157 - The Past Times with Ryan Sickler

Summary

The Dollop – Episode 157: The Past Times with Ryan Sickler

Podcast: The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds
Guest: Ryan Sickler
Release Date: January 16, 2026
Theme:
Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds, joined by fellow comedian Ryan Sickler, riff through headlines and oddities from a randomly picked old newspaper (The Baltimore Sun, March 8, 1899), sharing wild stories, family anecdotes, and hilarious tangents about history, food, and the human condition.

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Episode Overview

This episode is a classic installment of "The Past Times," a Dollop spin-off where Dave selects a newspaper from history and guides Gareth and a guest (this week, Ryan Sickler) through its quirky articles. The comedians react in real time—no one but Dave has seen the stories—leading to endless riffs, personal confessions, and absurdist improv woven around the strange realities of the past.

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Notable Segments & Insights

1. Catching Up and Special Comedy Bants (01:14 – 08:58)

• YouTube Specials & Guest Dynamics:
  • Gareth and Ryan tease each other about the view counts on their specials, with Gareth bemoaning his slipping numbers and Ryan reveling in reaching over a million, leading to running gags throughout.
  • “I'm watching the count right now. It's like the Ferris Bueller's odometer. I don't know how it's going backwards.” – Gareth Reynolds (04:16)
• Podcast Crossovers & Dad Stories:
  • Discussion on podcast appearances and how their fathers react to public family stories.
  • Dave recounts his dad wanting a rebuttal episode on Marc Maron’s WTF and then on Ryan’s "Honeydew" podcast.
    • “He wanted to do a rebuttal episode… He listens to everything I do but doesn’t talk to me.” – Dave Anthony (05:05)

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2. Historical Headlines – The Baltimore Sun (1899)

A. "Wanted to show the weapons" (09:31 – 14:38)

• Story: Frederick Hillmire, a Maryland Regiment member, walks into a police station adorned in medals and weapons, asking for permission to show off a revolver and a huge knife—a Spanish-American War relic.
• Riffs:
  • The trio jokes about how, in 1899, walking into a police station heavily armed is no big deal, while today it would get you arrested or perhaps a government job.
  • Ryan and Gareth trade stories about always carrying knives and using Crocodile Dundee references (12:52).
  • "If you walked in like this today, they would shoot you or hire you for government." – Dave Anthony (11:54)

B. Sidebar – Favorite Wars and Civil War Geography (14:06 – 16:41)

• The hosts riff about favorite wars and Ryan reveals Maryland’s divided Civil War legacy.
• "I feel like I had a toe on both sides, just in case." – Ryan Sickler (14:37)

C. "A pin in her throat for 25 years" (17:04 – 20:03)

• Story: Ms. Katherine Hackman died after living 25 years with a pin lodged in her throat.
• Commentary:
  • The comics are horrified and fascinated, with Dave sharing an unrelated dark anecdote about his father’s lawyering.
  • “So awkward if you're an attorney and the guy gets life, and you're like, that sucks.” – Gareth Reynolds (17:36)
• Riff:
  • The group ponders how rough medicine was in the 19th century.

D. Morning vs Evening Editions & Journalism Trivia (20:03 – 21:01)

• Quick digression debating the finer points of local paper editions and city-specific news practices.

E. Maryland Crab Snobbery (21:01 – 29:10)

• Ryan expounds on the superiority of Chesapeake Bay crabs and his seafood snobbery.
• "Imitation crab is the hot dog of the sea." – Ryan Sickler (26:32)
• Gareth and Dave riff about “Mussels Marinara” as the name of an Italian bodybuilder.
• (Memorable tangent – “Mussels Marinara” as a running character)

F. "Wife or Oysters" (29:16 – 36:59)

• Story: Representative King of the Delaware House must choose within 30 days to marry or treat his colleagues to an oyster supper; he delays his answer and receives letters from women hoping for oysters.
• Comic Reactions:
  • Gareth pitches “Wife or Oysters” as a game show.
    • “Welcome back to Wife or Oysters. All right, John, what are you gonna go with?” – Gareth Reynolds (33:05)
  • Dave tries to figure out the logic: “If you don’t ask her to marry you by this date, you gotta give me oysters.” (32:11)
• Ryan distills it: "We've got a bunch of young sluts telling him not to get married, and they're all getting horny off the oysters." (34:46)

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3. Travel Restrictions and American Scenery (37:41 – 41:06)

• Headline: Editorial suggesting Americans shouldn't be allowed abroad for pleasure until they've seen their own country.
• They note how dated the admiration for Niagara Falls is (“mid waterfalls, like a five-minute event” – Dave Anthony, 41:34) and mock the sameness of chain-filled America.

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4. Canned Beef Scandal & The Spanish-American War (43:31 – 55:46)

• Story: Spoiled canned beef is condemned as unfit for soldiers, tying into a genuine historical scandal.
• Humor:
  • They describe various forms of disgusting “beef taste tests,” draw strip club metaphors about “spoiled cans,” and ridicule 1899 culinary standards.
    • “Sounds like they're writing about a strip club without wanting to say it. Five cans of roast beef in Tampa. I think we know what they're talking about here.” – Ryan Sickler (44:15)
  • Extended improv about “Private Arby’s” and “campaign beef.”
• Mock Taste Test:
  • “The guy’s like, man, we kept eating this beef and it was just making us sick. And they’re like, let’s see. If you say the beef is making you sick, in one of these eight stews, surely will be the poisonous beef.” – Gareth Reynolds (52:35)

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5. Fast Food Confessions (57:14 – 59:33)

• Dave admits never eating at Arby’s or Wendy’s, with the group comparing and reminiscing about regional fast food chains.
• Discussion of a Jack in the Box E. coli breakout—“we drove by, two months later, it was packed. Nobody gave a shit.” – Dave Anthony (58:48)

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6. Blinded by Lightning (59:35 – 63:42)

• Story: Reverend C.F. Cheeseborough (Connecticut) is struck by lightning during a storm, already suffering from appendicitis, and is temporarily blinded.
• Comedic Take:
  • They riff how terrible it would be to have appendicitis in 1899 and then get struck by lightning (“My glasses melted!”).
  • Ryan speculates: “Somebody in that house said: 'If that ain’t real, strike me dead now.'” (60:06)

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Running Jokes & Memorable Quotes

• Gareth’s Special’s Failing View Count
  (“Live and Alive just hit 10 million views!” “It’s down to negative 34.” – Dave & Gareth, 11:11–11:19)
• “Mussels Marinara” and “Beef Neck”
  (Recurring personas—Italian strongman and buddy cop names—throughout food segments)
• Seafood Snobbery
  (“If you say you have a crab cake on your menu, I don’t even bother…imitation crab is trash.” – Ryan, 26:13)
• Campaign Beef Absurdity:
  “Campaign beef? That’s what Trump and Biden had.” – Gareth Reynolds (55:46)
• Wife or Oysters as Game Show
  “Welcome back to Wife or Oysters. All right, John, what are you gonna go with?” – Gareth Reynolds (33:05)
• Fast Food Innocence
  • “I’ve never had Wendy’s.” – Dave Anthony (58:13)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:14] – Show premise, introductions, special and YouTube view count jokes
• [03:20] – Dave’s dad wanting podcast ‘rebuttal,’ parental reactions to podcasts
• [09:31] – First Baltimore Sun headline: “Wanted to show the weapons”
• [11:44] – Maryland weapons and Crocodile Dundee knife routines
• [17:04] – “Pin in her throat for 25 years” article
• [21:01] – Maryland crab talk, seafood snobbery, “Mussels Marinara”
• [29:16] – “Wife or oysters” – historic ultimatums, game show bits
• [37:41] – Proposed travel ban until Americans see their own country
• [43:31] – Canned beef condemned, disgusting military food
• [57:14] – Fast food chains Dave’s never tried
• [59:35] – “Blinded by lightning”: the tragicomic fate of Rev. Cheeseborough
• [64:25] – Plugs for Sickler’s and Gareth’s shows

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Tone, Style, & Listener Experience

• Unscripted, Heavy on Improv: The podcast thrives on the hosts' and guests' ability to turn even the smallest historical oddities into wild stories, extended riffs, or hypothetical “what if” sketches.
• Irreverent, Self-Deprecating, and Intentionally Silly: Jokes often spiral from the material into larger themes (e.g., food snobbery, American culture, the stupidity of arbitrary laws), with heavy doses of 90s pop culture and personal humility.
• Nostalgic but Critical of Past and Present: The group balances lampooning the quaintness (or horror) of the past with snarky observations about contemporary America.

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Listener Takeaway

Even if you know nothing about 1899 or The Baltimore Sun, this episode delivers an hour of laughter, absurdity, and occasionally insightful cultural observations. It’s a compulsive listen for fans of improv comedy, oddball history, and group storytelling.

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Closing Plug (64:25–65:02):
Ryan Sickler promotes his tour dates and podcasts (“Honeydew” and “The Way Back”); Gareth lists his own stand-up dates.

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“If you say you have a crab cake on your menu, I don’t even bother. Imitation crab is the hot dog of the sea.”
– Ryan Sickler ([26:32])

Transcript

[Dave Anthony]

The Dollop will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport. And 26, the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th will be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, we'll be in Philadelphia. And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C. at the Lincoln. The. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com tour for tickets.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dear winter, Toyota can't get enough of you because Toyota's got 25 vehicles with available all wheel drive and four wheel drive. And that's more than any other auto brand, from the versatile RAV4 to the svelte crown, the sleek Camry all wheel drive, the Corolla hybrid all wheel drive, the rugged Tacoma, the tenacious tundra, and the spacious grand high calendar with all wheel drive to keep you and yours safe. Hey, you bring the action, we'll bring the traction. Toyota, let's go places based on manufacturers websites as a 10, 20, 25.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Welcome to the Pastimes. It's a podcast. All right. You know what we do here each week? We go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest, the great Ryan Sickler. Ryan, thanks for having me for yourself. Thank you for being here. You're a tough booking. Now, Ryan. You, I. I didn't get back to you for like a day and a half at one point and you're like, I'm booked.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm all the way through June.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're that popular?

[Ryan Sickler]

Not that popular. Just. I bank them. I have to bank them so I can go do other things, that's all. And as soon as I get an opportunity, we just jump.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you're great. You're special. Live and alive on YouTube past a million views. That's the metric for success, right?

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, that was my. I don't know. I don't know anymore, to be honest. I see other ones out there with 10 million and whatever, but. Yeah, but it was my goal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have you seen mine? With 250,000. That's the different.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like a lot of people, Gareth. No, I haven't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See this. I think this might be the difference.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dave, have you seen it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why would I watch it?

[Dave Anthony]

Yours is great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm more surprised that you haven't seen it than the Dave hasn't seen it. That might be the best joke of the show. And we haven't even started the premise. Well, people should go check out Live and Alive. Don't go check out England Weed. The rest of the. We were just talking off air about how Dave alluded to the fact that when he did a Honeydew episode, people should also go listen to Crab Feast, which is also a great fucking listen. But your newer podcast, Honeydew, then you have the way back. But Honeydew, Dave did an episode and we've talked about it on here a little. We talked about it when Marin was on recently. But Dave's dad then basically. Why don't you retell what sort of happened?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, the first, when I did Marin, he listened to it and he thought a lot of it was false. And so he said. He sent Mark a message and said, I would like to make a rebuttal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He wanted to do his own wtf.

[Dave Anthony]

And Mark sent him a message. Something along the lines of, can you sober up for it?

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt here. Hold on. You're saying your dad didn't just send a message saying, hey, just so you know, that's not really how it was. He wanted to go on the podcast?

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, wow, that's quite a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's an Anthony.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

He didn't. He didn't really understand. That's not supposed to be that funny. What do you. What? Why are you laughing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We might have a new joke in the show.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why wasn't this kind of in the special? Buddy?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go ahead, Ryan. Ryan, you and I were on the same team, and then now. You know what I mean. I don't.

[Dave Anthony]

Anyway, somehow you're losing views on your YouTube special.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm watching the count right now. I don't know how they're. It's like the Ferris Bueller's odometer. I don't know how it's going backwards.

[Dave Anthony]

You're under 200,000 now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know what. YouTube's not allowed to do that. Sorry. It's down to 150 views.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, so wait, sorry. He wants to be the guest on the podcast?

[Dave Anthony]

Yes. He wanted to do a rebuttal episode. And then I went on Honeydew. We talked more about it, and then he sent me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was any part of you thinking dad will reach out To Ryan at this.

[Dave Anthony]

Point I thought he might because of what happened with Marin. So I thought it was a possibility.

[Ryan Sickler]

How long in between Marin and Honeydew roughly would you say you did that?

[Dave Anthony]

You know, I want to say a year and a half.

[Ryan Sickler]

Plenty of time. Plenty of time.

[Dave Anthony]

But I, I might have mentioned it to you. I might have said like he might reach out to you because he listens to everything I do but doesn't talk to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not anymore. He doesn't, right?

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Ryan Sickler]

He didn't make it special though. I heard he watched your special though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't even know what that mean. I don't want to talk about my special anymore. It's no longer funny. I'm in alive stuff.

[Dave Anthony]

Very well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're very happy for you, Ryman. This isn't about mine.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm glad that you finally admit your special is no longer funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's true. I don't, I'll be honest, I don't care for it.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't care for it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So did he reach out? He never reached out to you, huh, Ryan?

[Dave Anthony]

He did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I, I did.

[Ryan Sickler]

I believe I got an email. Now here's the thing that says a lot about me too. Didn't all. Didn't want to be a guest. Didn't want to be. Didn't want to be a guest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is so funny for him to just be like. Anyway, I just want to let you know I won't be able to do it. I could maybe do a way back.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you. There's no way you could find that email, is there? Not now.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, text me when we're done so I don't forget. But I think I sent it to Dave. I believe.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I think he did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's so funny.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. And he also, if I remember correctly, he, he pointed spirit specific things out. It wasn't just a generic, hey, Dave. And it was like this and this. Yeah. And I was like, well, do you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Know, I don't, I'm not trying. When I did yours, I, I, I can't remember what. The first time I did it, I think I must have talked about my parents marriage or something. And I swear to God, my dad called. I never forget it. My dad woke me up from a nap. And this is about a year after I did it. And he'd started. It was right after I went on the road with Bert. He started watching. He, I got into his algorithm and he called me and he goes, I.

[Ryan Sickler]

Just watched my algorithm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's like a pamphlet that the doctor gives you. So Your son's in your algorithm, Is he? And my dad goes, I watched you on the Honeydew, and I was like, huh? And he goes, you got a lot of stuff wrong. Why are our dads listening to the Honeydew?

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you say, like, what. What did I get?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I did. And I. And I ended up having a conversation with him, and I was like. I go, dad, it was a while ago. I. I think some of what you're rebutting, maybe we just view it differently. And some were jokes. I made some jokes. He's like, I know, but they were about if. If I could take you back there, you'd. You'd really see how it is. I was like, cool. All right, dad, don't listen to my anymore. How's that? But if you could go watch my special. I need the eyeballs.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, my. My dad was, like, genuinely deluded. About what? Like, he thought he was a great parent. Like, he, like, in Thanksgiving, my. My uncle was like, he would tell me how creative a daddy was and all the stuff he did for you. And then to find out after he died, you and your sister telling me all the stuff. Like, he goes, I wish I could have kicked his ass. Like, he would just. He. He truly, I don't think believed that he was a shit dad. Like, he just thought, like, this is what you do.

[Ryan Sickler]

You.

[Dave Anthony]

You.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, that's the other thing I've learned about, like, being in this business, too. Like, you hear, like, you ever meet those people when you're coming up, working real hard and stuff, and then you're hearing these people like, yeah, man, I've been. I did, like, one show this month. I'm like, what? That dude's three tonight? Like, and then you realize that it's not that they're necessarily lazy or. Or even bad. They're just their definition of good and hard work and hustle is nowhere near yours. So then I realized, like, my mom as well. I'm like, you know what? I genuinely now believe that you don't think you are a bad parent because you're a shitty person and your standard is fucking zero.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, absolutely.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, zero. Zero.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I also.

[Ryan Sickler]

Denial. But I went up to two. I was supposed to be zero, but I did two things for you. What do you mean? I was wonderful. What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you're a great dad now, Ryan. I, I. We all. We all watch a parent online. You're great at it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Parent Online.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna counter that, okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

JB mails the show. Ryan, all right, we're gonna go through a newspaper. People should go see Live and Alive. You get to guess what year it's from. I'll guess what year it's from. There's no context. There's no prize. There's really no point because Dave's going to say that you win anyway. There's no point to anything. But go ahead, Ryan, guess a year doesn't. Again, it doesn't matter.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, I don't get a headline or anything to guess the year. I'm just going to ran you my headline.

[Dave Anthony]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A classic headliner.

[Dave Anthony]

By the way, the first headline is wanted to show the weapons.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so 2020.

[Ryan Sickler]

19 oh, 1987. How recent does it have to be, by the way?

[Gareth Reynolds]

My guess is it's going to be 1800s. 1900s. So I. I'm going to win and say 1901.

[Dave Anthony]

Not even close. It's 1899. Congratulations, Ryan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why? I said 1987.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dave, first of all, thank you for being a listener of the show. Second of all, Dave always lets the guest win because. Not because he likes the guest, because.

[Dave Anthony]

He said it before. If whoever has a. One of the numbers in the. Oh, he had 18, so it was eight. We were looking for an eight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, okay.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just he. We're looking for an eight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ryan. Don't even try. Go ahead, Dave. Read the.

[Dave Anthony]

Congratulations, Ryan.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you, Dave.

[Dave Anthony]

This is The Sun, Baltimore, March 8, 1899. And this is from his. His people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Who love crab.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, hold on. What's the date?

[Dave Anthony]

1899.

[Ryan Sickler]

But what date?

[Dave Anthony]

You said specifically March 8th.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's my birthday right now, you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's right. No, hold on. We wanted to do that for you.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, we did that for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Happy birthday, buddy.

[Dave Anthony]

Because we know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Live and alive on YouTube just hit 10 million views.

[Ryan Sickler]

10 million. Somehow I gained your 250, 000. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, why don't you back off?

[Dave Anthony]

He's down to negative 34.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not even online anymore. It just says invalid link. Gone to go.

[Dave Anthony]

Wanted to show the weapons. Frederick Hillmire, a member of the Company L. 1st Maryland Regiment, walked into the Northeastern police station last night, his breast covered with metals.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Been there.

[Dave Anthony]

And a bulldog revolver and a huge knife in his belt exposed to view.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This guy's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

This guy's coming in hot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

He's coming in very hot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We call American.

[Dave Anthony]

This is. If you walked in like this today, they would shoot you or give you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A job or hire you. Yeah, or hire you for government. It's Called the hegseth walks around.

[Dave Anthony]

He asked, lieutenant, you look a little fat. I love that. He sent those Texas national guard guys back because they were overweight and short. The best. He asked lieutenant Welliner to give him permission to carry the weapons around so he could show them to friends. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. Take it easy. First of all, it's. It's 1899, so you can do whatever you want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

But also, like, yeah, it's America.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You have any weapons, Ryan?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes, I do have some weapons.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got any on you right now?

[Ryan Sickler]

Always have a weapon on me, bro. My guy, you don't carry a knife everywhere you go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hell, yeah, I do. I do out here, and I do the I do Crocodile Dundee references with mine. People hate it. Yeah. Yeah. If they don't like it, I stab them with it. I'm like, this is not enough. This is a knife. And they're like, that's pretty hacky. And I'm like, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I live in Los Angeles. I walk these streets, under these overpasses, by these tents, and. And you can bet your ass I got something on me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You ever getting in one of those tents, Ryan, help put one up.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'll put one up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You ever get in them and go, why are you camping? Did that ever happen to you?

[Ryan Sickler]

No, I've never. I've never. You know, it's funny, I. Till you ask that question, I've never in my mind thought of what the inside of one of those even looks like. I try not to get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, get in there. It's probably a great Live and alive available on YouTube. Go ahead, Dave.

[Dave Anthony]

He asked Lieutenant Welliner to give information to carry the weapons around so he could show them to friends. And he said the pistol was a relic of the war and the knife he purchased from a soldier who had been in Santiago. So the Spanish American war. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Looking at me, did you see what just happened?

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know which.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't believe so, Dave.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know which war. It could be a lot of wars.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's what I was about to say.

[Dave Anthony]

What's your favorite?

[Gareth Reynolds]

My favorite war?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Probably the Venezuela one. I'm pretty pumped.

[Dave Anthony]

Brian, what's your favorite war?

[Ryan Sickler]

That's a tough one for me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've always loved Vietnam. You said we didn't stick it out.

[Ryan Sickler]

I. I believe that. I believe that. Yeah. However, you know, I do like to root for the home team, so a little partial to the civil war that we had here. That just amongst.

[Dave Anthony]

Now you're. You're south or north, which.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, technically, Maryland, below the Mason Dixon line, but, you know, I feel like I had a toe on both sides, just in case, you know what I mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wanted a tie. I really feel it would have been cool to see what that looked like.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's what I want to ask you. What does a tie look like?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, guys.

[Ryan Sickler]

What the tie look like?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just like at the battlefield. Y' all ever wonder what a tie would look like?

[Ryan Sickler]

But I'm saying, what does it look like?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think right now, I think we're living in a tie.

[Ryan Sickler]

If they caught up. They did catch up.

[Dave Anthony]

They did. Slow players. They really. We were super comfortable statues.

[Ryan Sickler]

And the flags, they crept up over here behind us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You don't get. Tear that one down, too. That was a racist gen. Where are all those guys going? The White House.

[Dave Anthony]

He said it was a Spanish knife, and the lieutenant advised him to take the weapons home and lock them up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. All right. You only can hear it in Trump voice.

[Dave Anthony]

So the Spanish American was 1898.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dave Anthony]

But you knew that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You should have just asked.

[Dave Anthony]

And which president fought in it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which president fought in the Spanish American War? Is that the question?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

President Martin.

[Dave Anthony]

Who?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rmr.

[Dave Anthony]

Who?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The President. Fitzpatrick.

[Dave Anthony]

Are there any presidents from Maryland?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

No. Hell, no. I don't think so. I'm thinking President Dominion. But I was thinking the Spanish president. I know Gareth was mentioning the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The armchair.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But then I think this. Yeah, he really. Well, that was the thing. They kind. It was a pissing contest between the both of them, and we were just. You know, that's the whole thing with. And they were.

[Ryan Sickler]

And, you know, Santiago selling his machete to some guy in Baltimore that's roaming the streets with it, you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. Bingo. Bingo. Dave. Hey, Dave. Try to keep up.

[Dave Anthony]

I can't, because I don't know what's happening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Live and alive.

[Dave Anthony]

A pin in her throat for 25 years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, hell yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, a pandan. Earth bin.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, pin.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, I thought you said.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought you said. Pen's good. I will say I was addicted to pen. I really. I saw a pen in her.

[Dave Anthony]

Here's something. My dad defended a guy who killed the cab driver with a pen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

His dad was an attorney. Ryan. I should point that out.

[Dave Anthony]

Guess what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That guy got sore throat.

[Dave Anthony]

Life in prison.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, really?

[Dave Anthony]

So my dad was not good at that.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was gonna say, it must be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So awkward if you're an attorney and, like, the. And then the guy gets life, and you're like, that sucks.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, he Acted like it was a victory because he thought the guy would get the death penalty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Imagine all that work and you're like, the late hours answering those emails. Like, dude, we are work. We go, trust us, we really got this. And then everyone finds you guilty. Like, have you seen the clip of.

[Ryan Sickler]

That guy that did that? He's basically. You're like, your dad was his lawyer, and he's. He's cuffed and they give him life in prison. So he nods his lawyer over, and the guy comes over and he takes his elbow. He see, he.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He really.

[Ryan Sickler]

That.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really that. By the way, that's how it should end. If the lawyer you that bad, you got to. You should be like, all right, we're going to give you eight seconds now to beat your lawyer.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Eight seconds.

[Ryan Sickler]

You get to beat him up. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Eight seconds of the lawy.

[Dave Anthony]

Like, I'm coming in with a head. Roger, Roger, I'm coming in with a headbutt right off the bat, right away. Headbutts first.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, just skull the knee. Oh.

[Ryan Sickler]

This lady has a pin in her neck.

[Dave Anthony]

Pin. After suffering for 25 years with a pin in her throat. What the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's that. Actually, the more you think about it. That is horrible.

[Dave Anthony]

That is awful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Awful.

[Dave Anthony]

Ms. Katherine Hackman died at her home in this city today at Newville, Pennsylvania, a quarter of a century ago. She accidentally, accidentally swallowed a pin, which lodged in her throat and it could not be removed. She was often obliged to take food through a tube, her throat being nearly closed. What the. Cut that out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. I mean, am I supposed to guess.

[Ryan Sickler]

The year for this one?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, each one needs a new year.

[Ryan Sickler]

Here's the thing. You think that should be some 1800, but I bet you this is what we said before we started rolling. Tight person here. And I'm gonna guess 2000.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ryan, it's all one year.

[Dave Anthony]

It's all the same year.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is all from 1899.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. It's the same paper.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. The Baltimore Sun.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's all the same paper.

[Ryan Sickler]

Morning or evening? Morning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's your birthday. It's March 8th. Morning.

[Dave Anthony]

It's morning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Morning.

[Dave Anthony]

It's morning.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you, the Baltimore Sun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank us. Don't thank us after you just guessed it was from the 2000s.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, I didn't know the game here. Now, that I understand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not a game, it's a podcast.

[Ryan Sickler]

But I also want you to know that the Baltimore sun used to have a morning and an evening edition for years and years. And then I can't remember when, but sometime, maybe last Couple decades. They got rid of the evening edition. So this is a morning story.

[Dave Anthony]

A lot of city. The San Francisco had that. They had an evening. And I think the Chronicler, or maybe the examiner, one or the other.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Milwaukee had that too. They had a morning.

[Dave Anthony]

You literally don't even know the name of a paper from.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. Bang. Next. Next question. Boom. They actually did a lunch one, too.

[Dave Anthony]

Fuck off.

[Ryan Sickler]

A lunch paper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, they did morning lunch and night. Boom. By the way, Milwaukee would have lunch news. You gotta try this pastrami, though. They are rocking. Hear about Charlie tripped. He smashed his face up real bad.

[Dave Anthony]

You guys. Are you a crab snob because you're from Baltimore? You are?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. He fucking.

[Dave Anthony]

Are they better? Are they actually better there?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't.

[Dave Anthony]

It seems like a crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ryan. We have crabs everywhere, kid. Ryan, we apologize. Dave does not know what he's.

[Ryan Sickler]

Here's the deal. These days, if I'm being honest, they're getting them everywhere now. They're getting them out of Carolinas, Texas, like the 70s, Philippines, whatever. However, out of that Chesapeake Bay, which I've crabbed them myself out of the Y River and the channels. I've crabbed myself off there. They're. There's amazing. They're fresh right out of the water and you throw it right in the steamer. It's so good. So, yeah, I'm a seafood snob, so I'll say this. California, at least. La Sushi out here, a plus. Plus the seafood overall. No. Nope. Yeah. No, it's not great. Dungeness crab sucks. You can't go into just a bar and get a plate of muscles marinara or muscles. You know what I mean? That sounds so good to me. You can't do anything awful. That's absolutely horrible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To combine alcohol with Muscles Marinara. That, like, feels like a Fear factor contest. That's just muscles merit. That sounds like an Italian weightlifter in the 40s. Ladies and gentlemen, now lifting Muscles Marinara.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not in the special. Mr. Universe from Italy. Muscles Marinara. Today he attempts to lift the Eiffel Tower above his head. Muscles Marinara will be fighting a lion today. Mar.

[Ryan Sickler]

The same again in my life. God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan Sickler]

I see the signet and.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah, he's just got one nipple.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Showing with that sort of like, Greek strap.

[Ryan Sickler]

Look at all muscles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My God. He's lifting a car right over his head.

[Dave Anthony]

Gareth. The pastimes is brought to you by meundies. You know what's better than giving someone flowers that die in the next Few days.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Underwear. Gareth give them underwear that live forever.

[Dave Anthony]

Matching underwear.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yes.

[Dave Anthony]

Seriously. Me like you and I, they figured out the code on Valentine's Day. Gifts matching.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You and I are getting the same underwear.

[Dave Anthony]

Matching. We have the. We just got the. The dinosaur ones with the little stegosaurus and the heart. So me and Gareth have that. I'm a big stegosaurus fan. Yeah. And so you can get matching underwear for couples. It's very cute. It's very intimate. Like that's what we like about it. And you'll wear the more the intimacy level of that.

[Ryan Sickler]

We.

[Dave Anthony]

When we record the podcast. We're always wearing matching meundies now. Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have to. We call it weundies.

[Dave Anthony]

They got adorable little prints, different cuts for each of you. Right. You don't have to wear the same exact kind of underwear.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've got mine go down to like my quads. Dave's are riding, you know, crotch.

[Dave Anthony]

Hi. I'm high up. Signature ultra model fabric. That's what they use for. It's incredibly soft. You know that I touch yours.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's nice.

[Dave Anthony]

And then they got the Valentine's collection going on right now. So they're prints made for two. Boom. There you go. They've sold over 300 million pairs. 90.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great underwear.

[Dave Anthony]

They really are great. They're great underwear. I love Gareths. I love to touch them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Dave Anthony]

And they got every style coordinating prints. It's. It's what you want. Box, brief trunks, briefs for him. Bikinis, thongs, boy shorts. Cheeky styles for her. Cheeky, of course, is a British word for winky wink. You know what I mean? Yeah. Whatever. I'm saying different. Different fits is what I'm saying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

So like I said, we like them. We both have them. We like to look at each other. Sometimes we'll FaceTime with our underwear on. We just enjoy it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

So make this Valentine's Day one to remember with matching underwear from Meundies. To get exclusive deals up to 50 off, go to Meundies.com Dahl and enter promo code dollop. That's Meundies.com promo code doll for up to 50 off. Reggie, I just sold my car online.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's go, grandpa.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, you did? Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

On Carvana. Just put in the license plate, answered a few questions, got an offer in minutes. Easier than setting up that new digital picture frame. You don't say. Yeah, they're even picking it up tomorrow. Talk about fast.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow. Way to go. So about that picture frame.

[Dave Anthony]

Ah, forget about it. Until Carvana makes one, I'm not interested.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Car selling made easy on Carvana pickup fees and anti.

[Ryan Sickler]

So, yeah, I am. I'm a seafood snob for sure. And. And if you say you have a crab cake on your menu, I don't even bother. If I go to your sushi place and you say it's a crab roll, I will ask if it's real crab, because imitation crab is the hot dog.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the craziest.

[Ryan Sickler]

Disgusting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And that's what. It's just like. It's like smelt. What is it ground up?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes, ground up. White fish and all, you know, it's just. It's the hot dog of the city.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I don't know. I mean, it's America. They're. They call. They're like. Well, they call it. They do say fake crab.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. But still call it fish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. They should just be like pink fish.

[Dave Anthony]

It's not fake crab, though. It's fish.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's not any crab at all. And it's disgusting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keep doing that. And with a microphone, I think you might have a special. There you go. What are you doing? It's fish. Why they call it crab? It's fish.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'll tell you how much of a seafood snob I am. Dave. Anthony. I got into a conversation with the sushi chef one night because I could tell that he was cutting his crab with tuna. You know what I'm saying? I could tell. I could tell he was mixing a little tuna with his crab to make that expensive crab.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You called him out.

[Ryan Sickler]

I say, man, I could taste tuna in this crab. He just looked at me and I was like, you're cutting that crab with tuna up there, aren't you? He started smiling. He started smiling. He gave me a nod. I go, yeah, yeah, don't do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So are you saying.

[Dave Anthony]

Did you look at it? Did you look at my. Go Baltimore?

[Ryan Sickler]

I said, I didn't say anything. He just laughed. I had another.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're saying that that tuna is the fentanyl in the crab world.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's the seafood, you know, the. The baby powder and I mean, you know, the laxative. Yeah, yeah, baby laxative they're cutting a Coke with. That's his tune. He's cutting. He's cutting his crab. I caught him. I busted him. And then we became friendly. And he told me, he said. He goes, you're like, really the only person that comes in here that likes crab. Most Americans complain that it's too fishy and they want the. The imitation. I was like, yeah, that imitation is trash. He's Like, I know, but I have to put it on the menu because it's been asked so many times. And I was like, nope. So. Well, man, he would make it for me. Without he. I would get. I'd be like, just. I don't care if you charge me extra. Stop cutting it with tuna, bro.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's so funny to have to pay a non tuna crab fee. $5 more you get pure, baby.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, I wonder. I hate crab, but I wonder if I'd like it. When I went to Baltimore cuz I grew up here and I guess crab is garbage.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, look at that. What the. Has got a. That's the. That's the. You see that when we drive through Maryland, you'll see it on the store.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's everywhere.

[Dave Anthony]

They got the stickers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Every state has a weird cheese. You guys are crab.

[Dave Anthony]

We got burrito burritos.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure you do, buddy. Usa, pal.

[Dave Anthony]

All right, the reason I bring this up, because the next headline. Wife or oysters?

[Ryan Sickler]

Oysters.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, crying Ryan.

[Dave Anthony]

Ryan already made his choice. Like voting Mr. King of Delaware has not yet taken unto himself a spouse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

The 10 additional days allotted Representative King by the members of the Delaware House in which he is to decide whether he will marry or furnish oysters to his fellow members, expired yesterday.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, what?

[Dave Anthony]

Look, the other thing about Maryland. These people are out of their minds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are they saying? I've. I.

[Ryan Sickler]

The loss. I don't follow either he had to do one or the other.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How. How great is it when someone is like, as dumb as you? Isn't that the best? When the other person asked the question. I remember that in school all the time. Like some guy be like, what are you talking about? I'd be like, like, boom. What?

[Dave Anthony]

We're all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's going on?

[Ryan Sickler]

I was. I always read the Evening sun, so I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, you're a little lost. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of early language.

[Dave Anthony]

Finn has a kid in his class that's spectacularly dumb, and the kid knows it. And Finn always with him. And he got a five on a test.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nothing wrong with that.

[Dave Anthony]

Five out of a hundred. And so Finn. Finn grabbed his test, put a nine in front of the five.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh. And the guy was like, boom.

[Dave Anthony]

And then the kid is just like, yeah, like, showing it to everybody. And then the teacher, when she put out the list of like, everyone's thing, he was like, it's a. Why is this wrong? This is wrong. I got a 95. And he just goes off and he's yelling and he realizes that finted. And he's just like, oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got a five once on a biology quiz because I wrote tap roots for every answer. Yeah, no, the one time it was like, however many questions, but one of them was tap roots. And she was like, okay, this is not.

[Dave Anthony]

I was like, hey, I got it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I remember you said tap roots.

[Dave Anthony]

When I was taking my second semester of chemistry in junior college, I just didn't go. I never. I just was partying and I went like three times. And I was like, well, I might as well take the final. So it's a scantron. So I just filled out the bubbles and 10 minutes after the test started, just walked and handed to him. And the teacher was just like, glaring at me and B plus, baby.

[Ryan Sickler]

No way. Hell yeah. I should have done college like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Anyone who says done college probably wouldn't have been able to pull it off. Well, I went to Emerson.

[Ryan Sickler]

My Bachelor of Science and Mass Communications will tell you differently.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, he came at you hard, mister. I got a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A BFA in theater. A BFA Theater.

[Dave Anthony]

Which shouldn't be a degree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which I got might agree with. That was a bad idea. That was a bad idea.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, you should have gotten. Was a Bachelor of Science in theater.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or he gotten a clue.

[Dave Anthony]

All right, so they gave him. I think that he's probably with someone and they're like, you gotta ask her to marry you. If you don't by this date, you gotta give me oysters. That's what I would imagine.

[Ryan Sickler]

Off the pot. Or oysters.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is such.

[Dave Anthony]

And it's a very. And a very Maryland area.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then you owe me oysters. You've got a bet.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's also such a big deal. It's in the paper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, right.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is for everyone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. This is how you do life.

[Dave Anthony]

Mr. King has not been called on to announce his decision. The members have been so busy that they overlooked the matter. Well, so the reporter got into. It was like, hey, you guys remember the bit?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Of course we do.

[Dave Anthony]

When asked whether it would be wife or oysters.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mr. Kingless, that is a game show. I would 100 watch.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or. Welcome back to Wife or Oysters. All right, John, what are you gonna go with? Wife or oysters?

[Dave Anthony]

Hey, where the oysters from?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oysters are from Maryland.

[Dave Anthony]

And that's. We got lemons.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's a real catch, too. You have a lot in common with her. She's a real beauty.

[Dave Anthony]

There you go. Blaming some beer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honey, what are you doing?

[Dave Anthony]

That's it. I'm Going oysters. This one nagging me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

For oysters.

[Dave Anthony]

When asked whether it would be wife or oysters, Mr. King this afternoon replied, both. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everyone there was gasping.

[Ryan Sickler]

When did we get the response? Was that in the evening edition? Like, did they.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They should have done that. Like a. To be continued. Oh, my God. The AM Papers all set up in the evening sun. And he said, we'll see you tonight.

[Dave Anthony]

He would not give the name of the implied bride. He says that the tone of his letters has changed and that he is now receiving notes from women offering to assist him in preparing the oyster supper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

All these other ladies coming out of the woodwork.

[Gareth Reynolds]

God damn.

[Dave Anthony]

Some of the writers are bachelor girls and they congratulate Mr. King upon not getting entangled in the coils of Cupid and say they think he will get off easy if he has to pay only for an oyster supper. Okay, so Preston looked ahead to find if there was a resolution. And this, he said, this is from February.

[Ryan Sickler]

Real quick, if I could just make sure I'm on the same page here. We got a bunch of young sluts telling him not to get married, and they're all getting horny off the oysters. That's what it sounds like. It sounds like.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It. It's.

[Dave Anthony]

That's. That's how. Why we're pitching the new show Oyster Island.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The essence is true of what you've said. Yes, Ryan.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the DMS. They slid into his DMs.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's a bunch of slut jigs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, don't do it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Don't do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You shouldn't take the oysters and I'll finish for you. It's a pretty good thing for him. He's like, yeah, like that woman's like, what are you gonna pick? He's like, I'm marrying eight other women and the oysters.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm gonna roll my dice on some 1800 STDs, and you're doing the best kind.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stakes can't be higher. When you lose a nose.

[Dave Anthony]

They try.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To cover up for your syphilis back. That was hilarious.

[Dave Anthony]

I know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm having a new one put on.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, so this is actually not a follow up. It's a. It's. He. This was the month before.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Right.

[Dave Anthony]

Both houses of the North Carolina legislature have passed a new election law in the form of a constitutional amendment, which if adopted, will, it is estimated disenfranchise 80. 80,000 black voters. Okay, cool. The time limit set for Representative King of Delaware, who was ordered by a vote of the state House of Representatives to wed in 30 days or set up an oyster. Some supper expired yesterday.

[Ryan Sickler]

Supper.

[Dave Anthony]

So they just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This dude.

[Dave Anthony]

What if they just passed. They're just with him. They just passed the legislation saying he had to get married or buy everybody dinner.

[Ryan Sickler]

Also, who decided that? What judge is like, you know what? You either tied a knot or you're making an oyster supper for all of us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He just beats his attorney. Your 8 seconds to beat the out of your attorney starts now.

[Dave Anthony]

Wow. Well, that was weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is crazy. And he ended up. So. Yeah, we don't know.

[Dave Anthony]

There was no more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Preston went back in time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I thought he was going full.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is where all shucks came from. Because he chose the nice. That is Garrett's special.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you can't. Come on, man, let's.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yeah, they took it off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, Ryan, I think we're probably. Look, it was fun for a minute, okay? But now I think we're really making it seem like not. And it's a great. My special is a great special.

[Dave Anthony]

Actually, I just heard from YouTube that it's been downgraded. It's no longer called the special.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I did see that. I did, actually, notification. Yeah, they're flagging it. It's not great.

[Dave Anthony]

So don't let them go at all. In view of the hardly decent severity of the customs regulations for the examination of the personal effects of tourists returning from Europe, the Nebraska conservative makes the following suggestion. It would be a capital idea in the interest of American resorts, American steamboats and American Railways. Railways. To pass a law that American should not be allowed to travel abroad for pleasure until after they have seen their own country.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow, that feels. That feels like it could happen. Now. I. I will say I. I. We. I drive all over the country. America is still beautiful. It's just only where we haven't been. If you go where we are, you're like, this is a pile. And then you'll, like, drive through Utah and you're like. Like, wow.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Wow, look at.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

And then you drive into a town in Utah and you're like, oh, it's the same Nine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Utah's not. Utah's not bad. But once you're, like, driving through there, I mean, honestly, I'm not even trying to be a dick, but if you do that, like, Southern Run, you're like, this is not.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, I had to tell my kid recently. I was like, yeah, when you used to drive around, it wasn't the exact same thing everywhere. It wasn't Background, exact same restaurants, everything the same. It wasn't like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ryan, can you get to a million views and you just have to not be public with your political views? Is that the key? You seem to clam up here a little bit, pardon the pun.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you asking me to say that I love Israel? Is that what yours.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, this guy swung for the fences. Never mind. I've been called out by the best.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm not sure what we're talking about here right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, if I were to go anywhere, it would be Israel, because that's a horrible place. That's the Utah of the world, in my opinion.

[Ryan Sickler]

What a town. I'll say this, I don't talk politics because honestly, I'm an ignorant man when it comes to politics. It's not my lane. If it were more, if, if I had the intelligence more of like baseball or football, I'd probably talk it a little more. But I'm the guy that can show up at a cookout and, you know, bitch about politics. But if you ask me to statistically back anything I'm saying up, I can't do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So let's say, let's say we're at a cookout. I'm in the back. You walk up to me, you're going to do a politics bitch. What are you going to say? Like I'm standing there.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm not.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm gonna stay away, talk about the Ravens.

[Ryan Sickler]

If you start pitching politics to me, I will try to stay. I'll find a way out of that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'll find.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, you know, you know his brother played for the Patriots, right? And I'll try to get it that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, that completely works on me. That short, like my brain shorts and I'll be like, yeah, I know. Well, he's had a hell of it. I mean, he's had a hell of a year.

[Ryan Sickler]

Obviously, I try to just jam you into my lane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you follow Dave on Twitter?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, follow Dave everywhere. And. But as a, as a man who gets older and keeps looking a little bit more into politics, I, I'm not, I don't, I don't genuinely understand the Israel stuff. I don't, I don't get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Dave, maybe after the show, Ryan, stick around for three minutes and Dave will break it down pretty quick for you. You might want to walk away from your computer speakers while he does that.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Pretty one sided.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I think I get it. I think then you don't.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just, if you've ever heard of religious war, that's what it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We got to do our mint mobile ad. No, I'm just kidding.

[Dave Anthony]

Thousands of Americans who have never been. Who have never seen Niagara Falls, flock to Europe every year and pay tribute to foreign transportation lines and foreign resort keepers. Let me just say this is make a better country. This is when back when they thought Niagara Falls was awesome. But if you go there, you're like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I mean any waterfall is like.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, mid waterfalls, like a five minute event.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It really. I mean, it's not like you can go like you can't. You know, if you could last a Mohican, that'd be different. If you could run under it and say to a pretty woman, I will find you. Then we're talking adventure.

[Ryan Sickler]

Or I mean, if we're watching a dude go over in a barrel or something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Completely agree. Bring back the barrel culture.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get the people back in there and I mean, what better way to spend a Saturday with your family to play. Did he die?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

It always worked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crack the barrel. He lived.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, everybody went over to barrel. Live. Nobody.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Dave Anthony]

How could you die?

[Ryan Sickler]

I thought something.

[Dave Anthony]

How could you possibly die?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can you imagine? Barrel takes all the waiting to find out if he lived or died and they just sort of crack it and then they shut it and it's like coming out.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do that Red Bull.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's dead.

[Dave Anthony]

Don't you think people would go over in those giant inflatable things now and.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, there's way better equipment to do this now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, I think we're all saying the same thing. Let's bring it back.

[Ryan Sickler]

I already hear 100 bucks. You get to try to go chasing waterfalls. We could probably get it for a song right now. You know, like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like now going over the waterfall and nothing but his physique muscles. Marinara.

[Ryan Sickler]

Serving it.

[Dave Anthony]

He's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How'd he do? He's dead.

[Ryan Sickler]

He's dead.

[Dave Anthony]

He would be. He would be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Paralyzed. But he's alive. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Mangle. But he's breathing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, lower half toast. But he's moving up top.

[Ryan Sickler]

People are betting on it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Paralyzed.

[Dave Anthony]

This one's boring. So moving on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Canned beef. Condemned.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, there we go.

[Dave Anthony]

Totally disagree. I'm already upset.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've been there.

[Dave Anthony]

The best kind of beef.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've been there. Canned, condemned. That's the brand.

[Dave Anthony]

Lieutenant Ramsey insists that it was bad food for both well and sick soldiers. Lieutenant Ramsey, 9th infantry, who acted as company commissary at Tampa and was also in the commissary department service at Santiago after the capture of the city, testified before the miles court witness. Witness said he had seen a great many cans of roast beef rejected from a five car lot at Tampa. That's a terrible state that. I'm just. I'm picturing it like a bunch.

[Ryan Sickler]

Sounds like they're writing about a strip club without wanting to say it. Five cans of roast beef in Tampa. I think we know what they're talking about here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's called Ebor City, baby.

[Dave Anthony]

The cans had burst.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh boy. Yeah, this right.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, he's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's called the Champagne Room.

[Dave Anthony]

And the stench in the gars was terrific.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I love when something bad is terrific. This stench back here is terrific. We dropped that.

[Dave Anthony]

The contractors replaced the spoiled cans in this instance. But there was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Spoiled cans is a strip club, by the way.

[Ryan Sickler]

New stripper.

[Dave Anthony]

But there was the same stench of defective cans in Cuba. Lieutenant. Lieutenant Ramsey was asked if he had any reason to believe that any of the meat issued in Cuba had been chemically treated.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Story has to be done.

[Dave Anthony]

It's gonna keep going on. This was a huge scandal. The spoiled canned meat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. In the Spanish war. Yeah. They just kept sending down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's hard enough to be in the like in the armed services, let alone with like everyone has diarrhea.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Just be like horrendous just yourself the whole time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Back then you guys just come through a swamp. No, don't eat that.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. So. Asked if it was chemically treated only as a matter of general knowledge, he replied. What do you mean mean by that? Said the recorder. Well, I have been informed by butchers and others and have generally understood that it is the practice of the large packing houses to treat the exterior of the meat chemically with a preparation which will coagulate the albumin. Albumin. And thus protect the interior. It is the custom to trim off the outer surface of the beef always before it is used. Hey, that's a.

[Ryan Sickler]

They pissed on it. They pissed.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, I mean really, the what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The level of intelligence where he's just like. I reckon that they treated the outside chemically and that's what's giving us the fence. And then they did that and then they trim off the sides. That's the whole thing with the industrial complex of meat. Eventually they all just gonna form into one big one. Call themselves Tyson or something like that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Heard there's a company out there now going by Campbell's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I heard there's a Campbell company now right now. Quiet, soldier. Sorry. General knowledge. General knowledge. Quiet.

[Dave Anthony]

My. My buddy worked at a honey when he first moved here. He Worked at a Honey Baked Hams, the one on La Brea and Beverly. Oh, boy. And I brought it up because the place next door is called Schmoles. And I was like, it's quite a little area.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Schmoles.

[Dave Anthony]

Schmoles. His Schmoles was next door. And. And I was like. And I was. And he was like, I worked on that Honey Baked. And he goes, never, never buy a ham from there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Really?

[Dave Anthony]

He said. He said they were Ryan's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, I got a lot of receipt.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right now for Christmas.

[Dave Anthony]

He said he would take. They would take him out to pack him, and they would be. They drop on the floor rolling around. And just like. He said, it was a nightmare.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just.

[Ryan Sickler]

Your hand when you open. Got a cigarette butt bottle cap in here, but it looks good.

[Dave Anthony]

Asked by General Davis as to his personal experience with canned roast beef. That's a weird thing to ask.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Now, as far as your experience with canned roast beef, I ain't never been.

[Dave Anthony]

To a strip club, if that's what you're asking. Your honor.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've seen it all, Dave, when it comes to roast beef, what's your experience with the canned kind?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, I like the tint of meat. So the canned roast beef, I think it's best if it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm afraid you're just not mackenzie material.

[Ryan Sickler]

How are the Europeans smoking hams and salt and in the bottom of their ships, and we're putting beef in a can. What the are we doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we put cows in 10.

[Dave Anthony]

Jesus Christ. He. Wait. He. Witness said he had used it only once at by query. He considered it an unpalatable, inferior quality of badly boiled beef. Witness said he. Yeah, A witness said he had seen canned roast beef frequently in his own post canteen and in the Consulate Consolidated mess of which he had been in charge. That beef was good and palatable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're like Private Arby's. Stop talking. You'll never amount to nothing.

[Dave Anthony]

What he saw in Cuba was evidently from the plates, chucks and necks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What I seen to Cuba was necks and chucks.

[Dave Anthony]

Colonel Gillespie questioned the witness with some asperity when he ventured the opinion that the meat was unfit for sick men to use. But witness replied firmly that he considered it unfit to feed to men either sick or well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that. Just say men, son.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm. What I'm hearing from you is that we should not give spoiled meat to the sick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I tell you, someday we're gonna put that beef in a bag and dip it in something. I'm calling horses.

[Ryan Sickler]

With these Beef necks. Ain't nothing wrong with these canned beef necks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Y' all wasted. Y' all wasting the best part of the cow. The cheape. The hoof could go in between some toasted bread. We have the meats, damn it.

[Dave Anthony]

Meat is supposed to be green.

[Ryan Sickler]

Beef neck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Beef neck.

[Ryan Sickler]

Give me some beef.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That sounds like a Chippendales.

[Ryan Sickler]

Beef neck and mussels.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Unfortunately. Mussels.

[Ryan Sickler]

Buddy cop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Beef Neck finally has beaten his rival Muscles Marinara at feats of strength. Beef neck. What's the key.

[Dave Anthony]

Muscles?

[Ryan Sickler]

Murder. It's gonna piss me off the rest of my life.

[Dave Anthony]

He considered it irresponsible in considerable part for the sickness and stomach traumas among the men. Oh, we're so not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh.

[Dave Anthony]

The enlisted manner tested. The afternoon session opened with a surprise for the witness.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Diarrhea.

[Dave Anthony]

You're gonna eat that. On the long table in the courtroom were eight plates with various stews.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. Joseph Rogan. Oh, my God. Walking into a room. You're going to have a little bit from each stew.

[Dave Anthony]

Some of the canned beef fresh from the factory.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. And some.

[Dave Anthony]

And some of the beef that had gone to Cuba and back, and others of fresh beef from the Washington market.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So they are literally going to be like, you think you know beef so well. Tell us which one's from a can, which one's from Cuba, and which one's. Domestic deliciousness.

[Dave Anthony]

The enlisted men who testified yesterday were brought in and asked to pick out if they could, the various sorts of. Of beef from the various plates.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

They're really putting them through it. The guy's like, man, this. We kept eating this beef and it was just making us sick. And they're like, let. Let's see. If you say the beef is making.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You in one of these eight stews, surely will be the poisonous beef. Quiet. Let Del Monte finish his test.

[Dave Anthony]

No, he picked. He picked a fresh meat from the market. They're liars.

[Ryan Sickler]

Here's what I find interesting. We're at war. We got time to play.

[Dave Anthony]

There.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that. Absolutely.

[Ryan Sickler]

Bayonet's running through our guts. And we got time to play which beef is from the can right now. No wonder they lost.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No wonder they, like, put a band. They put a bayonet through one of the guys. They're like, that smells horrible. The is in his stomach. Hormel, is it? Private Hormel's dying, sir. Private Hormel, tell my mom that I only ate the best beef.

[Dave Anthony]

Sergeant Alexander looked blankly at the line of plates and said that there didn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Any the craziest story there.

[Dave Anthony]

Didn't any of it look like what we had in Cuba. And he did not taste any of it. Every time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Smartest guy. Smartest guy in the platoon.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm out. You sons of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Didn't look like Cuban.

[Dave Anthony]

Sergeant Casey picked out the sloppiest looking plate as the cooked Cuban article.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's Cuban.

[Dave Anthony]

And the driest as the Cuban beef. Cold.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Taking these out, it's like Coke, Pepsi challenging beef stews.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is their. This is. Is it cake?

[Dave Anthony]

Before.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Before.

[Ryan Sickler]

Totally.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Who the is there to write this and document.

[Gareth Reynolds]

As you just. You're like, incoming. All right, now pick your plate.

[Ryan Sickler]

Get some of that beef neck real quick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There you go. Now save some for the other privates. Don't eat all of it.

[Dave Anthony]

Sergeants Buckage and Kid picked these.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sergeant Buckage?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. How'd you get that name? Don't ask. Saga's budget. Buckage and Kid picked the same plate among the hot dishes, but different as to the cold. Sergeant Grant insisted that none of the cold meats looked anything like he had seen in Santiago. And Sergeant White picked out the sloppy looking stew readily enough, but balked at the cold meat, insisting he had never seen anything like it in the campaign.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you what. This is probably the year that they combined the two morning and evening editions into one. They were like you had an eight page spread on a beef taste test. Jesus Christ, we are running out of articles.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm also thinking this is 1899. What a peaceful place Baltimore seemed like back then. Jesus.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, for sure.

[Dave Anthony]

Major Jesse Lee said that he would take advantage of the permission accorded him by the court to question some of the men himself. He asked each of them if the beef shown them here insane. Was prepared in the same way as they had had in Cuba and whether Cuban beef and whether the plates were a fair sample of what they had used during the campaign. And they unanimously agreed that it did not look like the same and did not seem to be a fair sample of the campaign beef in any way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Campaign beef?

[Dave Anthony]

Campaign beef.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what Trump and Biden had.

[Ryan Sickler]

Over there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mobile is real. Oh, go ahead.

[Ryan Sickler]

Over their golf swing.

[Dave Anthony]

Over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. That was the best thing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dying over here and broke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There you go.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's what you said.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what you say. By the way, two men of that age arguing over a handicap app. Who would have known?

[Dave Anthony]

Who would have known?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Things are good.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what's this general's name again? Because that's. This is interesting. What's his last name?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, this is Lieutenant Rams. There's a bunch of guys. Lieutenant Ramsey.

[Ryan Sickler]

Ramsey.

[Dave Anthony]

General Davis. That's it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Davis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This should be a movie.

[Ryan Sickler]

General, if you remember the Wendy's campaigns. Where's the beef? I'm pretty sure that lady is his wife.

[Dave Anthony]

Wife.

[Ryan Sickler]

Pretty sure she was married to General Davis.

[Gareth Reynolds]

For those who remember, she was old.

[Ryan Sickler]

His wife.

[Dave Anthony]

You know who was in the Arby's Army?

[Ryan Sickler]

Who? Right here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Arby's Army.

[Ryan Sickler]

Had an army.

[Dave Anthony]

I did a campaign. An ad campaign. I was in the Arby's Army.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's that mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He got drafted.

[Dave Anthony]

I was in. I was in, like, six commercials, and I couldn't tell you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, they have an army? What does it mean, though? You get a card, you get, like, unlimited curly fries. What do you get?

[Dave Anthony]

No, I was in the ad campaign. I was in commercials as one of the member of the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love the Ryan version of that so much.

[Dave Anthony]

His is so much better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dave showing up like, excuse me, I'm allowed to jump the line. Hi, Kathy. Let me do a five for five. No need for the tray. I'll carry him out of my arms as usual. Hi, Dylan. I hope your throat's better. Thanks, guys. Sorry. Arby's army said hi. Extra hot Dave.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You are such a doll.

[Ryan Sickler]

I. I'll be honest. This might be controversial. I know you worked for him, but when I grew up, we had Roy Rogers. Did you guys ever have Roy Rogers?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Restaurants we work for?

[Dave Anthony]

They came eventually, but we didn't. Yeah, bro, not when we were young.

[Ryan Sickler]

Roy Rogers. Roast beef, berries, Arby's.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh. Oh, I'm sure I've never had. I've never had an Arby's sandwich.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I've had Arby's.

[Ryan Sickler]

Good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dave will say that about a lot of. He'll be like, I've never had Subway. Really? What?

[Dave Anthony]

I've had Subway.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What have you. There's other ones you've never had.

[Dave Anthony]

I never had. There's a bunch I've never had.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. We'll be driving and I'll be like, how bad would that be? But I was like, I've never had that.

[Dave Anthony]

I never. Yeah. Wendy's. I've never had Wendy's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Never had Wendy's.

[Ryan Sickler]

You've had Burger King, though?

[Dave Anthony]

Like, a couple times.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wendy's going on Wendy's is great. I mean, Wendy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I used to love Wendy's.

[Dave Anthony]

I was a Jack in the box guy growing up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Crazy to not have Wendy's and eat Jack in the Box. Yeah, I can't Even explain you.

[Dave Anthony]

Jack in the Box had better horse meat. Jack the Box killed a bunch of kids near where I was from. They had an E. Coli breakout in Vallejo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then they put them in cans and they were like. They sent them to the armed forces.

[Dave Anthony]

But the crazy thing is we used to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

When we were going up to our. Our, Our farm, our family had a farm. We would drive through Vallejo and I would drive by that. That Jack in the Box, and it happened. And like, I want to say, 13 people died from the Eagle Eye breakout. And like, we drove by, two months later, it was packed. Nobody gave a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no, no.

[Ryan Sickler]

But this, this one's gonna be good. These are gonna be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you what, if there's one place where they don't have E. Coli, it's the one that got dinged. They learned their lesson more than any other.

[Ryan Sickler]

They started getting their beef out of cans. Now it's fine. They do can be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can trust this guy. This guy got just drafted to the Arby's army me.

[Dave Anthony]

It's so insane. All right, last one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, last one, Ryan.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. Blinded by lightning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa.

[Dave Anthony]

And a severe electrical storm that passed. This is from Connecticut. In a severe electrical storm that passed over this section early yesterday morning, a bolt of lightning ran into the house of Lewis curtis and blinded Reverend C.F. cheeseborough, 36 years old.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cheeseburger. I mean, Reverend.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Reverend Cheeseborough.

[Dave Anthony]

That's not. Yeah, he deserved it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't see.

[Ryan Sickler]

Somebody in that house said if. If that ain't real, strike me dead now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My God.

[Dave Anthony]

Who was ill with appendicitis?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus. I'm having a really bad week.

[Ryan Sickler]

My side too, bro. 1899 appendicitis is in today's.

[Dave Anthony]

No, it's not good. That is not good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, now sit still. We're gonna have an alligator eat this out of your side. Take me down, God. Appendicitis in 1899. As you know, this is a death sentence. So say your goodbyes. You've got a balloon under your skin and it's gonna poison your whole life.

[Ryan Sickler]

He's probably begging to die. Die. Begging.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Please, Lord.

[Dave Anthony]

The minister occupied an old fashioned bed with a low headboard in a room on the ground floor. A ball of fire entered the room. Me. You imagine just comes and guy should have just horns.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can you imagine getting. Just being in your room and lightning hits your eyes and you're not an X man.

[Dave Anthony]

You're just like a ball of fire. Entered the room and descended the wall to within 8 inches of his head where it apparently burst. I mean, this is like if you don't believe in God, like now you. You do and he's not happy with you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Was he a reverend before or after?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I think before he was 100% masturbated.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm about to spill my seed. Lord, I apologize.

[Dave Anthony]

I'll take out the pot plug. Mr. Cheeseborough was stunned for a considerable time and both his eyes were completely blinded. Wow. But physicians think he will eventually recover his sight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Doctors, why your eyes will come back. They're just mad at you, boy.

[Dave Anthony]

Now, as far as you turning into a poison balloon that we don't understand. On a bookcase inside the bed were a lighted lamp and a leather case containing the minister's eyeglass glasses. The lightning extinguished lamp and melted the glasses and the frame that held them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My glasses melted.

[Dave Anthony]

A glint frame in the bedroom was turned black. On the wallpaper. Back of the head of the bed, a broken line was made by lightning extending from the ceiling to within 8 inches of the spot where Mr. Cheeseborough's head was. Mr. Cheeseboro said he felt the heat of the lightning from the top of his head as far down to his hips, and it seemed to raise that part of his body off the bed. Fear is entertained that the shock may kill him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Dave Anthony]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a goddamn nightmare.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're suffering from 1899 appendicitis. Just try. They're probably giving you little sips of whiskey or something to try to fucking.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Get you numb.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'll get through this. This.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're gonna be fine. Just a few more days and then a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The worst is over.

[Ryan Sickler]

The worst is over. The fever's broken and you're on your other side.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're through. You're on the way up. Now, do you want this door open or shut? What would you prefer? Let's shut it.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then the lightning hits and he can see it coming down the wall.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The last thing you see is lightning that gets.

[Dave Anthony]

Gets 8 inches from his head and then explodes. He's like, I get it. I get it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Your glasses are. Who gives a about your glasses, bro?

[Dave Anthony]

You don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not my glasses. I'm having a bit of trouble seeing. Could someone grab my spectacles?

[Ryan Sickler]

Muscles?

[Dave Anthony]

Mus.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where are you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't worry, I'll help. Everything.

[Ryan Sickler]

This new private security.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nobody's gonna touch you. Nobody gonna put their hands on you, boss. Everything is gonna be a fan. You want I should have lift that bed and get you out of here? Here. Get out of my back. I'll take you to safety. I'm a yogata now. Ryan Sickler, live and alive. You're the best. We love you. Thank you for joining us. Anything else? Are you on the road? Coming up. What do you got?

[Ryan Sickler]

I. I head out and do some dates. February to June. Everything's on Ryan. Ryan Sickler, all social media. Go, go. Check me out on the road. If I'm near you when you're. When I'm. You know what I'm saying? If you're in town.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't really, but I'll pretend, you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Know, come see me, if you know what I mean. I'm in your town when you're around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Go to Grindr and. And you have the Honeydew, which is a great podcast. And then you have the Way Back, which is another great podcast. You're the best. Good crab feast. Go back and listen to that. But your new is amazing. So congrats on. Congrats on everything.

[Dave Anthony]

Congrats, Con.

[Ryan Sickler]

And this was a lot of fun. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're the best, dude. Thank you. Oh, hello there, doll heads. It's Gareth Reynolds. I want you to join the gear force and come and see me do Stand up on the road. I will be in Spokane, Washington, February 4th. I will be in Bend, Oregon, February 5th, Portland, the 6th and the 7th. Then I will be in Bakersfield, California, February 27th for two shows. And then, oh, boy. April, here we go. April 19th, I'll be in Albuquerque, Tulsa on April 21st. Oklahoma City, April 22nd, Dallas, April 23rd. Gonna try to see a viral chiropractor that day, but that's neither here nor there. I'll be in Tyler, Texas, April 24th. I didn't even know that. I'll be in Houston April 25th for two shows. I'll be in Austin at Cap city on the 26th. And then the 28th, I will be rounding it out in San Antonio at LOL. Oh, my gosh. And I'll be in Tucson, Arizona. That's rounding it out. Go to Gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information. Also prizes. We're giving away a bunch of trucks and stuff over there if you just log on. And legally, that's not binding. But go to Gareth Reynolds dot com. Love you.