Broadway's My Beat: Buddy Malpaugh and the Jeweled Scimitar (EP4873)

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: The Great Detectives of Old Time Radio
Host: Adam Graham
Episode: Broadway's My Beat: Buddy Malpaugh and the Jeweled Scimitar
Original Broadcast Date: December 22, 1951
Podcast Date: December 24, 2025
Summary:
In this special Christmas-themed episode, the beloved New York detective drama "Broadway’s My Beat" delivers a whimsical, dreamlike caper centering Sergeant Gino Tartaglia. The story, both a mystery and a heartfelt character piece, revolves around the theft of the legendary Jeweled Scimitar of Genghis Khan. Intertwining adventure, humor, and holiday spirit, the drama provides Tartaglia with his greatest Christmas wish—being the hero alongside Lieutenant Danny Clover. The plot unfolds with grand pulp stylings, featuring master criminals, femme fatales, and twisty museum capers, before gently revealing (in a classic radio tradition) that it’s all been Tartaglia’s fantastical daydream. Host Adam Graham provides thoughtful commentary on the episode’s playful subversion and warmth.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening: Holiday Spirit & Tartaglia’s Wish

• We begin on a festive Broadway just before Christmas, where carols fill the air and children gaze at window displays. Police HQ is similarly lively, with gifts exchanging hands.
• Sergeant Gino Tartaglia confides in Danny Clover his unfulfilled Christmas wish: to get out from behind his desk and solve an exciting crime with Danny himself.
  Quote:

  "What I want most is to go out and solve a crime. To meet face to face the sultry sirens, the hardened criminals. And to solve them the way you do, to go out on a case with you. My fondest wish for Christmas." — Sgt. Tartaglia (05:32)

The Case: The Battered Millionaire and the Stolen Scimitar

[06:44]

• News arrives that Buddy Malpaw, a notorious ne'er-do-well millionaire, has been attacked. Danny insists Tartaglia comes along.
• Investigation at Malpaw’s ransacked apartment shows he was knocked out by a blow to the head; the priceless Jeweled Scimitar of Genghis Khan is missing.

Memorable moment:
Tartaglia’s enthusiastic but elaborate police note dictation, laced with comic seriousness:

"Buddy Malpa, the unconscious ne' er do well millionaire battered and bludgeoned on the supraocytical region of the cranium back of the skull…” — Tartaglia (07:41)

The Gallery of Rogues: Mike Schreck & Rima 9

• Behind the drapes, they find "Mike Schreck," a celebrity detective from Philadelphia, who is also tracking the notorious “Lance Lash.”
  Notable exchange:

  "This man, this hider behind drapes. It can't be. Are you… It is he. Danny. May I present Mike Schreck, the bald headed miracle detector from Philadelphia." — Tartaglia (08:40)

• Malpaw comes to, describes being attacked as he waited for his glamorous date, Rima 9. He mourns the scimitar’s loss, dramatically comparing it to his greatest treasures.

• The detectives visit Rima 9, a sultry, mysterious woman with a flair for drama, who claims she arrived for her date only to find the door unanswered. She reveals knowledge of the scimitar’s lore and her budding romance with Buddy, met through the museum.

Museum Intrigue

• At the Far Eastern museum, Mr. Zoig elucidates the scimitar’s dramatic history, highlighting its immense value (estimated at half a million dollars).

  "If this scimitar were real … Conservatively, half a million dollars. Give a little, take a little." — Mr. Zoig (15:12)

• Suddenly, Tartaglia is shot outside the museum, further heightening the tension.

  "Danny. Danny. I've been shot. Oh, no. I must have been dreaming. Where was I? Oh, yeah. I was shot." — Tartaglia (17:27)

The Dream Unravels: Wild Escalations and Revelations

• Tartaglia is pronounced a hero, awarded for bravery, but quickly leaps back into action when Mike Schreck is attacked.
• The plot becomes increasingly outlandish: undercover cab drivers, brawls under the bed, and the infamous Lance Lash plotting in the shadows.
• Rima is picked up for disorderly conduct—caught with a smashed imitation scimitar. She tells of a violent cab ride where “Lance Lash” (in disguise) attacked her and destroyed the weapon upon discovering it was a fake.
  Quote:

  "He looks at it and breaks it over my head. And you know who he was? Who he really was? None other… Lance Lash, the master criminal of them all. Lover. Imagine poor little me in the clutches of Lance Lash." — Rima 9 (23:19)

The Real Scimitar (and the Real Criminal)

• Returning to the museum, it’s deduced the genuine scimitar has been hidden in plain sight, swapped with a fake—the ultimate hiding spot.
• The museum’s Genghis Khan statue is found inexplicably dressed as a cab driver, missing the scimitar. A bystander jokes:

  "This man had on a fur cap and a brocaded robe. He was carrying a Simica...I just figured he was from California." — Bystander (25:25)

• The final confrontation with “Mike Schreck” leads to Tartaglia catching a crucial slip (the incorrect length of the Philadelphia-Camden Bridge), revealing Schreck as Lance Lash in disguise. Costume swaps and playful pulp tropes abound.

Classic twist:

• Tartaglia exposes the villain:

  "Mike Schreck would never make an error like that. Oh, Lance Lash. The master criminal of them all, I presume." — Tartaglia (27:24)

Closing: A Dream and a Christmas Message

[28:55-29:42]

• Gino awakens at his desk—revealing everything was only a Christmas dream. Slightly embarrassed, he reflects on the adventure he “lived.”

• Danny kindly reassures him that dreams and memories are equally precious:

  "When something happens to you, something real, then it’s over. You know what you have left? Memory. A dream’s over and you can remember it. You have the same thing. That’s all anything is, Gino. A memory." — Danny Clover (29:21)

• Gino smiles—he’s gotten his Christmas wish after all.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "What I want most for Christmas, Danny, I'm not going to get... Ah, humbug, Danny. What I want most is to go out and solve a crime. To meet face to face the sultry sirens, the hardened criminals. And to solve them the way you do, to go out on a case with you. My fondest wish for Christmas." — Sergeant Tartaglia (05:35)
• "The jeweled scimitar of Genghis Khan was gone now, vanished, lost, strayed, stolen, purloined." — Danny Clover (11:18)
• "He looks at it and breaks it over my head. And you know who he was? Who he really was? None other. Lance Lash, the master criminal of them all, lover. Imagine poor little me in the clutches of Lance Lash." — Rima 9 (23:19)
• "Mike Schreck would never make an error like that. Oh, Lance Lash. The master criminal of them all, I presume." — Sergeant Tartaglia (27:24)
• "When something happens to you, something real, then it’s over. You know what you have left? Memory. A dream’s over and you can remember it. You have the same thing. That’s all anything is, Gino. A memory." — Danny Clover (29:21)

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Major Timestamps

• [04:06-05:54] – Tartaglia’s holiday wish and banter with Danny
• [06:44-08:18] – Malpaw discovered assaulted, dictation of crime scene
• [10:18-11:18] – Malpaw’s dramatic account; the missing scimitar
• [12:36-13:39] – Interrogation of Rima 9
• [14:08-15:19] – Visit to the museum; the legend of the scimitar
• [17:27-18:31] – Tartaglia’s heroics (and dream sequence escalation)
• [21:18-23:19] – Rima 9’s wild police encounter; Lance Lash confrontation
• [24:08-25:32] – Return to museum; clues to the real hiding place
• [27:03-27:24] – The bridge slip: Tartaglia exposes Lance Lash
• [28:55-29:42] – Gino wakes up; Danny’s message; holiday camaraderie

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Host Commentary & Analysis (Adam Graham)

[47:00+]

• Adam Graham highlights how the episode playfully bends the “It Was All a Dream” trope for a heartfelt effect, giving the often-unsung Gino Tartaglia a chance to be the hero.
• Graham praises the writers for allowing humor and adventure without ever demeaning Tartaglia—a gentle nod to both radio tradition and the character’s enduring appeal.
• Drawing connections to pulp fiction and adventure comics, Adam notes the intentionally exaggerated style, and appreciates the Christmas message: even fictional or dream adventures—like old radio shows themselves—live on in memory, treasured by audience and characters alike.

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Overall Tone

The episode is playful and light-hearted, full of pulpy adventure tropes, affectionate banter, and warm Christmas spirit. It respects the dreams and humanity of its supporting character while maintaining the lyric noir narrative style that “Broadway’s My Beat” is famous for.

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Useful For

This summary provides both the mystery's plot and its emotional context—serving listeners who want either the step-by-step whodunit or simply to revisit this heartwarming Old Time Radio Christmas fable.

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Transcript

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[Adam Graham]

Welcome to the Great Detectives of Old Time Radio from Boise, Idaho. This is your host, Adam Graham. In a moment, we're going to bring you this week's episode of Broadway's My Bait. But first, I do want to encourage you. If you're enjoying the podcast, please follow us using your favorite podcast software and today's program is brought to you in part by the financial support of our listeners. You can support the show using the Zell app to box [e-mail] and become one of our ongoing Patreon supporters for as little as $2 per month at patreon.greatdetectives.net and I want to go ahead and welcome our latest Patreon supporter, Norman, supporting the podcast at the detective Sergeant level of $7.14 or more per month. Thanks so much for your support, Norman. Now it's time for our final Christmas related podcast. So we're skipping ahead a few months to December 22, 1951. Here is Buddy Malpaw and the jeweled Scimitar.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Broadway's my beat. From Times Square to Columbus Circle. The gaudiest, the most violent, the lonesomest mile in the world.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Broadway is my beat with larry thor as detective danny clover.

[Detective Danny Clover]

On the days before Christmas, Broadway dance dances along to carols that flow from sequined loudspeakers. The kids mash their noses against the plate glass, lick it and watch. And it's all there. The mechanical clown, the tin man dancing a jig on a tin box. The toy army precisely to scale with the latest equipment mechanized. And eyes are bright with desire and hope. It's the one time in the year when odds are better that dreams will come true. So make a wish on a neon star. And in the short time before Christmas, creatures were stirring at police headquarters. There's the patter of tired feet and the sound of manly giggles as little gifts are hidden in desk drawers or poured into Dixie cups or slipped under the police blotter. And in my office, my strong right arm, Sergeant Gino Tartaglia. Yeah, ask it. Pretty late, Gino. Couple more hours, you can go home and finish decorating your Christmas tree.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Indeed, indeed.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Getting a lot of nice things this year, Gino?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Oh, many things, Nanny. I guess my old cockles should be warmed. Yeah, but they're not.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Oh.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Something wrong, Gino?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

What I want most for Christmas, Danny, I'm not going to get. I'm going to get Nick's and Macs and an electric shaver and handkerchiefs and socks and ties and a curved K woody pipe to smoke my troubles away.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Sounds like a pretty full Christmas to me, Gino.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Ah, humbug, Danny. What I want most is to go out and solve a crime. To meet face to face the sultry sirens, the hardened criminals. And to solve them the way you do, to go out on a case with you. My fondest wish for Christmas.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Police headquarters would fall apart without you, Gino. You just stick around here and do your job.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Indeed. Indeed. I just thought I'd let you know, that's all.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Well, I'm going downstairs for some coffee. I'll be back soon, Roger.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Face it, Gino, you're stuck at this. Yeah? Oh, Bongino. Sergeant Gino Tataglia speaking. Yes, yes. Yeah, right away, Danny. Hey, Danny.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Yeah. What's the matter, Gino? I haven't gotten my coffee yet.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Coffee at a time like this? Buddy Malpa, the ne' er do well millionaire. What?

[Detective Danny Clover]

What about him?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

What about him? He has been slugged.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Let's go, Gino.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Did you say Rhett?

[Detective Danny Clover]

Of course. On a case like this. I'll need you, Gino.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Come on. This is his house. Danny, let's go. It's locked. Yeah. Stand aside, Danny. We can go in now. Danny.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Gino.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Yeah.

[Detective Danny Clover]

We could have rung the bell.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Who's got time? You coming.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Over here, Gino? Back of the sofa.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Yeah, yeah. Take a note, Danny.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Yes, sir.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Buddy Malpa, the unconscious ne' er do well millionaire battered and bludgeoned on the supraocytical region of the cranium back of the skull. Slug on the supra occipital of Iris assailant unknown. From the size of the lump on Buddy Malpas heretofore refined head conclude that said lump was administered by a blunt weapon 3 millimeters by 5 of the irregular contour and lead pipe consistency. You got that, Danny?

[Detective Danny Clover]

Yes, I do.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Hold it. I got a psuit luxurious apartment of sedonair do well Millionaire one Buddy Malpa ransacked and left in disarray. Bps. The butler of said household will have his work cut out for him.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Shall I phone it in now, Sergeant?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Don't move.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Huh?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

The drapes just moved. All right, you behind those drapes, out with your hands crossed behind your neck.

[Adam Graham]

Out.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Good evening, gentlemen.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Good e. Danny. It can't be.

[Detective Danny Clover]

It can't be what, Gino?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

This man, this hider behind drapes. It can't be. Are you. It is he. Danny. May I present Mike Schreck, the bald headed miracle detector from Philadelphia.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Merry Christmas, gentlemen.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Merry Christmas to you. Mike Shrek.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

I assume you gentlemen are of the.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Police of the city.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

I present to you, sir, Lieutenant Danny Clover and myself, Sergeant Gino Tartaglia.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Tartaglia? That. That name has a familiar ring.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Oh, perhaps because I was an innocent abroad. On the Guided in the Footsteps of Mike Shrek tour in Philadelphia last summer. I blew myself to it with my vacation money.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

It's not for that I remember you, sir. It's for the word that has come to me that you are indeed the brains behind the brains of the New York police force.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Oh, come now, Mr. Shrek. You mustn't believe all.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

I could have used you, sir, on My famed widow Chalcedony's case. When, having trailed the desperado across the 1.83 miles of the Philadelphia Camden Bridge, I was caught in the seductive toils.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

The machine gun brain of the man. Then the memory for details to have made a part of him the size of the Philadelphia Camden Bridge.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Gentlemen, enough of nostalgia to work. It was I who phoned this into you. Being now on the trail of Lance Lash, master criminal of them all. I was led to this place only to find Buddy Malpaw, the ne' er do well millionaire. But hush, the man is coming around. What happened, man? Tell us what happened.

[Detective Danny Clover]

You are gently, sir.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

You are among friends.

[Detective Danny Clover]

We're from the police, Mr. Maltha. Try to tell us what happened. I'll try, fellows. I had arranged such a pleasant evening, a date with Rima 9. Oh, not the Rima 9 from Bolivia, but the Ms. Rema 9 who was staying at the Stacy Arms. Go on, Mr. Malpaw. Rema was to meet me here at 9:30. However, at precisely at 9, the doorbell rang. I went to open it. There was no one there. No one.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

No one.

[Detective Danny Clover]

A prank, I thought. I started back into the apartment suddenly that the pain. The awful pain screaming through my skull. It was no prank, I assure you. No, it. Where is it? Where is it? Where is what, Mr. Malpaw? It's gone. It was here. In this case, it's gone. What's gone, Mr. Melpo? I prized it more than the jeweled scimitar of Genghis Khan.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

The jeweled scimitar of Genghis Khan.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

The jewel.

[Detective Danny Clover]

What's going on here, Sergeant?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Read your notes, man. Read your notes.

[Detective Danny Clover]

And watch the sergeant as he considers the attitude of the distressed man, the desolation of him, the Sergeant's compassion, understanding the most precious thing of Malpaw's life. The jeweled scimitar of Genghis Khan was gone now, vanished, lost, strayed, stolen, purloined. The sergeant's gentleness, the knowledge of it caught up with Melpaw, took hold, displaced everything until it was only emptiness, void, vacuum, space, nothing. Finally, the ne' er do well millionaire's rejection of it. And turn now and Sergeant Ataglia nods sagely. Open the door for him and leave. Going out of the Stacy Arms and the clerk at the desk lifts a corner of his lip and an eyebrow when the sergeant mentions the name of a woman he wants to see. The long ride up on the elevator, walk down the carpeted corridor, the sprig of Christmas holly above the brass door.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Knocker this time we'll knock. Annie.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

Hi, fellas. Please come in. You'll forgive the way I look.

[Detective Danny Clover]

We're from the police, Ms. N. Yeah.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

We got some questions to ask you.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

A piece of finery I picked up at Cote d'. Azur. I always wear it at this hour. The wishing hour. You may call me Reema.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

I'm Gino. He's Danny.

[Detective Danny Clover]

It's about Buddy Malpaw, Ms. Nine.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

Yes.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

He was beaten and robbed this evening.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

You may sit here beside me if you wish.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

None of this sultry siren stuff. Ms. Nine, didn't you have a date with Mr. Malpar this evening?

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

Yes, I did. At 9:30.

[Detective Danny Clover]

That check.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Sergeant.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

What time did you get to the Malpar Mansion?

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

At 9:30. I rang the bell and rang it. No one answered. I was so disappointed with an educational evening like that in sight.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Educational?

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

But he was going to show me the jewel scimitar of Genghis Khan. The real one, not the replica.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Oh, there's a replica at the Museum.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

Of Far Eastern Lore. I often go there in my idle moments and browse around the Far Eastern thing.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

You're a strange one, Rima.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Yes, please go on.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

That's how I met Buddy, at the museum. Fate plays strange tricks, doesn't it, Gino?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Yeah.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

Now, if you'll pardon me, fellows, I must change.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Well, go right ahead. We'll just make ourselves clean.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Let's go, Gino.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

We are sorry, Mr. Zoe, that we have made you open your museum to us at such a late hour. It is always a pleasure, Sergeant, to indulge the whim of the cultured, though they be policemen. Thank you, Mr. Zoe. They're not at all. And here, gentlemen, looming above you is the statue of the fabulous terrorizer, Genghis Khan. Clothed in the cap of Tibetan fur, the jeweled gown replicated the king's silk. All of it donated to us most generously by Buddy Malpa to complete our Far Eastern collection.

[Detective Danny Clover]

And the sword in his hands.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Replica only, I hear. Replica of the jeweled scimitar of Genghis Khan. Mr. Malpaw's generosity dissolved when it reached.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Tell us about the scimitar, Mr. Zeit.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

With the deepest of pleasure, Jengus tore it from the wounded hands of Jellal Leddon, his arch and bitter enemy.

[Adam Graham]

Danny.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Then for centuries it was lost. Three centuries, Danny vanished. To reappear again in the Renaissance as an ornament. Worn about the slim waist down, the creature Bor. Danny.

[Detective Danny Clover]

If this Scimitar were real, Mr. Zoic, how much would it be worth? Conservatively, Conservatively.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Half a million dollars. Give a little, take a little. Half a million, huh? That's all we need to know. Let's go, Danny.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Yeah.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

And to you, Mr. Zoic, many thanks and merry, merry Christmas.

[Adam Graham]

And to you.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

S. The. Half a million bucks, Danny. No wonder, Mr. Malpal. And they'll do well. Millionaire Gino. Hit the ground. Hit the.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Gino.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

You're.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

You're.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Yeah. Help me, Danny. I've been. I've been shot.

[Narrator / Announcer]

You are listening to Broadway's My Beat, written by Morton Fine and David Friedkin and starring Larry Thor as Detective Danny Clover. It's so delightful. It's become a Christmas tradition with Amos and Andy. Tomorrow night again, Amos will be heard explaining the meaning of the Christmas spirit to his little daughter, Arbadella. It wouldn't be Yuletide without this special bit. Amos and Andy contribute to the season's atmosphere, so be sure to hear it again over most of these same CBS radio stations. Tomorrow night on Amos and Andy.

[Detective Danny Clover]

As the winds move to the place of the year's dying, the Mazdas on Broadway's Translux arrange themselves in merry thoughts suitable for Christmas past, Christmas present, Christmas future. Broadway walks by, glances up, smiles, hurries to buy the last minute gift for the last minute friend. Crosby sings the tune that's in your heart. The corner Santa Claus winks, the golden girl stops you, asks which way to Gimbels, invites you to come along and show her the budget term. Dreams are coming true, kid. So go live a little.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Danny. Danny. I've been shot. Oh, no. I must have been dreaming. Where was I? Oh, yeah. I was shot. There you are, sergeant. As good as new. My thanks, Dr. Sinski. May I say something, Gino? Indeed you may. I've been privileged to attend many courageous men.

[Detective Danny Clover]

But you.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

You, Gino. No other way I can say it. I stand in humility before you. Ah, Dr. Sinski, you. You shouldn't say those things. I.

[Detective Danny Clover]

He's right, Gino. Dr. Sinski's only saying what all of us feel. We've already initiated proceedings for an award for bravery beyond the call of duty.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Danny. Dr. Sinski, dear, true friend, I know not what. May I.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Go right ahead, sir.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Thank you. Sergeant Gino Cataglia speaking. Yes. Yes. Yes, that was my Shrek. Evil has come to him. Get me a squad car. Never mind a hole in my head. Danny, a squad car. I can't move. I can't move.

[Detective Danny Clover]

The door's locked. Gino.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

One side, half to you. Danny.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Mr. Shrek. What happened to you?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Landslash, the master criminal of them all.

[Detective Danny Clover]

I give the devil his due. You haven't told us what happened, Mr. Shrek.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Please, gentlemen, please, will you help me up?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Oh, of course. Now be gentle with him. Danny, over here on the bed. Now, tell us about it.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

My friends, I feel I have failed you.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Oh, don't talk like that. After all, how many people have come face to face with Lance Lash and lived to tell about it?

[Detective Danny Clover]

Give the devil his due, yes. Now, would you mind telling us what happened?

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

I. I came here to my rooms. Sparsely furnished, you'll admit. But the way I like it. No furbelows to distract my attention. I needed to think. I knew I was once again a hot on the trail of Landslash. Once again from the ends of the earth.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Listen to the man, Danny.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

We had met, Lanslash and I, the last time on the lonely isle, Mauricius. When we battled hand to hand on top of old Farfangan the volcano.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Yeah, I know, but. But what happened tonight, as is my one.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Before I retired, I looked under my bed, gentlemen. And there he was. Landslash.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

So you got under two and started a fight with him, huh?

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Yes, it was nip and tuck under there. But if the devil his.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Why did he come here, Mr. Shrek?

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

He thought I had the jewel scimitar of Genghis Khan. And as you know, gentlemen, I have not as you. Would you mind, Sergeant?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Oh, of course. Yes, yes, yes. How do you like that, Danny?

[Detective Danny Clover]

Like what?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Rhema 9, the South Cree siren.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Yeah.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

She was picked up on a disorderly conduct charge. And you know what she had with her?

[Detective Danny Clover]

No, I don't.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

A scimitar. And it was smashed to pieces. Let's go, Danny. If I were you, I'd fry a poultice, Mr. Shrek. Open it, danny.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Yeah.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Well, Reamer, what have you to say for yourself?

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

This.

[Adam Graham]

You.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Take it easy, Remer. Just relax. Kicking will get you nowhere. A wild catch end.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

Yeah. All of you.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

That's for you. Easy girl, easy. That's it. That's a good girl. That's a baby.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

You have strong arms, Sergeant. Don't take them away.

[Detective Danny Clover]

The boys say they picked you up screaming on a street corner. Why were you doing that, Ms. Nine?

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

They tell you about me banging their empty heads together till they rang out the season's greetings?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

They mentioned it. Now you tell us why you did all that. And right before Christmas you know why.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

That piece of mail order carving knife masquerading as the jeweled scimitar of genders con.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Not the genuine article, huh?

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

Not the genuine article.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Huh?

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

He says it was a fake.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

A dirty, rotten and so tiny old scream. Angel. We were all nearby.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Okay, so it was a fake. Miss 9. Where'd you get it?

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

What's that got to do?

[Detective Danny Clover]

Only this. You rang Buddy malpaw's bell at 9 last night. You slugged him, stole the Scimiter. Now you're hurt because it's a fake. Charges pile up, Sergeant. Assault, theft.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Indeed they do. Rema.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

Book me for anything you want, lover. Just so you bring in that woman beating cab driver, huh? The cab driver. I get in this cab, tell him to get me the airport in a hurry. Why should I stay in this lonesome town when what I had in my hands was worth half a million? What I had in my hands.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Go on.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

So, cabbie tilts his cap to me. I see the union label. I figure he's friendly, trustworthy, loyal. I make chit chat with him. When wham, bang. He turns onto a side street, grabs me by the throat, wrestles me for the scimitar. He looks at it and breaks it over my head. And you know who he was? Who he really was?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

None. None?

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

None other. Lance Lash, the master criminal of them all. Love her. Imagine poor little me in the clutches of Lance Lash.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Oh, there, there. Don't think about it.

[Detective Danny Clover]

You can let her go now. Gino.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Read your notes, man. Just read your notes.

[Detective Danny Clover]

And leave.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

There.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Go away. Find a place at police headquarters and close the door to the outside. Think about it. You and Sergeant Tartaglia put it down and add it up. It doesn't come out. So Sergeant Tartaglia puts it down and adds it up and it comes out. Go to a place now back to the museum and tell it all to a man you talked to before.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

I can't believe it. I just cannot believe it.

[Detective Danny Clover]

You better believe it, Mr. Zoig, because that's the only way it makes sense.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

That's right. If the scimitar stolen from Buddy Malpa was a phony, then the one the statue of Genghis Khan is holding is the real one. The ingeniousness of a man, Malpar. What better way to keep his treasure safe than to put it before the eyes of the world?

[Detective Danny Clover]

We want to see again, Mr. Sawyer.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Of course. Of course you do. This way. This way. Ah, this is very gratifying to me. You know this publicity. People from all walks of life now drop in to catch a peek of the statue of Genghis Khan holding the Scimitar. And just 10 minutes ago, I had to warn a cab driver to Keep hands.

[Narrator / Announcer]

A cab driver?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Yes. Interesting fellow, too. Interesting face. We better hurry, Granny.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Yeah.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Now look. Look. I don't understand. Genghis Khan. He's dressed like a cab driver. He's holding a city guidebook in his hand. The Scimitar is gone. It's impossible.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Maybe, but it's happened. The cab driver changed clothes.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Maybe we can catch him, Danny.

[Adam Graham]

Yeah.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

And maybe that man sitting on the steps sign.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Let's ask him.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Hey. Hey, mister. Hello. Did you see a man come out of here a few minutes ago?

[Detective Danny Clover]

I guess I did. I've been sitting here for the last hour. Did you notice anything strange about any of them? The way one of them was dressed? Let me see now.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

This man had on a fur cap and a brocaded robe. He was carrying a Simica.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Oh, sure, I saw him. I didn't pay him no mind, though.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

I just figured he was from California.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Let's go, Gino.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Annie. Annie, I think I got it.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Got what?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Get in the car and I'll tell you all about it.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Where are we going?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

To see Mike Sw, the bald headed miracle detector from Philadelphia. I think we're at Trail's End. Who is it?

[Detective Danny Clover]

It's Lieutenant Clover, Mr. Shrek. And Sergeant Ataglia.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Be with you in a minute.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

We're still waiting, Mr. Shrek.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Come in, come in. I was just tidying.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Going someplace, Mr. Shrek?

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Back to Philadelphia, I'm afraid.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Afraid?

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Lance Lash has outwitted me again.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Oh, has he now?

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Yes, but I'll get him after the holidays.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Sit down, Mr. Shrek. Tell us how you're going to get Lance Lash.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Well, I'm going to the Congo after the holidays.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Oh, and why are you going to do that, Mr. Schreck?

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Rumor has already drifted up from the veldt of the sudden appearance of the long lost emerald eye of the goddess Osiris. If I know Lance Lash, that's where.

[Detective Danny Clover]

He'Ll be after the holidays.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

I will, Willie. Let me ask you a question, Mr. Shrek.

[Detective Danny Clover]

At your service.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

How long did you say the Philadelphia Camden Bridge was?

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

1.83 miles.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

See, what did I tell you, Danny?

[Detective Danny Clover]

Go ahead, Gene. I'll correct him.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

The length of the Philadelphia Camden Bridge is 1.81 miles. Did you hear me, Mr. Schreck?

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

I heard you.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Mike Schreck would never make an error like that. Oh, Lance Lash. The master criminal of them all, I presume.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

At your service, gentlemen.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Look in the closet, Danny.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Right.

[Detective Danny Clover]

It's here, all right. The costume of Genghis Camp.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

And of course you left the disguise of the cab driver at the museum.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

My compliments to you, sir.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

You came to the house of Bunny Malpa after the Scimitar was stolen. You traced it to Rima 9 disguised as a cab driver. You found her with it making her flight. You discovered it was a fake.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

That is correct.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Of course.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

You know what happened then? I deduced the same thing you did. That the genuine Scimitar was at the museum.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Where is it now, Mr. Lesch?

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Where is.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Is here.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Watch out, Gino. He'll cut you to pieces.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

I'll take them, Danny. Lance, Don't. Don't say uncle.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Uncle.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Uncle.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Yeah. Look, Danny. See? I removed this bald head of toupee. And why do we have a full head of hair? What a phony you are. Landslash.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Gino. Gino. Come on, Gino, wake up. Come on. Come on.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Huh?

[Detective Danny Clover]

You fell asleep, Gino? Huh?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Yeah, Yeah. I must have dozed.

[Detective Danny Clover]

No calls, huh?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Yeah.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

From.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

No. No calls.

[Detective Danny Clover]

What's the matter with it, Gino?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Danny?

[Detective Danny Clover]

Yeah.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

I had a dream, Danny. I was a big hero. I went out on a case with you.

[Detective Danny Clover]

A dream, huh? I want to tell you something, Gino.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

What?

[Detective Danny Clover]

When something happens to you, something real, then it's over. You know what you have left? Memory.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Yeah, Danny. That's right.

[Detective Danny Clover]

1. A dream's over and you can remember it. You have the same thing. A memory. That's all anything is, Gino. A memory.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Then I got my Christmas wish, huh, Danny?

[Detective Danny Clover]

Sure you did. Go on home now. Sure.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

Merry Christmas, Danny.

[Detective Danny Clover]

Merry Christmas to you. The bells ring out on Broadway. The horns blow and there's laughter. The Translux spells out peace on earth, goodwill to men. You read it and believe it because it's Christmas time. The time for believing in miracles. The crowd pushes you along and you're part of makes you happy. It's Broadway. The gaudiest, the most violent, the lonesomest mile in the world. Broadway. My beat.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Broadway's my Beat. Stars Larry Thor as Detective Danny Clover. With Charles Calvert as Tartaglia and Jack Crucian as Mugavan. The program was produced and directed by Elliot Lewis with musical score composed and conducted by Alexander Courage. In tonight's story, Lamont Johnson was heard as Mike Shrek, Georgia Ellis as Riemann 9. Howard McNear as Mr. Zoic and George Neese as Buddy Malpaw. Ships loaded with vital cargoes for our men at the fighting front are swinging at anchor for lack of radio officers. Men with 6 months merchant ship radio operating experience since 1935 or any kind of FCC license can get an emergency license to ship at once, right phone wire or go now to American Radio Association, 5 Beekman Street, New York City. Bill Anders speaking. And remember, the comedy treat that can't be beat is Jack Benny time Sunday nights on the CBS Radio it.

[Bowen Yang]

If you're the purchasing manager at a manufacturing plant, you know having a trusted partner makes all the difference. That's why hands down, you count on Grainger for auto reordering. With on time restocks, your team will have the cut resistant gloves they need at the start of their shift and you can end your day knowing they've got safety well in hand. Call 1-800-GRAINGER click granger.com or just stop by Grainger for the ones who get it done.

[Adam Graham]

Welcome back. For the interest of full disclosure, I am using a different microphone now. I should still sound very listenable, but if you detect any difference it's because of this new microphone. I actually only anticipate using it for a few episodes. My preferred microphone ordered a replacement, but it was going to take a few days and I needed to get these podcast recorded before Christmas. So if I'm sounding a little different to you, that might be why. All right, Well, I have to wonder why they went ahead and credited the character as Mike Schreck when Sergeant Tartaglia incisively exposed him as really being Lance Lash. There are general rules against writing It Was All a Dream episodes, but to me this is an exception. The writers first of all do everything possible to make it clear that this was a dream. If you actually thought this case was real, I don't know what to tell you. It's a great story idea for Christmas to give a beloved supporting character a chance to be the star. And it's done in a way that respects him as a character, even while poking fun at the sort of stories he loved, which really sound more like say a comic strip or out of a pulp magazine. Because you've all these wild adventure characters and no emotional stakes yet. It never disrespects Sergeant Tartaglia. There's never a moment when it feels like we're laughing at him as some ridiculous figure. Now I've seen particularly on television programs and some movies where people will have a fantasy and they are so egotistical and they think so much of themselves that they really buy into the dream and go around walking in the real world as if the dream were real. Could you imagine sergeant Greco from Rocky Jordan having this vivid of a dream? You'd never convinced him he wasn't the new captain of police. But Gino Tartaglia is a wide lot more down to earth and kind of realized as soon as he woke up that it had been a dream because he has that sense of who he is. And I like Danny's statement equating the dream and the reality of the cases Danny solves. And in a meta way it's true because all these adventures are fictional. Of course, that's not so much true in real life, and most dreams are. Even real ones like this aren't remembered in detail long term unless perhaps you write them down. But the sentiment is nice and it shows that Dany wants to say something so that Tartaglia will be happy on Christmas. And the truth is that neither the audience or Danny needs Tartaglia to be the hero. He's beloved for who he is, a lovable and caring person who brings lightness and humanity into often grim situations. The story is a gift for giving him a chance to shine, but without doing so in a way that undermines the real world tone of the series in a way that makes this better than the 1950 Christmas episode. Listener comments and feedback now and we start over on Spotify with a comment regarding the Ruth Larson murder case and mechanic66 writes good one. And then we have a comment on YouTube from Art regarding Broadway Is My Beat Broadway Is My Beat had one of the most distinctive literary styles in old time radio. It was a combination of street smart lyricism and gritty film noir darkness. The musical themes and orchestration were also distinctive as well they should be, having been written by Alexander Courage, composer of the Star Trek theme. Well, thanks so much. Appreciate your comments and that will actually do it for today. If you're enjoying the podcast, please follow us using your favorite podcast software. And if you're listening to the podcast on YouTube, be sure to like the video, subscribe to the channel and mark the notification bell. I want to go ahead and wish everyone a Merry Christmas and I hope you've enjoyed this year's podcast programs. And if you want even more Christmas Detectives program, you can check out our Old Time Radio Detectives Christmas special feeds christmas feed.greatdetectives.net with episodes of series like Dangerous Assignment, the Man Called X, Boston Blackie and so many others. We will be back in three weeks with another episode of Broadway's My Bait, but stay tuned for special encores the next two weeks, but join us back here tomorrow for Dragnet Wear.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

That's right Officer. It was just a little before 3:30. I was in the bus depot there waiting for my husband. That's when I first noticed this package lying on the bench just across from me.

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

I see.

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

What'd you go on?

[Mike Schreck / Lance Lash]

Please, Ms. Bray.

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

I didn't think anything of it at first. I went on reading the afternoon paper, but no one came for the package. It was just lying there. Was there a long time?

[Sergeant Gino Tartaglia]

How long would you say, ma'? Am? I mean, before you picked it up.

[Detective Danny Clover]

And took it to the lost and found clerk?

[Rima 9 / Ms. Nine]

Oh, I'd say 20 minutes of half an hour. That much at least. I left it with a young man at the counter there and I told him I'd be back to see if anyone claimed it. Well, when I did get back, that's after I had dinner with my husband, Carl. We found out what was in the package. Certainly strange.

[Adam Graham]

I hope you'll be with us then. In the meantime, you send your comments to box Thirteenreatetectives.net Follow us on Twitter Radio Detectives and check us out on Instagram. Instagram.com greatdetectives from Boise, Idaho, this is your host, Adam Graham, signing off.

[Bowen Yang]

This message comes from the International rescue committee. The IRC has been providing humanitarian aid for more than 90 years. The International Rescue Committee helps refugees whose lives are disrupted by conflict and disaster, supporting recovery efforts in places like Gaza and Ukraine and responding within 72 hours of crisis. Donate today by visiting Rescue.orgRebuild that's Rescue.orgRebuild. to learn more and donate today, this is Julian Edelman from Dudes on Dudes with Gronk and Jewels. Sunday mornings I've got my game day ritual. Coffee, lucky socks and now new Morning Uncrustable sandwiches.

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Your new Sunday kickoff ritual starts here with new Morning Uncrustable sandwiches packed with 12 grams of protein.

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