677 - Clay Allison - live

Summary

Detailed Summary of "The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds"
Episode 677 - Clay Allison - Live
Release Date: April 1, 2025

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Introduction to Clay Allison

In Episode 677 of The Dollop, hosts Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds delve into the tumultuous life of Clay Allison, a notorious figure of the American Wild West. From his early hardships to his rise as a feared gunfighter, the episode paints a vivid picture of Clay's relentless pursuit of conflict and his complex interactions with contemporaries.

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Early Life and Civil War Involvement

Birth and Family Background
Clay Allison was born on September 2, 1840, in Waynesboro, Tennessee, to Jeremiah and Mariah Allison. Jeremiah, a Presbyterian minister and cattle raiser, died when Clay was just five years old, leaving the young Clay to navigate a challenging upbringing marked by a club foot and emotional turmoil.

Temperament and Head Injury
As a restless child with a fierce temper, Clay's behavior was suspected to stem from a head injury, possibly acquired in his youth. This injury, characterized by a "depression of the skull," left him with what Dave humorously refers to as "an evil dent" [02:25]. Despite his physical limitations, Clay's indomitable spirit led him to enlist in the Confederate army on October 15, 1861, immediately after the Civil War broke out.

Military Service and Discharge
During his service, Clay was known for his aggressive nature, often clashing with superior officers over military strategies. His relentless drive and refusal to back down eventually led to his medical discharge two months into his service, cited as due to "emotional or physical excitement" [05:24]. This discharge did little to quell his fighting spirit.

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Post-War Life and the Rise of Infamy

Joining the Klan and Return to Violence
After the war, Clay returned home and became involved with the Ku Klux Klan, engaging in numerous skirmishes with the Freedmen's Bureau. His violent tendencies continued unabated, culminating in the murder of a Union corporal who came to seize property from his family [08:10].

Migration to Texas and Further Conflicts
Following escalating tensions, Clay and his family moved to Texas, where they settled near the Brazos River. His prowess as a cowhand was overshadowed by further violent disputes, including a deadly confrontation over water rights that ended with Clay victorious after a "bowie knife fight in a grave" [10:10].

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The Colfax County War and Conflict with the Santa Fe Ring

Establishment in Colfax County
In 1870, Clay Allison and his brothers aligned with large cattle ranchers in Colfax County, New Mexico, forming part of a larger conflict against the Santa Fe Ring—a powerful group controlling land grants and engaging in ruthless tactics against settlers [26:13].

Confrontations and Lawlessness
As the Santa Fe Ring escalated their oppressive measures, including evictions and cattle rustling, Clay emerged as a leader of the settlers' resistance. His reputation for violence grew as he orchestrated retaliatory attacks against members of the Ring and their associates.

Notable Incident: Murder of Charles Cooper
One pivotal event was the brutal killing of Charles Cooper, orchestrated by Clay and his crew. Initially acquitted due to lack of evidence, Clay's defiance only fueled further hostilities, leading to increased gunfights and skirmishes within Colfax County [17:13].

Formation of the Colfax County Ring
In response to the Santa Fe Ring's aggression, the settlers formed their own militia, often led by Clay. This entrenched the region in what became known as the Colfax County War, characterized by ongoing violence, retaliatory killings, and a pervasive atmosphere of fear [30:03].

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Personal Life and Relationships

Marriage to Dora McCullough
Despite his violent nature, Clay formed notable personal relationships, including his marriage to Dora McCullough. Together, they navigated the dangerous landscapes of the West, with Dora playing a role in softening Clay's otherwise tumultuous demeanor [20:25].

Family and Legacy
Clay and Dora had a daughter, Addie, born posthumously seven months after Clay's death. His legacy continued through his family, though his tumultuous relationships and violent reputation left a lasting impact on those around him [69:01].

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Final Years and Death

Relocation and Continued Violence
Clay's restless nature led him to move frequently, from Kansas to Texas, always seeking new conflicts and opportunities for violence. His notorious behavior included public drunkenness, confrontations with law enforcement, and general lawlessness [63:25].

Untimely Death
On July 1, 1887, Clay met an ironically mundane end when he was killed by a falling sack of grain while transporting supplies to his ranch in Pecos, Texas. This accidental death ended a life marked by relentless violence and chaos, leaving behind a legacy of fear and legend [66:43].

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Notable Quotes and Interactions

• Hosts' Banter: Gareth and Dave intersperse the historical narrative with humorous and often irreverent commentary. For example, after detailing Clay’s head injury, Gareth remarks, “Do you think they don't know about the head injury?” [06:58], prompting Dave to respond, “He’s got a dent. He’s got a head. Dead.”

• Humorous Exchanges: The hosts frequently diverge into playful tangents, such as when discussing Clay's interactions with moles, leading to a comedic portrayal of their own misunderstandings and improvisations [57:15].

• Engaging Commentary: Dave humorously contrasts historical events with modern-day scenarios, like when discussing the sheriff’s actions, he quips, “I was the guy who came up with Rocket Money gets you more pocket money” [38:27], blending historical facts with contemporary humor.

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Conclusion

Episode 677 offers a comprehensive and engaging exploration of Clay Allison’s life, capturing both the grim realities of his violent existence and the irreverent humor that The Dollop is known for. Through a blend of historical facts and the hosts' dynamic interactions, listeners gain a nuanced understanding of a man whose life was emblematic of the lawless and tumultuous American Wild West.

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Sources and References

• Legends of America: Comprehensive information on Clay Allison's life and the Colfax County War.
• Portrait of a Shootist by Chuck Parsons: A detailed portrayal of Clay Allison’s character.
• A Sudden Death in Similar by Philip Rush: Documentation of Clay’s untimely demise.
• Ford County Historical Society: Additional historical context and primary sources.

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For those intrigued by the vivid storytelling and historical analysis in this episode, be sure to listen to the full episode of The Dollop for an immersive experience.

Transcript

[Dave Anthony]

The Dollop is brought to you by Hularius Stand up Comedy now on Hulu. Hey, everybody, you know Hulu, right? Yes, it's the streaming service Hulu. What other Hulu is there? Well, Hulu has a bunch of new stand up specials that are not just funny, they're hoo larious. Because they're Hulu and the specials are hilarious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I get it.

[Dave Anthony]

You get it, right? Yeah, very funny, Hulu. Anyway, they're launching new exclusive standup specials from awesome comedians like Jim Gaffigan, Lida glazier, Roy Wood Jr. Bill Burr, Chris DiStefano, Jessica Kirsten, and tons more. A new stand up special drops every month, so mark your streaming calendar. Plus, Hulu has a huge library of stand up specials to check out. So if you're ready to laugh your face off and find out what's really hilarious, go to Hulu and get your stand up fix.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now we're listening to the Doll. It's a good comic book. They have most of your.

[Unknown]

Yeah, they do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can tell right there from the.

[Unknown]

Applause you think he's joking. He's being serious. That's like an. You guys, like, very droll.

[Gareth Reynolds]

When I walked in, I was like, good comic. Love you.

[Unknown]

But will anyone be shitting their pants at the show?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We'll see. It's an American history podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to a thing.

[Unknown]

Thanks, Dave. Gareth Reynolds has no idea what the topic is going to be about.

[Gareth Reynolds]

September 2, 1840. Member Lord J Town.

[Unknown]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you mean no?

[Unknown]

Just stop already.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're a religious American history. Everything in America is religious now, motherfucker. Robert Clay Allison was born in Waynesboro, Tennessee to Jeremiah and Mariah Allison. That's a fucked up Jeremiah. Jeremiah.

[Unknown]

That's the People magazine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Jeremiah. What are they up to?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Praying.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is there anybody named Jeremiah? Jeremiah who's not religious?

[Unknown]

I think there probably is, but they're like, from it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

You know, you're not just like Jeremiah. That'd be cool.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're a disappointment.

[Unknown]

Yeah. They left.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He had a club foot.

[Unknown]

Nice. And he got a long line to get into that place. Slip that bouncer tornado. He'll get you in the club foot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jeremiah was a Presbyterian minister and he also raised cattle. Sheep. And then he died when Clay was five. Okay, coming out. It's a bad start when you have a club foot. You're got no dad at five.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Club foot at five. I need this space.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Clay was called a restless child. As a teen. He had Wild mood swings and a big temper.

[Unknown]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, this could have been from a head injury that he apparently got. They're not sure, but they believe he got a head injury when he.

[Unknown]

How do they not. They know his foot's fucked, but they don't know about the head.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he worked on the family farm until the Civil War broke out when he was 21, and immediately signed up with the Confederacy. Confederacy on October 15, 1861.

[Unknown]

Although, don't you want. I mean, when you think of the Confederates, aren't you like. Yeah, head injury, club foot. That's our guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I'm sure they had a whole regiment.

[Unknown]

Hey, Drag, come on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Dumb and limpy.

[Unknown]

What are you doing? I don't know. I'm just fixing to eat this tree. Idiot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he's about. He's all about fighting. He loved to fight. And sometimes he threatened to kill his superior officers when they didn't pursue Union soldiers who were retreating.

[Unknown]

Well, listen, you know, either side. You gotta like the idea of, like, we should just keep killing him. Like, the fight is right. The fight is right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want that in a war? You want a guy that's never stop.

[Unknown]

Kill like that and he can't win. Now, club footwise, where's he at? He's still got it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That doesn't go away.

[Unknown]

So. So he's just like yelling at the generals to get moving. Cause he's like, some of us can't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I think you. I think you just kind of have a little bit of a tilt. I don't think it's like a tilt.

[Unknown]

In battle's not great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you can still move fine.

[Unknown]

It could be an advantage. If you think about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just.

[Unknown]

No, he can do Matrix stuff. I'll finish. He can do Matrix. Well, I mean, he's got a tilt, like you said.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think you don't know what a tilt is.

[Unknown]

I think you don't know what the Matrix is. That's what I think.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, I guess we'll watch it.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Fuck. What? No, that's what the second show is tonight. No Kung Fu. I mean, I remember this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

After a whole two months in the army, he was medically discharged as his quote. Emotional or physical excitement produces paroxysmal of a mixed character. Partly epileptic and partly maniacal.

[Unknown]

What the. He passes out. He becomes evil.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Real Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde, you know that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I think you'd want that in a war. Like a guy just goes back.

[Unknown]

I mean, I don't think you'd want.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That killing your guys?

[Unknown]

I still think, like, if you're in a ward, you're like, dude, chill the fuck out. Do you understand me? Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How about a whole regiment of those guys?

[Unknown]

My ankle hurts. Ah. Twisted my ankle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're holding your head.

[Unknown]

Ah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Woo.

[Unknown]

That's your, ah. My ankle. Killing me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The discharge document said it might have been from a blow to the head he had gotten years before, quote, producing a depression of the skull.

[Unknown]

Okay, so he's got like CTE or something? Or are we talking like actual skull dimmock?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's got a dent. He's got a head. Dead.

[Unknown]

That's why he's got that. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So that made him not the same as everybody else. Sure, he's maniacal.

[Unknown]

No, he's got an evil dent.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So on September 22nd, which is nine months later, Clay enlisted in the 9th Tennessee Cavalry. And they took it. And he stays with them until the end of the war. He was a scout and a spy. And he grew a Van Dyke beard like his.

[Unknown]

What's a Van Dyke beard?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like the general he was with. It's that guy.

[Unknown]

Oh, one of those. That's him?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Unknown]

Oh, wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It looks totally different, right?

[Unknown]

Yeah, it looks like he went to evil school. He fully changed the time he left. He was like, what do you say we just put him on some train tracks?

[Gareth Reynolds]

On May 4, 1865, Allison and his company were captured and he was sentenced to be executed, but escaped after killing a guard.

[Unknown]

Sorry, that's the rules. You're allowed. Yeah, yeah, sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then he went home. And once he got home, he joined the Klan.

[Unknown]

Jesus Christ. All right. I love the bravery of booing the Klan. Just to be clear how we all feel. What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

They were in constant conflict with the Freedmen's Bureau of Wayne county, and they once had an actual battle. So Clay was part of a lot of skirmishes with the Klan. And then one day, a Union corporal came to the farm to seize property. And Clay calmly got his gun out of the closet and killed him.

[Unknown]

Jesus Christ.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, don't come for the property, bitch. It's the calm after Clay and his brothers, John and Monroe, and his sister Mary and her husband headed for Texas. Where you go?

[Unknown]

Yeah, for sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So there was a river they had to cross and they'd use a ferry to get across it. And the ferryman, Zachary Colbert, told them the price, and Clay thought it was too much. And so Clay beat him unconscious. I mean, you gotta get across the river. How are you gonna do it if.

[Unknown]

These guys just steal it? Leave him on the shore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. That's not fun.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The journey continued, and then they settled near the Brazos river in Texas. Clay was a very skilled cowhand.

[Unknown]

And he. Well, he was a cow. It looked like he was departeth. He wore a cow outfit. That's wild.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He got work really easily. He would herd cattle through Texas, New Mexico and Colorado. And then he got into it with a neighbor over some water hole rights.

[Unknown]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And the two guys decided that they would settle it by digging a grave.

[Unknown]

What? That is fucking crazy. Bet we dig a grave and one of us gets in it, you got a deal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then they both get inside.

[Unknown]

Oh, what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And have a bowie knife fight in the grave?

[Unknown]

Holy. That is a tight quarter for a Bowie night, folks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guess who won. Clay won.

[Unknown]

Clay won. Yeah. We're talking about him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The story be over.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Holy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We. That's how the podcast is kidding. In 1870, two, big cattle ranchers moved to Colfax County, New Mexico. Yeah, yeah. Colfax. Where you at? Oh, no, don't care. This whole place is the same.

[Unknown]

Sorry. Yeah, I know. It's better for us. We love it here. Been here for five hours, we'll be gone. So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Unknown]

I'm sorry. It's nothing personal. You got some great stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You guys can get out. There's like, get in cars and stuff and get out. The Allison brothers went with these big cattle ranchers, and they were given 300 cattle for. 300 cattle for driving a herd. Right.

[Unknown]

So I don't understand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're going to drive 300 cattle wherever.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Take it to Take it.

[Unknown]

Wherever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. All Jacksonville.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. So Clay set up a ranch at the Vermeo and Canadian rivers. And his rancher was pretty soon making money. He was bringing in the cash.

[Unknown]

Cool. Do people know about the murders?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, don't worry about that.

[Unknown]

Nobody knows about that. Yeah. They're like, wow, he's pretty good at this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I meant to look up the name of the city.

[Unknown]

You know, he fought a guy in a grave before this. His resume? Yeah. A lot of holes in your resume. What are you doing before this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

If a guy says, I fought a battle to the death in a grave, you're like, you're hired.

[Unknown]

What the fuck? I'd be like, cool. All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not gonna not sit.

[Unknown]

Then you just see me running. Did he leave his own business?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. The two closest towns were Cimarron. Cimarron. And then also Elizabethtown was the other big town nearby. And the Alice quickly became part of the scene in both towns.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

At first, they Were liked. Everybody liked them at first. Well, there's no law enforcement yet in the area. Saturday nights, the Alice's just went off. They drank, they got on their horses, they rode up and down the street yelling and shooting. And they went into saloons and into gambling joints. And then they started shooting lamps and mirrors and glasses. They like to also shoot at newcomers feet to make them dance. And Clay was known to run around naked.

[Unknown]

Hollywood, baby. But that's really how I picture this time in general. I don't really. I think you're like 90% of the people being like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And then there's just a couple people writing it down like, Jesus fucking Christ. Like there's a town of me's. And then one you. I'll write this down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Unknown]

This will come in handy later. I'm gambling and jacking off. You know what I mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Unknown]

Boom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you gambling and jacking off at the same time?

[Unknown]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. With dice in my hand, whacking it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's really great, man.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I'm a good guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We all have our different versions of what good means. Leave that fist right there. In the fall of 1870, Charles Kennedy, he was arrested for robbing and killing guests who stayed overnight at his cabin.

[Unknown]

Are you not bypass. Are you not allowed to?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you should be able to.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would just say if it's that time and there's not a lot of people around and someone comes to your house and is like, may I stay here? You should be able to kill.

[Unknown]

Kill him. Absolutely. It's like verba.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And so Clay and a group broke into the Elizabethtown jail and dragged him behind a horse with a rope around his neck, up and down the street until he was dead. And then after a while, Clay got off his horse and cut off his head and put it in the sack and rode 29 miles to Cimarron and ordered the head staked on a fence in front of Lambert's inn.

[Unknown]

What? What? He had 29 miles on horseback to think about this decision. I was like, yeah, it's a good idea. Definitely the right move.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Lambert must been like, no, that's.

[Unknown]

I wrote quite a while and never in my head did I calculate you'd say no to something like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, just. It's just bad for.

[Unknown]

Well, what am I supposed to do with that? Why did I spend 20 minutes getting it off his body? It's going to be very inviting. No, put his head on there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nobody wants to go to a hotel.

[Unknown]

I do like a lamp in a window. Dividing his head's on a pike or something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why would people want that?

[Unknown]

Because I'm gonna kill you unless you do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a good argument.

[Unknown]

How about that? Yeah. Little fucking liberal lives.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How many nights are you staying?

[Unknown]

I don't. Fuck. I don't have much of a plan. I got a dented head, a clubby foot. I just killed a guy in a grave. He was alive when I went in it. We dug it as a team. Let me explain to you what happened back there. We agreed to dig a grave together. You better believe there was small talk. By the time the grave was dug, I sort of liked the guy. But rules are rules. We didn't just go out there to form a friendship while hole digging. So one of us had to go, and it was him. I lost my best friend that night. Any who's put the head on your fence.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So in April, April 30, 1870, Allison and two men were believed to have stolen 12 mules from Fort Union. He was tried in the fall.

[Unknown]

It's amazing that that's what got him. They're like, you stole horses. I also just gave a hotel gatekeeper a head. Huh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I made a mistake here.

[Unknown]

Anyway, don't tell me it's that the great fight didn't happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no. There was some sort of fight. I don't know how it got there, but.

[Unknown]

Between who?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, a bunch of. There was chaos. So in the town, there was like a bunch of chaos going on. And Clay was like, trying to escape from, like, when he got caught for stealing the mules.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And there's other people shooting. And then Clay accidentally shot himself in the foot.

[Unknown]

He might walk better now. He might have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So they still escaped, though, and they made it to a hideout on the Red River. And Clay sent for his friend, Davy Crockett.

[Unknown]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nephew of the famous Crockett.

[Unknown]

Oh, what little.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Little Crockett?

[Unknown]

That little Crockett.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, you gotta go with David at that point.

[Unknown]

Well, I mean, it depends what your lifestyle is. If he was just like, I'm trying to be an attorney, Davy Crockett.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They also sent for a doctor. And he helped Clay. But Clay would have lived for the rest of his life. Okay, so a little while after, he was boozing it up in a saloon when someone said something he didn't like. And that guy runs out. But Clay is now in a bad mood.

[Unknown]

That's not good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he went to the county clerk's office where he got mad at the county clerk for saying something.

[Unknown]

He's in the county clerk's like, what are you doing? You're hammered. Yeah, talk to me like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Clay threw a knife at him.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It only. Only like caught his sleeve. And so his sleeve got stuck to the door.

[Unknown]

That's fucking. You gotta pretend like you meant to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Next one goes in your body, Jack. Bet you didn't know you were working with Michael Winslow. Did I?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Felt like I was there. A knife went right by me. Yep.

[Unknown]

To the helicopter. Look at all these kangaroos.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So the clerk ran out and Clay threw his knife at a young lawyer who also ran. And they both ran across the street to the doctor's office. And then the lawyer grabbed the doctor's gun, saying he would get.

[Unknown]

What a great era that we're entering again. Let me go grab my doctor's gun. My lawyers is unloaded.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then he said he would kill Clay in self defense. And then Clay rode up outside and the clerk and lawyer bolted out the back door. And the doctor went out the side and told Clay he was not behaving well.

[Unknown]

Is that the end of it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Unknown]

Oh, fuck. I was like, oh, that's good. I would have been like, you're the best.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And Clay just laughed at him and said he only wanted the guy who upset him in the saloon. And then he rode off in search of him. Now, the lawyer, his name was Melvin Mills and he would hold a grudge forever. Clay is not good with women, but he then met Dora McCullough. Clay and his brother John met Dora and her sister, and the girls had been orphaned during the war and they now live with guardians, the Youngs. And Mrs. Young does not like Klepp.

[Unknown]

How old are these orphan girls?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The two couples alone, how old are these?

[Unknown]

Dora's 18 and the other?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Clay's 39. I don't know how old the other one is. It's not great. They begged the Youngs to forgive them, and over time the Youngs did. And the Youngs came to believe that Clay did not seek trouble, but didn't turn away from it when it came his way. Now, Clay is not a fast draw, but he was just cold ice veins guy.

[Unknown]

So he was the guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. It's like Unforgiven, right?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah. For those who don't know, that was a dog food.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mace Bowman was very quick. And he was from Kentucky and served in the Texas Cavalry and the Rangers. And he became a sheriff in Trinidad using the name Matt Mason as you do.

[Unknown]

Well, he's changed the whole name. Yeah, all right, sure. But now it's like, sag. He's like, there's already a Matt Mason. Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But so now he starts calling himself Mac Bowman. Mac Bowman and Mason and Clay knew each other pretty well and had mock duels.

[Unknown]

Mock duels? Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fake it.

[Unknown]

You know, they'd go out, like, pretend.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

They were LARPing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. But then one night, things got a bit more serious in a saloon. And Clay was very drunk. And when he got drunk, he became more confident with his skills and whatever Clay said to Mace, Mace turned and said, quote, have at it. And they bet a gallon of whiskey.

[Unknown]

Jesus fucking God. All bets are that for me from now on. Want to put a gallon of whiskey on it? Want to put a gallon of whiskey on that basket?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whiskey comes with gallons.

[Unknown]

It's like Costco. Oh, fuck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll take a gallon of McLaren. They paced to the walls, turned and pulled. Mace had his gun pointed at Clay before he could even get his out. So Clay paid for the whiskey, and apparently they then took off their clothes, down to their underwear and danced.

[Unknown]

Now, why can't all duels end like that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a part of the west you don't hear.

[Unknown]

Be great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Will you win.

[Unknown]

Makes you rethink that grave ending a little bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Then they shot it at each other's feet to see who would flinch. And neither one did.

[Unknown]

Doesn't sound very fun. None of this sounds fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

After Bowman taught Clay how to pull his gun faster.

[Unknown]

Why?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why not? They're buddies.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

On January 7th, 1874, gunfighter Chunk Colbert.

[Unknown]

Come on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Chunk came looking for a fight with Clay. Colbert believed he was the fastest there was. But he was also the nephew of the ferry boat operator Clay had beaten unconscious nine years before.

[Unknown]

Nine years? Get over it. I don't even remember that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't remember who. Beating the shit out of my uncle last month.

[Unknown]

Yeah, me. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Chunk could have been there for revenge. Chunk was rumored to have killed six men and was bragging he'd make Clay the seventh. So Chuck arrives in town, he finds Clay, and then they spend the day drinking together and gambling on horses.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then Chuck asks Clay to dinner at Clifton House, but he thinks something's up.

[Unknown]

Clay does. Clay's like, it's weird. Nobody ever wants to sit down and have supper with me. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, you know, Culver's acting very. A little too friendly, I guess. And so Chunk puts his gun in his lap, and Clay puts his on the table. And then they eat.

[Unknown]

Comfortable? Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then Chuck suddenly pulled his gun, and Clay was ready. Does the Same. Chunk's revolver clipped the table. And the shot was deflected. And so Clay shot Chunk Colbert in the head. That's where you do it.

[Unknown]

And that's just in a restaurant.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And you people are just like, keep it down. I thought we were in the non shooting section. Would you like shooting or non shooting? We'll do shooting. Shooting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Say he's buried in an unmarked grave behind Clifton House.

[Unknown]

Why? Why unmarked market. We know who he is. Everyone's there. People are like, we don't know who that was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know how to spell Chunk.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Chunk's friend Charles Cooper sees the whole thing. And two weeks later, he and Claire seen riding together. And then Cooper is never seen again.

[Unknown]

Okay, so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Cimarron is a boom.

[Unknown]

So how many deaths are we at right now? 10, maybe. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's up there.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cimarron was a boom town as gold had been discovered nearby. And it's in an area that was a land grant. So originally, it was the largest land grant in North America. It was given by the Spanish government to two guys thinking that would encourage Mexican. Mexican settlers. But they didn't come smart. Yep. And then later, the US Congress gave the land grant to Lucien Maxwell. So anyway, he's from the Maxwell family. And the Maxwells became the largest landowners in the world for getting the land grant. Okay, so his operation is headquartered in Cimarron or Cimarron.

[Unknown]

Cimarron.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Colonel Edmond visits and said the Maxwell house was insane opulence.

[Unknown]

Would you like a coffee?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He, quote, lived in a sort of barbaric splendor akin to that of the nobles of England at the time of the Norman Conquest.

[Unknown]

Oh, and we all get that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he's a rich guy in the middle of New Mexico, just living like. Living like he's not in New Mexico.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He had a racetrack built in back and held weekly races.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He employed up to 1,000 people, but treated them all horribly. Quote, if a Mexican servant didn't suit him or did anything against his orders, he took a board or plank or anything he'd get a hold of and whipped him with it.

[Unknown]

With a fucking board.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, if he can't find a whip.

[Unknown]

Christ.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what? Grow up.

[Unknown]

You better not be looking at me right fucking now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sometimes you gotta beat the help. Maxwell was brutal and he flaunted his wealth. Once, when told he should get a safe because he had 30,000 in a drawer, Maxwell just responded by smiling and said, quote, God help the man who attempted to rob me. Okay, now Copper is discovered.

[Unknown]

That's so funny to me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then gold is discovered. And so this makes Maxwell even richer.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then also he's getting rich from all the rents he took from the settlers coming to Strike It Ridge. Then he starts evicting squatters, settlers, farmers and small ranchers.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's kind of everybody.

[Unknown]

He's good. New money. Yeah. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So there's a new group of rich, powerful men behind the Grant. And they're called the Santa Fe Ring. The lawyer Clay had thrown a knife at Mills. Remember that guy?

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And the doctor who treated his foot injury.

[Unknown]

Doctor with the gun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. Longwell were both now part of the Santa Fe ring.

[Unknown]

Okay. Is that good?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nope.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In 1875, Longwell was elected probate for judge and Mills a state legislator.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And as sheriff served eviction notices. People start fighting back. Grant pastures were set on fire.

[Unknown]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cattle rustling went up and officials.

[Unknown]

Cattle rustling?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wrestling.

[Unknown]

Wrestling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, no.

[Unknown]

Cattle wrestling. Wrestling. What are you saying?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wrestling.

[Unknown]

Wrestling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wrestling.

[Unknown]

Cavities. Cows wrestling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, you steal a cow, I.

[Unknown]

Don'T even give a. Anymore. Wrestle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wrestle. Do you think it was actually wrestling?

[Unknown]

I'm not sure what any of it is, to be quite honest with you. Stealing cows. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wrestling.

[Unknown]

Yeah. It's just you're throwing away the wrestling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, you put on a little outfit and you go, take that.

[Unknown]

Ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Woo.

[Unknown]

I'm gonna take the cow tonight. Cow, you're going down. The belt comes home with humans. Enough bullshit. You've been mooing your mouth off long enough. Just has the American flag wrapper on it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There were also people officials would be threatening at gunpoint. And the Santa Fe Ring sent gangs to attack homes at night and threaten people.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So the people create their own group, the Colfax County Ring. And some believe that Clay was the leader.

[Unknown]

Okay. Clay was in charge of the Colfax county wing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Reverend Franklin Dolby began giving sermons in towns around the area. And Clay liked it. And he. Yeah, of course he aligns with the settlers. And he openly stated he'd do whatever he could to stop the Santa Fe rain. And on September 14, 1875, he was found shot in the back in a nearby.

[Unknown]

He was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Oh, and rumor was the new constable, Cruz Vega was involved in the killing. And another minister, Reverend Oscar Patrick McMains.

[Unknown]

Oh, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now joined with the settlers. So there's no luck finding the killer. So Reverend McMains asked Clay for help. And on the evening of October 30th, a masked mob rode up on the constable. And the constable said he had nothing to do with it, and he blamed it on another guy. And that guy said he was hired by Francisco Grigo.

[Unknown]

That guy admitted that he did it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shit. Finn needs $11 for taco bel. It doesn't happen on a lot of podcasts.

[Unknown]

I don't think it happens on any. You should probably tell the story about Luke having Taco Bell today while we're on a halftime. Which story? The Taco Bell one. Don't say which Taco Bell one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, we're almost there. So. So we stop at Taco Bell because I'm scared of all the food places. And Luke gets. First of all, we're inside, and he goes, well, he's driving. He goes, well, I'm gonna get hard.

[Unknown]

Because hard tacos.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They'Re easier to handle when driving than soft. So he's already crazy. Like, it's the. It's just like. I didn't say anything because I'm not gonna. Like, that's just like. Okay. You know, our talk is they do break up a little bit. He goes, you know what I can do? So we're driving, and he. For some reason, he doesn't eat one for, like, 45 minutes, and then he pulls it out of the bag.

[Unknown]

Well, we know why they're taco, taco. Let it settle. They're wine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you let it settle.

[Unknown]

Let him cook.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he takes out a taco. He's got his hand, and I'm watching.

[Unknown]

Him because you want to watch him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And a little piece of tomato comes out of the taco and lands on his arm. And he acts like he hit him in the back. He's like, got him.

[Unknown]

It scared him. Explode the tomato. It's a shower of taco tomatoes scared him. His own tomato from his taco fucking freaked him out. And then he shattered. And then he lebroned his taco.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, it just.

[Unknown]

And he was like. And then he sits everywhere. He's like. And that's why you eat a hardship.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth.

[Dave Anthony]

The dollop is brought to you by via.

[Gareth Reynolds]

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[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

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[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

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[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

You want to check out.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

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[Unknown]

Cannaboid. Cannabis cannabinoids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cannon. Cannon.

[Dave Anthony]

Cannabinoids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cannabinoids, right.

[Dave Anthony]

But that's a, that's a. I don't know why anybody would do that to me. But it helps create like a real effect driven result, not just like fancy packaging and like empty results or whatever. You want better sleep, you want more focus, a little boost in the bedroom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth.

[Dave Anthony]

Sure, I know you like sex.

[Unknown]

Listen, there's nothing wrong with little hemp to get a little hump. I've always said that. I've always said that.

[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

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[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

Them, by the way, have like mushrooms, like, yeah, not psilocybin, but like lion's mane or like again, great healers. They've really combined a bunch of good stuff.

[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

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[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

Good Lord.

[Dave Anthony]

Via.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on, Gareth.

[Dave Anthony]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Know you forgot about.

[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

They're on top of it. I had a call with Rocket Money and I said, should I say that that Rocket Money is like having a little bouncer for your bank account?

[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

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[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

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[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

Rocket Money just said that you have. I just looked on Rocket Money and it said you've stolen from me directly with that theft.

[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

That's the whole thing I was saying.

[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

Same.

[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

My pocket.

[Unknown]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Today, use Rocket Money.

[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

That is illegal that you're doing that to me.

[Dave Anthony]

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[Unknown]

Anthony, what did you just become Groucho?

[Dave Anthony]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

I get it.

[Dave Anthony]

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[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so Francisco Grigo hired the guy to kill the Reverend Crazy Eyes. And he says he's hired by Francisco Grigo, who was the constable's uncle.

[Unknown]

Okay. He was the. I was picturing the constable. Older. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So the mob beats him up and they hang him from the telephone pole.

[Unknown]

Francisco. They do that to Francisco or the constable?

[Gareth Reynolds]

They did it to the. Francisco's the constable. Yes.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They get the cons. There's too many people.

[Unknown]

Hey, imagine being me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. So they. They kill the concept.

[Unknown]

Okay. They hang him by the tree and his last words are like, well, well, well, what is going on here, then?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So that's all a bit much for Reverend McMains, and he's like. And he leaves. Now, Francisco Grego, who also goes by Poncho, claims the body the next morning.

[Unknown]

Claims it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Claims it.

[Unknown]

That's mine. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it's taken to a Cimarron cemetery for burial.

[Unknown]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But before it's in the ground, Clay and his crew ride up and they told.

[Unknown]

I want to fight it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They told Grego the constable could not be buried in the same cemetery as the man that he killed. Never had told you. All right, that's fair.

[Unknown]

I was gonna say. I'm not. It's crazy, obviously, but I am. Like, I'm okay with that one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. That's a good rule.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I mean, wild.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

You know, But I'd be like, yeah, look, he fucking killed him. I don't want him like his neighbor now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it's also like. It's the fucking desert. You'll bury him anywhere.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Doesn't matter.

[Unknown]

No, There's a lot of places to bury.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Anyone hitchhikers? Your buddy's dad? Whatever you want. You can always find a Spudline.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But then Clay said, you can't bury him. City limits. You've got to bury him a half a mile west.

[Unknown]

Now he's being a bit much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, I like it.

[Unknown]

Okay. Yeah, he's lost me. I'm like, just look down the road.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Set boundaries.

[Unknown]

Yeah. All right. Later that, Pennsylvania.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Later that day, Griego, the constable son, and others start threatening townspeople. So we go to the St James Hotel because that's where Clay is.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Clay's there, and Grego accuses him of being part of the mob lynching. Right. Which I'm sure he was. And Grego at the time is fanning himself with his hat.

[Unknown]

Love that. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which is apparently an attempt to distract Clay as he's pulling his gun. So Clay pulls his and shoots Griego, and they have to close the saloon for an inquiry. Local said that closing the ceiling was the worst thing that happened that day.

[Unknown]

You know, the GM was in the back, and he was on, like, the little whiteboard that says, like, 31 days without an injury.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Clay and his crew go bananas over the next week.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They went to the offices of a paper and threatened the editor with a knife. They took over the St. James of Hotel. While drinking, Clay stripped naked and did a war dance. The spot he killed.

[Unknown]

What's with him in this stuff?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sounded a good time. He likes to be naked.

[Unknown]

I know, but there's like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Everybody's got their thing.

[Unknown]

I know, but we've all, like, had that friend in our life where. And it's like, buddy, this is only you. Like, what are you. Is that knife? Everyone else is just enjoying a cake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, we had. We had a. A buddy in high school, and then everybody would get drunk, and then all of a sudden be walking through the.

[Unknown]

Party naked and be like, craig, I know, dude. I. I had a guy in high school, and you'd just, like. Everything would be fine. And then he'd be gone for 10 minutes. It would be, like, super. He'd be like, why isn't Clark Ken in the same room as Superman? And all of a sudden here. He'd walk in, he'd be like, jesus Christ, dude. Blacked out naked. We'd be like, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, sex crime.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So they do a little war dance in the spotty killed gray go. At the time, he just had a red ribbon tied around his junk.

[Unknown]

I don't know if I'm more out or in now. I think. I think in. It's best. Was it the holidays?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's gotta be Christmas.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So.

[Unknown]

So I don't forget something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

On November 10, he went to court for the shooting, but the charges were dropped.

[Unknown]

He was probably in the court like which shooting is this? You're gonna have to be a little more specific. Which.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which Griego. It was ruled that justify homicide though.

[Unknown]

Those this is the best era and the court has taken everything into account and he should have been murdered. You're out to kill him. That's all right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it says here in the rules that if he looks at you funny.

[Unknown]

He was fanning himself with his hat. I should have shot him. Unreal. What took you so long?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kill him right now.

[Unknown]

Now this charge of nudity after, I'm also going to wait. Because who wouldn't celebrate a kill and have a ribbon? You had a bit of a ribbon. You got your rib on. You may leave, sir.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now the guy the constable named, who he said did the killing, was now arrested in Elizabethtown. And he said the constable was the one who shot the reverend. And also that Mills and Law and Dr. Longwell were behind it. Right. So now the Santa Fe ring's coming in.

[Unknown]

Mills is the. The guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's the lawyer, Right? Right.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So word spreads and the lawyer and doctor are other hunted. The lawyer barely escapes an angry lynch mob, sir. He bolts out of a coach and he. And he runs off. Dr. Longwell got to Fort Union just ahead of Clay and his brother John, who we're going after.

[Unknown]

Uh huh.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But then the guy who the constable named for doing the killing of the reverend had a hearing and said Mills and Longwell had nothing to do with it. They're off. Scout three.

[Unknown]

That's good. Smart.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But he only said that because they pointed a gun at him while he was in question.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Wait, who was questioning him?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The cops.

[Unknown]

The cops. And they were allowed to pull a gun on him? Answer the question.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, he. Yeah. No, it's. It's the. The mob.

[Unknown]

Okay, the mob was. But. And then he admitted to the mob at gunpoint.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

No, they didn't have nothing to do with it. I don't know where anyone got that idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But anyway, Mills and Long Willard, the doctor and lawyer are clear, right? They're clear.

[Unknown]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So the gang doesn't believe that. They're like. That's right. Little gun story. So he is. They take him back to jail and then there they shoot him and kill him.

[Unknown]

I have a question about taking him back to jail. Why take him to jail to shoot?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know.

[Unknown]

More official.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That guy was Mexican, by the way. And so now all the Mexican people in the area are pissed, okay? And they want Clay dead. And so now armed Mexican gangs are roaming, looking for Clay. So the sheriff hides Clay at a ranch here. And when Clay finally comes back, he was packing a lot of guns and he has 45 cowboys with him.

[Unknown]

What the fuck?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And he was just hidden in a ranch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Yeah, but for a while.

[Unknown]

For a while. Then he was like, oh, they got a crew.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now he's like, let's go get them.

[Unknown]

That we're like, fuck yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which is what always happens.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I was gonna say, like, part of it is that we like you, but the other part is racism is something we're big fans of as well. So it's in our blood.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's total fucking chaos. And there's a ringman, and there's settler vigilantes, and there's Mexicans. Plus the Mexicans ask the Native Americans to help them out. And the Reverend McCain's is recruiting more settlers to fight with Clay. So everyone's fucking picking sides.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guards have to be stationed at every entrance to the town. And no one can leave without Clay's permission.

[Unknown]

Jesus Christ.

[Gareth Reynolds]

On November 9, 1875, the Santa Fe, a New Mexican, wrote that Cimarron was in the hands of a mob. And this is what became known as the Colfax County War. So now the governor, my grandpappy, told me about that.

[Unknown]

Oh, now I know. Ah. I thought it sounded familiar. Yeah. Yeah. Clay. Clay. Yeah. That Clay. Ah, yellow. How many? Yeah. Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I didn't know that's where this would go.

[Unknown]

I didn't either. Wild.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now the governor.

[Unknown]

Uhhuh. Governor Axtel. Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So the governor officially makes KX part of town. Taos County.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Ta. Yeah, it was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shut the up.

[Unknown]

You done, ass boy? I'm going to set you straight.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He says he's doing that because it's all about law and order. But he is a Santa Fe ring guy, so the people are fucking pissed. On January 19, 1876, the News and Press paper wrote a harsh article about Clay leading mob violence. So that night, Clay and two guys broke into the paper's office.

[Unknown]

Stop talking shit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Set off a charge and threw the press into the river.

[Unknown]

Oh, my God. You wait through the press?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, the printing press.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Gareth Reynolds]

All the press.

[Unknown]

Well, that's what I was picturing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, reporters, one at a time.

[Unknown]

All right? Now where's this Loch Ness? My door. Get the chop up. No, we need to be taken in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely. The wrong year.

[Unknown]

Oh, no. Look at that. A bunch of moles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? What are they?

[Unknown]

Mollings?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Moles?

[Unknown]

Moles. You know, blind ground rats.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what I was worried about.

[Unknown]

Why or why I was gonna do a sound for them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you just brought them up randomly to do a mole sound?

[Unknown]

To do a mole sound, yeah. Upon further review, we probably don't know what they sound like to the human ear. Ah, Earth pigs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Someone in here or someone listening right now? I don't know what a mole sounds like.

[Unknown]

By the way. That's not a mole. It's pretty much me, like I was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dear subreddit Dave Anthony Sadie.

[Unknown]

Oh, sounds like on episode 147, Gary Gareth talked about the star nosed mole and the sound it made. These guys just hate each other's fucking guts now. It's so obvious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

David, show me to Gareth.

[Unknown]

Garrett's hot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, where were we? So they throw everything into the river. The governor then said he, quote, intended to have Clay Allison indicted and punished or compelled to leave the county.

[Unknown]

Take that, dad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Slimmet's just the county. He's the governor. You make him leave all. Fucking. What's happened? What's happening?

[Unknown]

He's a classic Democrat. I'll show you. You're grounded for the weekend, mister. And then they get into power. Power. We're gonna exterminate you. Wait, what? What? No, that is decorum. What the fuck? Oh, shit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

On February 21st, he offered a $500 reward for Clay, saying he was, quote, guilty of the crime of murder in the killing of Charles Cooper. Okay, so that's the guy that he rode off with on the horse after Chuck got killed.

[Unknown]

Oh, and Cooper was, oh, the one who went missing? Yeah, right. We knew he killed him, but now he doesn't. Of all the ones he's like, I know, right? Cooper.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the one.

[Unknown]

He's like, cooper. I don't even. I don't even think I murdered him. He met a Native American woman and married her. No, I murdered Chunk. Shut the fuck up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the fuck you call him Chunk? Shouldn't you be allowed to kill a guy named Chunky?

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Cooper was a friend of that guy. Oh, good. I was trying to explain that. So that was two years ago that Cooper disappeared.

[Unknown]

Okay, so. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So in May, the Governor was passing through some run on a stagecoach and Clay gets in.

[Unknown]

Oh, shit. Hi, Clay. I was just hoping to see you. Oh, I was just Write your pardon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He rode with the governor all the time.

[Unknown]

Kiss me. My dad will be furious.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He rode with the governor all the way to Trinidad, Colorado. And Clay questioned him about trying to end his freedom and put him in jail. And the governor asked Clay why he didn't just surrender and face trial like a man And Clay said if he thought it would be a fair trial. Well, he would, but he wouldn't, quote, submit to a real trial in Taos county by greasers.

[Dave Anthony]

So he's racist.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't believe a guy who's in.

[Unknown]

The Confederate army is non progressive. I don't know, but who's he being racist against?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mexican.

[Unknown]

Okay, thank you. I was picturing, like, John Travolta. No, it's like, what does he even have against us? We're just trying to fix cops. What a crazy summer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So the governor said he'd demand a fair trial. And a little while later, Clay turned himself in and the trial was held. And his defense was that there was no body. So it was just an assumption he was dead. And he was acquitted.

[Unknown]

I get it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. That's not. You can't really.

[Unknown]

He's happy somewhere else.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In December, Clay and his brother John crashed a social in Los Anas, Colorado. And they were very drunk and they forced some of the women to dance. Oh, you like it? Get a dance.

[Unknown]

Forcing to dance is also.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on.

[Unknown]

So. But, like, Problem. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Now you dip me. Tango. Limbo.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A local deputy told them to remove their weapons, and they refused. So the deputy. So he deputized two more guys.

[Unknown]

I love that. That ability to just do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Hey, you.

[Unknown]

You.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're cops now.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Well, like, it's just the power to just be like you three. Cops. You two also cops?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cops.

[Unknown]

I'm the guy you were arresting. Oh, shit. I undefutize you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no.

[Unknown]

You two bad guys also deputized.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that a spider web?

[Unknown]

No, that's a mole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, you shoot moles out of your hands?

[Unknown]

Just keep reading. Shoddier element when it comes to hand moles. I believe it's called mole here, actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So these three deputies now walk back into the party and someone yells, those.

[Unknown]

Two guys are pretty fucking cool. We're deputies. We didn't do shit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Someone yells, lookout. John goes for his gun, and the deputy shoots him in the chest and arm. And then Clay shoots and kills the deputy.

[Unknown]

That means we're no longer deputies because you killed the man who made us deputies. Deputy law is very strange.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Much like vampire.

[Unknown]

Much like vampire codes, you are now Bector. You are undeputized.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is this the deputy that sired you?

[Unknown]

The deputy that sired you has passed your racked irregular men. Now, you were the one who killed the deputy who was deputizing. Or the new deputizer. CBS Thursdays. I didn't ask for this power. You've got A deputizer. Boy. John, come to bed. What are you doing? You're a deputy. Oh, gosh, why? I don't know. This pilot's long. You're gonna have to get that pharmacy out here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So the deputy falls because he's been shot and killed. And that causes. He falls down and his shotgun goes off. And his shotgun shoots John in the leg. And the two newly deputized guys just run away.

[Unknown]

Yeah. I mean, they didn't train us for this. They didn't train us for anything. We were just getting drinks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Clay goes after them, but they got away. He comes back and he yells for a doctor.

[Unknown]

You two are also doctors. Come on. You're a nurse. You're a scalpel kiddie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He pulls the deputy's body over to John and said, quote, look here, John, this is the SOB that shot you. Everything's gonna be all right. You will be well soon.

[Unknown]

I don't know how him dying helps.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You take his life force.

[Unknown]

Do we not have any? He doesn't have any. He doesn't have any life force.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're both arrested, but the charges will be dismissed on the grounds of self defense.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And John recovers.

[Unknown]

Wow. He was right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Now, Clay might have been tired of all the chaos.

[Unknown]

Sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he sells his ranch on March 3, 1877, to John for $700. And he goes to Hays City, Kansas, where he settles down as a cattle broker.

[Unknown]

Cattle broker? Oh, Jesus. Is there anywhere to get meat around here? Does anyone know of a place that holds meat?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm looking for city meat. Do you have any meat? That's mostly from the city.

[Unknown]

Hello. I'm the Shurance gent. I'm next door. I might want a half. Look over here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm the meat maw. I'm upstairs.

[Unknown]

Insurance gent and meat ma don't get along. We're finally having it out in the streets. Your assurance jet. Your assurance jet. With our powers combined, they just form one big guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Meat insurance jet.

[Unknown]

Go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Meat Mo.

[Unknown]

For those of you listening, it's also not killing here. Oh, this is from Legends of America, too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, you can see him on there. He was at this point very well known and feared all over the West. The papers always wrote when he visited dodge city, about 100 miles away, a local paper wrote, quote, his appearance is striking. Tall, straight as an arrow, dark complexion, carries himself with ease and grace. Gentlemanly and courteous in manner never portraying by word or action the history of his eventful life.

[Unknown]

Always naked, got a ribbon around his nutsack. Super weird. Likes to tuck it. Walk backwards, he says. Doesn't it remind you of Gonzo from the Muppets?

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Dodge City is obviously well known. Everybody knows Dodge City. So Wyatt and Earp and all that shit. Cattlemen were often robbed and shot and beaten up. And the cattlemen said the marshals were pimps and gamblers and saloon men. So the law took cowboys guns when they came to town. And the Dodge marshals had no problem shooting you if you got one through. So it sounds like on one occasion, Clay came to town with his crew and they went from saloon to saloon, drinking as they do. So you know, clothes are coming off at some point.

[Unknown]

Of course. Absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And so Wyatt Earp and his marshals got ready. But a big cattle owner who also owned a saloon got involved and talked Clay's gang into hanging over their guns, which stopped an inevitable shootout with the Wyatt Earp gang. Okay, so in 1880, Clay moved to Hemphill County, Texas, next door to his brother in law, Lewis. And they had ranches and they were often reported to of the nonsense that Clay was up to.

[Unknown]

He's still doing the bullshit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So sure enough, he rode nude through the streets, yelling that he was buying drinks at the saloon.

[Unknown]

We're good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The sheriff told Clay to get off his horse, but he spurred it to speed up and rode down Main Street.

[Unknown]

It's awesome that he's wearing the boots. It's a great look.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Then he got off, pointed his gun at this. So he's also holding his gun naked.

[Unknown]

Holding his gun. Holding his gun while riding naked. Was spurs on?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Hey, you stop that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He got off, he pointed his gun at the sheriff and told him to go to the bar. And then he made the sheriff drink until he couldn't stand. And then he rode off. I mean, that's pretty good.

[Unknown]

I mean, I'd rather that than what we're dealing with now with cops. That's like just like. If you could just fill them full of whiskey, be like, you look bit of a clown.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In October 1833, he sold his ranch and he and Dora moved to the Seven Rivers.

[Unknown]

I can't believe him and Dora made it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please just play as if she can leave.

[Unknown]

You mean because he's so appealing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. They moved to the Seven Rivers region in New Mexico. And on August 9, 1885, they had a daughter, Addie. Dora. In the summer of 1886, he finished a cattle drive to Cheyenne, Wyoming. He had a toothache, though. He went to a local dentist.

[Unknown]

Oh, no. The cat guy's gonna die.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Call the cabin. Fuck it is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The dentist was scared shitless because it was Clay Allison. And as he started working, Clay realized it was the wrong tooth and bolted it out of the office and went to find a different dentist. That dentist managed to pull the correct tooth. And after Clay went back to the first dentist and held him down in the chair and pulled the molar with a pair of forceps. Well, how do you teach him a lesson? How does he learn?

[Unknown]

Wow, that's fucking great revenge. I'm not gonna lie. Just on, like, a base level. Yeah, that's pretty great. Also, how the fuck. Like, wouldn't you be like, no, that one doesn't hurt? He's like, this one. His next dentist was like, I'm pretty sure it's this one. Get it right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So then he started trying to pull a second molar. And the dentist was screaming, oh, the fuck?

[Unknown]

He's. Oh, my God. One's plenty. I'm gonna take your wisdom teeth out. Otherwise they're gonna get all janky up front. You'll thank me later.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So the dentist was screaming, and a bunch of men came running and pulled Clay off the dentist. But obviously no punishment. They were like, all right, thanks for coming to town.

[Unknown]

Do you want to book your next appointment?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The Allisons moved once more to Pecos, Texas, 50 miles south of the New Mexico border. On July 1, 1887, Clay was taking supplies on a wagon to his ranch when a big sack of grain fell. Clay tried to stop it, but ended up falling off the wagon. And the wheels of the wagon rolled over Clay and broke his neck.

[Unknown]

Can you do that? To the tune of the wheels on the bus go round.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Clay over Clayton with heels on the way, went over Clay.

[Unknown]

He died from grain. Can you think of all the shit this dude went through? A bag of grain killed him. A bag of grain. Did you get the fuck off me? Grain. He was, like, shooting it the grain of the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then cut to him as a little boy, his dad takes his last breath, and he looks at his father, whose head falls on a bag of.

[Unknown]

Grain, and Clay goes, I hate you, grain. And then the grain made that classic grain sound.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So when he falls and the wagon rolls over and breaks his neck, then the horse is reared up, and this caused the wagon, which was almost just like a seat on a board, it almost decapitates him, basically. So broken neck and then almost decapitated on top.

[Unknown]

I love the horse is like, back up to it again. One more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've won the horse, you son of a Mexican horse is from South Dakota.

[Unknown]

Oh, okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Getting a little bit of a. You know what? They were playing the long game.

[Unknown]

Are you talking to me or. Yes. Okay. Feels like you were. Okay. Sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He died 40 miles outside of Pecos and he was 47.

[Unknown]

Wow. That is a rough. That is a rough 47, bro. He's probably like 43 there or something. Oh, wowee. Jesus Christ.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Apparently hundreds of people went to his funeral. And his second daughter. Clay. Pearl. Clay was born seven months after Pearl.

[Unknown]

Clay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pearl Clay. Seven months after he died. And Doyle ended up getting remarried.

[Unknown]

She did, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And she's only 20 or whatever. I mean, she's literally 25. So she.

[Unknown]

Cool. That's awesome that he's dead. That was crazy. Now I can pick someone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sources. Legends of America. I remember Clay Allison. Portrait of a Shootist by Chuck Parsons. A Sudden Death in Similar by Philip Rush and the Ford County Historical Society.

[Unknown]

The true story. And the ribbon cock.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And the ribbon cock. Ribbon cock's going to come back.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Tie a ribbon on the old man's cock. Wow. Lucky name.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Those are your people.

[Unknown]

Yeah. Wow. That was a lot of murder. That's a lot of murder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a lot of murder.

[Unknown]

A lot of murder. All justified.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, it's crazy how many confederates and stuff move to the West. The same racist shit here. I don't have help.

[Unknown]

This is what happens when you go around and talk to that area.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now I think that was the mole bird Mulberg.

[Unknown]

Oh, fuck. Well, we should probably get out of here because we do have a second show, right? What time is the second show?

[Gareth Reynolds]

At 10, eight minutes.

[Unknown]

Oh, wait, is that clock wrong?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that's fucking hilarious there for us. You're like, yeah, we've been watching it the whole time. Well, I'll tell you what, we drove around today and daylight savings was like, we actually don't work here, so fucking clocks are going backwards. It's like we were in a dolly painting. We were like, wait, what time is it?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We lost a half hour.

[Unknown]

We were like, you're on the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Arizona doesn't really.

[Unknown]

Arizona does Hawaiian time. So they said, fuck it, but. Well, we have another show next. We're doing an old story, but we really don't remember shit from it. So if you're so inclined, stick around. If not, appreciate you all coming out. Thank you guys very much. Enjoy the rest of the. Hey, Dollop fans. I know you love the Dollop. You love listening to the Dollop. Do you want to watch the Dollop? You're like, gareth, what are you talking about? By the way. It's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five parter animation, which is actually like a 22 minute episode or 30 minute episode, I can't remember, of the rube, you can go to LakeSide Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It. It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the rube.