Dear Dream Mami,

I am a 2nd generation eldest Caribbean daughter, from a longggg line of Caribbean daughters, who are so beautifully talented, exuberant and fill the room with life, no matter how they feel or where they go. They have given me so many things that I am proud of - my love for my culture, my self-authority and courage, however from them, I also inherited a complicated relationship with struggling and hustling - learning that I could only access certain enjoyments by being alone, self-punishment, being restrictive and working so hard, that I feel burned out. Day by day. I grieve, as I realise how these beliefs have been reflected back to me, feeling the pain of moments where I've held myself to a standard that cut away at my power of creativity and imagination, in order to be "successful" - to help myself, to help my family out and do the part I can to make sure they struggle less , because I love them truly. I no longer want to do this; however every time I attempt to make a bit of internal room to allow my dream to take shape inside of me some more, the space fills up again quickly with doubt. Sometimes, it feels like building a castle in a river - it may hold for a little while, but it rains, the river fills up and the castle I've built has washed away again. I don't want to push and harm myself by building the castle even though I'm tired, but I don't want to simply submit to the river of doubts, because I know the castle will be a great one and the possibility of living inside of it satisfies me in ways I can't describe. I realise I can end the drama, by stepping out of the river, but when I think about starting afresh and dissolving my internal struggle, guilt and fear of the unknown overwhelms me. I ended up wanting to type one thing, and then I produced this, so I'm not 100% sure of what I'm asking (excuse me if things are confusing)- I believe I'd like to understand how I can respect my river's flow (my grieving process and feelings of dissolving the belief of struggle) and still make room for my castle (my dreamworld). I love your work; you've helped so much already. Love to you Mami.

Needed to respond to this one with my voice. 🤍 submissions open again July 12th.if this resonated I’m playing with these kind of existential tensions 1:1 in my new limited edition Jellyfish readings 🪼for more sign-by-sign advice on releasing continuity and embracing ambiguity you can get this transmission until it’s gone this Friday. 🦋after talking about the tension between the future and the past I can’t not also mention Sublime, a worldbuilding lab for Jupiter in gemini that’s going to help you dissolve duality and dogma into world creating power. 🌈

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dear curious & ancient caribbean goddess

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