158 - The Past Times with Rosalie

Summary

The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds

Episode 158 - The Past Times with Rosalie (January 23, 2026)

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Episode Overview

In this lively and hilarious installment of "The Past Times," comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds welcome stand-up comic Rosalie as their guest. The trio riff on a 1927 edition of the Fort Collins Express Courier, diving into oddball historical news stories, riffing on small-town quirks, sharing personal anecdotes, and delivering their signature absurd banter. They explore themes of family, the strangeness of old-timey Americana, silly local politics, and the eternal quest for fun—showing, with irreverent wit, that “everything has always been stupid and racist.” Expect a mix of real history, wild tangents, and laugh-out-loud moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introductions & Icebreakers

00:43 – 03:37

• Dave and Gareth set up the show's premise: reading random old newspapers, with neither Gareth nor guest Rosalie knowing what’s in the paper.
• Quick banter about temperatures in green rooms, TikTok dances, and Rosalie's social media handle (“omg.hi.rosalie”).
• The group guesses the newspaper’s year—the 1927 paper is announced, and Rosalie jokingly asserts her historic win in picking the year.

C: "You're gonna take a win from a trans woman in 2025, are you?" (03:53)

2. The Saga of the Car-Stealing Snell Brothers

04:46 – 16:32

• The headline story: 9-year-old Milton Snell, third of three brothers, arrested for stealing automobiles with a buddy, Walter Schmidge.
• The trio riffs on how easy it was to steal cars in the 1920s, speculates about why only Milton gets named, and discusses family dynamics and step-siblings.
• Quick digression into Rosalie’s experience picking her name as a trans woman, and what it means to choose a moniker that fits your identity.

B: "Nine years old, ready to be 81 and talking about the heat of soup." (05:21)
B: "38 is a high number for a nine year old, even in 1927." (15:34)

3. Joyriding and Kid Crimes

16:44 – 18:23

• Gareth describes learning stick shift as a teen and stealing his mom’s car ("It's a ride. Why is everyone looking at me weird?").
• Rosalie admits she can't drive stick, drawing admiration and commiseration on car skills.

4. Political Silliness: Sunday Baseball Ban

28:10 – 36:00

• Ministers in Fort Collins protest Sunday baseball, warning this will lead to movies and the end of the Christian Sabbath. The trio mocks the slippery slope logic.
• They joke about God’s work schedule, the origins of the seven-day week, and small-town pettiness.

A: "Well, like why would you do. Is there anything you made in six days that you like just hang around with forever? You don't care anymore." (29:51) C: "God doesn't care what I'm doing with your Sunday." (32:45) B: "If our show had really a thesis statement, it would be like, it's always been really, really, really, really stupid. Everything, everything has been racist and stupid. That's basically it." (59:56)

5. Lightning Strikes, Parrot Panic, and Window Skepticism

19:08 – 24:12

• Story of a teenage girl supposedly struck by lightning while closing a window, narrowly escaping death.
• Rosalie and Gareth mock the validity of 'almost died' stories and question whether the lightning hit the window at all.
• The family’s parrot, loose during the incident, screeches "This is no place for me!", prompting discussion on parrots with problematic catchphrases.

C: "I don't care about hearing about how someone almost died. That's not news, people. Die every day, constantly." (19:42)
B: "It really makes you realize how great the things you could train the parrot to say are—oh my God, this is no place for me. I'm here against my will." (22:32)

6. Polygamy and the Unclaimed Convict

36:00 – 46:53

• A convict with 21 wives dies; none claim his body. The crew riffs on what a failure that is, speculating about logistics of corpse retrieval and the social status of bigamists.
• Laurels for being a "Steely Mary" type ("Steals and marries"), and imagined logistics: “tie the body to the roof of the car.”

C: "You can't get one out of 21 people to come claim your body? ... You suck as a person." (37:10)

7. Pole Sitting: America’s Baffling Pastimes

58:53 – 63:16

• The trend of competitive flagpole sitting is described—men sitting on poles for days or weeks to break records.
• Rosalie is shocked at the time involved (“18 hours? … Oh, Rosalie, I don’t think you know how dumb America is”), and the group draws parallels to modern viral challenges and the cyclical stupidity of fame.

B: "You have to do so much now to just be even like kind of locally famous or have any credibility. You used to just sit on a pole. Yeah, that was it for talent." (62:55)

8. Chicken Thieves and Chicken Fishing

47:53 – 57:52

• Absurd tale from the paper: 12-year-old boys, described as 'Mexican' in the parlance of the day, use fish hooks and worms to “fish” for chickens by the dozens.
• The group dissects the inherent racism of the period, debates best practices for bizarre chicken theft, and spirals into an extended riff about “were-chickens” and “night eggs.”

C: "Why was it important that they're Mexican? Why was that a detail that we needed?" (57:46) B: "When you're chicken fishing—yeah, whatever bites." (57:14)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Picking a New Name (Trans Perspective)
  C: "Every trans woman is like, we can't just be a Katie or an Ashley. We always have to have something kind of extravagant." (12:48)

• On Historical Boredom Turned Spectacle
  B: "There was a time when a guy walked across America backwards. And he would walk through a town and the whole town would come out." (61:55)

• On the Enduring Stupidity of Entertainment
  B: "If our show had really a thesis statement, it would be like, it's always been really, really, really, really stupid. Everything, everything has been racist and stupid. That's basically it." (59:56)

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Selected Timestamps for Key Segments

• Guessing the Year / Banter: 00:43–03:51
• Milton Snell, the 9-Year-Old Car Thief: 04:46–15:34
• Joyriding, Stick-Shift Chat: 16:44–17:12
• Lightning + Parrot Story: 19:08–24:44
• Sunday Baseball Ban / Sabbath Talk: 28:10–34:47, 36:00–36:49
• Convict with 21 Wives: 36:49–46:53
• Chicken Fishing Story: 47:53–57:52
• Pole Sitting Record: 58:53–63:16

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Tone and Language

The episode is bawdy, self-aware, and gleefully irreverent. The group’s banter is peppered with sarcastic historical takes, meta-commentary on podcasting and fame, and gallows humor about the cyclical stupidity and racism of American culture—balanced with moments of real personal disclosure, especially around identity and history’s impact on the present.

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Additional Highlights

• Ongoing riffs on egg-eating, were-chickens, and “night eggs” as the most Gareth-congruent local food trend.
• Extended sidebar on flagpole sitting, emphasizing America’s bizarre penchant for absurd challenges as proto-virality.
• Candid and hilarious segment on the challenges of picking up a convict’s corpse (“could you FedEx a body?”).

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Conclusion

This episode of The Past Times is a showcase for The Dollop’s unique blend of genuine curiosity, subversive historical analysis, and relentless, infectious goofing around. Rosalie is a standout guest—quick-witted, open about trans experience, and game for every nonsense historical tangent the hosts serve up. By turns, the newspaper stories look absurd, but the trio always circles back to the present, proving history never stops repeating its peculiar brand of nonsense.

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Guest:
Rosalie – Find her at @omg.hi.rosalie

Hosts:
Dave Anthony & Gareth Reynolds

Podcast:
The Dollop / All Things Comedy

Episode:
158 – The Past Times with Rosalie (Aired January 23, 2026)

Transcript

[A]

The Dollop will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport. And 26, the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, we'll be in Philadelphia. And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington D.C. at the Lincoln. The. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com tour for tickets.

[B]

Welcome to the Past Times. It's a podcast. Against all odds, we're doing it. You know what we do here each week? We go through a random newspaper picked out from a random date in history by random Dave Anthony. I. Gareth Reynolds had never seen it. And neither is this week's guest or Rosalie. Rosalie, thank you for joining us.

[C]

Oh, my God. Thank you for having me, guys.

[B]

It's an honor. You're in the comedy Fort Green Room.

[C]

I am. I'm in the comedy for Green room. It's about 28 degrees in here and I feel really good.

[B]

Would you rather be cold or hot in life?

[C]

And see, here's the annoying thing about me. I really just kind of can't be bothered by temperature. Sure.

[B]

Bed. You'd rather be chilly or hot?

[C]

I'd rather be chilly.

[B]

That's the right answer.

[C]

I would rather be cold.

[A]

Unless there's activity involved. Hot's not good.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, let's do that.

[A]

I'm thinking about, like, sit ups.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I love. I've actually done sit ups in a hotel bed before.

[A]

Of course you.

[B]

I have. And I think I was like, yes. I don't think it's doing anything.

[A]

No, that's a weirdo stuff.

[B]

Now he's on my back. Rosalie, where can people find you online? What is your. Are you on Instagram? Are you tik toking? Have you ever done a tik tock dance?

[C]

I. I have not done a tik tok dance. I am both very proud of that and deeply regret it.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Because during Company when everyone else got on tik tok and I was like, that's so cringy. That's not going to turn into anything. And now there's so many people famous from tik tok dances.

[B]

It is yeah, but I mean now, I mean, everything's R. I did enjoy the phase where people are like, TikTok's like the communist one. And then now you're like, so what's your. What's your Instagram? It's omg. Hi, Rosalie.

[C]

LMG high. Rosalie. All one word, all lowercase, baby.

[B]

Okay, I don't know. Does the casing matter on Instagram?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Did someone have a cap? All caps. Gareth Reynolds.

[A]

Sure I do.

[B]

What? Okay, so Rosalie, let's start by guessing the year that this paper is from. This is going to be an old newspaper in many ways. The guy reading it is also an old newspaper.

[A]

But what the was that?

[B]

What year would you guess this is from? Could be 1800s, could be 1900s, could be 1700s, could be 2000s.

[C]

I am going to say because I've had this number in my mind the last couple of days. 1846.

[B]

Wow, that's good.

[A]

That's just a number that's been rolling around.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's that all about a couple days?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

It's just haunting me.

[A]

Sure, sure.

[B]

I mean, maybe there's a prospect.

[A]

Haunted numbers.

[B]

I have a prospector who haunts me. I'll guess. I'll go 1912.

[A]

Rosalie wins. It is 1927. Wait.

[B]

No, hold on. Wait, by what?

[A]

Wait, what did you say again?

[B]

No, but I feel like. Okay, sorry, what you say? Congrats on the win, Rosalie. That's.

[A]

You said 1912, right?

[C]

You're going to take a win from a trans woman in 2025, are you?

[B]

That's right, but. Okay, but if I may, you can take it away. Aren't you also.

[A]

So this is like a middle aged white guy.

[B]

Oh, no, no. First of all, middle aged, middle aged.

[A]

Six white dude taking away a win.

[B]

All right, here we go.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

By the way, the thing was. Go ahead. Shut up. Are you gonna talk over a trans woman in 2025? We're ready to move forward. Congrats on the win.

[A]

I said before we started, if you guess any of the numbers, it'll be held against you. And you had three of the numbers in yours. That was really had none of the numbers.

[B]

Just read the goddamn paper.

[A]

It is. It's the Fort Collins Express Courier from August 7th, 1927. My birthday? Yeah.

[B]

Is the birthday birth date your birthday?

[A]

Nope.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Nine year old Denver boy held for theft of automobiles.

[B]

Nice. Plural. Kid was good for him doing it. Yeah, Milton, it was probably so much easier to jack a car back then, though, right? You Just like, turn the crank a few times and then you're like, oh, yeah, for sure.

[C]

And then you skittle away. It's amazing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Milton Snell. Okay. Nine. Nine years old.

[B]

Hot name.

[A]

Not. Wait, this said. Yeah, nine years old.

[B]

Nine years old, ready to be 81. And talking about the heat of soup.

[A]

The third of three brothers, Milton Snells.

[B]

Complained about his stew heat. He's the what?

[A]

He's the third of three brothers.

[B]

Okay. He's the youngest.

[A]

So that's why. Because his other. His older brothers are like, yeah, we'll show you how to steal a car.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

There's no way he does this on his own. Sure. Solo child.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Do you have brothers and sisters?

[C]

I have one older sister who I hold very dearly to me, and then I think an odd number of step siblings who I'm pretty emotionally detached from.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, that's fair.

[B]

Yeah. It felt like two or three.

[C]

That sounds right.

[B]

Whenever someone sighs before answering a family question, like, hey, you know what? This might be complicated.

[C]

The way you know that you're like, oh, that was not an A plus childhood. As soon as you hear that side, you're like, yeah, right. He's got degrees for sure.

[A]

Yeah, I have. I had three step siblings, but after the divorce, that was it. They're out.

[B]

Nobody asked the best.

[A]

Yeah, you can. You can divorce step siblings, too.

[C]

Just get rid of them.

[A]

Yeah, they're gone.

[B]

I love mine and I'd like to meet yours. And I'd like. I have three.

[A]

I'd like to meet you.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Yeah, they're great.

[A]

They're great.

[B]

And are we recording? Yeah, they're great.

[A]

The third of three brothers to be arrested for stealing automobiles was held in detention in a detention home today for juvenile court authorities after he and a nine year old companion were arrested at Lowry Field in a stolen automobile.

[B]

You know, Lowry Field.

[C]

I. I am familiar with. With Lowry Field. I'm more concerned why doesn't his companion get to get name dropped?

[A]

That's a good question.

[B]

Truth.

[A]

Yeah. Because. Because they're trying to point out that young Milton is from a family of crime.

[B]

Oh, so the companion is affluent.

[A]

Yeah. So the. And the other kid was just like, you know, this is the bad influence. Right, Milton?

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Bystander.

[B]

Yeah. The poor. Well, you know, poor is airborne. The richie caught it.

[A]

The companion was Walt. Oh, now they're naming him. The companion was Walter Schmidge.

[B]

These two, this is like, I think that they are the main characters in.

[A]

Grumpy Old Men S. M I D C H E. It's a up name.

[B]

An ink plot.

[A]

Police say they stole the machine of Art Quinn, 2905 Fillmore Street.

[B]

The youngest name.

[A]

What would be the best thing is if one day we did this podcast and the guest lived at the address.

[B]

That we named, and they just can't say anything. Rosalie. They give the address out of where people live before 1970 with.

[A]

Great.

[B]

It's just a very casual drop. They'll be like, yeah, like someone who could be in danger. And they'll be like, you can find them up on Turbine Avenue.

[A]

Yeah, there's a lot. It's victims or criminal.

[C]

They just gave you everything.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Address, his blood type, his mother's maiden name, the name of his first three pets. And it's like, dude, that's crazy. No one should have lived past, like, the mid-1900s.

[B]

I agree. Well, the good news is we're not gonna make it much further, so we're about to make up for that. It would must be great back then, though, if you do find someone's address and just be like, hey, you want to go meet that guy who stole all that vinegar? Let's just go to his house. You know, just go there. Be like, why'd you do it? He's like, please stop.

[A]

And the thing is, someone would get arrested for stealing all that vinegar.

[B]

Yeah. My family. It's like you put it on cuts and your fries.

[A]

In the afternoon and drove to aviation field to inspect the planes. So they stole a car and they went to look at planes? Yeah, because they're nine.

[B]

Wait, but are they stealing planes?

[A]

No, they're just checking them out because they're nine.

[B]

Okay. That is some cute.

[A]

That's what you do if you're nine.

[B]

If you steal a car to go check out, like, stray dogs. I'm like, all right, look at the airplane.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, let me hot wire this. Let's get the out of here to see the Cessnas.

[A]

Schmidt is awesome, people.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It is still two cars just to go look at planes.

[B]

There's a grocery store. There's a grocery store near my house, where every Sunday, it's just packed with old timey cars and these old dudes just. I mean, yeah, you are genuinely just like, guys, guys, guys. Anything else? They. They just put anything else. He popped that hood. Can I look under it? Oh, whoa.

[A]

It's all the same cars.

[B]

A lot of tools.

[A]

It's all the same guys in the same cars. Every single week, it's the same guys, same cars. There's no new People coming in there.

[B]

You'Re like, I'm just gonna go buy yogurt. You're like, oh, it's old weird car guy day. And who made you tie is Frankie?

[A]

We had. We have. There is a. A 911 remembrance day where you're familiar with 9 11.

[C]

So I remind me, that was which one?

[B]

So two kids stole some cars and then they flew two planes into our towers, right?

[C]

Oh, that's right. That's right. That's right.

[B]

One was nine. One was 11.

[C]

So they peanuts characters hijacked a plane for sure.

[A]

Got it in our town. So they have 911 remembrance day and they have a couple of. Of fire engines and an old fire engine and then a bunch of old cars. And they drive in front of all the schools and the kids come out and like stand there and watch. And it's been going on, obviously.

[B]

It's so mentally disturbed after 9 11.

[A]

And they tried to cancel it because they were like, look, it's been so long and it's not a thing. And the car guys made it keep happening.

[C]

And you.

[A]

And you watch it. You're like, guys, there's no reason for you to be here.

[B]

Also, what is the 911 affiliation?

[A]

They're just like, I don't know. They just decided that they would tag along with the 911 remembrance day.

[B]

That was made in 1945. Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Because old car guys are weird.

[B]

Mammoth 911, sir.

[A]

There's people that are mad at us right now.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because they have old cars.

[B]

Oh, well, that, that I. I'm. We lose you gladly.

[A]

Milton's oldest brother, Olin. Laverne Snell.

[B]

What?

[C]

The names.

[B]

It's upsetting. It is very upsetting.

[C]

Like old timey where it's like a Blake or something. Like just feel like hodgepodge together.

[B]

No, Smidge is not a last name. I will go to. I'll die for that statement.

[A]

And Laverne is traditionally a. A lady's name. So back then. That's weird, right?

[B]

Well, also like such an old lady's name.

[A]

Yeah. Laverne and Shirley. Or was Laverne popular back then? Like a cool.

[B]

I don't know. I mean, at one point Edna or Edith was popular. I'm Gareth.

[A]

What's not for a 19 year old dude, though?

[C]

I can't talk. Hasn't been popular since 1950. I think that myself.

[B]

I think that's true. If I had. If I could go on a reaction. If I could go on a repick. Oh. Oh, that must be. Is. How did you land on Rosalie Why? Why Rosalie? What. What is the genesis of this?

[C]

Honestly, it was just, like, such a process. And the thing I truly believe about, like, every trans woman is, like, we can't just be, like, a Katie or an Ashley or anything. We always have to have something kind of extravagant. I've.

[B]

Oh, wow. But isn't that. Isn't that. Because if you were able to pick your own name, like, this is no joke. When I was seven, I wanted to legally change my name to Spike. My mother refused, and it was a big argument for us, but I did want to go by Spike, and my mother's a little British woman, and she pushed back a lot. And, you know, in retrospect, I'm glad, but, I mean, if you get a second crack at a name, it's like, come on, that's exciting. Yeah, Aphrodite. I like that a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah. But then, like, conversely, every trans man I know is just like Mark.

[B]

Smidge.

[C]

Their whole life just to be Bob. And I'm so Bob. Fully.

[B]

So wait, why Rosalie, then? What. What led you to Rosalie?

[C]

For me, it was just like, so roses are my favorite flower. And I always wanted a name that was like, a longer name that people would condense down to a shorter version, like a casual nickname. Because my old name, it was just like. It was a one syllable, like, one hit wonder, you know, it was never anything fun. So I was like, oh, I could go by Rose. And I was like, no, it's like a longer form of Rosalie. And then there was, like, Rosemary, Rosalind, Rosalie. And I said, that one feels the least psychotic.

[A]

Rosemary. Rosemary's not a good one.

[C]

I just love the baby.

[B]

Yeah, well, that baby really. That baby. But there's something so nice about being like, I want a name that can be shortened to another name. If you're going your own name. Yeah, I'm looking for a few things.

[A]

Like, your name can be short.

[B]

Shut the fuck up, Dave. Sorry.

[A]

Milton's oldest brother, olin Laverne Snell, 19, is now in the state reformatory at Buena Vista. He was arrested May 5 with three companions in a stolen machine.

[B]

This is a Mr. Show sketch. I'm not kidding.

[A]

They're stealing cars. This is the time. There's still cars. I. There's probably no door on the car at this point. You just.

[B]

That's what I mean. You probably. You literally are probably just. Yeah, I just, like, hit the gas like a go kart. Yeah, I'm out of here.

[A]

Yeah, you just turn the crank.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

Off you go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Police. Said the gang had stolen 38 Chrysler automobiles in a few months. They're joy riding.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

But they're not sell.

[B]

They're not selling years old.

[A]

They're not stealing them to sell. They're just. They're joyriding.

[B]

I've done it.

[C]

Cars.

[B]

38 is a high number for a nine year old, even in 1927.

[C]

That is nine year old.

[B]

That's a grocery store parking lot on a Sunday number. That's high.

[C]

Jesus.

[B]

38.

[A]

The second brother, Harold Snell, 14, is in the state industrial home at Golden. He and a companion were arrested after they had stolen the automobile of Dr. W.S. ago from the grounds of the Denver Country Club. So they like to ride.

[B]

Yeah, and they like to. I mean, country club cars. I'm okay with that being stolen.

[A]

If you're like this, if you're a young teen and you realize you can just get into a car without a key and start it, you're going to do it constantly.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I learned how to drive stick shift at 13. And I did start just like taking my mother's car out, her friend's cars out about 14.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

Yeah. And it was awesome. And I'm not kidding. Yeah. We just drove a leak. I'll tell you what, you want to rush drive a stick shift at 14 illegally, that's a ride. That's. Why is everyone looking at me weird?

[A]

Because it's very weird.

[C]

Can't drive sticks. So if anything, there you go. A lot of admiration.

[B]

Thank you. That's what I. That I prefer that.

[A]

Look, I used to know how to drive a stick, but. You forget.

[B]

No, I just drove one the other day. Remember?

[A]

Did you. You remembered. Yeah, I probably have one because I had. I had two stick shifts when I started out and I don't think I could do it now. You just get it and do it again. Really?

[B]

Yeah. No, it's like. Yeah, it's like riding a. And it's like. It's like driving a stick shift. Comes right back.

[A]

Don't ever say that again. But you have to learn. You have to know how to drive one. Because if you ever go to Europe, it's all stick.

[B]

Doesn't matter though, because they have it on the other side. So the second you go there, your whole skill set is useless.

[A]

You're.

[B]

Yeah, you're just like. And everything's on the other.

[A]

Not every. Not every country. Some are.

[B]

Some are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Some get it.

[C]

Some do it properly and do things the right way. Usa. Four more years.

[B]

All the more years.

[A]

There's no way.

[B]

Let's watch him drool.

[A]

There's no way he makes it for Dave.

[B]

And I have a bet, and Dave says there's no way he makes it to the end of his term.

[C]

Oh, God. I mean, wish.

[B]

I mean, he. He says no way. Dave's calling. Dave's calling. Like, six months away.

[A]

Yeah. He's not going.

[C]

I am. I feel like he will make it through, but I didn't, like. I mean, hopefully if he gets out, like, maybe three to six months afterwards, he'll finally just like.

[B]

I mean, he's, like, definitely going right now. But I do feel like I just. I just. My instinct is always, what is the worst? And I'm like, he'll make it. The worst. People last forever. They, like, Dick Cheney hit 90. You know, he's.

[A]

He's like a can ham that they took out of the can in 2016 and put in the sun. It's been in the sun the whole time.

[B]

I don't even know what. What.

[A]

He's like a can ham.

[B]

You don't need to repeat it.

[A]

Well, he's been on the sun for a while. Like, that man is slowly cooking.

[B]

Anyway, I think we all agree the border is a lot safer. Go ahead.

[A]

But someone did put up a great picture the other day of he clearly had filled his diaper. And it was.

[B]

I love when they're able to do that.

[A]

When they.

[B]

They got Giuliani at a thing in his diaper. And then Jerry Nadler, they were like, watch his walk change. And she was like, oh, Jerry Nadler just. He's walking like the penguin because he just pooped his pants. Anyway, these guys are in charge of where our money goes.

[A]

No place for me says parrot as bolt fells girl. What? I don't even know what's going on here. Alley. 18 years old, senior at North Denver High School. Narrowly escaped death during the severe electrical storm in north Denver yesterday when lightning struck a window of her home just as she was closing it.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

The lightning doesn't strike windows. It strikes.

[B]

Sure it does. It just can't do it twice.

[C]

Oh, yeah. That is. That. Can I say something kind of cantankerous? I don't care about hearing about how someone almost died. That's not news, people.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

Die every day, constantly.

[A]

No, it's a good.

[B]

That's not cantankerous. And by the way, credit for cantankerous. No, I agree. And by the way, what are you. That is literally someone said that happened. Yeah, someone went there and was like, lightning Hit my window.

[A]

That's why I don't think it did.

[B]

Yeah, I agree. I agree. I'm now I agree.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

The bolt knocked the girl unconscious, set fire to the window cases.

[B]

I'm starting to think it happened.

[A]

Filling the house.

[B]

I'm coming back. I think it happened. I believe it. Now.

[A]

Her father. Er, Ally. A director.

[B]

Er, Ally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okie dokie.

[A]

A director of a squad of merchant police.

[B]

That sounds like a depressed donkey club. Go ahead.

[A]

A director of a squad of merchant police.

[B]

The way you look at me knowing that, that's a crazy.

[A]

Well, that's a crazy thing.

[B]

That's insane.

[A]

We business guys, we're making a police force.

[B]

We're ice for money.

[A]

Who was in the basement at the time, carried his daughter out of the house and then beat out the fire with a rug.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

A lot just happened.

[A]

A lot did just happen.

[C]

I'm still not convinced that lightning struck her window and did all this.

[B]

But the fire.

[A]

Are you saying what I think that she said she did it?

[C]

I think she set something on fire and then they were, I don't know, trying to cover it up. Maybe the dad's in on it. I know, but.

[A]

Because that's a good point.

[B]

But I agree.

[A]

Does. Have you ever heard of lightning hitting a window? It doesn't hit windows.

[B]

I thought it's a widow. Oh, this is. I thought it was God's way of bringing the widow to her husband.

[A]

No, I didn't know it's a window. Windows.

[B]

All right. I'll tell you what it did when Bill Gates came up with it. The Pastimes is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile is the best. Oh, we're not doing this. Okay, Sorry, Sorry.

[A]

A pet parrot. Now this is where it gets good.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Pet parrot.

[B]

The story was already pretty good.

[A]

Which was loose in the house. I'm fine with this. This is. This is Right.

[B]

She lit it.

[A]

This is her fault. I think if you have a parrot, it should be allowed to be free in your home.

[B]

Completely agree.

[A]

Flew about.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Flew about wildly screaming. This is no place for. So this has turned into a AI video on Instagram.

[B]

It really. It really makes you realize how great the things you could train the parrot to say are, oh, my God, this is no place for me. I'm here against my will. I know my right. Like that sort of stuff is great for parents.

[A]

The people who, like, teach their parents to say off. It's just so funny.

[C]

It's great.

[A]

It's the best great.

[C]

It never doesn't hit. Yeah, I'M like, that's amazing.

[B]

It's great. It's great. And like, I like when, like, like, cops will be like. So we heard someone screaming, and they're gonna be like, my parrot. Then the parrot will be like, just like, okie dokie.

[A]

Have you seen the bacon and pancakes one?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, I can pick. And pancakes, bacon, bacon, pancakes. And he dances because he. He goes get song, song. And then the person sings it. Bacon. Benny dances. Bacon, bacon, pancakes.

[B]

I love how guilty you feel about explaining a video.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You're like, I shouldn't be doing this.

[A]

No, not at all.

[C]

I love that. I know what you're talking about, but.

[A]

Oh, you know.

[B]

Bacon, bacon pancakes. Thought you weren't on Tik Tok.

[C]

I know exactly. No, I'm groovy. I may not be on Tik Tok, but I know something about my people's pop culture. And.

[A]

Rosalie is within this world.

[B]

I am of earth. No, of course I know. Bacon, bacon, pancakes, Pancakes.

[A]

It might be making bacon pancakes. You can't really tell.

[B]

Bacon.

[A]

You can't really tell because it's a bird.

[B]

I think it's bacon. Bacon pancakes.

[A]

Yeah, probably. Yeah.

[B]

Making bacon pancakes is a whole new level of what's happening.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

That's too much consonance for a bird.

[B]

Yeah, that's lightning hitting window. Weird.

[A]

Ali said he had taught. Ali said he had taught the bird the phrase and that the parrot picked it out of all the other catch lines he knows, apparently by instinct.

[B]

Wait, what? And what was his I.

[C]

This.

[A]

This is no place for me.

[B]

Wow. So he heard him say that. He was probably like, dude, don't take my depression public.

[A]

But bird. Birds are intelligent enough to understand circumstance and words that might be associated with circumstance.

[B]

That's. I don't. I mean.

[C]

But I also don't feel like a bird is just gonna pick up on something it hears. One time, this bird had to hear this phrase a lot. A lot. For it to sink in, to just.

[B]

Be like, this is no place for me. He was like, step.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

This is no place for me.

[C]

Basements. We need to be finding trap doors.

[B]

The fact that the dad was in the basement, also a little strange.

[A]

Yeah, there was something going on there.

[B]

It's a little strange to me. Murdering basement kicking.

[A]

I was down there cutting up the bones.

[B]

Yeah. Who. This is no place for me.

[A]

Gareth. The pastimes is brought to you by him.

[B]

Ah, sweet hymns.

[A]

So, look, there's things him. Hims can't help you out with, like folding a fitted sheet which is my worst thing.

[B]

What's the strategy?

[A]

I don't know. I don't.

[B]

Don't know.

[A]

Don't do it. Throw it in a corner.

[B]

You clump it. Yeah, just clump it.

[A]

But it can help you with your performance in the bed, if you know what I'm talking about. Gareth, you take control of ED with.

[B]

Personalized before you take the fitted sheet off to throw it in the washer.

[A]

So take control of ED with personalized treatments made with doctor trusted ingredients prescribed by licensed provider providers, 100% online, which is the sweet part. You're not going to a doctor. You go on the line, can do it all there.

[B]

You could actually just hang the fitted sheet on what the hymns gives you.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Might be a solution.

[A]

Look, so ED sucks. It happens to a lot of people. And take care of it. Like, don't sit on it, don't. Don't hang out and fester and do all. Just, you can take care of it now. It's not a thing that we can let ruin our lives.

[B]

It's not like the 80s, you didn't know what was happening.

[A]

Yeah, your love life isn't over anymore. Now it just means it's just getting started, just getting going. That's all we're saying. Personalized treatment options to help you take back control thanks to daily meds. You know what I'm talking about. Another thing that doesn't help with the ED is the tie dye shirts stress.

[B]

The tie dye shirt. Why are you attacking tie dye shirts through hips? You get if we're talking about love making, bro. Okay, that is, that is, that is tie dye time, baby.

[A]

None with tie dye bs. Through hims, you can access personal prescription treatment options for ED if prescribed. And HIMS offers access to ED treatment options ranging from personalized products to trusted generics that cost 95% less than brand names that prescribed. You don't have to go to a waiting room, do this, go online, do it, take care of it. So we recommend it. I know Gareth gobbles them up.

[B]

Yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't. I don't know what the regular version's like anymore.

[A]

To get. To get simple online access to personalized affordable care for ED, weight loss and more. Visit hims.com that's hims.com Dollar for your free online visit hims.com Dollup featured products include compounded drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions and important safety information. Actual price would depend on subscription plan. Seriously, don't, don't, don't sit on this. Take care of it.

[B]

Let's go, let's go.

[A]

Oh, here we go again. Ministers object to Sunday ball. The no, the no fun people are here. They have fun at a. At a called meeting of the Ministerial association of Fort Collins which was held at the YMCA this morning at 11 o', clock, the ministers made a formal protest to the city mayor and city council in which they asked that. I think it's certain persons who had petitioned the city council for permission to play baseball in our city on the Sabbath day with the understanding that admission fee will be charged. Be not granted that permission because you can't.

[B]

It does sound like fun policing.

[A]

It is fun because you're. Well, this was a big thing then, like Sunday baseball was right.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Issue. Like you can't have fun on a Sunday.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You're supposed to sit around and think.

[B]

About how many days did it take for God create to create Earth? Was it 7?

[A]

74?

[B]

No, wasn't it 7? Do you have any idea?

[A]

I think so.

[C]

I think seven. But like didn't come in until like the final chapter. I don't know, I never read the book. I'm waiting.

[B]

Is that why we do a seven day week? It is, yes. We're sort of like honoring.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Because this, this, the seventh day was the day he.

[B]

Yeah, he rested. So the Sunday's the rest day and they're like. But no, that's God's day.

[A]

That's when. Yeah. Here's the other thing. If, if God made the earth in six days and then rest on the seventh, he wouldn't be hanging out. This would be like a little thing that he did that he doesn't care about.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

He would be like off doing more complicated.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Well, like why would you do. Is there anything you made in six days that you like just hang around with forever? You don't care anymore.

[B]

All I know is February 28th. God, whenever you're ready, get to work. That's crazy. The Past Times is brought to you by Mobile. Oh, no, we're not doing that.

[A]

The formal protest further states that such a move is but the beginning of interests in our city, commercially inclined, which will shortly seek to open the moving picture theaters in our city on the Sabbath.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

So it's, it's a, a domino effect. It's, you know, give them an inch, take a mile once you start with the bas.

[B]

It's funny because Fort Collins is such a kickass town.

[A]

Well, they.

[B]

But then it's from. You know, there was a time where they were like, no, you don't.

[A]

Yeah, they were all, no, you don't. For a long time. All the towns. There's a lot of. No, you don't.

[B]

I like Fort Collins so much that I don't tell people how great it is. Except for I up.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'll be like, dallas is the place. Don't worry. I'll throw people off the scent.

[C]

By the way.

[B]

I'm just being nice to Rosalie. It's a shill.

[A]

This is.

[C]

It does. It does kind of suck here.

[B]

It's horrible.

[C]

It's fine. It's mostly Disney's modeled after us. That's.

[A]

Yeah. How's the Sabbath there? Is it fun?

[B]

What's your Sabbath like? Y' all got a good Sabbath?

[C]

My Sabbath is pretty cuckoo. Cunt. You know, I like a little crazy.

[B]

That's what my parents gonna say is my I don't belong.

[A]

Here.

[B]

We go.

[A]

The ministers feel, according to the protest that playing ball and the Sunday movie would do away with too large extent the Christmas, the Christian Sabbath. Their memorial is as follows. We sincerely believe that such indulgence on the Sabbath as is desired is contrary to the spirit and purpose of him who gave us the Sabbath and said, you know what?

[B]

I think I really do. If there is. If there is, like, let's say there is this. This. This very simple version of this. And I. I would hope that if there's an all seeing, all knowing being, that when you get up there to all of these people, like, the deity would just be like, you guys are such nerds. You. What the. Yeah, I gave you like four go go do. You were mad about baseball?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What are you talking about? Yeah, they could be like, you didn't you guys Sunday up so bad.

[C]

Yeah, God doesn't care. I'm doing with your Sunday.

[A]

I would hope he doesn't care about any of this.

[C]

I'm gonna go take a nap on the seventh day because. Yeah, I just made the universe.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

A little tired. A whole day. I agree.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. He rest. Yeah, I agree. I just.

[A]

He's like, why do you think I made heroin?

[B]

And by the way, if you. Well, I don't know about that, Dave. I think you have actually moved it in a weird direction. But if you got up there and the whole thing was like that, I'd be like. Like, yeah, I'll go somewhere else. I mean, you know, at least at hell, I'd be like, hey, how crazy was. They were Right. About Sundays. At least I could have people to talk to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How weird is that about Sundays?

[A]

No, I don't know.

[C]

He was really chill with everything else, but the whole Sunday thing, God really clung on to that one.

[B]

Yeah. And by the way, I was supposed to take eight wives. It was so confusing down there.

[A]

What just happened?

[B]

Huh?

[A]

I'm saying you had full Mormon on us.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

He's manifesting eight wives right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That'S that by the way. That would be a nightmare. You. I'd be like, no, please. What are you guys talking about? I would be out of my mind. I'd be like, nah, there'd be no.

[A]

But I think, I think the idea.

[B]

Go to your separate rooms.

[A]

But I think that's all ideas whispering yeah, yeah. Isn't that their idea? That they can just hang out and then all the ladies will talk amongst themselves so they don't have to. To talk to them?

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

Women all hate each other.

[B]

Unless there, there's. I. If we're going off of Sister Wives.

[A]

I never seen it.

[B]

It's not great.

[C]

You never go treat yourself to a couple episodes and feel real good about every decision you've ever.

[B]

Honestly, if you can put your life up against Cody's, you're like, I'm making good calls.

[C]

I'm fine. I'm so much worse.

[B]

I'm not Cody. Cody, who'd be like, hey, bringing in a 19 year old wife. And then like the 51 year old be like, what? And he'd be like, you're not understanding God's plan. This is so fun.

[A]

Anyway. Him who gave us the Sabbath and said remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy. That it would disrupt the quiet and peace of the Sabbath that it is but the beginning of interest in our city commercially inclined, which will shortly seek to open the moving picture theaters in our city of on the Sabbath and eventually do away to a very large extent with the Christian Sabbath, a practice which if followed through our country would mean retrogression and downfall as a nation. And anal.

[B]

And what was the last word?

[A]

Anal. It's all about anal.

[B]

Wow. Strong ending. Strong closer.

[C]

Strong ending.

[B]

And anal.

[A]

Yeah, these people.

[C]

The worst plot for flip flops I've ever heard.

[B]

And anal.

[A]

Yeah, they're just not fun. They don't want. These are the people who. With a sheet on.

[B]

Well, I mean.

[A]

Or they hate. They. Yeah, these people, they're just no fun. These people hated dancing. These are those people.

[B]

But isn't this is the sheet covering everything? Isn't It a hole in the sheet?

[A]

Yeah, there's a hole in the.

[B]

She allowed to like take it down a little bit and just have the hole? Like, it's kind of like skull fucking a ghost.

[A]

I'm sorry, I think it's totally. I think you're totally covered by the sheet except for the hole. I don't think. Are you talking about like the face? If you see the face.

[B]

Yeah. What's the.

[A]

I think you're covered by the sheet.

[B]

That is weird.

[C]

Like a couple of little like eye peepers or anything?

[B]

Yeah, that's just a little something. They never talk about the glory eye holes.

[A]

You come in one night. Okay, so.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so in this sheet I made.

[B]

Three holes or you just all of a sudden. So what do you look like? Yeah, I'm like five nine and a pretty good build. I'm a little chunky. It's the holidays.

[C]

Yeah, it's just. Love is blind.

[B]

Yeah, right. I'd watch that version.

[A]

Convict had 21 wives, but none claims his body. Whoa.

[B]

That's the. That's the nightmare.

[A]

Sad.

[B]

That's the nightmare.

[C]

You can get one out of 21 people to come claim your body.

[B]

That's up.

[C]

You suck as a person.

[B]

I mean, to have 21 wives and not one of them's like into you, that's tough. You think numbers wise, not one of them is like, I mean, I'll take it. I was like, no one was like.

[C]

It was like, okay, Dick. Yeah, I'll get it.

[B]

I mean it's. I'll get him.

[A]

Him.

[B]

It's. I'll pick him up from the morgue. Dick. That's like the. I'll snag him. I'll snag him.

[C]

That's fine. I'll bury him in the ground. Dick. You know, like that, that's how.

[B]

I don't know. I'll dig a one foot hole and put him in a dick. And I'm probably not gonna put the soil back on top of him.

[C]

Dick.

[A]

Wait, is the dick out there?

[B]

Ah, no, no, it's not. Saltburn.

[A]

Oh, I thought the dick was sticking out of the.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. That is my. That is. I honestly, I'm gonna get a tattoo of my chest. So when I die it on, just for the mortician, leave my undies on. It just seems so upsetting. Real quick, let me tell you about my first job offer. When I moved real quick, I got. I. I kept going in for Jag. Do you remember the show? Jag?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. So they had to show Jag. So I keep going in, right? And this. The casting director really likes me. And then there's this part for ncis. And she gives it to me and she's. And I prepare a shitload. And it's very emotional, all that stuff. I get called back and she's like, that went really good. The next day, she calls me or she calls my agent. She's like, oh, yeah, you know? And they. They explained to me they're not offering you that part, but they will offer you a part where you have to just be a dead body on a gurney. And I'm like, I did that. Good.

[A]

So.

[B]

So then. So I'm like, what? And they're like, yeah, yeah. So then they're like, you're. And. And they're like, you will have to be nude. That was the thing. And I was like, what? And they're happening now. I know. I was. I was like, don't they. And they were like, they. For some of it, you'll have to be comfortable being naked. And I was like, just getting a little Epsy territory. It was weird. But. But. So my agent is like, but you'll get your SAG card. And so I. Oh.

[A]

So it was like a featured body.

[B]

Yeah, featured body. So. So my buddy and I were talking, and I was like, you know what? All right, yeah, I'll do it. And. And then I call my agent. I go, yeah. And then they were like, they already booked someone. And I was like, so I had to lower my standards to show my penis on NCIS for a SAG card level. And then it got taken from me. And yeah. Worst of all worlds. I was like, that's pathetic. That showbiz baby, that show business, that is.

[C]

They really did string you along, though. They said, will you show peen? And you said, I will.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I needed some time to think. I was like, the penis that.

[A]

Like a whole crew.

[B]

An NCIS level crew.

[A]

Would you show hole for whole.

[B]

I'll show. I'll show whole over.

[A]

Would you rather you would hole?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I'd rather show. Holy.

[A]

Yeah, I wouldn't. I'd rather show pain.

[B]

I insist on showing anything. I book. I insist on showing hole. I'm like, what is this guy? A whole guy? Does he do hole? Like, instead of the badge for ncis, I'm like, new Orleans police department is my hole.

[C]

Nah.

[B]

Where were you guys this morning? How come when we knocked you earlier, nobody was here?

[A]

This is out of.

[B]

Oh, by the way, you know about Preston and his hole, right, Rosalie?

[C]

Oh, I am wildly aware. I will never forget. I think it was, you know, just have another quick short story.

[B]

Go ahead.

[C]

This was maybe a couple years ago. I want to say the Nuggets were, like, in the finals, or they were.

[B]

This is.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

She kept on. He famously. I just posted all the time about, like, I'll post hole if this happens. And then he said, I'll post hole if they win.

[B]

Just. Just to slow down what you're saying. Just because people. It's post hole because people might be like, what? We're very shorthand with it in the press than our editor game. But keep going.

[C]

Yeah. So they won. And then I immediately went to Twitter, and lo and behold, at the top of my feed was just that angry little pink fruit loop. And I got so exc. Because all my friends are, like, freaking out about, like, the game winning. And then I started freaking out in victory, too, and they're like, oh, you're into the game? And I was like, no.

[A]

Sort of.

[C]

Yeah. No one was nearly as excited as.

[B]

I was, but it was a good day. Shocking piece of character development.

[A]

Do we know how he did it? Did he do, like, a timer?

[B]

No, I think he just. I think he. Right. I do know. I think he just went to the. I believe he did it in the sports bar where he was like, really? Yeah, he, like, didn't wait to get home. Home.

[C]

Like, he did it loaded in the chamber.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I bet he had.

[B]

Yeah. It was called, like. He was like. It was like Chicago Times bars. He went, like, there. Because he's always said that he's like, they don't even know. Like. Yeah, they.

[A]

Yeah, they don't care, actually.

[B]

You know, it was just some little dive bar. The Hole in the Wall. Go ahead.

[A]

And now he has one of the top only fans.

[B]

Yeah. Holding fans.

[A]

This is from. This is, of course, back to the title. Convict had 21 wives, but none claims his body. This is out of New York state. George Schultz, 68 years old. Sing Sing's most married inmate died yesterday. And of the 21 women whom he was believed to have married during his career, none could be found to claim his body. See, George Schultz. This is the guy who did Peanuts.

[B]

Yeah, this is the.

[C]

All right.

[B]

This is the guy who did Charlie Brown see. Being a convict wife, it's different. That. That makes me feel like. Yeah, that's a. Less like, why are you gonna go claim that body? Like, you probably. You know what I mean? Yeah, I, I, I.

[C]

At that point, I'd be like, this is kind of Your guys's problem, right?

[B]

Yeah, like completely.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'd be like, what, you guys have a whole system, right? Yeah, the. You want me, I'm just a guy, I'm gonna go like take it and like set. What am I gonna do with him?

[A]

Him?

[C]

Like you guys took him for the rest of his life till. And two days after. Like, I don't need this. I don't need to be here.

[A]

If you go and get a body, that means you're, you're just like, I'll, I'll pay for this. And so you're paying a bunch of money to get a casket and a burial.

[B]

Oh yeah, whatever.

[A]

Even a cremation, like, you're paying money.

[C]

So if you pick it. Sorry, if you pick up the body, is that just like going in your car?

[A]

No, I think you gotta probably do it.

[B]

Although a 9 year old drives it.

[A]

To your house in 1927, steals a car in 1927, maybe you might have just been rolled up and they threw in the back.

[B]

I think they still had. They, they had something. They'd be like, yeah, but those delivery guys.

[C]

But that's the thing. I'm like, so why do they have to pick it up? Couldn't the prison just be petty and be like, yeah, we're gonna FedEx this to you.

[A]

Like, yeah, you should drop it off on a porch.

[C]

You. But we're putting it in the box.

[B]

Yeah, I think I, I think that by saying you, you. That's just, it's a, it's a b. It's an industry term. You're going like, I'll pick it up. And then they're going, all right, what's the address? And you're like, go to the paper. That's where I live. But they, then they bring it to you if you have to physically pick it up. I mean that's, that's, that's a big problem. No wonder they claim it.

[C]

This one written again, 27 article from. Okay, yeah, I feel like that's old timey enough where maybe you did have to go pick up the body. Maybe you did have to go.

[A]

Just bring up, Bring a trunk. Like your trunk. You keep your clothes in and they.

[B]

Sure throw it in there.

[C]

Friends from your childhood. And you just go, your, your prison husband.

[B]

Yeah, I'd get some of those other wives to pitch in.

[A]

You could tie it to the roof of the car.

[B]

Yeah, that's good too. I like that.

[C]

Or maybe it was on the Sabbath and they couldn't go pick him up. Up.

[B]

That would be true. Too. Oh. See you Monday, boys.

[C]

No baseball, no dancing.

[B]

See you Monday. Keep him in his bed. Don't tell his celly.

[A]

Before Schultz died, he gave prison authorities addresses of two of his wives. The only two he could remember. He said, wow.

[C]

How old was he?

[A]

68.

[B]

Why is that old?

[A]

I get it. However, inquiries at both addresses revealed that the women had moved. Okay. Sentenced in New York last April.

[B]

By the way, if you've, like, moved on, like, if you're dating or married and you're like, look, I haven't told my current husband about what I had with him, okay? The last thing I'm doing is taking his body.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who is that? Nobody, honey. Nothing.

[A]

Sentenced in New York last April to a 2 1/2 year term for grand larceny, Schultz was serving his 8th term in the state. Previously, he had served a 10 year term for bigamy. In 1912, was sentenced for 5 years on a similar charge and prior to that had served a sentence for bigamy and on two other occasions had been sentenced for larceny. So he's a Steely Mary guy.

[B]

Yeah, the old Steely Mary type.

[A]

Schultz was known to police throughout the country for his adventures with gullible women and for his schemes for deceiving them, which netted him thousands of dollars, all of which he squandered.

[B]

This is all tracking now?

[A]

Yeah, so.

[B]

Yeah, well, why would they want to pick him up?

[A]

Yeah, he seems not great and yet he got a lot of ladies. 21.

[B]

Look, you know how it is.

[C]

Different area.

[B]

Yeah, that's right. Yep. Ship bags. Ship bags. Do well. What did you just. Hold up, please.

[C]

Oh, I was. I do this annoying thing where I, like, do the poetry snap, but I can't really snap.

[B]

I thought you were my finger doing, like, castanets or whatever. I do castanets. I mime cast. I actually should start carrying some of those. That could be good for the show. No, If I had castanets everywhere. I walk into a room, let's eat. I think that could be good for me. I'm glad we did this.

[A]

I totally disagree with you.

[B]

No, I think we're all saying really sorry.

[C]

I planted that seed.

[B]

Hello, everybody.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

There we are.

[A]

Rosalie, you've really blown it.

[B]

Can I get $8 on pump six?

[A]

He's like, off in his theater kid world.

[B]

Hey, check out now. What is it?

[C]

Let him do his little crab thingy.

[A]

Castanets.org you're not looking up castanets.

[B]

Go ahead.

[A]

New method of chicken stealing being tried out.

[B]

I'm actually going to look up castanets while we have a story like this.

[A]

It is often said that there is nothing new under the sun. But those who say this do not keep well inform informed as to the methods of chicken stealing in Larimer County.

[B]

Wow. I mean, chickens are big in Fort Collins though, right?

[C]

A lot of people here a lot like their own chicken coops in their backyard.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No, and you gotta stay.

[C]

This is a big part of our heritage.

[B]

Are you at all impressed with the local knowledge? Because you don't seem to give a.

[A]

Not at all.

[B]

Rosalie and I'm. Rosalie and I are doing, like, local talk, you know.

[C]

Gareth, I barely care about it. You're having.

[B]

Not now. That's it. Everyone listen.

[A]

This is. This is just an extension of your egg eating disorder. It's got nothing to do with actual chickens.

[B]

Okie dokie, dude, whatever. You sound so stupid.

[A]

From time to time. Poultry men report. The poultry men.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

The loss of chickens, usually due to the regular nighttime prowler.

[B]

That would be me.

[A]

That is a raccoon.

[B]

An egg burglar.

[A]

But the last theft reported adds a new method to the many resorted to by the poultry fancier who likes to raise his chickens in the dark of the moon. I'm picturing a guy holding were chickens.

[B]

He's a chick wolf.

[A]

A wear chicken. Sounds awesome.

[B]

Wear chickens.

[C]

White people do anything just to get a personality. Raising your chickens at night. What the does that even do?

[B]

I get it. I get it.

[A]

My chicken.

[C]

Well, you better start defending it, because I don't get.

[B]

It's a dicey defense. But I work all day to be able to put feed on the table for my little chickens. I get home. Shush. I get home and I got nothing to do, you know, So I gotta, like, I gotta go out there and I don't have a life, but I give and I give and I give for my coop.

[A]

You would love.

[C]

That's a very sweet idea of it.

[A]

Right?

[C]

This guy is trying to, like, stand out for himself in the big chicken industry of Fort Collins, which apparently we have. He's like, well, have you had night eggs?

[A]

So this guy.

[C]

What makes night eggs so special? Oh, let me tell you about nighttime eggs. Like, that is what I'm worried is actually happening here.

[A]

He would fall for that against. Fall for that in a heartbeat.

[B]

I really like eggs. And by the way, night eggs. Okay, if you. Yeah, I'm listening. What? Yeah, go ahead.

[C]

If you're like, no, no, I'm here.

[B]

Let's all just hold on. Let's all just create a safe space to talk freely about eggs.

[A]

Go ahead, Dave.

[B]

Anthony.

[C]

The dollop.

[A]

If there is such a thing as a were chicken, you would want to get scratched by it because you would wait or be bitten. And so you would wake up. If you would wake up in the morning and.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You've been through the night. So you're naked. No. Now you're back to human form. Happen. And there's just eggs sitting by you.

[B]

And they're mine. Oh, yeah. What are you talking about, man?

[C]

I'm.

[B]

I got good eggs.

[A]

Would you eat your own eggs?

[B]

Yes. Next question.

[C]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

Eating your own egg. I don't know about that.

[A]

It's not great. My guy.

[C]

Awesome.

[B]

But it'd be great to serve to other people. How's the quiche? Those are mine.

[C]

Other people is hilarious.

[B]

Excuse me. Those are mine.

[A]

That's like the show Hannibal.

[B]

Those came from me. Enjoy.

[C]

Good.

[B]

How's everyone liking my eggs? I deviled myself.

[A]

God damn it. Ms. George Hager. Ms. George Hager, Northeast of town a few days ago, heard her young chickens making a peculiar noise. Which. One after the other. And went out to investigate. She saw several small chickens in the orchard lineup and march like soldiers toward the fence and disappear under it, apparently protesting every step of their progress.

[B]

Interesting. It's interesting.

[A]

It's insane.

[B]

That's interesting.

[A]

You can't march chickens off like you can. By the way, I saw a video on yeah, I saw a video on Instagram of someone giving their chicken a ride on their jet ski. And the chicken was loving it.

[B]

Here's the thing. They collapsing empires. It's terrible, but every now and then you're like, hey, but we. We. In order to get that, you know, you've gotta. We have to have ice, you know, in order to get a chicken on a jet Ski, we really have to allow a lot of seams to pop. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So she couldn't understand their maneuvers, so she went out to the fence to investigate and she found a fliver. It's a fliver.

[B]

No clue.

[A]

F, L, I, V, V. Nothing.

[B]

I got nothing.

[A]

Okay, take a guess.

[B]

When you throw a liver real far.

[A]

A liver throwing contest.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Looks like it's flying a cheap car. Car or aircraft? Oh, so it's a. It's a car. It's a shitty. It's a shitty old car. Okay, so she sees Just say a shitty car. Sure. She found a flipper parked near the orchard fence. And half a dozen Mexican boys were in the car. Here we go.

[B]

Here we go. Now it feels like Fort Collins.

[C]

Yeah. Now it's tracking.

[B]

Now I'm seeing it.

[A]

They had a number of chickens in the car and were hauling in a fish line to which a number of small hooks baited with worms were attached. Whoa. And her chickens at that instant instance had the worms fishing and hooks down their throats. The chicken fishing. This is genius.

[B]

Rosalie. Pro con. I. I can kind of go either way.

[A]

We fish. Why not chicken fish?

[C]

Well, why not just grab the chicken? I think we doing all these shenanigans for.

[A]

I think there's probably just a hole in the fence or over the fence.

[B]

Yeah, there's a little. Yes. I guess it's a little less capery. You could just drop the pole.

[C]

Only you could also just seemingly go get your own chicken. This feels like. Here's the thing. I'm not interested doing extra work for anything again. Okay. Not even kind of a little bit.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[C]

Set up on a bar stool. Like. I. I'm not fishing for a chick.

[B]

But I was just going to say you're at the comedy fort doing a podcast. I mean there's some work there. You know, you could just.

[C]

That's like where the effort stopped.

[B]

It's pretty. I guess it was pretty.

[A]

She. After this, she's just going to sit around there.

[B]

I def. I would. I'm pro chicken fishing. I've decided.

[C]

Well, it seems like you're very pro chicken a lot of things. Pro chicken werewolf. Pro chicken night eggs. Pro chicken.

[B]

Well, first of all, I'm not going to be boxed in, but yeah, I guess on this episode I've been agreeing to a lot of stranger chicken stuff for you guys, but in my crew, this is not abnormal.

[A]

You're boxed in. You box yourself in.

[B]

Yeah, whatever.

[C]

You said you're doing this for us.

[B]

I'm just saying there right now there's a lot of people listening who feel seen.

[A]

No, they don't.

[B]

Yes, they do.

[A]

There's nobody.

[B]

Yes, they do.

[C]

In the comments.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Unless you're negative on it. Then don't say a goddamn word.

[C]

Nation. Where you at?

[B]

Yeah, where my egg? People, people.

[A]

The boys.

[B]

Yeah, I love it.

[A]

The boys. None of whom was over 12 years of age.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

Having great luck at their fishing in the orchard. I get it now.

[B]

You see me like my age right now with that crew of 12 year olds. That's good. Boys.

[C]

Get them in there.

[B]

Let's get a bunch of them.

[A]

A short time before this miss, Mr. Hagar found a man stealing chickens at his place at 3am and took a shot at him.

[C]

Him.

[A]

He failed to bag the thief, but the thief left his hat behind in. In his haste. And Mr. Hagar still has this. The Hagars have lost a good many young chickens, some laying pullets by theft recently. I don't know what a pull it is either.

[B]

Pull it is what you want to do when you see the egg up the chicken's ass. So you got. You're so excited, you want to pull it.

[A]

You also don't know what a pull it is. That is the craziest thing ever.

[B]

It's a prize they give you for writing.

[C]

Yeah, right.

[B]

Yeah. See?

[A]

Pull it. Here we go. A young hen, especially one less than a year old. All right.

[B]

Yeah. A baby. A chick.

[A]

So they just. Yeah, they just laid babies and then they were stolen.

[B]

Well, whatever. I mean, again.

[C]

So wait, are they fishing for, like, adult chickens or for the baby chickens?

[A]

Adults.

[B]

I'll answer. When you're chicken fishing. Yeah, when you're chicken fishing. I mean, whatever bites. I mean, if you get a chick you like, you throw it back, you know, like.

[C]

Oh, yeah, Humanitarianism.

[A]

I mean, I. I think they're looking to. It sounds like they're looking to eat these chickens, so they're looking for bigger chickens.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Okay, dude, your energy is just.

[C]

Or if they get the baby chickens, then they can just raise their own chicken. I don't know. There's too many. There's too many angles for this story. You know, there's too much going on. Why are there 12 boys? You know, why was it important that they're Mexican? Like, why. Why was that a detail that we needed?

[B]

The Mexican. The Mexican D. Well, there was a crime, so if.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The way to guess. The way to guess the race back then is if they don't mention it.

[C]

What?

[B]

And if they do. Yeah. A misguided youth. A Mexican boy.

[C]

A troubled soul.

[B]

A troubled soul. A dirty, dirty immigrant.

[A]

All right, should we do last one?

[B]

Yeah, last one. Rosalie, do you want to shout out to anyone this last one? Is there anyone you'd like to dedicate this last one to?

[C]

I want to dedicate this to Preston because I did out him with that story a little bit, so.

[B]

Oh, I've outed him, believe me. Every time. Every time I introduced him to anyone, I'm like, he posted his on Twitter.

[A]

He's called Holemaster2000.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Whole daddy bull sitter sets record.

[B]

Explain pole sitting. Just so make sure Rosalie knows we've done a lot of stuff.

[C]

I know about pole sitting.

[B]

Don't worry, babe.

[C]

Finally, a Topic we can talk about. Okay, continue. You pole sitting.

[A]

So there was a whole pole sitting.

[B]

Situation is a whole pole sitting buddy.

[A]

Where one guy climbed up the pole and sat there for a while and then everyone was like, this is amazing. So all over the country, like for months, guys were just sitting on poles breaking records. Like it was really something. It was. You do it to me like, hey, we're opening up a new JCPenney. Can we get a pole center? And a guy would go climb up front. It was really insane. And then kids did it and was nuts and they would.

[C]

I mean, we had planking like 10 years ago. So I can't really rip on this too hard, but yeah. Damn. Sitting on a pole.

[B]

That's. Yep. What else is new? That's Sunday. I call it Sunday.

[C]

Personally, Los Angeles, like our attention like really shattered over the last few years with like social media stuff like that. And you can't focus on anything. Smart. Hearing about pole sitting. We were never.

[A]

Nope.

[C]

In like a good space with this. We've always just been kind of like, we'll watch anything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think the, the lesson that if our show had really a. A thesis statement, it would be like, it's always been really, really, really, really stupid. Everything, everything has been racist and stupid. That's basically it.

[A]

The Los. The Phantom. This is out of Los Angeles. The Phantom of the flag pole. Los Angeles. Los Angeles's entry.

[B]

No.

[A]

Los Angeles's entry for national honors in flag pole sitting tied the world's record in the event at 2pm Thursday and a second later set a new long distance record for consecutive squatting on. On the poll. Do you want to guess how long.

[B]

Rosalie, you can start.

[C]

I'm gonna overshoot and I'm gonna say he was sitting on that pole for 18 hours.

[B]

Oh, Rosalie, sweet, sweet. I don't think you know how dumb America really is. They had toilets up there. They had, they had. They were in buckets.

[A]

Like they had these pool poles.

[B]

They're big. Pol High.

[A]

They would. They would put a tube.

[B]

They put a tube out of telephone pole. It's like that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna go 22 days.

[A]

Although at the first second after 2pm he had broken the 17 and 2. 17 day and 2 hour sit of VH Crouch of New Bedford, Massachusetts. The Phantom announced he would remain perched until Friday when he will have completed 18 days.

[B]

You gotta.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You really have to see the way. Rosalie, you had the most genuine. Like what?

[A]

Rosalie. There was a time when a guy walked. There was a time when a guy walked across America backwards. And he would walk through a town and the whole town would come out.

[B]

He's not kidding.

[C]

Isn't that just Forrest Gump?

[B]

Yes. Yes. Yeah, that's the other lesson. It's all pretty much forest gun jump.

[C]

Okay, so we've never had an original idea. We're just rehashing the same thing every.

[B]

Once in a while.

[C]

Okay, cool. Cool. Great, great, great.

[A]

God.

[C]

18 days just sitting up there.

[A]

They were. Their guys did it for like three, four months at some point, like they just did it forever.

[C]

For what are they. Are they. Is someone.

[A]

Sometimes they were. Sometimes they were sponsored by a store. But also now you're famous and you get to do.

[B]

The more that we answer, the less you'll understand. I really do think it's one of those.

[C]

The more angry I'm getting.

[B]

Every right to be upset.

[C]

This is insane. You have to do so much now to just be even like kind of locally famous or have like any credibility. You used to just sit on a pole. Yeah, that was it. That was it for talent. Oh, my God.

[A]

There are still people. There are still people sitting on polls and becoming famous.

[B]

Is that right? Oh, are you doing.

[A]

Yep. I brought it back.

[B]

Rosalie, people should follow you at omg. What is it? Sorry, I'm an idiot.

[A]

Omg. Hi, Rosalie.

[C]

Hi, Rosalie.

[B]

That's what I thought. Thank you for joining us. I hope that the. I hope you learned a lot today. I know I did.

[C]

Didn't.

[A]

Yeah, I didn't.

[C]

I. I learned a lot of stuff that it's going to be great in the Trivial Pursuit someday, God willing. So here's that.

[B]

I really don't even think it's going to help you in that direction. I think it's just. It's been a waste.

[A]

It's been a waste.

[B]

Tell David I said hi. Keep Fort Collins terrible. Nobody should go there. And thank you for joining us. Rosalie, come back. Do it in the same place. Appreciate you you. Thank you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Hey, Dollop fans. I know you love the Dollop. You love listening to the Dollop. Do you want to watch the Dollop? You're like, gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five parter animation, which is actually like a 22 minute episode or 30 minute episode, I can't remember of the rube, you can go to LakeSide Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome. Some animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the rube.