181 - The Past Times with Tommy Dassalo

Summary

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The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds

Episode 181 – The Past Times with Tommy Dassalo

Guest: Tommy Dassalo
Date: July 3, 2026
Main Theme:
A comedic exploration of bizarre and revealing newspaper stories from August 15, 1897, as read and riffed upon by comedians Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds, and Australian comic Tommy Dassalo. The trio navigate tales of failed inventors, medical oddities, religious exorcisms, bigamous mishaps, and more absurdities from the past—mixing historical curiosity with improvisational comedy and their signature banter on culture, relationships, and language.

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Main Episode Segments

1. Catching Up & Engagement Stories (00:27–05:47)

• The trio kick off with friendly ribbing about Tommy’s engagement ring, gender fairness in engagement jewelry, and how he proposed.
  • Memorable Quote:
    Tommy Dassalo (03:01):
    “The next day my partner was like, ‘It’s kind of unfair that the fellas don’t get an engagement ring.’ … She got me this like $20 ring that had like a peace symbol on it … but it would make my finger break out in a rash, which felt like a bad omen.”
• Discussion of Tommy’s YouTube comedy special "Sky Specials" and his animated style.
• Plug for his podcast "How to Do Everything," joking about guests like Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin.
  • Gareth and Dave mock their lack of appearance on the actual show.

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2. Guessing the Newspaper Year & Place (05:41–06:41)

• Dave prompts Tommy to guess the newspaper’s year—he nails the century, and the date is August 15, 1897.
• The paper turns out to be the Sunday Chronicle from Chicago, not Sydney as Dave had quipped.

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3. Story Rundown – The Flying Machine That Wouldn’t Fly (07:04–12:03)

• Story: The Rev. H.M. Bell, an inventor, ends up in jail after threats against his wife, involving his failed flying machine.
  • Bit of riffing on what qualifies as a “flying machine” and what counts as invention.
  • Notable Moment:
    Dave Anthony (10:02):
    “They are giving him way too much credit… Like, you don’t do it, but then people are like, ‘Scientist!’”
• The gang laughs about how the Rev. also tried to have his wife committed.
  • Tommy: “That’s part of the mad scientist lifestyle—you need someone taunting you, providing opposition to the failed machines.” (08:38)

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4. Odd Medical Cases – Dress Hook Drama (12:03–16:23)

• Headline: Girl coughs up a dress hook swallowed two years earlier.
  • The story inspires an extended, gross/fascinated discussion about medical extractions and what news was considered front-page material in 1897.
  • Quote:
    Dave Anthony (15:03):
    “It’s not good, but, man, you know, sometimes I think of those—the relief she eventually felt… For two years, she’s like ‘it’s right here!’”
• Debate about whether they’d prefer living in an era where this was headline news.

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5. Religious Oddities – Imps and Pigs (16:41–24:27)

• Story: An Oklahoma cult claims to cast out "pestiferous imps" (demons) from locals, only to have the devils inhabit local pigs, killing 300 hogs.
  • The hosts joke about the crossover of religious figures and inventors, differences between imps, demons, and goblins, and the hilarity of unintended consequences for the swine.
  • Highlight:
    Dave Anthony (21:47):
    “In retrospect, the biggest mistake was relieving the people of the imps near the hog farm… I did not realize they were gonna rocket right into the hogs.”

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6. Bigamy Drama – Two Wives, One Quilt (27:40–43:43)

• Story: The saga of Frederick Ludkin, arrested for bigamy, whose second wife faces off against the first as constables haul away household goods.
  • Extended comedic play-by-play as the women bicker over possessions, including a "crazy quilt" and potted plants.
  • Quote:
    Tommy Dassalo (39:47):
    “I hate the term ‘fiance’, so I’ve been referring to my partner as my ‘final girlfriend’.”
  • Dave recounts the "King Solomon" baby-cutting parable, applied to quilt custody.
• Reflection on how intricate and gossipy the story gets compared to others (“girl swallows hook”), and how Americans' personal dramas are prime entertainment for the rest of the world.

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7. Comedic Digs at American Culture, Language & ‘Eating Ass’ Expressions (17:10, 23:01, 24:12)

• Running joke about idioms—“eat your ass” as a phrase for envy or competition.
  • Tommy Dassalo (17:56):
    “Do you remember that bit in Crocodile Dundee where he’s like, ‘I’m so jealous of you, I could eat your ass’?”
• Transcontinental banter (US vs. Australia), poking fun at American news as reality show spectacle.

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8. Premature Lovemaking Law in Wisconsin (48:06–54:33)

• Story: A curfew in Sun Prairie, WI aims to curb “premature lovemaking” by restricting anyone under 16 from being outside after 8pm.
  • Jokes about what constitutes “premature lovemaking”, finger-banging and “bell banging,” and the naiveté of anti-vice laws.
  • Gareth and Dave recount the Penn State Joe Paterno scandal, using it to riff on generational blind spots and failed defenses.
  • Tommy Dassalo (54:34):
    “I gotta go back to my 16 wives and fight over a quilt.”

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9. Cigarette Testing & Vintage Health Standards (58:07–59:50)

• Story: 1897 report finds no “opium, belladonna or jimson weed” in cigarettes; health officials pleased.
  • Laughing at what used to be considered acceptable cigarette additives, and the dubious claim that cigarettes could help with asthma due to belladonna.
  • Tommy Dassalo (59:29):
    “I left my puffer at home. Has anyone got a cigarette?”

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10. Wrap-Up & Takeaways (60:12–62:47)

• Tommy reflects on how he’ll go home and act smug about the weird facts just learned, “as if I discovered it through hard research.”
  • Tommy Dassalo (61:14):
    “You know, they had a guy named Loads back in 1902 too. This kid was a character in the newspaper back in the 1800s.”
• Banter about relationship terms—“pre-wife,” “final girlfriend.”
• Heartfelt closings, mutual affection, and invitation for Tommy to come stateside if his “final girlfriend” throws him out.

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Notable Quotes & Moments by Timestamp

• [03:01] Tommy Dassalo:
  “My partner was like, ‘It’s kind of unfair that the fellas don’t get an engagement ring.’ … She got me this like $20 ring that had like a peace symbol on it.”
• [10:02] Dave Anthony:
  “They are giving him way too much credit… Like, you don’t do it, but then people are like, ‘Scientist!’”
• [15:03] Dave Anthony:
  “For two years, she’s like ‘it’s right here!’”
• [17:56] Tommy Dassalo:
  “Do you remember that bit in Crocodile Dundee where he’s like, ‘I’m so jealous of you, I could eat your ass’?”
• [21:47] Dave Anthony:
  “In retrospect, the biggest mistake was relieving the people of the imps near the hog farm…”
• [39:47] Tommy Dassalo:
  “I hate the term ‘fiance’, so I’ve been referring to my partner as my ‘final girlfriend’.”
• [59:29] Tommy Dassalo:
  “I left my puffer at home. Has anyone got a cigarette?”

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Tone, Style & Highlights

• Laid-back, irreverent, quick-witted comedy: Banter flows rapidly, with plenty of tangents, callbacks, and filth (“Eating ass” as a phrase; riffing on teenage sexuality; X-Men character “Loads”).
• Gentle mockery of historical oddities: From flying machine flops to small-town “devil-casting,” to curfews and medical marvels of yesteryear.
• Surprisingly modern: Many of the stories feel like they could be subplots on trash TV or tabloids today; the trio marvel at the cyclical, unchanging oddness of humanity.
• Global perspective: They riff on US/Australia contrasts, with Tommy as both outsider and honorary Dollop voice.
• Warm camaraderie: Recurrent “I love you”s at the end, tongue-in-cheek but genuine.

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Key Segments & Timestamps

| MM:SS | Segment | |------------------|---------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:27–05:47 | Engagement stories, Tommy’s comedy special, and podcast plugs | | 06:41–07:12 | Newspaper year/location guessing | | 07:12–12:03 | Inventor jailed for failed flying machine, mad scientist tropes | | 12:03–15:18 | Girl coughs up a swallowed dress hook | | 16:41–24:12 | Demonic imps cast into pigs, Oklahoma cult antics | | 27:40–43:43 | Bigamy drama: two wives, one crazy quilt, and household repossession | | 48:06–54:33 | Wisconsin “premature lovemaking” curfew law, humor on language and sexuality | | 58:07–59:50 | Cigarettes tested for poison; health standards and absurd conclusions | | 60:12–62:47 | Wrap-up reflections on the episode and heartfelt goodbyes |

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode…

This episode encapsulates the Dollop’s magic: a historical document as a springboard for smart, uncensored, and tangential comedy. Tommy Dassalo’s presence as cheerful third wheel sparks gags about engagement traditions, language barriers, and the weird universality of relationship disaster stories. Amid the laughs are thought-provoking glimpses at societal change, gender, and the ever-present idiocy of humankind—then and now. If you like your history with a side of absurdity and filth, this is a classic Past Times romp.

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Follow Tommy Dassalo:

• YouTube: "Sky Specials"
• Podcast: "How to Do Everything" (wherever you get your pods)
• Instagram: @dasalo

Transcript

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[Dave Anthony]

Welcome to the Past times. It's a podcast. Someone's finally doing it. You know, we do here each week we go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest, the great Tommy Dasalo.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Oh, my beautiful boys.

[Dave Anthony]

It's so good to see an angel. You're an angel. We love you. How you been, buddy?

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah, I've been pretty good. You are asking me if I'm married yet because I have the audacity to be wearing an engagement ring. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Your new special be called Audasselo. Something to think about. Why are you wearing now? Did she propose to you because you're wearing an engagement ring? I've. No, I don't. Is that a thing that we do?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did she get down on it?

[Tommy Dassalo]

I've proposed to her. And.

[Dave Anthony]

And then. And then you put the ring on yourself.

[Tommy Dassalo]

I mean, I paid for it. Why am I getting to wear it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That should be the thing.

[Dave Anthony]

That. That should be the thing. Will you marry me? And when they say yeah, you put the ring on your finger, like, wow. Wow, help me up, lady.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Well, I measured it on my own and it fits perfectly. And it doesn't fit. It's like Homer buying the bowling ball for March.

[Dave Anthony]

It's like, yeah, yeah.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Hey, I just had to get the measurements.

[Dave Anthony]

How did you do it? Did you play? Did you do anything? You're a comedian. You're in the. You're a very creative individual. Did you come up with some big way of doing it?

[Tommy Dassalo]

She would have hated that. So. No, she was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She was on the toilet.

[Dave Anthony]

No, you didn't in that, did you? Oh, my God. There's a ring in there, you fool.

[Tommy Dassalo]

How did you do the New York Knicks? And so I was at msg, hoping that they'd bring me up on the Jumbotron, that I could get down on one knee.

[Dave Anthony]

That'd be the best.

[Tommy Dassalo]

In front of the Heim sisters and Timothee Chalamet.

[Dave Anthony]

How did you do it? Do you guys get you Have Timothee Chalamet over there. We weren't sure if he's gotten there yet. You're always on a bit of a delay.

[Tommy Dassalo]

No, like the June movies have come out here and like, Marty supreme is out here tomorrow. I think so. Yeah, we're, like, aware of him.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Okay. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, Tommy, where. So you have a special and you have your podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We never heard how. He asked his lady.

[Dave Anthony]

He said it was nothing special.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Was it? What. What did you do? You just, what, dinner? And then you proposed at home?

[Tommy Dassalo]

We were camping. We were at the beach. And kind of the reason I got the ring is because the next day my partner was like, it's kind of unfair that the fellas don't get an engagement ring. Wow. So we're in this little coastal surf town and we just went into the local surf shop and. And she got me this like $20 ring that had like a peace symbol on it. And I was wearing that for a bit, but it. It like barely fit me and it would make my finger break out in a rash, which felt like a bit of a bad omen. And so this is like a family heirloom of hers, you know, not.

[Dave Anthony]

And. And I'm. And I'm. I'm comfortable. I feel comfortable coming out and saying not enough. Women are worried about the male experience when it comes to these sort of things.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just.

[Dave Anthony]

We've been through it. We've been iced out pretty bad lately. And so it's just nice to sort of a woman. A woman with empathy. Now I've heard everything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

The mailman. We're already getting letters. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How was the surf, though?

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah, I did, I did. I got up off bended knee and went straight in for a dip. Caught a few waves. My first. My first break as an engaged man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

A shark attack in that moment would have been extraordinary. Tommy, where can people watch your Special?

[Tommy Dassalo]

It's on YouTube. It's called Sky Specials.

[Dave Anthony]

Your special is a little. Explain to people what the. The ruse of your specials. It's interesting.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah, it's a. It's like a stand up special that's got a bunch of animation in it. So I'm doing this show.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm a voice in it. I believe.

[Tommy Dassalo]

You're in it. You're in it.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Tommy Dassalo]

I'm being interrupted by little cartoon characters that I'm talking with. And. Yeah, your bit is. I think your bit is my favorite bit. Gareth, you did a. You did a tour de force performance.

[Dave Anthony]

Thank you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think I just did promo for it.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Isn't that right? You did.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think I made the show.

[Tommy Dassalo]

You did a voice for an ad for me and you pronounced my name wrong.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that's me. That's not gonna get you in the final cut of me. What did you think?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, I didn't say Oceloto. I used to call him Tommy Ocelot. That's worse.

[Dave Anthony]

Tommy Ocelot. And then your podcast, Tommy. It's. You're learning on your podcast, which is something I do pretty poorly. What's your podcast? Where can people find your podcast?

[Tommy Dassalo]

It's called how to Do Everything. You can find it on all the usual platforms you've both been on there. It's been going for about a year and a half or so. And there's, Yeah, a bunch of great guests that people that listen to this might be familiar with. So. Yeah. Take a little stroll through the archive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Steve Martin.

[Dave Anthony]

Steve Martin did your show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yep.

[Tommy Dassalo]

He's been on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

That's crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Alec Baldwin.

[Dave Anthony]

What? Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All the big.

[Dave Anthony]

I know what he taught Tommy how

[Gareth Reynolds]

to do

[Dave Anthony]

so well. All right, Toby, you know, listen. I know you listen to every episode of this show and God love you. We're gonna go through a newspaper. We don't know when it's from, but we like to start off. This is a little bit of what we would call in America the warm up swing. I guess what you guys would call there the hot bulky. Something like that. Maybe. I don't know. They're very strange people. Why don't you guess a year? It could be the 1700s. Probably not. Could be the 1800s. Very possible. 1900s. Very possible. Could be 2011. Pretty unlikely. But. But take a stab here. Dassey. Can I call you Dassey?

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yes, please. I would love that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Tommy Dassalo]

1867.

[Dave Anthony]

1867. Love it. 1902.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, Tommy wins. Is 1897. That's pretty. You went over. It was really. We were just going for century. So he got the sentry.

[Dave Anthony]

It's really weird how you figured that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

August 15, 1897.

[Dave Anthony]

I bet it's from Sydney.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Chicag. Same thing. The Sydney. The Sunday Chronicle.

[Dave Anthony]

All right, now, does that mean it's just a Sunday paper or. The Sunday Chronicle was a misleading. It had to be Sunday.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not. It's not news. Just about Sunday.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that'd be great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The best Sunday news.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. We can't cover it because it did happen on a Sunday.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So much Sunday happiness. Christ cannot fly out of jail.

[Dave Anthony]

Interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The Rev. Hm. Bell, the inventor of a flying machine that won't fly. Well, yeah, it's not a flying machine.

[Tommy Dassalo]

It's a machine, but also.

[Dave Anthony]

Doesn't sound like a machine. It's just an item.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's a thing.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

If it's. If the point of the machine is to fly and it doesn't fly. Yeah, it's parts, I guess. Air not go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He put parts together.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, he put parts together. I mean, it's like, yeah, I could. You know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can do that?

[Dave Anthony]

I can. I've done that. You guys want to come over to my house and see my plane I built? I was like, this is pathetic. I just.

[Tommy Dassalo]

But I'm currently sitting in a room surrounded by flying machines that don't fly. Like, I'm looking at in my immediate field of vision, I have, like, four of them that I can see.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tommy, I got to say, that's just a chair.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Have you got Tommy? Tommy invites you over to look at his planes. Don't go. Poor fiance. Have you seen his finger? It's a rashy as finger. Looks bad. Yeah. So

[Gareth Reynolds]

he was placed in jail today on affidavits charging him with threatening the life of his wife. Well, you know what? She keeps talking about the machine, the flying machine.

[Dave Anthony]

Tommy is someone with a fiance who. Does she support your inventions? And if not, are you attacking her? Be honest now.

[Tommy Dassalo]

There's no support for the inventions. But I'm not. I'm not. I'm not attacking her. No, I mean, that's kind of, you know, that's part of the. It's part of the mad scientist kind of lifestyle. You know, you need someone. You need someone taunting you, providing an opposition to the failed machines.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But doesn't the mad scientist occasionally just go off in a rage? Yeah, he lose it.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a big part. Yeah, yeah, that's. But he doesn't know that he's due.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's due. It's coming.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that'll come. A man that'll come. That'll come.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And also trying to dispose of her by placing her in an insane, insane asylum.

[Dave Anthony]

That's tough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that's how you do it.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Now we're talking. Now we're cooking.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, it's also. It's one of those things where, you know, you could do the, like, the movie trope where he brings her in and she's like, what are you talking about? He's. He's the one trying to build flying machines that go nowhere. And he's like, she has her good days and her bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She Thinks I'm building flying machines.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, honey, I know. I'm sorry. That the machine didn't fly. Put her in an extra padded room.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're chairs. I'm making chairs.

[Dave Anthony]

No, he. He put wings on his back and called himself Squirrel boy. All right, babe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A year ago, Bell attracted a great deal of attention by inventing a flying machine. After a few tests, it was pronounced a rank failure.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, I love that guy. This is a rank failure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That means it didn't work at all.

[Dave Anthony]

No, they are giving him way too much credit. Like, it's kind of like musk. Like, you don't do it. But then people are like, scientist.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm. Plus, he's a reverend, so he's. You would think he's got other stuff to do.

[Tommy Dassalo]

It sounds like flying machine inventor is up there with, like, comedian. You know, you can do one open mic and be like, yeah, I'm a stand up comedian.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm a professional influencer. Yeah. Just these sort of like. Yeah, yeah.

[Tommy Dassalo]

You buy a wrench and you're like, I'm an inventor.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. I made a flying machine. Have you tried it? No. Yeah, I would love to be Dave's Google right now. It's like, what are you looking for, sir? Well, I'm just trying to figure out what a flying machine looks like. Just keep showing me a plane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have AI turned off when I do searches, but whenever we do this, I turn it on and it just comes back nonsense.

[Tommy Dassalo]

So it's trying to book you flats right now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the best. This is the best. It looks like you are referring to Ezekiel. Ezekiel Airship. A famous and eccentric flying machine built in East Texas by a Baptist preacher named Reverend Burl Cannon. No, not at all.

[Dave Anthony]

Close.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not. Not.

[Dave Anthony]

That's cool, though. That there was that religious crossover where they were just like, have you heard about the priest building planes?

[Tommy Dassalo]

It's getting better, but it's getting better.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. The Holy Spirit Airlines.

[Tommy Dassalo]

And this is in the machine now. So it's learning from this. You know, we're helping guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We are helping the machine.

[Dave Anthony]

That is the funniest thing that. That right now, AI is like, I'm trying to determine what they're saying, you know.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Engagement rings.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Men wear engagement rings.

[Dave Anthony]

Man shed the peace symbol will give man a rash on his ring finger. Flying machines were very big in Christianity at the turn of the century. AI.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that's the end of the story. It was really great. Me coughed up a dress hook.

[Dave Anthony]

Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's gotta be a fish, right?

[Dave Anthony]

I Think it's gonna be human?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's gonna be human. Okay. Two years ago, Marion Bice, a little Tecumseh, Michigan girl, swallowed a drip small dress hook which lodged in her throat and could not be removed.

[Dave Anthony]

That kind of sounds like the spider that swallowed the fly rhythm. There was a young girl who swallowed a dress hook and I don't remember the rest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was great though. It was a good comparison.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Do you guys. Does doing this show make you guys wish that you lived in these times? Because it's like, listen to the stuff that's making the news. Listen to the stuff that's newsworthy as opposed to now.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a very good question because there was a time when. Absolutely not. Like, we've been doing the show long enough that the answer used to be no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And now.

[Dave Anthony]

And now the answer 100% is yes. I would much rather be like, oh, this story about a girl swallowing a dress hook is from another city. That's how prominent this news is that this girl two years ago swallowed a dress hook. So, yeah. As if you live in America now. I mean, you pine for the days where you were just sort of like, you understand why people are Democrats because you're like, look, it's just a slower burn. This everyday right now is endless. I would much rather. I mean, again, you have like, you know, there's tremendous abuse and there's no rights for anyone who's not really a white guy. But. And like people just getting drunk as and puking everywhere and I mean, pooping. Good lord. I mean, what an absolute nightmare pooping was. Yeah, well, like where you'd poop, you know, I mean, just nothing. So there's those things. But I still would take it.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah. That's what I pictured dress like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She swallowed a little dress.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't see it, but there it is.

[Tommy Dassalo]

I can't. I'm on the other side of the world. I can't say it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I mean it just looks like. It just really just looks like a classic hook.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a clasp clap.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Dave Anthony]

It's very classy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know why she ate that, but I don't know why.

[Dave Anthony]

That's how it's. I don't know why she ate that, but good for her.

[Tommy Dassalo]

That's how we went to the press with this story. That's what I want to know. Who's who felt like they had to get the journalists involved.

[Dave Anthony]

The Deep Throat of that. You beat him in a parking lot, sir. What do you got. There was a young girl.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, go on.

[Dave Anthony]

A couple years ago.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go on. And. Yes, she swallowed a dress. Oh, my God.

[Dave Anthony]

She just coughed it up. Slow down. I'm hook throat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She bleeding.

[Tommy Dassalo]

It's a real, like. It's a real Don Draper type. Going to the dress hook manufacturer and being like, this could be huge for us.

[Dave Anthony]

I've got big. This is big tire. Here we go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was badly rusted and bits of flesh clung to it. That's after they got it out.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She coughed it up.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. It's not good, but, man, you know, sometimes I think of those. The relief she eventually felt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, for two years, she's like, it's right here. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It must have been a nightmare every time you ate. Like, it would.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. It was, like, forming around your skin. Like, people like, why can't you eat soup? She's like, it burns here. You don't ever get throat burning from soup. And people like, sheila, stop. You're crazy. And then she coughed up a rusty hook, and everyone's like, oh, my God, that feels so much better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Flesh had apparently grown around it during its stay in the little one's throat. That's hot.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wonder why it came out, though.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that's. I don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it's in there. Pretty good at flesh. All around it.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah, it's. It's settling in.

[Dave Anthony]

I would have. I. That stuff like that. I do think, you know, it's like when you get a sliver out and

[Gareth Reynolds]

you're like, oh, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, I love that stuff. That stuff makes me happy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or you shoot a load.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, that's a totally weird way to take it, to be honest with you.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Oh, it's stuck in there.

[Dave Anthony]

Get it out. That would be the greatest thing to say during, like, the first hand job. There's some stuff in there that's stuck. Please get it out. I'm out of here. No, no.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Flesh was starting to form over it. Thank God. Now, let's get the reporter in here and get this in the newspaper.

[Dave Anthony]

This is great. Someone spill glue? What's the story?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This story is out of Oklahoma at their old tricks, a religious sect near Cushing. So this is not good already.

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Southeast of here. Claims to cast out devils. Well, that's good.

[Dave Anthony]

That is good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, casting out devils is good.

[Dave Anthony]

Hell, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They never did that in Australia.

[Dave Anthony]

No. No, they didn't. Hung on to them.

[Tommy Dassalo]

No, they. They sent the devils down here. That's how this country started.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's right.

[Dave Anthony]

And now you guys Are still doing better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pretty.

[Dave Anthony]

Pretty bad for us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Very frustrated.

[Dave Anthony]

Boy, we had a hell of a run though, huh? We did. What a run we had. Remember the 80s? That was crazy. You know you guys would have eaten our ass in the 80s.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. I wouldn't know if. I don't know if I'd say that.

[Dave Anthony]

That's an expression. It's a turn of phrase. I don't know if was so jealous. They'd have eaten our asses.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, so eating ass is good. You. You want your. So if you say, like, go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

We almost have the clip, you guys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You had your ass eaten. That means you had you. You were the one that kicked ass. Like, you were the one on top. Cuz.

[Dave Anthony]

I would think you would have eaten our. It's like. It's like I ate your lunch. Except the opposite.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's ass.

[Dave Anthony]

You ate our ass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You ate my ass.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Do you remember that bit in Crocodile Dundee where he's like, I'm so jealous of you, I could eat your ass. You.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that's a great. Do you remember that? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's a big one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I actually don't. I remember. That's not a knife.

[Dave Anthony]

This is a knife that I don't remember. But I do remember that part that Tommy's talking about. What's he talking about? With the knife stuff? Are you sure that's that movie?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, There's a guy comes up to him in New York to rob him

[Dave Anthony]

and he's got a knife that doesn't ring a bell. But that ass part is just. That was the preview. The ass part was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think that was.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, I would love to eat air ass. Lady Liberty. Get more math on that hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, you can get a. You can get a fried acid Outback

[Dave Anthony]

Steakhouse this week next to the Blooming Onion. A fried hole.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Only when America's done something really good and we're all really jealous of it, though, that's when they bring it in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So when does that happen?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's been a while.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah. They've been saving a lot of money on them recently.

[Dave Anthony]

Lot of. Lot of freezer space taken up by those asses.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One woman says she has been relieved of nine pestiferous imps.

[Dave Anthony]

I've been relieved of nine pes. Imps.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Aren't imps good?

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought imps were, like, cute little things that you like. Like fairyish.

[Dave Anthony]

I would. I would. I don't remember. I think imp is not terrible, but I don't believe it's fairy good.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah. I thought imp was like kind of goblin adjacent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. It's a demon. We got a demon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a demon.

[Dave Anthony]

Imps are demons. Oh, I'm looking at it right here. You don't want this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And pestiferous is something that is annoying, harmful, or carries disease.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, you don't want one of these. Although, I'll be honest, these things look. Okay.

[Tommy Dassalo]

So nine of them. All right, let's count them out. Sleepy, grumpy doc.

[Dave Anthony]

Get eye. Get eye.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Jealous.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Reverend Mr. Fry, the leader of this.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm not willing to drop the Mr. Yeah, you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You do one or the other, right?

[Dave Anthony]

No, I will not. I'd like to have both.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mr. Fry.

[Dave Anthony]

Reverend Mr. Fry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Reverend Fry.

[Dave Anthony]

Reverend Mr. Fry. And did I mention I'm a doctor?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're a real.

[Dave Anthony]

And a junior with a PhD.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't say ESC.

[Dave Anthony]

The third me.

[Tommy Dassalo]

I don't mind that. In the. In the pronoun section of the email signature, reverend slash Mr. Reverend Mr.

[Dave Anthony]

Doctor. They, they, they him. Wait, what? I'm a they him

[Tommy Dassalo]

slash Reverend Doctor.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm a they him. Reverend Esquire. Esquire. Thank you. The third in parentheses imp.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Reverend Mr. Fry, the lady.

[Dave Anthony]

I haven't heard back for the interview. Is everything all right? We seem pretty on track.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We were scared of you.

[Dave Anthony]

Then I sent the email with my resume over. I haven't heard back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, that's correct. You shan't.

[Dave Anthony]

Ah, interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We were never looking for an impression.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

You know many other things.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Such as?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, it's on the email.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Reverend Mr. Fry, the leader of the sect is healing all sorts of ailments. But all this good work is likely to lead to trouble. More than 300 hogs died in and around Clayton. And not a few persons believe the east out devils of this revival have entered the swine.

[Dave Anthony]

In retrospect, the biggest mistake was relieving the people of the imps near the hog farm. I did not realize they were gonna rock it right into the hogs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Excuse me, you son of a. But did you. Did you put. Did you put your devils in my pigs?

[Dave Anthony]

Yes, yes, yes. I took them out of ladies and I accidentally put them in your pigs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How dare you.

[Dave Anthony]

I understand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on now. These are lady. These are lady devils that are.

[Dave Anthony]

No. Well, yeah, okay, sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a whole different angle.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, Ted's having sex with the pigs because he thinks lady demons live inside of him.

[Tommy Dassalo]

This bacon tastes like imp. What the going on here?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rival wives clash.

[Dave Anthony]

Tommy, this is. You're going to want to listen to this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you're going to want. This is your future.

[Dave Anthony]

This could be big. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting features are hourly developing in connection with the late.

[Dave Anthony]

Whoa.

[Tommy Dassalo]

The.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy. The whole thing just flipped on me here. Hold on. Okay, we're back to it.

[Tommy Dassalo]

So retracting the bit where you said this will be me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting features.

[Dave Anthony]

You think it's because he's Australian? It flipped upside down?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think so, yeah.

[Tommy Dassalo]

That's sick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's awesome.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Sick.

[Dave Anthony]

Sick.

[Tommy Dassalo]

I flushed my toilet before. You guys would have lost your minds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh my God, man.

[Dave Anthony]

Why? Cuz it falls.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because there was in there.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, because you should go potty. Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy. You seen our reflecting pool? That's basically what it is. A non flush toilet. Hell yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think. Are you guys getting the reflecting pool?

[Dave Anthony]

How bad is. How bad are you. How much of a soap opera is America? Are you getting the reflecting pool story?

[Tommy Dassalo]

Reflecting pool I've personally not seen anything about yet. The UFC match has kind of. That's kind of clogged up my feed for the last 48 hours.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I. And I bet everyone's thinks it's pretty cool, right?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, you guys see it and you're like, oh, I didn't realize that the circus could be where the President was. That must have been a pretty. Once again showing y' all what's up. Eat our ass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know you guys are all eating our ass.

[Dave Anthony]

You guys are just eating up our asses over there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whole country.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah, we are loving it.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just like macron at the G7 with Trump. You all are eating our ass right now. We are indeed. We're chomping away, Mr. President.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I didn't know that people use chowing down when it came to eating.

[Dave Anthony]

We are chowing down. We are. That's. We are chowing down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's a new phrase.

[Dave Anthony]

Eating this your ass so much. You really are

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth. Yeah. One thing that I love about summer is how easy everything feels, man. The days are.

[Dave Anthony]

Take me there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

More relaxed. I. I found myself reaching for the. The same comfortable. Yeah, I said it. Linens, buddy. Linens. And that's why I'm reaching for quints, babe. Quint's well made essentials naturally become those everyday staples you're going to use all season long. And that's what I'm doing. I got quints pants on right now.

[Dave Anthony]

We love quints. I wear quints constantly. I'm wearing quints right now. Not a joke. Top layer quints.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Babe, you gotta be honest. It didn't sound like a joke.

[Dave Anthony]

It could Be good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

My wife loves quints. When the first quints package came, she's like, that's my brand.

[Dave Anthony]

And I love Dave's wife. So, I mean, we're talking about some good stuff here. But no, quints really is the best. They do a bunch. They're also a great company. They ethically source things. They work with, you know, smaller businesses so that the savings gets passed along to you. And they look good. They look 100% linen pants. They look good. They got looks for spring. I, you know, I don't know if other companies did that, but I found out about it with quints and I love. I got a new shirt with a collar, Dave, that they sold to me on the DL, buddy. It's the greatest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we're quince. We're Quincer Ermans. So make your summer wardrobe easier. Go to quince.com doll for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C e.com for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com dollop yeah.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. Ever wonder who's out there making the world go round? It's truckers. Who unites baristas with coffee beans. Truckers. Who unites dogs with their favorite chew toy? Truckers. That's why Progressive offers truckers even more protection with cargo plus coverage to keep truckers moving right along. Quote Truck insurance today in as little as eight minutes at progressivecommercial.com, progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates. Coverage subject to policy terms, limits and conditions not yet available in California, New York and Virginia.

[Dave Anthony]

My name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yaoi, a gift shop. From the lens of artists and handmade objects, I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user friendly. It was important to me to think about where we would be in the future. All of the tools for reading your sales, like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you, it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on shopify.com Interesting

[Gareth Reynolds]

features are hourly developing in connection with the latest bigamy case in Inglewood. And the neighborhood of Bishop street is deriving more pablum for gossip from the affairs of the man who is supposed to have married two wives than from those of the man who is charged with becoming the husband of seven.

[Dave Anthony]

Wait, what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think they're. They're somehow getting more gossip out of the story of the guy who married two women instead of the guy who married seven.

[Dave Anthony]

Wow.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Okay. Hmm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

After Frederick Lutgen, who was arrested Friday on a complaint of a woman who claims to have married him, had been released on a thousand dollar bond by Justice Schulte, and his case continued until August 21, he returned to his home at 6449 Bishop street, where he had been living for several months with a woman who is said to have been wife number two. Jailfare had agreed with him, but poorly. And a sumptuous feast awaited him in celebration of his release.

[Dave Anthony]

Food wasn't great, but he. He. This is the two married guy. Okay, so the seven married guy was like, leave me alone. And the two married guy went to jail, got out, and now he's having a big lunch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He didn't like the food in jail.

[Dave Anthony]

Right. Well, I think that's part of it, isn't it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. While the couple were doing justice to the repast, there came a knock at the back.

[Dave Anthony]

Justice to the repass you talking about? Hell yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Hell, yeah. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There came a knock at the back door. And does that also mean that's disgusting?

[Dave Anthony]

Get your mind out of the gutter. What's wrong with you? Focus. It's a paper.

[Tommy Dassalo]

We just got that down here and we're loving it.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, you guys, don't. Don't go too crazy, okay? Save some for the other places in America.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We saved the back door for the honeymoon.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, the. Absolutely. Okay. Yeah, that's. Well, think about it. That's why it's called the honeymoon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's correct. Upon opening.

[Dave Anthony]

You're just. Your whole day of being buried. So tired. But we should probably do it. Yeah, we're gonna go back door.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Upon opening it, Ludkin was confronted by a short, stout man, Hollister P. Goodrich. Hello, Constable.

[Dave Anthony]

Of course. Hello.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He was armed with a writ which had cracker been sworn out before Justice Prinedville by wife number one. The writ called for a large part of the goods and chattels on the premises.

[Dave Anthony]

I'd like your chattels.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd like the Goods, please.

[Dave Anthony]

The chattels.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When he learned the mission of his visitor. Look at. Attempted to forcibly object him. But the sight of a large revolver deterred him, and he stood wrathfully by and contented himself with. With heaping imprecations on the limb of the law. And the woman who in. Instigated the invasion.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't. I mean, he lost me about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's

[Dave Anthony]

the. The constable had a gun and he's just talking. Right, okay. Because the guy has two wives.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. But he. He's talking to the constable.

[Dave Anthony]

Right? Yeah. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

For taking all the stuff.

[Dave Anthony]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The goods and the. Right. You know.

[Dave Anthony]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A wagon had been. A wagon in the meantime had been backed in front of the house, and several expressmen were admitted by the constable to carry out the goods mentioned in the writ. This is a lot of. They're loading up a wagon.

[Dave Anthony]

Right. Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It seems Ms. Ludkin number two had a considerable accumulation of personal effects mingled in with those of Lutkin's first wife. And against the removal of these, she vigorously protested.

[Dave Anthony]

It's repo. Basically. We got a repo wagon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. They're taking. They're taking all the. And now the other lady's like, no, my stuff's in there too.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, they're taking the first wife's stuff. And she's like, those are mine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And she's like, I got stuff in there. That's my Faberge egg.

[Dave Anthony]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm just assuming, of course.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. And then he's up there, like, eating.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tommy, you know you have to buy your new bride of Faberge egg. Correct?

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah. I'm just thinking about how this is a sharp turn from two stories ago. It was like, girl swallows button. And now all of a sudden we've got like an entire seat. Like, I was getting used. I was sort of settling into the rhythm of like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Tommy Dassalo]

There's maybe one detail per story that I have to focus on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Tommy Dassalo]

And all of a sudden I'm reading like a trilogy of books.

[Dave Anthony]

Grasshopper Gone. And now they're like the two wives.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Now it's really getting deep into detail.

[Dave Anthony]

But they always do that with these papers. There was no sense of organization. They. They heighten as they go through it. They're like, get them in with the amuse bouche. Then we do the two wife repo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

After several articles of clothing had suffered by reason of disputes between the constable and the woman, the former, driven to a state of despair, sent post haste for wife number one to come.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And assist him in securing the goods.

[Dave Anthony]

That must be hilarious to tell your second wife. Don't worry, I invited the first wife. What did I fuck up? I don't. I'm. I'm trying to figure this out too. I got out of jail. They're putting everything in a wagon. All I'm eating is demon ham. I can't make heads or tails of this thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then there was a lively war. Thanks. Rubber hauled and the contents strewn about the floor while the two women sorted out what belonged to them. In many cases, the same article was claimed alike by both, and a try on was necessary to satisfy the constable. Oh, that's the ownership of the guy.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, I think we'll have to have a try on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, now put those panties on.

[Dave Anthony]

Can I see some identification?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what is this? Lingerie. We're gonna have to have a look at that.

[Dave Anthony]

Who do you work for again? All right, now swap panties. Let's just make sure that they're going home with the right woman.

[Tommy Dassalo]

I like. At the start of this, the tone of it was sort of confused by the fact that the neighbors were finding more gossip in this story than the person with seven wives.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tommy Dassalo]

They kind of couldn't believe that. And then they just spell out the most insane story you've ever heard, Right?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, no, that. It's a Neil Simon play and they're like, what was so interesting?

[Tommy Dassalo]

That guy's got seven, though.

[Dave Anthony]

They're just hanging out. Yeah, they are. They're hanging out. These two are fighting over dresses.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Points in law were raised which would have baffled the brain of the proverbial Philadelphia lawyer. One of the most naughty was ownership of a crazy quilt.

[Dave Anthony]

Okie dokie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get to the comedy part.

[Dave Anthony]

Sure. That does sound like a Tennessee William play. Crazy quilt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Much work had evidently been expanded in its manufacture, and both women seem particularly attached to the gaudy article. When the constable had succeeded in wrestling the quilt from the struggling women, he backed into a corner and from behind a barricade of tables and chair heard arguments from both contestants.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, let's hear it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would you ladies like to play a judge and jury?

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, you know, the best way to end that is for him to be like, I find you not quilty. You get it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I find me super comfy.

[Dave Anthony]

There we are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It developed in this impromptu hearing that the patches from which the quilt had been made have been carefully selected, cut and embroidered by wife number one before departure from Germany in 1896. The labor of sewing to the gather them together and making them into a quilt had been formed by Ms. Ludkin number two, who discovered the bright bits in the trunk of the house.

[Dave Anthony]

So they both kind of have ownership.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, this is. I think what we need to do is shared custody.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, you could do the King Solomon. That would be the move.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's King Solomon?

[Dave Anthony]

That's where the judge. That's where the con. The judge would just go, well, you both seem to have great ownership. I think we should cut the quilt in half. And you each get half. And then one of them goes, no, no, no. I would hate to see a quilt of that caliber destroyed. Give it to her. And she's like, great, I'll take it. And then he goes, not so fast. The one who would not take half so that the quilt remained whole is the true owner of the quilt, for they love it the most. And then that lady gets the quilt. You fucking asked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm sorry, I did.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm a reverend, mister.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I gotta be honest. I'm sorry.

[Tommy Dassalo]

You got a King Solomon head here?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's always with the King Solomon.

[Dave Anthony]

It works for everything Solomon, this sandwich.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What about a child?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that's the original one. The original one's a baby. It is. That's amazing. That one person was like, yeah, that works. One person out of the two was like, yeah, cut it in half.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Developed at this.

[Dave Anthony]

I want the legs. Oh, you're doing down the middle. Oh, that's interesting. You're gonna do, like, a baguette. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The constable, who was by this time almost on the verge of a mental collapse, decided in favor of the woman who had cut the patches.

[Dave Anthony]

So I think.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it's the one who sewed it.

[Dave Anthony]

I agree. Yeah, I think one gets it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, But I guess he's saying, well, she owned the material.

[Dave Anthony]

Do you have, like, daytime court shows over there, Tommy? Does that happen over there? Do you have, like, daytime judge shows? We have a lot of those here. Are you familiar with this?

[Tommy Dassalo]

We. We get your ones, but I don't believe that we have our own. I don't think we have any court cases that are interesting enough to make it to tv.

[Dave Anthony]

We really need to, like, be careful with what we're letting other countries say that we're watching. We can't let them be having all of our court shows. Like, these people are out of our. Out of their minds.

[Tommy Dassalo]

You are basically like, 247 reality show for us right now.

[Dave Anthony]

We. I know.

[Tommy Dassalo]

We watch your news, and it's like the real world. We're like, ah, look at him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're.

[Tommy Dassalo]

They're in a little bubble and they're just like. So they've kind of put them all up against each other, and they're crazy. It's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, we are a ratings winner on a show you don't want to be on.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where Andy Cohen does, like, a wrap up of just like the Day in America just for us every night.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, we're like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're like a big brother house.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. We're like Hate island.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Several. They should do that. Several plants were.

[Dave Anthony]

I have to hurt someone before elimination.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're gonna break his arm or what?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. I'm gonna open hand slap. Jeff.

[Dave Anthony]

I already stabbed Jeff. I'm afraid, Trevor, you're here too late.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Several plants were also found blooming in pots which number one claimed to have brought bought, although the flowers had been reared by number. That's the. That's the first ladies. Here. The constable is compelled to destroy the property of one disputant in order to restore that of the other. The plants were consigned to the alley. So he just threw them away. He just threw them out. Nobody gets him. You guys, you're driving me crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

Give them to her. No trash. Next.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When it was found that practically all of the household effects belonged to the first Ms. Ludkin in her own right, she was given possession of the premises. And Ludkin and the other woman were allowed to depart to the house of a friend with their personal effect man. He got booted out of the house.

[Dave Anthony]

You did not call. Why did you get that first wife over there? Now she's like, oh, cool, I have the house.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They really up. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

That was a fucking mistake. Remember that, Tommy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're gonna remember that. This can come in your way.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it will come in handy, I think. I'll say it like that.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Only one more wife to go. And then I've.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Tommy Dassalo]

And I'm. Basically. I'll be living this story.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get another ring on that finger of yours.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Let's say you got it over the line with your partner to have like a second girlfriend or wife. Do you think you'd then be brazen enough to be using the terms wife one and wife two?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it seems a little bananas and pajamas to go with how you would do it over there. Dave, you're closer to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wife one. Wife, too.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, you do. Wife one. Wife too. I'd probably go with the names.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I might just say 1, 2. Yeah, yeah.

[Tommy Dassalo]

I hate the term fiance. I hate the term fiance. So I've been referring to my partner as my final girlfriend.

[Dave Anthony]

That's pretty good.

[Tommy Dassalo]

She doesn't. She doesn't like it as much as I do. I'll be honest.

[Dave Anthony]

Almost wife could be fun. Final girlfriend.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, what about. What about pre wife?

[Tommy Dassalo]

You can still get pregnant from pre wife.

[Dave Anthony]

Pre wife is horrifying. Well, it's my pre wife. Honey, please. What? We're not French. You're a pre wife.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so they threw the. When it was found that practically all of the house of effects. Oh yeah, I already. The pair took down from the wall a framed marriage license recording their marriage in December of last year. In one corner of the document was a photograph of the couple in their wedding. Remond Margaret Ludkin, the so called first wife claims also to be in possession of a similar parchment issued eight years ago in Milwaukee and bearing the name Frederick Ludkin.

[Dave Anthony]

It's. This is why you don't do two wives. It's just so awkward.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or don't. Don't have this thing on the wall.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, come on.

[Dave Anthony]

But the idea that you have to like you and your second wife have to evacuate the house now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it's. This is actually how it should go. Like someone should come over and be like, yeah, throw the plants outside, you get the quilt now it. You're out of here.

[Dave Anthony]

Wait, what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you're not gone.

[Dave Anthony]

You smell like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She stays.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, she gets the house. Take your marriage thing off the wall, put the plants in the trash. I'm out of here.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Meanwhile, seven wife guy across the street is just watching all of this.

[Dave Anthony]

Just having a game of Thrones orgy, just eating grapes like, what a fool.

[Tommy Dassalo]

That's why you don't.

[Dave Anthony]

That's why you don't do even numbers with wives. That's right. You have to have an odd.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The bigamy charge against Ludkin was continued before Justice Schultz yesterday to next Saturday. The defendant giving bonds in the sum of a thousand. Ms. Mrs. Lutkin, number one.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Left the courtroom with blood in her eye.

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean that happens. She Biden, as we call it.

[Dave Anthony]

Explain what that means because that probably didn't get over there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh yeah. When Biden and Trump had their debate,

[Dave Anthony]

the one where everyone was like Joe Biden.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no, no, it wasn't.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I know it was. It was the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was the first. Yeah, Biden.

[Dave Anthony]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The first election. Biden Trump Biden. A blood vessel broke in Biden's eyes. So half of the debate he just all of a sudden start gets his

[Dave Anthony]

big red sprout Wings and become a flying machine. But it's just. They're like, don't worry about it. And everyone's like, sir, it looks like you're weeping blood, so you're hemorrhaging. Let's go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm going for Satan.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a stutter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She walked directly over to the house in Bishop street and wanted to go right in and oust by force the woman who was living there as Ms. Ludkin. So she. So she. So she. So number two and the guy go over to a friend's house. And then number one, after they left court, goes over to the house and is like, get the. Out of that house.

[Dave Anthony]

I thought you were saying that number two was looking over at number one. Like, that lady needs to get.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Or maybe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or maybe this is the. Maybe this is God.

[Dave Anthony]

Can you. I'm. I'm not. Not to make.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no, no. This is.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

This is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the. This is the original house. Not.

[Dave Anthony]

Not to make the man. The sympathetic figure in this, but can you imagine the level of stress of being the guy in this situation with wife two in a new house? Like, you are going over that. I don't want to talk to her anymore. I'm exhausted. You are getting your together and. Can we just live in this apartment? It's not that bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is exactly why you don't get married to two people at once.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Tommy Dassalo]

This is the reason. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Still not sold.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the only reason.

[Dave Anthony]

Still not sold. It's the best way to say you want a divorce. I think there should be a second wife.

[Tommy Dassalo]

I'm still quite struck by how detail rich this story is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I know, right?

[Dave Anthony]

Like a. I agree.

[Tommy Dassalo]

This is like when they do like a live blog, when a. You know, when a new war breaks out.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah. Minute by minute, you're like, where did this start? Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Tommy Dassalo]

She.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She goes to the Bishop street house and wanted to go right in and ask the woman by force, the woman who's living there as Ms. Lutkin. My money helped me build that place. She exclaimed, and I'm going to have possession. But friends interfered, suggesting that the law would vindicate her claim. So that's when she went and got the constable.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the whole story.

[Dave Anthony]

That's a good ride. I'm not gonna lie. That is a. That is by far the best article. And fairly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was a journey.

[Dave Anthony]

Coherent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it was.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Sorry, guys, there's no room for Garfield in the paper today. The guy with two wives did it. Did something so we had the comic strips out.

[Dave Anthony]

No, this is the one where he kills Odie. People are waiting for this one. That's the funniest.

[Tommy Dassalo]

John has two wives.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God. A comic writer's block. Come on. It's this cat gonna do. Come on, come on. I'm under deadline. I still have two blocks to fill. I just don't even know what to do anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I still can't get over the fact that Aaron Sorkin says every time he gets writer's block, he takes a shower. And sometimes he showers eight times a day.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Is that true?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

The most. And he changes his clothes. It's. It's the most pompous shit you've ever seen. I did it on our Patreon, and when I found it, I was like, dave's going to shit his pants.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I did that.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Amazing, that. But also, there's a part of me that goes. You know, I've had a lot. You know, we've all had writer's block. There's part of me that goes, hey, maybe it works. Maybe I should start trying it.

[Dave Anthony]

I'll tell you what. Maybe the shout, like the show, he didn't have me with any of it, but the second that he was like. He changes his clothes, I was like, too rich. There's just these things, buddy. Different. Too rich.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. You are in a bubble. You're in a stratosphere that you shouldn't let people know you exist in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

This is like. This is guillotine shit. When it comes for the rich Nuremberg trials, you don't want that video presented as evidence.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How big in his closet is.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. It's just crazy because he's got to live in it.

[Tommy Dassalo]

What's also great is if he's having eight a day, like some of those writing. Some of those writing attempts in between. He's not. He's barely given himself any time to get any. You know what I mean? He's sitting down for, like, eight minutes and going, nut. Writer's blocking.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm actually. I'm writing a script with Aaron Sorkin. How's it going? It's been tough. There's. Sometimes we're not jealous. Like, what? He needs another shower break? I think I'm gonna go take one more shower. Aaron. No, we don't. Come on. Let's fight through it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Aaron. It's been six minutes since the last one.

[Dave Anthony]

Hold on. I'm just. I'm gonna lay out this outfit. I'll be back in 10 minutes. I need one more.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah. Having to fight to get the water bill covered in the contract.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, well, that's why he. He can't do a trailer on set. He needs to have a brick and mortar, and he just needs to be able to shower often. I mean, think of how good the West Wing is.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. We're gonna need a bigger cake with room for 250 candles. I'm Josh Spiegel, host of the podcast Lunatic in the Newsroom. Join me and my guest, BJ Shea,

[Dave Anthony]

as we celebrate America's big birthday.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

What are the best and worst American inventions? How would the founding Fathers about today's America? What's the most American thing?

[Dave Anthony]

And what will America look like at 500?

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Join our celebration this week on Lunatic in the Newsroom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Curfew every night. Premature lovemaking.

[Dave Anthony]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is for Tommy.

[Dave Anthony]

This is Tommy. I haven't even read this, but this one goes after to you, my guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Premature love making is to be discouraged in the village of Sun Prairie, 10 miles north of Madison.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, I'm actually starting to reanalyze the term premature lovemaking, and I'm not loving it.

[Tommy Dassalo]

It's not feeling great.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I'm not loving it. In retrospect, we jumped on board early, but, yeah, I'm not loving. I. I shouldn't have put my pen on that line that fast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Madison, Wisconsin, though. These are your people.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't love it. Premature lovemaking is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what I call it. Yeah, I mean, that's when I really get my business.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just got that air of Louis CK Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By a curfew ordinance passed by the village board a week ago, no person under 16 years of age may go upon the streets after 8 o' clock between August 1st and May. And May 1st unless attended by grown company.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, that doesn't help.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What does that have to do.

[Dave Anthony]

I. I don't even love the grown company part. Doesn't make me feel any better. Don't worry. This child's with me. Oh, as you were.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What does it have to do with premature lovemaking?

[Dave Anthony]

I. I think, you know, they're trying to get the kids to stop, I think.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or maybe no, because.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Gareth, do you want to, like, undedicate this one to Me at this point or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, we're still in.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Okay. See how it shakes out. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

I think it's shaking out the Dasselo direction big time, my friend.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think this is about, like, finger banging and. And. And boob feeling.

[Dave Anthony]

Tommy can't finger bang. He's got that rash. By the way, I used to think finger bag was making the fake gun. I finger banged the man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you didn't.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I scared the out of it with a finger bang. I walked into the liquor store, got 50 bucks using the old finger bang.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What did you think finger blast was?

[Dave Anthony]

Finger blast?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. What you think that was?

[Dave Anthony]

That's when you take your digit to the moon. You got a big idea. You got Eureka. Arm

[Gareth Reynolds]

the village. From May 1, October 1, an extra hour will be given to them. The village marshal will toll the village bell. At these hours.

[Dave Anthony]

It feels like something from the 1400s.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And arrest all who violate the ordinance. Ding.

[Dave Anthony]

I gotta get home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The bell banging.

[Dave Anthony]

No fucking. No fucking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Take your digits out.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I think the bell does a lot of the work, Ted.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is intended primarily to discourage young people of opposite sexes from too frequent association.

[Dave Anthony]

That, by the way, it's so funny that they couldn't even fathom gay. Like, it was like, Joe Paterno, when. Joe. Joe Paterno. I didn't even know a guy could be with another guy. Like, oh, my God, it's the craziest interview ever. It's the craziest interview ever. But he was. He was basically like, I'm gonna plead ignorance on being gay. Like, he's like, I didn't know a guy could be with a guy. Like, this is what they're saying back then, though. They're like, we don't want these sexes mixing. Men will be with men and boys with boys and girls with girls. Like, there is a loophole you're not thinking of, sir.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I had two neighbors when that story.

[Dave Anthony]

Me too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Penn State fans. They'd gone there and it was like talking. It was like talking to Catholics about the Pope. They just lost.

[Dave Anthony]

No, they were like, he's just a

[Gareth Reynolds]

coach of a football team. No, he's our God.

[Dave Anthony]

They ripped that statue down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your God's helping the diddlers.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, God. But, yeah, I mean, he seemed like such a weird old man. I know you don't know who we're talking about, Tommy, but he was a coach of the Penn State football team, and he had an assistant coach who was like a horrendous pedal ring guy. Yeah. And Joe Paterno had apparently, like, walked in on some shenanigans that he should have reported. And you never did. And then when they were finally interviewing this hero to the fans, he was just saying, he's like, I didn't even know that a guy could be with a guy. And the reporter was like, what do you mean? And he was like, I didn't know how you could do that stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, how do you do that?

[Dave Anthony]

What do you do? You got the thing you got. It don't fit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

2. It's two of these coming together like hot dogs.

[Dave Anthony]

You can't do that.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Hot dogs.

[Dave Anthony]

Going by the hot dog. You can't put a hot dog inside of a. On a hot dog. How'd the interview go? Pretty good.

[Tommy Dassalo]

And, you know, when he thought of that as a defense, he was like, I've done it. I've created the.

[Dave Anthony]

Probably, like floated it to his wife. He was like, I'm g. To say I didn't even know a guy could. I don't know if that'll work, honey. No, that's back. I didn't know a guy could be with a guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, it's like hot dogs coming together.

[Dave Anthony]

That's crazy. You can't put a bike inside of a car, honey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't put a car on a car.

[Dave Anthony]

That can't make no sense. You can't do that. The sun, the moon, the different places, Jeff.

[Tommy Dassalo]

I mean, I got. I got to look this guy up because I'll be honest, the Voice is doing a lot of heavy lifting, buddy.

[Dave Anthony]

Do me a favor, and right now, Google Joe Paterno, because I think you're going to be happy with what you see when I tell you that this guy decided he was going to be like, I got my defense. I didn't realize. Gabe been invented.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah. That's a great looking fella, right?

[Dave Anthony]

Talk about the Sunday funnies. That's one of the best, that guy there.

[Tommy Dassalo]

They don't make him like that anymore.

[Dave Anthony]

No, no. But thank God they don't. Thank God.

[Tommy Dassalo]

So in this story, you're thinking that that bell's ringing and there's like two gay guys having sex, and they're like, oh, the heterosexual bell's going off. That's not for us.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I mean, well, it's just they're. They're. The idea that they're like, we've. We've stamped out teenage sex.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you thinking that there's like two dudes under the bridge and they're. They're banging away and then they hear the bell, they're like, that's the hetero bell.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, I think it's like, they're like, oh, we got to go home. That'll stop us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It will.

[Dave Anthony]

No, won't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're at home with. And you're back at your house with

[Dave Anthony]

another guy because you're like, a lot that. The. The loophole is. It's just like, yeah, all right, I'm gonna go to Todd's. Well, thank God there'll be no. Because there'll be no girls there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think at. I think it. The bell ring. They're all supposed to go to their houses, not with somebody.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, all right.

[Tommy Dassalo]

I gotta go back to my 16 wives and fight over a quilt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, as God intended.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or Mordecai or whatever. So. The village is a popular rendezvous for the younger element of the neighborhood. The measure is causing much discussion in the press of the country, of the county, and is strongly denounced as un American and ineffective as being prompted by a few ultra religious and religionists in town. Yeah, it always is.

[Dave Anthony]

Always.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's always the idiots. Just like right now, they're.

[Dave Anthony]

They're.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're doing the get all kids off social media, and you're like, ye. That's just gonna. That's just gonna make adults put in their IDs. Oh, yeah, social media kids are gonna get around all that. Oh, yeah, like they're kids.

[Dave Anthony]

It's over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

No, you can't. Can't. It's too late. Yeah, but, man, I'll tell you what. Making out back then must have been a real treat. When you first, like, made out, you were probably like, holy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, what are you talking about?

[Dave Anthony]

Like, when you were, you know, it was so much harder to be physical with someone at that time. The second.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think they were banging back then, all the time.

[Dave Anthony]

You didn't need to. You. You probably, like. Like a girl probably held your hand and you blew a load in your shorts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? Tommy? Is that Tommy? Is that what happened back then?

[Dave Anthony]

Think about it. You're probably. Think about it.

[Tommy Dassalo]

You think that doesn't happen to anyone now?

[Dave Anthony]

I think less because of the levels of stimulation that we are able to go through now that it happens less and less. But I mean it. When I was. You guys, we're. We're too old. You're forgetting what it was like as 15. At 15 years old, they could have. They could have shot things to space with what was going on in my testicles. It was. It was all day, every day. I felt like I'd been, like, imprisoned in my Mind all day, every day

[Tommy Dassalo]

is. I think being horny at 15 transcends time. I don't think it matters. What's.

[Dave Anthony]

What's. I could have been in the x men at 15. That have been like, what's your power? I'd be like, I will not calm down if you tell me I could see tits. I will run through a wall for this squad.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Like Cyclops, when he takes his mask off and there's just the beam coming.

[Dave Anthony]

Exactly, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Everywhere, just like. Jesus Christ. Loads. No, they call me Loads of. Yeah, we've got Cyclops, we've got Wolverine and Loads. Don't make me take them off. I'm gonna make everything look like Everest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what is it like?

[Dave Anthony]

Who's the.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Who's the one that shoot that throws the playing cards? Gambit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know.

[Dave Anthony]

This is where, you know, you're. Yeah. Odd Job. I don't know. The cards guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cards guy.

[Dave Anthony]

What's that?

[Tommy Dassalo]

But they're all, like, nudie. They're all, like, pornographic nudie playing cards.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm gonna have to ask you to. Gambit to stop showing those cards. We've got a mission to focus on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does Loads have just a COD piece that he pulls off?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah. There's just like a Loads. Do what you do. All right, boys, back away. Make a run for show me a Tit. Loads. No, there's more where that came from in two minutes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, let's do one last one. Cigarettes found pure hell.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dr. F.W. riley, Assistant Commissioner of Health, yesterday received from the city chemist a report on the analysis of samples of cigarettes collected several months ago.

[Dave Anthony]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Four samples of the. Of the different brands of cigarettes were analyzed. No opium belladonna.

[Dave Anthony]

Great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or jimson weed in the samples. I have no idea.

[Dave Anthony]

It's got to be bad if it's following opium.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Belladonna.

[Dave Anthony]

This is what? I've never heard of the stripper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, that would be great. Unknown as deadly, nightshade is a highly toxic perennial plant.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's extremely pointless. Poisonous to humans and animals due to potent alkaloids. Medical use.

[Dave Anthony]

I actually might know what belladonna is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's got a long history in herbal and conventional medicine. It is used to treat intestinal spasms, peptic ulcers and asthma.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It dilates pupils.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, no. Never mind. Sounds awesome. Yeah.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah. Why wouldn't you want it in cigarettes? It stops asthma. That's helpful.

[Dave Anthony]

Imagine I smoke because of asthma.

[Tommy Dassalo]

I left my puffer at home. Has anyone got a cigarette?

[Dave Anthony]

Anyone have A cigarette. I have terrible asthma.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The paper wrappers of the cigarettes were found to be pure and free from arsenic or lead. This is the first series of tests made of cigarettes since the cigarette ordinance went into effect. And the results are highly gratifying to the health department officials. Boy, does this get worse.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, it also is making me think of like they used to test. Like they used to test things. This country now at this point is like, put it through chlorine, it'll be fine. Yeah, let them eat chlorine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does a rich guy not want you to test it? Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, that's fine. We don't need to test it. We'll just run that through a little chlorine, put that in the grocery store. Well, that's it.

[Narrator/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, me. Well, there we go. Dasalo. My baby. Our baby. Thoughts? Tommy, reflecting on a paper like a pool in Washington D.C. have you learned anything? Highlights the double wives.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Highlight the double wives. That was very informative. I really enjoyed that.

[Dave Anthony]

Now you're gonna walk, you're gonna walk out and you're gonna see your last girlfriend and she's gonna say, how is the pod? What are you gonna say?

[Tommy Dassalo]

I'm gonna say that I. I'm gonna do that thing where you know when you've just watched a documentary and insufferable for a week, like you're just relaying all the information from the documentary as if like you sort of discovered it through hard research. I'm just gonna. I mean, I've got a pretty short memory, so I've probably got like three hours in me of being able to get it out. Relay facts about like, yeah, bigamy and cigarettes.

[Dave Anthony]

Now, the character Loads from the X Men. Is that going to come up, you think, or is that kind of.

[Tommy Dassalo]

I'm going to present that as if it's news. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, they had a guy named loads back in 1902 too. This kid was a character in the

[Tommy Dassalo]

newspaper back in the 1800s.

[Dave Anthony]

He's a real white cannon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And are you calling her your pre bride now?

[Tommy Dassalo]

Pre bride? Yeah, I'll try that on this evening and I'll let you know how it goes. And if I get kicked out, can I stay with you guys?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, of course. America's a great place.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Get over here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Has a spare room.

[Dave Anthony]

Yo. Yeah, get over, get over here real quick.

[Tommy Dassalo]

If I get kicked out of my house tonight, I'll just hop on a 20 hour flight and come stay with you guys.

[Dave Anthony]

That'll be perfect. It'll be worth it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's good and then you'll. You'll spend six to eight weeks in a concentration camp before you get well.

[Dave Anthony]

That's where you'll get the focus to be an American.

[Tommy Dassalo]

Yeah, I think it'll be good for me. Bit of character building, bit of perspective.

[Dave Anthony]

Tommy, people can find your special and your podcast on YouTube and wherever you listen to podcasts with. What is your Instagram? Give it to everyone so they can go follow you.

[Tommy Dassalo]

It's at dasilo D A S S A L O.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. And Tommy, listen to Tommy's first podcast that he's doing now. And thank you, Tommy. Thank you for joining us.

[Tommy Dassalo]

We thank you guys. Thanks for having me. I love you guys, too. And I also miss you.

[Dave Anthony]

Love you a lot. Love you so much. Really love you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Dave Anthony]

Hold on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's good.

[Dave Anthony]

All right. I love you, man. I love you a lot.

[Tommy Dassalo]

I think it cut. I think it cut out there for a bit. I think it cut out. I can't really hear.

[Dave Anthony]

I love you. I love you a lot. I love Tommy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did enough.

[Dave Anthony]

I need Tommy because he's love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You did enough for me.

[Dave Anthony]

He's love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Turn it off.

[Dave Anthony]

Love you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey. Go turn it off.

[Dave Anthony]

Hey. I'm Andrew Santino. And I'm Bobby Lee. And we made something completely insane. We took celebrities, we put them in my mom's basement, we throw trivia at them, we hit them with absurd challenges. And then just when they think they know what's happening, we blow the whole tanga pot. Nobody knows the rules. We barely know the rules. It's chaos. It's comedy. It's the bad game show. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Watch on the Bad Friends YouTube channel or on the Bad Game show feed on Spotify Video. Follow, subscribe, watch, share, Play along. Have fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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