← The Dylan Gemelli Podcast
The Dylan Gemelli Podcast
Episode #119 Featuring Allana Pratt! Emotional Intimacy's Effect on Mind and Body, The TRUTH about fear and facing it head on, The power of healing through relationships and more!
00:52:40
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- [00:17]
A
Every movement your body makes depends on energy at the cellular level. Many people think resilience, strength and performance come from discipline or training alone, but that is simply not the case. They rest on a deeper biological foundation, your cellular energy system. Center of that system are your mitochondria, the powerhouse of your cells. Every step you take, every weight you lift, and every muscle contraction depends on mitochondrial energy. Muscle cells are especially energy demanding and contain thousands of mitochondria. Without energy, muscle simply cannot perform. And that's why I recommend Timelines Might Appear a supplement containing urolithin A which supports the cellular process mitophagy. Mitophagy helps the body remove damaged mitochondria and support healthier function. Mitopure may support cel muscle strength, recovery and healthy aging, which are the keys to supporting mitochondrial health. Timelines Might Appear is now available at a new lower price of only 79, but you have to visit timeline.combackslash Dylan Gemelli. That's timeline.combackslash Dylan gemelli to save today. All right, everybody, welcome back to the Dylan Gemelli podcast. So I have a special guest today. I'm gonna get into some topics I haven't really talked about and I'm actually excited to talk about. And I'm gonna say this before I get into her little bit of owe her a great deal of gratitude because you were the first person that's got my extremely camera shy wife to do something with me on camera and actually talk. So she comfortable enough with you and hasn't been with anybody ever, including me on my own. So thank you for easing her into that a little bit because we did have fun and I think that both of us feel like we made a good impact with you.
- [02:01]
B
Yeah.
- [02:01]
A
And you know, she has a lot to offer and it's just not her thing. You know, we're opposites attract type of thing. So she's more behind the scenes. So thank you for doing that for her and for me. It was really nice. It really was. And I'm gonna put that interview up here for people to listen to that haven't got.
- [02:19]
B
You shared so much. So much wisdom, some delicious jewel, a lot of humor. It was great.
- [02:25]
A
It was definitely fun. So I'll give you a little intro and we're ready to roll.
- [02:29]
B
Thank you.
- [02:29]
A
So my guest today is an emotional intimacy expert. She's a global media personality and go to authority for those that are really ready to transcend heartbreak and live unapologetically and also cultivate a soul shaking relationship. She's an Ivy League Grad. She's an author of six books. And you will see in the way that she speaks in such a calming but caring manner and that will draw you in immediately. And I'm going to really, really get to the bottom of some things here, relationship wise and, and other things that you're really good at that I've learned over the, the time that I've got to know you. So my friends, Alana Pratt.
- [03:07]
B
Thank you, Dylan. It's so good to be here. I love how you changed my bio around in a way that really opened my heart. Thank you.
- [03:14]
A
I told you I'm known for my interviews and it's not for reading scripts. No, but I, I do like to always give you the accolades you deserve, but give them to them in my own words from what I've observed and seen and encountered. So thank you. For me, it's always a blessing when people come and see me. And like I said, this is a topic I haven't gotten into, but it is extremely health related in multiple ways. I think anytime we get into emotion, relationships, the way that that controls our everyday life and health, I'm going to let you expound upon that. But let's talk a little bit about why you have gotten into this career path.
- [03:51]
B
Yeah. Am I allowed to swear on your podcast? You are. Okay.
- [03:55]
A
I just got called out for that because I'm a guy that praises God, but I've cursed in my podcast.
- [04:00]
B
We're allowed to do both. Yeah, we're allowed to do both. We love God and we love cussing. I honestly got into this because I, I say I was so fucked up. I had the best of intentions. But you know, divorce number one, divorce number two, third boyfriend, criminal assault. You know, the only one in common was me. And here I was, I have this superpower, this ability to help people become the one. I say to find the one or become the one to awaken the one. So I could do on the outside, I could support people. But my own skeletons in the closet were, were quite shameful. And so I kept doing the work on the inside to go, why on earth can't I walk my talk personally? And what I discovered, even though as you said, I'm an Ivy League grad, I'm a super smart girl. Our conscious mind is so small, so small. 5% maybe of what we believe, what we remember, what we can think about. And so this iceberg under the water is really who's running the show when it comes to relationships. And I figured, well, I must be. That must be where the problem was, and I was right. So in my subconscious, my unconscious, there were very different beliefs. My nervous system would behave very differently when I would be out on a date and I kept attracting abusers. Now my brain would not want to do that, but my body. I'd go to a networking event, it could be a professional or investors. I would do this in my business as well as my romantic life. I would attract the people that would take me for granted, use me, take my money, hurt my body, all these different things. And what I discovered is inside there was unhealed trauma. And the unhealed trauma was saying where's the next abuser to survive? That was the survival mechanism. And so when I finally did psychedelic somatic integration work, I had done all these other modalities for 20 years. But when I finally did that, all the memories came back. Everything that happened that I had blocked out, I had dissociated. Humbling as the smells came back. My body's, the fascia holds our cellular memory. I was recapitulating the abuse. I was watching my body be abused. The beauty with my facilitator, which I'm now a facilitator myself. The beauty was my facilitator helped my autonomic nervous system come like my. I come back into my body, feel through suicidal ideations what's wrong with me. All of the self hatred feel through the panic and the terror, the rage, the how could you all the way back to zero point. And when I got back to zero point, the soul, my soul light that was out around me came into me. We hear the term soul embodied. Well my soul light literally came into my body and I had this full on. It's like God was sitting right with me. This is why you took this on. This is why you're here, to heal this. This is how you're here to help others and pay it forward through your humility and your bravery. I'm going to support you. I've guided you to this modality. You're going to heal and you're going to be able to help others. And I finally forgave myself for all of those personal and professional and romantic relationships. I'm calm, I'm in body. This calmness that you say I wasn't always like this because I've forgiven myself and not that I'm like thank you, let's go for coffee with my abusers. But no thank you because you were the catalyst to bring me home and heal and now make a difference with my life with others.
- [07:29]
A
That's One of the things that I think is the hardest thing to grasp and understand when you're really getting into the Bible and learning about what it means to carry across, right. You hear that term and you're like, people don't. They misconstrue what that means. They think that we have to get crucified. And carrying the cross along with Jesus is you. You utilize what he did for us and realize, well, it can't get any worse than that. So the stuff that happens to us, like what you were saying, happened to you. It shaped who you became. It actually was done for a purpose and a reason. You know, I. I've really learned and I, I'm not going to get into my stuff that I always do. But what I've. I've come to accept and be severely grateful for is, wow, you let me experience that so I could shape myself to become what I am and then go help others totally.
- [08:19]
B
And the more power we have, the more influence we have. We need to be sure we use our power well. And I think these experiences have humbled us so that we do not lead with ego and arrogance, but with, with our soul, our heart, our humility, and our wisdom. And so I'm relatable when clients come to me, these very successful people, great careers, you know, it looks like they've got it all together, but inside they might have existential loneliness. They might have lost a child and never fully healed and grieved through that. They might have lost the business, they might have had their spouse, might have had an affair. It could go all the way back to the way they were treated. Most often it does. The way they were treated as, as children, well, intending parents, but not there. Not present. Feeling abandoned, feeling their expression was wrong. Tone it down. Don't speak truth around here. Be seen, not heard. Boys don't cry. Like all of these, they stay in our body and then we create these survival mechanisms to operate on top of them. But at some day, at some point, we gotta deal with these. We can't keep running from ourselves.
- [09:30]
A
Through your observations over time, you correct me if I'm wrong here. This is what I've observed, but you've seen it more than me. But I'm. I'm a people not expert, but I think because I communicate with so many people and see so many things and things that I know I've personally been through, that took me like 40 years to figure out. Yeah, yeah, I think, and I truly believe that a lot of the most rich or famous people or the People that have the biggest egos or flaunt or do these things, there's something there where they have to prove something, not only to others, but to themselves, that something must have happened where they weren't getting attention or something. Yeah, there's something underlying. And everybody that has some sort of thing that they're doing that's there, sometimes it's health related, but a lot of times it's something from the past that they. They just can't get past.
- [10:18]
B
Yeah, well, in all honesty, I was no different. Yeah, I didn't know. I just knew I didn't really like that guy. And I didn't really like that guy, you know, growing up. But I had really dissociated and erased all those memories. But I was so hypervigilant. I was so out of my body, spinning a million miles an hour. Anything to make sure you didn't hurt me and you liked me. That's what was driving the whole show. Safety. And so I was a very high achiever and very on and on. But it was never enough. Because what I wanted to feel was safe. But I'm not gonna feel safe. I get a guy, I still don't feel safe. I get more money, I still don't feel safe. I get the big house, I still don't feel safe. Like, it's never outside in. It's this little one inside that doesn't feel safe that I need to do the work with. So that's what makes me so compassionate and understanding with my clients, is they have everything on the outside, but they're still afraid on the inside. They still don't feel enough on the inside. They. They don't trust God has their back. Yeah, they don't feel at peace. In their skin. It could be around their sexuality, around their expression. It's just. It's this constant spinning. And most of the time, they'll keep spinning because feeling, and this is the bottom line. Feeling takes practice.
- [11:30]
A
Yes.
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B
This is a society that doesn't feel. We medicate or we go for dopamine hits. Let me watch some more porn or let me close another deal or let me take another trip. Like, we get these hits and we think that's feeling. No, that's glossing on top of true peace, home calmness, oneness with God. You know, really feeling. I am that I am. Like, that's our birthright.
- [11:56]
A
There's never any healing. It's band aiding a wound. It's just. It's delaying the inevitable or trying to just block, block, block, block, block. Without Actually fixing. You know, one of the things that happened for me more recently was I realized, because I've always pictured and thought that idolatry was worshiping another God. And I'm like, oh, I'm good there. I'm great. You know, I don't have that problem. But in reality, I was worshiping the stuff that I was buying that I had, that I could advertise what people thought of me, worried about how many numbers I had and this and that. And, you know, when you take a Xanax or something, like you said, and it's like you having a panic attack and all of a sudden it stops, but then it never. You never feel at ease. You only feel at ease for a few moments.
- [12:39]
B
You feel numb.
- [12:40]
A
Yes. But you wake up and you're like, you don't feel great.
- [12:43]
B
Correct. Because you didn't integrate that wound.
- [12:45]
A
Right.
- [12:46]
B
Feeling.
- [12:47]
A
When I just finally said, I'm putting God first and I'm also going to trust. Because putting him first is one thing, but trust gets confused with faith. Believing in God is great, but if you don't trust him, you're really doubting him. Right?
- [13:03]
B
Yeah.
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A
When I just said, you know what? It's not on my hands. It is. It was like the. The permanent Xanax where it's like, you know what? Okay, because what does crying actually solve? What does pouting solve? What does moping around or being stressed like. I just want to understand how it treats the problem. I'm not saying don't be emotional. That is not what I'm saying. It's fine to cry. It's fine. But tell me what it solves. You tell me. You. You're the expert on this, and I'm curious, does it solve anything or does it make it worse?
- [13:33]
B
It's a great question. Um, 99.9% of feeling the emotion makes it worse. Yeah, 100% feeling the emotion integrates it into wholeness, calmness, peace. So most people dabble in an emotion and become drama queens or drama kings or whining and listen to what you're saying, and that actually what you resist persists. So you're so with the autonomic nervous system. So when you're dissociated, you've checked out, you're numb, you got the fake happy face on. Okay? You're spinning a million miles an hour trying to do it right. Look good. Get, get, take, take all of that. Okay, that doesn't work. So you start to come back into your body and feel the feeling. Well, that sucked. That stock Fun. Where's my glass of wine? Where's my social media? Where's my next project? Where, like, whatever. We leave. So a lot of people loop between level four trauma, out of the body dissociated, and level three trauma, which gets really dark really fast. Okay. And so I looped there for decades. And I thought that was feeling. A feeling. No, that was dipping my toe. The autonomic nervous system knows damn well what it's doing. If you have a facilitator that when you come back in and start to feel this feeling and you. You want to leave, stay with me. Let's. Let's inhibit that coping mechanism. Let's stay and keep the. It's dark. I got you. I'm right here. So they're blindfolded, and I'm right there with them. Take me with you. I got you. So I'm literally reparenting the way their parents didn't know how to be with them. Maybe they never even shared with their parents how they were feeling or their wife or what have you. So we get through level three trauma, which is the real darkness. Then we get to level two, as I said, was quite acute. 30 seconds, 60 seconds. But your body, as a little kid, thought it was gonna die, right? Or like, it was life or death if mom or dad took their love away. Right? So this really intense part, who's gonna feel that on their own? Nobody. I am back. I'm going to dissociate again. Out, out. I leave. And so this is what you're experiencing as it makes it worse. So dabbling in it doesn't do any good. But I'm like, take me with you all the way. And I will scream with them, whatever. Like, I will be whatever it takes for them to feel safe, to fully let it rip, let all that emotion through. And then they get to zero. They haven't left. The autonomic nervous system is still coming home. Level one is relief. And then zero. Point is, when all this is. This is true embodiment, you can actually take the pain and be peaceful. You can actually take the shame and be compassionate. You can actually take the terror and feel at peace in your skin. And that's when God comes in truly as an embodied experience of surrender, like you were saying, and true trust. I was being really feisty with this one client. The other, he was making all these excuses. I'm like, do you really think I'm gonna buy this? So here you are, this men's coach, and you don't even trust God. You don't trust life. And you're asking them to do all these things. They go, come on. He's like, ooh, you're sexy when you're feisty. And I said, I don't care if I'm sexy. I'm calling you on it. You're not embodying it. I go, what is that fear? And he took me, he told me about this really dark story where he almost committed suicide in his 20s and he's just pushed that away for decades. He doesn't want to go anywhere near those suicidal feelings because he almost took his life. I'm like, we actually need to do the opposite with a skilled facilitator in a safe container. We actually need to integrate that because remember the story I said, four, you're gone. Three is suicidal. Two, level two trauma is that really intense fear. One is some relief. Zero Point is you and God are one. Soul embodied. I go, babe, it's time. It's time to face your darkest night of the soul and get your body, get your autonomic nervous system to do what it already knows how to do, but on its own, it's scary. I couldn't do it on my own. I have wonderful facilitators and I did well over 30 of these journeys to get back into my body finally and integrate these wounds and feel held one my best homie is the divine. It takes work.
- [17:35]
A
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- [18:43]
B
what you do with it.
- [18:44]
A
Yeah. So it's, it's all really fear related when you're trying to fix something. It's your, it's almost, it's. It's strange because you know, you, you get these people like that and I relate this that have been in prison and they've been in there a long time and they're scared to get out because they don't know what to do and they're fearful about getting out. And it's like how. Why would you want to stay in hell?
- [19:06]
B
Well, it's a hell, you know.
- [19:07]
A
Right.
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B
The hell you don't.
- [19:08]
A
And that's, that's what I'm going to relate to what you're talking about. It's. I, I think that the resistance there is really fear of the unknown. You can't remember what it was like to actually. I don't want to say normal, but you know what I'm saying, to live in some normalcy where you're not on edge and you don't have all these stress and strengths.
- [19:26]
B
Yes, that's so. Yeah, you're so right. This is, this is such the epidemic. We're afraid of fear. Fear is scary. But being afraid of skin now, it's like doubly worse that.
- [19:35]
A
Yeah, it's compounding.
- [19:37]
B
Yeah. So fear, I'm not gonna say it's fun, but who's gonna win? Fear or love? Who's gonna win ego or God, who's gonna win your life purpose, why you came onto the planet, or this fear of the fear. And so when you're all by yourself, it's a tall order. You've got bills to pay, you've got kids, you've got a business. You just keep pushing. You just keep pushing. You just keep avoiding, keep avoiding, avoid that fear with all of the addictions that, whether they're drugs and alcohol, whether they're work, whether even you can even have an addiction to making a difference, you can be like spiritually bypassing about it. Okay. But you're still avoiding fear. But when you have a trusted facilitator who will walk with you through the darkness, it's not like fear is going to go away. But this is the alchemy we learn, that we actually are alchemists. When you lean in, breathe in, stay present with, have a partner, and I call in the angels, I. It's not just me, I clear the space. I'm very intentional. Cuz we are going through the dark night of the soul here. But when we face the fear and you're not alone and you get through to the other side, I didn't die. Like literally on level one, level one, they're always, I didn't die. I didn't die. I'm here. I'm like, yeah, you're here, baby. I'm right here with you. So it's like I'm reparenting them to walk with them through fear in their body, which feels like they're gonna die. A panic attack is a panic attack or terror or even like so much self hatred to actually come to terms with how critical people have been of themselves for decades. It's dark there for that 30 seconds, 60 seconds. But when you get through to the other side and you're like, oh, I can't get rid of fear, but I can now dance with it. I can dance with fear. It no longer has power over me. I know how to have a partner with it. I know a protocol that works and this will no longer stop me. That changes the trajectory of your life, of your relationships, of your parenting, of your business, of your money, of your health, everything. These things that used to make you give away your power, excuses, avoidance, all the rest of it. No, no, you now have integrity. You have accountability. You have this embodied courage. You have compassion for yourself. You believe in yourself. You start to have self love, like so much blossoms within you when you have this new relationship with feelings of mainly fear.
- [21:56]
A
And some of these things were put here for a purpose. They weren't put here to break us. They were actually put here to make us.
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B
Make us. Totally. Totally.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Yeah. You don't get brave just waking up one day. Yeah, you get brave through facing fear. You don't get forgiveness and mercy if you haven't really fucked up.
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A
But how do you differ? Like, how would you ever learn success without failure? How would you ever learn bravery without fear, love without hatred? Or like, how would you even know these emotions? They wouldn't exist. So we would be robots.
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B
Yep.
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A
People. People always say, well, if God was there, this wouldn't happen, or this wouldn't happen, or that wouldn't happen. It's like, but if none of these things ever happen, and I'm not saying they're good, but if they didn't, what would we be?
- [22:39]
B
We would not evolve. We would not grow. We would not learn. We'd be nothing. We would not experience what it is to be a humble, brave soul grateful for another breath.
- [22:51]
A
It's hard to understand for some people, because they live in this facade in this fantasy land, and they never stop to think about what they're saying or what things mean or have never even given the chance to do anything.
- [23:03]
B
Well, slowing down is honestly terrifying. Yeah, slowing down. If I just keep spinning fast enough, keep making enough money, keep, like, my charlatan game going on my erasmataz, like, no one will call me on my stuff. And people literally have a whole life like that and die. Have fun with God and the goddess. Scotch and cigars in heave. If you've had that as your life, like, that's fine, but everybody's soul is different. That's fine. But if we actually go, okay, I'm gonna slow down with a trusted advisor, a trusted facilitator. I know I'm running. I know I'm bullshitting myself. I know this is not sustainable. My marriage is starting to get. Get on the rocks. My business, it's up and down, and it's up and down. I go on these podcasts, I feel like a fraud. I talk to my staff. I feel, okay, it's time. It's not like people come to me, hey, I'd like to feel a bunch of fear and discomfort. Let's sign up today. No, they come because there's been an affair, cancer, bankruptcy, child committed suicide. They come to me because they didn't slow down before when it could have made a difference. So we've got not only that pain, we've got guilt and shame on top of it. That's generally when they come to me.
- [24:12]
A
And if you don't fix it, and I'm living proof of this because I was a hypocrite. Many years on, like, nutrition stuff, I talked about the eating disorder and telling people how to eat and living in the darkest hell on earth. And it started to eat at me good. Aside from, you know, the darkness that you live in and how you feel, which is the double whammy, I'm the type of guy that I'll. I'll have struggles and. And then I'll just walk in one day or wake up and go, okay, enough is enough. And almost everything. I've got a couple things that I just, you know, but for most, that's how I work. And it's like, that's it, you know, And I'll just be like, it. That's it. Today. Today's the day. But most people can't do that. And so I think it's important to a admit be willing to look in the mirror and have the conversation with yourself. Because you can lie to a lot of people, but when you're face on with yourself.
- [25:06]
B
Yeah.
- [25:07]
A
And I'm not talking the psycho conversation like you got issues. I'm talking the real. Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself the real honest question of what's happening here. And do I like what I see?
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B
Right.
- [25:19]
A
You know, many years I sat in the mirror and did not like what I saw looking back at me for multitudes of reasons. Now it's just gray hair. But I. I love what I see as a person. And it took me, I don't know how many years to get there.
- [25:33]
B
Yeah.
- [25:33]
A
And I still have days. But you know, it. It's a feeling of freedom. And I think that once people get it, you get addicted to that and
- [25:41]
B
you want to get a healthy addiction. Yeah, yeah. Let's definitely get addicted to that self, that bravery, that humility, that self love and the courage to do something about it and ask for help. You have an incredible wife. I had the blessing of really listening how your partnership supports each other. There are people who live like two ships in the night. They don't have that partnership. The person they don't want of all to know how horrible they feel is their partner. That level of shame. Or maybe they're single and it's just them in the bottle at night. Right. So we. I want to have compassion of what it really takes just to. To do this work. But I also want to say you must, you must, you can, you can change this. You must. If you still have another breath. This world friggin needs you. Your children, your business, your purpose, your legacy. Frigging needs you. And the next piece is humility. You don't have to do it alone. I don't think in the fifth dimension, the whole fifth dimension is win, win, win, win for you, win for me, win for all. Maybe in the third dimension, me, me, me, you know, I'm on top and it's, I'm. It's all about me. No, we're not there anymore. That's not where we're living. We're living in the fifth dimension now. In order to do that, we've got to ask for help.
- [26:51]
A
Yeah.
- [26:52]
B
Gotta ask for help. Gotta have partnership, you gotta. Not that we're needy losers. I have a needle. I need your help. That's healthy, that's brave, and that's to be respected in ourselves.
- [27:03]
A
I think there's a difference too. People should understand about asking for favors and asking for help. Because sometimes, you know, I always say I don't want to ask for too many favors. But I'm not scared to ask for help when I know I need it. I like to give the favor so that I know if I ever am in desperate need that I'm, I'm. I'm good to go. Ask for it.
- [27:20]
B
Got them in the bank there.
- [27:21]
A
Well, yeah, I like to be the guy that does more and gives more than ask for more.
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B
Yeah.
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A
But I'm not scared. I used to never want to ask for anybody's help. And when I realized in prayer that you're really not supposed to do anything on your own, you're supposed to ask God for all the help in the world and lean on him every day. And that's what I do now. And I believe that's why. All these years I wondered why I wasn't successful as I thought I should be. And now all of a sudden, miraculously, it happened. Well, because I gave up trying to do everything on my own partnership.
- [27:49]
B
Sacred union. Sacred union with, with Queenie. Sacred union with God. You're reminding me of my humility. So I think I told you my son called after six years. Yeah. So that was a long drought. The coach that I asked for help with, I called his baseball coach and I called his men's coach and I said, could you just check in on him? Just check in on him. And the one got ahold of him and basically had a man to man conversation and said, you know, family's everything. One of you has to pick up the phone. You've blocked her, it has to be you. And he did. So when I was talking to that Coach way back 10 years ago, I wanted a favor. I wanted to be saved. I hadn't done this depth of work yet. I just wanted somebody to make my mean ex husband go away and everything to be peaceful and where can you arrive on a white horse? That would be fun too. And could you just pay for everything so I don't have to worry about how to be an entrepreneur? Like I was so depleted and such a victim and hadn't had connection with myself, hadn't had connection with the divine. I was still looking outside in to be saved. I admit I was a damsel in distress. Then the next phase of taking responsibility, I got a little bit too much bitch, bad boss. I got this myself, like I'm all that in a bag of chips. But it was a good step. It was self ownership, it was responsibility, it was accountability. But I hadn't talked to this gentleman in 10 years where I'd say, now I'M moving into more of this sacred partnership with the divine, open to sacred partnership with a beloved and ready for reunion with my son. And my business, I am being used. Use me, God, for this business so I can serve humanity. My business is my spiritual practice. So I treat my clients, my staff, people at the grocery store, like everything is my spiritual practice now. So I'm talking to this gentleman, he's like, you've changed. You're not asking me to call your son to save you. You're ready to meet him and not drop everything. I mean, for seven years, I didn't unpack. I was living in an Airbnb just waiting for my son to call so that he would call and then I'd be good enough. Dylan. And then you could hear, like, the violin playing and all the rest of it. I was still wasn't whole. I wasn't home all the way. Not that I'll ever get there. Right. I think we all, like, I've arrived, but I'll never arrive. Right.
- [30:06]
A
Yeah.
- [30:06]
B
There's always work to do, but I'm whole enough, home enough, that I asked as a sovereign being to another sovereign being. Please help me. I need your help. And the way he's showing up and the way my son is showing up is different because I've changed.
- [30:20]
A
That's right.
- [30:21]
B
I've changed.
- [30:22]
A
It's you.
- [30:23]
B
Yes.
- [30:24]
A
And that's the key.
- [30:25]
B
It's always us.
- [30:26]
A
Well, that's the whole accountability thing. I just did a whole thing just on accountability. Just myself. Like, literally talking about how unaccountable I was and now how accountable I am. Nice. Well, when you're teaching about stuff, you need to educate people on the fact that you're not speaking like a holy roller. Most of the people that are the best educators have made the most mistake.
- [30:47]
B
Totally.
- [30:47]
A
They just don't make them twice.
- [30:49]
B
That's right.
- [30:49]
A
You know, and that's most of the things I speak on, where it's teaching people to overcome stuff I've screwed up.
- [30:55]
B
Yeah.
- [30:56]
A
So I know firsthand.
- [30:57]
B
Yeah.
- [30:58]
A
What it's like and how to fix it. So then that brings me to what you do. So we've. We've had a great engagement here on so many personal concepts and internal concepts and things that need to be addressed and aren't are often avoided.
- [31:13]
B
Yeah.
- [31:13]
A
It's uncomfortable.
- [31:14]
B
Very.
- [31:15]
A
I'm in a comfort zone with this, and so are you. So. But then what kind of coaching and what kind of different types of people are you looking for? Like, the types of problems that you
- [31:27]
B
aim at fixing so successful people who basically have it all together, but it's not sustainable. They're running so fast. They're running away from something and they know it. One client was running away from ending a relationship, completely giving away all of her power at work. Her family was in her business, literally in her business. And she needed to stop. She needed support. She needed someone to have her back. She needed to slow down and feel all these feelings she was running away from. That's a great example. She's a very successful doctor, another very successful corporate woman. Her husband died, and as soon as he died, she started traveling and eating and doing everything she could to avoid that. What she really was avoiding, obviously the grief, but also that she never did the work with intimacy while he was alive. Shame and regret. So she's a new client that has come on and we have done so much healing of what was it that caused her to never speak up to the one she loved the most? And now he's gone and integrating that. Another client I look forward to working with lost a child many years ago, going through the second divorce, and I'm like, hey, I did the two divorces too. Don't wait for this third to. To kick you on the ass. Like, what? Who's in common with all the love in my heart? You. And here's the wound. And it started all the way back in childhood. And yes, you have millions of dollars and you're super successful, but we both know you're not at peace. You can't even have a weekend of relaxing. You gotta go on a vacation. You gotta go do something. Gotta go, go. It's going to bite your ass at some point. Let's slow down and do the work. So it's these successful people who need to not be judged, to be totally seen with compassion and understanding, but also with fierce truth. Someone that's willing not to pity them or baby them and go and remind them of what their soul came here to do and to walk with them through those uncomfortable feelings until they're home in their body. And then those feelings don't scare them anymore. They actually get manipulated a lot. If you don't know how to sit in fear, someone can manipulate you. Yeah, right.
- [33:32]
A
Easily.
- [33:32]
B
Yeah. And you're probably not eating. Great. You probably have some other behaviors on the side that you're not proud of because it leaks out sideways. When you can't sit in the present moment and feel through these feelings all the way home to God. That's just how it works.
- [33:46]
A
So a lot of the things and Situations that you deal with and encounter with people struggles and some it's people by themselves, summits, couples or relationships.
- [33:56]
B
Yeah.
- [33:57]
A
Do you find and I would expect this answer to bs but I want to know because I don't see it. What I've always encountered is the people that are under the most stress, that have the most inadequacy type of feeling or these built up things. They also have pretty bad blood panels. They don't, they don't sleep well, they have a lot of stress, they end up getting sick a lot. They have low immunity there, there's a lot. Their hormones are off, low testosterone levels, you know, things like that. That's what I encounter a lot. And when I'm digging, it's like they're heavily stressed. There's, there's underlying causes when I can't find what I'm looking for. It's normally mental.
- [34:33]
B
Oh yes. Well, the way I've been taught by my teachers, physical body, emotional body, you can't see that one. Mental body, you can't see that one. And then there's your soul and so your soul can't get in. When there's unintegrated mental and emotional which then turn into physical issues, wounds. I'm thinking of a couple that I work with. He was drinking and then he'd stopped drinking and then drinking. And we started to do this psychedelic somatic integration work. And what we met on our very first immersion weekend together was such suicidal feelings that he never told his wife, never told his kids is when his mom died. Not the professor that teaches at university. The little guy inside, the 15 year old inside was convinced it was his fault. And on the second day of medicine they track their bodies. I'm very aware of what their, the body is holding these different energies and coping mechanisms. And his knees were bent, he had his blindfold on and his knees started to rock back and forth. And I said, what's up with your knees? My mom is here, she's rocking me. It wasn't my fault. And I say this changed his life. This changed his life. What he was avoiding drinking was that I failed, I'm a failure. And no matter how much he accomplished here and did there, it never, when he started to slow down, the feelings would arise. Okay, so that's the husband, the wife, back to the physical body. She never knew when he was gonna take a drinking bender. She had to be the masculine. And so she would never, never rest. Couldn't quite, couldn't quite trust him. But that wasn't, didn't Start with him. That started with how she grew up, you know, where the boys were more important than the girls in that culture. And I was never good enough and I have to overcompensate and all this. So her nervous system was shot. When you take all the tests of her heart. Happy heart, not a problem with her heart. She was on the medication. She got it that. What is it called when you zap the heart? Ablation.
- [36:35]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [36:36]
B
She had all these procedures to get her heart better, but her heart is totally fine.
- [36:39]
A
Yeah.
- [36:40]
B
Yes. And as we have started now. So he's done his two years. Good. Now she can calm down because she can trust him. Now she's starting to do the work of integrating not just the trauma from his drinking for 15 years, but all the way back to childhood. And isn't it interesting when we do all this work, it's the heart, you know, she's closed her heart, she hates herself. It's like it's all emotional and then the mental words of what, you know, people would say to her, it's all held in the heart. And as we integrate this. Isn't it interesting she hasn't been on her medication. Isn't it interesting she's exercising more than she has before. Isn't it interesting that her libido is right? It's all connected. And so to see this in a couple is exquisite. And the last piece that's really cool about couples that come and do this work is you've attracted each other one because you love each other. But there's also quite often incomplete loops you never got in childhood that you're still seeking from your partner. And it wasn't safe for either of them to speak truth. As soon as the mom died, Irish Catholic, they never talked about it again, ever. So that's been shoved down inside. And anytime she ever spoke up. No, no, no, your brothers first not you shoved it down so they have the same wound. So they're attracted to each other because they can actually become each other's master spiritual teacher. That safe sanctuary. I get it. And we are going to speak truth in this relationship and we're going to re parent one another. We're going to be that safe place where you don't get. Shut up. You get. Tell me more. And to watch the intimacy and this safety of this sanctuary that they're creating. And then they're on our group coaching calls. So yes, they do the private work with me and the psychedelic work with me as well. But they show up and there's a lot of single people on the call and they're like that. That's a real relationship, not the Disneyland fairy tale one. But on your knees, vulnerable, brave. Do the work and the gratitude if
- [38:35]
A
I couldn't do it without you sometimes. And a lot of my prayers because when people pray I always wonder what do they pray about? Like I've, I've changed everything I pray about. Generally it's obtaining virtues and qualities to make me a better person and to be able to do the will I was meant to do as opposed to praying for success and this and that and help me overcome this. I mean I, I know if I get the virtues and everything I need, then I will become what I need to ultimately achieve what I was put here to do. You know, one of the things that I have asked for a lot is, and, and, and it's still something I have tried to figure out, what's the cause of this because I feel all kinds of emotion and love in my heart, but there's so much inside of me. And I think it's because if I'm busy and I feel like I have to look be a certain way or do a certain way where it just doesn't come out. And I don't know why, because I. It's sitting there and I show it sometimes. But I will pray. Just unheard of my heart a little bit. Because I don't know why and I don't know what the cause of this is because it's there. It's not an emotion I'm not feeling, it's just not coming out.
- [39:38]
B
I love you. I just adore you. This is the. When I say humility, I've said it so many times. Our brains. I'm an Ivy League grad, I'm a smart cookie. I had no clue why I was doing what I was doing because it's, it's pre verbal, it's subconscious, it's unconscious, it's in here. So a lot of my clients are super smart and super frustrated and they have a lot of self criticism because they should be able to figure it out because they can do this, that and the other. Why can't I do this? And you were getting all feisty and I'm like, I just adore you. I so know this place. And this is when we're in a journey. When I do the psychedelic somatic integration work and then I do follow up calls weekly after and then we do another about three months later when I coach them, I say, okay, so you're gonna put the blindfold on it's a very low dose of medicine. It's gonna turn off the why, why, why and we're gonna get. And all we're gonna do is be like Sherlock Holmes and we're just gonna follow body sensation, emotion. And I'm not in charge. And you're not in charge, God's in charge, the medicine's in charge. And your body. That is our holy trinity right now. And we're gonna let go and we're gonna let our bodies show us what it wants to show us. And it might go into the fetal position or it might go, I just want to kill somebody. Who knows what it's going to do. It could be against self, it could be against other. And when we watch the body do this, it is revealed. The why is revealed. And it's nothing we can ever cognitively figure out. Just like, you know, God has a better plan than we could ever make, right? This inside is, is beyond our cognitive analysis. And it's going to be. And then all of a sudden the memory will come back or all of a sudden the pieces of the puzzle will come together and then, and then the wave of emotion will come through and then it'll just be flooded with like compassion and relief and homecoming of like, I did my best. I have such a. Forgive myself, I love myself. Oh, it was all meant for the good. Everything's okay now. Forgiveness doesn't even make sense. But we got there with a willingness to let go of trying to figure it out and jump off the cliff, surrender, trust and take the body's journey. And the medicine is just a tool, just a medicine. It's just to turn this friggin thing off and to let God in, to let the spirit in, to let the breath in. And the body will show us the way home. Every time, every time, every time we get to the light, every time I
- [41:57]
A
threw my hand up. Because sometimes it's like you try so hard to figure it out that you can't see. Yes, you're blind. Yes, you just, you're so focused and engulfed that you never let it come out.
- [42:09]
B
I'm seeing a little fly. And the doors open and they're going ding, ding, ding, ding, ding against the glass. You're like, just pull back a bit, slow down, let go, be held. And then, oh, there's a huge open door there. That's really what it is. And so it's beautiful to watch the ego take the back seat and the soul take the front seat. It's beautiful to watch these very successful people go Please partner with me and help me, walk with me. And then for me, is there a greater privilege and honor than being in that incredibly vulnerable place? And I'm fierce mother bear, like, I've got you, nothing will happen. And I'm patient and I'm tender. I get to be these energies of the divine masculine and divine feminine and literally walk with someone back to zero point. And when zero point happens, it's almost like you can swim through the room. There's so much spirit in the room and oneness in the room. And it's tearful and it's beautiful and it's funny. And you're like, oh my God, I thought I was going to die. I'm like, I know you're here. Everything's fine. And then they go home. And then things shift. Somebody gets a new job. They're making more money than they ever have. Somebody meets the love of their life. Somebody divorces with grace and ease. Not a 13 year custody battle, right? Like these shifts. People start to close ideal clients because they're not selling anymore. They're just being their authentic self. Every year the kids start talking to them and sharing with them. So many beautiful people get orgasmic who have not been very orgasmic. I mean, whatever the block was around shame, fear, control, it opens and light comes through that aspect of their life.
- [43:43]
A
We were wired to have love in our hearts. That's how we were made and created. That's why like, I'm such an animal lover. Because they just don't know. They just know that they want that. That's why they sit there and wait for you all day and why they just freak out and get so excited and don't know what to do. And that's how we're actually hardwired internally. It's just like there's we conceptually the way our minds are, we understand more, we think more, we know more. So we have all these other things going on where they don't. Right. Because it's like the purest form of love that they have. So it's why I love it so much. But we have gotten so complicated and so convoluted. Some because of medication, some because of all the that's going on.
- [44:24]
B
Yeah.
- [44:25]
A
And these. Some of it's societal. I mean, because of you got to do this or that. You know, one of the best things that ever happened for me when I got close with God that I try to convey to everybody because everybody will that writes me or if I talk back or whatever. Well, doesn't your team do this or don't we have to go through this? Or what about this or what about that? And I'm like, I'm a fucking dude. I am no better than the next person. I just am good at what I do. Just like you're good at what you do. I may not have enough time in the day to talk to everybody, but I don't think I'm better than anybody. Yeah, actually, it's not that I think. I know I'm not. I just found something that I was meant to do, and I do it. And I try to, I say, humanize everybody because we're all the same. You're just somebody's good or somebody has something that the next person doesn't have, but you have something I don't have too. And the next person does. And the next person does. The next person does.
- [45:16]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [45:17]
A
I can't stand that. Some things may not fit, like, with my show or something, but I'm always like, well, I tell everybody. I'm just humbled. You want to talk to me.
- [45:25]
B
Yeah.
- [45:25]
A
Because I know what it's like to be reduced to nothing and have nothing and sleep with rats and. And everything else. And I know what it's like to have everything that wasn't really meant to be everything. It was meaningless, that I thought meant everything. Now I feel like I have everything because I have God first. I have a. A beautiful family. I get to do this talk with people like you, and you come and want to talk to me. What the hell do you want?
- [45:49]
B
Well, it's. It's. We could. All that you just said is the difference between living with a closed heart and an open heart. A lot of times we don't know how to open it because it's been so. As you said, food or society or medication is made it so that we're numb and we're disconnected and we have forgotten how to open again. And there are so many modalities, one of which is what I facilitate to help integrate all of that. So you can live with an open heart, which is the way I believe we give our life over to spirit. Use me. Use me. And this opening of the heart, it is a choice. You do need to take responsibility and accountability and do the work. But you don't necessarily have to know all the how. That's the ego trying to figure it out. You need to show up, but also surrender and do the work. That aligns. That aligns. There's breath work, there's psychedelics. There's all. There's a Lot of different work out there that can help open the heart, but that's, to me, what it comes down to. I remember doing a. I co. Led a couple's retreat with a. He had all the letters behind his name, and he had all the things. And I was. I was feeling honestly quite inadequate. But the processes I took everyone through were the ones that made them cry because it made them feel and get out of their head and really, intimately, vulnerably connect with their partners. And then a few years later was the pandemic, and he. He wrote me, and he said, you're. Open your heart. Close your heart. Open your heart. It's a practice. It's a muscle we must be aware of. Oh, the reason why I'm fighting with my spouse and I hate myself and I'm drinking and I'm. Oh, my heart's closed. Got it. Open my heart. Ooh. Kind of vulnerable. Connection, intimacy, oneness, authenticity, Being seen and heard and valued. All. Okay, I get it. Close the heart. Open that. He. He texted me. He said, thank you for saving my marriage through the pandemic. Because I practiced opening my heart to my wife, to my kids, to God, to my having to shift my business from a practice where people came in online because that very simple practice was so profound. So I felt really touched that my self doubt, like, who am I? I have this simple practice, but I think it's the most important practice of all. Opening our heart to ourself, inwardly, infinitely, to all the little you's that we have shunned away and avoided. Bring them home, and then open our heart outwardly to others and give what we're here to give to the world.
- [48:13]
A
And that's just it. There's a lot of smart people with a lot of knowledge that have no wisdom. And I will take the person with the wisdom a hundred percent of the time over the person with the knowledge.
- [48:22]
B
I don't trust the one with.
- [48:23]
A
Yeah, that's exactly right. Because you can be as smart as you want to be, but if you don't know how to use it in the right way, it's pointless, it's useless. It's like wasted talent. Like a basketball player that gets. Oh, they had so much ability and didn't go anywhere with it. It's the same exact concept and thing, except it's worse because it's your life.
- [48:41]
B
Yes.
- [48:42]
A
Right.
- [48:42]
B
Yeah. I have this little memory of being at Trader Joe's with my son, and I practice living with an open heart everywhere. And I said, how was your day? And I Locked eyes. My mom died and I was right there with them. And the line started growing. But I stayed with them until we were done and, and, and then we left, got our groceries and left. And my son was like, you do that everywhere. People tell you all these things everywhere. I said, baby, I care everywhere. Everybody deserves our love, Everybody. And this open heart allows people to feel seen and safe. So you become a walking gift everywhere you go. So it's a, it's a, that's why I'm called my intimacy expert. Into me I see emotional intimacy. Normally we don't value that as much, but it's the core fundamental building blocks of our self realization that goes in every area of our life. You'll be a better lover, a better father, a better mother. You'll be a better business person. You'll be kinder to your family. You'll have a much deeper relationship with the divine. To me, it's the center spoke of the wheel. And it's worth slowing down to feel and do your work the rest of your life. I promise you will evolve, explode, awaken peaceful, be delicious.
- [49:50]
A
One of the, the things that I spent so many years focusing on was diet, nutrition and training and fitness. I mean, that was the end all, be all for me. Learn it, learn it, learn it, learn it. But we need to have more people come and speak to you and talk to you because I can fix all of that stuff. And I mean everything amazing. And it doesn't matter because if you don't have the other side of it.
- [50:12]
B
Yes, exactly.
- [50:13]
A
Then it's, you're never going to get there.
- [50:15]
B
Yeah.
- [50:15]
A
You will never be in full alignment. And I, you know, this is, my argument is if you, you start with the spirituality and it branches off into what you do and then the other side with the health side and everything. So that's why everything is a mind and body and ultimately that starts with the spirit connection. The only way to really obtain it, in my view. And if you don't like it, that's your own thing. But that's what I've observed and that's what I believe and I'm standing by it.
- [50:41]
B
I love this because where we are in the fifth dimension, it's time for our soul to come into our body. Okay. So we have to integrate all the wounds and that's what I help people with. But by the time the soul gets into the body, if the body's not healthy, it's like, what am I doing here? This is not working. We want both of those to be the best they could be. Then we're truly living our fullest life. I'm 100 alignment with you.
- [51:01]
A
I love it.
- [51:01]
B
Yeah.
- [51:02]
A
Well, tell everybody where to come and sign up, where to follow you, where to listen, where to learn, and where to, you know, just get, get a little positive energy.
- [51:10]
B
Thank you. Yeah. Well, my podcast, which you and Queenie are on, intimate conversations season 14. My website is my name Alana Pratt.com connect. That's how you can book a call with me and you can put in the show notes, use the scholarship code ready now. And then they can have the Dylan scholarship to have a little discount. Little scholarship. I also have something Alana Pratt.com forward slash, top five, the number five mistakes that destroy a conscious relationship. This really helps people get out of trying to figure it out in their head and go down into those blind spots that might be the unintegrated wounds in their body that's actually repelling the love and intimacy they truly desire. So those are, those are three ways that I think I can initially support people with. And thank you for asking.
- [51:56]
A
You're welcome. I'll link everything in the description as well, so it's easy to find. So. All right, everybody, I hope this episode gives you some insight on how to look at yourself, overcome some things, and not be scared. And that's what it's all about. Opening your heart and taking fear head on and making your weaknesses your strengths. So that being said, stay tuned for plenty more to come. Dylan Gemelli signing off. Sam.