154 -The Past Times with Francesca Fiorentini

Summary

The Dollop: Past Times Ep. 154 with Francesca Fiorentini

Date: December 12, 2025 | Podcast: The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Francesca Fiorentini | Theme: Hilarity and Absurdity in Old News (1922)

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Dollop: Past Times features comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds with returning guest Francesca Fiorentini. The trio riff through weird and wild stories from a 1922 edition of the Riverside Daily Press, mixing sharp social observations, absurd improv, and loads of banter. The show is a labyrinth of tangents—touching on everything from right-wing conspiracies to hobo culture—with equal parts mockery and nostalgia for the stranger corners of history.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Francesca’s Return and Right-Wing Rifts

• Francesca’s Work: Dave introduces Francesca, highlighting her news-comedy show “The Bituation Room” and her deep dives into controversial political fractures (e.g., Israel splitting the right) ([00:40]).
• Right-wing infighting: Discussion on bizarre right-wing conspiracies and the chaos caused by the intersection of internet culture and politics, including tangents on Nick Fuentes and Charlie Kirk ([01:10]).
  • Quote (Francesca): “It’s just this guy, this white nationalist named Nick Fuentes, who just happened to have a longstanding beef with Charlie Kirk... Even though the guy who murdered him had, like, dressed up like a Pepe Frog.” ([02:00])

2. Comedy, TV Panels, and Piers Morgan

• Francesca’s combative appearances on Piers Morgan and Gutfeld are discussed, with confessions of going on just to do “bits,” not genuine debate ([04:18]).
  • Quote (Francesca): “I did call him a dingleberry. I also told him to shut the fuck up.” ([04:19])
• They collectively mock the structure of right-wing TV, with references to Tyrus (not Titus), Bill Maher, and the general decline of media credibility ([06:42]).

3. Year Guessing and “Years Are a Vibe” Bit

• They playfully dismiss chronology: “I don’t believe years are real... Years are a vibe. Time is mostly by like the universe tells us when it’s time.” ([07:29], [07:34])

4. Main Newspaper Stories

A. Nature Man Attacks Daly City

• Headline: "Nature man shoots up. Peaceful town." ([08:50])
• Real story: The “nature man” (Otto Herlick) was a hermit living in a cave who attacked locals with a club, not a gun. Hobo/beach living is contextualized. ([11:06])
  • Dave: “The man was a walking goodwill.” ([12:10])
  • Francesca: “This still seems made up... Outrage out of over unhoused people goes all the way back.” ([13:04])
• Brief hobo history and admiration for old-school hobo culture (“soft harmonica playing... dreams in hobo”) ([13:45])

B. Skunk in a Box—Fake Bomb Scare

• Bizarre baggage story: a box marked "explosive" turned out to contain a live skunk, meant for a sports exhibition ([14:55]).
  • Running joke on skunk “ass juice” capacity and medical storage of skunk spray ([19:07])
  • Gareth: “...it would run out of the ass juice eventually. It needs time to build up more stinky butt.” ([19:07])

C. Movie Films to Cure Drunks

• Wives hiring cameramen to shame husbands by filming their drunken returns home ([26:34]).
  • Francesca: “For your drunk husband. This is amazing.” ([27:36])
  • Gareth: “It’s about a sobriety. No, you’re body shaming your husband. ... Just to remind you, you’re a big, fat, sloppy shit, and I’m not letting it go in me anymore.” ([28:50])
• Discussion of “Ring camera wives” and modern surveillance in relationships ([30:04])

D. Radio, Sea, and Exclusion of Women

• Article laments absence of “women wireless senders,” blaming sea tradition and “chivalry.”
  • Francesca: “Is this like... a long wind up to like, that’s why I had to blow a sailor?” ([32:08])
  • Satire on “glorious traditions of the sea,” and the ridiculousness of gender exclusion ([33:08]–[38:25])
  • Francesca: “This is the same argument that like the New York Times is making in the year 2025 that like women just a massive distraction.” ([38:33])

E. Stuffed Owl on Mayor’s Desk

• News about a taxidermied owl as desk decor ([39:55]).
• Extended riff on taxidermy, the lifespans of stuffed owls, and the symbolism of owl decor in political office ([41:14])

5. Random Tangents, Modern Parallels, and Absurdity

• The maraschino cherry industry, class tensions over cherry brands, and the supposed politics of garnish ([45:22], [46:43])
• Playground baseball “records” set in a 23-inning tie between 8- and 12-year-olds—leads into wild parent-bragging tangents ([47:30])
• Satirical bits on contemporary issues (private equity buying Little League, “tinder for organs”), rants about the future, and dark humor ([50:03])

6. “Beauty” Tips from 1922: Bleaching Freckles

• Outdated, dangerous skin lightening “recipe:” lemon and orchard white (likely bleach) ([53:14]).
  • Hosts mock “correcting God’s error” and reflect on modern beauty standards ([54:41])

7. Jazz as Booze Substitute

• Article claims 15 minutes of jazz has “the equivalent excellent kick of seven dry martinis” ([64:39]).
  • The gang jokes about the dubiousness and appeal of the claim.
  • Dave’s evolving gin obsession, Gareth’s martini preferences ([65:20])

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Notable Quotes & Moments (With Timestamps)

• On right-wing infighting:
  Francesca: “The one person who really has benefited isn’t Israel. It’s just this guy, this white nationalist named Nick Fuentes...” ([02:00])

• On Piers Morgan appearances:
  Francesca: “I did call him a dingleberry. I also told him to shut the fuck up.” ([04:19])

• On the concept of time:
  Francesca: “I don’t believe years are real... Years are a vibe.” ([07:29])

• On hobo romanticism:
  Francesca: “There’s some dreams in hobo.” ([13:56])

• On modern surveillance:
  Dave: “We could watch game film on an argument... I was like, I never thought about that.” ([30:29])

• On women in wireless/radio:
  Francesca: “This is in the 20s. This is the same argument... that women just a massive distraction.” ([38:33])

• On jazz vs. martinis:
  Dave: “15 minutes of jazz has the equivalent excellent kick of seven dry martinis. I agree.” ([64:43])

• On old beauty advice:
  Francesca: “I’m very pro this... I like when newspapers offer you, like, some little tips, concrete things.” ([53:35])

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Highlighted Segments & Timestamps

• [00:40] – Francesca’s introduction and current projects
• [04:19] – Piers Morgan TV exploits
• [08:50] – “Nature man” in Daly City story
• [14:55] – Explosive “skunk” box
• [26:34] – Wives using films to shame drunken husbands
• [32:00] – Women excluded from radio/sea jobs
• [39:55] – Stuffed owl & taxidermy discussion
• [45:22] – Maraschino cherry tangent
• [53:35] – Bleaching freckles advice
• [64:43] – Jazz as booze substitute

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Tone, Style, and Energy

The episode is fast, sarcastic, and laden with rapid-fire riffs. Each story from the old paper becomes a jumping-off point for improvised sketches, political satire, and absurdist reimagining. Francesca blends right into the Dollop’s trademark energy—irreverent, biting, and always meta about the act of discussion itself.

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Conclusion

If you missed this episode, expect an hour-plus of rolling laughter—covering forgotten headlines, the hilariously flawed wisdom of the past, and the not-so-subtle throughlines to today’s cultural chaos. Francesca Fiorentini’s sharp insights and willingness to play keep the energy high, while Dave and Gareth expertly wrangle the chaos into a form of comedic history lesson/no-holds-barred jam session.

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For more:

• Francesca’s “Bituation Room” and live LA shows (see [00:40], [02:32])
• The Dollop's upcoming tour and animated episodes on Lakeside Animation (end of recording)

Transcript

[A]

All right, welcome to the pastimes. Whoa, hold on. We're in the middle of the intro, so you guys, stop the banner refocus. All right. You know what we do here? Each week we go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest, Francesca Fiorentini. Hello, Francesca, returning champion.

[B]

Oh, hello. Hello. You put a little extra zhuzh on my name.

[A]

Well, I'm feeling spicy. Are you having fun so far? Are you having a good time?

[B]

Having a great time.

[A]

Are you enjoying the show so far?

[B]

Oh, yeah, it's okay, you know.

[A]

All right, I'm.

[B]

This is probably as good as it's going to get.

[A]

Okay. All right, Francesca, you have a. A great show called the Bituation Room. You pull stories, you get thoughtful people and some idiots on and you muck it up.

[B]

Yes. And we're al. I'm also doing some deep dive, kind of like long form YouTube slop. No, it's good stuff. So if you like that kind of things, like why the right is going to war on itself over Israel.

[A]

That's a perfect thumbnail.

[C]

Can I just say, are you thumbnailing one of the greatest things, if the conspiracy is true, that Israel killed Kirk, which I want it to be, if that say that conspiracy is true. The fact that they thought that would lead to the left getting crushed and it's actually splitting the right in half is one of the greatest things that's ever happened.

[A]

Yes, it's delicious.

[C]

Because they live in worlds of conspiracy. So when one of their top guys get killed, of course they're gonna fracture into groups screaming at each other.

[A]

Well, they also, they didn't cover it up. Great, so then you have that part too.

[B]

What do you mean? It was trans girlfriend.

[A]

Trans girlfriend who is now built rifle five times.

[C]

Don't you love that they've just vanished? Like you just never anything about them again.

[A]

Yeah, don't hear anything about them.

[B]

Interesting and weird that like the one person who really is benefited isn't Israel. It's just this guy, this like white nationalist named Nick Fuentes who just happened to have a longstanding beef with Charlie Kirk and sticked his little army on Charlie Kirk. But that probably has nothing to do with, you know, his murder. Even though the guy who murdered him had like, you know, dressed up like a Pepe Frog.

[A]

Well, this is the sort of stuff you can get from Francesca online. Also, you have a show in Pasadena.

[B]

On December 13th, Saturday, 7:30pm Come to the Ice House should be great fun. That's my New World Disorder show.

[C]

Your husband's on that?

[B]

Yes, sadly.

[C]

He.

[B]

He makes me book him.

[C]

Does he? Yeah. Does he? If you're doing a show, is he like, am I gonna be on this one? Is there a problem in the house from that? Who takes care of the tall you? Can't they just leave the child at home?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And they go off and do their thing.

[B]

We do. We do. No, he always gets to go later in the lineup because he's putting the child down.

[C]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

I could never. I could never. I was always too discombobulated to do that. Go straight from doing that to doing a show or vice versa. Let me tell you how off I was when I had a young child. There was something called the. There's something called a flat epotamus, which he loved, which was essentially a. A. A stuffed animal with no stuffing in it. So it's just like, flat.

[B]

We've seen those.

[C]

And he loved it. And one time.

[B]

It's not right.

[A]

It's a tissue. I was going to flat epotemus.

[C]

I was going to a show, and. And I was trying to get him to go to sleep and calm down, and I put it on. On my head at one point to try to get him to, like, laugh or whatever. And then I rushed out of the house and I went, gelson's grabbing some food before I go and walking around and people look at me weird. And I get in the car and the flat Eponymous is still on my hand.

[A]

Did you talk about it at the show? Yes, I have to. Well, also, Francesca, sticky it was.

[B]

It stayed on your head.

[A]

You didn't even notice.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Gross.

[A]

You gone on Piers Morgan a lot. You called him a dingleberry.

[C]

Yeah. You've done good work.

[B]

I did call him a dingleberry. I also told him to shut the fuck up.

[C]

And they invite you back if you do that.

[B]

No, that's it.

[A]

Oh, they're done.

[B]

You guys have to understand, there's a reason, like, you go in onto those shows with bits. Just do bits.

[A]

Do it is. It's a better Gutfeld.

[B]

It's. Yeah, but I'm trying to do bits. You can't really have a rational argument with them. The reason I stopped is because it's like three out. Three hours out of my morning. Oh, my God. And it's the worst people you ever. You like never want to encounter. And they stop paying me. I asked to get paid. They were like, yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. So I Got like, paid, like, three or four times, and then they just stopped booking me. And I know it's because they didn't want to give me, you know, like, 200.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, Gutfeld doesn't pay comedians to go on there, which I'm just astounded that you would go on a comedy show and not. Well, it's not without getting paid. I know, but it's an experiment. Ostensibly, they bill it as a comedy show, and if you're a comedian going on a show where you're doing jokes and doing your work or whatever, then how the.

[B]

Could you.

[A]

I gotta be.

[C]

Have some self respect.

[B]

Sit there with, like, Grant Cardone and, you know, I don't know, like, these, like, you know, random crypto grifters.

[A]

I gotta be honest.

[B]

Like, I. I think vagina should be illegal. And you're like, I need to get paid.

[A]

I. I watch probably Gutfeld once a week, and I. I really do sit there and I'm just like, what is going on?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I love it. And then it's like, everything's crazy. That Titus, I don't know what he is. He's not of Earth. He's like a Guardians of the Galaxy character out of makeup. And he just sort of sits there and he's just like, no, you got to be careful, because there are a lot of them right now. They're trying to get you to understand that it's not even the pedophile thing, these drag shows, and you're just like, wait, Christopher Titus? No, no, no, no. There is a.

[B]

He has, like, rounded teeth. You know, the way cartoons do.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Is that the guy. Is that the guy with the face tattoos?

[A]

No. I don't know how to explain him. It's just. It's. Imagine if Brutus from Popeye started doing commentary.

[C]

They live in such an alternate world that you just watch it and you're just like, I would love to go on, like, what's.

[A]

I would love to go.

[C]

So funny. And to watch people slide into.

[B]

His name is Tyrus, by the way.

[A]

Tyrus.

[C]

Yeah. Okay, now I know you're talking about. But they. Watching people, like, slide into it. Like. Like, Bill Maher is completely sliding into that world where he doesn't listen to any news, but you just watch him go. And you're like, oh, you don't. You don't live in the real world anymore.

[A]

Believe the big guy who exhausts us. His name is actually tire us.

[C]

I mean, seriously, that was so sweaty.

[A]

It was a lot. All right, Francesca, you're going to Guess what year this paper is from.

[B]

I win.

[A]

And I'm going to do it too. Go ahead, start.

[B]

I win. I don't want to.

[A]

No, come on, don't do that.

[C]

She won. I mean, she self declared and she wins. Congratulations.

[B]

I listen to this show.

[A]

1881.

[C]

She won. No, you're wrong.

[B]

No, I win. I win. And I don't. I don't believe years are real.

[C]

Thank you. This is what we're getting.

[A]

Stupid.

[C]

It is a vibe.

[A]

This is very stupid.

[B]

Years are a vibe. Time is mostly by like the universe tells us when it's time, you know.

[A]

You'Re gonna be someone. Here's Morgan again.

[C]

Someone finally gets it.

[A]

Here's Morgan will be booking you again.

[C]

This is. This whole show has been moving towards years aren't actual. Years are a vibe.

[A]

Years are vibes.

[C]

It's just like our generations real.

[A]

No, age isn't anything. It's about cancer.

[B]

Women only got the ability to like mortgage a home 50 years ago. What even is time? Let's go back.

[C]

By the way. That was a mistake.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That's what caused this. The price to go through.

[B]

Oh, yeah. That's really what's holding me back from mortgaging a home is being a woman.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not that I can't afford it.

[A]

Got that Piers Morgan Money.

[C]

June 7, 1922, the Riverside Daily Press.

[A]

You're from Riverside, motherfucker.

[C]

That's a great place to be from.

[B]

We're streaming on Riverside.

[C]

Oh, how about that?

[A]

Don't tell people that. They can find the room.

[B]

No, I'm sorry.

[C]

Nature man shoots up. Peaceful town.

[A]

Wow. 1922.

[B]

Wait, what is this year? When is this year? 1922.

[A]

I'm sorry. Oh, now you like years.

[B]

I just want to contextual. Sometimes context matters.

[A]

I need a range.

[C]

I told you it was a vibe, though.

[A]

1922, nature man shot up a place.

[C]

Shot up a peaceful town.

[B]

Well, that makes sense.

[C]

San Francisco. All right. I would never. I would never have called San Francisco peaceful town. It's never been.

[A]

Oh, I mean, crime is out of control. I don't know if you've looked at it like, it's just crazy. They, the left, the libs and the left have just kind of let it go to now. If you go into a Walgreens, it's just like you could take anything you want. I went in there the other day and I stole a pharmacist.

[C]

I love it. I love that people. My favorite thing about San Francisco is watching the right wing freak about, freak out about it. I'm like yeah, no, it's always been like that. It's literally.

[A]

No, it's ever since they get you. It's what you try to. You try to give. You raise the minimum wage and people throw poop at you.

[C]

It's so much worse now.

[B]

Somebody spelled gay out of needles outside my home.

[A]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, it's so bad.

[C]

I was in a bar in the Lower Hate at, like, midnight, and the cops walked in and said, hey, nobody go north because people are getting stabbed. And then they left. And we're just like, that's gerrymandering. That's San Francisco. And that was like, 92, 93.

[B]

It's too pretty to not have crime, you know, I mean, in. You know, in the words of comedian NATO Green, who you've had on the show, like, we know there's poop everywhere. We put it there. Imagine how much more expensive San Francisco would be without the poop.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it's got to have something to deter the yuppies. And they're not deterred, clearly.

[C]

No, they're not true. No.

[B]

But nature man killing humans makes a lot of sense to me because you're, like, really resonates. Get rid of them all. It's all about the birds and the beads. And you're up the.

[C]

We're getting into Gareth Reynolds, Birds and.

[A]

The beads, because that is truly what I believe.

[B]

Birds and beads.

[A]

Birds and the beads. Gotta have the beads.

[C]

Auto Herlick for the man hermit or wild man.

[A]

And the non binary.

[B]

This is actually the scariest thing I've ever heard. A wild man coming to the city to kill you.

[C]

Yeah. Otto Herlick, Hermit or wild man. No one seems to know which was shot down in the streets of Daly City today after he had suddenly broken into the city and beaten down four men with a huge club he carried. Hold on, hold on.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

This is so different from the headline. First of all, it's Daily City.

[B]

Very different.

[C]

And also it says, he shoots up peaceful town. And now they're saying he.

[A]

He did it with clubbing people. He was clubbing. I've been to San Francisco. Clubbing.

[B]

Let me tell you, Clubbing in Daly City.

[A]

Clubbing in Daly City.

[C]

Daly City is not a place that really anybody goes except asleep.

[B]

No.

[A]

Interesting. The irony.

[B]

You go there to take the BART into the city.

[C]

That's right. That's right.

[A]

I don't even understand.

[C]

Night watchman Bernard Hilton, after being struck twice, shot Hurlick.

[A]

Huh?

[C]

Hurlick was dressed in a tattered O and tattered overalls. A Still more tattered shirt and worse shoes he had picked up on the beach of different sizes.

[A]

Hell yeah. I love. I just. The man was a walking goodwill.

[B]

This still seems made up. This is.

[A]

This is like. Just admit the shoes being different sizes. That because he found him on the beaches working.

[C]

That's where you get. That's where you get the shoes.

[B]

We definitely need to know about the shoes before we need to know how many people he killed.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Whether or not he was obviously the state he's in.

[A]

What he's California.

[B]

He's dead, right?

[C]

Well, it sounds like he's dead.

[A]

You can't kill this guy.

[C]

It doesn't. Okay. For some time reports.

[A]

No, no. Not with human bullets.

[B]

To encase them in something.

[A]

Yeah. Honestly, Silver. You have to burn them with fire.

[B]

Are they.

[C]

For some time reports have trickled into daily city and coma of a nature man living in a cave on the ocean beach. Twice officers have searched him fruitlessly. It doesn't say if he got killed or searched him. Dude, that's the whole story.

[B]

Outrage out of over unhoused people goes all the way back.

[A]

I know.

[C]

Well, these are.

[B]

Where is he from? Is he a nature man? Is he a mountain man? Or you just want to be fucking left alone in a cave on Ocean Beach?

[C]

I would call this a beachman.

[A]

I don't hate it. I call him a caveman.

[C]

There was a big. At the time there were.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

A lot of hobos had settled in beach communities. So they were just living on beaches because it's great weather and like the unhoused.

[B]

You're like the hobos.

[A]

Yeah. We're out here. We're trying to bring it back.

[C]

Yeah, we should bring back hobos because it had a. It had a.

[A]

There's an air of aristocracy.

[C]

It was a lifestyle more. You know what I mean? So it wasn't. Yeah.

[B]

There's a soft harmonica playing every time I hear the word hobo.

[A]

Yeah, there's a.

[B]

There's some dreams in hobo.

[C]

You know, there's like they had a code.

[A]

They had a code. They. And they always had a napkin to tie around their neck and they carried their own knife and fork.

[C]

That's right.

[B]

My God. I just had a dream about like middle. I'm remembering a dream I had last night about like middle aged train hoppers in the Pacific Northwest. What the fuck was happening?

[A]

This is what happens when you sit next to Matt. You just like, oh God. Middle aged Seattle train hoppers. I need to get out of here.

[B]

Snoring get me on a Train to nowhere. So, okay.

[A]

Is that it?

[C]

That's it. We don't have no idea if he lived or died or if the people. I assume the people.

[A]

Guys like that never die.

[C]

He probably just hit him with a.

[A]

Stick and I think they four murdered his club. To me.

[C]

Yeah. Explosive proves to be live skunk.

[A]

Francesca, initial thoughts?

[B]

I mean, it's definitely the weapon of a hobo. If we're still. If there's a theme, that's a different.

[A]

Story, but you're not wrong. Okay, so the skunk was a bomb.

[C]

Portland, Oregon Nice explosive handle with care labeled. A small, strongly constructed box with a cloth covering proved a warning to numerous baggage men and biological survey employees today.

[A]

It's a good headline. It's a very good way to write a headline to get you to be like, what? And then you're like, oh, I put a skunk in a box. Yeah, yeah, those are. You never seen those at Southwest, right next to the baggage handle.

[C]

This paper seems to be lying with its headlines. Yeah, a liar paper.

[A]

Imagine inside your fake news.

[C]

Inside was it. Did you love that? Yesterday, Trump sat next to the guy who cut up a journalist into little tiny pieces and put it in boxes. And in that sitting, he looked at a reporter from ABC and said, yeah, fake news.

[A]

Yeah. It's just so. About Epstein.

[C]

Could he.

[B]

Things happen, guys.

[A]

Yeah, crazy.

[B]

Let us be real. This is the same week that he's trying to claim he has no connection to Epstein, even though Epstein had dirt on him, was colluding with even Democrats against him. And he's like, things happen. He. I don't know. He had a terrible reputation. That's what he said about the journalist. He had a bad reputation and things.

[A]

Happened, by the way, he also didn't.

[C]

And he also. And he's also pointing right during that, pointing at a woman from abc. Go news. And going, you're terrible. You're a terrible person.

[A]

Yeah, dude, it is. I don't know, It's. It's so exhausting now. But it's also the only thing that's enjoyable is he's like fully lost a step. Like he is no longer near at all in the way that he used to be able to kind of cut him down. Now he's just. Now you're just like, bro, you called her a piggy fucking weirdo.

[C]

They're going to be wearing little piggy shirts.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Says an orange skinned fat ass.

[C]

How high up, how high up do you think your, your family is on the disappear leftist list?

[B]

Oh God, you got to be you.

[C]

Guys got to be high up there. You guys got to be.

[B]

Menacing packages.

[C]

You do have the anti Semite podcast. And then you're a loud lady, Lefty, so it's not.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I've. Again, Piers Morgan going on that show does me no favors. It's like, you got to pay me before you dox me.

[A]

Yeah. Honestly. Now, hold on, Francesca.

[B]

I'd like to say I was higher. That was great. Actually. I've been trying to nail his accent because it's not that posh, but it's also not.

[A]

It's just the worst. That's why the Lord gave him a second throw boat.

[C]

One of my greatest regrets in life is I was boarding a plane, and I was standing behind Piers Morgan, and he had luggage and shoes that were monogrammed with his initials, and I did not take a picture. I did not take a picture. It is one of my greatest regrets in life.

[B]

He really does have, like, monogrammed hand towel that you wipe your ass on. Energy.

[A]

He is the worst.

[C]

Okay, back to this. It was a skunk. The animal was sent to Stanley Jewett by Harold Ahalt, govern government trapper from Morrow county, who sent it in a live bat who sent in a live badger a few days ago.

[A]

Oh, it's the same guy's doing badgers and skunks.

[C]

It is for exhibition purposes at the Sportsman and tourist Show.

[A]

These are live animals?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Well, why was it a bomb?

[A]

They called it a bomb, I think, so that. To throw people, like, so people wouldn't inspect it.

[C]

They. Yeah, they thought it was. Well, I think. Yeah, it was labeled explosive, so they would be careful with it.

[A]

Yeah. So people would be like, whoa, easy. And then they'd be like, this bomb stinks.

[C]

Yeah. Christ. I would. I would imagine a. A box skunk would just be spraying like crazy, right?

[A]

Not necessarily. I mean, you know, it would run out of the. The ass juice.

[C]

I never.

[A]

Medically speaking. You'll. You'll co. Sign this, but it runs out of the ass juice eventually. It needs time to build up more stinky butt.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. It's got to save the stinky butt.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So you have a. Francesca, you get it?

[A]

Yeah, no, exactly. It's sort of.

[B]

Yeah. You're not.

[A]

It's storing it up. It's like a huge piss. If you're skunk stick is like a huge piss.

[C]

Jesus.

[A]

What's happening? We got the clip.

[C]

What's going on over here?

[B]

I just get medical skunk spray because they just got out of, you know, a Three hour movie. They just saw like a Christopher Nolan and they're just pissing, you know, like a smoke break. Five minutes.

[C]

I went to a movie the other day, which I probably been a movie theater in like five or seven years or something, right?

[B]

One battle after another.

[C]

I sat 30. No, it was a running man. And I sat through 30 because the only demographic is my age. Just a bunch of my age. They literally.

[A]

One guy stood up during it and said, are we all cool jacking off? And everyone was like, yes, there.

[C]

There was literally just one other guy my age in the theater. And it was. But in afterwards, they're like, man, this movie bombed. And then they were like. Because only guys Dave Anthony's age want to see it.

[A]

Crushed with the Dave Anthony demo.

[C]

But I sat through 30 minutes of trailers and I was like, I don' to go to movies anymore. Like, why did I come in here?

[B]

Yeah, I know. I'm. I'm with some. Matt was like, we got to get there on time so we can see him premiere. Like, he's that guy.

[C]

He's that. Tell your husband to off for me. Tell him to off.

[A]

Tell him I said hi.

[B]

Don't I like him. I know. I know.

[C]

I got this.

[B]

I'd like to get through one pastimes without him being mentioned.

[C]

We brought him up.

[A]

We brought you up when his was you.

[B]

You marry him.

[A]

I. I would love to try. I don't think it would work. I'll be honest. I don't think it would work. I think it would be really bad.

[B]

Are you Big spoon? Are you big Spoon? Because he actually likes being little spoon, so that's.

[A]

That's sad. I. I couldn't do that. I could. I'd have to be. I'd need to look like his backpack.

[C]

Never say that.

[A]

Be on his back.

[C]

Can you never say that again?

[B]

What's happening?

[A]

I don't remember.

[C]

Garrett. The pastimes is brought to you by Mint Mobile. You. You. You do not have to let the big Wireless and. Big wireless.

[A]

Sorry. You don't have to let Big wire wireless industrial complex.

[C]

That's right. And your overpriced phone bill suck the joy out of the holidays. No, because. Why? Because there's an answer.

[A]

I was going to until you were delivering whatever this is. What's going on, Gareth?

[C]

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[A]

Oh, this is that thing. You keep talking.

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[A]

What?

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You know how much money you can save with that?

[A]

50% more than I was five minutes ago.

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And you can get three, six or nine months of unlimited premium wireless for $915 a month.

[A]

I'll do 9:15.

[C]

Do you know much money that saves you?

[A]

Well, give me my new number of my new phone, sir.

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This is by far Mint Mobile's best deal of the year. Makes it real easy to give your expensive wireless bill the old Scrooge treatment, as they say.

[A]

Good.

[C]

Give it the scrooge.

[A]

Well, and like I was saying in jest, you keep your number and you keep your phone.

[C]

Yeah, I'm using Mint Mobile. You should use Mint Mobile too. It is very easy to switch.

[A]

Same as it always was, just cheaper.

[C]

You said keep all your stuff and it works. It works. It's on the nation's largest 5G network. So that means it works. Yeah. And so you save tons of money and you get as good a service as all those guys who gouge you. The bad companies.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I've been with all three of them now and I hate them all.

[A]

Oh, it's. I mean before Mint Mobile it was just sort of a rotating.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Who do you go with next?

[C]

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[A]

But you probably got the prize. You're getting me already.

[C]

And, and, and going to stores now is already nightmare. The shelves are empty, you're out of ideas. You don't know what to get. Or frames is the perfect gift.

[A]

Couldn't agree with you more, David.

[C]

And it feels personal. It feels very personal.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

It feels like you're doing something very, very nice.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I always have a hard time getting gifts from my mom.

[A]

And me too. Every time it comes to getting your mom something, I'm like, what am I going to get her this year?

[C]

Truly the best gift that you can give is a hug. Is an aura frame. When I gave your mom the aura frame with all the pictures of me.

[A]

Okay. Back to copy. A lot of back to copy. Back to copy.

[C]

And your mom was like, this is the perfect gift. Now she loved it because now just send candid shots to her at any time.

[A]

I sent your mom a bunch of stuff too. Me in the yard. I did what I call the salt burn.

[C]

And so you don't have to do the frantic Christmas Eve run to go and do your, your, your shopping. You just do this. And I'm telling you, an aura frame is so great. You just download the OR app and you connect to WI fi. You can keep adding pictures from anywhere.

[A]

Makes you look good.

[C]

It makes you look so good. People who are in your life and they feel like, oh, I don' them enough.

[A]

Bam. Picture.

[C]

Bam picture. You can even add a message before the gift arrives. It's great. I can't recommend enough that comes in a gift box.

[A]

Yep. No, it's all packaged beautifully, straightforward and.

[C]

There'S no little price tag on it. So it's all good. My mom loves it. And g mom also loves what I gave her.

[A]

Loves what I gave her.

[C]

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[A]

I'm helping.

[C]

I don't know if you know, whole.

[A]

Thing'S going good now.

[C]

Wives use movie films to cure boozing husbands. God.

[A]

Hey, Matt, is you your wife do the. Oh, never mind.

[C]

Movie films today replaced the cure for imers imbibers.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[C]

Irate wives wanting their husbands to view themselves as others do now call the cameraman to shoot a few reel of the head of the house as he leaves home after the cocktail hour.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I love this so much. What? Oh my God.

[A]

What a business model.

[C]

Wow. We get several calls each week from wives who want their husbands put on the celluloid. Said Watterson Rothiker, movie filmmaker.

[A]

Not a real person to keep going.

[C]

Yeah. Just before the husband, a bit worse for wear, is poured from a taxi, the wife puts in a rush order for a cameraman.

[A]

That is great.

[C]

A close up. A close up is taken as he unsteadily moves. Are you filming me up the cement stairs? He is then snapped, trying to prove to his wife, how sober he is. He sinks into the softest chair. Another close up of the fade out.

[B]

For your drunk husband. This is amazing.

[A]

And it's not to do anything other than to prove he's lying to you about being drunk.

[B]

How are they watching this back? Like, do you then have to go to the theater? Like the opening of Harold Pisses his Pants on the five.

[A]

This isn't Running Man. Quiet. Keep watching, you idiot.

[B]

Wait, what is that?

[C]

The fade out is taken when he stretches out in bed fully dressed from shoes to hat.

[A]

That's just shoes to hat.

[B]

Oh, this is cinematic.

[A]

Yeah, it's great.

[C]

Then, said the producer on some cold gras. What's grah.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

It's like a. It's. It's gray, but like a chill way of saying gray.

[C]

It's a gray bra on some cold gras drawn several days afterward. A sheet is placed against the wall in the home. And the flickering serial comic drama.

[A]

What the hell is this?

[C]

This is you, honey.

[A]

What? Oh, wait. This from the other night?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's who that camera guy was.

[C]

It either cures him or he gets out again to forget how he looked. Said Rothakur. Yeah.

[A]

I'll be honest.

[B]

You and you want to be on top of me. Look at yourself.

[A]

I'm fine.

[B]

Look at that tummy. Look at that gut.

[A]

I was great. This is about it. This is about a sobriety. This is about a sobriety. No, you're. You're body shaming your husband. This is about his sobriety, Miss. So just to remind you, you're a big, fat, sloppy shit, and I'm not letting it go in me anymore. Ma', am. Ma', am, we're trying to get him to quit drinking. Gross.

[B]

This is like. I mean, this is like wheeling. Like a. Like a stroller. An empty stroller in front of their car as they're trying to drive home drunk. Like, you know, it's a little bit evil, but also amazing.

[A]

Also necessary, but I would. What I'm most surprised by, honestly, is that men even could. Had to, like, hide it. I feel like that back then you were just like, hey, look, I'm a better husband when I'm drunk, you idiot. Yeah, like, why? Like, I still.

[C]

I still say that, though.

[B]

You do?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But no, this is. It goes to show that the gaslighting that the. That men tend to. Here we go.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

Yep. Has been going on for decades. Centuries, in fact.

[A]

Forever.

[B]

Like, all of us, for forever. All of we. Women. Sometimes you want to. You need a third Party. You need someone observing. I mean, this is like a, you know, the. The ring camera wives. Like, I understand this because you. You want a little, like, GoPro in the corner to just like, be like, I wasn't yelling, you know, like that. You know, you.

[A]

We need.

[C]

All right. I actually.

[B]

What's wrong with my tone?

[A]

Like, I. My girlfriend in her place has, like, for her dogs when she's gone, has, like, a camera in, like, her kitchen. And we. We had a argument once and she brought tape. Yeah, she, like, she brought. And I was like. It was like. But it was still a gray area. But I was like, I don't like that we could watch game film on an argument.

[B]

But did you recognize your. How your behavior was.

[A]

No. I stood by woman bad. We both. We both were like, do you see? I was like, see what I'm right. It was terrible. It was a terrible bit of evidence, but it was. I was like. I never thought about that. She was like, going back through the game film.

[C]

I was rough.

[B]

See, that's what we want.

[A]

No. So now I just mouth the shit. Just like.

[B]

I think it's probably because these wives were like, you know, I don't get. The husbands were like, I don't get that drunk. I'm perfectly fine.

[A]

Well, they definitely. You're. You definitely come back. Like, I don't know. You always. I mean, nobody gets drunk and is like, I'm fate, like, to a sober person. No, you definitely always like, I've been pretty good. I don't think I'm that bad. Do you imagine I'm gonna eat some biscuits with cheese and then probably call it a day. Yep.

[C]

Practically no women wireless senders in the country. Chivalry and the glorious traditions of the sea are handicapping the women of the nation in the radio field.

[B]

What glorious versions of the sea.

[C]

That's right. People don't put it like that anymore, but we should bring that back.

[A]

The glorious things were simpler in the sea.

[B]

Is this like. This feels like a long wind up to, like. That's why I had to blow a sailor, like.

[A]

Or throw your wife in the ocean. I'm giving her a sea birth.

[C]

There are practically no women in the country employed as wireless senders. And it is likely that there will be but few in the future.

[A]

You can't let them because of the.

[C]

Sea, the soap, the oceans.

[B]

There's women underrepresented in the ocean.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's why we got to throw you in, babe.

[C]

Where guys learn how to talk on the wireless.

[B]

On the wireless.

[C]

That's What I'm assuming this is. But sorry, women and children first.

[B]

A long incel wind up to be like, that's why we had to do dirty talk on the wireless because there's not enough women. So I just pitch my voice up a little bit.

[A]

Morse code. Masturbating.

[C]

Women and children first. The old sea tradition is the reason radio men declare nearly all of the radio operators.

[A]

So they want to be first in a tragedy and have a job. Nah.

[C]

What do we do?

[A]

No, you can't do both. Pick a lane, ladies.

[C]

Pick a lane.

[A]

And by the way, children do.

[C]

The thing is, you got shuffleboards on the boat, so I don't know what else you want. Good lord, you gave shuffleboard. You get to walk around your dresses sit there. And the. You know.

[A]

So you want me to hold the door open for you, but then also you want rights.

[B]

Why come join me now you are sounding like someone from San Francisco. That's.

[A]

I've started to slam doors in women's faces in public places because I'm like that they. You all have asked for it. So I'm just trying to. I'm so confused.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I lived in Argentina for many years. I must say this at any time.

[A]

Don't you have to say it as Argentina?

[B]

Argentina.

[C]

See?

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

And the chivalry is very different. Like, yes, there's like massive machismo there. But every guy, they'll hold the door open for you. They will let you get on the bus first. They'll even let like a. A comic had like a joke. I remember because I did comed down there and be like, you know how many ladies you have to let go? I'm like, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 10. And then I'm going. And it got a big laugh. And it was like. Because it was like really common. I came back to the States, I moved back to San Francisco. And I remember this guy. Like, I was like, we were both exiting at the same time and he was just like, like put his hand out like fine. Like just the most resentful, chivalrous, like fucking tech bro piece of dirty dick dick. Dirty dick dick.

[C]

You dirty dick tech bro.

[A]

It's so funny to hate, hate chivalry. And anyway, good, hurry up. Good moving. Honestly though, I would say on like whenever I'm getting off of a plane, I will be him. I'll be like, you have to go. But I get me off of here. I might let me leave. But you go first.

[B]

You really have the energy of the guy who likes stands up before the seat Belt sign is off. And then goes as far forward.

[C]

I love that guy. First of all, hey, buddy, you saved a minute 30.

[A]

Thank you for recognizing that's that guy.

[C]

I call the dumbest guy on the planet.

[A]

Almost a window. So I cut by two people.

[C]

It's so insane.

[A]

My favorite of what you're getting off the plate of the people who had to put their cases, like, in the back and they have to go, like, one, aisle two. I'll wait.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Two, aisle three. I'll wait.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're just like, it's fine. I'm very fine. This isn't a life either, just so you know.

[B]

It's like the puzzles with a very small little metal ball.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I'm talking about?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Nearly all the radio operators are men, both in the land stations and on the ships. As a matter of fact, all on the ships are men.

[B]

It might have something to do with the fact that we kept our dicks out and would wave them in their direction.

[A]

Hello.

[C]

That's a. Hello.

[A]

Care to join the workforce?

[C]

Practically all of the radio operators who obtain positions in land stations have obtained their experience on ships. Land stations generally refuse to hire operators who have not had a good bit of sea experience. So what are you gonna do?

[B]

Reinforcing?

[C]

What are you gonna do, teach a lady how to do it?

[A]

Come on.

[C]

Come on.

[B]

Either way, you just don't want to be on, like, a remote lighthouse with, like. Like, another man. I'm imagining that's what it would require.

[A]

Can you imagine the awful feeling of climbing the lighthouse stairs and you see your partner and it's just. Hello.

[C]

Hey, I'm Frank.

[A]

I. I thought women were real, but now it's good to have confirmation.

[B]

You guys are just doing. I just. I saw the movie the Lighthouse with Willem Dafoe.

[A]

Like, the weirdest.

[B]

The weirdest movie. Like, what if. What if Woman of Robert Pattinson.

[C]

Oh, my God. What if I say that for most movies he's in.

[A]

We should have another drink together.

[B]

You just see the ob. You're like, this. This woman could have just been Robert Pattinson.

[A]

I feel.

[C]

Yeah, this could have been woman.

[A]

I'm. I am her agent. You know, she could have been Robert Pattinson in that as well. Dope woman.

[C]

Women are not hired on ships as radio operators because of the etiquette of the sea. Raped.

[A]

Etiquette of the scene.

[C]

The radio operator, by tradition, never leaves his instrument until it is put out of commission or until the ship is about to take its final plunge. If women Were radio operators, the ship's officers would feel responsible for seeing them off the ship as soon as possible in times of danger. That is the code of the sea. And that is why women stand but little chance of breaking into the wireless gear game. Because we're taking care of you, not because we couldn't control ourselves.

[B]

I'd have to listen to you.

[A]

The women need too much. They will ruin everything.

[B]

This is.

[A]

But this is their needs.

[B]

This is in the 20s. This is the same argument that like the New York Times is making in the year 2025 that like women just a massive distraction.

[A]

The army can't get them. Women can't be out there. If I'm on, you're either gonna have to help them or want to them. Either way, get them out.

[C]

But if I'm on a ship and it's the 19, whatever 20s, tens, I want it full of ladies.

[A]

Well, yeah, without question. But, but, but you don't.

[C]

They are.

[A]

You don't want to be around the other men. You'd be like, oh God, I don't like, like would get.

[B]

I think they would fall in love with the voice like the. The operator. You know that's what we're talking about, right?

[A]

Oh yeah, yeah, 100%.

[B]

There's like a B love backstory on this one.

[A]

I agree. That is true. I love the way she tells me to do those things.

[B]

Say it again, Harold. You're right next to a cliff.

[A]

Come and rescue me then. Do you have concerns for my well being?

[B]

I would love to, but a man would need to escort me actually out of my post around Amanda.

[C]

Robert Pattinson.

[B]

Well, I'd rather Robert Pattinson, but a man will do.

[C]

Owl decorates desk of Mayor Evans at City hall office.

[A]

There we go. Yeah.

[C]

I wish we would bring back owl decorators.

[A]

Oh, great. Completely agree. Yeah, just like. It's a lot of mouse bones. Let me reveal the space to you. It's just a barn owl.

[C]

I have not. I haven't seen an owl in nature since I was a kid. And they're around where I live. I just want to see. I want to see a owl.

[B]

Nature doesn't exist anymore, Dave.

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

There's still some owls.

[C]

There's owls.

[A]

Yeah, there are still some owls.

[C]

I was having dinner at a.

[A]

And.

[C]

He was like, oh, we see owls all the time. I'm like, what the.

[A]

Oh man. I'll tell you. One night I was coming down from a good acid trip and there were a lot of owls. Phenomenal.

[C]

What a great time.

[A]

I Was not in the. It was not the time for any more knowledge. I'd gained all that. But visually it was quite an experience.

[B]

Well, with the five. Don't think I've ever seen an owl in the wild.

[C]

You've never seen that on the wild?

[B]

Well, isn't it. They're just enshrouded in darkness, right?

[C]

No, they're. They're. They daytime. It. Sometimes. They're not always. They're not always. Just a night in their holes. Well, now. Now it's getting very weird about what you think owls are.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Owls to me are like secretive, Nim.

[A]

They wear graduation caps.

[C]

Okay, now you make a good point.

[A]

They're teachers. They give you wizard degrees. We know what the owls do.

[B]

They eat moths, weirdly.

[C]

And lollipops.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. We'll. We'll link up. We'll get you on an owl tour.

[B]

Okay. Thank you.

[A]

Don't worry about it.

[C]

Let the owl's wing onward. But the specimen now decorating the desk, Mayor Evans has seen its day.

[A]

Weird.

[C]

Its wings have been clipped, the body stuffed and the feet that once.

[A]

I think it's going to die.

[C]

The common clay have been firmly affixed to a permanent standard. Tacked down, so to speak.

[B]

Jesus Christ. I see what happened.

[A]

Yeah, it's dead.

[C]

The taxidermist, in mounting this particular owl. Owl did a good job. Lifelike is the word. Well. Oh, great.

[A]

I'll tell you what. It's a real fine line if you're a taxidermist. People like, either like, that's great or like what happened.

[C]

I. I would want it lumpy. I would absolutely be a guy putting antlers on an owl. If I was a taxidermist, I would be totally just going crazy.

[A]

This guy's very good.

[B]

The abomination.

[A]

Yeah, he's avant garde.

[B]

So how did the owl die? It was. Didn't do a good enough job decorating its hole.

[C]

A lot of them can't get out of their holes.

[A]

Why do we go in?

[B]

Well, they're not allowed out of the holes, as I was told by the car.

[C]

So there the little sand urchin stands throughout the day, his feathers seemingly ruffled and his head cocked at a somewhat rakish angle. He may have pounded the atmosphere with a brisk wing at nightfall heretofore, but the unerring aim of an unknown marksman finally slapped on the quietus by shot an hour. Otherwise nicely. All right.

[A]

I got shot an hour. Come on.

[C]

Upholstered spinal.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

The word police are here.

[C]

I know. Goodbye. A new thesaurus buddy. This is.

[B]

There's a story about someone who is an. It was the May or like, an official has an owl on his desk.

[C]

Yeah. And the guy's saying, get new one because this one's worn out. Because, you know, how long. How long before your. Your. Your stuffed owl wears out?

[A]

Exactly the question we've asked ourselves a thousand times.

[C]

It's like, stuffed out is good for five. Five years max. And then you're like, what the are we doing here now?

[A]

What are we doing? Move on.

[B]

Get yourself a new owl if you have yourself a mayor. Are you kidding me?

[C]

What are you.

[A]

This mayor has an old owl on his desk.

[C]

I can't vote for this guy.

[A]

I have a new mom.

[B]

Donnie's better. Better have a new owl on that. Goddamn.

[C]

You better get a new owl, man.

[A]

Donnie, that's a Cuomo tweet. Yeah, he's got an old owl on his desk.

[C]

Is that Cuomo? Yeah.

[A]

It's terrible.

[B]

Where's the Italian? And it's much slower.

[A]

I am worried about Joran's owl.

[B]

He's going to stuff it. And I do think he should have a Wall street bro stuffed and put on his desk.

[A]

I'll tell you what I like. Well, the early signs I'm into.

[C]

By the way, I will go to New York City to help go door to door against Richie Torres. If you want to go with. I'm doing that. I'm going to get as many dollar people as I can to go out there, and we're going to walk door to door to get Richie Torres fucking.

[B]

Office for Michael Blake. Michael Blake is running against him.

[A]

But Francesca, to be clear, I'm actually going to New York to go door to door to stump for Richie Torres. So we're doing a bit of a. We're trying to see.

[C]

We're fighting.

[A]

I love Richie Torres.

[C]

Red Hook is where he's from, and that's the. Where the maraschino cherry factory is.

[A]

Super weird thing.

[C]

I know that because they made red bees. We'll be right back.

[B]

Is the maraschino like the maraschino heirs and heiresses? Who are they voting for?

[C]

I bet it's Richie Torres. I bet they slipped him a little bit of money and they're like, hey, let's get our cherries everywhere.

[B]

Well, it's got to be their maraschino crimes.

[C]

Shouldn't. Shouldn't. Hey, Richie. Shouldn't our cherries be on all Navy boats?

[B]

Hey, cherries have a right to exist, okay?

[A]

Maraschino cherry is a very affluent garnish. I Think we all know it classes up any drink. I do martinis with Mary Chino.

[B]

Depends on which ones, though. These sound like those bright red Shirley Temple.

[A]

Those are the ones.

[C]

The class.

[A]

Yes, class. Pure.

[C]

Pure class.

[A]

Yes, Pure. Class. Francesca. Yes. Lord.

[B]

Those aren't actually cherries, are they? Like they're synthetic at this point?

[C]

No, I think they're cherries.

[A]

They were cherries once. They're soaked and then a sugar zombie bit them.

[C]

Yeah, there's a. It's a nightmarish concoction that they're soaked in.

[B]

They're real housewives of cherries, man.

[A]

Find me at 10 years old and you'll find me trying to convince my mother to buy another one of those.

[C]

Right? I mean, I love Marishini cherries, but.

[A]

The only thing better was drinking the juice.

[C]

Yep, amazing stuff.

[B]

Well, nowadays, the big. The big Italian ones. I forgot what the brand is called.

[A]

Pardon?

[B]

The big. The Italian ones.

[A]

The big Italian.

[C]

Are you thinking about meatballs?

[A]

Oh, you're thinking about Marcino meatballs. I never liked those.

[B]

Listen, classless hoes, okay, I'm talking about.

[C]

We don't get that enough.

[B]

I'm talking about the Luxardo cherries. The Italian ones, man.

[A]

Luxardo cherries.

[C]

Talking about here, she. She's bringing a Italian drunk.

[B]

She's about to start going the original Marinos.

[A]

Well, well, well.

[C]

You're talking about the gabagoo.

[B]

Yeah, definitely talking about the gabago. I'm trying to find out what. Anyway, I'll go downstairs and show you how big of a Costco. Size of maraschino cheese.

[C]

Was it like an apple?

[A]

No, it's just the. The amount.

[C]

Size of it. Oh, you're not. Are you talking about a big cherry? Are you talking about.

[A]

Oh, I know what you're talk.

[B]

I know giant cherry that I just off of of.

[A]

There are classics.

[C]

You can take bites from a cherry, that's how big the cherry is.

[A]

Sweet. God. Read the paper. What is happening? Bonkers.

[C]

Anyway, we're gonna campaign against Rich Torres. New record established on playground baseball.

[A]

There we go.

[C]

A new juvenile record is believed to have been established in berkeley yesterday when two local playground baseball teams composed of boys from 8 to 12 years of age. First of all, you can't have 12 year olds playing 8 year olds in baseball. What the is that?

[B]

That's huge difference.

[C]

Although I will say my son was. He did play it when he was 7. He did play on a 11 year old team.

[B]

My son. My son could definitely take an older kid. My son's got like my jeans or.

[A]

Whatever people don't know this, but I actually have a baby and he's in the NFL.

[C]

That's actually true. My baby's in the NFL.

[B]

I'd be insane for any baby to play in the NFL. Except for if it were my baby.

[A]

My baby's really good in the NFL and he's a kicker.

[C]

My baby started running when he was was two months old.

[B]

My baby transitioned to be a woman so that it could play in female sports and win every single.

[A]

Sorry not to cut you off, Francesca, but I have a one sperm that I'm raising and it's does polo.

[C]

I have one sperm and it's four feet long.

[A]

Okay, I, I have to go to the doctor to have them pull all the vomit out of me. Possible.

[B]

A four foot long sperm.

[C]

Horrible. It's the world's biggest sperm.

[A]

For those of you listening, she's talking.

[C]

1-9-Pound sperm and just. I'm still looking for the lucky lady to get it. Daddy married. I'm still out there searching.

[A]

Find a mom. We should find a mom. I'm about 100 grand in debt. Come is the worst.

[B]

Okay, so wait, who's keeping score of playground baseball? I feel like it's just a local pedophile. While.

[C]

Yeah, right.

[B]

That's, yeah, like who's peeping? Oh, yeah. So that's the highest score they've ever gotten.

[C]

Look at these kids.

[A]

Yeah, sometimes I go to little league games just to have them be like, which kid's yours? And I go, none of them.

[C]

I'm here to watch. I love the game.

[B]

Yeah, it's a bit, it's totally a bit. Right, Gareth? That's, it's a really funny bit. And also you can look at their little butts. But I totally know that it's a funny.

[A]

I'm doing it as a joke right now.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's what they all say.

[A]

It's a joke. Joke.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[A]

I'm having fun.

[B]

Know the difference?

[A]

They know the difference. I haven't done it in a season.

[B]

They know the difference.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

I was being a pedophile. As a joke.

[A]

I went to Epstein island for a larf.

[C]

Can I make a prediction?

[A]

Yeah, please.

[C]

Can I predict that private equity buys the Little League and then charges people to watch their kids play Little League? He, he'd.

[B]

Sure. But it's an app.

[C]

It will be an app. But I, I, they, I bet, I bet private equity buys a Little League and then they charge parents to go to games.

[A]

Yeah, because you'll be like $2.

[B]

You need some sort of sting for, like, Dave's darkest predictions.

[A]

It's just. It's like, it comes out of it. I'm like, dude, I'm like, where were you just now? Where did you go? Then he comes back.

[C]

Everybody knows. Everybody knows the bright.

[A]

There's gonna be a two tinder for organs.

[C]

There will be a tinder for organs. Absolutely. There will absolutely be an app to get organs 100.

[A]

You're just like, dude, we were just listening. We were just talking.

[C]

They're gonna pass a law.

[A]

You know what I just realized?

[C]

Like, 10 years. They'll pass a law that you can sell your organs. Guaranteed battle. The kids battled through 23 innings to a 2 to 2 tie. Each team used but one pitcher, but the score was tied from the seventh inning. Inning.

[B]

That's what happens when you have no defense, you know, 23, 23 innings.

[C]

What the are we doing?

[B]

Underhand?

[A]

That kid was like, ah, Jesus. We're gonna have to take him out back and shoot him. His arms.

[C]

Noodles, your kid's dead.

[A]

Your kid's dead from noodle. Armed.

[C]

You know, they have. Now they have limits on the kids. You can pitch, but they like little League, Billy. You can only. You can only pitch five innings. But then. And. But then the kids played different tournaments and stuff. So, like, some of those kids that were in the world Series had pitched like 270 pitches in, like two days. Like, it's just so bad.

[B]

Like this. The images really quickly of pictures. Like, when you take the picture of them, when the photographer takes the picture right at the moment of, like, inflection, when they're all fat and weird up their arm is.

[C]

Yeah, it's crazy what they do to their arm.

[B]

It's. It's not good. It's called outer thoracic syndrome. And I also have it. But not from pitching. From what computer use.

[A]

You have outer thoracic.

[C]

How do you get it from computer use? Like, what are you doing? Do you know how to use a computer? But because you're screaming and hitting it all the time.

[B]

Yes. It's just all the palming of the keyboard and being on with Piers Morgan. But yeah, no, the Is really bad. And don't get shoulder surgery. Guys go to an osteopath.

[C]

That's not.

[B]

If you're listening and you're a pitcher. For all the pitchers who are listening, for all the professionals.

[A]

Very few, by the way, MLB pitchers.

[B]

Who I know listen to the doll. A lot of them do osteo. Osteopathy is the way, not surgery. Thank you.

[C]

We did Adam An MLB pitcher that used to listen. I don't know if he still does. He's not online anymore. But. But what if you're. What if you tear a tendon? Shouldn't you get surgery?

[B]

I don't know. I don't know.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No, no. Yeah, I'm sometimes, like. Sometimes, like, Western medicine is good or whatever, I guess, but what do you.

[C]

But you're like, just rub an owl on it, like.

[B]

Exactly. Stuff it.

[A]

Yeah. Go.

[C]

Girls. Bleach ugly freckles.

[B]

Oh, whoa. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Squeeze the juice of two lemons into a bottle containing 3 ounces of.3 ounces of orchard white, which any drug store will supply for a few cents. Shake well, and you have a quarter pint of the best freckle and tan lotion and complexion whitener.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I'm.

[B]

I'm very pro this. Like, I.

[A]

You don't like the freckles?

[B]

This is bad. But I like when newspapers offer you, like, some little tips, concrete things. I mean, since when did they start to go like, oh, you got to put this in, like, Seventeen magazine or Vogue or whatever. No, put in the paper.

[A]

No, you're right. And I. Well, it's also. It's not a bleach, which I like. I find. I thought it was going to be a bleach. And it's kind of a relief to hear that. It's just the cider and lemons.

[B]

It's lemon juice. It's like, oh, my God. Lemon juice in your hair and you get blonde in the summer.

[C]

What is orchard white, though, is orchard white?

[B]

It's probably bleach.

[C]

It's probably.

[A]

Obviously bleach. The idea of adding lemons to bleach. But don't forget, girls, a bit of lemon to make sure that you're not fully white.

[C]

Yeah. I think they're saying, bleach your freckles. Okay. Which I think is bad.

[A]

Yeah, I do, too. I agree.

[B]

I'm only getting white orchids.

[C]

Massage this sweetly fragrant lemon lotion into the face and hands.

[A]

It's burning good, huh? That's the freckles leaving your face.

[C]

And see how freckles and blemishes bleach out and how clear, soft, and rosy white the skin becomes.

[A]

Well, you're having an allergic reaction, but golly, are your cheeks red? My bones are showing. You look fantastic. Stick.

[C]

That burns. It burns.

[A]

There you are. That's good. That's us correcting God's error. What?

[B]

The people still do this? I mean, freckles are the weirdest thing to either love or Hate, I think just stay out of the sun. Put some sunscreen on if you don't want any more freckles.

[C]

But. But if you got freckles, you. You can't get around it. You got freckles. Deal with it.

[B]

Like, oh, Olivia Munn got rid of hers, and now she's dating John, has a baby, and has two babies, so.

[A]

Two babies.

[B]

Say what you will about getting rid of your freck. It works.

[C]

That can't be a complicated relationship.

[A]

You know what? I'd like to say that we would love to someday have one of them on the show. So I think we will remain neutral. You seem lovely, both of you. You've been through a lot, and we support you.

[B]

Absolutely, I agree.

[C]

Well, is that what people were mad at him for? Was her? Why were people. People were mad at him.

[A]

I'm the guy saying, we're not going to get into the John Mulaney stuff.

[B]

We don't get into it. I think we're just mad because we're jealous of true love.

[C]

Love.

[A]

Thank you. Good.

[C]

Did they. Was he married when he met her? Is that what it was?

[A]

Yes. Okay. Now let's move on. It'd be great to have him on the show. I love him.

[B]

He is very, very funny.

[A]

Very funny. And she's nice, too.

[B]

Yeah. That you hate freckles. Because this is a safe space.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

No, no. This is where I have freckles all over me. What the is going on?

[A]

Jesus Christ Gets a bleach, you freak. Oh, my God. There's hair coming out of some.

[B]

Francesco Gareth is just a freckle, right? Like, it's just one. I mean, you can't be a ginger and not.

[C]

Does your child have freckles?

[B]

No, she has.

[A]

She likes them.

[B]

She has a couple of little birthmarks and she gets freaked out at. She sees, like, I have, like, a couple beauty marks or whatever. Like, I have a freckle here, and when she'll touch it, I'll go.

[C]

Yeah, that'll freak her out. She.

[B]

She loves it. She loves me freaking around with my little moles.

[A]

I remember what I taught for a summer. This is a dumb beginning. I might not be able to get through it. I taught improv at a boys and girls club for, like, kids.

[B]

I need to see this. I really.

[A]

It was a shocking, shocking event. But I remember one day when a few of the kids saw the moles on my back, and they started lifting up my shirt, and they were like, whoa.

[B]

Why were you naked with children's of the improv?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And right that's exactly what I was thinking.

[A]

I was doing Improv Island. Yeah, exactly. That's. I was like, all right, I'll be Caesar again.

[B]

Okay, kids, I'll take off my shirt again.

[A]

All right, let's play Caesar and remember. Yes. And. Ah, here I am in the balls. Go ahead. You had something you want to read.

[B]

Have you gotten all your moles checked out? Do they have constellations? They have.

[A]

Dave checks them. Dave checks them all out.

[C]

Every.

[A]

Every time we see each other, he gives them a look. Yeah. Yep. He makes sure they feel the same. On the head of his cock. Go ahead.

[C]

What?

[A]

You had something you want to read?

[C]

Jazz. Jazz. Yeah.

[B]

Sometimes you reveal a little too much about your.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Go ahead, Dave. You had something you want to talk about?

[C]

Some stuff I say.

[A]

Keep quiet, Dave, you were going to read a thing from the paper.

[C]

Paper Jazz supplants booze.

[A]

Oh, you need one for the other.

[B]

Wait, so what's funny is that the first other headline about film movies replacing booze was. I thought, wives trying to get their husbands to watch movies instead of drink.

[C]

Yeah. Well, no, they were just. No, they were just using movies to shame their husband into.

[B]

Not shame. Right.

[A]

Footage.

[B]

No, I get that now, but that felt. The headlines are all like.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Tricking people.

[A]

Yeah, they are. They're. They get you to read.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like when you're, like, online, and there's a thing that's just like, 30 ways to make yourself gorgeous, and you're like, all right, fine. And then it's like, hit the arrow. And you're like, okay, fine. And it's like, not that arrow. This is an ad. And you're like, I'm out of here.

[B]

For me. Yeah. It's always the washing. It's always some Instagram that's like, you're doing this totally wrong and you're about to die. And I'm like, okay, fine. Like, everything you didn't know about green leafy vegetables.

[C]

Like, ah.

[B]

You know, like, that's.

[A]

That's what gets me. My. My. My algorithm right now is fully.

[C]

Your algorithm is. Has to be terrible.

[A]

Mine right now is fully like, what did Bradley Cooper do to his cheeks? My algorithm is just like. Like, South American women being like, let me tell you why Bradley Cooper's cheeks are cray. And I'm like, I could not agree more. I just keep watching.

[B]

You've been searching Mr. Skincare.

[C]

Right. Right.

[A]

No, it was. I'm obsessed with.

[B]

With his.

[A]

I don't.

[C]

He. His whole. His whole thing is, like, weird body Stuff like that. Like, he follows the urine drinking guy. He follows the kidney guy. He follows all the freaks.

[A]

He's the kidney guy.

[C]

The guy eats just kidneys or whatever that. Oh, no.

[A]

First of all.

[C]

But you know what I mean, like.

[A]

You liver, you raise, like, people who.

[B]

Just had, like, you know, like what you call their stomach stable, then they have all this, like, extra skin.

[C]

Yeah, that's exactly the kind of thing.

[A]

For a while. I mean, the. The pimple stuff got crazy for a while, like, the big ones. And I would just be. Yeah. But then I was like, I can't keep doing this. I'll be honest. Chiropractor is a big player. But then I did. I did Hot women getting chiropractic care sort of, like, led into the lead, and I was like, yeah, we're missed. Now we're losing the plot. I like the chiropractic work. I don't like, like, a fake setup where a woman's like, oh, my God, my back from my tits. I'm like, all right, we've lost the story algorithm.

[B]

Well, we know your search terms clearly, Garrett. I've got.

[A]

Not even searching. It's just, like, you enjoy it. And I'm like, I don't hate it.

[C]

Jugs and chiropractors. That's my whole thing.

[A]

Yeah. No, and then. Yeah, and I was like, I like the chiropractic care more than the jugs, but it was like, you're a big jugs player.

[C]

So my. My algorithm just happens to all be about women who have back problems from having giant boobs.

[A]

Yeah. Jugs and packers highlights.

[B]

We're bringing.

[C]

We're bringing jugs back.

[B]

You're bringing jugs and hobos back.

[A]

Hey, by the way, hobos love jug.

[B]

They play them.

[A]

They play them. They play with them.

[C]

This woman put up this Instagram yesterday.

[A]

And that's how a grandpa talks about that woman.

[B]

This.

[C]

It was.

[A]

This woman put up an Instagram, and it was.

[C]

She.

[A]

It was a fraudulent one.

[C]

She. She had. She had looked at a video, and it was. It was something like whatever man says. This woman says that. Whatever. It was like. Like one of those man makes great.

[A]

Point is he's very Aries woman, you.

[C]

Know, and she was. She was looking at the comments, and the comments were all like. Like, dudes getting mad at the video. And she's reading through him, and then her. And she tells her husband to pull it up and look at it. He does, and all of his comments are. Women get getting mad at the video. So it's the exact Same video, exact same time. And they've put. They've just put in comments that will enrage you the most.

[A]

I don't care for that.

[B]

What is the video of?

[C]

I don't know. But it doesn't matter because I think that just means Instagram. No matter what you're seeing, you will. Mostly comments that will make you mad.

[A]

Well, that. That happened.

[B]

Negatives.

[A]

My. My threads definitely now is like, so you like to yell at conservatives, do you? And I'm like, yes, I do. But not only, like, everything's just like, some guy. Like, Dude Musk just talked about how great Trump is. And I'm like, all right, I can't. I can't do this. I can't do this.

[B]

I gotta go outside on the threads. And it's like the most random person saying something, you know, like. Like, I just think that, you know, women. I don't know. I don't think women should be in. Or men should be in women's sports. And then it's like a comic. I know. Going, go kill yourself, you piece of.

[A]

Like, maybe.

[B]

I mean, it's. It's funny to me because, like, yes, that person is dumb and it's stupid, but, like, the number of comics I know who are just, like, lifting and responding to random.

[A]

That's me. You're talking about what I just talked about.

[B]

I know. That's what I'm saying. Like, why are you responding to.

[A]

I don't know. I just get mad, and then I'm just like, you're an idiot. And I'm like, that felt good.

[C]

I do like to make fun of.

[A]

Wait.

[B]

I did see a little kerfuffle you had with someone who, like, wanted the Dodgers to win. I saw that one.

[A]

Oh, man. Francesca. What happened was I'd been on the road touring with the Dollop, and David really fueled my Dodger hate Tank. And I came back the night after my family was over, and I had way too much sake, and I was hammered, and I went on there, and I just watched the world.

[C]

You went. You went online after Saki night?

[A]

No, no, this. I got hammered on Saki Pre Saki night.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

But I saw that. I just was watching the World Series. I love us.

[C]

We did a Saki night.

[A]

Yeah. Well, boy, did we ever. And then. So I went on there, and I just, like, you know, threaded out a couple things, and boy, oh, boy. The. It was rel. And I was like. That's what I said to Dave. I. I was like, I don't know enough. I didn't Know enough. And then all of a sudden, people were making points, and I was like, is that true?

[C]

No. Usually what they're saying is not true.

[B]

What is going on with G, dude? Like, someone made fun of your name, and you were like, yes, you're right. And it was great. You were getting owned by your own people.

[A]

The. The. Yeah, the name. There are times where people will get like. I mean, I think there are times where you get burned very well, and you've got to go. Go like, Sarah, look, I know you don't follow me and you hate my guts, but well played.

[B]

I think the main thing is when you've got a name like Gareth, you just got to be more cautious when you step out.

[A]

Real. We'd like to thank Francesca for joining us on this episode of the Past.

[C]

Times we didn't get through. The jazz supplants. Booze.

[A]

All right, Finish it real quick. But what you should. No more talking for Francesca for a little bit. Does that.

[C]

15 minutes of jazz has the equivalent excellent kick of seven dry martinis. I agree.

[A]

It's like a Mormon thing in that.

[C]

They both put me to sleep. This is the equation.

[A]

Seven martinis. That is like. Yeah, that is a sh. I mean, as someone who's gone to four, maybe that you're talking about psychotic state.

[C]

I've never had more than two martinis. You're plow.

[A]

That's crazy. It is a lot of so upsetting.

[B]

Because they are the most delicious drink. And I really wish you could figure something out.

[C]

Do you know what I've been. I've been getting into? Disturbingly so. Like, I might become an alcoholic. I'm loving gin so much.

[A]

It's crazy.

[C]

I have. I have. My wife comes home the other day. She goes, what's going on? And I go, what do you mean? Did you go to the liquor store?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

I mean, there are now, like, 12 bottles of gin, and I'm just like, I like all the flavors.

[A]

Shit. There's some guy filming you behind her. I hired a guy to film me. You.

[C]

There's a lot of Jin in the.

[A]

House on the road, too. And our writer Dave is supposed to. You know, Dave wants gin and tonic for the show. And then so sometimes people just get him, like, whatever. And then other times he's like, that's a beautiful gin. So it's like by the end of the tour, it's like, dave, where are we gonna put all the gin?

[B]

That's amazing.

[C]

Yeah. Columbus got me a gin. Oh, jeez.

[A]

They fell in love with the guy Juniper forward.

[C]

I mean, it had every. It was a harvest bouquet of flavors.

[B]

You know what I just did the other day is I did. My friend made, like. I guess it's called a wet martini, where it's a little bit more vermouth, and she put a little, like, olives and lemon, and I don't like doing both. And it. Fuck. It was so good, actually.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Usually you're like, oh, olives are twists, and it's like, no know, twist and olive. Why do we separate? Put together.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And called the olive a twist and. Because every time he gets something go, please, bartender, may I have some more?

[C]

Do you ever. Do you ever, like, filter it and just go. Shouldn't say this.

[A]

Oh, good Lord. We're having a great time. All right. We want to thank our guest, Jessica Fen, for joining us on the.

[C]

There's a mustard gin.

[A]

And. And we want to thank everybody for listening. We love that you guys are sharing the show.

[B]

I just love that I'm never leaving the show. Are you kidding me, Dave?

[A]

And we're not on a riverside. We're on a different thing. We're in the city of industry. That's what we're recording on. That's funny. But, no, we had a great time. Thank you, Franchesca. Where can people follow you? You can find me on the pituitary room. And I'm doing a show.

[B]

Thirteen. Like your mom. The older dollops. The dollops who are like, I wish. I wish Gareth was my son. Slash, I'm kind of att to Gareth because he's so funny when he made that Oliver Twist joke because it makes you go, bartender, can I have another? She said to her little knitting circle.

[A]

When they went, please, sir, I'd like some more. Not have another. All right, well, thank everybody. Thanks, Dave. Go yourself. All right, everybody. Thanks a bunch.

[B]

Can I have some more? Sorry, I up.

[A]

Thank you, Franchesca.

[B]

It really did hit with a certain demo. Oh, are we done? Okay, bye.

[A]

Yeah, it's over.

[C]

It's long.

[A]

It's an hour. It's not the longest episode.

[B]

Too much news. Let's get back to the real news.

[C]

Thank you.

[A]

Thank you. I do like that you do the.

[C]

Crash every day, right?

[B]

No, I wish. No. Habituation room. Tuesdays, 1pm Pacific, 4pm Eastern. We are live. You can also listen as a podcast and you can watch my Deep Dive videos.

[A]

Like, now. We're at the end of the episode. Hey, Dollop fans. I know you love the dollop. You love listening to the Dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop. You're like, gareth, what are you talking about? By the way? It's not Gareth. Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five parter animation, which is actually like a 22 minute episode or 30 minute episode, I can't remember, of the rube, you can go to LakeSide Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It. It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the rube.