intelligent than our smartest now. Like the language, English language. Used to be such a beautiful tool to wield. And now we're just like, I take, hey, that president, you know.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah. Two things. One, you're definitely correct. I watched this Chris Hedges rant. Not rant, but where he's talking about reading. Actually reading.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

And he was like, you have to incorporate actual reading into your life. He's like, we cannot be not reading.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

The other thing is people were eating mud.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah. For dinner. Not for like lunch. Dinner was mud.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh, sorry.

[Dave Anthony]

Lunch was bugs. Lunch was bugs. Breakfast was fear. That's what they ate. That's what they all had.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Lunch was bugs.

[Dave Anthony]

Any bug. Any bug.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Lunch, bug buffet.

[Dave Anthony]

Any but lunch was bugs. Breakfast was fear.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And then you snacked on, you know, a bygone time. This was the south in 1873.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Well, you snacked on a dead child, probably.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. You hear about that boy's Lego? Chopped off right before they threw him in that grave.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Falling off the bone.

[Dave Anthony]

These are my people. Oh, Henry died in the left up. Heard it's got some sugar on it. Gotta go get it, get it. Henry's mama's gonna be sad.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

And we're looking for Corey Ryan Forester over a door murder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He drove through the parking lot with his door open and he hit 33 people.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

His wagon wheel smashed my wagon wheel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Corey, by the way, I also watched Hee Haw growing up. I did you on heehaw too.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, the other day, didn't we?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think it was a. I don't think it was like a southern thing. I think that yeehaw was nationwide.

[Dave Anthony]

Like, yeah, there were two channels when you were born. And so it was just on one of. Oh, dude. I loved he haul. But like, here's the thing. A lot of like, yes, okay. It was definitely targeted towards my people, but the people on there, like Grandpa Jones, Roy Clark, Buck Owens, Mini Pearl, for God's sakes, Junior samples. These were genuine, in my opinion, comedic geniuses. Like, I think they were hilarious. Their timing was great. Like, sure, some of the jokes are corny, but like they were literally standing in a cornfield delivering them. They were self efface it. Like they knew, you know what I mean? And I. And that show like was so formative from my comedy and I still watch it. Me and my granny used to watch it all the time. And now talk about wor way worse things. I didn't get my clean, you know, he haul was a very clean family show. I strayed away from that. You did a phenomenal show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You have a filthy Mouth.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm a dirty boy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You do a lot of butthole stuff.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Admit it. Well, look.

[Dave Anthony]

No, no, no. I don't do a lot of butthole stuff. A lot of butthole stuff has happened to me and I report it.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

Do you know what I'm saying?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just tell people, are you doing buttholes?

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, right. I didn't even consider that's what you meant. I do talk about a lot of butthole stuff. Yeah, I'm a butthole comic. That's a nice genre. Come here. Corey Forster, the butthole comic.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

It's like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like the Outlaws.

[Dave Anthony]

But you like to. With some other comedy.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Well, we don't do comedy the way that other law abiding comedians do.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, some of you may have heard jokes from some non butthole people. That ain't what we do around here.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

This next one's called Brown. I'm gonna start doing that before my jokes intro them.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

This next one is called Electronic Checkup.

[Dave Anthony]

So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, here's one that you'll. This is what you said would happen at the beginning. This one is titled Old Massa's Grave.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hang on to your butthole.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh, no. Cory, spit take.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, he did. Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the title of a new and beautiful work of art.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is a 14 by. I don't know what that is. It's. You can't really see. It's blurred something 9 inches. So it's big in size and artistic in design. Finely engraved and printed on heavy plate paper. In the foreground is. Oh. In the foreground is seen a young Confederate soldier who has just returned home from the war, looking sad and thoughtfully at his father grave, which is shown to him by an aged black servant.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh. What the.

[Dave Anthony]

Sorry.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

That is a crazy. It commemorates the moment when a black man is sad because he's probably going to go free pretty soon. And he's showing the white man how tough it is because he lost his. It's a moment that is so relatable. It's happening all the time.

[Dave Anthony]

We didn't beat them Yankees. You gonna have to let Stumpy Steve go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To the right. The calm river indicates peace and rest as the harbinger of brighter days to come.

[Dave Anthony]

What the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is a picture that will touch everything.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

This is like msnbc.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, it really is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It should find a place in every Southern home. One copy will be sent, mounted on a roller and paid and postpaid on receipt 25.

[Dave Anthony]

It costs 3/5 of a cent.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, that's Something.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, racism is what that was.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Some artists, like, it's really important. Yeah, I got it. Right.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, can you look a little.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

More sad that this is all over for you, sir? No.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. Chisel, chisel, chisel. Remember, remember, no slaves. You're gonna have to do it all.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

No. My poor hands.

[Dave Anthony]

God, that would suck though. Like, on the real.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

My poor hands.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Real bad day. You just like, you wake up, you're like 12, you didn't go to war, you didn't do anything, and now all of a sudden you got chores. You know, you're like.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Me. I've never heard that distillation.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You know, that is holy. Well, it's.

[Dave Anthony]

Wow.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

To make a. The. The. It is so funny. It is fun. But the way that white people, like, works hard every time it falls on them. Yeah, actually it was. We talked about this before, Dave, where they. Alabama, like, passed the law because they were just like, there's these migrant workers and all this. And then all the white people had to do it. They were like, I quit. Like, yeah, so fast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What if we don't eat?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

They can't make up their mind on whether or not. And this is not. This is well worn territory, but like whether or not migrants are taking your jobs or whether they're lazy dead beats. And it's like, dude, pick a lane.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Like the intersection of, okay, you like comfort and now you have to do the work for it. Right?

[Dave Anthony]

Because like, dude, when I was a kid and. And nothing was political and I know that that stems from the Internet not being a huge deal when I was a kid, but I, I remember a South that was literally firmly apolitical. That was just like them both, far as I concerned. And they really like that. Like, I knew a bunch of Clinton voters who are now, you know, Trump voters or whatever.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

But like they all.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Every single one of them.

[Dave Anthony]

Before. I'm just saying before. Like a lot. Yeah, they are before a lot. Before the Trumps or whatever came and told them, by the way, be mad about Mexicans.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Not.

[Dave Anthony]

No one had anything but positive. They were just like, God damn them hard working. I tell you what, man. That some bitch will have a fence put up. I'm weird. You know, we had a big.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We had a big anti Mexican wave in California in.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, I get it. That's where they all are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It came through and they're just like, they're all taking a job, blah, blah. And it was just this beheaded thing and they passed laws. Then it just went away.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then went back to normal.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah. You would think. Like, I know. It's. It's. It's a big deal in Texas, obviously. And it's like, again, it's. Because that's where they are, you know, it makes sense, I suppose. But like, again, I'm telling you, like, before, whatever it was that the GOP decided, like, we gotta. We got to make it their fault for everything, everyone.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Like, don't be wrong.

[Dave Anthony]

There were still racist jokes, but they were all, like, kind of positively racist. They were all racist about how this group. What I mean is, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, they were generalizing, but the generalization was about how hard working and family oriented these people were, not that they were lazy and taking CS all the time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you think you've gotten out of the hole?

[Dave Anthony]

I don't give a.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

The good news is he's a white guy. He digs it half as fast.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Let me tell you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then goes home to his family.

[Dave Anthony]

Let me dig at some bits for me.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Let me tell you. When I knew the border was a big issue. When I was in Alaska about a month ago, and the senator running from Alaska, the Republican, was talking about border security.

[Dave Anthony]

My Lord Jesus Christ. My Lord.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

That's when I went, okay, if you.

[Dave Anthony]

If you're the governor of Alaska, if you could just get 10 less people to commit suicide, you've done a remarkable job. And you're going to talk about the border.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

The border.

[Dave Anthony]

10, 10 human beings, by the way.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You built a. You got a border. You got a. The Lord blessed you with a border.

[Dave Anthony]

Let me tell you where Mexicans do not want to go. Alaska. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All you should be running on in Alaska is like, I'm gonna get more women up here.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I'll tell you. You'd ever do a gig where you're.

[Dave Anthony]

Like, he's gonna show up.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, I talk. I talked to the Teletubby son. Do you ever do a gig where you're like, oh, what? Like, it's almost like if you went on a date and they just kept thanking you for going on a date, you'd be like, like, I'm. I'm here on my own marriage. Like, relax.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

The people at the show like, God, thank you so much. I was like, I don't think I should have come. You are too thankful for me to be here.

[Dave Anthony]

I feel that same way.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm like, you know, it's my job, right? Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I was like, that's the whole. I'm happy to be here. They're like, it means a lot.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. When you go to. Yeah. Like, when you're in a place like that where people like, we can't believe you came.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You must be in a bad spot professionally, right?

[Dave Anthony]

This, you're not. You're on the way. You're either on the way down or on the way up. You're up at the bottom of the on the way. Yeah. Yeah. And they always ask you, they go, where are you staying, by the way?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

That's the best.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Where are you?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

You.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The place I experienced that the most was I did a comedians a comedy tour with like Patton and those guys. Orlando, losing their mind. That there nobody could ever come. Promise me, promise me you'll come back. Promise me you'll come back.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Come back is another one. We're like, settle down, Please come back. What do you have an eta and when you'll be back?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, we, we had that experience in Orlando too. And you know, we have a large gay fan base because we're heroes. And there's a lot of gay people in Orlando because it, there's a theater district there, which is why you have all the doubles for Minnie and Mickey. And. And they would tell us the same thing. They're like, we can't believe you came to Orlando. And we're like, well, nobody told us it was. We won't come back.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, I'm not coming back.

[Dave Anthony]

Thanks. We had no idea. Like, we figured if they could have a Disney World. Yeah.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I was like, maybe in Eugene, Oregon. And they were all like, this means a lot. Oh, I won't be.

[Dave Anthony]

Eugene's crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, but look, I will say being in Orlando, that was the first time I was ever like, oh, this is what a meth problem is.

[Dave Anthony]

Like, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Orlando is like meth times 10. You're like, what?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, but dude, Eugene, Oregon, we were doing a show there one time and like, I, I don't know if I had just gotten off or whatever, but there was a bunch of like, I'm just gonna say wild looking people running around, right. Varying degrees of odor. Right. And I was like, well, it's Eugene, whatever. But then I started noticing, no, that's deaf. And I was like, oh, how sweet of them. They let like the homeless people volunteer here and they made me give them a meal or something like that. And I was like going up to a person and telling like how cool that was. And they're like, so just, just be cool. But actually, the mental hospital had a breakout tonight and that's what's going on a bunch of mental patients had broken out and just they saw a door and they came in and I wonder, I wonder.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I I, I'm. I' kidding. I wonder if we did the same venue. Cuz I pulled up and I was like, it's right.

[Dave Anthony]

The mental hospital is right next door. Yes, you did the same.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I pulled up and I was like. And then I went in. I was like, is everything cool around here? They're like, no, not at all.

[Dave Anthony]

Not at all. But thank you for being here.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I was like, okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Go Ducks.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. All right. They're gonna win it all. Okay. This will be the last one.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ms. Cross of Papa Michigan. Papa. Thinking her husband was unduly attentive to his brother's wife, was thereby made jealous. One evening. One evening he left the house and she guessed he had gone to meet his sister in law.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Law.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, so she's thinking he's cheating with my sister.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Sister in law. Which that happened a lot back then.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh y they ate mud. And anyone back then, your sister in law was like.

[Dave Anthony]

Only not your wife until your wife died.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, because like your wife died. She. Your sister in law just moves over one notch. So like makes sense. You're going to want to try that out.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I'm glad I bought a spare.

[Dave Anthony]

But it was true. We've all seen the patriot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Ms. Cross followed stealthily and discovered not a Leah liaison. She dogged him to a place where he was joined by two brothers.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, the miss Cross crisscross going on.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

This ain't grave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And thence kept them in sight while they took a drunken stranger toward a lake dark. It was a murder.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Oh no.

[Dave Anthony]

Boy, just when you're waiting on a butt.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, that's a twist. Oh, it's worse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then she went home and this the stranger was robbed and drowned. And her testimony is used in the trial of the three brothers.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Holy.

[Dave Anthony]

So she thought her husband was cheating, but turns out he was a murderer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. He's taking care of his family.

[Dave Anthony]

I was about to say people's lives weren't worth anything in 1873.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Dave Anthony]

That guy was gonna what, live two more years, have his foot chopped off and then have somebody, you know, parlay.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

For how much Alabama so light on limbs. As Corey's suggesting it was just no limbs.

[Dave Anthony]

Hello, hello, Alabama the footless.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is Michigan.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Go fighting phantoms.

[Dave Anthony]

That's why you know country music. They have that, that stomp.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

You know why there's not two one stop one.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, that's.

[Dave Anthony]

You know what I'm Saying a footless bunch, we are.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah. Poor Stomp guy. They think I'm gonna lose Stomp, dude.

[Dave Anthony]

But. But the balls on that woman to snitch on her man in 1873, like, I really respect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She probably still couldn't get a divorce. Probably.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Absolutely not.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Well, so let me get this straight. He wasn't cheating and you won't ask?

[Dave Anthony]

Ma'am, you're going to prison too, you know.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Ma'am, you're under arrest for not understanding how cool your husband is.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, time served.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Yeah, that's the. Arresting her. Go ahead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So before we go, is there a clothes on our texting exchange?

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

I was curious about that.

[Dave Anthony]

Let's. I hope not. Oh, hey, Corey Chickamauga just left. I assume he means police. And I showed them your text and told him it wasn't a hit and run or nothing. You gave me your info, and he took pics of the text and got your info, then said everything should be fine. Well, that is not the climactic story ending y'all were hoping for. But it does go to show you that in this country, as a white man, if you ignore something long enough and get drunk on it, it will go away. Thank you, Jesus. Praise God. God, I've been saying it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've been saying it.

[Dave Anthony]

Amen, Father God.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Well, listen, you can hear Corey on the He Haw podcast. And, Corey, thank you again for joining us. I'm so sorry you brought a plot. You've brought great energy. You've been in an attic drinking alone for three hours.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's. What's great about the hit and run thing, which he's clearly a criminal, but.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

And he's admitted to it on air.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We had a beginning, middle, and an end like it. We did it fit into the hour.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

No, it was perfect. It was perfect.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, Pedro. One, two, and three.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

There's no better time to send a fart memo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, and don't you talk about this on your podcast. This is our. We own this.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

And if you're listening, Burns, don't you dare give him any scraps.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm happy to not talk about this ever again, and here's why. Because y'all were really cool and on my side about it, but Trey would have been trying to get me arrested this whole time. He would have. He would have been like, hey, I'll be right back. And he would have called the Chickamauga police and been like, hey, listen, he's lying to you. So. No, this is a y'all story. A y'all story. Exclusive Also, I'm not telling my wife. And if I told. If I told it on Putting on Airs, which is my podcast with Trey. His wife does listen to it.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

She does.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, his. Trey's wife listens to it, which is why every week I open with welcome to Putting on Airs. Katie Crowder's a huge stupid. Then she gets mad. Maybe she'll forget the next five minutes, you know, but no, she'll definitely find out. So I'm going to keep this one from my wife. And frankly, I'm. This is a need to know basis, I think.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Well, you just reminded me. I'm going to start saying Ben, frankly, when I do things like that.

[Dave Anthony]

Ben Franklin.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Well, Ben, frankly, I mean, at the end of the day, Corey, thank you, everyone. Listen to Putting on Airs and go find Corey at the Chickamauga Police Department. Thank you.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right.

[Corey Ryan Forrester]

Some of these days you'll miss me, honey. Some of these days. And calling on the gear force. That's right. All right, listen, go to Gareth Riddles.com for tickets to any and all of these shows. January 4, Saturday, I'll be in Burbank, California. Then January 7, I will be in St. Louis at Helium. January 8, Indianapolis, Helium. January 9 through January 11, I will be in Batavia, Illinois. I'll be in Cedar Rapids. January 12th, Minneapolis. January 15th through January 18th, I will be in Rutherford, New Jersey. January 31st. And this first look at that. February 7th, I'll be in Brea, California. February 11th, I'll be in Eureka, California, at Savage Henry, San Francisco. February 12th, Cobb, Sacramento. February 13th, March 24th, I'm coming to Florida whether you like it or not. I'll be in Naples doing a show at off the hook comedy Charlotte, April 13, rally Raleigh. April 14, April 15, April 16, I will be in Lutherville, Timonium, April 17, 18th, 19th, and then Winnipeg, May 29 through May 31. Gareth Reynolds.com calling on you, Gareth Horse. Come on, join me.