129 - The Past Times with Gianmarco Soresi

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds
Episode: 129 - The Past Times with Gianmarco Soresi
Release Date: June 14, 2025

Hosts: Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds
Guest: John Marco Soresi

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Introduction

In Episode 129 of The Dollop, titled The Past Times with Gianmarco Soresi, hosts Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds welcome comedian and podcaster John Marco Soresi as their guest. The episode begins with the trio engaging in lighthearted banter about the correct pronunciation of Soresi's name and his Italian heritage.

• Gareth Reynolds [01:05]: "I was nervous about that."
• John Marco Soresi [01:23]: "Sorese. But it's Razi. It's fine."

The hosts joke about replicating Italian accents and tease Soresi about his pronunciation, setting a humorous and relaxed tone for the episode.

Main Segment: Analyzing Historic Newspaper Stories

The core of the episode revolves around dissecting and humorously interpreting old newspaper articles from the 1890s, a hallmark of The Dollop's unique blend of history and comedy.

1. Hazing Incident at Kalamazoo Baptist College

The first story delves into a disturbing hazing ritual that escalated into attempted murder. Two Baptist professors were kidnapped by a group of 20 masked students known as the "white caps." The professors were bound, blindfolded, and left in a cornfield during the cold month of March, risking hypothermia.

• Dave Anthony [04:20]: "It's March. So it's cold. It's going to be cold in Michigan."
• Gareth Reynolds [12:14]: "They bound them, they blindfolded them, and then they eventually left them in a field to die."

The situation intensified when one of the professors managed to free himself using a knife, leading to a tense and chaotic escape.

• John Marco Soresi [12:07]: "It's attempted murder."

The hosts discuss the severity of the incident, contrasting historical attitudes towards hazing with modern perspectives.

2. Ms. Espacelle's Enormous Tumor

The next article covers a sensational medical case involving Ms. Espacelle, who had a tumor described as being "10 inches in diameter with 23 separate and distinct roots."

• Dave Anthony [23:02]: "It had grown to an enormous size, measuring 10 inches in diameter and had 23 separate and distinct roots."
• John Marco Soresi [24:35]: "It looks like a crab. Like Dr. Focus."

The discussion humorously personifies the tumor, likening its appearance to a crab with multiple legs.

• Gareth Reynolds [25:26]: "It looks like a crab. Like, the first time he picked it up, he thinks it's fake."

The trio reflects on the public's fascination with bizarre medical anomalies and how such cases were sensationalized in the press.

3. Accidental Murder: Ford Jacobs and Ellis Adams

Another story explores a tragic accident where a 16-year-old Ford Jacobs accidentally stabbed his playmate, Ellis Adams, resulting in Adams' instant death.

• Dave Anthony [49:05]: "The boys were at play. And the stabbing was accidental."
• Gareth Reynolds [51:26]: "He stole the valor of crab, which is also pretty bad too. Yeah, worse. Crap would be better."

The hosts contemplate the nature of accidents versus intent, underscoring the thin line between the two and the immediate consequences that ensued.

4. Shanty Fire Tragedy

The final story examines a fatal fire caused by an accidental gas ignition in a shanty, leading to the deaths of two men, M.O. Malley and Peter Faley.

• Dave Anthony [53:00]: "O' Malley and Faley Faley were burned to death here Saturday night at 8 o'clock."
• Gareth Reynolds [54:57]: "It's like a cat. It's a cat. Wrong."

The hosts humorously discuss the improbability of such tragedies and the mundane details provided in the newspaper reports, highlighting the often dry and factual nature of historical journalism.

Additional Discussions

Throughout the episode, Dave, Gareth, and John wander into various tangents, including:

• Banter on Modern vs. Historical Hazing Practices: They compare the brutality of past hazing rituals with today's standards, emphasizing societal changes over time.

  • Gareth Reynolds [22:53]: "It's really 18 tells you a lot about the times."

• Christian Science and Medical Practices: Analyzing how religious beliefs influenced medical decisions and legal actions in the 1890s.

  • John Marco Soresi [40:49]: "They said, 'No, we don't want any aspirin.' And they said, 'Well, then you're going to jail.'"

• Contemporary Issues of Online Harassment: The conversation briefly shifts to the challenges of dealing with online harassment and misinterpretations in today's digital age.

  • Gareth Reynolds [47:16]: "There has to be like some bigger right-wing account that just keeps doing it."

Notable Quotes

• Dave Anthony [06:05]: "I'm gonna guess 1843."
• Gareth Reynolds [12:14]: "They bound them, they blindfolded them, and then they eventually left them in a field to die."
• John Marco Soresi [23:35]: "They were Christian Scientists, so we gotta just lock them up."
• Gareth Reynolds [47:16]: "There has to be like some bigger right-wing account that just keeps doing it."

Conclusion and Guest Promotion

As the episode wraps up, John Marco Soresi promotes his upcoming European tour dates, inviting listeners to attend his stand-up shows across various cities.

• Gareth Reynolds [65:42]: "Very, very funny comedian. Really funny. Very funny."
• John Marco Soresi [66:17]: "Thanks, guys."

The hosts conclude with a mix of humor and appreciation for their guest, maintaining the show's signature comedic tone.

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Takeaways:

• The Dollop continues its tradition of blending historical events with contemporary humor, offering listeners both education and entertainment.
• The episode highlights the extremes of past societal practices, prompting reflection on how much has changed.
• Engaging interactions among the hosts and guest add depth and relatability to the historical narratives discussed.

Recommendation:
For those interested in quirky historical tales presented with a comedic twist, Episode 129 featuring John Marco Soresi is a must-listen.

Transcript

[Dave Anthony]

Let me ask you a question. Do you know which best selling water toy was invented in a NASA engineers bathroom? Or which Taco Bell innovation involved a literal paint sprayer to coat Taco shells in Dorito dust? Yum. And did you know that Levi's jeans wouldn't exist without the California gold rush? I know, it's all nuts. These are just a few of the really weird and wild true stories featured on the Best Idea yet, which is a podcast all about the surprising origin stories behind the products that you love and are obsessed with and can't stop using and eating. From the Happy Meal to Google Maps to good old Costco Kirkland brand, each episode unpacks how these icons went viral and thanks to a whole lot of trial error and awesomeness. So if you love learning about how stuff works, who made it, and why on earth it caught on, follow the Best Idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, everybody, welcome to the Pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before. And neither is our guest this week, the great Gianmarcos. Sorosi. Soressi.

[John Marco Serosi]

Sorese. But it's Razi. It's fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was nervous about that.

[John Marco Serosi]

No, no, no, you did great. Yes, I'm happy to be here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. And you have a Italian.

[Dave Anthony]

I do a really great Italian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do not do it on this show. Do not ask him to do it. John Marco. No, he's.

[Dave Anthony]

No, it's a spicy meatball.

[John Marco Serosi]

Oh, wow. And you. That's what we talk about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[John Marco Serosi]

You nailed the whole thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. It's such a shame. That's.

[John Marco Serosi]

Do you only. Did you only do this podcast so you can go back to newspapers where people are still racist against Italians?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[John Marco Serosi]

And you're like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And others. Yeah. What is that? It's a spicy meatball.

[Dave Anthony]

Is this awkward for everybody on a gondola?

[John Marco Serosi]

That's a meatball on a gondola. Jesus, that is brutal. Someday that will be a problem. That will be like when they find someone had an attic of, like, that kind of stuff and they'll be like, they should not be on the Supreme Court.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then, hey, Dave's running for Senate and that picture kills it.

[Dave Anthony]

That's. That's a minor league ball club hat. I don't remember.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ. And they're the spicy meatballs.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

Look, it's all. It's all terrible. Everything feels like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're being very rude to the company. We have a guest and you're jumping right into.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm trying to relate.

[John Marco Serosi]

Listen, it's better to make fun of the Italian side than the Jewish side. I mean, I would not want to see that hat, whatever that might be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think, Dave, throw on the Jewish thing. You are.

[John Marco Serosi]

Doing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, John Marco, your podcast, the downside is great. Everyone should give a listen. I think our audiences have a very similar philosophies, politically.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then you're going on tour. You're brave enough to leave the country and try to come back. Where can people get information on that? Your European tour dates or any of.

[Dave Anthony]

Your tour, or as we're calling it, the final Tour.

[John Marco Serosi]

The final tour. Anywhere on social media. That's my name, John Marcus Arazi. And I'll be, you know, London, Italy, Germany, Amsterdam, all that stuff. Oh, wow.

[Dave Anthony]

You're doing all of Europe a month and a week.

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Because otherwise you don't know. I think once Hasan Piker got sort of detained and held, it was like, oh, they really. They really don't care. Like, they. They don't care how well known the person is. I think you're going to be fine. I don't care what Dave says.

[Dave Anthony]

I was surprised that Sammy Hagar obeyed. Obeyed. Got through with no question. Like, he just.

[John Marco Serosi]

Oh, really?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. I was very surprised by that.

[John Marco Serosi]

I think. I think it's a sign of, like, how far you've gotten if you. If you don't get stopped. I'd be offended. I'd be like, do you not know my work? Let me pull up some of these reels. You should not let me back in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is so funny to be pitching yourself for Det. Sir. I'm very vocal. All right, so here's what we're going to do. We're going to go through this old newspaper. Dave's picked it out. You and I have had no prep. We like to guess what year this paper could be from. It could be from as early as the 1600s, but probably not, because then it's like a lot of warlock stuff. It could be the, you know, it could be the 90s for sake. Who knows? So as the guest, you're allowed to guess first. Winner gets nothing. Dave has started to weaponize this part of the show to make it so the guest always wins. So it really doesn't matter if you're off or not.

[Dave Anthony]

I've never. Don't listen to him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

By the way, he's in. It looks like a sauce. He looks like he's in a sauce. The little.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right, he's in a gondola.

[Dave Anthony]

Like a spaghetti sauce.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's in a sauce canal.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[John Marco Serosi]

It gets worse. Like, the more details, the more. If you look in the sauce, there's a mobster who's sleeping with the. The fishes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, show them the back where you can. Grape parmesan on the hat. Well, you want to see, but go ahead. John. Marco. What? What do you think?

[John Marco Serosi]

Oh, I'm. I'm truly guessing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sight unseen. Guessing a year. A year, sight unseen.

[John Marco Serosi]

Oh, my God.

[Dave Anthony]

Stop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you doing?

[John Marco Serosi]

I didn't. You have so many.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please. For the team.

[Dave Anthony]

I. I bought the jacket, I bought the hat, I bought the bedspreads, I bought the drapes. No, I just. I think it's important for me to wear it around Gareth, to upset him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I just. I just find the accent offensive and I'm Welsh, so.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can only imagine how this feels for you.

[John Marco Serosi]

I'm gonna guess 1843.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A great guess. It's a great guess.

[Dave Anthony]

Good guess. Garrett's. Garrett's probably going to be wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

1895.

[Dave Anthony]

Nope, it's 1890. So you lose because. What was yours? 1843. That was under, so.

[John Marco Serosi]

Under.

[Dave Anthony]

Yep.

[John Marco Serosi]

So you under wins.

[Dave Anthony]

Congratulations.

[John Marco Serosi]

It's. It's like. It's like blackjack. You went over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We lost. We've never discussed the rules. I've been under and close. It's really. There's not. There's not. It's like a game that's never been invented and wouldn't be invented. Game.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, it's. It's May, So. May rules. March 4, 1890. That's a Tuesday. Kalamazoo, Michigan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh.

[Dave Anthony]

Which no one has a connection to here. Where are you from?

[John Marco Serosi]

Potomac. Maryland.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Beautiful.

[Dave Anthony]

Kind of the same thing to me. 2M states.

[John Marco Serosi]

That's true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Way to go.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm just trying to make it East Coast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[John Marco Serosi]

No, Michigan. Where's Michigan? A little north.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's mid.

[Dave Anthony]

To me. It's. It's. To me, it's east coast. Yeah.

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Right, right. And you guys, there's water.

[John Marco Serosi]

I did. I do gigs in Detroit and I've gone there to Canada's. Right there. And I did something there. That's all I know.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I'm from Wisconsin. It's pretty much the middle, so it's. It's. It's a little. It's further east than you guessed, but it's. It's no, no, it's not. It's middle Midwest.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Actually, Midwest is the term.

[Dave Anthony]

So anyway, it's the Cal. It's the Kalamazoo Gazette. Gareth, where's Kalamazoo in relation to, like, Detroit? You're from the mid. You're from the Midwest. Is it left?

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Hey, Hazed. Professors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Haste. Okay, that's.

[Dave Anthony]

No, it's not something that happens. Professors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's. Oh, man. How much?

[Dave Anthony]

It should. We should. That's going. We're kind of doing it now. A score or more of the students at the Kalamazoo Baptist College.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Baptists Baptist hazing.

[Dave Anthony]

They're. They're a problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Give them a swirly in the holy water.

[Dave Anthony]

Did I ever tell you the Craig Anton story? Craig Anton, comedian. He stopped doing comedy, but he was very funny, and he was very, very popular. At one point, he was, like, the biggest college touring comedian. And he goes to a Baptist college and they say, hey, no swearing. If you swear, we will immediately end the show. And Craig starts his show every single. The exact same way. Every single show. He walks on stage and goes, how the hell are you? Lights off, curtain down.

[John Marco Serosi]

Oh, my God, that's amazing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To make the trip. He's in the green room.

[Dave Anthony]

Hour before, he was like, I still got paid.

[John Marco Serosi]

Like, he still got paid. My God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Genius move. That's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

So good. A score or more of the students at the Kalamazoo Baptist College when they came to their senses, if they have any. So already we're not on the side of the studio.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's an editorial.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, please.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Will find themselves in a peck of trouble. A number at various times have shown a disposition to be smart. And smarts right. Quotation marks, meaning they're not, if you guys understand quotation marks. But it took no decided form until late Saturday night. At that time, professors Ferry and Trowbridge of the college faculty were late in keeping engagement to dine with one of the students.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's shady.

[Dave Anthony]

Mr. Dez Autels. I don't trust that name.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Later, Mr. Desitels and Ms. Sabin called on the professors at their room on Locust street and invited them up to the dormitory for a call.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Trap. Hazing trap.

[Dave Anthony]

So, yeah, that's weird, right? It's already weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

They made the call and on their way home, stopped into Mr. Attell's room in the boys building. They had been there but a short time when the door suddenly opened and two young college. And the two young college professors were considerably frightened at the white cap scene, which Met their eyes. Well, that's white caps.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is that?

[Dave Anthony]

No plan to me. No, I think just it might be. No, the clan's around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, white cap, that is a hell of a. Hey, we're in the Klan.

[Dave Anthony]

Hey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Those, the Baptist professors definitely thought this was going to be sex.

[John Marco Serosi]

I could see they said they're like no clan at school. And they were like, we're not the klan. We're the white caps. We're the WC WCWC.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah. Clan Junior.

[Dave Anthony]

There were 20 masked boys who quietly made a rush and bound their hands and blindfolded them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is leaving prank territory into kidnapping territory at quite a pace.

[Dave Anthony]

This is like what they do before lynching. Yeah. Hey, we're going to murder you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the pre come of a lynching.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[John Marco Serosi]

Huh? Huh?

[Dave Anthony]

A solemn march led them over the hill west of the montane home cemetery.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold. What the. Why is this being framed as hazing when it is a buried alive situation?

[Dave Anthony]

It was a goof they called the halt. When in the middle of a cornfield. The professors then had their feet bound and they were left to freeze. For all the cunning young men who were in for some sport which may have proved serious seem to care. So they left them. So they left them. It's.

[John Marco Serosi]

It's attempted murder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is 100% an attempted murder. Question.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, what month is this? This is. It's March. So it's cold. It's going to be cold in Michigan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

March.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So the. The hazing was that they coerced them into the room. As soon as they got there, they were in white caps. They bound them, they blindfolded them, and then they eventually left them in a.

[Dave Anthony]

Field tie with their feet tied so they could.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

Get out.

[John Marco Serosi]

20 of them. That's a lot of them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. Absolutely. That is a mob. That's a legal mob. But this is. That is a tiki group.

[Dave Anthony]

Did you guys not do this in college?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I don't believe I did not.

[John Marco Serosi]

To the teachers. My God. I mean, to my friends. To the freshman. Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I killed five freshmen in a field. Yeah, but no, there was a line.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I get it. All right. The professors were not injured but were thoroughly chilled. They worked hard and patiently to secure their release. So they're just like chewing on each other's ropes. Finally, Mr. Toebridge secured his knife and liberated himself and the unfortunate fellow sufferer. They were both mad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah, they were. Lives were almost taken. Yeah, they would be. I'd be rubbed.

[Dave Anthony]

Especially because it's. It's students like it's like you're supposed to be treated with respect as the professor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[John Marco Serosi]

Did every teacher have a knife on them back then? Because this was happening frequently.

[Dave Anthony]

They did just say he. He secured his knife as if they all. Yeah, of course he had a knife.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's how we manage school shootings now. It's like we just gotta arm the teachers to make sure that we can. You nip these in the bud. So. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

They could not see where the joke came in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, good Lord. Those old bitties.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So the professors don't have a sense of humor?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly, it's funny.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. But they quietly sought the seclusion of their room and spent the greater part of the night in deep meditation. So they were just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a way to frame trauma. They were meditative.

[Dave Anthony]

The plan of action was decided upon. Mr. Trowbridge was at his post as usual yesterday and taught his classes while Mr. Ferry made complaint to the sheriff requesting the arrest of the unknown parties. He did not know any of them. Yeah, because they were. They had clan hoods on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

That's how the clan thing works. You're hiding smart.

[Gareth Reynolds]

About their little plan.

[Dave Anthony]

Sheriff Dix advised them to lay the matter before the college faculty as there did not seem to be a case even. Were the parties known. Wait, there's not a case? They were kidnapped and left in a field. I don't know. I don't know, guys. It seems fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's hazing.

[Dave Anthony]

So run, run, run it by me again, because I'm not really seeing the crime that you're talking about. So 20 guys came in, in hoods.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And they found us, gagged us, left us in a field to die. We got.

[John Marco Serosi]

But they didn't. They didn't slit your throat?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, that. That part did not, actually. No. Because we're here, so obviously.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah. My deputy brings up a really good point. So let me ask you this. Do you fellas have a sense of humor?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's fair. And we are Baptist professors, so the fair indictment.

[John Marco Serosi]

Hell out of here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Turn down.

[Dave Anthony]

Deputy Sheriff Smith went into the college, and his presence there created not a little commotion. The boys agreed to give away the participants. Oh, quick snitch.

[John Marco Serosi]

There's 20 of them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's.

[John Marco Serosi]

That's too many.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[John Marco Serosi]

I got in trouble at school once, and it was so many of us. We all got a lighter punishment because you. You would hurt their college admissions. It was in high school, we. I tricked a teacher into coming to my house, and 20 of us were wearing white caps and.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, this is very. Were you listening to the Story because this is very similar.

[John Marco Serosi]

This is back in 1890. I remember it like it was yesterday.

[Dave Anthony]

Now then that's fine.

[John Marco Serosi]

You look good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you. God damn. Yeah. It is true though. If there's 20, you're like, well, fuck.

[John Marco Serosi]

No, truly. I mean it was like it was a. It was a private high school, so it was like a hundred people each grade and it was like 50 of us, theater, we got drunk high after the, you know, taking down the set and it was like, you can't suspend all of us. It would be disastrous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Disastrous in what way? For like the theater program or. There just wasn't enough.

[John Marco Serosi]

Well, certainly if. Yeah, certainly if I'm not there. Little shop's not going to be as good that year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Very true.

[John Marco Serosi]

But second, it's for their college admissions. Their whole thing is how many kids get into Harvard, how many kids get into this.

[Dave Anthony]

Right, right, right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Precedent to set too.

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah, I think, I think there's some issues with the academia, if I might say.

[Dave Anthony]

I would guess, well that like my son's baseball team, on the varsity team, they just took one of the players bats and they spray painted it white and then they painted a dick on it. And the coach was like, whoever did this, I'm suspending you, like you're not going to play in the playoff game. But then he found out like a bunch of them did it and now it's just like. Well, I mean, boys will be boys.

[John Marco Serosi]

How many boys did it take to spray paint one dick? Where they each. I got the left ball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

More notes. Yeah, these few guys have notes too. The foreskin's a little clungy.

[Dave Anthony]

Guy comes in with hair. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I assume there were balls. It probably wasn't just a dick. It probably had balls. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's interesting.

[Dave Anthony]

I. There's no. There is a video. Apparently they took a video.

[John Marco Serosi]

There's a video.

[Dave Anthony]

Apparently they took a. Of course they took a video. They all take videos of their crimes these days.

[Gareth Reynolds]

These kids.

[Dave Anthony]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's all evidence.

[John Marco Serosi]

Was your son involved?

[Dave Anthony]

No, he. No, he wasn't there. He's not. He's on the JV team. He's not on the varsity team.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what better way to get him with the older guys than be the involved in the dick construction though?

[Dave Anthony]

But he enjoyed it because nobody likes the guy. Who's bout sure he's. He's a dick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is. You're revealing so much about your child's base, but this is entering Brendan Schaub levels of specificity. So I just, I. Well, move carefully.

[Dave Anthony]

That was that is the craziest baseball thing. It makes me want to go to the show.

[John Marco Serosi]

I don't think I know the Brandon Schaub baseball story. I've consumed all of his work, so I'm surprised.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm afraid you're a little behind if you consider yourself a cat.

[Dave Anthony]

He just went on his podcast and said how his son, who's 9, was pitching against, quote, a fat kid, and he told his son that he can't get a hit off of him because fat people are slow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, to be fair, he really hammered this fat kid for a long time. And you're just like, well, someone's gonna. You know what I mean? Like, other people probably listen to ct, the podcast, and you're gonna pick up on the fact that this. This kid's on your. Against your son.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. People are gonna know. And. And then he also let it be known that he yells so much that he is. He has to sit out in left field now. He can't. He doesn't sit with the other parents because he's such a dick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna start going to these games.

[Dave Anthony]

I want to. I want. I know where the league is. I know exactly where it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I so want to start a web series about going to watch baseball games with Shaw. That is your final form.

[John Marco Serosi]

And then you're going to come back and be like, let me tell you, this kid, he was. He was. I mean, it's. It's. You can't not talk about it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is time for baby Ozempic. This kid is. He's a fat fuck. And by the way, Shop's pretty cool.

[Dave Anthony]

He's a pretty cool guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We painted the kid's bat to be a dick.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So he. He's worst parent category. So the boys agree to give away the participants on condition that the college faculty handled the case instead of the courts. All right. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good move, by the way.

[Dave Anthony]

The sheriff already tapped out, but sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you know, cops and clan.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. They will appear before the faculty to answer for their fun. What action. The faculty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The writer of this article is so pro the mob, it.

[John Marco Serosi]

It feels like the writer is bitter that he was left out. Like he was 21 and they said, oh, we ran out of caps. It's just like these smart kids. It sounds like fun, though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just nailed it. He almost killed two people. Like two people should have died.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. In some colleges, such indignities heaped on a member of the faculty would be severe, no matter how harmless the fun. The boys say, however, that the two professors thus Stolen are popular with the students, and no idea of humiliating them was intended. This is what they do, the guys they like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. There you go. I mean, it does sound fun. And to be fair, that does sound fun.

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah. It sounds like if you didn't murder them, you do that to a teacher, that you were like, Ah, hey, Mr. Cutler, you are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Binding your feet, y' all scamp.

[Dave Anthony]

So that's the end of that story. Well, I wish I knew how it turned out, but sometimes we don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hazing's different now.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Oh, another successful operation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's really 18. Tells you a lot about the times.

[John Marco Serosi]

1890. This was the second one. The second successful operation.

[Dave Anthony]

Ms. E.S. bissell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, when you finish the surgery, like, holy. She's. Oh, my God.

[Dave Anthony]

Holy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa.

[Dave Anthony]

Ms. Espacelle, 7. 714 Village street has had a tumor for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what they put the address of every participant, every article in the paper.

[Dave Anthony]

Up until the 70s.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[John Marco Serosi]

Really?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They, like, literally were just like, yeah, go kill him if you want. Anyway, here we were. And like, every woman, they're like, good tits, nice eyes, big ass. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Any woman they. Any. Any woman they put in the paper, like, nine dudes would write to her and go, I want to be her husband now.

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, Every guy that would be like, he wears big glasses. And every woman be like, little dumpy. I do her anyway.

[John Marco Serosi]

They'd be like, this tumor is big, guys. This is a big tim. You find one more tumor, you could tumor this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Hey, where are your tumors, young lady?

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah, is that a tumor, or you just have three tits?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Excuse me, sir.

[Dave Anthony]

Sorry. That's my pay up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Trying to think of one that's trying to do some cancer pickup stuff. It's kind of difficult. It's an odd needle to thread.

[Dave Anthony]

She had a tumor for 16 years, which had grown to an enormous size, measuring 10 inches in diameter and had 23 separate and distinct roots.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh.

[Dave Anthony]

Some of which are as large around as a lady's wrist.

[John Marco Serosi]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't even.

[John Marco Serosi]

How many roots? I didn't know tumors had roots.

[Dave Anthony]

23. I didn't either, because the ladies. She's.

[John Marco Serosi]

Put her down. This is too much for the 1890.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. Roots like a potato that you left out. Just spudding.

[John Marco Serosi]

How many eyes did it have?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm sorry. Hello.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm Frank.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let me live.

[Dave Anthony]

Dr. Wilbur removed it, being assisted by his wife. This is all crazy. Like, you want your wife's in there with you? Like, what about. What about an actual assistant that, like, hey, Gladys, Come in here. We gotta take this tumor out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I want your wife there.

[Dave Anthony]

It looks like an immense crap.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, me. That's not good. Doctor stuff, please.

[John Marco Serosi]

It looks like an immense crab. Is that serious?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[John Marco Serosi]

It says crap.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crap.

[John Marco Serosi]

It looks like an immense crap.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crab.

[Dave Anthony]

Crab.

[John Marco Serosi]

Oh, crab. Oh, I thought it looked like. And the man's crap.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God.

[John Marco Serosi]

Jesus Christ.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy. This lady. It's just poop.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, God. We went in the back.

[John Marco Serosi]

We went in the wrong way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The size of this ass tumor. Look at all these roots. Now, because you heard crap. It really does steal the valor of crab, which is also pretty bad too. Yeah, worse. Crap would be better. Obviously.

[Dave Anthony]

I'd rather have a crap in me than a crab.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, look. It looks like a crab. Like Dr. Focus.

[John Marco Serosi]

You're like, no, see it, look at it, look at it. Come here. Bring the monitor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Give me the. Give me the cracky things. I'm going to eat one of the arms.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, start boiling the pot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Dave Anthony]

It looks like an immense crab with 23 legs stretched out in different directions.

[John Marco Serosi]

Well, then that's not a crab. That's crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then that is also.

[John Marco Serosi]

It looks like a giraffe, but with eight short necks instead of one long one. Then maybe that's the wrong animal to go with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's fair. I think I've never seen it. That is fair. I've never seen a crazy.

[John Marco Serosi]

Did he put a gun to his head and said, you have to think of an animal that it looks like he's like. I mean, 28 legs. It's not a centipede. So I guess I gotta go with crab.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like a crab. A cancer crab.

[John Marco Serosi]

It looks like a crowd with a tumor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Anyone can see the monster tumor by calling at her residence as she has it preserved in a large jar.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, come on. What?

[Dave Anthony]

That was in me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That and you gave her a dress. And it's 1890, so. So many people are like, this is the greatest thing that'll happen this month.

[John Marco Serosi]

You want to prove it looks like a crab? Put it in a crab tank and see if someone picks it for the restaurant that night. Yeah, I'll have that. I'll have the one with 28 legs. That looks good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Put him in.

[John Marco Serosi]

The doctor goes, I knew it. I told you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look at that, huh? It fits right in. Now, ladies and gentlemen, one of these is a tumor. I want you to pick it out of this crab lineup.

[John Marco Serosi]

I pay to see the tumor. I. I mean, that's. Again, probably didn't have insurance. This is how you made your money back then? Back from the surgery?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was it for money? It was. She was charging people to see it.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It doesn't say, but it depends. I would too. But I don't know if it's just sort of thing where you're just kind of, you know, a neighbor.

[Dave Anthony]

It just. It just seems like a lot of people would always just knock on the door to see the tumor at weird hours. Like you get drunk at the pub and then.

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah, if I was walking by a residence, I'm just trying to think, and someone said, hey, I just had a tumor removed. It's got 28 legs. Kind of looks like a crab.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[John Marco Serosi]

How much would you pay. And I had a fiver on me. I could see being like, okay, $5 back then would have been a million.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was a million I would pay 20 to in today's money.

[John Marco Serosi]

Really?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. If I was walking by and someone's like, hey, this lady's got the craziest tumor.

[Dave Anthony]

I might pay a lot for that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And like you said, if I had a couple pops, I'd be like, yeah, right. Let's go check out this weird lady's jar.

[Dave Anthony]

Crap. I knew, I knew. I knew this. Well, when I was doing open mics, this. She was probably like 23 or something, and she. She was really skinny. And they took like a 10 pound tumor out of her and she was like. She just. She just started getting a little, like a little bump in her stomach and she's like, oh. And she went to the doctor and he's like, yeah, no, you gotta. You got a tumor. Like, I couldn't believe. A 10 pound tumor is crazy to take out of someone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're sneaky. Those tumors are real.

[John Marco Serosi]

They're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's part of the whole. Dave. Part of the whole issue with them is just how they could camouflage themselves inside of your body. You can't tell. That's a big problem.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And does it grow? I guess it grows long and slender.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think you're allowed to say the things you're saying, to be quite honest. I think you've got to be very careful.

[John Marco Serosi]

And the way that you visualize that woman, she was a tube.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Honestly, Popeye is how you picture most women.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[John Marco Serosi]

I think she's got worry less about the tour, more about the lack of rib bones that she seems to possess.

[Dave Anthony]

She's like hot dog shaped.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, you just take the tumor out and it's like it wasn't a woman at all. It was a tumor in full disguise.

[Dave Anthony]

He was running the school. One day last week, Ms. Kitty Brainerd, a teacher in the On1Anida school. Oneida, yeah. Oh, yeah. But it was also a culty like thing. Oh, well, yeah, I don't think we'd.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Appropriate cults in that way.

[Dave Anthony]

Attempted to chastise a big boy who had. Okay, yeah, like, it's weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like how Trump was described. You hear Trump was describing his fat friend with the Ozempic. That was what he was doing.

[John Marco Serosi]

Oh, yeah. It was like he took the fat. The fat shots. He took those fat shots. And I'm like, they're not working.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Because if his friend heard it, he'd be like, jesus, dude. I'm trying to be like, he's a big fat and he's taking the shots.

[Dave Anthony]

Attempted to chastise a big boy who had occasioned her much trouble. The boy showed fight and was getting the best of the teacher when the principal, Andy Brown, a recent graduate of Knox College, appeared on the scene. He sees the unruly youth by the collar and taking the rawhide from the teacher's hand, administered a thrashing that the boy is not likely to forget.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Abuse. Abuse.

[Dave Anthony]

That's. It was legal then. Just what you did. It's illegal in some states.

[John Marco Serosi]

Were papers back then. Like, more like. It feels like there's, like, a moralistic, like. And he got a punishment that surely will make young men take a second thought before they stand up to their teachers again. Like, there's kind of this tone of, like, paternalistic morals.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, there's a lot of dudes who started papers so they could, like, chastise people or get their. It's takes. They're takes. They're all doing takes.

[John Marco Serosi]

As opposed to today's objective media that lays out the facts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep, Facts. And that's it. Nothing but the facts.

[Dave Anthony]

Let you decide.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And all the facts, not just selected facts. Right? Absolutely.

[John Marco Serosi]

Isn't that Foxes? I feel like the more a channel says we're nothing but the facts, the more they are. Yeah, that's Foxes. Like, we're just the facts here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I remember in high school when I was talking to a friend of mine's mother, and she goes, well, I watch Fox News because it's fair and balanced.

[John Marco Serosi]

That's it. Fair and balance.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was like. But that's literally their slogan. I was like, I like Pepsi. It's the choice of a new generation. That's why I drink that guy like Gatorade. Because it is it in you.

[Dave Anthony]

How's your McDonald's?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm loving it.

[John Marco Serosi]

I like it. Because I'm loving it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like it. It's pretty good. You miss it? Not bad.

[Dave Anthony]

When the boy went home at noon, he told his father, Isaac Rucker, how he had been whipped. Rucker at once hastened to the schoolhouse, announcing his determination to whip Brown.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like that.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, I get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a dad. That's a dad.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I get it. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Beat the out your teacher the same way.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. As soon as he entered the room, he made a rush for the principal, who promptly knocked him down. Okay, so that didn't work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Didn't think about that part.

[John Marco Serosi]

That's. Don't Worry, son. I got it now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, it's so much worse to have a principal beat the out of your dad too. It's like, now you're like two generations got whipped.

[Dave Anthony]

A rucker rose to his feet and again rushed brown with the same result. Wow, this is bad. So your dad's just so bad. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He'S pretty awesome.

[John Marco Serosi]

He.

[Dave Anthony]

He rose again, but concluded he'd had enough and hastily beat a retreat. This is just. He. Yeah. The next day at school for the big boy was rough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your dad comes home severely beaten from the principal. You've gotta lie. You can't be like, he's really good at beating.

[John Marco Serosi]

I feel like teacher should get to hit one student every year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[John Marco Serosi]

I think it would, you know, it's. It's not good. But, like, can you imagine if you had a teacher hit a student? You'd be like, I'm never around. I'm never around. I agree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what. And as a. As someone who hated attending school, to be there for the one day to watch the kid get beaten would also be. I mean, that you'd be like, ah, this is. It's like, you know, when people put out. When teacher would put on a film, you'd be like, today will be good. Like, when the teacher's like, that's it, Anderson.

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah, yeah. My dad talks about the nuns and the rulers. Like, Like, I mean, he talks about it sometimes where I'm like, okay, yeah. How hard. How hard did they hit you with the ruler, though? How hard?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dubious.

[John Marco Serosi]

Come on, come on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I know my mother will talk. Mother grew, like, went to an English school in, what, like the fifth? I mean, they just beat the. Out of them.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're just like, cool.

[Dave Anthony]

They got to murder one student a year.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, I get why you'd want to be a teacher back then. And again, it's horrible to beat them. But as far as, like, if it was permitted in society, it'd be like, ah. I mean.

[John Marco Serosi]

So what you're saying is the only thing preventing you from being a teacher is that you don't get to physically abuse the children.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm trying to think of what I'm saying, and I gotta be careful. I think you said it.

[John Marco Serosi]

I think you said it. You might not want to say it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you said you're like, wouldn't it.

[John Marco Serosi]

Be amazing, though, to have been a teacher back then, though, and you could just hit kids?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think teachers should be paid more. And if we're not gonna do it, you're not Gonna do it. You started with the one a year. Don't get come. How dare you.

[John Marco Serosi]

I didn't say I wanted to do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I said.

[John Marco Serosi]

I said it's a necessary evil that I don't want to participate in at all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We were hazing and having some fun and it got a little out of control. Dave, put the goddamn meatball hat on. We need some.

[Dave Anthony]

I can't help. I can't help you. The meatball moment has passed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. This is tough. Anyway, teachers unions. Keep going, Dave.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm sure I have some other racist stuff around here I could whip out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're good.

[Dave Anthony]

This room is filled with racist paraphernalia. Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A museum.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, so the school board sustain. Sustains Brown in his treatment of the boy who has been suspended. Brown says he will not let him return unless he makes a public apology. Rucker has hired a lawyer and will try to make trouble for Brown. But it was legal to hit kids. It still is in a lot of states.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just think it's disgusting and I just do not support it in any way. And I. Anybody who does that to a T, even back then, I think it's aged horribly. And anyone who would. Would be inclined to do that at any point is a problem. And we need to kind of dig into that for them. It's not cool. I don't be saying that.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So, Alex, can you just grab the clip where Gareth said like a couple minutes ago that, you know, beating kids and then just throw it in here?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think.

[Dave Anthony]

Why?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think that's what I was saying. Anyway, it's all been misinterpreted. It's. You guys are all woke. You're trying to. Woke What? I didn't say that. You guys are woken me. It's just so stupid.

[Dave Anthony]

Three sisters made insane. I'm guessing this is going to be a really terrible story about a dude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's their address? Do we have where they live?

[Dave Anthony]

It does not say where they live, sadly. How are they going to get married now? Officers arrive from Saybrook in this county having in custody three young women of that place, sisters, Ms. Mary Smith, Mrs. Julia and Emma Rains, who were suffering insanity of the wildest, most afflicting character. Yeah. So you buying it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I. I don't know. There's no details which I don't love well.

[John Marco Serosi]

Wait, so the whole article just says three others. Three crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Three. Okay, that's other.

[Dave Anthony]

Here's more. Okay. They're members of the best families of Saybrook and have lost their reason from attendance upon meetings conducted by advocates and disciples of the doctrine of Christian science. Oh, the Christian Scientists.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There we go. There it is.

[Dave Anthony]

The married sister was the first to embrace the new doctrine and was soon joined by her sisters. All the efforts of the relatives to control them have proved futile, and it became necessary to put them in the county jail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, look, they're Christian Scientists, so we gotta just lock them up. I mean, this is nuts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They Christian so hard.

[John Marco Serosi]

What. What's Christian Science? Is. Is that the one. They don't take any medicine?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, they're. Yeah, you can only. You're healed by God. And so they don't do any medical interventions.

[John Marco Serosi]

But is there anything else to it? Like, did they say, jesus said this, Jesus said that? Is it just about.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm sure there is, but the flashy headline is no medical intervention.

[John Marco Serosi]

So they said, no, we don't want any aspirin. And they said, well, then you're going to jail. Yeah, that's the only way to fix it.

[Dave Anthony]

That seems right to me. I mean, I'm not a doctor, but that seems right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but it is very. It's Maha. It is.

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I guess it is.

[John Marco Serosi]

It would have been really cool back in the day where you could just put women in prison for no reason. That would have been cool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Or deport.

[John Marco Serosi]

You can quote.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was gonna say you're. You're the.

[John Marco Serosi]

That would have been really cool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't. I can't weigh in. I've already dug my own grave.

[Dave Anthony]

Christian science is a Christian domination founded by Mary Baker eddy in the 1870s. It's based around the idea that the material world is a. Material world is an illusion, and the real world is spiritual. Central to Christian Science is the belief that illness and sins are mental errors, not physical problems, and that healing can be achieved through prayer and understanding of God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do love when those people die. Like, I mean, not to be horrible, but I love when they say, like, they're like, we're gonna let her work it out on her own. And then, like, a week later, like, she passed away. We can't.

[John Marco Serosi]

I think if the world's an illusion, then they. They shouldn't be able to be imprisoned.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They just walk through those bars like the Terminator.

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah, they're not there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm sure they tried that the first day. They were like, sure. Now I'm starting to think that maybe it is real.

[John Marco Serosi]

At least the prison world is hard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, I can't fit through the bars.

[Dave Anthony]

Are we saying that terminators are Christian scientists.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's. I mean, we've. I think that biblically, we've been talking about that for a long time. I don't think we know. I mean, there's so many different interpretations on that. It's like Jesus's last words, I'll be back.

[Dave Anthony]

Yep, that's true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Remember.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That before you went behind the little rock or whatever.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Well, he was dead at that point, but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah, he was dead, but I still think he kind of shut it. Like, he was like. As. Do you think?

[Dave Anthony]

I don't think he rolled. He did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He was googling around.

[Dave Anthony]

He was, at that point, taken off the cross and he.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. He had been right into the 100.

[John Marco Serosi]

I like the way that you just said it, as if he was like, I'll be back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, he didn't. He was.

[John Marco Serosi]

I'll be back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't even think he looked at him. He did the behind like, I'll be back.

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah, I'll be back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, he didn't do the short. He wasn't that dramatic. He was very light and kind of jokey, you know? Yeah, whatever.

[Dave Anthony]

Like an effeminate southern guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I'm not. No, you're not. Look, well, I don't know why you guys are trying to cancel me this. And then when he comes back out, he has confetti. It was a whole thing. Any of you guys remember? It's the New Testament. No, I'm writing a testament.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, no, I'm sure you are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's pretty good. Lot of holes.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, a lot of holes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Lot of holes.

[Dave Anthony]

He wrote insulting letters.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus, John.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. John Long of Porter county was before a United States commissioner Saturday morning for sending through the mails insulting letters to Anna Hatfield, a respectable young lady of Goshen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nice.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, what'd she do? That's the. That's a word. Right before the court. What did she do?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good. Good.

[John Marco Serosi]

I mean, it's good to know that even before YouTube comments, that there was a way for men to just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just.

[John Marco Serosi]

And that's what it is. That sounds like what it was, like.

[Dave Anthony]

Exact same. Yeah, it's. Yeah. These are. These are DMS of the 1890s.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. It's like kill yourself.

[Dave Anthony]

Ms. Hatfield, having refused to accept his attentions, long been addressed her a number of very insulting letters. So she rejected him. And he's like, really? Well, here you go. I love how when that happened.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stupid. I love it when that happens. The. The male instinct is to just prove them right with their action. Like, it's like, nah, I don't love it. It's like, you don't think I'm good enough for you. Now I'm gonna harass you and dress you down because I'm a horrid person.

[Dave Anthony]

He admitted the authorship of the letters and was sent to the Noblesville jail to await grand jury action.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why would you admit it?

[Dave Anthony]

This is when you could get put in jail for shit. Dms.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now.

[Dave Anthony]

Now Elon gives you an office at Doge.

[John Marco Serosi]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know. Why would you admit it, though? Back then, there's no forensic evidence. Unless you're just.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, you could just know. You could say someone else wrote it. Yeah, yeah, but is that evidence? Like, you could just say any. I didn't do that. Someone else signed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what I mean. That's like when you could just literally, like, write a check and be like, hey, this guy gave me a thousand dollars. And the bank would be like, here you go, sir, on your honor. Do you get a lot of crazy dms? John Marca? Do you. Like, I would imagine you probably get some people who get off. We get.

[John Marco Serosi]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's. I mean, listen, it's nothing compared to. I get as many in a year as a woman probably gets in a day on the Internet, you know, So I get a lot of. When it comes to mean stuff, maybe politically.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Politically is what I mean more than anything.

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've gotten a couple from like, what they call me. A capo. A copper.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Serosi]

I get called a capo. Or they. Or, you know, they. I've gotten somebody like, you're not actually Jewish. And. Which is so crazy because I spend my whole life trying to get away from it. And it. I mean, these Hasidic. I mean, my whole life, Hasidic Jews, they go, are you Jewish? Are you Jewish? And now you change your mind, like, get the out of here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[John Marco Serosi]

You can't. You cannot. You cannot shift course. Because we disagree about this one. It's insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, a lot of our stuff, I. For some, we think that some right wing lunatic has just started posting our. In right wing chat groups because.

[John Marco Serosi]

Oh, really?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, because like anytime we talk on Elon or Trump, it's like it. We get a lot of, like, way more views and comments and they're all just like. Yeah. And then it's just like, like the, like, you know, I'm gonna shoot you in the face sort of stuff for like a few days after. And.

[John Marco Serosi]

And even Elon. Elon has people making threats.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. Because I.

[John Marco Serosi]

You. Yeah, you must have gotten into some of those things. If you go under the radar, it's like, you know, I've made fun of Elon for sure, and I've done, you know, stuff about Israel that goes under the radar. But then it just takes that one that everyone sees. Everyone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, there's got to be like some bigger right wing account that just keeps doing it. And, and, and we're just happy to have the views, to be honest. But.

[John Marco Serosi]

But it really is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like they are, they just don't.

[John Marco Serosi]

Do you think they're coming. They're coming here to hate. Watch it or whatever. And then they hear you say, I want to hit kids, and they go, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, because that's.

[John Marco Serosi]

This seems like a really good show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't do a callback for something that's gonna be cut out. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not even gonna make sense.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, but then it's not gonna make sense why we. Why I started calling you kid hitter Reynolds from.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I mean, you shouldn't be doing that because now you're just making the edit. Now you're just being anti editor, which I don't know why you do that.

[Dave Anthony]

That's the, that's the name of our, of our podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm going to it into your voice. How about that asshole.

[Dave Anthony]

It's called, it's called History Guy and the kid hitter.

[John Marco Serosi]

Do you think are we at that point? You remember when Trump. Not to get your docs by this right wing person again, but you remember we're like way later, like way after his president, he was like, like, maybe that Hollywood reporter thing was AI ChatGPT and like, just like, just throwing it out there, see if anyone bought it. And you're just like, man, oh man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it got no traction. And that was no traction. He was like, a lot of people are saying that. Maybe I didn't even say that. And then everyone's like. He was like, eventually, all right, we'll quit it. He's workshopping. He's so comic.

[John Marco Serosi]

He's so good at it. He's. He's working new stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He was just.

[John Marco Serosi]

He is, he's. He's just like doing new material nights and he's, he knows how to pay attention. The first thing that gets a laugh, he goes, there's a new slogan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it didn't even work. Like Qatar playing. He's like, I didn't even think that was a good bit, but the second I said it, it just hit.

[Dave Anthony]

Accidentally. Stabbed his playmate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Dave Anthony]

We've all done that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ. It's dark.

[Dave Anthony]

Ford Jacobs, age 16. The son of a prominent merchant, was stabbed to the heart by Ellis Adams. Same age and died almost instantly. The boys were at play. And the stabbing was accidental.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, again, this is the same guy who wrote the mob article. He's like. His crime is goofing around. He stabbed the guy in the heart and he's like. But they were mucky. You ever play make them ups? They were fun.

[John Marco Serosi]

And in the yard they're like. They're like. Alice went on to become a journalist who's actually writing this very article right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oops. I slipped into first person 16. You can't have playmates.

[John Marco Serosi]

All the way in the heart.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Through the heart.

[Dave Anthony]

To punch it through is so hard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kill someone through the heart is not easy.

[Dave Anthony]

No, you gotta go through the. You gotta go through the rib. That. It's not like there's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can use the terms. Go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, the rib canal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You get it?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, you know it from hitting kids. You know what the terms are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are we doing? Why are we doing it? It's just time.

[Dave Anthony]

The weapon was a small pen knife. And the wound little more than a puncture.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It doesn't take much.

[Dave Anthony]

It's like. It's like he takes the heart.

[John Marco Serosi]

Instantly die. To instantly die.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He. Instantly die.

[John Marco Serosi]

He said instantly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. I don't know how the body works, honestly.

[Dave Anthony]

This is assassin, though.

[John Marco Serosi]

I think that's like. The other one says it was instant. No. No. Oh, you heard him scream. Why did you do this? That was not an accident.

[Dave Anthony]

Hell.

[John Marco Serosi]

Hell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We have time. Hell.

[John Marco Serosi]

Help.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that's. This is the. He killed the other guy. He killed him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but.

[John Marco Serosi]

But again, quite literally.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. No. Yeah. You're not being hyperbolic. His life was vacant.

[Dave Anthony]

Is that it? Yeah, it's the end of the story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[John Marco Serosi]

I love how short these articles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that is like. I mean, you're really getting like. I mean, a guy. A friend killed his friend with a pen knife. Like. Anyway. Tire sale.

[Dave Anthony]

It must have been such a huge, like, change in newspapers when someone realized, like we can do. Continued on next page.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, God, the confusion. Yeah, confusion. When it was like, what the. Go to. My head was broken. Wait, I already read this story. What? Continue. What?

[Dave Anthony]

Got drunk and were cremated. This is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on.

[Dave Anthony]

This is what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Accidentally.

[Dave Anthony]

M. O' Malley and Peter Faley were burned to death here Saturday night at 8 o' clock. O' Malley. Malley lived in a little shanty which was located near the railroad track. The two men mentioned and a third party, name unknown. We're on a spree Saturday night. So the party.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

Having a good time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

O' Malley and Folly Faley Faily Amali. And Faily is a Fali. I like. It's better Omalian Valley.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's nice.

[Dave Anthony]

And Valley repaired to the shanty about nine o' clock in the evening and retired during the night. One of the men while yet under the influence of liquor must have turned on more gas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like. And if burning alive is cremation at any point because this is a shanty fire.

[Dave Anthony]

I was really expecting a guy to pass out. And then they were like I think he's dead and burned.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But no.

[Dave Anthony]

What could have been a great story has been hijacked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Agreed.

[Dave Anthony]

By words.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This was a feel good story. Yep. Wow. It's just described the New York Times.

[Dave Anthony]

The overpressure set fire to the building and it burned to the ground together with its occupants. And one guy. They don't even know one guy's name. They're like, well, I mean good luck figuring that out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One guy turned the gas on in the shanty and then that's. Now they're all dead.

[Dave Anthony]

And then. Oh. The overpressure set fire to the building which I'm not sure is a thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure. Well, it was also a shit. And I didn't picture a shanty. Like a shed.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's like a. Yeah, it's like a little shitty shed. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

It's made out of different. Different types of wood and. And they usually use human skin as the root.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Stop helping.

[Dave Anthony]

A man or woman now living will. Oh, sorry. No man or woman now living will ever date a document without using the figure 9. It now stands in the third place where it will remain 10 years. It will then move up to the second place, 1900 and there will rest 100 years. So they had pot back then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Dave Anthony]

And my bro just smoked it and.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was like two stories ago a guy killed another guy with a pen knife.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, now we're on to nines.

[John Marco Serosi]

That. That sounds like the editor was like we need another story. And they said there's at some point. The 9 is different.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have a theory that we're all going to be using the nine. And that's good. What is that? Is that you muted? Probably for the best, but still.

[Dave Anthony]

I get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What were you saying?

[Dave Anthony]

I was just gonna say. I mean he's right. But it's not a news story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Well, what does he.

[John Marco Serosi]

I think. But we saying we lived Oh, I was going to say we lived through that. I guess we didn't because the 9 didn't move to. I was like, we lived in the 90s.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh yes we did. We're past nine. We're post nine.

[John Marco Serosi]

Well, we. Okay, we lived in the 2000s and then the zero.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it didn't move.

[John Marco Serosi]

It was always there.

[Dave Anthony]

The two. It's the two now. The two took over from the nine. Two is the new nine.

[John Marco Serosi]

Choose the new nine.

[Dave Anthony]

A woman is woman's worst enemy, guys.

[John Marco Serosi]

Amen, brother. I was saying it for years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm out.

[John Marco Serosi]

Woman on woman crime. We never talk about the woman on a woman crime.

[Dave Anthony]

We don't. We really don't. And it's a thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I feel like the right way. You're right. The right wing group when they see this thing like these guys are all right. I don't hate these guys. I mean they're off on Elon, but.

[Dave Anthony]

They get it in a civilized way. Some of them seem to have declared war on themselves. For every time she strikes a blow at another woman, it is done with a moral boomerang that comes back and hits the offender.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is this is just absolutely like to think that 1890s women is the. A woman is the enemy of another woman in the 1890s. That's the problem.

[Dave Anthony]

It's other women.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. As opposed to guys who are like no pants. Women can't wear pants.

[Dave Anthony]

A man does not with a cold eye and critical bearing stare at the made over dress or ask personal questions that make the tears come to somebody's eyes and cause a sharp pain in somebody's heart. Men. Okay, So I think every story before.

[John Marco Serosi]

This been men committing horrible crimes.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, that's different.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're the victims of that situation. They had to.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, but not with the. Not with the vicious words. You know what I mean? Like men are more caring.

[John Marco Serosi]

We literally read an article about a man who wrote mean words to a woman and mailed it to what time?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a nature nurture.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, he was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that guy. We don't know much. We just only heard a slice of that story. She could have been. She didn't have.

[Dave Anthony]

She didn't have a good sense of humor.

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah, true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So.

[Dave Anthony]

Women fight with each other all together. Too much with the needle of envy, hatred, malice and uncharitableness dipped in the poison of scandal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, did a guy write this article? Do you have a name here? You do? That's weird. Shocking.

[John Marco Serosi]

This is so vague. This is so vague.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know. He's Just all at once in many ways. Paperback pens were just like white. White dudes journals. And it was just kind of them just overall just going.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Serosi]

A lot I like to say to your wife, like, hey, honey, look at this article over here. Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why it was written, just for guys to be like, look at that. Did you know how bad they all are?

[Dave Anthony]

There's a lot of divorced dad energy to 1800s papers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right. Yeah, a lot.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. A very peculiar animal. A.

[John Marco Serosi]

The woman.

[Dave Anthony]

A Cantini of Fargo, North Dakota. Nakota. Has a curiosity in an animal about the size of a rat and a tan terrier. I think that's a guy's name. A. A Cantiani. Oh, yeah. Probably an Italian fella.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Easy does it, Dave.

[Dave Anthony]

What? I said it. All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Take it easy, buddy.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, we're booked. We're book. We're book.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

What's the. Can't even think of the word.

[John Marco Serosi]

Book ending.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, we're bookending.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Probably gonna get some racism here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Use a book term and not be able to piece it together.

[Dave Anthony]

It is not great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is it possible we're gonna turn the. The thing that's in a book. What the. Is that just. Christ. The paper. The book.

[John Marco Serosi]

Paper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The. In the book that you flip. All right, you got one more in you, David.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm still doing this one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, sorry.

[Dave Anthony]

Has a curiosity in an animal about the size of a rat and tan terrier. So this guy has. He has an animal. It is a. Why not call it a rat terrier or a tan. No, it's a cross between a rat, a pig, and a kangaroo. All right, stop. What are we doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that is, like, the first. They do say the first time the guy picked up the platypus, he thought, like, someone was pranking him. Him. The first.

[Dave Anthony]

Is that true?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, the guy. The first time the Australian guy picked up a platypus, he was like, all right, who's doing. He's trying to pull one over. What is it?

[Dave Anthony]

That's the craziest animal on earth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's up there.

[Dave Anthony]

It's. It's a beak on a otter. It's nuts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not. Okay.

[John Marco Serosi]

Can you play with them or are they, like. I thought I read. Like, they're. I read that they're, like, poisonous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you can't touch them. Actually, now that you say it, I do think.

[Dave Anthony]

Wait, they're poisonous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. I don't think you're supposed to touch him. Which also makes that guy think it was a prank. The first time he picked it up, I'm quite woozy.

[John Marco Serosi]

Oh, I'm dying from the duck. From the purple duck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm dying of putting a bill on an order. I, I. Trey's gone.

[Dave Anthony]

I can't believe. I know. It lays eggs, but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, the eggs is not helpful in the. Yeah, the whole thing is, it's.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah, right. The spurs of a mature adult male are designed to inject venom produced by paired glands located in the upper thigh. Platypus, where you're going to touch it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pick one up. Yeah, definitely going up.

[Dave Anthony]

Platypus venom is a clear sticky fluid containing a different suite of compound.

[John Marco Serosi]

He's got the mouth of a duck and the cum of a man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The mouth of the duck and the come of the Weinstein. The first time the guy picked it up, he thinks it's fake. And then it's like, come on. And he's like, what? And then he dies. What a life. What an end. Ah.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. By the way of compromise, it is called the Honduras rabbit. Okay. What are you guys doing on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just knocking on the door of.

[Dave Anthony]

Racist every chance which it the least resembles. It was brought from Honduras.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, you know what it's is it. Do you think it's the capabura thing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't even picture the things you've said so far. Me trying to imagine it. Has I stopped trying?

[Dave Anthony]

Mr. Cantini keeps his pet in a large cage occasionally. Occasionally letting it out for exercise when it scampers about the rooms hunting dark quarters to hide in when strangers are around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, it's like a cat. It's a cat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wrong. No, this is like. What? Yeah, it's like. This is, this is like in Florida where someone just houses something where this is like Tiger King.

[Dave Anthony]

It slices the jacket from the fruit like a patent apple corer, eating only the heart for which it seems to have a particular penchant. That's it. That's the story. That is. That is. It's got to be a Capaburra.

[John Marco Serosi]

That's all I wanted to know, frankly.

[Dave Anthony]

That's good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, a solid way to end a very strange trip into Cal. I want to go to Kalamazoo more than I did before this paper. I'll be honest.

[Dave Anthony]

So it's upsetting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not good.

[Dave Anthony]

But my understanding is there's no women left.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why would there be? Well, that's it. John Marco. So thank you for joining us. Yeah. Thoughts on 1890s.

[John Marco Serosi]

And I thought, I think it was great. That was A good way to stop the final part of a book series. What do you call that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The thing where they do a bunch of them.

[Dave Anthony]

Book bookstore, books stop.

[John Marco Serosi]

Inclusion nasium.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right. Finale zone thing.

[John Marco Serosi]

The finale zone.

[Dave Anthony]

Book finale.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Final books. And I don't think the last one, you know, we should put the thing that reminds you where you're gonna start.

[John Marco Serosi]

Yeah. The book starts to start the book.

[Dave Anthony]

The beginning part.

[John Marco Serosi]

And then you have the. The reverse to start, start.

[Dave Anthony]

Book starting stoppers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then you go to the book rental.

[John Marco Serosi]

Trots cube.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Trots cube. Either way, three straight whites doing the work of gods. On this show, people could just google you and go watch you on tour in Europe for a month.

[Dave Anthony]

Very, very funny comedian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really funny. Very funny. Very. You're one of the few people on Twitter who's still finding ways to crush. Yep, funny. So a great follow. A great guest.

[John Marco Serosi]

People say me. They say I have. I have the moves of a flamingo and the cum of a fully grown man.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See, I thought there might be a twist, but there you go. That's good. The twist is no twist. Thank you for joining us, man. Very appreciative.

[John Marco Serosi]

Thanks, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, what's up there, Gareth and doll heads? This is Gareth. Listen, I'm gonna be on the road doing some standup comedy. And boy, howdy, would I love for you to come see me. Go to garethreynolds.com for tickets and information. I just added shows. Batavia or Batavia, Illinois, May 22, May 23, May 24. Then I will be in Nashville on August 5. I will be in Lexington, Kentucky, August 6, Chattanooga, August 8, August 9. Then I will be in Fort Collins at the Comedy Fort. August 22, August 23. Then to Sweet Bozeman, Montana, September 5, September 6. Then I'll be in Kansas City at the comedy Club of Kansas. September 26, September 27, October 4. Chicago. A couple shows there, then Sunnyvale. November 6, November 7, November 8. Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information. You are my gear force. You are doll heads. I love you. Gear thrills.com.