708 - Joh Bjelke-Petersen - live with Damien Power and Chris Ryan

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dollop #708 – Joh Bjelke-Petersen (Live with Damien Power and Chris Ryan)

Date: November 4, 2025
Hosts: Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds
Guests: Damien Power, Chris Ryan
Location: Live in Australia

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Main Theme

This episode of The Dollop dives into the life and political career of controversial Queensland Premier Joh Bjelke-Petersen. In their signature irreverent style, Dave and Gareth, joined by Aussie comedians Damien Power and Chris Ryan, explore Joh’s origins, rise to power, record-setting corruption, and the long shadow he cast over Australian politics. The hosts and guests frequently riff on cultural differences, historical ironies, and the uncanny parallels between Bjelke-Petersen’s era and present-day politics both in Australia and the US.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Early Life: Nuts, Goiters, and Hard Times

• Birth and Family:
  • Born Johannes Bjelke-Petersen in New Zealand to Danish parents (03:15).
  • Family struggled financially; father Carl was a rigid, conservative Lutheran pastor with a goiter that required surgery, after which he became withdrawn and irritable (04:04, 06:22).
• Hardship:
  • Carl was too weak to clear jungle land, so his wife did it (04:17).
  • Young Joh is paralyzed by polio at 9, subjected to crude electrical treatments, and left with a permanent limp (08:25).
• Education & Early Ventures:
  • Drops out of school at 14, joins debating, becomes involved with church (09:56), invents a peanut thresher, and eventually gains financial independence through farming (12:26, 13:06).

Gareth: "I feel like the joke portion ended." (08:37)

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2. Path to Power: Peanut Money & County Politics

• Political Beginnings:
  • Wins a seat in the Queensland Parliament for the (now-defunct) Country Party at 36 (14:50), despite being mocked for lack of education and being called a "preacher and a wowzer" (prude/killjoy) (16:39).
• Platform:
  • Strictly religious; opposed drinking, gambling, imported films, public broadcasting of horseraces, socialism, and labor protections (16:58, 17:12, 18:55).
• Populism and Propaganda:
  • Builds a blue-collar, "man of the people" image with the help of media coach Alan Callahan. Launches "The Joe Show"—an early example of political propaganda via state media (38:37).

Dave: “He learned to fly and started an aircraft seeding company.” (13:22)

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3. Corruption and Control: The Golden Years of Graft

• Corrupt Machine:
  • Police corruption rampant, plainclothes cops assigned to collect bribes, refusal to cooperate meant demotion (25:13).
• Accusations:
  • Multiple allegations of cronyism, kickbacks (esp. oil), and benefiting from legislation—ahead of his time in blending political office with personal business (24:44, 26:15).
• Enemies of ‘Law & Order’:
  • Anyone who protested his policies or backed civil rights was branded a traitor (19:48).
• Hostile to Unions and the Left:
  • Gave incentives for union busting, stoked fears of "anarchy" and painted opponents as communists (35:04).

Dave: “He said you shouldn’t start an inquiry unless you know the result.” (81:02)
Chris Ryan: “Well, that makes logical sense.” (81:03)

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4. Dirty Tricks, Media Management, and National Influence

• Gerrymandering:
  • Introduces the "Bjelkemander," heavily weighting rural zones to keep his party in power despite getting fewer votes (35:57).
• State Violence:
  • Protest bans, state of emergency declarations, violent crackdowns on activists (anti-apartheid, anti-nuclear, labor, and gay rights demonstrators) (34:29, 54:38, 61:10).
• Anti-Gay Crusade:
  • Cops raid gay saunas, harassment increases, and a fully concocted “southern homosexual conspiracy” is cited as a threat (58:33).

Gareth: “We wanted to mine the Barrier Reef and we believed there was a gay army. Our bad. Get over it.” (59:27)

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5. Spectacle, Hubris, and (Finally) a Fall

• Personal and Party Enrichment:
  • Joh and associates take bribes, own companies getting state contracts, receive massive personal gifts (motorcycle, slush funds, cash bags) (85:18, 79:05).
• Nepotism:
  • His wife Flo is elected senator to shore up political and swingers’ support (74:01).
• Absurd Vanity Projects:
  • Proposes the world’s tallest skyscraper in Brisbane (88:33), pushes for a “God-sent mission” against socialism (86:13).
• Downfall:
  • Investigative journalists break the story of systemic graft; an official inquiry exposes the rot. Amid mounting evidence, his party ousts him after he attempts to barricade himself in the executive building and calls the Queen for backup (90:03, 91:28).

Dave: “[He] calls Buckingham palace to try to get the Queen to save him.” (91:28)

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6. Aftermath, Trials, and Lasting Legacy

• Trials and Scandal:
  • Dozens of officials charged, including “The Rat Pack” of corrupt cops. Key party cronies are convicted; Bjelke-Petersen only faces trial for one corruption and two perjury charges—hung jury prevents conviction (98:20, 99:13, 100:24).
• Consequence (or Lack Thereof):
  • Lives richly to 94, receives state funeral, eulogized by establishment (102:00, 103:26), leaving guests and hosts to ponder the embittering way the truly corrupt so often skate by.
• Parallel to Today:
  • Dave, Gareth, and guests hammer home the eerie similarities between Bjelke-Petersen's populist, divisive, and authoritarian style and modern right-wing leaders—both in Australia and the US (75:09, 106:00).

Chris Ryan: “That generation loved him… just like how we treat Reagan and Thatcher. Nostalgia blinds people to the harm these leaders actually did.” (104:11)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Early Toughness:

  • "You know about neck scrotums? Boy, look at that." — Gareth Reynolds on Carl’s goiter (04:57)

• On Method of Rule:

  • "If you won’t be part of the corruption, then they put you back in a uniform." — Dave Anthony (26:04)

• Satirizing US-Australia Parallels:

  • "You’re not going to see concentration camps, that’s for sure. Not happening." — Dave Anthony, mocking denial of state violence (34:46)
  • "It’s so trumpy and it’s crazy." — Dave Anthony, on Joh’s bombastic skyscraper dreams (89:26)

• On Sexual Education Policy:

  • "What’s fingering? That’s how you warm up that little zone, potentially—look I’ll be honest, she might want a bit of the, y’know..." — Gareth’s extended satirical riff on sex-ed under Joh (70:38)

• On Consequences for Corruption:

  • "So if you say you don’t know more than ten times in an inquiry, we guillotine you. Sorry, new rule." — Gareth Reynolds (97:05)

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Important Timestamps

• Introduction of Joh Bjelke-Petersen (02:49–03:44)
• Peanut farming and early entrepreneurship (12:26–13:27)
• Rise in politics, "Country Party" explanation (14:50–16:05)
• Bjelkemander / Gerrymandering explained (35:55–36:40)
• Building a propaganda machine: The Joe Show (38:37)
• Mass protests & state crackdown (34:29–35:55, 54:38–55:44, 61:10–62:44)
• Gay conspiracy and police harassment (58:33–60:17)
• Bribes, corruption scandals, and deficits (79:05–86:13)
• Retreat & attempted power hoarding (90:03–91:28)
• Downfall, inquiry, and legacy (includes trial and death) (95:03–103:26)

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The Episode’s Tone

• Irreverent yet Research-Driven: The hosts lean into absurdist, often dark humor, riffing on Australia's cultural quirks ("tucker," "chook," "meat safe") and the all-too-familiar patterns of authoritarian, corrupt populist politics.
• Satirical and Didactic: Consistently connects the past to the present, warning (through laughter) about the dangers of political apathy, nostalgia, and the myth of meritocratic accountability.
• Lively and Conspiratorial: Live audience reactions, interplay between the American hosts and Aussie guests, and bombastic bits (e.g. "beating people with their ancestors' bones") keep the mood electric and provocative despite dark subject matter.

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For Listeners Unacquainted with Bjelke-Petersen or The Dollop

By the end of this episode, you’ll understand why his name became a byword for state-level corruption and authoritarian excess in Australia—and why the echoes of his brand of politics still ring loud today. The hosts’ comedic chemistry and the sharp, unsparing local commentary from their guests turn history’s most depressing episodes into both the stuff of absurdist humor and somber warning.

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[Dave Anthony]

You're listening to the Dollop. This is an American history podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history, sometimes Australian, to a guy who says terrible things.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Gareth Reynolds, who, now that we're recording, I'm out of character. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. We're having a lot of fun.

[Dave Anthony]

I would say now you're in character, because before that was the real you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

As far as the listener at home is concerned, Dave, this show just started.

[Dave Anthony]

Just introduce the guests.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, we have two guests tonight. You know, a lot of times we have one guest, but when we come to our favorite city in this beautiful, strange land of yours, we like to bring the hammer down. We have two guests. Please give it up for Chris Ryan and Damian Powers. Let him hear it. Two great guests. No. Davion. No. Oh, you wore it better than I did. There's sleeves.

[Dave Anthony]

It's too.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who knew? Now that's how you wear a robe you stole from backstage.

[Chris Ryan]

It's too tempting not to wear a robe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It looks really good.

[Chris Ryan]

Is this a cape or a robe?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a cloak. And a cape. It's a cloak.

[Dave Anthony]

No, it has a name. It's. When you graduate, it's got a. Oh, right.

[Chris Ryan]

It's an official row.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yep, that's exactly what it is.

[Dave Anthony]

Birthing cape.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

I think it's a breathing cape.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Chris Ryan]

A brethren cape.

[Dave Anthony]

Sure. You're gonna have a baby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, I was just explaining to him how babies get made pre show.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, he's gonna learn a lot.

[Dave Anthony]

His mom is really upset.

[Gareth Reynolds]

His mom is furious. Yeah, without question. But the mom's not supposed to want the kid to learn that. The dad, he gets it.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, someone's got to break the seal.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. When your dad takes you to your first glory hole, it's really hard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, it's the best. I remember when my dad took me to my first one. I go, are you pissing? And he goes, sit down. And the guy behind it goes, I am.

[Chris Ryan]

An important moment in any kid's development. The glory hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I know I told you about the birds and the bees, but now I got to explain the bug. Hi, Chris.

[Damian Powers]

I think they've turned my mic off.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, Chris is not what I wanted podcast to be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, action.

[Dave Anthony]

It started really bad. January 13, 1911. Y' all know it's coming. Johannes Peterson.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pearson or Beerson?

[Dave Anthony]

Peterson.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Peterson. Okay. Johannes Peterson.

[Dave Anthony]

Bjelke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Bjerge.

[Dave Anthony]

Bjelke. Bjelke. He says it wrong. Peterson.

[Damian Powers]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Joel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know?

[Dave Anthony]

Oh yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No idea. All right.

[Dave Anthony]

You don't know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, what a compliment.

[Dave Anthony]

All right, well, hang on. Youngsters. He was born in New Zealand to Danish born parents.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Carland and Marin. They have three kids. Carl was a Lutheran pastor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Dave Anthony]

And he was. That's. He was transferred to Kangaroo Point. Brisbane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Kangaroo Point.

[Dave Anthony]

Carl was very poor, but they did buy several acres of jungle like land.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's great too. Did you get us a home? No, but what if we lived in the jungle?

[Dave Anthony]

Carl, he wasn't really. He was a weak fella. He wasn't strong enough to clear it.

[Chris Ryan]

So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Marin, I like how that's your barometer for stronger. Weak. He couldn't clear a jungle on his own. A real weak lent man.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, he didn't do it at all. His wife did it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's. He's just good at coercion. What if you did it? That might be good. There's a lot of kangaroos out there. Fucking get them.

[Dave Anthony]

She, her brother and father. Her brother and father helped. Carl was very rigid. Carl's very rigid, strict, conservative. He had a goiter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy fuck. See, we're a little off. Oh, wow. I gotta tell you, the reveal on that is unbelievable.

[Dave Anthony]

Shit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know about neck scrotum's boy, look at that. Wow. Kangaroos are like one of us.

[Dave Anthony]

You know how you get a goiter?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do I know how you get a goiter?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna guess. Some sort of infection.

[Dave Anthony]

Glory hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, we like to have fun. But come on, don't sour the experience for some of the younger generation here. Bullshit.

[Dave Anthony]

I looked it up, but I don't remember. And I also don't care.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are we allowed? We probably can't get make fun of a goiter. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

It feels like it's a very old thing that we don't have around anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So I could probably say a little bit like if a man were a frog and get away with it.

[Damian Powers]

I feel like it's a thyroid thing and all I can have is table salt. Something to do with salt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's salt related.

[Dave Anthony]

Iodine. Iodine salt. Yes, there's an iodine. There's some goiter. A lack of iodine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's a lack of iodine. Boy, would I be pounding iodine. Be like, buddy, relax. I'd be like, look, I'm trying to get laid out there. I can't.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, it's really iodine on iodine tonight.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, it's really salty.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dave, that's. Now you have to Keep it in now. You have to keep it in. And that's a shame because my reputation was gold in this town before that.

[Dave Anthony]

So he has surgery, but after the surgery he develops a nervous twitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's just a surgeon. I mean, to be like, it went pretty good. There is more bad news, though. Look, your neck's back, but you can be a little ticky, you know.

[Dave Anthony]

So he became very self conscious and withdrawn and he had rage eruptions. So they end up building Carl a little house away from the main house because he, quote, could not tolerate any noise.

[Chris Ryan]

Wow.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. Fuck you.

[Damian Powers]

Heaps of people these days are into that. That's why these earplugs are selling like hotcakes on Instagram. Have you known?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Damian Powers]

Everyone's got issues with noise now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Really? That does terrible news for us.

[Damian Powers]

Does anyone get those fucking loop earplug ads, right? Have you all got autism like me? Like. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Does anyone here have earplugs in tonight? Liars. You wouldn't have heard the question.

[Damian Powers]

No, no. They make them so you can hear the things you have to hear, but everything else gets blocked out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did that mean they didn't hear the glory hole ran?

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, they heard it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I hope so.

[Dave Anthony]

They heard it loud and clear.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Wow. No, I didn't know that. Well, why wouldn't. They should just get rage homes like Carl did here. By the way, don't you have a little garage where you go hang out?

[Dave Anthony]

Right, I wish. God, I wish I did. So they said the homestead had, like, a funeral, like, feel to it. Jesus, he's alive, but he's like, dead in the back.

[Chris Ryan]

Funeral type feel.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Damian Powers]

Are we still talking about the same thing? There's so many angles here, isn't there?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Damian Powers]

It goes off in so many tangents.

[Dave Anthony]

This is new.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, and it is strange that his life got way worse after the goiter surgery. Like, everything became worse. Like, he was like, you know, things were simpler when I had that goiter. I missed my neck, pal.

[Dave Anthony]

So at 9, Joe was paralyzed by polio.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus. You're really hitting a lot of good stuff up top, huh?

[Dave Anthony]

Each night they used electricity for hours to make his legs twitch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the fuck is going on? I. I feel like the joke portion ended.

[Dave Anthony]

I think they thought it would, like, help, because if you got polio, you had a. It's not a huge chance. You have a chance of being pro. So they thought it would keep the muscles going.

[Chris Ryan]

By electrocuting him?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Chris Ryan]

Like a little bit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. They were like, look, his legs still work. Just got to put a Thousand volts through him. Look at him.

[Dave Anthony]

His right leg ended up a half inch shorter from the electricity.

[Gareth Reynolds]

From too little electricity. You gotta juke that boy up a little bit is what you gotta do.

[Damian Powers]

If you've ever been to a chiropractor, everyone has a leg half an inch shorter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what? That's very.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, that's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't prove that. I don't have that.

[Dave Anthony]

So he limped and then he was bullied in school. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

By 12, he could work on the farm and he built a glory hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow, that's awesome. What a great story this is.

[Chris Ryan]

And good night.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And that'll be the end of it. So that was the move was if his legs didn't work just to kind of turn him into a centaur the old fashioned way.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stay on that horse, boy.

[Dave Anthony]

So at 14, he dropped out of school and his sister continued his education at home. He joined a debating society, got very into church. Who isn't at 14?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep. Most of us are.

[Dave Anthony]

Church is fucking rad. They bought more land and then it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Started to become a compare that. Chris has not listened to the podcast in a few years. You want to tell her who J10 is, Dave?

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, J Town is. Well, he's Jesus Christ, but Jesus is pretty fucking rad and the kids enjoy him, you know what I mean? So call him J Town. So the kids get more into him and just kind of know how fucking rad he is.

[Damian Powers]

Nollie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good.

[Dave Anthony]

There was no house there at the second property where he moved.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

So for 15 years he lived in a cow bale with a leaky roof, a mattress and a meat safe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And a meat safe?

[Chris Ryan]

Yep, A mate safe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

An m E, a T safe. That's a safe made from meats or it has meats inside of it.

[Dave Anthony]

No, it's a. It's a place where you meet people. It's a safe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hello.

[Chris Ryan]

It's like the old tinder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what a goiter is, a meat safe.

[Damian Powers]

As opposed to a meat cute.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's a.

[Chris Ryan]

It's a.

[Dave Anthony]

Because I think you're out in the middle of nowhere and there's no, I assume, refrigeration at all. So it would keep the meat from going. It would keep the meat from going bad. The glory hole is out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

While she's gone, we can really get a Glorial is a bit like a meat safe if you think about it.

[Damian Powers]

A hurt locker.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so a safe where there are cured meats in it, not even cure meat.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just where you put your meat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You put all your meat.

[Dave Anthony]

So it does.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's really so much fun.

[Dave Anthony]

But the flies don't get it because Australia's a fly country.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Damian Powers]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

There's a lot of flies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what we always say, Dave. There's two of them on stage with us, so just.

[Chris Ryan]

They know.

[Dave Anthony]

You guys know you have a lot of flies here?

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, we love flaws.

[Damian Powers]

They're the best.

[Dave Anthony]

We don't have flies in America.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nope. Unless we want them. And then they're the best flies. Nobody's got better flies. Some of our flies have flies and we welcome it. They're not sending their best flies. I flies on Trump Air. I'm kind of a meat safe.

[Dave Anthony]

At 22, Joe planted peanuts and got a bank loan to buy an expensive tractor with peanuts. Did you say he planted peanuts? And then he got enough money and then he was able to get a bank loan to buy a tractor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A tractor?

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, I thought you meant like a track.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what I thought, too.

[Chris Ryan]

Like, how the fuck do you buy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A track with peanut money?

[Damian Powers]

You know what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, people say, like, if you pay.

[Damian Powers]

Peanuts, you get monkeys.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, that's like a bad thing. But he's like, yep, I made some peanuts. Oh, man, things are bad. No, no, I'm buying a horse track.

[Dave Anthony]

So he starts creating businesses. He's adding machinery. He created an improved peanut thresher.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guys, remember life before that? What did we do? We couldn't thresh them. Go ahead, buddy.

[Dave Anthony]

He hired workers who worked sunrise to 11:00pm Whoa.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fuck.

[Dave Anthony]

He learned to fly and started an aircraft seeding company.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, he fly with a plane so.

[Chris Ryan]

He could make more peanuts. Is that.

[Dave Anthony]

No, that is. No, that's so. So he starts. When he starts buying equipment, other stuff. Now he's helping other farmers and getting, like, seeding and like.

[Damian Powers]

So aerial agriculture or cloud seeding.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. Hopefully cloud seeding.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, no, it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm planting peanuts in the clouds now. How are things going overall? Pretty weird. No.

[Dave Anthony]

Other. Other farms not cloud seeding at 36. Well, we moving the local guy. Yeah. Cause he's now a big businessman, so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And his legs are fine.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, he's got a limp.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's got a limp. Okay. Yeah, I could cure that little voltage.

[Dave Anthony]

I thought you meant the old.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, that sounded very sexual.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look, it's like there's beat going on here. I really can't. I can't. I will not stop. I have to be stopped because I can't stop. Stop.

[Dave Anthony]

You can't stop. Glory holing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't stop. P. No, his mom's still gone. It's just. It's so tempting. I. Please move on. Eric's from a glory hole.

[Dave Anthony]

So the local, like, power guys, you know, in the area are like, this guy is a big businessman. He should be. He should run for. Run for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because he's powerful. Right.

[Dave Anthony]

So at 36, he won a County Party seat and was a member of the Queensland Parliament.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cool.

[Dave Anthony]

So the County Party, it's gone now, but. Right. It hasn't never come back.

[Chris Ryan]

The County Party.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it was that looks like what Dracula goes to.

[Damian Powers]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

I'm a member of the County Party.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm on the other side of the globe. Glory hole. I want to suck you. Never mind.

[Dave Anthony]

It was like. It was like the Labor Party or whatever else, but much worse. Country party. That's what I said. This is County. Yeah, you're right. Country.

[Damian Powers]

We don't have County.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He wrote his county.

[Dave Anthony]

It's his county. I up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Leave him alone. He's a human.

[Dave Anthony]

Is the country party still around?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, they used to put vaults of electricity through my legs so I could dance. And now I make peanut money.

[Chris Ryan]

I know who this is now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You do? You do? I had. No, wait. You just.

[Chris Ryan]

You say his name. Say his name again.

[Dave Anthony]

Joel Bjelke Peterson.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How do you say it?

[Damian Powers]

I didn't.

[Chris Ryan]

Did anyone else not get that first? And now you see. I know who this dude is. You're in for a hell of a. It gets. Yeah.

[Damian Powers]

I'm not even from here. And I got it at the start.

[Chris Ryan]

I've been just sitting here the whole time going, who the fuck is this guy with a meat safe?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Imagine that role.

[Chris Ryan]

I'm like, oh, this guy.

[Dave Anthony]

Now the meat safe makes sense, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. To those of us who just realized who it is, the meat safe finally clicks. He's the meat safe guy. So, members, It'll come back. For those of you who don't know.

[Dave Anthony]

Who that is, Members of Parliament gave him a hard time for not being educated. They called him a preacher and a wowzer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The nerve.

[Dave Anthony]

Which is a prude or a killjoy?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And what are those terms?

[Dave Anthony]

A church asshole. Scott Morrison.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A ScoMo.

[Dave Anthony]

Things Joe went after. Drinking, imported films, the press, working on Sundays. Gambling, public broadcasting of horse races. Wow and socialism.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's quite a fucking list.

[Chris Ryan]

He went after working on Sundays. As in, like, more working on Sundays. No working.

[Dave Anthony]

No working on Sundays.

[Chris Ryan]

No working on Sundays.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But not for the reasons where. Yeah, you're like.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, I was gonna say it sounds alright.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it does. Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

We should bring that back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, you gotta sign the contract.

[Damian Powers]

I gotta say, I'm pro. Like not having horses racing broadcasts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I agree. Or at all.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. No, they shouldn't have horse racing at all. I think they should just go straight to killing them.

[Chris Ryan]

Make that the event.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right. Better with Honey. Better with honey coming around. And he's down. All right. Boy, we're having a really depressing race. They're all dead. Pour some sugar on me. Also dead. Shot down. Shot down. They're all gonna die. Please don't listen to this. Holy fuck. This is taking a depressing little turn, hasn't it? Better off alone where he is. He's gone too. Shot right in the head. Shot again to make sure the jockey's gone too. That's two jockeys dead, three ponies down, boys.

[Chris Ryan]

Man, go back to the glory hole material.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is.

[Chris Ryan]

Just too much.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Round in the corner. Glory, glory, hallelujah. And boy, do we have a hole for someone to fit something in because that horse's brain is gone.

[Dave Anthony]

That was a long horse killing bit. You don't hear that.

[Chris Ryan]

It's just funny that she left on a glory hole joke and sat down on one. She must think that's all we've been talking about this whole time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wonder if you can hear it in the bathroom. So was like, jesus Christ. Boy, there's a lot of pony bodies out here today.

[Dave Anthony]

He also was against a 40 hour work week.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He was against it.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

There being one. Yeah. He wanted work as much as.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, yeah. Sometimes some of these, I'm like, oh, oh, never mind.

[Damian Powers]

Wait. He wanted more work, but not on Sundays.

[Dave Anthony]

No, no. No limit. No limit on how much employees can work. I love that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

He attacked the labor government for, quote, expecting primary producers to load their pig calves onto trains on the Sabbath.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, oh, so Sabbath, you can't load your.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, you can't load pigs. And on the Sabbath, like, what's wrong with you? Did you read the Bible? The Bible's like, no pigs on trains on Sabbath.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, no. Doing what to him?

[Dave Anthony]

Don't put a pig on a train on the Sabbath.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Different than what you said the first.

[Dave Anthony]

Time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You heard God. He was very specific. No pig loaded on the sand.

[Dave Anthony]

What? He considered anyone against law in order to be a traitor to the country and empire.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This guy's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

At 52, he became engaged to Florence Gilmore, a secretary to the main Roads Commissioner, the Gold Coast Bulletin. Quote, as homely as a sponge cake.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, wow. What the fuck? Wait.

[Dave Anthony]

As comforting as A squatter's chair on a shady veranda.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What does that even mean? That almost feels like it could be a compliment.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, that's old timey. Australian shit is really weird.

[Damian Powers]

I mean, that's so hard to call them classics.

[Chris Ryan]

They used to call food Tucker.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What does that mean?

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Food?

[Dave Anthony]

Food?

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, we called it Tucker. What other. There's loads of weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But what does that one even mean?

[Chris Ryan]

Tucker?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, yeah, you're the one. I mean, it means food, like you tuck in.

[Chris Ryan]

I mean, I don't know more than that. Yeah, like, it's just like, have some Tucker.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you guys trying to say taco? Because you're Mexican stuff.

[Chris Ryan]

T U C K E R. Okay, like fucker. Tucker.

[Dave Anthony]

Tucker. You have no idea. And you're a valedictorian, but you don't know.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, I just graduated and I didn't even understand what it means.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So much, I guess, tucking in. I guess.

[Chris Ryan]

Tucking in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Right?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Fucking Tucker.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So there's.

[Dave Anthony]

In a squatter's chair near the billboard. It's like a baby made up your word for food.

[Chris Ryan]

A dingo took that baby.

[Dave Anthony]

Jeez.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That story is actually pretty tragic.

[Damian Powers]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

It's not a joke.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not really that funny, to be honest with you.

[Dave Anthony]

Kind of funny.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it's.

[Damian Powers]

Do I need to sit in between you two?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, there's attention like. Like a veranda's chair.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. As homely as a sponge cake. As comforting as a squatter's chair on a shady.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, so not comfortable.

[Dave Anthony]

Shady veranda. As straightforward and practical as a Yabby pump.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who's got it.

[Chris Ryan]

Chris?

[Damian Powers]

So a Yabby pump.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Glory hole.

[Dave Anthony]

Are we back to the glory hole? Yeah.

[Damian Powers]

Is a device that I think you use in, like, wet sand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A yabby. Okay.

[Damian Powers]

Yeah. To pull out the live creatures called yabbies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Live creatures? Yabbies.

[Chris Ryan]

Yabbies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yabbies.

[Chris Ryan]

With a Y from little.

[Damian Powers]

Yes, I believe that's right. And then you spit it out, and out come the Yabbies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And the yabbies are just any live creature.

[Damian Powers]

It's like a. Have I got.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, they're crayfish. Did you say crawfish?

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Damian Powers]

They're like crawdads.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like a crawdad. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like another sea. Yeah. Okay. Yep. Right.

[Dave Anthony]

We used to just set traps.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Chris Ryan]

We sucked them out with a pump. So, you know, each to their own.

[Dave Anthony]

That sounds crazy.

[Chris Ryan]

I gotta suck him one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on now.

[Chris Ryan]

After the. Let's not talk about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's all we'll talk about.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, first video that came up is Called Pumping Yabbies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pumping Yabbies. Oh, my God. You are a magical place to us. You're used to it. We are foreigners and your land is very strange. Strange and great to us.

[Dave Anthony]

Practical as a yabby pump in every way. She is a typical Queensland product, fervently loyal to her husband and all his ideas and to the state. She is in some ways maddening, but by golly, you can't help liking her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who wrote that?

[Dave Anthony]

That was the paper.

[Damian Powers]

Yeah, that's how they wrote.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Some paper was like, trust me, I've been spying on her.

[Dave Anthony]

It's weird. Like, it's hard to wrap your head around soap.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it doesn't say anything. Yeah, it's very specific and it feels, like, wrong, to be quite honest with you.

[Chris Ryan]

It's the weirdest description I've ever heard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In my fucking life. Yeah. Ever leave a sandwich out in the sun? She's one of those. Think about it. She's a car that you left some vinegar inside of over a long weekend and then opened it up to feel a bit of relief, but also a slight bit of concern.

[Dave Anthony]

Flo played the organ at his sermons. They would end up having four kids. And Joe flew to search for oil.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Chris Ryan]

He flew to search for oil. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

He would look for oil from the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't see any there. None there either. Get the Yabby pump.

[Dave Anthony]

His party took control in 1957 and he got oil rights of a 57 square mile area for 2 pounds, which he then quickly sold for 51%. Sold 51% of it for 12,000 pounds. A 6 million percent profit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And that's good?

[Dave Anthony]

Yes, that's very good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's the very good guy.

[Dave Anthony]

Doesn't sound like corruption at all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, not to me.

[Dave Anthony]

He. However, he did not think he should have to pay taxes on, nor should he. And so he fought it all the way to the High Court, who then were like, no, you got what? Pay taxes. Like, what are you doing? Yeah. And he did. He was made police Minister at the time. Uniform police, promoted to playing clothes, went to the vice squad. And the reason they went to the vice squad is because they were given the job to pick up bribes from illegal businesses. And if the cop wasn't into it, his file was marked unfit for plainclothes duty and he was sent back to uniform.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In uniform means that you either were a regular cop or you had been taken off of the plane clothes because you were not capable of corruption.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes. If you won't. If you won't be part of the corruption, then they put you back in a uniform.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Chris Ryan]

And so Joe was what, doing the playing?

[Dave Anthony]

Joe is the policeman. So he's supposed to be overseeing.

[Chris Ryan]

So he's overseeing the whole thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's in charge of all of it. That looks like a hell of a time, though, let's be honest.

[Dave Anthony]

Jack Herbert was a head bagman for the Queensland Licensing Branch. And there are also three corrupt cops who are known as the Rat Pack. What? Anthony Murphy, Glendon Hallahan, and Terry Lewis. So the premier retires in 1968, and Joe, shockingly, wins the Country Party's deputy leadership. So months later, the Country Party's leader suddenly dies and Joe is elected leader. Okay, the press quote, a man who devotes himself wholeheartedly to his many interests. Politician, family man, farmer, pilot, nature lover and tireless church worker.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, they couldn't have given his wife any of those compliments. Like, it feels like they're capable of compliments. Nobody was just like a sofa that you put cigarettes out on for four years. Got beady eyes like a haunted painting would follow you with. He looks like a sick Rodney Dangerfield. You know him.

[Dave Anthony]

So in August 68, Joe, is the premiere of Queensland. Congratulations.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's awesome.

[Chris Ryan]

And things got better from there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, and things continue to improve, as.

[Damian Powers]

A few people said. Yay. Which surprises me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, they get it. Oh.

[Damian Powers]

Oh, there's some booze. There we go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think she just fell, though.

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get the yabby pump.

[Dave Anthony]

So his first event as premier was a Bible reading during a Bible readathon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, that could happen on Sundays, though.

[Damian Powers]

Imagine that. Yeah, I can't even.

[Dave Anthony]

No. Okay, so you. I'm from North America. I'm from North America.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the best part of the show.

[Dave Anthony]

Canadians say it. It's the same word. It's a different accent. I'm not Australian, fuck nuts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, are you on Twitter? Because you're blocked.

[Damian Powers]

He's big. I wouldn't fuck with him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He is pretty big. Now look at him. He's pretty big.

[Dave Anthony]

We have premieres in Canada and that's how we say it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen, say what he wants, Dave. He's got big arms. We're sorry, sir. We apologize for everything.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't. I don't like. If I'm going to South America, I don't go. Like, I. I don't change who I am. I'm a guy in a different place.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

So cop that.

[Dave Anthony]

It's also. It's aluminum.

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, see, that one gets me.

[Damian Powers]

This is edgy. You know, this is some. I don't Know if this will get you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is really. This is probably our last show here. It's a shame. It's our favorite city. It's tough to hear. It's also pronounced burrito.

[Dave Anthony]

And you don't put barbecue beef in it. So he hired a PR firm and started saying he, quote, didn't really mind people drinking. He's coming around on stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. He realizes where he is, he's going to the middle.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's like Australia.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Right. Yeah. So he's like. Yeah. All right.

[Dave Anthony]

So there were two companies he had shares in and they both got six year oil prospecting leases. That's crazy. On the Great Barrier Reef.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, nice. Known for its beautiful oil.

[Damian Powers]

Where are those Woos now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, no downside to that. Seems to be fine.

[Dave Anthony]

Hasn't been, huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's been pretty good.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I like my reef. Blanched white.

[Dave Anthony]

You can see a white reef better from up in the plain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Way better.

[Dave Anthony]

Yep, Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Feels pretty tense out here. Not sure why.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, we like our reef. The press said he was, quote, using deceit to acquire fabulous wealth. So he resigned as director of his company and Flo took over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, that's nice. That's a big difference. That's what you should do. Just your wife should. Yeah, exactly.

[Dave Anthony]

And then you won't know because it's your wife.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

And then it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She can run it.

[Damian Powers]

Totally different scenario.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's completely different.

[Dave Anthony]

She's not allowed to talk about business.

[Damian Powers]

She's a woman. Like you don't know what she's gonna get.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, good lord. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

At the time, Joe's mining minister said oil was protein and fish could eat it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, look, we're really used to bullshit in the world we live in, but sometimes there's really great bullshit. Fish love oil. Okay? Trust me, I'm a bit of an ocean guy. Fish are huge into oil. That's why you see so many fish eating oil in the ocean.

[Dave Anthony]

Have you ever heard of fish oil?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, exactly. That comes from them sucking that shit down. Omega 3s. Even fish like fish oil. I think it went pretty good out there. Some of the press seemed kind of negative, but I think I vamped my way out of that pretty good.

[Dave Anthony]

On a TV show. Alan Hogan brought up the shares.

[Damian Powers]

Do you mean Paul Hogan?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, he does.

[Dave Anthony]

No, no, the.

[Damian Powers]

The guy, the comedian.

[Dave Anthony]

That's not a knife. That's a knife guy. Yeah, yeah, he's Alan Hogan. He's like a TV interviewer.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're only allowed one Hogan. I agree. Yeah, that's not A joke. This is a joke. He's that guy. Yeah, that's not quicksand.

[Dave Anthony]

So he brought up the shares during an interview and Joe snapped, quote, I urge you to mind your own business.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a fucking interview show about the country.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, about. Yes, I have made it quite clear what my attitude is. So Hogan just keeps asking. And then Joe storms out on live tv.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nice. Someone shocked my legs. I'm out of here.

[Dave Anthony]

So he started to lose popularity and some of his party tries to oust him. But he spends that night calling members and making promises. And the next day, the vote to oust him was 12 to 13. And he's the deciding vote. So he stays in.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He decides, yeah, that's the fucking greatest. I mean, our system is the good old days, eh? Our system is dog shit. But you got to love those. Well, I will sit long and hard with this vote and I'll get back to you on further analysis. I think I'm voting in my favor.

[Dave Anthony]

He hired 31 year old journalist Allen Callahan to be his media coach. And Alan turned him from being a country bumpkin into a hard working man of the people. So mid-1971, a sex worker is charged with a crime and she feels betrayed by the cops. So she goes to the media and says she had lied during a police corruption inquiry. And then she names 50 cops who are corrupt. And then she's gonna testify. But 18 days before testifying in a safe house in Sydney, she dies of an overdose.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Man, oh man. It's called the Boeing move.

[Dave Anthony]

All the charges are then dismissed but one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, look, when someone the per. When they die, the charges die with them. That's how it works. That's why it would be so smart to kill those who are going to testify against you. But what do I know? I'm just a simple peanut farmer.

[Dave Anthony]

In late 71, the South African rugby team came to play in Australia and there was huge protests because that's, you know, apartheid. People don't like it. Imagine. Yeah, Joe's fine with apartheid. He's like, it's great. And he declared a month long state of emergency to override all civil liberties.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You gotta do imagine. Can you imagine it wouldn't happen in our country?

[Dave Anthony]

December.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No siree Babo.

[Dave Anthony]

I can imagine that. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No way.

[Damian Powers]

The leadership.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Not in our great nation.

[Damian Powers]

Unbelievable.

[Dave Anthony]

No, no, America's not. We would never do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nope. Not away.

[Dave Anthony]

No way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nope. Nope.

[Dave Anthony]

You're not going to see.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nope.

[Dave Anthony]

You want trains and trucks and no way you're going to see. Concentration Camps, that's for sure. It's not going to. That's not happening.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nope.

[Dave Anthony]

We're not going to put people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We have the right amount of cops.

[Dave Anthony]

I got to put people in the desert. What are you talking about? Who's saying, who's saying that we're going to put.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You got to be careful. That's where the slow sand is.

[Dave Anthony]

So 40 unions then hold a 24 hour strike. And Joe said the unions and Labor Party would be a, quote, future of anarchy in the streets. Yeah, you're right. That is. I'm actually like, okay. Yeah, that sounds pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

He also said it would be a climax of violence, demonstrations.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

Yep. During the rugby tournament, the cops attacked and beat protesters. What else are you going to do? Yeah. So the Young labor association broke away announcing quote, the Australian Labor Party does not support irresponsible protest. It has no truck with starry eyed revolutionaries. So that's the labor guys. Yeah. So strongman got the backing of supporters and opponents. That's fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Cool.

[Dave Anthony]

That's cool. That's fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So there's no opposition.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's all good. That's nice. In the 72 elections, Liberals in country got 42% of the vote and labor got 47. But labor had 33 less seats. Sorry, labor had 33. 33 seats. So they got like nothing compared to what the other two got. Even though they had more votes. As it should be. Cause you're fucking lefties. You don't know what you're doing. It was all. It's just gerrymandered. The whole place is gerrymandered. It was nicknamed the Bjelkemander system. Rural zones were given more weight. So Callahan now turns Joe into like a quick thinker and a sharp responder. Really a captivating public figure.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Callahan's typewriter man.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Okay. He teaches him how to perform on tv. And they had like a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Teach him how to perform on tv. Okay, cool. Two, three, four. Here we go. Go, big buddy.

[Dave Anthony]

So they're like a propaganda machine. They have a telex. I don't know what that is. What is a telex?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why did you point to me?

[Dave Anthony]

Because it's exciting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It isn't exciting. I don't know what it is. I felt overwhelmed with that gesture. What's a telex?

[Damian Powers]

Like prefax.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Prefax, yeah. What did we do then? Pigeon telegraphs.

[Damian Powers]

It was telex.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Damian Powers]

A telex machine sent telegraphs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Am I wrong?

[Damian Powers]

I think we all know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't think anyone knows. Everyone's like, nah, you're not wrong, but what is. Right.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. Yeah, you're right. A telex was a major method of sending written messages electronically between businesses in the post World War II period.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So like Morse.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, kinda.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, a little Morrissey.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, a little Morrissey's now fascist.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But that's true. That's right.

[Dave Anthony]

It's. Yeah. So it's like a communication. It's like text, but for big businesses to talk to each other.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He said eggplant emoji. Hold on. I don't think I'm supposed to be listening to this one.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, so he has a telex. He has a government lmfa.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off. Eggplant emoji. A lot of eggplant emojis. A squirting emoji. Eggplant emoji. There's a. He's hitting a weird hole.

[Dave Anthony]

A hole?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, never mind. It's a lot of eggplant emojis.

[Dave Anthony]

So they also. They have a government paid cameraman and cinematographer. An editing bay. And they start a program called the Joe show. In 74, he destroys labor. Labor has 11 seats.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So they just really figure out propaganda in a quick, efficient way. Yes, right.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. And. And they have. They have like a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's slick. It's.

[Dave Anthony]

And they have an infrastructure behind them that nobody else has. Like, they're just first. So labor has 11 seats, Liberals have 30 and country has 39.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fuck.

[Dave Anthony]

But country has the lowest number of votes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

But most seats. So. Because that's how it works.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't get it.

[Dave Anthony]

You'll see in America, the Country Party then absorbed the Democratic Labor Party and they formed the National Party.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like the Blob. They just sucked him in. Okay, like the Blob. Like that. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Really hot reference. Excuse me. I almost died. The name.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They reveal negativity. Does your body's allergic to it? Unblock that man.

[Dave Anthony]

So they reveal the name of the hotel. And young girls sing before a jazz band. And they wore National Party T shirts and their two huge pictures, one of Joe and one of upcoming Doug Anthony.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Doug Anthony?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, boy.

[Dave Anthony]

Labor's Edward Gough Whitlam became the Australian Prime Minister. That doesn't work out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But then we did an episode on that and they. Him. Because you've heard. Queen gets rid of him.

[Dave Anthony]

The Queen gets rid of him. It's fine. New and CIA. So now Joe's like, I'm going to defeat that socialist son of a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So not on Sunday, though.

[Dave Anthony]

Whitlam said what Queensland needed Was quote, not a full time Queen of Queensland, but a full time Premier of Queensland. Nice little fucking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, get him a little poke. That'll teach him.

[Dave Anthony]

Joe personally contacted Britain's Privy Council to have the Queen declared Queen of Queensland.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a prick. That's so. That's just a stupid thing. If you have space, I'll do it.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just so funny. Okay. So dumb.

[Damian Powers]

Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

And he wanted to reaffirm that his state was a sovereign state. So their rivalry leads to what's known as the Gare Fair, which I've been.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Involved in.

[Dave Anthony]

Which we covered in episode 532. Basically, shenanigans over an empty seat. And Joe and his boys trick Whitlam by delaying a member from voting by offering him whiskey and prawns, which, so Australian is obviously. Can you. Have you ever been able to turn that down?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. No. You tuck you tucker. That right in.

[Chris Ryan]

I love a bit of tucker.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. When was the last time you had shrimp and whiskey?

[Chris Ryan]

Oh, last night.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm surprised. I thought it would be breakfast.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

No, it's a good, delicious combo. Australian common cuisine, the shrimp and. Shrimp and whiskey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The best way to get your puke pink.

[Dave Anthony]

What'd you say?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I haven't talked for about two to three minutes.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

I didn't understand what you were talking about. And then you just turned to me and went, isn't that right, Damien? I was like, yeah, yeah, I like to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Chris, you know? You agree with that? You know what I'm talking about.

[Damian Powers]

You love doing it, don't you?

[Dave Anthony]

Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Dave, you get it.

[Chris Ryan]

Caught me off guard.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what I mean, right?

[Chris Ryan]

No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All of it.

[Dave Anthony]

So because of the whiskey and prawns, Whitlam loses a seat and then it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just not a better way for it to work out.

[Dave Anthony]

And then Whitlam's really irritated and he says on tv, quote, what makes Joe so nauseating is that he's a Bible bashing bastard. The man is a paranoiac, a bigot and a fanatical. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would have been cool if he had power.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, unfortunately, a lot of churchgoers were then upset, including church leaders, except for one religious leader, Father David Anthony.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Boy, we really gave him a bunch of shit. And he's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

Did you hear his name?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Father Weirdo Anthony.

[Dave Anthony]

Father David Anthony.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's Dave Anthony.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ, what a weird.

[Dave Anthony]

So anyway, Father David Anthony was the only one that advocated for Whitlam, so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

He's awesome. So Then a Labor senator dies, and Joe picks the replacement, and he finds a Labor guy who opposes Whitlam. So the government just is totally deadlocked, and then Whitlam is removed by Governor General Sir John Kerr at the bidding of the Queen and the CIA.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So normal. Who is he?

[Dave Anthony]

That's the Governor General.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the guy who removed Whitlam?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's the guy who removed Whitman.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a little fucking cuck. Now, shouldn't we be allowed to find his, like, younger ancestors and just publicly beat the shit out of them? Just to, like, in, like, to make future dickheads be like, better be careful, because otherwise someone's gonna curb stomp my grandson. Like, we should be able to go find, you know, some guy's like, I didn't do anything. I'm into socialism.

[Damian Powers]

What if the grandson's a communist?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I still think, unfortunately, we have to beat the shit out of him. If anything, it'll just show. It'll be like, look, even if you're not in line with your grandpa's beliefs, we have to fucking hurt you so badly. Your grandpa was such a cock.

[Damian Powers]

What if he's like, I hated that dude?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd be like, dude, you sound awesome. And by the way, your grandkids are gonna fucking love what you did. Or.

[Damian Powers]

Or.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Or my other pitch, we get to bring him out of the ground, we exhume him, and we just do a ton of weird stuff. Stuff to him.

[Dave Anthony]

Weird stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Weird stuff. And I'm not even saying sexual. That's what the glory holes are for. We will be empty at that point. But we bring it out and we, like, drink vino out of his skull and we, like, pick our teeth with his ribs, you know, smaller the ribs, huh? Well, we sharpen the edge. It's like the Flintstones. I'll just be like, you know what I mean? And we do that in front of his family. But they get to be like, no. You know, But I'll be like, sorry your grandpa was such a big, big dickhead. You know? And then we like, yeah, we just, like, use his femurs as, like, sporting utensils.

[Dave Anthony]

Sporting utensils. This is instead of play like little crickets.

[Chris Ryan]

This is instead of baiting the well. And then if.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And if people don't get the message, then we take his commie little kid and we're like, sorry, we gotta beat you with your grandma's fibia y. We're gonna have to beat the snot out of you with your grandpa's bones. I'm really sorry. I apologize. And I'm afraid I have to beat your son with your grandpa's skull. This is. He sucks so bad. We can't have another him. We believe in democracy.

[Chris Ryan]

What happened in your childhood?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I was kind of an only child, but I did have an older brother, but he was into drugs, and I just kind of had to watch TV and be raised by it, and.

[Chris Ryan]

I think it worked out okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It didn't work great, to be honest, but moments like this, it's kind of okay. But I feel like I'm a lonely boy right now. But that's what I always return to, just play with my trains. Let's go to the next photo, shall we? How does this work?

[Chris Ryan]

We really covered that one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah, we did. Yeah. And I think we got some more important.

[Dave Anthony]

Gareth the Dollop is brought to you by Helix. I don't know how people are getting ready for the cold season. You're going to be spending time indoors more. You don't want to go out outside as much. Probably be in your. The bedroom a little bit more. Hanging out under the sheets, reading books, making love, getting in there with a dog or a possum or whatever you got. And I'm gonna say what you want to do is stay comfortable inside in your bedroom on a Helix mattress.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sweet Helix.

[Dave Anthony]

Helix is the sweetest mattress. And that's an actual medical term, the sweetest.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, if you lick the mattress, it is. Has a sugary taste.

[Dave Anthony]

It is so much better than other mattresses. My whole family has Helix mattresses. The dogs love them. My kid took my Helix mattress, so I got another one. It's all Helix here all the time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But you didn't punish the boy.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm going to punish him at some point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You best punish.

[Dave Anthony]

Of course. Of course. We heard about Helix mattresses right here on the dollop. So that's pretty amazing. What a great. What a great thing that was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I gotta want to say, like, eight years now. How long's it been? It's been a while.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're hanging in there.

[Dave Anthony]

We.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because we love them.

[Dave Anthony]

I feel like I sleep better. I have a sleep watch and I'm. I sleep. I used to not sleep through the night. I sleep through the night now. The other thing is, I don't get as hot as I used to. I always used to get really hot on my old mattresses, and I don't anymore. Yeah, the temperature is great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I have a. I have a sleep clock, too.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So listen, so here's what we're saying. We're saying to go to helixsleep.com for 20 off statewide. That's helixsleep.com dollop.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Gareth the doll was also brought to you by Rocket Money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The jingle.

[Dave Anthony]

Rocket Money, of course, is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings, with which you and I have both done. Oh, yes, we're both. We both use Rocket Money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sitting atop an empire.

[Dave Anthony]

Saved a subscription. It just. I just got one the other day. I had. I had signed up for a game like you did. I had signed up to watch an AFL playoff game. Forgot that I had signed up for it, and Rocket Money was just like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, man, you know what else they're.

[Dave Anthony]

Gonna charge you again?

[Gareth Reynolds]

These. These platforms are charging more money than they did before.

[Dave Anthony]

And they are.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Rocket Money catches you and goes. You look at it and you're like, I don't. 16.99. That's. That's breaking me. I'm out.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So Rocket Money shows you all your expenses in one place, which includes subscriptions, as we were just talking about, especially the ones you forgot about. And if you see a subscription you don't want, Rocket Money will just help you cancel it. Right there. Easy peasy. And if. Look, if you have a goal that you want to save for, Rocket Money can analyze your accounts, find out the best time each month to pull a little money aside to get that thing. You want to get a weave?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Huh? Sorry, are you doing the ad still?

[Dave Anthony]

Are you going to save up for a weave?

[Gareth Reynolds]

A weave? No, I'm not. Yeah, I mean, I guess I could get a weave. I don't know.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, you know what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I, I. Yeah, I would like to get a weave. Yeah. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Get alerts if your bills increase in price, if they're usually on, if there's unusual activity on your accounts, if you're close to going over budget or whatever, even if you're doing a good job, they'll be. Rocket Money be like, hey, nice job.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Looking at some weave prices here. And this. There's some. This could work.

[Dave Anthony]

Rocket Money has saved users over 2.5 billion, including over 880 million in canceled subscriptions alone. Their 10 million members save up to 740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to Rocket Money.com doll today. That's RocketMoney.com. rocket Money.com dollar hold on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Tommy, do we have the Rocket Money jingle? Yeah, one second. Rocket Money. Rocket Money. Rocket Money. Going to save you some pocket money. Yeah, Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

I feel like we just lost them customers with the like. I feel like you're. We're also brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace, all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. It doesn't matter if you're just starting out. You've got a business, you're scaling up, you're scaling down. They got everything you need. Claim your domain, showcase your everything. Professional website. You can grow your brand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know, it's amazing. Get paid Squarespace, as they're helping you grow their brand, your brand. They've been growing their brand. They keep offering more and more things, which is essentially what they're saying they want to help you do. There's no better proof of concept than Squarespace. Who's been building their brand by using Squares? I. I'm lost in the sauce, man.

[Dave Anthony]

You can get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. And who doesn't like to get paid? Squarespace also makes it super easy to showcase your expertise. You can engage with clients, you can do video content. Gareth, of course, has his whole foot video thing that he has up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's going pretty bad.

[Dave Anthony]

His website, not because of them, but it's just upload. Organize your videos based on whatever it is like for Gareth, it's like dirty feet. These are sweaty pigs. You can really amazing video libraries. You can create and monetize your content by adding a pay wall. Oh, yeah, that's sweet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And I was gonna say you can. You can go to our website where we have merch, which we do, but I just went to go look at the merch store and it just says merch store paused. While the dollop is on tour, sales will resume in November.

[Dave Anthony]

We're back.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. But I mean, that's a great option. But we have built.

[Dave Anthony]

If you have a normal guy running your website. Yeah, that wouldn't happen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but. So we have. But we have been using. We build our stuff up through Squarespace because it's all the websites we're associated with their Squarespace. They just make it easy. They hold your hand, but they make you seem professional at the same time.

[Dave Anthony]

So check out squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code dollop to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to Launch. Use offer code dollop to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain. Also, we have a friend, Mike Bridenstine, who writes us. He's a comedian, but he's written some books about comedy. And there's a new book coming out called Kansas City Comedy. So it comes out in a couple days. Mike Bridenstine. The book is Kansas City Comedy and it's about a history of Kansas City comedy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go get it.

[Dave Anthony]

The New York Times has already posted a nice review about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He think he's better than us.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So new Liberal Prime Minister Malcolm Frazier dissolved parliament and then they had election labor was crushed.

[Damian Powers]

It's not Frazier.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's not Go.

[Damian Powers]

No like Fraser.

[Dave Anthony]

Fraser. That sounds Frazier.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Did you ever get the show about a psychiatrist over here? Yeah, what'd you call it? Frazier Frasier.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, really? You said it wrong.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So later, an all new phrase. Yeah, Dr. Frazier cranny. So they called Miles kilometers over here.

[Dave Anthony]

Frazier.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, Kilometers Dapini. So after a lot of inside Frasier.

[Dave Anthony]

Stuff, after all this, Joe is seen as a big hero. They have a black tie dinner for his great victory. And everyone sang for he's a jolly good Fellow. A speaker quote. If there were more great men in Australia like the Premier, we would have little to fear from socialism or communism.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's so fucking crazy how long they.

[Dave Anthony]

Have nothing to fear from socialism, communism.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just like, it's endless.

[Dave Anthony]

It's endless.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They've only had power forever and they keep being like, God, that was close. They almost got rights again. And you're like, buddy, you are fucking killing us. Like, oh, man.

[Dave Anthony]

So now Joe takes it up a notch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, good.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. 1,000 Queensland University students protest a low weekly allowance. So cops attack them and it's total chaos. Cameras film the woman student being hit on the head with a baton. Joe then says he's tired of radical groups believing they can take over the streets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And like his government, this is Police Commissioner Whitrod.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whitrod Witt.

[Dave Anthony]

Rod. So he orders an investigation. So then Joe replaces the police minister to make sure that he's got his guys in place, Right? And soon after, the cops raid a hippie commune which happens to burn down during the raid. So Joe accused the hippies of faking evidence and said, quote, the government will believe the police. And he ordered the commissioner not to investigate. Oh, but the commissioner did. And one cop was charged with arson. And his defense in court was basically, there was a young woman with him and she could have been your daughter. So he was acquitted.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He was acquitted. He makes a pretty good case. I mean, it is. It was a woman. Could be anyone's daughter. That's why I burned their home to the ground.

[Dave Anthony]

So the cops acquitted. Three other cops get off on corruption charges. And then Joe picks Rat Pack member Terry Lewis to be Assistant Commissioner. Commissioner Whitrod, quote, that is pretty shattering to me. It's widely known in the force that Lewis is a bag man. So the commissioner's not down, Right? So he resigns.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The commissioner.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's also the worst fucking thing, because you're like, we have a good person. But he's disgusted. So he's like, I can't do this.

[Dave Anthony]

He can't take it. So he was just seeing cops become increasingly corrupt under Joe. And he compared Joe to, quote, Goring's successful assumption of control of the German police as an essential step towards the establishment of the Nazi state.

[Chris Ryan]

Holy shit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that bad? For those of us who aren't big into history, we're against that.

[Dave Anthony]

So Terry Lewis, who's part of the Rat Pack, is now the police commissioner. And the first press conference, he says he's not corrupt.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a great way to open the best. I am not corrupt. I'm a really great man. I kill him. He's looking at me weird.

[Dave Anthony]

As far as the Rat Pack quote, to the best of my knowledge, I haven't been connected with it. I may have been connected with it by the insane rantings of some people in the past, notably one commissioner. Okay, so the guy just retired.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, he's like. He's crazy. I'm fine.

[Dave Anthony]

In 1977, an inquiry report suggested the cops were corrupt, but Joe refuses to make it public. So Joe is now predicting that Queensland is going to secede.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy shit.

[Dave Anthony]

And have its own currency and be one of the richest places on earth.

[Chris Ryan]

Crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, fuck, let's do this. Awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

He said just once it was free of Canberra, it could. Queensland could drill full. Drill full oil in the Great Barrier Reef.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. And then just.

[Dave Anthony]

You're just printing money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, get a. Rid of Canberra, I understand, but the rest is just.

[Dave Anthony]

So. He opposed Aboriginal land rights. He banned Playboy magazine. He banned. He got rid of sex, school education and abortions. He believed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like America.

[Dave Anthony]

This is all very. Yeah, the same. He believed in a southern homosexuals conspiracy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In a southern homosexuals.

[Dave Anthony]

So down south, there's homosexuals and they're conspiring against the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, the great homosexual army. Yes, right.

[Dave Anthony]

Adelaide.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, we remember that.

[Dave Anthony]

There's always there. These People always. That's another thing. They always have a homosexual conspiracy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Also.

[Dave Anthony]

They're always the gays.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because they're gay.

[Dave Anthony]

The gays are always coming from them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And they're gay.

[Chris Ryan]

This is the reason why Queensland cops so much from the southern states now forever. Like, we never got past this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nor should you.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly.

[Chris Ryan]

So for the rest of time, we were always, ah, Queensland up there backwards and shit. Just because we thought there was a gay conspiracy that was coming to consumers. Oopsie. Everybody wanted to mine the Great Barrier Reef. I mean, fucking hell. Is it that bad to secede and have your own currency? Mine the Great Barrier Reef?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good Lord. We wanted to mine the Barrier Reef and we believed there was a gay army. Are bad. Get over it.

[Dave Anthony]

So after Commissioner Whitrod resigned, cop harassment of gays massively increased. There are raids on saunas. Gay cops had to transfer. And on and on. It just was like a big crackdown.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, the idea that saunas are only for gay.

[Dave Anthony]

Like, they're gay saunas. They're actually gay saunas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There still were definitely straight guys who were like, the fuck's going on? I love esteem. Wait, what? Oh, that makes a lot of sense, actually, because they kept talking about the weird army battle they had coming up. They were like, we will do this. We will show them.

[Dave Anthony]

There was actually a guy who owned a bunch of the gay saunas. And he ended up being a big guy fighting against Joe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

He had a lot of money, so he fought him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

From all the gay saunas.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, from gay saunas.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen, I like. I like to say we're all gay in the sauna.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. It's like holy land.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, buddy, you're reaching and I'm me.

[Damian Powers]

It's a meat safe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Yeah. It is in many ways a meat safe. It's like a meat. Cute, but weirder.

[Dave Anthony]

A lot weirder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's always weird when a guy locks the sauna door. We're all gay, Right? Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

So Joe declares, quote, the day of street marches is over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fuck.

[Dave Anthony]

And told protesters not to apply for permits because they wouldn't get one. So the protests then become violent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why?

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know. A cop later admitted that undercover cops were instigating the violence.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just the same fucking playbook.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Always get ready. America.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, that's been America's.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. This was forever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Forever. There's just one guy who's like, hey, we should beat the cops up if we want rights for all races. You've got, like, a butch haircut and a badge on Me? You mean John Q. Regular Man. I'm just saying this non violent march should probably turn pretty violent soon. Let's break these bank windows. To really get our message across.

[Dave Anthony]

A few churches backed the protesters, so Joe called them commie backers. The party president warned Joe he was developing a nearly fascist image.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nobody tell him Jesus was a socialist.

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Huh? I need a little more blood.

[Dave Anthony]

Protests started announcing marches, but then they wouldn't go on them. Oh, that's great. And then they would have spot marches with no warning. This is all to just drain police funds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's great.

[Dave Anthony]

Do you hear that, America?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love the police showing up like, well, looks like there's not a march after all. Good. It's working.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, because if you say there's a, like, if you say you're gonna march, then they can surround you and get ready. But like in la, the cops have already said like, if there's a bunch of 10,000 protesters marches around LA, we can't control it. Okay, LAPD, we hear you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is anyone here? LAPD. Let me guess.

[Chris Ryan]

My uncle. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ, Damian.

[Dave Anthony]

So three weeks before the 77 election, anti nuclear protesters are arrested.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Anti nuclear protesters?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, what's their deal?

[Dave Anthony]

They didn't like it. They were weirdos.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Guys, let's tinker, have a little fun. Maybe get some more weird fish that like oil. Fukushima worked out awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

It did?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it was awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, we got cooked the sushi.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, Way better. Floats in your mouth.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, floats in your mouth.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

I love it. They cooked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

A little glowy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely.

[Dave Anthony]

A paper called it Joe's War. His party then won 35 of 82 seats and out polled Liberals for the first time ever. So he gives cabinet positions that are normally held by Liberals to national party members. The Melbourne Age published a profile quote. I give you Lethal Lutheran. The premier of Queensland, Australia's smallest, noisiest and most irresponsible, irresponsible minority, has kidnapped an entire state. What's happened in Queensland demonstrates the fragility of democracy. He seems nourished by all forms of opposition. All it does is vindicate him in the dim eyes of those troglodytes who see him as savior. In Peterson they have someone who inarticulates their aggressions and their resentments.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, he probably read that was like you. What does that mean? Feels negative.

[Dave Anthony]

Does that sound like anyone?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, not from here.

[Dave Anthony]

You know, from America.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Obama. Barack Obama.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

O h B A M A. Yeah, Obama.

[Dave Anthony]

So he forms.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's a troglodyte bullshit. Whatever it is, I'm not it, okay? Unless it's a good thing that I'm the most troglidicious that's ever been. I'm unbelievably. I actually sometimes like it with no sugar and I call it troglalite date. Not a big deal.

[Dave Anthony]

Who is that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know, Dave. Anthony's a problem. And I'm not talking about the preacher from earlier in the story. Weird man, Sad man. Little loser showed a picture earlier. He looked much better. I guess he's been smoking since then.

[Dave Anthony]

So he forms a foundation to raise money. A brochure called Joe quote. One of the greatest statesmen of all time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love. It's not a. It's a brochure. Not anyone can write those, so.

[Dave Anthony]

And they were going to use the money to build a party headquarters. $100,000 would get a building named after you, an oil portrait in the foyer, and a lifetime membership.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That barrier refoil.

[Dave Anthony]

$25,000 got you dinner with Joe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[Chris Ryan]

25 grand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God. The second he got up, I'd be like, you're not leaving already, are you? This better be long. What is happening? What now?

[Dave Anthony]

With more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do those little things say?

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

The Sergio prime chook feed.

[Dave Anthony]

Do you know what chuck is?

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is what you eat when you sit down with him.

[Dave Anthony]

You know what chuck is?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what chuck is?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I looked it up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what chick is chook?

[Chris Ryan]

Like chickens. Like, you know. Oh, you guys don't say chook.

[Dave Anthony]

No, we don't say chook.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no. I thought chuck.

[Dave Anthony]

Nobody says chicken Chuck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We call them chickens.

[Dave Anthony]

Yo. You guys don't know what chook is? Nobody knows what chook is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This guy's pissed.

[Dave Anthony]

He's anywhere.

[Chris Ryan]

I just thought.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know what a ch is. Look at him. He's like. Hell, I love a bit of chuck. You ever had chicken wings? Delicious, mate.

[Dave Anthony]

Anyway, it's chickens and that's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's abnormal. Just so you.

[Chris Ryan]

Chalk is still like. That's a common. Yeah, yeah. That's not an old one for us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's still not okay, right? I mean, we're. I agree with some of the premier Frasier stuff. I can. I can meet you halfway on that.

[Chris Ryan]

Not down with ch.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not down with chick. Even when you're saying it. I feel like we shouldn't be saying it. I'll be honest.

[Chris Ryan]

Get a barbecue chook from.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I feel like chickens are just like. Stop calling us that. Chicken. No, we Are chickens. Easy. Chick.

[Damian Powers]

We don't have.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So he made chook feed or. He's living on it.

[Dave Anthony]

He.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's a bit beaky.

[Dave Anthony]

I think he made. I think he made it.

[Damian Powers]

He did used to live in that shed.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Damian Powers]

Maybe he was just missing those days.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Do you guys have. Is there anything you don't have a nickname for?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Even nicknames you like? You mean a Nicky? Nikki, I can help.

[Chris Ryan]

It's funny.

[Dave Anthony]

Hey, so aside from the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is that when you pay 25 grand, you get that with him?

[Dave Anthony]

I think so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, Eat your chook.

[Chris Ryan]

Get the out for 25 grand.

[Dave Anthony]

There you go, mate.

[Chris Ryan]

Well, thanks to Joe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There you are. Sorry, there's not a fork. It's an extra 25.

[Dave Anthony]

So besides, the people who contributed, he kept. They kept lists of people who did not contribute.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy.

[Chris Ryan]

They'd be in trouble.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

In the 78 election, Joel, Joe told voters to support him over, quote, mob rule in the streets.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You mean his government.

[Dave Anthony]

So it's so crazy. I mean, I don't know how much you guys watch American news, but this is literally what's happening now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sorry. No, it isn't. We're doing really good and it is still the best country on earth. Don't worry about it. Go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

But if you, like, talk to conservatives. They're like you walked through Los Angeles and lived. They think it's like Mad Max. Like, they. They.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, they're a bunch of chucks. They won't walk anywhere. See them?

[Dave Anthony]

So in 79, sex education in schools became a big debate. Joe would just call it, quote, the funny business.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's right. Look, you'll figure it out. It'll slip in. She'll help. Don't worry about it. Might switch positions, you'll fall out. She'll put you back in. Enough. You might try to not slip out. Most likely you will. If you don't, good on ya. And if you do, let her figure it out. There's a naughty bit back there that she doesn't want it in and neither do you.

[Dave Anthony]

Keep working.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Think about cricket on your way.

[Dave Anthony]

What's fingering?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's how you warm up that little zone, potentially. Look, I'll be honest. During the act, she might want a bit of the, you know, fingering in the other one.

[Dave Anthony]

You.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She obliges, Let it happen. If not, don't fucking force it. Move on, get out, look fucking dirty. She'll be over in about three to seven minutes maximum. Don't push it. Right after the act, you'll get very sleepy. She'll want to have a gab. Allow her for a minute then. So you've got to get up early. On your way. Fucking beautiful. Magic. Just the way the Lord intended. All right.

[Damian Powers]

I feel like he hasn't got an out for this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, of course I do.

[Chris Ryan]

I feel like this is a new podcast, this one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's what the dollop is leave behind. What? Fucking 15 people's and majority in this room.

[Dave Anthony]

You just gave way a secret. So he has an expansion built for parliament members. It has a gym, a pool, sauna, gold taps, a theater, and a nuclear fallout shelter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's where I'd be hanging. Fucking shelter. That's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

The cookware and glassware costs a million.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[Dave Anthony]

He decided to have a nearby heritage hotel torn down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good.

[Dave Anthony]

So 7,000 people protested. One man said the military and construction vehicles rolling in after midnight, protected by cops, reminded him of videos he'd seen of Nazi Germany destruction.

[Gareth Reynolds]

In a good way.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. They built a lot of really good shit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. That's what a lot of our senators in the US talk about.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right. They do, actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, they do. Look, okay, say what you will, but the Audubon. Come on. Name a better freeway. Come on.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So a lot of people were very upset about this. By the end of 79, the protest ban had caught the cost the state $5 million in arrests. So now the Rat Pack. Terry Lewis was made an officer of the most excellent order of the British Empire.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the title?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. What the fuck is that nuts? You guys, it's like. It's like sometimes it's like a hobbit world. Like, what is this?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? Yeah, like we have.

[Dave Anthony]

That's not a night, right? That's like almost a night, maybe. Is that what. Top bloke, Top bloke. Federal narcotics officers raided Hallahan's farm looking for heroin, but none was found. And then a heroin runner said the Rat Pack controlled a lot of crime in Queensland. By 1980, there were 42 illegal bookmakers paying 800amonth to cops. Some party members worried Queensland was becoming a police state and moved to oust Joe. So Joe gets Flo to run for office.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, wow, that's her. Actually, I like the idea that you're like, nobody's better than my wife. Of course. Makes total sense.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, it works because she attracts a ton of swing voters and she gets elected to the Senate.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We are all so stupid. It is endless how dumb we really are.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You know what else? I'm calling for it now. We euthanize the swing voters. If you say you're a swing voter, we're fucking done with you. That's it, you're out. Anyone who's like. I mean, I'm kind of like, like him, what his wife says a little bit more than him.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, it's just endless.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're going to get the voter registration rolls, we're going to find out who voted for her. And unfortunately, their grandkids are also going to be put on the list.

[Chris Ryan]

Well, I've got some.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Stop it.

[Damian Powers]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

So he wins his fifth election and the press calls them the Joe and Flo. Show.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Me.

[Dave Anthony]

So Joe forces Liberal ministers to sign their allegiance.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy. But I mean, it is remarkable how we are just on the precipice of. Exactly.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, doing this research. Yep.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Check, check, check, check. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

There are accusations of conflicts of interest with mining contracts, casino licenses and development rights.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like, it's so close, Dave, it hurts. Hurts so good.

[Dave Anthony]

Joe appointed a racing stable owner as the racing minister.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The fact that that's even a position is crazy. And that's buried by what he did.

[Damian Powers]

But he's like, you're not putting this on television.

[Dave Anthony]

A rich Hawaiian partnered with his son John. Property was bought and quickly sold, and John made $310,000.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nice.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. All in the family. On a trip to Japan, Joe said, quote, I am here to say we are not Australians. We are Queenslanders.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's a difference. They're the better Australians.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, Top notch. An ex cop and a current cop went on ABC TV and made corruption allegations.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Dave Anthony]

And they talked about the Rat Pack without using actual names. A little bit later, the cop's wife and kids were assaulted in their home and the attackers fled in an unmarked police car.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, come on. I mean, why would you not. Yeah, do bikes. The fuck?

[Dave Anthony]

They put the siren on top. That cop then transferred to Tasmania. Rat Pack members Lewis and Murphy sued ABC for defamation and Joe's cabinet funded the lawsuits.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fucking A.

[Dave Anthony]

It's good, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is good, for sure.

[Dave Anthony]

As cops got more corrupt men in positions, they made more money. And the licensing bureau take one, up 61% from 81 to 82. And they were now making 250,000 a year. The Bjeki Petersen Family Company, Kaisem, CSM. Kaisem, whatever. Bought riverfront property for 1.5 million and got a $3 million loan from a Singapore bank in August of 1983. Of 155 working days, parliament had worked only 14.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Holy fuck. First of all, one hundred and fifty five total is already. Shit.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But 14, 14, we're exhausted.

[Chris Ryan]

It's kind of impressive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is impressive. Yeah, it's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I keep thinking that, like, I'm just. Like, I should just get into government. Fuck it. I should just be like, hey, we're gonna make. We're gonna change the system. And then just be like, shit, what do you want? I own part of the ocean now. Things are pretty good. Sorry.

[Dave Anthony]

So some Liberal members wanted a committee to look at government spending, but Joe blocked that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Smart.

[Dave Anthony]

And when a Liberal member who voted for it was picked as party leader, Joe denied him the post as Deputy premier. And then seven Liberals resigned in protest. And so Joe then appointed himself treasurer and called an election.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's why you can't do that. You can't be like, look, this sucks so much, Someone's gotta fight it. I'm outta here.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I guess they, they assume it'll get people riled up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but I think you're learning that we're all just like, looking at our phones. So you gotta fucking do it while you're in there.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, they didn't have phones.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, they did that. One guy did.

[Dave Anthony]

So Liberals are crushed in the election. And nationals had total power in a state for the first time in Australian history. And Joe was gifted a motorcycle from a brand new Queensland Yamaha dealership. Now, other state states capped political gifts at $100.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Unless it's a Yamaha, they're sick.

[Dave Anthony]

But Joe said restricting gifts would insult donors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's very true. It's very. Not enough people represent the donor class so publicly. He'll be fucking furious.

[Dave Anthony]

Think about the bribers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody think, yeah, Yamaha.

[Dave Anthony]

A Rat Pack buddy was put on the Supreme Court. Joe was knighted. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Such a great time to just put a sword through his throat. Was knighted.

[Dave Anthony]

The cops were now bringing in 543,000 a year, which is 2.5 million today.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oi. Fucking hell.

[Dave Anthony]

The Courier Mail reported, quote, a child pornography and male prostitution racket is operating in Brisbane and on the Gold coast, ringleaders pay off crooked policemen so the racket can operate. It's cool. It was alleged Commissioner Lewis had a long time knowledge of a cop involved in child molestation. The cabinet decided to appoint a judge to look into it. Now, at the time when they decided to do that, Joe was in London. And so he phoned and told them to shut it down. Fuck the police Minister, quote, the Premier often stated a view that an inquiry should never be started unless the result is known beforehand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's fair.

[Chris Ryan]

Well, that makes logical sense.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That Actually does.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, before you do it, know what the answer is.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. Otherwise, why even do it if you don't already know the output, the outcome?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It could be negative inquisition without question. 100%. That's how math works, too.

[Chris Ryan]

Like, why ask a question if you don't know the answer?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Makes complete sense.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what this whole podcast is based around.

[Dave Anthony]

So the cop ends up being arrested and Joe said he supported. So he calls again and I guess he tells reporter this or something. But he says he supports Louis and also that East German assassins are targeting him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the fuck? I've got quite a quote for you on this one is turban assassin.

[Dave Anthony]

Ninjas. German ninjas are after me. It's classic right wing fucking nuts. Like, they're crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, his conscience must have been in the goiter. I wonder what the goiter's doing. The goiter's like, I'm a simple farmer now. Live off the land and don't take more than I have to. We're just a simple goiter family.

[Chris Ryan]

He's just at a bar going, yeah, sir Joe. I knew him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Goiter. Should you be smoking? Probably not.

[Chris Ryan]

My goiter's got a goiter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So. Look, the goiter has a goiter. We removed that goiter, and it's running for Senate. So I don't know what to tell you. The goiter's goiter is now smoking. It's not good.

[Dave Anthony]

In 1985, the Australian dollar began to plummet. This caused his company debt to increase. So the $3 million loan is now 3.8 million. And in 1985, Joe created new electoral boundaries, which a University of Queensland professor said quote, was the most criminal act ever perpetrated in politics and the worst zonal gerrymander in the history of the world.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's quite a compliment. Thank you very much.

[Dave Anthony]

So Allen Callahan, the typewriter guy, he's now the undersecretary of the Department of Arts, National Parks and Sport.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Great.

[Dave Anthony]

I guess put all that together.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, why not?

[Dave Anthony]

And his wife was removed from the Queensland Day Committee for fraud.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

She ended up getting two and a half years for taking $44,000. But she just served three months because she had asthma.

[Chris Ryan]

Well, it is harder with asthma when you're in prison.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know if you can't go to jail.

[Damian Powers]

Wait, she was on the day committee. What is that?

[Dave Anthony]

It's a Queensland Day Committee. You know, for Queensland for day, for daytime, day for the. You guys, Queensland Day. It's probably pretty great, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Queensland Day is a thing. She. She got bribed that much for one day. Like she's planning one day. Yeah, she's planning a day and made that much money.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. I'm sure there's a lot of money in Queensland. I mean it must be crazy here. The river and the. I'm sure they have sport.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's awesome.

[Chris Ryan]

There's lots of it.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Terry Lewis was now taking $2,221 a week in bribes. And he is knighted the first time ever for a police commissioner. Now a prosecutor investigates and finds a lot of police corruption with brothels and gambling. And his report gets leaked. And around this time, a Hong Kong businessman's representative comes to meet Joe to discuss investing in Queensland. And then he leaves and 10 minutes later comes back with a hundred thousand dollars in a bag and gives it to Joe. That's just business.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely. Yep. Politics.

[Chris Ryan]

That's how we do business up here, mate.

[Dave Anthony]

Nothing wrong with that. So Joe and associates start a new election fund Cal deal which they start getting anonymous cash donations of like 60,000 and 100,000 and they would just be left in the office.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's all bag based donations.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just bags of money.

[Damian Powers]

I believe it was brown paper bags.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, like lunch.

[Damian Powers]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Joe later said nobody knew who donated it. It just showed up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What am I supposed to do? I thought it was cat poo.

[Chris Ryan]

Chook fade.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Chip food.

[Chris Ryan]

More choke fade.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was a bit of a chook.

[Dave Anthony]

The National Party wins the next election. Joe, quote, our assault on Canberra begins now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

A biography said Joe believed, quote, God had singled him out to be the person to save Queensland and Australia from socialism. And. And it was his life's holy mission.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, for fuck's sake.

[Dave Anthony]

Payments on the Singapore loan are not being paid. And now Alan Callahan is charged with stealing and he ends up serving four years. So then the coke and company, who I think is out of Hong Kong, but they paid Joe's family $150,000 for a six month option on Kalin deposits on their property.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Another 150,000.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, this is. Yeah. And then months later they pay him 600 or 500,000 and then they just give that all straight to the loan. So it's just a payoff to pay his loan.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

Just like. It's just bullshit.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

Joe announced he would stand for the House of Representatives and said it was time to take over the federal government in early 87. Two journalists, Chris Masters and Phil Dickey. So they break the story of Queensland corruption and then the federal government filed an official inquiry, and Federal judge Tony Fitzgerald heads the commission.

[Chris Ryan]

Looks like Alan Partridge.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He what?

[Chris Ryan]

Alan Partridge.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. He does look like Alan Partridge. Yeah. No wonder we love him.

[Chris Ryan]

I'm on fire.

[Dave Anthony]

So now Joe ends his run for the House of Representatives. He's like, all right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Interesting move for someone who's not guilty.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. In June, the Cogan Company gives Joe's family another 300,000.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's probably like, look, stop leaving these bags around. We left you a bunch more money. I meant right now is not a great time to be leaving these paper bags of money.

[Dave Anthony]

The Queensland health Minister wants condoms and vending machines due to the AIDS crisis. But Joe stops it and says he would get his advice from church leaders about condoms and aids.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think I'll listen to the church on how to nut get aids.

[Damian Powers]

Bill.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're not idiots, okay? Condoms and vending machines. Kids that think they're potato chips, they're gonna eat them. It's not good, okay? Trust me. I think we know how to nugget aids. Pray.

[Dave Anthony]

And then Joe said he was going to build a chlorine plant at the mouth of the Brisbane River. And he pushes for the world's tallest skyscraper to be built in Brisbane, even though it's not approved by the city council.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus.

[Chris Ryan]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's so much bigger. It's crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

It's insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, look at like. He's like, I think now I might Godzilla my way through this town later if I feel so inclined. It'll be seven times as big as anything we've ever seen. It will finally reach heaven.

[Dave Anthony]

It's really insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's got to hold it. Look, in the real construction. I will not be holding it up. It will. There will be a foundation that will do the job for us.

[Dave Anthony]

It's so trumpy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's another bag of 300. Stop handing me bags of money for a minute, please. Jesus Christ.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just so trumpy and it's crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's going to be unbelievable. I'll hold it. It'll be almost as big as I am.

[Dave Anthony]

So cops are now taking immunity and snitching in the inquiry. And the Country Party president tells Joe to retire. And Joe told him to mind his fucking business or he'd start a new.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Party, the country business.

[Dave Anthony]

But everyone in the party wants Joe gone. So he agrees to retire on the 20th anniversary of his swearing in, which would be April 8, 1988. So it's like a year away.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Retirement is not enough of a punishment, though, for this.

[Dave Anthony]

So his Party votes to legalize condom vending machines anyway, because everybody wants those.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, for sure.

[Dave Anthony]

Joe still forces three ministers to resign for, quote, displaying insufficient loyalty. The party management committee calls a meeting and votes to Dismiss Joe on November 27, 1987.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So early.

[Dave Anthony]

But he holes up in the executive building and refuses to resign.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, I'm taking myself hostage. Can you do that?

[Dave Anthony]

No, it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You can't.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, it's awkward.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

Nobody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, unfortunately, he's unable to resign because he's in one of the executive building suites. Until he leaves there, he's still technically got a lot of power. So our best bet is that it's some point he will come outside. Until then, we might have to build that fucking skyscraper. To be honest with you, he's just in there with brown paper bags of money.

[Dave Anthony]

So I don't think anybody knows about it. Like, I think it's just the party and like the press doesn't know or anything that he's holed up in there. While he's in there holed up, he calls Buckingham palace to try to get the Queen to save him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your Majesty. On. Yes. I need help. What you need?

[Dave Anthony]

Hello, Governor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no, no. Not what she'd say.

[Dave Anthony]

Sorry. Pimigiow. Fuck.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's so. It's so ridiculous when you phone a friend is the Queen. When you have to call the fuck. Like the cosplayest of cosplayers. I need your help.

[Dave Anthony]

It's also just like groveling the mommy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's also just keep saying why the monarchy cannot, should just never exist.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nothing.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Apologize.

[Dave Anthony]

I know you guys all love your king.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, he's awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

And the prince. Prince. Well, there's one. There's one prince now, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

There's two princes.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right. But one. One cut loose.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, not a prince anymore.

[Dave Anthony]

William renounced all of his.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah. So he's just a dude.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, no Harry around town, is it Harry?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. William's chilling. William's wife is a hologram.

[Dave Anthony]

Is William.

[Gareth Reynolds]

William's the one who looks like a bird in a cartoon who held an explosive object.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pretty fucking straightforward. Harry's the best looking member and he's a ginger.

[Dave Anthony]

And he lives outside of Los Angeles.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He lives in LA with his wife who was told to not be part of the family for reasons we know not yet. We'll figure it out eventually.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's definitely nothing to do with anything other than character.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, there's nothing different about her.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Absolutely.

[Damian Powers]

Not.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Don't like your attitude. Keep going.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm not saying anything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hurry up. She's.

[Dave Anthony]

She's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I wish I like her appearance.

[Dave Anthony]

She's going to poison thee.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're after very pure being. Think of what we'd end up looking like.

[Dave Anthony]

Yee. But he. Eventually, he. Pretty soon he knows it's over and he spends the weekend just getting rid of documents.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's always fun. Not on Sunday, though.

[Dave Anthony]

Publicly, he says he's going to remain premier and he only needed all of labor and Liberal members to vote for him, plus four more. And he said he'd even work with the Socialists.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, they're going to come back.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

Like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

No, it came to collaborate, actually.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You do seem pretty chill now that.

[Chris Ryan]

We think your police officers bashed us in the street.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

And now we came to work together.

[Dave Anthony]

So they start negotiations to get him out. He ends up getting a car, a driver, a secretary and an office, plus a job. And then he resigns on December 1. He gets 150,000 a year, which is what we call a pension, what you call a super. Right. And he's the only Member of Parliament who had refused to contribute to the superannuation. It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's.

[Dave Anthony]

It's called winning.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's nuts. It really is. It is called winning.

[Dave Anthony]

The Queensland economy is now the worst in Australia.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not for one guy.

[Dave Anthony]

Sergeant Jack.

[Chris Ryan]

And then we won the state of origin and it all came good. We all had barbecue chooks. It was a fucking great day, wasn't it? They all know what happens after this.

[Dave Anthony]

Sergeant Jack Herbert had fled to England, but was arrested on February 11, 1988. He was the bagman. He had all the info on which cop got what amount and around this time. So there was this bank robber who had testified in 1972 that a rat Pack member was in on his crime. And so now it's, you know, 16 years later, and all of a sudden, someone slits his throat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, fuck.

[Dave Anthony]

And it is believed that was a warning to Jack Herbert to not testify.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would take that as a warning, loud and clear.

[Dave Anthony]

But still, he has immunity. He names 26 cops. Terry Lewis loses his salary the next day.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

Still a night. Joe told a reporter corrupt police were, quote, very, very naughty.

[Chris Ryan]

He's very naughty.

[Dave Anthony]

Can you argue with that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I could go further.

[Dave Anthony]

Very, very naughty. But we had no suspicions at all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just incredible.

[Dave Anthony]

He testifies Joe on December 1st for two hours.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, my God, it must have been amazing.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, he basically says, I don't recall, 39 times, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

And he had no idea who gave him huge sums of money. He said the money just showed up.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So that's a new rule is if you say you don't know more than 10 times in an inquiry, we guillotine you. That's another one. Sorry. No, you're okay. This is not grandkids. This is the person in the deposition. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, so his slush Fund still has $270,000 in it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's cool.

[Dave Anthony]

Finally, the National Party is crushed in the 89 elections. So little. But how fucking embarrassing is it to go through all this shit and then this is you finally. Like, they were the most crap fuckers ever.

[Chris Ryan]

They're like, you know what?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not voting for him. Yeah, that'll teach him. He has 150 grand a year and a driver.

[Dave Anthony]

Labor takes control and everything got good. Altogether, 250 people are charged with crimes. Herbert had immunity and confessed to everything. So he's. Now we know how. All those little numbers I was given out of, like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Exact specific numbers. Terry Lewis, guilty of 15 charges and gets 14 years for each.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, great.

[Chris Ryan]

It's a big one.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not a big math guy, but that's his life. That's the rest of his Life.

[Dave Anthony]

It's like 28 or something.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, exactly what it is.

[Dave Anthony]

Joe is tried in September 1991 for one count of corruption and two of perjury.

[Chris Ryan]

He was corrupt that once.

[Gareth Reynolds]

One time.

[Chris Ryan]

There was a time I didn't want to.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We got him one time. He did it.

[Dave Anthony]

So this group forms called the Friends of Joe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. And we're going to get their grandkids.

[Chris Ryan]

It's funny, my uncle actually ran that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

For Sake Damien Friends group.

[Dave Anthony]

And they start a media blitz.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They start immediate. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

And they said, he's innocent, he's poor. He's being attacked by the forces of evil. Such a weird. Like I get. I get like, poor and innocent. Okay. But the forces of evil, like, it's so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's the goiter, like, comes out of the ground, like, not yet. You just got lied to me, Daddy. I want to come back. We'll let you go if you reattach the goiter. Motherfucker. What? Put it back on. Like a St. Bernard cider.

[Dave Anthony]

So they start. They. They're seeking donations for his defense.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Donations? If they didn't call it that. It's crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

They hold a big benefit lunch where the keynote speaker is Alan Jones. It's their Rush Limbaugh.

[Chris Ryan]

That fucking God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, it's their Rush Limbaugh. Cool.

[Dave Anthony]

Queensland juries needed to be unanimous.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fucking stupid.

[Dave Anthony]

Jury lists are available to attorneys a week before selection.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, that's dangerous, too.

[Dave Anthony]

So jurist Luke Shaw comes to court in a white T shirt, jeans, and long hair, and he is the first person accepted onto the jury. And then once he is picked as jury foreman, the next day he shows up in a suit, a tie, and short hair because he is in the Friends of Joe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, fuck. Fucking A.

[Dave Anthony]

During deliberation, the jurors were, quote, screaming their lungs out at Mr. Shaw. So the jury's hung, and then they don't want to try Joe again due to his age.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fuck that.

[Dave Anthony]

What that I know Joe is making at this point. He said $245,000 a year doing speeches, and he retires to his farm, but soon develops progressive supranuclear palsy, which is like Parkinson's. And that's all we get for victory. In 2003, he filed a 303, $30 million claim against the Queensland labor government, saying the Fitzgerald Inquiry caused him to lose business opportunities.

[Chris Ryan]

That's fucking insane. I can't. That has to be the craziest thing of all of it, I reckon. That's fucking nuts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's so.

[Chris Ryan]

It's so crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You created a man who's like. Feels comfortable. Comfortable doing that.

[Dave Anthony]

The case was dismissed. Joe died in April of 2005 at 94 years old.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't agree. I mean, it's 94 years old. I know, but he lived 94 years and died of natural causes.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's so horrible.

[Damian Powers]

No justice. They always go, there's no justice.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, they're.

[Damian Powers]

It's like the world just kept turning.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Damian Powers]

He. Even though we made fun of his goiter and he looked dumb half the time, we were the fucking idiots.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. That's exactly the thing. That's why it's like I get, like, I get a clapping because it's like he died, but it's like this man.

[Damian Powers]

He lived more than.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Probably longer than all of us.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He lived more than anyone. He benefited from all the corruption. They continued to do it. They continue to get away with it. And the small little concessions and victories we get are the fact that we're like, well, they died. Yeah, like we're all gonna die. He killed way more people. You know what I mean? Like, he ruined so many lives. He had the fucking. I mean, his goiter must have been filled with, like, nuts in order for him to sue the government on his behalf.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't think, you know, goiter's peanuts.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So next scrotum. When your scrotum is too full, it goes to your throat.

[Dave Anthony]

He got a state funeral.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sitting in death.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, sitting. Prime Minister John Howard and Queensland Premier Peter Beatty spoke, and then he was buried on his family property.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And tonight we're going to go there as a group and we're getting his bones out, and then we're gonna find his children on Facebook and figure out where they live.

[Chris Ryan]

I can't make it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, you can. And you're wearing that. And we're just gonna rap on the door. Hello. Why we hate your grandpa.

[Chris Ryan]

My granddad voted for Joe. That's no joke. Remember? Because, like, that generation, they fucking loved him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

I remember my granddad saying, like, you'll vote for Joe one day. Won't you?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Be like, dad, I'm a child. Grandpa, I'm a child. And we love Reagan.

[Chris Ryan]

The power was off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We love. We love. We. Our country looks back on Ronald Reagan as, like, the greatest president. I mean, there's the fondness for that, but we do. And I think if you go to the uk, they're like, Thatcher was like, there's no connection to reality with these figures. For what?

[Chris Ryan]

It's like Stalin, the death of Stalin, the movie. Everyone's like, oh, you know, they go into the streets, they miss him and stuff, even though he was killing them.

[Dave Anthony]

And.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I think with they.

[Chris Ryan]

It's like a weird nostalgia.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you do. They just. And when they die, the media does a great job of being like, look, he was controversial. It's like, he wasn't controversial. He was a fuck. He was the biggest fucking asshole in the world, and he should not be celebrated in any way. Literally. We should get their bodies and be able to do what we want with. And that's not enough at all. That's just like, a morsel.

[Chris Ryan]

I feel like this whole podcast has been about you wanting to beat me with a body part.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not you.

[Chris Ryan]

Like, in a weird, roundabout way.

[Dave Anthony]

In a weird roundabout.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not you, but you and your family.

[Chris Ryan]

Right, right, right.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And all those related to any of the people in the stories, you just.

[Dave Anthony]

Prop it up on the other side of the glory hole.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm listening.

[Dave Anthony]

His family did sell the property, and they also, like, auctioned off tons of shit, so they must have had some sort of money issues at some point. That's crazy. So that's helpful. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know. It is. It's funny because it's also like, this was happening right around the time of Reagan. It's maybe a little more out in the open, would you say?

[Dave Anthony]

If you can imagine a time in which the right wing took over different countries at once and they were celebrated.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And yet they still. They still are able to make socialism the enemy. Still. Like, we're gonna get Trump and it's still gonna be our fault.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, but. Yeah, they'll blame us. But they also don't know what socialism is. Like, that's the exciting thing about them. Because when they. When Fox News would, like, put up what AOC wanted, Republicans would be like, that sounds pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. They're like 70%, 80% popularity.

[Dave Anthony]

But if, like the policy. But they. They really. Anything they don't like, they call it socialism, but it's not actually socialism. So.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, because like, Bernie Sanders or whatever would be moderate here.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Chris Ryan]

That's extreme in your country. Hey, Bernie Sanders, they call him, like a socialist.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Complete.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Out of his complete outlier.

[Chris Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, they, they. They want. Like it is. You're like, well, what about if we gave you health care and we taxed it out of billionaires? People are great. And then you're like a socialist. Like, fuck that. No.

[Chris Ryan]

Do you think that's a hangover from the Cold War era where that just got drilled? I don't feel like we got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We still have the ghost. I mean, most people don't know what. Most people have no clue what those terms. Like, even populism. Like, populism is so. It's so obvious what it. I mean, you're just like, it's popular. You run a popular shit. People like, fuck him. He's a populist. You're like, he fucking wants to give you the popular shit. People like, nah, I'm good. Give me that shit that makes his life better. That's who I care about. Like, we're all fucking dumb as shit. We deserve it, but we should still be allowed to get their goddamn bones. We should be allowed to have access to their bones. And here's what I'm pitching. I'm not pitching. We get to just rap on the door. It's one day. We purge it. We do. Purge style. One day a year, it's Queensland Day. One day a year, we get to go out and we just get to take their bones.

[Dave Anthony]

Are you seriously pitching the purge right now?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I think I am, but it's not a purge. It's not a purge on anybody. It's just. We get. It's like Halloween, but it's with their grandpa's bones, and we get their bones and we get to go to their houses. And yeah, it's one day a year, and we could even announce it, but they can't leave. Hold on. And we get to find them and anyone related to them, we get to beat them with their bones.

[Dave Anthony]

You're gonna love when I tell you about Mao Zedong. You're gonna. He. He didn't like landlords.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, I'm listening. I'm way down for that. How great would that be when your landlord's like, where's the rent? And you're like, so this is your grandpa's spine? And beat you.

[Dave Anthony]

All right, so Gareth is. He's gone. Really left.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll do it for free, too. I don't care. Pro bono. Oh, that's the end of the show. Thank you so much for joining us. Chris and Damien, give it up for them. How about for Drake, Anthony, everybody? He works real hard on these. Thank you for coming. Enjoy your rugby. And God bless. Bless. And if you're related, that guy's out of here. And if you're related to this man, run. Thank you. Bye. What's up, doll heads? Just a reminder, always throw those doll heads on stage. We love them. Hey, Gareth Reynolds here. I will be at Rooster T Feathers in Sunnyvale, California, November 6th through November 8th. I will be at the Omaha Funny Bone the 28th and 29th of November. Then it will be in Vancouver, British Columbia, on December 2, Seattle, December 3, and Eugene, December 4. Go to GarethReynolds.com for tickets and information.