The Dollop: “The Past Times with Kirsten Michelle Cills” (Ep. 161) Release Date: February 15, 2026 Hosted by Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds, with guest Kirsten Michelle Cills

Episode Overview

This episode of The Dollop’s “The Past Times” features comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds, joined by stand-up comic Kirsten Michelle Cills. The trio dives into a 19th-century edition of the Philadelphia Inquirer, riffing on historical headlines, gender roles, questionable health advice, and the strangeness of newspaper reporting in the late 1800s. The conversation seamlessly blends biting humor, sharp cultural commentary, and the improvisational chemistry that fans expect from the show.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Guest Introduction and Comedic Banter

• [00:47–02:28] Gareth welcomes Kirsten, leading to a lighthearted debate about how to spell “Kirsten” and competitive joking between the hosts over who is the “better” fan of her comedy.
  • Memorable riffing about Instagram discovery, fistfights, and a running contest for Kirsten’s favorite host.

2. The Newspaper Date Reveal & Philadelphia’s Reputation

• [03:19–04:44] Kirsten guesses the date of the paper (“1907,” actual date is 1898), and the panel jokes about “bad sports fans” in Philly and Kirsten’s (fake) reputation for street brawling.
• A playful dig at how Kirsten is sometimes mistaken for “Christine Dave.”

3. 1898 Gender Stereotypes: “Why Men Bear Their Age Better Than Women”

• [05:03–12:58]
• Reading and dissecting a hilariously sexist advice column arguing that men age better than women due to diet and routine.
• Notable Quotes:
  • (Dave, 06:16): “After 50, men are erect. Active.”
    Gareth: “Yeah. Famously, after 50—finally—boners. That’s my website, by the way.”
  • (Banter, 06:53) Gareth: “Women at 50 are corpses. Just dried out prunes.”
  • Kirsten brings sharp sarcasm about “peaking at 40,” menopause, and societal double standards.
• The crew skewers the ridiculousness, unpacking the impact of social roles and food on health.

4. Absurd 19th-Century Health Advice & Vegetarianism

• [13:01–16:38]
• The column credits men’s supposed vigor to “epicurean lunches” and labels women’s food (toast, tea) as drab.
• Notable Quote: Gareth (14:16): “Someone’s vegetarian, but they’re still ...down for one or two meat days a month. Every vegetarian we know, so famously, is down for that.”
• Discussion veers into Gareth’s daily “six eggs” habit, including a notorious story about cracking eggs on a van bumper mid-tour ([19:06]).

5. Chinese Banquets and America’s Complicated Culinary Appropriation

• [20:18–34:18]
• A headline about “Chinese dinners” sparks jokes about what qualified as “Chinese” food in 1898, and America’s willingness to be racist while still loving immigrant food.
• Kirsten: “My dad will vote for Trump any day, but then we’ll go to a Chinese restaurant and he’ll say, ‘Shay, shay’. Nowhere the food is good.” ([21:31])
• They riff on the Americanization of foreign cuisines, leading to a sidebar on uniquely American dishes, school lunch nostalgia, and the humble origins of “vegetarian” diets.

6. American Food Identity and Cheese Integrity Debate

• [34:18–42:08]
• Spirited debate over “what is American food?”—from blooming onions to grilled cheese and tater tots.
• Dave confesses he’s never eaten a mozzarella stick or a jalapeño popper, prompting disbelief.
  • Gareth (39:13): “Your honor, this man cannot even go to a bowling alley.”
  • Kirsten: “So really, never a mozzarella stick?”
  • Dave: “Never had one. ...It just doesn’t sound good to me.”
• Jokes about Dave’s culinary abstentions and what that says about his Americanness.

7. The Dream Coffin: Oddball 19th-Century Human Interest Story

• [42:22–53:43]
• The group reads about an elderly man (“the aged man”) who dreams he should build his own coffin, then laboriously does so in his retirement home—only for it to be the wrong size when he dies.
  • Gareth: “He Goldilocksed the coffin.”
• Discussion satirizes the melodramatic reporting, the mysterious “intimate associates,” and the comic tragedy of coffin DIY.
• Kirsten: “If he took liberties... like, it was a different shape? That’d be impressive. ...I want to be standing up, and at the end you can all put swords through it.” ([45:15])
• The emerging context: the man is in a Methodist old folks’ home, not prison as initially suspected from the diction.

8. “Tiny Man & the Trenchcoat”: Another Bizarre News Item

• [56:11–60:25]
• Story of Neville Cook, suspected of attempting to rob a diminutive paper dealer by throwing his coat over the man’s head.
  • Banter: Gareth: “He’s guilty of being a cutie pie. What do you want me to do? He’s out here flaunting how tiny and delicious he is.”
• Satirizing 19th-century journalistic priorities: too many addresses, odd details, offbeat character portraits.

9. Moral Panic: 1898’s Theater & Dance Under Fire

• [61:08–63:28]
• A Methodist pastor rails against theater and dance, branding them “born in heathenism and rocked in the cradle of vice,” referencing the “impossibility” of women remaining pure as actresses.
  • Kirsten (62:16): “I have a college degree in theater and everything he said...”
• The trio roasts hypocritical fire-and-brimstone preaching as performative in itself.

10. The Great Mozzarella Stick Verdict

• [64:03–64:51]
• Kirsten is asked to pick her favorite host; ultimately, Dave’s lack of mozzarella stick experience proves a “strike against him.”
  • Kirsten: “The mozzarella sticks feels like an unforgivable...when you come to Philly and want to get mozzarella sticks, we can have a different conversation.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [06:16] Dave: “After 50, men are erect. Active.”
• [08:00] Gareth: “The crushing sensation of society on your back versus do whatever you want.”
• [14:16] Gareth: “I’m having a meat day. Please respect my privacy in this time.”
• [19:10] Dave: “Gareth has cracked a hard boiled egg on the back bumper of the van.”
• [21:31] Kirsten: “My dad will vote for Trump any day of the week ... Then we’ll go to a Chinese restaurant. ... Nowhere the food is good.”
• [36:41] Dave: “I would say tater tots is peak American food.”
• [39:13] Gareth: “Your honor. This man cannot even go to a bowling alley.”
• [45:15] Kirsten: “I want to be standing up, and at the end, you can all put swords through it.”
• [52:22] Gareth: “It’s like trying to shut your suitcase in a rush.”
• [54:41] Gareth: “The phones have really stopped the in-bathroom graffiti. ... We got phones. We’re not bored.”
• [62:16] Kirsten: “I have a college degree in theater and everything he said...”
• [64:37] Kirsten: “Unfortunately, the mozzarella sticks feels like an unforgivable...”

Timestamps of Important Segments

• Guest intro & comedic chemistry: [00:47–02:28]
• 1898 paper selection, Philly context: [03:19–04:44]
• “Why Men Bear Their Age Better” & gender roles: [05:03–12:58]
• Absurd diet & vegetarianism advice: [13:01–16:38]
• Gareth’s egg habits and road food: [17:50–19:39]
• Chinese dinners, American racism & culinary appropriation: [20:18–34:18]
• Dave’s anti-mozzarella stick stance & American food debate: [34:18–42:08]
• DIY dream coffin story: [42:22–53:43]
• “Tiny man & the trenchcoat” newspaper item: [56:11–60:25]
• Moral panics: Theater and dance: [61:08–63:28]
• Kirsten’s favorite host decision & wrap-up: [64:03–64:51]

Tone and Style

• Irreverent, playful, and sharp-witted. The hosts keep the audience laughing while also exposing the absurdity of period reporting and societal norms.
• Interactive and improvisational. The inclusion of a guest adds spontaneous energy and fresh comedic perspectives.

Summary

For fans and new listeners alike, this episode encapsulates the essence of The Dollop: roasting history’s weirdness, clowning on outdated advice columns, and leveraging fast-paced banter that covers everything from American food identity (and Dave’s lack thereof) to the drama of dream-induced coffin carpentry. Kirsten’s rapport with Dave and Gareth makes the laughs (and the incredulity at the headlines) flow easily, ensuring a fun, accessible, and razor-sharp comedic deep-dive into the oddities of 1898.