171 - The Past Times with Dave Ross

Summary

---

The Dollop: The Past Times (Episode 171) with Dave Ross

Release Date: April 24, 2026
Main Theme:
Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds, joined by guest comic Dave Ross, riff through a bizarre 1911 edition of the Fort Collins Weekly Express—using real, often absurd, newspaper clippings as a springboard for improvisational banter, historical sidebars, and plenty of sharp, silly commentary.

---

Episode Overview

This episode captures the trio’s trademark blend of irreverent humor, skepticism, and curiosity, as they track through an early-20th-century paper—amazed at its odd priorities, lack of closure, and the recurring theme of “part one” stories. Lively digressions on historical customs, small-town Americana, horse burial, culinary distractions, and the absurdities of early news reporting abound.

---

Key Discussion Points & Segment Timestamps

1. Intro, Banter, and Beard Talk

• [01:36–03:42]
  The three comics banter about beards, New York, and podcast hosting dynamics. Dave Ross reveals his beard journey:

  "I Tried it out when I was in my 20s...big open spaces...around 39 or 40, I tried it and...it's full. Feels good."
  (Dave Ross, [02:20])

2. Setting the Scene: The 1911 Fort Collins Weekly Express

• [03:42–07:50]
  Dave Anthony (not fully visible on video) picks the random newspaper for the week, with the others clueless to the edition’s “part one” mystery. Dave Ross is familiar with Fort Collins—lauding its comedy scene:

  "Comedy Fort is the best club in the country, hands down. I love performing there…David Rodriguez is his name. He's also a really funny comic.”
  (Dave Ross, [08:10–09:10])

---

3. Segment Highlights & Story Summaries

A. "Charged with Failure to Bury a Dead Horse"

• [09:48–14:26]
  • A man is arrested for leaving a horse unburied.
  • Running jokes about horse disposal, eating horse meat, and idioms (“beating a dead horse”):

    “Back then...people are probably like, get the horse out of here. Well, it is a big problem.”
    (Gareth, [10:34])

  • Historical aside: Americans usually didn’t eat horse unless desperate ([15:30]).

B. Boy, Pistol, and Cigarette

• [17:01–29:03]
  • 13-year-old Payne shoots himself in the pants pocket, trying to celebrate the Aggies’ win.
  • The “gun explodes” (awkward reporting), sheriff’s casual reaction, and a 13-year-old with a cigarette:

    “This is wild, dude. It's a 13 year old kid smoking cigarettes with a gun in his pocket, dealing with the cops. This is like a scene from The Wire.”
    (Dave Ross, [23:28])

  • No story closure—did Payne get fixed up? Did the sheriff sew his pants? The hosts are left guessing.

C. Hubby Gives Wife Home, Sleeps in Barn

• [29:34–33:39]
  • A man gives his wife the house for “love and affection,” gets booted to the barn, then sued for wanting it back.
  • “This paper is nothing but puzzles...nothing is satisfying…” (Gareth, [32:33])
  • Ongoing mock confusion about 1911 marriage, divorce, and assets.

D. 60% of College Men Declared Immoral

• [34:16–36:17]
  • Dr. Emma Drake proclaims college men are "immoral"—no evidence, full moral panic.
  • Silliness about what’s considered “immoral”: “Boozing, smoking, fornicating...sucking ankles.” (Gareth, [35:07])
  • Erotic riffing: “I told the lady to wear me like a slipper. Next thing you know I'm getting kicked out of college.”
    (Gareth, [35:31])

E. Girl Makes Rope of Sheets to Escape Jail

• [36:41–39:21]
  • 16-year-old Alice Rombley ties bedsheets, falls 15 feet on escape, critically injured.
  • For once, an article with an arc: “Whoever wrote that article should write the whole paper.” (Dave Ross, [39:17])

F. Drown Mormons, Cries a Priest

• [39:59–41:52]
  • British priest advocates for drowning Mormon missionaries—a window into 1911’s open bigotry and sectarian weirdness:

    “‘They should be taken by the scruff of the neck, rushed across our island and dropped into the sea.’”
    (Father Vaughan, [40:35])

  • Hosts riff on odd inter-religious feuds, Mormon soda culture, and “soaking.”

G. Woman Scalds Black Hand Mafiosi with Iron

• [42:41–45:21]
  • Mrs. Piazza thwarts Mafia blackmailers with a hot iron to the face.
  • Applause for her, with jokes: “Talking about Iron Johnny!”
    (Gareth, [44:56])
  • “It is possible he will carry the scar to his grave...” ([44:52])

H. Wild Baby Chase by Train

• [49:47–57:25]
  • A baby is left alone on a railroad car, triggering a “special train” in pursuit.
  • Confusing reporting. “The baby was asleep when the mom got there. Just so you guys know.”
    (Dave Ross, [57:45])
  • Jokes about train logistics and modern indifference: “You guys shouldn't have had a kid—jump, get out of here, you’re ruining my day.”
    (Gareth, [56:46])

I. Hair Made Green, Woman Sues Hairdresser

• [57:46–59:10]
  • Woman sues for $20,000 after a dye job turns her hair green; hosts joke about Joker origins and inflation.

J. Devil on the Run & Obituary Filler

• [59:16–62:53]
  • Local Reverend promises to “put the devil on the run”; paper announces a relative of a local lady died—zero stakes.
  • General mockery at newspaper’s poor story selection.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On 1911 local newspapers:

  "This paper is nothing but puzzles...nothing is satisfying. Everyone's like, 'What? Who is everybody? What is happening?'”
  (Gareth Reynolds, [32:33])

• On odd journalism:

  "Whoever wrote that article should write the whole paper."
  (Dave Ross, on the girl-escaping-jail story, [39:17])

• On summary endings:

  "Well, Dave, thank you for joining us on what was a real butt of an ending."
  (Gareth Reynolds, [62:55])

---

Running Gags & Memorable Banter

• The “Part One” Paper: All stories seem to be teases, with little closure.
• Eating Horses: Long bit about whether Americans ever ate dead horses; references to Joe Rogan eating horse.
• Small-Town Americana: The hosts affectionately rib Fort Collins and small-town oddities.
• Bizarre Law Enforcement: Sheriff returns a gun to a child, who’s also smoking; horse burial as a legal duty.
• Improv Absurdity: Frequent, escalating riffs take each news item to surreal places (guns, croissants, divorce, green hair lawsuits).
• Meta-Jokes: The hosts, not just reading stories but interrogating news reporting and laughing at shoddy journalism.

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Beard Talk / Show Opening: [01:36–03:42]
• Paper Selection & Fort Collins Chat: [03:53–09:10]
• Buried Horse: [09:48–14:26]
• Boy with Pistol & Cigarette: [17:00–29:03]
• Barn-Sleeping Husband: [29:34–33:39]
• Immoral College Men: [34:16–36:17]
• Girl Escapes Jail: [36:41–39:21]
• Priest vs. Mormons: [39:59–41:52]
• Woman Fights Off Mafia: [42:41–45:21]
• Runaway Baby via Train: [49:47–57:25]
• Hair Dye Lawsuit: [57:46–59:10]
• "Devil on the Run": [59:16–60:17]
• Obituary and Wrap-up: [60:31–63:08]

---

Closing Thoughts

The hosts marvel at how leafing through a single issue of a random 1911 newspaper can spawn so many tangents, laughs, and incredulous stares at a very different America. The comedy is in the juxtaposition of stilted, incomplete news and three modern-day comics’ improvisational dissection of every weird detail.

---

Find Dave Ross on Instagram: [@davetotheross]
Closing summary:
This episode is a perfect showcase of The Dollop’s improv history: weird journalism, historical curiosities, and comedians making sense (or nonsense) of it all.

---

Transcript

[Progressive Ad Voice]

You're listening to this podcast, so I know you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact you might not know. Drivers who switch and save with Progressive save over $900 on average. Pop over to progressive.com, answer some questions and you'll get a quick quote with discounts that are easy to come by. In fact, 99% of their auto customers earn at least one discount. Visit progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little cash back. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates National national average 12 month savings by $946 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2024 and May 2025. Potential savings will vary.

[Talkspace Ad Voice]

This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. November is Men's Health Awareness Month. So Talkspace wants guys to know that being prepared for life's biggest challenges and opportunities means prioritizing mental health too. Talkspace can help you go beyond fine tuned workouts, supplements and productivity hacks. Talkspace can help you fine tune your inner life so you can succeed in being the best version of yourself in any situation. And with you can get therapy from anywhere and on your time. You can even text your therapist between sessions. If you're depressed, stressed, struggling with a relationship, or just need a little extra one on one support, Talkspace is here for you. Plus, Talkspace takes most insurance and most insured members have a $0 copay. Men's Health Awareness Month is the perfect time to reach out to TalkSpace. Now get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 when you go to Talkspace.com. match with a licensed therapist today at Talkspace.com and save $80 with code [e-mail] that's Talkspace.com promo code SPACE80.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Welcome to the past times. It's a podcast. Someone's finally doing it. You know what we do here each week? We go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it and neither has this week's guest guess the great Dave Ross. Hi Dave.

[Dave Ross]

What's up?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello, Gu New York.

[Dave Ross]

Thanks for having me. I'm sorry I can't see Dave's face.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a good thing.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I gotta be honest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it's good. It's for the. It's Dave.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

How long have you had the beard?

[Dave Ross]

Honestly, I got it like right when I moved to New York, so about three years.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Solid beard you got.

[Dave Ross]

I tried out a beard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

Oh, thank you, thank you. I like it too. I Tried it out when I was in my 20s and it didn't work. I had big open spaces in my beard. Also, it didn't even occur to me that I could, like, trim it and make myself not look like absolute dog all the time, so I was scared to do it. And then, like, somewhere around 39 or 40, I tried it and I, I. It's full. Feels good. Thanks, man. Thank you.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Open spaces in your beard?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, no, I sell parts of my beard Open Spaces, which is a charity that gives kids beard hair. But I've worked more. Convert them long time. So Open Spaces, if you want to go online, they're awesome. Dave, where. Where do people keep up on all your shows and podcasts when they're paused or unpaused or any of those things?

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, I. Everything I do is unpause right now for some reason. But, yeah. Follow me on Instagram at Dave to the Ross D A V E T O T H E R O S

[Gareth Reynolds]

S Dave to the Ross Ned.

[Dave Ross]

Kind of one of the reasons all that shit's on pause. Oh, sorry. I keep talking over you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sorry, buddy. No, we want this to be very conversational when we do it in studio. We do have a shell. We pass around the shell, and whoever has the shell talks, but we can't do that on. It's a conch. It is a conch. We got Piggy Ralph, major energy. We're gonna go through a newspaper. I don't know what year it is. You don't know. Okay, it is. But you're gonna guess with no clues or context, and I'm gonna do the same. Now, the winner.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

There are winners already been chosen from after the recording behavior post question. You forfeited this. You forfeited. So you've already lost. Your behavior was bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, Dave, what happens?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Dave, you're the automatic winner, but you still get to guess for the fun of it.

[Dave Ross]

Great. Wow, I like this game.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a very weird game, and it's probably time to be done with it, but go ahead, Dave,

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

just guess. Any year from 1600s to now. Random.

[Dave Ross]

Oh, just before you read the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's no clue.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It's just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like we live in.

[Dave Ross]

Oh, there's no clue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, sure.

[Dave Ross]

1881.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It's 1911.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why didn't I even guess?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Why does it matter? Because you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I would still like an opportunity.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Well, you should have thought of that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was fine. My behavior was fine.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Terrible. People are gonna write, all right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's just go.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

People are gonna write.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shut up.

[Dave Ross]

I'm really enjoying this window into your relationship.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a history show, but the. One of the hosts is a complete.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Now you just. Now you just forfeited the next him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what? You.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

That's fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't care. Keep him going. You never would anyway. You have problems.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Jeez, you.

[Dave Ross]

You know, I feel like I've been on podcasts before where the two hosts have this kind of, like, play fighting, perhaps real fighting dynamic. But this is the first time I've ever done it where one of you is completely out of view.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So fun dynamic. Now let me ask you that. What now is that more or less compelling? Who are you? Whose side are you leaning towards in this one?

[Dave Ross]

Honestly, Dave, because the. The lack of. If I could see his facial expression, I could probably see evil or the glee in his anger. But now I just feel like evil.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Glee is exact. It's gleeful is what it is. And that's exactly what he has on his face the whole time.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

But I think he is picking up on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I also don't like that you two have the same name. That's becoming a big problem for two Daves to be like, I like Dave better. You know, what Dave's saying is very.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Just like, give the Dave's a minute.

[Dave Ross]

That is. That is what Daves are like. We. We appreciate each other.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Right.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I would just say it's a soft.

[Dave Ross]

What's a rare quality.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

What Dave has been picking up is that you're a sore loser. And that does not come across well for a lot of people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you what, after these next six, I'm gonna win.

[Dave Ross]

Have you seen the movie? If I had legs, I'd kick you.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I have not seen this movie. Sounds like a bummer.

[Dave Ross]

So I haven't watched is a bummer. It's a recent, like, a 24, you know, movie about a. A mother basically having, like, parental psychosis. But the entire. Is filmed from her perspective. You can't see her kid the entire movie. You only see her face. Oh, I didn't. And so this is like that. I. I'm just seeing. I'm just watching Gareth's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hell, yeah. I'm like, yes, Dave's just the. Dave's just the Charlie Brown teacher.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

All right. Is the four.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah. It's an interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How funny would it be if we were like, cameras work and we like, trying to just mess. We're like, we want to get an insight into what works here.

[Dave Ross]

Do a new thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is Dave?

[Dave Ross]

Let's see how Dave handles This interesting, Dave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now we'll switch the camera now. What do you think, Dave? All right. Where's this paper from?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Something I've never seen before. So does the Fort Collins Weekly Express. Thursday, April, Fort Collins 20th phenomenal time. 1911, part one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Part one is the paper instead of like the AM edition.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Part one part. I've never seen that amazing one of the paper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Fort Collins. Sometimes Preston does something that's associated with people or guests. Are you any relations to Fort Collins? Do you have any connection to Fort Collins?

[Dave Ross]

I have a lot of connection. Fort Collins.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

Like, I have a bunch of cousins that live there because my aunt and uncle used to live there. My dad's brother and I. I think a comedy for it is the best club in the country, hands down. Really? I love performing there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Completely agree. Really? Comedy.

[Dave Ross]

Best town.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A phenomenal club. The guy David. Unbelievable. A comedian himself. Another. God damn it. I hate it. I just. You know what? It's a terrible club. David is a problem. Dave Anthony's a bigger problem.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

You don't like themes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't like that. I can't believe it's by another Dave. But comedy for phenomenal. And the club is incredible. I go there every August. It gets better and better. He's the best crazy. Wish his name wasn't Dave. That'd be awesome. If he could change his name.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, Yeah. I love that name. I don't know something about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It's just nice, comforting.

[Dave Ross]

It's just a nice sounding name. Yeah. David Rodriguez is his name. He's also a really funny comic. That doesn't always happen. It. It doesn't happen often at all. Right. Like a good comic starts a club.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was on usually it's time. But I said was complimenting the club and I go. I was like the guy who runs a place used to be a comedian. I got off stage, he was like. Used to be. He's like, I still do stand. I was like, your club is so good. I was just. You're right. That was wrong. That was wrong.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

All right.

[Dave Ross]

I was like, e. Go ahead. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Let's hear it. All right.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Charged with failure. To bury a dead horse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Charged with failure. Interesting. I guess I've never thought about what you do with them.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I think you just leave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought the horse. That's what the horse flies were for. I thought they ate it like poop.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

That's a big undertake. Bury a dead horse a bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Well, that's the whole thing. I mean beating it's something they don't like. Now you got to bury it, too.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then we'll be right back.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah. I think we all know how the horse died.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

And the guy. The guy who beat the dead horse over and over again. Is that what it is? The guy. It's a. This article is about a man who is fined for being charged with a crime.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

The crime is not okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I mean, when you think about it, right back then, it probably, like, people are probably like, get the horse out of here. Well, it is a big problem.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Dead horses, I would think.

[Dave Ross]

I would also bet this, like, if there was a. Like, if that happened nowadays, it's, like, really cut and dry. You got to get your dead horse out of the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh. You track right away, and you don't let anyone know about it right away. Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

It's, like, gonna create a health problem, and people are, like, trying to get around it to get to work. But I'll bet you in 19. That's right. Jockeys. I've almost said that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I.

[Dave Ross]

The. But I'll bet you in 1911, it was, like, the beginning of when you had to bury your dead horse right away. Yeah, Right. Like, probably in the 19th century.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dave Ross]

People just left their dead horse to rot, and no one cared.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Humans, too.

[Dave Ross]

But then there started being roads.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. That is what happened. Eventually, people were like, all right, look, we actually have to figure this out. This is crazy.

[Dave Ross]

There's too many dead horses in Fort Collins.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They must have died from some sort of illness. Otherwise they'd eat it.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Hiccups, probably.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hiccups.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a crazy pitch. Crazy pitch.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I think it was.

[Dave Ross]

The horse died of hiccups. Is that what you're saying?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're all waiting for more context. And I'll tell you, Dave Ross, as the guy who can see him. None's coming.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

They're gonna need to be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's not, like, opening his mouth. Well, maybe he's, like, done talking.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Well, you don't know that. 30 of horses maybe from hiccups.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you doing? And why are you doing it?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I need you to go through your process. Remember when we talked, you put both your feet down, ground yourself, try to figure out what you're talking about. We're one of those.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

And for a horse. That's it.

[Dave Ross]

Wow. We're in, like, a public speaking class now for. For Dave Anthony. I also. We're at a point where I just can't really even hear Dave. So I'm like, is anyone else there?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I can't hear me.

[Dave Ross]

Has Gareth?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, there's no Gareth.

[Dave Ross]

Lost it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The other Dave's AI.

[Dave Ross]

Oh, yeah. Well, it's about time comedians started being AI.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Ross]

I man the hiccups.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, dude.

[Dave Ross]

I mean, I suppose if a horse had the hiccups, I would want to beat it to death.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Thank you.

[Dave Ross]

You know, that's, like, kind of annoying,

[Gareth Reynolds]

by the way, Dave's hiccup bit kind of beating a dead horse.

[Dave Ross]

It's legal. That's a good point.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It's legal to beat a horse with hiccups to death.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is a craze that. That, by the way, that does sound something like a 1902 mayor would say. Now, hold on. If the horses hiccups should be allowed to beat it. Your honor.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

All right.

[Dave Ross]

Oh, man. Yeah, absolutely. Especially in Colorado. Yeah, it sounds like you can do that in Colorado.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. All right, Wait.

[Dave Ross]

So what happens?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Here's this.

[Dave Ross]

It's just an article about a man.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

There's not a lot of jail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can see it's not a big one, but let's get out what we got here. Let's.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Jacob Shamir was arrested Tuesday charged with failing to bury a dead horse. The case was continued until July 1st.

[Dave Ross]

That's it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like how you were like, let me get the details out. We don't have any. It's. That's it.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

He really broke it down for us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Oh, now what? Closure.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I'm assuming it just fell over dead. Where else the story would be like, he broke his leg and they put him down. Like they would give you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, no, the horse died of some. Yeah, that's why I'm saying they probably didn't either.

[Dave Ross]

I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, yeah, it was one paragraph.

[Dave Ross]

Where did you find this article?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Well, we didn't. Our guy found it, Preston, but it's in the Fort Collins Express. Oh, it's, like, from.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's, you know, it's the biggest story of part one.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It's a great story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's really not.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah. Well, I'm gonna have some words with Preston about this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We all should. Yeah. But it's not a good story.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

How many people first did eat their horse?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We don't have the metrics or the analytics on that, but I'll get them to you.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, you said that earlier, Gareth. Was that a common thing, that the horse dies of natural. Like it. Not of an illness. And so we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I'm thinking, well, back then, why wouldn't you. Why? What the. What are they doing Everyone's.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Because meat wasn't like really super like in 1911.

[Dave Ross]

It wasn't like the dark ages. They, you know, like lots of food.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but I mean, well, we might have had this might be the. In 10 years or I guess in 20 years we would be eating horse ass we wanted. But I would just imagine that. I mean there's people who like Joe Rogan eats horse and he's doing good.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Dave Ross]

Great room, man. He is doing good, man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's got a fridge full of elk.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Okay, here I looked up. Did cowboys eat.

[Dave Ross]

That's true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did cowboys eat horses?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Of course. This is AI. So who the knows. But Americans historically viewed horses as pets or working partners, avoiding their consumption similar to dogs or cats. Horse meat was only consumed.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, that's what I thought.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Under extreme circumstances. Circumstances like starvation. They had a lot of. They were cowboys. So they had a lot of cattle. And then while some reports suggest Hortense was eaten in the US during food shortages like the Civil War, this was not part of the daily cowboy diet. So yeah, they probably didn't. So they probably didn't need to eat it. So when their horse died, they probably just buried it. I'd set it on fire.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good to talk to you. Yeah, totally fine.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah. But why not?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because I guess it would set it up. But then by the way, if you set it on fire, then you're like, oh, it's a good smell.

[Dave Ross]

Now there's a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Again, real quick, grab that leg.

[Dave Ross]

That's a good point. Dude.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Burying a horse.

[Dave Ross]

Roasted horse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You don't talk about that part of cremation when you're like, oh, great. Barbecue sauce. You kidding me?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

What is that, Gladys Little barbecue sauce.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Little sage rub.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I'm just saying to bury a horse you got to make a big pit. And that's. And back then 1911.

[Dave Ross]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Weird about this conversation. I think we. It's over and we're still talking about it in many ways.

[Dave Ross]

That's a throw.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I got it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Throw it in the beating.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Go ahead, throw the horse.

[Dave Ross]

We're beating a dead horse. Absolutely. Yeah. Small. The horse has been beaten to death.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Small.

[Dave Ross]

Small.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Boy. Pistol and cigarettes. Not good company, huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Ross]

Is that the headline?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah, and I agree with it.

[Dave Ross]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm. The jury's out. Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Desiring evidently to help swell the noise over the victory of The Aggies. A 13 year old boy named Payne.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Naming your kid Pain is great.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

On Loomis Street.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I named him after what he did to my vagina.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah, dude, Loomis living on Loomis street put a small sized pistol in his pocket Saturday night.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this kid was upset with people cheering over an Aggies win. So he just fired his pistol.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

How old was Payne?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Thirteen.

[Dave Ross]

Thirteen year old kid named Payne had a gun.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Upset with an egg, mad about football. So he just went out there.

[Dave Ross]

It's the most American I've ever heard in my life.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

He put it in his pocket and it exploded when he didn't want it to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, he pulled the plexigo burrows.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

But didn't. The gun didn't explode.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The gun went off.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah, because usually you want. You do you want your gun to explode.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That sounds like how another, a younger child would explain what happened. And then it got exploded.

[Dave Ross]

It explodes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Exploded.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It burned a hole in the trout, dude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, there we go. What about. I love how we're talking about what it did to the trousers. How about the boy underneath?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

What did it do to the kid?

[Gareth Reynolds]

How about. Was pain in any agony?

[Dave Ross]

There we go. Did pain die? Is pain. Well, he's probably dead now, but it can't be great.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah, but it might have done.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah. Did it hit pain anywhere?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah, but it might have done more damage. And to make sure that it wouldn't, the sheriff would leave the lad of his toy. Oh, it's a toy gun. Oh, well, it says toy in parentheses. So maybe you mean quotes. Quotes. But what it in quotes. So maybe. Okay. Payne was standing.

[Dave Ross]

It's probably a real gun.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah, I think it is. Payne was standing on North College.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Saturday night about 8 o'. Clock. And was flourishing the gun for a second.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Talk about how great it is for a 13 year old boy to be on the at 8pm alone.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Great. With a gun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

With a gun.

[Dave Ross]

Totally with a gun.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Well, he's celebrating the win.

[Dave Ross]

Different times.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, he's angry about the win.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

He's upset about the noise.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, oh, okay.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

No, no. To help swell the noise. So that means he's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's part of it. Okay.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

He was out there to fire the gun in celebration.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And then the gun fired him.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah. Okay. Simpler times, you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This was better.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

The gun was a 20.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Dude, not a.22 was a rifle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I don't know anything about those calibers.

[Dave Ross]

These big pockets. They had really big pockets back then.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

Ginko Jeans.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It was down by his side just as Sheriff Carlott and Deputy Pindell were passing. The boy put it into his pocket, but forgot to take his finger off the trigger. And the gun exploded just as the

[Gareth Reynolds]

two this Sounds like what the pitch is on the Charlie Kirk who says

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

that a gun exploded. This is the craziest description.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, I will say, look, no shade to Fort Collins. But even right now, their newspaper is not going to be the best in the world. And I think in 1911, maybe the journalists at the Fort Collins. What's it called? Weekly Review, Weekly Express.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I sorry. I'm sorry. I agree with you. If you went to Fort Collins now, you'd be like, you have enough for a paper.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, totally.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Don't say wow for a town that you guys love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what we love about it. I love for college so much. I actually never try to say how good it is. And that's. I try to present.

[Dave Ross]

Dude, it's so good. Here's a fun fact. You know the Silver Grill Cafe? Have you been there? In Fort Collins? That's like a great breakfast place. My cousin Ezra works over the overnight shift there making the croissants.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa.

[Dave Ross]

And they're really good.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dude, what about Mountain? Misty Mountain Bakery.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Let me just say something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go ahead.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

If I'm a croissant maker, I weigh 500 pounds easily.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know, dude, this is a riddle. Let him. I know I'm a croissant.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I. I'm never not eating croissants. I am enormous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They just come in. Have you made any? I had a tough shift. Some of the machinery backed up on me.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Croissants are magical.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mary's Mountain cookies.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Amazing.

[Dave Ross]

They are. Hasan is great. As far as I can tell. Though this is also what would be true about Gareth if he just owned a horse.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah, that's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Very true. Where's Stella?

[Dave Ross]

The most eating horses talk I've ever had in my life.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's. She passed away. From what?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Getting.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Being made into tacos.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Okay, so two cops are.

[Dave Ross]

Maybe the kid. Oh, hold on a minute. Maybe Payne the gun, shot the horse. You know, maybe these are the same story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The. There's. Considering we only have two sentences on the first story. Any connection possible? Maybe your cousin killed it.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Okay, so the. Maybe two cops are passing. He puts in his pocket.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it goes off.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

The sheriff says he unloaded it and handed it back to the boy and was about to tell him to take it home when the lad changed a cigarette from one hand to the other to take the gun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. So the cigarette was the cops like. All right, this is.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

This is crazy.

[Dave Ross]

Wow.

[Talkspace Ad Voice]

This is nuts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I remember I was a 13 year old kid. I remember I used to smoke when I was like in I mean, sometimes I would, like, be smoking at like, I don't know, 13 in public. And I mean, I. And I looked so young at my age. I remember people genuinely going like, that is a nine year old. Like, like, I remember people watching by me like, that's. Look at this, that's great. And I'd be like, whatever.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Jeez.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, this is wild, dude. It's a 13 year old kid smoking cigarettes with a gun in his pocket, dealing with the cops. This is like a scene from the Wire

[Gareth Reynolds]

when the cop is like, all right, get out of here. The kid's like, oh, switch hands. He's like, put your hands behind your back. This is crazy.

[Dave Ross]

The chef decided that meanwhile, the guy writing the article about this is like a baby who's like, the gun exploded. The gun exploded, just fired. Boom, boom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then he took fire from his hand.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Gareth the Pastimes is brought to you by Rocket Money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, buddy.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Gareth, we. We've been using Rocket Money for a while now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just talking to a friend and an associate the other day about Rocket Money, and they were saying they don't know what took them so long. They're saving money. It pays for itself, Dave.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah, so Rocket Money helps you save that sweet, sweet cash. They track your subscriptions, right? You go in, you put your information in, and then they're like, this is all the stuff you're spending money on, you crazy loon. And I go, what? I didn't know I had a toenail subscription to get toenails every month. Why do I have that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whose toenails?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Oh, they just send them toenails.com. i don't know. They just. It's a toenail of the month thing, so. But I forgot that I had it. And Rocket Money sends you a little thing on. On your app and it says, hey, do you know that you have a subscription date coming up for toenails.com? and I hit a button and I. And it just goes, we're going to get rid of that for you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm on toenails.com right now. And I'm not lying, it's not a website, so someone should get moving because that could be good.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

But Gareth and I have both found several at this point, several subscriptions.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't believe that's available.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

And I also, I keep, like, signing up for things and forgetting about them. Rocket Money goes, hey, man, this one's coming up again. And it's just saving me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen in the way that we now try to navigate how we watch things or how we Buy things or places like that. There needs to be a stopgap to tell you, hey, just so you know, this is going to charge you another 50 in a minute. It. And then you're like, my God, no.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

And it also helps you, like, from overspending money. It'll be like, hey, you're spending this much on this, like, that kind of stuff. And then like, they renegotiated my Internet and saved me like 300 bucks a year. So Rocket Money saves you money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They reunited me with my daughter.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Reunited with your daughter, which you don't have, which is the weird thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know, it's crazy. Oh, yeah. Absolute nightmare, to be honest. What they. What they say they do, they do well. But the reunion thing was crazy, so.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

But seriously, if you do want to save money, we cannot recommend Rocket Money enough. We have both saved a lot of money using Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Try for $0 at rocket money.com that's rocket money.com rocket money.com let's cue the jingle roc.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rocket money, rocket Money, Rocket Money. Go ahead and save yourself some boom, boom, boom. Pocket money. Rocket Money. Wherever you get your money.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Toenails.com I'll probably cut that out. Toenails.com is a new sponsor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't want to work with them.

[Talkspace Ad Voice]

This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. May is Mental health Awareness Month and Talkspace, the leading virtual therapy provider, is sharing the message that connection is crucial. Crucial because good relationships are an essential and sometimes overlooked component of mental well being. If your relationships could use some strengthening, a licensed therapist from Talkspace can help. Therapy can help you communicate better with loved ones, repair conflicts, and understand how to address loneliness and build community. It's easy to sign up. Just go to talkspace.com and you'll be paired with a therapist within two days. You'll meet with your therapist online on your schedule. Plus, Talkspace is in network with most major insurers and most insured members have a $0 copay. Make personal connections a priority and start today. If you're not covered by Insurance, get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to talkspace.com and enter promo code SPACE80. That's S P A C E80. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com and Enter promo code SPACE80.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

The Sheriff decided that the cigarettes and gun didn't go together, so he took the fire off car. When the officers moved up the street, the lad approached the sheriff and accordingly to the latter, wanted to know if he couldn't be, quote, fixed up the kid. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that, that's, like, from a, like, what does that mean from a medical standpoint?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Maybe he wants the gun back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What he's talking about is he's either talking about giving him the gun money, think his burns that surely exist, or rehabbing his attitude on his leg.

[Dave Ross]

Or maybe he wanted them to sew the hole in his pants.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, fix my pant hole. I don't know. I, I. What's crazy about this story is it has more words than the first one and the same amount of closure.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is.

[Dave Ross]

By the way, I don't trust the writers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Paper is called part one. All it is is set up. And we don't get it. We're like, what happened? Like, well, you got to buy the night paper. The night paper. Night paper on top of the day paper. You got yourself an article.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah. Tomorrow we'll let you know if the kid's dead and if the horse is buried.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tune in to part two of the newspaper.

[Dave Ross]

Does it say part one, like, under the name of the paper?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Ross]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, where it would say edition number. It says part one.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

More coming.

[Dave Ross]

Bonkers, dude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Say it's a setup.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Hubby. That's crazy. Home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The next paper is the Force Awakens. Go ahead.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

That hubby gives Weiss home. Now he sleeps in barn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hubby gives wife home.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Hey, I'm married. I get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's going on? You okay?

[Dave Ross]

He gave his house to his wife and he sleeps in the barn. Is that what. What happened?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

How you know, marriage.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's either that or tell what I. The horse.

[Dave Ross]

That's right.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

After deeding his. After deeding his home to his wife in return for love and affection, James got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Who filed suit today to regain the property, alleges he was driven out of the house and compelled to sleep in the barn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this guy gives the wife the house because she fucks him. And then after he's. She probably stopped fucking him. He was like, I want my house back. And he goes public with what happened.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

That sounds exactly right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

To add to the indictment, this newspaper

[Dave Ross]

is blowing my mind.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a strange newspaper, is what it is.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Upon him got charges that soon after he began occupying the barn as sleeping quarters, he received a communication from his wife to the effect that he must either vacate the Barn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Your $10 a month rental.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, man. That was where he was like, that's it. You ain't charging me rent money for my barn life.

[Dave Ross]

The thing that's confusing me about this is that they are, throughout this entire process, still married, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Ross]

Like, if you're married, I mean. But I don't know a lot about marriage. Yeah, but don't you share your very possessions?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's hard to get divorced. But this guy. It feels like this guy was like. Was. Was like, it's going really good.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She just says, I have to live outside. But it's good. Like, yeah, I've. I've had friends where they're, like, talking about a situation. I'm like. Like, this is not. You know, they're like, now I just got to figure out how to get her 10 grand. Bing, bang, boom, we're back. You're like, it's not great, right? This is.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

This is missing the woman's side of the story, which is probably the big part here. Like, whatever he was doing.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, I would say.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think any man who agreed to live in the barn is. Is the cuck.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I'm saying he might not have agreed to. Might have been kicked out of the house.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Her story in 1911, you'd be like, me, you go live in the barn with the animal. Yeah, the skin, it was all tilt, also direction.

[Dave Ross]

This also could be the fault of the journalist again, because the language is weird. It's like he gave his house to his wife. What does that even mean? Dude, I don't even.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This paper is nothing. Puzzles. There is nothing. Like, ah. That was satisfying everyone. I'm like, what? Who is everybody? What is happening? And why am I hearing it?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

That'd be great to know. Paper. What is happening?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is happening?

[Dave Ross]

So what is what is happening?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Part one.

[Dave Ross]

What is happening? Part one? Okay, next week. What's happening?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Okay, so that was too much for God. And. And he, as he had deeded the property to his wife. He deeded it during her good behavior. He now asked the court to declare him owner and master of his house. House.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I mean, what a idiot.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

You're out of shit.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah. Him.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

She's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have a signed deed. Well, that was an error.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Well, that was when you were good and you were me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now you're bad, by the way. Living in a barn.

[Dave Ross]

So confused, dude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The pigs, the horses.

[Dave Ross]

What are we talking about now?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Nobody knows.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, the horses. You can eat the horse. So I ate those croissants everywhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can I come into the main house.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

The horse wasn't dead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, it was sleeping. Oh, no, I was standing up.

[Dave Ross]

Okay, now I'm starting to think maybe the kid with the gun is their son. Yeah, right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So son shot horse, dad and barn.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah. The dad gave the gun to the son to celebrate the football game and he shot the horse dead. And then the wife is mad at the dad. Forgiven the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't wait to see this fourth article. See how this ties in. By the way, I got eyes on this fourth article. Not long. Not long.

[Dave Ross]

Can't wait.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

60% of college men declared immoral.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think I need this one.

[Dave Ross]

Here we go.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Dude, this is.

[Dave Ross]

My God. What's the context?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Ross]

Truly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Duke University. And was like, why so low?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Speaking on social purity before the Parents and Teachers Club, Dr. Emma A. Drake of the State Normal School said, I'm

[Gareth Reynolds]

from the normal school.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Quote, nearly 60% of the men attending the colleges of this country are leading immoral lives. That's it. It's just a quote from a. From a teacher.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, I think she's right.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

She's right.

[Dave Ross]

What's an immoral life? Oh, man.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

What are you doing?

[Dave Ross]

Like you. You kill people. 1160 of college.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Boozing, smoking, fornicating.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah. This is about boozing. This is about getting drunk and losing. Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

Is immoral.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Got it. Skirts.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

There was a whole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sucking ankles. Kissing knees.

[Dave Ross]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what I mean, Sucking ankles. Yeah, the whole. Yeah, yeah. Getting a toe up the butt.

[Dave Ross]

I love sucking on ankles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. I love an ankle suck. I kiss a knee, I get a big fan.

[Dave Ross]

It's honestly the only thing I want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I told the lady to wear me like a slipper. All of a sudden I'm getting kicked out of college. Next thing you know.

[Dave Ross]

Totally, man. I have a lot of sympathy with these college kids, man. I've been sucking on ankles since before I was, you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Buddy.

[Dave Ross]

When I was 13.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Buddy.

[Dave Ross]

Firing guns in the streets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wish.

[Dave Ross]

Smoking cigarettes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wear ladies. I heal the old fashioned way.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Groin.

[Dave Ross]

In my mouth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In my mouth. Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Dude, you have a ankle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Girl makes rope of sheets to get away from jail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the first time.

[Dave Ross]

That was so awesome, dude.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

How'd you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that was a good idea. It's just. She just knotted those sheets.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

That's why she asked for 14 sheets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Could I have turnover service again? But don't take the old ones. Why, of course, my lady. Jail is fair.

[Dave Ross]

I think this newspaper is an old man's dream. And he made up all of these articles, dude, by the way, a lot of them. What was Fort Collins like in 19.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, dude, this is just. Go ahead.

[Dave Ross]

It's painting a picture of Fort Collins, Colorado, which, by the way, in 1911 probably had a population of 750 people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's. I think the population now is like a thousand thousand. It was probably two guys. I saw a lady go out of our jail with a rope. Well, it was sheets.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, dude. This guy. The newspaper is a porch, and the guy sits on it and he's like, well, look at that. She's leaving the jail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I left the horse there. They didn't do anything. Alice Rombley,

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

a six made up name of Rapid City, South Dakota.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Easy. Let's just stick to the article.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Who was arrested here a few days ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Is being held to await the arrival of the South Dakota sheriff. Made an attempt to escape from the prison in the courthouse this morning. She tied the bed sheets and quilts together, making a rope, one end of which she tied to the bed stand and the other she dropped out of the window.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love how like the idea that you have to read this too.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Well, how the hell did she escape? With the rope made out of his sheet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We know what it is with the papers. Like, now. Hold on. I bet you're wondering where the other end was. She put it around the bed.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You never heard of anything like this?

[Dave Ross]

That's funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You never before. You never heard of anything like.

[Dave Ross]

Also, this is showing. This is saying basically that there were no bars on the window. Yeah, there's just a window. Just a window.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It. The way the modern prison designed is through a series of corrections people who were able to get out. You know what I mean? They put bars on the windows.

[Dave Ross]

Oh, my God. They can climb out the window. We did not think of that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dug under the fence.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

She.

[Dave Ross]

Wow.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

She slid down. And within about 15ft of the ground, the rope broke and she fell. Oh. Deputy Sheriff Roach heard the noise of the fall and ran out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a bad.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

S. Was slowly limping away. She was captured. It is feared her injuries will prove fatal, as she is in a delicate condition.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ. Hey, by the way, that's an article. That was an article.

[Dave Ross]

That's a good point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This woman's gonna die.

[Dave Ross]

We know what happens.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This woman.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Died from a sheet fall.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, totally.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's it. Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

Whoever wrote that article should write the whole paper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's a good point.

[Dave Ross]

Point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That. That's. That was a story.

[Dave Ross]

There yeah, they were like, there's a woman. And here's what she did, and here's what happened at the end, you know, look at that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what I don't love is the chase on the woman who's about to die from her. Like, she was like. And he was like, get out.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I feel like if you do that, you should be allowed also.

[Dave Ross]

Was she 60?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

No, she's 16.

[Dave Ross]

Didn't. Oh, 16. Okay. This whole time I was picturing 15. An old lady.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She. She turned into dust when she hit the floor.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

This is a story from London.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okay.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Drown Mormons, cries a priest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's hear him out.

[Dave Ross]

Hell yeah, let's go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's hear him out.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Drowning was advocated as a fit fate for Mormons by Father Bernard Vaughan, the noted Jesuit, in a sermon devoted to the work of Mormon missionaries in England in sending girls and women to the Mormon states in the United States.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's. I mean, he hasn't said a thing that's improper. Everything so far sounds just right.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Quote. F man, we. This is the quote. They should be taken by the scruff of the neck, rushed across our island and dropped into the sea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. Scruff of the neck. Thing is, I mean, that's demoralizing. Amazing.

[Dave Ross]

We. It was not that long ago that everyone was really open about their super specific racism. It was like within the last 10 or 15 years that we stopped. You know what I mean? Like, in New York City, they would be like, you're Italian and they could just kill you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I also do like the idea. I like when in religious circles in 1911, someone's like, your religion's crazy. Like, to be able to look at Mormons and be like that, you guys are weird. And I'm. I know. I'm a Christian priest. Get out. No, drown them.

[Dave Ross]

Mormonism was pretty new then too, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

How crazy is it that Mormonism made it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

They really made it through Scientology helped it a lot because it made it look like an ancient religion legend.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah, that.

[Dave Ross]

Oh, yeah, totally, guys.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Every woman to make them have babies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it is pretty cool. Yeah, it is pretty cool.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It is pretty cool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now they're into, you know, in Utah, now they're into that soda culture. That's their whole thing now. They love sodas.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

What.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What does that mean? Yeah, that's like the Mormon. The Mormon vice now is like soda. Like they go to like, like, it's almost like they love sodas.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

There's a guy who just goes to BYU and ask the students questions, and you just Cannot believe it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It has to be like.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

You're just like. I thought. I thought it. Like, I figured they were all faking and that they in truth would be like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like that secretly.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

They'd be like some religious. But I'm. But they're just. It's just nuts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's. Yeah, it's called dirty.

[Dave Ross]

I mean, have you seen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And they. They. They go. And they basically mix different sodas and syrups. And they're like.

[Talkspace Ad Voice]

This is.

[Dave Ross]

Oh, my God.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Dude, they talk about that.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

A lot of soaking.

[Dave Ross]

Wow.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

A lot of soaking is also there. Big thing, you know, it's.

[Dave Ross]

Oh, soaking is so gross. Dude.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Woman. Sears face of Black Hander. This could go really bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm nervous.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

This is from Scranton Pen. All right, so blackhand means something different.

[Dave Ross]

More nervous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's Joe Biden's home. That's Joe Biden's place.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Well, that was a big Italian Mafia place.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

When two Italians supposed to be Black Hand agents. So, yeah, Mafia.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Black Hand agents visited the home of Antonio Piazza in Manuka today.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Boy, oh, boy.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

And informed Ms. Piazza that her husband and her whole family would be annihilated.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Holy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Leave the Piazzas alone.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Down a little bit. We're going to be annihilated unless she paid $700. They were given a stiff dose of their own medicine. Miss. Miss. Mrs. Piazza was ironing the family washing when the men entered.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a tough job.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

And held a flat iron which she had just taken from the stove.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hell yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

No sooner had one of the intruders uttered his threat than the woman bore down upon him and pushed him against the wall with one hand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the story Home Alone's based on.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

And she pressed the hot iron against his cheek.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hell yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

And held it for an instant.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He probably looks really young after it gets rid of wrinkles.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

In spite of his furious resistance.

[Gareth Reynolds]

His furious resistance is to an iron being placed on his face. I don't know if you'd call it furious. Now, hold on, ma'. Am. I'm actually gonna push back a little here. Wow.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

What's the other guy doing?

[Dave Ross]

Damn, dude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guy's like, I'll go around back. Marvin.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

When the iron was removed, both men ran screaming from the house. And Mrs. Piazza collapsed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. She hanging.

[Dave Ross]

Oh, yeah. That's tough. That's tough on you, dude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is. Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

It's hard to burn a man's face.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The mob was there a minute ago. Now they're running off screaming like my vapors.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

She declares that the imprint.

[Dave Ross]

Damn, dude.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Flat iron was plainly visible on the victim's cheek. Week.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hell, yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It is possible that he will carry the scar to his grave. Oh, yeah. They're always going to know who it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. You're talking about Iron Johnny.

[Dave Ross]

Wow. That's.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

That was. All right. Good for her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

How old was this woman?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It doesn't say. Which is crazy because that is.

[Dave Ross]

Wow. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Normally they tell you.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Usually they'd be like, boy, she was a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

28. You'd want to banger if you want,

[Dave Ross]

Man. $700. I. I feel like I would not act that way at all.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

That's a lot of money.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A lot of mud's good though. Good for.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, it's like eighteen hundred dollars.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way. Part of me just thinks about how good ironing was back then too, if you had it that hot. Because I don't know about you guys. Every time I use it. Yeah. I'm sitting here going, what's taking so long? Permanent press. Cotton. I said it to cotton a minute ago. Why do I have this range? Who's doing linens? Are you guys listening? I'm trying out my new irons. Come on.

[Progressive Ad Voice]

Insurance isn't one size fits all. That's why drivers have enjoyed Progressive's name your price tool for years. Now, with the name your price tool, you tell them what you want to pay and they'll show you options that fit your budget. So whether you're picking out your first policy or just looking for something that works better for you and your family, they make it easy to see your options. Visit progressive.com find a rate that works for you with the name your price tool. Progressive Casualty Insurance company and affiliates Price and coverage match limited by state law.

[Dave Ross]

When it's time to scale your business, it's time for Shopify. Get everything you need to grow the way you want. Like all the way. Stack more sales with the best converting checkout on the planet. Track your cha chings from every channel right in one spot. And turn real time reporting into big time opportunities. Take your business to a whole new level. Switch to Shopify. Start your free trial today.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

This story's out of Omaha Wild cheese.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that the spray or the steam chute? I don't know what I'm doing. Ironing board. I'll tell you.

[Dave Ross]

Wait, are these stories.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go ahead.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It's hard to turn him off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just shot me in the butt.

[Dave Ross]

Are there. These are all still in the 4Collins paper, but they're like stories from other.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, they'll start to outsource as you could. Especially someone like.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, they're like AP articles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, they were like, at this point now there's just some guys like, boy, a lot of cool happened other places.

[Dave Ross]

This is just so wild because 1911.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right?

[Dave Ross]

Like, what was going on in the world in 1911? Like, I guess what I want to say is I thought that it was just going to be local stories and that's why it was wacky and wild and about a bearing a horse and a kid firing a gun. But now they're picking stories from the rest of the world that aren't like, we might be at war in Germany in a few years.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dave Ross]

This is just like a wacky paper, I guess, is what I'm saying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Only like, it is a wacky paper. This would be like a website you go on to and you'd be like, I just, like, I get depressed, but illness is.

[Dave Ross]

This is fark.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is.

[Dave Ross]

We're reading fark.com, right? Exactly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. Yeah, yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

How long? I don't know how long World War I went on before we joined.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we're the closers. We're what we call the liners of the world wars.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, dude, we definitely finished the wars.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Ross]

Actually, we're the openers now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now. We are actually now, by the way, now we're doing one person shows open.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah. We're the hosts. Feature the whole show. Yeah, totally.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're.

[Dave Ross]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We do. We get an 80, 20. But we like negotiate it down to a 50, 50. And the club's like, okay.

[Dave Ross]

Actively promoting our wars as well. That's my favorite. The. The tweets about the wars. Oh, man, it's going good.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It is going good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's going.

[Dave Ross]

Remember the other day when he said he said he was going to kill everyone in Iran, and then two hours later he said, you know what? We're gonna take a break for two weeks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. It's 48 hours. Two days or two weeks. That's what he works. He's worked on the scale of two. He loves it. He's like, you have two days and nobody does anything. Yes. You got two weeks. Hurry up.

[Dave Ross]

You got two weeks now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got two months.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It's just. It's just for the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My doctor got two years.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It's just so they can buy stocks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it is. The more you see it, everything like say, Trump always chickens out, but it's really. Trump always profits greatly.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah, yeah, dude.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Wild chase for baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Been there.

[Dave Ross]

Here we go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Been there.

[Dave Ross]

Hell yeah. Me Too, man.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

This is the Omaha story.

[Dave Ross]

Baby's my wife. This is Omaha.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

A special train to the Union Pacific Railroad faced halfway across Nebraska yesterday. Race. Sorry. Raced halfway across Nebraska yesterday In order that Ms. Harlan G. Hollister of Elmira, New York, might overtake her six month old baby, which by mistake had been placed on a train which got out of the station before the mistake was discovered.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That happens. We don't. And by the way, to the author of the article, even though they've passed, we don't need to know how that mistake happened. That's not an. A baby ended up on a train alone. And we're good.

[Dave Ross]

Obviously, everyone knows.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Let's move.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

With the story.

[Dave Ross]

One of the. One of the more common events in humanity. Absolutely. We all get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Our baby on a train and gotten off. Totally. A ticket right here.

[Dave Ross]

Actually, the wording makes it sound like she wasn't on the train. And she put the baby on the train, I believe.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I'm guessing she put.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

On the train and then went to get more stuff and the train left.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, well, now that the baby's there, I'm going to go buy some bread or.

[Dave Ross]

Oh, no.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Or maybe someone else took the baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I don't know this. Okay. The railroad made no extra charge for the special.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. How cool of the railroad. And by the way, we're not charging the baby.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

They put a special train together to chase the other.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, oh, okay. Okay. I thought they were like, bragging about the idea that they. And we've decided to waive the fair. We're not gonna be pricking.

[Dave Ross]

Oh, man. Despite being a stowaway, the baby will not be going to jail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You see, in many ways, it's a baby. It didn't know what was happening, and we realized that. So the baby will not be charged. The fair

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Mrs. Hollister said. Sorry, Mrs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The mother will be killed.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Mrs. Hollister Baby arrived in Omaha on a train from the east. She was bound for Colorado to join her husband, who was in Denver. When the baby reached Omaha. Sorry, I don't know why I'm so off. When the train reached Omaha, the baby was sleeping. And Mrs. Hollister placed her on a cushion and went into the next car to talk to some friends. 15 minutes.

[Dave Ross]

What the is this?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

15 minutes later, when she started to return, she discovered that the car was missing. So they detached the car.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. So she's like, by the way, weird move to just like. I mean, obviously it's a different time and everything, but to just stop. But to just Lay a baby down and be like, now to socialize in the back car, the booze car. She's hanging out there. Then she comes back, she's like, wait, where's the train? Look, that train went to Omaha.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I think it's fine to leave a

[Gareth Reynolds]

baby in another trade car. It's weird.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Inquiry.

[Dave Ross]

If the baby's sleeping. The thing that. Yeah, Garrett, I think the thing you're not understanding is that sometimes you really want to be drunk instead of sober.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Thank you.

[Dave Ross]

You know? Yeah. So you leave the baby sleeping.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Point. Yes.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yes.

[Dave Ross]

And baby's sleeping. And then you can go sleep pretty

[Gareth Reynolds]

deep all the time. That's right. Yeah. This does make sense.

[Dave Ross]

What I don't understand, I will say, yeah, you should keep your baby with you, but it's not that I. I would wouldn't be that surprised if a lot of people put their baby down and go to a neighboring car. Why did the train split it, that is, while she was in another. It's a weird decision.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. The. The guy, like, walked through. He's like, maybe. All right, separate the cars.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Is it okay to separate the car? Yes. There's only one baby in there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. Go ahead. I suppose there could be some strange situation, but it's highly unlikely. This baby just is doing a blog.

[Dave Ross]

And also, when you separate drink cars, doesn't like, the.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

The.

[Dave Ross]

The. The one that's not attached to the engine just stop? Like, what. What happened? I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we're gonna leave the dining cart here to die.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I would imagine that they. Yeah, they were stopped somewhere, and then they.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They were at, like, a station, and then. I don't know how you make that. I mean, the announcer. Ladies and gentlemen, just so you know, the dining cart will not be going any further, and the train to Omaha is going to be separated from the. And leaving.

[Dave Ross]

Now, I think that. I think that really what's happening here is that they just let anyone write any article because, like, this story should be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is. Audience submitted this.

[Dave Ross]

You're not going to believe this. A train split in half on the way to Omaha. Like, that's the story, isn't it? That is the story. They were. This psychotic train conductor was like, the back half. We're going forward, and they're staying here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Losing his mind in Des Moines. The back half's been breaking down the whole time. Sir. The back.

[Dave Ross]

My wife's back there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The caboose. We gotta cut the caboose loose.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

So. Inquiry among the depot officials disclosed the train had been cut into and the car with sleeping babe had started for Frisco 10 minutes before the loss was discovered. So she's going to Colorado, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Denver.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And the baby's car was gonna go to Frisco.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

So it is going to Frisco.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought it went up in Omaha.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Well,

[Gareth Reynolds]

not on the way.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Well, yeah, one car, though.

[Dave Ross]

Why didn't the train stop and go back?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, and the baby car goes to Frisco.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah. And then her car and her. Her train is going to Omaha.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To Denver.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Up eventually to Omaha.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I think it's Denver.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Okay, so it arrived in Omaha.

[Dave Ross]

They didn't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Huh.

[Dave Ross]

And then did they know in Omaha

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

what happened in Omaha?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. In Omaha, going to Denver and Frisco.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I get it a little more. I still don't understand, but I don't care to ask any more questions.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah. Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Ms. Hollister was placed aboard the special and a record run was made to Grand Junction, where the express had been held one hour when Ms. Hollister's special arrived and the child and mother returned. So all these people are on the train going, why are we delayed?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly? Well, by the way, that 100 would be me. Yeah, I. I don't care. What? Literally, the empathy when I travel is gone. So if there's any predicament, I don't care. I am just genuinely like, look, you guys shouldn't have had a kid jump. Get out of here. You ruining my day. I need to get my bag with me.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Get off the train if you left your baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. Oh, yeah. No, I have the word. My worst.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

The baby was asleep when the mother rushed into the car and grabbed it from the cushion. So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank God it's so asleep. It's not breathing anymore.

[Dave Ross]

They just keep on writing this article, huh? It just keeps on coming with the details, chugging along. Baby was. You're not gonna believe this. For the fifth time article alone, this baby was asleep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And by the way, to be clear, the baby was asleep.

[Dave Ross]

The baby was asleep when the mom got there. Just so you guys know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did we mention

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

hair made green? Woman brings suit against dresser.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

This is a New York City story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Finally, the Joker's origin.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

A suit for a. For $20,000 instituted by Mrs. Adelane Lewison against a firm of hairdressers, was today placed on the calend of the Supreme Court.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? The Supreme Court's hearing this?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Gotta go hard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa. Wow.

[Dave Ross]

Hell yeah, dude.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Mrs. Lewison said her hair was turned gray.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gray or green?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

It's just gray. Oh, gray in the San Francisco fire And she.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that's how it set up.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Oh, right. And she employed the firm to dye it black. She says the dye turned her hair green and caused a rash on her forehead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that's a good look too. I mean, I know you wanted to get the gray out and have it black, but now your hair's green and your head's red, so that's pretty good too. You just look like an Oompa Loompa.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

20,000. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

$20,000? For what?

[Dave Ross]

This hair?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's crazy. In 1911, 20,000.

[Dave Ross]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's crazy.

[Dave Ross]

Yeah, man. America used to be very successful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Used to mean something.

[Dave Ross]

That's right. Yeah. Her hair is green. We're sending this straight to the top, all the way to the Supreme Court, boys.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

I mean this. Let's say you get arrested by Ice Place, though.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. That is for sure.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Devil on the run. Regular services will be held at the Fort Collins city mission by Reverend Vernon. Meetings held every evening at 7:30. All welcome. Come and bring others. We are going into a soul saving time and put the devil on the run.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, sure. What? So this guy's just like, trust me, we gotta chase him. It's not a good time to have green hair and red face. He's right over there. No, no, I just. The woman died it wrong.

[Dave Ross]

Wait, these are the related stories.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Dave Ross]

Okay, okay, okay. What happened again?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, yeah, yeah, yeah. Priest at Fort Collins was like, we almost got the devil.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

The devil's on the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Got it.

[Dave Ross]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The run.

[Dave Ross]

And the devil's on the run. Got it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Making croissants in that bakery.

[Dave Ross]

I feel like that's the main headline, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Dave Ross]

Because if they know where the devil is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Isn't it gonna be where the devil's in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In Fort Collins?

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

No, no, it's in there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's in Grand Junction. I was trying to get on a train, but my baby was there.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Relative of local lady dies in Greeley.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Edward Wild. So such. I mean, I don't mean to be

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

callous, but we're out of story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Literally. They're like. We have five more that are blank.

[Dave Ross]

Tell me why I care.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's one. A citizen of Fort Collins had a death. The person who died lives in Fort Collins. No, really far away, but she's like, pretty upset. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, that'll work.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Drive it out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, drag it out. I mean, that devil, that devil on the run. One didn't take up as much pages. I thought we even did it in Courier. New

[Dave Ross]

and this is just part one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ah, me. All right, here we go. Need a story. Man walked.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Edward Burchas, an uncle of Mrs. Robert Keeney of Fort Collins, Collins, died at the Greeley Hospital Tuesday after a week's illness. He was age 73. 73. Who gives a. Dude, this is not a story.

[Dave Ross]

This is not. I'm not gonna believe this guy. A 73 year old man died.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on.

[Dave Ross]

A man died.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what we should have done? We should have been 25 years. That horse article should have been longer. That's a. That's a crazy story. We didn't tell anyone anything. Now we're talking about a man of dying age dying. And he doesn't even live here.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

And he's an uncle of the.

[Dave Ross]

I feel like 73 was past the life expectancy, too. The guy lived a long time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it had to be. I mean, we're about to get down to 73 and he died at the hospital. It's not as like.

[Dave Ross]

There's nothing interesting about this at all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, this really is just becoming an indictment on Preston, the guy who put this one together.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

He is absolutely.

[Dave Ross]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna have some words for him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

He survived by one dog daughter. The remains will be taken to the family home at DeSota.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, that's the weirdest part of the

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

story, being accompanied by it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here you go. Here's the p. Here's the body. Goodbye.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

The deceased was a retired farmer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he was every. He's. He had the job that every person had. He died at a age that was fairly appropriate. He's not from there. He's just an uncle.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And that's the last story in the paper.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

That's it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, Dave, thank you for joining us on what was a real butt of an ending. People online on Instagram at Dave, Dave.

[Dave Ross]

To the Ross.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To the Ross. Go do it right. It's happening.

[Dave Ross]

Thank you. Thank you guys so much for having me, buddy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Appreciate it.

[Dave Ross]

It was nice to see Slash.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Not at all.

[Dave Ross]

See you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. No, we can't let 2 Dave see each other. Connection becomes too strong.

[Dave Ross]

That's right, dude. Oh, man. Yeah. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you guys for recording. Thank you, Dave.

[Dave Ross]

Later, guys.

[E (Unidentified Male Host)]

Sam,