← Ready For Love with Hilary Silver
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The most successful people among us operate in very specific ways that set them up for such success. They think a certain way and they manage their emotions, thoughts and behaviors in ways that set them apart. I'm calling these people winners because they always seem to come out on top. They win in love, they win in business, they win in life. So today I'm sharing nine things that highly successful people don't do. Kind of like codes of conduct. And as you're listening, be honest with yourself. Which of these codes do you do and which do you also not do? Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me if you'd take a minute to just click that five star rating on your podcast app, leave a review and subscribe. So you never miss one of my episodes. Okay, let's get into it. So the first thing that winners don't do, they don't complain. Things aren't always as we expect or want them to be, and it's okay to notice that. But just complaining about it doesn't do anything to resolve situations or circumstances. So it's a negative, low energy activity. And winners don't waste their energy on things out of their control. So winners will either do something to resolve the situation when it's possible to, rather than just complaining about it, or they focus on what they can control, which is themselves, how they react, and their attitude about the situation. Number two, winners don't blame. Blaming always makes matters worse. Whether it's who broke the thing or who messed up the thing, or who started it, who was at fault does not fix the issue. So rather than cast blame and point the finger, winners focus on the solution, they fix the issue and they move on. Maybe you heard me say this in a previous episode, but winners deal with problems. They don't dwell on them. I always say to my kids or even my team, I really don't care who did it, let's just clean it up, focusing on moving forward. Number three, winners don't make excuses. This is about getting defensive and making excuses for shortcomings or mistakes. It's shirking responsibility. Winners take ownership and radical responsibility for themselves. They're willing to see how they contributed to a situation and see the opportunities in that to learn and grow and just improve or get better. There's a big difference between explaining and excusing, so knowing the cause of something can be helpful. But the distinction here is not allowing the explanation to become an excuse. We all have to take responsibility for our choices and our decisions and our actions. And this is important in relationships and and in business. The subconscious motivator to avoid or shirk responsibility is avoiding shame. So if we feel shame for making a mistake or not performing well, forget about it. We will never own it. So the next time someone is having a hard time owning up to something, just consider that because shame work is so liberating, even if that someone is you, it actually feels a whole lot better than we think it will when we own it. Number four. Winners don't feel sorry for themselves. It can be very easy to sink into poor me thinking or the sky is falling when things aren't going well. But victim mentality is the number one cause of all disease and dis ease. I 100% believe that with all my being self pity and making a murder of yourself or being a victim is the lowest, energetic and vi vibrational state that we can be in. It's a powerless state of being and it completely lacks personal account. So again, we all contribute to every situation that we are in and taking radical responsibility for ourselves and our role and what we might have done or not done is absolutely essential. Winners understand that bad things happen to everyone and life isn't always fair. It's what you do with this stuff that matters, okay? It's what you do and the meaning that you make and what you're going to do moving forward that matters the most. Number five. Winners don't seek validation, acceptance or approval from external sources. This behavior gives your power away to other people. If other people determine your worth and value, then when that person doesn't deem you worthy, you are not. Or when they leave or exit your life, there goes your worth and your value with them. If your worth and your value is tied to an external circumstance, an accomplishment or an achievement, then if that accomplishment doesn't happen, what happens to your worth and value? It's diminished or it just disappears. So winners know that their worth and their value is inherent to them. It is intrinsic, internal, inside of them. So they don't need to chase after approval and they don't need to prove themselves to anyone. No one person or entity can validate you or approve of you enough to fill a hole like left by this lack in ourselves. This void can only be filled by each one of us for ourselves. It is our own validation, approval or acceptance that makes us whole and happy and healthy. Number six. Winners don't feel entitled, which means they don't feel like the world owes them something. Whether that's because they've suffered or they have a situation or a past hardship, or even because they have a certain status. Expecting something for nothing, expecting free, expecting favors, expecting handouts simply because of circumstances is like thinking you're a special snowflake among all snowflakes that are unique. It's the quickest way to not win. So winners don't have a handout expecting anything. They look for the opportunities in everything. They do the work, and they believe in the inevitability of their success because they know they are worthy and capable. Number seven. Winners don't begrudge other people's success. Resenting other people's success, feeling threatened by it is a scarcity mindset. Believing that someone else's success takes away the potential for your own. That's a big problem. Winners have an abundance mindset and know that winning begets winning. It's believing that a win for one of us is a win for all of us. And it's also believing that if it's possible for that person, then it's also possible for me. So we aren't competing for the same slice of pie. There's enough pie for all of us to get our fill. There's enough love and happiness and money and success for everyone. And seeing someone else win is just evidence that winning is possible. Celebrating people winning Number eight, Winners don't shape shift. What do I mean by this? Well, I mean that they don't bend or contort themselves to please other people or make other people happy. Winners stay true to themselves no matter who they are with or what situation they are in. They don't change, edit, alter or filter themselves. They don't bite their tongue to avoid conflict or to keep the peace. Winners have healthy boundaries and aren't afraid of saying no to or setting limits so they know who they are and what they want and need. And they don't sacrifice themselves for others, but rather give from a place of authenticity and power. Number nine, Winners do not allow fear to be at the wheel. When I was working towards closing my private practice and building my online coaching business, I spent a lot of money on programs and coaches and tech people and PR and branding and all of that. Up to more than a hundred thousand dollars in a span of just four years. And then on top of that, I signed up for a mastermind. That was simple, $75,000 for the year before I even made any money online. And while that was scary, I knew that doing so would help me achieve my goals. I was betting on myself. If you can't bet on yourself, who can you bet on? So this is about choosing faith over fear. Faith in yourself, faith in the outcome, faith that it'll all work out no matter what. And seeing the opportunity in every experience means that we can handle and deal with anything that comes our way. Over time, this practice diminishes fear altogether. So while there is a lot of uncertainty and unknowns in the world, winners don't allow fear to be the driving force behind their decisions. It is those among us who are willing to take the risks to get that experience. And then from there, we get to enjoy the rewards. We take chances, we face change. We have hard conversations, we are vulnerable. We make investments. As the famous quote goes, fortune favors the bold. So there you go, the nine things that winners don't do. I'd love to know which of these you already don't do, what you're good at, and which one of these maybe you have some room for improvement. And I'll see you next time.