LOVE BITE: Chris

Summary

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The Good Sex Project

Love Bite: Chris (May 12, 2026)

Host: Melody Thomas
Produced by Popsock Media

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Episode Overview

In this episode of the Good Sex Project’s “Love Bites,” Melody Thomas shares the story of Chris (not his real name), a straight New Zealand man in his late 20s and a doctor who is currently traveling. Chris’s story is an honest, vulnerable deep-dive into his sexual coming-of-age: from his rigorous standards about losing his virginity, to tangled friends-with-benefits arrangements, self-discovery through therapy, and ultimately redefining what "the right relationship" means. The episode explores how "shoulds" around sex and love can lead you astray, and the messy, very human process of figuring out what you actually want.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Chris’s Early Years: Sport, Perfectionism & The Virginity “Edge”

• Busy & Driven: Chris explains he was outgoing in high school, but prioritized sport over social life.

  “I played every sport under the sun… when a lot of friends would have been… having group hangouts… I would have already been heading off to the next training or the next game.” (04:28)

• Low Priority on Romance:

  “The desire to meet people and talk to girls was definitely there… why would you want a girlfriend? There’s not even time in a day for that.” (05:07)

• Setting Unrealistic Standards: A PE teacher told Chris to think about the ideal girlfriend’s qualities, which led him to create an impossibly high list.

  “This magical bar was set to the stars… None of them met this crazy bar that I had set.” (05:42)

• Virginity As a Badge:

  “If I waited, I was a better person than everyone else…” (06:34)
  “You could have had so much sex because you’re so hot, but you saved yourself for me.” (06:54)

Challenges & Turning Points

• Sports Injury & Obsession: A serious injury in late high school led Chris to double down on rehabilitation and academics—still leaving no room for relationships.

  “To me, it was just this life ruining… crying in the car on the way home type thing.” (07:14)

• University & Shifting Sexual Norms: At university, sex became more common among peers, but Chris’s standards for “the one” persisted.

  “I’ve set this really high standard. This could actually mean that I only sleep with one person in my life. Am I going to be ok with that?” (08:37)

Navigating Adult Life: Pressure, Performance & The Friends-With-Benefits Era

• “Losing Virginity” Pressures and Secrecy:

  “I remember thinking telling everyone I’m a virgin here might genuinely impact my social standing within this team.” (03:41, 10:09)

• Exploration Without P-in-V Sex: Chris engaged in sexual activities but consistently withheld penetrative sex, believing it should be "special."

  “You take a girl home and… oh, let’s not sleep together… she’s kind of like, what the fuck?” (09:25)

• Therapy & Reframing Virginity: After developing unhealthy body image and obsessive behaviors, Chris sought therapy.

  Therapist: “Why don’t you just go and fuck someone?” (12:28, 13:19)

  Chris was challenged on the meaning of “virginity”:

  “Where does sex start? You’ve done everything in the world bar put your penis in a vagina. What defines the fact…?” (14:00)

• Exploration with Em: Chris had a sexually adventurous, communicative friends-with-benefits relationship with ‘Em’.

  “We were doing all this explorative stuff. We talked about it all… It was very safe, it was very open.” (15:02)

• First P-in-V Sex & a Web of Relationships:
  Chris chose to have penetrative sex with “a lovely girl” (not Em) to “do it right”, but didn’t disclose this to Em, who thought they were sharing his “first time.”

  “I wanted to feel fully in control… Then I’ve lost my virginity to someone very safe and secure.” (15:26)

  He soon returned to Em, but complications ensued as he developed a second FWB relationship with S, “the list girl.”

  “Really intelligent, really sporty, really, really pretty. Uh-oh. There’s that list again.” (17:55)

Consequences, Messiness & Growth

• Triangle Turmoil & Emotional Fallout:
  Em backs out when she learns Chris is juggling two partners. Later, S asks for commitment and departs when he hesitates, leaving Chris with neither.

  “Ah, well, now. Now I don’t have either.” (19:32)

• Reconnecting, Long Distance & Realization: Chris and Em remain close, even across continents, during which Chris reviews his priorities and values.

• Back to the Start—But Wiser:
  After another failed attempt at a committed relationship with S, Chris eventually reunites with Em in Europe. They begin a slow-burn, official relationship.

  “I asked her to be my girlfriend for the first time… It’s just a super relaxed, enjoyable relationship.” (28:25)

Final Reflections: Letting Go of the “List” and Trusting Feelings

• Chris learns to value emotional connection and mutual values over “ideal” checklists.

  “For me, resilience is quite important. Kindness was a very important thing in my life and… connection… Em fills all of those values as well and had all along…” (30:32)

• Cultural Conditioning:
  Chris reflects on how logic-over-feeling was ingrained in him, and how “following feelings” sometimes is the wiser path.

  “There was so many times where you could have just followed your emotions, but that wasn’t really an acceptable way for me to live my life.” (29:23)
  “Show me some good in the world where someone who’s followed their emotions, it came out good for them…” (29:47)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Pressure of “First Time” Stories:

  “You have to go around the circle and describe losing your virginity… I escaped by a couple of people never having to tell the whole group that I’d never sleep with anyone.” (10:20, 11:11)

• Therapist’s Surprisingly Direct Advice:

  “Why don’t you just go and fuck someone?” (12:28, 13:19)

• On Sexual Experimentation Beyond the Heteronormative:

  “Here I was being all macho because I’ve never had sex with a girl, but… I’ve let her put a dildo in my ass.” (14:26)

• Losing & Re-Finding Love:

  “I hung up the phone and I felt like I’d been stabbed in the heart. I just… It crushed me… I was like, oh my God, I think I was in love with her. Fuck, what have I just done?” (25:14)

• Final Reflection:

  “Don’t be afraid to follow your feelings like I was.” (30:32)

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Important Timestamps

• 03:41 – Chris opens up about feeling pressure to hide his virginity from teammates
• 08:37 – Realization at university that standards may backfire
• 12:28 / 13:19 – Game-changing therapy session (“Why don’t you just go and fuck someone?”)
• 14:26 – Discussion of sexual experimentation and the arbitrariness of “virginity”
• 17:55 – Introduction of “S” and the complication of two FWB relationships
• 19:32 – Both FWB relationships end, Chris is left alone
• 25:14 – Realization of being in love with Em after ending things
• 28:25 – Chris and Em finally officially get together, years later
• 29:23–30:32 – Chris discusses lessons learned, shifting values, and letting go of “the list”

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Tone & Style

• Frank, thoughtful, and emotionally open: Both Chris and Melody Thomas maintain a conversational, candid style—often wry or self-deprecating.
• Reflectively humorous: Melody gently teases Chris’ indecisiveness (“Oh, Chris, you beautiful idiot…” (25:14)) while maintaining empathy.
• Educational and supportive: The episode encourages self-reflection and compassion around sexuality, relationships, and cultural conditioning, without shaming.

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Conclusion

Chris’s story is a refreshingly honest tale about how perfectionism, social pressures, and idealized goals around sex and love can create unnecessary heartache—and how things can, eventually, fall into place when you learn to trust your feelings and values over arbitrary “shoulds.” Chris and Em ultimately reunite, with a slower-burn, mature relationship rooted in real connection.

“They are still together, they’ve just had their one year anniversary and bought a van… Chris is very aware of how lucky he is for things to have ended up this way.” (28:45)

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Next Episode Preview

The next Love Bite centers on Jasmine, a mother of two facing profound personal trials, promising another moving, vulnerable conversation.

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The Good Sex Project: Deep, humane, and sometimes messy stories about the real work of building good sex and good relationships.

Transcript

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[B]

Hello, good morning, good afternoon, Good middle of the night, or whenever and wherever this finds you. I'm Melody Thomas and this is Love Bites, brought to you by the Good Sex Project. If you're just now joining us, Love Bites are a little different from our regular episodes in that they're shorter and instead of exploring a big theme through multiple voices and viewpoints, they focus in on a single story. They're bite sized morsels to tide you over until the official season three release. Very, very today's Love Bite is a will they, won't they drama featuring a well intentioned sports boy with a secret.

[A]

I remember thinking telling everyone I'm a virgin here might genuinely impact my social standing within this team.

[B]

It's a cautionary tale about what happens when your ideas about what you should want get in the way of what you actually want.

[A]

Oh my God, what have I just done? I felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart.

[B]

Hi, I'm Melody Thomas. Welcome to episode two of Love Bites. Today's guest is Chris. It's not his real name, but the rest of what he's about to share is true. Well, it's his truth. Chris is a straight man in his late 20s who's also a doctor, though he's currently taking some time off to travel. Chris's story starts back in high school and I'm going to let him paint the picture for you.

[A]

I was pretty outgoing and social, but I think my sporting endeavours probably outweighed my social desire. I played every sport under the sun that I could a lot of rugby. So when a lot of friends would have been, you know, having group hangouts at movies, I would have already been heading off to the next training or the next game.

[B]

Chris did get out to the movies or out to parties from time to time. And like his mates, he'd sometimes end up hooking up with a cutie.

[A]

The desire to meet people and talk to girls was definitely there.

[B]

It just wasn't a big priority like it seemed to be for everybody else.

[A]

I remember specifically thinking as guys were starting to get girlfriends, why would you want a girlfriend? There's not even time in a day for that.

[B]

While his friends were out getting girlfriends and hyper fixating on finally having sex, Chris took the opposite approach. He was adamant that he wouldn't throw away his virginity. That's how he described it. He had a plan. He was going to meet someone, they'd become friends, fall in love and then have sex. Simple. And by the way, Chris wasn't religious. In fact, he thought sex before marriage was a must as long as it was with the right girl.

[A]

One of my PE teachers said, before you get a girlfriend, think of the characteristics, the type of person that you want that girl to be. And so I remember thinking at this time, well, you know, this girl's going to be fantastically good looking and she's going to be the smartest girl and she's going to be the supporter and all, you know. And so for me, it was like this, this magical bar was set to the stars. And I met fantastic women all through high school. People that I'm still great friends with now. But of course none of them met this crazy bar that I had set.

[B]

It's probably no big surprise that Chris is someone who likes to excel at, well, everything.

[A]

I like to be really good at stuff and I like to be a little bit impressive, I guess.

[B]

And for Chris, not having sexual experience actually made him more impressive. The logic went like this.

[A]

I felt like it was actually like an edge up, this internal idea that if I waited, I was a better person than everyone else. I remember thinking like, oh, you know, if someone met me, they would be like, this guy must have slept with a bunch of people. And for them to then find out, no, he's a virgin and he's actually irresponsible and blah, blah, blah.

[B]

Wow, you could have had so much sex because you're so hot, but you saved yourself from me.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah.

[B]

Towards the end of high school, Chris copped a really bad injury. It took him out for the rest of the year and all of the year following. This is a nightmare situation for someone whose whole life revolves around sports.

[A]

To me it was just this life ruining, you know, crying in the car on the way home type thing. Especially with a lot of sports now they kind of. You push on with your sporting career out of high school or you tend not to have one, that was just a pretty crushing blow, really.

[B]

If this is where you think the story is going to take a turn and Chris is going to start dating because he can't throw a ball around, think again.

[A]

I spent every waking hour trying to do my rehabilitation program. So I would be doing core exercises every night, trying to do my upper body strength when I couldn't do other stuff.

[B]

So amazing abs but no one to share them with. And the spare time that Chris did have was spent on his studies, taking

[A]

on leadership roles in school and head prefect stuff and other groups. Somehow I Still kept myself too busy for a girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was a busy, I was a busy, busy kid.

[B]

Chris graduated from high school and enrolled at university. His original hopes of heading into professional sport might have been dashed, but the extra study time had set him up really well academically.

[A]

That ended up changing my ideas from physio to medicine and resulting in me becoming a doctor, I guess, instead of an injured professional athlete, which, to be honest, looking back, I'm quite happy with.

[B]

Something that we've talked about in the Good Sex Project before is how at high school it feels like everyone's having sex except you. But in reality, most of them aren't. Well, by the time Chris got to uni, that reality was starting to shift.

[A]

Lots of people are now sleeping together and at this point I was like, ah, shit. Like I've kind of backed myself into a wall here. I've set this really high standard. This could actually mean that I only sleep with one person in my life. Am I going to be okay with that?

[B]

Chris reckoned he actually would be. But his okayness still relied on this idealised future where he was going to meet a pretty, smart, athletic, perfect girl.

[A]

Then we would have sex and then we would fall in love even more and the world would be perfect.

[B]

By this point, Chris had started to understand what all the fuss over girls and sex was about. And he'd started to experiment more, going home with girls from parties, but always pulling away at the last minute.

[A]

You take a girl home and you're like, oh, let's not sleep together and she's kind of like, what the fuck? Like, the only reason I came home was to sleep with you type thing, you know?

[B]

But when it came to finding the girl of his dreams, the one that was going to make all of this worth it, he just didn't have the time. He was in med school. I've seen Grey's Anatomy and the Pit. Those students work so hard. He'd also managed to rehabilitate himself enough to get back into sports and he'd made some rep teams.

[A]

The guys would hang out after games and I'd go back into my room and study.

[B]

Chris's closest friends knew that he hadn't had penetrative sex. And to them it wasn't a big deal.

[A]

I was still, you know, equal amongst them. It genuinely didn't impact my social standing within my friend group.

[B]

But his teammates didn't know this about him. Chris remembers one night in particular during an after game drinking session when the rest of the guys started a team building Exercise.

[A]

You have to go around the circle and describe losing your virginity. You know, how did you lose it? Who did you lose it to?

[B]

Chris looked around at his teammates, who were all blokey blokes, possibly, as he tells me, a little bit homophobic, definitely macho, and almost certainly less understanding of Chris's decision not to have sex.

[A]

Yet it was the first time in my life I remember thinking telling everyone, I'm a virgin here might genuinely impact my social standing within this team. And I thought, what am I gonna do?

[B]

As his teammates kicked off with their, I'm sure charming stories, Chris racked his brain should he make something up that didn't feel right. But the altern was really scary. Thankfully, he was saved. Everyone got too pissed and the game fizzled out before it got to him.

[A]

And I escaped by a couple of people never having to tell the whole group that I'd never sleep with anyone. I still genuinely don't know what I would have done.

[B]

So at this point, do you feel in terms of sexuality, like you're the only virgin in the world?

[A]

My belief at that time was, if I'm doing this, then there's gotta be at least one girl doing this.

[B]

But he was yet to find her. So here was Chris, stuck between a rock and a hard place, both of his own making. And it's entirely possible that he would have just kept on like this, except just like with his old sports injury, life got in the way and changed his trajectory. We know now that Chris is a bit all or nothing, and mostly that's served him really well. But around this time, he started to notice some behaviours that were tipping over into unhealthy, like he was obsessing over his nutritional intake and his body image.

[A]

Thankfully, with everything we'd learnt in medical school, I was like, shit, I think I'm developing some early stages of an eating disorder.

[B]

Chris went to see a psychologist about this and it was so helpful that he figured, why not bring up the fact that he's yet to have penetrative sex and see what the therapist has to say about it? And the therapist was like, why don't

[A]

you just go and fuck someone?

[B]

We're back with Chris. After the break,

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[B]

This might not be good advice for everyone, but it was good advice in this moment for Chris. And this therapist finished with one really good point.

[A]

Where does sex start? You've done everything in the world. Bar put your penis in a vagina. What defines the fact that you have or haven't had sex with a girl?

[B]

Exactly right. As we've already learned, virginity is a construct. And Chris had been going home with women, going down on women. Women had gone down on him. A lesbian in that position would not be calling themselves a virgin. He'd even experimented with butt stuff.

[A]

In some ways, I'd gone further than a lot of guys would ever go on their hole. You know, they wouldn't let a girl anywhere near their bum hole. Here I was being all macho because I've never had sex with a girl, but, you know, I've let her put a dildo in my ass. And so I was like, oh, yeah, fair.

[B]

Truly incredible stuff. The her who was putting the dildo in Chris's butt was a woman that we're going to call Em to protect her privacy. But don't let that single initial fool you. Em is a central character in the story. Chris and Em had been hooking up for a little while, doing everything but P and V. And honestly, it sounds like they were having an amazing time.

[A]

We were doing all this explorative stuff. We talked about it all. We were trying new things. We were talking on the phone about all the other things that we wanted to do with each other. And it was very safe, it was very open.

[B]

Em had been really clear that she did want to have penetrative sex with Chris when he was ready. But Chris was still holding on to those old ideas about the right type of person to go all the way with.

[A]

I wanted to feel fully in control of this scenario. And I'm like, if I can go and have sex with the most, like, straight and Narrow, lovely, vanilla person. Then I've lost my virginity to someone very safe and secure. And people tell these embarrassing stories of, oh, the first time I slept with someone. I just wish, I wish I hadn't done it that night. I just really didn't want that story.

[B]

It just so happened that around the same time Chris met a nice person.

[A]

She was very lovely and very kind,

[B]

the type of girl you take home to your parents. So Chris and this girl had sex. The old classic P and V kind. By his own definition, Chris was no longer a 22 year old virgin.

[A]

It just made more sense to me to do it that way and so I did it that way.

[B]

Chris and this lovely girl hooked up a few more times, but it wasn't long before he found himself back in Em's bed.

[A]

I'm ready. Let's, let's go all in.

[B]

Even though Chris and Em weren't exclusive, this probably would have been the best time to tell her that he'd had penetrative sex with someone else. But he didn't and she thought they were sharing his first time. But it was really great and they kept doing it, hooking up as friends with benefits, which suited them both. Neither of them were looking for a relationship and Em had plans to go overseas at the end of the year.

[A]

We've got the rest of this year to have all the fun in the world and then we're probably never going to see each other again. So there was no holding back.

[B]

Chris and Em planned long weekends away together, staying in Airbnbs and quaint little towns where they could pretend that the rest of the world didn't exist.

[A]

For a little bit, we would walk around holding hands and we would have a fantastic time. And then for one day out of our three day long weekends, we'd have a lock in and we'd just have fantastic sex for a whole day without leaving the bedroom. And then there'd be this fantastic build up of what are we going to try next time, what are we going to do? How are we going to make this more fun and more exciting? I thought that that was going to be the best sex I was ever going to have of my life. And then next month, somehow it was like, better again. I remember thinking, this actually can't continue forever, can it?

[B]

While this was happening, they kept checking in with each other.

[A]

Are you still happy being friends with benefits? Are you still happy that we're sleeping with other people?

[B]

And both of them were. Maybe it wasn't a typical arrangement, but it worked for them. That is Until Chris met someone else.

[A]

Really intelligent, really sporty, really, really pretty.

[B]

Uh. Oh, there's that list again. Suddenly, Chris was in turmoil. Things had been going so well with Em. But this new woman, we're gonna call her S. Was everything that he'd wanted back when he made his list in high school. What should he do?

[A]

Could I really just set up two of these friends with benefits relationships at the same time?

[B]

I mean, it can be done. But in this case, things started off looking promising. Everyone was informed and happy with the setup, and for one beautiful second, Chris must have felt like the luckiest man in the world. But after Chris and S's relationship had continued past the point of a few hookups, Em had a change of heart.

[A]

Actually, I can't do you. Having two friends with benefits. This actually is too much for me.

[B]

Things were starting to get a bit too messy, and Em chose to step away rather than get burned. Good on her.

[A]

And so Em and I, at that point, just stopped talking. That was kind of the end of it.

[B]

After things fell apart with Em, Chris kept hooking up with S as friends with benefits.

[A]

We spent the rest of that year fooling around and sleeping with other people as well. Until come the end of that year, S was like, I've kind of fallen head over heels for you. And now, like, if you're just wanting this friends with benefits thing, I don't think I can do this anymore.

[B]

Fair. S wanted commitment. Good on her for letting Chris know. But unfortunately, Chris didn't, so they broke up.

[A]

So it was like, ah, well, now. Now I don't have either.

[B]

I really that one up.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What makes a leader worth following? What should you really care about in your job? As technology is changing so quickly, is it just gonna be about machines talking to other machines? I mean, should you quit your job and start something on your own, what would that take? What does success and risk look like when we're all at the starting gate together? These are the questions we answer each week on Lead Human with Jack Myers and Tim Spengler. Join us each week and subscribe at your favorite podcast platform and YouTube. We'll tell stories, we'll hear from some of the best, and we'll try to figure this out together. Listen up. Prep is for anyone sexually active. Anyone Q Care plus has my back. Combisita virtualesan, medico, Convenient lab and medication delivered discreetly. Shh. Get in line behind plane Jane. She's gonna be the first one at the clinic. Get your prep and doxy [e-mail].

[B]

At this point, Chris does a little soul searching. Not quite enough, as it'll turn out, but he at least starts the process of trying to figure out what he actually wants. And him and Em do reconnect again, just casually. She's going to London really soon. They have a few nice weekends together, culminating in the final one.

[A]

We had our last time and probably best time, but also saddest time. Like, we said goodbye, we didn't know if we were going to see each other again and there was a lot of tears. It was quite an emotional goodbye because we'd decided our relationship was so important to us that we should try and be friends and maybe we need to let the sex stuff cool down.

[B]

So they make a plan.

[A]

Let's not talk for three months or four months and we'll just see how things go when we reconnect. I think it lasted like two or three phone calls and we were back to sexting across the globe.

[B]

In the meantime, Chris goes and injures himself again. And who's ordering his groceries and checking in on him while he's bedridden from the other side of the world? M. But here's where you're gonna get quite mad at him, if you weren't already. With M out of the country, Chris starts reconsidering. S. Wait, you said S? You said S. But do you mean M?

[A]

No, no. S?

[B]

S?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No.

[A]

And I'm in.

[B]

Oh, no. For fuck's sake.

[A]

Chris.

[B]

Despite the fact that M was the one checking in on him and the one that he had amazing sexual chemistry with, that list was still haunting Chris on paper. S was the perfect girl for him. Was that why he'd been scared to commit? Should he try again?

[A]

It had potential to be so great.

[B]

Chris reaches back out to S, who has been missing him and is keen to try again. But. But not like last time.

[A]

If we're going to give this a go, we need to fully commit. No more of this bullshit friends with benefit stuff. Let's just go straight into being a boyfriend and a girlfriend, have a relationship, and see if we can make this work.

[B]

Chris and Es get back together officially this time, and Chris has to make an awkward phone call to Em to tell her what's happened.

[A]

I think Em took that a lot, as that's the end of us forever. And in my naive head, I thought, give me six months in a relationship with S, we'll be all fine and dandy and I can have Em as a good friend.

[B]

Cool. So how'd that work? Out.

[A]

Well, S and I worked really hard at this relationship and I was quite invested and I found myself like a counsellor to kind of try and unpick certain bits and pieces, to try and understand why I take the views that I take and how can we make this better and how can we make this work?

[B]

Chris and Es's monogamous second chance started off long distance. Eventually, after a year of that, which did include an overseas trip together, they moved to the same city. And they kept up that valiant work of seeing counsellors to figure out their individual issues. As a result of ongoing conversations between them, Es confessed that for their relationship to actually work, Chris can't be friends with Em. So he reaches back out to Em to see if she's up for one final conversation.

[A]

She was pretty pissed off because she had thought that the end was eight months earlier. And here I was dipping back in again for the third time or whatever.

[B]

But she reluctantly agreed and they got

[A]

on a call and I explained to her that I had so much respect and admiration and appreciation for everything that we'd been through together and how much I really just cherished all of our time together. It was so special to me and that actually we kind of were just boyfriend and girlfriend for all those years we were dating. Really, like, all right, maybe it was just an open relationship. I'd never really heard of that term then, but maybe that's more what it was, you know, I hung up the phone and I felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart. I just. It crushed me hanging up that phone. I was like, oh, my God, I think I was in love with her. Fuck, what have I just done?

[B]

Oh, Chris, you beautiful idiot. Of course you're in love with her. In a movie, this would be the part where he calls back with a grand confession, breaks things off with S kindly, and then jumps on a plane to London to beg for forgiveness from Em. But he can't do that.

[A]

An issue would come up, we would talk about it, we would resolve it, but another issue would come up and it was just. It just became clear that it was not going to work. And so, fairly mutually, we kind of sat down and decided, like, we. We really tried for a year and a half. We tried our absolute best and we're not made for each other.

[B]

I'm just going to reassure you right off the bat here that that actually is the end for Chris and S. Soon after they break up, Chris heads overseas, off on his own. Oe heads to Europe, travelling around and working as a ski instructor and he still thinks about Em. I'm filling in gaps here, and he didn't actually say this, but I imagine him getting out his phone and starting to write a text before deleting it and shoving his phone to the side. No, he can't reach out to Em again, Not ever, not after what he's done.

[A]

It does not matter how I ever did or would feel about her. I just couldn't bring myself to ever message her again.

[B]

And then one day, Chris is on a ski lift when his phone buzzes. It's Em. And she's heard that he's broken things

[A]

off with S. She said, I just. I need an actual answer about this.

[B]

At this point, Em's actually back in New Zealand. She'd gone home a few days before Chris had set off to Europe. So they find a time that works and get on a call.

[A]

It was just like old times. We talked and we laughed and Chris

[B]

decided to be brave. He told Em that he hadn't technically lost his P and V virginity to her. And they both agreed that not sharing

[A]

that earlier was actually quite a dick move.

[B]

But they moved past it and chatted for ages.

[A]

I think four hours or something went by. It was just very clear that it wasn't just some fleeting thing. It was actually probably something quite special.

[B]

Finally, from here on, Chris and Em slipped back into their old habit of talking every day. And eventually their conversation started to turn towards the future. Now Em's back in New Zealand, but she's kind of floating around and unsure about what she might do next.

[A]

And we decided, wouldn't it be fun if you lived here for a little while and maybe got a job in London again?

[B]

So she did. Em jumped on a plane to join Chris and they lived together for six weeks.

[A]

And it was actually, I wouldn't say it was just like old times. It was a slower burn. In old times, we would have jumped straight into bed with each other and had our way and had the best time ever. And we talked and we hung out and it didn't take that long for us to sleep together. But it was different sex. It wasn't that same, you know, crazy, crazy, wild time that it had been

[B]

three years ago and then finally three years too late. But luckily for Chris, not so late that it was ruined beyond repair.

[A]

I asked her to be my girlfriend for the first time and Em and I started officially dating and she got her job in London and I stayed over this side of the world and it's all going very, very well. It's just A super relaxed, enjoyable relationship.

[B]

Oh my gosh, what a roller coaster. I'm exhausted from keeping track of that all. Hopefully you manage to as well. I first spoke with Chris a few months ago, so I did send him an email in the meantime to see where things were at with him and Em. They are still together, they've just had their one year anniversary and they've bought a van. They're off on an epic European road trip together. And Chris is very aware of how lucky he is for things to have ended up this way. He's still figuring out exactly how it was he managed to mangle things so badly, but he's managed to unpick a lot of that with the help of therapy.

[A]

You know, to you and to the listeners as well, it probably seemed like, you know, you idiot. There was so many times where you could have just followed your emotions, but that wasn't really an acceptable way for me to live my life.

[B]

This isn't just a blokey, macho thing. Since the ancient Greeks, Western culture has prized reason and logic over emotion, which is seen as a lower instinctual drive that you're supposed to control.

[A]

The portrayals of people following their emotions that I'd seen were the people in movies, the girls that followed their emotions and they got their heart broken and guys that got heated and they got into fights. I just saw them as idiots, you know, like, show me some good in the world where someone who's followed their emotions, it came out good for them. It just always seemed to be not useful.

[B]

As well as unpicking all of that, Chris has also taken the same lens to that ideal girlfriend list that he made way back in high school, which he now understands was made as a teenager with zero relationship experience. Of course, it was a little misguided, superficial. That list looks a lot different these days.

[A]

For me, resilience is quite important. Kindness was a very important thing in my life and surprisingly to myself, connection. And it wasn't until kind of examining those values that I was like, huh? M fills all of those values as well and had all along, but I'd never really unpicked it. Maybe it's not so wise just to run headfirst away with all of your feelings. But maybe if you've got these great feelings and your values are aligning, then yeah, don't be afraid to follow your feelings like I was.

[B]

Thank you so much, Chris, for sharing your tangled, messy story. Your honesty and vulnerability are really appreciated and we wish you and Em a calm and peaceful but still sexually exciting future. In the next episode of Love Bites, we'll meet Jasmine, a mum of two in her mid-30s, who's going through some of the cruelest and most harrowing trials that life has to offer. You're like, this isn't what you signed up for. Even though, you know we did say in sickness and in hell. Literally did. Yeah, literally did. And she's facing it with a level of grace, acceptance and humour that's inspirational. I was like, guess what, guys? No one can ever look up my bum again. That's next week for Love Bites. Thank you so much for listening to the Good Sex Project, made with the support of New Zealand on Air. If you love the show, please subscribe, rate and review us on your favourite podcast platform and tell your friends and people you're messaging on the dating apps and strangers on the dance floor and in club bathrooms. If you want to get in touch with me or the team, you can send us a Message on Instagram oodsexproject or you can email goodsexprojectmail.com we love to hear from you. The Good Sex Project was made by PopSoc Media. It was written and developed by me, Melody Thomas. Our producer and audio editor is Kirsten Johnstone. Co producers are Kay Heke and Elena Bates. Phil Brownlee recorded and mixed these episodes and Paddy Fred did the music. Thanks, team.

[A]

Howdy, howdy ho, and welcome to Fantasy Fan Fellas. I'm Hayden, producer of the Fantasy Fangirls podcast and your resident lover, Sanderson. And I'm Stephen, your bookish Internet goofball, but you can call me the Smash Daddy. And we are currently deep diving Brandon Sanderson's fantasy epic Mistborn. But here's the catch. Stephen here has not read Mistborn before. That's right.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Hey. So each week, you'll get my unfiltered raw reactions to every single chapter. And along the way, we'll do character deep dives, magic explainers, and Steven will even try to guess what's next. Spoiler alert. He'll be wrong. News flash, I'm never wrong. Episodes come out every Wednesday and you can find Fantasy Fan fellows wherever you get your podcast.

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She's gonna be the first one at the clinic.

[A]

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