← Ready For Love with Hilary Silver
Ready For Love with Hilary Silver
#82: If You think Men are Intimidated by You, Listen to This!
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Let's talk about the whole men are intimidated by me thing. It's a narrative that high achieving women have accepted as true. Well, and that's probably because you hear it all the time from your closest friends and confidants and you tell yourself this. And so now it's become the number one reason or excuse for why you are having trouble finding love. But I am not going to let you get away with believing this because it is simply not true. And holding onto it will only keep you stuck. So. So whether you're single or in a relationship, this is an important conversation because I'm gonna set the record straight and help you understand what is really going on for women when the story is that men are intimidated by me. Hi, it's Hilary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me if you'd take a minute to just click that five star rating on your podcast app. Leave a review and subscribe. Subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes. And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too. Okay, so mainstream chatter and conventional advice will say, well, if a man is intimidated by you, then he's weak or insecure. It's his problem. You go, girl. You keep being a badass. You do you. And at first maybe you dismissed it. That can't be true. I'm not intimidating. I'm so open and loving and I. And then maybe the thought settled in and you accepted this version of the story and you took the bait and began to tell yourself, yeah, that is their problem. Maybe even taking pride in it because, duh, look at all you've accomplished. You're a catch. But here's the first thing I want you to know. This is a story you are telling yourself to make yourself feel better. Because maybe you feel rejected. Maybe you're not getting asked out, maybe you're not getting picked, maybe, maybe you're getting passed over. You're out with friends and you look amazing and put together but no one approaches you or you go on a great first date, but then you don't get a second. So it's a sore spot and it hurts. Especially when you know in your rational mind that you are amazing and you are a big softie and you have a lot of love to give. So this men are intimidated by me just softens the blow that maybe there is something going on with you. But it's not what you think. And the answer is definitely not to dumb yourself down or make yourself smaller to make someone else more comfortable. Women have literally asked me, should I go get a simple car that I can use to drive to dates? Should I lie about my job? Should I pretend I don't make good money? Should I not wear designer clothes? What should I do? I don't want to pretend that I'm not successful. I just want to be who I am. And of course that is exactly what I want you to do. Be who you are. But here's the next thing I want you to know and the bottom line up front here. If one man says he's intimidated by you, fine. Maybe he is weak and insecure. But when you get the same feedback from more than one man or from more than one person in your life, and if you also happen to hear it in other areas of your life, not just your love life, it is a pattern. And that means you are the common denominator. So here is what is really going on with this whole intimidating thing. Remember when we were little and there was that cute little commercial? How many licks does it take to get to the center of the Tootsie Roll? Tootsie Pop. That's you, my dear. You are a Tootsie Pop. Hard candy shell on the outside, sweetness on the inside. Or imagine a sea urchin, prickly on the outside, even though you're nothing but goo on the inside. So you say you want to love and be loved, but it's really scary and there is a lot to fear letting someone close when you don't love and value yourself enough. So this is you hiding behind your resume, your accomplishments and your success and achievements, all the things that you're proud of creating for yourself, the things that make you feel good enough or worthy or smart enough. You're hiding the lingering, deep down, wounded parts of you that still don't feel good enough, just as you are the parts of you that are soft and the parts of you that want to be chosen. The part that's afraid of rejection or being too much or not enough. Because without all of the trophies on your mantle or the certificates on the wall or the letters behind your name or the dollars in the bank, you're nothing but a little girl who wants so desperately to be loved. And for high achievers, all the success represents a part of your life where you feel good about yourself and where you feel significant and smart and intelligent and capable and competent. Not just hiding behind all of this. You're leading with it and the blind spot here is that you come off fierce, aloof, unapproachable and guarded. And this is an energy and a vibe for sure. So it's not that men are intimidated by you, it's that they feel this wall or this front that you're putting up and it's off putting, not intimidating. So here's the thing. You can be a badass all day long, gorgeous, educated, successful, wealthy, all the things and still be down to earth. Relatable, open, approachable. But the work is in integrating all the parts of you. Ready for Love specializes in high achieving women, hyper achieving women, overachieving women. Our coaching program is for the most elite and extraordinary women on the planet. Like neurosurgeons and aerospace engineers and founders of multi billion dollar global companies. These are women who would be intimidating and to top it off, most of them are totally self made, coming from nothing in terms of family, money or support and even sometimes a lot of trauma too. So they are truly remarkable and impressive women. They learn how to have all of that be their story and also be free and fearless and open to letting love in to being seen and receiving the love that they want. Getting the love and anything that you want in your life always starts with you. We are all always the biggest problem in our own lives when we are stuck not getting something that we want. And that is the best thing that I can tell you. Because if you're the problem then you are also the solution. If you're willing to look within, you can have anything that you want. It just starts with you. So thanks for being here and listening to my tough love today. If you are getting this feedback that you are intimidating to men or men are intimidated by you, I really just encourage you to look within. And how are you hiding behind your accomplishments and achievements? What is it that you're putting out there? Because I promise you it's less about them being intimidated by you and more about them being put off by you. And you have to be willing to show up, letting the love in, letting the attention in, letting your wall down to be seen the way that you truly want to be seen in this life. So again, thanks for being here. Make sure to subscribe and please share this with any woman who needs to hear what I'm saying. And if you're ready to get out of your own way and let love in, apply to speak with my team@readyforloveinc.com apply. See you next time.