737 - Silas Soule - Part Two

Summary

The Dollop Episode 737: Silas Soule - Part Two (June 9, 2026)

---

Episode Overview

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds continue their deep dive into the life and moral complexities of Silas Soule, a Union officer and notable figure in the American West during the Civil War era. This second installment picks up with Soule’s evolving legacy as an abolitionist and explores the turbulent transition from fighting Confederates to the U.S. Army’s conflict against Native Americans. The hosts highlight the contradictions within the era’s moral landscape, blending historical detail with their signature banter, dark humor, and pointed observation of recurring injustices.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Recap & Civil War Setting

• Dave reminds listeners of Soule’s anti-slavery credentials and his involvement with the Union Army as the Civil War intensifies.
• The hosts touch on the westward Confederate expansion and the efforts to impose slavery in new territories.
  • “They wanted slaves everywhere. Yeah.” – Dave (03:48)

2. Military Hardship & Dysfunction

• The Union troops endure brutal conditions, including freezing marches; leadership refuses men access to shelter, leading to internal breakdowns.
  • “The colonel bragged that his men could handle any hardship and made them sleep outside. … The men responded by breaking into the fort and getting drunk.” – Dave (05:38, 05:58)
• Violent incidents break out among soldiers, reflecting poor discipline and leadership.

3. The "Fighting Parson" and Tactical Maneuvers

• The “Fighting Parson” emerges—a preacher-turned-soldier distinguished by violent anti-slavery zeal and ruthless tactics.
  • “The other men were sort of freaked out by how violent and ruthless this Methodist preacher had become.” – Dave (10:54)
• Dramatic accounts include suicidal charges down mesas and the destruction of Confederate supplies.

4. Transition to Native American Conflict

• With Confederates pushed back, Union focus shifts to waging war against local Native American tribes—a deeply problematic realignment.
  • “There was only one enemy for a 19th century settler-colonial army. To go up against: Native Americans. You gotta kill somebody.” – Dave (12:03)
• The hosts examine the hypocrisy of some figures who oppose slavery but participate in the violence against Native peoples.

5. Soule’s Social Life, Practical Jokes & Local Celebrity

• Soule becomes locally known for his humor, crowd-working abilities, and affable presence—engaging in what would later become infamous pranks and earning coverage in local newspapers.
  • Notable Banter: An extended riff satirizing 19th-century April Fool’s jokes (13:49-15:46)
  • Soule is depicted as charismatic; his antics, like charming strangers for chewing tobacco, are celebrated (17:21).

6. Family Tragedy & Motivation

• Soule’s family narrowly survives a brutal raid in Kansas, underscoring ever-present violence and deepening his commitment to public service.
  • “He immediately borrowed 50 bucks from a friend and sent it back home, hoping someone from his family was alive...” – Dave (21:32)

7. Recruitment, Promotions, and Growing Tensions

• Soule is promoted and increases efforts as a recruiter for the Union, becoming a minor celebrity.
  • “He was now a bit of a local celebrity, with papers reporting on a trip he was taking with a friend to check in on his mining claims.” – Dave (25:17)
• Meanwhile, fears about the alleged threat from Native tribes are amplified by rumors and media, fueling settler hysteria.
  • “Denver kicked... itself into an Indian hysteria. Always a good sign.” – Dave (35:19)

8. Escalation to Genocidal Policy

• A climate of panic leads to shoot-on-sight orders against Native Americans, based on unsubstantiated fears.
  • “They sent out new orders... that the men were to, ‘shoot to kill any native they saw, period.’” – Dave (37:31)
• The hosts draw parallels to modern-day scapegoating and mass hysteria.

9. Early Peace Efforts Thwarted

• Soule, Major Wynkoop, and others facilitate talks with Cheyenne and Arapaho leaders, attempting to broker real peace and prisoner exchanges, often at personal risk.
  • “Standing unarmed in the midst of an angry looking foe, Silas tried to keep the chattering of his teeth quiet.” – Dave (50:51)
• However, higher authorities and racist pressure undermine these attempts—governor resistance, military purge of pro-peace officers.

10. Descent Into Massacre

• The mood turns grim as newly arrived military leadership ends the peace and prepares for violence.
  • “The fighting parson cooly let Silas know that they were there to kill all the Native Americans.” – Dave (76:22)
• Soule and a handful of officers condemn the planned attack; ultimately, the infamous Sand Creek Massacre looms.
  • “He reminded him [the major] of their promise to the chiefs. They were all... so close to a peaceful outcome.” – Dave (76:55)
• Soule is offered leave to abstain from participation in the massacre, cementing his dissident role but rendering him powerless to stop it.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Contradiction and Racism:

  • “You weigh 180 pounds. More.” – Dave, needling Gareth (02:26)
  • “How do you get there? ... It’s very... well, what? … We were just talking about Tucker Carlson earlier.” – Dave, drawing analogies between historic and modern scapegoating (12:28, 12:38)

• On Colonial Hysteria:

  • “It started with one blurry warning... but then... it ballooned into 3,000 warriors bearing down on the city.” – Dave (36:16)
  • “This is Native American Y2K.” – Gareth (37:12)

• On the Ethics of War:

  • “The term ‘war crime’ has always been a funny little term... Well, war is a crime.” – Gareth (82:05)

• On Systemic Racism:

  • “We've always had proud boys... it is really, it is. It's like a chemical imbalance. It is a DNA issue.” – Gareth (71:09)

• On Genocidal Policy:

  • “The fighting parson thundered that he, ‘believed it to be right or honorable to use any means necessary under God’s heaven to kill Indians and damn any man that is in sympathy with the Indians.’” – Dave (79:58)

• Comic Relief:

  • Extended riff on bizarre 19th-century pranks (13:49–15:46)
  • Surreal banter about freak shows and double-jointed performers (32:28–34:01)
  • Satirical “fire jacking” bit lampooning the absurdity of cross-cultural negotiations (65:23–67:16)

---

Important Timestamps

• Setting the Stage / Show Start: 03:04
• Brutal Fort Conditions: 05:10–06:01
• Turning on the Native Americans: 12:03–12:28
• Soule’s April Fool’s Prank & Press: 13:49–16:56
• Soule’s Charisma & Crowdwork: 17:23–19:18
• Family Attack & Motivation: 21:03–21:50
• Denver “Indian Hysteria” & Mob Armament: 35:19–37:47
• Shoot-On-Sight Orders: 37:31
• Peace Talks Begin: 46:22–51:09
• Governor Blocks Peace Effort: 59:00–62:13
• Military Coup & Sand Creek Massacre Approaches: 76:00–82:05

---

Tone & Takeaways

True to The Dollop’s tone, Dave and Gareth weave dark humor and modern parallels into their historical narrative, highlighting America’s cycles of scapegoating, racist policy, and moral contradiction. The contrast between Silas Soule’s earnest attempts at peace and the machinery of genocide orchestrated by so-called “men of God” is explored with both exasperation and biting satire. The episode closes as the Sand Creek Massacre approaches, leaving a heavy sense of foreboding and setting the stage for the next grim chapter in the saga.

---

Recommended Next Listen: Part Three, where the fallout and legacy of Silas Soule’s moral stand—and America’s frontier violence—continue.

Transcript

[Gareth Reynolds]

So here's how you can save up to 70% on your favorite brands. From rebel.com has everything for your home, family and life, from strollers to skincare at unbeatable prices. Every day, Rebbl drops thousands of new products for up to 70% off. It's a constant stream of endless deals from brands like Uppababy, Nuna, Baby Bjorn, Nespresso, Breville, Wilson, Dyson, Caraway, and more. Every listing is one of a kind, and the best things go first, so you have to move fast. Save big on your favorite brands. Shop now for up to 70%@from rebel.com.

[Dave Anthony]

my father's dead. You killed him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They think that I'm shiny.

[Dave Anthony]

I am a pie man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm Pete Rose and I only go to Gold's Gym. This one specifically.

[Dave Anthony]

Rumor is that his penis is broken.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And show him where the taco bar was.

[Dave Anthony]

His brain just fucking exploded.

[Gareth Reynolds]

River of cheese. You been drinking any gnome juice now, officer?

[Dave Anthony]

My dad had a fart chair.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, cover me.

[Dave Anthony]

You're listening to the Dollop on the All Things Comedy Night Network. This is an American history podcast where each week I. Black shirt wear man with Superman like glasses. Lover of many dogs. Dave Anthony reads a story from American history to a booby.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Who doesn't lay with dogs. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm a lover of dogs. I don't lay with dogs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. It's pretty creepy to be like, oh, love. I'm a lover of dogs.

[Dave Anthony]

Although.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a weird way to confess what you do. Although I watch kennels and ASPCA and the Humane Society. Be aware of people like this. He let it slip last night.

[Dave Anthony]

Pablo slept between my legs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Pablo's his gardener.

[Dave Anthony]

Tell you what, man. You get a dog sleeping snuggling up right there. It's pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'll tell you one thing. My cat sleeps with me pretty much every night, and he takes up half the bed by the time I wake up. I go, this is crazy.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And he's just like. He's. Go ahead, be an. What?

[Dave Anthony]

No. You have weird, weird issues.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. He nudges me over all night somehow.

[Dave Anthony]

What. What you're saying is insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is not.

[Dave Anthony]

You are. This is fucking.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is great. So, hey, sound off in the comments. Do you think what I'm saying is crazy or is what Dave saying is crazy? So let us know in the comments.

[Dave Anthony]

You weigh 180 pounds. More.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How much do you think I weigh?

[Dave Anthony]

Like 180 pounds.

[Gareth Reynolds]

First of all no. And second of all, no. Your estimate, you just basically said I weigh 193 pounds.

[Dave Anthony]

There's no way that cat's down to 13.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That cat is 13

[Dave Anthony]

found a lie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And there's this stuff. There's like I. It might be my algorithm, but in Japan, they're getting close to a life extending.

[Dave Anthony]

That's a lie. We looked into it. It's a lie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Vaccine.

[Dave Anthony]

I was going to send it to you, but it's not true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I choose to believe.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, go ahead. 1861 Civil War is kicked off. Our anti abolitionist bad boy, Silas Soul is joined up with the Confederates, the Union. And soon they are marching. They're making great time going down to Mexico. But unfortunately for them, the Confederates, what are they doing? They're. They're. Because the Confederates are. Were heading west from Texas. Right. So they're going up and they're just

[Gareth Reynolds]

taking over everywhere to be like, you will have slaves.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, they were really big on. Yeah, basically. I mean, they're trying to take over the country, but they were.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was that the plan? They were just like, we will force you into having slaves.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. I mean, they wanted slaves everywhere. Yeah. And they were.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It seems like a really weird plan anyway because it'll work. Aren't you trying to. Huh?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like you're trying to admit. You're trying to say to people you will.

[Dave Anthony]

No, no. They're not making people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're just making it. Legal.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Legal. Yeah. But remember like part. Like the lower part of Arizona. I'm not sure if the lower part of New Mexico, but that was a slave state like they took over.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

A portion that was part of the Confederacy anyway. Just all good stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good thing we left it to fester.

[Dave Anthony]

Did we win that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We did.

[Dave Anthony]

Debatable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we won. And then we were like, you did some stuff. We did some stuff. Let's move back in together.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. So they are heading down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Where am I?

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, so they're heading down to New Mexico with his troops. But unfortunately for them, the Confederates had bested Silas Union counterparts and they'd taken over Santa Fe. So Silas's unit marched south until they found the abandoned Fort Union where they were supposed to rendezvous with other troops.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

The harsh March weather sent a freezing wind that chilled them to the bone so bad that it killed horses and mules.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This. This makes me. All I'm seeing is climate change. I know.

[Dave Anthony]

Because you're thinking that never would happen anymore. Give us. Give us back the cold that kills horses.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly, please send the cold. Where was this? This was like West Coast.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. No, this is. No, this is. Yeah, Westish. The what we consider the west har.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Winter. Now you can fry an egg on the streets of Arizona in February.

[Dave Anthony]

Despite the fact that there was a big empty fort that could comfortably fit 500 men, the colonel bragged that his men could handle any hardship and made them sleep outside.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What a what. What? In the bill parcels. Dick. Hello. I'll show you all.

[Dave Anthony]

You're gonna be tough until you're dead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Not how it works.

[Dave Anthony]

The man responded by breaking into the fort and getting drunk.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good.

[Dave Anthony]

Now, okay, this. These guys. I understand.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

These are my people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's what you do.

[Dave Anthony]

One inebriated lieutenant shot another man and was quickly executed. Things were starting to unravel.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hey, this party's vibe got pretty weird. Imagine if at a party, a guy shot a guy and then other people killed that guy. You had a function. It was a pretty good party until Troy shot Tom. And then everybody just killed Troy.

[Dave Anthony]

Can we not kill each other?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, everybody put the music back on. Troy's dead. We killed Troy. Whoopsie in the parking lot.

[Dave Anthony]

How can he shut down the fighting parson? Okay, so the fighting person, right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Was the preacher who laid down the guns because he was speaking anti slavery stuff. And the Southerners basically, like, he does that again, I think.

[Dave Anthony]

No, I think the. I think the anti. Anti. The. The abolitionists were the ones who called them that. Like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right, right. Yeah, but the. The pro slavery contingent didn't like him.

[Dave Anthony]

They did not like him at all. But he's a badass.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm picturing Vinnie Jones. I choose to picture Vinnie Jones.

[Dave Anthony]

Clint Eastwood from. Well, now he's kind of rapey.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Clint Eastwood would be like, I think we probably should have people working for us for no money.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm thinking about his characters in the movies.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Not Clint, but Gran Torino. I picture Vinnie Jones. Or he's like. That's right. You got a problem with me? We're not gonna have any slaves. No ownership. Got an issue. Take it up with me. The vicar.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that's better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that's right. Let's go. Because I just remembered that Clint Eastwood's a racist.

[Dave Anthony]

No, he played a confederate in a movie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, he was. He's all. Yeah, he also. At the rn, talk to the Obama chair.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, that's. That's the best way to end your career.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is like, how to Come out with Alzheimer's by Clint Eastwood. Oh, really? That's what you think? Obama?

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, so the Fighting parson had taken control of a company of troops and marched them to the Confederates unprotected. Unprotected rear.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Follow me to the unprotected rear.

[Dave Anthony]

They did this by climbing a massive mesa to get around the enemy line. And there they saw something they did not expect. The entire Confederate supply train. Rain.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

So there's just one problem. Mesas famously have very steep cliffs. Often.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know what a mesa is.

[Dave Anthony]

Sheer, like a butte.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're doing that thing, you know, where you're just tossing out other things.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, how do I describe it? It looks like one. It. So think Arizona. And it's like. It's like one of those things that looks like a mountain, but it's been sheared off on top.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. A headless mountain.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. So it's got cliff sides, sheer drops on all sides. So the men threw themselves down the cliffsides, barrel rolling and tumbling like a rag doll to their positions, and somehow no one was seriously injured.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Must have been fun.

[Dave Anthony]

At the same time, the colonel in charge of the entire Union force, the same one that made them sleep outside of the freezing weather. He's not doing great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good.

[Dave Anthony]

His hesitation and poor communication led to several lost battles that should have been won. And Silen list, for his part, was holding up amazingly. He and his other Pikes Peak sons of bitches, as they were called by their Texas opponents.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Good.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a good name. Yeah, you want that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You want your opponent to be like. We give you respectful nicknames.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, you sons of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You've won us over.

[Dave Anthony]

And they were doing a splendid job of protecting the unionists valuable artillery. But the cowardly colonel got cold feet and ordered the men to retreat. Okay, now. Abandoned by the rest of the guys, the fighting parson had his men burned down every single supply they couldn't carry. And several of the men bayoneted horses and mules, which might have been normal back then, but kind of sucks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Doesn't age great. And we killed a bunch of their horses. What a. Have you done that? They were racist too, right? No, no, no, they were all right. They're horses. They don't know who's on their back. Sorry, preacher.

[Dave Anthony]

I just can't imagine bayoneting a crazy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, you can change a mule's mind.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, yeah, and mules are super. Like, they love people so much now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He didn't. He did.

[Dave Anthony]

He was going.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, easy does it. Easy does it.

[Dave Anthony]

The fighting parson wanted to stay on and kill every single rebel he could lay his eyes on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm not leaving till every one of these is every. I'm gonna kill all of them. You understand me? I'm done with them.

[Dave Anthony]

The other men were sort of freaked out by how violent and ruthless this Methodist preacher had become.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Aren't you a preacher?

[Dave Anthony]

Not anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, I am.

[Dave Anthony]

Hell, cut your head off.

[Gareth Reynolds]

There we are. You know what? I know I will get back. I'm gonna cut every throat, make a river of blood and sail down it as that sound.

[Dave Anthony]

But cooler heads prevailed and they all went back to the fort. Now the colonel is forced to resign his position because the bill parcels colonel

[Gareth Reynolds]

and wanted them all outside.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, he's a scaredy cat. And the fighting parson was elevated to the top spot. Silas rose up the ranks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, let's go inside. Except for you. You sleep outside, tough guy. You got cold feet. Let that spread.

[Dave Anthony]

And Silas rose up the ranks to temporary commander of two different companies. He was, quote, showing his potential in catching the eye of his superiors. As 1863 began, so did Silas's ascent through the ranks where he launched himself to the job of assistant adjudicator Adjutant general to the district commander. His job consisted of basically two things. Record keeping and making sure people did what the commander told them to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

And not great.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, kind of mid.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, kind of whatever. But their enemy had changed now that they'd driven the Confederate back south. The Civil War had left Colorado. And there was only one enemy for a 19th century setter settler colonial army. To go up against native Americans. You gotta kill somebody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But it's so weird.

[Dave Anthony]

No, you got.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. All right.

[Dave Anthony]

It's. It's very.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How do you get there?

[Dave Anthony]

It's very. Well, what? Take. Take. Like, how do you get there? So take. We were just talking about Tucker Carlson earlier. Tucker Carlson.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it was all positive.

[Dave Anthony]

Tucker Carlson. Right. Is saying how bad it is that you killed the. The people of Gaza. Right. The Palestinians and were Christians. But at the same time, what's his opinion of any Mexican who's here in America? Sure, same thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The difference is I was starting to respect Silas.

[Dave Anthony]

Now, I don't know if that's his belief, but that's the army's belief.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Right. So during a triumphant march through Denver, Silas became acquainted with Denver's first or real printing magnate, William Byers, who's editor of the Rocky Mountain News. I think we had an episode on. Anyway, on January 22, Byers noted in the paper that he had the, quote, pleasure of meeting Lt. Soul, formerly of Clear Creek. And Silas Pradeep played a practical Joke on him. He anonymously reported that a Colorado company of men had gotten into a skirmish with Confederates in Missouri, which led to eight deaths and the rest of the men being captured. Somehow, word got back to. Back to buyers that it was Silas playing an April Fool's joke. What a hilarious, hilarious prank. I made up a battle with men.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's like when you read an old joke and you're like, I don't understand it. Like pranks back then. Oh, say, William, I've come as soon as I heard. Your wife, Kathleen has been killed. And both of your boys, they're dead. They're all dead. They're gone. Oh, I'm so sorry.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Here's this artist's rendering of the bodies.

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you can see this.

[Dave Anthony]

It says, april Fools.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've had some fun with you.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, my God. You son of a. I thought my wife was dead.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, yes, yes. Are you.

[Dave Anthony]

Prankster. Always with the price. I remember the time you told me my baby d.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But your boys are dead.

[Dave Anthony]

It's. What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Your wife remains. Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

What the. Is that another one?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no. They were killed. No.

[Dave Anthony]

They were killed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. I killed them both.

[Dave Anthony]

No, I don't believe you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But Kathleen is. All right.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay.

[Gareth Reynolds]

More fun with you. Your wife was also killed. The April Fool's joke was when you said it was an April Fool's joke, which it wasn't. Everyone that you love in your immediate family has perished. I'm so sorry this has to be so hard. And the way that I've let this play out in retrospect is terrible. I just really could have come here and. And when you said it in April Fools, I should have said, it isn't. This is real. But I just wanted to give you a moment of joy. And it happened to fall on April 1, so there was a. A perfect out. But everyone in your family is dead, and your wife was indeed with child. So they're all gone.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So everyone's gone.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't like you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, that's an April Fool's joke. What? That you don't like me.

[Dave Anthony]

Wait, are they.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're dead enough. Trying to poke holes in that. Everyone you love's gone.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, you are quite the prankster. Let it be known.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's up? Later. Drinks?

[Dave Anthony]

No, I don't think so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right.

[Dave Anthony]

I might cut your head off. No, that's not a prank. Nope. That will be your final prank to have your head off your body. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No. Gosh, what a holiday.

[Dave Anthony]

So he gets Myers, gets word that it was Silas Pr. Playing an April fool's joke on him and taking any good spirits. He read about the trickster in the paper. Quote, we know him, dear soul, to be a man of unsuspected and straightforwardness in word. Indeed. And socially. To be as innocent as a lamb and as susceptible as a schoolgirl. Buyers continue finishing with.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honey, the paper's really bad today.

[Dave Anthony]

It's getting really weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Paper is super not good.

[Dave Anthony]

Quote, we know whom we mean. His hair is seldom is barely auburn. This may have been Colorado's first recorded ginger joke, of which there should be many more.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But I'm identifying with this guy.

[Dave Anthony]

Man I saw there. Apparently every year the Irish have a gathering of the redheads. Yeah, it's really interesting.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're not supposed to know about that.

[Dave Anthony]

But that's the place where we do it. We get them all there. We draw them all in, and then

[Gareth Reynolds]

that's the place where we do what?

[Dave Anthony]

You know, it's time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're an idiot.

[Dave Anthony]

It's time to get rid of them. You know what I mean?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why you talking about a ginger side?

[Dave Anthony]

Ginger side. It's time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No.

[Dave Anthony]

Silas turned down an opportunity to show off his charisma as well. During a poker game, he ran out of chewing tobacco and bet the men he could scam a whole plug of it off the next walking passerby. Sure enough, a dirty man with a pack animal sauntered by, and Silas shot up after him, immediately launching into a delightful story. Silas had the man so hypnotized that the fellow gave up a huge wad of tobacco. Silas triumphantly marched back to the table, chawed mouth and collected his winnings.

[Gareth Reynolds]

See this? Look, I know that you don't like crowd work, but this is my. This is my time.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, if this guy was alive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is my era.

[Dave Anthony]

Be a crowd work guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But this is. I should go back. I mean, I would just be. Did. It would be the best.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

God damn it. Said I'm stuck in this.

[Dave Anthony]

You couldn't handle the food.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you mean?

[Dave Anthony]

It's mostly just. You're mostly just a lot of days just with like, meat. Dried. Dried meat. Different kinds of meat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get used to it.

[Dave Anthony]

You'd be a diarying across the country.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But that's my next tour.

[Dave Anthony]

But. But the next April fool saw Silas getting his comic retribution from the Rocky Mountain News. Quote. On April Fool's Day, many persons were sold in various ways, but I leave. But I believe that the one with an e attached to his soul was victimized the most of any.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Huh?

[Dave Anthony]

So a bunch of people because they knew what he was. Now he's getting. Getting it back by everybody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Getting what?

[Dave Anthony]

Everyone's April Fools.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Fools.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, he's getting the fools. He's being the fooled.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Payback says charisma wasn't going unnoticed by top brass. In 1863, he was promoted to recruiting officer for the District of Colorado. He threw himself into his work, often printing around with the first regimental band and singing patriotic songs with Augusta reserved for the most zealous of believer. Just.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just awesome. Just what a job. Just walking around with a band, just riffing songs nobody wants to hear. What am I, Jimmy Fallon? Just shouting my songs at people with a band that I'm not deserving of.

[Dave Anthony]

He also wrote posters and plastered them around town.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Writing. I could write in posters. That's a tweet. Yeah, My little quips on thread.

[Dave Anthony]

Those are posters he's tweeting. Back in Kansas, border ruffians led by psychotic psychotic named Quantrell raided Lawrence and left a quote, swath of death and destruction as they went. Luckily, the Soul family were able to escape by bouncing the family's women on a hollow log and towing it out to the middle of a river where they just kind of waited it out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What the.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't know what happened. Why didn't. Why wouldn't the border refuge?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're the people who are just like helping with the undergr railroad.

[Dave Anthony]

I've got an idea.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We'll put the women on a log with nothing inside of it. They'll live there for months. Honey. But didn't you just do the underground railroad? Do you not have a better plan than just putting us out on a log in a river?

[Dave Anthony]

My legs are very pruned.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes, it will not be easy women, but this is the best way.

[Dave Anthony]

You'll eat fish and survive.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You'll live out there together. Your cycles will sink. It's the perfect plan. You can do your moon witchcraft as one. Well, at least the log will float. No, no, no. We'll be taking the wood out of it. Trust us. Oh, is this one of your April. It's not an April Fools.

[Dave Anthony]

This is real.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is real life.

[Dave Anthony]

One sister was teaching at a school a few miles away and saw the smoke rising from the direction of Lawrence. She rushed home only to be confronted by a quote, body after body smoking ruin after smoking ruin, walking in disbelief. Carnage in all 100, 185 men and boys were killed. Me many charred by from the fires. And over 175 home and businesses were burnt. Down or otherwise demolished. Jesus Christ.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is a real deal.

[Dave Anthony]

It's a real deal. The catastrophic news reached Denver, and Silas sprung into action. He immediately borrowed 50 bucks from a friend and sent it back home, hoping someone from his family was alive to receive it. He finally got word they were. They were all intact, even if their house and all their possessions weren't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

He dove headfirst into his recruiting with a new vigor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is kind of like the Spencer Pratt story.

[Dave Anthony]

It is very much like the Spencer Pratt story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like a guy who's lost everything.

[Dave Anthony]

Everything and kind of not really. And then it has it all and then pretend, yeah, his dad's rich. Yeah. He dove head first into his recruiting with a renewed vigor, making it into the local paper for his good work. The Commonwealth gave him an attaboy for his fine new flag hanging out the window, telling the young men of Denver to, quote, go in, boys. Soul's all right. The paper went even further the next week, saying Silas was universally liked, which accounts for his success. A few months later, Silas dragged the band back down Broadway and per usual, couldn't help but lead them in song.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm an annoying guy. Obviously. I'm annoyed by this a little bit at this point. You know, he's got to be like, tapped out on tunes a little. You know what I mean? You can only do river cheese so many times.

[Dave Anthony]

That is true.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're not all river of cheeses.

[Dave Anthony]

The newspapers reported the concert parade saying Silas's performance was afa. Very, very knowledgeable. He's got a knowledgeable fate. Au. And then another F A I T. Oh, a fault. A fault.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Au faith. Maybe aufe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think that's positive.

[Dave Anthony]

It's got. It's French, obviously, so the tea isn't gonna be whatever. It's very knowledgeable.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Sure.

[Dave Anthony]

And a decided attraction of the evening. He also earned rave reviews for his patriotic speeches with one paper calling them soul stirring. Now that reminds me of you. So you're really. You're get going on your patriotic speeches or songs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

It's incredible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. I'm a big grand old flag guy.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Absolutely.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Huh.

[Dave Anthony]

Silas then took a recruiting trip to down to the picturesque San Luis Valley on the border of Colorado and New Mexico where Fort Garland stood. And there he signed up to 94 vets to enlist and even hatched a plan to rid the man of their rude and shitty commander, which actually worked.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

That's pretty good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So what is. I'm just want. So I'M clear. What is he going for now? What is it? What's his. What is he doing?

[Dave Anthony]

He's the. He's like the. Well, he's definitely. He's a recruiter. So he's trying to get guys in for what? The Union Army.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, but the Union army at this point, is this just now that we're going after Native Americans? Is that what it's really.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, we're gonna have to do a little bit of that. But no, the. The main MO Is to go to

[Gareth Reynolds]

the Civil wars, right?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's on. So he's just trying to get guys to sign up and fight for the. The just cause. Right. He gets. He goes back to Denver and he's rewarded with a promotion to captain. Writing to his mom in maniac her quote. Don't you wish you were as contented as me? It's a weird thing, right?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Super strange.

[Dave Anthony]

So really, it's kind of like a double. Like it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like. If I picture to the tune of don't you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me, then I can kind of hear it.

[Dave Anthony]

It.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How. What is it? What did he exactly write?

[Dave Anthony]

Don't you wish you were as contented?

[Gareth Reynolds]

She was as content as me, don't you? You know, then I can kind of see, don't you.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm not feeling that. That's. Don't do the hands. Yeah. He was now a bit of a local celebrity, with papers reporting on a trip he was taking with a friend to check in on his mining claims. The press asked if he was there for, quote, for the girls of the mines. Such a.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's so funny to imagine the TMZ of that time. And it's all good. Hey, which holes are you excited to get into? Your miners ones or the ladies? Silas. Silas, Any thoughts now that you're walking towards your mind? Are you spending any time with some dames?

[Dave Anthony]

Once they. Once there, they were interviewed by the Blackhawk Daily Miner, where Silas joked of his new promotion that he'd raised the heart of anyone who still called him Lieutenant.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was a striking reply. What a quip. Raising the har.

[Dave Anthony]

His friend and fellow army higher upper was asked if there was to be an impending Indian war. And he laughed it off, telling them it would never get to that point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well,

[Dave Anthony]

surely thereafter a whole mess of. Sue.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This country is just a thousand skeletons in a closet.

[Dave Anthony]

The whole mess. Sue were forced into the area after being expelled from Minnesota and joined the Cheyenne.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Shirley had a lot to do with that. He was the one who Uncovered all the sue crime.

[Dave Anthony]

Has there ever been a dumber one?

[Gareth Reynolds]

A dumber one?

[Dave Anthony]

Has there ever been.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Journalist.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Whatever he is. Every time you watch Nick Shirley, you are like. You guys, you do yourselves no favors.

[Dave Anthony]

No favors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Because you like, like we were saying, Tucker Carlson, Nick Fuentes. These are despicable figures.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

However, there is obviously some intelligence there.

[Dave Anthony]

Nick Shirley, he's the dumbest man ever.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's just. He's like the dumbest person of all time.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you are going like, hey, he did another. He figured out another thing. Do you know that Payless has more shoes in the back? Nick Shirley uncovered it. Are you morons? He doesn't know what word. Like, he's just seeing what man. It's game over. When he's never heard the word benevolent and he tried to repeat it.

[Dave Anthony]

It's the benevolent.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What is beloved?

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, he is so dumb.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Nick Shirley uncovers more than 31 flavors at Baskin Robbins.

[Dave Anthony]

Like, I thought, who's the guy who shot people and then got off the protest in Minnesota? What's that kid's name?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, wait, which one?

[Dave Anthony]

The. The right winger.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, no, that was in Minnesota. That was written House.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I thought written House was dumb. Oh, but Shirley's like Einstein. Yeah, he really does. Next to Shirley, Shirley is so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is the dumbest. It just. It's very possible he's the dumbest person with a driver's license in America.

[Dave Anthony]

It really is. Okay, so do you know that this

[Gareth Reynolds]

daycare shot at 4? What's going on in there? Nick Shirley figures it out.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, so all these Native Americans are join up in the area. One white man married to a native reported that he overheard all five of the tribes make an alliance and plan to wage war on the whites. Well, yeah, I'm sorry.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, as a white. Damn. It would have been just great.

[Dave Anthony]

The government took this incredibly wild claim at face value and sent out warnings to their men on the western frontier at the same time.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Once again, the biggest victim in this country remains the white man. How dare they, Ma'. Am.

[Dave Anthony]

At the same time, cattle and other livestock are disappearing at a far more frequent weight. Frequent rate than before. Without checking it all, the farmers came to conclusion that it was the natives stealing all their.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can you imagine a group of people taking our resources without our knowledge? Just showing up and removing things that are ours? Pillaging food sources.

[Dave Anthony]

All the while, rumors ran rampant that the Confederates were wooing the tribes over to their side, which. Partly true, true crazy. But the Cheyenne, the biggest tribe in the area, stayed Neutral. So the fighting parson had been promoted to colonel and was now in charge of the district.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Get ready.

[Dave Anthony]

Now. The man of God is so revolved by slavery that he put his own life in the line. Had this to say about the Cheyenne Quote. They are stealing large numbers of stock and refusing to give them up. And there is but one course left for us to pursue that is to make them behave or kill them. Which latter it now seems, we shall have to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[Dave Anthony]

It's just like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, listen, we love burgers.

[Dave Anthony]

We do love.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We love. Don't around. That's.

[Dave Anthony]

It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How many people have died because of burgers?

[Dave Anthony]

But it's like you said earlier. It's like the, you know, the. The. The Tucker thing of like. Yeah, it's just like. No, guys, it's everybody. It's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's everybody. We.

[Dave Anthony]

We really selectively pick which group you want to. Yeah, yeah, we.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We. We really do. Fingers pointing back at ourselves.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, we really have a problem with this always.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, it's just the. The lack of accountability. If. If it was done to us endlessly talk about it. If we did it. Come on. It wasn't me guy.

[Dave Anthony]

Another letter.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He like Mitch McConnell being like, well, what makes you think that I have anything to do with what my dad and grandpa did? Get over it.

[Dave Anthony]

Get over it. Another letter he wrote was a bit more brief. Quote. Kill the. Them

[Gareth Reynolds]

few words. Kill him.

[Dave Anthony]

Prank.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, not a prank. No, not all. No, not a prank, mate.

[Dave Anthony]

The Pike's Peak Sons of torched two extremely well supplied villages, forcing dozens of women and children to flee in terror from the flames. They did it all for 19 cows.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Who. Who did?

[Dave Anthony]

The Pikes Peak Sons of.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Which is our Silas Soul group.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that's his group.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So they did that. Why? Because they were.

[Dave Anthony]

They stole. 19 cows were stolen.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're cows. It's all.

[Dave Anthony]

So they kill women.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

The fighting parson's right hand man found a Cheyenne named Spotted Horse and allegedly tortured him over an open flame until he coughed up the location of the rest of the tribe.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Jesus Christ.

[Dave Anthony]

After the Cheyenne burnt down a settlement for retaliation, things started to simmer down in the area. Literally long enough. Long enough that the fighting parson felt comfortable sending Silas to go command his first regiment southeast of Denver at Fort Lyon.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

The town was a bit more bustling than your usual frontier outpost a traveling freak show even visited. So. That's nice. That's nice. Let's. Let's bring. Let's have the entertainment be as bad as bad and evil as the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you guys ready for the best night of your lives?

[Dave Anthony]

This guy is a serious health problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Honestly back there, scoliosis boy, it hurts. Shut up. We need doctors times frogman.

[Dave Anthony]

Look at giant head. It's a tumor.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The woman with rights. Look at her. She's able to vote. She's respected by her husband.

[Dave Anthony]

Can we throw hot pennies there?

[Gareth Reynolds]

You sure can. Look at this freak. She's expressing her opinions. The non drunk man. What? I've never had a drop.

[Dave Anthony]

Stone him, freak. Silas wrote a letter to his mom that he paid one of the free.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I hope he's writing more gloat letters. What's up now Silas? You still suck or what Life still suck there.

[Dave Anthony]

He wrote a letter to his mom that he paid one of the freaks a buck to see him turn his joints inside out. Noting quote. So you see, we are quite civilized in this country.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What in the. What is that sarcasm?

[Dave Anthony]

No, I don't think so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's genuinely like I paid a sick person $1 to move their arms and down. So as you can see, things are fine.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean they're not sick because they have. They're double jointed. So that's actually probably the best, I guess.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

The best possible case of a freak show freak. Because that is just a guy who's like check this out. Yeah, that's really not a disability.

[Gareth Reynolds]

As opposed to like rubber boy. You may poke him with pins.

[Dave Anthony]

The natives are really the life on.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That must have been just awesome.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh yeah, the natives weren't really an issue. But mosquitoes are the virgin.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Hi.

[Dave Anthony]

What are you, 40?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it just never happened. And then after one one night on the road, I can no longer be in the freak show. I've met someone like you.

[Dave Anthony]

Have you son of a. You're our biggest draw. Well, I couldn't help it. So natives aren't really an issue. But mosquitoes are. The Rocky Mountain News reported that Silas had been successful skirmishing with the mosquitoes, speculating that they had met their end either by quote alighting on the captain's very auburn hair and getting scorched or by listening to his sweet Irish brogue and getting charmed.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They are suggesting that he got rid of mosquitoes either by self amaliation or whatever it's called. I'm Nick Shirley. Or by singing to them.

[Dave Anthony]

Them ginger. Yes, gingers kill mosquitoes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like the sound of us a little more now. Need us around.

[Dave Anthony]

No. Still don't want your human tiki tort. Mosquitoes are better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Come on.

[Dave Anthony]

Wrong. That Entire. That June, the entire town of Denver kicked. Tricked itself into an Indian hysteria. Always a good sign.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Always a good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

By the way, what race can just trick themselves into full on genocide?

[Dave Anthony]

Watching.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, we've had another. Oopsie, poopsie.

[Dave Anthony]

You. You will literally never.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The sewer gone.

[Dave Anthony]

You will never see another group of people more be able to freak themselves out over nothing. No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They are white and we are.

[Dave Anthony]

And so embarrassing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And it's not like we're like a lower tiered race. Like we have dominated everything through war crimes for so long and yet we still go. We're in the crosshairs.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, yeah. We get so.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're just always like, oh, it's the

[Dave Anthony]

same thing right now with this. Just the cities. There's everywhere. And they're killing us.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Mid genocide. We're like, they're trying to kill us.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. It started with. With one blurry warning of a band of horses. But then through the game of racist telephone, it ballooned into 3,000 warriors bearing down on the city. Families tore themselves out of their homes and stuffed themselves inside the few brick buildings Denver had. They were packed like sardines, barely able to breathe, safe from being burned down in their wooden homes, but genuinely at risk of suffocation.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And nothing was happening. Right.

[Dave Anthony]

Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're hiding from a hurricane that doesn't exist.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes. After all of Denver had been woken up in terror, the townsman's bum rushed the armory and with the threat of physical murder, forced the soldiers to hand over the guns. The townsmen stationed themselves in alleys, doorways, on balconies and waited and waited and waited. And nothing. Nothing came. This is what we did with killer bees.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is Native American Y2K. I mean, what they are, man. It does not take much.

[Dave Anthony]

It turns out it was probably just some Mexican cattle drivers. Whoopsie.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just the dubs. Oops. We're in charge.

[Dave Anthony]

But the real visceral fear that came from the ordeal stayed with the Denverites. Infecting their brains with panic. They sent out new orders to outposts across the territory that the men were to, quote, shoot to kill any native they saw, period.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just because of nothing.

[Dave Anthony]

They were literally just scared.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now it's just like what my cat does with its tail. Is the white people just like the enemy's there?

[Dave Anthony]

This is what we do with everything.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. We are fully the. We're. We have people in headlocks and we're like, my neck.

[Dave Anthony]

It's. Yeah. The dollop is brought to you by Chewy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Look.

[Dave Anthony]

Pure. What is known As a Labradoodle daddy. Like myself.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like myself.

[Dave Anthony]

You know about Chewy. And they say they have everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And they're not. They're not lying about that. That's the real deal, Dave.

[Gareth Reynolds]

100%. I'm petting my little fella right now. And everything comes from Chewy. All comes from Chewy.

[Dave Anthony]

You better be your cat.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Quiet. Delivered quickly. They make it easy with auto shipping. They just. They're the best.

[Dave Anthony]

And not just for dogs and cats. They. They do birds and fish and lizards and all kinds of. All kinds of animals.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

And then Chewy also offers prescriptions, pet insurance, telehealth, vet visits, and they're starting to roll out vet clinics around the country. So all good. 24. 7 customer service.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The more Chewy, the better. That's what I always say.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, we both use Chewy. I got a food subscription going on. It's the way to go. Makes everything so much easier.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And. And I like. I'm not used to eating it, but I'll eat it.

[Dave Anthony]

It. Okay, that's not. So. Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now, you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to Chupanions.chewy.com dollop podcast. That's Chupanions.chewy dot com dollop podcast to save $20 on your first order with free shipping. Chupanions.chewy.com minimum purchase required. New customers only. Terms and conditions apply. C site for complete details. Details. Oh, the dollop is also brought to you by him. Sexual health. Ed, baby. Look, a lot of people, men, you know, Ed problems, they pop up. It's a. It's a part of life, man. You're not the only guy to have they pop up. Well, that's what we're getting to. You know, a lot of guys wait longer than they need to. And you can jump right on this now. You don't have to wait around treatment. Super simple, super easy. You go through him 100% online. You don't have to go to an office. You don't have to look at some weirdo like Gareth and explain the problem to him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'd love to be there, but if you don't want me there, that is totally your prerogative.

[Dave Anthony]

And look, you don't have to blame it on getting older or stress or whatever. Whatever. Just deal with it. You can deal with it now. Easy, easy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

A lot of weird little pressure on that fella.

[Dave Anthony]

That's right. You don't have to jump through hips to fix it. With HIMS Ed, they connect you to a licensed healthcare provider online. You get legitimate ed opt and like we said, no appointments. It comes discreetly packaged. You're all good, you're good to go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's a crazy thing to have happen and you get nervous and just get some hymns, get on it, and then they'll get on it.

[Dave Anthony]

To get simple online access to personalized affordable care for ED, weight loss and more, visit hims.comdollop that's hims.comdollop for your free online visit hims.comdollOpprescriptionrequired. see website for details and important safety information. Sildenafel is the generic version of Viagra. Viagra is a registered trademark of Viatris Specialty llc. HIMS Incorporated is not affiliated, all with or endorsed by Viatris Specialty, llc. Oh, we are finally the last. Brought to you by Rocket Money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, dang.

[Dave Anthony]

I was just using Rocket Money. What'd you do? I was just going through it, looking at my subscriptions and checking, making sure everything's up to par.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Keeps. Yep. Keeps you updated.

[Dave Anthony]

You get your credit card information in there, you get all your stuff. You can look at all your stuff in a nice consolidated area so you know what your money sits situation is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yep.

[Dave Anthony]

So Rocket Money has saved both of us money on subscriptions that we forgot we had a few at this point.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So many.

[Dave Anthony]

It's saved me money by renegotiating my Internet contract. It's a, it's a money saver. And this is a, this is a time when people need to be saving money.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I would say I'm a big, oh, I don't remember doing that. And, and then Rocket Money just is always saying, do you? Sure. And you're like, nah, I don't need that anymore. You're right. Rocket of Money pays for itself.

[Dave Anthony]

Just knows all your subscriptions and it goes, hey, buddy, this one's coming up in a few days. Are you going to do that? Yep. So it's very helpful, especially with the ones that we all forget about, which we do these days. It's very easy to do because that's what they're trying to do.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're trying, they're coming to get us.

[Dave Anthony]

I just had one the other day where it came up that it was, it was re upping next month and I'd forgotten.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I like catching the re up. I, I, you know, I could can't say enough. I don't know why I even leave

[Dave Anthony]

the house so Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and canc your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Try for $0 at Rocket Money.com. that's Rocket Money.com.

[Gareth Reynolds]

rocket Money.com dollop and cue the jingle. Three, two, one. Rocket Money. Rocket Money. Rocket Money. Go ahead and save yourself yourself some Pokemon.

[Dave Anthony]

The dollop is also brought to you by Mint Mobile. When you hear that Min Mobile plans are just $15 a month, a lot of people think, well, what's the, what's the hook? What's the catch? What is it? What's the thing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, people are like, what, what? What's with it, Daddy?

[Dave Anthony]

There isn't one. Yeah, there's nothing. They're just saving you money. And people don't call you Daddy O anymore?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, no, they'll just go like, hey hipcat, you mint mobilin'.

[Dave Anthony]

There are no gimmicks. There's no gotchas. There's no hidden anything. It's just unlimited talk, text and data. It's fast, it's reliable. On the nation's largest 5G network. Award winning care team. Probably the most special thing they do is make the phone and the cable wire taste like mint.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know if you remember, we've tried that on the show. Yeah. During these. And. And it doesn't actually do that, but that's not a big deal because there's so much good with it.

[Dave Anthony]

So I talked to Arthur.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, no, no. Let.

[Dave Anthony]

No Mint Mobile concierge. And she said have Garrett put the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Garrett.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, I totally. It's Gareth, put the end of the cord in your mouth like it's a popsicle a little bit and then just leave it there for a sec and then take it out. And I, I swear she said that then he'll see it's meant to just do it right now. And then I really. Well, I'm gonna read the thing. You're gonna do that part to get your new wireless plan for just 15amonth. Go to mintmobile.com dob that's mintmobile.com.

[Gareth Reynolds]

i mean it just tastes like metal.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, it's fine. Cut your wireless bill to 15amonth. It's not day like [e-mail] dob that's it. There's no catch. $45 upfront payment required. Equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gig gigabytes. On the unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, don't taste like mint. No, no mint. Taste.

[Dave Anthony]

Have you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I want to talk to the concierge.

[Dave Anthony]

Have you gone to a doctor? Like an a. A doctor that deals with mouths? Because there seems to be an issue on your end.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is it not a tongue problem?

[Dave Anthony]

250 miles away at Fort Leone, Silas had begun training and drilling his men with enthusiasm. He treated them fairly and in turn they respected him.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

They were so disciplined that they received a public commendation from their post commander. They got to. They got the shoot to kill order. But beyond a couple of skirmishes, quote the biggest nuisance seemed to come from mosquitoes and boredom.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's all quite stupid.

[Dave Anthony]

It is very stupid. One day lieutenant was taking troops up to Denver to muster out when they came upon something peculiar. Three Cheyenne standing in the middle of the road. Two men, one old and missing an eye and a woman. Even though they had orders to murder them on site. The lieutenant hesitated. These people weren't doing anything threatening. If anything, it looked like they were trying to surrender. The one eyed elder slowly approached and handed lieutenant a piece of paper. And the soldiers took him prisoner

[Gareth Reynolds]

for on what? Just because of existing? Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, they're supposed to kill them. Shoot on sight, right? Major Wine coup chewed the out of the lieutenant for not killing the peaceful natives and then figured what the hell, and interrogated them instead of hanging them. The oneeyed elder was a sub chief named One Eye. Well, look, sometimes the name is just pretty straightforward.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's right there.

[Dave Anthony]

It.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean. So that's fine. What was on the piece of paper?

[Dave Anthony]

I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We don't know.

[Dave Anthony]

I hope maybe it'll say and the

[Gareth Reynolds]

other man, do you like me?

[Dave Anthony]

The other man was a warrior known as Eaglehead. And he actually had an eagle.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would you look at that. That one's got one eye. Oh, One Eye. Now I've seen everything thing.

[Dave Anthony]

The note was a peace offering saying they'd release seven white prisoners if the colonizers would release some Cheyenne and promise not to murder any more natives for no reason. How dare you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

This is the most insulting letter of all time.

[Dave Anthony]

What the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What do you think this is fair?

[Dave Anthony]

Wine Coup pressed One Eye. Why would he risk his life to send this message? He replied that the great spirit had whispered to him to save his prison people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, sounds like someone feels like there's more to life than just killing, drinking and.

[Dave Anthony]

What you're saying is insane. And that one has an eagle Head, I cannot say this enough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please stop pointing that out. I'm quite normal.

[Dave Anthony]

That is weird.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, come on.

[Dave Anthony]

By the way, I'm on mushrooms.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, that would have helped this whole thing. Yeah, just a nice dose of psilocybin. Give all of these white in their moonshine. Just mushrooms.

[Dave Anthony]

You're one with nature and so am

[Gareth Reynolds]

I. I've been thinking that maybe we're. Maybe we're wrong for what we're doing.

[Dave Anthony]

So Juan Coup asked Eaglehead why he was there. Eagle Head replied that he would never let his friend meet his fate alone. Juan Coop was stunned. He later wrote that he quote, felt himself in the presence of superior beings and that these were the be so hard for him. Oh, and that these rep. These were the representatives of a race that I here hair for hairtofore looked upon without exception as being cruel, treacherous and bloodthirsty. Without.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's having the are we the baddies or affecting.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes, he is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He's in the midst of the are we the baddies Moment.

[Dave Anthony]

Wait a minute.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait a minute. He was willing to go die with his friend for the greater good and all he was asking for was peace. Meanwhile, I was supposed to kill them before they even got the letter to me.

[Dave Anthony]

Pretty much right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

These mushrooms are good. I always think that if you could just. Just get ayahuasca in the D.C. water Man. Just to watch a session of that change.

[Dave Anthony]

Huh?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I've come to some new conclusions. We are all God's children. We are all connected. The space between us is invented. I'll stop.

[Dave Anthony]

When asked to saddle up to meet the Cheyenne for peace talks, Major Wayne coup staff was outraged. Everyone, that is, except for Silas. He'd rescued slaves before even a prisoner and was the. Was the. What was the difference between that and this? If anything, it would be easier since the Cheyenne wanted to give the prisoners up. Silas is one of four junior officers who made the track along with 120 low level soldiers bringing Cheyenne prisoners along with them for the exchange for day ride. They came to a site that made their blood coverage curdle. 800 Cheyenne and Arapo Arapaho warriors in battle formation showing gestures of hostility and letting the white man know they were down for a fight. One Eye approached the other chiefs and conferred, then returned with the news that the other chiefs would meet with Major Silas, another lieutenant and an interpreter. They gathered on the banks of the Hackberry Creek and met with the 10 indigenous chiefs. As a show of good faith, the union men handed over their weapons and entered the circle of chiefs. Quote Standing unarmed in the midst of an angry looking foe, Silas tried to keep the chattering of his teeth quiet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow.

[Dave Anthony]

Wine coup. Continued to puff on his pipe as he attempted to appear calm.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are. My associate is trying to die. Trying to say. Say. Say hey.

[Dave Anthony]

The men spoke for six hours. Meanwhile, the soldiers were being temporarily commanded by a drunk who was barely holding on, unable to really handle the fact that they were surrounded by 800 warriors.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We should get to fighting this. Peace talks are taking long enough. We waited for far too long.

[Dave Anthony]

Can I say something?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

Let's go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What?

[Dave Anthony]

Let's go.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I honestly, I'm just.

[Dave Anthony]

What the. Are we we?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know if you're ready to fight. You seem drunk even for this.

[Dave Anthony]

What is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What? What is. What?

[Dave Anthony]

What is.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ted, Ted, take a seat. Ted, Ted. Ted, you ate too many shrooms, man. Ted, Ted, Ted, take a seat, dude. Ted. So you see it? Ted, what is it? Ted. Ted, Ted, Ted. You're having a bad trip, man. Okay, we're gonna go fight this war because these guys are out of line. But you just need to sit here. Stop. Dude. You're freaking a bunch of. Okay, okay. There you go. Let that come up. Let that come up.

[Dave Anthony]

I feel bad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's the mushroom saying. You take him too much.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, stop saying stuff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, we're gonna go beat the out of these guys. What? Okay. What? Say it. What are you trying to say?

[Dave Anthony]

What do we go. What do we go home?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, we can't go. What? We need to fight the battle.

[Dave Anthony]

I will see my dad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a pathetic thing to say.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, we're gonna die.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Look, man, we won't fight him, okay? We'll just wait for the negotiation. You kind of kill the enthusiasm. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So we got a drunk guy in charge of the troops. I have a feeling.

[Dave Anthony]

800.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I mean, I have a feeling this guy is going to be like. Like we should fight him.

[Dave Anthony]

The natives, for their part, were either livid or curious. The ones that spoke English just were throwing insults.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's your problem?

[Dave Anthony]

Slurs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And hey, what's your problem, honky?

[Dave Anthony]

For their part.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's your deal, cracker?

[Dave Anthony]

And. And. And the more curious fellows were amazed by the howitzer canyons that they'd never seen before. Cannons.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay, right.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, that would. That would be like.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right?

[Dave Anthony]

They're like, well, what's that terrible thing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow, you guys are real pricks.

[Dave Anthony]

You guys really are awful.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. Wow, that's evil.

[Dave Anthony]

One native couldn't help but stuff the cannon with grapes to just see what happened?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Excuse me.

[Dave Anthony]

Excuse me.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What are you. Excuse me. What are you doing there?

[Dave Anthony]

I absolutely. Get this guy. This guy. Now we have a me in the story.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I love the idea of you're like. So this will shoot foods at us. Better food. No, no.

[Dave Anthony]

We are back. Stand back 300 yards and open your mouth. O.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is a party trick. While our people negotiate, we thought maybe we could put food in your cannon and shoot it at the crowd. Yeah, that. That actually sounds pretty funny. Putting grapes in it. Like, acting like. Ah, I understand. This is how you feed your people. What our people, we murder.

[Dave Anthony]

Hold on. Listen to him though. Think about it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Now, we have had a minute to consult and we've decided your grape cannon idea is pretty fun. So we're going to do it well.

[Dave Anthony]

So when he tried to put the grapes in, a shoving match ensued and both sides drew their weapons in a standoff.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Why was this man killed? He put grapes in the cannon. You guys were gone for a while. A lot of weird stuff took place.

[Dave Anthony]

Luckily, cooler heads prevailed and the peace talks continued. Finally, wine Coop, Silas and the other two whites emerged and the soldiers were returned to camp and await word from the chief. Chiefs. Two days later, one chief arrived with a prisoner, a young woman who, according to contemporaneous reports, became so overwhelmed with emotion that she began to weep uncontrollably when she was told to stop by the chief because, quote, Indians did not approve of women crying. That's amazing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So she just like, let loose.

[Dave Anthony]

No, they thought that she thought she was going to be killed because. Yeah, because she was crying and then. Yeah, which is really how we raise. We should raise people.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's. It's really a strange thing when you're like. Like, boy, these. This group of people is worse to women than we are.

[Dave Anthony]

The news of the day reported that the. The last part multiple times. They really wanted to get that fact out there. So. So it's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They were really.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, it's just their savages thing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. It's there. They were upping that part of it.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Silas took it upon himself to welcome the woman and turned on the old Silas charm jumper. Forget, you know, the terrible ordeal.

[Gareth Reynolds]

She went to me. I'm just a drunk Irish guy. I. Acting. Hello. How are you? That must have been a fun moment. I have other characters. Do you want to hear my SNL stuff? No, I have a whole reel. I do.

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, no, I'm good, thanks.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I do a bunch of people. You want to hear my trump?

[Dave Anthony]

No. I'm traumatized. I was Just kidnapped by Native American.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I was traumatized too, because I went to the bar and they didn't have any whiskey for me.

[Dave Anthony]

What are you doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm doing my drunk Irish.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay. Well, I'm literally traveling.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Excuse me. I'm the king. I don't like this guy. It's me still, so.

[Dave Anthony]

No, I know it's you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, why don't I get in a relationship with this lasso? That's only. That's the only woman who likes me. My name is. My name is cart Felton McFeatherson.

[Dave Anthony]

Do you think you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's another character I do.

[Dave Anthony]

Would be able to get this out of your system?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Alrighty, then.

[Dave Anthony]

If there was a thing called crowd work, do you think you'd be able to get to somebody's systems? You'd be able to be around.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How would that.

[Dave Anthony]

Which is a. You're up in front of a crowd of people and you're just talking to them.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And how do you talk to them?

[Dave Anthony]

Well, you. You're like, hey, what do you do? What do you do for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How long you two been together?

[Dave Anthony]

What? Yeah, how you long.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Those are interesting things to find out

[Dave Anthony]

from that you can do your little character.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I don't know if I could be able to handle that. I've been as sweet as a bear ever. That's. That's another one of my characters.

[Dave Anthony]

That's terrible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Drunky McLean, you're terrible. Okay, you heard my special 4le. Clever. I need you to just leave. Clever.

[Dave Anthony]

I need you to completely stop talking. Okay, so he probably used accents to try and make her laugh, which. Yeah, we just. We just went through and it worked. The chief gave woff word that the others would be freed the next day. Sure enough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's funny to go back to a group of white people and you're just like. You're gonna be allowed to cry here a lot. A skill that you'll be employing regular, regularly.

[Dave Anthony]

Sure enough, at noon, there was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We let our women weep. We treat them so badly, they cry all the time.

[Dave Anthony]

Sure enough, at noon, there was possession of the other chiefs and child prisoners. One young boy was happy to be free, but wanted to keep the Indian pony he had been given.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We've all been there.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, have we? A young girl arrived wrapped in a blanket, crying for her dead mother.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's tough. So look, there's. Nobody was doing great stuff.

[Dave Anthony]

This is fine.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, but that's. But these. These are the. The children coming back from the Native Americans.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So listen, there's some stuff happened a

[Dave Anthony]

Wine Coop recalled the. The quote, the bronze cheek of many a battle scarred rough soldier coursed a tear. What he's saying that even the. The hardened soldiers were sad.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

Because you know.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. Yes.

[Dave Anthony]

Murder's tough.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. It's not easy. The party had to send a Kushner and a wit cough. There. That's how you get out of these sort of situations. Our greatest negotiators. It is a matter of time until he.

[Dave Anthony]

I really thought the door was gonna

[Gareth Reynolds]

happen at one point.

[Dave Anthony]

Do you think he gets annoyed by us?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

The party embarked on their journey to Denver with Wine Coop riding ahead to alert any military men he found to murder their band of travelers.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wait, so he's getting ahead to tell them not to murder because now we're like on, well, non murderous terms.

[Dave Anthony]

No, because I think he has with them Native Americans who brought the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

Right. So yeah. He's saying don't murder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. Right.

[Dave Anthony]

He also needed to make arrangements with the governor who was the head of Native relations in the territory. When he first tried calling on him. The governor pretended to be sick.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. I was going to say. It's weird to not have heard so far in this thing.

[Dave Anthony]

I don't feel well again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

You're the governor. Tell them. I can't. My belly hurts.

[Dave Anthony]

I've got a poopy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I can't. I'm in pain.

[Dave Anthony]

The next day the governor met with one coup but was a real Debbie Downer. He told Wynkoop it was absolutely a terrible mistake to bring the natives here to talk peace. After all, weren't they at war with these United States and.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Excuse me, his role again is what he's.

[Dave Anthony]

He is the governor head of Native Relations.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. You should have killed them when you had the chance.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm the Native relations guy.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Are you even sick?

[Dave Anthony]

And by that. Look, here's what I'm saying. Relations means murder.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's very interesting. By relations I mean cut off. Relations cut off and kill heads. Heads. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

So he's not down. He says a terrible mistake. After all, weren't they war with the US and they need to be punished more before peace can be reached or the US looks cowardly. Right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The. The relations are difficult to have.

[Dave Anthony]

One thing about peace is you want the other people to be the so desperate for it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ultimate peace happens when they're all dead.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And then we finally have achieved ultimate peace.

[Dave Anthony]

Isn't that peace? I don't know what that is. Which is. What are you doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm just letting you know that that side is very important.

[Dave Anthony]

It sounded like a. Like a Hare Krishna song. What are you doing?

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's just sort of when it comes to these relationships.

[Dave Anthony]

Is that supposed to be a Native American search?

[Gareth Reynolds]

No, this is the governor's. This is the. This is the governor's relations. So. Just a baby boy, a mom, and my baby boy.

[Dave Anthony]

We just got. We just got word that they really want to kill us now. The. They're. The. The. The need to murder us has been. Has risen. It's rising. They're saying they're gonna go to full war. It's gonna be.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm gonna take my sh. Shirt off.

[Dave Anthony]

You remind me of the whipping poofs.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's gonna be in my head all day.

[Dave Anthony]

So, Wyan, Coop was just flabbergasted by the governor's response. Here he was ready to bring peace to the frontier, and the governor's turning it down. And the governor balked, throwing out several reasons why they shouldn't meet.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So Colorado's always kind of been the same.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Basically, there's always been, like, one guy. You're like, what's your deal? In charge of the state. Like, every time they have a governor, you're like, what do you. Like?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, what the.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's just always weird.

[Dave Anthony]

Kind of always.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So it's like, we've legalized mushrooms and you can kill Chinese people. We're Colorado. Like, what's going on over there?

[Dave Anthony]

But one C wore the governor down, and he agreed to meet with them. Silas ran to his friends in the press and convinced them to give the can the conference positive coverage. And once the band of chiefs arrived in Denver, they paraded down the main streets waving American flags. People of Denver cheered, hoping that at long last they'd be able to live in peace. But not everyone was happy. The third Calvary unit came close to mutiny, wanting to strike the blow for the people of Denver here and now and rid the city of their, quote, Indian prisoners problem.

[Gareth Reynolds]

God damn it.

[Dave Anthony]

The people are like, yeah, let's just. Let's just live together. No, it.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It. Only.

[Dave Anthony]

It literally, if you take. If you have 90 people, just think if you're at a party, how many. How many guys it takes to fight and up the party.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, no, it is. We have, like. It's like herpes is racism. We just. There always someone who has it in a group. They're just not saying it out loud. And then now with the state of affairs now, people are so much happier to say it out loud and just let it rip. I said something on an on Elon Instagram video the other day. And I just. My faith and hope in society gets deflated often. But it was like he was basically. I don't remember what he was talking about, but some of his opining where it's just like completely made up and he's, you know, we're going to need to give everyone a universal basic income and it'll be a high wealth income because you know, once AI all this stuff and I was just like this guy, nobody's ever been more full of of. And the failures of capitalism are so evident because he's the richest man in the world. And the amount of people are like, bro, what are you smoking? Dude, what have you done? Are you serious? He's done this, this, this, this, this. And you're just like, you can't. You can't destupify.

[Dave Anthony]

No. And that's a cult.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, it is. It's a cult. When you worship a person who is directly you.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And you're like, he's the best.

[Dave Anthony]

And lying to your face.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Lying. Always profiting. He's going to be a trillionaire. Technically.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. But we indeed the first trillionaire.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh my God.

[Dave Anthony]

So the conference. The conference begins with the main chief Black Kettle addressing the governor quote, we have come with our eyes shut, following Weincoop's handful of men like coming through the floor fire. All we ask is that we may have peace with the whites. We want to hold you by the hand. You are a father.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That sounds a little weird, you freaks. No, we have been trying. We will come on the fire with you, though. That sounds like the best way to put it out.

[Dave Anthony]

Jesus Christ.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We'll play what we call Ooky Ashes.

[Dave Anthony]

What?

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yes. So we will all stand here and we will play until we spurt out the fire. That's what you just offered us. No. And we are saying, as the white race.

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We accept your fire Jacks.

[Dave Anthony]

Why are you talking like that?

[Gareth Reynolds]

We will play fire Jacks with you people and we will not hold your hand, but we will all hold each other's members and we will play with ourselves until we make spurts and put this fire out. In a symbolic sign of peace and going forward with our treaty together, we will now ask the women to turn their backs and for the boys to stand behind us. Because someday they will be doing this on this, the holiest of holidays. So with that, I shall start the first jacking.

[Dave Anthony]

We out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

As you can see, my penis is out.

[Dave Anthony]

We out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And quite hard.

[Dave Anthony]

First out. We out. Bye.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're not going to be able to put this fire out without you. By the way, I have noticed a flaw in our arrangement. In order to put the fire out, I will need to be quite close by. And it burns my penis and balls. Do you understand?

[Dave Anthony]

Unfortunately.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Translator. Will you explain?

[Dave Anthony]

We got it all.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Do you understand?

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's hard for me to shoot when that. That close to the fire.

[Dave Anthony]

Should you be in one of your freak shows?

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's beautiful about this moment is that one man's score. Squirt cannot put out the fire. But the squirt of 800 of us will indeed extinguish the blaze.

[Dave Anthony]

I gotta be honest. Just. I don't think that would.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're accepting your terms.

[Dave Anthony]

Put it out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I think it might.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. I don't.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Then we'll piss on it after. Which is probably good for us to do anyway.

[Dave Anthony]

That would probably work.

[Gareth Reynolds]

But every person spurt and then we'll squirt.

[Dave Anthony]

There's literally nothing the spurt and squirt about what you're saying that makes any sense. Sense?

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is a way for our people. It's not. It is a way.

[Dave Anthony]

Everybody knows you guys don't do this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It is a way.

[Dave Anthony]

You're trying to get us to jerk off on a fire and then take pictures.

[Gareth Reynolds]

So you guys go first. We.

[Dave Anthony]

It's very obvious. You try to make us look terrible.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Go ahead.

[Dave Anthony]

No.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Please, no.

[Dave Anthony]

Then you'll be like these guys. Jerk off over fires.

[Gareth Reynolds]

We're not going to be like April fools. And we got you because it's April fools, you dummies.

[Dave Anthony]

We don't do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Oh, all right. Well, then let's just jack off on the fire.

[Dave Anthony]

After you.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. Oh, that's nice. That feels good.

[Dave Anthony]

Never say that again.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's good. My hood's hot.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, you are. Father. We began traveling through a cloud. The sky has been dark ever since the war began. The braves who are with me are all willing to do what I say. We want to take good tidings home to our people that they may sleep in peace. I want you to look at all the chiefs and to your soldiers here and understand that we are here for. For peace. That we have made peace. And that we may not be mistaken for them by. By them for enemies. I have not come here with a little wolf spark. But I have come to talk plain to you. The chief in charge.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay. I was gonna say whitey.

[Dave Anthony]

The governor and the chiefs went back and forth and the governor blamed violence rot on the Sioux. By the Sioux. On them. He Constantly backed any promise of peace, backed off any promise of peace and grilled the chiefs about the fighting that had previously occurred, asking them. Them to turn over any of their perpetrators. Yeah, because his job is essentially expansion and to rid the area of the Native Americans. So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, well, and he also, I mean, again, he's coming in with quite a bias if he's basically saying that he doesn't, he doesn't want. He already didn't want this. By the way, Denver's always hated the chiefs. They're just a better franchise.

[Dave Anthony]

The fighting person who is now in charge. All right, all right. Of all the soldiers, soldiers in the area finally spoke up. Quote, I'm not a big war chief, but all the soldiers in this country are at my command. My rule of fighting white men or Indians is to fight them until they lay down their arms and submit to military authority. You are near Major Wine coop than anyone else. And you can go to him when you get ready to do that.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What's he saying? I mean, is he. Is he saying. Because I would imagine that he is saying pro peace.

[Dave Anthony]

Yes, he, he's giving like, like he' actually talking piece with the right. Whereas the governor isn't right. But he's in charge of the military. So.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. So basically.

[Dave Anthony]

And with that statement, the fighting parson and Governor Evans adjourned the council. Silas Witning all of this later, said the chiefs repeatedly tried to give their side, but had their comments and questions deflected. So, Silas, sounds like our kind of dialogue. Yeah, it really does. Silence and wycoop returned to Fort Lyon where they were met by about 290 natives who were awaiting the return of the chiefs. Chief Left Hand, he's left handed by the way.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I am left handed by the way. You guys. I've heard a lot of your nicknames and they've been like Sitting Bull and they've been pretty good, but some of these are really falling short.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, Lefty. And that's, that's Jimmy Two Feet over there.

[Gareth Reynolds]

How are you? Both of my feet are functional.

[Dave Anthony]

Chief Left Hand doubled down on his commitment to the peace talks, telling Silas that he would rather fight his own people than the white man if he stayed truthful to the process. While they were gone, one of the companies mutinied because they were were forced to be peaceful toward the Native Americans and were confined to the guard house where they promptly burned it down.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The passion for racism, it's just we

[Dave Anthony]

always have had a bunch of proud. We've always had proud boys and it

[Gareth Reynolds]

is really, it is. It's like a chemical imbalance. It is a DNA issue. There is genuinely this thing.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That we've got to just like science has to get into it and just find a way just before birth to be like, oh, this is a, this is the, this is an oath keeper. Suck that out. There we go.

[Dave Anthony]

I mean, we would be living in peace. It wasn't for like 20% of us just being completely fucking insane.

[Gareth Reynolds]

And now those 20% are like, oh, fucking fight on the White House lawn. Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Gareth. The summer changes how I dress. I just, I start dressing differently. I want, I want lighter clothes. I want breathable, easy. Looks good, right? Look, you know, I like to look good.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I know what you're talking about. I've never been someone who is like, hey, you need different clothes for this time. With Quint, it actually makes sense the items they're offering. I don't know if it's that I'm getting older or Quint is getting better. I got some shorts and a shirt from Quince for the spring summer season. And I was like, this is right.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. I got, I got linen pants and shirts. I've kind of got the linen guy. I have a lean in a linen now.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I'm a lean into linen.

[Dave Anthony]

I'm a leaning. I'm leaning linen, summer linen. Quint's European linen pants and shirts are perfect for the, the hot summer weather. And they start at just $34.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Can't say enough about how much I love quints. I pretty much only wear quints.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. My wife went crazy when she saw that I was, oh yeah, Quincing. Because she's a big quincer. Te's very soft, lightw cotton sweaters. Perfect for cool summer nights. Everything. At Quints, it's going to be priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands.

[Gareth Reynolds]

They're aware of the environment. They work with local people. It's all cheaper than it would be with with other companies. The quality's high. They're having a moment and I don't mind. I don't mind having them all over my body.

[Dave Anthony]

So we're Quint, We're Quinters. As we said. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quints.comstob for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Listen to the Quint Quince tuplets now

[Dave Anthony]

available in Canada too. That's Q u I n c e.com dollar for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/dollop this podcast is sponsored By Talkspace

[Gareth Reynolds]

Last year I went through many different life changes. I needed to take a pause and examine how I was feeling in the inside to better show up for the ones who need me to be my best version of myself. When you're navigating life's changes, Talk Space can help. Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatry providers that you can access anytime, anywhere. Living a busy life, navigating a long distance relationship, becoming a first stepfather, Talkspace made all of those journeys possible. I could speak with my therapist in the office. I could speak of my therapist in the comfort of my home. I was never alone. Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a zero dollar copay. No insurance, no problem. Now get $80 first month with promo code space80 when you go to talkspace.com match with a licensed therapist today at talkspace.com save $80 with code [e-mail] 700

[Dave Anthony]

natives now moved about two miles from the fort giving them themselves up to the whites and honoring the peace process.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Never.

[Dave Anthony]

This lasted about two months.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, never do that. Never, never. Just never fold in front of the whites. Right. Bluff. Do something.

[Dave Anthony]

Once the ranking general got word of the plot, he immediately sent a replacement for w coup. He also charged Wycope with a cavalcade of offenses like quote having issued food and supplies to Indians, allowing Indians and in and around the post as well as leaving the district without authority. So he's demoted and the vibe shift in to an uncertain melancholy. Silas was pessimistic at the prospect of peace. He wrote to his sister that he expected to do some fighting that winter. Several times he tried to leave the fort either by furlough or reassignment, but was constantly denied. So he wants out of this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

What they what ultimately what is the peace going to look like in this situation? It's going to be.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, it's not anymore.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right. But what was the. The version of it was peace was just like we have some area. You have some area like yeah, we

[Dave Anthony]

won't kill each other.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah. Alone. Right. So the two month furlough is essentially where they're awaiting a decision on if that is going to come to fruition. No, no.

[Dave Anthony]

I think that they. I think they. They agreed they basically military we won't do this.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Right.

[Dave Anthony]

And then it went higher up the command they heard it, you know and

[Gareth Reynolds]

they were like that sounds what the kill them.

[Dave Anthony]

So the next day Silas and another soldier out patrolling when they Came upon a wild site. It was the fighting Parson commanding over 400 soldiers way to fort Leon. Silas stopped. Silas stopped and greeted his old mentor kindly. But the fighting parson dispensed with any pleasantries.

[Gareth Reynolds]

No time.

[Dave Anthony]

He demanded that Silas tell him if he. If anyone knew of their arrival. And Silas assured them that this would be a surprise and asked why. And the fighting parson cooly let Silas know that they were there to kill all the native Americans.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Ah, I thought it was going to go another direction.

[Dave Anthony]

No, remember, he's.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah, no, I know. Yeah, he's.

[Dave Anthony]

He's Tucker Carlson.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. Silas felt anger, shame, and agitation as he shouted, quote, but they're prisoners. They're peaceful. It didn't matter. The fighting parson way outranked Silas and any more disrespect will be considered mutinous. Silas raced back to the major and told him of the impending reneging on the peace treaty. But it was still too late. The fighting parson sealed the entrances and didn't allow any natives into the fort. Silas tore into the major and reminded him of their promise to the chiefs. They were all. They were so close to a peaceful outcome. And the fighting parson assured him they weren't going to kill all of the indigenous people. They leave some of the, quote, good ones. This was refuted by the fact that they were to attack the basically unarmed civilian camp at San Creek, not the warrior factions that were camped out at Smoky Hills. Feeling for his protege and not wanting to put him in a position where he'd be revealed as a liar, the fighting parson gave Silas a free pass to sit this one out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

The idea that if you are going to be. This is what we see now. It's like if you are committing anything from a crime against humanity to a genocide, genocide, you're going to get an emotional and violent reaction from people. And then if you decide that that is criminality, that's you're going to be able to eventually pretty much put everybody in a jail or a camp or beat them or mace them or kill them or whatever, and that is basically now for profit in our society. So it's like, hey, we're going to keep crossing this line. Line. And when you object to us crossing this line by any means necessary, you've also crossed the line.

[Dave Anthony]

You're not fun.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well, it's just. It's not going great. Like when you see the Delaney hall and you're just like the. The. The whole idea of the. There was that moment, remember, where it was sort of like there was this almost like Maya Culpa offered to the law enforcement because you were like, well, they're not as ice and if we can get them to turn against ice, may. And then it's like, well, you see now how it works now do you see what it is? Yeah. The cops move the barricades back for the detention center to continue its abuse.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah. So that's what beautiful little ecosystem always gonna happen. Silas stormed out of the room and marched right to where several officers were hanging out and braided them, saying, quote, any man who would take part in the murders was a low life, cowardly son of. Of a. Silas wasn't the only officer to feel that way. Joseph Kramer called the planned ambush murder and reminded the fighting parson that they had given their word to the chiefs that the chiefs had saved their lives and dealt with them in a civilized manner. And the fighting parson thundered that he, quote, believed it to be right or honorable to use any means necessary under God's heaven to kill Indians and damn any man that is in sympathy with the Indian Indians.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Wow. We really just need. We just. If God could just come down for 10 minutes, just kind of give us the straight, what's the goal here? So we could all just lock in.

[Dave Anthony]

He added that men such as Kramer Woo. Quote had better.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Would it be if God came down and just killed Jesse Waters?

[Dave Anthony]

Oh, God. Just one thing, everybody.

[Gareth Reynolds]

He squished his head.

[Dave Anthony]

Okay, now I'm out.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That was a really whoopsie.

[Dave Anthony]

That's all I was here for.

[Gareth Reynolds]

All right, take care. I might come back.

[Dave Anthony]

Damn any man that is in sympathy with the Indians and guys like Kramer and Woop quote had better get out of the United States service. The fighting parson then made threats against Silas for daring to betray his orders. And Silas tried to write a letter pleading their case. But the fighting p Parson returned it unopened.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That is, some.

[Dave Anthony]

That night, he led two battalions, including Company D, which was led by Silas to Sand Creek. On the way, one of the guides who sided with Silas marched the troops through a freezing pond, claiming that it was the most direct route. It likely could have been a ploy to dampen the men's gunpowder. The fighting parson threatened the man with death, adding that he would have the man, quote, for breakfast. As the sun rose, they approached their destination. 100 lodges of Cheyenne and 8 lodges of Arapaho awaited them on the banks of the relatively dry creek. A few were awake, completing their morning task, but most were asleep until the thundering of artillery and 600 horses. They first thought it was a massive herd of buffalo because they could not comprehend the white man betraying them like this. But it soon dawned on them this army was there to kill them. And a rumor flew through the military men. They were to take no prisoners. The fighting parson summed all of his fire and brimstone hollering at the men, quote, boys, I shall not turn. Tell you what, you are here to kill. But remember our slaughtered women and children.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Our member. What?

[Dave Anthony]

Our slaughtered women. That's the end of man.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Just. You know, it. The term war crime has always been such a funny little term because it's just like, well, war is a crime. I mean, they. But you. You know, there are. I guess you have to honor this idea of defending violence against innocent people with something. And so maybe violence is the only way to do that. But then if you have such an abysmal history like this, it's just like, man, that's just like fullon just. It's just this. This I've been wronged cope shits like Heg Sean brain rot, where you're just like, we kill everyone because we were. At some point, it's like, man, get the chip off your white shoulder, you lunatic.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah. These are people that are just okay with. It's people that are okay with killing.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Like. Yeah. And you just get. And. And I do. Like, when you. When you do read the People's History of the United States, I mean it. The one thing that jumps out is, is that the natives could not process the level of violence that was brought toward, like, they. They, like, you know, there. It's not to say that they were not violent, but they were just like, oh, yeah.

[Dave Anthony]

Different level.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It was like the white violence was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys. Not everybody do that.

[Dave Anthony]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's a real downer for an ending of an episode.

[Dave Anthony]

Well, I'm sure it'll get worse.

[Gareth Reynolds]

I keep kind of feeling like I. I am holding this hope that Silas is going to John Brown us at some point.

[Dave Anthony]

Keep holding it, Silas. Sources Silas Soul A Short, Eventful Life of Moral Courage by Tom Bensing. The Rocky Mountain is the commonwealth of Blackhawk Daily Minor. And this was written by Josh Androwski.

[Gareth Reynolds]

It's very funny because I'm wearing my. My Lamb of God shirt right now, and Randy Bly literally just texted me

[Dave Anthony]

and what do you say?

[Gareth Reynolds]

He just sent me a picture of his cat Dracula, and he's holding a Jose pin in front of Dracula's mouth. And Dracula, by the way, does not look into it. He no does not look into it. And Dracula, he's trained Dracula to walk around, to feel comfortable riding around on his head. So he, like, walks around the house, and Dracula, like, sits on his head like a Kush coonskin cap.

[Dave Anthony]

All right. Mark Twain had a cat on him. Pardon? I saw a picture of Mark Twain and he was. He was.

[Gareth Reynolds]

That's AI.

[Dave Anthony]

No, it wasn't. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Is everything AI?

[Dave Anthony]

He was. Most stuff is. Yeah. Yeah.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Okay.

[Dave Anthony]

He was rocking a cat. All right.

[Gareth Reynolds]

Well. All right, everybody. Have a good week. Thank you.