← Ready For Love with Hilary Silver
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Here's the thing. The truth is, you can't positive self talk your way out of this. You just simply cannot. And I'm going to tell you why. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast. Have you ever tried to change the way you think? Maybe you wish you could be more positive, or maybe you wish you could be less judgmental. Maybe you're really hard on yourself and you can't give yourself a fucking break. You have a tough inner critic that you would just wish would shut up. You'd like to think kinder thoughts about yourself. Or maybe you just need to love yourself more or believe in yourself more. Well, I can tell you that sticky notes on your bathroom mirror or repeating affirmations do not work. If you've tried that, you already know. In this episode, I'm sharing with you what does work, why it works, and how. I literally changed my brain in 90 days. This method that I developed has not only worked for me, it's also worked for my clients for years now. So. So it's a tested and proven process for reprogramming your brain and I'm showing you how you can start using some of the techniques today to become happier or more positive or to just change some of your stuck mindsets that are holding you back. If you haven't already, please rate, review and subscribe on your favorite podcast app. So you never miss one of my episodes and it really does help me out a lot. So thanks in advance for your support of this show. So we all have a default way of thinking. It's like our home base, what we fall back to. It's the way we think and how we think and how we've pretty much been thinking our whole lives. It's our automatic thoughts, these knee jerk responses to situations or people or some experience that you're having or observing. And the thing is, you're not consciously deciding your response. It's just there automatically, the. The same kind of thought reaction every time. It's what our brains do immediately in reaction to situations. You know, the never ending inner commentary, it's you talking to you, your inner chatter, your constant conversation that you have with yourself. And a lot of times we're having this conversation with ourselves and we don't even realize it. If you ever stop to actually listen to what you're saying, you'd find that there's a common theme or undercurrent and most of the time they can be tinged with pessimism or cynicism or negativity, or it can Be judgmental. Often it's self defeating or self doubting or even competitive. And here's the thing, the problem with this thinking like this will make you feel like shit because your thoughts immediately create your feelings and your emotional state. That's just how it works. That's the science of it. That's our psychology. And it actually creates your energetic and vibrational state of being too. But we'll talk about energy and manifesting on another episode, another time. So maybe you know this already and you've tried to just think more positively, or you've tried affirmations. Things like, I'm lovable as I am, like who hasn't heard those affirmations? And maybe you've done it like with sticky note reminders on your bathroom mirror or your refrigerator, or maybe you follow inspirational social media accounts with memes and all that stuff. Maybe you've tried all the things and nothing really seems to help actually change the way that you're thinking. So, you know, like, none of that is actually effective at changing your default patterns of thought. Here's the thing, the truth is you can't positive self talk your way out of this. You just simply cannot. And I'm going to tell you why. All of these automatic thoughts that we have are generated from the deeper source within us. Our belief system, our worldview. It's this paradigm that we have within us. It's how we see ourselves, the world and our place in it. It's the lens that we look through in how we see everything. Like colored lenses on your glasses. If you have orange lenses on your glasses, everything's going to have an orange tint. It colors everything. And in psychology terms, it's called our schema. All of that formed and developed long time ago. For you. It goes way back to your earliest years when you were just a little person taking it all in. It's what you observed, what you witnessed, what you experienced, how you were treated, how you were spoken to and how things felt. All that you heard and all the messages that you've got went in to your subconscious. That's what this is. And it went into your subconscious way before you had any say so over what was going on in there. So you've been programmed to think this way. And it all began before you had the ability to rationally say, no thanks. You know, like as an adult, you have the power of rational thought. When you're little, you do not. You may have heard this, but our brains are not fully developed until we're 26 years old. So what I like to say is when you're a little person, if something feels true, it is true. It, it becomes your truth. And what happens is as an adult, we go on to continue thinking these things about ourselves unexamined. You learned what it means to be you in this world. You learned how to think and what to believe about yourself and what's possible for you. All of that started so, so long ago. And after so many years of thinking this way and being this way, it's. It can be pretty tough, almost impossible to change. It's actually a habit to think this way and to see the world and ourselves as we do. It's just a habit that is so, so very hard to break. So here's the deal. If your way of thinking is getting in your way of having what you want, whether that's being happy or having an external success of some kind, you must change this. You have to change it for your own mental health and your own well being and your own relationship with you, so that you can have a sense of deep inner contentment and just live with inner peace for your own sake, just for your own inner world. Because it doesn't feel good to think like this. But also you have to change this way of thinking if you want to become your best self, to achieve your fullest potential. Because these thoughts will sabotage you from being all that you can be and experiencing the infinite potential that is available to you once you change your automatic thoughts for good. So I'm going to say something really powerful right now. Tune in. Listen up. To get anything that you want in your life, you first have to think and believe that you can have it. And to know how to live that life once you do get it, or you won't allow it to come to fruition. I know that was a lot. You go first. If you need to rewind and listen again, do so. So maybe you're trying to reach a goal like losing 10 pounds or getting a new client, or finding romance, finding a relationship. You're doing all the things that you know that you need to do in order to achieve that goal, okay? But deep down, if you're expecting failure, it won't happen. So if you're counting the calories and working out and eating healthy, but deep down you think that you'll never really lose the 10 pounds and that you'll always be trying and nothing will really change for you, and that maybe you'll lose it, but then you'll gain it back. And so the struggle will just continue in perpetuity because this is how it is for you. It's what you know, it's what you expect. Okay, it's dating and dating and dating, but not really believing that love can happen for you, or it's going through all the motions of swiping and meeting up and all that stuff, but you have an internal dialogue going on where you're just waiting for, for the other shoe to drop. You're waiting for the disappointment or you're waiting for the inevitability of being let down or hurt again. So for me, my story. I tried for four long years to leave my brick and mortar therapy practice and to be fully online with a coaching company. And nothing I did was succeeding, nothing was working, nothing launched enough for me to be able to leave my practice behind. I straddled these two worlds for four long years and I probably spent about a hundred thousand dollars on coaches and programs and try and try and try and trying so many strategies and doing it all, and nothing was working. I was determined and nothing was going to stop me. I wasn't going to give up, but nothing was working. What I came to realize was the only thing getting in my way was me, my own thinking. And it was a huge blind spot for me because I had already done so much work on myself. I had been helping so many people in my therapy practice with their thinking. And to be honest, I was already pretty successful. I had accomplished a lot already. So I didn't think that I had a thinking problem, but I did. And pulling back the layers of the onion, it I, I was discovered basically that I had a belief that it really wasn't possible for me, that this online success can happen for other people, but not for me. And it went way back to my childhood experiences where I learned and came to believe that big success and good things happen to other people. I am a spectator, I'm a visitor, I'm a guest. And that I didn't really have what it takes, that good things happen to other people, but not me. Something about me wasn't capable of the thing. I didn't have what it takes to get what I wanted. So I watched as others were having what I wanted. They were succeeding and I was continuing to struggle. And here's what the thoughts were. The thoughts were, why can they have it and I can't? Why is she able to get it and I'm not? What's wrong with me me that she can have this and I can't? Okay, that's kind of what I was saying to myself. And the more I Repeated it. The worse I felt and the further away my dream became. Knowing me as you do now, maybe you can see how stupidly ridiculous and untrue that is. But sadly, that's what our automatic thoughts often are. They are often lies. So how do we change our beliefs and thoughts that we've had our entire lives? Well, that's what I want to share with you now. I'm going to give you a very brief and extremely oversimplified lesson on how our brains work. Because this is critical for actually being able to change it. So Neuroscience 101, the neurons in our brain connect to each other and, and they spark like, they go off together, they fire together. It's like welding metals. And these connections over time are become a connection that becomes what's called a neural pathway. So the more these neurons fire together, the more they wire together again like think like welding metals together. And there's a pretty well known phrase, neurons that fire together wire together. So to change our brains, we have to make different neurons connect and to fire these new neurons over and over and over together until it becomes a new pathway. Until now, it's been happening without your conscious awareness or intent for so many years. Over and over and over again, you've been telling yourself the same stories, the same bullshit over and over and over again. So to change our automatic reactions, we have to consciously and intentionally put new neurons together and fire them together over and over so they can connect, making new neural pathways with your new chosen thoughts and beliefs. And over time, this becomes your new automatic and default way of thinking. So for me, I was doing all the things that I needed to do in my company to build it. You still have to do things. But meanwhile, I simultaneously started working on my brain. I started journaling every morning to work on my, on my thoughts and my belief system and to redirect my thoughts to what I wanted them them to be. And without realizing what I was doing, I actually created a method or a process that literally changed my brain. It's a six step method that I developed without even realizing I was doing it over and over again, morning after morning, repeating it, repeating it, repeating it. And it literally changed my thoughts permanently. The difference being, instead of thinking why can she have it but I can't, became if she can have it, so can I. Let me say that again. I went from thinking why can she have it but I can't to hey, if she can have it, so can I. Can you feel the powerful difference in this new way of thinking, the power of it the infinite possibility of it rather than the limitation of it. And what's so cool is I don't have to make myself think this way. I don't have to remind myself or catch myself and then change the thought. It's just my new thought now, always. It's my new frame, my new view of the world, my new belief system. It's a big deal, and there's so much relief and power in that. It's the repetition to create a new neural pathway. If you're committed to this, you do it for 90 days minimum. Or you can really take it to the next level and just do it every day for the rest of your life, like I do. Doing this for me now has allowed me to manifest more than I ever thought would be possible for me. It is an extremely powerful tool if it will help you to change your brain as well. The Daily Journal is available for you. It is a fully digital download, so you get immediate access to it. And it's not just a journal. It's actually like a combination hybrid online course because you're going to log on and access my videos, where I'm teaching you how to use the Journal each step of it. And I'm also teaching you about guided visualizations because that's another key component of changing your brain. So it's all in there. Again, I'll put the link in the show notes so that you can access that if that's something that you'd like to pursue or that you're curious about. So I hope this episode was helpful in explaining how to really change your brain, like what it really takes so that you can naturally, organically, just be a more positive person to be happier to think the way that you want to think, rather than to think the way that you've been thinking. Thanks for listening. I hope that you found this episode interesting and helpful. If you did, please make sure to subscribe so you don't miss my next one and I'll see you then.