124 - The Past Times with The Smoking Tire

Summary

Podcast Title: The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds
Episode: 124 - The Past Times with The Smoking Tire
Release Date: May 9, 2025

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Introduction

In episode 124 of The Dollop titled "The Past Times with The Smoking Tire," hosts Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by special guests Matt and Zach Clapman from The Smoking Tire podcast. The episode offers a blend of historical exploration and comedic banter, delving into the contents of an old newspaper while intertwining anecdotes from the guests' podcasting experiences.

Guest Introductions and Podcasting Journeys

The episode begins with Gareth Reynolds introducing Matt and Zach Clapman, highlighting their long-standing podcasting career spanning over 13 years and celebrating their milestone of 1,000 episodes ([02:49]). The guests share humorous exchanges about their on-stage chemistry and past collaborations, including a memorable Benihana dinner hosted by Zach ([01:29]-[02:16]).

Notable Quote:
Gareth Reynolds ([02:45]): "You have an empire."

Zach Clapman ([02:49]): "We have a small empire. We're trying. We're trying to grow it for some things."

Surprise Appearance of Jay Leno

A notable moment occurs when Matt recounts the surprise appearance of Jay Leno during their 1,000th episode celebration. Jay Leno casually enters the studio munching on a sandwich, unaware of the show's significance, leading to a series of humorous interactions ([03:04]-[04:29]).

Notable Quote:
Gareth Reynolds ([04:11]): "There's a couple minutes of that show where I debate him over whether or not a watch's angle would tilt over."

Analyzing the Old Newspaper

Transitioning to the core segment, the hosts and guests examine an old newspaper from Buffalo Valley, Tennessee. They engage in a guessing game to determine the newspaper's publication year, with Matt and Zach making educated guesses close to the actual date of May 4th, 1911 ([06:00]-[07:37]).

Notable Quote:
Dave Anthony ([07:05]): "What the fuck just happened, Dave?"

Bank Advertisements and Gender Roles

A significant focus is placed on deciphering early 20th-century bank advertisements advocating for women to have their own bank accounts. The conversation highlights the patriarchal undertones of the era, where such ads subtly reinforced traditional gender roles by suggesting that women manage household finances independently from men ([08:28]-[10:42]).

Notable Quotes:
Gareth Reynolds ([11:12]): "She's also buying like things to service you."

Dave Anthony ([10:42]): "Would it not be wise to open an account for the wife and allow her to pay all the household expenses by check."

Zach Clapman ([12:16]): "I'm honestly surprised it's not a Taco Bell at this point."

The guests humorously critique the ads, pointing out the patronizing language and limited agency granted to women, effectively mocking the superficial progressiveness of such advertisements.

Letters to the Editor: A Window into the Past

Exploring further, Matt and Zach dive into letters sent to the newspaper's editor, providing insights into the daily lives and concerns of early 1900s residents. These letters range from mundane updates about weather and crop yields to more personal appeals for help and community support.

One standout letter from Wrightville, Texas, requests assistance in establishing a town, reflecting the challenges of settlement and community building during that period ([15:00]-[28:00]). The guests playfully analyze the letters, often misunderstanding or overcomplicating their meanings, leading to comedic exchanges about imaginary scenarios like "city Tinder" and coded messages for distress ([16:59]-[27:45]).

Notable Quote:
Gareth Reynolds ([18:03]): "Well, have you never been on City Tinder? It's awesome. You just keep swiping and sometimes the city matches with you."

Humorous Digressions and Parodies

As the episode progresses, the conversation veers into absurd and satirical territories. The discussion shifts to ludicrous topics such as the proper way to disable a kangaroo by targeting its tail—a clear parody of outdated and nonsensical practices ([57:12]-[60:56]). The guests employ exaggerated humor to mock intricate and illogical methodologies, blending historical references with contemporary comedic twists.

Notable Quote:
Dave Anthony ([58:11]): "The animal is as effectively stopped as if hamstrung. Which is what I want to do to you."

Additionally, the hosts incorporate playful mockery of government dysfunction by referencing a hypothetical scenario where Congress flees, leaving state institutions paralyzed—a tongue-in-cheek commentary on political stalemates ([31:00]-[37:45]).

Notable Quote:
Dave Anthony ([32:18]): "They don't have quorum, and they're calling them fugitives, which is awesome."

Lampooning Modern Products and Companies

Towards the latter part of the episode, Gareth Reynolds introduces discussions about modern products like Ridge wallets, intertwining them seamlessly into the dialogue. While these segments verge into promotional territory, the hosts maintain their characteristic humor, ensuring the ads blend with the comedic narrative without overt interruption ([29:00]-[35:00]).

Notable Quote:
Gareth Reynolds ([29:06]): "It is the easiest. Looks good. Basically it just holds all your credit cards, your IDs with a little cushiony inside."

Conclusion and Future Collaborations

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts and guests reflect on the chaotic flow of the discussion, acknowledging the blend of historical analysis and comedic improvisation. They hint at future collaborations and episodes, emphasizing the enduring camaraderie between The Dollop and The Smoking Tire teams ([61:12]-[63:32]).

Notable Quote:
Gareth Reynolds ([62:15]): "People should do that more often, maybe."

Zach Clapman ([63:25]): "The hibachi is ready anytime. Thanks, guys."

Final Thoughts

Episode 124 of The Dollop masterfully combines historical exploration with sharp-witted humor, courtesy of guests Matt and Zach Clapman from The Smoking Tire. Through dissecting early 20th-century advertisements and personal letters, the episode not only sheds light on the societal norms of the past but also entertains with its dynamic interplay among hosts and guests. The seamless integration of modern comedic elements ensures that listeners are both educated and thoroughly amused, offering a refreshing take on historical podcasting.

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Note: The timestamps mentioned in the quotes correspond to the transcript's notation (e.g., [02:45] for 2 minutes and 45 seconds into the episode).

Transcript

[Dave Anthony]

The Dollop is going on tour in June 2025. We will be in Sacramento on June 3rd. We'll be in Boise, Idaho on June 4th, Spokane on June 5th, Seattle on June 6th, Portland on June 7th, Bend, Oregon on June 8th, and San Francisco on June 10th. Go to the dollop podcast.com to get all our tour links for tickets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, everybody, welcome to the Pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds, and I've never seen it before. And neither is our guest this week. I think this is the first. Or no Auntie Donna, maybe Dave. Who gives a shit?

[Matt Clapman]

Matt and Zach Clapman.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't jump in them in the middle of the int.

[Zach Clapman]

Joke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi, guys. Now you can talk.

[Dave Anthony]

Dave, I don't think we've ever done.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It on Never Zoom online.

[Dave Anthony]

We've done it live with more than. More than.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but you guys double zoom the smoking tire, which Dave and I have both been on. You are car men. Men separately.

[Zach Clapman]

We need to get you on together first off. We need. Let's establish that. And we also made Benihana at my house, which was glorious. Glorious event.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Going to say. Matt texted me the day after Benihana, the Benihana episode. It was like, I. I certified Benihana chef. So we have a video of this experience that we will share with people. But let's just say, I mean, that was such a fun night. Yeah, it was so fun.

[Dave Anthony]

And it was so good, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was so good.

[Dave Anthony]

It was really good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was. The whole thing was. It was like. It was like kind of in my head, it was like I didn't even realize what it meant. And then when I got there, I was like, this is so silly. And then when I was eating, I was like, this is actually the greatest. It was quite an. A roller coaster.

[Unknown]

The whole thing could be a lucid dream for sure.

[Zach Clapman]

Right, Agreed. Like, you know the great line from Clerks, like, this job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers. Like, this food would be great if it wasn't for the entire restaurant that surrounds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly, it was quite an evening and quite an event, but yeah, that was so fun. And. And, yeah, well, you guys. You guys have a very successful. You have an empire. You guys aren't jumping in and saying, you have an empire. You have an empire.

[Unknown]

We have a small empire. We're trying. We're trying to grow it for some. For some things.

[Zach Clapman]

Are you trying to throw us in like an early Capitalism hole is this. We've been doing podcasting for 13 years. This year, we did our thousandth episode of the podcast, wow, two weeks ago.

[Unknown]

Soon we'll be annexing other podcasts for, if necessary, starting with. Starting with Georgia.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keep your hands off of us. Who was your guest for the thousand?

[Unknown]

Oh, man.

[Zach Clapman]

It was an eight hour live podcasting extravaganza with like 17 guests. Wow. And actually, Jay Leno did stop by as a surprise, and that was, like, pretty cool. Like, just, like, rolled up in the studio. And Jay is such. Is such the king of the universe. He literally walked into the studio eating a sandwich and didn't stop eating.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me. I'll take you there real quick.

[Dave Anthony]

Hey, what's going on?

[Matt Clapman]

We're doing with your package?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm having a big hoagie right now. I have a hoagie right now.

[Unknown]

He literally walked in and he said, what are you guys doing today? He didn't know it was the thousandth show. He just. A friend of his. A friend of his that was on the show texted him and said, hey, we're doing the smoking tire today. It's kind of a thing. But Jay walks in holding a sandwich and says exactly what you said. Like, hey, what's going on?

[Matt Clapman]

What's going on?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why are you guys talking in the microphone? Did that other kid communicate now?

[Matt Clapman]

Making content.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does anyone want a piece of hoagie?

[Zach Clapman]

There's a. There's a couple minutes of that show where I debate him over whether or not a watch's angle would tilt over. Over. It's like a real senior moment. He kind of has that. He does. Anyway, it's worth. It's worth a listen. I don't want to, like, spend too much time throwing a legend under the bus for something silly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is something Dave will do online for you after this episode.

[Zach Clapman]

Well, the problem with this is going to be that we are such fans of both the dollop and the pastimes. There might be moments where I forget I'm in the show.

[Dave Anthony]

I. Gareth says that a lot, actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. No, no, no. There's a couple. One time I went to the bathroom when we were doing it. Oh, my God. I forget.

[Unknown]

You're just adding sound effects. You know, he was talking about the Niagara Falls opening, and you were like, I got this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It really is. It's that easy. Most of is podcasting now, so it is just very simple.

[Zach Clapman]

And the fourth wall's been so broken. This morning I was listening to the episode about the talking dog, and. And I was like, did Gareth, just say Catio. And I had to rewind it. I mean, I'm in the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, well, Matt, then we'll get into it. But Matt could have called his deck the Mato. But instead he built a haven for his cats that he calls it the Catio. And me. You. You really put my cat name to shame with what you've done over there.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, the cat. The Catio is.

[Zach Clapman]

It's a real.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He has a demolition man bathroom from the movie. It's just shocking.

[Dave Anthony]

He has little. He has little door. He has little cat tunnel things all over his house. Yes, cat tunnels everywhere. Yeah, they can go for room.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We'll probably get visited by calls it the Hyperloop. And it's just.

[Unknown]

It's all the money from California.

[Zach Clapman]

It's real.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It actually works better. All right, guys, well, look, you know the deal here. We're going to. Maybe you don't, but we're going to guess the year of this paper. Now, I will say this is interesting because Dave always makes it so the guest is right. When it's just me and the guest guessing. But since you're both on, that hasn't.

[Dave Anthony]

That doesn't happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Quiet. Since you're both on, I have a feeling this might be difficult, but you guys could take a guess at what year this paper will be from. Why don't we. Matt, we start with you. Zach, you go and then I'll go. You know the deal.

[Zach Clapman]

How about June 1910?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. You're going month and year. You don't have to go month. You could just go year, but that's.

[Zach Clapman]

I'm calling my shots.

[Unknown]

Okay, Zach, I'm gonna go 1905.

[Gareth Reynolds]

These are both very good guesses. Very good guesses. They're right in the zone. And you know, we're like Dave Portnoy's pizza reviews. You just get one year. One year and that's it.

[Dave Anthony]

What the fuck just happened, Dave?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I'm not going to ask you to be quiet again. You're not. This is not your time. Is. Not yet. I'm going to guess 1899.

[Dave Anthony]

You're wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who are you talking.

[Dave Anthony]

The other two gentlemen are much closer.

[Unknown]

You never. You're not good at this game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm very good at it. I've guessed the exact year two or three times.

[Dave Anthony]

No, you haven't. It is May 4th, 1911.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, wow, Matt.

[Matt Clapman]

And by the way, just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just under a year off.

[Zach Clapman]

Also my favorite handgun manufactured by Beretta case for.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, that's. Yeah, I should.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We go around everyone talk about their favorite handgun, the Beretta 1911.

[Dave Anthony]

What's your favorite handgun?

[Zach Clapman]

Zach knows about guns. He doesn't know what 1911.

[Unknown]

Browning made the 1911.

[Zach Clapman]

Brownie. Made the 1911. Huh? Bombing already. Okay, let's go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. Here we go. That's tough. And that's why you.

[Dave Anthony]

It is the. It's the Putnam County Herald from Cookeville, Tennessee, which is somewhere in Tennessee. Who gives a where? It's all the same, Dave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You just did this to Maine on another episode. Stop doing this.

[Dave Anthony]

It's bright. There's some states that are all the same.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Most states, but they're. No, they were more different back then. Now every state is more similar. Now every state is just a target. A Home Depot, a star.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm just talking about the geography.

[Unknown]

There were some states in 1911 that were barely states. It was like dirt with one sign. Like, that was California, essentially.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Zach Clapman]

Cookville is halfway between Nashville and Knoxville, if anyone cares. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the chode.

[Dave Anthony]

It's one of those places, and they're like, we have caves. It's one of those places in Tennessee. Yes, we know you have.

[Zach Clapman]

Caves are good.

[Dave Anthony]

We know you have caves. Tennessee.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Zach Clapman]

Oh, Cave Park. Yeah, you're right.

[Unknown]

So their most beautiful view is actually underground, not outside. They're like our greatest vista. Actually. Don't go outside. Come back inside.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

There's a lot of private tunnels. There's a little private cage there. A lot of private cave. You'll be driving down the road. I'll be like, come see my private cave in that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did he.

[Dave Anthony]

A large number of women have bank accounts with us and trans.

[Unknown]

How dare they.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Leave it.

[Zach Clapman]

Is this like an ad on the top of the front?

[Dave Anthony]

It's just a little. Yeah, it might be an ad. Yeah. But it's looks like a story.

[Unknown]

Imagine if that was the news headline. Like, holy. A bunch of women got bank accounts here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Women have money.

[Zach Clapman]

But it said with us. Does that. That means written by a bank, right? Or is it. There's more.

[Dave Anthony]

It looks. It's like a little section where people are just writing in stuff and. Yeah. Now that you say that, it looks like they're all writing in, like, little ads. Okay.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

A large number of women have bank accounts with us and transact their own business.

[Zach Clapman]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

Great time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really?

[Dave Anthony]

It's a great time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Quite a headline.

[Dave Anthony]

It would not be wise to open an account for the wife and allow her. Oh, there's a question. Would it not be wise to open an account for the Wife and allow her to pay all the household expenses by check. All accounts are welcome here. First National Bank.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is happening?

[Dave Anthony]

They're saying. This is literally. They're just like. What about letting your lady have some money to fuck around with?

[Zach Clapman]

Well, it's like, why have one household bank account when you could have two?

[Dave Anthony]

That's right.

[Zach Clapman]

That's what they're saying.

[Unknown]

Well, but I love that. Good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, go ahead, Zach.

[Unknown]

I love that. They're not saying like, let's give women independence. It's basically like men, you don't want to take care of the household chores, why take care of the accounting side of household chores? Let the lady do that. Let her buy her broom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, she's also buying. She's buying like things to service you.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let her go get your foods.

[Unknown]

You may even never touch bleach nor purchase bleach. Let the lady do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's what a woman's for.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's like the glove if it were a gender.

[Dave Anthony]

But you don't want her around the regular account.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Zach Clapman]

But do we know the name of this progressive bank?

[Dave Anthony]

First National Bank.

[Zach Clapman]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're still around.

[Dave Anthony]

Stuck around. Yeah.

[Zach Clapman]

Yo. Is it 4.1 out of 5 on Google? It's still there on its 135th year. And boy, does it look like it was open 100 years ago. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh my God.

[Zach Clapman]

National bank of Tennessee.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would say 10 years. Women won't be able to have accounts there.

[Dave Anthony]

I hope so.

[Zach Clapman]

My camera stinks. But just trust me. It looks like a. It looks like 120 year old bank building.

[Dave Anthony]

That's so weird.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah, they were first 4.1 out of 5 though.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm honestly surprised it's not a Taco Bell at this point.

[Zach Clapman]

Don't deposit checks here. They will hold your funds hostage without telling you first. One star.

[Matt Clapman]

Shit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's not good.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. That's someone who was like, hey, I want to open a bank account. Here's $5,000 check. And they're like, can I take it out now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Unknown]

And isn't was only 63 years. Women were allowed to apply for credit and loans across the country with the Equal Opportunity. Equal Credit opportunity Act of 1974.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that didn't go well, by the way.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, we shouldn't allow anybody to have credit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well be taking it back.

[Dave Anthony]

A nice present. The Herald will give to the first 18 ladies who bring or send in two subscriptions at 25 cents each, a three year subscription to Park's Floral Magazine and 10 packages of flower seeds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What Is this what is happening?

[Zach Clapman]

Commissions. Commissions for selling subscriptions to the newspaper. Is that what that sounds like?

[Dave Anthony]

I think it is, yeah.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah. If you sell three subscriptions, we'll send you a bunch of flowers and a subscription to a flower.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Magazine articles are an ad for a bank and an application to become a newspaper seller for Steve.

[Unknown]

For this paper that has great content, like ads for banks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

The best.

[Zach Clapman]

Have you ever found like a Penny, like a Penny Saver and just read like classifieds? Is that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's actually.

[Dave Anthony]

That actually might be good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we had that idea. We had that idea a long time ago. We're going to do that soon. So don't be like weirded out when you hear us do that on a newer episode. And don't think that we just hadn't thought of that and took your idea but didn't want to give you credit. So we played this moment off like we'd had that idea for a while. Yeah, we've been talking about doing that, Dave, we should finally do that because we've been talking about doing that for a long time on this show. Yeah, we have talked about doing that and we plan on doing it. It's really soon. Thank you, though.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah, that was close.

[Unknown]

Got it. So I remember you guys mentioning at dinner, actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We called it Penny Hana. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, we talk about it a lot, actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We talk about so much. Dave's wife is pissed at how much we talk about it.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, she hates it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's like, shut up.

[Dave Anthony]

Penny Saver again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we get it. You're gonna do a Penny Saver episode. We go, hey, look, we had this good idea a long time ago. We're gonna do it. So don't be freaked out if it's an episode, you hear? Pretty soon is what we said.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Zach Clapman]

Zach, call the lawyer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ, Dave, call our lawyer. Get a, get a lawyer call.

[Unknown]

Maybe there's an ad for the lawyer in the paper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I don't know how to play this part. Zach kind of me up here a little bit.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, do you think, do you think this allowed? They did this on purpose. The first 18 ladies who bring or send in two subscriptions at 25 cents with three year subscriptions to Parks Floral magazine and 10. Like there's so many numbers in the sentence.

[Unknown]

Is this a math question? Is this, is this an actual SAT question?

[Dave Anthony]

It's an SAT question.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're trying to throw them. They don't.

[Zach Clapman]

They don't teach them math yet, do they? Okay. All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you could take Advantage of a woman. If you say more than five numbers, they can't.

[Unknown]

They can't calculate beyond that. It's like Y2K.

[Zach Clapman]

The women can't multiply three or four digits.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Six numbers, and they will restart.

[Dave Anthony]

All right, this is a letter from Wrightville, Texas. Oh, hello, Cookville. I mean, that's just how this is. Let's just play when you. When you write a letter to a town.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello, Cookville.

[Dave Anthony]

Hello, Cookeville.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna write a letter to a city, just address it, just like New Orleans.

[Zach Clapman]

The modern. The modern equivalent is like Republicans of Reddit.

[Dave Anthony]

How do you feel about it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Zach Clapman]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dear New Orleans, Love, Garyville.

[Dave Anthony]

Give me Buffalo Valley, please. As I. Yeah, he wants another place.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He wants a city.

[Dave Anthony]

Can we have.

[Zach Clapman]

Can we have this, please?

[Matt Clapman]

Hello. Hello, Columbus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm interested in Cincinnati. Can that be hooked up?

[Unknown]

That seems like a letter that we've written when we were colonizing and just, you know, someone just chooses a state, and they're like, dear Native Americans that live there. Can I send you two newspaper subscriptions in exchange for your land?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm interested in owning that, and I will, Bob.

[Zach Clapman]

All right, well, Buffalo Valley is. It is a town of what appears to be maybe one building.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Zach Clapman]

And Wikipedia says, could be described as a ghost town. Whatever the plan was didn't work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right, right. That guy was like. Well, it's a lot of work. What do you mean? Plumbing. Oh, my God.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Apparently, people often ask, is the massacre at Buffalo Valley a true story? That. Oh, I was prompted.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, that's.

[Zach Clapman]

Come and take it. The guy. The guy told us in the paper he was gonna do it.

[Dave Anthony]

That'll make a place a ghost town.

[Zach Clapman]

Wait, what else did he want? What were on his other Buffalo Valley demands.

[Dave Anthony]

Give me Buffalo Valley, please. As I read so many letters from Putnam county and no news from Buffalo Valley boys.

[Unknown]

Oh, he just wants news.

[Zach Clapman]

That's not the implication that we thought. See, you got to read more than the first sentence of our.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't agree.

[Zach Clapman]

This is crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's. This show will not happen that way, Matt. Okay?

[Dave Anthony]

He's. He's doing, like, a riddle now. Do you know me? Of course you do. I bought a ticket on October 8, 1892. For fake Texas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

For fake. For fake Texas.

[Dave Anthony]

Fate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Damn it, I wanted it.

[Unknown]

Do you not remember me? I bought a bus ticket there 18 years ago, and I wish you told me more about your town. This. This is like a. This is like someone stalking a town. This is. This Is like, I went on. I was inside you town, and I would like to hear back from you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, have you never been on City Tinder? It's awesome. You just keep swiping and sometimes the city matches with you. Oh, I just. Oh, my God, that's awesome. I just matched with Dubu.

[Zach Clapman]

Oh, I'm sure on tour, you guys have the people come up to you, and they. They're like, you remember when we met, you know, 10 years ago when you were in the city? And like, we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We also get. We also get the people who are very aware. And we'll go, you probably don't remember this, but I gave you a dollar. And we're like, I have no recollection. Exactly. Anyway, very healthy understanding.

[Zach Clapman]

I don't mean that.

[Dave Anthony]

This writer is JL or John Bay. And the son of Jim Bane has been married eight years and have two children. One girl, seven years, one boy, three years. One little boy dead. And the best family newsletter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And by the way, that took a real weird turn.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keep your dead off your update. We're good.

[Zach Clapman]

Is this. Not. Is this. We're here to help. Is. Are we on a different show now? Okay. All right. So the. So the kids. The kids gone? Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

My three younger brothers are all men now. My father is not getting rich, but has good stock and some money and lives. And this guy is this.

[Matt Clapman]

I will trade my dad for part of your town.

[Dave Anthony]

This is what happens when you. When you run across an old person that doesn't talk to people very often.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Matt Clapman]

I also have a lot of straw to do stuff with.

[Unknown]

Also, could someone come by and help me set up my computer? I mean, it's a little early, but that's the tone I'm getting.

[Matt Clapman]

If you sit in silence long enough, wood screams. Have you ever noticed that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt Clapman]

Any building has a wood will start yelling for help, dude. And I can't do much.

[Unknown]

My best friend is this old rusty door hinge that talks to me when I open it.

[Matt Clapman]

They recommend a toothbrush, but your finger does it better. That's why God gave you a bunch of them.

[Dave Anthony]

Hey, Jimmy, it's time for your bath.

[Matt Clapman]

I can't take a bath. My skin rejected.

[Zach Clapman]

Water. Water.

[Matt Clapman]

That's why all I can drink is tea. I'm sitting on the chair again.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. Okay. Good. Thank you for talking. Good. That's how you died, right?

[Zach Clapman]

This guy was still going, though, right? I'm glad. That guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, this guy is still going.

[Unknown]

I think this is why it's bad to be the first settler In a place. And if it's a place no one wants, like this person has 500 acres and no one else moved in and they're just.

[Dave Anthony]

No one wants it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My dream. This is my dream. Just to have my own shining. Like what happens when you experience the shining with no one else?

[Zach Clapman]

So you end up with. You end up being. What's his name? Kill Dozer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You made a hero. Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

I have never forgotten my old school days at Denny's Seminary in Buffalo Valley. And when I refer back, I can see the dear old girls and boys that I spent my happy school days with. If God is willing, my father and I will step off at Buffalo Valley inside of two years, I would like to gaze upon the hills of old Tennessee once more as I love the dear old state. Sid Anderson. Do you remember the time in the gate we used to go to? Those days are past and gone. Eight years ago I sewed my last wild oats. I settled down for. I'm trying to make a living for a wife and two babies. John and Bell.

[Unknown]

Just letting you know I'm going to be there in two years time.

[Zach Clapman]

This whole 800 word is I'm coming to town. How is it over there in 1913?

[Unknown]

I'll be arriving. Keep. Will the hills still be there? I'd like to look at the hills.

[Matt Clapman]

Excited to have a look at the hills since I started planning. Another boy died.

[Zach Clapman]

And. And despite your voices, this guy was like 27.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dude.

[Unknown]

I'm gonna be there in two years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is this gonna be awesome?

[Zach Clapman]

He sounded like Dave. He's just that he looks like 27. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. He's never making it back. He's dying of typhoid or I don't know.

[Unknown]

1911 Tennessee. Gareth. What would accent is that? Just heavy Tennessee. That's still going to be British or something.

[Matt Clapman]

There's something along these lines. I'm excited to come visit. Got to be careful. I jacked off and then nailed my hand to my walking chair.

[Dave Anthony]

That's. No, don't. Actually, don't.

[Matt Clapman]

Why Rake leave. Let the circle keep.

[Unknown]

I'm an old 27.

[Matt Clapman]

I'm old. It's called self stigmata.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean this is another one that's just. Okay, so it's a bunch of factoids. Well, this lady is sending. It's a letter from like she's like sending news of what's happening in Great Bend, Texas. The weather in general has been very good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

With a city is super weird.

[Zach Clapman]

From other states too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

There's a bunch of men.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's an update.

[Dave Anthony]

The weather in general has been very good. The wheat crop looks slim this time, but the farmers will make it up with corn. I guess some of the people around Baxter, Tennessee, are wondering when they will see me again. I will visit in three or four years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, Jesus Christ. Being sadder than the first letter.

[Unknown]

Oh, it's like they're cheating on their own city.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, they're just.

[Unknown]

They're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're.

[Unknown]

They're lusting for another town. They might visit Louisville.

[Dave Anthony]

Don't tell Stephen.

[Zach Clapman]

I'll be there in three years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Scarlet fever is bad at this writing. The little daughter of W.L. gentries is very sick with measles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Unknown]

A man named RFK Jr said if I eat an apple, it'll cure it. And that if I work hard and lift some weights and kill a whale, I'll be fine. Please send a whale. I'm in a landlocked town.

[Matt Clapman]

The goal is to get a worm living in your head. Like that one guy from Men in Black. You eat.

[Unknown]

You eat the apple which has the worm in it. The worm is in your brain medicine.

[Matt Clapman]

You've got to entice the worm to get into your brain to fix it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shut down the measles part.

[Dave Anthony]

Emma Gentry went fishing the other day and caught one fish. Don't you wish you could do that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's so funny to imagine the mailman showing up and being like, ma' am, on behalf of that city, shut the the up.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, please stop letters.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you doing?

[Unknown]

Did she just talk to a city and ask if that city can fish as well as the guy in her town? Like, whoa, can you fish like my guy can fish?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold me back.

[Unknown]

We got LeBron.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't even.

[Unknown]

You fish like LeBron.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold me back.

[Zach Clapman]

Great Bend seems like it has been reduced to about a hundred yard long. Dead end street in a sad looking suburb of San Antonio.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, because they were all bored to death by this woman and.

[Matt Clapman]

Where are you going?

[Zach Clapman]

I wanted starvation while finishing this conversation.

[Matt Clapman]

Why is your dirt a modicum drier than the one I saw in the last town?

[Unknown]

Ma' am. Ma' Am, I can't talk to you anymore about this. I have to go to the coal mine. I can't get distracted.

[Matt Clapman]

Walk me through how come when I throw grass in the air here, it doesn't blow in the same direction as the last?

[Unknown]

Let go of my coat. I'm moving. I'm going west. I'm gonna go to Nevada.

[Matt Clapman]

Why do they call It Pigeon toad. They don't seem to have angles that bad.

[Unknown]

Mom. I don't care.

[Matt Clapman]

How come a cone has a big. How come a cone has a big dip in it? And we. If a tree falls, we call it a pine cone. It should be called a mini pine tree.

[Unknown]

It's just her and a tumbleweed. That's her friend.

[Dave Anthony]

Nobody's left.

[Matt Clapman]

How come it's tumbleweed? It really. More of a rolling weed, if you ask me.

[Zach Clapman]

Oh, man. Tell you what. You ever hit a tumbleweed in a car? It will do something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it really does.

[Dave Anthony]

That true?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. It's shocking.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah. Yeah. Some of them are, like, made of trees, dude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sometimes I've seen them and I've been like, fully like, oh, that is. That's like a day ender.

[Unknown]

But when they're smaller, if I hit him, I feel like it's a power up, like in Mario, and I'm like, it's a coin.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Zach Clapman]

Both can be true. Both can be true.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Is there a noise when you hit it? It's like, boop, boop, boop.

[Unknown]

Little.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's like.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah, it's a. It's like a. Like a. Like a flaming. Is that the term on a snare drum?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like.

[Zach Clapman]

It's that, but with trees exploding on you. I'm pretty sure that's right. Pretty sure that's a word.

[Dave Anthony]

Sure.

[Zach Clapman]

I think that's a word.

[Dave Anthony]

The final thing is the peach crop is all killed, but we will have some apples if Jack Frost doesn't come again. Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Name dropping Jack Frost. Like it's a person.

[Matt Clapman]

You know, Jack Frost came over and I sucked his dick.

[Dave Anthony]

Jesus Christ.

[Unknown]

His carrot is awful nice when you're 69.

[Matt Clapman]

I'll tell you what, be careful.

[Zach Clapman]

He keeps bringing me pineapple shades. I don't know why he wants me to plant these things.

[Matt Clapman]

Imagine what he's up to. Holy. I just finished writing the letter and my town's gone.

[Zach Clapman]

So, like. So we're. We're like, halfway down the page and nothing has happened in this town. Meaning we learned about Texas and we've. We've got advertising. Like, what is happening in this town.

[Dave Anthony]

Very little nothing.

[Zach Clapman]

Just very little nothing. All right, now that that's settled, thank you. Okay, I'll go. I'll go home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are home. Stay home.

[Zach Clapman]

Nothing.

[Dave Anthony]

Gareth, you've been using a wallet for a while now, and why don't you tell the people what that wallet is?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I for a while went with, like, a money clip, and it just wasn't. It wasn't working out. And someone recommended the Ridge wallet to me probably about two years ago and I've never looked back. It is the easiest. Looks good. Basically it just holds all your credit cards, your IDs with a little cushiony inside. It's got a little band on the outside for cash. If you're carrying that. I don't know who carries cash anymore. It's the best. I. What? The second that Ridge wanted to work with us, I was like, I love their stuff. And now they have a. They have a slick keychain too. So Ridge to me is just one of the best.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, they do have a really cool keychain. And I. That's one of. They just sent us one and I was like, it's very, the whole, the whole thing is very slim, unique looking, modern design. It's like a metaly design. Aluminum, titanium and carbon fiber, those are all very good materials.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I only use carbon fiber.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I mean, I'm a big carbon fiber guy. They got tons of colors, 50, 50 plus colors and styles. And then a lifetime warranty also.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was showing it off to my nephew and he was like, I have a Ridge as well. Yeah, a couple. Yeah, it's. It's happening.

[Dave Anthony]

I've seen people with them and I've always wondered what it was. And now, now I have one. They got over 100,000 five star reviews. So people like it. And also I like that I can keep in my front pocket.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And I was before using. I have a big thick leather thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See, that's what we got to get out of.

[Dave Anthony]

Too much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They like ridge is like ridges, like coming in. And it's like an efficiency coach. It's just like, yeah, look, what do you actually need? You're like, ridge, you just know me so well. Ridge.

[Dave Anthony]

Ridge has free shipping, a 99 day risk free trial, and a lifetime warranty on all their products. So for a limited time, our listeners get 10% off at Ridge by using Code Pastimes at checkout. Just head to ridge.com and use code Pastimes and you're all set. After you purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you the Pastimes podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And furniture movers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

People don't know that about us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, we do a ton of that stuff.

[Dave Anthony]

Still in session, the 75 days of session for which pay is allowed. Members of the legislature. Both houses are holding daily sessions without pay and the Democratic members propose to do so until the next General assembly meets. Unless the fugitive members return and allow business to proceed.

[Unknown]

So Congress is in session, but they're unpaid.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

It's three months.

[Dave Anthony]

They can't officially. They can't officially hold the session because a bunch of. A bunch of them have fled.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh. Yeah.

[Zach Clapman]

They don't have. They don't have quorum, and they're calling them fugitives, which is awesome. And people should do that more often, maybe.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Imagine our Congress not getting paid for a moment of time.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God.

[Matt Clapman]

Shocking.

[Dave Anthony]

In the meantime, most of the state institutions cannot draw any money nor salaries paid. Oh. So everything's up.

[Zach Clapman]

Government. Government. Freeze. Shut it down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shut it down.

[Dave Anthony]

A pretty mess these men have made by their unwise, if not illegal, piece of politics in fleeing from the state like criminals. And on them rests all blame for present conditions.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah. Ran away to shut the government down. I wonder if any. If there's a lesson to be learned from that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no.

[Unknown]

It's a good thing we never did that again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

That seems to be a toothless tactic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

That happened all the time back then. Like, that happened all the time.

[Zach Clapman]

Well, it took, like, seven years to get a hold of somebody. I'm not surprised it didn't happen by accident.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's Musk's new. That's the new Musk game plan, so don't worry about that.

[Dave Anthony]

Have you ever driven. Have you guys ever driven a cybertruck track?

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And Is it. Is it ridiculous? Is it. Is it.

[Zach Clapman]

It's. It's. It's bad. I mean, it's mostly bad. It's.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's.

[Zach Clapman]

I mean, it mostly just drives, like, any electric car, but it's just built so badly that you can't, like, get past that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is it true you get a hemorrhoid if you sit in the seat?

[Zach Clapman]

I. So the other day, I did something for the first time, which is I. I thumbs downed somebody in a parking lot, as they were. Look. Because I'm driving an orange Bentley, and so everybody's looking at me, and a guy in a cybertruck with that dark MAGA hat, the black MAGA hat looks over at me, and I did the slow. And for a moment, I was aroused. And it was just an incredible thing because, you know, because it's. It.

[Unknown]

It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It.

[Zach Clapman]

It was the confusion that I generated in this person. They were so confused because when you're in an orange Bentley, you are someone of status.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Zach Clapman]

You're not just rich. You're, like, disgustingly, you're the person that. That person thinks they're going to be. Even though they're never going to be that person. And so when you disapprove, it's like. Yeah. And then. And then a panel falls off their cyber truck.

[Unknown]

Very true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's happening quite easily. The wind will do that.

[Zach Clapman]

So great.

[Unknown]

I like that. The cybertruck is. It drives like a car, but it looks sort of like a tough truck, which it's not because they have a lot of problems off roading and they have a tow hitch issue. And it's also not as good at being a normal pickup truck. So basically you have a very strange looking car that's very sharp on the outside. Genuinely. And we shaved a cucumber with the inside of the door because it.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah, we did. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Are you kidding?

[Unknown]

I'm not kidding.

[Zach Clapman]

You can make a salad from scratch with no other tools. If you have a cyber drug, well.

[Unknown]

That'S an advantage now that kids fingers off by accident.

[Matt Clapman]

Most cars don't have.

[Unknown]

That was a selling point.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah. He could have marketed it with that and not been lying unlike everything else he said about it.

[Unknown]

So most doors have rubber stripping, right. But our door is sharp, so you can use it as a knife if you need to. But also it's a lot more efficient that way. It rocket.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, it's so great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's really great.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, one of the best videos ever is when he throws that way the window and it cracks. Like it's just like. That's just Elon Musk. It's just him. That's him in a nutshell. None of it works.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah, it's. It's all bad. Everything about it is bad. Is really bad.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, well, at least he's taking over. All of the government's computers actually own money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When I saw the cyber truck, I thought, well, what if that was Social Security? It's good to have that.

[Unknown]

Yes, yes. An illusion of function that is actually.

[Zach Clapman]

Quite bad at its job. No, it's like it's bad at truck shit. But if someone said, hey, hey, Grok, design me a vehicle that's optimized for running over protesters and being very difficult to identify from any other model. Any other example of this same vehicle later, what would that vehicle look like? Make the front like razor blades, please.

[Unknown]

It is Agent Smith from the Matrix. It just multiplies itself and it's totally unidentifiable. Which one's the real one? I don't know.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah, yeah. No. DeLorean lessons were learned when designing or building the cybertruck. None. This has all happened Beat for beat. Exactly the same. 40 years ago. It's exactly the same.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, and hopefully he has to do a cocaine deal to save his businesses.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That would be awesome.

[Zach Clapman]

If we tank the stocking off you guys, he's gonna start moving the duffel shuffle.

[Dave Anthony]

It's coming, man. The 22nd, the big day, which will.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Be two days after martial law, probably.

[Unknown]

Well, if he. If he starts flying rockets from like, Van. Was it Vandenberg, just to Colombia and landing over there, then we're going to know that something's up, you know, like.

[Zach Clapman]

I don't know where a rocket has crash landed off the coast of Columbia. Do we have more news or is this just the rest of the show? Because I'm having fun.

[Dave Anthony]

Guy Bohannon killed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, good.

[Dave Anthony]

Andy by cyber truck. What?

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Andy Huggett shot and killed Guy Bohem last night about sundown. The shooting was done with a shotgun and followed a dispute about a small sum said to be do Bohannon to.

[Zach Clapman]

The guy who back by Buford Tannen over the matter of $80. I just heard right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Time traveling cyber truck.

[Dave Anthony]

The tragedy occurred near the home of Hargett on the premises of his father, a few miles east of Cookeville. No arrests have been made. Deputy, he knows who did it. The guy. The guy who owed him money shot the guy. Well, now he doesn't have to pay the money.

[Unknown]

Oh, that's like a. That's a. Like a second mortgage. No. What's it called when you refinance?

[Dave Anthony]

Reverse.

[Unknown]

That's student loan forgiveness. Forgiveness, essentially.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Zach Clapman]

Ben Affleck is the accountant to refinance. Ben Affleck was the accountant.

[Unknown]

Another one they are.

[Zach Clapman]

Oh, there is an accountant, too. I don't know anything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm sorry, but it's not. It's called rebate.

[Zach Clapman]

If I got that close on a random guess, like, wow, okay. Hollywood is predictable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

1099.

[Dave Anthony]

Deputy Sheriff Miller visited the scene of the shooting and picked up a gun wad that was covered with blood.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, sometimes I'll answer.

[Zach Clapman]

So over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's too much. And then the discharge is sort of. Yeah.

[Unknown]

You know, some people get excited. Really excited, you know.

[Dave Anthony]

A gun wad.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

So if the shooting is great inside of a shotgun shell, if the shooting's really good, you also blow your wad.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Right. Correct.

[Zach Clapman]

Yes, definitely. Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. So what if something else comes out of a shotgun besides the.

[Unknown]

If you really believe in the second amendment, like really, really strongly, then you orgasm. But if you don't orgasm when you fire your weapon, you're not a real patriot, and you should work with it.

[Zach Clapman]

It's called Rittenhousing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. The NRA waves the membership fee. If you could fire a gun, then the NRA is like, you're in.

[Unknown]

Yeah. If you can show us your jizz, then we'll waive this fee. But if you don't show us the jizz on the inside of your pants, that's $28.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, some shooting ranges have the targets you're shooting at, and then they have what's called the pants target that they put right under you. And if you can. If you can hit that one, too, you're dangerous.

[Unknown]

It's like a baseball park urinal, sort of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Unknown]

It also has little. Little pictures of terrorists on the inside.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep, sure. Yep.

[Zach Clapman]

Shotgun shells have a thing in them. There's, like, powder, and then there's the pellets. And then there's a thing of, like, cotton or wool or some kind of fabric that's called the wad. And it comes out. If it was covered in blood, like, it would have come out and then landed in a pool of blood. Like, it would have been like a. Like an alley. Oop, pretty much.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, okay.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah, yeah. Like a double. Like a two for one.

[Unknown]

It means the guy was close. Because it's funny is. You know, the BBs go very far, and then the wad follows up like a tissue being thrown at somebody or like a handkerchief when a woman's going away on a ship. And it's like, remember me?

[Dave Anthony]

That's exactly how they. That's how they describe it in gun training class.

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Zach Clapman]

We call it the remember me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, boys, now remember.

[Zach Clapman]

See, when you take down the intruder, they go down the wad. It lands right on this schnauz, and you go, remember me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like a kerchief from a for lover on a ship that's about to deport.

[Zach Clapman]

Oh, the joke really changes with a voice.

[Dave Anthony]

It's very uncomfortable at that point. It actually says right here, showing that the men were close together there. So there you go.

[Zach Clapman]

Oh. Oh, Zach's. Zach's analysis. Forensic analysis there. Pretty good.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Take the glasses off. They were standing close together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I just thought they. They. They know who shot him. They know why they have the. The. The whatever.

[Zach Clapman]

The wad.

[Dave Anthony]

They got all the evidence, and then they're like, no rest.

[Zach Clapman]

So I wonder if any parallels can be drawn to anything today.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Unknown]

Imagine how easy, though, back then. Like. Like the person who shot him could just go to the town where that one lady lives, and he could be her new only neighbor and no one would find him.

[Dave Anthony]

Nope.

[Zach Clapman]

People, like, if you ever listen to a show called the Dollop, people change their name, like, every six months. And that is a foolproof way to do crimes like crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you Jack Honda? No, my name Randy. Have a good day, sir. Sorry about that.

[Unknown]

Like, they just cross out their own name on their license. They go, no, no, no. Now it's Steve Wilson.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's got the paperwork. Sorry, Mr. Wilson. Have a good day.

[Zach Clapman]

And then they would, like, get elected sheriff. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Just arrived. It was said that in the days of the Roman Empire that all roads led to Rome. Cookeville seems to be similarly situated.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But no, no, no, no.

[Zach Clapman]

What that means is we need a monorail.

[Dave Anthony]

We're just like, Rome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like, one of my best buddies in Boston lives in this town called Revere. And, like, just fucking animals, these people. Just absolute monsters. And he moved to la, and we were, like, doing comedy together. And we were at the gym one day, and one guy had a sweater on that said Revere. We'd been to the gym 40 times, never seen it. And he goes up to the guy, says. Then he comes back to me, goes, it's just me, or does it seem like everyone out here knows Revere? And I was like, nobody does. Nobody knows Revere. One guy has sweater, and you're just exploding that into a bunch of bullshit. He's like, all right, leave it be.

[Unknown]

That's the clearest example of recency bias I've ever heard in my entire life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

As everyone knows Revere, Also the same guy, one time, he said, he goes, revere. He almost wanted. He told me later he wanted to throw this guy out of a window. He was a buddy of ours, and he was raised in. He was raised in China, this buddy. And so my friend goes, revere has the best Chinese food in the world. And my friend goes, I've eaten lo mein on the Great Wall of China. And my buddy was so red hot mad inside, he's like, how dare he?

[Zach Clapman]

Are you.

[Unknown]

Are you saying that China has better Chinese food than Riviera? Are you saying that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Furious. That he was like, you think China's got better Chinese food than where I'm from? Huh? In America.

[Unknown]

You started it. Revere perfected it.

[Dave Anthony]

All right?

[Zach Clapman]

He calls him a slur and burns down his Honda Civic.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Zach Clapman]

In. In fairness to the author of this particular proclamation, i40 does go through this town now. And so technically, 30 years later, the interstate system would link all roads to this town. So not wrong if we want to be right. It is extremely pedantic and technical.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's not like Rome.

[Unknown]

I would add Rome has a population fighting there. Rome has a population of 2.7 million and Cookville is 36,000. So it is the Rome of the United States.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. Yeah. Strangers frequently. Sorry. Strangers frequently find their way to this city. The latest arrival is a young lady who made her appearance in this place Sunday morning, April 30, at 9am oh. She is stopping at the home of the newly elected mayor of this city, John Dow, and may be an applicant for the position of stenographer and typewriter for the new mayor. She is not inclined to be very social and will not make her debut in society for some time. Those who desire to make her acquaintance can do by calling at the above home. He can have the pleasure of an introduction to this young lady who weighs 10 pounds.

[Unknown]

What the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the. What the Just happened?

[Dave Anthony]

It's got to be a dog. It's got to be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. I better be. She lives in the bottom of my head.

[Zach Clapman]

Is there a number missing? Or are we actually. Are we talking about a dog?

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, it's gotta be wild. Should they put in their weight? It's got to be a dog.

[Unknown]

But wait, but this woman was applying to be the stenographer for the mayor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that situation a stenographer?

[Unknown]

I think. I think this is.

[Dave Anthony]

You guys did an episode about a.

[Zach Clapman]

Talking dog six days ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was a long time ago, Matt. It was a long time ago. We have two show. It's a long time ago.

[Unknown]

I think we're seeing written proof of the first catfishing that happened in the early 1900s. And this is a guy that's like, I'm a hot lady. I'm gonna apply for this job, but I'm not revealing myself to the world yet. And then he's like, what do women weigh? I weigh 10 pounds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No clue what a woman is.

[Unknown]

How much do I weigh?

[Zach Clapman]

Oh, dude.

[Matt Clapman]

10. 10 pounds.

[Dave Anthony]

Could this be their way to see.

[Unknown]

Talk to me through the door. I can't open it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no.

[Matt Clapman]

I'm just putting over my tits.

[Unknown]

Just put your thing through the hole.

[Matt Clapman]

There we go.

[Dave Anthony]

Could this be that. That they had a baby? Is this a baby announcement?

[Unknown]

And he already has a. He's already applying for a job for the baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Baby stenographer. I'll call Pixar.

[Unknown]

Yeah, there you go.

[Zach Clapman]

There's like, three things in this that don't go together. Like, you have to Pick two. You can't actually have all three.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is.

[Zach Clapman]

Are you sure there's not a typo in the weight? Because.

[Dave Anthony]

Like, because it all leads to there and then I, I genuinely think that that's like the thing to go, oh, makes people go, oh, he was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A skydiver and he forgot his parachute.

[Zach Clapman]

Is it. I don't know. I got nothing.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a dog or a baby, but what's the difference?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It maybe is a lady one.

[Dave Anthony]

It could be a lady's hand.

[Unknown]

It's just, just the hand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just a lady's hand.

[Zach Clapman]

It's like thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, I'm pitching thing.

[Unknown]

Maybe someone's writing a letter to try to get help. Like they're being held hostage and they, they, they're using a code, but it's so convoluted that no one comes to help them.

[Matt Clapman]

Hi, I weigh 10 pounds. Can I work for the court? What are you.

[Unknown]

Nothing, nothing. I'm not messing with the chains at all. Just writing this letter about being £10 and a stenographer. Inside, she's like, I hope I can't write in the letter that I live at 246 Smith street because that's too obvious and he'll kill me. So I'll just put, I weigh 10 pounds and I'm a stenographer.

[Zach Clapman]

And if you want to date me, here's where you should call forcefully.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I live in a dresser drawer.

[Dave Anthony]

Forcefully. Queer looking worms.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh my God.

[Zach Clapman]

New. New line. New line.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

It'd be great if that was the, the next line in this story.

[Unknown]

Another fake. Queer looking worms have accounts at five of our branches.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you, I think first national is going to go under soon. They've gone too woke.

[Zach Clapman]

Info Wars Bank.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So they got a queer. They got a bunch of these queer looking worms that are opening savings accounts right now. This is part of the new world order. This is part of the global financial system to collapse right now. They got these queer looking worms.

[Unknown]

Whoa.

[Zach Clapman]

That's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

New Zealand, Australia, the Samoan and the Solomon Islands, as well as portions of the Hawaiian Croatia group are the homes of various species of worms with thick, heavy bodies and with a well defined neck. Can. There's no neck in a worm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure there is.

[Unknown]

Is it all neck or is there no neck?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa. That's tree falling in the wood right there. Holy, Holy. Zach. Some knowledge.

[Dave Anthony]

Confucius says, yeah, that's Mike. It's Mike. Drop sh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna bring that up, but I mention that at some point to Someone and they're all neck. Actually. Who is this guy? Oh, me. I'm new to town. I wrote a letter a couple years ago about visiting you.

[Unknown]

Don't remember? I told you I was gonna be here.

[Zach Clapman]

I'm the guy that asked if the mountains were still here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just want to make sure the mountains were still here. Yeah. No. Worms don't have a neck because they're only neck.

[Unknown]

It's Schrodinger's neck. Your neck. It's not a neck until you admit or you acknowledge it's all neck. And then you're like, well, now it's definitely neck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He got neck pills.

[Unknown]

Liberal media wants you to think that the worm is a body. But it's a neck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's all neck.

[Unknown]

It's all neck.

[Zach Clapman]

Oh, I thought I was. I forgot I was in the podcast for a second. I was just listening.

[Dave Anthony]

That was fun.

[Zach Clapman]

I knew what happened.

[Dave Anthony]

The homes of various species of worms with thick, heavy bodies and with a well defined neck, connecting the body with a head that is startlingly reminded head is a startling reminder of that of a monkey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the.

[Dave Anthony]

Who is monkey worms?

[Zach Clapman]

They call it the monkey worm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The monkey worm.

[Zach Clapman]

They're an invasive species. We have to get rid of them. All of them. Send them to El Salvador.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? I don't even remember what the. What was the headline on this?

[Dave Anthony]

Psychotic queer looking worms. I mean, they are right. It's a crazy looking worm with a.

[Unknown]

Face of a monkey.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's a monkey worms.

[Unknown]

Did they not know what monkeys looked like back then?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That might be part. Hopefully that's the only issue.

[Zach Clapman]

Oh, man. I thought I found the monkey worm. It doesn't really seem to exist.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, we have the name here in.

[Dave Anthony]

The Sandwich islands they are called the metal. Metaluki worm, which means creeper with a child's head.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And that might be the ten pound lady.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, I'm gonna look it up and. Oh, it's a centipede feed.

[Zach Clapman]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Christ.

[Zach Clapman]

It's just the regular worm. It's not. It's not. It's not that cool.

[Unknown]

I guess when all worms look so similar, any tiny difference, they just, they. They extrapolate it too far because they're just bored and they're just studying worms the whole time. They go, that one really looks like a face kind of worm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that. Yeah, right.

[Zach Clapman]

I do. You guys know how anyone came up with constellations? Like what level of boredom and weird substance abuse leads to constellation?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who's this guy? He's the same network guy.

[Unknown]

You see the three dots next to the other 5 trillion dots. Those three are a belt.

[Matt Clapman]

That's why that one, I'm going with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Little Dipper because it's a little smaller than the bigger one. You didn't say that before. Now I did. You making this up on the spot? No.

[Zach Clapman]

Just like my classified ads show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? No. Matt, we've already recorded the.

[Zach Clapman]

We need to record this show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've already recorded that one.

[Zach Clapman]

We're gonna release Afternoon to the studio with the lawyer. Let's go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're gonna release it in a little bit. But we've already recorded it. And it was a good idea. Not that it's a bad idea. It's just one of those parallel thought things. That's what.

[Unknown]

Amy, isn't the animated show premiering on Netflix soon?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Unknown]

It looks really good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's gonna be great.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was close.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. The end of this is an old New Zealand legend. Says that at one time they were of immense proportions and threatened the extinction of all human life on the island.

[Unknown]

So the worms did.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah, Giant worm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The centipede.

[Zach Clapman]

Huge worm.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Zach Clapman]

No neck.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a big monkey worm.

[Zach Clapman]

Thousand feet, no neck. It's just the Hulk. We call it a Hulk Hulk Hogan worm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The Hogan worm is that. I saw that. If you Google Hogan worm, something else comes up, just so you know.

[Unknown]

Oh, yes.

[Zach Clapman]

Yikes.

[Unknown]

Is New Zealand so, like, such a paradise that the only danger they ever had was, like, a worm like, that almost took out the whole island? That was probably real close.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, pretty close to reality, honestly.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's true.

[Unknown]

True.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're very lucky.

[Dave Anthony]

It's true. I'm saying.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it's like a paradise. But I mean, it's amazing. I don't think they have all the predators and things like Australia does and all the snakes, so. Destroy the entire society. Also that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Peter Dunn's coming.

[Zach Clapman]

I think I need. I need to know about the number of worms it would take to decimate the population is if it's one that's far more interesting than if it's millions and millions.

[Dave Anthony]

How great would it be, though, if there was a worm that had killed everybody on New Zealand and now it was just down there and everyone's like, I don't know how to deal with this thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That'd be awesome. We can't even go there.

[Zach Clapman]

It was just the worm and Peter Thiel left, and Peter Thiel's just sucking citizenship, mate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Peter tail's just sucking whatever juice he can out of it. Peter. No, I'm 15 again. Peter.

[Zach Clapman]

I could do an IV of this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's just putting millipedes. Got to be Peter. That's jamming up your veins pretty good there.

[Unknown]

We, we could just send our, our National Bass Fishing League down there and they'd be like we can fix this with just. Just start hooking all the worms.

[Zach Clapman]

Just so many flaky boats and hooks. Let's go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's like Dunkirk.

[Unknown]

Exactly.

[Zach Clapman]

With bass, bass boats and monkey worm.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean there has to be a monkey worm movie now, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm ready.

[Zach Clapman]

Yeah, definitely.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Michael Bay.

[Dave Anthony]

All right, let's do one last one. Value of the kangaroo's tail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh no, man.

[Zach Clapman]

I don't like where this is going.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Enjoy this. No.

[Dave Anthony]

So important is the kangaroo's tail in his rapid progress to the kangaroo that experienced hunters and gun with guns are accustomed to fire at the point where this appendage joins the bunker body.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's so up.

[Dave Anthony]

Why in the tail? I mean you're basically shooting it in the butt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just like this is where it it. It's the best part of the kangaroo. Shoot it at its ass.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. As. As that's how you take down a kangaroo. Because if they don't have their tail, they just spin in circles or they. They don't know which way.

[Unknown]

They just keep falling over.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a. When the tail being disabled for its office of balancing. Yeah. Right. So it uses it to balance.

[Zach Clapman]

Balance.

[Dave Anthony]

Without a tail, it can't balance.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we understand that. It's horrible.

[Dave Anthony]

The animal is as effectually stopped as if hamstrung. Which is what I want to do to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Matt just left Matt's match ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

Every right to leave hit elsewhere. Except with a rifle bullet or at point blank range. The kangaroo is pretty likely to get off. Well, that's different.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is different.

[Zach Clapman]

We.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When we went and looked at kangaroos was the one day Zach we went to like this place in Australia and we were like hanging out with them. Yes. Dave. The next day ate kangaroo and had no. Did not make the connection to that being insane or anything like that.

[Dave Anthony]

It was tasty.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nuts on these kangaroos.

[Dave Anthony]

Also tasty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus, Dave.

[Unknown]

But if you shoot them in the balls, apparently they're okay. You got to get the tail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, they're fine there. Absolutely.

[Unknown]

The locomotion does not come from the ball.

[Dave Anthony]

The less if you shoot a kangaroo in the ball, success goes.

[Unknown]

Oh, it asks for another.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Can you try a shotgun now?

[Unknown]

So I'm confused that these marksmen are saying forget shooting toward the chest. The heart, like the part of the body that controls everything. Let's shoot it in the ass. And then it just stands still.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right. That's what they seem to be saying.

[Unknown]

This is strangest science.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You stop it.

[Unknown]

Yep. And then why do you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, why do you want second? Well, don't worry about that. Just disable it from the tail up. Yeah, I'm not.

[Unknown]

That's not my department. I just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not a big what's next Kind of guy. I'm just kind of getting the tail off the kind of fella.

[Unknown]

It's union rules. I shoot the tail and then the other guy comes in with the net.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't ask the boss questions. I just shoot The Connective Part.

[Dave Anthony]

1 Peculiarity of the kangaroo is that after being started up, he rarely swerves from his course, through which peculiarity he is easily potted by the hunters who conceal themselves while a man on horseback drives the herd toward them. First of all, are there herds of kangaroos?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't believe. To be honest, I don't think so.

[Dave Anthony]

And also, I'm pretty sure they can turn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no. They're like a. They're like a pool cleaning vacuum.

[Unknown]

A group of kangaroos is known as a mob, a troop or a court.

[Dave Anthony]

There you go. True mob is better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that's it.

[Dave Anthony]

That's the story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, there you go. There it is. Matt. Matt. It's a shame Matt's not here to close it out with us. He's a great guy, but he's really. He likes to leave on a high note. He's always said that he always back.

[Unknown]

He knows he's trying to get back.

[Dave Anthony]

He's not though, is he? Look at him. Look at him trying to. Ryan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey. We're done.

[Zach Clapman]

It all went wrong. It all went wrong. I don't know what happened, but it all went wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, don't worry. We really figured out some stuff at the end as far as how to disable a kangaroo for no reason.

[Zach Clapman]

Let me guess. You shoot it where its tail meets its body. Is that what I understand?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I knew I liked you. Yeah, well, Matt, Zach, the smoking tire. We will come back on for a two person episode. You've got Jay Leno. It really is. You guys really have quite a life of cars.

[Dave Anthony]

And you do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're awesome. You're a great Benihana chef. And people should just go watch. Listen to the smoking tire. Where's the best place to find that? And you guys, you can get it.

[Zach Clapman]

Any Download the Smoking Tire Podcast with any player that you use to get podcasts. Or you can get it on YouTube.com the Smoking Tire podcast. We also have our original, original car review channel where we put up a new video every week, which is just YouTube slash, the smoking Tire without the word podcast and the Smoking Tire on Instagram. And Zach is the real Zach Klatman on Instagram.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Thank you, guys. I just want. I want to say that I've been. We've both been huge fans for like a decade, so this is very. Oh, it's a great honor and also very surreal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's really. It's. I'm sure it seems very human now that it's happened and we're all just sitting in our homes and just.

[Dave Anthony]

Just go ahead and shoot the money to Venmo.

[Unknown]

Yeah, you got it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Got it.

[Matt Clapman]

Cash app.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Zach Clapman]

When is that video coming out, though, Garrett? What is the Betty Holland video?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know. I don't. I will get. Listen, I'm gonna crack a lot of skulls and get to the bottom of it, but what I will also say, say is we keep talking about doing it again, so we should do it again soon.

[Zach Clapman]

The. The hibachi is ready anytime. Thanks, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Anyway, thank you, guys. Appreciate it.

[Unknown]

Thank you guys so much.

[Zach Clapman]

Thank you so much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Some of these days you'll miss me, honey. Some of these days. Hey, dollop fans. I know you love the dollop. You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, gareth, what are you talking about? By the way? It's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five parter animation, which is actually like a 22 minute episode or 30 minute episode, I can't remember, of the rube. You can go to LakeSide Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome, awesome animation of the rube. It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the rube.