706 - Mike Lindell - Part One

Summary

The Dollop Episode 706: Mike Lindell – Part One

Podcast: The Dollop with Dave Anthony & Gareth Reynolds
Release Date: October 21, 2025
Episode: 706 – Mike Lindell, Part 1
Research: Josh Androsky
Main Source: Mike Lindell’s autobiography, "What Are the Odds? From Crack Addict to CEO"

---

Overview

In this episode, comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds embark on a hilarious and incredulous exploration of the early life of Mike Lindell—the controversial “MyPillow Guy." The focus is on Mike’s wild backstory: a chaotic upbringing, formative brushes with addiction and gambling, repeated (and often fanciful) brushes with death, and the ongoing spiral of self-destruction that precedes his ultimate "redemption arc." The hosts delight in Lindell’s over-the-top autobiography, poking holes in his self-mythologizing and providing comedic commentary on the absurdity of his tales—all while maintaining their signature banter and riffing.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Dollop’s Approach & Banter

• Opening Dynamics: Dave and Gareth emphasize their antagonistic banter, with Dave jokingly introducing Gareth as his “enemy” due to a missed lunch.
• Tour & Recording Logistics: Discussion of being on tour, recording remotely, and some lighthearted tour anecdotes (03:11).

---

2. Mike Lindell’s Early Life

Timestamp: 04:22 – 08:38

• Dramatic Childhood upheaval:
  • At age 7, Lindell’s mother abruptly moves the family from a lakeside Minnesota home to a trailer park beside a pickle factory, prompting a lifelong sense of social discomfort.
  • "In those days, there was smoking and there was sugar and nobody cared." – Mike Lindell (04:42)
• Attempting to Fit In:
  • Lindell copes with his new environment by “showing off”—organizing carnivals, performing daring stunts.
  • Notable quote: “When my little sister Cindy drank water, then jumped up and down, the sloshing sound in her belly was loud, freakishly loud. None of the kids could believe it.” (07:38)
  • Gareth wryly points out this is a sign of child hunger, not a carnival trick.

---

3. Adolescent Antics & Addiction

Timestamp: 09:36 – 18:53

• Gambling Runs in the Family:
  • Mike grows up idolizing stories of his grandfather, a saloon gambler, and begins betting on sports and cards as a teenager.
  • “He keeps doing crazy things. We just don’t know what to do with him.” – School Principal (09:15)
• Early Alcoholism:
  • Discovers the self-medicating powers of peppermint schnapps as a teen: “It’s like sucking Santa’s dick. It’s a delicious alcohol helping me with the...” – Gareth (11:52)
• Brushes with Death:
  • Series of outlandish near-death stories, including car and motorcycle crashes, almost drowning under ice, and an implausible skydiving accident where the parachute didn’t open but left him unharmed.
    • “Yes, I crashed my motorcycle and survived a skydiving accident on the same day.” – Mike Lindell (18:53)
• Hosts’ Take:
  • Dave and Gareth question the veracity of these stories, pointing to Lindell’s penchant for hyperbole and tall tales.

---

4. College Dropout & Crossing into Addiction

Timestamp: 19:43 – 28:39

• Dropping Out:
  • Lindell leaves college at the cusp of the Iran hostage crisis, convinced the world is ending.
• Initiatory Gambling Trip:
  • Drives to Vegas with a friend, loses all their money, and miraculously (or so he claims) wins thousands at craps with his last $5 chip, launching him into the addictive highs and lows of gambling.
    • “That was the first time I’d been all the way down. And then one big win.” – Mike Lindell (23:13)
• Compulsive Gambling Escalates:
  • Mike sets up a casino in his trailer, bets thousands on credit, and ends up in debt to mob-style bookies.
  • Classic Dollop humor as Dave and Gareth riff on mobsters leaving threatening notes in Hardee’s bags: “Because here’s the thing about the mob. They always use terms like ‘physical force.’” (27:25)
• Daring (and Dubious) Escapes:
  • Mike flees town and concocts schemes to avoid or pay off debts, reinforcing the episode’s theme of credibility-stretching anecdotes.

---

5. Criminal Hi-jinks and Rock Bottom

Timestamp: 32:00 – 47:52

• Failed Robbery for Protection:
  • Mike tries to get arrested (to hide from the mob) by faking a gas station break-in, leading to a high-speed police chase and a bizarre string of events.
• Public Embarrassment:
  • After jail time and local infamy, he’s told: “You need to leave town. You’re never, ever going to live in this town.” – Local bar owner (33:59)
• Debt, Court, and Family Estrangement:
  • Debt mounts ($25,000+), relationships fray, and all attempts to secure further bank loans fail due to a clear lack of “moral character.”
  • “Part of our decision on giving a loan is based on moral character.” – Bank response (37:13)
• Gamblers’ Self-Justification:
  • Transition from “criminal” to “pathetic gambling addict” as a form of self-excuse.

---

6. From “Normal” Addict to Crackhead

Timestamp: 51:54 – 68:15

• Introduction to Cocaine:
  • Friends get into cocaine, and Lindell is immediately hooked:
    • “That day, cocaine became my new best friend. Not only did it match my pain, it made me feel like I could conquer the world.” – Mike Lindell (52:44)
  • Gareth and Dave mockingly extol the "virtues" of cocaine-fueled productivity, then quickly caution, "Don’t do it. But... yeah, there’s nothing better," lampooning drug culture.
• Decline into Crack:
  • Eventually, Lindell violates his own “just say no to crack” pact and becomes a full-blown crack addict.
    • “Let’s promise each other we will never, ever smoke crack.” (66:49)
    • "A few months later, Mike smoked crack..." (66:53)
  • “Even Mike’s coke dealer told him, ‘I told you, never ever smoke crack. You’re done now.’” (66:53)
• Life Unravels:
  • Marriage collapses, Mike becomes a “social crack smoker,” avoiding home and responsibilities while bar life and addiction spiral.

---

7. Wild Stories & Escalation of Lies

Timestamp: 68:15 – 77:29

• Implausible Street Encounter:
  • The infamous ‘help me fix my truck/sharing cocaine with muggers’ story is dissected and dismissed by the hosts as pure fantasy (69:57).
• Imprisonment and Prison Antics:
  • Multiple DUIs, stint in jail, comical (and false-sounding) claim that he started an “It’s a Small World” singalong that took over the prison (75:59).
  • Gareth: “This didn’t also did not happen. This is just not what happened in prison.” (75:59)
• Financial Ruin:
  • Debt balloons to hundreds of thousands; desperate attempts to card-count in Vegas fail; loss of his beloved bar "Schmitty’s" (77:24).
  • “Made it snow by throwing a thousand dollars into the ceiling fans and watching it blow everywhere.” – Mike Lindell on the closing party (77:24)

---

8. Self-Mythologizing and Christian Redemption Arc

Timestamp: 77:29 – End

• Dave points out that only the “Christian redemption” narrative lets Lindell’s parade of lies slide:
  • “The only reason people believe this absolute just endless stream of bullshit is because he became a Christian. Because they always want to hear how bad you were before you became a Christian. The redemption.” (78:05)
• Lindell’s stories snowball in extravagance, painting an ever-grander "before and after" for his eventual transformation.

---

9. The Birth of MyPillow

Timestamp: 80:00 – 81:12

• Epiphany Moment:
  • After losing everything, Lindell supposedly wakes at 2am, consumed by the phrase "my pillow."
    • “I grabbed a notepad and started writing My Pillow, My Pillow, My Pillow over and over again. I wrote it a hundred times.”—Mike Lindell (80:57)
    • Proclaims to his daughter: "I’m going to invent a pillow and it’s going to change the world."

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Lindell’s Fantastical Claims:
  • “There’s a shade of reality... but some of this might have happened to someone else or whatever.” – Gareth (56:00)
  • “He’s just like, what if Fonzie did coke?” – Gareth (56:09)
• On Crack Use:
  • “Even Mike’s coke dealer told him, ‘You just ruined your life.’” – Dave (66:53)
• On the Unbelievability of Lindell's Tales:
  • “Rolling into a fire and then rolling his car. And that one hurts.” – Gareth (71:17)
  • “The only part of this that happened was that he took his son to a bar and smoked crack and got caught.” – Dave (76:35)
• On the Structure of the Story:
  • “Let me just say, if you watch Mike Lindell, he is very clearly, on normal, back on drugs now and he’s fine. He’s, yeah, he's a fucking disaster.” – Dave (82:06)
• Closing:
  • “End of part one.” – Dave (81:11)
  • “Wow. Wowie wowie wowie wowie. I’m gonna make a pillow." – Gareth (81:12)

---

Timeline of Notable Moments

• 04:22 – Mike Lindell’s family suddenly moves to a trailer by a pickle factory.
• 09:15 – School principal complains to Lindell’s mother about his attention-seeking behavior.
• 18:53 – Lindell claims to survive a motorcycle accident and a failed skydive on the same day.
• 23:13 – Mike’s first big craps win in Vegas: “That was the first time I’ve been all the way down. And then one big win.”
• 27:25 – Threatening note from “the mob” left in a Hardee’s bag.
• 32:00 – High-speed police chase after foiled gas station robbery.
• 37:13 – Bank refuses to loan due to “moral character.”
• 52:44 – Lindell tries cocaine for the first time; “That day, cocaine became my new best friend...”
• 66:49 – “Let’s promise each other we will never, ever smoke crack.”
• 69:57 – Fanciful tale of almost getting mugged, offering to split $6 and share cocaine.
• 75:59 – Prison-wide “It’s a Small World” singalong.
• 77:24 – Bar closing: “Made it snow by throwing a thousand dollars into the ceiling fans...”
• 80:57 – The “My Pillow” epiphany.

---

Tone and Comedic Style

Throughout the episode, Dave and Gareth maintain their irreverent, sarcastic style—relentlessly poking fun at Lindell’s self-aggrandizing stories, pushing each other into more ridiculous riffs, and highlighting the sheer absurdity of the tales. The episode underscores the ambiguity between truth and Lindell’s brand-building myth, all while riffing on addiction culture, the American Dream, and the power of storytelling—true or otherwise.

---

Conclusion

Part One of The Dollop’s Mike Lindell saga is a whirlwind tour through claimed debauchery and madcap invention—a primer on the mythos that Mike Lindell crafted in his own words, as dissected by two of America’s wittiest historical commentators. It ends just as the “MyPillow Moment” dawns, promising more chaos, lies, and lampooning in Part Two.

---

Transcript

[Dave Anthony]

Foreign. It is fall 2025. The Dollop Podcast is going on tour in October. October 20th will be at the Vic Theater in Chicago. October 21st will be at the Kent Stage in Cleveland. October 22nd, Lincoln Theater in Columbus, Ohio. October 23rd, the Old National center in Indianapolis. The 26th, the Barrymore Theater in Madison. The 27th, Turner hall in Milwaukee. 28th, Pantages Theater, Minneapolis. October 29th, the Uptown Theater in Kansas City. And then finally, October 30th, we will be at Cervantes Cervantes Masterpiece Ballroom in Denver, Colorado. You go to get tickets@dollar podcast.com tour that is this. October 2025. You are listening to the Dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. This is an American history podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to my enemy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Stop it.

[Dave Anthony]

This is what this is. These are new established rules as of today.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Started over something very small.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't think so. I think it started. It was started with, yes, I was going to meet the hosts of Knowledge Fight for lunch. And you were supposed to come.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I said.

[Dave Anthony]

And then you said you were not coming. And now you're my enemy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I couldn't. And by the way, I wanted to meet those dudes very badly because I've thought that I met Jordan from that show two different times. One time, One time I agreed to do a podcast. I remember that on the road that I thought was him. And then I showed up and I was like, wait a minute. All these little details that didn't add up early have no longer add up at all.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, you were not missed because you're our enemy. Our enemy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not their enemy.

[Dave Anthony]

No. Hello, Governor. Hello, Governor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello, Governor. Hello, Governor.

[Dave Anthony]

Hello, Governor. It's the biggest spicy means.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello, Governor. Hello, Governor.

[Dave Anthony]

Hello, Governor. Hello, Governor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello, Governor. Bang Isn't mine.

[Dave Anthony]

Hello, Governor. Hello, Governor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello, Governor.

[Dave Anthony]

I like a spicy meatball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello, Governor.

[Dave Anthony]

Hello, Governor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello, Governor.

[Dave Anthony]

Hello, Governor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello, governor.

[Dave Anthony]

Footy. June 28, 1961, the year of our Lord J Town. Old Jeezy, as He's also called JCPenney. He's all of those.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do not call him JCPenney.

[Dave Anthony]

That's. That's the what? The kids know that one. Like, the kids understand that one. That's a little joke we should point out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're on tour in the same hotel in our rooms doing this.

[Dave Anthony]

The reason we don't want to record it together is because that would include Luke, and Luke means an extraordinarily long uploading. Could it ever be uploaded situation. So what we call. We decided to do it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's what we call Luke Factor.

[Dave Anthony]

We said do it on Zoom instead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're on tour. We're starting our tour. So if you want to come to a show, go to dollapodcast.com and doll heads, we see you and we love you. You know what to do.

[Dave Anthony]

Luke picked me up from the airport last night and I got to the hotel and I opened up the door of the van and $2 rolled out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not ones from our fans either. Luke just. Luke's been rolling with those separate. Well, we were just. Before we started, we were just talking about how Luke was like, we got to bring a small. You guys, we need an emergency gas thing in the van. And we were like, okay. The more we dug into why the details were that we needed that was because Luke slept in the van on accident for seven hours. With it running in the Rocky Mountains in the middle of nowhere.

[Dave Anthony]

Michael James Lindell was born.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Dave Anthony]

What happened? Sometimes Gareth knows right away. There's no secrets. I mean, he was born in the small town of Mankato, Minnesota. Quote, in those days, there was smoking and there was sugar and nobody cared.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you didn't want to do this one in Minneapolis?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did you think about it?

[Dave Anthony]

It's too long. I asked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, this is two parts.

[Dave Anthony]

It might even be three. I've only finished the first part, but I asked. I asked Josh Androski to do the research and he sent it to me and he's like, there's no way. This is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is. I cannot believe we're on the precipice of a three part Mike Lindell episode.

[Dave Anthony]

It could very well be when he was 7, his mom, suddenly, she just comes in the room and she tells him and his sisters to pack up. They're leaving. So they barely have time to find his, like, Matchbox cars, his toys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Leave your pillows don't even bring your pillows.

[Dave Anthony]

They get into an already running station wagon and take off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

And they have. They were living in a lakeside house, like a Brady Bunch style sort of home. And then they drive two and a half hours to a trailer park next to a pickle factory. And that's his new home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I feel like if you. This is. This is like an X Men origin thing where it's like. And then lightning hit the trailer park pickle house. And out of an Uzi egg, Mike.

[Dave Anthony]

Lindell reemerged, always smelling of pickle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've Got an idea for a pillow.

[Dave Anthony]

So this began Mike's sort of lifelong feeling of social discomfort and feeling like he doesn't really fit in. Right. He's never cause that sort of jarring change at a young age. How old?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's just.

[Dave Anthony]

He was seven when that happened.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, terrible.

[Dave Anthony]

Like, no leeway to know you're moving.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just, seven's brutal because you can recall it, and yet you're a baby.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. And it sets up deep feelings of like, oh, God, what's gonna happen?

[Gareth Reynolds]

But he turns.

[Dave Anthony]

Excuse. Yeah, he does turn up line. So he learned soon the best way to deal with it. And that would follow him into adulthood, which was showing off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He. I live next to a pickle factory.

[Dave Anthony]

He would put on carnivals in the trailer court.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you don't need to look far for.

[Dave Anthony]

He had homemade boardwalk games.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he did present to you the drunken man.

[Dave Anthony]

No, he's still a child. Don't. We don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The woman who can smoke two cigarettes at once.

[Dave Anthony]

Late night pickle eater.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The man on the other side of the glory hole.

[Dave Anthony]

He put on carnivals. He even had a freak show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the one I was talking about.

[Dave Anthony]

Quote, when my little sister Cindy drank water, then jumped up and down, the sloshing sound in her belly was loud, freakishly loud. None of the kids could believe it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Terrible. I'm gonna tell you one thing that it does not make me happy to explain that this is a symptom of a child being hungry.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, he's got. Oh, you. So you're saying this is a starving child Food in the stomach that the water is sloshing down because there's a lot of room in there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not a skill. This child has gone hungry, and yet.

[Dave Anthony]

It sounds like a skill.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I mean, I'd be there. I mean, it's. Where are you gonna find some food? Like a. I mean, it's not like you live next door to a place that produces it.

[Dave Anthony]

He did his best not to avoid being bullied. Once he dared the bullies to bury him neck deep in dirt instead of beating him up so he could show off his, like, Houdini like, escaping skills.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just like a better way to beat you.

[Dave Anthony]

Instead, he was almost run over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, don't just kick my head. Oh.

[Dave Anthony]

Instead, he was almost run over by the trailer park manager's truck when he was buried.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They did do this.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, they put him in there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[Dave Anthony]

Another time, he jumped out of a moving bus going 30 miles an hour.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I now present to you. My next trick.

[Dave Anthony]

I am the great idiot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am the great suicideini.

[Dave Anthony]

Buddy landed safely in a snow bank. So he's fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Minnesota.

[Dave Anthony]

When he gets to school, the principal is waiting for him, and he has his mom on the phone. And the principal's saying, quote, he keeps doing. Oh, the mom. He keeps doing crazy things. We just don't know what to do with them. So they're. They're like, you know, he's out of control. He's. He's trying to be the. The. The fun guy, right? The.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

It's not, though. It's not a way I've ever heard of it, though. Like, it's not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. These are screams for help. I mean, if we're going to serious. Yeah, these are. He's our help. Yelps.

[Dave Anthony]

So he goes. He goes to high school. He discovers he's very good at math, and he felt like he could rely on numbers. Quote, they didn't change on a whim, and they didn't trick you. So he's. He's still dealing with the. We moved abruptly.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's obviously numbers. Don't hit Mom.

[Dave Anthony]

He's just sitting in the room holding a four.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Mike, honey. Yeah, yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Well, we should probably let the numbers go because it's almost 11. Yeah. Yeah. So it's almost 11. So it's way past when you're supposed to go to bed. So can we just lay down? Well, we can do a little. We can.

[Dave Anthony]

Everything goes away. Well, nine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, we're gonna go to bed. Okay. So we're gonna. We're gonna turn off the lights. You're not. Good night.

[Dave Anthony]

What'd you say?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good.

[Dave Anthony]

So he took advanced calculus classes, but his academic reputation suffered because he was undiagnosed a D. Adhd, if you can imagine, an undiagnosed ADHD person. And terrible at group projects because he is also very shy. And then Gareth, he finds this thing that helps you with shyness. Alcohol. Alcohol specifically. He got. He. He's in high school, so I think he's like a freshman.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's fine.

[Dave Anthony]

He got really into peppermint schnapps and slow jam, which I also drank.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was gonna say schnapps. I mean, schnapps to me was a bridge into the world. Yeah, it.

[Dave Anthony]

Because it's like a candy flavored alcohol.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like sucking Santa's dick. It's a delicious. It's a delicious alcohol helping me with the.

[Dave Anthony]

With the. Well, when you say delicious alcohol, and.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'S like Eating a healthy ass around the holidays.

[Dave Anthony]

Again, we're not on the same page at all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Beautiful. But, yeah, I think we're saying that the message from the podcast is. That's what we said.

[Dave Anthony]

None of what you said is beautiful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely.

[Dave Anthony]

I was thinking one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

Jesus. And sophomore year, he gets into gambling as you do in your sophomore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sophomore. You know, I. I'm getting so many of these goddamn ads now for, like, gamble on everything. Will it rain tomorrow? I mean, you can and you can.

[Dave Anthony]

And there's all these different apps. Like, you can gamble with us. Oh, gambling's illegal in California. Not if we use this app.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dude.

[Dave Anthony]

Getting a lot of that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's really.

[Dave Anthony]

It's good. It's a sign of a healthy society.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To gamble on how bad things are going to get.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So he just starts betting with friends over sports and stuff at first, and then that kind of, you know, that's not enough action. You don't get a great feeling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Seems like he has an addictive thing going on.

[Dave Anthony]

Then he moves on to bookies and he's making bets. Bookies and. You know, the kind of bookie that would take action from a teenager. That kind of awesome.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, what are you thinking? Saturday?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Well, okay, we got different odds for pre puberty, post puberty. Where are you at right now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

How many freaking times I gotta tell you? Don't talk to me like that.

[Dave Anthony]

You don't sound like you're done the puberty yet, so I'm gonna give you eight. Eight to one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I got more hairs than a bunny race.

[Dave Anthony]

Let's see if we already bet on how many hairs you have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no, come on. This is like Teen Wolf but with a pubis.

[Dave Anthony]

Drop them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait a minute.

[Dave Anthony]

He loves. He loves the. The rush you get from a last minute gambling win. You know, whether it's cards or sports, at that last minute.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We all do.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's an exciting time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a. Gambling is extremely. There's a lot going on in your body. The problem is it's fleeting.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Yeah, it is. And gambling was actually like a tradition in the family. His grandfather Chuck, quote, dealt so many hands of cards, his fingerprints were worn away. Oh, I mean, look, that's obviously not real. That's hyperbole saying he get. He's saying he gambled a lot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's okay.

[Dave Anthony]

His grandfather worked at a saloon in Deadwood and he hung with Bugsy Siegel in the 40s. And he would just. He would drive around telling Mike stories about those days.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, you know, romanticizing it, building it up. Sounds awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

That's what I did with Finn and crack.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And that's what your dad and I used to do.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

When your dad would drive me around, he would just tell me these great stories that just drive you around. Oh, gosh. This is probably in the first two years of the podcast. Your dad and I would take a lot of trips. We'd had a lot of trips. Yeah, we did a bunch of stuff. Your dad was honestly a real adventurer. He was like a cool Anthony Bourdain. You pop.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, his. His blood was slow gin. You know, they found that right when.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. He also had a bit of peppermint snaps going. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

He died from a hammer claw blow to the back of the head.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's crazy too. It's like if we ever find the son of a that did that, this podcast. This podcast is. Is really just becoming a. A. It's almost becoming a. My favorite murder about who got your dad. So, Karen, Georgia, feel free to cover this stuff. And we're trying to find out who hammer clawed the back of slow gin Anthony. Because Dave's dad was a legend. He was my best friend. He is my best friend. And he's gone.

[Dave Anthony]

To fun Mike's gambling habit. He worked at a drive in ticket booth, and with him there was a very cute blonde girl named Donna. And they started dating. His first relationship. And then he took a second job at a grocery store where his new stepdad, Fred worked. And he saved up and bought a Ford Mustang. Nice. Which then he then very quickly totaled.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nice.

[Dave Anthony]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cool. Yeah, that's. Yep. Nice.

[Dave Anthony]

And then one night, he's driving Fred's pickup truck. Around 3am he's coming back some friend's house. And he's very sleepy. Sure. So as you do when you're asleep driving, you put your head out the window. Yeah. To stay awake. Awake and Absolutely.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Turret.

[Dave Anthony]

The next thing he said, he saw himself, like in a third person, like shooter video game sort of seeing himself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Well, that's one of the side effects of keeping yourself awake with your head out the window. You're gonna see a third you.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. And then he's standing in a farmer's yard yelling for Fred. And he's very clear about this, that he wasn't yelling. He's watching himself. Yellow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

And so there's a farmer in the farm house and he hears this crash. And then he hears someone screaming, Fred. And he comes outside to find this pickup truck just wrapped around an oak tree. And Mike had been flung 20 yards from the wreck, I assume out the window, because he's halfway out the window.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So, yeah, it's an easy. It's an easy lift at that point.

[Dave Anthony]

And the next thing Mike remembers is he's in an ambulance, and he heard the EMT say, quote, we have no pulse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yep. Oh, yeah. This is. But again, I mean, you're awake.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. And at the hospital, the doctors are very shocked because he doesn't have a broken bone, he has no internal injuries, and he walks out of the hospital the next day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do we. Does this. Re. Who told it? Who told the doctor?

[Dave Anthony]

I have a very. I have a very hard time believing that one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. I was gonna say.

[Dave Anthony]

But we're gonna go with his. His tail, though. We're gonna.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, yeah. I think.

[Dave Anthony]

Part of his magic is the crazy lies that he tells.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I choose to believe.

[Dave Anthony]

Sure, sure. So this starts a series of brushes with death. He's sort of living an upper Midwest Final Destination movie scenario.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

He falls into a lake once and gets trapped under a sheet of ice. He's very close to being electrocuted once by a, quote, bolt of power so massive that it shut down half the. He wrecked a motorcycle twice. The second time, he said he was on his way to a skydiving lesson where he. He smashed into the ground because his parachute didn't open at 60 miles an hour. Quote. Yes. I crashed my motorcycle and survived a skydiving accident on the same day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So his. Just to be clear, his skydiving accident was he fell from a plane and his shoot didn't deploy.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he hit the ground and was. Okay. On the same day that he crashed.

[Dave Anthony]

His 60 miles an hour, he hit the ground.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

But all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just pieces together.

[Dave Anthony]

Right? I mean, he's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what? This is what I think it sounds like a guy who someone to keep.

[Dave Anthony]

Alive is looking out for. That's right. Someone. There was a bigger mission for this guy. And knowing what he likes to sleep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And knowing what I know.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

God damn, were they right. Because we needed this guy.

[Dave Anthony]

Boy, did we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This guy needed to be around this guy dying in a skydiving accident. But imagine what the world would look like without that guy.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right. When Islamic revolutionaries seized the US Embassy in Tehran, Mike quit college. Who gave a. About studying if the world was gonna end. Right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

He moves in with a friend, but he gets kicked out pretty quick by the friend's family because he kept throwing huge parties.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, okay.

[Dave Anthony]

But. Although that's what Jesus would have wanted, so I shouldn't say that yet, because he's not a Jesus guy yet. He's just a kid. No. So he buys a van and.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whoa, whoa. Just getting. Right now I'm feeling it.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did he go on the Rockies and sleep?

[Dave Anthony]

In 1980, Mike convinced his buddy Rick to drive with him to California. And they're gonna stop in Vegas on the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh.

[Dave Anthony]

Quote, when he walked through the doors, I saw the lights flashing, levers cranking and coins clinking, and I felt like I. Cranking levers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh.

[Dave Anthony]

They said lovers or lovers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Lovers don't crank.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, some do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've been cranked.

[Dave Anthony]

I felt like I had just entered a giant money factory. From that first breath of stale cigarette smoke and Aquanet, I was in love. So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like this guy.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, he's kind of fun, but a money factory would be a place where you bring in different supplies and then turn it into money and you leave with that money. This is not. I. I would. A money factory doesn't quite. I mean, it's a money factory for the guys who own it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but you. But maybe that. A. Maybe that's what he's talking about. And B, it has the vibe of a money factory. He.

[Dave Anthony]

Again, I disagree.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He doesn't know yet that all the lights, the oxygen levels, the sounds, the smells, they're all there to make you feel like it is a money factor.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. He almost immediately lost every dime he had.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. See, sometimes the factory bangs you.

[Dave Anthony]

Now Rick's not happy. They're not going to make it to California. Now, that's quite.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're five hours away, and you're like, well, this trip is completely ruined. Now we got to go back all the way back home.

[Dave Anthony]

He goes. He's bummed. He's tired. He goes to sleep in the back of the van. And Rick. I mean, Mike is just upset. He has guilt and he's. He's depressed. And he sits in the passenger seat just thinking about what he's done. And then he notices five shiny silver dolls on the dashboard. That was all that Rick had left. That's what he brought with them to the casino. He still had it, but he's asleep. This is. And. And look, Michael, get him back, Right? If he borrows, it'll give him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. And he takes it. And he walks into the casino. And he said when he walked in the casino, he heard his grandpa's voice. Quote, craps has the best odds in any casino.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, why didn't you tell me that before? Where were you when I lost it all.

[Dave Anthony]

Grandpa, I was playing Money Hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Dave Anthony]

Will you throw the money in the hole?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, man. Tell you what. I lost it all on money Hole.

[Dave Anthony]

It's really. It looks like it's such a good idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Take another hit.

[Dave Anthony]

And so it's true. That's actually true. Craps just had the best odds. It's. It's like the only socialist form of gambling. If you play it the right way, everybody. You winning makes everybody win. Right. Everyone's in it together. So Mikey never played, and he asked the dealer where to put his one $5 chip. And the irritated dealer is like, just put it on any number, kid. So Mike picks six, and then he rolls a six, and then he rolls another, and then another and another. And he keeps rolling until he's up over $2,600, and then he actually cashes out. Quote, that was the first time I've been all the way down. And then one big. What I didn't know was that for the addicts, much of gambling isn't about winning at all. It's about betting. But he may. He's got money now, so go back to Missouri. I don't know why they didn't go to California at this point, but Missouri or Minnesota. Minnesota. And he buys his own trailer. Because he's got fucking cash now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

So he's got his own trailer in the trailer park now. What are you going to do with a trailer? You got trailer and trailer park. I mean, you make a mini casino. Garrett.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I was going to say. Yeah, you turn in. Exactly. Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

Like, because I think all. All of our favorite memories from trial that are going to a trailer park mini casino.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Without question. Best odds.

[Dave Anthony]

And now he is wagering hundreds or thousands of dollars at a time on credit, regardless of what is in his bank account.

[Gareth Reynolds]

His trailer park casino.

[Dave Anthony]

No, that's on the side.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then he goes into actual casinos.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, well, he's betting with bookies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, right, of course.

[Dave Anthony]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

Now, in June 1981, he's down about 12 grand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where's Grandpa? Sorry I've been so derelict.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, I said craps. That's about 42,000 today. He's 20 years old.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good, good.

[Dave Anthony]

And the day he was scheduled to repay it, he just doesn't. And he goes into work at the grocery store and went to see his manager, and he grabs his manager by the collar and said, quote, you have to do me a favor. If you see anybody that looks like a Mafia type, let me know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

At a grocery store job, which is.

[Dave Anthony]

A great thing to Hear from an employee?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, absolutely. If the mobs here, you never saw me.

[Dave Anthony]

So they had like a little code. And less than an hour later, over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The manager agreed I would be like, hey, yeah, get the out of this grocery store.

[Dave Anthony]

What about not working here? I don't want the mob come in here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what? How about this? Instead of coming up with a cute little single for when I see the mob go.

[Dave Anthony]

So over the. Over the intercom, he hears Mike, telephone, line three.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And that's Mike, the mob's here.

[Dave Anthony]

Mob's inside.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Mike, the mob in aisle five.

[Dave Anthony]

He just bolts, goes back to the trailer park, and then he hides in a friend's trailer until midnight. Nice. And then after that, he goes back to his trailer and he hides there. He's like, just windows closed, you know, all that stuff. And just before dawn, he hears someone come. So he. He hides in the closet, and someone is like, tries the door and is looking in the windows.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The mob is just so weak.

[Dave Anthony]

Not that great. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what are we gonna do? I tell you what, this door is pretty locked, boss. I suppose we can't do anything.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, if there was some way to get to a trailer park door. But it's like the screen door's got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The little extra lock on the handle, so I don't know if we're gonna be able to get in. God, this guy's thought of everything.

[Dave Anthony]

So he. He hides in the closet for hours after it sounds like they left. He's just so scared. And then he finally comes out in the morning, and outside in front of the door is a Hardee's bag with writing on it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Carl's Jr. For those of you who've.

[Dave Anthony]

Never traveled, quote, mike came to get our money. Bookie was with me. Physical force may be needed. Call me. Because here's the thing about the mob. They always use terms like physical force.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And they communicate a lot of times through Hardee's.

[Dave Anthony]

They do. That's like their main thing. Anytime they're going to go to maybe rough someone up, they got a Hardee's bag just in case the person's not there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, should I say it's from us? Absolutely. We're all going to sign it like a get well card.

[Dave Anthony]

So Mike decides the way out of this is to get a bank loan. And he goes to the bank, and he is completely honest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the banker's like, okay.

[Dave Anthony]

He was, well, I've lost money to some bad guys with some betting, and I need cash right away. I gotta have 12,000 and he got it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is this before JG Wentworth?

[Dave Anthony]

Yes. 15 minutes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I made a lot of bad bets at my bookie will kill me called JG Wentworth.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just so obviously fake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you gotta let him cook.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm sure, I'm sure there's a grain of truth in here somewhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that's what happens though. He's told this story 800 times now. So eventually this is what happened with Brian Williams. He was telling that story about how an RPG was being like, shot. It's like, they told it a few times, nobody was like, bullshit. And then so by the end they're like, now, yeah, that's exactly what this is.

[Dave Anthony]

So gets the money and he arranges to do the drop off with the mob bookie, whatever, at a mall. And he said a short little fat man he'd never seen just casually walked up to him and just happily took the envelope. So he got away with it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It'd be so fucking great if after all that, they're like, all right, so our guy's on his way in. Wait, but I, I just gave it to a fat guy. Yeah, he's not with us.

[Dave Anthony]

So of course he learns nothing because he really didn't get harmed in this. Except his credit's probably. Well, although I don't think they had credit back then. I don't think they had credit going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To a bank for bookie fees.

[Dave Anthony]

Pretty great. Pretty great. So about two years later, he now owes $25,000 to even worse mobsters. And this time he handles that by just getting shit faced and just sleeping on other people's couches and never gone home. And then one day he thought it would be safe to spend some time with his mom and stepdad. And he's got a 10 and 13 year old, half like siblings. And the phone rings. Quote, we know you don't care about yourself, but you're living with a pretty nice family.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no.

[Dave Anthony]

So they sound like a really bad movie version of a monster. Yeah, so he drops the phone, he says he's crying, and he lets out a guttural howl and collapses. And then he lays in a fetal position. And then he starts to think and he's like, oh my God, if they called, they're on their way here, by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This floor is so uncomfortable.

[Dave Anthony]

My neck is all, I don't like sleeping here.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just wish there was a. I wish there was a better way to sleep on something. So.

[Dave Anthony]

He runs to his car and he, he has to go through the passenger side window because the driver's side is jammed, he can't open it. I know a lot of people. That used to be very common.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was so funny. I was always like, no, no, no, no, we're right side car only, my man.

[Dave Anthony]

And then he went straight to a liquor store and he bought a case of beer and he just drove around all night, just drinking the case in a total panic, trying to figure out what to do. And he decided, he decided, quote, just break into a place and wait there to get arrested. So then he'll be in jail. And he says, at least I will think they will think I tried to get the money and I'll be safe in jail.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Break into like a business?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, well, yeah, like pretending you're going to rob something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

So it goes to gas station and he walks in and he goes to the cash register and he grabs some checks. And then he waits and then he realizes there's an employee crouched in the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Corner just like trembling. This is so. I mean.

[Dave Anthony]

Jesus Christ, don't you wonder what actually happened? But yeah, he's hiding in the corner trembling. So Mike runs to his car and mostly out of shock, he threw the checks in the air and then just fucking takes off. And as he's pulling out, he almost slams right into a cop car and speeds off. And he ends up leaving the cops on a high speed chase through St. Peter, Minnesota. And after five minutes, he hits a curb, pops all four tires, and he has to try to climb out of the passenger window.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not. Sorry, Autumn, I'm not trying to flag everything, but pops all four tires.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I know there's some problems. That's pretty difficult to do or crashed it like. But yeah, pop it off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pretty hard to pop all four, unless you're my buddy Oren, who went the wrong way over those spikes exiting a parking garage. And as soon as he told, he told the group, I was like, I'd replace all four tires. We were like, it's crazy. And then we all were like, wait, so you went over it with two and then kept going. He was like, yeah, I didn't realize what was happening. We're like, what?

[Dave Anthony]

So he comes to in a jail cell and his dad is there to bail him out. His OG dad, who he had not seen for 20 years, but his OG dad's like, yeah, I don't care. And he just sends Mike back home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So his OG dad bails him out.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How does he know he's there?

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know, because it was on the news. So maybe he saw oh, okay, sure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

So now, because it's on the news, all of Southern Minnesota knows. And Mike goes into his local bar, and the owner looks at him and goes, quote, mike, you need to leave town. You're never, ever going to live in this town. So he's charged with a dui, fleeing the police, and felony theft. Plus, he still owes the money to the Mafia. That hasn't changed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The 25?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. He tries to go to the bank to get a loan, and he probably.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was like, well, you're my last resort. But I'm not gonna lie, it's bookie fees. They're like, what? Yeah, last time the gentleman just let me get all the stuff out. So this time it's twice as much.

[Dave Anthony]

You still owe us $14,000.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't have it.

[Dave Anthony]

I know, but we're not going to give you another loan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, Bob, it's me, Mike. I need to borrow $12,000 to repay the bank.

[Dave Anthony]

It's 14 now, because 14 because of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interest, the bank's on my ass. So if you load me that, then I could get that, then I could go back to the bank, and then I can see if they can float me the money that I owe you. No, hold on. Hey, bank, it's me, Mike Lindell. So talk to the mob. They're not going to give me the 14. Grand Cloud account. I owe 25. So in order to get your 14, I'm thinking you give me the 25, then I pay them back, then I can ask them for the 14. Boy, I love numbers. That I could get the 14, and then I'll come back here, and then I could probably pay you back your money, but then I'm gonna need to borrow 14 to go pay them back.

[Dave Anthony]

I feel like you just like saying numbers, and that's all. That's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hold on. Okay, so I just talked to the bank, Bob. So, look, they're not gonna give me the 14 or the 25. And I know I owe you the 14. I owe you the 25. They're not gonna give me the 14. What I'm thinking is you just fill up a Hardee's bag with as much cash as possible. I'll go home, I'll count it, then I'll be able to go to the bank. I' probably get the money out of them. It could be 14,000. It could be 15,000. It could be 12,000. It could be 13,000. It could be $8,388.22. Oh, numbers.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah. So, no.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, just feel it. So, Rowdy, you know my favorite number?

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Self. 60. That's where you. 60 D. You're on.

[Dave Anthony]

No, no, we're all right. Yep. If you think about that, that's not okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You ever had a reverse Blumkin?

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's pretty gross. You want to know what it is? Specifically?

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. I'm not going to tell you because it is really bad. You spit.

[Dave Anthony]

Take a little bit. I drank. My goodness. I really shouldn't have drank. Right then, Quote, part of our decision on giving alone is based on moral character, so they're not going to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I mean, good Lord.

[Dave Anthony]

But Mike's plan to get arrested so you don't get your legs, you know, broke by the mafia kind of works. They kept their distance because they know that everyone's watching him now. Like, you know what I mean? Like, he's genius. Sort of version of famous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

In. In the area. So Mike knows they're bidding their time. And at his court date, he said. A woman leaned over to the defense table and handed Mike a note that said, quote, you're doing a good job. Don't give anyone our names.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, wait, who said that?

[Dave Anthony]

Mike said that at. He's at court and a woman, random woman, hands him a note that says, you're doing a good job. Don't give anyone our names. Like the mobs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, the ma. Oh, okay. Right. Okay. That's hilarious.

[Dave Anthony]

That's so dumb.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you have our money Check?

[Dave Anthony]

Yasser Nolip is brought to you by Cash. Yes, Gareth, the Cash App, of course, is. What does it sound like? It's an app where you can send money. Send money to people. You get money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Digital cash.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. And when you. You can also get a Cash App card, then not only do you get access to a lot of different perks and benefits, like early access to concerts, pre sales and discounts on brands, but then you get extra security. You can. You can use it to instantly lock your. Unlock your card right from your phone and just a tap. And if there's like a suspicious transaction that pops up on the card, Cash App's got your back. They're your boy. By automatically declining the purchase and sending you a heads up to confirm if it's you or not. And behind the scenes, you can be absolutely sure that knowing your account Balance is protected 247 Fraud monitoring, all the good stuff. Spend with peace, Gareth. Peace of mind. And order. A Cash App card in the app or just a Cash App card? We both use Cash App.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We use Cash App a lot. Cash App on the road. Cash App. We're cashing apps.

[Dave Anthony]

Wow. Did you come up with that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It wasn't good.

[Dave Anthony]

Catch me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I.

[Dave Anthony]

Protection. I mean, they protect you from getting scammed. And, you know, there's some. There's a lot of red flags out there, particularly right now. I'm getting hit with a lot of AI stuff. It's like, what you doing, bro? Like, it's getting more advanced. So having something like Cash App to kind of be able to protect you from the. The nightmare. That. That is a spam. It's pretty good. So we do protect Cash App and Gareth, why don't you send me like, say 500 bucks right now just to show the people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, just to make sure that it works. I'm going to send it to you right now, Dave, and. Okay, it went through, so return it.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, thanks, buddy. I'm keeping that. So, for a limited time, new Cash App customers. Yeah, I asked you to send it and you sent it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but. So I thought we were going to thank you.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, but yeah, maybe in the next ad. For a limited time, new Cash App Customers can earn $10 if they use code Secure10 in their profile at signup and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners. Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member fdic. Discounts provided by Cash App a Block incorporated brand. Visit cashapp.com legal podcast refer disclosures. Gareth. Yes, the DOP is also brought to you by Squarespace website Daddy Allinone website platform. It's going to help you stand out and succeed online. Doesn't matter if you're just starting out of business. You've been around for a while. Gives you everything you need to claim your domain. Showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, get paid. It's all right there. It's in one space, Garrett.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One Squarespace. Stop.

[Dave Anthony]

I was going to do that. What happened was you interrupted me. We don't do that on this podcast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait. So confusing.

[Dave Anthony]

There's a. There's a lot you can do with Squarespace, which we do, of course. We have all of our websites with Squarespace. Mine, Garris. We have the podcast.com and get all your tour information and you can link to the tours. We also have a merch store there and you can do whatever you want. You can get paid on time with professional on brand invoices.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't forget the SEO tools. Don't you ever forget the SEO tools Search Engine optimization. Very helpful. Very helpful.

[Dave Anthony]

Why don't you tell them what search engine optimization is?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just where you appear in search engine results and how it'll help you people who are looking for you or looking for your website. Squarespace helps to make sure that you're the most searchable version of whatever's out there for yourself.

[Dave Anthony]

Plus streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Look, we use it. We use it because we like it. We use it because it's. It's very simple to. To work and it looks great. The templates are awesome. Looks very professional. We cannot recommend it enough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Love it. The easiest, the best. Can't beat it.

[Dave Anthony]

So check out squarespace.com. for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code DOLLOP. Save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com. for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use Offer Code doll to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Do it, Gareth. We are also brought to you by Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over one and a half million people. You can feel great about what you're putting in your body since natureful hair growth supplements are backed by peer reviewed studies and NSF content certified, the gold standard in third party certification for supplements. I use it. People think I look luscious. I've been compared to Bigfoot.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You do.

[Dave Anthony]

Look, I get. Excuse me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Excuse me.

[Dave Anthony]

I've been. I have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why don't you just say you have more hair?

[Dave Anthony]

But I.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Telling people that that neutrophil is turning you into a Sasquatch.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm not saying it's turning. I'm saying that it has turned me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Concentrated to your head. That's where the hair goes.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, yeah, but doesn't Bigfoot just have hair on his head?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, you're thinking of Dirk Nowitzki.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, I always get those two confused.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's a.

[Dave Anthony]

People say I look like Dirk Nowitzki.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's got a great head of hair.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh. His nickname is Bigfoot. So you can feel great about Neutrophil. You can take it. You can get a nice luscious head of hair. People are gonna want to touch it. They're gonna want to hug you. They're gonna.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

People are gonna make love to you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And just please.

[Dave Anthony]

I want to make love to me when I look in the Mirror, please, Gareth. Gareth is also using Nature full now and people want to make love to him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's. I've not heard any of that. Just. That is not.

[Dave Anthony]

And the other thing is they say his head is like a Bigfoot head.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I just. We should probably rerecord the whole ad. I mean, let's just be frank. This. The whole thing is not. It's in the wrong direction.

[Dave Anthony]

Not the face part. The top.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just. I'm sure it's somewhere it says just.

[Dave Anthony]

Go to neut called Bigfoot top.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

See, thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding. In just three to six months with Nutrival for a limited time, Neutral is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. When you use Nutrival.com the dollar. Find out why Nutrival is the best selling hair growth supplement [e-mail] spelled n u t r a f o l.com the. That's nutrifol.com the dot com. I use it. People, I use it. Think I look great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You look great. You're hot. You're hot.

[Dave Anthony]

To try the guy my lover, Gareth says it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm into you.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm into me. He. He's a white suburban man in the 1980s. So he. He pleads guilty to misdemeanor theft and a dui and he gets five years probation and then a few weekends of work release. So then his bookie gets popped for counterfeiting and gets 30 years.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's great. That's on. That's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

So he's in the clear. And now he can tell people why he did the crime. He's not like a. Just a dirty little thief. He was a pathetic gambling addict. And that's why he did it. His grandma said, quote. Oh, Mike, I knew there was something behind that. I knew that wasn't who you really were.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love that excuse. I'm not a bank robber. I'm a degenerate gambler who's also a thief. I knew he had a heart of gold.

[Dave Anthony]

Good boy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's the best.

[Dave Anthony]

Mike had spent a lot of money trying to start a feeder pig operation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A what?

[Dave Anthony]

Right before. A feeder pig operation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Huh?

[Dave Anthony]

Feeder pigs. Yeah, Right before the bottom fell out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

So he owed the bank 4,000 for the pig situation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or 40 paintings.

[Dave Anthony]

He realizes he could use his natural math ability for good. Learn how to count cards in Vegas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Dave Anthony]

All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, definitely. Cool. Definitely two. There's a lot of queens left in that deck.

[Dave Anthony]

So this is. This is not for fun. It's business.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

And he promised himself he wouldn't get up. He would just hop from casino, casino, making 300 bucks a night and then send it to his mom. But one night he gets kicked off a table by a pit boss who notices that he's counting cards.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How do you know someone's counting cards?

[Dave Anthony]

I. I don't know. That was my first thought.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, if you're on a.

[Dave Anthony]

How do you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why wouldn't every pit boss. Anytime some guy's up, you'll get the. Out of here. We know what you're doing. But I think, obviously, counting cards. But how do you like Rain Man?

[Dave Anthony]

I think is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Real. It's a documentary.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a documentary about Dustin Hoffman before he became an actor. But, but, but I don't. I wonder, like, how you can. I mean, even if you're watching, it's like, you know, anyone who's intently serious watching everything, you'd be like, he's counting cards. And why is that illegal? That should be legal.

[Dave Anthony]

No, it should be illegal to just be like, why? Yeah, why can't you count cards?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, hey, he, you.

[Dave Anthony]

You're too smart. Get the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Out of the.

[Dave Anthony]

Hey, you figured out how to win. And we don't like that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There are some gentleman's rules here in this nightmare of poverty creation. You're not allowed to count cards. You're not allowed. Or win real big.

[Dave Anthony]

So he, after that happens, he goes to a bank of slot machines, and he's playing three slot machines at once.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't. And then you're counting levers. Get out of here.

[Dave Anthony]

And then this dude comes up with his parents, and they ask, hey, can he play one of the slots? And it's his 21st birthday. And so Mike's like, yeah, sure. And on the kid's first pole, the machine starts going crazy. Sirens. And he had won the jackpot 1.5 million.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Have you ever been a casino where, like, you've won on, like, really? The only thing I ever play anymore is slots, if anything. But I've had it before where, like, I've hit. And then like some weirdo, like, three machines over. That was my machine.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I've had that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, that was my machine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was. I'd work at that one for six hours. And then you came over that you got it.

[Dave Anthony]

I feel like I had.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would, like my friend.

[Dave Anthony]

Me or my friend had this word. I think it was my friend. He won. And then this guy came over, was like, I just left for two minutes. To go to the bathroom. Like, he was all mad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Buddy, I'm sorry. Well, you know, we both know someone who we won't name who won, like, one and a half million dollars playing the penny slots. One million, whatever it was. But it was like that person, like one.

[Dave Anthony]

He doesn't have it anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's a real Mike Lindell story, I guess.

[Dave Anthony]

I ever told you my college story when I didn't have enough money to pay rent the last last month? No. My rent was 300. Everyone just shed blood when I said that. My rent was 300, and it was the last. My very, very last semester in college. And I would just tell my friends I had $38, and they were like, let's go to Vegas. What's the difference? All right. So we literally piled in this car at midnight and drove to Vegas. Got there kind of late because there were some stops. And I got $10 in coins and went down to the casino because we got a room. I went down to the casino, I put three in nothing. Three in nothing. Three in. I won $300. And I just put it all in the cup and went, okay, I'm done. And then just went to the room and slept and paid my rent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was just the. I ever tell you about the story where I. My friend needed $300 and so he took the money and we lost everything in Vegas. And then the mob shot, made him dig his own grave and killed him in the desert.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah, you said that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's so funny. That's just being young.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. I wish there was, like, a moral to it, you know?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't make friends with a guy named Rick.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So. So Mike leaves the casino just, like, tormented, right? This kid won his money, and somehow he. He stays the course. He keeps counting cards. And over 40 days, he wanted of money to pay off the pig money and everyone he owed. So he's out of debt by gambling or counting cards. By 1984, he's living on a friend's couch and he's drinking, he's gambling. That's his life. But his friends get into this new thing that everyone's doing called cocaine. Mike's never done it. He didn't really like at that point being around people on drugs. He found them very annoying.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That holds.

[Dave Anthony]

But still depressed by the judgment he feels from the people in town. Mike told his roommate one morning that he didn't feel like doing a dang thing. And his roommate pointed at a small pile of coke on a mirror and said, try doing some of that well.

[Gareth Reynolds]

To be fair, it's true. Now you're gonna feel like doing something. And more cocaine.

[Dave Anthony]

Now, that was a rock.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh.

[Dave Anthony]

So he puts a rock of coke in his mouth between his cheek and gum, and a rush of euphoria.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Treated like a zins.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that's what I do. A rush of euphoria instantly shot through his entire being, and he grabbed the straw and vacuumed up everything that was left. Quote. That day, cocaine became my new best friend. Not only did it matter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go ahead. Go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

Not only did it match my pain, it made me feel like I could conquer the world. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That we're gonna, like, find a. Of goose feather, and we're gonna put it in a pillow, and I'm gonna call it my pillow.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, he gets a job as janitor at a drive in and made enough for Chevy Suburban, and he started working at a bar, and then he opened a carpet cleaning business.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dude, people understand how much different this. Like. Like you were saying before about the rent. It's like this. This is the. Like this could happen. It's not regular, but she was like, I got a job. I'll save money. I'll invest it in a future. These were things that just kind of were a thing. They happen.

[Dave Anthony]

You used to be. Used to be able to easily get a job and say, just get a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Job as a Lyft driver, right?

[Dave Anthony]

So he meets a beautiful woman named Karen during a bar shift, and he used his newfound coke powers to get over his intense social anxiety and talk to her. After a little persistence, she agreed to go on a date with him. And then she goes on a few. Mike didn't want to talk about being an alcoholic cokehead who owes tens of thousands of dollars to bookies, but he couldn't really talk about anything else either. At least not in an interesting way. And so Karen breaks it off because she thinks he's boring.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

And Mike spirals out of control. He gets 17 traffic tickets in two days.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What bull this is. Of all the fucking bullshit. This one is the biggest bit of bullshit.

[Dave Anthony]

He bet his roommate that he could roll through a giant bonfire.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, if your roommate says that, take that action.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, you always take that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

He borrowed someone's leather jacket to do it and dove into the fire, only to get stuck because his roommate purposely put dog in the middle so he could win the bet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a funny prank. That's a. That's a funny prank to pull on a roommate. And it is. And. And anyone who hears that, it thinks it's violent or aggressive. It is a goof. And he was goofing. It's funny also to put a speed bump in your roommate's fire roll.

[Dave Anthony]

I agree. I also think back then there were more fire pranks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we were. Dude, this before ridiculousness.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So this was. This was. This was. This was pr. This was pretty ridiculous. This, this is when we. We didn't really know where our fire pranks would land us. But no, it was just a bonfire. Goof was always a good goof.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, I'm gonna push Trey into the fire and hope he dies. That's good. That's funny.

[Dave Anthony]

So Mike ended up with second degree burns and he ran and jumped in his Carter and sped off only to roll the car to corner.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's just. Oh man. It's just. Imagine if this was real.

[Dave Anthony]

It's so. It's so. The guys who just lie all the time are fascinating to me because it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just the pathological pace.

[Dave Anthony]

There's a shade of reality.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's some of this stuff happened or drug head.

[Dave Anthony]

Right. But they're all. This stuff is like, no, but some of this might have happened to someone else or whatever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean. Yeah. He's just like, what if Fonzie did coke?

[Dave Anthony]

So one one night he climbs five stories to the top of a drive in movie theater screen and moon the crowd. But then slipped and had his pants and underwear come fully off. And he almost fell to his death in front of a Cheech and Chong movie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now that would have been the best.

[Dave Anthony]

Now here's the thing. He told all of these stories at his five year high school reunion. Which people remember. But that doesn't mean they're real. That just means that he told it at the high school reunion.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That maybe that's a little more interesting to me though.

[Dave Anthony]

It is. So. So there is a degree of reality to it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But he or his disease set on early and fast.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Also at the five year reunion, I'd be like, hey, cool Mike. Shut the fuck up.

[Dave Anthony]

1986, Mike goes back to Vegas and he stole a big jar full of change and 13 book blank checks from his sister's boyfriend. And packed everything he owned, which is a fishing pole, a pocket knife and a pair of binoculars and necklace and a gas station card. And he headed out his first stop, Circus circus. America's greatest casino. Where I did spend a lot of time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

If a flipped car and a bonfire and cocaine were to be a hotel circus circus where murder clowns are the logo.

[Dave Anthony]

Where's the one place you think would be the best place to chew mushrooms and go to Vegas. And it turns out, oh, no, that's the worst place to do mushrooms.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I could see it going either way.

[Dave Anthony]

It's not great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was at o' Shea's once, which I don't even know if that still exists, and I was hammered. And it is a hole. It's such a hole that I remember the dealer saying to me, sir, you cannot eat a Subway sandwich and play blackjack. I was like, you're right. You're right. You're absolutely right.

[Dave Anthony]

His only gambling memory was exchanged. His only memory was exchanging the jar of $180 for chips. He doesn't remember gambling it. He woke up the next morning, quote, praying that when I did open my eyes, I would be somewhere other than Vegas. Instead, I cracked my bleary eyelids to see a giant clown staring in at me through the dirty window.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? Oh, obviously I'm gonna kill you. This is like if Rainbow man just was like, I'm gonna lie for a little bit.

[Dave Anthony]

So he ran from the clown and from Vegas back to Minnesota. And he decided he's going to change his life. It's time for rehab. And it got sober.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here we go.

[Dave Anthony]

He also decided, now he's a Christian.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He just decided that pre rehab or.

[Dave Anthony]

Or during rehab, probably during. And everyone.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the only drug they could pass around rehab.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. And everyone would support him if he just said he's transformed. Like, he accepted Jesus. So he gets out and he goes to his sister's boyfriend who does not actually accept him. And he said, quote, what the hell do you think you're doing here? And then he and Mike's sister threw Mike's bed out of a second story window. So the Christian transformation does not work for some people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And so Mike says screw it then. And he went to go find some coke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. But something happened. Something, someone. Someone or something stopped him.

[Dave Anthony]

No. By the end of that second week, he was homeless and he got two more DUIs. So now it's really time for rehab. But by the end of this stint in rehab, he'd started an inpatient gambling ring and came up with a cocaine brained idea to make a million dollars food truck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sorry, you're gonna. You just told that like a cokehead.

[Dave Anthony]

What? He gets into rehab and while he's in rehab, he starts an inpatient gambling ring with the other people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

And then he comes up with a really cocaine type idea, and that's to make a million dollars with a food truck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Food Truck's not a thing at this point. Or they are. They're sort of like.

[Dave Anthony]

No, it is. It is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like the morning construction. Breakfast sandwich, coffee, food truck.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. You do egg and cheese on a roll.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And it's not really a million dollar idea. It's a idea you get by on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure. Kind of a nightmare occupation.

[Dave Anthony]

This rings more true than anything else because this is a pure cocaine idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

So he puts all of his efforts into this food truck and he still got Karen around. He's falling further in love with Karen. She does not love him back. She's still in love with her kid's father. And then her kid's father does something bad. Now, Mike. Sorry, I should have said that. Yet that comes later. My. Oh, wait here. So, Mike, Mike, because she's not loving him, he is like, I, I'll do more drugs. Right. That's one of his excuses, that she's not loving him back. And then something bad happens with the father and she's like done with the her baby daddy. And Mike, she's like, well, that guy's at least nice. And then he starts being himself around her more. And that's not good. They fall. They fall in love at the Minnesota State Fair. Apparently.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great state fair.

[Dave Anthony]

Magic happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great state fair. Maybe the best in the country. Great state fair. That's where I met Karen. That's where I met Karen.

[Dave Anthony]

Joe Garrish.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why? What did he do wrong? The dollop will be right back. Hey, guys. So we a lot of time. Are we not doing it? Oh, okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Sorry.

[Dave Anthony]

No, we were doing something else.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought I just throwed it. I just was going to do a hydro. I don't know. I didn't know what to. I was going to do a hydro.

[Dave Anthony]

So they got married within months.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Smart.

[Dave Anthony]

And celebrated by going to Panama City beach where they have an argument that ends with Mike punching a biker and running out on her to hide in a karaoke bar for four hours while he has no idea what.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She's a big oopsie hide guy. He's got a big case of the oopsies. I'm gone.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, he really does.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And by the way, what better place to hide out than a bar that nobody wants to go to, except for nobody wannabe actors. Yeah, the karaoke bar is a great place to hide.

[Dave Anthony]

But she doesn't leave him. And they have a daughter within a year and then they have another daughter, and then they have two sons and he's a married dad for the first 10 years of his marriage, he says it's the happiest time of his life. He buys a bar in 1990 called Schmitty's. Love it. Now, you may be wondering how he got the money for it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Food truck.

[Dave Anthony]

By winning a massive bet on a football game. Quote, probably the bears.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Probably not.

[Dave Anthony]

80. No. I guess it's the 90s now. Quote. I was having the time of my life. I had my own business and I loved working. So it didn't matter If I worked 15, 12, 20 hours a day. It was easy for me to do that because of my good friend cocaine. So he's still. He's still doing a lot of blow. And you can work on cocaine. It makes you focused and, you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll double down on it. It's fantastic work. If cocaine. Cocaine is. It's great. Now, I'm not just. I'm not trying to talk to the teenage. Yeah, let me get myself out of this one. Now, while cocaine will make you highly productive and you will be working at a level that you've never worked at before, a lot of times the stuff that comes out of it is the best stuff you've ever come up with or have done. So, yeah, if you can get it, just go ahead and give it a shot.

[Dave Anthony]

Also, one time we were on cocaine and my friend Annie was like, what about change banks? We just open banks and get people change.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Coinstar, the opposite.

[Dave Anthony]

And that eventually became a sketch on Saturday Night Live, a big commercial.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I remember that one. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Because there's no way they make money from giving change.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, but I think the message we're both sort of saying is it. It's. It's illegal and it shouldn't be because it is just so good if you get the right match.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't think we're saying that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, and I'll clean it up, so.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't think you will.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, of course. What are you talking about? So, to any of our listeners who have never done cocaine or try it, is don't do it if you've never done it. And if you. Because you will find that you, as a regular human, will never touch the level of intense work ethic and profitability that just two to seven lines will provide. And by the way, there's no better feeling than. Than, you know, tooting a big one and then putting it on your gums. That's just the best. And I would definitely recommend smoking cigarettes while you do it. There's nothing better. It feels like it's just the greatest feeling and the best productivity. And it makes booze more fun, too. Go ahead. Yeah, I don't do it anymore, but I think about it.

[Dave Anthony]

The regulars at his bar drank until closing time, and then they'd all head over to a guy, a guy named Toad's house for more booze and coke. And that little party situation went on for a while. But then within a few years, the fun started to turn. The cokeheads were going into back bedrooms with torches and turning coke into crack. And soon there were only two honest cokeheads left, Mike and his friend. And Mike looked at his friend and said, let's promise each other we will never, ever smoke crack. A few months later, Mike smoked crack. Quote, when I hailed, there was a whoosh. And I was instantly there. It was Coke times 10, at least.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Math numbers.

[Dave Anthony]

Yep. Even Mike's coke dealer told him, quote, I told you, never ever smoke crack. You're done now. You're through. You just ruined your life. The coke dealer's like, great, there goes another customer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There you go. You know what?

[Dave Anthony]

God damn it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I mean, Reagan was America's coke dealer.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or crack dealer, by the way.

[Dave Anthony]

By the late 90s, Mike was avoiding his house, living at the bar, watching his friends descend into full blown crackheads. And he was right behind them. He even got Karen into it on the rare occasions when he came home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love the social crack smoker. That's nice.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So few of those left.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, it's. It's such a short time period. You can do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Like their different levels.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

Small window with the bars. Marriage and everything kind of going down the tubes. Mike thought this is the perfect time to get back into card counting. But he's gonna do it right this time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Wouldn't gamble. He would simply do crack and count cards the way God intended.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So just to. Yep. I'm not. I don't want to have any inebriation of any kind. So I will only be smoking crack when I count the cards.

[Dave Anthony]

He took a card counting refresher course, but.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, everybody, welcome. For those of you who are dusting off this technique for the first time in a while, welcome back. For those of you who have never done it before, please open your syllabus.

[Dave Anthony]

This is part of the Learning Annex.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How you doing? Welcome to Prageru's card counting.

[Dave Anthony]

Still fucking weird. Yeah. But the class wouldn't start for two weeks, so he chose instead to test his memory at a Riverboard casino in Kansas City. And none of the limits at the tables were high. Enough to be worth his time. So he did the next thing he for sure remembered how to do. Snort cocaine and lose all but, like, $6 at the craps table. Now, the reason he didn't lose the $6 was because those ones were rolled up to do cocaine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not to make this too much about trucks, but I do remember that feeling when sometimes I'd be like, going to buy something, and I'd be like, oh, there it is. And I'd be like, undoing a rolled up dollar bill and, like, straightening it out, being like, there you go. Sorry about that. I was drinking a milkshake earlier today with this little dollar bill.

[Dave Anthony]

On his way home, he got lost and ended up in a very rough neighborhood in Kansas City and hit a pothole so hard that the camper shell flew off of his pickup. Wow. Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Wow, that sounds really. Wow, Mike, that's really something, man. So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sounds like a sick hole.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, he's pissed. And just then, two guys come out of the dark toward him. One holding a gun. And Mike had had enough, and he roared code. Put your gun away. I've got all of six bucks on me. And you can each have three. But first, you're going to help me put this camper shelf back on my truck. Also, I don't know how to lie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, hey, while we were about to rob you, and we will. We will help you with your shelf, because this is all taking place in your weird little head. There we go.

[Dave Anthony]

You've seen Vacation, the movie, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here we are.

[Dave Anthony]

I feel like he was watching Vacation. He came up with this idea, okay? So the guys, they don't know what to do, and they looked at each other and walked over to the camper shell and helped him put it back in and then started walking away. And Mike yelled, quote, get back here. I told you I had six bucks on me. I'm good for my word.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, this guy's reverse robbing himself.

[Dave Anthony]

And they started to feel guilty for yelling at him, and he said, quote, and I've got cocaine if you want to do a line.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, now we're talking.

[Dave Anthony]

That is the fakest story of all the stories that we've heard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know, man. We would need to have an awesome. Yeah, there's some real bangers in there. Rolling into a fire and then rolling his car. And that one hurts.

[Dave Anthony]

That one. Yeah. And also, I guess the one where he crashed his motorcycle and then went skydiving and fell.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Skydiving one, just fully total.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, the skydiving one, he should Be dead. So it doesn't make.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's gonna be dead eight times over. His mother must be a cat.

[Dave Anthony]

So he's back home. He gets more DUIs, so many that his license is taken away. But then he gets into. That's a hot streak, Gareth. Hot streak. He doesn't get pulled over for 12 years. Wow. But that streak ends in 2002 when he gets popped for what he calls a minor infraction. I shot charge. He was charged with a dac. Driving after cancellation. So that's when they completely take away your license and you're never allowed to drive again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I thought that cancellation happened when Kevin Spacey got pulled over.

[Dave Anthony]

And he gets a real. It's a serious offense, driving after your license has been canceled. You can't drive for any reason.

[Gareth Reynolds]

License being canceled is so great, isn't it? You canceled.

[Dave Anthony]

The judge sends him to home monitoring as long as he doesn't use drugs or alcohol. Alcohol. And every night he has to blow into a breathalyzer, which only tests for booze. So he just does a lot of crack. Great. And he's cursing along without drinking. And then his friend Wayne comes to town.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ugh.

[Dave Anthony]

And Mike figured you could have a couple of beers. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Look. What's the. Yeah, you know, you have a breathalyzer in your home that you have to blow into every night. You could definitely have a beer or two.

[Dave Anthony]

It's too close to midnight. And when he blew into the breathalyzer, an alarm actually sounds on the breathalyzer. I hope it's like a ship. Foghorn.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like if it's just like, you are drunk, you have drank. You are drunk.

[Dave Anthony]

So he has to serve 19 days in prison. Now, the Hennepin County Jail is a very comfy place for a guy like Mike. He's in the area where he has his tv. He gets to leave the jail every day for work release. Not that bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a real Epstein sort of deal.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. On his first day out, he takes the son to a bar to play pinball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the.

[Dave Anthony]

What? Where? How else are you gonna play pinball, buddy? What, are you gonna go to a pinball place? Let's go play pinball machines. Go play basketball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why don't we go to the bar and.

[Dave Anthony]

Bars. Well, here's the thing about the bar. He wants to go down. He wants to go down to the basement to smoke some crack before they play pinball.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There it is.

[Dave Anthony]

So he's like, I'll be down there for 10 minutes. But two hours later, he comes stumbling up and he bumps into a regular who is like, hey, man, I gotta. I got a little concoction that can make your urine clean.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a mojito.

[Dave Anthony]

Because. Because he's going to. He's going back to jail that night and he doesn't want to get tested. So he gets back to the jail and they don't test him right away and he's like, okay. But then three hours later, they test him. And that was long enough for the urine fixing concoction to wear off. So it lights up, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I'll tell you what, I knew this guy partied, but Jesus, I didn't realize we were dealing with like, the Hunter S. Thompson of betting.

[Dave Anthony]

So now the jail changes. They take away his work release, and he's transferred from the hotel part of the prison to the part the prison part of the prison.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The prison.

[Dave Anthony]

He's strip searched. He's marched through a walkway where other prisoners are catcalling and throwing garbage at him. He's put in an isolated cell. He couldn't see the other inmates, but he could hear them all. And it's just constant noise. And after several days, the rap songs are making him go nuts and desperate. He jams his face between the bars at the front of his cell and scream, quote, hey, our cells are so small. We should sing that Disney song. One, two, three, It's a small World after all. I start singing A Small World, and the other prisoners join in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This didn't also did not happen. This is just not what happened in prison.

[Dave Anthony]

And not long after it started, hundreds of men are singing It's a Small World. And even though he finished the song, he wants to go to sleep. The other men wouldn't quit singing. And it got so bad that the guards found out Mike was responsible and they hauled him in front of the prison shrink to try to get him labeled as a mental patient. Well, look, none of this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm ready to label him that.

[Dave Anthony]

The only part of this that happened was that he took his son to a bar and smoked crack and got caught.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am starting to believe that Mike Lindell doesn't even exist.

[Dave Anthony]

So he gets out and he's got to face the music. His debts are so high, he just can't skate by anymore. He's hundreds of thousands and he needs to make money immediately. And he managed to pay minimums by card counting, but he really just can't keep up anymore. The debt's just too high. Through it all, he was gambling on sports and losing big. And so he has to sell Schmitty's the bar. On the last night, he throws a massive party where he, quote, made it snow by throwing a thousand dollars into the ceiling fans and watching it blow everywhere.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nope. Next.

[Dave Anthony]

So he sells the bar to a bookie for hundreds of thousands less than it's worth. So he could get 50,000 in cash up front so then he could go to Vegas and count cards and make more money. So he does and immediately loses all the money and he goes back to the bookie to extort him. Quote, you know, if the bankruptcy judge sees I sold my little bar for so little, they'll come after you too. And the bookie gives him a little more money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Lies.

[Dave Anthony]

Lies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh boy, Mike, you're right. You got me pretty frickin scared. You're right. Okay, okay, I get it. I got a fantastic deal. What do I need to do?

[Dave Anthony]

The only reason people believe this absolute just endless stream of bullshit is because he became a Christian. Because they always want to hear how bad you were before you became a Christian. The redemption.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The redemption. The comeback. The comeback becomes bigger and bigger every time you tell it again. I mean, this is this. There's so many who do. Politicians get caught in all their fucking lies because they just. It's just you tell it enough and people start to go, wow. It's like the bigger like a celebrity becomes or like a con. The amount of comedians who were. I had one mic left before I could make my money. It's like, shut the fuck up.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So he takes the money that the boogie gives him, he goes back to Vegas, he loses all that money. And at the same time he becomes best friends with another crack addict who might convinced to go back home to his family. So he saved this crack addict.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Mike is a crack addict with another crack addict. And Mike tells this crack addict he needs to get his life together and go back home to his family. While Mike remains.

[Dave Anthony]

And he gives him what's left of his money for a train ticket and food for the guy to go home.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Take this. Crack is a dangerous drug.

[Dave Anthony]

He said. At the station, the two crack addicts stood embracing and weeping and wailing as they waited for the train until a crowd formed around them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ. It's a small world after all it's most places I went we ended up singing It's a Small World After All After All.

[Dave Anthony]

So Mike somehow makes it back home. And soon after getting home, he just thunderbolt Gary. I think it's. It's a dream. He's sleeping and he shoots up From a deep sleep. Quote I glanced at the clock. It was 2am Words from my dream were still running through my head. It was my own voice repeating words. Where's my pillow? I got up. I headed to the kitchen. I grabbed a notepad and started writing my pillow, my pillow, my pillow over and over again. I wrote it a hundred times. His daughter comes in for a glass of water and looked at the hundreds of pages of paper on the floor and asked what was going on. And Mike calmly said, quote, I'm going to invent a pillow and it's going to change the world.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

End of Part one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow, wowie wowie, wowie wowie. I'm gonna make a pillow.

[Dave Anthony]

The research is done by Josh Androwski. Source material for much of this episode is Mike's autobiography. So if he did something simple, you should probably take with a grain of salt. From Crack Addict CEO by one of the odds From Crack Addict to CEO by Mike Lindell. And also a little bit from the Guardian and the Business Insider. But yeah, that is really something. So this will be, this will either be two parts or three. I gotta see how much lying there is in the rest and if I want to cut a lot of it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's fun. It's fun. I think. I mean, yeah, listen, I don't mind listening to Mike Lindell self lore and.

[Dave Anthony]

Let me just say, if you watch Mike Lindell, he is very clearly on normal back on drugs now and he's fine. He's. Yeah, he's the fucking disaster. But that's the reason I think we don't really see him around like he's been cut out of the circle because I think he's just get him back in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get him back in. Oh, what's up, Garrett Force, doll heads? It's Garrett Force. Listen, I don't know what's going on anymore. Listen, go to garethreynolds.com because I have a lot of shows coming up. I'll be in San Diego, California, September 21st, Chandler, Arizona, September 24th, Springfield, Missouri, the 26th, 27th, four shows, Columbia, Missouri, September 28th. I will be at in Wichita, Kansas on September 30th at Vorhays. I'll be in Appleton, Wisconsin, October 1st, Fort Wayne, Indiana for two shows on October 3rd. Then I'm taping my special at the Den October 4th, Saturday, October 4th at Chicago, Illinois, garethreynolds.com Also I'll be at Rooster Tea Feathers in Sunnyvale, California, November 6th, 7th, 8th. I'll be in Omaha, Nebraska at the Funny Bone November 28th. November 29th I will be in Vancouver, British Columbia December 2nd and then I will also be in Seattle and Eugene right after that. Garethreynolds.com for tickets and information. Come on Garret Force, let's party.