← Ready For Love with Hilary Silver
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What if I told you there was one thing that would change your entire life if you started doing it today? It would change your relationships, your career, your health, your sense of self. It would change everything. It's not a new morning routine or productivity hack. It's one simple but super powerful shift you can start doing right now that will have a tremendous impact on your life and on your quality of life. And the crazy thing is, almost every single woman I know needs to do this, but probably never will. So today, we're going to cover what this one thing is and how to start doing it right away. Because while it's simple, it doesn't mean that it's easy. Hi, it's Hilary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast. Before we get started, the best way to support me and this show is to subscribe on your podcast app and to the YouTube channel so you never miss an episode and where you can share all your thoughts and your comments and your questions with me. I want you to think about how you structure your day, your. Your week, and your entire life. I want you to ask yourself one honest question. Who are you organizing it around? What are you organizing it around? Because for a lot of women, if they're being really honest, the answer is everyone but themselves. What does my partner need? What do my kids need? What does my family need from me? What does my boss expect? What do my employees need? Even what do my clients or my customers need? And then if there's anything left over, maybe you get to think about what you want or what you need, what you can fit in for yourself if there's time, if the schedule allows, if nothing else comes up. And if not. Oh, well, I guess I'll skip my workout today. I'll reschedule my plans. You bend and accommodate. You arrange and then rearrange your life and your schedule to fit theirs. You make it work for everyone else, and then you take the leftovers. We talk about accepting crumbs from other people, but in this case, you are accepting crumbs from yourself. You are doing it to yourself. You're serving yourself up for everyone else and then taking the crumbs and the scraps of whatever is left. Whether it's your time or your energy, you are last in line. You are lowest on the totem pole, last in the pecking order. But again, you are doing it to yourself, my friends. And I'm sorry to tell you, but it does not make you a good partner, a good mom, a good employee, a good boss, even a good person. It's A it makes you a resentful one, an empty one, an unfulfilled one. And ultimately it makes you a martyr. This isn't just about saying yes when you want to say no. It's way more than that. It's the way that you orient yourself around everyone else and have organized your entire life around other people's needs and wants first, without a second thought. Often without them even asking for it or expecting it. Until of course, now they're used to it. But it's you. You have made yourself the variable, the adjustable one, the accommodating one, the one who figures it out and makes it work. Your needs and the things that energize you come last. And of course you make it all work. Because you're strong, capable and high achieving. You can make anything work. But there are consequences to this that you probably don't even fully realize. So let's talk about them now. First, there's the obvious one, but I'm going to call it out anyways, because it matters. You are not getting what you need, and definitely you're not getting what you want. You're telling yourself, maybe without even realizing it, that your needs don't matter, that you don't get to take up an equal amount of space as the people around you, that you're here to serve others and their needs. That that is your role in life. You learned this probably when you were very little by watching your mom do it, but also in your own caretaking, the expectations that started early on for you. You learned it's your job to take care of everyone else. And maybe you had busy parents, so you were tasked with taking care of your siblings, or you had divorced parents, so you were left to fend for yourself. And then you took care of things around the house to be helpful cooking dinner for a stressed out single mom. These kinds of early experiences teach girls that it's their role in life to caretake others, that our needs don't matter. Then there's something else. This is costing you. Something a bit more covert. You start losing yourself. Little by little. You start to feel invisible because you've slowly been disappearing from your own life. That light inside of you has been quietly dimming over the years. You stop being lit up by things because you stopped doing them. And then you forgot what those things actually even were. And your life became about going through the motions and doing what is expected of you in relation to everyone in your life, rather than actually living it with intention and excitement and joy for yourself. Maybe you don't even know what you like or want to do anymore because you let it all go. Or even you didn't have a strong sense of what that was to begin with. So. So it's just super easy to default and defer to everyone else's needs and just go with everyone else's flow. If this is the case, you may not even realize that family and obligations are providing a sense of purpose for you. But that means your whole life is about servitude. You're in a supporting role for everyone else's life. Do you see that? And if you're starting to feel antsy or angsty, wondering if this is all there is, then this is absolutely why. But there's a big blind spot here. While you're busy taking care of everyone else, resentment is building. Maybe you feel resentful in ways that you can't fully explain toward the people that you love who never actually asked you to sacrifice yourself in the first place, but they did and they let you and they've benefited from it. And now that's become the standard and the mentality, your inner world, the thinking that you are doing is toxic to you because it creates victim energy and as I said earlier, martyr energy, which are the two lowest level, energetic vibrational states of being. Denying yourself while providing for others. It's holding yourself down and holding yourself back, but feeling like you have no choice in it. This is how you are treating yourself. It's your own relationship with yourself. It's an identity, and it's how you repel all the good things that you want for yourself. So in this case, you are your own obstacle you to getting what you want and having the life that you want. But the good news is, because this is a learned response, you can unlearn it, dismantle it, and reconstruct it. Because of course it is a lie that you are here to serve others, that you come last, and that you and your needs and your wants are not as important as those around you. It's simply not true. And you deserve so much more than that. And look, I get it. We're all super busy, our schedules are packed, and there never seems to be enough time to fit it all in. And so we say to ourselves, if there's time, time, I'll do this thing for myself. If there's time, I'll take care of myself. If there's time, I'll carve out some space for me. But there never is enough time. And if you don't take the time for you, the time will just pass you by and before you know it you will be looking back on your life with so much regret. So let's fix this. Did you know three out of four homes in the US have toxic chemicals in their tap water? Even when it looks clear, it can still contain chlorine, lead forever chemicals and microplastics which are all linked to fatigue, hormone disruption and even cancer. I'm really intentional about what I put in my body. So when I learned that I got an Aqua Tru countertop water purifier. Its patented four stage reverse osmosis system removes 84 contaminants way beyond what standard fridge or pitcher filters can do. So my family and I get pure, healthy water I can actually trust and there's no plumbing or installation needed. Aqua True has been featured in Business Insider and Popular Science and and was named Best Countertop Water Filter by good housekeeping. Join 98% of customers who say their drinking water is cleaner, safer and healthier. Go to aquatru.com now for 20% off using promo code ready. Aqua Tru even comes with a 30 day best tasting water guarantee. That's aquatru.com a q u a t r u.com with promo code ready. The one thing that you are going to do that will change your entire life is this. A belief first and then an action that follows. I want this to be your new belief and you can just outright accept this as true because it is true. I come first. You in your life come first. This is your life and no one matters in it more than you. I know you've been taught to believe that you're not the most important person in your own life, but that is just simply not the case. In your life. You come first and you go first. This means then that you are never too busy for yourself. So repeat after me. Literally. Say it right out loud. Right now. I don't care if you're walking or in the car or somewhere in public. Say it out loud. Me first. I am never too busy for myself. So here's the thing. If it's important to you, then it matters. Period. If you want it, then you shall have it and you shall do it. Just stop considering yourself last. This shift may be very uncomfortable at first, but then it will feel so fucking good and so right. Okay. Consider yourself first. Your needs, your wants and your desires. Your priorities. You first. And then you organize your life around that. I want to give you a visual for this. And some of you listening have heard of this before. I didn't make this up. It comes from the productivity world where they talk about how to maximize your time. Imagine a large glass jar and you have rocks, pebbles and sand, all of which need to fit inside. There is a strategy to filling the jar so that you make the most of the space and what the jar can hold. If you pour the sand or the pebbles in first. By the time you go to put in the big rocks, there's no space. They don't fit. The small stuff has taken up all the space. But if you put the big rocks in first, and then the pebbles and then the sand, the pebbles nestle in around the rocks and the sand trickles into every little gap. Everything fits. Obviously, the big rocks are you. Your needs, your health, your joy, the things that actually light you up and make you feel alive. The things that you want for yourself. And then the pebbles in the sand is everyone else. Their schedules, their needs, their requests. The ones that you've been putting in first and wondering why there's never any room left for you. They are still important too. Yes. And they still get what they need and want. But you go first. And when you go in first, everything else can still fit. Okay? And if it doesn't, that's okay. You don't have to please everyone at a cost to yourself. No one asked you to sacrifice yourself, your happiness and your quality of life. You just did it. And you've been doing it. It's not your role or your lot in life to suffer and go without so everyone else can go with. And you're certainly not going to get a gold star for being selfless. It's not noble, despite what you've been told and despite what you've been conditioned to think, it is not noble to be selfless. I know I'm giving you a big dose of real talk right now. And I know it's hard to imagine putting yourself first when you have small kids. Moms think that it's selfish and they feel guilty. So you make them the priority. And over time it becomes a new way of living. But listen, even when my kids were small, if I wasn't well fed, well rested, well cared for, I was not my best for them. A woman who is full, full and whole and happy is much better for everyone in her life. So when you dare to begin considering yourself first and putting yourself first, everyone in your life benefits. You have more to give. You're not running on fumes and giving from an empty cup, a resentful cup. You're giving from a cup that is abundant and overflowing so in the next week, identify one big rock, the one thing that is genuinely, truly for you. And. And put it in the jar first. Block the time. Make the plan. Treat it like the non negotiable that it deserves to be. Maybe it's an hour of movement. Maybe it starts in the morning, in the quiet, before you're available to anyone else. That's where it started for me. Early morning coffee, unbothered. A creative project that you keep pushing to someday. A friendship you keep canceling on because something always comes up. Whatever it is, it goes in first. Then you build around it. You organize everything else around it. So here's what I know to be true. The women who feel most alive, most connected, most genuinely happy, the most fulfilled. They are not the ones who gave the most away. They are the ones who ditched the conditioning and are living life on their own terms. We are not here to make everyone else happy. We are here to make ourselves happy. It is literally your life. What are you going to do with it? And with that, I'm just going to leave it right there. Thanks for listening. If you haven't already, please leave us a five star rating and a review and make sure to subscribe so you don't miss an episode. I'll see you next time.