166 - The Past Times with Allen Strickland Williams

Summary

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The Dollop: The Past Times with Allen Strickland Williams

Podcast: The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds
Episode: 166 – The Past Times with Allen Strickland Williams
Release Date: March 20, 2026
Guest: Allen Strickland Williams

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Episode Overview

In this episode of The Dollop’s "Past Times" series, comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by standup comic Allen Strickland Williams. True to the Past Times format, the trio dig through a historical newspaper—in this case, the Los Angeles Times from May 12, 1900—riffing irreverently on the wild, weird, and tragic stories of the day. Their trademark banter blends sharp-eyed curiosity, relentless sarcasm, and contemporary comparisons, making the turn-of-the-century headlines as hilarious and biting as ever.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction & Allen’s Stand-up Album

• Album Plug:

  • Allen talks about his new album, "Ran Through," recorded at Austin, Texas’s Velveto Room—"right amount of rowdy, right amount of dirty" (02:02).
  • Gareth coins the term "trauma-based comedy" as a way to describe Allen’s dark, silly, and personal comedic style (02:22).

• Anecdotes on Austin Comedy Scene:

  • Allen shares a story about getting his rental car towed in Austin and overhearing tow employees blame rising business on Joe Rogan’s fans:

    "Yeah. Ever since Joe Rogan came to town, there’s just a lot more tows." (04:19)

• The Strange World of American Towing:

  • Gareth and Allen joke about the indignity and bureaucracy of car impoundment, noting America’s proliferation of petty fees.

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2. Guessing the Year: Los Angeles Times, May 12, 1900

• Game Setup: Dave selects a historic Los Angeles Times, making Allen and Gareth guess the date.
• Discussion of 3¢ newspapers, historical costs, and whether gum existed in 1900:
  • Gareth: "How many pennies was gum? Did they even have gum?" (07:23)

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3. Headlines & Stories from 1900

A. Academic Scandal: Liberal Professor’s ‘Punishment’

• Story: Professor Gilbert from the Chicago Theological Seminary is ‘punished’ for liberal teachings by being given a year’s leave with pay—to write a book!
• Reaction:
  • Dave: "His punishment is that he has to write a book and gets paid for it. Christ, what a nightmare." (09:14)
  • Gareth: "This is how Chelsea Handler’s book happened." (09:21)

B. Fraternity Hazing Gone Awry: Shocking the Doctor

• Initiation Ritual:
  • Dr. Sensiba receives an electric shock as part of a fraternal order’s hazing; tries to avoid it, falls on a battery, and is paralyzed in his right arm for months.
• Banter:
  • Gareth relates the event to a Terminator 2 scene (14:09).
  • Allen shares a Chicago comedy story about licking a battery and passing out (15:13).
  • Dave: "He went to a fraternal order with initiation ritual of getting shocked, and then he fell over on the battery…That’s kind of on you." (16:52)
• Contemporary Hazing:
  • Gareth brings up an infamous Ohio frat hazing video (17:05).

C. Hard-Headed Suicide Attempt: The Bulletproof Skull

• Story: A man named Marquis tries to kill himself with a revolver—clicks through several rusty chambers before three bullets bounce harmlessly off his unusually thick skull.
• Memorable Quote:
  • Gareth: "At this point, your bullets don’t hurt me. Oh, that one did, actually." (22:39)
  • Dave: "There’s a lot of people back then that had lead-proof skull. It was very common in the 1900s." [sarcastic] (18:42)
• Gallows humor: The guys riff about Marquis joining a sideshow:
  • "He could travel with a freak show…Just get shot in the head every day." (27:06)

D. Police Drama & Past Pardons

• Story: Ex-cop Samuel Duggan petitions for reappointment after serving time for attempting to murder fellow officers.
• Satirical Riff:
  • Dave: "You can still get thrown off [the force], but the next town over always hires you." (29:12)
  • Gareth: "What if he’s your friend, bringing up, like, 'You know, I was thinking of…maybe seeing if I could be a cop again.' What are you talking about?" (31:11)

E. Goat Island and Thumb Disfigurement

• Story: Young man rejected from Navy due to a misshapen thumb—surgery leads to fatal blood poisoning.
• Quote:
  • Gareth: "That’s crazy. To get thumb flagged." (33:43)
  • Allen: "Two thumbs way down on that one, by the way." (34:34)

F. Saloon Gunplay and the Watch for a Drink

• Story: Henry Muck (or Muk/Mac) threatens a man with a gun over drinks as payment for returning a stolen watch during a barroom tussle.
• Comedic Riffing: Gareth: "You know what beats watch? Revolver." (39:00)

G. Prune Heist: Grand Larceny, Edible Goods

• Story: Forlorn Robert Catterson is caught stealing 30 sacks (each 105 lbs) of prunes, claiming it was for a sick brother in Canada.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Dave: "Catterson is a sorry man to look at. He has the appearance of a nervous physical wreck. His eye is dull, his head bald and his hand shaking." (47:19)
  • Gareth: "If you are, like, the face of prune theft, it’s kind of like… I’m sorry." (47:28)
• Long-form riffing about prunes, raisins, and the indignity of being described so unflatteringly:
  • Allen: "If we’re talking about ants on a log, I, I’ll smile when I see them." (42:04)
• True-crime parody:
  • Dave: "It would be great if this was the first subject of the first true crime podcast." (54:35)
• Running "pruned"/"prudent" puns.

H. Exploding Outhouse: Dynamite & Mischief

• Story: Kids steal dynamite and obliterate an outhouse, showering the neighborhood with filth.
• Quotes:
  • Dave: "Splinters from the building were scattered far and wide, and filth from the vault under the outhouse covered the surrounding." (56:45)
  • Gareth, recalling a film scene: "I remember I was on a flight once…there is a gratuitously horrendous scene where [an RV] is just spraying…" (57:13)
• Analysis of dynamite use by children and the lack of consequence:
  • Dave: "Hamill himself was released from custody as no one cared to swear to complaint against him." (62:14)

I. The Butcher’s “Tall and Short” Robbery Gag

• Story: Andrew Franklin, butcher’s assistant, claims infamously short and tall highwaymen robbed him of $25—then admits he made it up to cover the missing money.
• Allen (on melodramatic journalism): "I feel like this is like a closeted guy that's writing these articles because he’s so…just trembling mad. And this short man…just like reading." (63:30)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Crime and Disgrace:
  "America is just a bunch of fees." – Gareth Reynolds (05:10)
• On the Surreality of 1900s News:
  "Sometimes people will be on the show and they’ll be like, this all happened to one guy? …No, sorry. It has been eight different stories." – Dave Anthony (10:06)
• On Getting Thumb-Flagged by the Navy:
  "That’s crazy. To get thumb flagged." – Gareth Reynolds (33:43)
• On Kid Dynamiters:
  "Hamill himself was released from custody as no one cared to swear to complaint against him." – Dave Anthony (62:14)
• On the Prune Thief:
  "Catterson is a sorry man to look at. He has the appearance of a nervous physical wreck. His eye is dull, his head bald and his hand shaking." – Dave Anthony, quoting the paper (47:19)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:13] – Podcast/guest intro; Allen’s new album; towing stories
• [06:30] – Newspaper guessing game; context for 1900s Los Angeles
• [07:41] – Start of headline reading—Professor Gilbert’s ‘punishment’
• [10:11] – Illinois Fraternal Order shock accident
• [18:30] – The “bulletproof skull” suicide story
• [29:08] – Reinstated ex-cop Duggan and cop shooting saga
• [33:43] – Young man dies over a disfigured thumb
• [36:41] – The saloon gunplay—watch-for-drinks brawl
• [41:01] – Start of the great prune larceny saga
• [56:25] – Exploding outhouse (dynamite incident)
• [63:01] – The butcher’s fantastical story of highwaymen
• [65:39] – Episode wind-down

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Final Thoughts & Tone

The dynamic is the typical Dollop blend of caustic disbelief, modern analogies, and escalating goofiness. Allen fits smoothly into the show’s rhythm, trading absurdities about mini-scandals, bodily mishaps, and local color from 1900 with Dave and Gareth’s relentless riffing.

• Overall Tone: Sardonic, irreverent, quick-witted, with flashes of empathy for the suffering of the less fortunate citizens of 1900 Los Angeles.
• Running Bits:
  • Recurrent puns on “pruned/prudent”
  • Chronic disbelief at the “hardy” constitutions of 1900s Americans
  • Mock sell-traps for why various rules (like thumb disfigurement) exist
  • Sly asides about technology (“You made it worse”—on Apple updates, 35:54)
  • Unsparing lampooning of newspaper journalistic style

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For New Listeners

You don’t need to know the LA of 1900—or even much about history—to enjoy this episode. The performers make the absurdities of the past relatable through their trademark blend of skepticism and comedy. If you want to hear about crime, civic life, and digestive woes of yore, all filtered through the minds of modern comics, this is essential listening.

Transcript

[Dave Anthony]

The Dollop will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport. And 26, the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th will be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, we'll be in Philadelphia. And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington D.C. at the Lincoln. The. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com tour for tickets. The Global Gaming League is presented by Atlas Earth, the fun cashback app. Hey, it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my how we do it gaming team take on Gilly the king and wallow. 2, 6, $7 million gaming in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown. Plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCo. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match right [e-mail] that's globalgamingleague.com in partnership with Level Up Expo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, we're gonna go through a newspaper. This is podcasted, baby. Here we go. Three, two. Welcome to the podcast. It's called the Pastimes. You know what we do each week? Wait, Dave's having a laugh because we're. These intros are getting night. We're finding them. We go from a Dave smiling. For those of you who are listening. We go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it and neither has this week's guest, the great Alan Strickland Williams. Thank you for being here.

[Dave Anthony]

Thank you for having me.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I'm excited to relive the past.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, in many ways we're. We're all doing it, but with a nice little new garnishes.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, we're all living the 40s. It's exciting 30s right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Who knows what the. Alan, you have a new album called Ran Through.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah, it's on Blonde Medicine Records. You can get it digitally on like band Camp. And there's a vinyl pressing too. You can find all the links at Alan Strickland williams.com. all that good stuff. Yeah, one liners, crazy trauma stuff, dark Stuff, stupid stuff, silly stuff. We got it all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's all, you know, sometimes like if you're talking to someone who's, you know, does like, doesn't know comedy that well, they'll be like, what's your style? And I think I from now on will say trauma. That seems like a nice way to sort of frame whatever. Just, it's a good way to shut down. Maybe more questions.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah, exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Trauma based. Well, that's great. Well, good for you. Where did you record it?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I recorded at the Velveto Room in Austin, Texas, which is like, I'm sure you guys like sort of, sort of the right amount of rowdy, right amount of dirty, but really Pat Dean and everybody there. I, I, I, I love that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love that club, by the way, right. About Rowdy. Other great album.

[Dave Anthony]

It's like the, like the, that's next.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we're, we're mothership guys.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah, I thought so. I saw you guys there last time I was there.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I mean we, we fly down there every weekend. Just, even, even if we're not doing jet sets, just hang out in the green room and see the guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I, yeah, go ahead. You got a question?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

No, I'll tell you this. I was in Austin, I think it was when I was doing my album. And I. A friend of mine who lived in Austin to Should have Known Better told me to park the rental car somewhere. And it was like one of those side streets on Sixth street that at, you know, 7:01pm they tow everything there. So I had to go down to the tow, the tow company to get my rental car at one point, but. And I just overheard and I overheard people and my friend was like, that's on me. He took care of it or whatever. Which is, which is nice, whatever. But it was still annoying. But what I overheard at the tow truck place was so funny. I just overhear employees talking to each other and they just go, yeah. Ever since Joe Rogan came to town, there's just a lot more toes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One of them hosts the Joe Rogan Experience. Fuck I. Getting a rental car towed is a particular version.

[Dave Anthony]

Shouldn't you just be able to be like, so I'm done with my rental. You can pick it up here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You should be able to call Hertz and just be like, yeah, so that one's, that's. I need a new, I need a new one. You guys got to go to the toll place.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

You never feel like life is more of just a complete sham. Just like complete top to bottom facade.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've Been towed so many times, and every time it's just. You're like, what? Like, I think the, the impound lot closed on weekends, too. So it's like, one time I got towed on a Friday, and they were like, we don't work on the weekends. Well, that's really up. So cool. And then you got to pay for the weekend fee.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, sometimes it feels like America is just a bunch of fees. Well, anyway, also.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Oh, I'll just say this. I also learned. This is the tow place. They had a. They had, like, you know, the cops have the. The American flag with the blue line. They have one with a yellow line. And I looked it up, and it's real. The yellow line is for, like, tow truck drivers and, like, some other weird amalgamation of stuff. But I'm like, oh, it's yellow. Cause it's piss. Because we should be pissing on you

[Gareth Reynolds]

because you are absolute piss. Fuck the idea. Awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

That's so good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, I, I, I don't agree with the blue one, but I'm like, I get, I get it. Get the propaganda. But to be like, with the yellow toe.

[Dave Anthony]

Guys, toy respect.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't mess with the. These cones don't melt. All right, Alan, we're going to guess what year this paper is from. Dave Prestus picked it out. You can guess any year. 1900s, 1800s, 1700s. There's no clue.

[Dave Anthony]

There's no clue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's no reason to do it. But I feel that with so much stuff, I kind of just keep doing the routines, just holding on to something that's maybe gone, but. But what?

[Dave Anthony]

I can tell you it's Los Angeles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a Los Angeles paper. That doesn't help. Okay. Oh, it does. It does, because it's after 18.

[Dave Anthony]

18. What,

[Gareth Reynolds]

40.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a hard time for you, isn't it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got no idea when the second half of this country started, but go ahead, Alan. You could just take a shot in the dark.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Guess I'll say 1986.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's great. I'll say 1912.

[Dave Anthony]

You're wrong. It's 1900. May 12th.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Alan.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Alan wins.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

It's funny that it was 3 cents.

[Gareth Reynolds]

3 cents was the paper.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What was gum.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

What a crazy thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do a lot. That's my. That's kind of my.

[Dave Anthony]

You do everything based in, like, if someone's like, gum, money, a car used to be 500. You're like, yeah, but how much was good?

[Gareth Reynolds]

How many pennies was gump. Did they even have gum?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Did they have it yet?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

That's the question.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

A lot of people are asking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A lot of people want to know about gum. Gum laws.

[Dave Anthony]

It's the Los Angeles times, Saturday morning, May 12, 1900, year of our Lord Jesus Christ.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Dave Anthony]

Who? We're big fans of different. Must write a book. Penalty for Professor Gilbert's liberal teachings.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Must write a book. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Must write a book.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, this is from Chicago. The rod of correction has the rod

[Gareth Reynolds]

of correction, by the way.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I've seen that one. I've seen that one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've walked into a room naked and said that before. For who dare deny the rod of correction?

[Dave Anthony]

I got a rod of correction.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what Russell Brand does now. It's called a rod of correction.

[Dave Anthony]

Sometimes you can put your rod of correction in the fleshlight and just. They store them together. The rod of correction has fallen on the back of Professor George Holly Gilbert.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I put the ro. Go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

Of the Chicago Congregation Theological Seminary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ho.

[Dave Anthony]

A year's leave of absence with pay. Well, it. That's a vacation that you just. That's a year's vacation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, yes.

[Dave Anthony]

Who wouldn't?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I didn't do that math right away, but you are accurate.

[Dave Anthony]

Who wouldn't? If they were like, we're suspending you with. With all. You get all the money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Was he also a cop?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, he shot a guy. And they were like, look, you don't get to walk.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

You got to be a priest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And with the understanding that he will write another book which shall exculpate him from the charge of teaching injurious doctrine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

So his punishment is that he has to write a book and gets paid for it. Christ, what a nightmare. This is how. This is how the church.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is how Chelsea Handler's book happened.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

This is how the church punishes people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gotta love it.

[Dave Anthony]

Is the penalty laid upon the ultra liberal instructor by the board of directors at the seminary this afternoon. Tomorrow, Professor Gilbert will announce to the board his acceptance or rejection of the terms.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ, the nerve.

[Dave Anthony]

Nah, nah. I don't want to get paid for that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm out.

[Dave Anthony]

You want to pay me to write a book, go yourself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How dare you.

[Dave Anthony]

Shocked the doctor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

New article.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, new article.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

I figured he would have clued into that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sometimes people will be on the show and they'll be like, this all happened to one guy. No, sorry. It has been eight different stories.

[Dave Anthony]

One was about owls. How do you not realize?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is like Forrest Gump. This guy's life.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Shock the doctor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shock the doctor.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

That's a good song.

[Dave Anthony]

Illinois Fraternal Order sued for damages.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fraternal Order.

[Dave Anthony]

Why are these stories a lot of Illinois. It's very suspicious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

LA Times, like, I don't care. That would be so funny if you forgot, like, as an editor, you're like, we didn't do the paper to the Chicago Tribune. Chicago Tribune. Chicago tribute. There you go. Quick. Cool. There we go. Cool, cool, cool. Whoo.

[Dave Anthony]

This says exclusive dispatch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this is exclusive disc.

[Dave Anthony]

I think nobody else knows this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's. That's what I do. A lot of people do. An. Only fans. I do an exclusive dispatch where I show the rod. Whatever it's called. The rod.

[Dave Anthony]

The corrective rod.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Corrective rod.

[Dave Anthony]

Dr. W.C. sensiba, a dentist of Port Byron.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That definitely sounds like a Southern guy saying sensible, by the way.

[Dave Anthony]

Sensib.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a sensible choice. Quite sensible.

[Dave Anthony]

Has brought suit to recover 50,000 in damages from the Fraternal Tribunes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fraternal Tribunes is weird to me.

[Dave Anthony]

A fraternal and beneficiary order having a large representation in this state. Okay, this doesn't. That doesn't tell me anything. It's just a bunch of guys who get together and drink.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. It sounds like a mason paper.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Dr. Sensiba, do you want to do it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it's all I want to do, but I feel like everyone's thinking it.

[Dave Anthony]

Dr. Sensiba was initiated May 10, 1898, when Port Byron Lodge was instituted. And one of the features of the initiatory ceremony.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Initiatory.

[Dave Anthony]

You don't like the word?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not a word.

[Dave Anthony]

Was the administering of an electric shock to the candidate while blindfolded.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy.

[Dave Anthony]

That's how you do it. You want in or not?

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, that'd be great.

[Dave Anthony]

I wonder what they're. How they're giving him the shock. I mean, they don't have, like, cattle

[Gareth Reynolds]

products back in 1909. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I assume it's hooked up to a battery maybe, or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know enough. That's not even. That's outside of this article, which is weird because you're.

[Dave Anthony]

You're our electricity expert on the show. Let me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, what guy. Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

Allan, are you familiar with electricity in the 1900s?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I. I thought they were still using, like, whale blubber back then.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. So that we're a little off where we need to be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why I'm the electrical guy. Yeah, by default.

[Dave Anthony]

Hey, let's shock him with the whale blubber.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Survived again.

[Dave Anthony]

Sensiba's blindfold became disarranged, and he had sought to evade the shock, but in so doing, fell hands down on the battery.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no, that's. That's.

[Dave Anthony]

It's like a cartoon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's too much. It's too much. The other one,

[Dave Anthony]

receiving a shock which rendered him unconscious for some time and paralyzed his right side for many months.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh,

[Dave Anthony]

okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's like. There's this. I always think of this. There's this scene at the beginning of Terminator 2, and. Yeah, that's right. I'm talking.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, not because your. Your science brank is going into where, you know, I just kept thinking about

[Gareth Reynolds]

a thing that I never have been able to shake. But there's a part in Terminator where he throws. He throws this guy on, like, the griddle, and the guy's trying to get off the griddle, but it's like every time you put your hand down to move off the griddle, you're like. It's burning worse.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So that's.

[Dave Anthony]

That's what you're coming up with?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

This.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, my history.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I. I heard. I don't know if you guys know Sean Flannery out in Chicago. Yeah, I think this. I think this is him. It could be anyone from Chicago. They're all animals out there. But I heard. I think it was him where he was. He was literally interviewing at, like, some sort of battery factory or something like that. And the guy was like, so you know about batteries, right? And apparently Sean picked up a battery that was, like, on the guy's desk, and he goes, what do you think? And then did the thing where, like, you put it to your tongue, like, with the 9 volt, like, thinking it's like a 9 volt, but apparently it was, like, super strong. So he literally knocks himself out and goes face down on the guy's desk. I think I want to say that, too. I think that's, like, part of a Blackout Diaries thing. I heard one time that is. That is like a living, living cartoon character.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is so great.

[Dave Anthony]

It sounds like something the. What's his name? Robinson would do in the chair company.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. I. There was. I had a teacher. I wasn't in class for this, but it was like. There is. We had this teacher, Ms. Morales, and he was basically like. He was telling everyone in the class, like, there's 10,000 volts in this, so nobody touch it. And just like a fucking comedy, his pinky touched it, and he just. He, like. He, like, got so shocked. And then I think he, like, knocked his hand off of the thing, and he was like, everyone's like, God damn. Like the rest of the class, he was like, I can't teach licking a battery and passing out. Cuz when you wake up from passing out too, you don't know what happened, Right?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I got the job. Like, I think that was the punchline. But.

[Dave Anthony]

He alleges permanent disability on the score, that he has never been able to use his right arm to any extent since.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, how much.

[Dave Anthony]

How many volts was this? I mean, they probably didn't have a lot of ability to control.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think they were in. I mean, if you really think about what they were going for, is there even an answer? Like, how many volts to cure this man's schizophrenia? Like, it's unanswerable.

[Dave Anthony]

Also, I don't have a lot of sympathy for the guy who was like, I mean, he kind of did this to himself. Like he was. He was going to miss your angle. But he. He went to a fraternal order with initiation ritual of getting shocked, and then he fell over on the battery. Like.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

That's kind of on you on this one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, I get it. It's kind of on you. Yeah, it is. No. And then these kids nowadays, you try to hook them up to a battery to join your frat, and they're like, my mommy said I can't. It's like, crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

The Ohio frat video, what is that? Oh, you haven't seen it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

These cops come to a frat in, I think it's Ohio, and I don't know why they got called there, but they go to the basement and turn on the lights and it's just. It's like, I want to say like 50 dudes, pledges, and they're all in their boxers and they're just standing there. It's like from the movie Weapons, which you probably haven't seen, but they're all just standing there in their boxers. And then the cops, like, all right, guys come on and they're like, just won't move. And the cops like, guys, it's the cops. But they think they're being hazed, so they just stay there and they won't leave. And then another guy who's like, one of the older guys is like being a smart ass with the cops, and it's just like, you don't need to be here, right? Like, it's just all so weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The pledges won't move because I think it's part of the hazing.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, they think, nice try, because the brothers are probably like, you can't Leave here no matter what.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Even if the cops show up and

[Dave Anthony]

they're just standing there for a while. They won't. They won't move. Don't join. One bulletproof skull. Is that. What do you. What do you know about those? You're a science guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They don't. Those have eluded science as far as I've known. But the Egyptians got closest.

[Dave Anthony]

His head was too hard for lead to penetrate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what a power. That can't be true.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh yeah. There's a lot of people back then that had lead proof. Proof skull. It was very common in the 1900s.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah, right.

[Dave Anthony]

Poor ammunition and a skull of unusual hardness yesterday saved the life of William marked Marquis, which he would fain have thrown away. Okay. Marquis is the proprietor of the mechanics lodging house on East 2nd street in Los Angeles where he tried to kill himself about 4:00 yesterday afternoon.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Oh, buried the lead on that one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Really? They have no.

[Dave Anthony]

Like he's probably an actor waking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Waking someone up. Like you have an incredibly hard skull. Wait, what? I know it got tough what happened. But now you're gonna be able to do a one man show about your head. Oh, that's how this works now.

[Dave Anthony]

What head?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no.

[Dave Anthony]

His reason for wishing to die was physical suffering. Oh, this is sad now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[Dave Anthony]

Although apparently a very robust and healthy man, the Marquis has been sorely afflicted with pains in the abdomen due to injuries sustained years ago. He had been advised to undergo a surgical operation as his only hope of permanent relief. But he could not make up his mind to undergo the ordeal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See, this is what it was like in 1909 with surgery. You were like, I think I'd rather just take myself out than have a doctor be like, now we put my poo covered hands inside of the man's belly, have a wiggle around and pray for the best.

[Dave Anthony]

I'll just squeeze stuff and tell me if it hurts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There we go.

[Dave Anthony]

For several weeks, Marquis had been practically bed fast on account of his malady. Yesterday he suffered more pains than usual. And taking a revolver from his trunk, he laid down on his bed and tried to end his misery, but only aggravated his troubles.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Oh, God.

[Dave Anthony]

That's the problem with like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I bet your belly don't hurt so bad now, huh?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Aside from actually having it successful when it's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

The revolver, which was a cheap imitation of a.32 caliber Smith Wesson six shooter. You don't want to get a cheap imitation. Cheap, cheap.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, this is your last purchase. Go big. Get the class, you know, like, whoa. 18.

[Dave Anthony]

Had not been discharged for a long time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Been there.

[Dave Anthony]

And the cartridges with which it was loaded had become rusty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Dave Anthony]

No, you're not supposed to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You have tetanus.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

You're not supposed to do that.

[Dave Anthony]

No, no, you're really not supposed to do that.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

You're not supposed to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

So you're not supposed to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did you sir, wake up?

[Dave Anthony]

He snapped the six chambers at his head and not a single cartridge exploded.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He kept clicking it.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Whoa, whoa. This guy'?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is Russian solitaire.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Very good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Very good. Thank you. What the.

[Dave Anthony]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait a minute. That is crazy. That, like, I'd be like, okay, you know what? The Lord stepped in.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, one bullet. Okay, wait. He kept snapping until four exploded. One bullet missed his head entirely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What was that? You have one job.

[Dave Anthony]

And bored a hole into the wall at the head of his bed. The other three struck him on the head, but his skull was so hard, they failed to penetrate it. It did not even render him out. That's not what happened. They're rusty old bullets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But even with rusty bullets, you shoot yourself three times in the head and you're like, I'm alive.

[Dave Anthony]

But they must have. The. The metal must have been so, like, you know, disintegrated that it, like. Yeah, Just didn't. Why? Look at his skull.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would definitely leave, like, be like, I am a superhero.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. I mean, I would definitely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

At this point, your bullets don't hurt me. Oh, that one did, actually.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Probably like drinking all that raw milk back then or so. Probably. Probably whatever gave him the stomach ache, gave him a strong skull.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's always milk.

[Dave Anthony]

It's always.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Probably some Greek tragedy situation where you found.

[Dave Anthony]

Several inmates of the house rushed to Marquit's room. And as soon as they heard the pistol, they found him lying on the bed with blood.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not as soon as they heard the pistol because he did get 4 off.

[Dave Anthony]

Right? So they found him lying on the bed with blood streaming into his eyes. But far from being dead. What are you guys doing?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Guys?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Suicide. So hard.

[Dave Anthony]

Smoking revolver and a box of cartridges. Just lay out a stand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would you guys reload with some less rusty bullets?

[Dave Anthony]

The Internet was able to converse.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Hi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you guys. What are you guys doing tonight?

[Dave Anthony]

And told his friends the particulars of his futile attempt to commit suicide. Someone notified the police of the shooting. And an extra patrol wagon, with Captain Bradish acting as driver, hastened to the scene and conveyed him to the receiving hospital where the police sergeant attended Him. The doctor found one. How you doing police surgeon?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sorry, Sergeant. Okay. The police sergeant. How are you?

[Dave Anthony]

The doctor found one bullet embedded in the scalp at the top of his forehead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he kind of.

[Dave Anthony]

Was he doing his shot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good aim?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

He really maybe when the bullet went off the gun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean he was probably like 3 in at that point. So he's probably like. Dang.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

The two others which had taken effect plowed short furrows through the scalp and glanced off the skull without penetrating or fracturing it. Marquis escaped from serious injury is considered most remarkable. The thickness of his cranium undoubtedly had as much to do with having him as the poor quality of the weapon and ammunition. The would be suicide is a man of giant frame. He is 23 years old, a native of Iowa. He was injured.

[Gareth Reynolds]

These feel like facts at the beginning of the art, but they're just closing out with like 23 Iowa based. He was Sagittarius.

[Dave Anthony]

He was injured internally while he was hard headed. He was injured internally while pulling stumps when only 17 and has not been able to perform hard work since. He can't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stumps.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

That's what you do back then.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Stumps.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

He came to the city from Minnesota two years ago. And literally, who care?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, this is crazy. It's a very strange way in the background getting the this is backwards article.

[Dave Anthony]

And soon afterward bought the lodging house which he managed. Hey, how do you afford a lodging house? Up to a month ago, he also worked at the fruit and grocery store of J.N. simmons. Mr. Simmons and all of Marquis acquaintances speak very highly of him. They say he is a young man of scrupulous integrity and unblemished character. And he had never hinted at any suicide to any of them and they were greatly shocked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like that is so it was weird. He never brought up the extreme pain that wanted. That he wanted to end it all. I don't know. And I work with him two days a week.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

It's the male loneliness epidemic. It's been going on for a long time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Long time.

[Dave Anthony]

Long time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Never brought it up.

[Dave Anthony]

The injured man's relatives all live in Minnesota and Iowa. But he will not lack attention while lying in the hospital recovering from his wounds. He has ample means to provide such comforts as he may need and many friends. Well, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I feel like lobbying for why he should be okay. Is strange at the end of this article too. Yeah. He has a lot to live for. He just doesn't realize that just yet.

[Dave Anthony]

But. But now that he's scarred, he'll be in a much better place.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it might happen. You know, he might.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

He's got it. He's got a story now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, now. Yeah, there's an angle. And plus, you got that like, you got a super thick skull that's like seriously in 1909. That's free beer.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

He could travel with a. With a freak show or something too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Just get shot in the head every day.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Rhinoceros

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ivory's dome every night. Getting shot in the circus. I don't know. Is it. Maybe I could get on the tightrope or something. You've got your angle, kid. Now let us shoot the back of your head. Remember, we got three shows tonight.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Show business. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on, come on.

[Dave Anthony]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up. March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why I stay locked in with

[Dave Anthony]

the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about. Get real time, scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment. Spring is packed. Patios, parties, wedding weekends. And RK0 proof keeps you in the mix without the morning after regret. As the original Zero Proof Spirits brand, RK's warm molecule gives you that real deal burn of whiskey or tequila with none of the alcohol. Zero calories, zero sugar, and a whole lot of freedom to enjoy the moment. Sip smarter. This [e-mail]. Wants his old job. Samuel Dugan represented an application to the board of police commissioners yesterday for reappointment as member of the police force. The application or petition bears the signatures of some of the best known citizens of this city. But their approval of his efforts to again wear a star will avail him little. Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this is when you could get thrown off of a police force, right?

[Dave Anthony]

You can still get thrown off, but the next town over always hires you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right.

[Dave Anthony]

Duggan was four, was formerly a member of the force, and five years ago he made a desperate effort to kill Robert Lee and other policemen. Oh, all right. And I'm listening that hate it

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Chris Dorner situation going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They did not. They should not have let us had daughter details because then we were all

[Alan Strickland Williams]

like

[Gareth Reynolds]

in that cabin, huh? D doing a little cooking in the cabin.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Was he the one that called out like Larry David and stuff like in his he's like, I like watching trigger enthusiasm. He's just like, going off. I'm like, all right, D. All right,

[Gareth Reynolds]

D. Losing me a little bit in the manifesto real quick.

[Dave Anthony]

He made a desperate effort to kill Robert Lee and other policemen, shooting him five times. One of the bullets going through Lee's arm. Well, that's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that the worst? It seems like. Seems like AIM might have taken him off the force.

[Dave Anthony]

So many better places to shoot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now we know the kidney is located in the arm.

[Dave Anthony]

He got him right in the brain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's shot right. I'm in the heart, the stomach, but that arm.

[Dave Anthony]

Shot, of course. He was arrested and upon conviction he was sent to the penitentiary. He served almost all of his term and was pardoned out, his civil rights being restored to him. He has since been of some service to the police and now desires soldier.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Awesome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it isn't really quite a life, but it's a life well lived, to be honest.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Awesome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Can you imagine? What if he's your friend, bringing up, like. You know, I was thinking of maybe seeing if I could be a cop again. What are you talking about? No, you know, I mean, I serve my time, so maybe I can go back. I mean, I understand what I did to Bob was crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

If anybody knows not to shoot another cop, it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are the odds I want to kill another one?

[Dave Anthony]

Come on, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Astronomical.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Listen to my story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the fuck are you doing here? I'd like my old job back. No. Why not?

[Dave Anthony]

I got pardoned. It means it didn't happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, is Robert still on the force? If not, I think this could work. My issues were with Robert

[Dave Anthony]

Straw's bad thumb. Edgar Straw, a young man, died at the San Francisco City and County Hospital yesterday after a short illness. He came to the city from Santa Barbara a few days ago and made application to become a member of the Naval brigade at Goat Island.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Goat Island?

[Dave Anthony]

I've never heard of Goat Island. I'm from there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's no.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

That's like. That's the straight version of Fire Island.

[Dave Anthony]

The is Goat Island. Now I gotta look it up because

[Gareth Reynolds]

much rather go to Fire Island.

[Dave Anthony]

Fire island would be way more Goat Island.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This food's terrible.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

It's a goat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, everything's a goat.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Goat chowder and goat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. You want some more goats, too?

[Dave Anthony]

They changed the name of it.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is it Alcatraz?

[Dave Anthony]

No, it's. It's the island in the middle of the bay that the. The Bay Bridge goes over. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Yeah. I don't know why they changed it.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, but maybe they got. Maybe there were goats there and they got rid of them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Be great.

[Dave Anthony]

That's what I'd imagine, else why would you call it Goat island if there weren't goats on it? You put goats on the island, and then you call it good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I definitely go to a Goat Island.

[Dave Anthony]

Monkey island would be the thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I go there, too.

[Dave Anthony]

His application was rejected. However, the medical examiner refusing to pass him on account of slight disfigurement of his thumb.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's crazy. To get thumb flagged.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I would think the naval brigade would take anybody but a slight disfigurement of his thumb. What is it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's also a pinky.

[Dave Anthony]

How bad can a up thumb be?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have two pinkies.

[Dave Anthony]

A young man was disappointed and determined to seek surgical aid at the hospital to remedy the defect. An operation was performed, but blood poisoning set in, and death ensued.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. Wow. Geez. All for your little. All to join the Navy.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So he. He got an infection because they.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Blood poisoning is a really horrendous term, but they.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, that's. They're, like, not washing their hands. They're like, let's. Let's just fix that thumb. And then they pick up a hand and they rub it all over his thumb.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sorry. I've been pretty sick lately.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Two thumbs way down on that one, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How was my experience? My pinky's down.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's all I have left. I can't even imagine what a thumb disfigurement would.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd like for the Navy to be like, I don't know. I don't think so.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. For the Navy to say no, it would have to be the actual movement of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

Like, but then what kind of surgery would they get?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I can't eat. I mean, can't I really.

[Dave Anthony]

It's got to be something they thought they could fix with surgery. Maybe he couldn't go, hey, maybe in the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, he was like, couldn't be cool.

[Dave Anthony]

Maybe in the Navy, you got to get thumbs up for stuff. Like, it couldn't salute.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, because his thumb would poke himself in the eye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah. Now I'm seeing it's really patriotic issues. Wait, spelling disfigurement for me, I think I might have thumb issues with literally how far off disfigurement was every time.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, the new Apple operating system.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Awful. It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Walk me through the Apple meetings. When they're talking about an update, they're just like, we'll move where the X's so that they're not able to save a picture. We'll track them harder and make it more impossible. Spell check. We're going to take a bigger poop on. Everyone feel good.

[Dave Anthony]

That's my thing. I'm working on that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But everyone feel good.

[Dave Anthony]

I want just crazy words to come up when you start typing. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Every time you do the update, you're like, why did you. What the fuck are you doing?

[Dave Anthony]

You made it worse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Congratulations on making everything worse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I heard maybe a new charger.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah, they do a new charger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is out of. They.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a money grab.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Alan, the apple. The apple take the apple has gone rotten, boys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How much more I can take?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

It is not good.

[Dave Anthony]

Apple's gone rotten. Mooks. Gunplay. Mux.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right, Mux.

[Dave Anthony]

Gunplay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Mooks is so weird. Mook.

[Dave Anthony]

It's M U C K E. Muk.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Mac.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Little Mucky Boy

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Island.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello, Mucky Island.

[Dave Anthony]

M. It's Mucky.

[Gareth Reynolds]

M. It's milk.

[Dave Anthony]

It's milk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shut up, Ma.

[Dave Anthony]

Henry Mu, keeper of a saloon at the corner of 5th and San Pedro streets, was convicted in Justice Morgan's court yesterday of flourishing a revolver in the face of RP Finch, a carpenter, in an effort to make Finch treat the house.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A lot of gunplay.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

I need you to treat my house.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Treat the house.

[Dave Anthony]

Just treat the goddamn house.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Finish it.

[Dave Anthony]

Muck and Finch had been scuffling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That definitely sounds like the start of, like, a novel. You're like, I like where this is going. Yeah. Come on. Put them up. Okay. Come on, Mac A. What are you gonna do? Little Mucky.

[Dave Anthony]

And the latter's watch and chain had been taken out of his pocket by someone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, someone took Mucky's watch. Now there's a duke. Now they're Duke sparring.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I've also imagined him as a. As like a greaser. It's like a Hot Topic wallet.

[Dave Anthony]

After considerable trouble, the timepiece was returned to Finch by Maku demanded as compensation for recovering the watch that Finch pay for drinks for the crowd, that is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is. And this actually is the most, like, 1909 article so far. Yeah, it feels right. We've got pocket watches. We've got, like, saloon barter.

[Dave Anthony]

You got your watch back, Finch. Now it's time to buy one for the whole ground.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know how it works. I got your watch. I gave it back. Now you've got to buy drinks for everybody about it.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm saying you took the watch to make Me buy drinks. Finch refused and Muck flourished a revolver in an effort to enforce his dem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, he refuses to play pocket watch, so I will not kill him.

[Dave Anthony]

There are watch rules.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good Lord.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah. You know what beats watch revolver.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Revolver beats watch.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, here we go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Mucky, cool down now. Slow down, Mike.

[Dave Anthony]

Yesterday, Mucky's bar keeper Brown, a railway mail clerk named Hart.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, literally, I have every job in the town.

[Dave Anthony]

No, it's different, guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, okay. By the way, I successfully do every job here.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

They've been gigging in LA for a long time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Muck, his bar keeper Brown, a railway mail clerk named Hart, and H. Smith, a night watchman in the employ of the Elms Patrol, gave evidence for the defendant. But their testimony was conflicting and the court characterized it as unworthy credence. Muck was found guilty and will be sentenced at 1:30 today.

[Gareth Reynolds]

130 is so specific.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

MU was tried before Justice Austin and a jury short time ago on the charge of violating the Sunday closing ordinance.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is that? So the bar. Oh yeah. The bar had to be closed.

[Dave Anthony]

Stayed open on Sunday.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love that. That's the crime. Wow, Mucky, you've clearly broke the law.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, that was a while ago. They're saying that he's a habitual criminal, Right? The jury disagreed.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Ah, they all drank there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right. I like what this guy's doing.

[Dave Anthony]

Many bags of prunes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, let's play ad or article? Ad.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah, that sounds like an ad.

[Dave Anthony]

It's an article.

[Gareth Reynolds]

God damn

[Dave Anthony]

Pasadena man. Charged with stealing them. Oh, stealing prunes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, they really. Prunes really? Has not dug themselves like big prune. Has not dug themselves out of the hole of. For old people to. Yeah, I really think that that has been a lifetime X for me. Yeah, he was constipated maybe, but imagine before you knew that were the fruit. But they. They have.

[Dave Anthony]

I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When I think of pray, I. I don't know if I've ever had a prune because I'm like when I'm older and I need to crap.

[Dave Anthony]

I think I've had one once.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've never. I don't think I've ever. I've had a date. Never had a problem.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I mean, if you. If you've had a plum, you've kind of. You know, I've had a lot of plumbers.

[Dave Anthony]

Wait, is that what a prune is? It's just a dried little prune, I think.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I think prune is the plum as like raisin is to. To grape. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't care for raisins. Now that we're getting. Now that we're airing our laundry.

[Dave Anthony]

I didn't. You don't like raisins?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't care for raisins, Especially on their own. That's amazing.

[Dave Anthony]

What kind of up child were you? Kids love raisins.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See what happens, Alan? We're having a conversation. We're expressing, and Dave goes, we'll be your child, your dad to hurt you.

[Dave Anthony]

Alan, where are you at on raisins?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah, if we're talking about ants on a log, you know, I, I, I'll smile when I see them. If, if we're talking about raisins just sort of on their own, I'm, I could take them or leave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everyone smiles when they see ants on a log.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah, right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dave, do you even know what he's talking about? I knew you didn't. I knew he didn't know.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

It's a recipe. It's like a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Three ingredients.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah, it's, it's a trick to, to make kids eat celery. You put peanut butter and raisins on it. You say it's ants on a log and it's delicious.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, I just like celery.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, go back to the paper.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

All right.

[Dave Anthony]

I didn't have to be tricked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, if I didn't know about answer on a log and someone tells me about it, I go, oh, that sounds good. I don't go, it's always good.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

More of a just celery guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Celery's good on its own.

[Dave Anthony]

It is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ah, sweet.

[Dave Anthony]

It's one of nature's snacks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I got a Buffalo Wild Wings. I get a basket of celery. I get wings on the side.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, can I do the 12 wings? But I don't need the wings. Nature gave us a delicious vegetable.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Guy. Guy who's too worried about being not, not manly. So you're. So he only eats vegetables at Buffalo Wild Wings.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah. Guy who wants to hang with his buddies at Buffalo Wild Wings but doesn't want her to reveal he'. Vegetarian. That sounds good. I'll do the same rub. I don't need the wings. Just give me all that celery and no ranch. Thanks a bunch. It's gonna be a good lunch.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How good is celery? Ants on a log. I'm right. You're wrong.

[Dave Anthony]

One of the big controversies on this show is that I've never had fried mozzarella sticks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's never had mozzarella sticks. He's never been to Wendy's.

[Dave Anthony]

It's Just like I've had mozzarella sticks but not fried mozzare. I've had.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Oh, what's a non fried mozzarella steak? It's just.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just cheese.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Allen Strickland Williams is okay, right? He's had a piece of mozzarella.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But he's speaking. He's like, technically, no.

[Dave Anthony]

No reason to garnish that up. It's fine the way it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the. I'm a purist when it comes to food, but even what you're saying is great. Just give me celery. I don't need peanut butter mucking up the works.

[Dave Anthony]

I would actually enjoy celery and some mozzarella right now. It sounds pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Alan and I are gonna go do a different episode. Good day, David.

[Dave Anthony]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Dave Anthony]

Robert Catterson of Pasadena, a trembling and forlorn individual was on trial in the Superior Court yesterday.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How's my article in the paper? Did the writer do me right after I gave him all that access to my story?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, I hope.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I hope it cuts out okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Caterson is a trembling old who nobody wants to be around.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, that's kind of me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Imagine if a ghost had skin.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I'm not. I'm not old.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not old. A fat shaking whale who can breathe on land

[Dave Anthony]

yesterday was charged with grand larceny. The Property stolen was 30 bags of prunes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Trembling man stealing 30 bags of prunes is like. I think you're allowed to.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I'm picturing like bank bags. Like big.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm picturing 30. I'm picturing a thousand prunes. A bag like this will be good.

[Dave Anthony]

Worth about $75 and belonging to CC Thompson, who resides in Pasadena on North Lake Avenue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know North Lake.

[Dave Anthony]

I know. But I just can't imagine there. I can't imagine there being a ranch there. But there was no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There was a ranch there before. Yeah. Now there's a Cheesecake Factory as a chick fil a bunch of stuff.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

The prunes disappeared from his ranch house on February 19th. Catterson is a sorry man to look at.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, to be fair, I mean, again, it's brutal, obviously, but if you are like the face of prune theft, it's kind of like. I'm sorry.

[Dave Anthony]

This is so good. He has the appearance of a nervous physical wreck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Has the article. They didn't get into my physical stuff, did they?

[Dave Anthony]

His eye is dull, his head bald and his hand shaking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? I'm not that bald.

[Dave Anthony]

This is awesome.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

It's like a novel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is. It is. It is a roasting article.

[Dave Anthony]

Besides the prune episode, he has also been accused with Jesse Millison just captured in Portland, with having maintained a very extensive equipped robbers roost in Pasadena. Thompson missed his dried fruit the following. The following day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he was like, where is. I had 70 bags of prunes out here. What the hell happened?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I gotta take a. Yesterday.

[Dave Anthony]

God damn it. That was my retirement.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look at these weak ass footprints leading to the. Where this man's hiding out.

[Dave Anthony]

As he drove onto his ranch, he noticed that a well beaten path had been made from his fruit house to the road across the barley field.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh my God. Not covering your prune tracks. I'll just go this way.

[Dave Anthony]

It looked as if he had. It had been worn by two men. He next noticed that the lock to the shed was gone. And he found that 30 sacks of prunes had been carried away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. The decision to pull the trigger on that crime.

[Dave Anthony]

My God. Not very pruned.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Not very printed. I agree with you.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Printed at all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Give it up for pruned.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

What would be prudent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wouldn't be prudent.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Wouldn't be pruned.

[Dave Anthony]

This whole. This whole town ain't gonna be for a week.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We found the criminal on a huge mound of crap.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh. Each one weighed about 105 pounds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy. So we are talking like this is

[Dave Anthony]

a lot of prunes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this is trip after trip after trip.

[Dave Anthony]

This is grand larceny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

That's crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a two man job. They had to carry together, I would assume.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But they took 30 bags.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's 105 total pounds. No, each 105 pounds a bag.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So that is tons of trips with the prunes.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. There's no way they can sit.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Before they got there, they got, they got oil all over their hands and feet. So they were slipping everywhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And then one guy kept eating them. No, I gotta stop. Give me a sec.

[Gareth Reynolds]

These are delicious.

[Dave Anthony]

I, I, I up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I ate 40, like 20 bags of prunes. I would be like, I think we're good. Like what guys? Like, we gotta keep going. Let's get another 10 while we can. I don't think we're gonna want to keep eating these.

[Dave Anthony]

We're gonna be pruning theirs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is gonna be great.

[Dave Anthony]

First news of the recovery of the prunes came from Pomona, where Constable Constable CR Gilbert stated he had Caterson in the lockup. And the prunes and safekeeping.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I didn't put them in the same cell, obviously,

[Dave Anthony]

that he also informed the Pasadena authorities that his prisoner had admitted where the prunes were obtained. Gilbert testified yesterday that he arrested Caterson on a public highway between Pomona and North Ontario Wither. The latter was driving with a load of prunes drawn by a team of horses. Oh, right. There's not a. That car. Wow. But still, but still, there's no wagon. They could put all 30 bags on us. So the prunes are elsewhere also.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've lost track of the prunes, if I'm being totally honest.

[Dave Anthony]

The constable drove up to the wagon, told Caterson to halt, accused him of stealing the prunes, handcuffed him, unhitched the team and tied them to the wagon and took the prisoner back to Pomona.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Man. Man, it's gotta be. You gotta be really like nervous when you get pulled over and you got all those.

[Dave Anthony]

I, I work at the rest home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would love for you, I would love for you to take a look around, officer, but I'm in a bit of a rush.

[Dave Anthony]

Thompson then went to identify as his lost prunes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Those are mine. Those are them.

[Dave Anthony]

And had a long conversation with Caterson. Cadison explained how he came to take.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Allow that. All right, now you can talk to him.

[Dave Anthony]

Son, could you tell me how you managed to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You two can talk for 20 minutes if you want about what happened.

[Dave Anthony]

The greatest prune theft. Why did you take history? So he explained how he came to the fruit. It took him four hours to load the 30 sacks onto his Wagon. Wagon. He said that he would have taken more had he not been completely in carrying away as many as he did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okie dokie.

[Dave Anthony]

There's a word that I was not.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Wow. Wow. What am I watching? The hangover.

[Dave Anthony]

This is what Thompson says Caterson told him in jail, quote by why did you take the prunes?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, I'm getting a lot of that.

[Dave Anthony]

He asked the prisoner and said that he bore no animosity toward him, but rather feelings of pity.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's nice.

[Dave Anthony]

I feel sad for you. Prune thieves. Catterson is said to have replied that a sick brother in Canada, that's always the move. See my brother's title in Canada, whom he loved dearly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is his Lorenzo's Oil.

[Dave Anthony]

Sent for money. He had none. He was out of work and he took the prunes to raise the money for his brother. He denied that anybody else was implicated. Constable Gilbert's cross examination showed that the arrest of Catterson was an exciting one. The constable testified that he drove alongside Catterson, who was seated high up on his wagon and being unable to see him because of the buggy top, whipped out a pistol and told them to stop. Catterson was very nervous and Gilbert then climbed into the wagon, kept his man covered and ordered him to open up his hands until the handcuffs were clean land. When Catishin took the stand on his own behalf, he denied having stolen the prunes and testified that he had received them from Millison, who said he had taken the prunes to pay as payment for a debt. They wanted him to sell them near Pomona.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just a. Quite a lot like we're getting in the weeds with the prune crime in a very.

[Dave Anthony]

We don't actually did it. He said. She said on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's like it was a real exciting capture. He got him.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

That's it.

[Dave Anthony]

It would be great if this was the first subject of the first true crime podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, right, right.

[Dave Anthony]

He accepted the job, but did not know at the time that the PRs were stolen. He denied that he ever admitted taking the fruit to raise money for his sick brother in Canada. He says, however, that his brother's family is dependent on him for support and that he may have told the authorities that he didn't care about being mixed up in the affair, as far as he himself is concerned, earned. But his brother badly needed the money he might have earned and he had not been in. I can't read that. The case will be argued this morning. Christ almighty. Well, I'm tired.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's Tired. Everyone. Everyone's energy dropped.

[Dave Anthony]

That was. That was the. That was. Prunes can also suck the life out of you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To prune. Done it. No.

[Dave Anthony]

No. You got anything else you can come up somehow?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Two.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Two. Prune. Two. Print.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pruned. That felt like an hour ago that Alan made that joke, though.

[Dave Anthony]

I think it was the last time he was on the show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, brutal.

[Dave Anthony]

Well. Well, we'll continue on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Mysterious explosion in the oil field.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's prune related.

[Dave Anthony]

Mysterious explosion in the oil field accounted for the mysterious con. The mystery concerning a loud explosion in the oil belt near Sister's Hospital on Monday night was cleared up yesterday by the police. George Hamill, a boy living in the neighborhood, when taken before Chief Elton made a confession which satisfactorily. Satisfactorily accounted for the occurrence. The explosion shook the buildings for blocks around and was heard distinctly as far away as Baker Block.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

That's pretty far.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

When the police investigated, they found nothing but a hole in the ground where it outhoused stood.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, Jesus Christ. So this is prune prunes, and there's

[Dave Anthony]

a man standing by going, boy, I really blew that up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would give it 10 to 15 before you go in there, fellas.

[Dave Anthony]

Splinters from the building were scattered far and wide, and filth from the vault under the outhouse covered the surrounding.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, wait, did it stucco? Wait, what. So is that. What I mean is an outhouse exploded from oil? Maybe it's from oil, but either way, an outhouse exploded.

[Dave Anthony]

An outhouse definitely exploded and covered everything with, like, stucco. Damn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I remember I was on a flight once. I must have been going to, like, England or something. And there was a woman who didn't speak English next to me. This is before you had your own, like, personal tv. And the movie RV with Robin Williams and Cheryl Hines was playing. And at one point, there is a gratuitously horrendous scene where it's like the. He's emptying the RV and, like, is just spraying. I mean, it's.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was, like, shocked. It was on a plane. I've never seen someone laugh harder. This woman was, like, going to die. She was like, ma', am, this is so easy.

[Dave Anthony]

It was plain that a heavy charge of dynamite had been exploded near the. Under the building, but not. But by whom was the question, which was not solved before young Hamill made his confession.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. So he did it.

[Dave Anthony]

According to Hamill's story, he and other boys were in the habit of pilfering dynamite from work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a habit. We've all had that. I'm sure you've had that. Alan.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

On.

[Dave Anthony]

I was just thinking the other day, when I was a kid, when I was like, 12, we would go in to San Francisco. I live North San Francisco.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We would go island.

[Dave Anthony]

We would take the ferry and the bus, and then we go to Chinatown. And we would get bottle rockets, firecrackers, and M80s.

[Gareth Reynolds]

M. 80s with the player. Wow.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And that is literally an eighth of dynamite.

[Gareth Reynolds]

M. 80s were awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

And you would just blow up like crazy. And the. The explosion was. Was insanely loud.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

We would just be blowing them off all the time. And I looked it up the other day. I'm like, can you still. You can absolutely not get those anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you can't.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, no. They are, like, super illegal. You cannot get them anywhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I used to love M 80s.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Now it's all, like, locked down because it's a legit explosion.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Safe to say that it's like fireworks went. Woke up. They're fireworks.

[Dave Anthony]

According to Hamill's story, he and the other boys were in the habit of pilfering dynamite from workmen who used it in removing casings from oil wells. The urchins. That's what they used to call them back then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Called what? The kids. Street kids.

[Dave Anthony]

Urchins.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Urchins.

[Dave Anthony]

The urchins would take sticks of the explosive thus obtained to the old reservoir back of the sister's hospital and set it off under cover of night just to hear the report.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

The report.

[Dave Anthony]

I get that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's report back.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a fun, loud explosion.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is.

[Dave Anthony]

On Monday night, the hammer boy gave three sticks of the stuff.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Three.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a lot. That's a lot. That's a hex.

[Dave Anthony]

Sethian Sticks of dynamite.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

To a companion who had who to take care of until convenient time to explode it in the basin. But the custodian of the dynamite became impatient to experiment with it. Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You gotta. You got it. Exploding a hole in your pocket.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, you're. Someone gives you dynamite, you're just gonna hang around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're not like, yeah, how's this weekend?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

You're like the custodian of the dynamite. You mean the dip that had this dynamite?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am the custodian of the dynamite.

[Dave Anthony]

I think he's the idiot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There we go.

[Dave Anthony]

Therefore, he placed a stick of it under an outhouse, attached a cap and fuse and applied a match, then ran to his.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is funny. I am now on board with this act.

[Dave Anthony]

Blowing up an outhouse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Blowing up Good. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

That in his flight, he forgot the other two sticks, which he left in the ouse near the one with the fuse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Catched. I'll catch.

[Dave Anthony]

So he.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he three. He tripled the. The dose.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, I love it. The explosion of the first stick set off the other two.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And the little. That's what happens.

[Dave Anthony]

And the little building was literally wiped off the earth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wiped off the earth.

[Dave Anthony]

The force of the explosion is shown by the fact that the body of a lizard was blown into the surface of a solid two inch plank. Okay, well, look, I already know it's a very.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because the building explosion, my metric of the power of dynamite is a little bit different than some of the others. This a lizard fully went into a board explosion.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. But the building's gone. So that's kind of what we're going on. The building's gone and there's.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Guys, check out this. Literally.

[Gareth Reynolds]

1909, Mr. Wizard.

[Dave Anthony]

The boy whom young Hamill charged with causing the explosion has not yet been arrested. Hamill himself was released from custody as no one cared to swear to complaint against him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

Ah, it's just kids at dynamite.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's too funny.

[Dave Anthony]

What are you gonna do?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This kid made go everywhere with dynamite, right? It's pretty good.

[Dave Anthony]

All right, last one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Dave Anthony]

Butcher's gag.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They sure do.

[Dave Anthony]

Andrew Flankin. Andrew Flankin.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's your name?

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Flanking. Flanking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Flanking.

[Dave Anthony]

It's Franklin.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sorry, H. Damn it.

[Dave Anthony]

Franklin Franklin of 919 East Night, each 7th street, who is employed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If you need to go see him, we have his address for you.

[Dave Anthony]

Alan, who is employed by Frank Alal, a Main street butcher.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Dave Anthony]

As a purveyor of meats to the country trade, returned to town late Saturday night shy 25 of his employer's money. The notorious short man, along with the equally ill famed long man, were alleged by Franklin to be the cause of the shortage. What just happened?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, we're all wondering why they're pesy and stern.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

I feel like this is like a closeted guy that's writing these articles because he's so. He's so like just cutting. Just trembling mad. And this short man just like reading.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Infamously. Infamously short.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

Infamously.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Notoriously. Hopefully none of the people in the paper get the paper.

[Dave Anthony]

Holy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'd be dirty.

[Dave Anthony]

The story he told to the detective is as follows. He started out on his route Saturday morning with $8 and change and acquired 17 more from sales. He had been as far out as La Canada. Oh, that's right next to me. While Returning by way of La Crescenta. Oh, that is my town. The pole of his wagon broke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus.

[Dave Anthony]

Patching this up, he pursued his travels 10 miles out of Los Angeles. The two celebrated high. So they're. They're well known highwaymen. A tall skinny guy and a little fat guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure, Hardy. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Presented themselves arrayed in proper mode with black masks and revolvers. The meat butcher surrendered the money in his possession. The detectives considered this story an anian tale of the sea. After undergoing a severe examination, Franklin tactically admitted that he had been romancing and offered to work out the 25.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I literally don't understand. Yeah, look, I've been. He. I've been the butcher. Wait, what's going on? I don't know.

[Dave Anthony]

He. He took the money and themselves.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

And setting up. Rob. Okay, setting up. Robbed by the old short and. And tall.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is an infamously short guy. You guys will find him, no problem. He go. They go by the wet bandits. Well, Alan, thank you for joining us. Thank you for saying prudent. Everyone should go get ran through your new album and it was a hoot. So come back and we love you.

[Alan Strickland Williams]

And I love you. I love prunes.

[Dave Anthony]

We all love prunes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And the last article took place in Dave's neighborhood. Hey, what's up, doll heads? This is Gareth Reynolds from the Doll up, the podcast you're listening to. Hey, I've got some very exciting information. If you like movies and you're in the San Jose area. I made a movie. It's called Give it Up and it will be at the Cinequest Film Festival. You can go to GiveItUpFilm.com for tickets and information. It'll be March 15th is the main screening, so go to GiveItUpFilm.Com also if you like stand up comedy. February 4th, I'll be in Spokane, February 5th, Bend, Oregon. Then I'll be in Portland February 6th and February 7th. Three shows that night. Then I'll be at flappers in Burbank, February 21, Bakersfield, February 27 for two shows. I will be in Albuquerque, New Mexico, April 19, Tulsa, Oklahoma, April 21, Bricktown Comedy in Oklahoma City, April 22, Dallas, Texas, April 23, Tyler, Texas, April 24. Finally, Houston, April 25. Two shows, Austin at the Great Cap City, April 26 and then San Antonio April 28 and Tucson, April 29. Garethreynolds.com for tickets and information. But also if you want to go see my movie and you're in the San Jose area, giveitupfilm.com

[Dave Anthony]

and Doug there's

[Gareth Reynolds]

nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show. Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date? Oh, no.

[Dave Anthony]

We help people, cuz. Customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.

[Dave Anthony]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.