112 - The Past Times with Francesca Fiorentini

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds Episode: 112 - The Past Times with Francesca Fiorentini
Release Date: February 14, 2025
Hosts: Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Francesca Fiorentini

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1. Introduction to Episode and Guest

The episode kicks off with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds enthusiastically announcing their upcoming comedy tour scheduled for March 2025. They humorously tout their favorite cities, emphasizing their affection for places like Tempe, Arizona, and Austin, Texas, setting a lighthearted and energetic tone for the show.

Notable Quotes:

• Dave Anthony [00:00]: "We're going on tour."
• Gareth Reynolds [00:09]: "It's the best."

Shortly after the tour announcement, Gareth welcomes the guest, Francesca Fiorentini, to the Past Times Podcast, a segment where they delve into historical newspaper articles selected by Dave.

Notable Quote:

• Gareth Reynolds [01:11]: "Welcome to the Past Times Podcast... Hello, Francesca."

---

2. Exploring the Historical Newspaper

The core of the episode revolves around dissecting a newspaper article from February 6th, 1930, hailing from Tutopolis, Illinois. Dave, Gareth, and Francesca engage in a comedic analysis of the headlines, blending historical curiosity with sharp wit.

a. High School Basketball Victory

The primary headline discusses the Toolos High School girls' basketball team's narrow victory over the grade school team with a score of 8 to 7. The trio speculates humorously about the nature of this matchup.

Notable Quotes:

• Gareth Reynolds [09:00]: "It's the best city I've ever been to. That's on March 16th."
• Francesca Fiorentini [12:30]: "So it's midgets then I guess that we haven't."

They joke about the improbability of high school teams facing grade school teams, playfully suggesting that "midgets" might refer to the younger players, leading to a series of absurd and funny interpretations.

b. Indoor Baseball Games

Another article highlights a lively game of indoor baseball between married men and young men at Variety Hall. The discussion delves into the peculiarities of indoor baseball, contrasting it with mainstream sports.

Notable Quotes:

• Dave Anthony [17:16]: "Never heard of it."
• Francesca Fiorentini [19:38]: "A goodly amount."

The hosts mock the unconventional nature of the game, questioning the rules and the high-scoring outcome, all while maintaining a comedic narrative that satirizes historical reporting.

c. Additional Newspaper Stories and Satirical Takes

Throughout their exploration, the trio encounters various snippets from the newspaper, such as the distribution of bird feed by a sergeant at Chanute Field and the challenges faced by Tutopoulos' high school library.

Notable Quotes:

• Gareth Reynolds [46:26]: "This is to ensure tenants of the Harriman structure, air and light for that length of time."
• Dave Anthony [54:28]: "Comfort for fast riding."

They extrapolate these stories into outrageous scenarios, blending historical facts with imaginative, humorous embellishments that highlight the absurdities often found in old newspaper articles.

---

3. Personal Anecdotes and Comedic Banter

Interspersed with their historical examination are personal stories and light-hearted exchanges between Dave, Gareth, and Francesca. These anecdotes range from frustrations with hotel accommodations to humorous takes on modern-day events, all delivered with their signature comedic flair.

Notable Quotes:

• Gareth Reynolds [25:34]: "Shove and cunt, Step one."
• Francesca Fiorentini [43:03]: "I'm doing dry January."

Their banter often circles back to themes of daily life challenges, relationships, and the quirks of being on the road, providing listeners with relatable humor amidst the historical discussions.

---

4. Conclusion and Upcoming Events

As the episode wraps up, the hosts briefly touch upon future episodes and events. Francesca promotes her live show at the Ice House in Pasadena titled "New World Disorder," promising a night of political comedy.

Notable Quotes:

• Francesca Fiorentini [65:15]: "There needs to be more Opelises in our country."
• Gareth Reynolds [66:15]: "Go to hell."

The trio concludes with playful jabs and encouragement for listeners to attend Francesca's show, maintaining the episode's lively and engaging atmosphere.

---

Highlights and Insights

• Humor in Historical Context: The episode masterfully blends historical content with contemporary humor, making past events amusing and accessible.

• Dynamic Interaction: The chemistry between Dave, Gareth, and Francesca ensures a seamless flow of conversations, punctuated by witty remarks and insightful observations.

• Satirical Commentary: Through their jokes, the hosts subtly critique societal norms and historical practices, offering listeners both entertainment and reflection.

---

Overall, Episode 112 of The Dollop delivers a rich tapestry of humor, historical exploration, and engaging storytelling. Whether you're a history buff or a comedy enthusiast, this episode offers a delightful blend of both worlds, ensuring an entertaining listen even for those who haven't tuned in before.

Transcript

[Dave Anthony]

We're going on tour. And this is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's been a while.

[Dave Anthony]

March 2025 is when our tour is happening. First of all, we're going to Tempe, Arizona, maybe our favorite city of all time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the best.

[Dave Anthony]

That is on March 16th. And then we go to Albuquerque, New.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mexico, maybe our favorite city ever, we've ever gone to.

[Dave Anthony]

That's on March 17th. And then we go to Oklahoma City.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which is our fav. We often say that it's our number one.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's our number one. The best city I've ever been to. That's on March 18th. On March 19th, we're going to be in Tulsa, Oklahoma, our favorite city, without question. And then we head to Dallas, Texas, on March 20th.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Our favorite city.

[Dave Anthony]

There's never been a better city than better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you don't like it, you're a Dallas hole.

[Dave Anthony]

Thank you. And then we go to Houston, Texas, on March 21. City, which is by far the best city. And then we end our tour in Austin, Texas, on March 22 at the Cap City Comedy Club.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the best city in the entire world. Number one city in the world.

[Dave Anthony]

You can get tickets@dollar podcast.com tour.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, everybody. Welcome to the Past Times Podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before. And neither is our guest this week, Francesca Friedman. Fiorentini. Hello, Francesca. Thank you for joining us again.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to go back to a time. I am back to a time when, like, journalism existed and just like another, different time. Any other time than this time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get the suplex out.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Any other time. Cause here's the thing about the air quality index is that actually. And you know, tinfoil hats aren't a bad idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. Well, let's say this quickly because you seem very opinionated, which is something you do on the Bituation Room, which is your show, which is actually a fantastic show. It's not as sassy as this just was. Cause this was a little out of nowhere, but a great show. You have great guests. I have, through your show, learned about a lot of people who I should have known about and didn't. Because I'm an idiot.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I no longer make the comedians sit through the political pundits and activists.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, when I've done it, you bring them on last.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah. But I've decided that the comics. Sometimes I'm like, I don't want to hurt their brains anymore, so I just let them go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I like that part.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I do like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. As I will say for my.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

From your perspective, you want to stay on. Well, it should be an option then. Yeah, man. Everyone should check out the Bituation Room podcast. Also, I have a live show at the Ice House that I. We just sold out January, but February 19th, it's a Wednesday, 7:30pm The Ice House in Pasadena, calling it New World Disorder, a night of political comedy.

[Dave Anthony]

Why is it called disorder?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We don't do political stuff.

[Dave Anthony]

Everything's going as it should.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Well, I mean, like, truly. Yes. If we're being honest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How are you gonna get invited to the inauguration if you don't boot suck?

[Dave Anthony]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the question.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I just did. We couldn't actually see Rogan in the audience because he is 5 2, so come on.

[Dave Anthony]

They should have given him an apple box.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Something that you guys. Well, you know what we need to do? We need to cut an inch or two out of Baron and give it to Joey boy. That's what we need to do. Baron. I'm concerned about the size Baron is becoming.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Baron is just three illegitimate children standing on top of one another in a trench coat. Like, he is way too big.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Very Alice in Wonder. Like, truly Alice in Wonderland. Shit. Like, genuinely, there should be some sort of vote to get him to stop growing. Like, Trump should put that up for a vote.

[Dave Anthony]

No. What if he has gigantism and he.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just keeps going back in? Back in.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

If he's too big, like, you know, sort of physically and just like, just as a presence, I feel like Trump will have him killed for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I worry that he's our next president, but.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yes. Anyway. But at the past. How about the past?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The past. Well, also, I was gonna say this. We're having your husband on the next episode, and our producer Burns had a terrible idea. Like, we can Newlywed game this. So let me ask you this.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Oh, boy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you were to Newlywed. Well, if you were to. If you were to guess Matt's favorite movie, what would you say it is?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Oh, God. Favorite movie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes. This is a good question.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

He. I mean, Matt will.

[Dave Anthony]

Just Three Men and a baby. That's what it is.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It's gonna be. It's really corny. But his. His favorite movie is some Scorsese. It's some basic ass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, Goodfellas or something.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah. No, it's not. It's like he's watched Departed a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Departed movie.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

And he. Oh, no, this is not Scorsese. Obviously not this one, but I would say the Godfather. Godfather two is probably. He's a Mafia guy between one and two. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can I ask you what you think his favorite meal is or his last meal, if you were to pick it?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

His last meal was at like 11pm no, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Death Row. Death row.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Oh, Death Row. Well, I think it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a much easier question. What did Matt last eat?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

No. Well, I don't actually know the last time I. So he's out of town. Last time he was out of town, he ate like Sbarro's Pizza at 12pm at night and then woke up at 4am with a kidney stone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you eat Sbarro outside of the airport, you're asking. Or mall. You're asking.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It wasn't actually Sabaro. I'm being. I'm being shittier. It was just New York as you.

[Dave Anthony]

Turnpike at that point.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. No, his last meal would probably be the meal that he ate last night, which I'm assuming is. It's a Jack in the Box. It's Jack in the Box with, like. Which is like all the egg rolls, the jalapeno poppers, and. He likes the. He likes the egg rolls and the jalapeno poppers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is awesome. Well, I didn't even know.

[Dave Anthony]

All right, Jack in the Box has egg rolls.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It's the. Yes. It's the thing that will most likely give you E. Coli.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jack in the Box has become like Cheesecake Factory fast. They are like. Yes, they are like, name it, we'll try it. Yeah. Tacos, egg rolls. It's.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, I just haven't been to any of these places in literally decades, so I can't even.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I know. I did do. I did do a grilled cheese from Jack in the Box because I was just. You know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I'll be honest, it's not terrible.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

No. Jack and the crack was the thing that cleaned up their act first. Right. Because they had the E. Coli outbreaks first.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

And then they were like, we're all right.

[Dave Anthony]

They did it before.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was cool.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah, fine. We'll wash our hands.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dave. Dave, stop.

[Dave Anthony]

Vallejo, California. I remember. I know the exact.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We don't look at the.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

What are you going to ask him about me? You're going to ask what my favorite meal is?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. All right, well, what would you say your favorite movie is?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Movie?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

My favorite movie is the Breakfast Club.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, we'll ask him that and then we'll ask him what your last breakfast was. What was that?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Like, what I ate?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

A smoothie, which my daughter calls puni, which is very funny. So I just call it my poony.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, well, that's the end of this part.

[Dave Anthony]

Sounds a little too. Yeah, I'm not very comfortable at this point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not great. All right, Francesca, take a guess at what year this paper is going to be from. You know, the deal could be super old, could be super recent.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I always think they're like, turn of the century.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's an easy. That's an easy way to go.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It's always easy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

The 20th century, though. The 21st century, whatever, whichever.

[Dave Anthony]

Why do they do that? Why do they do that? Just to be never. Yeah, it's. It's confusing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just so that you stammer so you're like the 21st century, and they're like, you fool. Why? That's not the future at all.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Okay. No, I'll go with like 1915.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good one. That's good. I'll go 1858. And can we point out that we're doing this early? And when we did this, Dave and I both lamented the fact that we looked sleepy. And Francesca said, dave, you don't look sleepy. Gareth, you do look like you just got a go ahead.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Dave always look sleepy. So I just.

[Dave Anthony]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Way to recover. Way to recover. Way to recover.

[Dave Anthony]

That one it is. Francesco. So close. 1930.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

It's February 6th, 1930. It is Tutopolis, Illinois.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. We got rid of. For goodness.

[Dave Anthony]

What the hell is that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was where Superman worked.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Definitely where. It's Superman. I'm just thinking of a place where, like, everyone has to wear two tops. Like Steve Bannon. Just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Layered.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's my utopia. Tube top, tube top.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

One for the dandruff, one for the sweat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tube topless. Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir. Your midriff isn't showing. Can you get that up Here at Tutopoulos, we practice a bit of a different law. Tube top.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Sugar Ray is constantly playing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like a weird demolition man world.

[Dave Anthony]

Tube Topolis, It's a village in Effingham County.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Effingham. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Not Effingham. That's a great.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah, that's a.

[Dave Anthony]

It has a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We caught the mayor screwing a pig. We'll call it Effingham.

[Dave Anthony]

It is a population of. Of 1,618 in 2020. So it had to been tiny. That is back then. And it's between St. Louis and. And Indianapolis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, that's not actually one.

[Dave Anthony]

That is Illinois yeah, that is Illinois.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's. That's. You could say that about anywhere in Illinois.

[Dave Anthony]

What? That's between. Yeah, well, it's directly between them, so. You know what, Gareth?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You see him step into me, Francesca. This is what happens when he's groggy. He might not look it, but he's sassing like it.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Are you still driving, Gareth?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm allowed to drive, yeah. What did you hear? What did you hear?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

No, no, no. Are you still. Are you still off planes?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm. I'm rarely on planes. I'm mainly driving, but.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Got it, got it, got it.

[Dave Anthony]

So especially. Especially, I just drove.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just drove to Tubetopolis to tube. Topless. Yeah. And I'll tell you, their laws are very difficult for the people in winter. It is very cold there. And I'll tell you, really, they would love to have those tummies covered. But the law of the land is the law of the land.

[Dave Anthony]

Pretty soon the Republicans will make it illegal to wear masks on planes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So pretty soon Republicans will make it illegal for me to drive to my shows.

[Dave Anthony]

I hope so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you really think that's coming?

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Not driving. Well, I mean, I think I would probably lose the right to drive first.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

But masks on planes is definitely. Yeah, that's happening 100%.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because of the level of. Because it makes people uncomfortable.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Because it makes people who don't want to wear masks upset.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It's the fragile majority.

[Dave Anthony]

That's the fragile majority. These are baby. The babies are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I still think if one airline were to just be like, we're masking, they would do so. Well.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. People.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Well, considering airlines are run by the people and usually very, very hard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Delta did not. Delta is not the reason we have the masking policy that we have or the five days when you have Covid. Any who's will be.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Any who's will be. 1930 in tube Topolis.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So right here on the front page, Tuesday evening after school, the Toolos High school defeated the grade school basketball team by a score of 8 to 7. Okay, girls defeated the greats. What did you guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, go, please.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

So it's midgets then I guess that we haven't. The nomenclature is not obviously there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's not only that for it to be heralded as an apex predator in high school sporting is.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You're just. This is whose entertainment is. So your eighth graders are. Are going against midgets?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, no, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now that I'm actually quite. Okay, let's hear.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Or no, that's their name. I think it's like the school's name like Wildcats.

[Dave Anthony]

I think the school is called grade school. I don't think it's a younger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a very confusing thing for them to do.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes. And then I think to topless. They just. Yeah. They went with midgets for their mascot.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't think they're calling. I don't think they're saying these people.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It's not like a team of midgets.

[Dave Anthony]

Or, or, or, or hold on. Maybe everyone at the school is a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Little person that I like.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I like that. I like to imagine that most schools are little people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think if Brad Williams were here, he would allow us to really have some fun with this. But also, can I also point out the pathetic score? Watching 8 to 7. Watching an 8 to 7 basketball game.

[Dave Anthony]

How. But how.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Be a nightmare.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

But I mean, I guess games were shorter. They were shorter. They were. They were about 15 minutes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I shocked that the midgets got the seven right. They know.

[Dave Anthony]

They didn't know the midgets.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

And you had to throw underhand back in the day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Imagine losing to the midgets in basketball.

[Dave Anthony]

But here's the next one is the Tutopoulos high school girls defeated the grade school girls 22 to 8. So. So the girls, the grade school girls just suck.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Grade school girls were like me doing in. In basketball, B team, sometimes a team supplement. You know, one time I made awe basket. One time I fouled a girl, but only because she stopped in front of me and I ran into her like a boss.

[Dave Anthony]

Is that true? Did that really happen? Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

That's amazing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So athleticism.

[Dave Anthony]

Did you notice?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I know I could stop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I just didn't see that she had stopped. Here's the thing about when. Let me just explain to you one of the happiest moments in my life. Obviously daughter born. But being on the A team for just one game because they needed me and, and actually scoring.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, scoring.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Scoring felt so good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Scoring was really quite a feeling, if we're being honest. It's the skill. Yeah. I remember my first.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You feel so superhuman. I was like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My first soccer goal came in a horrendously rainy game. And it was the sloppiest shit ever. But like, my brain couldn't process that I had done the. I'd like achieved the greatest thing you can in the. I was like, ha, ha.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

What kind of goal was it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? It was soccer.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah, I know, but what kind? Like, how was it? What was it like?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was like a terrible, like, oops. I barely kicked that ball, but thank God for rain. Now it's slowly surfing towards the goalpost, and the sloppy little muddy boy can' get on his feet. And. Oh, my God, it barely touched the back of a net, but.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

And then you felt like a superhero.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then I was like this. I need this talking. You don't. You don't come into my house. Not. I did, like, the slide. Like, the Ronaldo Slide. Like.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Took off your shirt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Lifted my shirt up to expose my God. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Let me tell you. Let me tell.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You're like, is G a dad at 8?

[Gareth Reynolds]

None of this is possible. Should he have champagne? We're going to the championship.

[Dave Anthony]

Let me tell you. I'm like, yeah. Last week, he hit a ground rule double. It was by far the hardest hit ball of the game. Right. It's a ground rule double. Basically loaded, scores two runs, gets. And this is. This is like, gets to second. And the kid on second, the. On the other team, looks at him and goes, holy. Do you work out, bro? Because he's huge. And it was. He told me that, and I was like, it's like your ultimate dream. Like, you hit a double, and then a guy's like, look at your muscles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your enemy.

[Dave Anthony]

He was just like, yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Did he tell you or did you hear it? He told you that. The guy said that they're making kids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Up for these games now.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

They are making them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're making kids for the game.

[Dave Anthony]

But I. He said that. And I was like, man, nothing like that ever happened to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

That's crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, the comedian version of that is like, do you write all your own stuff? Like, you come on stage. I was like, do you write all that? Yeah, I do. You know, but then you're like, chubby. You're like, I don't feel good. I've been eating a lot of French fries on the road.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I don't work out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

In a week.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Indoor baseball notes. Okay, I'm upset already. I'm upset right now. We don't do baseball indoors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, stop it. Have you ever been a tube? Topperville, or whatever it's called? Tube Topolis.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Tube Topolis.

[Dave Anthony]

T. Topolis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tubetopolis. I understand.

[Dave Anthony]

Last Monday evening, the married men and young women of the village played a lively game of indoor baseball at Variety Hall.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, it's weird.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

The married men and young women. It sounds like they're not married to one another.

[Dave Anthony]

Young men. Did I say women? Young men. Yeah, the married men and young men.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Oh, you said women. Young Women.

[Dave Anthony]

So basically, couldn't we just say men? All the men.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The men. Men. A bunch of men.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It sounds more nambla than that. Sounds like maybe there's a.

[Dave Anthony]

Maybe there's someone that's in between there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like engaged men.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

The married men and the young boys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Baseball. What does that mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Never heard of it.

[Dave Anthony]

It's old guys who are single that are not allowed. Oh, single guys.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Oh, no. Old man in the club.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, see, I think those guys should be allowed.

[Dave Anthony]

That's a different team. The Garrison. Everyone's like, ew, here they come. I feel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's their deal? How much longer can this go on?

[Dave Anthony]

Next team you're playing is the Bachelors for life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, this is the commitment issues.

[Dave Anthony]

The next scene you're playing is, I watched my parents marriage, and I don't think I want to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, the fear and loves are coming.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Here come the boys. They're stepping up to the bloody boys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Their hats turned backwards so we could see their bleach blonde tips.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Getting a slow start. He has to take a selfie before he takes off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's looking to post. He's asking everyone for captions. They're all pitching in. This is what they do, guys.

[Dave Anthony]

The game was full of pep and stunts, which elicited much laughter from a goodly number of ball fans.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

We don't have the word goodly anymore. Goodly needs to come back.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I agree, but there's nothing really goodly anymore, so.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

But I mean, like, a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's very negative.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Okay. All right. Pepper.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Like, how much did you eat? How many egg rolls did you have? A goodly amount.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, my diarrhea will be goodly.

[Dave Anthony]

I like. I liked what goodly stunts?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Well, I mean, that's that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just wanted her to picture her husband having liquid poop.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It's okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Our doors are thin. I can hear it.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, she's already. Oh, God.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

That's how you know it's love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. That first weekend at a hotel where you're like, well, here, let's talk. I didn't shower seven times. I'm not feeling good.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

Wait, why do you shower seven times?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah, I didn't get that one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You turn the water on, cover the noise.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I never got that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You feel the freedom. That's why if you stay in, like, on a loft, like, a loft is like, how about a little window into the toilet? You're like, hey, aloft. Don't do that.

[Dave Anthony]

The pastimes is brought to you by Factor Chef made gourmet meals make eating super easy. They're dietitian approved, which you need. The meals arrive fresh, fully prepared, perfect for any active, busy lifestyle. Would you have. You have tried factor? Correct. You're a factor boy is what they call you down at the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm what they call a factor fan.

[Dave Anthony]

An FF factor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Delicious. Many options. It fits. It really fits into any diet that you have. Correct. And you can't stress enough how good the food is. Food is delicious.

[Dave Anthony]

So this is what I had this week. I had the loaded spinach shredded chicken.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now the chicken, when you say shredded, you mean it's got abs and pecs and yeah, the chicken, it looks like it eats factor. I think the chicken eats factor. It's on the keto.

[Dave Anthony]

Eat smart with factor. Get started@Factor Meals.com TPT50OFF. Use code TPT50OFF to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. That's code TPT50OFF@Factor Meals.com Tpt50OFF to get 50 off plus free shipping on your first box. Tell. Tell Francesco what you found in the Houston aloft.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I was. We were in the aloft. We were on the road and I. Whatever. Checked in aloft. Very straightforward. You know what you're going to get always.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You mean like the franchise a lot?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I see above the microwave safe, coffee maker station, a little something on the top shelf. And I'm a curious gentleman. I still probably have my backpack on at this point. Like, I'm that new to the room. I'm like, what the hell's up there? Because I'm like, do they put stuff up there? And I grab it and it was. After the public helped determine what it was. It was a used douche.

[Dave Anthony]

Used douche.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Oh, used douche. Now, how much did you have to sort of manhandle it before you realized what it was?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I immediately recognized that it was an apparatus. I wasn't sure what it was. I thought enema.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I didn't even know what. I don't know what douches look like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look at the right side of your screen. It looks like.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I really hope when you guys edit this you put yourself on the right side.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Preston, you bastard. I think it just kind of looks like. It's like a squirter. It's like a really. It's like a. But it had. It had some coloring. It was like see through, but then there was some.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Now how did you take it down to the front desk and like, what is this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I made. I did What I did, what you're supposed to do. I made a video and posted it right away. And then a loft started dming me going like, hey, we're super sorry for that.

[Dave Anthony]

I was never going to free room or anything. I don't remember, like, a breakfast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But what I didn't want.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Would you like a douche?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What I didn't want.

[Dave Anthony]

What I didn't want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I didn't want the maids, like, for the maids to now have to check the high third row shelf. Like, I didn't want them to be like, you didn't do your job. It's like you're in a loft.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, the problem with reporting something like that is because it's really. It's really the. It's the responsibility of the asshole who douched and put it up on a high shelf. But, like, you don't want a maid to lose their job.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

No, I know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what I did was I requested the maid come to my room, and I berated her and squirted her with douche water.

[Dave Anthony]

Jesus Christ.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, French showering is called douching. Isn't that fun?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

My favorite douche story. Wow, Here we go. No. You know how everyone's downloading Xiao Hongshu, the Red Note app, right now? Which I love, and I love how bad the translation is. It's like, you know, I can't even do bad translation. My brain's not working to do it poorly, but, like, it just reminds me of how bad translation is in China. And when I visited China, I was in a hotel, and there was, like, a little, you know, basket of toiletries, and there was a douche. But it wasn't, you know, obviously it wasn't like a plastic thing. It was just, I guess, one that you put in and it dissolves. I don't know, something awful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dissolvable douche.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Make your vagina smell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it's like, for your poony. It's like Alka Seltzer for your pony.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

For your poony. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So and so I was, like, reading the instructions, like, turn it around. I was like, what is this? Turn it around and step one. In English, shove in cunt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It was so good. I can't believe I didn't keep it. I, like, I was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, I actually have that tattooed right on my pubis.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah. Shove and cunt with an.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shove and cunt, Step one. Step two. Just wait.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Gets a lot of lulls in the moment.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, shove it in.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Shove in cunt. Just no respect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's like.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It's the. I love Chinese because I love, like, imagine just not giving a. I love that, like, we visited a place with, like, drums, and there was a sign. It's like, basically the sign supposed to say, don't hit the drums. Do not beat drums. And it just said, no louding. And that's just great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, that's like. That would be so great to go there to do one of those tattoos where you're like. It means the wind whispered to my family. And they're like, it actually means shoving cunt.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Shove and cunt. There's a lot of white dudes walking around with shoving cunt just right here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shoving cunt. Yeah. Or here it means the willows.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, Jesus Christ. That's amazing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

And topless. Are we still here?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know.

[Dave Anthony]

Yep. The game. This is the. Now we're talking about the game between the young married men and young men. The game is full of pep and stunts, which elicited much laughter from a goodly number of baseball fans, old and young. The final score was 22. 9. In favor of the elder and young Benedicts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

22. 9. The married guys won.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

In favorite of the young and the elder and young. So I don't know. I don't know what that means. Maybe they play together. What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, then you just. We need a team name. This. They need a team name.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Two team names.

[Dave Anthony]

A weekly repetition of this innocent game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just say they're gonna do it every week.

[Dave Anthony]

Innocent game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. They're saying a lot there, right?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah. Which requires great physical exertion and agility.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And no molesting.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

This is all. Sounds like it's for the women in the village. Like, this really innocent game where very agile, strong, smart men who don't need to do the dishes around the house go to get away from your bitch ass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I bet you the game didn't happen, and it was just some sort of Roman orgy. And then they just put this in, just being like. And it was a regular game, which.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Means that the score was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The score was equal to a little more perfect. Okay.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

But, like, that's the other thing. Like 22 to 9. Like, they just did that to, like, troll the women in the villages if they didn't know, like, baseball. 22.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. 22 is high.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

How many innings we talking about back then? Innings was like, what, 15 innings?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was a day game. It was like cricket.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was a day.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, and the whole game was different. Like, you could hit it backwards and stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can hit it backwards, buddy. What's that?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

What the hell is that?

[Dave Anthony]

No fouls. Used to be able to hit the ball backwards. Yeah. There were no fouls over the baseball.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

The catcher, well, you have to run behind you.

[Dave Anthony]

The catcher would stand like 20 or 30ft behind the plate.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Oh. Kind of like cricket, I guess.

[Dave Anthony]

It was crickety. Yeah. And then it slowly changed and became better because crickets really a monstrous game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Watch it. I'll tell you what baseball doesn't have as a lunch break. Keep going.

[Dave Anthony]

Library. Drive on at ths. Where's your tag? So that's high school. It's got to be the high school. They didn't say for the midgets or anything. When Mr. Cleinger, the high school visitor from the University of Illinois, made his report after his inspection of our new high school. What in the just happened? So a guy came to inspect the high school from Illinois.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've done that.

[Dave Anthony]

You've inspected high schools?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You have to have a guy. You always a guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You always want to have a single guy there to inspect the school.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Usually he's really. He, like, sings R and B and stuff. And he drives a nice car.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have a whistle. I frisk the kids. It's a whole thing, and it's totally fine.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Maybe a thousand bottles of lube or something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, Jay Z was there. What is your deal?

[Dave Anthony]

I know. I'm just confused. It seems like Porky.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

What's his title? Just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, he doesn't have a title exactly.

[Dave Anthony]

It's guy from the place. It's from the University of Illinois.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Do we meet a cop? Is this a cop?

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like a 21 Jump Street. It's like 45 with a mustache. Like, I'm a junior. Hey, where do you think the drugs are located? Anyone got any leads? I mean, pals.

[Dave Anthony]

He included the fact that the library is not large enough for a school of its size.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Imagine that time.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Imagine when they were like, library's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Big enough now, unfortunately. There's not enough knowledge for the masses.

[Dave Anthony]

Why is there a book room when there should be sports happening?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

To be fair, the Dewey decimal system really did take up a ton of space. Those cards.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I do. Do you remember that? What would that.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

That was like as I was learning it. I was like, this will not be relevant, and I don't even use computers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. It was. It was truly, what I'd do is I'd go Over. I'd pull it out, I'd look for a second, and then I'd go to the librarian and be like, hey, what is this book on frogs?

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, that's what everybody did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then she'd be like, well, you see all the point. I'd be like, yeah, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Show me, please.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want. You don't have any. Can me over there, please?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, just tell me the place.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're a state employee. Walk me over there.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, thinking that the general public was ever going to understand that and librarians would have to walk people over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shows you the hubris of Dewey.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I. You know, more like the DEI decimal system.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Got him.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

DEI Syml. Sit there somewhere. Got it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Got it somewhere.

[Dave Anthony]

It's in there. You'll find it, write it down and workshop it.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

But this could also. Fuck you. This could also be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Agreed.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

This could also be one. One of those, like, you know, restrictive. Like, if your library isn't, you know, you know, yay size and whatever that you get, like, it revoked. Kind of like abortion clinics and stuff. You're like, no, not big enough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're sorry. Hold on.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

For a giraffe, Francesca.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're trying to not dip into abortion in the present.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Well, there wasn't abortion rights then either, so it's actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Francesca, you're still doing it.

[Dave Anthony]

So don't have ladies on the show. You know, we should just do dudes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why we're excited for Matt's appearance. He's just going to talk about jalapeno.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Poppers and babies on their Trump 2 point. It's just gonna be a whole other.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Meanwhile, when I. When women aren't around, you're like, I don't know anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm scared. We'll finally be able to listen to you. We'll finally be able to have Libskin.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Then a woman comes on and you're like, shut up, ho.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We'll be in a hotel room like this. Step one feels really irrelevant. Shove and cunt.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I don't shove and cunt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just put it in Dave. It said shove and cunt. I feel like, hey, What?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I can't believe I didn't keep it. It's the dumbest thing ever.

[Dave Anthony]

But I was like, fucked up. I cannot believe you did.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I thought, you know what I did? I thought I might get charged. I was like, I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

With a crime?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yes, with a crime. I'd have to walk out with it in my cunt. See, that's the problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can I Just say. You say the show's different under Trump. You're really freeing the locker room talk with your. The way you're using cunt so liberally. I think I'm allowed to say it on the show for you.

[Dave Anthony]

I feel like we're a robot right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, this is cool. Hey, let's do the R word. Fun.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You read that Financial Times article? Financiers are like, yeah, we can finally say the R word.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shocking. It's shocking to think of all the things over time that the freedom of speech people have fought for and, like, what Lenny Bruce went to jail for, only to watch us remove a word that I. When we first started, the dollop got shit for saying a couple times, not in a derogatory way, but in the way that you're just like, that's stupid. To eliminate it and then to be like, we need that word back and to watch it be celebrated is one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. I would call it the R word.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You believe in bringing the R word back, but only for one person. And we know who that person is because he really is acting like a big effing R. Like, it's just this one guy. It's this one guy. We all know he is.

[Dave Anthony]

Just say Matt's name.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the guy who ate tacos last night.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It's the guy who at 11pm was like, I'm starving.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I did his show recently, and he did confess about how he sneaks doordash sometimes. And. And he will disarm the ring camera in order to eat his doordash.

[Dave Anthony]

Why?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

He made that up to make you laugh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, of course he did. He made that up to make you not know. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

All right. There is plenty of shelving space, but the more books are needed on the shelves. That is why the high school student body is conducting a drive this week to secure books and money for books for the school library.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You remember book drives? Remember, we actually did care about having more books or, like, although the magazine drive, I was never really sure about whether we were just kind of working on behalf of, like, People and Cosmos were making people money, making a bunch of magazines.

[Dave Anthony]

The magazine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They abused us.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that was money.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Okay. That was money. Book drives legit, probably.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Drives legit. But, you know, there were a couple weirdos who just snuck in their little pamphlets in this, you know, like, they.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Were just zine in there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, there were a couple Zen folk. Yeah, yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Putting in their weird little.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

This is my. I have a Little pamphlet called shove it in your cunt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And that's. Hey, step by step. Yeah, you just. Some guys just, like, handing in, like, the great Gatsby, but then also. And then my personal zine, recipes for poop.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

What would your zine be? If you had a zine, what would it be? I mean, it's a really good question. Like, what do you want people to know?

[Dave Anthony]

Mine would just be called what the just happened.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that would be Dave's.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My, my. I definitely think mine are history.

[Dave Anthony]

Anything probably modern, you know, it would be Dave's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Observe Dave. Observing Dave would probably do present day and history. A nice melange of both, because a lot would be his present reactions to things.

[Dave Anthony]

Half of my texts to Gareth are an article. And then what the just happened?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Gareth's like, you should really make this a zine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There are tons of times I'm like, where did you find this?

[Dave Anthony]

I do find stuff that's pretty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He finds stuff that. I'm like, who is this guy? He's like, this guy's been right about everything.

[Dave Anthony]

Are you helping? Have you any books you could give them? Friday, February 7, is tag day. Everybody in town will want to wear a tag to show cooperation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, boy.

[Dave Anthony]

Weird. It's getting weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then just put on your compliance sticker. That's fine.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

The high school back then, they tagged readers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, that's how that's coming back.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Strange. It was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's like that Bill Hicks joke. Looks like we got ourselves a reader.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, that happened to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you mind?

[Dave Anthony]

Me and two comedians are touring in the South. I want to say Georgia, but it could have been Mississippi. But we were. We were walking across, like, a mall parking lot, and for some reason, a. A store alarm just starts going off. And we're just like, oh, that's weird. And then we just keep walking to the hotel, and all of a sudden, a cop car rolls up. Up. And my buddy has a backpack. And they're like, get against the car. And they open up the backpack and they're like, what is. What? What are these? And my friends, it's just books. And he's like, what do you have books for? Swear to God. Swear to God, what do you have books for? And then my friend is a comedian, just starts laughing and falling on the ground. And that made the whole situation so much worse because he's like. He's, like, laughing. It's like the Hicks bit. And he's like on the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, saying Hicks right there. It's like, that's not the best last name for. It's like when you call it a hick.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

What happened?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, just like they.

[Dave Anthony]

He ended up letting us go. But I was just like that. Like we almost got killed because of books. Like, it was crazy.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

He kept like Catcher in the Rye and now you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, now he.

[Dave Anthony]

Now he makes for Nickelodeon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That cop. Yeah, he's almost done reading it.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

No, the cop is. Yeah, he's almost done.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, the cop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

More chat.

[Dave Anthony]

I doubt he's almost done. I still don't understand the first part. What's it called? The section.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How come Everybody's a Phony. Why does this guy think everybody's a phony? This attitude's gonna bite him eventually. Chapter four.

[Dave Anthony]

I hated that.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Was it Conrad Conway?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Conrad Holden Caulfield, wasn't it?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Caulfield?

[Dave Anthony]

I hated that book.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I loved it.

[Dave Anthony]

Hated it. Did you? It's good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I did like it.

[Dave Anthony]

Little kid speaks to people in Wisconsin, but us refined people out on the coast.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I feel like more mass shooters though should just read it. Like.

[Dave Anthony]

But I was.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

But I was not like after they.

[Dave Anthony]

Do the shooting before, I was an angry teen. I was all that. And I didn't. I was just like, what the is this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I was like that. I was definitely like, I gotta smoke cigarettes more. I mean, I was already smoking a lot of cigarettes.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah, I just didn't smoke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I was definitely like. My mom would say something, I'd be like, maybe you should be quiet, you big phony. She's like, what is going off with you? I was like, that sounds like phony talk.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

This is like me coming out of clueless going like, whatever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It's as if. And we were like, we would. My. Me and my other 13 year old friend were like trying to understand sort of the, like the usage, the grammatical usage of as if, you know, and really like, no, this would be an as if. And that wouldn't be an as if.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're doing it wrong. If you're trying to find the grammar link, you're like, but wait.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Dave Anthony]

The high school students are distributing tags. A yellow tag on your coat Friday tells everybody you've helped along by giving at least 25 cents in money or a book of that value. Aw, now it gets weird.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

For resale.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, seriously.

[Dave Anthony]

A red tag shows you've given at least 50 cents in money or a book of that value. A blue tag shows you've given at least a dollar or a book of that value. So. So we are so we. It's really bad. This is bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's nice in a way. And yes, it's a slip. It's like everything. It's a slippery slope. We're slowly going like. And then black tags should be killed.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

We just want you to judge your neighbors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everything can be squid game so easily.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

The cultural elite was started in. What is it? Tub. Tubetopolis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tube topless. I thought you're gonna say Tubetopolis. Yeah, we know.

[Dave Anthony]

Two. Two. Topless.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah, there is. That's how you get around the city. The tube.

[Dave Anthony]

Let's go, everybody. Helping. The job will be a success. Each student has tried to bring in at least $2. Encourage them by helping reach this goal. Buy a tag.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wear a tag.

[Dave Anthony]

Friday.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Oh, nice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like it.

[Dave Anthony]

It's for a good cause. But let's face it.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Try that in a small town.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Try smoke.

[Dave Anthony]

Hoo. Here's a recipe. Apple snow.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's when you do coke through a gallop. You haven't done coke to a pink lady. I've done that.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It's so different.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's way different.

[Dave Anthony]

Grate two large apples into a bowl containing the white of an egg. And one already off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Out, out, out.

[Dave Anthony]

Just watching it drop into the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how bird flu started.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I mean, also in this economy. No, I honestly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Of an egg. You gotta use the whole egg. Shut the up.

[Dave Anthony]

I went and looked at eggs the other day and I just started laughing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, by the way, Dave. But you've been asked to stop going to look at the eggs. They've said buy or leave. Enough, Enough. Peering into the glass case with your. Your hand on there like an orphan looking at a rich family carving a turkey.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm gonna fertilize all of them and make them people chickens.

[Gareth Reynolds]

May I be the father to this dozen? All right, sir. Get the fuck out of here. What? I want to make chick Daves.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I think it'd be Dave chicks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Daveled eggs.

[Dave Anthony]

Daveled eggs and 1/2 cupful of powdered sugar. Beat with an egg beater until the mixture is light and stiff. Serve in a tall glass with a spoonful of wh. And a maraschino cherry. Wait, they didn't. They're not cooking the white egg whites?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. This is the problem.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You need to hit it with a little heat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think you do. Because.

[Dave Anthony]

Think. I don't think you do. Is that eggnog?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, but eggnog is just raw egg.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah, but meringue. I feel like this sounds like a cocktail. It's basically like the way you do like a little egg white in a cocktail and that makes it frothy. It's that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's what I mean.

[Dave Anthony]

There's no booze in it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, there should be. That is a good note. You are your father's.

[Dave Anthony]

And then just tons of sweet stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's how it works.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm upset.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

That's how it works.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm back in. If I'm being.

[Dave Anthony]

You're back in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would you eat some rum in it? I will throw.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, Gareth, I want you to try this and report back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, you got a deal. What's about a dry January? I'm gonna run out of dry January so fast.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I'm doing dry January.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Like, I recommit to drinking every January. I'm just like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What I do is a sopping December and it really helps me get into dry January.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That last two weeks of December, I'm like. I'm like death row. I'm like, let's fucking. I'm about to go into the. I'm about to go. So I drink nice and hard. But then this year, this is what got pathetic this year. And this I posted.

[Dave Anthony]

As opposed to just getting shit faced.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Quiet. Dave's the son of an alcoholic. He's against partying. So I. This is what I did this year, which is bad. And I've been made fun of by my friends a lot for this. And I expect it here too.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Jingle all the way Drunk as hell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got into champagne and so it was not even got into champagne.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Got into the champagne or got it, like, started liking champagne.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Started liking champagne. This happened with Rush when I was 33. I started to, like, rush out of nowhere. This started to happen with Champ. This started to happen with Champagne where I started going, I like champagne and champagne is really not strong and you can't drink a lot of it.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It's the worst.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I wasn't even getting drunk. I was just like drinking like a two thirds of a bottle and then being like.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I feel like it's like I've never done nitrous, but I. It seems like it's like the nitrous question.

[Dave Anthony]

You've never done nitrous? You just.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

No, but like, because it's the. It's the quickest way to feel buzzed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And the biggest drop and it's a heavy. It's a heavy buzz drop. It is a heavy buzz and a.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

And a terrible drop. Like getting beat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why you keep going, oh, I've.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Puked I puked so much from shitty champagne too. You know, the bottomless mimosa bullshit. Or like, hey, we're doing a Valentine's Day. It's an eventbrite event. And I'm like, sure, why not? I'm okay, I'll do it. Valentine's Day. I was with this with my ex at the time and I ended up just like, yeah, puking in a, you know, in the entryway of a bank and then crying in the shower, being like, I ruined sure Valentine's what bank?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I think it was a Chase then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's okay?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's fine.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah. I mean that was just direct action.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I try to puke in a lot of chases.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It was very important.

[Dave Anthony]

I just, I just closed two Chase accounts because I, I had. My bank was first Republican. They, they, you know they got bought by Chase.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

That's right.

[Dave Anthony]

And I went. And I was just like, I would like to close my accounts. And they're like, oh, can I ask why? I go, because I hate Chase. And then we're like, okay, I did that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I did that years ago and then signed up with a credit union. And that's what I have now. And the amount of times where I'm to my credit union, I'm like, look, I hate Chase, but they would make this go away today. Why do I have to pony Express this shit with you people? I know, like, get another operator. This is crazy.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah, yeah. I love my credit union, but yeah, same thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, there's a sacrifice.

[Dave Anthony]

Air rights.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Air rights.

[Dave Anthony]

Air rights. Air isn't free anymore. Here we go. In this era of vertical cities, air rights command a respectable sum. Only recently, a 38 story Harriman building on Lower Broadway paid 742,000 for a 33 year lease on the air above the adjoining five story structure.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

So is that a thing they tried to make happen?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And when will they start again?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, is that a thing? This is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It can't be. The idea of trying to be like, this is our air zone up here. Hey, hey. What are you breathing? Get them still breathing out here.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Put your hand down. That's my air.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you grabbing?

[Dave Anthony]

This is to ensure tenets of the Harriman structure, air and light for that length of time. This is from Pathfinder Map.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I like the light. I like paying for tax. A light tax is very important. If you're in a tall building. It is. You are blocking the light from so many of your neighbors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, now I'm coming around because I thought you were saying like individuals pay for light. But you're saying, yes, let's demolish cities.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I'm a light tax.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

Are we demolishing cities?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that.

[Dave Anthony]

Is that on the table, Dave, for just.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

We started the fires in LA so we could recreate them. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bingo bango. By the way, I don't know if I've ever told you about. I get massages from a person who's pretty much Q, and every time I go in after something big happens, I'm always, like, excited. And this time it was lasers are starting the fires.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

And I. Gareth, you just go for the bits. You go for the comedy because you can. You have to break up. I had a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, a hairstylist.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

No way. A hairstylist who was great, but then she was like, I listen to Rogan. She's like, super vegan, uses all natural products. And then, like, listens to Rogan and doesn't believe in the vaccine. And I was like, bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, the vaccine. That ship sailed a long time ago.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

This was years ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This woman, straight up, was like, trying to give me hydroxychloroquine. And I was like, maybe I'll buy a lip. Let's work on the neck first.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Sneaking it up your butt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

What does she do that's so good?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Walks on me.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Oh, you like to be walked on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love when women walk on me. How? She's not that big, but, man, I'll tell you what, you don't need a big person to walk on you.

[Dave Anthony]

No, that's the whole point.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You can't have a big person walk on you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The bars, the.

[Dave Anthony]

That's why I love the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The.

[Dave Anthony]

The Thai massages. Thai sa.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. But this. This woman is incredible.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I don't like being walked on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Her politics are, you know, very different. But she just says. When she says the lasers are starting the fires, she's like, I don't. She's this little Mexican woman. She's like, I don't know, but the lasers are probably what has started the fire. And I just go, that's. Well, I just kind of go like, I didn't hear that. And then the last time it was that they, you know, it was one of those ones where it's like they're. They're changing kids gender during a school day. And I'm like, where'd you read that?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

She says it right as she's stepping on your back, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're like.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Like, that's the moment she waits to tell you the craziest thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

They're changing their gender during A school day. So they go in, they go in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They go in, boy, they come back girl. Yeah. And I was like, I was like, I don't know, it's dicey anyway, my legs are sore.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

We really need crazy things from like the other side as well. Well, we need. I mean, we can't really compete.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It doesn't matter anymore. It like used to Matt, like you, honestly, I wouldn't even say before Trump, but it was like he was the one where you were like, this can't stand like this even for lies is too big. And now you're like, now that actually is super popular. So buckle the fuck up.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah, but it's like there are pedophile rings. But they're like inside the Vatican and shit. You know, like there is just say that stuff. But anyway, nobody, they don't, nobody, no conspiracy theorist likes the conspiracy that's right in front of them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

True.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Which is annoying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. And I think that the real conspiracy is very boring, which is like a bunch of rich people are gonna do everything they can to just get right.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Right, right, right. Exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not like.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

And it's also like, ugh, do you mean we have to do something about it? If it's lasers, I don't have to do anything about it.

[Dave Anthony]

Right.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

But if it's fossil fuel, the thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That I think the thing that I'm always like, this is, should be popular. Like, I honestly like even lasers starting the fight, like, because I go like, hey, look, the land grab pitch. I'm not like, that doesn't make any. I'm like, I get that like as a spine to a theory. When you're talking about them shooting lasers to start fire strategically, I'm like, again. Well, they go up pretty quick. Why are they going up so quick? Climate change. But, but the one that I'm just like, why are we not like billionaires shouldn't be a thing. And you would think that that would be so unifying. And then you do see the boot licking morons. Like, of course they should be allowed. They're trying to help us. You're like.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Because they think they're gonna be one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't even know if it's that anymore. I just think that they just, they.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Still support the billionaires strongly.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, they want, they want to believe that someone can save them and that's all they have left.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Well, I think that they want a real Tony Stark.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right? You want, I think they, they built up this thing and this is what Dave and I were saying the other day. Is like, you know, okay, Tony Stark, like fucking jacked billionaire with a heart of gold. And then you look at Musk and you're like, look at this fucking scallop. Like, you know, and then, and then, and then online you see pictures of Elon Musk and you go, oh well, AI has made it so that they are like, he looks just like Tony. Like, it's just that, that it's that simple in the sense that they're like, he's Tony Stark.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Well, people, I do, I legitimately think that people who see like memes of Donald Trump just completely ripped and all the abs and they think he looks like that underneath.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They do, they, do they, they really think he looks like that rather than.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Like, you know what, guys, I do think Marconi in the next four years, he is. We are gonna get a pooped him pants moment. We're gonna get.

[Dave Anthony]

He's not gonna, he's not gonna survive bird flip flu. He's not going to survive bird flu.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

No, that definitely. And also we're going to get a poo poo pants moment. There's going to be some diaper leakage. Something's going to slip out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bird poo. Maybe he poos his pants from bird flu.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think he wears diapers anyway. Dave, you had a paper?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Birds in the neighborhood of Retrule are returning receiving their food from the skies. As sergeant, is this still about the air? What's what this is. No, this is a different article.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Are they returning their food?

[Dave Anthony]

They're receiving their food. I don't know. They're receiving it from the skies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So that the story is birds are eating from the sky.

[Dave Anthony]

As Sergeant Paul Jackson of the Chanute Field has begun distributing 200 bags of bird feed from his plane flying slowly over hedgerows and river bottoms.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See, this is the military we need.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that just happened.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just a sergeant throwing worms.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Very pre World War II.

[Dave Anthony]

Just like, I don't know, have food they don't need. We don't need to. They're birds. We don't need to drop food to birds. They're birds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm a little confused why you're so.

[Dave Anthony]

The nature exists out. They have food all over the place. They're birds.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

But like it's more expedient to like not have to stop to eat. You just fly with your mouth open.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I think the theory, Dave, is that the sergeant is in a big bird and he's helping the little birds and you seem to be really upset about it.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

And I guess he was also Regurgitating his food for a while.

[Dave Anthony]

Ye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I guess maybe that's what you're not seeing. He's eating this and then yarfing into the sky.

[Dave Anthony]

Ying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. He's mama bir. Yeah. Ying, keep. Fight that fight with me right now. I dare you. I'm sorry, I. That was. Hey, Dave. That was out of line. That wasn't about you. That was out of line.

[Dave Anthony]

Comfort for fast riding. According to Professor Low, an English scientist, it will be possible to drive 300 miles an hour in com in a completely enclosed automobile in the future.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Future prognostications was like the gig, right? Yeah. You would just be like, get your.

[Dave Anthony]

Name in the paper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You would just be like, we won't eat plates. Everything will drop from a tube.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. People are like, wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really? Really? Oh, yeah. Check out this thing. I wrote about it. So there you go. Can I have money?

[Dave Anthony]

The vehicle will consume only half the gasoline. Cars required today will be fitted with radio, telephone, and television and will be so easy to operate that a driver can see and speak to his friends at home while traveling. Okay. We kind of all have 300. 300 million. This is all.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I like the fully enclosed, like you, you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You won't even have to wear a hat. You won't have to close your mouth while you're driving.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'll only have to crank it half the amount of times you can fully open your mouth.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Like a goose in the air, eating.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And instead of string going across your lap, it'll be a leathery belt.

[Dave Anthony]

Leathery, yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Each car will have a toilet.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

That is definitely something I've thought about, like, kid brain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, oh, no, I think about it.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Have a toilet right there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I completely something.

[Dave Anthony]

If you're a teenager. I don't know if they. They probably don't do it anymore because they're a little. They're a little bit better humans. But there was a lot of peeing in bottles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Hey, Dave. I still pee in bottles. Boom. My mother and I had a discussion the other day about how she. This is a grown man thing. How she threw out my pee bottle. Bottle. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Oh, really?

[Gareth Reynolds]

My pee bottle out of my car. She cleaned my car and she. I go, where's that big bottle?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

And she goes, when?

[Gareth Reynolds]

When did this happen? Like, two weeks ago.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. It's time for the James Belushi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, you muted yourself? And I think it was a good reason.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

It's time for the James Belushi story. So James Belushi, when he worked on. What was his show?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Life According to Jim, yes.

[Dave Anthony]

So at some point, he decided that he.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're all going to pretend that that wasn't an awesome grab. Okay, keep going.

[Dave Anthony]

At some point, he decided that to save time on the set, instead of going to the bathroom, he would pee into a bottle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this is why he's the best belushi.

[Dave Anthony]

He starts peeing into a bottle, like, you know, when he's behind a set or whatever, and just leaving it on a stool or whatever, or, you know, on the back of the set. And. And he's doing that for a little while, and then, you know, the staff. The staff, the. The crew starts complaining because this is, well, a health violation. Also gross and weird. So they have to. So they asked him to stop, the producers, and he doesn't stop. So they have to have a meeting with him, with the network executives. And he listens to them, and they explain why he can't pee in a bottle anymore. And then he leaves the room and there's like a opaque window type situation. And then they see him on the other side take out and just start peeing into a bottle. Right on the other side as a fuck you. And then. And then when the show gets canceled, the crew breaks down the set and they take everything out and they leave a stool with his bottle of urine on it and a spotlight going straight down onto it.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Beautiful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's beautiful.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

But also, Gareth's mom just cleaned out a pee bottle from his car two weeks ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, hold on. Now, hold on. Yes, yes.

[Dave Anthony]

No, there's no. Hold on. That's the story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

That is the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But here's the difference. I empty my pee bottle after each use. He's leaving them around. That's.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Oh, you have the same bottle.

[Dave Anthony]

He's emptying it.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You have a pee bottle. Is it, like, engraved?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I would. I mean, if anyone's listening, and that's something they'd like to give me. That doesn't sound terrible.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Of course they will and definitely want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To do that to this moment. But I use a bottle for a month or so, and then I move on. Done. You know?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Oh, my God. You're not delivering Amazon packages.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Man? You're just on the road.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm a comedian all over. I do a lot of times. I pull a lot of.

[Dave Anthony]

Huh. This is in your Hyundai or the van.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is in every vehicle that I'm a part of. What do you think? I only use it in the Hyundai. Come on, Dave. Now, Dave, you sound crazy.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Is it on your checklist. Like when you have like. You have like a checklist when you go on the road.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When I go on the road. You're definitely gonna at some point get a Gatorade. Zero.

[Dave Anthony]

Absolutely not.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Wait, Dave, have you not known this?

[Dave Anthony]

I get mad when he stops to pee at non restroom areas so he's faster.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what I'll do is. Lord, then we gotta get back to this goddamn the premise of the fucking show. I will pull over, I will take my pee bottle, I'll pop the trunk, and I'll pretend that I'm looking for something in the middle of nowhere and I'll pee in the bottle. Bottle.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

See, this is the problem with our public urination laws. You should just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I should be the king. Yeah.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Side of the road.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree, Francesca. I thank you.

[Dave Anthony]

Honestly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly. Honestly.

[Dave Anthony]

What in the is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly, what is. What is wrong?

[Dave Anthony]

When do you think that you broke and became like this weird eccentric bachelor guy? You're going in the wrong direction.

[Gareth Reynolds]

First of all, I'm in a.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

That's another baseball team is just like pisses in a bottle and their mom finds it and throws it out. Team.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I will admit things felt lower when I had to tell my mother why the bottle was important.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

So wait, you are. I thought you. You're not single, are you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

He has a girlfriend, but he's not getting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But believe me, she's.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

The bottle's doing a lot of heavy lifting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Believe me, she's. She's. She recognizes there's a real checklist here and she's trying to work through it, but she's hitting a lot of walls.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, if you.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

That's like number nine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've considered being a therapist. Is that what your question was? All right, well, let's end the show. Dave. What? You got to have one more. I mean, I feel like we. That part. I think we should cut that part out because you guys are coming off a little crazy there.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

This is mostly been We. I don't even know if we're still in two Toperville. Tutopolis to Topolis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

There needs to be more Opelises. Opali in our country. I just want to put that out there. And I hope. I think it should have been like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where you could just take your wiener out and pee wherever ever.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Pisopolis. I love it. I think it should be the Gulf of Americopolis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or how about like we could call it like Shiapo piss. Like something like that.

[Dave Anthony]

Opelopolis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't hate it, but it's a little Strange. Yeah. How about Copopolis, where it's all.

[Dave Anthony]

No, that's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you can piss on the cops.

[Dave Anthony]

That's.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

That's when they rebrand who's bad.

[Dave Anthony]

We have that. We already have Simi Valley that. We already have that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it's. It's in Georgia, isn't it?

[Dave Anthony]

The first snake story. The Oral Ryan was displaying on the streets Thursday. A live blue racer snake, three feet long, which Roy Haney had picked up Wednesday on Salt Creek. The modern weather had probably enticed the snake from its bed. When found, it was helpless as the cold had rendered it almost lifeless. Mr. Ryan was seeking someone who could give the snake a home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way you laugh, I'd be like. I'd listen.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

His name is Oral and he found a snake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know. And when it's cold, it doesn't work as well. Come on. Yeah, I see a guy with a snake.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Breathe some life into that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me guess. The Snakehead Whiskey.

[Dave Anthony]

Ye. Scribe thanked him for the offer of the snake and declined to take it.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

This is a news item.

[Dave Anthony]

There's a news item that a guy came up to a reporter on the street and was like, I found a snake that's barely moving. Do you. Will you get. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That'S the story. That's the story, right?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that was the whole story.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It's just like me hiding out with a walkie talkie in my neighborhood, being like, there's a white Hyundai. Like, this is that level of stories.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, there's a guy pissing from a white Hyundai into a little bottle. Right now we got a 10. One.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

That's an actual story. That's a real story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for understanding.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Snake was lifeless.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Brothers. Brothers arrest each other to beat drugs in order to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now we're talking.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I like this.

[Dave Anthony]

This is out of California. In order. In order to rid themselves of. Of the narcotic. Narcotic habit, which they had for many years. Edward and William Vincent, brothers. Each swore out a complaint against the other. And both are in adjacent beds in the psychopathic ward of the local hospital. That is the cure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is a good. That is. That. Is the system working?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that's great. I got no problems with this.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You got to do that at the same time, though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Your brother backs out.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

We. We both do it, right? We both do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Count of three.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah. And then you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

But he gets the same electroshock therapy as I get. All right. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's when you're like, wait, this wasn't a good idea.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

You going to blot out the family trauma? Let's go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Time for your lithium enema. Wait, what? Whoa. We're going to get the crazy out of your belly.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I love things. You have a drug problem. Immediate psych ward.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Right away. Way.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Getting hooked on other drugs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Shock it out of him. The shock time was a very wild time.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I think it's back a little bit. Yeah. By the way. Yeah, I'm into it.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, you are.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I think shock better than lobotomy. If I'm, you know, 100. A lot of lobotomies happened.

[Gareth Reynolds]

100. Well, we covered lobotomies on the show, and it's like the ones where nothing changed is the one where you're like, that guy. Really? It's like, that is. That's honestly the weirdest thing to have happen. Like, getting it is insane. But to come back and be like, well, I'm the same.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Was also a lot. I was done on women a lot. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that I support. We support that on this show. That's really. That's how we. We've got to. In order to get our tube topless properly.

[Dave Anthony]

Sounds like some comedians have had Lobotom. Lobotomy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah. They had Alex Jones on their podcast. Francesca, thank you for joining us, as always. So, Bituation Room, where can people get tickets for the Ice House show in February?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

I think Ice House. Just Google it. Or Francesca Fiorentini.com, i'll put a link over there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the one.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

There we go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And that show is what? That's you and the hubby?

[Francesca Fiorentini]

It's. I think so. I don't know if I'm gonna book him. I don't know. He was on the first show, and I'm not sure if I want to book him on the second.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He was a lot.

[Dave Anthony]

He's too political. He's too political anyway.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

He's just way too political. No. Yeah, it'll be me. I haven't. I haven't booked anybody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Working on the lineup, but it'll be great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're all excited for that show. We'll insert who's in it later. And thank you for joining us. And everyone should listen to the Habituation Room and make the comedians sit through the interview of the important people.

[Dave Anthony]

Make them learn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Make them learn. Yeah. We don't have books anymore, so force them to learn.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

That's true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Thank you, Franches. Go to hell.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Blue labels. Go to. What?

[Dave Anthony]

You said go to hell, Dave.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Go to hell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Dave. Not you.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Okay, Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Some of these days you'll miss me.

[Francesca Fiorentini]

Honey Some of these days.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, hey, doll heads. This is Gareth, part of the Gear Force. Listen, you're part of the Gear force. Go to garethreynolds.com if you want to see me on the road doing stand up, you could find me in Brea, California. February 7, Eureka, California, for two shows. February 11 at Savage Henry, San Francisco. February 12, Sacramento, February 13. Then I'll be in Naples, Florida. March 24, Charlotte, April 13, Raleigh, North Carolina, April 14, April 15 I'll be in Virginia Beach. April 16 I'll be in Richmond, Virginia. Then I will be in Lutherville, Timonium, which is close to Baltimore, I believe. Goobie's Jokehouse. April 17 through April 19. Then I will be in Winnipeg May 29 through May 31. Go to garethreynolds.com for tickets and information.