The Dylan Gemelli Podcast

Episode #49 Featuring Michelle Chalfant: Finding Your TRUE SELF!

Release Date: September 9, 2025
Guest: Michelle Chalfant – Therapist, Holistic Life Coach, Author, Creator of The Adult Chair Model

Overview

In this insightful episode, Dylan Gemelli welcomes Michelle Chalfant to explore the transformative journey of finding one's true self. The discussion centers around Michelle’s Adult Chair Model, her new book, and how individuals can use triggers, accountability, and self-reflection to lead more empowered lives. The episode offers practical wisdom on embracing authenticity, overcoming limiting beliefs, and using personal challenges as fuel for transformation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Michelle’s Path to Purpose and the Origins of The Adult Chair

[04:02]

• Michelle shares her lifelong sense of purpose: “I always felt this internal drive ... I was supposed to be helping people in some way, and I wasn’t quite sure what that was.” (Michelle, 04:15)
• She traces how her upbringing in a closely-knit yet dysfunctional family shaped her journey, leading to codependency and struggles with identity.
• The importance of continual self-questioning and curiosity: “I still ask questions like, okay, what is this thing we call God/universe? And how do we really transform our lives?” (Michelle, 04:15)

2. The Evolution of Identity and the Concept of the “True Self”

[07:19]

• Michelle rejects the idea of ever fully “arriving” at true self, emphasizing life as a continuous process of self-discovery and growth.
• “Every time we get to that new level, it’s like, oh, wait, this is who I think I am. And then, guess what? We keep expanding and growing.” (Michelle, 07:37)
• Signs of alignment with your true self: comfort in your own skin, reduced negative self-talk, and the ability to set healthy boundaries.

3. Accountability, Self-Talk, and Why It’s Hard to Change

[10:25]

• Dylan discusses the contemporary cultural tendency to avoid accountability, blaming circumstances rather than taking responsibility for change.
• Michelle notes the role of an unchecked inner critic and the societal lack of “masterful listening.”
• “Humans need in order to experience that true self part ... is to feel heard, listened to. And your job as a listener is to simply hold space.” (Michelle, 13:09)

4. Ego, Listening, and Real Connection

[16:36]

• The conversation explores the distinction between healthy confidence and an ego-driven approach to life.
• Michelle: “Ego’s not bad. But ego needs to not drive the car ... our adult selves need to drive the car and be aware of the ego.” (Michelle, 16:36)
• Real connection requires humility, curiosity, and the ability to listen deeply rather than dominate conversations.

5. Modern Challenges: Social Media, Triggers, and Emotional Regulation

[19:44]

• Michelle observes how digital communication provides an easy escape from uncomfortable emotions and accountability.
• She reframes “triggers” as gifts: “Triggers are a gift. I can explain why.” (Michelle, 19:51)
• Triggers reveal old wounds and limiting beliefs, often established by age six, which unconsciously direct adult choices and reactions.

6. Personal Stories: Shame, Transformation, and Letting Go of the Past

[25:17]

• Dylan shares how his own struggles—including serving time in prison—led him to confront people-pleasing and the futility of defining oneself by external validation.
• Michelle emphasizes compassion for our past selves: “We really are doing the best we can with what we have in the moment.” (Michelle, 27:50)
• Reflection and forgiveness are reframed as essential tools for moving beyond shame and victimhood: “It’s not, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ but ‘What did I learn from this experience?’” (Michelle, 31:38)

7. The Adult Chair Model: Stages, Pillars, and Book Insights

[33:15 / 41:58]

• Michelle introduces the three “chairs” or phases:
  • Child Chair (0-6): Formation of emotional roadmap and unconscious beliefs
  • Adolescent Chair (6-24): Ego development, fitting in, identity building (and masks)
  • Adult Chair (25+): Integration, emotional regulation, living from presence
• The five pillars of transformation in her model:
  1. Own your reality (take responsibility)
  2. Feel your emotions
  3. Practice self-compassion
  4. Manage triggers
  5. Set healthy boundaries
• “This is the manual that we all should have had ... the psychological bible for being a healthy adult.” (Michelle, 33:22)
• The book breaks down complex transformation into approachable, actionable steps; it’s designed for “every human.”

8. Dealing with Triggers: A Practical Process

[47:53]

• Michelle explains the difference between a fleeting irritation and a true trigger: “If you’re still carrying it with you after an hour, that’s a trigger.”
• Step-by-step guidance on how to pause, identify, and work with triggers, turning them into opportunities for growth and integration.

9. Forgiveness, Letting Go, and Empowerment

[50:41]

• Dylan shares a personal story about the relief that comes from practicing forgiveness and letting go of grudges.
• Michelle uses a “cement suitcase” metaphor to illustrate the weight of carrying past hurts: “Why are you dragging ... cement suitcase? ... That’s the weight you’re carrying.” (Michelle, 51:36)
• The importance of shifting from victim to empowerment by asking, “Why did this happen for me?” (Michelle, 52:20)

10. The Value of Patience and Taking Life in Stride

[54:00]

• The process of transformation—whether personal or professional—is a “marathon, not a sprint.”
• Breaking down complex tasks into smaller, manageable parts makes growth achievable: “When you break something down, the complexities become rather easy.” (Dylan, 44:23)

11. Michelle’s Podcast and the Power of Storytelling

[54:51 / 58:05]

• The Michelle Chalfant (formerly Adult Chair) Podcast features solo episodes, guest interviews, and stories about codependency, emotional healing, relationship dynamics, and more.
• The core mission: helping listeners uncover their true selves and heal by sharing vulnerable, authentic stories.
• “I’m all about uncovering the true self and helping people remember who they truly are ... I’m a deprogrammer.” (Michelle, 56:54)

12. Authenticity, Vulnerability, and Humanizing Success

[58:05]

• Both Dylan and Michelle stress the power of honesty and vulnerability in public figures.
• “We all want the real you ... they don’t want the fake you. They want the real you.” (Michelle, 60:38)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Journey of Finding Self:
  • “I think that we are here to continue to evolve, and continue to have an understanding and idea of who we are.” (Michelle, 07:19)
• On True Connection:
  • “Humans need ... to feel heard, listened to. And your job as a listener is to simply hold space.” (Michelle, 13:09)
• On Triggers as Gifts:
  • “Triggers are a gift. When a belief inside of us rises up and presents itself ... you have an opportunity to look at it, work with it.” (Michelle, 19:51, 47:53)
• On Accountability:
  • “I’m the common denominator in everything ... I had to look at what’s going on in here.” (Michelle, 22:30)
• On the Adult Chair Model:
  • “This is the manual that we all should have had ... it’s broken up into three chairs or three phases of life.” (Michelle, 33:22)
• On Letting Go:
  • “It doesn’t serve you to hold it. It’s not helping you. It’s hurting you. It’s heavy.” (Michelle, 51:36)
• On Living Authentically:
  • “We all want the real you ... they want to have deep, nourishing conversations and connections with.” (Michelle, 60:38)

Important Timestamps

• Michelle’s Background & Drive: 04:02–07:19
• True Self and Its Signs: 07:19–10:25
• The Role of Accountability & Listening: 10:25–16:36
• Ego Versus Authentic Confidence: 16:36–19:44
• Triggers, Childhood Programming: 19:44–25:17
• Personal Stories of Shame, Change: 25:17–33:15
• The Adult Chair Model Explained: 33:15–41:58
• Pillars of Transformation: 41:58–44:23
• Working with Triggers Practically: 47:53–50:41
• Forgiveness & Letting Go: 50:41–54:00
• Transformation as a Marathon: 54:00–54:51
• Podcast Philosophy & Authenticity: 54:51–60:38

Resources & Where to Find More

• Michelle’s website: theadultchair.com
• Book: The Adult Chair (available on Amazon, Target, Barnes & Noble, worldwide)
• Social: YouTube, Instagram

Final Thought:
This episode is a deep dive into self-discovery and emotional wellness—an encouraging, practical guide for anyone striving to understand and transform themselves. Through the Adult Chair Model, listeners are given permission and tools to move from survival mode to self-mastery, with authenticity and compassion as their guide.