← Ready For Love with Hilary Silver
Ready For Love with Hilary Silver
#127: 3 Mindsets for Real Success (Most People Get This Wrong)
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Today, I'm gonna share with you three mindsets that I live by and that I swear by. These are three ways of seeing things, of thinking about things, and about yourself that will help you navigate your life with ease and grace, and that elevate your energetic vibrational level. And that might sound a little wooey to some of you, but I promise you, it is not woo. It is real. And it determines whether you crumble under life's ups and downs and. And obstacles or whether you come out on top every single time. And make sure to stay till the very end, because I'm sharing a very powerful identity frame that you absolutely need to hear if you want to make the most of this one life we have. Hi, it's Hilary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast. Hey, friends. Welcome back. And if you're new here, I'm Hilary Silver, psychotherapist turned master coach of 25 years and the founder of Ready for Love. I help midlife women look, feel, and be their very best self so that they can then live life on their own terms and get everything they want. If that sounds good, please follow the show on your favorite podcast app or subscribe to the YouTube channel so you never miss an episode. So I'm not sharing these mindsets with you as theories. I'm sharing them because I live by them and because they have genuinely changed who I am and allowed me to build the most incredible life and business beyond what I ever could have ever imagined. I am not the same woman that I was 10 years ago, and I mean that in the best possible way. Over the years of building my life and my company, I've reprogrammed how I think on purpose. I let go of beliefs and patterns, and, honestly, a few relationships, too, that just weren't good for me. And on the other side of all of that rewiring, I am more positive, more at peace, more unshakable, and a whole lot happier than I have ever been. It's an inner peace that is just so such a blessing to me. And I've become a real leader in the process, both in my company and in my family and in my friendships, but most of all with myself. I fully trust myself to lead my own life, and these three mindsets are a huge part of how I got here. And here's the one thing that I'll say about the hard stuff. And then we're moving on, because we're not going to camp out in the problem. Of course, life has ups and downs. Things change, things fall apart, things don't go the way you planned. And when those things happen, it sucks for sure. But that is just life and we can expect those times as inevitable. Here's what you may not realize, though, especially in the tough times. You get to decide what to do about it by deciding what you make it all mean. So I'm sharing these three mindsets that are going to help you weather any storm and do what I call become a big wave surfer, which is seeing life as a series of big waves. One big wave comes along and you are going to ride it for all it's worth and make the absolute most of it. That's every opportunity, every high time, every happy time, every big exciting moment or season in your life. Maybe it's a day, maybe it's a year. You are riding that wave and squeezing every last little bit out of it that you can, knowing it is going to end, it is going to crash, it's inevitable. It's supposed to, and that is just how it works. So you expect it, you plan for it, you know it's coming, and because of that, you're not surprised. You're not caught off guard, you're not hurt by that crash. And then of course, you also know that another big wave is always right behind it. So think about it. Surfers have incredible balance and self trust. They're agile and they're resilient and they're mentally strong. Right. Well, now you will be too, because all of this allows you to take the risks, enjoy the most of life and take the tough times in stride. And before I share them, you have to understand the key to living with these mindsets. You just have to accept them as true. Just accept what I'm saying as true. And then repeat them to yourself over and over again until it's not just something that you're trying to get yourself to believe or practicing or convincing yourself of. It's just true for you. It's how you live and how you see the world. They are thought habits. And as you know, habits are the things that you just do automatically without thinking about them. And this is going to become a thought habit. It's a natural, easy, organic part of your life and how you live. So this is just a new way of thinking for you. So mindset number one, everything always works out in my favor. This one is about releasing control and genuinely trusting that whatever happens is going to benefit me in the end. Not that it might, that it will, even when I can't see it just yet. So you didn't get the promotion. Fine. Maybe you're disappointed, but you trust that something better is just around the corner. A relationship ends. Of course it hurts and it sucks. And it is also clearing the space for something healthier and more aligned for you. When an opportunity I was excited about doesn't happen, yeah, it's disappointing. I'm not going to lie. And it's because it wasn't the right thing for me. And something else, something even better is coming. And here's the thing. You can probably relate. Usually I can see that fully and clearly once it's in the rear view mirror. That's why we say hindsight is 20 20. But choosing to believe this means that you don't have to wait for hindsight to kick in. You already believe it now, before things happen and while they're happening. And that is comforting. It's the ultimate way to comfort yourself and reassure yourself before you take a big leap and as you deal with any letdown that you might experience. So here's how it actually sounds in my own head and on my journal pages when I'm writing it. Gratitude. It's expressed as gratitude, which sounds like, thank you universe, for this tough time right now. Thank you for this shitty thing, because now I know something better is on the way. Thank you for this relationship ending because I would have stayed in it way too long. Thank you for steering me away from that opportunity because it would have been the wrong thing for me. And even this thank you for sending the right thing. I'm ready to receive it, even though it hasn't happened yet. And here's why this one is so high. Vibe. It frees you from all the fear and anxiety about outcomes that you were never able to control in the first place. It hands you comfort right in the middle of all of the unknown. And it means you can take the leap because whatever happens on the other side of it is for you. So repeat after me. Everything always works out in my favor. Everything works out for my benefit. I just love that. Okay, mindset number two. The surge comes after the setback. Or as a friend of mine likes to put it, the mess before the success. This one takes the first a step further. You're not just trusting that it works out. You're treating the hard part as a rite of passage. The setback isn't a punishment. It's the stage stepping stone to your next level. The hard part right before the really good part. And yeah, the setback sucks. I'm not gonna lie. It does suck. When you've been anticipating growth or success of some Kind. And it doesn't come. Yeah, that's hard. I've been there a lot. But when things start to wobble or even fall apart completely, here's where I go. Instead of panicking and spiraling and feeling sorry for myself, I get curious. Because the question I ask myself is not why is this happening to me? It's what am I supposed to be learning right now? Who do I need to grow into? Who do I need to become before the big thing I'm reaching for can actually show up? Because if it isn't here yet, maybe I'm actually just being made ready for it right now. We can only receive the things that we want when we're actually truly ready for it. So I go looking for the lesson. Okay, what is this one here to teach me? What am I supposed to be doing right now? How is this dip actually providing for me and serving me? There might be a real legitimate mess that you have to clean up, even if it's just figuratively. You're sweeping up all of the mess, but you're looking for the lessons and the blessings. You're not letting it bring you down or interpreting the mess as a sign that you don't deserve the thing that you want or that you're not good enough for for the thing that you want or anything like that. When I'm deep in a hard season, I get a little excited. And I know that sounds a little crazy, but it makes the hard part so much easier to be in. Because I know what's waiting on the other side. I have watched this play out in my business more times than I can count, especially in the last 10 years. Every single time I'm reaching for the next big milestone, the next revenue goal I'm stretching toward. It's almost like we fall backwards. First something breaks, something unexpected hits. And suddenly the goal I was so close to feels a mile away. Again. It happened Just recently. We brought in a company to consult on one piece of my business. They were supposed to help us get to the next level. But instead they broke all of our systems. I mean, broke them. It set us back three entire months. And we had to rebuild. And in the moment it was maddening. But here's what that so called setback actually did. It forced us to build a far stronger foundation, the kind that can actually sustain and hold the growth that we are actually working so hard for. So we didn't get knocked off course. We ended up with a foundation solid enough to carry the weight of where we are going. And right around that Same time we lost a team member. An unexpected family situation that really was nobody's fault at all. And it left a scrambling. And then all of a sudden, I am down in the weeds doing things that I really shouldn't be doing as the founder. And again, it sucked. And it was a lot. But it forced me to actually understand how those pieces of my business work. And once I understood all of that, I saw so much room for improvement. We ended up automating things and restructuring that whole position, and now we've rebuilt it better than it was before. So what seemed like a devastating loss ended up being a gift, making the entire operation stronger. And then we had one of our biggest months that we'd had in a very long time. That is the surge after the setback. And here's the thing. It almost never looks like a surge is on the horizon. When you're down in the setback. It looks like everything is falling apart and that everything that you've been working towards or wanting so badly is now even further away than ever. But so often, the exact thing that sets you back is the exact thing that sets you up. It's like a rubber band pulling back to catapult you forward if you embrace it to be such a thing. And this, by the way, is so much more than everything happens for a reason. That is a platitude. This is a deep inner faith that it is all working out for you in the end and that the reason that you are struggling right now has a purpose. People put their faith in all kinds of things, so why not put yours in something that hands you certainty and comfort and reassurance. So why this one is so high vibe? Because it takes the fear out of the fall. You stop feeling sorry for yourself, you stop beating yourself up, and you stop dreading the hard seasons that are inevitably coming, by the way. And instead, you start trusting them. You see them as the opportunities that they are, and you seize them. And that is where real resilience, wisdom, and strength actually come from. None of that can come to you if everything is easy and you never experience hardship. Think about how a tree grows stronger when it has to resist the wind. That is fortitude. So mindset number two is believing that the surge comes after the setback and that it is serving you in some very important way, preparing you for the success on the other side of the mess. And one more mindset number three, and this is honestly one of my favorites, the Rule of the Golden Nugget. Have you heard of it? The rule is simple. No matter what, there is always something valuable to take from every single experience. Even if it's just one thing. That one nugget can be completely life changing. So let me give you a perfect example straight from my own life. I'm 54 now, so my undergraduate college days were a long, long time ago, but it's still a very good example. I was a cultural anthropology major, and while a lot of what I learned has faded away, there was one class that literally changed the entire course of my life. It even saved my life, though I didn't realize it at the time. The class was called loving relationships. At 19 years old, I was learning about vulnerability, intimacy, connection, authenticity, communication and conflict. I learned about loving the self. That's the part that saved me, actually. So learning about loving the self and how to love others. It was so profound that I even took the class the very next semester as the TA and led the breakout discussions. And here I am now, still benefiting from that one class many decades later. I'm sure I got a lot of other things out of my four years in college, but even if I didn't, even if that's the only thing that I got out of that entire experience, the time, the energy, the effort and the expense, it was all worth it for that one class. That is the golden nugget. And this belief works everywhere. So if you go to a party and the food's mediocre and the venue's uninspiring and the music's kind of a bummer, and the whole night is kind of a bit of a flop, but you end up having one real genuine conversation with someone that you've never met, even if you never speak to that person again. That conversation was the golden nugget. And the whole night was worth it just for that one conversation. It's the same reason I can confidently, without hesitation, look a woman in the eye when she's deciding whether to trust herself and join Ready for love. And I can tell her the truth. Even if you take just one thing from this, even if all you walk away with is that you finally stop people pleasing, or you quit that brutal inner critic you've carried your whole life, or you learn to trust yourself and stop self abandoning, it was worth it a hundred times over. One nugget. That is all it takes to make something totally worthwhile. So here's why this one is so high vibe. And it's two things actually. First, it moves your focus off of what you didn't get and onto what you did get. So you complain Less, you're more easily satisfied. And complaining is about the lowest vibe thing that there is. It just drags you down. So it just makes you a more satisfied, fulfilled and content person. And second, it makes you feel fearless, which was the part that I love the most. When you know you'll walk away from any experience with at least one thing worth having, you stop being so afraid to try it, to leap, and to say yes. You take the chance because you know it will always be worth it. There will always be at least one thing of value that you will get out of every experience. So before I end, I want to leave you with a bonus identity shift that comes when you adopt these three mindsets. Everything always works out in my favor. The surge comes after the setback and the rule of the golden nugget, right? Those were the three we talked about today. When you adopt those mindsets, you become a no matter what woman, an even if woman. Instead of an only if woman. Let me explain. An only if woman signs up for the race, only if she'll win. And even if woman signs up for the race, even if she won't. And only if woman goes on the date, only if she's guaranteed she won't get hurt. And even if woman goes on the date, even if she might, and only if woman gets on stage, only if she won't make a mistake and even if woman gets on that stage, even if she might. Living your life like this means you are free, fearless. You take the risks. You live boldly. You embrace the big waves that are coming your way. You have more fun. You experience the wins. You become the biggest, best version of you instead of closing yourself off out of fear of the unknown. And here's what I know for sure. You are not at the mercy of what happens to you. You are the one who decides what it all means. And when you decide that you become impervious to to the outcomes that you cannot control, you become genuinely unshakable and undeniable. Life is still going to hand you curve balls that never stops. That's just the way life is, as we all know. But now you know that you can handle any of that and come out higher every time. And one last thing before we finish. While all three of these mindsets work together, you can pick just one to focus on. Make it your new default. Think it on purpose until it is simply who you are. And I promise you, it will change your life in the best possible way you can. Find out more about Ready for love@readyforloveinc.com and don't forget to subscribe to the show and to follow on your podcast app. It really helps more women find us. Thanks for being here and I'll see you next time.