130 - The Past Times with Ryan Dalton

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds
Episode 130 - The Past Times with Ryan Dalton
Release Date: June 27, 2025

---

Introduction

In Episode 130 of The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds, titled "The Past Times with Ryan Dalton," the comedic duo welcome special guest Ryan Dalton to delve into the quirky and often bizarre headlines from history. Hosted by Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds under the banner of All Things Comedy, this episode promises a blend of humor, historical anecdotes, and engaging discussions centered around old newspaper clippings.

---

Guest Introduction and Initial Banter

The episode kicks off with Gareth Reynolds introducing Ryan Dalton, highlighting the traditional format where guests participate in a contest to guess the year of a selected newspaper article. Gareth humorously points out Dave Anthony's tendency to let guests win the prize, setting a lighthearted tone for the episode.

Notable Quote:

• Gareth Reynolds [00:22]: "And either way, aisle, Venmos at the Ryan Dalton."

This playful exchange establishes the rapport between the hosts and their guest, blending humor with the episode's thematic focus.

---

The Contest: Guessing the Newspaper Year

Dave Anthony presents Ryan Dalton with an old newspaper excerpt, challenging him to guess its publication year. The suspense builds as both participants make their educated (and humorous) guesses.

Notable Quotes:

• Ryan Dalton [05:32]: "I want to say 1954."
• Dave Anthony [06:16]: "Ryan wins. It is 1885."

Ryan's accurate guess of 1885 clinches the contest, earning him the promised prize. This segment not only engages listeners with a fun challenge but also underscores the unpredictable nature of historical journalism.

---

Exploring the 1885 Newspaper Articles

The heart of the episode revolves around dissecting intriguing and peculiar newspaper articles from August 15, 1885. The discussion highlights the absurdities and peculiarities of past reporting, all delivered with the hosts' signature comedic flair.

1. The Faulty Shirt and Bug Infestation

One of the featured articles narrates the plight of a man suffering from bugs and severe burns, attributed humorously to his malfunctioning shirt.

Notable Quotes:

• Dave Anthony [08:08]: "A bride in the Harrelson in Georgia Banner exposes one of the most transparent frauds of the age."
• Gareth Reynolds [09:10]: "And he's just out there naked, hoenn, and he got bit and burned."

The hosts analyze the exaggerated nature of the article, poking fun at the sensationalism often found in historical newspapers.

2. The Tiny Baby

Another article discusses the smallest baby ever recorded, detailing its diminutive size in a way that sparks humorous debate between the hosts.

Notable Quotes:

• Dave Anthony [16:35]: "In spite of her diminutive size, Ms. Summers has a robust voice..."
• Ryan Dalton [16:48]: "She sits on the mantle."

This segment showcases the hosts' ability to find humor in historical curiosities, blending factual recounting with comedic interpretation.

3. Witchcraft Lawsuit

A particularly entertaining discussion emerges around a lawsuit filed against a woman accused of witchcraft for causing a dog to die by making it run in circles until exhaustion.

Notable Quotes:

• Gareth Reynolds [26:22]: "I'm a big hot back guy."
• Ryan Dalton [32:07]: "What are you gonna Do."

The absurdity of suing a witch in the 1880s becomes a focal point for the hosts, highlighting the superstitions and legal peculiarities of the era.

---

Personal Anecdotes and Side Discussions

Throughout the episode, Dave and Gareth intersperse their analysis with personal stories and observations, adding depth and relatability to the historical content.

1. Bedbug Experiences

The conversation shifts to modern-day bedbug issues, drawing parallels between past and present pest problems.

Notable Quotes:

• Dave Anthony [45:22]: "Let them suck the blood."
• Gareth Reynolds [47:55]: "How great is it that bedbugs have, like, hung around for that?"

These anecdotes offer a humorous take on a common nuisance, bridging the gap between historical intrigue and contemporary annoyances.

2. SeaWorld Accidents

Ryan Dalton shares a firsthand account of a tragic SeaWorld incident, further diversifying the episode's content.

Notable Quotes:

• Ryan Dalton [53:14]: "I was in guest relations."
• Dave Anthony [56:56]: "The skeleton was then dissected and every bone saved intact."

The discussion touches on animal welfare and safety, infused with the hosts' characteristic humor.

---

Conclusion and Promotions

As the episode winds down, Ryan Dalton promotes his animated Formula One racing experience, "Formula Fun Cast," encouraging listeners to visit his website and follow his social media channels for live race day streams.

Notable Quotes:

• Ryan Dalton [62:16]: "WorldOman Azuma.com is our brand there."
• Gareth Reynolds [63:08]: "But Ryan, we live in hell, but it was nice to escape for an hour with you."

The episode concludes with endorsements and a reminder for listeners to check out related animated content, ensuring a smooth transition from historical exploration to promotional content.

---

Key Takeaways

• Historical Absurdities: The episode highlights the often bizarre and sensational nature of historical newspaper reporting, providing both humor and insights into past societal norms.

• Comedic Storytelling: Dave, Gareth, and Ryan excel at weaving personal anecdotes with historical analysis, creating an engaging and entertaining narrative.

• Engagement with Content: The interactive contest segments and guest promotions enhance listener involvement, making the content both informative and enjoyable.

---

Final Thoughts

Episode 130 of The Dollop masterfully blends comedy with history, offering listeners a chance to laugh while learning about the past's peculiarities. Ryan Dalton's contributions add fresh perspectives, making this episode a memorable addition to the podcast series.

---

Transcript

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, everybody, welcome to the Pastimes podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked out by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds and I've never seen it before. And neither is our guest this week. Put the money down, Dave the great Ryan Dalton.

[Ryan Dalton]

Let's get back to the money.

[Dave Anthony]

No, no, Ryan, this is what you could win. This is what you could win today.

[Ryan Dalton]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's gonna be very interesting for the. Because there is a contest and Dave oftentimes makes it so the guest always wins. So it'll be very interesting to see if Dave decides to buck his stupid convention or just send you $100. Ryan.

[Ryan Dalton]

It's price either way. Venmos at the Ryan Dalton.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no. You'll get that one.

[Ryan Dalton]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? Nobody don't come on the show and promote your Venmo. How long?

[Dave Anthony]

You also get melatonin.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How long until comedians are on stage plugging their venmos? That has to happen.

[Ryan Dalton]

Oh, I think I've seen it before. At the end of. It's a donations or. I've seen that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But like during the set, it would be good to have a Venmo joke where you just promote your.

[Ryan Dalton]

It's like the part where the. The, the comedian does merch. They just ask that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm used to. Yeah, well, Salty Dalty, it's nice to have you here.

[Dave Anthony]

What are we doing? What is that his nickname? Or are you just. Yeah, are you. I've never heard that they call him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It seems like you're Salty Dalty.

[Ryan Dalton]

Dave. That maybe you're not. You're not in on. It's a long running joke where you could.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You don't. You don't talk about it. Go ahead.

[Ryan Dalton]

Gary found out that I like a certain sexual thing done and I. And that I should be shamed for it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, don't do that.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm not putting salt on your dick.

[Ryan Dalton]

No, no, that is. That's more of a punishment. I. I guess the clinical term is anal lingus.

[Dave Anthony]

Clinical term listening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I found this out. I found this out before we were all open to everything, you know?

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And boy, I'll tell you, we had some fun. We. Yeah.

[Ryan Dalton]

And he still does to this day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like hold on, my king. Right now my kink is enjoying that you like analinga. So don't shame what I love.

[Ryan Dalton]

That turns me on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See? Gotcha.

[Ryan Dalton]

Either way.

[Dave Anthony]

And Mike, I like to lick his.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, the dog will be right back. But Ryan, talk to me about the formula of fun cast that is your new. What is it? It's an animated Formula one racing experience. Would that be.

[Ryan Dalton]

That's right. That's right. That's basically it. I. I play a character by the name of Jason Waterfalls who's an expert.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what's his policy on buttster stuff?

[Ryan Dalton]

Well, he's down for it. He's pretty much up to anything. He's an ex method pitchman who's trying his hand at standup comic and he. He lives in a play, standup comedy. He lives in a place called Monuma, Colorado where him and a few other people host this podcast that he invested all of his savings into. And right now they're covering the craziness that is in the white hot sport that is F1 racing. And they tune into every race.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how you do a pitch.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah, that's right there. And then you watch these guys who don't really know much about the sport, talk about the sport and guess upon everything that's happening and stumble through tire strategy teams and everything. So all things F1.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've got some stuff.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm just, you know, it's funny. Dave, you're sure that stuff talk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we all want to get there. I thought about when Randy Johnson threw a pitch and eviscerated a bird two days ago. I just driving sawbird and I thought, Randy Johnson?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it just, it just comes into pepper. It just comes into your head when you look up and see a bird once in a while, you're like a man killed a bird with a baseball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

With a baseball.

[Ryan Dalton]

Every time I've been to a game, I went to guardians game on Saturday. I was out there in the outfield. I'm like, man, Randy Johnson did kill a bird. In the middle of this. In the middle of a baseball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Walking around like a regular man right now.

[Dave Anthony]

What that the talk about the worst luck a bird ever. He's just flying. He's just flying through a stadium.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We should have known that we were on a bad timeline when that we should have been like, we gotta start changing some stuff. We're. Pitchers are killing birds with baseballs now. This is not good. All right, Ryan. Well, you're in our world now. You're not in the world of formula one racing here. In our world now. Wait, I can't hear you, Ryan. And I think that's good. Honestly, Ryan, you're muted again. You're muted, Ryan.

[Dave Anthony]

Occasionally. There we go. Sorry about that, Ryan. His computer mutes him just because it doesn't want to hear a back and forth between you two. And it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Upset by what you're doing here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's one of the few things that AI's gotten right is stuff stepping in when there's bits. Ryan, how we like to start this is that Dave has picked out this. This stupid newspaper, and you and I are going to guess what year it's from. The winner gets a hundred dollars whoever's closest. And it's not Price is Right rules. You are allowed to go over. It's who's ever closest. But you do get a hundred dollars if you get it right. By the way, don't be one of those dicks who's like, where's that money? If two months from now there's no follow up, just be cool.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I'll send an email right now. Hold on. You will not. So this. Put your hands down. So this could be from the 1700s, the 1800s, could be the 1900s. But I just want you to pick a year. What's your gut? What's your hole telling you?

[Dave Anthony]

Why? What are you doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Use your butt oracle.

[Ryan Dalton]

I want to say 1954.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting. I don't think you're right. I think it's 1888.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, man. Ryan wins. It is 1885.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shut the up. Why do you do this?

[Dave Anthony]

What do you mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm three years off. Ryan. I've actually guessed it right before and lost.

[Ryan Dalton]

So I, I saw Dave Hill within a year.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, Ryan had a five in his. And that's how we were judging it today. Oh, August 15, 1885. That's how we keep the, the, the guessing game fresh is by having different ways that you can get closest to the number. August 15, 1885. The Tarkyo avalanche. Tarkyo, Missouri, which I don't think is a place. I've never heard of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know. I was in Timonium. Oh, no, that's Maryland then. Whatever. Who gives a. Doesn't matter.

[Dave Anthony]

A lot of people, A lot of people confuse Maryland in Missouri.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They have ends. They're states. There's a lot.

[Dave Anthony]

Missouri. Is Missouri the worst state in the country?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it isn't.

[Dave Anthony]

What is?

[Ryan Dalton]

I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would say if you look at statistics, it's Mississippi. But as far as anecdotal, I'm still sticking with Arizona. You suck. Arizona.

[Ryan Dalton]

Hmm. I don't know. It's. It's a, It's a tough one for me because Florida is pretty, pretty grotesque.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just went to Florida and I did. I wanted to go in with my bias Just a wagon. And I was like, it's. I don't hate it.

[Dave Anthony]

It is a nice tropical place. It's the people that's the problem. But not all the people are bad. There's. There's. It's not a huge.

[Ryan Dalton]

It's a vast state. I top.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a lot. It's big.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a. It's a vast state. They've done a ton of gerrymandering. You know, I actually met him when.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was out there.

[Dave Anthony]

He's good. Yeah, he's good. He's sexy good. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. So Timonium.

[Dave Anthony]

I'll just leave it. I'll leave it at Oklahoma then. A full grown fraud.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I really thought you were gonna say frog, and that was also exciting, but go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

Wouldn't that have been good? A writer in the Harrelson in Georgia Banner. Sorry. Thus exposes one of the most transparent frauds of the age. I herein and hereby take occasion to expose another one of the frauds that is being daily and hourly perpetrated on our unsuspecting men.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Finally.

[Dave Anthony]

Poor man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sweet little men.

[Dave Anthony]

I say men for the reason that the women have got better sense than to be victimized by it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, come on. It's a double whammy on the man.

[Dave Anthony]

I allude to the shirt that is made wrong side foremost with a back alley to it. Split open on the south side. Not even a window in front.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ryan. Shirt with a back alley. Come on, buddy.

[Ryan Dalton]

I mean, this. This sounds like this fashion statement. Whatever it sounds like it's a reverse cape that this guy's upset about. Right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is a little aprony.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah, that's interesting. A reverse cape. So made wrong side foremost with a back alley to it. Split open on the south side. Not even a window in the front.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So it's. It's a drape. Yeah, you're right. It's. It sounds like a reverse cape.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which.

[Dave Anthony]

And you're. And look. But he. This person is correct to start out the paper about this, if that's what's going on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I don't know. I mean, again, it's a You.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a useless shirt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's. Gareth, I don't. You know.

[Dave Anthony]

What are you doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't. Shirt shame here. I just want. You guys are shirt shaming so gross.

[Dave Anthony]

As a fraud, I align it alongside a circus show. Hidden hard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a. A shirt circus. A circus.

[Dave Anthony]

It keeps out the air on the front side in and is about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that's a Big complaint I have is air. The air contacts with a front side.

[Dave Anthony]

But what about the backside, Gareth?

[Ryan Dalton]

Well, your back's called total ventilation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, exactly. It's. It's sort of seven year itching. I. Listen, you know me. I hate pants. But here's what I know about airblocked.

[Dave Anthony]

You're. You're a hot back guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm a big hot back guy.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah. I'm the same.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like a hot back.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. It keeps out the air on the front side and is all. And is about all. It does keep out for the fleas. Red bugs etc. Walk in at the back door. And when they once get there, they are at home till Sunday at least.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this man.

[Ryan Dalton]

Red bugs. Ticks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it sounds like a red bug. It sounds like just infest. This man is just infested with mites and ticks and.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, it is a might.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And his only defense is a. A shirt. I mean, look, this man has not found pants. Correct.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, well, these are. But he's. We're talking about his upper half, so the pants don't matter. He's not sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cape.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, he's wearing a reverse cape, as Ryan has pointed out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He keep. But he keeps saying back door.

[Ryan Dalton]

Is he mad that he bought it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think he's. He is. I think he has buyers.

[Ryan Dalton]

Is this a letter to. Is this like early Yelp right now? Like, he's letting people know shirts a kind of.

[Dave Anthony]

He's. He's leaving a review on like Target website or whatever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. Which are, by the way, that should just be a hobby. We ever get any time to just go on Target and just read the angry comments.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God. The operation can't be successfully performed with. Oh, wait, what a luxury it is to scratch. The operation can't be successfully performed with a locust back shirt on. I was about to forget to tell you that I have one. Gareth already clued that in because you were yelling about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pretty obvious.

[Dave Anthony]

It is nearly worn out and I am glad of it too. How do you wear out?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He wore so much that it's toast. And he's like, this shirt sucks.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't think they had a lot of clothes back then. So you got a shirt, you're like, this is my shirt.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah, this shirt took. This shirt took three months to get knitted, so I'm gonna stick with it.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah. There wasn't yet three. Well, there weren't. I mean, they weren't. Wasn't mass manufacturing of clothes yet. So how are we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Worshin River.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Ryan Dalton]

We're probably.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, no, they have a washing tub.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Ryan Dalton]

They would. They wash in low tide.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right. That's what I meant.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's good.

[Dave Anthony]

I am nearly worn out too. Last Thursday.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Done. By the way, I'm. I'm done with this.

[Dave Anthony]

What's great about this is like my back is burned and all covered in bugs. And someone's like, frank, just button it up in the back. You just.

[Ryan Dalton]

There's a maybe turn it around so it's in front.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Then it's like a thing we have already.

[Ryan Dalton]

And stop writing that letter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because having this conversation with him where he's like, I just. I'm fixing it myself.

[Dave Anthony]

There's no way out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got the back door.

[Dave Anthony]

Last Tuesday it was cloudy. And that is the time when we went. When we town fellows hoe our gardens. I hold mine, I hold a while with my coat on. Got hot too and pulled it off soon got on my vest and went at it right about 3 o' clock. My friend John Baskin, who was hoeing his garden about 100 yards off, hallowed out. Hello, squire, your back is mighty red. I felt round and sure enough it was so sore I had to quit work and go to the house. And it's been getting sore ever since. And Dr. Fitz says when I get a brand new hide on my back, he hopes I'll take better care of it. I think this person might be just clinically.

[Ryan Dalton]

Is this the. Is this the report of the world's first sunburn?

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, it's a guy who doesn't understand.

[Ryan Dalton]

You mean when your skin grows back?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, like a new like rawhide or something to put on his like some leathery back cover. Ryan, it's around this time when I like to remind you that this is the. The first article in a newspaper.

[Ryan Dalton]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. So this is the lead out is a guy who got infested with bugs. Like if.

[Ryan Dalton]

Oh, this is top story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the number one story in the paper.

[Ryan Dalton]

Okay. All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's about a guy who infested with.

[Dave Anthony]

Bugs and then severely burned.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can we really get a picture of this shirt? Because the. The.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The. It fully turned into smock for me during this explanation that he's out there naked in us in just a. A front case.

[Dave Anthony]

It's like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's the best definition.

[Dave Anthony]

It's like they put a hospital gown on him, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, yes. That's what I'm picturing. And he's just out there nude. Hoenn. And he got Bit and burned.

[Dave Anthony]

Because he never names the shirt. It's not. It doesn't have a name.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's on Tuck it.

[Dave Anthony]

The smallest baby news story.

[Ryan Dalton]

I would have led with that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[Dave Anthony]

She lives in Philadelphia, but the first.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One was full grown Fraud. So there. Everything is like size is a grabber.

[Dave Anthony]

It's about size. Her height is but a trifle over five and a half inches. And her weight less than three pounds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I'm sorry. This is not okay. Yeah, well, hold on, fetus.

[Dave Anthony]

She is. She is round, plump and shapely, as bright as a new dollar and sound as a drum. So she's just a healthy tiny baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't.

[Ryan Dalton]

At 5 inches, she's a healthy tiny baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

5 inches and 3.

[Dave Anthony]

Healthy. Sometimes they come out action figure. Maybe they didn't realize that and she doesn't know, but she sits. She sits on the mantle.

[Ryan Dalton]

Oh. Oh, well, where you put a baby is where you want to put it on the mat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have I introduced you to my daughter Ruth?

[Dave Anthony]

Her name is the Roaring Fire.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Her name is Decora Mabel Summers. In spite of her diminutive size, Ms.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Summers has a robot of calling a premature fetus just.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't think she's premature.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know what she is, but she ain't born, she ain't alive.

[Dave Anthony]

In spite of her diminutive size, Ms. Summers has a robust voice which can be heard from the Garrett to the cellar without straining an ear. And her physician declares she is as healthy a child as he has ever met in the whole course of his professional career. So she's fine. She's just small. You have a bias against tiny babies.

[Ryan Dalton]

I mean, I guess we were smaller back before, like, you know, health and medicine and.

[Dave Anthony]

And maybe the.

[Ryan Dalton]

Essentially, back in the 1800s, we were all three apples tall. If we're talking about baby scale, he's right.

[Dave Anthony]

Back then, we were all three apples tall.

[Ryan Dalton]

He's correct. And we sat on the mantle when we were born. That's where they were.

[Dave Anthony]

Mantle people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crab apples for. I'm not even going to get into this.

[Dave Anthony]

We were. We were known as mantlers.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a T. This baby is not. First of all, this baby is not three apples tall. So even with our new way of thinking. No, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

No, she's. Exactly. Why would a five and a half inches. That's three apples. If you got some sweet apples.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, Apples. Are you talking about where you get your apples?

[Dave Anthony]

First of all, I'm talking about a honey crisp.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, then this baby is one honey Crisp height. You are out of your titer. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

No, sir.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, sir.

[Dave Anthony]

That is insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are insane.

[Dave Anthony]

Her mother, Ms. Mary Emma Summers, is a strong and healthy woman, 35 years, who is also the mother of five other children, all good size. Her father, Harry, is a barber by trade, and when questioned about his youngest daughter, he said, quote, yes, she is a little taught. And I have been advised to exhibit her about the country as a curiosity. The doctor. The doctor assures me she will never attain any size. She is now the smallest baby that ever is known to live.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This. None of this is until the end of this week. The door ends Friday when she will come on down. Hurry. By the way, if you got a cold, get in nice and close. This girl's got an immune system that's roaring.

[Dave Anthony]

Since her birth, she has not grown a half an inch in height, though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She is a trifle heavier stillborn child.

[Dave Anthony]

She got thicker.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We should be doing venues.

[Dave Anthony]

She's growing wider, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What does that even mean? She's.

[Dave Anthony]

She's putting on weight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's just becoming a line.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, she's doing what she's supposed to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's an ear of corn.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't even. You're so anti. Tiny baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop. Don't shame me for being anti baby.

[Dave Anthony]

Immediately after she was born, I weighed her and she scarcely pulled the scale down to the two pound mark. Today she is just two pounds and three quarters, and that includes her clothing. She was born on Decoration Day. That's why we call her Decora.

[Ryan Dalton]

Fatty.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If there was child protective services, they would be stepping in back then. Oh, are you looking up to Cora? Are you trying to find some sort of.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Nothing comes up except for this news story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wonder why. Because this did not happen. This is not real. This is just a way to sell tickets to some.

[Dave Anthony]

And then you think that there's like a doll instead of a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Instead of a. Yeah, it's like a dimly writ. Like a dimly lit dime store room where they're just like, get. Oh, stay there now. Don't get closer to Cora's Krabby.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, Here's a story from months later. Oh, I can't look at this one. And it's in Australia. So they're talking about in Australia now.

[Ryan Dalton]

The funeral of Decora.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I don't know what to say, but that's it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you need me to say anything? Because I'll tell you that it's totally.

[Dave Anthony]

What we don't like is naysayers on this podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that right, Ryan? Thoughts? The child Real fake.

[Ryan Dalton]

I don't look. I think it's the best part is that look, we're gonna get her out working. She's gonna go into showbiz real quick. She doesn't. If she doesn't, she's gonna get into the factory and start making these backless shirts.

[Dave Anthony]

Right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Little decor in a factory.

[Dave Anthony]

She's got tiny. She's got tiny hands. She can make the buttons.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Excuse me, can you lift me up there, please? I'm trying to keep my hands out there.

[Dave Anthony]

I just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Dave Anthony]

The. You know what? This is not an anti tiny baby podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think I did the tulum. I go there to forget the bitch to drink. Hey, let's bang some. Let's ban some of those workers at Dr. Loon the Cora. I'm folding something.

[Dave Anthony]

You're gonna take so much. You're gonna take so much heat for this episode. I'm right there for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I should be working with Cole.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm starting. I'm starting the subreddit thread.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, go, go. Yeah, go me. Go.

[Dave Anthony]

Barbara Fiser, the Witch of the Allegheny Mountains.

[Gareth Reynolds]

E. Go on.

[Dave Anthony]

The bringing of a lawsuit in a justice's court in one of the back regions of this country by a young man against his mother to recover damages for the loss of a dog, which he claims she bewitched so that it ran in a circle until it died with exhaustion.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dog got sick, which did it.

[Dave Anthony]

No. Well, the dog ran in circles until it died.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, which is unusual.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Ryan Dalton]

To burn a witch. I've heard of that. But to sue a witch?

[Dave Anthony]

It's America.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You throw a witch in water and if she starts swimming, you sew her. You never heard about the third option? Suing a witch?

[Dave Anthony]

It is brought in notice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God. Which is court.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're gonna break.

[Dave Anthony]

That's gonna happen. There's gonna be a witches. Yep. There's gonna be witch's court.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it seemed like the judge didn't really want to hear what you were saying, even though you had receipts. Well, he'll see one day. We'll show him.

[Dave Anthony]

Is this your going to turn green? So where am I? Okay. Oh, sorry. Brought it. Brought in. Notice that the fact that there is an almost general belief of witchcraft charms and magic spells among the farming population in those isolated localities.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So blaming poor crops on witchcraft and.

[Dave Anthony]

Dying dogs and whatnot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right? Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And that there are many old women who are regularly consulted by young and old and in whose arts and supernatural powers they put the greatest faith. I mean, any old witch.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

What's the difference between going to a church and. Right.

[Ryan Dalton]

And if the crops ain't growing, it's not the water that's not falling from the sky. It's the witch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've alluded to this before.

[Ryan Dalton]

Every time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How long until this country, because of crop failure, starts doing a version of this?

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, not long.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Over under years. 12 years. Over under. Yeah.

[Ryan Dalton]

Just evil's responsible for it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

12 years until.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. I think under.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Claiming drought on witches or fairies.

[Dave Anthony]

Because Ryan's right. It'll be evil at first, and then you have to find a source for the evil.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Always that's the best.

[Dave Anthony]

At. I mean. Yeah. At the trial or. Or lawsuit mentioned, several of these witch women testified in the case, and the curious and absurd beliefs they profess were given in great detail. The principal one and the one most sought for advice and counsel is Barbara Fiser, who lives in the drunkard settlement five miles from Reinholdsville. I think a drunkard settlement are prohibitionists.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I think completely. That went from where I wanted to go to where I'd never be. Right.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. But I'm pretty sure that's what it is. But I could be wrong. But I. She lives in a small cabin in the mountains. She's 80 years old. She's bent and gray. Well, you don't want to be gray.

[Ryan Dalton]

Oh, that's textbook witch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bent.

[Ryan Dalton]

Gray.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cabin.

[Ryan Dalton]

Woods.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The cop. The cops for filing the report. I mean, pretty obvious what's going on here. She's bent. She's gray. She's got a broom in her house.

[Ryan Dalton]

Lives alone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Woods. Lives alone. Woods.

[Ryan Dalton]

Cabin.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cabin.

[Ryan Dalton]

Check. Check.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on. Here. What are we doing here?

[Dave Anthony]

But she is still active and well preserved.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ma' am. Where are your potions, please? You got any potions in here? Not really, but it is. You could look under the bed. There might be something. But I did check it out.

[Ryan Dalton]

She's got a broom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, she's got a broom.

[Dave Anthony]

I sweep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is this your cap, ma' am?

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Put your hands behind your back.

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are under arrest for presumption of witchcraft.

[Dave Anthony]

She is still active and well preserved. She's well preserved. Like a five and a half inch baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Dave Anthony]

She is shrewd. She's a shrewd, cunning old woman. Woman. And lives alone. She's so independent that she will take. He's really.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ryan's really cunning.

[Ryan Dalton]

I'm seeing the evolution of a slur in the very beginning.

[Dave Anthony]

Aren't we shrewd?

[Ryan Dalton]

How can I shorten that down? How do I get that and just, like, landed on a hard T. How do I do that? We're seeing the beginnings of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cunning is so cumbersome, shrewd cunning.

[Dave Anthony]

She's so independent that she will take the case of no one who is a neighbor to her or who thinks she lives in any large town, unless the applicant only wants her to treat for a common ailment requiring. No wonder working. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

An old woman who wants to be left alone, unless you have a health.

[Dave Anthony]

Question, is a witch and then doesn't want, like, people from other towns, like cities coming. Yeah. She's like, leave me alone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Doesn't want annoying people to come up to her.

[Ryan Dalton]

Which I will say, the next time I get my oil changed and they try to upsell me, I'm going to be like, no wonder working.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, no wonder work.

[Ryan Dalton]

Leave that out. Just the oil change.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

A sufferer. A sufferer from hurts, fits, burns and similar ailments. She will treat it once and men, women and children come from far near to seek her aid.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you that lady that fixes fits and burns?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He witch.

[Dave Anthony]

If a child is deformed, demented or afflicted in any way, it is taken.

[Gareth Reynolds]

3 inches tall and only grows sideways. You got any normal?

[Dave Anthony]

She's normal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, thank you.

[Dave Anthony]

It is taken to Dame Fisher. If a farmer has a horse stolen, the first thing he does is to consult the old woman and implore her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Borrow a moment of your. My shirt is so long in the front and the back is like. I just am covered in bugs.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who did this?

[Dave Anthony]

Turn it around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. A witch.

[Dave Anthony]

And implore her to aid him in recovering the lost animal and detecting the thief. If there's trouble with cattle, if crops look bad, her aid is the first thing sought.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So she stands like a very good witch.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

She's just helping people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And one dog spun a few times and died. And now.

[Dave Anthony]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I think that's what happens when the dog has, like, brain issues. The dog?

[Ryan Dalton]

Brain worms?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, the dog had, like, a brain issue.

[Dave Anthony]

I've. I've never heard of that. Is that actually a thing where they run around?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

It also could be a rage thing. No, no, you're good.

[Ryan Dalton]

You're all the goodest dog. Sometimes you get a couple, you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Ryan Dalton]

I mean, you get a couple weird wood dogs.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Ryan Dalton]

There's some parasite dogs.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you're still. I mean, what are you gonna do? You don't, you know, what are you gonna Do.

[Dave Anthony]

There's bad dogs. There's bad dogs.

[Ryan Dalton]

Take it to the witch vet. Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Reddit is bad dogs. Fire with your. Right now. You. Right now. What are you doing? This is recorded. This is recorded.

[Dave Anthony]

I love when people are like, there are no bad dogs. And then it's the way people raise them. Right. So they were raised. They're raised to be bad.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Micro criminals.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's. It's a classic. Nature versus nurture, which I love, but you can.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, but you can raise a dog to be a bad dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get him, Reddit.

[Dave Anthony]

She stands. She stands at ready anytime to extend her aid. And if she fails, it is attributed unanimously to a lack of faith in her on the part of the person she's working with. So it's just like church. In her healing operation, she has no medicines, but depends upon her charms. Her powwows consist of breathing on the afflicted part, waving the hand over it, and accompanied by a few muttered words.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know. I know. Where Ryan would say hurt.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, same say my butthole hurts. Say it. Go in and say it like you mean it. Yeah, say it like, whisper it.

[Ryan Dalton]

Whisper it. Get closer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yelling it like a mind. There's an echo.

[Dave Anthony]

She is. She's only one of many witch women who are consulted by their credulous neighbors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It feels like we. It feels like they were just like. The preferred term is which women?

[Dave Anthony]

The most of these women live alone. Each has a mysterious book. Sorry, mystery book. Which is an ancient volume printed in the. Printed in the German language, which is consulted when charms are to be worked. Old mother Ross Live, who lives in Reinholdsville, had the weird nursery rhyme start. It's terrible. It's terrible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That guy was like, I. I should probably rethink this opening. That is chaotic.

[Dave Anthony]

Had the entire farming neighborhood working every night for weeks in search of gold. That's not a witch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a slave owner. That's like someone that's just. That's someone who's just putting people to work. She's a witch.

[Dave Anthony]

And when they failed to find it, she gave as a reason that some of them had a cow with blood in its horn. And until that could be found and killed and the blood drawn from the horn and spilled on the ground in the moon's third quarter, it would be useless to look further for the treasure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know she was right. I know. We couldn't find any. Let me ask a crazy question. Does anyone have a cow with blood in its horn? Because if so, we're gonna have to wait. Oh, Christ.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. That's right. That's why I've been keeping the blood.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's just strange. And why was I supposed to know that would be, why should I say cold? All right, well, we just have to wait three quarters or something.

[Dave Anthony]

Now, whatever nobody told me that's gonna stop the gold.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Christ, Ted, I gotta tell you, the.

[Ryan Dalton]

Bloodhorn thing sounds like a stall tactic until you find gold.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's right.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah, I think. I think that's something you just keep adding on to. So. Oh, you found the bloodhorn. Well, was it a brown cow? Spots. Does it have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, two spots.

[Ryan Dalton]

Gotta need five of those.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keep digging, boys.

[Dave Anthony]

So this goes on and on. So I'm going to cut to the end because it's just giving examples of what witches do. But in the potency of the witch hazel, the wonder workers chiefly rely. It is burned to ashes in the blossoms used. Young women carry its leaves in their bosoms as a love charm and sleep with them under their pillows to make their dream. To make them dream of their lovers. But of the persons who testified in the lawsuit, only one said he had never had a relative bewitched. The witness who testified in criminal lawsuit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Against witches is such a great time. It's great law we figured out. But superstition remains. We are suing witches.

[Dave Anthony]

The witness who testified in behalf of the person who claimed his dog had been bewitched declared that since he had sided with him, his well had gone dry. His cow gave bloody milk and his three weeks baby had refused to be suckled. And he expected it to die at any time. The justice of the peace.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he's on a bad run.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I mean, also, here's the water. Yeah, no, I mean, I'll just go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Back to the water. Yeah, well, the baby won't suckle. Here, I'll get some milk from the cow. Do it.

[Dave Anthony]

Blood. The justice of the peace endeavored to ridicule the idea of witchcraft to the people present. But they insisted in their belief. And he gave the owner of the dog a judgment of $3 for the loss of his dog. The woman admitting that she had dosed it to death.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, well, okay.

[Ryan Dalton]

I guess that's an open and shutter right there. Who'd have thought? You think there'd be a little cross examination?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Quite a twist at the end there. All right, I poisoned it. All right, give him $3. We can all go home.

[Ryan Dalton]

I mean, pretty expensive dog for back in the day. $3?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Dave Anthony]

That is an expensive dog.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah, that's a real expensive. I think that's like, I thought. That's what a horse cost.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, listen to you with your. Ryan.

[Ryan Dalton]

$3. Man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Back then, you could get a whole.

[Ryan Dalton]

Change for a dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you get a horse for that cash and a barn door.

[Dave Anthony]

You could probably get a house left.

[Ryan Dalton]

Over for a house.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it might have been a great dog. That makes a lot more sense.

[Dave Anthony]

Let me look it up. $3 in 1885.

[Ryan Dalton]

I'll say it was. Yes, I'll say it was a hundred dollars. No, I'll say it was $50.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it's gonna be like 4,000.

[Dave Anthony]

It is. Calculate. Oh, no, it's. It's 99.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna leave the show.

[Ryan Dalton]

$4,000. There were only 4,000 ones printed that year. That's it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They call I, first of all, Ryan. I'm the human calculator of the show. So we will edit this part out. We cannot have you ignoring my good name.

[Dave Anthony]

No, we're not going to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we will cut this out.

[Dave Anthony]

No, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cut it out.

[Dave Anthony]

You came in green today. Secretary Endicott seems to be the right man in the right place. He has just decreed that all the military dudes who have been sitting around in the eastern cities in soft places shall go to the front and do a little active service.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, man. Round up. Round up people who aren't white.

[Ryan Dalton]

Wait.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, What I'm saying. We're saying the same thing. These guys are hanging around. We should put them to use. Separate.

[Ryan Dalton]

Oh, you're talking about. Now, that. That was. This was all cool back then, not now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, this is a different time.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is when the white people should have been rounded up by a group.

[Ryan Dalton]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

For illegal immigration.

[Dave Anthony]

We were involved in Panama, Haiti. Yeah. And the. The Sino French War, which included battles in Vietnam. We had a little bit of stuff going on there. Oh, and the Apache. The Apache conflict. So, yeah, we were doing our stuff. I bet that's about the Apaches, I would imagine, because they said eastern cities, you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I was. Ryan, you thinking Apaches?

[Ryan Dalton]

I'm thinking Apaches. Yeah, definitely. It's no Navajo, but definitely Apaches. Yeah. Thus Apache conflict.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bingo. Agree, Dave? We. Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

We come back with affirmative. Here's just a little blurb. The institute is booming and so is the girls blooming.

[Ryan Dalton]

It's a great time.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm just gonna. Honey, you mind if I put something really, really creepy on the paper? I'll put something. I'll put something really down at the bottom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your sweats.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm just gonna put something about the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Girls fell in well water, huh?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, there. There's some little teenies outside.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Little teeny girls all over your seats. What?

[Dave Anthony]

Teenagers. Young women running around out front of the newspaper. I'm gonna put a little blurb in here about it. They're blooming.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. They're blooming. You're gassed. Why are you.

[Dave Anthony]

It's like running.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Watching them is like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

It's like running through a field.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Lay down. Lay down. Don't write anything for a little while. Sleep this. Okay. There you go.

[Dave Anthony]

Damn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There you go. All right.

[Dave Anthony]

Damn. God damn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna. All right. I'm gonna blow the lights out here.

[Ryan Dalton]

I'm still. I'm still like. Is this. Is this what he's seeing or is this early weather reporting? Like, it's hot enough that the women are hot? To me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know. It seems weird to call him hot.

[Dave Anthony]

I think he's. I think he's. The institute is booming. Okay. So that's like something is taken off, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And so it is the girls blooming. So he's got to say that the girls are becoming women. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's what it is.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't think there can be any other interpretation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My favorite time of year.

[Dave Anthony]

Unless it's like a Last of Us thing and there are some fungi hitting and the girls are actually becoming flowery because the fungus is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop talking.

[Dave Anthony]

Manifesting within. Within them and turning them into a plant kind of thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've watched the Last of Us and I'm lost. Ryan thought.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, well, it's a terrible charged up.

[Ryan Dalton]

Because it was sundress season. That's what I was getting out of it. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how I feel. I don't think the fungus stuff is.

[Dave Anthony]

I think the fungus in the Last of Us is in the writers room. Yeah. Might as well. Dr. A.D. gillum is gone.

[Ryan Dalton]

Too soon.

[Dave Anthony]

We only mention this fact for the fear that there may be some who did not know that he was here. That's a little rough.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So for those of you just finding out what a roller coaster. Here's a guy and he's gone.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah. You could have been going to a doctor this whole time, but you chose a witch instead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've been digging gold at the witch's house.

[Dave Anthony]

I didn't know it was Macau.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Ryan Dalton]

Dr. Right down the street.

[Dave Anthony]

It is a small loss that he's gone and a small loss to those who did not know he was here. He came here several months ago and started a pro obituary. He started a prohibition Drug. It's not an obituary.

[Ryan Dalton]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Sounded like he started a prohibition drugstore with a view of catching the prohibition trade and medical practice. So he's trying to start an alcohol free.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Drugstore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

I assume drugstore people must have gone in to get a drink. Or maybe we're also talking about was pro the prohibition include like heroin and hilarious opium. Opium hilarious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If they're like booze is doing it now. Here you are, John. Shoot up.

[Dave Anthony]

I bet it would. I bet it included opium and cocaine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wonder. I think that would maybe be seen as medical.

[Dave Anthony]

So he got neither. The prohibitionist traded to the other drugstores and failed to employ him in sickness. And so the doctor shook the dust of tarkio from his feet taking all of his fanaticism with him. The prohibition cause will be gainer by his absence. The doctor made the assertion in summer that if he had a drop of Missouri blood in his veins he would cut it out. So he's not happy. That means this place sucks.

[Ryan Dalton]

Sounds kind of.

[Dave Anthony]

I've said. But I've said that about Missouri.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We. I. We've driven through there and you've tried to cut out whatever part of you came into contact.

[Dave Anthony]

They're a little.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that it? That is an obituary. It's a real.

[Dave Anthony]

No, no. We suppose that after he gets across the line he will take a course of Turkish baths or go to some other cleansing process in order to purify himself. Goodbye doctor. Your short residence in Missouri may have taught you a valuable lesson after all. So he rolled in with like a. He's like these people will enjoy my like prohibition business. And people like nah, we're good. And then he left. And these. The newspaper is upset about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Super weird article. Super weird. Not necessary.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like fill it.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah. Kind of like I guess goodbye to the dick doctor who is here. He's out. He's out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Ryan Dalton]

And I guess he's taking his lame store. That sucks with him.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. His start. So this guy had a personal problem with him and is.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah, it sounds personal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It does.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. This is very personal.

[Ryan Dalton]

A lot of power hungry editor at this. At this rag.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right. Poria Enterprise talking about bedbugs. Said a fat drummer from New York. Jesus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you guys. What are you guys talking about? Infestation.

[Dave Anthony]

Talking about bedbugs. Tell you I've had my share of experience with them. You've heard of bedbugs Coming down to the hotel register and looking to see what rooms guests were assigned to, haven't you? Well, I was the man who discovered that. Okay, so he. He stayed in a hotel that had bedbugs.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How great is it that bedbugs have, like, hung around for that?

[Ryan Dalton]

They're timeless.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, there were still, like, these. You.

[Ryan Dalton]

They're a real problem today in many major cities.

[Gareth Reynolds]

New York, huge comeback. Absolutely, yes.

[Ryan Dalton]

And they are in New York.

[Dave Anthony]

They, like, get into stores.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Like department stores and stuff. And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's just heaven for bed bug. Bedbugs going into, like, a New York store. Like, boys, we eaten.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, I was the man who discovered that then. You've heard of the bedbug of the bugs that got into a bed, the legs of which were set in pans of water. I suppose they climbed up to the ceiling and dropped down on their victims.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So there's a theory that you put the legs of the bed in, like, water cups and that prevent, like, they're un. It's like you moat the legs of your head. And I think mission impossibling.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that's correct.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They deserve it. They're odds.

[Dave Anthony]

They do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Give it up.

[Dave Anthony]

Let them suck the blood.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let them go.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Let him feast on your back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. That was how they thought to stop bedbugs was to put something on the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't hate it.

[Ryan Dalton]

I wouldn't say no to it, as I don't know how to stop bedbugs outside of not being gross.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You ever had them, Ryan?

[Ryan Dalton]

No, but I've seen them in many high quality hotel rooms.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have you really?

[Ryan Dalton]

Oh, yeah. Like, literally, like, you check. Oh, yeah. Oh, of course. Hotel beds are literally the most disgusting things on the face of the planet. Under the sheets. Literally on. Yeah, yeah. You lift the sheeps up.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Ryan Dalton]

It's gross.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or the sheets, the sheeps.

[Ryan Dalton]

And the sheep.

[Dave Anthony]

What do you. What do you do if you find them?

[Ryan Dalton]

You report what's going on, and you probably don't end up sleeping on that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That bed that night, the whole hotel. I had ants in my room once, and I called down and I was like. It was like, real bad. And the guy comes up, he's like, so we're gonna raid the room. You might want to stay out for like, 45 minutes. I'm actually. I'm gonna put my foot down here and say I'm gonna need to be relocated in this establishment.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah, raid the room. No.

[Dave Anthony]

So I stayed in actually where this story is from Peoria. I was doing a comedy club there, and I was in a hotel room, and I woke up at night and I turned on the light and the floor was covered. In weird bugs. And I was just like, what in the fuck? I mean, I have no idea what they were, but they were just all. And I was just like, oh, these things come at night. Like, this is a. This is just a thing that happens. They're not here tonight. These bugs come at night. So I grabbed all my shit and went out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But, like, we're just not.

[Dave Anthony]

The lady was just like, yeah, we'll put you in another room. I was like, so you knew.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You knew that was the same. The ants thing was how much they were like, oh, yeah. We got a whole protocol for ants. Some dude just comes here and sprays raid. Fix it. The thing about the hotel model is that you really like any complaint. You're like, you can't. Yeah. You're gonna be gone in two days.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It takes three days to solve it. And you're like, you're not gonna do.

[Dave Anthony]

You really can't think very much about what happens in a hotel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no.

[Dave Anthony]

You just got to go in there and sleep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Plow through it.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, there's some bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Howie Mandel was right. He wasn't right about a lot, but hotel living, he seemed to be right. He just. He just would make roads of towels everywhere he went.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I mean, I get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do, too.

[Dave Anthony]

I knew someone who used to bring flip flops to take showers and walk around the bathroom in. It's not a bad idea. I don't hate it.

[Ryan Dalton]

I know somebody who brings the Ziploc bag to put the remote in just to use the remote. Because I said that's the dirtiest thing in the hole.

[Dave Anthony]

That is the dirtiest thing. Yeah.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See, I used to hand sanitize the remote, and I've stopped. I should go back to the. That. That's what we're saying here, right?

[Ryan Dalton]

Great. Giving you more neuroses to go forward with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think this is what I need, more protocol.

[Dave Anthony]

I try to come on the ceiling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, everybody, that's the past.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, I am the very man this is. He's talking about them dropping down from the ceiling. Well, I am the very man they lit on. But that's nothing compared to an experience I had a few weeks ago down at Peoria. Never saw such enterprising bugs as there are in that town. Me too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow, look at. Dave is your brother.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm with this guy. Going down to the hotel register is an old game with them. And they. And about played out. Yes. This is my experience.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, do you know, Dave, your alarm. Take your pills. Do you know how crazy it is that I've never thought about how back then you always had to go to the front. Like you'd be on like the third floor.

[Dave Anthony]

Here we go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If it wasn't fixed, you'd be like.

[Dave Anthony]

You see, there are so many infernal bug, many bugs in the hotels there that competition is pretty strong. And the bug that depends on the register for a living is going to get left. All the wide awake business like prosperous bugs in Peoria accompany guests to the depot and there run up and down the platform watching which hotel bus gets the most in the incoming passengers and the fast ones. So they're saying. Are they saying the bugs leave Peoria with the guests?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think thought I guess maybe they are. It definitely sounds like the bugs are sticking out, doing their homework.

[Dave Anthony]

That is the bus they get into. Yeah.

[Ryan Dalton]

Feel like they mentioned up top that they, the bugs actually kind of checked into their own room at the hotel.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Ryan Dalton]

Like as guests and probably I had.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A credit card and I love that too.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Also fun.

[Dave Anthony]

I know this to be a fact because I am one of the fattest men on the road, but he's talking about fat with bugs.

[Ryan Dalton]

I think I have a wealth of bugs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm a. I'm a train wreck man. I'm 8, 000 bedbugs in a man outfit.

[Ryan Dalton]

You think you have bugs? I have a gross of bugs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sitting next to him on a bus. Excuse me, ma' am. Oh my God. Will you ring the bell? So the bus stop. I gotta get your Peoria bugs coming out of his mouth.

[Dave Anthony]

Albert the elephant. The elephant Albert of the Barnum show, who was shot a few days ago because he had killed his keeper. Christ, he's a murderer, Gareth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do love that how it's like if that an animal in enclosure attacks a human, we're like, well, this thing's crazy. This animal's out of control.

[Dave Anthony]

But then they didn't. Didn't. Isn't that what they didn't do with the orcas? They would just ship them around? I think they're still doing it. I think they're still shipping killer orcas like around to other places and then they kill other people. I think that's right.

[Ryan Dalton]

Well, I remember that. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They definitely ship them around. But I don't. I mean their life, it's. And then I think I do think about the fact all the time that blackfish came out we were all like, what the. And now SeaWorld's back on air. Like, come on, dad. It's like we got a roller coaster Now? Yeah, we're expanding and you're just like, well, the one thing will ever stop.

[Dave Anthony]

The one in Vallejo had to close down now.

[Ryan Dalton]

We had one in Cleveland.

[Dave Anthony]

Theme park.

[Ryan Dalton]

We had a Sea World in Cleveland. Did you know that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the set. I mean, I'm not.

[Ryan Dalton]

I used to work there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, what did you do there?

[Ryan Dalton]

I was in installations. I did not Clean the bone. I was in guest relations.

[Dave Anthony]

Is this where the stuff.

[Ryan Dalton]

There was a year where one of the ski boats lost control and flew into the. Flew into the audience and basically up somebody's nose.

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Ryan Dalton]

That's a true story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What did you do? You know who else was there?

[Ryan Dalton]

Jason Dallas was there. He worked alongside with me. Well, I wasn't. Luckily, I was off that day. But my buddy Jason. It was a nightmare. It was a. It was a massacre. It was national news at the time and which was big was since there was no Internet at the time. There was barely Internet. This was a national news story. Ski boat goes into stands.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that what stopped the SeaWorld in Cleveland?

[Ryan Dalton]

No, I don't know what it stopped, but it's very odd that we have watched SeaWorld in Cleveland.

[Dave Anthony]

There's a video. Yeah, there's video if anybody wants to Google it. Sea World boat accident of 1996 on YouTube. And they, they go through the whole thing.

[Ryan Dalton]

SeaWorld Aurora, Ohio. Families gather for a day of water shows, dolphin tricks and killer whale. And for 4,000 visitors, the day wouldn't be complete without a boat show. But as this 18 foot speedboat approaches the crowd, the jet drive housing unit shatters. Suddenly, the driver can't steer and he can't stop. The crowd has no chance to react.

[Dave Anthony]

And you were there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, he had the day off. What a day to miss.

[Ryan Dalton]

No, thank God, I missed that day. That was a. That was a day that an hourly employee shouldn't have to sit there and answer to the wave of people who were traumatized by watching somebody's nose.

[Dave Anthony]

Wow. Wow. It's pretty long, so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, wow. It is a huge thing.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm gonna have to watch it later, but it's, it's. It's a good six minute video and. Wow, I never heard of that. And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah, man.

[Dave Anthony]

That'S why you go to SeaWorld.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah, and the ribs, because I worked at a rib restaurant there too. You get the ribs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sorry, I'm gonna have to find. So I'm gonna throw up in a drawer working at a rib restaurant and.

[Ryan Dalton]

See the smokehouse right behind the killer whale stadium.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Man, those Those animals, those are big fish, huh? I think they're. You all get ribs?

[Ryan Dalton]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. The elephant Albert of the Barnum show, who was shot a few days ago because he had killed his keeper, was given to the Smithsonian Institute by Mr. Barnum, and two of the institute staff were sent to dissect him. The head and trunk were first removed and then the hide was taken off in two pieces being split in the back and belly just like a shirt. The hide was in many places an inch and a quarter thick. And the work required nearly three hours.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The skeleton was then need to be an article. Like, you could just be like, there's an elephant in the Smithsonian now.

[Dave Anthony]

The skeleton was then dissected and every bone saved intact. The firing party that executed Albert consisted of 29 men, 12 of whom fired at the heart and 17 at the head. During the autopsy, six bullets were found in the heart and they had all been flattened. In the evening, those epicurean tastes dined on the elephant steak.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Christ, it is bad. It is bad. We are bad.

[Ryan Dalton]

And I respect him for not wasting meat. At the same time, I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, like, stop it. We are bad. The guy who's just during. I mean, imagine during an autopsy being like, am I crazy to think we should grill this thing up later?

[Dave Anthony]

No, hold on. It gets worse. And it. It is reported that many who many of the diners did not know what they were eating, pronounced the steak unusually fine in flavor, but a bit tough. So they didn't tell them what they were feeding them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

T bone's misshapen.

[Ryan Dalton]

These ribs are kind of big.

[Gareth Reynolds]

These are big. I mean, it's like eating like the Flintstones say, this calamari is very chewy. A man that's drunk.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[Ryan Dalton]

What's for dessert? Elephant ears?

[Gareth Reynolds]

H, you gotta tell.

[Dave Anthony]

Although, look, if I'm eating meat and I don't know what it is, I'm not eating it. You know what I mean? Like, if they're like, yeah, no, go eat. Eat the mystery meat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But they're not calling it the mystery meat. That's the whole thing with. When you go to, like a restaurant and you're like, I. When I read this article that calamari was pig anus, and there was a whole operation of like, that being kind of unearthed.

[Dave Anthony]

Is that true? Like, yes, calamari is pig anus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In some places, they were buying pig anus and just deep frying it like calamari.

[Dave Anthony]

It can't be a pig anus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would.

[Dave Anthony]

Would be it. It's like A. It's like a muscle. It's a sphincter. An anus isn't a little chewy? Well, you know, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan.

[Ryan Dalton]

I don't know, but there's people you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know a few people who do.

[Ryan Dalton]

Know, and I gotta tell you their reviews across the board.

[Dave Anthony]

Calamari.

[Ryan Dalton]

And if I could only have cocktail sauce with this. Was there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got my drawers full of huge. I might need to order a new drawer to throw up. Nobody feels good.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Imagine that text. Can I get a quote, Dalamare.

[Dave Anthony]

One more?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

A married woman from Mound City was up here not long ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna take her to Mound City.

[Dave Anthony]

Passing herself off for a single girl. Good for her. Her husband wrote to certain parties there inquiring about her and asked them to try and influence her or induce her to return to his bed and board. But they never let her know that they were onto the racket. So. So she goes to another town to try to have a good time with some fellas, and then her husband finds out and he writes to guys there and he's like, hey, can you. And so all these guys she's trying to hit on have a good time with are like, you know what? You should go back. You should go back to Mountain City.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So your husband wrote me a letter. You should go home.

[Dave Anthony]

No, they were all like, oh, this lady's here to have a good time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I'd be like, go. Go to your husband.

[Dave Anthony]

About two weeks ago, she left on a southbound train, and it is to be hoped that she returned to the arms of her despairing hubby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. No way. What happened at all?

[Dave Anthony]

The first hot wife.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Agreed.

[Ryan Dalton]

I mean, how. How long does it take you to figure out that she's cheating on you? Like, is it the first time she's gone for days on end and then comes back by train?

[Dave Anthony]

I mean that's got to be suspicious.

[Ryan Dalton]

In a time before almost travel and.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And women not probably leaving without granted permission regularly.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Boy, you sure are going to Mountain City a lot. And you return with no goods. Well, salty Dalty, Ryan Dalton, the king of Cleveland. Thank you for joining us. Expect the hundred dollars and exciting. People should go. People should go. Where? Where can people. You want to drop a website one more time just so people know where to go?

[Ryan Dalton]

WorldOman Azuma.com is. Is our brand there. And you can go see. You can see the formula fun cast there and we stream live every race day on all the all. All the thing places you can stream your YouTubes your X's, your kick, your yak kick. Tick tock. We stream. We stream the live race days and then post the stuff to YouTube and then all the. The socials and stuff like that, so. And Gareth said he's definitely gonna do it. And that's exciting. David. David's on the fence. I can see that. I can see that by his pensive look. Yeah, But I don't blame him. But Gareth said he's definitely gonna do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm in. And. Yeah. And don't contact me and. Oh, I'm contacting you. Well, Ryan, we live in hell, but it was nice to escape for an hour with you.

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah, thank you. I made it. Added levity to the hour, and that will go back to despair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's on the rest of the day for you today, Ryan? What. What you got coming up?

[Ryan Dalton]

Oh, real cool stuff. Looking at other people's social media to see what they're doing and posting and all sorts of F1. It's called research. It's called researching your competitors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pants or shorts on right now? What are we doing?

[Ryan Dalton]

I'm wearing shorts right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Boxers or.

[Ryan Dalton]

No, I don't wear boxers. I wear boxer briefs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You have them on?

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got them on?

[Ryan Dalton]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. All right, Ryan, we'll see you later. Thank you, Ryan.

[Ryan Dalton]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Some of these days you'll miss me, honey. Hey, dollop fans. I know you love the dollop. You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five parter animation, which is actually like a 22 minute episode or 30 minute episode, I can't remember, of the rube. You can go to LakeSide Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the rube. It. It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the rube.